#(<- the party was her birthday cellebration)

[horrorwebs]

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

#like. that was my chance. it was THE chance. why am i such a fucking coward #its not like i didnt want to but i couldnt find the way thwre was too many peoñle and i wanted it to be private #so we LEFT for WALK on her NEIGHBOURHOOD that was MY CHANCE. we went to the little park with the swings i REALLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY STH #WHEN ONE OF THE GUYS AT THE PARTY AND HER COUSIN ARRIVED B #TO PICK US UP BY CAR BC SHE HAD TO BLOW THE CANDLES #(<- the party was her birthday cellebration) #like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy #i think i shouldve been a bit more drunk to have told her right away.but i Was working my way through it to tell her it was just hard yknow #im scared ill ruin things if she rejects me. and i feel like she wants to be with me sometimes and that she likes me. #but other times i feel like im just being insane and she will simply reject me #i think her cousin noticed i like her though. (i dont think this is too hard to notice anyway) maybe thatll help? idk. #half the world thinks we are together and i have to wonder why arent we?i like her n i think she likes me (or at least she has in the past) #so whats stopping us? the fact we r in a band together and want a future on that might be something. she has also told my friend she values #the friendship too much or sth like that (my friend doesnt remember very well) but that then means she does like me! but also shell reject #me possibly! or will she? who knows?!! #anyway i think it wouldnt be that bug of a problem anyway for the band if we are mature about it. even it it doesnt work and we decide its #better as friends in a future. i dont think anything she does or i do will be as bad as 'point of no return bad'. #i believe in us. and i feel like the sappiest mf alive too #but see if youve read this far i think you might understand why im such a coward and so scared of telling her i like her #but i was so close of just bljrting it out or kissing her. i did kiss a bit her neck.... sorry lol. but nothing too um .sexual? it was like #peck. but you ask and how did that happen? well see. we were sleeping together. like on top of each other hugging. my face was on her #collarbone. so i was like there. but i dont think she tought much of it sometimes we kiss each others cheeks or whatever and its just like #or maybe she did. there were pther people on the room anyway so ot was like . weird as well bc of that #idk ots just a very ambiguous zone in which i will die forever if i dont work up some courage #this posts always turn onto rants but i dont speak much about her with my friends unless they ask +im a bit drunk.it embarrasses me greatly #spikeposting #loveposting

[idreamofplaid]

Hold to a Memory

Summary: Dean goes to visit Jody on his “farewell tour” sure that Michael will be the end of him.

Characters: Dean x Jody (sort of); Sam, Claire, and Michael mentioned

Word Count: 1000

A/N: I wrote this for @spnskinnyballs 500 Follower Cellebration Challenge. I’m sure you have many more by now G! I adore your writing!!

My prompt was Jody and balloons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The colors of the balloons were bright and festive; Dean’s heart was heavy. At present the balloons were flat, lifeless things similar to the emptiness Dean was feeling inside right now. His eyes told another story. They were wistful, touched by regret and sadness.

Jody entered the room carrying another box of decorations. “C’mon, Winchester. Those balloons aren’t going to fill up with air by themselves.”

Dean let the blue balloon he was holding fall back onto the pile. He answered with a smile that knew no happiness. “Yeah, right.” His thoughts were far away.

He wordlessly helped Jody start to unpack the box. She had streamers, banners, everything you’d need for a party. She spread the items out on the table in an order Dean knew made sense to her.”Where’d you leave Sam?”

Dean got a far-away look in his eye and swallowed. “He’s at the bunker doing research. I decided to take a road trip on my own.”

Jody stopped what she was doing and gave Dean an unwavering stare. “Okay. Spill it. What’s going on?”

Dean tied off the balloon he had just blown up and dropped it. Then he attempted to turn on the charm that usually got him out of most situations. “Can’t a guy take a trip and see the people he cares about?”

Dean had reached for another balloon. Jody put her hand on his wrist to stop him. “Really, Dean? You don’t even talk about feelings, much less admit them.” Dean shrugged his shoulders, and Jody let go of his wrist. “Fine...for now. But we are coming back to this. Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

Dean helped Jody with the rest of the balloons and hanging the signs around her house. She had wanted to go all out for Claire’s “hunter’s anniversary”. Claire had never expressed any interest in birthday parties, but Jody was sure she’d like this. It was her way of showing support for Claire’s choice.

When they were done, Dean took a long look around the room. “I tried to do this for Sammy once.” Dean poked at one of the balloons watching it move then cast his head down, remembering. “There weren’t many balloons, just a pack I stole from the gas station.” He let out an ironic little laugh. “There was no cake either. I was sure I couldn’t pull that off, so I tried cupcakes instead.”

Dean did laugh genuinely now. “They were a lopsided mess with big globs of frosting, but Sammy loved them.” It was a fleeting moment. His eyes quickly clouded again with regret for the way things had been and the way things never would be.

Jody had moved closer to Dean, and she reached up to brush away the tear that was now sliding down his cheek. “Dean, tell me what’s going on.”

He scrubbed his palm down his face, looked at Jody, and sighed deeply. “It’s...uh...Michael. He’s in me, locked in my mind. But...I can’t keep him there.” Dean dropped his head again then raised his tormented green eyes to Jody. “He’s going to break out, and I can’t let that happen.”

Jody cupped Dean’s cheek in her hand. Her features had shifted from the earlier lighthearted gleam in her eye and easy smile to concern and more than a little fear. She was well aware of the kinds of drastic measures Dean was capable of taking. “Dean, tell me what you’re going to do.”

“Make sure Michael stays locked away.” Jody had put her hands on both sides of Dean’s face, holding it now. “He can’t get out, Jody. He’ll destroy everything.” Dean’s eyes were shining with tears.

In this moment, Jody could feel the heaviness in his heart that he wore on his face. Dean licked his lips and cast his eyes to the side, unable to look at her. “I made a box. It’ll hold him. both of us...at the bottom of the ocean. He’ll never be able to hurt anyone.”

Jody began to shake her head slightly. “There has to be another way. Dean, there has to be.”

Dean put his hand over one of hers. “How?”

“You’ve sacrificed yourself enough, Dean. Give Sam some time. He’ll find something else, another way. He will.”

Jody touched her lips lightly to Dean’s. “Stay here with me.”

He was slow with his answer, and Jody dropped her hands from his face. “Jody, don’t take this as a rejection. But I’ve had enough sex in my life, and it isn’t helping me any now.”

“Oh, Honey. I’m not talking about sex.” Jody barely brushed her lips against Dean’s. “I’m talking about something much more important that that.”

Jody did take Dean to bed with her and there she held him. She held him and whispered to him of all the noble and brave things he’d done. She told him how important his life was and how he deserved to have one. she combed her fingers through his hair and held him in her arms while he slept, listening to the soft sound of his breathing and kissing his forehead when he stirred.

When morning came, Dean slipped quietly from the bed. He looked back at Jody’s sleeping form and spoke in the softest of whispers. “I hope you understand. I have to do this.” He made his way to the living room where the balloons he’d helped Jody with the day before lay scattered, hung, and taped to the walls. Dean picked up one of the balloons from the floor and held it while he let himself indulge in another memory of his innocent little brother before Sam knew there were monsters.

After a long while, Dean let the balloon fall and made his way to the front door. He took one last look back. “I have to do this for you Sammy, for all the people I love.” He turned, walked out and the door closed behind him with a gentle click.

@waywardbaby @ladywinchester1967 @wotinspntarnation @evansrogerskitten @emoryhemsworth @coffee-obsessed-writer @sorenmarie87 @ackleholicwinchester @akhuna01 @cosicas-cuquis @sandlee44 @bitterstar88 @mirandaaustin93 @akshi8278 @adoptdontshoppets @pretty-fortune @maddiepants @its-a-spn-thing @oldfreakything @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @timelordy-fangirl2 @dean-winchesters-bacon @mrs-meghan-winchester @winecatsandpizza

#spnskinnyballscards #dean angst #dean one shot #spn spoilers #season 14