#sorry i dont know what im saying im just. yknow .

[strawberrybabydog]

guys are you actually not supposed to treat fictives like their source. i did not know this until now

our fictive(s) is its source ........ like...... so close........... i thought everyone was like this i thought that was the point 😭😭😭

like if you cosplay as yourself in a game and a little kid player comes up to you and excitedly misspells your name most fictives are just like "ew" ???? like genuinely offended/uncomfortable ?? 💔 :0(

are ANY fictives close to their source or is it just me????? i thought i was normal LOL ??????????

im so confused like what even IS a fictive?? is a fictive just someone that stole a fictional character's face and ran ??? i am so fucking sorry for this ignorant ugly post i genuinely from the bottom of my heart thought when people say "im a fictive of The Guy" i thought they mean like "i AM The Guy, with minimal differences" (like, fictionkin?? unless idk what fictionkin is either) but now it seems more like "im a fictive of The Guy" just means "i have The Guy's face i am Not Him" ?

idk maybe im stupid and i dont understand because i havent had any bad interactions about my fiction identities (yet) but idk what someone could even say to me about fictionhood that would make me be like . ew get away from me. yknow ?? ugh this post is so embarassing. im so sorry other fictives reading this

#what is wrong with me maybe this is really obvious to other people but our only experience with fictivity(?????) is like #idk if you call cinnamon barbie she'll just be like. yeah. #we never had this disgust or uncomfortable reaction when ppl call us our source we straight up like it #i thought everyone liked it omfg 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #im sorry im so sorry i just didnt think about it that hard!!!! i thought i was normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #not dog #systema sobaky #plurality

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[gibbearish]

ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.

it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.

but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.

people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored

#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works #is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement #and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About #like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow? #however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in #the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script #is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say #if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script #it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script #eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that #most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly #or see again: prepare contingencies #if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this #version of events much better? #and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc #but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong #sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that #plagiarism #james somerton

[sonknuxadow]

#sorry. sorry im so embarrassed to post this but i was watching the new series earlier WHAT is going on here #i dont really interact with the monster high fandom or buy the collector dolls so my memory on this is kinda fuzzy and i could be #getting some details wrong but. does anyone remember when the haunt couture dolls came out #and then one of the diaries said that cleo and deuce broke up and then a two pack of frankie and deuce got leaked #so people were losing their minds saying that frankie stole deuce from cleo . LMFAOOO you got it backwards #well g3 stuff and haunt couture arent even related at all but yknow. its just funny #monster high spoilers #< i dont know if anyone actually gives a shit about spoilers for this #but i think this screenshot is from a newer episode so ill tag anyway just in case . to be nice

[radioroxx]

yargh. complicated characters save me complicated characters…

#im thinking about ceroba… #im thinking about how ive seen so many ppl (in ‘hot takes’) call her a bad mother for what she did to kanako #and im thinking about how its. silly to base the entire view of her as a character around one mistake #yes sure a very BIG mistake but still one mistake #i dont know if i would even say shes a bad mom. to do so would require me to make some kind of criteria to actually define #what MAKES a bad person #ive spoken before to a friend about how our concepts of good and bad as a whole r subjective anyway #but thats besides the point #i think ceroba as a interesting character becauseee of her mistakes because of her flaws #i think (er. KNOW) that she was a very caring mother. she loved kanako lots lots lots and did everything in her power to fix that mistake #but that doesnt take away that it still happened #im just rambling at this point. nonsense probably #but i think the reason i dislike the bad mom ceroba takes so much is that its reduction to her character in a way… #and that it cant and shouldnt rlly speak to her characterization before and after. yknow the incident #sorry thats a big mess….. i have thoughts i dont know how to speak them #i could say the same abt the other characters too… how ppl like to equate their whole view of a char #to only a few moments with that char #weve forgotten star tried briefly to take clovers soul </3 but oh well #ok im done jfkdkd this is disorganized

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry! #i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc- #-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)- #and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back?????? #we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro.... #and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end) #but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider) #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[crimeboys]

saint bernard wilbur animatic is so good it always makes me long for a plot where wilbur and dream actually managed to join ranks post-prison break or post-revival like. genuinely it could’ve been so fucking good. i also think it would’ve made inconsolable differences better (which inconsolable differences one of my top streams of all time so that is saying a lot) like the reveal of the tower, of tommy’s admittance to what really happened in exile, of wilbur’s anger toward dream also being a betrayal of dream, i think it could’ve gone so fucking crazy.

#text post #mine #it would of course nix the apology stream plotline and have changed stuff with las nevadas #but i also think rnboo dying and wilbur going to dream rather than phil could’ve been something SO INTERESTING #sorry i dont know what im saying im just. yknow .

[yuukei-yikes]

takane's self deprecating inner monologues mirroring the fandom notoriously misinterpreting her as far meaner than she actually is. *holds head*

#also applies to shintaro #but shintaro is indeed pretty mean in hs soooo #post str i think he'd also be dramatic and sort of a jerk but its like. hes justified (looks at retaining) #hs days shintaro. u will regret this. dont be like that. ive seen into your future. just be nice im begging you #anyways takane. i study her under a microscope #OH and when i say Fandom i mean older fandom #sinceas there hasnt been. Content. yknow. so theres no way of knowing if ppl still interpret her that way #<- i dont have anyone to talk abt kage.pro with❤️ i wouldnt know. i just see what ppl post. sometimes. #what was i talking about #oh yeah #i had a thought i really did. #but i lost it #basically takanes self bashing makes me so sad #shes right to a degree because takane is indeed a selfish person (glares at manga route 2) #she wouldve NEVER walked away. takane being jealous haruka got another friend 1. would not happen 2. even if it did it would NOT keep her #from hanging out with him. #shes precisely too selfish for that. she precisely likes haruka so much and wants to Be with him so bad she doesn't give a fuck what ittake #sorry for the sudden manga 2 bashing i just needed to explain. takane is selfish #and she IS also attention starved❤️❤️❤️ #but she barely recognized her good qualities. if at all #ugh. sorry. i was going somewhere with this. i love her #kagevinnie

[astro-gnome]

starting to think that im forever gonna be lonely and miserable

#im not talking about romance i gave up on that forever ago #i mean just in general #like i really feel like ppl dont even want to tolerate me anymore #i know im not necessarily objectionable. but im just not likeable #ppl are indifferent to me at best and thats it #thats fine i guess. but it would be nice if i felt like someone really wanted to be my friend #it would be nice #i really dont know who i can say is my friend or just someone i know. cos i almost forget what having a real friend feels like #btw im not trying to diminish or dismiss any friendships ive made here or discord or whatever. pls dont feel that way #i know its hard to keep up a connection thru messages and replies #but like i feel that thats all ive got rn yknow?? #anyway ill probs delete this after a night's sleep #im sorry for being emo on tungle. it will happen again

[maskyartist]

*punches a wall* AMNESIAC CLAY WRITES ITSELF-

#masky says #im sorry but the squad(tm) rolling in to meet Clay- #going through the usual excitement and drama cause CLAY!! :D #only for him to awkwardly shuffle closer to Viva like 'haha uhhhh i dont have brothers???' #AND SHIT GETS WORSE FROM THERE!! :D #clay having been injured during the cave in and due to them having just escaped- #-theres nothing for Clay to regain his memories to #no familiar sights or people or anything hes like a whole new person when he wakes up #he knows his name is Clay. and he knows he likes books. hes good with numbers and thats...about it. #he and Viva still make a great team! but thanks to Viva quickly giving up trying to regain Clay's memories with brozone mentions- #-because he always gets so upset or distraught about it- #-the two of em become just ruler and right hand. cliva yuri for life yknow? #the image of JD hoisting clay into a hug while Clay looks at Viva like 'fucking HELP ME???' #clay asking so many questions on their way to Mount Rageous #just the image of him looking branch in the eye like '...what did i do to hurt you? and how do i fix it?'

[mbat]

before i pass out for the night. since my brain is back on dan and phil as if its 2016 or something i need to put this out into the world. this isnt some sort of important life changing post, just a personal funny thing

so when i was 13 and fixating on dan and phil, i read a lot of fanfics. like, i guarantee that even after all these years that, if i had the statistics, that fandom was the one i read the most fanfics for and constantly. i couldnt tell you what nearly any of them were about, and i have a feeling that many of them are probably lost to time by now. i also dont know if i need to mention that yeah, a lot of them were shipping, and yes ive long grown out of that. (the dnp fandom is actually what made me grow out of that)

anyway all this to say that over the last 6 years after i stopped fixating on dan and phil, one fanfic stuck with me and i just. i think about it every once in a while. its been over half a decade. it wasnt a groundbreaking fic, i dont remember any quotes or specifics, just the premise as of at least the first few chapters. idk why it stuck with me

it was literally a fic about. if the world had gotten to a point where almost every child was born as like, a science baby instead of a natural baby, and phil was a science baby, but dan was a natural baby. and there was somehow this like, thing where the science babies would bully the natural babies for some reason idek, and this was a highschool setting and i think dan was a new kid in school. and what gets me about the fic is that dan was some small shy scared kid and phil was some mean jerk bully. and how wild that is compared to how they are in real life

this isnt me trying to find the fic or the person who wrote it or any of that, this is literally just. i remember this fic at least once every few months and i needed to get it out of my brain somewhere

#there are few fics that i remember several years after i read them the first time. this is one of them #depressingly. some of the fics that are on that list are most definitely gone by now #there was one in the vt fandom i still think about 6 years later that i loved. but the person who wrote it hated it :[ #the others that are on that list off the top of my head are the hlvrai mermaid fic and the hlvrai alien weed fic #my brain latches onto the most random fics to remember forever lol #my post #dan and phil #<- tagging for blog purposes. not because i want people to see this #if you see this post. good for you i guess ajfjshd #bur seriously if you know the fic/author of what im talking about. i mean itd be neat to find it again. but dont bother them yknow #its also wild how thats like. such a dystopian novel premise. not in a bad way just a neutral way #i love the premises that people come up with for fanfiction. like. ANYTHING can be a fanfic premise and i find that so magical #i had a fanfic premise that was originally meant to be a dnp fanfic that ive long since changed to be an original thing lol #and its... a weird premise lol. at least i think so #anyway since this is the bottom of the tags and no ones going to read this. i gotta say i have so many thoughts on dnp fanfic culture #and my personal relationship with it which i think. my personal relationship with it was heavily influenced by me being like. #transmasc + mlm but not knowing either yet and how wild that is to look back on #its why i love that one meme pic thats like. 'straight girls who fetishize mlm look like this in 5 years' and it shows a pic of jessie #jessie from breaking bad sorry the tag length ran out #but anyway im not gonna make full posts about that. just wanted to mention it somewhere lol

[horrorwebs]

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

#like. that was my chance. it was THE chance. why am i such a fucking coward #its not like i didnt want to but i couldnt find the way thwre was too many peoñle and i wanted it to be private #so we LEFT for WALK on her NEIGHBOURHOOD that was MY CHANCE. we went to the little park with the swings i REALLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY STH #WHEN ONE OF THE GUYS AT THE PARTY AND HER COUSIN ARRIVED B #TO PICK US UP BY CAR BC SHE HAD TO BLOW THE CANDLES #(<- the party was her birthday cellebration) #like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy #i think i shouldve been a bit more drunk to have told her right away.but i Was working my way through it to tell her it was just hard yknow #im scared ill ruin things if she rejects me. and i feel like she wants to be with me sometimes and that she likes me. #but other times i feel like im just being insane and she will simply reject me #i think her cousin noticed i like her though. (i dont think this is too hard to notice anyway) maybe thatll help? idk. #half the world thinks we are together and i have to wonder why arent we?i like her n i think she likes me (or at least she has in the past) #so whats stopping us? the fact we r in a band together and want a future on that might be something. she has also told my friend she values #the friendship too much or sth like that (my friend doesnt remember very well) but that then means she does like me! but also shell reject #me possibly! or will she? who knows?!! #anyway i think it wouldnt be that bug of a problem anyway for the band if we are mature about it. even it it doesnt work and we decide its #better as friends in a future. i dont think anything she does or i do will be as bad as 'point of no return bad'. #i believe in us. and i feel like the sappiest mf alive too #but see if youve read this far i think you might understand why im such a coward and so scared of telling her i like her #but i was so close of just bljrting it out or kissing her. i did kiss a bit her neck.... sorry lol. but nothing too um .sexual? it was like #peck. but you ask and how did that happen? well see. we were sleeping together. like on top of each other hugging. my face was on her #collarbone. so i was like there. but i dont think she tought much of it sometimes we kiss each others cheeks or whatever and its just like #or maybe she did. there were pther people on the room anyway so ot was like . weird as well bc of that #idk ots just a very ambiguous zone in which i will die forever if i dont work up some courage #this posts always turn onto rants but i dont speak much about her with my friends unless they ask +im a bit drunk.it embarrasses me greatly #spikeposting #loveposting

[unusualshrimp]

i hate mental health content like "heal your inner child 🥺" what if i HATE that thing and want to beat it to a pulp. is that allowed because i think that would fix me

#and yknow what i could probably say something like ''im only hitting you to death with a brick because i love you 💞'' #and it would probably fucking believe me. lmfao #i hate even thinking about it. that's not me that has nothing to do with me and i hate being associated with this atrocity. #who allowed it to exist. fuck you #sorry for ranting but any time i go looking for self help content this Thing comes up somewhere and it's so fucking pretentious. #just seeing the words ''inner child'' anywhere fills me with rage i dont know. #WHAT IS IT AND WHY IS IT CLAIMING TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. FUCK OFF. #it's probably one of those tiktok therapy concepts that gets disproven after a few months tbh. #it's not ''healing'' to think about and all i feel is vitriolic rage. i want to claw out its eyes and hair i want to chop it into pieces #and burry the pieces in different locations and erase it from existence and memory wipe everyone who ever interacted with that waste of air #sorry. #vent tw #i dont know what else to tag it. #tw vent

[dreamcast-official]

hm.

#eli.txt #i think the reason i feel so shit over The Whole Deal is like. god. i just miss talking to them. #sometimes it felt like they were the only person who cared about what i had to say. they were the easiest person to talk to in my life. #and like. basically overnight. they were so distant for what i thought was no reason. and they did not care about me anymore. #i know they were justified in acting that way and its not like they suddenly hate me and dont care about me but god. #thats what it feels like. thats what it fucking feels like!!!! #i didnt just lose my boyfriend i lost one of my best friends and it fucking sucks. it feels like no one is going to put up with me anymore. #idk i dont feel nearly as comfortable talking to Anyone anymore. because when am i gonna know i made a mistake. #how am i gonna know i made a mistake and they suddenly think i hate them and it leads to something like this. how am i gonna know. #and like!! it looks To Me like their life got so much better without me being an active part of it. and i feel like i have just gotten worse #AND THEY WONT FUCKING TALK TO ME! I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE CONVERSATION AND THEY DONT TALK TO ME! AND LIKE. #I KNOW I FUCKED UP BUT IM FUCKING TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LET ME TRY. TALK TO ME. I MISS YOU. #I LOVE YOU. NOT IN THAT SENSE ANYMORE BUT I STILL CARE FOR YOU. YOURE MY FRIEND. FUCKING TALK TO ME. #I KNOW NO AMOUNT OF SAYING IM SORRY CAN FIX IT BUT IM TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT. PLEASE JUST DONT IGNORE ME LIKE THAT. #god i just feel like maybe i meant nothing. maybe theyve just already moved on entirely and i was never anything. #maybe im the only one who still hurts. yknow. i dont think they care about me anymore. #which i could fucking deal with if they just said that instead of flat out ignoring me. #god i just feel like shit. what if i keep fucking up the same way what if i lose everyone the same way and in the end im alone. #i would probably deserve it. if i keep messing up this bad maybe i deserve to be alone. #i know thats not true. but i feel really bad right now. im not thinking. #no one is going to put up with me the way they did. they already dont. #god. im so tired. i wish they would fucking talk to me.

[elegyofthemoon]

I'm still thinking a lot about Ion's grave, and then ranking Ion below Orupeusu in terms of "Most Loved" of the Sunchildren

If you go by Ion's grave, there's a lot of sigils around it -- sigils that you may come across while traversing Enkanomiya (I don't really know if it means much of anything, but iirc I think the sigils also looked like the map of Watatsumi Island--). Maybe the sigils were something related to Ion's fortunetelling for his people -- a charm of good luck he'd give to them to give them some assurance against whatever bad fate awaited them

I guess my brain's going a few different ways with this:

Maybe the people gave Ion sigils to commemorate him because of the joy he'd bring with his fortunes for them. To express their love and gratitude for his act of kindness

In the face of all the false fortunetelling he did, the people would choose to neglect Ion instead, meaning that these sigils instead were made by his caretaker to commemorate him when no one will.

On the same note, because of the false fortunetelling,the people would cast aside the sigils given to them by the Sunchild, returning it back to the Sunchild's side at his tomb. Numbers of false promises of a better life than the one dealt to them.

#OHHHH YKNOW WHAT IM GONNA OPEN GENSHIN TO GO LOOK AROUND ENKANOMIYA AGAIN LMAO #time to go look for the tombs and cry about it LOL #later later though i just needed to air out these thoughts before i go study #for the sunchildren #oh but you know #thinking about the epitaphs as well can give you a good idea as well with how people thought of some of these kids #idk who was in charge of them but #i think ions for example was something like 'gifted with fortunetelling. failed to predict his own' #i think thats like a wonderful piece of 'one sided storytelling' where you only get one part of the story #to someone else he mightve been really good (but the truth is he was lying about all the fortunes to make you happy) #but he knows his own death to come he just didnt say it #maybe thats why he also says something like 'the people here dont have good fate :/' #but anyways #for ion #i love surepio but i think ion might also hit for me as well in terms of fave kids LKAJDHFA #sorry for the favoritism askdjfhsalj but i do love all the kids a lot i just wish i had more info or think more about that #BUT thats what revisiting might do for me... hopefully :)