#like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy

[horrorwebs]

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

#like. that was my chance. it was THE chance. why am i such a fucking coward #its not like i didnt want to but i couldnt find the way thwre was too many peoñle and i wanted it to be private #so we LEFT for WALK on her NEIGHBOURHOOD that was MY CHANCE. we went to the little park with the swings i REALLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY STH #WHEN ONE OF THE GUYS AT THE PARTY AND HER COUSIN ARRIVED B #TO PICK US UP BY CAR BC SHE HAD TO BLOW THE CANDLES #(<- the party was her birthday cellebration) #like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy #i think i shouldve been a bit more drunk to have told her right away.but i Was working my way through it to tell her it was just hard yknow #im scared ill ruin things if she rejects me. and i feel like she wants to be with me sometimes and that she likes me. #but other times i feel like im just being insane and she will simply reject me #i think her cousin noticed i like her though. (i dont think this is too hard to notice anyway) maybe thatll help? idk. #half the world thinks we are together and i have to wonder why arent we?i like her n i think she likes me (or at least she has in the past) #so whats stopping us? the fact we r in a band together and want a future on that might be something. she has also told my friend she values #the friendship too much or sth like that (my friend doesnt remember very well) but that then means she does like me! but also shell reject #me possibly! or will she? who knows?!! #anyway i think it wouldnt be that bug of a problem anyway for the band if we are mature about it. even it it doesnt work and we decide its #better as friends in a future. i dont think anything she does or i do will be as bad as 'point of no return bad'. #i believe in us. and i feel like the sappiest mf alive too #but see if youve read this far i think you might understand why im such a coward and so scared of telling her i like her #but i was so close of just bljrting it out or kissing her. i did kiss a bit her neck.... sorry lol. but nothing too um .sexual? it was like #peck. but you ask and how did that happen? well see. we were sleeping together. like on top of each other hugging. my face was on her #collarbone. so i was like there. but i dont think she tought much of it sometimes we kiss each others cheeks or whatever and its just like #or maybe she did. there were pther people on the room anyway so ot was like . weird as well bc of that #idk ots just a very ambiguous zone in which i will die forever if i dont work up some courage #this posts always turn onto rants but i dont speak much about her with my friends unless they ask +im a bit drunk.it embarrasses me greatly #spikeposting #loveposting