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yunhoszn · 2 months

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motive

PAIRING choi san x f!reader

WORD COUNT 3.37k

GENRES kinda fluff ig﹒smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, friends to lovers, reader is lowkey down horrendous, but san is too i guess, um tbh this is just porn with minimal plot… 😭, reader gets jealous, Tension, i can’t think of anything else for the tame aspect so, making out, exhibitionism, soft dom!san, marking-ish, scratching, vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, they’re like kinda clumsy in the way that everything is a fucking joke to them, actually a lot of kissing, san’s a sweet talker, public sex, shower sex, unprotected sex (pls be safe), creampie, cutesy ending

SUMMARY it’s annoying that your gym partner constantly gets flirted with right in front of you, especially when you have a crush on said gym partner. good thing your gym partner has a crush on you, too.

MORE HELLO oh my god okay, this is my first written fic on this blog and im actually so nervous posting it… but fuck it! we ball! this wasn’t originally the first fic i was gonna post but,,, the other one is still marinating in the drafts so you get mr. choi san instead <3 ALSO THANK U SM FOR 100 FOLLOWERS HELLO. my blog is 2 weeks old that’s insanity 🤕 big thank u to the loml @kimsohn for betaing for me ilysm maya <<3 pls reblog if u enjoyed and pls moot me :( i need more atiny friends 💔

“Wow, San, you’re so strong,”

You scoff to yourself as you watch the trio of girls surround him, dainty fingers touching anywhere they can. He laughs sheepishly, shifting his seat on the weight bench. You think it’s funny, really, the fact that he was eating up their attention and acting like he was so shy about it. He was supposed to be your gym partner.

With a small grunt, you take the dumbbells in front of you and focus on your form in the mirror. You make attempt after attempt to ignore the commotion behind you, but ultimately fail. How could you not stare with all the obnoxious giggling? Even as you lunge, eyes zeroed in on the perfect 90° angle your legs make, you can still make out the group’s reflection in the mirror.

Every drag of a manicured nail along his bicep, each twirl of hair, it was pissing you off. You had no real right to be mad, though. It’s not like San was your boyfriend or anything. You were just friends, and he’d volunteered to help you out when you mentioned struggling at the gym. What started as him spotting you when needed and giving tips to help improve your workouts, turned into waiting around for him to stop flirting with the girls who flocked over to him.

Maybe you were being a bit dramatic. It’s not like this happened every time you came to the gym, but it was enough to be irritating. There was also a very high probability that it ticked you off so much because you had a crush on San yourself. Your infatuation was less superficial, however. Yes, he was an attractive man, that was one fact that couldn’t be refuted, but there was more to him than his big muscles and handsome face.

You’d known San since you met in your first year Anthropology course. This was way before he started hitting the gym and building his physique. He used to be this thin, pretty boy. Girls thought he was cute, but that was about it. No one was jumping at the chance to ask him out, or giggling at his every word. No one except for you.

He was not only cute, but he was sweet and funny and just about every good quality you could think of. You didn’t want to be one of those people who thought you were special because you knew him before his insane bodily transformation, though in a way you were. San was your good friend above anything else, and you had a fear instilled in you that that’s all he would ever be. The idea made your stomach churn.

”Do you think you could bench me?”

A sigh pushes past your lips when you see one of the girls get a little closer to him. You’re over working out at this point, ready to just call it a day and go home. What were you doing here if your partner was going to ignore you the entire time? You set the dumbbells back on their respective rack, grabbing your phone and water bottle while simultaneously turning up the volume on your headphones to drown out everything around you.

You don’t bother telling San that you’re leaving, making your way into the changing rooms to grab the rest of your things from your locker. The frown etched onto your face as you do so serves as a reminder that he would never see you in that way. Perhaps you were perpetually stuck as the girl space friend. With a giant emphasis on the space.

There’s a gentle grasp around your wrist, making you jump in surprise. You turn around with wide eyes, pushing your headphones off your ears. San stares back at you with an unreadable expression, lips slightly pursed.

”God, San, you almost gave me a heart attack,” you hold a hand to your chest, heaving up and down a little.

”I tried calling your name, but you didn’t hear me,” he shrugs, releasing your arm and shoving his hands into the pockets of his athletic shorts. “Why didn’t you tell me you were ready to leave?”

”You looked busy.” Really, you wanted to hide the jealousy and bitterness from your tone, but ultimately failed, even throwing in an unintentional scrunch of your nose. It feels like your heart dropped to your stomach, resembling a prey caught by its predator when you realize the connotation behind your words.

San smiles at you, a smug grin that’s so out of character for him, you’re a little nervous now. He takes a step forward and you back up until you reach the lockers, one of his hands coming up to rest on the surface near your head. A small chuckle breaches the sound barrier, his eyes drinking in your figure like he might never get the opportunity to do it again. “Y/N… are you jealous?”

Instinctively, you shake your head. What he doesn’t know can’t kill him. But then he’s raising an eyebrow in question and you feel like a puppy with its tail between its legs. You blink up at him, nails digging into your palms to keep your composure. “Should I be?”

His tongue darts out to wet his lips, that same cocky smirk on his features. He knows what he’s doing, you think to yourself. He has you cornered and he’s using it to his advantage. The hand that isn’t holding his weight comes up to your face, fingers gliding along your jaw with a feather light touch. “No, I don’t think so. The only girl who’s attention I really care about is right where I want her.”

Your breathing stutters, halting in your throat and momentarily winding you. Choi San might very well be the death of you. Especially with that darkened look in his eyes, the chocolate brown color now resembling the night sky. His thumb swipes across your lower lip, letting it resume its original place. “What do— what do you mean by that?”

He was giving you a bone, a hint that he could potentially feel the same as you, but you wanted to hear him say it. You wanted the words to leave his mouth and verbally confirm that for you. Want wasn’t even good enough. You needed it.

“There’s no way you don’t know,” San says, voice hushed. “No way that you don’t know how badly I’ve wanted you since first year.”

Something similar to a choked groan departs from you, your pulse racing in your ears, thumping beneath your chest. You’re too stunned to move, frozen in your spot in case this is all some fucked up dream. It doesn’t even occur to you that someone could walk in, doesn’t even cross your mind that you’re in too public of a setting for this conversation or where it could go.

“I don’t— I didn’t…” Your eyes attempt to stay on his, but keep flickering down to his mouth.

“It was so hard for me to play nice guy for so long,” he whispers, a pout adorning his expression. “And today? I couldn’t even stare at you shamelessly because of those damn girls. It’s so fucking annoying when they bother me while I’m trying to flirt with you. But since I’m Nice Guy San, I can’t be rude.”

“You flirt with me?” You snort, your shell shock wearing off and a goofy smile worming its way onto your face. He laughs along with you, tilting away to hide the warmth blooming on his cheeks. The tension is still present, but it’s a lot more bearable.

”I guess I’m not very good at it if you couldn’t even tell,” he glances down at his feet, the confident San from before long gone and now replaced by a bashful version. “Am I going crazy, or is this gonna go somewhere? I don’t want to misread anything and ruin what we already have. The ball is entirely in your court.”

It’s your turn to be shy, shrinking in on yourself slightly. Acknowledging that you had feelings for San was a separate can of worms. There was a big difference between him confessing to you and vice versa. You know if given the stage, you’d just start blabbering on and on about how you feel for him, and that would just be embarrassing for both of you. So instead you say, “Can I show you?”

When he nods, your fingers raise to his jaw, cupping it gently as you lean up. Your lips brush his softly, barely grazing them. His eyes flutter shut, a shiver running down his spine simply from your kiss. A pleasant buzz courses through your veins from your lips to the tips of your fingers. You’ve wanted this forever, you don’t think you could ever go back.

You pull back and San fists the fabric of your t-shirt on your waist, eyes still closed as he chases your mouth. “Fuck, Y/N, can I kiss you again?”

“Please,” you whine, enveloping your lips with his as soon as you get the green light. This time is desperate, noses bumping each other. You’re going lightheaded and dizzy, already intoxicated by him. Your back presses into the lockers behind you, arching into his chest for more.

He deepens the kiss and it’s almost too much. You’re overwhelmed by the emotions taking control of you, not at all prepared for what would come with actually being with San. It had always been a distant fantasy, something that felt so completely out of reach that you didn’t dare let yourself indulge in the notion for too long. The way his lips lock with yours, fluidly and synchronously like missing pieces of a puzzle, you think you can die happily.

“As hot as it would be to fuck you right here, I’d rather not get kicked out of this gym,” he chuckles breathlessly. “And since we’re both sweaty from working out, I think we could use a shower. Don’t you?”

You leave a kiss on the corner of his mouth, nodding frantically at his suggestion. Though you imagined your first time with San being in a bed, slow and sensual, you’d be so stupid to complain about this. Fucking in one of the gym showers, where anyone could hear you? Go big or go home.

He scopes the area to ensure the coast is clear before hauling you into one of the stalls, dragging the curtain shut. You kiss roughly between removing articles of clothing, San turning on the water while his lips make quick work of your neck. Goosebumps form on your skin when the cool water hits it, your fingers combing through his wet hair as he sucks harsh marks into your collarbone and sternum.

“You’re so gorgeous, babe,” he mutters into your skin, nipping lightly at the tops of your tits. One of his hands travels south, sliding through your folds with ease. He rubs tight circles into your clit, prodding at your entrance with his ring finger. “I need you to cum for me once before I fuck you for real, okay?”

“Mhm,” you moan quietly, hiking one of your legs around his waist. His finger pushes inside you to the knuckle and then curls. Your eyes all but roll to the back of your head, back arching off of the tiled wall. “Feels so good, San…”

“Yeah?” He smiles against your skin, trailing pecks up your neck and along your jawline. You whimper in his ear, cunt sucking in his finger greedily. He adds a second, the middle one, and applies pressure to your clit with the heel of his palm. The sight of you falling apart by his hand alone is sending blood rushing to his brain.

Your body feels hot to the touch, risking a downwards glance at where his fingers disappear into your pussy. It forces another whine out of you, your head tossing back. You tug at the strands of hair that stick to the nape of his neck, steeling yourself the only way you can in this position. San just seemed to know you, to know exactly what you needed without you having to tell him. Either he was really good at guessing, or everything he did seemed to be perfect, because you’ve never climbed to the summit this quickly before.

There’s a knot in the pit of your stomach that weaves itself tighter and tighter with each curl of his digits and each swirl of his thumb on your clit. You think you could cry from how attentive he was, from how determined he was to provide you pleasure. Your cunt contracts around his fingers, and he can sense the precipice of your orgasm, speeding up his pace.

You squirm around in his hold, allowing him to spread apart your thighs so he can brush the pads of the digits buried inside of you up against that spongy sweet spot. You’re trembling now, nearing the edge of that familiar cliff. “San, baby, I’m— god— I’m so close,”

“Let go for me, my love.” He coos into the corner of your mouth, hushing your moans. He doesn’t slow his assault, inching you further and further towards your release like it was his own personal mission. That knot in your belly begins to unravel until it slips through your grasp completely, your orgasm rocking into you like a tidal wave.

San aids you as you ride out your high, already spent before he’s even gotten the chance to be inside of you. He kisses you tenderly, pulling out his fingers with caution since you were still so sensitive. Your nails claw down his front, scratching his abdomen with a purpose. He shudders beneath you, lips curling up into another soft smile.

“What?” You ask with a giggle, mirroring his expression when he wipes water from your face.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, grin unwavering. “You just look really pretty like this.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to get into my pants, Choi San.” You tease, yanking him down for a saccharine kiss. He reciprocates without hesitation, drawing his palm on your thigh so he can wrap it around his waist again.

“Me? Never…” He laughs along your mouth. “Is it working, though?”

You roll your eyes playfully, reconnecting your lips. “Are you gonna fuck me for real now?”

“What kinda question is that?” He glides the tip of his cock between your folds, shutting you up instantaneously. He’s heavy where he sits, slipping the shaft through your lower lips. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, you forget where you are, baby.”

Before you can even let out another sound of appreciation, he’s stretching you out, cock thrusting up into your pussy without warning. You jump up a bit to hook your other leg around his hips so he’s supporting your whole weight. The new angle makes it easier for him to delve deeper in your cunt, his dick accessing places you’d never knew existed.

After he’s sure you’ve adjusted to his length, he starts to move, pistoning in and out of you much more forcefully than he did with his fingers. Your lips part for a voluminous moan, but then you hear a group of loud girls entering the shower area and San slaps a hand over your mouth. He makes no effort to stop, fucking into you without a single care for the people on the other side of the shower curtain.

“Did any of you see where San went? He disappeared so fast.”

You recognize the voice as belonging to one of the girls who was openly flirting with San while you were working out. Not even needing to see her, you can picture the exaggerated pout on her face based on her tone alone.

“He probably followed after that stupid bitch he’s always with.”

Your half lidded eyes meet San’s but he still pays no mind to them, digging his nails into your plush thighs. He pulls all the way out, just to slam his cock all the way back in. His pace leisures, but his power doesn’t, abusing your cunt with every snap of his hips.

“I think I’m gonna ask him out next time I see him. I have to stake my claim before someone else does.”

He holds back a laugh, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You drown out their conversation after that, too focused on the feeling of his cock dragging against your walls so deliciously to even worry about those idiot girls. Little did they know he was closer than they thought…

Thankfully, they leave not much longer after that, and he uncovers your mouth. You gasp for air, panting feverishly when he picks up his speed again. Your bottom lip quivers with a whine, too fucked out to conjugate words that make sense.

“You’re taking me so well, baby. Taking me like a fucking princess,” San praises. He groans, water droplets slipping along the valleys of his sculpted chest and abdomen. It drips with every roll of his hips and every thrust of his cock into your pussy. This was what he had been building up to, what he’d been dreaming of for years. “Who’s fucking you like this?”

“Mmm,” you moan, supping him in deeper, further, as cavernous as humanly possible. “You, San— fuck— y-you are.”

You arch your back, sneaking a hand in the middle of the two of you and pressing the pads of your fingers harshly on your clit when you do so. San holds you closer to him so your pelvic bones nearly clash each time he punches into you. The change in depth that he fucks you has your cunt squelching, any semblance of coherent thought escaping you.

Your vision goes blank, stars decorating the backs of your eyelids as your second orgasm blindsides you. Not a sound leaves you after it knocks into you, cumming with so much force you think you might pass out in San’s arms. When you’ve finished, you let out a guttural groan, walls fluttering around his cock.

“Gonna cum— shit— where do—“ you interrupt him with a whimper.

“Cum inside of me,” your begging tone has him spilling into you practically on command. He fills you up perfectly, a moan from deep within him reaching your ears. You both stay like that for a moment, skin sticking to the other’s due to the thin sheen of sweat coupled with the steam of the shower coating your bodies.

You can feel the rise and fall of his chest when he breathes, one of your hands coming up to caress his back gently. He pulls out with a wince, palms resting on either side of you as he recuperates. He breathes through his nostrils, forehead glued to your shoulder. His hands rub up and down your sides soothingly.

“It’s safe to assume you’re gonna turn that girl down when she asks you out, right?” You ask suddenly, attempting to diffuse whatever’s in the air between you now. San laughs into your shoulder.

“Y/N, I’m turning down any girl who asks me out from now on,” he stands upright, biting his lip before kissing you gently. “I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate that very much.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Girlfriend?”

“Am I being too overzealous?” His nose scrunches up.

“You’re being the right amount of zealous, I think,” you brush away a strand of wet hair that falls into his eyes. “But I think your ‘girlfriend’ would like it if you actually asked her to be your girlfriend.”

Choi San is the prettiest man you’ve ever set your sights on, but somehow, he looks even prettier smiling down at you after having sex with you in a gym shower. It’s a feat that should be considered illegal, and you should receive restitution for the distress it’s caused on your heart.

“Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

And well, maybe you’d deal with that later. It was kind of difficult to ignore that sparkle in his eyes, especially when it was directed at you. You nod without a second thought.

“I would love nothing more.”

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez san #ateez choi san #choi san #choi san x reader #choi san smut #san x reader #san smut #yunhoszn

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wildemaven · 11 months

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Sweet Creature: Chapter One

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x F!Reader (In future chapters)

WC: 4070

Summary: A washed up movie star with a failing career, fresh out of rehab and looking to turn his life around. He moves back to his small hometown to take a break from stardom and help his sister out with his niece— He’s traded the high-life for school runs and crafting. What he doesn’t except is to meet you, his niece’s school teacher who couldn’t care less about his extensive filmography or his dwindling fame.

Warning: 18+ Blog; brief description of drug use, rehabilitation/mentions of rehab stay, getting treatment for drug addiction, absent parents, anxiety, sister giving ultimatum, apologetic Dieter, determined to turn life around, cursing, if I’ve missed anything feel free to let me know.

A/N: Firstly, big thank you to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for listening to me drone on about this! And for also being a champ and beta’ing for me too!!

This chapter has some heavy elements to it, and I hope it comes across as a serious tone considering the topic of drug usage. I wanted Dieter to be deliberate in his attempt to better himself. There might be some reference to this characters contents in the future, but this will be the only one containing any actual drugs. There’s a lot of information packed into this chapter to help get the story going. I’ve been so blown away by the responses to this series and I really hope I do it justice! Any questions/comments/or you just want to chat more about this chapter, my ask box is always open!! xx

Series Masterlist / Playlist / Main Masterlist

A few sharp knocks on the bathroom door.

“Hello?? Is someone in there?”

No response.

The slightest twist of the knob. Unlocked. Unoccupied.

Only the opening of the door reveals quite the opposite. Occupied.

“Oh! I’m so so sor— Oh my god! Are you fucking serious right now?! You’re getting high at a 6 year old’s birthday party!”

No response. Just a deadpan look of nothingness from the body propped up next to the toilet.

“I fucking knew it. I knew you would fucking let her down!! God!!! You’re such a fucking deadbeat, washed up douchebag— so fucking ridiculous.”

“W-whyy a-rrre y-youuu yellllling? Shhhhh!” His speech laden with a hint of sarcasm.

“You’re a fucking joke! I can’t believe you would do this to your sister!”

“What are you yelling about in here?? Wren is getting ready to open her presents and wants everyone to watch her. Dieter why are you on the flo— are you fucking high?”

“Ag-ainnn shhhhhhh!” His pointer finger emphatically raised to his lips, the noise too much for his dazed mind.

“You promised me Dieter! You fucking promised me no drugs! I should have known better, I should have fucking known you’d do this— you don’t care about how much this hurts me to see you like this, constantly letting me down. I’m done Dieter, I’m so fucking done trying to help you if you’re not going to help yourself. Fuck! Get the fuck out! Go! Now!! I don’t want you near us, I won’t put Wren through this. Get help or stay away!”

The door slams, Dieter left alone to ruminate over what was said in the small tiled space.

Even in his stupefied state, the words thrown at him were enough to make an immediate impact. The cognitive part of his brain working over time to push through and make a levelheaded thought.

“Deadbeat”

“Washed up”

“Get help or Stay away”

Reaching for his phone, he dials his lifeline who drops everything for him, probably due to her reoccurring paycheck, his assistant whom he’s thankful doesn’t hate him enough to ignore his call out of the blue.

“Heeeey! I n-neeeed y-you to c-ommme g-get meee…”

He knew this was it, he had to get his shit together or suffer the consequences.

He feels different if he’s being honest with himself.

Lighter.

Healthier.

Alive.

365 days clean. He made a commitment to a year long stay at a drug rehabilitation center, followed by a 3 month residency in a sober living facility conveniently tucked away in the Hollywood hills.

Yet, he feels more lost than he was before he started treatment.

He can’t remember what living a normal, healthy life is like— a life not high out of his mind 24/7.

This wasn’t his first time trying to get clean, he’d become a regular of sorts at a few different rehab centers scattered through out the greater Los Angeles area.

Each stay with the same goal and each one a failed attempt at getting control over his life without the drugs.

It was never “hope this is the time it really clicks for him”, it was always a question of “how long will he go this time before he’s kicked out and checking into the next one”— might have even been a headline a time or two.

Many centers refusing to even consider treating him based on his past reputation alone.

His agent’s patience was wearing thin trying to book roles for Dieter, doing his best to convince directors he wasn’t a liability and he could get the job done with zero risk in hiring him— it was far from the truth.

Each day on set became a game of Russian Roulette, no one really knowing which side of Dieter they would be dealing with while shooting. That in itself was a metaphorical high he chased with each role he booked, seeing how long before some one caught on to his slurred words, blood shot eyes and sluggish demeanor.

On numerous occasions Dieter thought he was skillful in his ability to mask his inebriated ego. He was combative with the crew and fellow actors— his temperament calm and mellow one moment, then seething and dripping with rage the next.

He was getting sloppy. The teetering domino of his life had slowly began to tip and once it did finally fall, his entire life crumbling around him.

The traffic is heavier than expected. Dieter wonders if it’s due to others similarly seeking to leave the city in hopes for a break from the dim aura that Los Angeles is. He can feel the weight of the city’s reputation lift from his shoulders with each passing mile as he maneuvers through the stretch of freeway congestion.

A few honking horns bring his attention back to the conversation he’s currently semi engaged in.

“This is a big step Dieter. I’m really proud of how far you’ve come.”

He instantly cringes at the thought of getting back out to sell himself for roles. Facing those who were- and are- tired of his shit.

The downfall of his career began when he was late for dress rehearsal for a role he some how managed to get— this role having potential to get him in the running for award nominations, propelling his career to new heights. But when he was no where to be found at call time, his assistant went on the search for him and it’s where she found him passed out in his trailer. He was too far gone to even pull himself together, prompting the director to fire him on the spot.

The rate of speed at which news travels in Hollywood is the equivalent to a fast moving wildfire— once that first bit of gossip hits the ground, it’s spreading through the industry with a sudden surge of ferocity and growing far beyond what is predictable.

His agent's attempt at damage control was a wasted effort. Directors dumping Dieter’s preproduction roles, actors refusing to work with him and threatening to quit if Dieter stayed on— his list of films beginning to dwindle in a matter of days and by the end of the week, Dieter Bravo was jobless.

“The next few months will go by quickly, and before you know it you’ll be back out here booking jobs and proving everyone wrong.”

Vanessa, Dieter’s assistant and full time babysitter, always seemed to have a way to make him feel at ease. And at this point, the only person he knew who believed he could actually turn his life around.

“I really fucking hope so.” He sighs, this was his attempt at thinking positive.

“Have you talked to her yet?” Her voice cracking through the car speakers as he continues his drive north on the 101.

“Briefly. Told her I’d probably be getting in around 6 or so— BEEP!— Watch out asshole!” Throwing a middle finger at said asshole driver who nearly missed clipping his car.

“She’s proud of you too, ya know. Might not seem like it right now, but she is.”

“Hmm. I’ll just agree to disagree with you on that point. Having a drug addict—“

“Former drug addicted, Dieter.”

“Right— well, having a deadbeat for an older brother doesn’t really leave a lot to be proud of.”

“You’d be surprised. Hey, I got another call coming in. I’ll be in touch with you soon! Call me if you need anything! Again, Dieter, I'm really proud of you!”

“Thanks Nessa! I’ll talk to you soon.”

The call ending abruptly, leaving him to sit alone in his thoughts for the next hour and a half—something he hasn’t really taken the chance to experience since, well, a long while.

The Santa Monica Mountains provide a scenic view as he leaves behind the place he saw as his home for the last 20 years.

His current destination plugged into his stupidly expensive sports car.

Home. Where he grew up.

He can’t even remember the last time he visited. Not due to the years as an actor taking him to all areas of the world. The last time he had been home was just over a year ago and he was high out of his mind, barely remembering the trip as a whole.

His sister had asked if he’d be able to make it to his niece’s birthday. She was turning 6 and had been begging for her uncle to be there to celebrate with— he was easily her most favorite person. The specifics of the getting to his sister’s home and the actual party are pretty blurry for Dieter.

Dieter spent most of the last year trying to produce a coherent flashback of the day that would ultimately be his last time using, the reason for his commitment to getting his life together.

He never expected the lowest point in his life would be being caught in the bathroom of his sister’s home doing a few quick lines on the toilet seat, as his niece was blowing out 6 candles a few feet outside the tiny bathroom surrounded by friends and family.

The moments following are a mixture of hazy clips, fragmented bits of information,

he’s tried to piece together to the best of his ability.

The rush of someone bursting through the bathroom door, the echoes of laughter and music piercing his ears as he’s hunched on the floor against the wall, little specks of a white powdery residue dusting his mustache.

There’s screaming as he does his best to focus his blurry attention on the distorted enraged figure in front of him, yelling something about being washed up— his eye lids heavy and fighting against them to keep them opened.

If he had to recall the exact moment he knew he fucked up, it was seeing the hurt and disappointment on his sister's face— her face wet with tears as she poured out her disappointment and pain over the fact that he was strung-out at her daughter’s birthday party. The weight of his consequences bleeding through him as he vividly recalls his sister telling him to leave and not come back unless he was sober.

The next day he checked himself in, determined to get his life together for good.

He shakes away the subtle tinge of guilt that starts to bubble up in his chest.

Remembering the ‘54321 Method’ he was taught in treatment to help ground himself when his thoughts start to become overwhelming…

5 things you see: the sun slowly making its way to the horizon, cars moving swiftly by his own, Live Oak trees rooted among the mountains, the slightest twinkling of the first few stars, his reflection in the rear view mirror— lighter, healthier, alive.

4 things things to touch: the leather of the steering wheel, his jeans fabric soft and comfortable, the cool metal of his rings adorning his fingers, the weight of his sobriety chip in his pocket a constant reminder of how far he’s come.

3 things you hear: the familiar beat of a popular song streaming through the car speakers, rhythmic tapping of his thumbs in tune with the song, his off-key voice as he sings along to the words he knows.

2 things you smell: his olfactory nerve triggered at the distinct scent of his woody amber cologne, that new car smell that still lingers throughout the car’s interior.

1 thing you taste: a minty tingle on his tongue as he chews his last piece of gum.

His nerves settle, his eyes focused on the road ahead, deciding he’ll right his wrongs when he gets to his stop— his sister’s house.

The trip took longer than he’d originally planned. Weekend traffic to blame for the 2 hour delay in his arrival.

‘Welcome to Ojai’— the stone sign greets him, dim uplighting barely making it readable as he turns on to the familiar street.

The town is all but empty at this time of the night, street lights plus the few restaurants and bars that are open give off enough ambient light to drape the streets in a subtle glow.

He’s instantly taken back to his childhood, so many memories tucked away throughout the picturesque landscape.

Growing up with famous parents wasn’t all that glamorous in Dieter’s eyes.

Dieter’s parents, Dean and Mary Bravo, were both well known in the tv and movie world.

Dean had been known for his roles in James Bond-esque action films through his career, notably his best work among other smaller productions he worked on. Mary was the queen of daytime television with her numerous roles in soap opera’s biggest shows, a socialite getting invited to glamorous events and elite celebrity parties.

Together they were Hollywood’s “It” couple, jet-setting to all parts of the world when schedules allowed for it.

Dieter and his younger sister, while born into this movie star family, were raised far from it. Dean and Mary deciding to buy a home in the mountains outside of the headlines and prying eyes, a place where their kids could live a some what normal life.

Normal was anything but normal. Dean and Mary didn’t let children hold back their lives and desires of more fame. Leaving them with nannies so they could keep up with the demands of working and living their best lives.

Ojai, a small village-like town nestled in the valley of the Topanga Mountains, became a literal playground for Dieter growing up.

Little reminders of his childhood still remain as he ventures further into town. He finds himself slowing the car a bit as he takes it all in, rolling the window down to let the evening air hit his face— it’s crisp as it trickles across his skin.

The private school he attended all through his schooling years sits on top of a hill that over looks the valley. The school’s reputation was highly regarded and offered a plethora of academic courses and electives. Dieter found the art and theater programs to be where he excelled most, painting and acting fueled his passion for the arts, propelling him into pursuing one as a full time career.

He spots Bart’s Books as he drives on, an outdoor bookstore, that had become a daily hangout as a kid. The red wooden shelves still filled with adventures and history to get lost in. He discovered his love for storytelling sitting on the covered patio, nose deep in fictional worlds he dreamed of visiting.

Across the way, a ‘no vacancy’ neon sign flickers on. Capri Hotel, a newly renovated hotel that still looks like it could have come straight from the 1960s with its mid-century design and modern style. He recalls the summer when him and his buddies regularly jumped the fence to swim in the pool, the cool water under the stars was refreshing during the California heat waves. They managed to only get caught once but worked out a barter with the then owners, they clean the pool and in turn can use the pool at their leisure. The hotel seems to be under new ownership now, but it seems to be doing well.

On every corner there’s an art gallery. Some still looking as if no time had passed, others adorn new names and a fresh coat of paint. Several galleries offered summer painting classes, where Dieter found he had more creative freedom than in school to explore all mediums and really honing in on his style. He’s always imagined he’d have his own showing of his paintings, friends and family gathering to see his work— a dream he never lived out.

His car parked and engine killed, he still hasn’t found the courage to get out. He can see a few lights on from the front windows of his sister’s quaint Spanish style home. Trying to not let the vague memories of his last visit deter him from going inside. He sends Vanessa a text, letting her know he’d made it safely and that he’d text her if he needed anything.

Bags in tow, he makes his way to the front door. Nerves and emotions swirling around, reminding himself to breathe, letting go of the fear and expectations he’d had for this reunion.

He opts for knocking, assuming Wren would be sleeping at this hour.

The clicking of locks being turned, twisting of the door knob, the black wooden door swings open to the space that’s haunted him for the last year.

“Hey, Diem. Sorry I’m so—“ He starts to explain his lateness before he’s cut off.

“Dieter! Oh my god! I thought something happened to you! What the fuck?!” Her body launches at him, arms wrapping around him securely. He accepts the impromptu hug, dropping his bags to return the gesture.

“No, no I’m good. Traffic was a nightmare and by the time I thought to call, service was fucked. Sorry for making you worry.”

“You’re here and you’re safe— that’s all that matters.”

This greeting is going far better than he had expected, but he hasn’t made over the threshold, still plenty of time for Diem to drop the hammer on him.

“Come in! Let’s get you all settled in.” She ushers him in, closing the door and adjusting the locks again.

He takes the space in, noting not much has changed from what he can tell in the diffused lighting, but he feels warm and welcoming even for him.

“I got the spare room all cleaned and ready for you. New sheets on the bed and a few extra pillows just in case.” She seems skittish moving about the living room, picking up the few toys laying around the room and placing them back in their designated baskets. “If you want to sit, make yourself comfortable. You want anything to drink? Eat?”

She seems just as nervous as he is and that makes him feel less anxious for some reason.

“I grabbed some food on the way, I’m good.” Setting his bags down, he makes his way to the couch and sits down, deciding to rip the bandage off so to speak.

Diem taking his lead, sits on the opposite end of the couch, legs tucked under her and hands resting on her lap. A lull hangs over them for a few moments, neither really know what to say or do. He notices her fingers fidgeting and decides to break the silence.

“I know we haven’t talked much since the last time I was here,” He sees the brief wince on her face at the mention of it, as if she’d been actively trying to avoid talking about it. “But I want to tell you how sorry I am for—“

“Dieter, you don’t have to.”

“No, actually I do. And I’m going to. Not only because it’s part of my steps in recovery, but because you deserve it— Wren deserves it.”

“She doesn’t know— about the drugs or you going to rehab.” She doesn’t look at him as she says it.

“I won’t mention it to her then.”

“I just told her you were busy and that you’d be coming to spend time with us 'cause you missed her.”

“Why did you agree? After all the shit I’ve done and put you through, why are you letting me stay here?”

That gets her attention, her eyes glossy with unshed tears as she looks at him with nothing but love and forgiveness. “Because you’re my brother and I want you here, despite all the shit you put me through.”

He shifts closer to where she’s sitting, wiping the few tears that had decided to fall. He doesn’t think he deserves her kindness, but is grateful he has this opportunity to do what he’s been wanting to do.

“I’m sorry for the pain and hurt that I caused you. Not only at Wren’s party, but all the other times I’d said I was clean and wasn’t. For putting you both second to my addiction. I’m sorry for not being here when you needed me most. I promise I’m going to do my best to earn your trust and prove to you that I am committed to my sobriety.”

Leaning back, his hand digs into his pocket pulling out his proof, grabbing Diem’s hand and turns it over placing the chip in her palm. She looks at it then back at him, the most genuine smile graces her face before she wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him in for a hug.

“I love you Dieter! Thank you for not only doing this for us, but for yourself as well. I’m really proud of you.”

“I love you too Diem.”

Releasing Dieter from the hug, she adjusts herself back to her previous position, now more relaxed with her elbow resting on the back of the couch propping her head up as she looks at Dieter, really taking in how healthy he looks since she’d last seen him.

“Thank you for also letting me stay here. I needed to get out of the city for a bit, clear my head and shit. Should only be a few months or less, until I can get a few things lined up— have a few potential projects I requested scripts for.”

The thought of returning to his old ways terrified him, he had all the tools and support to continue working on himself outside of treatment, but he didn’t want to chance it. He instantly knew exactly where he wanted to spend the next few months re-acclimating back into this new way of living, away from temptation. Knowing their last conversation was anything but great, he'd decided an e-mail felt less grievous and hoped she’d find it in her heart to accept him back in her home again.

“Of course. Stay as long as you need to.”

“And I can help how ever you need me to, figured it would keep me busy doing stuff, help out with Wren.”

“Oh my gosh, please! It’s peak tourist season the next few weeks at the Hotel and I’ve got a handful of events we’re hosting too. School runs would be a big help for me.”

“Hotel?” He’s sure he heard her right but doesn’t remember any mention of a hotel that he can recall.

“Funny story actually-- I bought the Capri last year. Did some renovations and it’s been great really. Keeps me busy most of the time, but I love it.”

Diem was never one for the spotlight, especially with movie star family members, actively avoiding anything to do with Hollywood and its ostentatious air. She always had a knack for making drab things look enticing, so Dieter isn’t surprised one bit by the mention of her being the new owner of the Capri Hotel.

“And now that I’m the owner, you can swim for free— pool cleaning is encouraged too.” He laughs at that.

“Congrats on owning a hotel I guess. I’ll definitely be taking advantage of swimming privileges then.”

“Alright. I’m going to head to bed, got an early morning dropping Wren off before I meet with the planner for our next event.”

“I can take her tomorrow.”

“You sure? You don’t want to settle in a bit first?”

“Nah, it’ll be nice spending some time with her.”

“Okay. Prepare yourself for a wild time then.”

She kisses the top of his head before heading in the direction of her room. Stopping before turning down the hall, she looks back at Dieter who hasn’t moved from the couch, one of his hands rubbing at the opposite shoulder and leaning his head to the side to stretch it out a bit— the longer car rides really doing a number on him.

“Dieter—“

His head turns towards the direction of his name being called.

"Hmm?"

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, me too.”

#dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x female reader #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo #sweet creature series #Pedro pascal #wildemaven writes

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jupitercomet · 1 year

Text

Love You for Real

summary - You get drunk and Goose learns about horse breeds. And your thoughts on The Truman Show.

warnings - language, mentions of drinking, a lil Mav slander but I think it’s funny so it’s fine, like one sex joke

this blog is 18+, minors please do not interact

word count - 1.3k

follow the adventures of Goose and Duck in Duck, Duck, Goose!

“Oh goodness, you reek,” Goose makes a show of waving his hand in front of his nose. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Do I really?” You look up at him, tears accumulating in your glazed eyes as you pitifully attempt to smell your own breath.

Goose’s face drops when your lip starts wobbling and he lets out a whispered curse when he realizes he’s miscalculated how drunk you are. You’re in your sensitive stage. Scrambling forward, he pulls you into a hug. “I’m just kiddin’. I’m just kiddin’, ducky. You smell so good. You smell like roses— No, a whole garden! You don’t smell like a frat house on Halloween weekend, not at all.”

“Oh, okay,” you perk up a bit and Goose sighs in relief, moving to an empty couch and settling you on his lap.

You don’t fight him—yet another thing Goose is relieved about, there have been a few times he’s had to throw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes to stop you from drinking your body weight in alcohol. Instead, you slump against him, resting your head against his shoulder as you watch the rest of the party with hazy eyes.

The team was celebrating a big win that happened to coincide with your psychology midterm, so Goose opted not to get drunk to grant you the opportunity to fully let loose. And, given the fact he’s had to track you down no less than five times tonight, you clearly took it.

“Were you ever obsessed with an animal as a kid?”

“Hmm?” Goose looks down to see that you’ve started playing with his fingers, still watching the party.

“Like,” you wet your lips, your speech slurred. “I was obsessed with horses. If I saw a horse, I could tell you what breed it was and— Wait! Find a horse, Goose! I’ll prove it!”

Goose can’t help but let out a confused laugh as you jostle around on his lap excitedly. “Where am I gonna— I don’t have a horse, duck.”

“Oh,” you pout, deflating.

“How ‘bout this?” Goose rests his lips against your temple, letting them brush against your skin as he speaks. “How ‘bout you just tell me about your favorite kinds of horses?”

Again you seem to bounce back to life, beginning to list your favorite horse breeds on his fingers—which Goose thinks is a little funny. “Well, there’s Appaloosas. They have spots all over their ass. Some of them are covered in spots, but I knew one who was gray and he only had spots on his butt. They’re so cute, Goose.”

Goose sneaks his hand between the two of you so he can scratch your back. It’s something he knows makes you sleepy and he’s hoping to tucker you out before you catch a second wind.

“There’s Thoroughbreds,” you continue with a yawn. “They’re basically just brown, but a lot of the best racehorses are Thoroughbreds… I think Slider would be a Thoroughbred.”

“Oh, yeah?” Goose grins. “What about Iceman? What horse would he be?”

“I think he’d be a Friesian,” you decide.

Goose doesn’t know what a Friesian looks like, but he decides you’re right anyway. “Why’s that, ducky?”

“They have pretty manes.”

“Right, of course,” Goose nods along knowingly, his hand traveling up to scratch at the back of your head. “Ooh! What about Mav?”

You don’t even have to think. “He’s a pony.”

Goose can’t stop himself from laughing, tightening his grip on you so you don’t fall as he doubles forward. “Oh, that’s too fuckin’ good! But just a pony, ducky? You don’t got a breed or nothing?”

“I know about horses, Goose, not ponies,” you make a face and Goose smiles at you endearingly, kissing you temple.

“No, you’re right. That’s a very important distinction,” Goose amends. “Okay, we got Sli, Ice, and Mav... What about me, honey? What horse would I be?”

You turn in his lap so that you're facing him fully, your legs on either side of his hips, and look him in the eye resolutely. “You’d be a white Arabian with little, brown dots.”

“Well, that’s specific,” Goose raises his brows slightly.

“That’s because they’re my favorite.” You smile, reaching up to cup his cheeks and squish them together. “So you’d be my horse and I’d keep you at a barn and come to visit you all the time. And I’d ride you every day—”

“I don’t think you’re fully hearin’ all the words you’re saying, honey.”

“—And I’d pick your hooves so you never got rocks in ‘em. And I’d brush you, and feed you lots of carrots and apples. And… and I’d get you those horse blankets and fly masks. And all the other horses would be jealous because I’d take such good care of you, because I love you soo much!” You’re giggling and Goose can’t help but melt at the sound, pulling you closer onto his lap.

“Carrots and apples? You spoil me, ducky,” he teases, though it comes out muffled through his puckered lips.

You drop Goose’s cheeks suddenly, mumbling something that sounds an awful lot like “Prettiest horsie” before relaxing on his chest with another yawn.

It’s quiet for a moment and Goose takes the opportunity to simply stare at you, taking in your features under the dimmer lights of the house party you’re at. Sometimes he finds himself wondering how he got lucky enough to be the person you ramble about horse breeds to, but he’s grateful for it every day.

“Would you tell me if this were The Truman Show?”

“What?” There’s a lilt of amusement in Goose’s voice as you draw his attention back to you.

“If I was Jim Carrey and my whole life was a TV show, would you tell me?” You roll your neck up to look at him. “Because that would make you an actor and we’d be, like, fake… And that’s really fucked up.”

Goose caresses the back of your head, coaxing you to relax your neck again. “Yeah, duck, I’d tell you if this were The Truman Show.”

“You promise?” You hold your pinky up.

“I promise.” Goose wraps his pinky around yours, and then he teases, “Would you tell me if my life were The Truman Show?”

“Of course, I would!” Your eyes widen earnestly. “I’d tell you— I’d tell you the second I saw you. Cross my heart and hope to die! But…” You trail off.

“But what, ducky?” Goose goes back to gently scratching your back.

You look at him decidedly. “But, even if I were an actress in The Goose Show, I’d love you for real.”

Something cinches in Goose’s heart. It’s almost painful how utterly soft and cherished you make him feel. He peppers your face with kisses until his own smile makes it impossible to continue and then bites one of your cheeks gently.

“I’d love you for real too, honey.”

“Okay!” You smile. “Then I wouldn’t care if I was in The Truman Show. As long as you’re real.” You relax back onto Goose’s chest and he wonders if, through your drunken haze, you have any idea just how sweet you’re being. He doesn’t even mind the fact that you’re going to be drooling all over his favorite sweatshirt in a few minutes.

“Oh,” you perk up suddenly with a bleary blink. “I gotta end the episode.” You turn your cheek against his chest, like you’re about to talk to someone and Goose has to hold back a laugh at the fact that no one’s there. “Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!” And then you promptly fall asleep.

It’s not long before Goose feels you drooling on him and all he can think is that he’s really, really lucky.

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l30ra · 5 months

Text

From Under the Cork Tree and Internalized Homophobia - Part 1/2

A very poorly worded and formatted post about all the FUTCT lyrics that I personally interpret as being about self destructive internalized homophobia and compiled into my interpretation of lore because I have an obsession with doomed yaoi apparently.

Having to lie about his sexuality and follow the trends with whats popular/okay in society because now they're nearly famous and anything could make or break that fame for both him and his friends.

"Good fashion sense" being a reference to how many people thought any man who dressed fashionably or alternative was queer

How people look up to him because they don't truly know what hes like, and who he is because of the secrets hes keeping

knowing that if people found out, they wouldn't idolize him in this way

Wanting to know what its like to not worry about relationships, or not worry about being percieved the "wrong" way

making out with this person being framed as a disaster because of the environment around them, first references to violence in reference to the guy hes hooking up with as an allusion to how obsessive his love is for him

instead of dreaming of his future from then on, he dreams only about the guy he hooked up with ("sleeping through all our memories" + "dreaming of you", as the guy is in his memories instead)

saying he wasted his time every dreaming of anything else

turning off the lights so while hes sleeping with a guy, he can pretend its a girl and feel less shame or turning off the lights so when hes sleeping with a girl, he can pretend its a guy and enjoy it more

keeping quiet about his hookups with the guy

realizing after trying to sleep with a girl that he'll never be able to enjoy it the same

not being able to talk to girls after this guy hes been with

self referring as a "joke of a romantic", because he knows hes full of bullshit while talking to this girl, but he has to keep doing it to keep up appearances

his words somehow taking on a double meaning that, while the girl can't understand, she knows is there, and it plays him as overdramatic and adds weight to them

him realizing his life has practically been ruined by this guy ("it cant get much worse"), and praying that no one else would ever feel like he does

being seperated from the guy, which is a heartbreak of its own, but not wanting to forget him

writing about him in the lyrics of his songs or in his blog posts in the hopes that it will get back to the guy because he wants the guy to feel the same way about him that he does

Everyone else around him is enjoying their lives, and how they love theirs but he has to remain miserable in it all the time

If those around him found out how "miserable" he is or if he ever came out, they'd love him for all the wrong reasons (as a news story or freakshow instead of as a person)

getting too close to the truth, so instead of saying anything, he hides further in the closet before anyone can find out ("you always fold just before youre found out")

he starts drinking before realizing quickly its a big mistake as if he gets too drunk someone might find out about him, as he starts reliving his heartbreak again

he sleeps with a girl knowing full well he wont enjoy it

he sees it as the girl feeling sympathetic for him because hes somewhat outcasted, and not actually because she likes him (more on this later!)

he has a sense of overeagerness to fulfill people expectations of him, and to keep up his appearances

wanting to just say what the tabloids want to hear and get it over with so he can move on

"sleeping for the wrong team" referring to him sleeping with a guy

having his heart broken by said guy, and knowing if the guy every dropped his name, his reputation would be ruined

watching straight couples out of jealousy and wishing he could be like that guy in a relationship with a girl

he is literally inside?? a closet???? in this????

not to mention, the lyrics originally being "the friction in his jeans" is a dead giveaway

him self depricating by saying he was nothing more than a quick lay to his guy, whereas hes now obsessed with him

asking the guy if this is more than he bargained for because he knows he has to work through his issues

coping with his obsession unhealthily (alcohol), and trying to forget this guy

hooking up with the guy "just to keep them warm" because it seems to mean nothing to said guy (spit bridges referencing saliva after making out lol)

or alternatively, getting drunk and hooking up with a girl to keep up appearances and it not meaning anything to him

asking him to "leave me be" and get out of his head so he can move on

but he still stays jealous watching the guy move on and watching other couples get to live their lives, so he drags him back into it again

saying the closeted relationships makes them both happy but theyre both lying

telling the guy to keep quiet about their relationship and keep it a secret

knowing they'll both regret it in the future but not wanting to stop so they stay together

he keeps going, writing about his experiences everyday and self depricating by calling himself a failure because hes unable to stop himself from being with this guy, reliving it over and over again

keeping his mouth shut, essentially choking him from telling the truth, but the secret is weighing him down and making him depressed

continuing to hook up with the guy under the guise that theyre "best friends" and claiming the parts the public sees is just jokes, but knowing deep down how he really feels, hence the quotations around "best friends"

feeling like if he ever came out, thats all he would ever be remembered for, and not wanting to be remembered solely for who he likes and rather for the music he makes

he tried loving a girl again, but it never worked out, because he knew he was lying the whole time about it

going back to writing lyrics about the guy and his failed relationships because he "didnt make it" as a straight dude

lying about who he is to everyone because his reputation and career could be ruined if he ever came out

repeating the same lies over and over again so long as they keep working (the record skipping is him repeating the same things to everyone else, repeating it like a broken record)

faking his smiles and personality but feeling incredibly depressed about it inside knowing its not truly who he is

not being able to stop comparing himself to everyone else around him, especially the straight couples

his depression worsening because hes faking who he is

blaming it on every other thing around him instead of confronting the real reason he feels so terrible

his back is metaphorically breaking from the weight of his heart and having to carry all these secrets about who he is

still trying to hold onto hope but "knowing" things could never be good between him and the guy because of how his life is

sleeping with any girl he can to remove suspicions about his queerness

still being fixated on this one guy, even if his world comes crashing down around him

desperately trying to hide who he is from both himself (telling himself he isnt desperate) but still trying to catch glimpses of the guy despite knowing he shouldn't

trying to participate more in big social events (dances, parties, etc) to try and fill his time and forget the guy but feeling like an outsider (sitting out said social events)

finding someone to take home because he hates being alone as it allows him time to think about the guy, essentially keeping his mind constantly preoccupied with a cycle of dances, parties, and hookups to avoid being alone with his thoughts

knowing no matter what, he cant change who he is, and not wanting to confront that

claiming that knowing about his feelings and being unable to do anything about them is worse than not knowing

so again, he copes unhealthily by taking stronger doses of medication instead of confronting whats actually making him depressed

still continuing on with his secret relationship, despite knowing he'll eventually be found out

falling deeper in love with the guy but not knowing how to cope with it healthily still in the closet ("take our tears, put them on ice" being a reference to drinking his feelings away)

continuing to lead his double life, so long as people keep believing, but still knowing one day theyll stop believing him and he'll either have to come out or find a new lie

knowing he's stuck with this guy for life (or until theyre forced apart) because of his love for him, but knowing the relationship could never have a good ending and has been condemned from the start

being ashamed of the lyrics hes written about the guy, knowing it describes too closely his love for him and that it could be a giveaway

continuing to get people to believe his lie and being successful in it

hoping the guy "sings along and steals a line" (feels the same way, and repeats it back to him)

wanting to keep him but only being able to do so in his mind because he still thinks they can't be together

giving into what society wants from him and still playing the part he always has as opposed to just coming out and giving up his web of lies

while his love for the guy is obsessive and dangerous (with descriptions of violence and blood + his head swimming), he knows he cant have him and settles for just hooking up with him (keeping him warm and covering the top of his bed) and surpressing his feelings

hooking up with/dating a girl as a cover to give the media something to obsess over ("they're all scrambling"), but knowing there are no romantic feelings actually involved they just sell stories and magazines ("move units")

lighting up their stories and making them stars

saying he only does it for the stories and not the fame, because for him hes merely trying to cover up his secret relationship

whereas everyone else around him is doing it for the fame

saying its such a shame the media outlets decided to focus on him instead of someone who actually deserves the fame, because his whole life is based off a lie

more of him creating stories to cover up his relationship, but slowly getting tired of it (his ears hurting from having to hear it)

if anyone ever found out that he was lying in his relationships because of his queerness, they would drown him in stories and news (calling himself a "traitor" for lying to them all)

CHECK HERE FOR PART TWO!!

#fall out boy #from under the cork tree #gay #queer #pete wentz #patrick stump #andy hurley #joe trohman #fall out boy lore #lgbtqia #lyric interpretation #lyric dissection #futct lore #futct #lyric analysis

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spaceagebachelormann · 1 year

Note

Dating Tam Song headcanons for the poor please? Also, are you excited for the shadow and bone cast q&a? Cause I certainly am.

DATING TAM SONG

ੈ✩‧₊˚ FANDOM: keeper of the lost cities

ੈ✩‧₊˚ FORMAT: headcanons

ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: one teeny tiny angsty mention, like technically a few spoilers??

ੈ✩‧₊˚ A/N: HI ALICE!!! i am over the moon for the shadow and bone cast q&a ive never been more excited for anything ever in my life

kotlc masterlist || masterlist || navigation

BEEN WAITING FOR THIS REQUEST SINCE I STARTED THIS BLOG

okay so he is like the greatest most awesomest boyfriend ever istg

he seems like his love language would be acts of service

and also he’d genuinely be upset if you walked into a room without him opening the door for you or sat down without him pulling out the chair

he’s a gentleman let him be one <3

you’re required to be friends with linh

if she doesn’t like you it’s an immediate red flag (unless your rayni)

sophie WILL make you take a 325 question quiz to see if you’re right for her bsf

no i’m joking it’s 5 questions

anyways

he’d like shows from like the 50s-early 70s

so you’ll walk in on him watching something in black and white and be like “what’s this” and you better sit down because he’s gonna tell you the whole plot

it’s so interesting watching him talk about stuff he likes <33 his eyes light up and he starts rambling

you can tell he’s passionate about it

THIS MAN IS A BIG CUDDLER BTW

your legally obliged to not tell anyone especially keefe this but he thrives on cuddles

like even if it’s for 5 mins in the most uncomfortable position ever it’s enough to make his whole week

hed also make an insane effort to keep you away from both the neverseen and his parents

hes lost enough and you don’t need to be added to that long list <3

okay um anywyas next

hed call you the most weirdest names ever

“hey i brought that thing you wanted” “thank you baguette”

he basically just calls you foods

also we’ve seen how protective he is of linh right??? yeah that but with you is 10x worse

will quite literally follow you around

and like it’s not in a “i don’t trust you” way it’s in a “i just want you to be safe” way

he’ll back off if you ask him too

the thing is he has that “anything for you <3” mentality but it’s more like “ANYTHING for you. <3”

more threatening basically

also so help me god if someone tries to hurt you in some way

they like can’t even look at you afterwards

okay next set of hcs!!

i think he’d like

LOVE to read and hed like go to the library every other day to get 15 new books

and i have this cute little idea of him going there because you go there and it gives him an excuse to stare at you for several hours <3

its probably how you met him

but then again he seems like he’s more likely to fall for someone who’s known for a few months/years

also he can sculpt because i said so

so if you like sculptures/mythology he makes you little statues

will let you mess with his hair and braid it and put it in pigtails and stuff

after much convincing

he’s like super shy at the beginning of the relationship but as it progresses and he becomes more comfortable you can tell how much he really does like you

linh tells you not to be alarmed cause he’s just getting comfortable

also when he gets excited he has this little look in his eyes

they become all sparkly and glittery

now it’s 5x more sparkly and glittery when he’s talking to you

OH HE COMES TO YOUR HOUSE A LOT

i kinda like the idea of him and a childhood friends to lovers and like he comes to your house a lot so he doesn’t have to go home

hed love holding your hands btw

no matter if they’re warm, cold, rough, soft, small, big, he loves them

will constantly be grabbing your hands and dragging you around (affectionately)

he loves kissing them also

before he’s about to leave to go do something he takes one of your hands and gently kisses it before skeddadling

he could talk to you for hours

theres times in conversations where someone will be talking and he internally WILL NOT CARE AT ALL but as soon as you have your own input/opinion he’s listening intently

also imagine going to something with him where you need to dress fancy and he sees you in your fancy pretty outfit and is like awestruck

unable to form words

thinks you are the most amazing person ever like he’d kill for you if you asked

also would love doing your hair

okay it’s 12am i have to sleep

he’s such a good bf i love him

#mars writing 🧈#alice 🐛#mars silly little mutuals <3 #kotlc headcanons #kotlc #tam song #kotlc x reader #keeper of the lost cities #keeper of the lost cities x reader #tam song x reader #x reader

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starlitmark · 1 year

Text

𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬

Pairing: none Genre: humor Rating: PG Warnings: mentions of paranormal, mentions of dead animals, language Word Count: n/a Note: this is the collaborative effort of both me and @raibebe (we watched ghost-hunting videos all day today at home and needed to do this)

Part 2 || Part 3

𝕄𝕒𝕣𝕜

There against his will in all honestly

He’s the one carrying the holy water

Says he doesn’t believe in the paranormal… he actually does

Begs the ghosts not to attach to him

Scared of being possessed by something

Very adamant about not giving the ghosts his name

“Dude… did that door close? Nah, nah… nahhhhhh… My ears aren’t hearing things right.”

ℝ𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕦𝕟

He’s the reason everyone’s ghost hunting

Believer to the nth degree

Talks big about not getting scared but gets scared still

Talks to himself through his entire solo investigation

The one who actually loves the spirit box

“I am not my fear. I am stronger than my fear.”

“Jaemin, shut the fuck up and let the ghost speak.”

𝕁𝕖𝕟𝕠

No thoughts, head empty

Smiling in the corner

The one carrying all the equipment

Wants to befriend every ghost regardless of how aggressive they are

Confused noises cause he genuinely doesn’t hear most of the EVPs

Loves the SLS Camera and watching ghosts do little dances on them

Offers his snacks to all the spirits

“Ghosties” 🥰 /affectionate

ℍ𝕒𝕖𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟

Taunting all the ghosts just for fun

Doesn’t believe in any of it… until he hears the spirit box during his solo investigation

Crying like a baby leaving the building

Denies anything ever happened (even with video evidence)

Tells the ghosts all of his personal information just for shits and giggles

Has a whole portion of their followers convinced he’s actually a demon

“That’s another page in the ‘Haechan’s a demon’ book” // “No no no” 🥰… 👀

“POSSESS ME BITCH I'M A FUCKING NIGHTMARE ON MY OWN”

𝕁𝕒𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕟

Taunting the ghosts as a joke

Half believes

Once photoshopped a ghost into a picture to scare Renjun (got his ass beat)

Screams to scare the believers and never tells them it was him outside

Talks to the children ghosts in his kindergarten teacher voice

Don’t scare kid ghosts only adult ghosts and demons

“Ghostie” 👹 /agressive or derogatory

ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕟𝕝𝕖

True skeptic

Blames everything on random animals and the wind

Debunks everything even if it doesn’t make any logical sense

Every EVP is just their imaginations

Whines about the physical condition of the location rather than the haunts

When he finds dead animals he’s genuinely very sad about them being there

“You want to hear it/see it… if you want it to be there, it will be.”

“It’s just a damn piece of plastic… you bought that thing on Amazon dot com.” 😐

𝕁𝕚𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

An absolute baby

Jumps into Jeno’s arms the moment the wind blows (genuine wind though)

Absolutely terrified of the spirit box and refuses to do the Estes method of it

Hates doing audio playback sessions

Doesn’t do the solo investigations because he sits in the doorway and whines/cries until they give up

Always holding onto someone for emotional support

Also convinced Haechan is actually a demon

“Don’t make me… please” 🥺

Networks: @nct-writers @neowritingsnet @k-vanity @kwritersworld @kdiarynet

Tag List (not able to tag in italics): @jaehunnyy @its-taeil-time @brattybunfornct @notbeforelong @n0hyuck @spiderrenjunfics @umbralhelwolf @ericssmile @honeyhuii @tarutarumilk

#kdiarynet #kwritersworldnet #kvanity #nct-writers #neowritingsnet #nct dream headcannon

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jeblum · 3 months

Text

i have an interesting relationship with hazbin hotel.

more under the cut!

i have mutuals who love it and others who hate it. people i follow have it in their dni lists. i've seen all the arguments and criticisms against it, which is fine when you're on the Internet and you can curate your experiences. you can follow hazbin critical tags or anti hh, and have a whole dashboard filled with your views on the show. this post was brought on by me following a (not hazbin critical) blog with a pinned post that said that hazbin hotel enjoyers would immediately be blocked.

when the pilot had just come out, i watched it for the first time with friends. everyone seemed to enjoy the pilot, and i didn't think too much of it after. i mentioned it to my partner, who was not there when i saw it, since they like independent animation projects and thought they might be interested.

my partner became hyperfixated on the show. they especially liked alastor since he's aroace, and so are we. i learned a lot about the show, and saw it through their eyes. eventually i began doing my own research on the show, in hopes of learning more about it for them. we watched the pilot a few more times, just to see alastor. we bonded over memes and inside jokes. i thought everything was going well until i read criticism about the show for the first time. i felt chastised, as tumblr often does when something gets popular. nothing is without its problems, especially not on the website that sometimes actively seeks them out. but i also strangely defensive on behalf of my partner.

yet, the criticism all makes sense. on a logical level, i understand how warped everything seems. i understand that mimzy is an antisemitic stereotype, that angel dust's arc romanticizes abuse, that there's an inherent racism embedded in alastor's character by misappropriating the complexities of new orleans culture. it all makes sense. some of the discourse is more egregious than others. many people say the characters are ugly or the humor is juvenile, but i could chalk that up to personal preferences. if it was just minor discourse, i might be able to dismiss it, but i couldn't. some of these issues they're discussing carry serious weight.

my partner has been fixated on hazbin hotel and other vivziepop creations for the past few years, with alastor at the center of their universe. they've worked meticulously on an alastor cosplay. they made sure to get every last detail, down to the hoofprints on alastor's shoes. i had noticed an uptick in hazbin critical discourse by the time i cosplayed as angel dust to match their alastor. i was nervous. i was afraid that a hazbin critical person would be at a convention, ready to tear us down. but we were a big hit. their meticulous detail to the cosplay impressed everyone online and offline. they've even adjusted their cosplay to fit alastor's new design.

i often wondered if a person behind a hazbin critical blog would step out from behind their screens and insult my partner's cosplay. would they dismiss my partner's hard work over online discourse? did someone with hazbin hotel fans in their dni list compliment my partner's cosplay in real life, unable to live up to their onscreen actions? did they look in disgust from the sidelines while we were busy taking pictures with people?

i probably shouldn't read too much into what tumblr thinks of one show, but tumblr has a way of changing you. it has a way of making you think in ways you hadn't thought of before. yet, in all their "engage with media critically" posts, i only found people who dismissed posters completely based on a hazbin hotel profile picture, people who had entire blogs dedicated to tearing the show apart frame by frame. they generalized the fanbase, calling them awful names. even the names they called themselves, hazbin critical, felt reminiscent of titles like gender critical. while they're not comparable to terfs, they use the same language. the blogs, i concluded, weren't engaging with the show critically. they were bonding over hatred for a show and being critical.

my partner is not stupid. they've seen the criticism but don't read too much into it. they have online communities with other fans, and are happy in that space. they don't seek out criticism or negativity. i once asked how they're not overwhelmed by the negativity, and they said that they don't see it often within their community. i still couldn't get over those hazbin critical blogs using hurtful words against fans, against my partner. i'm conflicted. my partner is smart enough to know when a franchise has its issues, so i don't feel the need to talk down to them, especially when i've already supported their interests in the past.

#hazbin hotel #vent

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adultswim2021 · 3 months

Text

Squidbillies #47: "Atone Deaf" | June 29, 2009 - 12:00AM | S04E07

Early gets very drunk and thrown out of the Jiggle Hut. He tries to drive home in front of the Sheriff, who arrests him and makes him be a garbage guy on the side of the road, like they like to do with the prisoners. Early also nearly kills the bartender at said Jiggle Hut with said truck. Early gets in more trouble for brutalizing a nearby shoe store clerk and stealing shoes.

Early keeps leaving jail; one time it’s because it’s under construction and there’s a big hole in the side of the wall, and another time the Sheriff just cheerily informs him that they have an open door policy, so Early just leaves again. It’s one of those episodes where The Sheriff follows Early around to make sure he’s not recidivising all over the place. I swear, there’s like a handful of these.

Eventually this leads to Early trying to make amends around town to the people he’s brutalized, but he thoughtlessly excludes Rusty and Granny. When Early asks what he has to be sorry for with them, we get a little montage of Homer saying D’oh over and over. Then it ends but I forget how.

If Squidbillies deserves points, it’s for originality. It still has the skeleton that most Adult Swim shows have; an absurdist plot that acts as a through line for absurdist jokes but dressed up in some strikingly different way. It doesn't have NOTHING in common with, say, Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But it's flavor is different enough for me to say "well, at least it's doing that."

The character stuff is just admirable enough that I don’t really care that much that most of the episodes of the show don’t have much of a point, and are usually just the characters doing stupid stuff. It’s ugliness is more in the spirit of Beavis and Butt-head’s early seasons. It just rarely makes me laugh, is all, and I don’t love it, I just sorta like it. I appreciate it as an small plate in the buffet that is Adult Swim. But you know I’m just biding my time until I can go to the carving station and get myself a nice big slab of–you guessed it–the 2AM Family Guy repeat.

This time they show footage of the Cheyenne Cinnamon pilot. It's playing on a TV screen. That's what that was if you didn't know.

MAIL BAG:

Did you think the pink man episode of aqua teen was meant to be a pisstake on the family guy/robot chicken star wars shows? I very much assumed it was at the time but now... "I don't know!"

Fucked up, but, I think you're absolutely right and my failure to mention this can mean one of two things:

I meant to, but forgot

actually it's going to be three things, not two

don't count that last one. I can't figure out how to renumber this. One of the other ones is: I am joylessly consuming these shows and just trying to get through the act of blogging about them as my life spirals more and more out of control, mind nowhere near the task at hand

(actually 3): I have a very basic inability to make very simple connections, because I am more concerned with finding more esoteric ones. You know that episode of Tom Goes to the Mayor where it ends with Tom saying "whew, saved by the bell!" and it cuts to footage of Dustin Diamond? I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THIS AS AN INTENTIONAL CONNECTION AT ALL. I just thought it was so phenomenally funny that a guy's beeper going off could constitute being "saved by the bell" in any universe that I chose to embrace that as the joke's true meaning. Let's face it, I'm a mean guy.

the big redhead from boy meets world does pornography now. you can watch it online and see what it's about. unfortunately a lot of it is girl on girl which is fake. not real. but her tits are hanging out in all of it.

My favorite thing about her is that she's an age-appropriate hottie (for me, anyway), so I can whack off with my scruples fully intact. I'm a little salty about my circumcision, my parents really did a number on me in that regard, so sometimes it takes a while for me to get in the mood because whenever I look at my penis I get pissed off at them, and the only thing that calms me down is starting my jack sesh by looking at a bunch of 20 year olds first. But Maitland is my favorite as far as any of you know.

Broheim i was on mythbusters forums all weekend seeing if you would swing by but you never touched base. You missed the annual tribute to the late Grant Imahara. Gotta check out the archives for that. And I know you don't want to miss Kari week. Gotta get on there bro, there just too much left to bust.

Is there enough room for two giant red-heads in my life? Uhh.... (this music starts playing)

Anyone notice that this era of adult swim is just completely fucking gay.

Bad year! We need some juice! We need more bald UCB dudes to make shows. Come on! PLEASE. Also don't say "gay" it's rude.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #squidbillies

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xlynnbbyx · 2 years

Note

If that Jensen anti does waste money going to a panel of a show they hate and aren’t going to watch by an actor they hate, and get picked for a question they are only going to look stupid. It will only reflect bad on them.

And if the Jensen anti asks a question/makes a comment that is rude and paints Jared as a poor victim then that is just gonna reflect bad on that person and on Jared’s fandom which because of a select hateful few is gaining a reputation outside of SPN as a messy/hateful fandom.

They may get some satisfaction asking or saying some shit but it will backfire, rightly so.

Just going to answer both anons in one post in case I end up repeating myself.

Anon 1- I’m not sure how other cons work I’m not a huge con goer. Huge crowds make me nervous it ups my anxiety. Yes I still want to go to Supernatural con(next year creation con) but I can deal with that. I just wouldn’t be able to go constantly. But I am assuming with big cons like NYCC they have people who ask a person what they are asking ahead of time to make sure it’s not nothing rude. I do think someone will end up asking about John cause we know John didn’t know about anything supernatural until Mary’s death. That seems to be the biggest issue for many. I do have my theory on how they can address it. But I am sure things will be fine at the panel.

Anon 2- I don’t follow hologramcowboy so I don’t know what she posts on her blog. I don’t want to say anything about other blogs cause I can’t control what other people post on their blog. Plus I try to keep my blog as positive as possible. So I can’t comment on what was said. But I will say this to everyone. Please do not encourage people in this fandom to do something to spread negativity. Even if you say it as a joke many people in this fandom take it seriously. I understand most are not happy about The Winchesters which is fine. I mean everyone is entitled to their opinion. But if you don’t like a show don’t pay attention to it. Don’t even mention it just ignore it. Cause the more you talk about something good or bad it still gives attention But like I said joke or not don’t encourage people to do stuff in this fandom cause people will take it too far. This is directed towards everyone in this fandom.

#anons asks #christen answers #if you don’t like something ignore it #i really wish this fandom can get along

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clovercrafted · 2 years

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hi i know this is entirely not important but i wanted to say it anyway bc it's one of if not the Weirdest Hyperfixation I Have and it's SLIGHTLY relevant to the ask about dream's face so i wanted to share-

SO due to a lot of the younger generation getting a lot of social media consumption from Tiktok which doesn't have an age-restricting algorithm, there's a growing issue of "adult" spaces being invaded by children either arguing that they should be allowed, or lying to be allowed into said spaces because the mainstream availability of the internet, especially unrestricted access to it at younger and younger ages with little monitoring, means children and teens are seeing a lot of not-child-friendly material at an age where they WANT to interact with it, but through the internet, are interacting with it in a way that isn't healthy exploration but information overload that leads to way too much idealization about the topic. Adults, who know that interacting with children on graphic topics can be 1) dangerous for them and 2) dangerous for the children, will set boundaries that they will not let children interact with them/their content/the information they provide. Due to the kids involved already having had access in different circumstances, they do not understand the boundary and believe it to be "overbearing" or "stupid" and attempt to circumvent it in any way possible to continue accessing the content/ideas that they want. There's a sense of entitlement to that information due to previously not being restricted from it due to poor judgement on the hands of corporations that will do anything to make more money, they do not understand why they have access to it in some ways but not others and it leads to a lot of children, specifically, feeling entitled to access to spaces that are not for them and could cause them genuine harm. (That was the hyperfixation part) The MCYT fandom is mainly younger kids, it's geared towards younger people just because of the general concepts of it. Due to this and the mindset previously mentioned from unrestricted access to any and all information, a lot of lines (especially within related topics) get blurred- a lot of MCYT fans are also general Minecraft enjoyers, but not everyone who likes Minecraft as a game watches/is a fan of MCYTs. Rectangle-square type stuff yknow? But due to that blurring of lines, a lot of that nuance gets lost and assumptions are made that Minecraft Blog = MCYT fan, which leads to these types of things happening of MCYT fans "invading" specifically Minecraft spaces with no attachments to MCYTs and a blogs with nothing to do with MCYTs get dragged into MCYT stuff simply because there's a common topic that in many cases does, but does not ALWAYS relate them. so that's a very very long-winded way of saying the reason someone asked you about Dream's face is Capitalism but i said it

(I'm,,,, so sorry if this is weird or makes you uncomfortable in any way Im Sincerely hoping this isn't creepy because i genuinely don't know if it will come across that way but I really hope it doesn't I just Like Talking Too Much About Arbitrary Concepts)

Hey yeah no thats fine, I totally get all that I'm more confused why the question wasn't sent to my actual mcyt blog itself since I meantioned, yeah I'm in the fandom so to speak.

But I get there's a lot of crossover and the line isn't really a line, its more of like a uhhhh

its like a skipping rope you feel?

But yeah Im also a big hater of tiktok because it doesnt just fuck up younger people and kids but my ex-best friend has basically consumed that much tiktok that he started forcing his ideals on me and started getting annoyed I didnt understand all of his jokes he got from there.

Like the modern internet is based around how much money its users are worth to mega corps and how much information can be sucked out of us all.

Ive had problems on my main in the past where I'VE SAID COUNTLESS TIMES I didnt want under 18s to follow me and I had to block people on the daily for continuing to ignore the boundries Ive set.

ANYWAYS this is completely a tangent here and the fact Ive seen people calling others racist for them saying "dream is a white boy" really speaks volumes about this particular issue

#asks #anon #gonna tag this as #discourse #even if it isn't! not really!#its like uhhhhhh....#yeah Idk what to label this as so we'll go with discourse

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kscriba · 1 year

Photo

"Did you knock them out of the water?"

"Yep. One big cannonball and they were blown away." Harriet pulls on her seatbelt and picks up the phone Ty hands her. "What's this?"

"A video for you to watch. Harper wants to talk to you privately, too, but she figured her words would have more credence if she did this first."

The video is four minutes long, the thumbnail showing Harper and Masami in a seated embrace. The title is, "The Truth."

The video starts out with Harper, alone at her desk.

"Hi, everyone. I know with a title like this, everyone's going to click on it and think it's a joke. It's not. I have something I need to share with all of you. I've been lying to everyone.

"Ty and I are not a real couple. We spend time together, and go to events together, but we're not in love. We never have been. We got together as a strategic tactic. For Ty, he was tired of the reputation as a playboy. For me, I was attracted to his status. And this past year, this worked out for both of us. My follower count skyrocketed, I was being invited to events I never even dreamed up. As for Ty? He and his family stopped getting harassed on the streets. He was able to finish his degree without being accosted by women in the hallways. That's all he ever wanted—peace, and privacy.

"But things changed. Ty fell in love with someone. Someone I care about. Someone I've hurt through my actions. Someone I want to say I'm sorry to. And that's not all.

"You see, another reason I started this fake relationship, even though I didn't know this at the time, is because… There's someone I'm in love with. And I worried about the reactions of my long-time fans and followers. People started making suggestions, writing long blog posts explaining how the two of us were involved. And I panicked. I wasn't ready for the world to know about something I hadn't even figured out yet.

"For the longest time, I've been in love with Masami. But it wasn't until after I was in a relationship with Ty that she developed feelings for me. At that point, things were already working out so well for me. So I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

"But that ends now. If you followed me because you were interested in my relationship with Ty… I'm sorry. I understand if I get mass-unfollowed. But my life isn't as perfect as I make it out to be. Even with the 24/7 streaming, there are things I hide. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to make the people I love do that anymore.

"I want to be selfish and ask for two more things. The first is that you respect Ty's privacy. It's all he's ever wanted. If he decides to make a public statement on this, that's his choice. But I'm making this statement with his consent.

"Finally, please don't badger me about my orientation, or call me your lesbian or bi queen or icon or anything like that. All I know is that Masami is the only person I've ever been attracted to or want to be with. I don't want to think about labels, or having to be a good representation of a certain community."

"But feel free to call me your lesbian queen!" Masami laughs, poking her head in the frame. "Sorry, I got all emotional watching that. I love you—!" The video cuts off as Masami tackles Harper with a hug, their smiles squished together.

Harriet stares at the screen until the phone turns off. "It was more of an explanation than an apology, but it's a start. You wrote most of it, didn't you?"

"Some of it," Ty says, eyes on the road.

"Mhm? You wrote the line—let's see, what was it? Oh, right, the girl Ty fell in love with."

"Actually, it was Ty fell in love with someone. No mention of a girl. Could be a man for all you know."

"Are you going to tell me you love me, or do I just have to hear it secondhand from Harper?"

"Oh, you mean the way I heard that you love me?" He pulls into a parking spot and nods towards the restaurant. "Let's go. You can tell me all about how much you love me later."

#ts4 #the sims 4 #the sims #sims 4 #sims #hatty #harriet #tyrone

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stellahibernis · 1 year

Text

Ok my emotions descended on me somewhat gradually and belatedly after last weekend, so let's talk a moment about one of the reasons I joined tumblr back in 2012. Don't bother looking in the archive, it was a different blog that doesn't exist anymore, while this at first fandom specific one became my main blog. So, I'm going to talk a bit about *gasp* sports (there is actually a funny tangential connection in here to the usual content of this blog), specifically F1 racing, specifically this guy:

That is the four time world champion Sebastian Vettel, who retired on Sunday at the end of the season, and like I said, I'm feeling a lot of feelings here, mostly good ones (although someone's definitely been cutting onions).

The above image is from 2012 Brazilian GP when he won his third world championship (after the most stressful race), but it was at the start of that season, in spring 2012, that I got to know him properly (and during the summer of that year I joined here because the cool gifs were here, basically :D Sports fandom really isn't that different from media fandom...).

I knew of him even before then, since I tend to follow sports news pretty widely even when what I actually watch changes periodically, my interest tends to go up and down (not to mention what happens to be accessible at any time), and he was the reigning double world champion that also happened to be fond of Finland, and we always adopt everyone who shows even little bit of interest, so there were news articles.

That year I happened to have the channel that showed F1, so I decided to get back to watching after not having done so for some years, and ironically I remember saying to my sister it was kind of relaxing to watch without supporting anyone, less stressful. She said that's not gonna last, and she was right, it took exactly until the morning of the first race day, when he was on tv making some kind of a joke to the Finnish broadcast team (I don't even remember what it was specifically anymore), and I decided then and there that I was in his team.

I know this is a highly random way to pick faves, but that's how it happens for me; something someone does makes me just happy, and that's enough. I've not regretted this fast choice since (and not that many others either, although some people I've had to unstan), not even during the harder times and through the emotional roller coasters. Because there were hard times, there were disappointments, but also happiness and joy, and those are the times I remember now.

I remember how he was and is undoubtedly one of the greats in the sport, from his blinding pole laps to unforgettable races, be they starting from the front and just disappearing in the horizon or going wheel to wheel against others, to his incredible dedication to the craft and improvement of the car and of his performance. Not to mention he's just a fun person with his literally hundreds of different helmet designs and giving gray hairs to everyone with his pursuit of fastest laps back in the day.

More importantly, he's truly a great person, one I'm happy to be supporting. He has said he'd hope to be remembered for himself, not just as a driver but as a person, and I'd say he's achieved that. He's pretty much universally liked and the tributes from his fellow drivers speak a world (on youtube here since it's apparently blocked from being embedded).

The very real respect all of them have for him is not normal, usually when someone quits everyone says good words, but it's nothing like this, nothing like being acknowledged as such a big presence, and this is only a fraction of it all. I always felt he was very much underappreciated during his championship years, so it is great to see him so well loved!

He used to be very private, used to focus on racing only when in public, but in the recent years it has been especially great to see him speak of the causes he cares about, from protection of environment to speaking against discrimination, against racism, supporting women in racing as well as LGBTQ+ folks. For example, he was decked in full rainbow gear in Hungarian GP last year just after they passed the very discriminatory law, and was speaking openly against it even with the resulting sporting penalty, saying it was important to speak up (contrast that to what's going on in the world cup just now).

With his retirement, it's of course in a way regrettable, but also I'm not too sad about it, because from the way he speaks it seems to me he's ready to end this part of his journey and focus on other things he finds important. Probably with some less internal conflict going forward since there clearly has been some value conflict regarding his racing career (which is a multi billion sport with all the ugly sides attached, not to mention not at all environmentally sustainable).

I'm just happy I got to know him, got to follow his journey, if not quite from the beginning but a long way at least, and hope all the happiness for him as he goes forward.

Danke Seb!

PS. The connection to the usual content of this blog? Like I mentioned he tended to have different helmet designs, and for the US GP 2014 he had Captain America's shield on it.

#sebastian vettel #someone's cutting onions here...#long post

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davidkendall · 2 years

Text

*Rubs sleep out of eyes, stumbles over to lap-top*

“Oh, @palmtreepalmtree mentioned me in a post....what’s all this then?......Oh geez, it’s one of THOSE......but it IS PTPT asking, so.....”

*crack knuckles and wiggles fingers anticipatorially*

***

Yeah, I don’t do these “Tell us more!” things too often, either, because I figure if anyone wanted to know, they’d ask. But, I’m trying to be less curmudgeonly, so I’ll try to answer without seeming like TOO much of a jerk:

Apparently, there’s rules:

Rules: answer these questions and tag some blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

QUESTIONS:

Name: I mean, it’s right there in the URL. No big secret .....

Sign: Saggy the Archer. (I’m getting that on a shirt one day.)

Height: Used to be 6′. Doc says I’m shrinking, and it’s normal. Now 5′11″. I protest this development vehemently.

Time: Noon-ish on the East Coast of the US

Birthday: Yeah, I don’t share that, and the only reason I “celebrate” at all is the missus insists on commemorating the day. I know; I’ve got emotional baggage left over from childhood, yadda yadda yadda. It’s just a day, and it happened long enough ago to make me a Certified Old Dude.

Favourite bands/artists: Far too many to name. Everyone from John Denver to Bruce Springsteen, from Beethoven to John Williams to Mike Post.

Last movie: Re-watched Revenge of the Sith for the first time since it came out. Still don’t like it; the only saving grace is Ewan McGregor

Last show: We’re actually watching Nashville, which was on TV about 10 years ago and we’re finally getting around to it on Hulu. It’s decent, soap-opera-ish fun, with country music sprinkled liberally throughout.

When I created this blog: 2008.

What I post: Lots of reblogs of anything that catches my eye. An occasional original thought. Dad jokes, because it’s the law for dads to share them.

Last thing I googled: "tongue sandwich” because I was explaining how my parents tried to get us to eat beef tongue for dinner when I was a kid, and they used to actually sell tongue sandwiches in delis back in the day.

Other blogs: None active anymore; just this one. Of course, there’s my Twitch stream (4 streams a week) and my Podcast (a new episode every week), so if you REALLY want to get to know me, those are the places to go. (You can ask for the links if you’re at all interested.)

Do I get asks: Occasionally. Always welcome, never required.

Following: I dunno. A lot of folks I find interesting. Some, sadly, have just quietly disappeared, and I wonder what happened to them. What, you want me to look up an actual number? That takes, like, effort.

Followers: I dunno. Again, looking things up is SO much effort.

Average hours of sleep: when I was working, 5-6 hours a night, no problem. Now, 7, and it makes a WORLD of difference in your life.

Instruments: Used to play trumpet; can pick out a tune on a piano and a couple chords on guitar. Don’t take any of them seriously anymore.

What I'm wearing: I mean, the uniform of the day for me these days is jeans and a t-shirt. If I’m feeling fancy, I might throw on an old polo shirt with an actual collar.

Dream job: Radio DJ was the dream, which I did years ago. But like any dream, the reality has it’s down-side too, which I also learned.

Dream trip: Before Covid, it was Ireland. Since Covid, any trip without worrying about bringing a mask and catching Covid is the dream. Seriously, everywhere we go, Covid is front-and-center. Maybe I’m too freaky about it, but I can’t seem to help it.

Nationality: My parents always said “We’re Americans.” Heritage, family history, roots, were completely unimportant to them, for reasons they never made clear and, with them gone, which I’ll never know. Over the years, I learned, through bits and pieces of information at family gatherings, that there’s some Welsh, English, German, and Russian in the mix, but who came from where, and how, and why, and when - I have no idea.

Favourite songs: Impossible to answer because music is so mood-dependent.

Last book I read: I haven’t read anything truly memorable in a while. I know I just finished a book about two weeks ago, but can’t for the life of me remember it. Just started one of those David Baldacci page-turner-specials a couple days ago (Long Road to Mercy), which is readable, but which I’m sure I’ll forget a week after I’m done.

3 fictional universes: So, Star Trek, because that’s the first “fictional universe” I became aware of, and it still gives me hope that one day we (meaning, “humans”) can get to a point in our development like that. And, Star Wars, because who doesn’t want to be Han Solo? And then Middle Earth, because if I can’t be Han Solo, I may as well try to be Gandalf.

Oh, as for tagging folks, first, let me tell you - this takes time to do! So I don’t really want to make anyone feel burdened. And here’s the thing (and this is the way my mind works), if I tag two or three (or six or seven) of my mutuals who I really want to hear about, I don’t want anyone who I didn’t tag to be upset or feel left out, so I’m afraid of not tagging everyone. I also don’t want anyone to feel like they HAVE to do it. (Yeah, that’s why I rarely do these - TOO MUCH PRESSURE!) So, any mutuals who haven’t done this, I’m tagging you because I really DO want to know more, and I don’t want to leave anyone out.

Alright, that was WAY too much effort. Time for a nap.

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roo-bastmoon · 2 years

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May I bounce a theory by you? I have the upmost respect for your blog. Found BTS at KCON in LA for a work function & realized my son & friends were listening to this same music back home in Van, BC Canada. I was at Rosebowl and I missed “The Moment”. I am embarrassed to admit it. Had to ask what the cheering was about. Then I became interested. Joined Tumblr when knee injury sidelined me a few months ago. Watched all their stuff when it came out after long 14 hour shifts. I thought I remember seeing a clip where Jimin says Jungkook doesn’t want to be called a baby, or babied and right about that time their BTS Brand personas change. Jungkook shows his strength and Jimin his delicate side. For the required Idol portion although all members participate for required fan stuff, when they are following the schedule of the day, it is often Jimin that is babied, not Jungkook. But that would make more sense, wouldn’t it? Jimin is demonstrative with his fellow band members, whom he loves with every inch of his soul. They draw strength from his hugs, reassurance and quite wisdom. I think it works until Jungkook’s kept away from Jimin too long or Jungkook misreads a situation. There’s a few interviews in the US where I wanted to scream at these western reporters, hosts, crew etc. The man handling celebrities are subjected to is sickening and I feel it was shocking for the members. But I can see in the way Jimin carries himself that he knows exactly what’s being asked of him by the hosts. And he delivers. Every single time. Jimin is a mega watt, blow your mind, star. He turns to the camera and holds that gaze. Just like in their MV. Tae does this too with his swag, jazz, vibe and Jungkook with his playful bad boy image and J-Hope - oh my sunny hope went to woo sexy hope in those shorts! Lol. So the manke line, vocal line, dance line Jimin, J-hope, Jungkook and Tae all took those roles it seemed to me anyway with Jin, Suga, and RM taking the Rap, Hyung roles. Everyone was saying Jikook broke up in 2019-2020 but what I saw was huge tension prior to that in their live performances. Do you think the new contract had guaranteed camera time for some and guaranteed musical lines for others. No shade to the members. I adore them all. I just wonder about how they were sometimes past managed. I am a huge supporter and will say they have each other’s backs from all appearances. I believe they do love one another and Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship is not the only one within that group. There’s footage of skinship or something else going on and not a word of criticism anywhere. Not a peep. Do you ever wonder if they all sit around and joke and say ok, today you two, why don’t you xxxx and xxxd during the broadcast? And the next day… they review social media and laugh because there’s no mention until a certain manke line is involved. My last ponder: Jimin’s contract invoved dancing because Big Hit didn’t need him to sing. Suga discovered his amazing voice. There’s lots of footage showing their bond and it’s no understatement to say that Jimin supports the members emotionally and mentally. Here’s my theory: He’s the man you go to when you’re down, lonely. You can see the footage of his loving hugs. Jin will make the biggest ass of himself to make you smile. RM will defend you to the ends of the earth in the media as well as protect you. J-hope lovingly cares for you. He keeps you on schedule, calms your nerves. Suga provides the wisdom and the bulk of the BTS material. He mentors the artist side of members. He solves the squabbles by listening to both sides, acting as a mediator not a judge. His emotional intelligence is so underrated. J-hope and Jimin mentor the members in the dance side. J-hope is the big picture thinker taking care of choreography etc, Jimin the finite details. Jungkook role is protector and leader in vocals. His part of the job is far greater than they let on I think. He makes all the guides for the songs. How many are there we don’t hear about. The members work ethic is insane.

Hi there, WestCoastGal1!

Nice to chat with you here.

So I’m still pretty new to the fandom and not sure I recognize all the moments you’re referring to. I remember one time at a fan sign a girl asked JK to wear a baby bonnet and he did, because he’s a good soldier, but you could tell he was dying inside.

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Once he stopped trying to be super macho badass b-boy Baby G, Jimin leaned into the cutie-sexy-lovely persona and he really pulled it off; so baby stuff works for him. But keep in mind, for all the lovely ways he acts like a gentleman and all cutie antics he pulls, he also leans into his sexy side.

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Fan perceptions aside, within the group, JK will always be the maknae. It will always work both for and against him. For example, he will never have to pay for a meal nor be required to remember everyone’s birthday gifts. But he will always have to defer to his hyungs if they really insist and he will absolutely get talked over in a heated debate. He is still babied in that they tolerate just about anything from him, but that’s balanced out by the fact he grew up into such an absolute sweetheart, so it’s not like tolerating his quirks is a huge hardship.

“I think it works until Jungkook’s kept away from Jimin too long or Jungkook misreads a situation.”

Not sure what you mean here and it’s likely because I don’t have enough background knowledge. Could you provide some examples? Do you mean JK will get a bit jealous if Jimin is babied / cuddled by the other members? Because yes, for a long time he was very possessive and competitive and didn’t like sharing. He’s gotten better about it as he grows up, but I think JK doesn’t want to be babied, but he still wants to be Jimin’s BAE.

“Everyone was saying Jikook broke up in 2019-2020 but what I saw was huge tension prior to that in their live performances.”

I wasn’t in fandom at this time. Do mean sexual tension during their stage performances or personal tension during Vlives?

As far as I know, the group renewed their contact in 2018 and got a bit more creative control. Then in 2020 they were allowed to buy stock in Hybe which gave them even more decision making power. Also as far as I know, they all decide about line distribution, so if anyone feels they are carrying a song too much or that they don’t have enough lyrics, they can and will speak up. So I think it’s always a negotiation based on what they feel works best for the piece in recording and on stage. I agree they have each other’s backs. I think they all want each other to shine.

I think skinship comes really naturally to South Korean men but BTS are on an entirely different planet where sharing bites of food and beds and showers is as normal as breathing, and I very much doubt the average South Korean male is trying to follow his friends into the bathroom while they pee, for example.

The fact that Jikook shares so much downtime and holidays and clothing and access to family members just takes their intimacy to an even deeper level.

I really doubt that at their age, right now, BTS members joke around about ships on camera and later see how worked up Army gets. I could see them maybe doing things like that when they were younger, and still getting used to fame. But honestly, right now? I bet they see shipping fandom as a complete hassle, but they can’t comment on it without tremendous backlash.

Lastly, Jimin was cast because of his dancing skills (and also his personality—Tae seems to have been the deciding factor, stating he wanted Jimin as his friend). But Jimin was also cast as a lead vocal. For the life of me, I have NO IDEA why they didn’t invest in vocal coaching for him. He’s got such a unique voice, but he needed help with technique to avoid cracking and maintain stability, and he knew it. For the longest time they neglected that to save money and that was stupid. I can’t imagine they’d deliberately handicap him to keep the other members from feeling neglected, but it seems so pennywise and pound foolish. Eventually Jimin did get some training and also English lessons and good for him. I can’t wait for him to dominate the globe.

But yes, Jimin has a third job in BTS and that’s taking on the bulk of the nurturing—a role he naturally assumes, and one I believe has been critical to BTS’ bond and therefore success. BTS is 7 and requires all 7 to be exceptional. Everyone has an essential role (or roles) to play. BTS captured lightning in a bottle. They keep it going because their bond is strong.

Their bond is strong through a lot of emotional labor.

Always nice to hear from you!

Yours,

Roo

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