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Grandma told me she is going to work on me getting a boyfriend during my friend's wedding so stay tuned for July when we will see how well did she do

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Sun setting and the last rays of the day coloring golden the freshly green hills is just aaaaaaaahhh

#i was driving and even though i was driving west during sunset and im pretty sure some part of my retina is damaged forever #still. was worth it

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Every other week I have to accept the fact that I will not be having any romantic relationships. Why can't I just accept it once. Why am I falling back on yearnings

#i am not seeking them out and im not sure if i want to seek such relationship #but all the time i fall back to my 'future' partner that does not exist and will not exist #maybe its bc the only solution i see for my horrendous loneliness is in a romantic relationship #but thats lame. why cant i combat loneliness with something else

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Just had the most wonderful lecture. Didn't understand most of it. The teacher was really into what he was telling us and I would gladly listen to him talk about Maxwell's equations for hours.

#'as you might remember from your linear algebra course' #bestie my dearest it wasnt obligatory for me and i chose sports physiology instead. bestie. #like thank you for showing me all these integral formulas. thanks for explaining. i have forgotten what an integral does. #but it was so nice to listen to him bc i could see how he connects all that information together and builds his worldview on that and it was #just wonderful. electromagnetism and thermodynamics are actually lovely and amazing. #i have a gap in basic knowledge but overall i think its cool

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When a character says "I killed my own family" my ears perk up as if I was a dog whose owners just mentioned going out.

#watching 9-1-1 #and there is thid guy who i dont really like or anything #like sustance abuse problems yeah #but man. killing your own family? thats what im talking about #but he didnt actually he just didnt keep an eye on a fire hazard and thats not really murder #so eh

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I cannot believe every minor social inconvenience is making me want to drown in a bog. Why on earth am I so weak

#im planning a Bachelorette party together with bride's friends and im #not doing well #aaaaaaaaaaaah

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Sorry I have to take a pause from my 1838r92 tasks, I have to think about entropy and statistics and the nature of existence

#is this mental illness or is this mental advancement

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I love snakes as an evolutionary product. Man. They said who needs extremities anyway, watch me roll. And they did. Spectacular.

#snakes

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My coworker has told me I'm smart on multiple occasions and it is actually helping me from downspiraling at this very moment. Please tell people good things about them. It can help.

#i was about to have a breakdown about how pathetic and miserable my life is #but then i realized i have at least one good thing about me going that at least one person has expressed that it exists #which is nice. it helps

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ive been hand typing all the times i have to replace one name in a code for 6 years and only now i noticed "find and replace" button in the ribbon.

#dumb and dumber #phd adventures #welp #it is what it is #stats adventures

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Caturday

#caturday

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Stoves are so hot

Fridges are so cool

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Fridges are so cool

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You know what? I'm actually a cool phd student. I have many skills. I make my own decisions. Professors listen to me and respect me. My masters student values my input. I can learn new skills fast. I like what I'm doing. The kid whose research I supervised just moved up to regional level for the research competition. I can do my own stats.

The only thing lame about me is my lack of funding 🤠 which is actually a huge problem. Which is also my fault but also it's sort of a lottery to get grants, I did the best I could. And maybe my best isn't enough, but I tried and I will try again.

Actually there is a second lame thing about me which is 0 publications.

Yeah I don't know where I was going with this confidence post. I am actually a lame academic. A loser academic. Yeehaw.

#i had like a self-boost realization #and as i typed this i was like oh. yeah. thats not right #oof #creation of insomnia

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Not caring about societal expectations did not make me immune to feeling like a weirdo outcast because I do not meet said societal expectations.

#sad hours bc im a weirdo with trust issues incapable of feeling joy or love #its bad guys my short vacation ended back on enduring it all

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tired, wired and ready to expire

#yeehaw

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Do you ever think about how Lan Wangji loves Wei Wuxian? How he has loved him for two lifetimes? And how he is loved back by him? And has to adapt to the fact that he doesn't have to hide his love anymore? That he is being loved freely and openly? That he can love freely and openly in return? Do you ever think about how easy it is for him to love Wei Wuxian? And how wonderfully hard it is to get used to being loved by Wei Wuxian? Do you think about that? Because I do.

#fandom #mdzs #wangxian #im yearning folks im YEARNING