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ltghosty · 1 year

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Violation (Simon "Ghost" Riley ﾒ Female "Cobra" Sergeant)

A/N: Thank you for 25 followers and the love for my first fanfic, it means a lot :)

Summary: You disobey Ghost's order and go after Soap to help him finish Graves which leaves Riley furious.

Warnings: blood, curse, angst

Wordcount: 5.4k (got a little carried away, oops)

”You heard me,” Ghost replied dryly. ”You don’t have to work under my watch if you feel like obeying my orders would be too difficult for you.”

You would have never expected to come this far.

After a few years of being on the field, you lost count of how many times you played death.

Sometimes it terrified you how close you had come to falling out of the game.

There was a time you were counting with Soap, making a race of who had cheated death more times. But that was until Ghost ordered you two to stop it. He didn’t find close death calls that amusing, not even when trying to let his guard down a little.

Ghost also hated if someone disobeyed his orders. He was a lieutenant, after all, it was his job as a superior to send orders and come up with plans.

And it was your job to listen to him and obey without a question.

But it was quite a fury when your brain went to a battle against your heart.

In such a situation, what do you listen to? Your morality or your feelings?

After Price had fallen with his plane, you were about to go with Ghost to secure that site and help him.

When you heard Soap’s heavy cough on the radio while Graves was coming closer to him, you were hiding behind a wreck while Ghost was a few meters away.

You knew that this time was different.

Soap was dying, and Rodolfo was not answering his calls. Your heart missed a beat when realization sunk in.

As far as you were concerned, Ghost didn’t need you. He was an excellent fighter and shot after all, if anything, you would have only slowed him down.

You were good at your job but you couldn’t reach up to Ghost.

None of you could.

However, Ghost didn’t even want to hear about you returning to the training ground where Soap and Rodolfo had gone to.

”Cobra, you stay where you are.” Ghost’s voice was serious and impatient while he was trying to clear his path toward Price.

”Soap and Rodolfo are in trouble!” you beamed as the rain of bullets sieging your cover hasn’t come to an end yet.

Ghost turned his head in your direction, his eyes widening when he saw the determined look on your face.

”Cobra, do not leave my side, do you hear me?” Ghost raised his voice to overcome the loud snap of bullets.

You knew that Ghost would be fine if you left. Sometimes his lethal tactics made you feel like he was born with knives.

”I’ll have to help them.”

Ghost’s eyes were storming with his rage as you didn’t even try listening to him.

”Cobra, I won’t repeat myself.” Ghost was losing the little patience that has left in his body.

Realizing that he’d never give you a green light about your choice, you tightened your grip on your gun and made a run for it when Ghost turned away to shoot the enemies.

You heard him shout your name raucously in the distance when he realized that you were gone.

You almost stopped running by the firmness in his voice that made the hair on your arms stand.

He was mad, furious even and you knew that after the end of the day, he would not praise you if you succeeded.

Ghost hated if someone was disobeying him, you knew that, and still, even though it was the right thing to do, you felt guilty that you played him like that.

You’ve never crossed the line with Ghost, never.

You’d be lucky if he’d be able to trust you again.

When the explosion happened, you thought that the world was splitting for a second. The ground was shaking and even though you protected your head, several pieces of ruins have cut into your skin wherever they could.

It took more than a minute for your ears to start functioning again as Soap was coming over to you. He was just as dirty and bloody as you were.

”Cobra, are you with me?” Soap asked, kneeling down next to you with a wince.

Your face flinched as you took a piece of rock out of your face, feeling your blood fighting a way down your cheek through the dirt.

”I think so,” you whispered. Your head felt both empty and heavy at the same time.

The flames of the tank were dancing in Soap’s eyes as he studied you before sitting down with a groan.

Rodolfo joined you two with a frown on his face as he pressed his hand against his abdomen.

”Did I win this time?”

You narrowed your eyes. Soap’s humor didn’t know boundaries. The man has almost died and he still had enough energy to joke around.

”You wish, MacTavish.”

You shared a brief laugh with Soap at the absurdity of the situation.

Rodolfo leaned in with furrowed eyebrows, ”What’s so funny?”

You shook your head and wiped the blood off your face. You didn’t want to ruin Rudy’s innocent mind, he probably wasn’t the type to make fun of deadly situations anyway.

Probably because he was normal, you thought.

There was a moment when you thought that everything would end before the explosion. You’ve never been more scared or startled when you felt pure fear tightening your chest.

You’ve witnessed many deaths and explosions but this time was different. Knowing the person, serving with him, cracking jokes like real friends, who were about to kill you in a heartbeat was worse.

Betrayal was one of the things that left a bitter feeling inside you because your duty was built on trust and loyalty.

And without any of those, everything would fall apart.

Soap touched the radio on his chest, ”Soap to Ghost. I’m with Cobra and Rudy. Graves is KIA. How’s Price?”

There was only a beat of silence before Ghost’s voice could be heard.

”Angry. Lost a good cigar in the crash… Pilot’s okay too. Out.”

You shivered at the coldness in Ghost’s voice. After all, you would have expected him to be relieved that everyone made it but the distance he had put up was a clear sign of his annoyance toward you.

”Hey, everything all right?” Soap nudged your shoulder then hissed when pain stabbed through his arm.

”Ghost is really mad at me.”

This was the first time you pushed your luck with Ghost and considering that he was practically your boss, it scared you.

You knew that you did the right thing but your stomach turned into a knot at the thought of having to face Ghost in the next half hour.

”He’ll come around,” Soap said. ”You saved our lives.”

”Yes but he didn’t want me to come here at all. You should have seen him, he was furious.”

Soap sighed and pulled his knees to his chest before leaning his elbows on them.

”You did the right thing.”

But should doing the right thing make you feel this guilty and scared?

Taking your time, the three of you left the tank behind, facing the other part of the group.

Soap kept talking to you while you were helping him walk on the cement but your calmness left your body when you saw Ghost in the distance with Price.

When he looked at you for a brief moment, his eyes turned cold as he watched you approach.

”He’s probably mad because I’m alive,” Soap tried to brighten your mood with a joke and you let yourself smile a little.

”Nice try, Sergeant.”

It meant a lot to you that Soap tried to help you relax a little bit. You’ve been through one hell of a day after all.

Which could be only crowned with Ghost’s disappointment.

It didn’t take him much time to let his anger run through his veins once you’d come to a stop.

”Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Ghost asked.

His voice cut through you like a knife and you hated to see that you burnt down a bridge between you and him.

”Lt…” Soap started.

”I’m talking to Cobra, Sergeant.” Ghost snapped with venom in his voice.

”Thank you for sending her to us. We would have died without her.” Rodolfo spoke up after taking his skull mask off.

At first, you thought that Rudy was stepping on thin ice, lying to Ghost but also trying to make him understand that they needed you.

Ghost weighed Rudy’s words for a moment before his eyes found you again. You could see every possible hostile feeling flashing through them when you were only looking for relief.

”Yes, don’t be harsh on her, Lt.” Soap said and tightened his grip around you.

Ghost’s eyes dropped to Soap’s hand holding into your shoulder before he let out a deep breath.

You didn’t want the boys to take responsibility for your rushed actions, so you cleared your throat.

”Can I talk with Ghost?” You asked and Soap looked down at you. ”Alone.”

Rudy and Soap shared a knowing look before Soap withdrew his arm and let Rudy lead him away to Price who looked more than pissed about his wasted cigar.

Ghost was silent for a minute while the boys left the era. He had his arms crossed, his eyes were unreadable.

You waited for him to lash out and bring you down with words that he knew would leave a trail behind in your heart.

But Ghost didn’t say anything.

Even if he was still angry, he kept in himself while glaring into the distance, taking heavy breaths.

You watched his chest rise and sink a few times before you collected the strength you needed to speak up.

”I know what you want to say,” your voice was calm and vulnerable.

He took a sharp breath before he shook his head, still not looking at you.

”You have no idea what I want to say right now.”

Suddenly, he felt like a stranger which hurt your feelings because you’ve been through so much together that you wouldn’t have thought that saving his best friend would piss him off like that.

Perhaps, he didn’t have a problem with you saving Soap but how you’d completed that.

Ignoring his orders, not listening to him, or maintaining the danger that was waiting for you.

It would have ended in a way you wouldn’t have even thought about it.

”I had to go back for them. They needed help.”

Ghost snapped his head toward you, his eyes piercing through you.

”You disobeyed me, Cobra.” Ghost lowered his voice. ”You made it pretty clear back there that I’m not your lieutenant and that you are ready to run to your death once you have the opportunity.”

His words didn’t surprise you but that didn’t erase the pain they caused.

”That’s not true.”

”No?” Ghost echoed, his voice shifting for a second. ”Tell me then. Did you even think about what could happen?”

You didn’t say anything but still answered his question.

”Did you even stop to think that you’d end up dead? Just like that?” Ghost continued and your throat tightened.

He was right, and he knew that, that’s why he wasn’t giving you enough time to answer because he knew that you had nothing to say regarding your trepidity.

”I had to do something,” you said. ”There are times when you can’t stop to think things through because every second is important. Someone’s life could be on the line.”

”Because is it much better if it’s your life that will be on the line then?” Ghost leaned forward with a sinister glare.

”I have nothing to lose.”

Ghost’s eyes darkened a little hearing your answer.

”Do you really think that would be fucking fair with everyone? Watching you die just because you think you are nothing?”

Slowly, you realized where his anger was really coming from. He wasn’t only mad because you violated his order, but he also didn’t like the fact that you were underestimating yourself.

”There was no time, I had to do something.”

”What if all three of you died? Where would that get us?” Ghost asked sharply.

”But we didn’t.” You argued with no will to continue this confrontation.

”I’m a lieutenant, which means that you do as I say,” Ghost continued firmly. ”I don’t give orders just because I have nothing better to do. There is a reason for every decision I make.”

His words echoed in your head as you watched Soap give you a small encouraging smile. They had no idea how badly Ghost’s words have crushed you.

”Feel free to quit if you think you can’t work in a team.”

Your eyes widened and you turned back to him. You wished that you misheard him but the look in his eyes proved you otherwise.

”What?”

”You heard me,” Ghost replied dryly. ”You don’t have to work under my watch if you feel like obeying my orders would be too difficult for you.”

You never felt so hurt by simple words before. He had never been this cold toward you, in fact, after Graves’s betrayal, it seemed like he let you closer to him.

But now it felt like you fell back to the start where you were only strangers.

”Why are you making such a big deal about this?” You asked.

”Because you don’t value your life at all. And I don’t need soldiers who never think about themselves.”

It was ironic that he was saying that when deep down he felt the same. He always fought with the thought that he might not make it. But when it came to you, Ghost couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt, let alone getting killed.

He would be never able to forgive himself for that.

”You disobeyed yourself back then, you know,” you said as you hugged yourself and took a step back.

Ghost felt uneasiness in his heart at the sight of you putting distance between you two. And even though he knew that he hurt you, he wouldn’t take a word back. Because you overstepped a line when you disobeyed him.

”Me?”

You nodded, ”When you waited for Soap at the church. You always work alone and back there you didn’t even think to not help him survive the night.”

Ghost dropped his gaze to your hands, studying your bruises and fresh wounds with an intense stare.

”And now you are mad at me because I did the same?” You touched your throat, your words creeping into his mind, haunting him.

Ghost knew where you were coming from, that’s why he didn’t answer.

His eyes said it all.

”Fuck you, Simon.” You whispered, your voice almost breaking as you walked away from him. You didn’t want him to praise you because it wasn’t something he’d do. All you wanted him to do was understand why you ignored his orders.

”Cobra…” Ghost’s voice was calmer as he turned after you, watching you with soft eyes as you walked away from him.

----

Back at the base, everything seemed normal and fine.

Price made a toast as the task enjoyed their last time winning with honest smiles and shining eyes.

However, Ghost was nowhere to be seen or found.

It made you less uncomfortable now that you didn’t have to face him after the fight you just had before returning to the base.

You didn’t tell anyone what Ghost had said to you. You only let the others know that he wasn’t utterly happy that you disobeyed his orders.

”Where is Ghost?” asked Price after a few minutes now that everyone started eating and chatting with each other.

Your stomach stunk as you fixed your gaze, not daring to look at the captain.

”I don’t know,” Soap said. ”Probably celebrating alone.”

”Now that’s something he’d do.” Alejandro said with a small nod.

You were glad that neither Soap, Rodolfo, or Price had talked to you about Ghost. They knew that he was getting impatient with you but they knew that it wasn’t their business.

”Last time I saw him, he was on the roof,” Soap lowered his tone as he leaned close to your ear.

You furrowed your eyebrows.

”And?”

Soap gave you a side glance.

”You should go talk to him.” Soap advised and you immediately shook your head.

”I don’t think he wants to see me.”

Soap put his fork down and waited until you looked up at him.

”I know that it’s hard to believe but the only reason he lashed out at you is because he cares about you.”

You almost laughed hearing that weak excuse.

”Of course.”

”No, I’m serious.” Soap knotted his eyebrows together. ”He must have been worried about you. He probably cooled down anyway. You know that he is not the type to express himself very well.”

That doesn’t make the things he said right, you thought.

You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d want to see you now that everything was over.

You knew that you needed closure about the things that happened but you weren’t ready to face him. His cold glare kept haunting you during the flight.

Wouldn’t it be weird that after avoiding him for the rest of the day, you’d just show up suddenly?

You owned him an apology after all. Even though you helped Soap and Rudy, you had to disappoint Ghost.

His outburst was understandable because you had never done something like that before. Which left you wondering if he was willing to consider trusting you again.

You needed to put an end to this and maybe even switch teams if he wouldn’t want to work with you anymore.

”Okay, I’ll go find him.”

Soap gave you a proud smile as you stood up and walked out of the room, leaving the others to themselves.

You were fidgeting with your fingers as you were making your way up to the roof. The closer you got to the exit the more nervous you became.

Stopping in front of the hard metal door, you took a deep breath, trying to slow your heartbeat.

You opened the door, immediately seeing his familiar tall figure standing at the end of the roof with crossed arms and a stiff posture.

Your mouth went dry as you walked under the dark blue sky. The sun was slowly coming to a rest in the distance, leaving orange and pink shades behind.

”I told you I’m not hungry, Johnny.” Ghost’s voice cut through the soft wind that has awakened.

You sniffed before opening your mouth.

”What a shame,” you said. ”Price is not a bad cook at all.”

Ghost immediately turned around when he heard your voice. His eyes studied your fixed-up appearance and the bandages over you as you closed the distance.

His sleeves were rolled up, leaving his tattoos uncovered as his arms were crossed over his massive chest.

When you came to a stop next to him, he didn’t even try to hide that he was staring down at you with curiosity.

You expected him to order you to leave right away but seeing him surprised and silent was startling you.

”I’d rather cook for myself,” he continued. His voice was nowhere as cold and distant as it was when you two reunited after everything.

It made you feel a little less bad now that you knew that he wasn’t angry with you anymore.

You looked at the stars above you with admiring eyes while Ghost’s eyes didn’t leave your face for a second. It almost seemed like he was afraid that if he’d look away you’d vanish.

”It’s beautiful,” you said quietly, getting lost in the beauty of the stars. ”The sky.”

”Not only the sky,” Ghost said without thinking.

You bit into your lower lip as he continued to study you. You wished you could read his feelings because his silence was both pleasant and irritating at the same time.

”What are you doing here, Cobra?” Ghost asked.

You felt too exposed under his gaze, so you leaned on your elbows for support.

”Price misses you,” you answered gently. ”Everyone is celebrating.”

Ghost slowly shook his head and put grabbed the edge of the roof that stopped you from falling down.

”No, I mean… Why are you here?” Ghost asked, his deep voice pulling at your heartstrings.

When you looked into his eyes you saw nothing but honest confusion.

”Because I want to put an end to this,” you said and he looked away for a second.

”Put an end to this?” Ghost asked.

You wiped your hair out of your face, swallowing the lump in your throat. Suddenly, it was hard for you to breathe calmly.

You backed away from the edge and his eyes never stopped following you. Not even for a brief second.

Because Ghost’s mind was full of possible things that would happen now that you came after him.

He hated it to admit, but the most believable thing that crossed his mind was that you’d end up quitting for good.

Which was the last thing he wanted you to do.

Pain darkened his heart as he watched your uneasy movements. He knew you very well to realize that it was because you weren’t comfortable in his presence. And he wished he could do something to change that.

”Everything that happened back there…” you started in a small tone. ”It was pure chaos. But I guess that’s nothing new if someone betrays you…”

Ghost watched you with suspicious eyes, not daring to interrupt you.

It was surprising to see such a tall and big man being unsure in the presence of a fragile and vulnerable woman.

”I was unprofessional and panicked when I heard Soap on the radio,” you continued. ”I listened to my heart instead of listening to you. There is a reason that you became a lieutenant and not me, I know. I wasn’t thinking clearly because all I could think was that Soap and Rodolfo might die if we didn’t do something… It was out of line that I ran away and listened to myself. I owe you an apology because you are the one that makes decisions and orders, not me… I’m sorry.”

Your words burnt into Ghost’s mind while he slowly dropped his gaze to the ground. He hadn’t expected you to ever come up with an honest apology for what you just did.

He felt his muscles relax as you were waiting for his answer with big and sad eyes.

But he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to handle apologies.

You felt your heart sink as you took his silence in, fearing that your apology meant nothing to him.

”I’ll talk with Price in the morning,” you said in a defeated tone. ”I’ll tell him to replace me with someone else.”

Ghost’s grip tightened a little, ”Why would you do that?”

You dragged your nail over the corner of your lips.

”Because it will make things easier.”

”I don’t think it would.”

His answer confused you for a second, ”You told me it was better for me to just leave, so that’s what I’m going to do. You can’t allow someone in your team who doesn’t follow orders.”

Ghost swallowed as your eyes burnt his skin. Now that he knew why were you thinking that, he felt guilt pulling him down into an endless hole.

”I don’t want you to resign,” he said. ”I was mad and didn’t think before speaking. You are a good soldier and I trust you.”

You could feel your heart in your throat as he was letting you inside his head.

”I just wish that you trusted me,” he added and you pressed your lips into a thin line.

”I do.”

Ghost narrowed his eyes a little, ”I don’t think you did today.”

You knew that he had every right to doubt you after the shit you had pulled.

”I’m sorry,” you repeated.

Ghost frowned before sighing, ”Don’t apologize for helping Soap and Rodolfo. You did what you had to, not leaving your teammates behind, you were loyal.”

You would have never expected him to say those words and now that it hung in the air between you, you couldn’t help but let go of your guilt.

”I just lost my head when I saw that you weren’t with me in the next second,” Ghost said. ”I was worried sick while you were gone, that’s why I lashed out. We can’t lose you.”

I can’t, Ghost wanted to add but he thought he already talked enough.

”You hurt me, Simon,” you whispered, lowering your gaze.

Those four words broke Ghost’s heart, especially after hearing your sad voice. He hated that he caused you to doubt yourself for even a second.

He liked it when you called him his real name but not in a way like this. It felt like a thorn in his heart hearing how sad his name sounded from falling off your tongue.

Instead of saying anything, he reached out to you. His heart sank when he saw you hesitate whether you should take his hand or not.

It also reminded him of how quick you were to step away from him while you were arguing a few hours ago.

He didn’t want to be scary like his father but his presence didn’t make that easy for him. He was intimidating and emotionally unstable after all.

”I won’t hurt you. I would never do that.” Ghost said softly. ”I promise.”

You were the last person he wanted to scare and he was ready to do anything to prove you that.

You carefully placed your hand in his cold and large one, then held your breath when his fingers closed around you.

You let him slowly pull you toward him until your chests almost touched. You were never this close to him and just wished that he didn’t hear your crazy heartbeat.

What you didn’t know was that he was just as nervous as you were. He was familiar with physical closeness from his one-night stands but it was different with you. With someone whom he cared about.

”I shouldn’t have told you those things.” Ghost admitted shamefully.

”You were right,” you tried to defend his outburst even if the single memory of his words still cut you open.

Ghost looked down at your hand resting on his, briefly shaking his head.

”My job is to lead you and not guilt you,” he answered.

You tried to hide your sadness but it was hard to. You could still hear his anger-filled voice in your head after you helped Soap to safety.

”I understand your reaction,” you said, your heart beating fast in your ribcage. ”But that didn’t give you the right to talk to me the way you did.”

Ghost sighed and let go of your hand. You tried to ignore how much you started missing his touch as he withdrew, many thoughts clouding his head.

You watched in silence as he took a few steps back until he felt a chair in the back of his leg. Then, he sat down, his hand running up on the side of his balaclava.

”I know,” his voice was silent. Too silent.

You wanted to know what was going on with him but you didn’t want to push his buttons. You didn’t want to cross a line that would drag you down a hill.

It was enough once to have him raising his voice at you which was something he had never done before.

”If you don’t want to work with me just say it,” you nudged him, reminding him of his words. A part of you had a feeling that half of the things he had said to you were true even though you wished none of it were but as paranoia crept into your head, the darker your mind has become.

Ghost let out a breath and reached up, grabbing the top of his balaclava, and pulling it off his head with an abrupt move.

His face was agitated and troubled as he ran his fingers through his hair.

You remembered how it felt to see his face the first time, feeling extremely respected that he trusted you enough to take his mask off.

Something stirred inside you as you watched his uncovered face and you wished the circumstances were different.

”I don’t want you to go, Cobra,” his concerned eyes found you.

Shivers ran down your spine as you watched this troubled big man trying to reason with you almost desperately. You didn’t know why but it made you feel worse than the argument he had just started with you a few hours ago.

”Then stop saying things you don’t mean,” you advised but a little firmness hid in your voice. You didn’t want to give in that easily.

Ghost studied you carefully before reaching out for your cold hand. You didn’t push him away as he took a gentle hold of your arm and pulled you toward him. You didn’t dare breathe as the distance increased between you two. Then, without a warning sign, Ghost pulled you down and helped you sit on his lap.

You could feel your cheeks burn as you took a seat on his thighs, his right hand snuck around your waist while the other landed across your knees.

You were never this close or intimate with each other.

Ghost was a nervous wreck as he tried to steady his breath while making sure that his arms were holding you steady.

”I won’t, I promise,” he said in a soft tone that shook your heart for a moment.

You had never heard him being this gentle and careful with you, this whole situation was an unknown and dangerous territory to you. And you hated how unpredictable he was.

”You scared me today,” he admitted, his hot breath touching your cheeks.

You dropped your gaze shamefully to his tattooed hand resting on your knees. Everything was so chaotic that you didn’t even stop to think about how your action would affect Ghost.

Ghost leaned closer and lifted your jaw then turned your head back to his slowly. You had no choice but to let him and when your eyes locked, you felt the back of your throat tighten.

His worry was as clear as water in his eyes, his sadness took hold of your heart, not letting it go.

”I’m sorry, Simon,” you said, his name softly leaving your lips.

His eyes cleared for a moment as your words were floating in the air between you before he dropped his forehead to yours.

You instantly closed your eyes and so did he as your heads softly touched.

”Just… promise me that you’ll never do anything like that ever again…” he begged softly. ”I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you.”

You felt your lips quiver a little at the pain dripping from his tone. He was the last person you expected to be worried for you. Over the years he wasn’t that open regarding his feelings and now that you broke through his walls, you didn’t know how to react.

You didn’t want to scare him but also didn’t want to make him think that he meant nothing to you.

”I won’t do anything like that ever again,” you whispered, using his words, then he let out a relieved sigh. ”I didn’t want to scare you.”

Ghost pressed his lips together, a frown taking over his face.

”When will you finally see how much you mean to me?”

His words felt like a knife through your heart. It warmed you to realize that you were so close to him that he wouldn’t want to lose you but you knew that feelings always made things complicated.

You tried to ensure him by softly pushing at his chest, causing him to open his eyes, however, he still didn’t move his head away from yours and neither did you.

”Careful with feelings, Lt…” you gave him a small smile. ”They make things complicated.”

Ghost’s eyes shined with amusement as he watched you with admiration. He really was lucky that nothing had happened to you.

”Something tells me that I’m already doomed.”

He pulled his head away an inch, then lifted it until his lips were able to connect with your forehead. Your heart almost jumped out of your chest as he left a long and tender kiss on your forehead without the slightest worry in the world.

You enjoyed the soft touch of his lips as long as you could before he pulled away, his hands still holding you close to him. There was something vibrating between your bodies and you wondered if he could feel it too.

”This is a dangerous game, Simon.”

Despite your warning words, you earned an honest but small smile from the scariest and toughest soldier you’ve ever met.

”I'll risk it all then."