#starting to think i shouldnt go through with it

[fancyanne]

last work night of the year feels like the perfect time for a good ol' fashioned ✨️ Doom Spiral ✨️ who's with meeeeee

#sound off in the replies and tags about what we're spiraling about tonight folks #mine is quitting my job of 8 years to take a job in a completely different industry #starting to think i shouldnt go through with it #but i want it SO BAD

[wastelandhell]

deranged rambling

#i typed out another post but it became a massive text wall that i probably shouldnt post #but tl;dr im severley depressed. i have been my whole life but it started getting bad again in november #and this last month has been the hardest month of my fucking life #im so sleep deprived that i cant think clearly i cant eat im in constant pain #my thoughts arent even coherent my brain feels like its being twisted around #i cant do my job anymore i stopped booking clients #so thats how my lifes been going #dont worry about me ill be fine i always pull through im just tired #im going to talk to my brother tomorrow. my relationship with him is strained but hes all i have and i know he can help me. #i dont know why im posting this. ive been drinking. #also sorry for how cold ive been lately #and how ive been ignoring all my messages/asks/replies/tags for the last few months #i do like hearing from people i just. literally cannot respond

[friendlifyre]

i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether

#personal #its taken so long bc when i started the game i skipped through a lot of sidequests just to get the rewards/whatever they unlock #and later on i regretted it bc i was retroactively interested in lore and there was nothing left to do so wished id taken my time w those #and its rly that same reason i held off on doing a ton of content these past few months #telling myself i shouldnt do them until i had the time and attention span to rly absorb everything #but its rly time i let myself just go for it and enjoy what i Want to enjoy and not dwell too much on what i need to skip to achieve that #not just bc i dont think i'll ever go back to being as hyperfixated on genshin as ive been before (and therefore wont regret it) #but also because i dont really... want to #im at a slowly turning point in my life where i want to do other things with it too #and if i want to make room for those other things #i have to accept that i'll never again be one of those players who take the time to fully consume 100% of the content this game puts out #and thats Good #and i wish id realized sooner skgkslg #i rly have a bad tendency to put arbitrary restrictions on myself and forget why i put them there in the first place #like i played sm of totk with a 'no teleporting' rule bc i wanted to rly gove myself an excuse to explore #and it wasnt until recently that i realized id gotten to a point where it was taking away from my enjoyment more than adding to it #and so that it was ok to just discard that rule atp #i need to try being more conscious of that in general bc im realizing its hindering me in weird places irl too

[kirbytripledeluxe]

i swear to GODDDD if future jobs judge me based on the fact my grades and attendance are slipping right now due to mental health im.going to fucking lose it

#deleting later maybe #like . sorry ive literally been through tramatic event after traumatic event since early last year. #i dont know if im going to be able to make up for anyof it . and theres a big essay im dreading working on. #im so TIREDDDD i just wanna go home and be out of school so i can actually process my own pain and grief #my future shouldnt be decided by my high school years. that shouldnt be the impression im getting. everyone needs to shut up about school #or my future or im going to start attacking people with my cane #i literally didnt even think id HAVE a future past high school or even middle school #i dont know what im doinggggg Everrrrr #im losing my fucking mind All The Time #i shouldn't even be in school with how bad everythings gotten #whatever #suicide mention #←for the tags jic #im fine right now 👍 just. god

[sidesteppostinghours]

9 and 25 for all of them !! :)

evening gideon!! thank you for the ask :]

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

ok. so. the thing about me is that i dont actually listen to music all that often??? its mostly when i draw digitally, and im primarily a traditional artist so i dont really know that many songs. i also have shitty memory so its hard for me to remember quotes. aka this is a pretty hard question for me to answer, but i will try my best:

Caine-"Oh, captain, make up your mind/Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time/'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane" - Ship in a Bottle (fin)

honestly ive never really associated this song with him before but i looked into the lyrics just to see whether it had anything i could think of them with and theres??? actually a bunch of lyrics there that fit???? like to the point i was struggling to decide which one to use for this. but i think this one, the second chorus, really encapsulates the biggest parts of their character. hes the decision maker out of all my steps, the one that knows how to make the logical choices and think his way out of a problem. but hes on a time limit. he doesn't know when it will end, just that it will at some point, and they cant stop if they want everything done in time. also sight and eyes is something i associate caine with a lot, especially closing your eyes/refusing to see. "you get lost in your brain/and you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane." COUGHS. coughs. caine has the most gates open out of all my steps. i also fully intend to make them the source of hb 2.0. yeah.

Cyrus- HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I THOUGHT OF AN ANSWER FOR STRAIGHT AWAY AND I SPRINTED TO HIS TAG JUST TO FIND THE POST

look him in the eyes and say this to his face. he will look like he got hit by a freight train.

Cecilia- another quote!

im just gonna go ahead and put my own tags to this one because thats where i put it best:

#thinking about this again with ceci#the best part is the bullet hole#like yeah shes not ready to face the fact that everything shes been doing up till now#was just to distract herself from the absolute misery life became after heartbreak#she has FRIENDS she has people she CARES about and they even seem to like her back!!!!#she even has a girlfriend!#isnt that enough?#tell her thats enough#cecilia rider

theres a reason shes a thrill seeker yall.

Cynthia- "I swear, I'm so fucking sorry/I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all" - Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

uh. *looks at cynthias relationship with ortega* uhhhh. *looks at cynthias relationship with sidestep*. uhhhhhhhh.

this song was also difficult to choose lyrics out of, but there is just something so special about girls who simply have to be the best they can to make up for the sin of being. there is something equally as special about girls who take their past selves as judge, and their lover as executioner. also "im not a good person, im barely a person at all" kills me. the regene flavouring on that line??? utterly insane of mr wood to make a song just for her.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

THESE BITCHES ARE SO CONTRADICTORY!!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CLASHING ABOUT THESE FUCKERS AND ITS DELICIOUS. not even just trait wise, but with their themes? their core ideals? their relationships???? its always some sort of fucking fundamental difference shaping the way they act and i am Obsessed with it. also all of them are dangerous and it makes me vibrate a little bit. rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain. but this question is,,, also difficult to answer because idk how to pick just one favourite lmfao. i will attempt it though.

Caine- he is the normalest guy around. there is also something Deeply Wrong with him. my favourite thing about caine would probably be how fun it is to dive into his psyche! ill often have times where i get bored of them and wonder why i got so interested in the first place, and then i get hit with another round of it and i remember "oh right! its because hes insane." his whole character revolves around what is going on inside their brain, from their high subterfuge to their connection with heartbreak and his relationship with the puppet. theyre the most fun to play with in their mind.

Cyrus- god. my favourite thing about him is a tie between his stubbornness and his surprisingly strong sense of empathy. both of those were the things keeping him from becoming a villain in the first place, and now its whats stopping him from going back to being a hero. i want him to confront what hes become so bad yall dont understand-

Cecilia- cecilia is just. a breath of fresh air. shes easy and super fun to play, and while she certainly has her moments (i am looking directly at the checkpoint three mortum reveal scene), shes mostly lighthearted fun cruising through the game as nothing more than a silly guy. i think the next game will actually dig into her character more deeply and allow me to showcase the parts of her shed usually keep hidden, but for now im having a good time getting her to kiss argent and embarrass her friends.

Cynthia- somebody come pick her up please before she starts crying in this club. she is crying because of me but lets not talk about that. i think my favourite thing about her is the contrast between her general wimpy sad lovergirl disposition and her revenge scar, and how she chooses to cope with it! because like,,,, it is just so so tasty watching her fumble with the overwhelming emotion, Especially since the emotion is hurting people. she never learned what to do with the anger! she does not want it! she wants to be as kind to other people as possible! "im not a bad dog, i dont know why i bite" etc etc. eventually she might figure it out, but Definitely Not Now lmfao.

questions from here!

#theres a bunch of songs that have the characters vibesTM but picking individual lyrics was so hard #tbh i shouldnt have been surprised that ship in a bottle fits for caine #because i usually associate the song with chen so 💀 #“rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain” #< LISTEN. i know this sounds like bullshit considering everything about cyrus. but i swear to you he could be so much worse #he acts like a villain because he thinks its the most effective way to go through with his plans #and his general lack of care for the things he does helps facilitate it #seperating himself from sidestep is also a bonus. I PROMISE YOU hes actually more indifferent about villainy than he comes across #THIS TOOK ENTIRELY TOO LONG TO ANSWER IM SORRY #I LITERALLY STARTED THIS LAST NIGHT AND ITS AFTERNOON NOW #thank you for the ask though!! #caine lynzal #cyrus becker #cecilia rider #cynthia garcia #sidestep #fhr #pulp answers #ask game

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

#yesterday was kind of the wake up call #for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or #not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways #and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the #most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books #95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different #anyway i digress #my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her #i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to #keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally #like i was SOBBING #and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever #and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain #and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant #and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up #and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind #and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going #to the dentist….ok #and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening #like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply #and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so #and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this! #and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in #when u do have time because clearly u can send texts… #anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!

[melto]

something just like snapped in the back of my head like i Need to go like curl up in my room for like 5 days and play video games and not speak to like anyone

#^ guy who is not out of a depressive ep like he thought he sorta was #dont even like particularly feel the old urge of the anxiety/need to hurt my relationships like i used to..i just feel like shit. #short list of people i think i could handle like really speaking to rn but ultimately. i just want to be somewhere safe and easy #even if that feeling is like making me feel sorta suicidal still. #just dont have it in me to like figure out how to act normal right now. something i have to do around most people and nearly everyone #i intreact with irl right now #not healthy. Ofc naturally i know this. and i can push through it. im just not excited about it. #the exhaustion to like contain myself is greater than my lonliness even though that is rather large #and i would like to get this out of my system before like. the semester starts next week. which i know i cant like control but whatever #this is all sooooo stupid. i need to be alone but i need compaionship of someone i trust. #it feels like there is glue in my mouth and i can barely speak to people im not close with bc of how exhausted and anxious i am #man. thearpy is like. going to really . idk. probably not help my mood. bc it has been hard for me to word what has been happening to me #and im always so scared of saying something that will get me hosptizaled again. Even when it shouldnt. bc im not going to do anything. #but i am scared and tired simply. and while so much has gotten better and ive gotten so much better there are some things that i just. #cant seem to figure out how to fix or ask for help. whatever. Guy who is stupid and helpless and will have to just get over it at some poin #sry i just feel like shit. i should probably just eat something i havent been eating much. and then i will probably feel a bit better #news with isaac

[lunarflare64]

Us talking to our councillor about this newly discovered alter: his job is to help us process this negative emotion and protect us, and sometimes he goes too far and either we get hurt or other people get hurt, but he doesn't mean to, and we cant do this without him

Our councillor: so how do you control him? How do you restrain him? Can you get rid of him? Can you make him stop?

Us:........WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

#the negative emotion in question is anger so this is technically me getting defensive over myself but the anger isnt just mine yknow? #i think we messed up a bit talking to her about me #shes been pretty understanding of the plural thing but shes not TRAINED in this. if she has experience with it its not much #because that shit is kinda......super messed up? #her first question was literally 'how can you control him' like im fuckin evil or something #good to know that we cant talk to her about the actually complex parts of being plural #good to know we figured that out through me. all im gonna do is get pissed #imagine if it was someone who would actually be seriously hurt by something like that #not saying im not but i know shes in the wrong for it and im pissed about it #anyway im pretty sure whoever was fronting for that appointment handled it pretty well #they didnt give in or let her think that just because i mess up i shouldnt be doing my job #if that was the case she might as well quit her job right there on the spot because thats hella hypocritical #one of the reasons i was discovered was literally because we were so pissed at her (and some other things going on) #that i took front and started lashing out #(she messed up pretty bad but unfortunately its been forgotten instead of forgiven so now i dont know why im mad)

[orcelito]

ok i finished re-editing ITNL chapter 6 & posted it. also i finished chapter 5 yesterday & forgot to say anything lskdjfslkdjf

man. chapter 6 sure is something. lots of catharsis here.

#speculation nation #itnl shit #im now on page 60 of 190 for the overall doc. so. im making progress. #stilllll only about a third of the way thru in word count I Guess. but the latter stuff will hopefully not take me as long. #i was stuck on a bit of chapter 5 for a few days. which held me back. but im through that now. #and there were some wordings and such i wanted to change in chapter 6. minor things. but still things that were bothering me. #chapter 7... nothing major that i can think of. just gonna check for general wordings probably #chapter 8 there's smth that i know i want to fix. shouldnt be too hard to do. #chapter 9 has a sentence i struggled with and was not satisfied with so im probs gonna go back and try to improve that again #but HOPEFULLY it won't take me too long to do. chapter 9 is a pretty short chapter overall. #chapter 10 & onwards is around when i started taking More Time for chapters due to life things #which means they were less rushed AND THUS will hopefully have less things i want to fix with them #aka. they will not take as long to edit. Hopefully. #i know ITNL readers are wanting that chapter 15 already and Believe Me i want it to. but im committed to this full re-edit. #i needed to reread ITNL anyways to get back into the mindstate. and i sure am reading. #editing makes it so i take slower than a simple reread. i could read 75k words in a day Easily if it was just a matter of reading. #but i care about fixing up a bunch of the little issues that have been bothering me. and so im doing a total re-edit. #im making solid progress. best case scenario i could maybe finish in like a week. im gonna try.

[combeauferre]

.

#once again overthinking about how i keep considering adhd medication to be some kind of life changing drug #like im just. waiting for my life to start? when i get on meds? #and there's like. a decent chance it is not gonna be like that for me #no antidepressant or adjacent has ever worked for me before #and i shouldnt rly get my hopes up and i should probably just find other ways to help myself #but it's like 'oh no i cant do that bc i have this thing later' but on a larger scale #idk #i just keep getting stuck on like #what if im just like this for the rest of my life #what if there's no treatment that works for me and what if i just cant do shit and leave things to the last minute #and feel overwhelming intense rejection and lowkey constantly hate myself #and go through all this with no remedy for the rest of my life? #what then? #idk i think im still coming to terms with like. #adhd actually being a disability #the vindication of 'oh im not faking all these things i actually Do have adhd' #is slowly being replaced by 'oh. i have adhd and i actually have to deal with that now bc it is disabling and debilitating' #and it's just. shit #anyways #ignore me #incoherent rambling

[emi1y]

genuinely think i have a spending problem its not very funny anymore guys :/

#ive had credit cards for 2 years now and ive always been fine with paying them off at the end of each month so there was no interest that #carried over but this summer i have started to Not do that for the first time and its still not that bad its only been like twice that i #only paid like half of it and then the next month i paid the rest and it was fine #so im not in an active crisis or anything. but i feel like i am approaching that point where im going to get in over my head and i don't #know what to do. i mean. obviously spend less money buy less things i know that. but i don't know how to make myself remember that #like in the moment I don't think about the budget part i just buy it and then i get home and i say ohh. shouldnt have done that. #and i DO the budget part i sit down and i look at how much im making and i say okay i need this much for X and this much for Y #and that leaves me with this much to spend on whatever i want. but I never follow through. how do i make myself stick to it is the question #anyway if you read this far and you have anything that works for you. lmk 🤲 #emily.docx

[britneyshakespeare]

i am like. unreasonably mad right now.

#oh like SO much madder than i need to be #tales from diana #i uninvited this guy i don't personally like very much from smth last week #i told him something TRUE tho which is that my friend who was going through a mental health crisis might not be expecting a lot #of ppl there and i was trying to keep the crowd small for his sake. FOR HIS SAKE. that was half of my anxiety tbh. #i probably would've suffered through trying to be nice and agreeable if i weren't looking out for him. he's been through the wringer lately #but it gave me a valid excuse to tell this guy i already have some problems being around that i didn't want him to show up. #but i told my OTHER friend. who WAS going. not the one going through the mental health shit. #i wasn't gonna throw the first guy under the bus so i told him hey friend 2 i uninvited that guy bc i kinda have reservations about him. #i didn't think it necessary to share my first friend's crisis (when i told the guy i dislike abt it i didnt say who it was) #(that was another reason i felt like i shouldnt invite him. bc i didnt want him to know who it was. i didnt wanna share his business) #so im telling friend 2 about the reasons i have reservations about this guy right? and friend 2 is like 'oh wow i didnt know that' #and he starts feeling differently abt him. reflecting on some stuff. it's not easy to find out someone isn't who you thought they were. #he ends up 'uninviting' him (the guy i told him i dislike) from smth we were gonna do sunday. he didn't give a reason like i did #he just said 'actually something's come up and i couldnt do that' but later that day he ends up going to the HOSPITAL right #friend 2 does. he tells the disliked guy that's why he didn't see him on sunday. but now he doesn't believe either of us uninvited him #for sincere reasons. i mean i guess friend 2 didnt. but he's doubting friend 2's health in the first place #and he fucking doubted my friend going through a MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS who i was just trying to be accommodating for. #im so mad. im so mad!!! not everything's about you dude. #i had to get that off my chest. there's more but im just so mad. im kind of fuming honestly #ive been pissed off abut this for over an hour now i can't be reasonable about it. just fucking fuck allllllll the way off.

[piplupod]

thank god i don't have to have my camera on for this class very often bc i am absolutely fuming and literally tearing up bc i am so upset and angry at these education resources for this stupid fucking class, it's about "self management" and "office etiquette" and theyre just so fucking shitty and stupid and awful. like. really fucking ableist and i know that's obvious but jesus christ. it's all such bullshit. i hate offices so much.

#let me just strip you of every ounce of personality and individuality so you become our perfect little drone!!! #no need for emotions here! if someone is being negative to you - just ignore it! don't be upset about it :) #make sure you make eye contact and read nonverbal cues! everyone can do that sooooo easily! shouldnt be a problem for our drones! #any body modifications relevant to your culture! cover those up! once again - zero individuality is allowed here! #you have to be the human personification of the colour white :) no no not beige. that's too racially significant! we must ALL be white :) #but we LOOOOVE diversity here and celebrate it! just as long as you are NT cishet white and boring :) #i'm so . fucking angry fhsdgdsgjkl nothing makes me upset faster than office etiquette bullshit fsdjgjkl #i want to leave class for the day so bad so i can go cry #i've already gotten today's assignment done anyways lol i finished it off before class even started #but. gotta keep up appearances. im trying to stay a day head #*a day ahead #but fhsdgjkl tomorrow's is the really shitty ableist assignments so fuck me i guess #i need to just dissociate hardcore and let my brain go into society drone-mode but god. it is very upsetting to do that #but this work needs to be done fhsdghsdghjkl fucking hell it is literally upsetting and potentially triggering to do this shit #because this like. relates back to some specific trauma and abuse i've gone through lmfao. #i wish i'd stayed dormant longer jsdjfkl #Nine would've hated this and Cal would've been upset but i think they'd be able to do it better than i can #especially Nine because he gets so angry JFSDFJKL he just powers through it so it gets done faster #okay im being embarrassing now sorry fsdfkl i will shut up and go attempt to work on this bullshit #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[tinyorangepotato]

m okay teeth update

#tiny talking #so i was really anxious to get them removed. i woke up at like 6 am which is far ealier than i shpuldve #and then went in and theybhooked em up to the heart montiter and then th second the iv went in i started fele high and sleepy #which was great. i conpeltely relaxed and idk why i was so nervous. just anticipation and expecting hurting either during or afterwards ig #but yeah. they finaihed and then asked if i fell asleep which i swear i didnt but now that i look back i proabbyl did #like i could hear the drill going and could frel them pulling(?) one of the tooth out and all that #but i dont rembeer them making the cuts or sewing me up #i did close my eyes when they started prepping to put in the iv (i really dont like needles) and tehy stayed closed #but yeha. whennit was done i opened my eyes and wasnt even loopy. then againbit was nutrous oxide so it makes sense #but kinda disappointing i didnt get to experice that. which im fine with. my grandma was the one that picked me upa nd dropped me off #but yeha. honestly i proabbyl coudlve driven home myself but yknow. proabbyl shouldnt #beeling lasted for like 6 or 7 hours which sucked #but i just called off work for yesterday and today because fuck that #it is sore. idk about swollen. but expecially my right side. i think thats where i got 2 taken and then just one on the other side #and since i like to beboverly cautious. all i ate yesterday was appl sauce in a squeeze waterbottle at like 6pm #i mean thay way i could most aboid trying to get anything on the stiches and all that #i do have to crush up my pills because i dont swallow pills ona good day so fuck that #but its not too bad. my vousin told me to do half andnputnit under my tongue then thebothe rhalf like 30 minutes later if i need it #so ye. fucking hurts rn and i wokenup at 7 after goign to bed at 2 #but half a pill os workingnits way through me. the other soon to follow #and imma try to rinse with salt water. idk how to do that carefully but ill ask and figure it out #this doesnt hurt as much as i expected but its like my ankle. very uncomfortable. expecailly to sleep with #and im a side sleeper so i ahve to slepe on my back for a while /again/ #but i did watch all of seaosn 4 of miraculous yesyerday so poggers #but yeah. my friend tlaked about how she was loopy after the surgery and thenbhurt so much rhag she had to go to the hospital #but thay just seems like soemthing wen wrong on her end or soemthing idk #because my grandma siad afte rhs ehad her rmeoved she went back and took acre of her 4 kids #because no one else was gonna so she had to #anywyas mmm salt water #idk what this post was for but i guess just to recap yesterday if anyone cared

[tchaikovskym]

Yall know I'm mentally ill but turns out people in my life have no idea. They can't get to me because they think I'm normal. Yeehaw.

#my sister was joking how she was the only one mentally ill in the family #and i started laughing. like she has no idea what im going through #and she shouldnt bc like. i dont tell people #but its funny. she thinks im metally stable and having my thoughts together. as if. fjdksnndjxjsj aaaa

[vse-kar-vem]

hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)

#first off i did NOT end up studying! probable executive dysfunction went and got me again! i only managed to study a tiny but before and #now im procrastinating. again. killing myself ! 😁 im actually gonna fail rs tomorrow like who CARES about rs ofuhrkdkfkf it's bad. it's so #bad im in the trenches rn ..... #i can physically feeling my brain shriveling the longer i spend online maybe if i finish typing i can get it together and start fucking stu #dying!!!!!! #second this whole i keep posting things then immediately getting second thoughts and deleting 😭😭😭 like its so embarrassing on twitter #discord tumblr everything????? can i not talk to people in a calm and measured fashion???? WHY do i keep typos ???? i am so socially inept #it's not even funny. im sooo fucked #maybe i am a teen going through and it's the hormones making me overthjnk everything buttt #i want normal pills!!!! i dont wanna get diagnosed for anything i just wanna try some medication and see if it fixes me !!! please!!!!!!!! #i.actually need to study or im fucked #so #uh #yeah #id much rather fail rs than history cuz i like history so i have to be normal by tomorrow wish me liuck!!!!!!! #ok so maybe this ventpost is not sad and upset more overwhelmed and angy at myself. whatever! I SHOULDNT HAVE WASTED ALL OF LAST NIGHT #DRAWING FUKDHFKDKFK #wish i could just undo today cant lie 😭 taken a WALK at least instead of languishing but now its 10 pm and im running out of time #im continueing to waste time on tumblr ok no. i AM going to study #vee rambles #proofread this .... also typo ridden! im stupid and i cant speak english someone pulverize me ！ #also my bried venture onto twitter .... disastrous . i think i've turned many people from neutral or even positive about me to firmly #irritated. great! classic me fikejfldlflslmglslf < keysmash of anger