#sometimes i regret doing things

[viviebeevie]

I like thinking about Wesker brooding in his office counting down the days to Arklay Mountains

#he’s very handsome and very ugly at the same time #i need to do things to him #Albert Wesker #resident evil #re1 #resident evil stars #stars wesker #i think his relationship with STARS is so interesting #i don’t think he regrets it because it was necessary but like. #he was their captain for a while #to a degree he had to trust them. he built a relationship w/ them all #so idk #IDK #i think sometimes #vibbet’s art

[peliginspeaks]

Listen, I'm sorry to the people who draw Veils in torn/bloody robes because of the whole Vake thing but you're simply wrong. Do you think Veils would Ever go out like that. Do you think it doesn't have fifteen changes of clothes ready immediately, with options depending on the day and occasion, to climb into when it comes back from killing things. Of course it does. Veils is getting home, taking a shower in the Bazaar, putting on a new perfectly clean robe with accent panels and silk trim, and then dabbing 1 (one) tasteful bloodstain on the hem of it with a claw because it's arrogant and it thinks it can get away with it. What is a Veils if it's not serving cunt. Of course it is.

#Fallen London #Mr Veils #BaL spoilers #i do love veils it's awful. i love it as the interpretation of a beast unchained and a wild thing resenting its constraints #and that's the most common interpretation of it i tend to see #but Also it is a politician. so so so clearly. it covers up its crimes with spotless cufflinks and talks the blood away #it's spent hundreds of years swaying who it wants and killing who it wants in kind #the apparent clashing of its domains is funny sometimes but also to me it makes perfect sense #fashion and violence. look elevated enough and anyone will believe you. kill ruthlessly enough and the ones who don't don't matter #it's the perfect cover #it's also why in spite of seeing some relatability in its moments of straining for freedom Hallowrove doesn't regret killing it #if it were just a beast following its instincts out of control that would be one thing #if it were even a consicous thing bringing anything to ruin it could as revenge for being trapped that's another #but it just so clearly enjoys having power over things. and using that power to crush #and the manipulation beforehand #...hm. makes me wonder if the feelings in the early vake dreams were genuine #or if it constructed the rush to lure the player further into hunting it #.... you know what i think it was genuine actually. and i think it still doesn't matter. #sorry for bag a legend rambling on the funny poast i just think about it a lot still #in spite of finishing more than a year ago

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange? #its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it! #I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express. #But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right? #And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life. #But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

[idolomantises]

there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities

#txt #was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn #and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting? #i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings #im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to #overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do #its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice #the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you #still lack #even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is. #and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included) #i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at #such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them #i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own #personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes #people really do find things that they love within them. #anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art #sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on #and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me #but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back #and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit #that it’s all worth it. ya know?

[arunneronthird]

self portrait of a comic fan in the morning

#i love comics so much #i love overanalyzing and rethinking everything #but i also sometimes just wanna burn dc to the ground #do i regret it? not really #my art #dont expect things like these often i just need to draw thoughts sometimes

[pansyfemme]

im hoping after this semester ends i will just cease to exist. just straight up disapear into the atmosphere. not so much die as just like. never have been a person to begin with

#god. #sorry to make weird vent posts i will regret in the morning or if anyone so much asks me how i am doing i will break down crying but yknow #sometimes i want to message all of my friends horrible things and do embarassing things in public just so everyone will hate me enough to #not give a fuck if i just disapear forever maybe #not that i could ever do that. the guilt of saying anything bad to my friends would kill me first. honestly the guilt of admitting that #thought is already bad enough #vent tw #sorry

[thotsfortherapy]

having mommy issues be like I hate that you know me I hate that we’re related I hate that you birthed me I hate that you don’t know how to love me properly I hate that you can’t see how much you hurt me I hate that I’m expected to love you

#cy says stuff #I moved out when I was 17 for a reason #but I do still go back to visit when schools out sometimes and I regret it every single time #every time we talk I’m like damn is it time to call it quits because this is not it #I literally feel like I’m constantly on the brink of being disowned or kicked out of the house when I’m there #but it’s also for things like. bringing a single bottle of wine to a Christmas party that I did not even drink #or like. moving in with my partner of 4 years. because we are going to the 2nd most expensive city in Canada and girl I cannot pay the rent #or being upset when she reads my diary ?? or reads my credit card statements without permission and also just like behind my back?? #like do you think I’m not going to find out when you bring up information you only would’ve known if you had read those things #I can put two and two together… #also I’m literally almost done my university degree. i am fully an adult. these should not be issues ! #ahhhhh!!! #anyways I will speak to my therapist about this lol #also y’all my friends are always like oh I love my mom and it just seems to be a socially accepted thing that you should love your mom #but what if your mom sucks what then #I genuinely cannot relate to them I’m like literally what does that feel like #the first time I felt loved was when I was 15 lol there is 0 love in my family #anyways ! #it’s okay I am out of it and I have been out of it #just #always on the brink of cutting her off forever lol #some ppl just never change as much as you want them to and that is tough to accept. #it is also harder because society is telling my that I need to stay loyal to my family cause they’re blood #but if this were anyone else I would’ve blocked them so long ago 😭

[skrunksthatwunk]

kuwabara sketch dump bc i had a dream where he was just sittin there last night and i love him and i miss him :((

#im just projecting onto him a little bit #had a profound experience sitting in front of a drum kit that i never posted about but wrote a long ass ramble about. rip kuwabara you #would've loved drumming #hey wait wasn't he the drummer in that band official art #HE WAS OMG #anyway default gesture/stim/filler action has become doing the rock on thing at people like. all the fucking time #and i've also been getting vaguely into metal bc my buddy has good taste and is very passionate about metal #so like. again im just having experiences that i am now channeling through him. think it would be really funny to draw him renovating a #bathroom or something bc that's also going on in my life. i mean im not doing it but i wanna make him do and then regret diy plumbing #yyh #yu yu hakusho #kuwabara kazuma #also posting this at like 5am bc that's when i did it and also it's kinda bad lol #sometimes posts are for me. that's all #skrunkart

[bloodbathfortwo]

What does everyone think of Nigel Forbes-Colbie ever getting pregnant? It doesn't matter how you interpret it: Omegaverse, males can get pregnant Au, Trans! Nigel. Just tell me your guys' headcanons of Nigel's pregnancy: The changes, the hardships, the softness, and the vulnerabilities.

#murderous intent #like minds 2006 #like minds #alex forbes #nigel colbie #Alex Forbes X Nigel Colbie #Nigel Colbie x Alex Forbes #If you guys haven't noticed my recent posts I've been feeling way too soft for this fandom #Like #Too soft #And it's both Nigel and Alex's fault for making me too soft when all I want is to cause chaos and do crimes #To be honest I'd like to Imagine Nigel's pregnancy as an arduous one: Swollen feet . Sore back. Weird cravings. Mood swings. Everything. #And he isn't used to seeing himself get swollen with life each and every day. While Alex is so gullible first thing in the morning because #of the baby bump growing every single day. And Nigel getting rounder every week. #Sure. Nigel is enjoying being pampered by Alex with all these services and gifts but sometimes he thinks that he isn't that attractive #Anymore for Alex. And that while he's carrying his children he will leave him like a used toy. #He'd have instances where he'd feel conflicting feelings for their child and think of possibilities of removing her from his body #But he'd soon regret it. He just breaks down into tiny little pieces of ever thinking of their daughter that way. His and ALEX"S #He can never stomach killing her. He can never stomach ruining her beautiful life that he has yet witnessed. #He still has his self-harm tendencies but he avoids it. He avoids harming his angel. His miracle. His life. #He wants to be a good father to his child. He wants to nurture her. Feed her knowledge and love. Cater to her needs and be at her beck #and call: be a father. #Alex knows what's happening to Nigel. They talk. And they talk everyday. He knows how much it can be hard for Nigel during his pregnancy #And he will always be there to protect his spouse and his unborn child. #He will spite their original purpose in order to create their own purpose. Which Nigel had a hard time letting go of. #It was hard. Seeing the history that made them into the people they are today. But it had to #they had to change #change for their family. #For their miracle. #And Nigel seeing Alex being this doting makes him fall for him ten times more

[lillazyboithings]

Introduction to the artist

I am @lillazyboithings, or you may call me noodle, or any silly nickname that’s not mean

I am an artist for both traditional and digital mediums

I primarily use She/They pronouns but any pronouns are okay with me

If you have any art requests for me, feel free to send me an ask!

I primarily post Hatchetfield and occasional RTC art here but if you do see art from any other fandom then that was just me having a new hyperfixation to juggle with the others

More information below:

I only have Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest as platforms i also post art in (rarely) so if you are planning to repost my art on other platforms (i.e. Instagram, Reddit, Pinterest too, etc.) please ASK for my permission and credit me if you do plan on using them.

I am not particularly interested in conflict so i will mostly avoid it

Stuff i am interested in so far:

Ride the cyclone

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Analog horror

Asian horror

Over The Garden Wall

Hatchetfield series

My Hobbies include:

Drawing

Reading (sometimes)

Gaming (only 2 rpg games so far and the rest are stuff to cure my boredom)

Writing (before anyone asks, i only write the stuff that comes to my head, i am not an actual writer, these are only for AUs i have-)

singing

Some extra information:

I am also a STEM student so if I disappear too long or act like i’m barely keeping it together, don’t worry about it, it’s just because of school work and activities related to them

Time zones are sometimes an issue for me since i am not American (specifically Filipino) so most of the time I am ahead of most people i know, timezone is GMT+8

I have a discord account but I am only found in like, 1 rtc related server and 2 public starkid servers (Because I literally don't know how to find more), so if you eventually find where I am in other places, uhhh, surprise-

I love listening to music but I mostly listen to rock or anything that vibes with me so if you have any song recommendations i might listen to them

I already made an Ao3 account just to read shit over there and comment

My brain now switches between Gary Goldstein, Nischa, Lautski, Michie, Paulkins, and Perfectdolls.

I swear a bunch but i try to limit it

You’re free to also send me random asks that are not requests, I’m gonna answer them

If you send me an ask game/tag me on a tag game, if I don’t answer that doesn’t mean i hate you, it just means I literally have no idea what to do/got really busy

I don’t know how to do a DNI but basically don’t be an asshole or a porn bot

I will occasionally post art of AUs that belong to mutuals of mine 

Possible general tags I may use:

Art tag: my art (i am uncreative, sue me)

Asks tag: noodleanswers

Text posts: noodles brain oodles

Reblog tag: none

Mutuals tag: moot time/moot appreciation

This is basically it, I guess? Will add more information if necessary, thank you for reading!

#noodle's introduction #introduction #blog intro #I literally only did this just to seem more organized #Im supposed to do a reading assignment but nooooo i decided to do this instead #procrastination is indeed a strong thing #gosh im gonna be so fucked when tuesday comes around- #this is why I regret being in STEM sometimes- #homework sucks y'all #dont follow my procrastinating ass by being lazy on your assignments y'all!

[coquelicoq]

one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.

#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this #i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder #but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw) #(and some of them are contractors for others of them) #the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later #when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me #i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.' #which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was #'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning' #but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden #the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault #because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing #<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations #no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as #an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things #to vent about #my posts

[itspileofgoodthings]

I would like to make peace with everyone I’ve ever wronged but sometimes I don’t know how :(

#you know? sometimes you DO regret things #but it’s hard to undo #I guess just pray for them #life is messy!

[rocicrew]

im !! on main again abt naomi and the concept of agency. it's subtle, as in she's never actually voiced that's the problem but after everything with marco, after everything she would do for marco once, she truly lashes out any time anyone makes choices for her or for her own good. personally that's where i see the big fracture with her and amos even if she loves him even if he's the first person she considered family after marco. amos undoubtedly would and has killed for her. except she knows what it's like to have your hands filled with blood for someone else. amos may not see it that way but it doesn't make her feeling of responsibility for him any lighter— something she never wanted in the first place. what happens on ganymede is especially telling of that, it's the first time he stops her and she lashes out, using the sedatives even if she comes to regret it. same thing with holden and the sample— she feels powerless in their decision so she hides the fact that she thought the belt should have it and she hides that she kept it even if again she comes to regret the way she went about it. hell even on their fight about the disabled missile, she's furious he chose for her until holden says this was something he couldn't live with. it's then she listens truly listens and says her side on this too. because the decision stopped being just for her at i don't have it in me.

#naomi nagata #nothing just being emo abt naomi again on main #im not actually sure i fi ished my thought process there but shh #technically it's also what burdens her relationship with drummer #yes she's been forced into a positio n that she had to ask something of drummer #but if she were not cornered if it was not the only way to do the right thing she wouldn't press #drummer would do anything for her & she doesn't want that #it scares her still #bc what happened with marco always hangs above her like a shadow #sometimes darker something lighter but shs can't will it away and it leads her to things she regrets #or at least the ways she goes about them #bc at times like those she still feels like an animal in a trap and the only way out is with something drastic

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

dietitian warned me the other day i may need to go inpatient if this keeps getting worse and it hasn't left my mind ever since. partly because i don't see the reason. i am literally gaining weight. and also because a non-zero part of me wants to go back inpatient and i don't know why

#and also because self destructive impulse go brrrrrr #steadily lying more and more about being full again so that's fun #unfortuantely eating disorders are chronic and will only go into remission not go away entirely!!! so if i just die that will solve that #problem right :) #personal #tw suicide #tw ed #puddleglum hours #i don't want ot have to keep myself alive anymore!! i am so tired #i don't even have a diagnosed eating disorder lol #hilariously funny to me in a terrible way #diagnosed with Big Sad disorder (mdd) but not Can't Eat disorder which is what i originally went to get help with when i first reach out to #a doctor #you know how often i regret that? so so often #im just here like LET ME DIE when the two times in teh last two days i have been Left Alone With Knives i have Talked Myself Out of using #them #in part because im scared of trying and failing again #in part also because i don't want to scar my siblings yknow?? like a friend once said that sometimes you refrain from doing things for othe #people and not yourself and i think she was so right

[nuatthebeach]

ugh you ever post a fic under a multi-chap collection of mini fics instead of as a stand-alone and want to stomp yourself with a saw chain because whydidyoudothat

#THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR DOING THINGS FOR THE AESTHETICS DAMMIT #IF ANYONE KNOWS A WAY TO CHANGE IT LMK #i genuinely regret making come let's walk for miles sometimes #alright rant over #sike i lied #WHY DIDNT YOU MAKE IT A SERIES NU WHY #WHY MULTICHAP WHY

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

so i never said this to anyone and bottling this up is exhausting so i'm just gonna vomit it here. PLEASE SENSITIZE CHILDREN TO ART.

#raj shitposting #so on new year's eve my apartment complex decided to have like a little carnival and people were invited to set up stalls for their stuff #so my mother is a mix media artist and i FORCED her to set up a stall which i kinda sorta regret now because of this thing that happened #so we were setting up our stall and a little boy comes up and wants to purchase something from the jewelry section and when we #tell him the price of the piece he calls my MOTHER'S ART A SCAM. A SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL PHOTOSYNTHESIS!!! #WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A SCAM ACTUALLY IS. CALLS MY MOTHER'S ENTIRE ART A SCAM. #i wanted to smack him so hard across the face but my mother held me back and told me to calm down and asked him to get lost. #but the entire day our mood was rotten about this #PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD TELL YOUR CHILDREN THAT IT'S NOT OKAY TO INSULT SOMEONE'S WORK LIKE THAT!!!!!!! #YOU IMBECILE IT'S EXPENSIVE BECAUSE IT REQUIRES SKILL AND MATERIAL THAT IS DIFFICULT TO PROCURE AND KNOWLEDGE THAT IN ITSELF IS HELLA- #-EXPENSIVE TO GATHER!!!!! #ART IS INVALUABLE GUYS WHY DO YOU THINK OUR PARENTS PRESERVE THOSE STUPID ASS CRAYON LANDSCAPES FROM OUR CHILDHOOD????? #he might be a child and not know what any of this means but he could just back off... this is NOT curiosity it's mean spiritedness #and FUCKING RUDE #i was a child sometime in my life. i never talked shit like that to a 40 YEAR OLD AND TALKED BACK WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO BACK OFF #smh #anti intellectualism #art