#stayed in bed till 10

[ajarofpickledtears]

why does Stuff (tm) take up so much energy

#i slept till almost 9.30 #stayed in bed till 10 #now decorated some cookies with my sister for two hours and am ready to sleep #she melted the chocolate and put it on the cookies #prepared everything #made the dough yesterday #she'll probably tidy/clean too because she can't leave messes behind #(or is bad at it) #she does so much stuff is2g #i kinda mentioned dropping out and she was like 'don't you like uni?' and i just. couldn't tell her I'm doing jackshit cause she rn has #exam after exam and is constantly studying besides so having to work and going out with friends while i don't even attend classes #she has depression as well #she says she's always crying #also still goes dancing #like #what is my life what am i doing why am i like this #'maybe structure from outside will help' yeah sure if i went to uni maybe #i know i need to work and it might even go well for some time but #i always fall back into old patterns #like full offense but i really am just failing at life lmao #imagine being this legitimately useless

[vulcanette]

#me bc I have to go to bed at 10 pm these days lmao #I stayed up till midnight last night and I overslept by an entire hour it’s insane lmao #so now I must #honk shoo mimimimi

[planetsallalign]

We also can’t forget about Rocket.

#Rocket #he prefers to stay in bed till 10-11am or so and would much prefer me to be in bed with him

[co0lranch]

Currently fighting a deadline rn and its so epic cool amazingness

#I’m like four coffees into today and I’m still like ages from finishing my assignment #THE DEADLINE IS IN 2 HOURS #I will stay up till 12 if I have too oml #that pics my Spotify cover lmao #honestly contemplating it #school assignment #food assignment #talk #HELPPP #me and my friend are dying rn #where so fucked #why did I have to take up cooking I still have a cake to make #UGHHH #DYING #WHY #USBAJAHAHBALAIS #school #hate school #to be fair I’ve been lying in bed for 10 hundred years #so it’s literally my fault I’m so behind 💀 #I need another coffee #my mums going to kill me if I miss this deadline

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[ghostresidues]

every week i am late for my 11am seminar. but i will never alter my schedule because i stick to my beautiful principles

#i have to stay in bed till 10:15 saying arghhhh it’s so early i’m so cosy

[weenhands]

ok might start exiting that phase of Me severly doubting and gaslighting myself on being possibly autismal because yea when i go research mode it all adds up but even when im assessing myself carefully on DSMV criteria it gets to a point where it's like ash ...... please stop playing dumb this is rlly serious

#its like. all of the criteria. all of it. To a very confident degree #i fit it so perfectly #and sometimes im like OK BUT its normal (gaslighting myself) to have abnormal interests at times (gaslighting myelf😁) #and to just have it be your whole identity (gaslighting yourself! age 9 all you could think about was little big planet 24/7 with #no exaggeration whatsoever it impaired your school life and temporarily your relationship with your brother:) youd throw intense meltdowns #when mom and dad said go to bed after playing all day:) you refused to get up and pee when you really had to! #age 13 you would rewatch my little pony equestria girls every single day after coming back from school. age 14 you became a knowledge bank #for every single youtuber/micro influencer on instagram who you admired and spent intense amount of study and focus trying to copy to a tea #in order to mask. age 16 and you oftentimes explain your extensive knowledge to haircare as you yoursef probably able to deal with a wide #variety of hair textures and porosities and types because you spent an entire year learning about nothing else but haircair #and stayed up till 6am every night doing so. unable to stop. #age 18-19 you became so fixated on tarot the passage of time didnt exist. you almot forgot to eat for an entire 10 hours when you got your #first deck. if you were to pick up a deck at that time you wouldnt be able to stop yourself. age 20 your fixation on makeup is so strong #youve probably spent a total of 4k on makeup in the past year. you couldnt stop infodumping on both haircare for HOURS and on makeup #it is the only thing you want to talk about) #but no. its normal that EVERY SINGLE interest ive had ive had it to an abnormal extent #and its not just that. its the fact that i also have Other criteria. #my friend robin could hypothetically have interests to a weirder extent than me #but she doesnt struggle with friendships and conversations. it causes me severe distress with the way how i cant manage either #and its obvious on here too #the echolalia i have. the movements. the COUNTLESS fixations ive had since i was little (rubbing my mouth and humming whenever i heard #something uncomfortable so the vibrations would calm me down. always hating motorbikes. hating the sound of plates. bright lights.) #my teacher reporting i had poor motor skills but my parents going like chile anyways #and the way how ive always been embarrased throwing quote on quote tantrums at an age i wasnt supposed to anymore #which were basically meltdowns lol like its not nomal to feel like a danger to yourself when you're angry and want to punch mirrors when #ur makeup routine isnt going to plan #theres more but yewh hehshdhfjfj #just. i keep telling myself ok but Ash anyone can have this....YEAH BUT BITCH UR TICKING ALL THE BOXES! #also i made mistakes on saying fixation instead of stims and also listing my sensory issues #im just venting and 👍👍👍 yeah

[xmooncanary]

its 9:30pm im so rebellious staying up so late bc i dont have work tomorrow

#canarysong.txt #i am getting ready for bed now tho im too sleepy to continue on #8pm is my normal bedtime haha #but ive been staying up till like 10-11 lately doing art #bc ive been super excited to be able to do art properly again!!! #but im feeling the effects #so time to sleep and get back into the 8pm groove bc thats good n healthy for me personally

[esoomris]

the worst part about having a big stupid crying breakdown at work is you still have to go back there tomorrow. and people will be all like “why did you do that yesterday” and you have to admit to being insane

#girl help my facade of neurotypicality is crumbling #forreal tho my manager told me I had to stay an hour and a half after my usual off-time #b/c the fuckface moron who made the scedule forgot to bring in another cashier #BUT I had a clarinet lesson sceduled that day after work so I couldn't stay. so I had to call the next cashier and ask her to come in early #but I didn't have her phone number so I tried to check the list of phone numbers they keep in the office #couldn't find it b/c the manager had thrown it away b/c it was ''outdated'' #and on top of all that we were still customer-every-30-seconds busy and the damn tills kept shitting the bed #AND a health inspector turned up (which is why I couldn't leave in the first place apparantly no cashier is a Store Policy Violation) #tell that to our esteemed upper manager Rade Shadow Legends who never fucking scedules any fucking cashiers #''oooooo why do so many of our cashiers quit'' BECAUSE YOU MAKE THEM WORK THE DINNER RUSH BY THEMSELVES RADE #fucking. i need to quit this job anyways so I gan get one that actually gives me health insurance #anyways I cried in the bathroom for like 10 minutes and the store manager called another manager so I could leave. fuck #Moose Talks

[catfishofoldin99colours]

what if I just went to bed at 8:30. what then

#catfish speaks #im so sleeby #bubs doesnt get back till 10 im sjdjsjaka want to rest #cant decide if i should stay up or go to bed

[autism-corner]

wait.... guy might actually be beating the horrors....

#ive noticed that maybe. doomscrolling for hours on hours on tiktok isnt really healthy. #so ive decided that ill get up at 9am every day to prevent the dreaded “getting out of bed” by. forcing myself to get out of bed. #ill sit in my chair and do my dailies and maybe read something #but the point is that im not doing it in my bed #sillyposting #im saying all of this after. having done it for two days. #but i have hope!! #there are days i need to get up earlier which is fine. and im giving myself 1 hour staying-in-bed on the weekend #(so if i wake up at 10 i can stay till 11) #but the main thing is that i. dont allow myself to get sucked into the tiktok scroll. #its not even that i cant spend time in bed afterwards. #ive spend a big part today in bed gaming. #but!! and this is very important!! gaming is fulfilling!! #scrolling tiktok isnt. theres really no plus other than that it wastes time. #which is fine and still alowed!! in moderation. and not before actually having gotten up. #anyway all this to say that ive felt really good today. it was nice. #lets hope that is was bc of this change and that it will keep being this way because of it =w=wbb

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

[ollies-moving-castle]

oops

#Totally didn’t mean to stay up till 5 #I’ve been laying in my bed since 10 (because I was finishing a assignment #agent don’t be mad I had a good reason to be up at 10) #….why am I still up? #I havnt been using technology just awake #Whyyyyy

[the-best-bagel]

hate when ppl just ignore shit you tell them

#ive been telling this girl flat out i need to go to bed at 9 or it fucks up my entire schedule #and literally every time she comes over she stays till 10 #i try to politely hint she needs to gtfo every time and she just ignores it #i might just stop inviting her over im so sick of this

[jack-a-lass]

I would rather die than discuss anything personal with my parents

#that stays on my tumblr blog #its 5am and I havent slept. but i have to stay in bed till 9 or 10 so I dont have to talk to my mum aboht it

[leoullaby]

I used to be able to wake myself up if a dream was too scary for me by clicking the roblox x button in the bottom right of my vision in the dream, but i had to really look for it to wake up. The button is missing now :(

#i have nightmares i like and some i dont like which means non scary to me and scary to me #once had one where it ended with scratching and i woke up and i sleep next to a wall and it was raining but it sounded like scratching #thought i was gonna die #i am now playing rotpl for comfort #i did just also have a nightmare i didnt like #something was like constantly trying to kill me but it kept taking different forms and shit #0/10 would not reccomend #and then i had that little fuzzy thing when i woke up and just proccesed it #also once stayed still for a whole hour till it hit 4:00 because it was cold on my arm and i thought a ghost was holding it #turns out it was a fan #i need to go back to bed #goodnight now #bye bye