#stupid fucking movies with good budgets
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i don't wanna get ahead of myself or anything but i feel like this might be the best movie of the year
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The Promise (2005)
#hiroyuki sanada#hong chen#the promise (2005)#gif#goofy ass movie. but the costumes are SO fucking good#apparently the budget for this movie was bonkers and i think it all went to the costumes. because it didn't go to the writers LMAO#no but it was fun. it was silly but it was entertaining. that armor is so intricate and i love it#the black cloak?? all of the main villain uh. wuhuan's outfits?? slap#the goddess's vibe? impeccable. i fuck with the aesthetics of this movie hard#they should've leaned more into the camp. only the guy who played wuhuan i think got that this movie wasn't serious. it's gotta be campy#his performance was great tho. 10/10#but of course. i mean. i AM looking at my old man#bro they fuckign hung him from a tree....#stupid ass ugly ass mustache. i hate that i like it
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Why Vox needs to GET THE FUCK OVER THE RADIO DEMON:
(By Velvette, the only competent of the Vees)
(Her list for Valentino here)
1. He’s just not into you
2. We have better things to do than allocate company time to this.
3. He makes you look stupid
4a. He makes US look stupid (and Valentino already does that enough)
4b. Seriously how are we supposed to stop your boy toy from chasing whore around town when you can’t do the same with your ex? We need to set a (gag) good example for him.
5. What do you even see in him? Tacky coat. And that voice is so old-school.
6. You have two people who (reluctantly) want to work with you. Why spend energy on a guy who doesn’t?
7. This was seven years ago babe. Give it up.
8. I’m tired of finding your Alastor Body Pillow around the penthouse
9. Speaking of the body pillow, did you really have to spend 5k on it?
10. Company money should be used for COMPANY things. The fact we even have an “Alastor” budget is stupid. HE DOESNT EVEN GO HERE. ( @onesidedradiostatic )
11. He fucked off once, he probably will again.
12. Do you really want to fuck with someone who has the princess and king of Hell on his side?
13. It makes Valentino insecure about his sexual prowess, which is not good for anyone.
14. I have to LISTEN to him complain about it.
15. No matter how hard you try, nobody will ever beat “Susan” for #1 rival in that man’s heart. (Which is valid cause Susan SUCKS.)
16. Also you’re wasting company time by having Val put together shitty-Alastor look alike porns? Angel Dust does NOT look like Radio Demon ffs, I though Val was the blind one not you.
17. Your screens keep crapping out whenever you think about him, and we’re running out of ones in storage.
18a. I don’t want to keep having to go to overlord meetings for you because you’re having a breakdown over of he’ll be there or not.
18b. Speaking of breakdowns, STOP MAKING THE WHOLE CITY LOSE POWER.
19. You’ve taken over the entire office space with your Alastor-shrine. It’s not really an inconvenience, just creepy.
20a. Not to kinkshame but I walked in on you and Val fucking with Alastor-wigs on, REALLY?!
20b. Also I think you’re making Val insecure about his lack of hair.
21. STOP asking me to design Alastor-cosplay clothes for you. I don’t want anything to do with this.
22. I already have to deal with one pissbaby
23. Seriously, he isn’t into you. Maybe it’s cause you’re a mess. Maybe it’s cause he’s AROACE. Who knows.
24. You keep interrupting channels to brainwash people into hating the Radio Demon, when we should be brainwashing them into other things.
25. We can all hear you talking to yourself in the shower when trying to come up with shitty comebacks.
26. You display your dreams when you sleep, and while it was funny at first at this point it’s so boring. Val and I want to watch something actually interesting for once rather than the same shit.
27. You keep glitching out in bisexual whenever he comes up and it’s annoying waiting for you to put your shit back together again.
28. I’m sick of movie nights where we just watch your self-made compilations of “Alastor’s Epic Fails” or just watch security footage of him at the hotel.
29. Why do you even try and film him? Your shitty cameras can pick hardly anything up.
30. Honestly this whole thing is just pathetic.
31. Like it used to be cute but now?
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel memes#velvette hazbin hotel#the vees#valentino hazbin hotel#vox hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin vox#voxval#staticradio#radiostatic#one sided#OneWayBroadcast#lostsignal#stupid hazbin hotel lists#staticmoth#hazbin hotel crack
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✧.* what’s your number?; kmg
synposis: after finding an online article about the number of sexual partners a woman should have, your day with your neighbor turns into him being lucky number eighteen.
paring/s: model! mingyu x afab! reader, ft. little brother! chan.
genre/s: humor (sort of lmao), neighbors2lvrs vibes, fuckboy&girl reader and gyu.
warning/s: alcohol consumption, sexual content (minors - dni), talks of broken bones, oc has female genitalia
word count: 3.8k
content: seggsy times, idiots being besties, reader loses her job, all the vibes.
note/s: loosely based on one of my fav movies, what's your number with anna ferris. lmao enjoy. also def unedited so srry. xo.
“Miss. Y/L/N. I’m very sorry but we have decided to let you go.”
Your boss put down a brown cardboard box that once held wine from a staff party about a week ago. You stood in silence, why were you being fired? You’re one of the only executives who does their job. All of the other employees sit around and drink whiskey and flirt with the other women on your floor on company time, go home to their wives, and make six figures.
“Sir, can I ask why?”
“Budget cuts, sorry honey.”
Honey of course. Not only is he himulating you, he’s also being condescending.
“Why not fire Ted? He does nothing but use his company card for ‘business expenses’ like taking his different fucks to exotic vacations and restaurants.”
“Our female clients like Theodore. Sorry it has to be this way. Here’s a check to keep your rent underway and for any troubles. Good luck.”
You picked up the brown cardboard he handed it to you and dumped the white envelope into your bag as you stormed out of his glass chamber.
Perfect timing, your brothers getting married and you’re getting fired. Your mother will surely love to hear about this.
After gathering the contents of your desk you found your way back to your white and gray covered apartment, sinking down into the perfect couch you bought yourself as a reward for your first month in the job.
Pulling your laptop from the pocket of your work bag, you scrolled through the news on your side widget . Coming across an article written in some stupid lifestyle magazine about ‘the appropriate number of sexual partners for women.’
“Okay, so society is regressing.”
Curious enough you scrolled through to a small section with a quiz, childish, but probably suitable for women over 50 or under 21.
Following your finger down the various categories that pertained to you until it came to the bottom of the page pointing out your result.
“15 and over, women with this number often have difficulty finding a spouse and are unlikely to ever settle down. Are they fucking serious? Men can fuck 50 women and still are fine.”
A vibration came from your phone, a text from your neighbor.
[3:44pm].
Mingyu: Mind helping me out? New girl won’t take the bait about my “emergency”
Y/N: what’s the issue with her this time?
Mingyu: nothing, just too clingy. I’m expecting you in five, say our dad fell in the shower. Thank you, owe you.
Y/n: got it see you in five.
Mingyu and you met often when you were ushering out hook ups or crazy exes show up to your door. You didn’t know much about his life, other than he’s a model, and obviously has bad luck with women.
Pulling yourself up off your couch and throwing a blazer back over your shoulders you strode off down to the other end of the hallway.
“Mingyu? Mingyu seriously answer your phone? Hello!”
The door opened revealing a semi-naked girl, she was pretty sure, blonde, tall, nice eyes, but boring.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Mingyu’s sister, who the fuck are you?”
“Oh my god! So sorry, hi so nice to meet you, I’m Ailee his gir-“
“My friend, y/n. What’s wrong?”
Letting yourself passes the bra sporting blonde you looked Mingyu straight in the face and pulled out your best crying face, it was easy today being that you’re pissed about work and that stupid fucking quiz.
“It’s dad, he fell. I don’t think it’s good, we have to go.”
“Oh. Okay, let me change.”
Mingyu pulled in his jeans and a white t-shirt, grabbed his fancy leather wallet from the counter and pulled you through the front door of his condo.
“Ailee, let yourself out okay?”
“Call me?”
“Uh, maybe it sounds like this is bad, maybe we should stop seeing each other? I’ll call you.”
The truth is Mingyu was never going to call her, he said that to all the others. Yet, you never saw them again.
Silently you open the door to your place and shut it behind you.
“She seems nice.”
“Yeah trust me, she’s not.”
“Noted. But, better than that crazy red headed girl, Cass was it?”
“We don’t have to talk about her.”
“Missing that jacket still?”
“Yes.”
Mingyu took his place on your leather armchair and sipped the coffee you had initially made for yourself.
“What is this? What’s your number?”
“Oh my god. Stop looking at my shit.”
You whipped the lid of your laptop close and stole it out of his hands
“Do you really think anyone cares how many people you sleep with? Isn’t that kind of fucked up?”
“You can only say that because well, one your a man and two you’ve fucked basically half the women in this city.”
“Not true, we haven’t fucked.”
“Right and we will not.”
“Sure, sure keep telling yourself that. So what is it? 12?”
“Do you really need that answer?”
“Yes. And I will bother you until you tell me.”
“17.”
Mingyu laughed, not because he felt bad for you or that you were going to hell for fucking 17 people, but because he didn’t see the big deal.
“Oh come on, that is not that bad.”
“What’s yours?”
“Maybe 20?”
“We are way too close in number for me to not feel weird about it now.”
“Because it doesn’t matter, why do you think you couldn’t get a husband or boyfriend or whatever the fuck you want because of that?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t until today I guess.”
“Bad day?”
The dark haired man’s head nodded towards the unpacked cardboard box sitting on your dining table.
“Weird day. And now I have to go see my family at an overly fancy party and sit around clutching cocktails and lie that I didn’t lose my job, just until their precious boy is married off.”
“Ah, the black sheep of a rich family huh?”
“Shut up, no. They’re just judgmental is all. Well, my mom is anyway.”
“I see. What are you wearing?”
“I don’t know? What’s wrong with what I have on now?”
Mingyu looked you over in your semi unbuttoned dress shirt and oversized trousers, sexy and sophisticated, but a little boring for a party.
“Actually you look good. But, it’s not exactly giving a cocktail party for the sister of the groom. Especially if your mom is as judgmental as you say.”
“Okay, go in my closet then. Work your weird model magic or whatever, Mr. Jeans and white tee.”
“Anything for you, rich girl.”
You walked Mingyu through your bedroom into the oversized walk in closet, filled to the brim of clothes, half of them with tags still on. Gifts from boyfriends, friends, your mother.
“Wow, I didn’t expect this.”
“And what did you expect?”
“A closet turned into an office and like five pairs of the same pants, maybe matching pajama sets. But not this.”
Sitting down on the small stool you let the man rifle his way through the various colors of fabric.
“Okay, so this black dress. It’s tight but not overwhelmingly, it’ll show your figure and still make you appropriate. These tall black boots, sexy to show off your long legs and make you look even taller, a nice bag, maybe.. this red one? Or the green, just for a pop of color. Put it on.”
“You finish quickly .”
“Never had a woman say that to me before. Hurry up.”
Smirking, you run back into your bedroom, out of sight from the man tapping his fingers on the marble countertop of your dressing room, sliding into the outfit he picked out.
“Okay, I look-“
“Beautiful.”
“Really? Don’t you think this is a little much? I mean, for this?”
“Not at all, it’s actually really simple. May I?”
He held up a silver chain necklace in his hands and waited until you nodded as he strung it around your neck.
“Perfect. Now, leave your hair up. Maybe a nice bun and curl the front pieces? You look nice without makeup on, but do that cute winged liner look you do with a nude lip.”
“Okay, since when did you become a stylist?”
“I’m a model, I know what I’m talking about. Come on, chop chop.”
“Okay, mom. Jesus.”
“Dad. Daddy, actually.”
“That's never happening.”
Doing his instructions as he asked, you curled the front pieces of your hair letting it softly dangle in front of your face and placed the rest up on the crown of your head in a loosely tied knot.
“Okay. So maybe you’re good at this.”
“I know. If you need my help further, you know where to find me.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Aren’t you?”
Holding up your phone you realized how much time has passed and grabbed your keys.
“Right. Thank you.”
“My pleasure. See you soon, y/n.”
“Bye, Gyu.”
Walking up to the front steps of your parents luxurious brown stone, you felt the cold sweat under your armpits before walking in the front door.
“Y/N holy shit, where have you been? Mom is going to kick your ass.”
“Sorry, Chanie. I had something going on. Where is she?”
“In the dining room with Marnie and Seungcheol. Talking about wedding stuff, please save us.”
Coming to your brother's rescue was part of the job of being an older sister. Seeing him settle down and get engaged to a girl like Marnie was amazing for you, she was everything he needed, and it was nice to have another girl in your family.
Grabbing a glass of champagne from the silver tray of a waiter, you strode up to your mother in your childhood home, still as nervous as you would have been as a little girl to be under her gaze.
“Aw, my baby. Finally arrived. Hello.”
“Hi, Mom. Hello, guys.”
You mom hugged you giving a kiss on both of your blushing cheeks passing you along to greet your brother's future wife and his friend Seungcheol.
“Y/N, you look amazing. Where did you get this beautiful dress?”
“Thank you. My friend helped me pick this out actually, I don’t remember where it’s from.”
“Friend? Which friend is this, darling?”
“His name is Mingyu, he’s my neighbor.”
“Gay? He has wonderful taste.”
“No, not gay mom. He’s a model.”
“Oh wow, can I see a photo? Why didn’t you bring him?”
“Maybe next time.”
After downing the first glass of alcohol you quickly look for another, Seungcheol already holding a glass in his hand for you with a wink.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
“Y/N, can you go find your father? Now that you're here we can start dinner.”
“Yep.”
Strolling throw the various rooms full of priceless knickknacks and photos of your youth, you stop at the open oak doors of your fathers study, looking at him for a moment, behind his desk, glasses on, reading his book.
“Hello, Dad. May I come in?”
“Y/N, yes of course. Just hiding out here until I can eat some dinner. How are you?”
“I’m okay, mom sent me to get you to come eat. What are you reading?”
“Oh, just some Orwell. Relaxes me.”
“Shall we, sir?”
“Yes, my girl.”
You held your arm out for your father, he was always your best friend, someone who no matter what supported everything you wanted to do. He was stern, but even after parenting you he would end it with a hug and a piece of candy, seeing him grow older had your heart in pain.
Searching the table for your placecard, it sat you right in between your brother and Seungcheol, his best man and best friend for longer than you could ever remember.
“Are you coming to his bachelor mixer?”
Seungcheol’s long eyelashes fluttered in front of your face and you noticed how much more mature he looked, he was always cute, but it’s grown on you now.
“Are you going to embarrass me?”
“I’m not the one who got drunk in college and broke her arm trying to dive into the fountain.”
“Ouch. At least I haven’t shit myself drunk as an adult and embarrassed myself in front of the girl I liked.”
“I did not shit myself. It was a fart.”
“A fart with a little poop, a shart if you will. What did they call you? Shart Seungcheol?”
Your mother interrupted the light flirting you two were enjoying and gave a speech about how lovely it is to see her baby marrying a second daughter and so on and so on.
After everyone downed their salmon and fancy finger food, you got into the silly party bus along side the rest of the bridal party, moving on to the night of drinking ahead of you.
“Guys let’s play a game on the way to the bar.”
Your brother's fiancé spoke, turning down the music and passing around multiple bottles of tequila and glasses.
“Everyone right down a confession on your paper. If we guess whose it is, they have to drink, but if you get it wrong you drink.”
Looking down at the small pink sheet of paper you wrote about your day, your sex number, and you losing your job. Maybe nobody will get it, maybe nobody will care because they’ll be equally as drunk.
The game went on as your anxiety grew and nobody had chosen your confession yet, that was until your brother pulled one of the last sheets of paper out from the bowl.
“Today I lost my job, I let a stupid magazine article tell me how women who have sex with more than 15 men means they’re unloveable and unwanted. I can’t wait to get fucked up. Congratulations! Well that’s my sister.”
“What? How did you guess that?”
“I know your handwriting dumbass, drink, everyone drink.”
Your night continued, nobody mentioned your failure as a person, they just celebrated the happy couple.
More and more drinks in, maybe the same amount of people you’ve had sex with. You took it upon yourself to get people on the dance floor, when you felt a pair of hands coming up on your hips, turning around to curse them out, you recognized the eyes staring back at you.
Mingyu.
“What the hell are you doing here!?”
“Birthday party, we always come here. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Mixed sexes bachelor party.”
Mingyu's hands were still resting on your hips, on top of the very dress he helped you pick out hours before.
“Exciting. Want to get a drink with me?”
“I have one.”
You held up the half empty glass of your Negroni and Mingyu snatched it from your grip, downing it for you.
“You’re paying.”
“Yes. That was the plan.”
His hand pulled out off the dance floor and back over to a pair black leather bar stools, waving the bartender over.
“Two whiskey sours please.”
“No, one whiskey sour. I’ll have a whiskey neat.”
The bartender nodded working his magic for the two rocks glasses.
“Here you go, tab Mingyu?”
“Yes, thanks John.”
“Wow first name bases?”
“I told you we like to come here. Who’s the pale dude staring at us?”
You turned around to look at your brother, cheering you from across the bar.
“My brother, Chan. His wedding party.”
“Yes, I remember. I meant the one next to him?”
“Ah, Seungcheol. Best man.”
“He wants to fuck you, maybe he’s lucky number eighteen.”
“Maybe he was lucky number ten back in the day.”
“Do you remember his number?”
“No, but I’ve already fucked him. In college.”
“Ah, I see. Still on the hunt?”
“Not at all actually, I’m celabte now.”
“No way, I bet you could find many dudes who’d want to fuck you here.”
“It’s a matter of if I want to fuck them no?”
“Touchè”
“What about him?”
Mingyu pointed to a tall blonde, long hair, and pretty lips.
“Gorgeous. But not my style. I’m not really in the mood to get laid.”
“And let my work go to waste?”
You smiled, sipping your drink and feeling the warm liquid enter your body.
“You didn’t give me my beautiful face and fat ass, you just put it in a dress. And as my dad says, leave them wanting more.”
“You’re a very funny drunk, she shocks me even more.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Mhm.”
“Do you ever get tired of having me save your ass from all those girls? Don’t you want to settle down and not have your neighbor coming over to rescue you all the time?”
“Maybe the reason I do it is so you’ll save me.”
“Shut up.”
“No. I’m serious. I like hanging out with you, I enjoy seeing you, and you’re very entertaining. I like role play.”
“I see, you have a kink.”
“All jokes aside, I like seeing you.”
You were surprised by his gentle voice and nature, you always knew him from the outside, a beautiful guy who has bad luck getting girls out of his apartment for whatever reason.
“I like seeing you too.”
Mingyu's hand rested on your thigh as he looked towards the same dance floor he pulled you from before, basically begging you with his eyes to come back out with him.
You agreed, holding his hands through various sweaty bodies, some you knew and some you didn’t. Dancing along with them to the rhythm of the song, holding yourself up on Mingyu's large frame
“Surprised to see you in something other than jeans and a tee.”
“You like?”
“If I say yes are you going to fuck with me over it?”
“Maybe. Are you going to let me be your lucky number eighteen?”
“If you promise you don’t have some random girl barge in your door tomorrow to get me to leave?”
“She’ll be tied up.”
“Let’s go. I have to say bye to my brother first. Come on.”
Walking towards the door you spot Chan playing darts with Marnie, who was obviously kicking his ass.
“Hey! I’m going to head out, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Is this Mingyu?”
“Oh shit, yes Marnie, Chan, this is Mingyu. Mingyu, this is my brother Chan and his fiancé Marnie.”
Mingyu outstretched his hand to the couple, shaking it kindly.
“Nice to meet you man, my sister talks about you a lot. Be good to her.”
“Chan, shut the hell up. Love you both, mwah mwah.”
“Mingyu if you’re free tomorrow, y/n has a plus one. We’d love to have you.”
Smiling and whisking Mingyu out of the front door, you began to run together through the light rain falling, two blocks to your apartment.
“Sorry, my brothers, an idiot.”
“He seems nice, his wife to be too.”
You felt your hands shaking in nervousness riding up the elevator to your shared floor. Stepping off and standing in the hallway between your two front doors.
“Your place or mine?”
“Well, I picked you up didn't I? Come to mine.”
Mingyu led you through his familiar front door and helped you out of your wet clothes, throwing them in his washing machine.
Now standing in his living room, just in your black lace bra and panties, feeling like all those other girls before. Almost in fear of someone knocking to kick you out of his dimmed apartment.
“Come on.”
You giggled as he picked up your half naked frame and carried you into his bedroom.
“Lay down. Off the edge of the bed, trust me.”
You didn’t say anything just followed his instructions as his fingers came and wrapped themselves around your lace underwear, blowing on your clit with his soft breath as he pulled them down your freshly shaved legs.
“Fuck.”
His lips came in contact between your heated center, splitting his kisses between your aching parts and your thighs.
Your hands working their way through his hair as he used his tongue to work his way around your clit and between your folds, pushing you closer and closer into your own euphoria.
Maybe you understood why girls didn’t want to let him go, if this was his head game, you can’t even imagine what could come next.
“You taste so sweet, I should’ve known better to be careful, I might get addicted to you.”
“Stop with the niceties, Gyu. Can you please fuck me?”
“Eager are we?”
“Yes.”
Mingyu pulled you up by the back of your neck, forcing your head near the top of his dick, waiting for you to wrap your mouth around it and get it sopping wet so he could enter in between your legs.
“Oh, baby, that feels so good. I love watching you on my dick, but we have to stop before you get me going too much.”
Your head turned up at him, mascara slightly spilling under your eyes, as you opened your mouth searching for the feeling of his lips on yours, before he planted in on you he spit into your mouth, and inserted himself between the same thighs he was kissing before, slowly entering inch by inch, making you wait to feel him fully inside of you even more.
“Comfortable, baby?”
“Yes, faster please.”
“So polite, but as you said before, leave them wanting more and more. I want you to get riled up.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”
His thrusting became more rapid with your soft moaning, kissing your neck in the process, riding out your high with you, you felt him begging to slow down as his teeth wrapped around your hard nipples, sucking softly at them.
“You’re so delicious, I don’t think I can last much longer.”
“Me either, but it’s only round one.”
“Do you want to do this again?”
“Eighteen has always been my lucky number, now fill me up.”
With your final words, Mingyu rode the rest of his high before finishing inside of you, placing a soft kiss on your perfectly pink lips, and dipping his head back down to your center to clean you up with his mouth.
“Want to stay?”
“Is that alright?”
“Yeah, come on. Let’s shower.”
The tall man led you into his beautiful marble bathroom and turned the water on in his shower built for two.
“I meant what I said at the bar, you know. I like being with you.”
Your long arms reached up to his hair, massaging his scalp with shampoo.
“I meant what I said too, lucky eighteen.”
“So I’m your lucky number?”
“Yes, don’t tell my mom tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell her that you called me sir and the ass she gave you is indeed perfect.”
You planted a soft kiss on his lips, before pushing him back under the warm water of the shower head.
“I dare you.”
#❃ - duffytalks#seventeen fluff#seventeen headcanons#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x reader#svt reactions#svt fic#svt texts#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#seventeen smut#seventeen#seventeen au#svt x reader#seventeen fic#svt fluff#mingyu fluff#mingyu x y/n#mingyu x reader#mingyu x you#mingyu x oc#mingyu smut#mingyu scenarios#mingyu imagines#mingyu drabbles#mingyu fanfic#svt fanfic#seventeen fanfic#svtcreations#kmg
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the skz house: ch 1
Summary: Welcome to Sigma Kappa Zeta, the most popular fraternity on campus. When you, down on your luck and looking for a place to live, see their ad for ‘IN-HOUSE STAY’, you decide to check it out.
Chapter One: Of Breakups and New Housing
You’re sitting on the curb next to several suitcases and trash bags full of your belongings, feeling humiliated as cars pass by. You can’t fucking believe you thought it would be a good idea to rent an off campus apartment with your boyfriend—well, now ex-boyfriend, of three years. It’s not even a full two months into the semester and you both already decided to call it quits. Things had been rocky over the summer to begin with, but you hoped living together would fix it.
You were wrong. And stupid for letting him put only his name on the lease.
So what are you gonna do now? You can’t call your parents, they told you this was a bad idea from the start. You can’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right. Your friends are all in the dorms and, sure, you can crash with them for a couple nights but you need to find something for the remainder of the year.
You take out your phone, wiping the tears that fall from your eyes as you start looking for somewhere to live. A one bedroom apartment by yourself is completely out of the monthly budget your parents send. You’ll have to settle on a room or some sort of shared living environment.
Your scrolling stops when you see a post that says ‘FREE IN-HOUSE STAY’. You click on it to read more.
FREE IN-HOUSE STAY
It’s that time of year again. The members of Sigma Kappa Zeta (SKZ) have beds to fill. Stay will be free of charge, however there are stipulations. Further details will be provided in person. Send a direct message if you’re interested and we will provide the interview date.
You’ve heard of the SKZ fraternity in passing, but never participated much in Greek life on campus. The post feels a little sketchy, if you’re being honest with yourself, but you send the email anyways. If you can pocket the money your parents are sending and stay somewhere for free, maybe you can turn this shitty situation around in your favor.
You receive an email the following day that advises you to fill out an NDA and an application complete with a picture of yourself. You also go to a nearby clinic to complete a drug test and various other checks. Your interest in the ad is piqued, but the night spent on the floor of your friends dorm encourages you to pursue it.
Two days later you find yourself standing outside of the SKZ house with ten other women. The house is in a gated community and sits on a pretty large lot, enough room between it and the next that neighbors probably didn’t mind a bunch of college students staying there. It’s a three-story home and not too far from campus, maybe a thirty minute walk.
At 1:00pm the door opens and a tall, kinda lanky boy with a slender face greets you all. His eyebrows and most of his eyes are hidden behind his bangs, but he dons a welcoming smile. He’s wearing jeans and a black shirt with ΣΚΖ written across the chest in green letters.
“Please, come in,” he says, gesturing for you all to enter.
You all huddle in the foyer and he closes the door when the last girl enters before leading you into the living room. There’s a large, navy blue sectional where you all sit. When he exits the room, you fold your hands in your lap and cross your legs, shaking your nerves out through your foot. as you wait for whatever is about to happen.
You hear footsteps coming down the hall and eight men enter the room. If your life were a movie (it most definitely isn’t, you’re sleeping on a floor, remember?), this scene would play out in slow motion. They exude an air of confidence and nonchalance all at the same time. They’re all of similar heights, with hair color ranging from black to blonde, some are lanky, some are muscular—one is flat-out buff, and they’re all Korean. They’re…handsome? The word doesn’t feel like it suffices, though. Each and every one of them are breathtaking in a way that feels completely unfair and makes you question why you’re even there.
They spread out in a line in front of the TV mounted on the wall opposite the sectional. They’re all wearing the same thing—jeans and the black shirt with their fraternity initial across the front.
“Thank you for coming here today, ladies,” one of them starts to speak with a light Australian accent.
As your eyes focus on him, he looks familiar. He’s in one of your classes. He seemed rather quiet and reserved in class, but here he’s easily taking charge and leading the situation. His eyes meet yours for a brief moment and he offers a tight-lipped half-smile and nod.
“I’m Chan,” he continues. “The is Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin.”
Each member waves as he gestures to them and says their name. Seungmin is the one who had opened the door.
“We’re sure you’re curious as to what our post entails…let me explain.” Chan begins. “Here at Sigma Kappa Zeta, we strongly pursue the strongest version of ourselves. We work hard, study hard, and play hard. We want all of our members to be at their best at all times. We cannot achieve the goals and dreams we have if we are weak in any area. Which brings us to having you here today.”
Your eyes dart to the other men standing in the line, but it’s impossible to read their expressions.
“We are looking for four women to reside in our home. Your duties will be cooking and cleaning for the household, and pleasing the members you are assigned to.”
You can only blink as you stare at him. Assigned to? And did he say please the members? Does he mean fuck?
“We believe that with these essential needs met,” he continues without missing a beat. As if he hasn’t just uttered something completely scandalous. “Our members will be free to flourish and earn our spots next to our SKZ predecessors.”
He stops for a moment and steps forward from the others.
“I know how this sounds. Misogynistic. Throughout the many years of this tradition, it has proved to work in our Stays’ favor as well, though. You’ll have your needs met, less stress and many Stays have reported a boost in their overall happiness and confidence.” He says. “We know you are students, too, and we don’t want to impede on your education or your own personal goals. That being said, it’s not a position suitable for everyone, we know that. We also know, that should you choose to participate, you will have an invaluable sense of community throughout your time here. You will have free room and board, and be allowed time to focus on your own success. Any resources we have access to can be yours as well.”
He claps his hands together.
“Now that you know what this entails, please remain seated if you’re still interested. If not, kindly exit—but we would like to remind you of the NDA you signed.”
He pauses for a beat. Two girls stand and promptly exits the home. You stay rooted in your seat. You’re a decent cook. You can clean. You think you could be a good fit for the position. You’ve also been with the same guy since your freshman year, so the prospect of experiencing something new in any capacity intrigues you. And honestly, right now, a free bed sounds more tantalizing than the floor, doesn’t it? You subconsciously roll out the kink in your neck at the thought.
“Eight of you still here,” he says with a nod. “We’ll call each of you up, you’ll introduce yourself, walk past each member, then take your seat. We will then leave to deliberate. When we come back, we’ll let you know which of you are staying and who you’re assigned to.”
You shift around in your seat and nod your head. Chan steps back in line and calls the first name. You watch as each girl walks in front of the men, wondering what’s going through their head—what are they looking for exactly?
When you hear your name called, your heart begins to race. You stand and announce your name, your major, and year in school. You then walk towards Jeongin and slowly make your way to Chan. It’s quick, but not painless. It’s fucking nerve-racking as they each stand there, stone faced.
When all the girls are seated on the couch again, the men exit the room. You’re all quiet as you wait for them to come back. It takes nearly half an hour.
Chan announces the names. The first girl called is assigned to Jeongin and Han. The second is assigned to Felix and Lee Know. The third goes to Seungmin and Changbin.
There are five of you left on the couch. You begin to feel nervous that you may not be chosen, but the next name that falls from Chan’s lips is yours.
Your try your best to hide your surprise as you stand and step forward, hearing that you’re with Chan and Hyunjin.
“Thank you, ladies, for coming today. If you haven’t graduated next year, we welcome you to come back again.” Chan says to the others on the couch before showing them to the door.
When he returns, the eight of them shift around to stand in front of their assignee.
In front of you is Chan. You can’t help but notice the way the sleeves fit tightly around his biceps, and the veins protruding from his arms. Hyunjin is standing next to him—he’s taller than Chan, but a little more thin. His overall presence is softer. You try not to stare too much.
“We’ll give you a tour of the place, show you where you’re staying and then you may retrieve your belongings and return by 5:00pm to prepare dinner. You will cook for whoever you’re assigned to, and get to know each other over dinner.” Chan continues to take charge.
You’re then led on a tour of the house. The first floor has the living room, kitchen, and a bathroom. The kitchen has two separate stoves, a huge pantry and a ton of cabinet space. There’s even an island with bar stools along one side of it. They then take you all down to the basement where there’s a pool table, an old keg, a bar, TV, and beer pong table.
On the second floor is four bedrooms. They tell you who resides on each floor, but do not allow you into the rooms unless it’s someone you’re assigned to. Hyunjin is on the second floor.
He opens the door to the room and you peek inside. You see that there’s a Queen sized bed, dresser, and desk covered in art supplies. Next to his bed is a twin sized bed, bare of any sheets. Is that where you’ll sleep? You wonder.
“The bathroom at the end of the hall on the second floor is strictly for you all to use,” Chan announces as you all make your way up to the next floor.
On the third floor, you’re allowed to see Chan’s room. It’s significantly larger than Hyunjin’s, with it’s own bathroom. He also has a queen bed, nightstands, a dresser and desk. However, the twin sized bed is further from his own, against the opposite wall. It, too, is bare of any sheets.
After the tour, everyone breaks off into groups of whomever their paired with. You’re in the kitchen with Hyunjin and Chan standing on either side of you. You exchange numbers with both of them.
“So you’re majoring in Biology?” Hyunjin speaks to you for the first time.
You nod, unable to find your voice. Still somewhat in shock of what the hell is even happening.
“She’s nervous,” Chan says, easily able to read you.
“Don’t be,” Hyunjin says with softened eyes. “It sounds more intimidating than it really is. This is a mutual thing, okay? We help each other.”
“Okay,” you reply quietly.
“Do something simple for dinner tonight,” Hyunjin continues. “Pasta? With shrimp?”
He looks over to Chan who shrugs and nods in response.
“We’re not as demanding as the others—we won’t be expecting full course meals.”
“You got lucky,” Chan adds.
Got lucky? Did you? Or did you just get yourself into an inexplicable situation? They didn’t mention anything about what should happen if you change your mind. Are you even allowed to? Perhaps you should have read through the NDA a little better. First the lease, now this…you’re not the best with contracts, are you?
Chan produces a credit card from his wallet and hands it to you.
“Return with your things by 5:00pm. You can get groceries and bedding with this. Two twin-sized sets.”
You take the card from him and put it in your pocket.
“We’ll see you soon,” Hyunjin says in a sing-songy voice with a smile.
“See you,” you say lightly and try to return the smile.
You’re still feeling awkward about the entire ordeal, but you’re somewhat at ease at how respectful they all seem. You’re not sure if you’ll be forced to do anything you don’t want to…but as you think about how handsome every single man in the house is…will you eventually want to?
After going to get groceries and bedding (two sets), you get your belongings from your friends dorm then take an Uber back to SKZ house.
You’re a little early, but the door is open. You place your personal things to the side and go to the kitchen to start on dinner. You’re thankful they chose an easy meal, but go the extra mile to make the Alfredo sauce from scratch. It’s one of the few recipes you remember by heart from your mother. You season the shrimp and cook it up with butter and garlic.
The other girls start to arrive and space in the kitchen becomes severely limited, even with two stoves for you all to use. You start to wonder if they’ll all have dinner at the same time every day because that may prove to be quite a challenge. You all move around each other easily enough, but you don’t really say much.
When the food is done and plated, you send Hyunjin and Chan a text that dinner is ready.
They come into the kitchen moments later, grab their plates, then lead you down to the basement for the second time today.
It’s definitely not a fancy or romantic environment. Sitting at a beer pong table and seated on fold out chairs, but you’re not uncomfortable. Nervous as shit. But not uncomfortable.
You wait for them to eat first. They both nod appreciatively after taking their fist bite.
“You must have a lot of questions,” Chan says, twirling pasta around his fork.
“Ask us anything,” Hyunjin prompts.
You’re silent for a moment, chewing your food. You have what feels like a million questions, and want to get the most important one out of the way first.
“Am I gonna be fucking you both?”
Hyunjin coughs on the food he’s eating and Chan let’s out a soft chuckle. He hands Hyunjin his glass of water.
“Well…yes,” is Chan’s blatant reply.
You expect him to say more, but he doesn’t.
“Like…at the same time or is there some sort of schedule or…?” You trail off.
Hyunjin, finally recovered from his coughing fit replies, “It’s really up to the three of us to decide specifics. You’ll be in either of our rooms, on a rotating schedule. We could do every three nights. Monday-Wednesday and Thursday-Saturday? Sunday will be your choice.”
You nod slowly, more in understanding than agreement at this particular moment.
“This tradition works best when it operates like a well oiled machine,” Chan says. “Always be honest with us. Let us know if you aren’t feeling well, if you have your period—anything.”
“There’s actually an app we can all access if you’re uncomfortable telling us, we can use that.” Hyunjin adds.
“And when it comes to cooking and cleaning, you and the other girls can work out whatever kind of schedule works best for all of you.” Chan continues.
The absurdity of the arrangement starts to feel less worrisome as they talk. The situation itself is still quite insane, but they speak about it so casually that it seems normal.
They allow you to pester them with questions as you finish up the meal. They’re all business majors, Hyunjin’s minor is Art and Chan’s is music. They’re all legacies at Sigma Kappa Zeta—meaning their fathers, and grandfathers for some, had been members too. They have all been on a certain career track since they were born to father’s that are successful business owners in Korea and Australia. They each came to the states in high school, studied at a prestigious boarding school and now here they all are, in college, together.
You can’t fathom having your entire life planned out that way. Perhaps it would take out some of the things you stress about regarding your future, though. Clearly, their parents all want what’s best for them.
They explain a few other rules like—you’re not allowed to date or have sex with anyone outside of the members, and that’s a rule everyone in the house follows. Failure to adhere will result in immediate removal from the home.
After you’ve asked all your questions, you all head back up stairs. The others are scattered throughout the house, some at the dinning room table, some in the living room. Through the sliding glass door leading to the backyard, you see a few of them out there too.
“We’ll handle the dishes for tonight,” Hyunjin tells you, taking the plate and glass from your hands.
“Take your things upstairs, make up your bed in each of our rooms. There’s some closet and drawer space in each for you.” Chan says.
“Where am I sleeping tonight?” You ask.
“It's Sunday. Your choice,” replies Hyunjin. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s really just where you’ll sleep. It’s not like you won’t be able to interact with the other person or anyone else in the house based on where you sleep, okay?”
You nod.
They take off towards the kitchen. You retrieve your belongings and head up stairs. In Hyunjin’s room you make the bed with the dark blue bedding set—it’s adorned with different flower types and feels fitting. You recalled seeing the flowers he was painting on his desk when you made this choice. You’re not sure how to divide up your clothing but decide to place a bit of everything in both rooms.
When you make it up to Chan’s room, you put away the rest of your clothes then make up the bed here too. The set you chose for his room is black with teal and purple nebula on it. He has LED lights lining all four walls, near the ceiling. You thought it might look nice when they’re turned on.
After making the bed, you sit down on and allow yourself a break to think.
You now have to decide who's room you’ll be sleeping in tonight.
[ read chapter two here ]
a/n: yeah, this was a random idea that i'm just gonna roll with. no idea where its gonna go yet, but this will be fun to write. have to set the scene with this first chapter, the smut is coming, don't worry :)
#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fanfiction#skz fanfic#straykids#bang chan#bang chan imagines#hyunjin#hyunjin fanfic#bangchan fanfic#skz#skz x reader#skz x you#bangchan x you#hyunjin x you#hyunjin imagines#bangchan imagines#bangchan x reader#hyunjin x reader
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Random thoughts on the D&D movie in no particular order:
I loved the jokes. All of them. All the stupid jokes. I was their target audience and they succeeded at making me cackle at dumb shit while my partner's soul left his body
The landscape shots were breathtaking and honestly made me tear up at the beauty in places. In the theater, I remember thinking, "Yeah, FUCK yeah, these guys understood the assignment!" Nine out of ten times, I think fantasy should be animated, because if you don't pour millions into the budget, the action looks like crummy LARPers wearing silly costumes in the woods. This movie understood that if you're doing live action fantasy, you owe your audience some damn beautiful landscape shots and damn did they deliver on some beautiful landscape shots.
(cut for spoilers)
I sincerely appreciated Holga and her husband being divorced but still amicable. I'm so tired of the trope of exes being evil or awful. They just seemed like two adults who wanted to love each other but the circumstances of being together doomed them from the start. It was played for laughs but it was just a moment I genuinely enjoyed as divorcee. I also loved her ex's new wife looking exactly like her, both for the gag, and for what it said about both of them being each other's type even if it didn't work out.
I also cackled like a hyena at Holga's halfling fetish while also finding it rather sweet and enjoyed imagining all the reasons why she might have that preference lol
As a basic Drizzt Do'Urden loving bitch, I squeed when I saw Icewind Dale on the map. Then I had a moment between that and the Underdark of wondering, "Am I gonna see him? Even in the distance? Am I going to see my first love, Drizzt Do'Urden??"
And then I realized: the Paladin. The Paladin is Drizzt. Only good person who came out of a nation destroyed by evil. Too good for this world, too pure, to the point of being sanctimonious but is also a hottie. Xenk is Drizzt.
Oh, I also squeed when I saw the Underdark.
I appreciated how knowledge of D&D improved certain story beats (like the gelatinous cube or the displacer beast) but wasn't required to enjoy the plot. That's how references should be done.
The most agonizingly cringe moment for me was when Holga was dying. Just. I appreciated the beat. It couldn't go any other way. They delivered on their set up with the tablet, the only question was ever, "Who besides his wife is going to get saved with it?" And it made perfect sense who it was. I'm glad they didn't try to pull a fast one. But the scene was like... 10 seconds too long of her dying for me to not roll my eyes. We know you're going to use the tablet on her, dipshit, please keep this moving.
BUT I think the reason they did it was to land a sincere moment with the daughter, and I appreciated that. I think the scene could have been improved by Holga being like, "Don't you fucking dare use that tablet on me!" and then smacking him when he did it anyway and then he'd have to explain that he set out to save his daughter's mother, not his wife, who has passed on, etc etc. but I'm not sure that would have been much better so maybe the drawn-out opera death scene and the sincerity was better in the end idk.
I KINDA wanted to see the actors as the players playing D&D BUT I know why they didn't and it was a wise choice, it undermines the drama too much to say it doesn't matter because it's a game. Maybe if instead they'd should the characters playing D&D in universe as normal humans? Idk
I thought there'd be more Xenk? I thought he'd be in the arena with them? A little bummed but I also loved his GM NPC energy.
The combat and camera work was great! Genuinely enjoyable and well made, I appreciated the artistry that went into it.
Loved the bardic distraction scene for truly capturing the chaos of a D&D party's attempt at breaking and entering
Loved the portals bit for truly capturing the strategy and planning that can go into a functioning D&D campaign's clever heist, even if I'm sure it would have taken 5 sessions to plot out IRL
Honestly, it was just a fun, solid film! It's been a while since I've seen such a fun, solid film! I would buy it and put it on in the background to just enjoy and not angst over it! It was worth the price of admission, it was faithful to the spirit of D&D instead of sneering at it the way the early 2000s one did, and I had a good time! It wasn't the highest of art but it would have been weird if it had been! I liked it a lot!
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tuesday again 10/10/2023
by dry volume, this post is 80% talking about gallery walls. tl;dr : do not buy or hang up things you do not like in a vague attempt to make your house look more grownup ONLY put up things you love, mat your art to give it visual room to breathe.
listening
had a playlist of the james bond theme songs on while i was deep cleaning my kitchen and the line "YOU GOT TO GIVE THE OTHER FELLA HELL!!! " from SPECIFICALLY the guns 'n roses cover of live and let die (even though the playlist had the correct mccartney version) has been THOROUGHLY stuck in my brain for forty eight hours.
youtube
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reading
academic transphobia to follow:
an anti-reading section, for once. Retraction Watch (site that tracks academic paper retractions and major academic beef like when someone is stripped of tenure for fraud, formerly my beloved) published an op-ed by an anthropologist TERF who is Big Mad she got called out by her professional association for trying to submit a conference talk that amounted to hate speech against her trans colleagues in the name of the stupid fucking largely disproven sexing skeletons thing. the comments have devolved into the professor sock puppeting anyone who goes "hey RW why did you platform this?"
would be very interested to hear from RW about how a retracted conference talk has the same impact on the scientific community as a retracted paper, but we'll fucking see. i think RW provides an important service to the scientific community (they are the most indepth and thorough tracker of retractions, more so than the actual publishers) but this is a fucking weird move
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watching
rewatched Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988, dir. Zemeckis) for fic research. GOD this movie is fucking good. it performs a minor animation miracle every thirty seconds.
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playing
nothing to report
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making
by popular demand (four people), some thoughts about gallery walls. some discourse on the method, if you will. i went with a gallery wall bc i like the look and i had an extremely large blank wall to fill bc this apartment is slightly too big for me. the string lights remind me very much of my dorm rooms but cool lamps have been few and far between down here.
how to get art (and why/caveats)
i honestly don't have a ton of direct collecting advice here other than "have you tried going to a lot of thrift stores". i cheat bc both my parents were architects who collected art, everyone in my family dabbles in fine art, and my sister has her bachelors in art history. so i am awash in paper, constantly. i grew up with a set of flatfiles and a closet full of spare frames. i recognize most people do not grow up like this.
with that caveat out of the way, how do i actually get my art? usually one piece at a time over a very long period of time. there's a postcard on my gallery wall i got in 2009. this is a game you will be playing for the rest of your life as you discover things you like and your tastes evolve.
it is VITAL that you love every piece on your walls. no filler ikea canvases unless you actually like them. the instant you start thinking "oh i need a landscape to look Grownup" you have to strangle that thought in the cradle. there are no rules, especially in art. put whatever the fuck you want up on your walls with no regard for the public's taste.
i feel like "i should buy and put up more art" is something that often falls into a vague Grownup Improvement Goal (like budgeting) bc it is an Grownup Improvement Goal and not bc they actually want to buy and put up more art. fortunately for everyone, you do not have to buy or put up Morally or Socially Improving art that will impress some vague category of grownups, bc we don't fucking live in victorian times.
most importantly you do not need to spend much (or in some cases any) money to put things on your walls. getting the effect you want (fancy washi tape, matching frames) may take some money, but using the printer at work and stealing some scotch tape is free.
how to get art (actual advice this time)
i feel a little silly typing this all out but i really like reading other chewsdayposters' processes, and it is really helpful for me a lot of the time to have someone say: actually there is this complete other way of doing something you have never considered bc u did not grow up with it
i ask you: do you have a stack of sentimental papers somewhere in your home? congrats you have some frameable items. a thing does not need to be Fine Art to be in a frame to go on the wall and make you happy. tape up a birthday card. put a quilt up on your wall. pushpin a label from a jar of pickled herring bc it reminds you of your grandma. frame a beloved tshirt. this is a martha stewart ass statement but things that are not traditional paper art on your walls will add variety and whimsy to your home.
other places for art that are not thrift/estate/yard sales:
i do believe that making your own art, including a $3 paint-by-numbers kit, will fix something in your brain. it's very similar to how i personally have to go stand with my feet in a body of water twice a year or THE SLUDGE smothers my brain
your favorite weird indie bands are almost certainly selling posters on bandcamp even if they're not currently on tour
i like the artists' co-op justseeds for art that deals with "social, environmental, and political engagement" like my beloved "fuck space tourism" poster
start a "good lines" or equivalent "art i like" tag on here and buy prints when u have the money. even if artists here don't have a shop open or don't have the specific piece u want as a print, ask if u can throw them an appropriate amount of money on venmo or something and get it printed locally or online. ive had good luck with vistaprint and they have rolling sales
do you like a piece of art in the public domain, like something from a museum? print it out. put it in a frame. no it's not as nice as a professional print but it's free if you do it at work and now it's on your wall
fuck around on wikimedia commons and the internet archive. i particularly love pulp magazine covers and little illustrative insets for out of date astronomy books
non- and semi-consumable supplies
if u put $25 into supplies u can use for many many other projects (i assume you probably have some of the following list), you can make any frame nice and save approximately a gajillion dollars.
good utility knife and extra blades
hammer
tape measure
level (comes with most command hook packs, you can also use your phone)
stepstool, sturdy chair, or patient tall person
assorted nails (you can buy a little tackle box with assorted nails from most big box stores)
little squeezy tube of DryDex spackle ($5) and putty knife or honestly old credit card to fill in nail holes when you move out
OR command strips and hooks
matboard that is white on one side and black on the other (~$8 at big box craft stores). you can use this to cut your own mats and/or replace a kind of weird back on an otherwise good frame
most printer paper these days is acid free. steal some from your workplace.
assorted small brushes
little thing of acrylic paint in whatever color you want your frames to be (~$1.50 ea). you can also spray paint your frames for a different finish but i don't have the space or patience in this apartment
sandpaper or sacrificial emery board
i would further recommend a little set of letter size desktop drawers/mini flatfiles like this to keep all the small stuff you want to frame in one place. i have sentimental art i don't want to frame in one drawer and things i do want to frame in the other. this has been very good for my brain bc it's all safely and flatly contained out of sight, and it's easy to flick through a stack of things i already love when i need one more small thing or one warmer thing to fill a gap
frames
the good news for us is that frames and art are a fucking bitch to move and people frequently give them away. your local discount and thrift stores are going to be fucking awash in small frames 8.5"x11" and under for under $3 each. when you are thrifting or estate saling or yard saling or generally gallivanting about on a weekend, pay little attention to any art actually in a frame. is the frame in okay shape? can you repaint it without too much trouble? will it clean up all right? does it have the glass? can you insert the glass from a different frame into the one you actually want without any thrift store employees noticing?
for weird sizes above 8.5x11 and outside poster size that cannot be easily found at thrift stores, the big box craft stores here in america have roughly quarterly frame sales and frequent coupons. do NOT get your shit professionally framed at michaels bc they upcharge by about 3x compared to other local framers (both on the east coast and here in tx).
i went through two periods of seriously buying frames (last year of high school and the year i moved into the original lair, when/where i thought i was going to stay for a few years) and ive swapped in out and between those dozen or so total. once you have built up a little stock of frames that fit the general sizes of art you tend to collect, ur pretty good for a while. the only new "frame" i bought for my gallery wall was a little floating shelf.
mats
the absolute biggest fucking thing u can do to make your art look nicer is mat that bitch, which gives it room to breathe. if your art does not have a built in border or a lot of white space (see 9, 12, and 13 in the gallery wall below, as well as 8 which has a ton of negative space with the car door), you need a frame bigger than your art. you can google the suggested proportions yourself or decide with your heart.
i am a big fan of a very slapdash floating mat, which means cutting a piece of printer paper to size or flipping around the paper that tells you what size the frame is and slapping your art right on top of that, sometimes with a lick of gluestick to keep it in place. generally a floating mat means a sort of 3D matting technique but we don't have time for that. do not do this printer paper technique long-term with a particularly beloved or expensive piece of art.
u can also buy pre-cut mats at Michaels or Joann’s for not too too many dollars, or cut your own with the acid-free matboard ($10 for a poster board sized piece) and a new utility knife blade and a steady hand. or, if you're lucky, it comes with the frame.
gallery wall specific advice
there aren't any rules. actual galleries and museums tend to put the center of a piece or group of pieces at 57" from the floor. you may want to fuck around with that depending on your own height, the space you have, and the pieces you own.
a gallery wall does not need to be 24 pieces like this one. it can be any number.
this is the first one i have done mostly by myself and it is the most color-restricted one i have ever put up. it is also the one with the most successful repeating motif (circles). usually i grab the art i want most to go together and send pics to my art historian sister who will then arrange it for me and say shit like “do you have another small blue thing for the top left” or “do you have two pieces that are warmer and larger” or "different frame for the middle left"
look at a lot of other gallery walls. personally i like the ones that have non-framed and non-square things in them. ideally mine would have photographs and taxidermy in it for maximum weirdness. but u cannot go wrong with a grid, or all horizontal pieces, or all vertical pieces. for a full wall puzzle piece like this, u do not generally want an american southwest four corners meeting situation. stagger it. lay everything out on the floor and move it around eighteen times (this is the worst part). the gallery wall as a whole does not have to be perfectly aligned to the ceiling or the back of your couch or what have you. it can be sort of an organic blob shape along the top and bottom edges.
my wall
this soothing blue and green wall with wood tone pops has pieces from almost half my life. it skews later in college/recent acquisitions, as i sharpened my taste for limited-number prints and had a car to go to thrift stores with, but that’s just how this specific wall came together
the list below should tell you what each piece is, how much i paid for it (and the cost of the frame if applicable), and when i got it. this wall has most of the Nice Art in my collection that is signed/numbered/in some way slightly fancier bc it is the wall i stare at when on my couch.
embroidered Scorpio constellation hoop, birthday gift from my sister (free, came with hoop, i used some makerspace felt and batting to properly back and finish it much later so free with my tuition), nov 2016
numbered and signed print of an italianate cityscape, $5 and came with the frame and mat from an estate sale, i put a new back on it with scrap matboard so the back of the print wasn't just naked, fall 2021
signed print of a new england landscape, came with the frame and the mat but is stained right over the signature :( $2.50 from salvation army, one of the last things i bought in spring 2023 before i moved
signed original multimedia on board collage by my sister from her like second ever gallery show, $69 in winter 2022 for the art, the frame was from a free pile i gave a new acid free back with scrap matboard. that was such a good free pile i got a huge pile of frames from that
magazine page (idk which one either) i saved in high school (i graduated in 2013) or very early college, frame was from a free pile by the side of the road in summer 2021 and repainted with some white acrylic paint. it is float matted with printer paper. maybe a dollar for the paint? i definitely did not buy the magazine
this is an out of print poster by one of my favorite living artists (Josh McPhee) so i emailed him and asked if i could get it printed myself if i threw him $25 and he said yes. i think it cost $22 to get it printed professionally, the frame is basics by studio decor ($20 for a 2-pack) (i spent so much money and time on this one bc i wanted a very specific look for a very specific space in my kitchen in the old apartment), feb 22
signed numbered woodcut by Roger Peet ($20 in august 2020), another studiobasics frame that was i think $8 in summer 2022. float matted with acid free matboard and not printer paper.
gigantic fuckoff unsigned unlabeled poster i bought bc she reminds me of the Barnes & Noble murals, $10 at goodwill (came with the frame, half off) sep 2023
star chart from the US Naval Observatory that was on a free shelf at Amherst College when i was taking a class there in fall 2018, another studiobasics frame (idk when i bought this one) so under $10. float mount on acid free printer paper.
plaster frog mirror from an estate sale in spring 2021, i do not remember how much i paid for it but it was not more than $5
oh goddamnit this is a new block so of course it restarted the numbering. fatal off by a power of ten error, very typical for astronomy. poster from a show i went to in college spring 2015, do not remember when i bought this sub-$10 studiobasics frame either, float mount on acid free printer paper.
signed poster from my roommate-at-the-time’s cousin’s band in fall 2014 (i can’t actually find the receipt but i did find an email from her cousin letting me know he shipped me and my roommate’s orders together lol) let’s say $20, another sub-$10 studiobasics frame of mysterious provenance.
moon map out of an old science book in high school, let’s be generous and say $10 for both the book and the frame (another studiobasics)
numbered but unsigned new year’s print from a local-ish print shop in massachusetts, $12 at savers with the frame, fall 2022
cover of a very fragile vintage paperback copy of raymond c/handler’s The Long G/oodbye i acquired in high school (could not have been more than a dollar or two), with a frame and mat that came in an ikea multipack my dad bought me in high school bc i had a set of l/ackadaisy miniposters i wanted to hang, looks like the closest modern equivalent is the EDSBRUCK, a single will run you about $12 today
postcard inherited from my grandpa’s collection of loose paraphernalia in 2010 (free but at what cost etc), frame is a studiobasics that come in a pack of 6 for $20 (less if you have a coupon) so let’s round down a smidge and say $3. don’t remember when i bought this frame either, it is matted with real matboard bc the postcard and the back of the frame are so thin
“my heart is a fish” cross stitch (a reference to the imperial radch trilogy of books) i made this and did not date it but i know i blogged about it on here at some point between 2014-2018, i remember having to buy five colors of thread but owned the hoop already, again back and finished it properly much later with maskerspace batting and felt, let’s say $5 not counting my time
postcard from @believerindaydreams last winter in another studiobasics frame and float mounted with acid free matboard.
tiny moon mirror from salvation army in early spring 2015, under $5
CD mirror from Vapor95 ($125? preorder in fall 2021), came with velcro command strips which was very nice of them
a $300 original multimedia collage (the first one my sister ever made, when she was in middle school) i bought in spring 2021 from her first show, sitting on a $5 acrylic shelf from five below i bought last month
22-24 are national geographic maps, 50c each at an estate sale last month, had to buy $7 worth of binder clips and pushpins to put them up bc i don’t fucking know what box they’re in and didn’t have time to rip the whole closet of boxes im ignoring apart
a slightly longer tl;dr: do not buy or hang up things you do not like in a vague attempt to make your house look more grownup ONLY put up things you love, thrift and repaint your frames if possible but you can get very cheap studiobasics ones if you want them all to match, acid-free mat your art for preservation and to give it room to breathe, keep a little drawer or box of stuff you love and might want to frame
#tuesday again#tuesday again no problem#a month and a day out from my birthday which feels momentous
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Can you post your MI movie ranking again? Not sure if it was ranking or viewing order but either way you’ve convinced me to watch these
Okay what my suggested viewing order is:
Ghost Protocol (MI4)
Rogue Nation (MI5)
Fallout (MI6)
Mission Impossible 1 (MI1)
Dead Reckoning Part One (MI7)
Ghost Protocol is the weakest of this batch of movies, but it is still in my opinion an incredible on-ramp. I always pitch it the same way, but GP is just a Leverage episode with a blockbuster budget. It's the soft-reboot of the series, it has some of the best team chemistry, it's funny, it has two of my favorite moments of pure physicality in the entire series. It's a great intro.
Rogue Nation is like the Platonic Ideal of an MI movie. It's the Ethan-and-Benji movie, and their chemistry is truly amazing. The Turandot sequence is so fucking glorious, and Ilsa Faust is great AND SOLOMON LANE IS OUR BEST VILLAIN BY FAR. In GP the villain is a non-entity to drive the plot. RN has some fucking baller character writing. Also has the funniest moment in any MI.
Fallout is a perfect movie. I could say more but there's no point. Fallout is a perfect movie. It's gorgeous. It's emotional. It's tense. It's character-driven. I love it.
Mission Impossible The Original is going to surprise you. It's a dense, tense, psychosexual thriller and explains......... so fucking much about Ethan Hunt and his lingering trauma. I adore it. Except the action movie ending is stupid, but right before the action movie ending, it gives you a hot sexy thriller ending, so it's fine.
And you need the context of MI1 to truly get Dead Reckoning, because it is a movie obsessed with the legacy of the series. It's really fucking good. But save it for last.
What about MI2 and MI3? If you think you would enjoy a dumb stupid flashy hilarious action movie that is the diametric opposite of every other MI movie, watch MI2. It's fun.
I cannot recommend watching MI3, I think it's absolutely terrible. MI2 is stupid but at least it has an identity as a movie. MI3 is a confused mess that throws all continuity out the window and almost breaks the idea of Ethan Hunt imo because it doesn't know what it wants to do, what to say, it's pointless.
My personal MI film ranking:
Fallout
Rogue Nation
Mission Impossible 1
Dead Reckoning Part One
Ghost Protocol
Mission Impossible 2
placeholder for the worst possible iteration of Dead Reckoning Part Two
Mission Impossible 3
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(gayroman, sorry lol using my main) this is important to Me. what do you think peter maldonado and sam ecklund's letterboxd top fours are
oh my fucking GOD. i have been waiting for this moment my whole life. EVERYONE BE QUIET. apologies in advance if i get a little lost along the way i have a lot of thoughts on the way they’d consume movies and the movies they’d love individually and together so…
i don’t think peter is a Total “film bro” but i do certainly think he enjoys the pretentious more than sam does. my list of movies that i deeply believe changed the trajectory of peter’s life includes: spotlight, american beauty, phantom thread, se7en, the social network, ex machina, nightcrawler, and gone girl. spotlight came out just before av happened and i think 15 year old peter was Never the same after that. he was like oh my god i Need to do this. personally i didn’t like american beauty but i think he’s the type that would be changed by it at least when he was very young. i think he went into phantom thread expecting to not care abt it much but left thinking abt it for days and days on end and probably saw himself in it a little. se7en because. come on tell me he Wasn’t speechless after seeing that shit. same with the social network. like what do you want me to say. i think ex machina because i just do i just think he’d like it. nightcrawler because. (gestures) come on. and gone girl because i have this funny idea that sam and peter watched that together and both left changed for veryyyy different reasons. i think he’d also enjoy argo i forgot to mention that. but to answer the question of what would be in his top four… i’m gonna go with spotlight se7en nightcrawler and the social network… that feels right to me…
as for sam… i think sam has No tolerance for any of the shit peter enjoys. he’s not stupid by any means but he watches movies to have FUN ONLY!!! NONE OF THE BORING SHIT PETER LOVES!!! once on a whim i actually Did make sam’s letterboxd (ecklundmovies00 if anyone’s interested. i tell a story through that account it’s canon to me) and his actual letterboxd top four on there consists of: hot rod, the greatest showman, the lego batman movie, and spiderman 3. it just feels So right to me. it’s just true. honorable mentions to pitch perfect i think he’d love it very much and i believe he left 2018 forever changed after seeing love simon and call me by your name i think he certainly had a lot to unpack that year.
bonus thoughts i think they both force each other to watch movies the other Hates (peter often telling sam he doesn’t take things seriously and can’t recognize good cinema and sam complaining that peter hates fun and only loves boring shit.) however they do find some things they agree upon. one movie they can agree upon is clerks. peter likes it from a filmmaking standpoint and sees it as admirable since it was made on such a low budget and sam likes it because he thinks it’s funny and kind of wishes he could be randal. one of the Greatest truths i’ve decided on is that their one joint cinematic voice is the movie hot rod. it’s so shitty and yet anytime they need to distract themselves from the world they turn it on they’ve seen it together easily 15+ times. because of this they were also some of the only supporters of popstar: never stop never stopping when it came out. documentarians have to support documentarians! i also think they watched all of sherlock together and had a massive obsession with it they were using that av room to pick apart tjlc I KNOW IT! i also think they enjoyed seeing the most recent star wars trilogy and recent james bond movies together in theatres. i don’t know how much they enjoyed the movies themselves but they loved the ritual. but other than that there’s very little middle ground. can you tell i’ve been dying to talk abt this lmfao sorry. did that answer your question
#asks#i’ve put more thought into these characters than the creators at this point#i have a deep understanding of them. i know their truths#american vandal
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hi hi, posting an ask to clarify a few things: apparently the budgets for v9 and the JL league were separate and the real reason for v9's delay was the transition to working at home at covid. i dont like spreading misinformation (good lord the rwby fanbase has enough of it already) so i think this was fair to bring up.
while i dont doubt the validity of the animators who worked on v9 and the JL cross over, i can't help but to feel weary due to the fact that this is freaking roosterteeth. a company notorious for their abuse of animators to the point of disability, how their shows are produced on slave labour, how they abuse their starry eye fans for cheap labour, how the higher ups of the company are very much either incompetent or rotten to the core.
how can i in good conscious give this company the benefit of the doubt that the JL crossover didnt went through the same crunch or workplace issues? sure the animators got more worked, but were you guys properly paid for it? arianna fillipini's twitlonger details the MASSIVE amount of crunch (50 hr/weeks), how the pay was still below industry standard, how the leadership in v9 didnt help the animators, how everyone got laid off cus RT taking away full time employment, and this was all during VOLUME 9. something produced in 2020-2021, not 5 years ago.
im glad the animators got a year of work, im glad they had an opportunity to network with other artists. im not upset that the JL happened, im worried that the same crunch and workplace abuse from v9 was carried over as a consequences of these crossovers being developed in house.
while its really dumb to knowingly spread misinformation of RWBY's budget and production, i cant help feel this uneasiness towards every rwby fan on twitter just taking their word that the JL was 'totally a good thing!!!' and anyone upset by how they assumed that the JL took away resources for v9 (because it happened to v6 with gray smuggling money for gen:lock) are 'stupid little haters who use the poor animators at cudgels to flame roosterteeth!!!'
am i supposed to trust the notion that suddenly all of the decades workplace abuse and mistreatment that persisted to it's latest season all went away? that suddenly the animators were given enough time and compensation for their work? that suddenly management became leagues better?
suddenly all of our concerns towards the production of RT's shows and RT as a company are nonsensical?
idk, the entire thing is really weird and the uneasiness i have towards CRWBY's production isnt exactly alleviated by the fact that the JL had a seperate budget :P
at least we got to see the beacon designs again 🥃
@unovaslankiite your concerns are completely valid and you're not wrong feeling this way. Even if the budgets for vol 9 and JL were separate, that doesn't make what the animators revelaed just last year what they've been through all go away. Ar*yn Tr*che (who I personally belive is an RT shill so they can keep their job) should not be treated as the only source of info. Their words mean nothing to me. Like, ok, the JL and vol 9 budgets were separate. That doesn't excuse the animation department having to work double time during covid. Yeah you want to ensure they got work, and yet they were snubbed of their overtime pay.
And you're right, why should any of us believe Rooster Teeth? They've been proven over and over again to be liars, and it really isn't hard to notice the patterns of behavior over the years. They said crunch issues in production have been resolved and that was a fucking lie. The cuts to vol 9 and the production of the JL movie sound very similar to what happened to vol 5 when Gen Lock was being made. So people are right to assume the crossover movie affected vol 9.
Pointing all of this out doesn't make you "a bad faith rwby critic" or "wanting to pin blame on crwby" as some stans like to accuse others of. People like you and I are not content with just taking Ar*yn and K*rry's words at face value so they can continue to bury the truth. The stans who try to convince themselves that MKEK and the vas of crwby are separate from RT just want to ease their guilty conscious in wanting to continue to consume rwby content.
That's why they spam #greenlightvol10 on every rwby related post they make. It's a sign of sheer copium.
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ah! uh..I saw your post about horror/yandere brainrot, I sorta think this fits into horror? and is a brainrot? my bad if doesn’t
You know how ramshackle is pretty much a shit place in every way possible,
like, whether it’s outside or inside it’s ugly and falling apart, roof tiles crashing in the ground like rain, metallic frames oxidizing into rouge cuivre taints spotted with fluo blue green, wooden furniture eaten by ants and termites, the only remains are digested and discarded, stuff like that akin to a haunted house left to rot away and disappear as time plays it’s role
ahem, so I was saying, ramshackle is baaaad.
and living in a place like that is bound to cause consequences, yknow where I’m getting at? yeah, yuu and perhaps grim? But well he’s a magical glorified cat so I think he might be mostly resistant?
yeah, uh, yuu. Yuu is a random ass human that got airdropped into twst, and living in a house like that as a normal, average human is NOT good.
the amount of health hazards is bigger than the amount of atoms in our world!! My g could trip from a bent floorboard and fall head first into a broken’s chair sharp side!! fucking final destination style!! Or a roof tile could slam their head!!! or the whole ass roof falls on them as they sleep (yknow that one vid of it happening irl) and they fucking choke on the roof pieces and powdery remains because they are asleep !!
like that not even a tenth of the fucking hazards this final destination house has, I only cited the immediate ones, but not the LONG term, like I’m fairly sure some weird twst endemic fungi mushrooms and other plants can grow here and with yuu’s luck they are poisonous!!! Through eating or spore or air bone their presence is unwelcome and dangerous for yuu’s HUMAN body the more they are exposed to it by living in this glorified cardboard box,,,, or idk all the damn dust the oxidized shit or rotten wooden with wood powder furniture or the bugs!! The fucking bugs like ants termites or WORSE bedbugs!! bedbugs!! These little hellspawns!! ahaha,,,I got carried away..I uh. Basically Yuu’s living in a saw movie worthy death trap, the fear is about having to avoid dying in their own house, they can’t really replace the furniture because they don’t have the damn funds only throwing it away at most, I don’t think they have the free time to entirely clean it, nor the budget to buy cleaning supplies, or pesticides, or herbicides, or renovate the things that could turn them into a was
sooooo yuu is kinda having to play survivor in a place supposed to be a safe spot, like hey!! don’t walk on this specific spot or you’ll break your spine more than the amount of breakups certain celebrities hav- oh, yuu has a cough? it’s just all the dust and funky wildlife shit rotting around that I can’t really remove because I don’t have the MONEEEEEYY
the horror, if you can call it that way, is that yuu has no fucking true break from all the stress, even their own home is a danger to them and they have to tiptoe around it like they do in NRC they ARGHHH give yuu a proper home PLEAASE even a goddamn 2 piece appartement is better than the addams family house copycat crowley I will get your stupid birdbeak COMEHERE-
(…this is way longer than I planned it to be, ignoring it is totally understandable.)
You are so valid for every single thing written above. I actually had no idea what to write for this because you basically ate this ask up, left no crumbs.
What’s four plus four? Eight, because you ate. So real, Crowley what the fuck are you trying to do, like if you want to kill us just do it straight. Enough with the around-about methods, my dude.
Hell, we only got liveable conditions when the dance crew gave money to fix up our place. Then Styx shot down our dorm.. well it’s fixed now, definitely better then whatever bullshit Crowley decided to give us🙄
It’s stressful both physically and mentally, please send help to the Ramshackle residents, we’re going through it-
————————————————————————
The switches don’t work.
Well, if you simply flick at it. You’ve devised a way to illuminate your surroundings, as dreary as they are.
By brute force.
Flatten your palm against it, and slam it into the wall with all your strength. It’ll leave a rectangle mark pressed into your skin, pulsing a scarlet red. As if responding to your pain, the light flickers on.
A dull, mellow glow, its faint ember light pulsating across the room. Much like the ache gnawing against your palm, throbbing with the same beat. Rubbing your sore palm gently, you take a step forward.
Grimacing as your shoes crunch against the grimy floor, the floorboards creaking in protest. They bend so far, caving into themselves. Yet they don’t break… well, just yet.
Part of you has to admire the sheer determination of these rotten slabs of wood. Their sheer will to survive, despite the weight pressed upon them. Raising your foot, you give the floor an affectionate tap, before resuming your pace.
Only for something to be impaled into your rubber sole, sinking deep into the bottom of your foot. A sharp something. Muttering a curse, you crash onto the ground, rear stinging from the impact. Grabbing your ankle and raising your foot upwards.
Only to see a massive nail, stabbing into your sole. Coated in the crimson brown of rust, staring up menacingly at you. Prised loose from one of the floorboards, perhaps.
Just how long has this place been abandoned, for the condition of both the place and its materials to get this bad?
Quickly shaking off your shoe, you access the damage this stupid nail did to your foot. Pursing your lips as you take note on how deep the needle went into the ball of your foot, the rancid taste of bile lapping at the very back of your throat.
God knows how long this nail has been left to rot in the Ramshackle dorm. Lying right there in the open, festering with ever microscopic horror ever known to mankind-
Goosebumps prickled your arm, tiny minuscule lumps rushing upwards your skin, covering every exposed inch of it. Fingers pinching at the tip of the nail, you yanked at the nail.
Only for it to clatter against the ground, the sound of metal clashing against wood echoing throughout the dorm. The very tip of the nail coated in a slick, scarlet liquid. Your blood, still warm from your body. It gleamed in the light, giving it a sinister glint. It bounced once, twice, before rolling away.
Just as it slipped into the darkness, the light hissed from above you. Blinking once, blinking twice, before it went out with a deafening pop. Leaving you in pitch black darkness.
Alone.
Just like how the dorm has always been.
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I've just finished watching the new Megamind movie and *sighs* thoughts below
I'll try to start with the positives - the Doom Syndicate without comparing them to the Doom Syndicate from either the game/s or the concept art were okay, decent even. Lady Doppler's outfit in motion makes a lot of sense and her powers are cool. Pierre Pressure is okay. Nighty-Knight is funny, I liked that he wanted the teddy bear and kept that throughout, plus he had cool powers. Behemoth was my favourite, seemed like he had layers to him, and not just bc he was made out of molton lava.
There was a very cute heartfelt scene between Keiko and Megamind about him being her inspiration to try to be a good kid, bc if he can go from a bad guy to a good guy, maybe a bad kid can be a good kid. It was very sweet and it's a good message to give kids.
Some scenes felt very in character - Megamind not knowing how to look after himself without Minion, Roxanne trying to help. There were also a lot of good one liners that made me snort or giggle.
The end picked up, I did like the absolutely pointless plan to put the city on the moon, that is exactly the sort of idiotic in-character plan that Megamind would make - the Doom Syndicate going along with it eeeeh less happy about, makes them seem just as idiotic, but then they sort of were in this.
Now, the not so good. The timeline is completely fucked, why change when it was set? Also setting it two days after the first movie was A Choice. It was even more of A Choice to have the city set post the statue unveiling which didn't seem like it would only be two days down the line at all.
The beginning felt too long and drawn out and not much actually happened? Roxanne was almost completely out of character - why the sudden existential crisis bc some kid has followers? Roxanne loves solving the stories and working out the truth, she didn't need a new job! And speaking of the kid, oh my god, her initial scene is incredibly annoying. I did grow to like her (due to the aforementioned heartfelt scene) but it was an uphill battle.
There were aspects of Lady Doppler's character that seemed... interesting shall we say, given they had decided to combine all of the women in the original Doom Syndicate into one person, it was very jarring and I'm not sure they pulled it off. I would have preferred to see OG Lady Doppler and either Rockatoo or Hot Flash (or a combo of those two perhaps). I just don't think that having a black woman be immediately catty towards the first woman she sees is a good choice. Give variety by having more than just one female villain and let them be their own characters.
Minion's name change, which I refuse to enforce, was stupid - they could at least have made it make more sense in canon. Maybe Minion wanted a name more fitting of his new position, something less evil sounding. But no, it was an in universe copyright thing. Stupid. And speaking of Minion, the relationship between him and Megamind oh my god where did that go? Megamind literally just learnt the lesson about valuing him as more than just a minion, as a friend. And they just threw that away immediately. Megamind and Roxanne's relationship seemed a little off as well, not as much as I've heard some reviewers saying, but enough to make me go :/ And then we have his past with the Doom Syndicate - founding member, yeah sure, but OG leader? Nah, not this twink. This twink couldn't lead his way out of a cardboard box.
I think I'm more disappointed than I expected to be, bc I went in with low expectations, I went in knowing the animation was bad (and looking past it bc low budget, they did the best they could), I went in knowing the voices were different, I went in knowing they had this stupid influencer storyline, but I thought the writing other than that would be at the same level as the first movie as it was the original writers. And some was at that level, but only in bits and pieces. It was incredibly inconsistent, both with OG lore and itself, and just seemed to throw away OG character development from the first movie in favour of re-doing it in this movie.
I wish they had more time to polish this, I wish they could have gotten a bigger budget, I wish they didn't have to include the influencer storyline to appeal to kids, I wish they didn't have to change Minion's name. I wish I wasn't as disappointed.
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Christmas Fics 2022 (Part 3):
'Tis the Season by LashFlashingLeda - T, one-shot - Hermione is trying to get into the holiday spirit and go out of her way to do something nice for someone, but the very first person she runs into is the last person she planned on helping.
Kaleidoscope by HeyJude19 - M, one-shot - Things Hermione tried to avoid at the mandatory holiday office party: irritating colleagues, an idiotic role-playing activity, and her true feelings for Draco Malfoy. Her success rate varied.
Serendipity by madyslibrary - E, one-shot - A Dramione Holiday short
Based loosely on the Christmas movie 'Serendipity'Hermione Granger is in NYC for Christmas with two of her closest friends, Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. Still reeling from her break with Ron, she goes off on her own for a bit Christmas Eve night and runs into (quite literally) her old classmate, Draco Malfoy. After a wonderful night together exploring the city and each other, she returns to London broken hearted. A year later, Ginny decides she wants a Christmas wedding back in the city. Hermione and the gang join the wedding party a yet again run into Malfoy. With tempers rising and emotions flying unchecked, how will the Chosen One's wedding affect all the other relationships?
A Very German (Muggle) Christmas by TheaKnightley - T, WIP - Frohe Weihnacten! Harry bails on his and Hermione's plans to spend Christmas in Germany to spend Christmas with his new beau Theo and insists that Draco accompany Hermione to the Muggle, German Christmas markets instead.
The Survey by hellomymelody - G, one-shot - Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy share a tiny office in the Department of Mysteries. At the end of each year, all employees are required to fill out an employee satisfaction survey. Last year, the survey ended with a destroyed office and budget cuts. At least it can't get any worse, right?
The Chalet by Silver_26 - E, WIP - Hermione reached for the proffered key, and Draco folded his arms as she took it from his open palm, the surface of the glove now wet from the snow since the warmth of the chalet was doing a good enough job of melting it all. He watched her turn it over, raising his eyebrows at her, waiting for her flush of embarrassment and profuse apology. His fingers closed into fists, the snow now icy cold water against his skin.“This says number ten,” she finally said, holding the key out for him to take back.“It does,” Draco confirmed as though she had suddenly become stupid.“Number ten, Malfoy. This is number forty. You’re in the wrong chalet.”
Snowdrifts by In_Dreams - T, one-shot - The under-utilised Centaur Liaison Office isn't big enough for the two of them—especially not when a holiday decor feud leads to both Draco and Hermione trapped inside with a snowstorm. Written for the 2022 DHr Advent.
My True Love Gave To Me by notebookandink - not rated, WIP - Every holiday season we check in with Draco's life post Eighth Year.
Candy Cane Wishes by itsgivingcamp - E, one-shot - “Oh, Malfoy, you’re still here?” She asked, feigning innocence. Her eyes glimmered at him, somehow managing to refract the little light in the room. “I would have brought you one, but I didn’t think you’d be working late tonight.”“I work late every night,” he bit out. “You’re still here.”“I am,” she observed, her cheeks rounding out as she smiled mischievously.“So I’m still here.”“Ah, that’s it then? You only work late because of me?”“Daft doesn’t look good on you, Granger, you know how this works. Both of us want to be the last one standing, both of us want to win – even though there’s no prize.”She swiveled her chair towards him and changed the crossing of her legs, quickly flashing him with the swatch of red between them.“Well if daft doesn’t look good on me…” she tapped the candy cane against her rosy lips before taking the sweet fully between them, pulling it back out with a pop. “Then what does look good on me, Draco?”Or: The time Draco fucks Hermione with a candy cane.
The Necklace by a_MioneNiffler2309 - M, one-shot - Hermione is given a necklace... one she knows to have been purchased from Borgin and Burke's... one she knows to be cursed as it is the twin to the wretched item that nearly killed Katie Bell... one she knows to have been given to her by none other than Draco Malfoy.
Universal Laws by Misdemeanor1331 - T, one-shot - The initial report arrives mid-afternoon, prefaced by a note scrawled in Harry’s untidy hand. Hermione reads it twice before tucking it into Draco’s file. The Auror Office’s version of events is too sanitised to be helpful. It provides the broad strokes, but Hermione is a Healer. Diagnosis depends on details. If she has to wait for the primary source to regain consciousness, then so be it.
Christmas Down Under by trunksadin - E, WIP - Hermione needs a date for Christmas. Draco needs to get the hell out of England. Through an array of unforeseen circumstances, they find themselves spending the holidays together in Australia.“Well… I kind of,” she cleared her throat, immediately regretting her question. What on earth was she thinking? “Never mind. It’s silly.” Malfoy took a step toward her and looked down with that same, unreadable gaze. “No, go on.”
His tone wasn't harsh, but velvet and coaxing. She suddenly felt molten inside, like every bit of her blood had been placed under a flame. It was rare that Hermione felt anything akin to weakness, but for reasons unknown, the way he said the words compelled her to respond. “I sort of told my parents I was bringing someone home for the holiday, but the guy I was seeing… well, let’s just say things didn’t exactly go to plan. Since you seem to be free, I was thinking, maybe–” “Maybe?” “Maybe you'd be interested in coming with me? As a favour? I’d make it worth your while, of course," she said with feigned ease to avoid sounding desperate. It didn’t work. She was desperate. Desperate enough to rely on the help of a man who loathed her. What could go wrong?
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Would love to make a big budget Alexander the Great film titled “Gay Boy Conquers the World,” which would feature top of the line, actual-penetration dirty as fuck sex scenes between Alexander and Hephaestion with those two dudes just sucking and railing each other with absolute zero cutaways or tasteful angles to speak of. I’d want the actors to be professionals, gay porn stars who have some good acting chops. To top it off, the action sequences would be as fantastic as the fucking, with fights that don’t have that stupid-ass shaky camera thing Marvel movies do. I’d want this film dripping with blood, cum, drama, and tears. Too bad I ain’t got no money or talent with a camera, as I feel it’s what this era needs in terms of cinema.
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oh hey i saw that new zilla. its a fucking vfx tour de force, godzilla is fucking evil and nasty and despite being the smallest godzilla in quite a while feels FUCKING ENORMOUS. i watched it w the gfs in four dee ecks so the fucking chair whipped around and blew air past my ear which was ridiculous and for a few limited moments really did enhance the experience. mostly it was just stupid fun though. anyways. spoiler cut.
the rah rah we got beat in a war so this time well Win in a war done by Private Citizens and not the evil Government really rubbed me the wrong way. that characters are ok, acting is fun, story is melodramatic but hey its fucking godzilla. but more than any of that the Well Boy What If You Kamikazed Better And Didnt Die shit just really bummed me out. i guess its not really out of line with any other big budget blockbuster out there, but man. what a shame.
i really Really like the vfx work in this movie, its viscerally thrilling in a way im not sure ive ever seen godzilla. but that story is genuinely so distasteful to me i think i have to give it a 3/5. i can't recommend going to see this movie enough. godzilla fuckin rules in it. the actings good too! the period-ness of it plays well! its a fun ass movie! three outta five!
#like at least shingoji is nominally about like. the power of public service and noncombative solutions to problems or whatever.#it IS more complicated than that#the movie ends up being a kind of well if we just did government Better then we'd just figure it out! no more committees!!!!#but at least the last moment isnt literally 'hey our noncombative solution to this didnt work you know what does work????#Blowing Godzilla The Fuck Up With Our Rad Ass War Machines' like not sacrificing Our citizens in our imperial advance would have fixed it#and miss me w that ohhhh but he might be coming back!!!! shit thats every godzilla movie yeah yeah yeah we all get it nothings truly solved#goji#godzilla spoilers
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Hi! Can I pls request boyfriend headcanons for Uramichi, Mitsuo and Iketeru with a female reader? Thank you ❤️❤️
꒰ uramichi, ikereru & mitsuo x f!reader ꒱
° sypnosis: some headcanons about three of my fav cringe adults being boyfriends
° warnings: cussing, mentions of depression, mentions of alcohol and smoking, dirty jokes, nothing else really, sfw 🫡
° notes: i am so sorry for the wait. also, like everything else i write, this is x female reader but there's really no use of pronouns.
✮ uramichi :
he hasn't been in many relationships. maybe one or two actual serious ones, but otherwise he's been too busy with gymnastics and pulling himself out of holes to focus on dating.
so imagine you coming into the picture.
he's not against taking the initiative, but he'd probably appreciate it more if you made the first move.
even later in his life, he isn't too concerned about dating, but he's not opposed to it either.
you have to understand, uramichi is affected heavily everyday by his depression. there's some days where he doesn't even recognize himself, so you're going to have to earn his trust and learn him from the inside out.
as an actual boyfriend, uramichi will put his best effort into you.
he'll try to cut down on drinking and smoking, to some people that's not a lot, but he is trying really hard. unless you don't really mind either of those things, then the amount he'll cut back will be smaller.
he's touch-starved, but it'll take him a while to warm up to it, but once he does? oh boy.
who needs sleeping pills or booze when he can just hold you? his sundays off are reserved for just lounging on the couch together after his workout.
since he's older, he'll probably see your relationship as endgame...after you date for a couple of months. that nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that time is running out is the most annoying thing.
he tries, he takes you out. not on like, overly expensive dates but he'll go for walks with you, run errands with you, maybe take you to the bar with the rest of the cast
the cast probably doesn't find out about your relationship until later on, they catch him calling you on one of his breaks. usahara almost has a heart attack.
does have a temperment, you will fight. but uramichi is not one to not take responsibility.
if he says something completely out of line, he'll feel horrible and spend the rest of the day (or week...or month...or year...) trying to make up for it.
this is all new to him, but he loves you with all he has.
✮ kumatani :
first of all, you've got to like cats. if you don't, it's a dealbreaker. even if you're allergic, you have to at least appreciate cats.
kumatani isn't too concerned with dating, he just goes with the flow really. you'll probably have to make the first move.
he's a morally driven person, if you don't match his morals, he won't even bother with you. but if you have similar ideas to him, he's more willing to open up.
you make him smile, he likes being in your presence that much. typically, he finds stupid jokes annoying but you get a pass.
movie night dates!! he doesn't look it, but he loves showing you his favorite low budget films.
he's more casual about your relationship. he's not gonna come outward and tell everyone, but he won't deny it when someone brings it up.
takes you fishing with him, even if you don't really like it. just having you sit by him is enough, making conversation or reading a book, as long as you're in his vicinity.
he's also not one to beg, but assuming you aren't allergic to cats, he'll do everything in his power to convince you to adopt one with him.
nonchalant™, but let someone fuck with you. goes 0 to 100 real quick. he's not against using physical force to defend his morals, or you.
random infodumps, he'll just nonchalantly talk about things. you don't even need to understand, but just having you there to listen is enough.
gentleman, holds doors open for you, cooks for you, etc.
he's a good boyfriend, he has his moments, but overall he's just very serious. his love is shown more through his actions rather than words.
✮ iketeru :
good lord. he doesn't even know you're dating, he just thought you were being nice.
first things first: sayuri HAS to like you.
him being oblivious is an understatement.
you're his first real relationship, but let's be clear: just because he's clueless doesn't mean he's a baby. he's still a grown ass man.
he's a lot more laid-back than the other two, and a lot more open with his love.
he's not touch starved, he just likes touching you!!
holds your hand in public, cuddles you when you go to sleep, kisses you goodbye every morning, etc.
clingy baby.
househusband material my god. cooks, cleans, the whole nine yards. and, he likes doing it with you too so it's a win.
make dirty jokes, i beg.
he already laughs at all your jokes, but one penis joke and he's gonna cackle.
loves when you take part in his interests. especially when it involves music and his singing.
he'll sing for you, he actually really likes doing it, makes him feel loved because of how much you like his voice.
will ask you to settle arguments between him and his sister, even if you don't know jack shit about music. will probably get pouty if you take her side tbh
he'll tell everyone you're dating, but really it's not like they couldn't tell. you two are gross with the pda.
he doesn't mind if you drink, but hopes you understand that he doesn't really because of his low tolerance and therefore just asks that you don't ask him if he wants any, force it upon him or do it in moderation
10/10 one of the sweetest little guys ever.
#˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ love letters from leo#♡ : uramichi oniisan#uramichi oniisan#life lessons with uramichi oniisan#uramichi oniisan x reader#uramichi omota x reader#uramichi omota x f!reader#kumatani mitsuo x reader#kumatani mitsuo x f!reader#iketeru daga x reader#iketeru daga x f!reader#iketeru daga#kumatani mitsuo#uramichi omota#life lessons with uramichi#life lessons with uramichi oniisan x reader
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