#so theres resentment even without the fight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drdemonprince · 6 months

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if you ever have the time and space to answer this i'd be very thankful

how can i take any let downs by friends less personal and continue giving people chances/inviting them in and being vulnerable without hurting myself/gettung hurt in the process? i'm guessing the answer is to find a balance, but are there ways to go about it easier? no matter how much i try to communicate and and manage expectations... i appreciate my friends greatly, but still i often feel let down when they cant come to things that are important to me though i understand that things can happen and theres usually reasons for not being able to make something and i am not their priority number one in a system that exhausts all of us- it just keeps happening and i don't want to grow bitter and alone but cherish the people in my life and trust they are trying their best

I think you can start by practicing being more flaky and unreliable and more reliant up on your friends' grace as well! When we feel resentful, it is often a sign that we are doing far too much, and not having our needs cared for. I used to be one of the most reliable mother fuckers around -- it was my senior superlative, actually, Most Reliable! ha! -- and I resented just about everyone for being less put together, less likely to follow through, less prone to doing what they said and saying what they'd do than me. I was a bitter little Type A overachieving cunt who considered myself superior to everyone (in part because my hyper literal Autistic ass believed that if you said you were going to do something, that meant you absolutely Had to Do It and Why Would Anybody Lie about a thing like that?)

Today I am a fuckin MESS and I am a much better person for it. I amble up just barely on time, I cancel plans, I forget things, I tell someone I can't make it even if in the most literal sense I could but I don't feel like it -- and many of my friends are tired, spent, fuzzy brained exhausted messes too! And it's fine! I have some friends that I regularly rely upon to cancel our plans because it frees up a little extra room in my schedule that I always wind up needing. I'm not mad or disappointed in them for bailing, my ass is relieved because I definitely have some shit to get to myself and probably four other people that I'm kinda letting down at the moment. It's not that any of us lack concern for one another, that's just what being a busy adult is in this day and age. We have work and creative pursuits and lots of friends and fucking and exercise and tile to regrout. Shit happens. It's not a big deal if I end up needing to see the movie solo or if we need to reschedule our breakfast date. Shit happens. I have too many actual problems to make a problem out of someone having a hangover and not being able to show up to my birthday or whatever. I missed their birthday last year, but I'll make it there this year, and maybe next time they'll make mine, too. The grace of accepting chaos washes it all away. My friends are my fellow comrades in the fuckin trenches and we each get to make one another's tours a little less miserable by understanding shit's crazy and fucked and that none of it is personal and that at the end, we still love eachother and are doing our best.

With time, may you find that kind of serenity and that ability to just keep on moving in life rather than fixating on the little slights and unpredictable things that will happen whether we fight them or not. Don't read too much into anyone's cancellation of plans or lateness or flakiness. Put your mind toward more interesting problems in your life, ones that some thinking can help solve. Easier said than done, but you'll get there. If my bitter anal retentive ass could become so sloppy and lovingly blase so can you!

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antiwhores · 2 years

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Brand New; Bakugouxreader

After chasing you away when it was revealed that you were pregnant, you start a new life. The baby didn’t survive so your life was your own withiut trave of him. A life without Bakugou. Can he do the same as good as you? You’re happy. Is he?

TW: hurt, angst, no comfort for Bakugou, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, break ups, fighting (verbal), good ending for reader, not proof read, unprotected sex, hatred.

I was just in that angsty mood yk? Yall btw, i wanna cut my vagina off fr. And i dont want myears anymore. Whats the point of hearing if it only works sometimes?! Ugh.

You resented him. Bakugou was officially dead to you. In fact he had been dead to you for a while. But when he decided to pop up into your life and try to ruin it again. You were pissed.

During your sophmore year of highschool you were dating Bakugou. You two were childhood friends, attached at the hip. But when he decided that fucking with a faulty condom would be a good thing, even when you protested, it all changed.

He got you pregnant. All because he didn’t wanna wait to get his dick wet till he could get a new condom to replace of the one he’d been carrying in his pocket for the whole span of the 3 day camping trip you two took.

Didn’t he understand that this was a huge change for you too? No, he was selfish.

“I don’t have time for a damn child! Im trying to be a hero for gods sake!” “Okay?! You can’t just try to force and abortion on me like that you piece of shit! This was all you! And you think I don’t have shit to do with my life to?!” “Your life isnt as important as mine!”

You packed your shit and left that week. You never looked back. And you regret nothing.

You moved out to the far countryside of Japan. Somewhere hidden in the fog of a deserted, closed off town. You finished your highschool years in that small little village. You got to know everyone in the town. You went to college in another side of the outskirts and graduated with a degree that would keep you happy.

The baby didn’t survive, you didn’t even have time to think about whether or not you wanted to keep it before it died. You remember going to the doctor about a day or two after the incident to check on the parasite in your stomach. It was gone.

You remember laughing biterly, tears whelling up at what the doctor told you. All that bickering and loss just for a false alarm. You were sick.

Now, for the first time in a long time, you were happy. You were 24 with a house and car, a stable job, plenty of non-judging allies, friends and good relationships, financial stability, a nice area of living, and most of all; you were without him.

You swore never to step back into the city again unless absolutely necessary. Not even for family visits. The family that did want to see you came out to you instead of vice versa. You also made sure not to tell any of your old friends where you had gone.

You knew he patrolled the streets. Even if theres a small chance you’d see him again, you wanted to prevent that at all costs.

But apparently no matter how far you ran, the past ran faster.

Everyone in the town knew eachothers stories and you were no exception. The town knew that you had been betrayed by such a famous man. They were kind, they took down any advertisements for the man, they talked shit whenever he came up on tv, etc.

So of course all hell broke loose when he came to your small town to work on a case. They knew they needed to keep you away from him and they knew how.

So, as Bakugou was roaming the streets, spreading his bitter aura like the plague on everything he touched, you hid.

The plan was almost compromised when he met eyes with you breifly. You were in a neighbors house when it happened. Everyone had just been notified that he came through so you weren’t ready.

You dissapeared from the window as quickly as you came. Even though he beckoned himself a fool, a crazy man for even thinking his first love was in this building after all these years still as gorgeous as he remembers; he still found himself walking up to the door and placing a firm knock.

It was not you whom answered his knock but the neighbor. A tiny brown woman with glassy green eyes who looked about 25. A coldness wafted off of her as she questioned his reasoning for knocking. He felt like a borderline schizophrenic. According to himself, he was just so deperate to see her again that when he saw a woman around the same age as you he was stiff and stunned.

He packed his shit and left that week. He looked back. He regreted everything.

#bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou smut #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou angst

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year

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oh! theres actually something thats been going around on bsd twitter that rimbaud and verlaine were, in a way, a generation of soukoku themselves? unofficially? and i think it makes sense! theres also those little parallels between rimbaud and dazai believing in verlaine and chuuyas humanity....the meta sense where one has a lighter hair color and the other dark....etc etc..i really wished we could've seen rimbaud and verlaine more as a duo, and what kind of dynamic they have back then.

Oh yeah there’s definitely parallels! What’s neat though is that both Dazai and Chuuya have commonalities with both Rimbaud and Verlaine.

Dazai - Rimbaud: dark hair, polite, logical and detached except with specific people who they intensely care for, grows darker from extended time spent in the dark, thinks the world of their respective partnerships and always see their partner as human

Dazai - Verlaine: nihilistic worldview, think they should not have been born, feel inherently different and separate from humanity, feel like a cursed/unholy existence and think negatively of themselves (which unfortunately enables them to be worse), decide to make their problems everyone else’s problems

Chuuya - Rimbaud: follow the commands of their organizations yet have more personally driven motivations, enjoy having a trusted other at their side, assert the importance of living - a refusal of their partner’s brand of defeated nihilism, see Verlaine as just like a human even though he’s a clone and empathize with him

Chuuya - Verlaine: lighter hair, same ability, similar appearance, similar backstory, never stops fighting, destructive with the wish to burn everything down (though Chuuya fights this), cocky and flaunts their strength (the pear scene with N) but this strength also makes them feel outcasted, deeply deeply lonely

These are just off the top of my head so I’m sure there’s more if you really go through the text (and perhaps I also misspoke on some of these), but there’s a lot there already. It seems pretty deliberate, from an author’s standpoint.

The thing that Rimbaud and Verlaine didn’t have was that mutual unshakeable trust that makes Soukoku so powerful. Rimbaud trusted Verlaine, but Verlaine was resentful, and that destroyed them. And that’s kind of why I’d like to see at least one of their missions together - because I bet you that would show. What would that look like? Both occupying similar positions? Lack of communication? One of them deviates without warning but “it’s fine because it all worked out”? Really neat to think about.

#oh also they are gay and in love #<-joking but also not #I’m just saying. why have the two authors who were in an irl toxic relationship that is absolutely the inspiration for their partnership #falling apart due to a betrayal #foil your new partnership that is being established in that same book with numerous ship tease moments later on.#regardless of your interpretation on this it is certainly a choice.#thanks for the ask!#bsd #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #soukoku #skk #bsd rimbaud #bsd verlaine #rimlaine #storyrambles

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mako-neexu · 9 months

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What do you think it would take to legitimately break guda? Not in the way where they will recover within a few hours/minutes like in lost will, but legitimately mentally*break*. The kind where they go ape shit, cutoff their emotions cause it's too much, or become an emotional wreck. Breaking in a way where they are no longer able to function semi-normally as they have been if not become a full on beast of humanity.

i think thats an easy question.

Hmm but ngl canon-wise outright Beast Guda would never happen (or they would die first before it comes to that/or juvenile beast at best??? seal designation is also their next sentence if part 3 happens in the current world where chaldea is persecuted)

... bc they really dont have the ability to give up/cant afford to give up given how bloodstained their hands are at this point, except it did in some way happen in a jp event but thats an event and not canon.

So if it fanon then this is the delusion/scenario in my head:

Killing Mash off in the story.

As in Dr. Roman-dead. No Throne of Heroes allowing them to meet again. No plot armor. Remove all traces of Galahad's elements from Mash to prevent her being fully imprinted into the throne. Turn her simply into the homunculus Marisbury created for his project. Back to the girl who was a successful experiment, unfeeling, cold and innocent. Just an unremarkable thing. Then pull a final curtain call on her.

or just outright kill her without fanfare. +No Throne of Heroes allowing them to meet again. no fou to save her. no grand exit, no final goodbye speech. just a cold and ruthless death.

(Guda already loves a lot, to their friends, to their found family, to the people they meet, says hello and goodbye, saving them as long as theyre able to, as long as they can still think and breathe, theyre a tool to the counter force, two qualifications of becoming a beast fulfilled with "beings oppressed/persecuted by humanity" about to be true if chaldea manages to bring back the real world from CHALDEAS- ah then again theyre already persecuted by the humanity of olympus... )

(theres also where they absorbed all the grief, burdens, feelings, regrets, resentment and curses deep in the trash heap of their subconscious from facing enemies left and right, to the present, the future, and alternate worlds, if left to rot and spread it could also manifest beast guda?)

Mash is one of the people who has been there from the "start"

guda reached out to mash in her last moments in the explosion, held her hand and stayed by her side. to make sure she doesnt die alone and suffering. one offer of a hand was enough to grant a person peace in their last moments. that act of kindness was enough to change a timeline.

guda's kouhai, shield, friend, lover, companion, exclusive servant, a special bond grown by fighting side by side for what feels like almost a decade or more, mash is the servant and the one closest to guda in grand order.

mash is the one who keeps guda from going off the rails, mash is the one person who has bonded with almost the same people as them, so they share the burden and pain. they share the memories of those they loved, those they cherished. mash is literally also one of the few people left to remember dr. roman too

lb6 answers this especially. norwich chapter the most + intense mashguda reunion narrated by a jealous oberon (read: at least to me, where i had my obeguda vision 'on' asdfghjmnbvc) in the trip to the rain clan's ruins haha

so tldr; mashguda went through a lot that their bond is unbreakable, and would kill guda in more ways than one if something were to happen to mash

so dont fuck with mash (this also goes the same for guda even though theyre a little chill about getting betrayed or get practically killed bc they expect it, mash is very protective of her senpai)

#fgo #anon

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unohanabbygirl · 11 months

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Sorry for so many questions. Does Aemond still hold any resentment towards his side of your family (greens)? Aemond in general, who does he blame for the dance? Before they were reunited with Luke, if Aemond was told to trade any of them (he doesn't count) for the chance to get back to Luke who would he remplain to. Aemond has come to have intrusive thoughts regarding his family? (You know he is having lunch with alicent,aegon and Helaena, when suddenly a thought comes to him of the horrible people they were, that he is glad of their deaths, or something like that). These thoughts would he also have with the others????? He sees Rhaenys and thinks what a nasty woman she is because of the rudeness towards Luke in the past and now she is trying to get close to lucerys. What are her thoughts towards Jacaerys? About the person she was in the past, (without being influenced by her present enmity)?

Sorry if something is not understood.

No apologies needed anon. I love answering questions.

Aemond doesn’t hold much of any resentment towards his family. He knows that that most of what occurred was the fault of everyone, sort of like a group project. They all played their part in the war rather that be spreading rumors or activity causing physical harm.

The second question is a tuffy because he doesn’t hold enough of a grudge against anyone to trade them, however he would’ve done anything to have Luke back. If I had to choose my best guess would be Jace, however Aemond knows how much a decision like that would hurt Lucy.

Aemond’s doesn’t really suffer from intrusive thoughts like he once did in the past but there are days where his mind is consumed with his own wrongdoings. Mostly Luke’s death and his genocide of house strong. Theres a lot of trauma from his actions he has to fight through.

When it comes to the blacks his feelings are complicated. Most of any still living aggression would be directed towards Daemon for B&C. He sees the way his sister is still hurting after all this time and it angers him badly.

He dodged feel much of anything of Rhaenys. In his mind she’s a non-factor. But he keeps a close eye during her interactions with Luke because he knows just as well as the rest how much she regrets not forming a proper grandmother-grandson bond with him.

Hm, Jace is also a tough one. Despite practically growing up together the two don’t have much of a relationship to speak on. The dislike (you could even say hatred) between them is still as strong as ever. If anything Aemond feels Jace’s head is too far up his own ass.

One good thing he can say is that Jace is a good brother to all his siblings and an even better son. Theres a bit of jealousy there with how much of a perfectly example Jace sets in that area. Being a loving towards his family just seems to come naturally for him and it makes Aemond feel a way.

#asks

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alphaketoglutaricacid · 3 months

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First pass on designing K'sante's and Yone's parents for my yosante fic that may or may not happen. My thoughts on them under the cut

K'sante's Mom

Family fled the noxian colonization of the northern cities of shurima and traveled around state to state before settling to nazumah when she was a kid

Wanted to become a monster hunter but found it hard to find mentors. Elbowed her way in through the years and became a very respected monster hunter.

These days she works w repurposing monster parts into dyes, fibers, leathers, food, and weapons. Very well respected still in the profession but the morbidity rate of the field is high and she wanted to be able to see her son grow up

Very sharp and percieves things that go past others. Kind of a dry sense of humor thats an aquired taste

She has high expectations of k'sante as a kid so he had nightmares of getting an A- instead of an A+ at school (this never happened. Bc K'sante was a once in a century talent theres no problem but if he was even slightly mediocre there would've been lmao

No son of hers is gonna believe in religion, god, or kings bc she practices the ancient tradition of r/athiesm.

K'sante's Dad

Comes from a long line of monster hunters. Hunted a bit in his youth but his true passion was botany. He got pretty bored of hunting for awhile and was going thru the motions until he met K'sante's mom. She worked so hard n was so passionate he started liking it again.

K'sante's mom convinced him to pursue his passions so now hes a very well respected academic working in the real interesting feild of the ecological interactions of fauna w the local magic enhanced monsters. Also knows a lot about the history of the medicinal herb trade. He's kind of a black sheep of the family as a result. His fam loves him but can't understand his choices.

A "chill dad" but maybe a little too chill? Theorectially he'd be okay w K'sante taking ten years off to find himself and its like man. Maybe you should be less cool with that?

Very sweet and gifts K'sante many rare plants even tho he kills them within a month. Otherwise a fantastic and thoughtful giftgiver that makes you cry but hes convinced K'santes just not past the learning curve yet.

K'sante had access to a lot of academic texts as a kid because of him. He was kinda a snotty kid the way u get when ur really smart and don't have the understanding that as an adult you accept some of the bullshit of living. He didnt get along w kids his age bc he was like these kids dont even read foucoult :/ and K'santes dad was like son..... why would they...........

Yone's Mom

Formerly a swordsmaster that married and decided to settle down to raise a family. She fell apart when Yone's father died and drank a lot. When yasuo was born she resolved to pull herself together to raise him properly. She tried to get back into the sword fighting business as a teacher but found the world moved on without her and she has a lot of resentment over this.

Was away working a lot so a lot of raising yasuo inevitably fell onto yone's shoulders. He resented her a lot in the way you really only can as a kid before you can conceputalize your parents as people so instead they're a laundry list of the ways they've failed you. He hated that he was her splitting image leading to some questionable fashion choices (the beard). He feels bad about it now but doesn't entirely know how to mend that relationship. They eventually rebuild their relationship but Yone's mom understands there'll always be a part of Yone that hates her and shes okay with this.

Yasuo loves her though, thinks shes awesome and they were outcasts together. This was still not enough for him to like, tell her hes still alive out of shame after doing all that. Yone percieved himself as the dutiful son but in reality they both just suck so bad as sons. She's fond of K'sante cuz she views him as her sole son (in law) thats not a fuck up.

Eventually irelia comes to their village in the middle of nowhere and is like master..... I know you've been retired but we need your expertise for da war... and like a retired gruff GI shes like I knew you would find me no matter where I ran..... The Noxians are like holy shit why are there three of these annoying fuckers running around. She says those stupid one liners yone n yas say. Yone gets so embarassed by this that he retires his corny one-liners forever. Now he just doesnt speak when fighting.

She and K'santes mom are super close bc theyve both suffered enormously over noxian colonization and it was cool for both of them to find someone who could understand it in another part of the world.

#ksante #yone #yosante #read in those insights that k'santes 6' 7" and i was like are you sure???

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rthrmrgn · 1 year

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i did a quick run down/note summary on antoinette’s role as a plot device, just because i know some idiot will insist lestat actually loved her and wanted her and was cheating on louis emotionally yada yada yada

okay, as a refresher:

lestat is craving a change, so he starts seeing antoinette, also louis is busy pondering the meaning of existence etc.

louis saves claudia, asks lestat to turn her, he does, theyre a happy family, but claudia in her rebellion arc starts resenting lestat for turning her, tells on lestat still seeing antoinette. lestat says he’ll kill her soon

claudia leaves, louis becomes depressed, lestat is still seeing antoinette

claudia comes back, lestat attacks her, lestat and louis fight and lestat leaves, lestat asks to be taken back, claudia and louis say the condition is that he must kill antoinette

lestat agrees, but later it is discovered he didnt actually kill her, however, she’s still a human atp

refresher on the scene between lestat and antoinette in ep 6:

antoinette is telling lestat neither claudia nor louis deserve him

she says she wants to run away, just the two of them

lestat says “dont be ridiculous, theres no place for me other than new orleans” (louis is still a priority)

“i seek refuge here from complaints” (she is only a distraction)

“promises were made” / “and promises will be kept” (and they were, but lestat never delivers without ulterior motives. yes not even when it comes to louis, especially when it comes to the toy he’s got wrapped around his fingers)

the conversation claudia and louis have after discovering antoinette is still alive, louis sounds resigned. i think if lestat heard this (which he probably did), the lack of reaction must have angered him further.

next time antoinette was present is, as we just found out was after this when they are in the park and claudia is talking to louis abt leaving on the train and eventually decides to go off alone. antoinette is already turned and there, listening.

so what happened to lestat internally between these two scenes that made him wanna grant her with the dark gift, which already came back to bite him in the ass with claudia?

well, first of all, lestat thinks claudia is poisoning louis against him. and in a way he is right, claudia starts pitching to louis that they should leave, plotting with him (or rather at him) even while loustat are having sex. louis is often distracted, lost in his thoughts, dissociative, but lestat must know usually it is claudia talking his ear off, which is the main reason he decides to turn antoinette in the first place imo... so he can have someone listen in on their conversations. and with louis’ lack of reaction after discovering them,i think he was also hoping that by turning her, louis would take her more seriously as a “rival” and he could get a similar reaction out of louis, like he did when louis swam all the way down the river to find him.

so in conclusion: he really just wanted antoinette there so louis can never keep things from him, they Forever have someone that can keep louis “fighting” for his attention. and in a way she’s a third to keep them from driving each other insane, just like claudia was meant to be, but she’d be completely submit herself to lestat, the way claudia never would.

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #long post #i apologize........i needed my little diary to let this all out

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nonclassyparty · 1 year

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THE FUCKING REALISATION SHE HAD ABT HER HAVING BEEN IN YEOSANGS PLACE TWO YEARS AGO BLEW MY MIND, I SHIT YOU NOT, I GOT UP AND HAD TO PULL OUT MY PENCIL AND A PIECE OF PAPER TO MAP OUT THIS SHIT TO VISUALISE IT BECAUSE MY MIND WAS TOO OVERWHELMED AHAJSKDJ

glad to see fellow oc apologists !! like y/n bb girl *i* understand you, how abt WE get married rn 💍🧎‍♀️

and i am baffled by how everyone, her included, are siding with wooyoung instead of mingi in this parallel situation (ik she hasnt forgiven woo or anything, im talking abt the *positions* of mingi and woo in the parallel) because even though what mingi did and said was shitty af and her feelings are valid especially towards mingi not mentioning the thing at all after all this time, i still think choosing to date and be on the side of the person who has said awful things about your BEST FRIEND and never apologised for any of it is more hurtful than anything.

ofc wooyoung falling for yeosang is totally valid and like she said, it hurts like hell but you can get over it because you want the best for your best friend. but the problem isnt just wooyoung not bringing it up, he feels shitty for doing this too, but to LIE and thus hurt her when she straight up asked abt it, knowing she’s been continuously hurt by her loved ones throughout her life and woo being her only piece of family rn is insaneeeee to me. like she aint just a casual friend of yours, THATS YOUR MFKING BEST FRIEND !!

but for me, all of that is *nothing* compared to him attacking her for being broken and acting on her feelings after finding all of this out on her own, instead of being on her side apologising and being there for her when her heart breaks. like bro, we are asking the BARE MINIMUM from you woo 😭 like i get it she doesnt like the person you are dating but now is NOT the time to be protective over your partner in this situation ?? or am i even more mentally ill than i thought for seeing this whole situation this way 😭😭 ?

akjfdkghfghdfghdkfghdf waittttttttttt

okay so what you said about how she's siding with wy as well thats TEA!!!! bc it is wrong, she knows its not right (obviously since she's the one in pain rn like she knows it sucks and that wy was a little shit for that) but theres still that envious little part of her that was like "damn i wish mingi fought that hard for ME" bc deep down she's not faulting mingi for not choosing her bc she understands, she understood then and she especially understands now but she's still resenting him for it especially now after seeing wooyoung (who is like HER PERSON) fight with her just to stay with ys. its just a very human thing to do, we all want to be that someone's first choice 😭

as for the whole attacking her ordeal, WELL...let's look at it from wy's perspective a little bit. he cares about ys a lot and ys is as vulnerable and delicate as she is maybe even more than her actually. so wy's first instinct was to protect him now HEAR ME OUT... wy was obviously aware that yn would be upset by this and he was scared that ys would get the brunt of it. and also imagine ys just standing there while yn rages at him while wy is just apologizing to her, that would suck for yeosang, your partner begging to be forgiven by the person currently hurling insults at you? 😭 so wy always wanted to avoid that, he wanted to tell her on his own time at his own pace but then it happened unexpectedly and everything just went out of his control. so the moment yn even tried to be nasty towards ys, wy had to stop it and he did it by being nasty to her instead and he def fucked up with that but its a tricky situation for all of them really because wooyoung cares about both of these people. yn is his best friend but yeosang is his boyfriend and it was hard to get out of it without one of them ending up hurt😭

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wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj · 1 year

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Opinion on Watt's relationships with Milo Strange and Jack Walker?

who are you and why are you after my blood

theres a read more. look what youve made me do. this is a long detailed rant on why i dont like the watts plot in s15, including some good old fashioned resentment for jackwatts. proceed at your own risk

jack was really nice at first, i shipped them, i wrote a short fic or two even. of course he was bland but like the entire fandom held on to the idea that he'd eventually be developed slowly as the episodes go by right. right. idk i think it's the love of a soft and reserved and "normal" love interest for our guy whose life has been so much turmoil, so far from "normal" for so long. but we never really got good jack development did we, the most of his character being mostly made up in the fandom's heads. (ive skimmed aios, really good fic, murdoch fandom staple, like im at least somewhat cultured).

and then well it happened, ministry of virtue, everything goes to shit, their relationship has hardly been anything onscreen and now its over and i lose my mind because i'd been so hopeful. like i didn't sleep well that night because Murdoch Mysteries Is A Show. in a vacuum the whole marriage thing was an interesting way for the plot to go, jack bringing up how watts's profession clashed with so many other parts of his life was really good and i fucking love it, but hardly of it was built up to or worth it and before during and afterwards it never got the attention, screentime, etc, it deserved. dear god. and then they got back together but then next season jack's kind of a jerk now? much of it is warranted because of the awful things hes been through but "some things are worth the risk" had been such a staple line for him and their relationship and it was just. not romantic anymore. and importantly watts wasn't happy anymore. and it was just such a weird direction for the writers to take the ship.

also there was the funnies with the well lit kisses lmao and then milo strange happened?????? god i love milo i think theyre very funky and lovely and the weirdest character the show's made technical-wise because he kinda doesn't need to exist and the fact that he does ends up as just an insult to watts's story, milo the character, and his actor. like. ok. we have an issue: wonderbread barbie prince ass white boy jack walker being boring and now being too afraid to be out with watts. how does the show seem to try to fix it? flamboyant polyamorous black poet named milo strange who's as out and proud as you can be in edwardian toronto without getting arrested or killed. he's devastatingly lovable because of his whimsy and opinions and how easily they make watts smile and even laugh. not the most characterization but somehow more remarkable than jack ever was, at least before ministry of virtue. he and watts were very nice together and though i don't ship it much anymore because the show hates me i still have an ongoing fic with them but thats mostly just because i'm slow and forgetful.

anyways. then we get into the really bad shit. like. um. jack's wife dies. and this shit sent me off the edge like. this show is so bad? fridging the wife is like one of the first things people tell you not to do when they teach you how to Not Write Like A Misogynist/An Idiot In General? dude??? watts and jack fight about it and its devastating but you kinda knew the relationship was going there after all this. and then jack kidnaps the baby and escapes to greenwich and i was happy because the writers committed a misogyny but at the very very very least jack walker is gone and i am free from this stupid hatecrimes plotline.

right????

right???????

BUT NOOOOOOO like now we get into how watts himself was at his worst in season 15. like daniel maslany's acting is always so good but his writing. was bad. at the beginning he was not the best at communicating, letting his problems (the love triangle) be solved for him instead without any effort from him--like. this point has been hammered into the ground recently but love triangles if done well could symbolize for different values different choices that one can make right? like the famous one is the hunger games agressive gale vs softer peeta but like even the george-nina-louise triangle was a better example, like george made an active choice to go back to nina because despite louise being a more proper partner with similar values in wanting to settle down some day george chose nina's loyalty and kindness. but with watts? idk hes just really confused and i know watts has the personal emotional skills of a potato but narratively it sucks. because he doesnt make a decision. the decision is made for him when jack's wife is killed by her ex. what was the point? why couldn't they have made him at least a bit more active in all of it?

ohoho but it gets worse. because the plotline's not even done yet we still have half a season. watts spends time with milo and they're very sweet but watts comes to the realization that milo is polyamorous. like. milo has talked about this before. they make it pretty clear. and maybe it's my own brainworms, believing watts would have been more open or at least more understanding to it because of his open nature, but watts gets frustrated, he tries to convince him to change, he calls milo greedy. like hey man that may not be your thing but thats so uncalled for. and is that not out of character? watts, who has always been so sympathetic and understanding, especially for those who are different? even under all the duress. i dont know. it might be more reasonable in other interpretations. the worst part is that he never properly apologizes. but we'll get to that.

and they continue to stay together in some sort of limbo until the end of the season and watts gets shot. and watts goes through this shit every tuesday but that mustve been a lot for milo to go through in a minute. and watts gets back up like nothing happens and milo later expresses that he's willing to change his lifestyle, willing to become monogamous for watts. thats. thats not a light statement. but fucking guess what watts receives a letter from jack???? and i guess theres a lot of apologizing and sappy stuff in the letter but we never see or hear the contents so all we have to process for now is that watts once again is letting his problems being solved for him? like as a character it sucks that it takes all these conveniences to switch him around to choose and narratively all these conveniences are bad in the first place. ugh. he tells milo to not change who he is and embarks for new york. and we. we never see milo again. and i am going to set something on fire.

and the thing is after the season premiere's homophobia of the season watts's conclusion is really good, like ive talked about it before him quitting the force and leaving to find himself was such a satisfying decision after all his moral and emotional turmoil! and i'm hopeful that jack is not coming back. but.

milo was done. so dirty. because we're back at the point about watts's arc. because regardless of the way you see it it's shitty. if jack was always his first choice and milo was only a rebound he didn't care as much for, not only is that just. bad taste. but its also shitty to milo, watts seeming to be so keen on being together but only on his terms then ditching at the first chance of being back with his old boytoy; not only is it a shitty thing for watts to do but in writing a character it's stupid. and if watts actually did care for milo and genuinely want to be with him, only to go back is even more confusing and again begs the question of the point of it all. why was milo introduced? why did you get us invested in a relationship that went nowhere and can be cut? watts and jack couldve still split, all homophobia and misogyny and kidnapping intact, and watts could have still come to his conclusion that he needed to be on his own, but instead of the polyam hate we couldve just had him wandering off on his own for half a season instead, and when he received the letter and went back to jack he couldve realized that hey. i was actually feeling good by myself, like i was going somewhere by myself. or something. i don't know. i love where watts's character is at currently but i hate how he got there.

and it's utterly devastating because milo was a lovable character! they were so fun! but he was doomed from the start and it's fucking awful. it never amounted to anything. his own little arc wasnt even allowed to finish properly, while jack's technically was? we never get a conclusion to milo strange but we know that jack's still doing ok with the baby in greenwich after brackenreid ended homophobia there ig /j

anyways. in conclusion i dont ship either anymore but at least i still like millewellyn because i resent jackwatts for what it represents

#cryign #anon. why did you do this to me #murdoch mysteries #sigh. guess im choosing violence by putting it in the tag #but its more for being able to find it later #season 15 had some really good episodes but the overarching shit man......#anyways send more asks about my fandom opinions. now that ive typed this out i'll never have to do it again

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katisblue · 10 months

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I love love love!!!!!!! the way u write jk!!! Its always so precious to me... i cant even explain exactly why but hes just so... desperately loveable... like he could always be so resentful about life but he never is... even tho it seems like he has nothing going for himself theres always so much effort ... im not explaining this right but... the things hes loosing all have bitemarks in them u know? His refusal to stop struggling is just so dear to me... dont give up love!!! Im rooting for u!!

I'm glad you enjoy the way I write him 🥺💗 Honestly I base his character a /little/ off of my own morals and the way I handle things, so that might be why he's so forgiving? But Kook himself just creates himself~ he's always fighting till the end, and always going on even if he isn't feeling his best, and as you said, he's always going to dig his teeth into everything and hold onto it for as long as he can. He's not going down without a fight!

Please, keep rooting for him! 💗

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cherry-toxic · 1 year

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I posted 4,695 times in 2022

78 posts created (2%)

4,617 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@backwardshirt

@wickedlydevious

@mayweallbehuman

@shadowthorne

@puraiuddo

I tagged 1,626 of my posts in 2022

#grimmjow - 211 posts

#animal tag - 211 posts

#grimmichi - 109 posts

#bleach - 106 posts

#harringrove - 94 posts

#billy hargrove - 71 posts

#art - 69 posts

#wanderlust - 56 posts

#stranger things spoilers - 51 posts

#max and billy - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#but am i the only one thinking its more weird to plan marriage and spending the rest of your life with some1 youve only dated for 5 months

My Top Posts in 2022:

Rule: tag 9 people you want to know better

Thanks for the tag @sarcasm-vending-machine 😘

(I started a new post because that one was getting a bit long)

Favourite piece of clothing you own? Right now it's my blue wool 'hippy' trousers, they are SO comfortable. I've only had them for about a month but I've worn them almost every day.

Your comfort food? Probably pizza. I go on and off different types of food all the time but pizza is a pretty consistent like

Favourite time of the year? Late spring and summer. I get cold very easily, my hands and feet are like ice most days so I need warm weather to be comfortable

Favourite song? This is a mean question how am I supposed to answer this??? (I'll give you jólanótt by SKÁLD and shit boat (no fans) by alestorm, two very different songs which I've been listening to a lot lately)

Do you collect something? Not really, I'm just a clutter bitch

Favourite drink? Coca cola. Yes yes I know it's full of sugar and terribly bad for you but I love it

Favourite fanfiction? Again how am I supposed to answer this??? I dont think I could even give you a top ten theres just too many that I've loved over the years

75 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

Sometimes I just think about how ichigo and grimmjow both have/had five friends/companions who they fought/travelled together with but ichigo's friends vowed to grow stronger so they could fight along side him as equals where as grimmjow's fraccion gave up the possibility of growing stronger in order to support his growth

84 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

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102 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

So, about max and her monologue about billy, it's not that I dont believe max could feel such a way or that it doesnt make sense (honestly I would be a liar if I said I haven't also wished my shitty brother dead before) but it also feels a little off to me considering how their relationship was presented in s3.

At first I thought maybe i had misinterpreted it, maybe max and billy really did hate each other right up until the moment of his death. But then i remembered this interview with sadie sink from 2019 where she spoke about max and billy going into s3

I didnt expect them to be best friends or even particulary close with each other (and I had a strong feeling billy was gonna die anyway) but I remember feeling hopeful when I read this interview, hopeful that we'd at least get to see a different side to their relationship, and I was massively disappointed when s3 barely focused on them at all.

But, the small glimpses that we did see proved that they were in a different place than they had been in s2

When max talked to el about billy she spoke in a lighthearted manner, she wasnt resentful, she made jokes, she talked about him like he was just her annoying gross older brother who liked to walk around without a shirt on and bring girls home to make 'happy screams'

And then, of course, theres the sauna test. She was visibly distressed upon seeing Billy in that state. She was in pain. She started crying. She said, "it's okay... i believe you... we're going to figure this out together okay" like she actually wanted to help him, save him...

And thats why it feels weird to me. Not because feelings are complicated and that a few peaceful months between them dont erase everything he put her through, but because she apparently went from we'll figure this out together to I dont know if he deserved to be saved in the space of three days.

And when I say it feels weird, I think what I mean is ffs a little consistency would be nice

159 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

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185 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #50% of my personality is grimmjow

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stigmatvm · 2 years

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🔥 go crazy go stupid

also really sad about how kendou gets reduced to Token Girl Character. i know thats sort of her archetype but she does get expansion beyond that and dare i say the fandom is incredibly cishet about it. part of it i think is horikoshi doesnt seem to know what a tomboy is (her outfits usually include frills and skirts and then horikoshis like wow shes so masc....My Man,) but um. like. yeah shes called a monoma wrangler but so is awase and yeah shes called the big sis of the class but theres More There

even if we look at mainline content firstly we know she's both really strong and really smart which puts her up there with some of our main characters and that's proven by her match with yaomomo. despite this, she feels insecure in comparison to yaomomo and does it without resenting her which is a really nice change of pace for girl rivalry in media. we know she was really unhappy with her internship with uwabami because she was used for her looks and she's genuinely just a really nice and straightforward person. she's described as being very passionate and "more than just a tomboy", and her ability to take charge is admired by her entire class. she likes motorcycles and black coffee which once again, is a nice change of pace from a lot of the other girl characters (nothing wrong w/ em, just adding a bit of spice) and she both acknowledges that tetsutetsu's way of thinking is immensely stupid while also admiring his determination and agreeing they should take charge and defend themselves, and also believes that mustard using a gun is a sign of insecurity ( in general, kendou seems right on the verge of the honorable brawler type, right?)

and then i think the way the light novels expand on this really add a lot to her character i love the way shes written in the light novels

for starters, she struggles a lot with traditional ideas of gender and femininity, and feels like she's inadequate for not fitting them in the beauty pageant, and even expresses discomfort about the dress she's wearing. not only that, but she directly compares herself to yaomomo here, lamenting that she could probably do it better because of the fact yaomomo is more of a "princess" type. she's worried when she sees the rivalry between the third years that she's going to be dragged into a lot of cattiness that she doesn't want, and in general she just seems to have trouble realigning who she's "supposed" to be and who she "is". this was like. bizarrely resonate with the experience of being gnc or gay or trans especially in high school and she even compares nejire and yuyu to lovers which i dont think is a coincidence and the fact it was explored and hinted subtextually instead of it just being like whoops girls! gives kendou a deeper sense of realism. imo

not only that but tetsutetsu calls her the manliest of them all and she states she can't relax when things are pastel and cutesy, and when the girls talk about ideal boyfriends, they say kendou would be the one, and that she's the chivalrous sort to fight off weirdoes. it's all really cute and i like to see kendou developing deeper friendships with other characters. i feel like the fact she's just "responsible girl" tends to overshadow a lot of the potential she has and the fact that at the end of the day she's still a high school kid who has a lot on her plate, and i wish we got to see more of it.

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archer3-13 · 10 months

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I mentioned how i dont feel gundam 0079 and gundam seed comparisons quite work for me. for all that 0079 is the better show and for all that seed calls back to 0079 they're both aiming for different things at the end of the day and i figured out why it bugs me because theres actually a better point of comparison for where seed goes wrong thats also in the uc timeline.

0083 stardust memories

both are stories that open with a gundam jacking, where a rivalry between two characters becomes centre stage and where thematic elements of their stories heavily lean on the idea of the senselessness of war how it breeds hatred that clouds judgment, and importantly on how that hatred perpetuates war [because theres always one last fight and one last grudge that needs to be settled].

where 0083 comparatively succeeds however i would say is that

a] its protagonist kou has a more interesting arc of progression to his story despite ultimately being a rather flat character overall like kira is. a part of that is that kou is better able to sell the idea of clueless innocence as his starting point compared to kira [despite kou starting with way more piloting experience and being military from the start comparatively]. both character arcs ultimately rely on this aspect for things to go down the way they do, but kira also has a lot of that amuro ego and resentfulness thrown in as well which makes it difficult to fully buy into the idea of corrupting innocence going on. kou by comparison well often desiring to prove himself is more easily believable as this uncomplicated jelly baby because he lacks that ego and resentfulness even when acting in selfish manners [the goku effect]. the other part of that i think is cause 0083 throws kou into a lot of situations that challenge him on an emotional and psychological level more deeply then they do kira. dude has no obligation or particular reason to try and spare people but in earlier portions of 0083 he does try on a couple of occasions most notably with kelly, and they ultimately blow up in his face. and comparatively when he does forsake that potential peaceful resolution and pursues vengeance on cima... it also blows up in his face because cima was working to stop the drop at that point. Kira by comparison only ever spares people when he firmly has the upper hand in combat, and he tends to just get to do what he wants to do to the point you arguably live or die in the narrative by his hand.

b] the people all involved in this aren't completely asshat morons and the narrative pretty firmly shifts the attention away from the ideological struggle onto the personal stakes and costs of the war in 0083. even delaz despite being the asshole who decided that blowing up the earth with another colony was a great idea shows a palatable trepidation over his actions and grief in regards to his motivations. gato never really questions why hes doing what hes doing in an irony so thick you can cut it with a knife, but he does questions the methods involved and displays the most visible frustrated mourning as if determined to just find a good place to die well tricking himself through blind ideology. cima's a whole mess of self hatred and self interest abandoned by all the powers involved so she no longer cares about anything then securing her own safety followed begrudgingly by a twisted care for her own soldiers. Hell the only truly monstrous individuals we see in the narrative... are bask om and jamitov in their pre zeta cameos taking advantage of the mess to expand their own power and ideology. gundam seeds conclusion is predicated on a bunch of extremist idiots trying to commit genocide, of which the one with the vaguely sympathetic reason for wanting to do so is still demonized to hell and back and no consideration is really put into how everyone got to this point and just on making sure there's still a human race left. also rau manipulates everything behind the scenes for frost brother like reasons without nearly any of the charisma of the frost brothers.

#gundam

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