#so i'm realizing how not normal this shit is

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

#oh and if anyone knows where i can stream mob wives uncensored without paying any extra money i'd love you forever lol #that is unimportant- unless y'all find it important that i have access to all of my most influential pieces of media at all times IJSAYING! #jk jk ofc <3 thank you for reading #conspiracy in emerson #if cie #progress #cie ch 3

[yesihaveaobsession]

Looped In Time

Alastor x female reader

Summary: Like Groundhog Day the reader (you) are experiencing a endless time loop, she asks The Radio Demon to get her out but that involves a deal.

Y/N- Y'all might argue and say, " Groundhog Day." but the real ones know it's actually "Mystery Spot."

You woke up again. Again? Yes. You found yourself trapped in an endless time loop, with no idea why. Each time, you died in the most outlandish ways: Frank, Sir Pentious's Egg Boi, shot a lasher, it hit you, and then you woke up in your bed. Another time, Cherri Bomb threw a grenade in the hotel lobby, and there you were again... waking up in your bed. Normally, you'd have no idea what day it was in Hell... but you sure as hell knew it was Wednesday.

You wanted to pull your hair out at this point; you needed out. So, you went to look for the man you knew who could help you: the Radio Demon himself. Said demon was returning from his radio tower. He was much taller than you, so you practically had to jog to catch up with him. You didn't want him to disappear, so you shouted.

"Alastor! Just the guy I wanted to see." Alastor stopped and turned to face you with his smile. "So, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Not wanting anyone else to hear what charade was tormenting you, you grabbed his claw and dragged him into your bedroom, shutting the door and locking it.

Alastor let out a chuckle. "That is one way to get your point across." Was he mocking you? You finally turned to face him. "I'm stuck, you baboon."

"Stuck?" He smiled, but his eyes showed confusion. "I'm stuck in an endless time loop that never ends, and I can't do anything about it!" You ran your hands through your hair, trying to catch your breath.

"That does not sound very pleasant at all." Maybe this was a bad idea. He seemed to enjoy watching you struggle. And God, did you hate it.

"No shit! I somehow die in the dumbest ways and wake up, and it's Wednesday. In fact, this is the hundredth Wednesday I've lived through!" Alastor sat on your bed with his legs crossed over each other. "Sounds... frustrating."

You finally looked over at the deer demon, who clearly was enjoying it by his grin. But he did want to help; he saw the desperate glint in your eyes. "You do realize that you are essentially in Hell currently, yes?"

Seriously? "Yes," You replied flatly. "And you know the only way to break the cycle, yes?" He stood from the bed and made his way over to you, clutching his cane, bending down and sliding a finger down your chest, then pausing and looking up at you.

"No, tell me." You gripped onto the flaps of his suit jacket desperately. Just where he wanted you. "Perhaps I can offer you a way out of this tiresome cycle. But, of course, everything comes at a price." Your giddiness came to an end when he said this. "I'm way smarter than making a deal with you." You replied, letting go of his suit and crossing your arms. To think this was the game that Alastor played. He also knew that getting through to someone looking for help like you was a lot easier.

"I assure you... the price is very reasonable..." He said with animated hand gestures. You were now glaring at him. Was this sensibly a price to pay? Although you weren't sure if he believed you or not. You didn't know how to get out. A part of you felt like Alastor put you in this to get something out of you.

"You're not getting my soul." You spoke. He smiled more. His arms were behind his back, and he started to circle around you, slowly, like you were his prey.

"Oh, you will not have to sell me your soul. Just your services, if you agree to my terms." Terms? What terms? You thought to yourself. You felt your heart start to pound in your chest. The tension between you and the seven-foot man was weighing down on you.

"Why do I feel like you're mocking me?" You pushed, knowing he was hiding something behind those yellow teeth. Alastor chuckled. "No mocking here." He let out a sigh before continuing. "Only a simple contract, and you'll be free of the time loop for good... at least, that is my offer." Alastor held out his hand, with his antlers growing from his head. You took a step back. "Do you have some demands that, if met, would break you out of the loop?"

"I was hoping you'd help me without a deal."

"That technically is not an option, my dear." His hand remained stretched out in front of him. You weighed your options. "Why?"

"Think of this situation as a business transaction, my dear. There are no freebies in this plane of existence. There is a price to pay for everything. And I am only being so generous to you because I want something in return, from you."

Either way, you needed out. "Deal." you replied and shook his hand, you woke up in your bed and looked at the clock it said Thursday, you let out a sigh of relief only to realize you don't know what you agreed to.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor x you #the radio demon #hazbin alastor #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #i have an obsession

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I am sharing these observations with you because your sex educator work has influenced my views on the whole thing, and I think there might be some of your audience who could benefit from reading it.

I have only recently in my life been engaging with sex relatively frequently and sometimes I just think about how, well, normal the whole thing feels. Like society is like Oh It's This Big Special Thing That Changes Who You Are and everything but it's just. Idk. Fun. It's like playing - a very physical and intimate form of play, but play. It didn't change who I am or anything, it just sort of...fits in there, with the rest of me. I'm sure these are comedically obvious statements, but it was a thing I was thinking about.

it seems obvious but eludes a lot of people, so very much worth saying and sharing!

nothing will make you realize that sex is Just Some Stupid Shit You Can Do more quickly than actually having sex, but the disconnect between that reality and the rather extreme amount of import placed upon sex culturally can really throw people for a loop. it's very uncommon to see sex discussed at Just Some Activity - whether it's idealized or demonized, the attitudes towards it tend to go hard toward one end of the spectrum or the other - so finding out that it is, as you said, just a form of play that's mostly just weird and goofy and stinky and unremarkable can be very jarring and makes a lot of people think they must have missed something important. and then they start having hot takes, which are almost never good.

[erikahenningsen]

Regina takes up 2/3 of the bed but it works for them because Cady sleeps curled up in a little ball. Regina hates having to sleep without Cady because sometimes she has nightmares and she always feels guilty about calling Cady in the middle of the night.

Now, please do this 😔🙏, or if you could, elaborate more. I'm currently in the midst of brainrot.

#grad school universe / Angie's fic

Regina wakes up just as the bus is about to hit her, breathing hard.

For a moment, she's completely disoriented, before she realizes she's in her bed, her apartment dark and silent.

Regina presses a hand to her forehead and finds it tacky with sweat, and her throat is a bit tender. She wonders if she had been screaming in her sleep. That's happened before—and completely scared the shit out of Cady the first time.

Cady.

Instinctively, Regina reaches to Cady's side of the bed, and finds it cold and empty. Right. Cady is at her apartment in New Haven. Regina is still getting used to spending more nights apart than together. She'd never tell Cady, but she thinks the nightmares have become more frequent as a result.

Regina wants to call Cady. She needs to hear her voice. It's the only thing that slows her heart, which is still pounding inside her chest with panic. But it's the middle of the night, and Cady has class in the morning.

Regina rolls over and tries to ignore it, to will herself back to sleep—or at least into a calmer state. But every time she closes her eyes, all she sees is Cady staring at her with horror as the bus plows into her body. Sometimes, in the dreams, the bus hits Cady instead. Those are the worst ones.

After a couple of minutes of trying to relax by sheer force of will, Regina tries deep breathing. She tries listening to some calming music. She even tries a free meditation video on YouTube, even though she thinks it's stupid. But she doesn't feel even a little bit better.

Before she can overthink it, she taps on Cady's contact and holds her breath as the phone rings.

Just as Regina thinks the call is going to time out, Cady picks up. The screen is dark, but Regina can make out part of Cady's face on the screen.

"Regina?" Cady mumbles sleepily. She squints against the light of her phone. "You okay?"

"Hi, baby," Regina whispers. She feels guilt flare in her stomach at Cady's sleepy face, but she already feels less like she's having a heart attack.

Cady runs a hand down her face. "Did you have a bad dream?" she asks.

Regina cringes a little at the wording—it makes it sound like she's four years old—but now is not the time.

"Yeah," Regina says. "I just needed to see you."

Cady makes a vague gesture that might be a wave. "Here I am."

"And so beautiful, as always," Regina says. She's always found it quite unfair how Cady looks gorgeous all the time, even in the middle of the night.

"I love you," Cady says, with so much affection that Regina physically aches to be with her. "I'm glad you're alive."

"Me, too," Regina says. "Most of the time."

Cady makes a displeased noise, and Regina knows if it weren't the middle of the night and they weren't in separate states Cady would insist on having A Conversation about the most of the time part.

For a few moments, Regina just looks at Cady's face. Well, more like half of her face. At a weird angle. But her breathing has returned almost to normal, and she isn't trembling anymore.

"I'm gonna fall asleep," Cady admits, eyelids drooping, "but I'll leave my phone on."

"Good night," Regina says. "I love you."

Cady kisses the tips of her fingers and taps them against the screen as her eyes close.

It'll have to do, for now.

#cadina #mean girls #mean girls 2024 #mean girls broadway #mean girls the musical #regina george #cady heron #grad school universe #ask #anonymous #prompts

[simplepotatofarmer]

'i know it's not always easy'

i mean, it is. being a fan is very easy.

all the hate and death threats and harassment and gore being sent to me or having someone go to another person's blog to threaten to doxx me or the suicide baiting that people seem to think is okay or that even big blogs on here are fine with people being harassed for being a fan isn't easy but that's the fault of those people! no one else!

#loyal talks about stuff and things #sorry i talked about the whole thin in day hospital #and people were HORRIFIED #i mentioned how like. i watched a blog with a big following make jokes about it being fine to harass fans. #and a lot of other things and these are people who know nothing but they thought it was insane #so i'm realizing how not normal this shit is #fandom critical #discourse #<- not really but just to be safe

[mumblesplash]

season 9 has been amazing but i’m kinda excited to be around for the beginning of a hermitcraft season, they were well into the empires crossover arc when i started watching double life (which was pretty much my introduction to mcyt in general) so this is gonna be my first time actually being around for the early game

#man i REALLY fell into this whole thing ass backwards #it literally all started bc of scar #my sister knew about him and i was like ok so i’ve just seen this man play minecraft #and it was somehow the most stressful thing i’ve experienced in my life #and she was like ‘would you like to see someone desperately try to keep him alive for approximately 6 episodes’ #i watched all the life series (at the time) in reverse order and then moved on to hc 8 #which i feel is worth mentioning bc this watching order caused me to have what seems to be a pretty unique series of realizations #it was like oh wow scar really is that stressful to keep alive -> oh shit there’s prequels to double life?? -> #oh shit the double life (and prequels) players are in OTHER minecraft series??? -> holy shit the double life guys can BUILD???? -> #(discovers the swagon was a ‘starter base’) HOLY SHIT the double life guys can BUILD -> MOON BIG??????? -> #NORMAL HERMITCRAFT SEASONS ARE *HOW* MANY EPISODES???????????? #-> */CROSSOVER EVENT??????????????/* #and that’s just the major story beats that shit was a JOURNEY #mumbling #there were some other notable shocks along the way #like the discovery that the popular fan interpretations of the life series involved any angst whatsoever threw me for a LOOP #bc they're all so clearly being silly goofy with their buddies #to be clear i'm so on board with taking it all extremely seriously for the sake of Lore #it's all very fun #but going in i was not expecting it at ALL

[rotisseries]

everyone debates about elmike like oh they're the best of friends no they would never hang out on their own they don't even know each other, when the true answer, much like everything else about them, is that there is so so much and also nothing at all

#they're like siblings. not like. freakishly sweet siblings but like. normal siblings you know? #like a sibling is the most distant person you're ever close to. the most intimate stranger #we aren't in each other's lives by choice and if we could choose we probably still wouldn't choose each other #but also I absolutely can't live without you #I would confide my deepest fears and wants and secrets to you and you find that same confidante in me #but we never talk to each other about our interests and we don't care to hear about them either #everything about elmike is just so. everything and nothing #I love you enough I'd die for you and I don't know a thing about you #you're such an inescapable part of me but we're not even friends #like a blank wall in an otherwise filled bedroom #even though you make up a part of the structure of one of the most intimate spaces in my life there's still nothing of me there #like. do you get it. actually does this make any sense. I think I'm just saying shit #alright wrap it up guys everyone go home this post is actually just nonsense maybe #this is actually about how I view elmike in general though like they're everything and nothing they're so interesting and also so boring #like it's about the insaness of the fact they love each other that much they truly do albeit not romantically #but they don't KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER. THEY'D DIE FOR EACH OTHER THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHERR #THAT'S THE TRAGEDY. THAT'S THE FUCK OF IT ALL #but also at the same time it's so boring because actually it's just every other bad middle school relationship #where you both haven't realized you're gay yet #so. elmike. everything and nothing #stranger things #el hopper #mike wheeler #elmike

[byanyan]

if you think byan hasn't broken bones numerous times in their parkour adventures... you would be wrong. they don't make mistakes often these days, but in the past, especially as they were first learning (as in, teaching themself), there were many mishaps to speak of. their largest scar, one which runs up along their right side, came as a result of a parkour accident (and included a couple of fractured ribs, as well). they've broken an arm, a wrist, a couple fingers, and had many, many sprains over the years. learning was nothing if not a messy process, but it paid off - the talent they boast now is pretty high, and they only get better as they keep putting everything they've learned into practice.

#look ok... making that travel habits aesthetic post earlier made me realize how little I talk about this aspect of byan #and it deserves to be talked about more bc it's no minor thing!! they do this shit DAILY #it's how they traverse the city it's how they've SURVIVED in some cases #I'm gonna get into it more often now bc idek why I've never really like??? made hc posts on the topic?? #literally just never occurred to me for some reason despite it being such a normal thing for them #idk idk I'm high and I'm losing my train of thought but #yeah they've fucked themself up pretty good a couple times thanks to parkour #had some ROUGH fuckin falls and landings #but now they can be like. even p graceful in it bc they've been doing it for so damn long #it's also a large contributer to their muscle tone bc they don't work out... they run & do parkour & fight lmao #who needs a gym when u can haul your own bodyweight up a wall am I right? #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

[bijoumikhawal]

Rewatched afterimage and I'm still confounded by people who go "garak was lying about the closet thing" that's the one of the only realistic parts of this episode. He doesn't even think of it as counting as traumatic, excuses it by saying all parents discipline their kids, seems almost embarrassed when Ezri regards it as abnormal, and gets pissed off the moment Ezri starts asking him more questions about his father's patenting style. That's what people MY AGE do when you tell them their parents hitting them is bad and fucked up.

#You wanna talk about unrealistic? The idea that Garak having the revelation that he feels he's responsible for the ongoing genocide of #Cardassia meaning he's capable of acting normally now is completely full of shit. Do you know how much more stressed out having that #Thought clarified would make me? #Ds9 #Cipher talk #It's also kind of off-putting that Garak is so forthcoming in general but. Starfleet is basically his co-workers now which means there's a #Level of honesty he can't entirely avoid at least as far as his work goes #He spent like 6 months crammed in a tin can with a lot of these people while working alongside them #I realize this breaks some people's ability to picture him as idk. Stoic and cool or whatever but some honesty and social lubrication is #Required here and he probably isn't acting too too different from how he did in the Order with some of his fellow agents #Its obviously put on but I'm given to understand most people have a persona used at work even for their coworkers

[dredshirtroberts]

i have acquired a mystical and powerful ointment (hydrocortisone cream) from the village herbalist (rite aid) to assist with the curse set upon my bloodline from many generations ago (eczema)

#feel free to reblog #ironically this is the one thing i know the least about and it's the one i've known about for sure for the longest #never seen a doctor for it (everything online says you probably should) because my parents never took me #they told me that's what it was because that's what my dad had and it looked close enough #they also said i'd grow out of it like my dad did (just as he was growing back into it hmmmmm) #so i'm not like shocked that this is cropped up again i'm mostly like. annoyed? and sad. #i'm annoyed because like - they treated it so casually it was a non issue #get some anti-itch cream moisturize etc #and be quiet about it until it goes away #so it came back every now and then and i stopped telling them i was getting flare ups i'd just get into dad's cortizone and put some on #until it went away #there was never like a plan or a regimine in place for how to deal with it #dad's whole routine was preventative (lots and lots of baby oil) with the steroid cream you pick up at the pharmacy if there was a flare #and i didn't even know when he'd get a flare because it never got brought up - so i didn't know to look for patterns or anything #and now it's hitting me and has been for probably longer than i realized and i'm just like #*how do i take care of this???* *why is it not going away???* #and like yes i absolutely should also still see a doctor about it just to like. Fucking get shit in my records #jesus christ the realization that eczema isn't even probably in my medical records fucking hell #IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT'S AN IMMUNE RESPONSE AND DOCTORS PROBABLY NEED TO KNOW I'VE GOT A FUCKY IMMUNE SYSTEM IF THAT'S A THING #LIKE CHRIST IN HEAVEN MOM AND DAD A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR IS LIKE NORMAL FOR SMALL CHILDREN #FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DID I NEVER SEE A DOCTOR AS A CHILD FUCKING MARY MOTHER OF GOD MA WHAT THE FUCK

[creamiceandsugar]

the way i have thought about trafalgar law such an ungodly amount that like. the brain worms have come up with headcanons and i am becoming so delusional im like no it's canon dont you know. like. ofc law doesnt kill people look he's being haunted by the memory of all the people he killed as a child in his anger he literally named his sword after them. and i wont even pause to explain how tf i came to all these conclusions but i promise you they make so much sense to me.

me, delirious: the heart pirates did so much PR to not let it slip that law is a big softie he literally is a doctor look listen to me he reclaimed his parent's legacy and has a sword that doesnt cut and an ability that cant kill and you mean to tell me th-

#i #listen #i need to write my little one piece fanfics again i have so much more shit to say about law #*gnaws on the bars of my cage* #trafalgar law is my favorite character and i'm so normal about him #dont tell me what's going on in the current arc idk and i dont want to know #literally saved all my insane law ramblings from my insta stories that i posted as i was rewatching dressrosa #i was rabid fully feral #i also went through a very old sketchbook and i HAD realized about the birdcage metaphor before i just fully forgot #read the summary of the law novel and became unable to function for a Week #me: he named his crew after rosinante #law novel: yes and also after how much he loves his Friends #me: oh no i'll be insane about this now

[zevrans]

.

#yeah man.. had a few hours of back and forth argument with my friend..idk really if i want to call her that now #but it was an eye opening mess.. it all started with her sending me dreadwolf trailer and i said it's all promises talk #and literally it went downhill from there she claimed that it's been announced like a year ago i said it's been in development for years #it then went to a fandom talk and how she thinks people in fandoms are pathetic and etc bullshit #how being a fan of something is not normal #and being invested in fiction and vgs and fandoms is something ppl with little responsibility do.. #man i can't even write out all the stuff she said i genuinely felt so bad after this argument #i don't think i ever want to speak to her again #people having fun in her understanding is pathetic childish and a sign of a person not having enough responsibilities in life?? #jfc i never realized just how truly toxic she is... #i mean deep down i did i just didn't want to admit to myself.. her general attitude to people being fans of something is just sickening #i'm determined to not write to her at all unless she reaches out which i doubt #she just shitted on everything despite me trying to expain how fiction can even literally save people #i tried expaining to her why some people are telling other ppl to not buy dreadwolf and pirate instead #i said about the fucked over emplyees of bioware and what she said was #it's a cruel world but idgaf it's business cry me a river - something along these lines #she literally has zero empathy i understand it now #the way she only selectively cares about wars going on in world #i said if people can boycott companies that support wars why cant they also support people who suffer from companies #she said and i qoute 'to compare war to people being fired wow that's something' #i was not comparing i just tried to find empathy in her to no avail #anyways.. i am so dissapointed in her and in myself that i didn't see this sooner #tbd

[tyrantwombat]

That said, as cool as the visuals are, they made the choking thing so dramatic again. I get the visual medium thing, and needing those high energy beats, but Sung Hyunjae is just so casually menacing about it in the novel and Yoojin just.

Barely registers it.

Can't be bothered.

#sctir webcomic #I think what they do in the comic is try to show what EVERYONE ELSE is/would be feeling when these things happen #like when they drew yoohyun as a literal cloud of darkness as a child #to highlight how absolutely balls-ass bonkers yoojin is when he's able to just shrug it off #and that makes sense too because in a comic format we ARE 'the other' perspective. we're third party. we're normal people on the sideline #shitting our pants when sung hyunjae decides to pull a peacock #In the novel we're so close in to yoojin's perspective we need to rely on context clues to pick up on things like this #because yoojin sure as hell isn't going to #and getting better at it as you slowly realize how unreliable yoojin is as a narrator is part of the experience #the comic has its own way of trying to approach the issue and it REALLY likes those visuals #which I understand entirely because DAMN those visuals #(I hope they keep this energy for yoohyun oh my gooooosh) #but it still misses that casual something of sung hyunjae 'easily' tugging yoojin in close with a light tone and freezing eyes #and a death grip on his neck #to which yoojin (who is LASER FOCUSED) just. *impatient parent voice* noah sit down I'm fine #yoojin mr 'if I can still talk they aren't trying very hard now are they?' #but that's the POINT he's NOT so this is just a business discussion #he's so focused and convinced he's in control here his fear resistance doesn't even pop up and that's the POINT #(I just checked though and EVEN MORE HILARIOUSLY yoojin is like 'well damn I definitely would be scared if not for fear resistance lol' #but #he never got the notification #yoojin all like 'phew sung hyunjae's a little intense right now glad I can't feel fear' and it's like. yoojin. buddy. #look at this and understand why song taewon is losing his shit about this man #and sung hyunjae just delighted watching the world's most hilariously fucked up little guy go

[gender-euphowrya]

idk who needs to hear this but maybe that survival skill you have is actually a trauma response

#had this Realization the other day #when i was in middle school i got bullied and part of the reason i was targeted was #i was the teacher's pet. like top of the class student with the answer to every question kinda guy #and at some point i taught myself to Not raise my hand and give answers even if i had them #because me answering a teacher's question became synonymous with me showing off that i knew shit #= more resentment towards me and more bullying #and that stuck with me #to this day when i know something that someone is wondering about #i feel like i either have to act like i don't know either or hide behind fake uncertainty #because ''if i say i know they'll think i'm bragging. they'll think i'm saying i'm smarter than them'' #''they'll be annoyed. they'll hate me'' #and i thought That's just how you live. maybe that's humility. maybe that's how you should be with other people. #IT'S NOT BITCH IT'S GOD DAMN TRAUMA AGAIN 🎺 #it's ye ol' remnants of bullying victimdom and abandonment issues #mixing into one big smoothie of ''i can't let people know i know things or they'll want nothing to do with me'' #which is not a normal human feeling !!!! #if it was we wouldn't have bitches like ben shapiro or w/e so eager to open their damn mouths even if they're hated for it #should i have less confidence than fucking jordan peterson?!

[angeltism]

when 99% of the content of one of uur fragments is weird icky stuff

#➳ the fool speaks #yes tumblr i follow this character tag. because i am this character. can uu stop showing me ONLY 18+ material!!!! #i'll blog the x rea.der tag for this specific fragment (nat.asha h.sr) but like #there's gotta be sfw stuff to. some cute art? right? or is everybun just perverted and only likes me for their gross fantasies? #uhggh. i know i know i'll just. as i said. block the 18+ x read.er tag. or maybe the general tag for that fragment. but it's still #kinda distressing because nyeow i'm kinda scared to actually go see the tag. IS there fanart? one per 100 sm.ut fics? #what. uu gonna make me go kiss sam.po? how about uu just. draw. normal things. i'm nawt even against ship art i don't want it to sound that #way i just. in my mems. view sam.po as an annoying brother. and i find content of me and him to be distressing. i've blocked the tag but #just knowing that if i go to my tag it'll be like 99% things i don't like to see and 1% cute or nice or pretty normal art. #makes me feel ugh #anyways tag blocking time. also adding sa.mpota.sha to my do nawt look bc i've realized in this moment that it is genuinely ew 4 me so. jic #and nothing wrong w writing stuff like that i'm just SO ANNOYED that it seems like 99% of ANY CONTENT OF ME IS *THAT* #do ya'll even like me/her as a character... #ps. very insecure abt beings liking me for weird shit irl too bc of. things. so if it seems i care too much abt this. kindly fuck off!

[saltydoesstuff]

Someone should really write a one-shot or something about a Reader that will just give the most random (and often times the most disturbing) fun facts at random times. I do this and seeing the look on people's face when I just casually mention like the march of the dead man in WWI or how you can replace baking soda in cooking with a certain amount of blood or just something that makes people question how you know what you know is hilarious, I think my family is scared of me ibwdhkjsan

I just woke up for some water and noticed one of my family members outside, so without thinking I waddled to the doorway blindly (too lazy to put on my glasses unless I'm gonna stay awake) and mentioned the blood fact- I have never heard someone so disappointed and nervous before, then I just went "goodnight <3" and went back to my room

#i'm not a killer I swear #I just know a lot of shit and don't know how to start a conversation like a normal human being #So I start spouting random facts I know #But I just realized how creepy that can be at 5 am in the dark #This is my formal apology family member though you will never see this #saltydoesstuff #saltyrambles #But a fic like this would be funny as hell