#sorry um. got feels again

[borealiszero]

People should make more doomed by narratives siblings relationship.

Like with lovers you can just sever it and not have it related to you ever again but with siblings how could you?

You grow up with them you raise them or they raised you you both know how unforgiving the world is to both of you? You would die for them but will hate them for doing the same and yet none of you would regret it and both of you know it. They could be the person you loath the most and miss the most cause you still remember how they sneaked a candy into your hands. You can sever the tie but you can never look away at what you've lost, at whom you've lost because fate doesn't allow you to be together, eating dinners in quiet peace, if only there's another life, another time, where i can make you another plate of pancakes i would im sorry im sorry im sorry —

#[borealis.txt] #sorry um. got feels again #just. aughhhhhhhhh #like genyas and sanemis relationship and the brothers in sctir #theyre so fuckin tragic cause god. aaaaaaaaaaaaa #'because my nemi is the best brother' WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!!! #edit: alright you guys can rb this again cause im feeling charitable

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[jahiera]

hello! i can't remember if you answered this in your wonderful astarion romance meta [THAT I CANNOT FIND AGAIN FOR SOME REASON...], but when he propositions us for a second time -- with the series of pick-up lines that we can cheekily call him out on -- do you think he's still in the 'i'm just trying to keep you on my side' stage, or is there maybe some interest in us beyond that?

Hello!! Ahh thank you, you might mean this one? I have another one where I broke down a separate scene so if it’s that one, I can dig for it! But!!!!

I’m currently phone-bound so I can’t grab my usual quotes screencaps BUT I DO have thoughts on that scene, so let me ramble—

for the scene you’re referencing in particular, I really do think there’s a degree of projection from the player (ie what you think this scene means for astarion and your tav is up to you) and personal interpretation for the pacing in here—so if someone else sees it differently or sees it paced differently for their tav, I can definitely get that. however, for me, this scene sort of represents this very interesting shift in the relationship, but not because astarion is developing interest, but because of how he’s acting around tav now that he knows he has tav’s interest secured.

in short: I do think this scene happens still mostly in “I’m manipulating you to keep myself safe,” territory BUT. What’s interesting is that astarion isn’t making any attempts to disguise that anymore. prior to this scene, his two potential propositions (both the one he initiates pre-goblin camp and the one that happens during the goblin party), while not necessarily “natural,” and most certainly not rooted in the first bloomings of a crush, or whatever, there’s a conscious effort to disguise his routine and, in essence, genuine seduction through appealing to Tav, trying to incite desire, etc. — he’s lying and when you know he’s lying it’s obvious, but there’s wiggle room for Tav to genuinely think, hey, this guy is interested in me. but the scene you’re referencing—“here’s my little treat with their cheeks all flushed…” “three little words. everyone’s favorite. I love you. (that would be a lie.) but a very sweet lie,” or whatever he says at the end there—descends very quickly into teasing (almost taunting) that is VERY heavy handed and very gleeful in how he almost …. dangles the falsehood of it in front of you.

there’s multiple ways you can interpret that. is he getting more egregious in his flirting because he feels like he doesn’t have to try as hard, but still TRIES? is he revealing the truth behind the facade because he’s starting, on some level, to feel comfortable enough to reveal THAT if nothing else? I’m less convinced by the second, more convinced by the first, but myyyy personal interpretation of that scene is one that kind of….. is within the romance but removed from it in terms of. I don’t think it’s about tav here, really. I think it’s about astarion.

to elaborate, I think that there’s a kind of thrill in this moment — astarion has been an object for sex and desire for 200 years, and he’s still doing that, still playing that role, but now he’s doing it without the overarching crushing influence of cazador behind him; his safety within the group is relatively secured now; there is less..... external (or perceived external) pressure to keep up the act, but he still does it. which I think results in him almost……. outright telling you that it’s false? like a kind of release, to say that the I love you is a lie, and you know that, and I know that, and I don’t have to FULLY pretend so, in his own way, he doesn't--he tugs and pulls at emotion, and kind of .... invites Tav into the lie, in a sense (thank god there's no option to say "I love you too," here, I worry that fans would take it and mean it sincerely. like. AUCK). maybe there's almost a vindictive thrill to getting to basically display his exaggeration. or maybe he's pushing at the boundaries of what tav & he have here, seeing how far he's sunk in. playing the role still, but at the end, you know it's at least partially an act. either way, poking and prodding like that, to me, isn't motivated by blooming squishy feelings. rather, it's something less sweet, less romance-y to boot, but more interesting for the character as a whole. or maybe that's just my own bias--I tend to find the Soft Squishy Romance to be the least interesting aspect OF the romantic dynamic. also, to be clear, I'm not trying to soften it up with elaboration here. taking away the context of astarion's history and past, what he's doing here is really just mean. it's a kind of cruel thing to so starkly display that you dont really give a fuck about the feelings of the person in front of you--enough to throw flirting and emotional barbs of "I love you," at them just for the laugh of it. it's a bitch move, but it's an interesting one, and I rarely see the conjunction of His Meanness discussed with how it manifests due to his history-- it makes complete sense and it's FASCINATING.

there is ONE thing I'll say, and that in the dialogue branch where you say, "Are you having fun?" or something along those lines, he says, "I am! It's hard not to, with you." and that, I do believe to be sincere, in its own way. I do think Astarion is having fun with Tav out on the road, being with them, being with the group, enjoying the show so to speak, and exploring his newfound freedom--all of which is wrapped up in proximity to Tav. there's arguments to be made that there's pacing issues here, but I actually interpreted the fact that we don't really have another romance-specific scene before the "you're wonderful"/drow confession to be intentional. to me, the trust bond with astarion isn't developed in moments where he's putting up the act or where you're expressing interest or attraction to him (he already knows, he's already removed from that, there's no trust to grow in these moments because sex/attraction is the last thing associated with trust to him), but rather, trust is reinforced over time on the road, through shows of support out and about during crucial, but NON-ROMANTIC moments (such as killing yurgir for him--a nonromantic act, but one that solidifies that he can trust you.)

all in all, after such longwindedness... I guess my answer is that. while I dont think he LOVES tav at all, and maybe he isn't even romantically there yet with them, I do think he likes Tav by this point, and enjoys their company and their presence. what that means to YOU is up to you! as I said, I think it's a scene where the pacing and emotional weight is partially up for interpretation. you can just as easily imagine that he's got unaddressed growing feelings there as you can not--especially since if you turn him down here, what he'll say is "I've gotten on my back more times than I can count [...] most of them I don't even remember. but you, I'll remember." <- possibly implying that there was the start of a potential something here, ultimately ended, which he isn't really sad about because it removes the overall pressure of putting up a show, but at the same time implies a fondness for tav the person; again, not necessarily romantically oriented, but positive emotion regardless.

#bg3 meta #sorry I dont have screencap quotes on hand for this! I just got home from work #BUT YEAH. this is one of my favorite scenes because of what you can kind of infer from /astarion's character/ for this #it is. probably my least favorite scene in terms of viewing it in any sort of Actual romantic lens #I know there was a lot of gushing over the My Little Treat line but even when I played it without knowing the ending or where #the romance was going. I was like. oh lawd. you are EGREGIOUSLY LYING. #in reality the romance route to me is sooooooo fascinating but I rarely get Big Mushy Feelings about it...... not till late act 3 anyways #everything prior to that I sort of detach from a romance lens at all and it's Just for the buildup to something real. ANYWAYS. #sorry that's not at all relevant to your question! um. #guy who is so normal about character you have to peel like an onion to analyze their 15 different lies and masks on #thank you for the opportunity to RAMBLE INCESSANTLY once again #answered

[rollercoasterwords]

guys we need to give wlw fics more support and attention!!!! [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing] [posts uncredited writing]

#sorry!! one more grumpy post before i go 2 bed #apologies 4 complaining abt this so much this week there has just been a fun little uptick in um. posts of my writing without credit <3 #thanks 2 all the stupid discourse last week of everyone insisting that wlw fics need more attention #and alicissa apparently being the ship people r latching onto #funnnnn confluence of factors and honestly. ironic enough 2 be kinda funny #i feel like jim looking into the camera on the office #grumpy posting #txt #also sister encouraged my hater tendencies by responding 2 the annoyed voicenote i sent her earlier now so. i got annoyed again lol

[reunioninn]

Daisuke's Notes on Venom's Concept and Design:

Like Millia, he was raised in the Assassin's Guild from an early age. He adores Zato.

He was set up to be a long-reach character and flier. I wondered what kind of character I should make. Originally, he had a cello. He actually had a fan for a weapon before Anji did. He also had a large cross, which I thought was the best concept, however, we were told that it was OK to have it as a part of his design, but not to hit anyone with it. When I was struggling, I went out to play games as a distraction. One time, as we were playing billiards, we talked about how interesting it would be to have a fighter who fights with a pool cue. But I thought the character would be too boring with just the cue alone, so I made it so that his hair also covered his face and added a mark on it with a bit of paint. Since the head had such a strong personality, I wanted to keep the body simple. However, I wanted to change the overall shape of the body to make it similar to Zato's, so that's why the legs are like that. As for the pants design, if I wanted to keep it simple, I would have made each leg the same color, but that would've made his figure appear more naked. To find a way around this, I made one leg light and the other dark to add more of a mysterious flair.

#SORRY i got distracted. #also if i had a dollar for every time daisuke described venom as 'mysterious' id be rich #also that last paragraph was a bitch to transcribe in a way that like. made sense? #bc on its own it really doesnt lmao i didnt want to stray too far from what he was saying #ANYWAYS WE COULD HAVE HAD THE RELIGIOUS IMAGERY!!!!!!!! THE CATHOLIC GUILT. FUCK #my first thought was wolfwood from trigun if he carried around a giant cross lmao #and knowing daisuke likes trigun part of me wonders if wolfwood was actually inspiration for venom #guess we'll never know... #EDIT AS IM STILL TYPING THIS POST; HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING #HE ABSOLUTELY BASED VENOM OFF OF WOLFWOOD. CHRIST ALIVE HOW DIDNT I NOTICE #THE PARALLELS. THEYRE THERE. THEYRE THERE ALL RIGHT. YOU SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH #sorry got distracted again bc i needed a moment to process this. #anyways. um. yeah! #sorry for the tag rant. im normal i promise. #thank you for the food kat i might do more if im feeling up for it LOL #guilty gear #venom guilty gear

[drainbangle]

wait omg i’m curious about your unpopular thoughts about temenos writing wise.. i love when people discuss octopath writing it’s really enriching to see what we all have to say about certain story elements. plus you’re like a temenos representative to me. your thoughts about temenos make me go “so true!”

Aw, thank you! It took a while for me to decide on what to write here, since honestly I could go on for… frankly any aspect of this guy, especially in regards to treatment in fanon. But for now, I'll focus on my thoughts regarding how people treat tragedy in Temenos' story— namely, Crick's death— and why I personally dislike it as a writing decision and why I disagree with the idea that it is necessary.

Note: Goes without saying, but this is my personal opinion. If you believe otherwise, then that's all good. I'm not writing this to say that any one person is wrong, just to talk about an issue I have with the game's writing itself.

To start, I'll say that my main reason for disliking Crick's death in SH route is a matter of practicality. Killing him off causes Temenos to lose the main person that he had a fantastic relationship and banter with, and in my opinion, Temenos works best when he's bouncing off another person; not unlike most under the Sherlock-archetype.

Also, genuinely? It works wonders to keep Crick alive, if just because it provides a fantastic avenue to explore Temenos' institutional trauma. Having a character that's lived a different experience but within the same harmful institution opens up ways to explore the scope of its harm. And yes, this is for Crick specifically; not Ort, not the travelers, but Crick.

I think it really adds something that Temenos was raised by the church while Crick converted as a teenager during a really difficult time in his life. These two are good for each other. Crick sure as hell makes it a lot easier to write Temenos in fic.

(If you have a different experience, again, that's cool. I'm glad for you. I, however, will never fail to take the easy way out.)

(This is a lie, I'm over here making up fantasy church law for fic stuff but that's not related to this answer.)

I won't pretend that disliking Crick's death is an unpopular opinion. I mean, "Stormhail Fix-it" is an entire genre of fic on the OT2 Ao3 tag. What I do feel tends to go unaddressed though, is the fact that the idea that Crick's death is canon, therefore it is necessary, therefore it is the best decision; an idea that I wholeheartedly disagree with.

Within the text itself, Crick is killed off in order to give Temenos a personal reason to pursue Kaldena, thus putting him at odds with Kaldena's motivations being driven by her ideology and worldview that, "because humans committed the massacre, it was the gods' mistake to put us here". I also won't pretend that Kaldena's writing here isn't fucking awful, because Crick's death is also a device to make the player want Kaldena defeated even though she is just as much as a victim of the church; and that's to say nothing of her portrayal as an indigenous and dark-skinned woman.

These decisions are ones I disagree with. Killing Crick off was unnecessary to give Temenos reason to pursue the culprit, because Temenos already had someone close to him killed; and that's Pontiff Jörg. He raised Temenos from infancy, but due to the lack of focus on him outside of banter conversations, it's never relevant to his motivations outside of the desire for truth because a crime was committed. 

We also didn't need to kill Crick off to show that the church was a terrible institution, because Roi already went missing in action. The Sacred Guard is the main body of law within Eastern Solistia, it's not unreasonable to think that the reason why Temenos dislikes them is because they clearly didn't do shit to investigate his disappearance.

However, one thing I really don't agree with is the idea that Crick's death is necessary because Temenos' story is a tragedy. And if you asked me why, I'd ask this in turn: why is death the only form of tragedy? Furthermore, why must a tragedy contain only tragic events? That in mind, what gives anything value in a tragedy, then?

Pretend we cannot completely rewrite Temenos' story. Even then, changing Crick's death to a permanent injury, a coma, or whatever is still a tragic event; and that's nothing to say of living with the consequences. Isn't losing your faith a tragedy? Isn't losing something you worked for years to do a tragedy?

Similarly, I'd still argue that it's more valuable to make Stormhail a near-death experience because not only does it show Temenos succeeding in making someone question the church but also the terror that is feeling like you're doomed to repeat tragedy. Even if you really aren't, it's hard to dismiss that feeling; especially when it has to do with being victimized by institutions.

And before someone says, "but bad things happen to good people in real life", I'm not treating these characters as living, breathing people who are subject to things like gravity, hunger, and exhaustion. I'm treating them as choices, and choices made that I disagree with. 

It's why I make different choices. I choose to make Crick have to deal with chronic pain onwards. I choose to make Temenos realize change is still possible. I choose to let them both leave Stormhail alive. Are these better choices? I don't know. But I'll never stop questioning the ones made by the writers regardless; much less stop disagreeing with them.

So, in summary: I dislike Crick's death. I dislike Temenos having to spend the rest of the story without someone he can talk to so easily because Crick's absence weakens a lot of his scenes in Temenos 4. But more than that, I dislike the idea that tragedy is necessary on top of the idea that it is superior. Tragedy's good, I adore the genre; but written in mindful doses and all that.

#ty sm for the ask!! i'm sorry it took so long to get to but i really wanted to like. get my thoughts sorted since there's sm i'd talk abt #i had fun writing this out. it also really helped to get my feelings on SH down on paper bc *man* i got thoughts on the last half of #temenos' story. along w/ how it does hurt his writing that it's not even fully resolved till endgame #um. again if anyone disagrees then cool. but this is just my thoughts on the matter and all that #also i did get kinda... harsh towards the game near the end but it goes w/o saying i say all that bc i love the game sm #i absolutely would not dedicate this much energy to smth i didn't care about and i'm glad for the opportunity to talk abt it haha #bestomato #telegram #8path tag #octopath 2 spoilers #also i def have more to say abt dena but again we'd be here Forever if i did. head full of thoughts on temenos' story OTL

[mattodore]

can you describe matthias and theo night routines? and their sleep schedule

<3 ly

Theo doesn’t get a lot of sleep since he’s either out partying into the long stretches of the night or up studying until the words begin to blur on the page. I’d say he normally falls asleep around 3AM-4AM and doesn’t wake back up until 7AM. Four-ish hours is pretty average for how much sleep he gets a night… maybe less at times if he’s more stressed than usual. I should add that he does sleep more when he’s staying over at Matthias’s or vice versa, but generally he tries his best not to let Matthias distract him from studying before bed… which only ever works out about a quarter of the time. Matthias can be... very persuasive.

In the case of Matthias, well… he’s a chronic insomniac whose insomnia is exacerbated by hallucinations and nightmares. Unsurprisingly, his sleep schedule is terribly inconsistent, but if he does sleep then I think he normally manages it sometime around noon and will stay asleep for about an hour or two. It’s actually very rare that he falls asleep during the night—especially after Theo begins to sleep over, as Matthias prefers to read and watch over him at that time instead. Theo has fits in his sleep (from nightmares that he never remembers…) and Matthias gently calms him so he doesn’t wake up.

The only time they fall asleep at around the same time is when they’ve been at it for a while and both need a break. Matthias doesn’t stay asleep for long, though… maybe an hour at most. He does sleep easier around Theo, but that’s mostly just when Theo is awake. I think Matthias finds a lot of comfort in knowing Theo is there watching over him. He went through a lot at the reformation school and there were many times within those years where sleep would be abruptly interrupted and then he’d be back on the killing floor, so to speak, so having someone there to watch over him… I think it really helps. Then, on the other hand, Theo sleeps pretty deeply after they’ve been having sex. There’s never a time he feels more cared for and adored than when Matthias is making love to him, so it's... a relaxing experience. It puts Theo's mind at ease and I think it’s probably when Theo feels the safest. So he'll sleep for a long while after, feeling cradled in Matthias's presence, his anxiety finally snuffed out.

As for their actual night routines… hm. They’re very different, especially before and after the start of Echthroi. 

Theo’s night routine stays pretty much the same throughout the story. He’s not one for self-care, like, at all. Because of that, he doesn’t necessarily have a routine… Theo’s honestly only really meticulous in his studies and everything else suffers for it. However, Theo physically cannot fall asleep unless he’s checked the locks on the windows and doors and closed all of the blinds and curtains. That’s the one routine of his he’s always sure to follow through on, even when he’s intoxicated or sleep deprived.

Otherwise, what else he does as part of his “routine” is up in the air. Sometimes he showers before bed, other times he showers after waking up. Sometimes he combs through his hair all nicely and other times he just impatiently rips his fingers through his hair and shrugs. Sometimes he forgets to brush his teeth, other times he forgets that he’s already brushed his teeth and ends up doing it again. He’s a bit of a mess. If he’s actually aware/awake enough to put himself to bed, then he’ll messily wipe any makeup off his face post-clubbing and/or he’ll shower post-hook up (if it’s the pre-Matthias part of Echthroi). If he’s tired from studying he’ll put all of his materials away and then flop down on his bed. If he has to see his parents in the morning then he’ll wind up in the bathroom for too long, brushing his teeth until his gums bleed. If we’re talking about Theo in the post-meeting Matthias part of the story then he might take a cold shower to try and get Matthias out of his head for a little bit, or he’ll find himself laying in bed staring warily at his phone. Hm… and in general Theo will hum lullabies to himself so he can fall asleep easier… it’s a childhood habit.

By nature of Matthias’s insomnia, Matthias doesn’t exactly find himself preparing for bed during the night like most people. He does, however, still run through his personal care routine at around 8pm. He showers, brushes, flosses, cleanses and hydrates, primps and preens, and then he’ll usually find himself entertaining guests or a partner for the night.

For Matthias pre-meeting Theo, he’s often not alone after dark as he has a string of men with whom he takes to his bed or a list of faceless people to call on whenever he wants to be surrounded by bodies and chatter. There are still quiet nights where he’s by himself or just with Imani, but they’re relatively few and far between. For Matthias post-meeting Theo… woof. He did sleep around here and there still, but I think he gave it up pretty early on… his mind was always swimming with thoughts of Theo and he couldn’t focus on nor did he find himself interested in the men he’d have under him. So after meeting Theo his usual night circuit changes and he often finds himself staying home and reading with some wine and the occasional glance at his phone, waiting for a response. Matthias does a lot of waiting when it comes to Theo.

If they're together at night (when they’re dating), then Matthias will usually make dinner for Theo. He likes feeding him (by hand, even, though Theo often protests). Normally Theo will have a few textbooks with him that he can study from while he waits for dinner and he always winds up going "give me a minute" when the food is finally done. They'll enjoy each other's company just fine at home or they'll go out for a drive or a walk. Theo often winds up getting roped into following along with Matthias's night routine and will poke fun at how fussy Matthias can be as Matthias does skincare beside him in the bathroom. Theo tries to get away with studying again later in the night, but Matthias likes to distract him as he’s personally offended whenever Theo whips out his textbooks past, like, 11PM. In general, they'll wind up having sex at some point, or multiple points, and then they'll shower together. After they towel off and Matthias dries Theo's hair, Matthias will most likely end up reading to Theo until Theo falls asleep. If Theo wakes up during the night, Matthias simply kisses him back to sleep.

#i feel like i should add a cw for theo brushing his teeth like that but have no idea what i’d tag it as… #river dipping #asks #anonymous #oc extras #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ts4 #laying on my stomach in bed kicking my feet in the air and smiling at my laptop screen <3 love you toooooo #i'm sorry it took me so long to get around to replying to this but the horrors... yk how they can be i'm sure #literally took me weeks to write this out... those questionnaires took a toll on my brain clearly but i love them so it's okay #let this get away from me in length a bit but. well. dennis reynolds voice i've got shit to say etc. etc. #no but ummm... honestly my personality disorder is still being a little crazy atm so i'm still not really ready to talk much um. #and i'm probably going to continue to stay offline here for a few more days... #but i wanted to finally post this bc i really am sorry for how long it took me to get around to it... #and i also wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me messages even if i didn't respond bc i felt embarrassed. huge kisses <3 #seeing the ''24 days ago'' timestamp on this as i finally go to hit post... woof. again i'm so sorry 😭 thank you for letting me talk #your ear off about them tho!!! seriously so grateful to have someone who's curious abt them like huuuge kisses for you as well!

[frecklystars]

THE LOVES OF MY LIFE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's been so long since I've rly felt love bursting in my chest for any F/Os and I am feeling so so so so much for my girlboss girlfriend and my horsegirl boyfriend 😭😭😭💖💞💓💓💗💖💕💕💕💟💝

Her smile!!! god!!!! HIS smile!!!! god!!! these two are fucking saving my life I can't believe how much these characters are helping me get through the worst time of my life. THESE TWO are helping me get back into self shipping and helping me feel safe again when I really thought I'd never ever recover. I'm collecting screenshots of these characters and sighing with hearts in my eyes every time... I haven't done that in over a year... I'm making gifsets and writing fics and doodling again... it's all because of them and I'm such a weepy mess over it

#love notes #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡ #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #every time i make a love notes post with them i get teary eyed and um this isnt an exception 😭😭 #theyre making me so happy and i havent felt this way in so long #im fucking happy you guys... god i havent felt. joy. with any F/Os in so so so so long!!!!! #self shipping is like. the core part of me. its all i've got and i went so long without it. that piece of me I NEED #fuck i finally found two F/Os who i know love me no matter what #and they're holding my hands telling me they'll never ever hurt me. wouldnt dream it. couldnt even fathom it #and slowly but surely i HOPE i will get back into self shipping just in general especially for transformers #but god. god!!!! god!!! i owe them my life!!!! #i couldnt fucking take it anymore i was falling so far and they!!!! are here!!!! in my heart!!!! #i was doing so fucking badly i was about to give up and they just. this movie comes out and im suddenly hopeful?? #pinkest movie of all time barbie rly said keri fuck your ptsd fuck your abuser youre getting better #and youll love pink again and youre gonna be okay and im like yes maam whatever u say maam #god 😭😭 sorry i know i talk abt them a lot but its been so long #and i know i keep repeating! that its been so long! i know i dont shut up about how im hurting! but! #i cant! describe how overwhelmed i feel! its like a part of me that was dead for a year is slowly coming back to life #and the fucking relief... i am just awash with tears

[vaniliens]

I keep forgetting about how people actually use pronouns for me instead of just referring to me by name. Like sometimes id get she/her'd or they/them'd and it always feels so trippy because i have never been called that in my head!!!! Its always just been 'Dude' 'You' 'Man' 'Me' 'Girl' and 'He' but idk. I feel like id get tripped out if i start going by he/him too.

#If you're wondering what pronouns to use for me; Um. I unno. Do whatever. #this isn't a huge deal or anything im just not used to being noticed #Unless its by maprron hi maprron <333 Sorry i havent been active much 😭 #nillas #i feel like id be DOUBLY confused if i get he/himd because ive only seen someone do it once but that was years ago 💔 #Like with She/Her id understand because i am a girl. thing . and my profile picture and stuff are usually girls (See: My Blog.) #and with they/them id also get it because youre probably just not sure about my pronouns or smth #he/him... yeah.... but id be flattered depending on the mood and if i remember I have pronouns that day #Idk!!! Why is this so confusing !!! I NEED IRON IN MY BLOOD!!! #ok wait honestly. I get weirded out about my name too. But again i think its just because im not used to attention. #i used to let people call me my real name online but the Nia and Vanillas was more popular also it feels weird now #you dont know me irl!!! #thats a name exclusively used for irl contexts!!!! Not online!!!!! #also someone called me 'Menzu' once back when i was still masquerading as Menzu_kosui on Insta shsvhsvjs #IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD LIKE I KNOWWW I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER NAMES THERE BUT ITS JUST A FANCIER WAY #OF SAYING ''MENS'' AND I GOT SO CONFUSED!! I love that person though I get it 😭 ty for that it stunned me but i Laugh #about it everytime it crosses my mind

[yelenapines]

watched tbosas today. needless to say i am obsessed with the red uniform skirt and they should have been wearing those the whole movie. thank you.

#tbosas #much more to say about this movie but thats it for now #actually no lets TALK #they literally changed how the games end which is fine but like how is no one noticing #also um clemensia dropped in got bit and thats it?? bye bye? have fun? #also this annoying bitch in my grade said she hates sejanus in the movie but loves him in the book um please get his name out of your mouth #if you're gonna be speaking filth about my son #ugh #anyways um rachel ate #love how the movie can tell the whole story tho i *am* conflicted about my feelings on how fast paced it was #and then again not seeing his inner monologue is a problem but like it's a movie so idk #also ofc the vibe is different between parts 1 and 2 and part 3 idk why people dont like it i think its cool and like thats the point to se #his evolution #sejanus' death was horrible like i'm sorry the mockingjays reproducing his last cries for help are just. #anyhoo #i will not shut up ok let's keep going #ik that like ppl are simping for tom blyth and as u should tbh same but you COULD NOT CHANGE HIM OR FIX HIM IK ITS A JOKE BUT IT BOTHERS ME #SO MUCH #like ik it's being silly and goofy but it just rubs me the wrong way cause like its not true #also Tigris and Snow's story is so fucking sad kms #also TF WAS THAT MOMENT IN THE ARENA WHERE SEJANUS ALMOST KISSED CORYO WE ALL SAW IT OK #sejanus is not straight at all lmao he spent the whole movie batting eyelashes at coryo but ALSO i love the angst of the marcus x sejanus i #idea i made up #also coriolanus is so fucking goofy like bitch pls “mY oLd SeLf. I kIlLeD hIm To Be WiTh YoU” bestie sit down #ok rant over #yelenaposts #sejanus plinth

[squishosaur]

Consider: Fem!Jamiazu as Kuromi gf x My Melody gf dynamic. No I don’t know anything about sanrio characters, I just know the aesthetics of the two characters and how they are almost opposites. Anyway hopefully you understand this because its so silly to me

-Snake Anon

considered :3 i think jamil would also keep a diary of 10,000+ instances where azul was mildly irritating.

#i actually do Not like kuromi and my melody i think they are too overhyped #i think azjm could be. stitch and angel though. #thing filled with rage and calmed by the power of friendship and understanding and pink thing that has a siren's song and was flirty before #but then fell for that other thing. and they were both created evil but got better 👍👍👍 #but idk i haven't seen lilo & stitch in such a long time #i do think kalim could be lilio but that's off topic now #also i did not change their designs just to make them girls. because azul is already a girl to me. #jamil is agender to me but noooo oneee caaaares #BACK TO THE KALIM TAG I MISSPELLED LILO I WAS THINKING ABOUT LILIA LOL SORRY #um #askbox! #my art :> #doodles #snake anon 🐍 #azujami #SORRY I DIDN'T FORGET YOUR ASK THE OTHER DAY I WAS SAVING IT FOR WHEN I FELT UPSET SO I COULD DRAW AZJM AGAIN & FEEL BETTER #didn't work i feel like a hater rn sorry #i'm upset lol #but not at you snake anon never at you 💞💞 #twst #yeah i don't feel like this is worthy of me maintagging them

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[mewguca]

1 and 22!!

1. Could be a lot of characters really but I guess the main two are both good candidates here

though of course everyone's interpretations are gonna be different and headcanons influence that a lot too!

I think a lot of people tend to write off the depth of these two though, and not necessarily on purpose...

A lot of people think of Moon as being the sweet type who's secretly scary when mad and super strong blablabla but...like

she wasn't able to stand up to her own brother until it was too late...She's a very passive person. She kept trying passive means of getting him to stop until she finally forced a communication that just resulted in him getting mad at her and blaming her for ruining everything...as an admin over Pebbles she realistically had the power to try to stop things much sooner or more forcefully

but she just isn't really a forceful person...she isn't secretly really powerful and strong and someone you shouldn't mess with...she's just tired and sad and irritable and frustrated and hurt but trying her best to be happy and live as well as she can

She tries really hard to be kind and good and fair and do her job properly and be helpful...

And maybe that's good enough, idk...it makes me feel better at least

That maybe you don't have to be secretly really strong or whatever for people to take you seriously and respect you. Maybe it's okay to be weak and kind. idk

And Pebbles...he has a lot of remorse for his actions. The guilt is literally eating him up from the inside. He's not just mean and angry and hates everyone!!!! He just is incapable of asking for help. He's too prideful. But he's prideful in the sense that he cannot stand anyone looking down on him or pitying him...and he can't admit he was wrong. So he just kinda gives up. He resigns himself to his fate without even trying to reach out to his local group again and apologize...

He is clearly very pained thinking about what he's done. Even in arti's timeline, he remarks he hopes that [the rot] won't spread to moon. He's generally concerned about how she is doing, but he doesn't have the courage to ask. He's very scared, I think. He tends to internalize things and withdraw into himself. It makes the rot really fitting lol...

By the time he is able to accept asking you for help, his structure has started collapsing. It takes him a REEAAALLLY long time to overcome that flaw of his.

But I also really don't like the idea that he's some helpless little baby or whatever...it kinda diminishes the inner turmoil he is experiencing and the weight of his guilt. He did this. He hurt himself and his sister. He damaged things irreparably. To try and absolve him of his sins rubs me the wrong way. Pebbles is such a great character because he is flawed. Because he is not a good person. Because he does bad things and hurts others. Because that's how real people act. The exploration of his feelings of guilt and how he represses his emotions to try and cope with them would be far less interesting had he not done something substantial enough to warrant this sort of reaction...

So please don't try and take his agency away!

Of course I havent played saint yet (though ive read somewhat about it) and I can't always remember all the dialogues off the top of my head so take it with a grain of salt haha...

everyone will have different headcanons and views and stuff though haha once again...

lemme make another post for the other one...

#rambled eggs #talkstothemoon #sorry if i got anything wrong its um. kinda off the cuff here #and again just MY personal feelings n stuff yknow #pls dont take anythinf personally btw #it is very difficult to convey nuance in a couple of drawings or posts about a character #thats just kinda how it is

[shopcat]

people are mean asf to all might what did he ever do to you. he's just some guy ... i think he's funny ...

#🐾 #related but tbh i never got why people equated quirklessness with disability i frankly do not see it #like it just feels weird to be actually at least personally... like the whole point is their prejudice is steeped in ignorance #and prejudice against disability is due to infantilisation and dehumanisation #i mean i can see the comparison but it just makes it look like people with disabilities are you know Missing Something like quirkless #people are missing an ability. which doesn't seem fair #wlso becomes even more of a fractured sentiment when u realise how many stupid ass fucking quirks there are that aren't quote unquote hero #worthy. plus mutations. plus perceived Villainous quirks #like there's a whole range of societal prejudices here #and a whole range of perceived ''ability'' #i so do not seriously think fucking kohei horikoshi was setting out to make some sort of disability thinkpiece #😭😭 #also the entire thing becomes ridiculous and moot bc the whole point of the fucking story is deku GETS A QUIRK. and is ''fixed'' #like can we be serious. can we please be serious and just THINK #anyway. Sorry. i held that in for many years #<- all jnsopired by how people call all might ableist like okay well considering he's actually literallg chronically disabled #AND was once quirkless and is now once again essentially quirkless well i do not see it #i think he was just sort of a dick and made dumb decisions because if he made good decisions there um wouldn't be a plot #and also well yeah like i said. quirklessness is not a disability. in fact i think thinking so is the actual ableism. ironic

[yoggybloggy]

if u have milk and butter u can make a heavy cream substitute :3

i think i actually have heard of this one!! i did also just look it up just now and immediately got frightened by the amount of butter (which is: literally the same amount of fat if i just ate straight up whipped cream but somehow it being put into butter format really illuminates the fat content) but regardless thank u for the ask mwah <3

#i definitely care about tastes good more than '''''nutritional value''''' but 1:1 milk butter ratio was truly illuminating to see. #THEN AGAIN. one entire cup of heavy cream makes a *lot* of whipped cream. which a lot of it is just air #but thank u for ask teehee mutuals feel free to send asks whenever #< um. sorry to the mutuals who sent asks for blorbo bingo and then i never got around to them </3

[selkiecoded]

ive inherited a copy of lolita from my parents (i.e. i stole it from the library in our basement and started treating it like its mine) with the 1989 vintage international cover and i think its actually not that bad. better than the 50th anniversary one with the lips anyway imo (which is the cover for the library ebook vers ive checked out).

like i think any cover that incorporates the "only convincing love story of our generation" quote anywhere kind of sucks on principle, and the fact that it features a photo of a girl at all really goes against nabakovs instructions, but compared to other covers that break those two rules, the haziness of the photo creates a really evocative atmosphere i feel matches the book more or less.

#im keeping most of my lolita thoughts to myself because i know it can be an uncomfortable book to talk about when #not intentionally trying to engage with it but. good lord ive highlighted a lot! #mostly stuff where H.H. is being a lying little bastard even in his narration #theres also this passage in ch14 after he um. 'stole the honey of a spasm' when dolores sat on his lap (not a fun passage to read lol!) #where he goes: What I had madly possessed was not she‚ but my own creation‚ another‚ fanciful Lolita—perhaps‚ more real than Lolita; #overlapping‚ encasing her; floating between me and her‚ and having no will‚ no consciousness—indeed‚ no life of her own. #(end quote. forgot quotation marks) which ohhhhh my god. subtlety is for losers lmao. #H.H. IS VERY VERY BAD AT MAKING HIMSELF LOOK GOOD DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS. #he claims he memorized charlottes confession of love perfectly and had conveyed in on paper perfectly #but also he completely skipped parts of it (including where she talks about her late son) and inserted the line: #'you would be a criminal--worse than a kidnapper who rapes a child.' #yes. im sure she said that. to the letter. #or when hes like i didnt marry charlotte with the intention to (extremely detailed grusome murder plan). but ill admit. i thought about it. #and then she oh so conveniently gets run over by a car when she discovers his journal. yeah. sure. right. #SORRY again i havent been Posting My Thoughts on it but i am having thoughts on it in general. #it really is a beautifully worded book though. its got great prose. makes the actions worse almost because its filtered through this #dreamy artistic self-justification. which - to go back to the original point of this post - i feel this cover conveys well LMAO #its so much better than the movies oh my god head in my hands #jumping between the most 2008 musical to ever exist‚ legally blonde fanfiction‚ and a controversial literary classic. im versatile.