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gr7mes · 2 days

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NERVOUS “you’ve got me nervous to speak.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: angst to fluff, use of y/n, cussing

a/n: back from the dead!! sorta based on nervous by the nbhd, and there’s also a little tsitp steven and taylor action that i used for inspiration. lyrics r in bold + italics or in between paras. enjoy lovelies!!

the bond between you and carl was truly inseparable. you two had been through it all together, and never once had either of you thought about ending it all.

that was until now.

god, you don’t know how you found yourself in this situation. he’s just a friend. he’s always been just a friend. that’s what you believed, and that’s what you always told people.

so how come, all of a sudden, he started becoming more than that? how come, out of the blue, you started getting butterflies at his gaze? it was an unfamiliar feeling, and you didn’t like it. you didn’t like it at all.

you didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardize your beloved friendship, especially over something so dumb. you weren’t gonna lose everything all because of a stupid crush. so, after ages of decision making, you finally set your mind on a reasonable solution.

should i be quiet?

you were just gonna take some time to yourself. you were gonna stop talking to him for a bit. that’s all you needed, just some space. it couldn’t be that hard to lose feelings. besides, he would understand, right?

he in fact did not understand. “wanna come over? i just finished reading that comic you wanted.” he said, a grin plastered onto his face. “not today.” you quickly shut him down, and you could see the happiness on his face slowly fade away.

“oh, that’s fine. tomorrow?” you felt so bad. you really did wanna hang out with him, but you had to push away these feelings first. “i just need some time to myself for a while.”

your felt your heart pang when you looked at his expression. he gave you a slight smile, attempting to mask his disappointment. but you knew him. you knew him well enough to know he was upset. “yeah, i get it. i’ll see you later y/n.” he said, walking away. all of the energy he had when he approached you was long gone now.

it had been days, weeks even. you hadn’t uttered a word to him. so why wasn’t it working? why did you still long for him? it was so frustrating.

not to mention, you were a mess. you would often find yourself with your head buried deep within your pillow, sniffling as tears flowed down your cheeks. on top of that, you weren’t getting enough sleep. you just missed carl.

you figured the best thing you could do for yourself was to just get some fresh air. after all, it was no use trying to fix stuff with carl, you already fucked it all up.

you took in the breeze, as you fiddled with your fingers. if it was a normal day, you would’ve been happy. you loved the cold, but today it was different. today, it made you feel numb. it made everything worse.

you tried getting it off your mind. you tried to think about other things, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the look he had on his face the last time you talked to him. his smile was wiped clean off his face, and it was all your fault.

you started to feel your eyes prick with tears. a single drop slowly traveled down your face, and you quickly wiped it off with your sleeve.

you just wanted to cry, but you weren’t gonna let yourself do it out in the public. after all, once you started crying, you weren’t gonna stop. so, you turned around and picked up the pace. you were headed back home, where you could be vulnerable.

your head was faced down, trying to hide your glassy eyes from anyone who could potentially see. “y/n?” you hear someone call out to you. the voice sounded familiar, and you instantly knew who it was without even lifting your head in the slightest.

it was carl. you had to get away. just pretend you didn’t hear him, you thought to yourself. your footsteps quickened, until you heard his pleading voice once again.

“just talk to me. please. is it something i said? i’m sorry for whatever i did.”

“you didn’t do anything. it’s me. it’s all my fucking fault because my stupid self caught feelings for her best friend.” you wanted to say, but you restrained yourself.

you finally came to a stop, turning around to face him. as soon as you met his gaze, you wanted to cry the hardest you’d ever cried before.

he slowly stepped closer to you until his taller figure was in close in front of you. “can you please talk to me? you know i won’t get mad. you know i’m listening. so please, just please tell me what’s been bothering you.” he begged, his eyes softening.

you let out a sigh, still sniffling. “it’s not your fault carl.” you said, your voice barely audible. “then what is it?” he said, keeping his voice at the same, calm volume.

“i-i like you, and it’s really embarrassing.” you confess. you instantly regret your choice of words when you see a frown start to appear on his face. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but that was really fucking mean.” he says, about to walk away.

“no, carl. it’s embarrassing because of how much i like you.” there it is. that’s what you’ve been holding in. it felt weird hearing the words coming out of your mouth. “how is that embarrassing?” he questioned, the tender look started to come back on his face.

ask me and ill tell you how i’ve been

“i- it’s like i forgot how to act around you. i’m always scared i’m gonna mess up. you’ve got me nervous to speak.”

that was the last thing you managed to get out before he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. the dam holding your tears back broke.

the wetness stained his shirt, but he didn’t care. he rubbed your back with his arm, soothing you. you missed his embrace, the feeling you would get when you were in his arms felt heavenly.

after a few more seconds of the hug, carl shifted his hands to your shoulders. he softly pushed you back a little bit to get a look at your face.

he reached for your face to wipe any tears. “m’ sorry for ignoring you.” you said, voice soft and quiet. he shook his head, giving you a gentle smile.

“you’re okay sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” he said. “i-it’s not okay. i ignored you for so long, i just cut you off like that. without a single warning. it was so inconsiderate and i’m really sor-”

hush, baby, don’t you say another word

“you never shut up do you?” he said, cutting you off mid sentence before he crashed his lips onto yours. your eyes widened, and your movements froze before you slowly adjusted to the kiss. your eyes fluttered closed before you hesitantly tilted your head to get closer.

this was a new experience for the both of you, but it felt like he had years of practice. the way his hands made their way around your body, it sent shivers down your spine.

after what seemed like an eternity, you both pulled away. the sounds of your mixed heavy breaths filled the air. carl’s hand reached for your face before he wiped your slightly smudged chapstick.

he then tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. the gesture made the butterflies in your stomach act up more than they ever had in your life.

i got goosebumps all over me

“next time, just let me know what’s on your mind, yeah?” he asks. “okay.” you say, looking at him with pure admiration. “that’s my girl.”

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #the walking dead #carl grimes x fem!reader #twd #twd x reader #carl grimes angst #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes oneshot #twd oneshot #the walking dead oneshot #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes smut #twd imagine #the walking dead imagine #the walking dead x reader #chandler riggs

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mj-iza-writer · 22 hours

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I did something extra special for my birthday, I just turned 28.... I'm getting old. Anywhoo, I went to an aquarium today and had so much fun.

Warning: mentions one main character with terminal illness, innuendo that said character is dying. Character death at end. I almost started crying writing this. I need to stop doing this to myself.... this was supposed to be happy. 😤

Whumpee watched some fish swim in a small pool.

Caretaker stood at the counter, purchasing tickets for them both.

"Is there any issues a wheelchair user should be concerned with?", Caretaker asked the cashier.

"Not really. Our facility is wheelchair friendly, except around the shipwreck area. Some of the wooden boards may be a little harder to get through", the cashier frowned, "I apologize."

"Not a problem", Caretaker smiled, "thankyou for your help and letting me know."

Caretaker walked over to Whumpee's wheelchair.

"Are you ready to go inside?", Caretaker smiled at Whumpee.

Whumpee excitedly nodded.

Caretaker saw that Whumpee's oxygen line was crooked.

"Please don't play with your oxygen line Whumpee", Caretaker adjusted it.

"Sorry, my cheek was itchy", Whumpee giggled, "I tried to fix it."

Caretaker looked over Whumpee.

Even in the warm summer heat, Whumpee was dressed in thick pants and a cozy cardigan. Their illnesses made them look like a skeleton of a person.

"Alright here we go", Caretaker unlocked the chair.

Whumpee was instantly amazed by the first room.

"Wow this is amazing", Whumpee awed.

"Look up Whumpee", Caretaker pointed.

Whumpee looked up.

A giant skeleton hung overhead.

"What is that from?", Whumpee looked back at Caretaker.

"I believe a whale or something along that line", Caretaker winked.

Whumpee nodded.

The next room was a tunnel, all sorts of fish swam along the sides and overhead.

"I can't believe I almost left this life without seeing an aquarium", Whumpee's head swiveled as they tried to see every fish they could.

Caretaker felt their heart sink.

"I know Whumpee, we will get as many adventures in before your body gives out on you", Caretaker gently rubbed Whumpee's shoulder.

Caretaker's mind drifted to their last doctor's appointment. The news wasn't great, Whumpee's illness they had been battling had turned terminal.

"Caretaker look at the shark", Whumpee pulled Caretaker from their thoughts.

"Whumpee, there's a bathroom up here, I'm gonna pop in there really quick", Caretaker turned the chair, "do you need anything?"

"Can I have my water before you go in?" Whumpee smiled, "I think I'm okay."

Caretaker handed them their water before going into the bathroom.

Whumpee had only taken a few sips when the water suddenly went down the wrong way.

Caretaker heard Whumpee start coughing and rushed to finish.

Whumpee had managed to catch their breath. They looked for their water bottle, and realized it was on the floor.

"Crap", they sighed.

Someone came by and saw Whumpee's struggle.

"Here let me get that for you", they bent and picked it up.

"Thankyou so much", Whumpee grinned.

"Are you okay. I heard you cough. It sounded pretty bad", the person questioned, "I'm a nurse, I don't mind."

Caretaker hurried out of the bathroom, "oh thank goodness", they breathed a sigh of relief, "can't leave you alone for a minute can I?"

"Water went down the wrong way", Whumpee whispered hoarsely, "they helped me pick up my bottle", Whumpee reached up to their nose, "I think I got a nose bleed from that though."

"Yep that is easy to do with your oxygen drying you out", Caretaker hurried to their bag and started pulling things out.

"Would you like some help? I'm a nurse", the person offered again.

"I appreciate it, but I think I have everything I need", Caretaker smiled, "thankyou for helping them also, I really appreciate it."

"Of course", the person turned, "I hope you feel better soon."

"Thankyou", Whumpee grinned.

Caretaker pushed Whumpee to an empty bench and set to work.

They squirted on some hand sanitizer, before sliding gloves on and sanitizing the gloves. Caretaker gently removed the oxygen chord and handed it to Whumpee.

"Hold that to your nose while I clean you up", Caretaker sighed as they pulled out some tissue.

"Not too bad Whumpee", Caretaker grinned as they finished up with the bloody nose, "you should be good to go."

"Can we sit here for a little while? These fish look cool", Whumpee looked around, then let Caretaker replace the oxygen.

Caretaker packed the care bag up then pushed Whumpee to get closer to watch the fish.

"I'll be back on that bench if you need me, just let me know when you're ready", Caretaker patted their shoulder, "don't hurry though, just enjoy this."

Caretaker quietly watched Whumpee, who was giggling at the fish. They saw the stranger from earlier in the corner of their eye.

"May I?", the nurse questioned.

"Yes absolutely", Caretaker scooted over a little.

"I know you probably can't talk much about it, but are they okay?", the nurse pointed at Whumpee, "I know it's none of my business, but they've been on my mind since I saw them earlier while you were buying the tickets."

Caretaker glanced at Whumpee before turning to the nurse, "they have been fighting an illness for a long time. Unfortunately, we just found out it is terminal", Caretaker sighed, "they don't have much longer unfortunately."

The nurse looked at Whumpee sadly, then at Caretaker.

"We are doing different adventures. As much as their body will allow at least", Caretaker sighed, "they've never been to an aquarium, so this is what we decided on today."

"Will you both be okay?", the nurse fought tears from falling. This wasn't the time for them to cry.

"We are both living each day like its their last. We are both scared for that day, but I am also scared for the next days to follow. I uh, I don't want to be alone, I don't want my dear friend to leave me. I know that sounds horrible of me. Because I don't want them to be in pain any longer. They don't deserve this. They are the kindest human you could have ever known. So full of life", Caretaker wiped away a tear, "I apologize for saying all of this to a complete stranger."

"It's okay, it's not easy to be someone's caregiver. You take on so many responsibilities, and often don't get to talk about your needs", the nurse patted Caretaker's hand, "you are doing amazing things for them though. I'm glad they have a friend like you."

Whumpee watched the fish. They didn't let on to the fact they could hear the whole conversation.

That night, Whumpee lay in bed and watched Caretaker get their monitors set up for the night.

"Caretaker?", Whumpee whispered.

"Yes Whumpee?", Caretaker looked at them with concern, "are you uncomfortable?"

"I heard your conversation earlier with the nurse", Whumpee whimpered.

"Oh you did?", Caretaker sighed, "I'm sorry."

"I-I'm sorry Caretaker, I know this has been hard on you. I'm sorry that you have to watch me die in front of you", Whumpee was almost crying.

Caretaker knelt down, "Whumpee I don't.... Whumpee I get to take care of you. It's hard yes, but I couldn't imagine letting someone else do it. It's not a chore to take care of you... I hope you know that."

Whumpee nodded, "I'm sorry still that you have to do this..... I-I don't want to die.. I don't want to leave you either", Caretaker wiped away tears from Whumpee as they spoke.

Caretaker then wiped their own tears, "it's okay Whumpee, "I know", they forced a smile, "what should we do tomorrow? Hmmm, no more talk about dying."

The night nurse came into Whumpee's bedroom and started getting ready to watch over them.

"Can we go for a walk in the park tomorrow?", Whumpee smiled at their nurse.

"Absolutely", Caretaker nodded and nudged Whumpee's cheek lovingly, "goodnight Whumpee, sleep tight."

Caretaker jumped out of bed when they heard the monitor make the sound no one in that house wanted to hear.

Caretaker raced into Whumpee's room and saw the nurse trying to get Whumpee back.

Caretaker went to Whumpee's side and grabbed Whumpee's hand.

"Whumpee come on", Caretaker cried as they buried their face into the thin hand, "we need to go to the park tomorrow."

Their thin hand was already cold.

"They're gone", Caretaker sobbed as they looked at the nurse, "they're gone."

"I'll call the ambulance", the nurse wiped away tears as they left the room.

"Whumpee", Caretaker's voice cracked, "I love you so much Whumpee."

At the hospital, the nurse had started their shift. They still had the conversation with Caretaker fresh on their mind.

Suddenly a gurney was wheeled pass.

The nurse overheard someone saying the person on the gurney needed a pronouncement of death.

The nurses heart sank as Caretaker walked in following the gurney.

Caretaker saw the nurse and nodded as they walked past.

Whumpee was pronounced dead.

Caretaker was given a private room to wait for the paperwork to be finished. They hadn't collected Whumpee yet, so Caretaker sat beside the bed and gently held Whumpee's hand.

The nurse came in in time to see Caretaker wipe their eyes on their sleeve.

Caretaker turned to see them.

"I-I'm sorry", the nurse whispered, "I am so sorry."

Caretaker nodded, "thankyou", their voice stuck in their throat, "I think they knew today was their last day. They didn't want to say it though."

The nurse nodded, "do you have anyone coming up here for you or them?"

"Yes a few friends will be up to mourn with me for a few moments. One of them is the transport for Whumpee's body."

Caretaker sighed, "we already had everything set up for when this happened, Whumpee was happy they got to pick their own casket and funeral playlist. I was always amazed they could find some humor in this."

The nurse nodded as they stepped closer, and patted Caretaker's back.

"I'm going to miss them", Caretaker smiled weakly, "they wanted to go to the park for a walk.... today I guess it's early morning. I haven't even looked at the time yet."

Some people came into the room.

"Hey Caretaker", they greeted then looked at Whumpee.

"I'll leave you to be with your friends and family", the nurse started to go.

"Thankyou for helping them earlier today, and mourning with me", Caretaker gave a small grin, "I really appreciate your caring for them."

"Yes of course", the nurse smiled weakly.

The nurse hurried to their station and started to weep.

They told some of the other nurses what had happened at the aquarium and about the deceased patient.

Friends and family surrounded Caretaker and Whumpee.

After Whumpee was taken, Caretaker decided to walk home... making sure to take a long stroll through the park.

Are you crying yet? For some light heartedness, please scroll down and enjoy some pictures from my aquarium trip.

I will not lie. The Sting Rays and Sharks were my favorite. In the video, see if you can find the sea turtle, I didn't even realize I filmed them until later. There were two sea turtles. They were both rescued and were not able to return to the wild.

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13 @notpeppermint @cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet @thebejeweledwatercat @painfulplots @whumpbump @everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace @whumpanthems @lavndvrr @ivymyers @starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

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patrice-bergerons · 2 years

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These days I'm usually too senior to be making Excel exhibits myself but every time I'm asked to, I go all out, including and especially, manually copying curly quotes and apostrophes for every single place that needs them 💯

#excel does not automatically curl quotation marks #and like im not going to make *my team* spend time painstakingly copy pasting font size ten curly quotes all over the place #but my god those dumb quotes bother me #on a spiritual level #so i get so happy when i get to fix it myself you know?#plus on this set i just got to.implement some controversial boston standards #(wrapped FNs and non superscripted FN anchors my beloved)#and the tables are just so beautiful you know? 💖#and yes. yes i would love to be the kind of person who can wantonly use dumb quotes and leave FNs unwrapped and go abt my day #without a care in the world #that seems like such an unburdened life but ALAS

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dreamwinged · 24 days

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good morning everyone :( i am in a Funk really bad and i wanna say it’s school but i know it’s a bit deeper than that. i dunno what to do i just feel weird… i hope everyone is having a good day tho imy guys :’)

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#yk when you wake up and you just feel like you haven’t slept at all #pretty sure i even dreamed abt my problems bc when i woke up they were instantly on my mind #it’s like this sick feeling #ik it’s a lot of stuff combined and the feelings r just manifesting thru smaller stuff but it still sucks so bad #idunno…. what if im not good enough for f/os and i should drop them all and let them Be Free..#im just not feeling good abt myself i guess. i think im scared to go home tbh #one week til i go home… :(#then i have to get my wisdom teeth out and start my new job and see my friends again who bully me for fun #can’t wait………..#im going to try to keep learning japanese hopefully that helps me yk #to have a hobby to throw myself into #i don’t know… i guess it’s a plus that i don’t have school again til august #maybe something good will happen in that time. maybe i’ll get better #maybe i need a therapist but aaaahhhh…… scary….. it’s harder now that im older and no one can make me go #i just am unsure that i can be fixed atp i don’t know if i can have a normal life or if i’ll just always be this way #hhhh…. i don’t want to go home at least here i feel somewhat happy

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antiqua-lugar · 2 months

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Halsin: If we do this, I need you to understand exactly what I do not ask of you. I will not ask you to dedicate yourself to me. I roam as nature wills me to, and your heart remains with you. I just wish to share in it.

10/10 absolutely normal things to ask of the githyanki you are in love with after you watched him discover that everything he believed in was a lie, betray his queen to save his companions, murder his people for a mindflayer and then sell his soul to a devil hoping this will finally save his people and all of this after you asked him the impossible (fix the shadowcurse) and he did it mostly because of you and you have no idea of how to deal with that as you are also learning what it means to live without single minded devotion to a single cause (and also you just freed yourself from the duty of being an archdruid and already threw yourself in the duty of being a companion in a place you hate that goes against everything you believe)

#antiqua plays bg3 #bg3: ves'i'ran #bg3 ves'i'ran #love it when my ships are forced to recognise the self in the other and then it gets REALLY uncomfortable #as always i did not spoil myself for any of halsin' romance scenes so this was all just a delight to me #halsin's romance is written like this due to him being poly and also prone to turn to a bear but in the context of a githyanki character #it's like well. he has first row to you deprogramming yourself and now he wants to be very clear that he does not want to be another thing #a githyanki tav will dedicate themselves to. he knows what it means to dedicate yourself to one cause and one cause only #and what he wants now is comfort and happiness and joy and that's what he wants to share with you #thinking #once again not an halsin scholar so do not trust me on this #fucking that old man WILL fix him this time though.

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

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i have to drive for like two hours tomorrow and all i can think of is old people

#snap chats #i always call them old but i never think of them when theyre ACTUALLY old....#im lying. kinda. LISTEN I TRY TO THINK OF OLD ARASAWA BUT I JUST THINK OF DIVORCE #if you know me from kh you know two old men being divorced has not stopped me. its fueled me ever. still crying over the novel brb--#BUT I JUST DONT HAVE TOO MUCH MATERIAL. I THINK. my brain puny.#i cant even think of anything to do WITH that tho. like sure i have an idea or two but nothing i think is worth executing #2019 the saddest year for the elderly i just think they should be happy #cant believe arakawa gave jo full custody this is so sad. jo is this what you wanted it should be but--#tbh tho i told myself id do some comm sketches to have them ready for tomorrow #and that as a reward i could draw The Guys but im chillin with my sister and now im distracted #shes doing work and like. every five minutes she keeps saying 'this is bad' she lit just said it as i typed this LMAO #point is bro i need my fix. i just looked through the pixiv tag for them for the like. ninth time #it never updates and most of it's n/s/f/w and/or ads for doujins but still #i take what i can get dawg theyre just so funny to me. im going insane like actually its so bad tonight apparently #ok bye lemme go ACTUALLY work so i can cook my food. so to speak

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girlscience · 4 months

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i genuinely think fanfic might be ruining my life

#when i say all i do all day is read fic it's not a joke and i'm starting to think it is actually bad for me #it gets in the way of quite literally everything else in my life #it is what i use to deal with any emotion outside of generally happy or vague nothingness #i read it first thing when i wake up i read until the last second i have to get out of bed #i read all day at work and then read all night until my eyes hurt and i have to go to sleep #it makes up 90% of what i think about every single day #it is a huge chunk of what i talk about with other people cause it's all my thoughts #i can't make myself stop reading it #like i actually start going through withdraw or something #it gets hard to think and i can't focus and i can't sit still and i feel so so bored #and it feels like nothing else matters #i used to read science magazines for fun and now i can't even get through one article without feeling like i'm dying #there is some crazy good fic out there but most of what i read is like... the tik tok of stories #it's like the short form version of a book #it is taking over my life (i say that like this hasn't been true for probably a decade at this point)#but i literally don't know how to fix it #i can delete my ao3 but you can read without an account #i guess i could go wholesale and delete the internet off my phone #but i need that for so many other things #i straight up don't know what to do #i might actually need help. like i think i might be addicted the way some people are to social media

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deforest · 2 years

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im so tired. im so so so so so so tired. i will never be at peace in fact

i just

i cannot believe this is legal for a medical professional to do to any human being. blown away that there is a not-insignificant number of ppl out there ready to die on the hill of telling us this ISNT elective mutilation

#before you come after me:#im a survivor of a botched surgery whose infection almost killed me #i was 18 when i got it but lived with the probably slowly growing infection until i was 23 #no surgeon would touch me to fix the implant bc it was too great a liability #i finally found one who would and he opened me up and said the infected tissue had spread so much farther than the scan showed #like. do not ever think you can ~educate me here on this bc i have Lived It #i was young and very very very stupid and i did it for a guy but convinced myself it was For Me lmfao #it was not informed consent at all. it took one visit and i was booked #and i am still suffering lifelong health issues to this day bc of it #if you really think you know about plastic surgery i assure you you don’t until it goes wrong.#i would rather no one ever get the plastic surgery they want than even one death occur bc of it.#if you are willing to allow that statistical sacrifice for the ‘success’ of others’ surgeries then i beg of you to think abt what ur saying #when you insist that even one death from plastic surgery is fine if plastic surgery makes a million others ‘happy’#please think about what that ACTUALLY means.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

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milo-is-rambling · 10 months

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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

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charlesemersonwinchesteriii · 1 year

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for the 'why wouldn't date them'

charles, hawkeye, trapper

and i think you might be into twin peaks? if so, dale cooper and donna hayward

whichever ones you want to do :)

Ahhhhhh omg thank you for all of these I want to do them ALL but let's go backwards.

Donna Hayward

Ok so the thing is I AM into Twin Peaks but it's been a while since I've seen it and I tried to watch The Return but I was too stupit to understand much less enjoy it :( sowwy. So I would be dating my own flawed incomplete interpretation of a person, really. Typical Twin Peaks.

Anyways I love Donna! I think we have similar personalities and stuff. In all brutal honesty I think if I were in her situation with a friend like Laura I’d have done similar things. Also yeah maybe her actions did lead a man to suicide but that was NOT her fault. I think the only three things that would prevent an attempt at a relationship here are

1) The obvious. Her taste in men = atrocious. In all the rest of these hypotheticals where the character is already canonically in a relationship or has feelings for another character I’m just like yeah the more the merrier but if Donna insists on inviting her insufferable ass boyfriend into the mix I could NOT fucking do it I’m sorry.

2) This girl is not ready for a relationship yet after All That god damn. But then again neither am I so maybe that balances out. We would need to spend some time as support group buddies just hugging and crying a lot before even considering a date.

3) It is unlikely we would ever interact as I am never setting foot in that town ever in my life are you kidding me. Donna is super pretty in both her incarnations but I’m sorry I don’t think any pussy pops severely enough for me to risk going to fucking doorknob hell or some shit.

Dale Cooper

Ignore everything I said in that last paragraph. I change my mind. I forgot my beautiful autism creature husband is here. I would risk it all for a date with Dale Cooper and so would all who know and perceive the truth. AND he’s got two hot girlfriends with him at least one of whom is ALSO an autism creature??? Sign me the FUCK up for this polycule IMMEDIATELY. “Oh but OP what about the horrors” I don’t even fucking care it’s fine. Dale can have little an evil doppelganger. As a treat.

Still there are some problems:

1) Dale is an FBI agent and Harry is a cop. Booooooo!!!! But maybe if Annie and Caroline and I unionize we can force them to quit their jobs.

2) Unclear if I would be forced to join the Black Lodge Horror Vision Rotation along with Annie and Caroline. Boring and time consuming task and unlike Laura you don’t even get to do a Big Scream.

3) I personally actually don’t like pie or coffee at all :( I’m sorry babygirl I understand if this is a deal breaker.

Trapper McIntyre

You know that “golden retriever boyfriend” joke? Trapper is like THE golden retriever boyfriend to me. Which I mean as an absolute compliment! Golden retrievers are friendly, helpful, adorable, lovable dogs. I am always up to pet a golden retriever.

But the thing is, I would never get one myself. They’re just a bit too big, bit too much energy, bit too messy, and anyways I prefer cats. No hate, no judgment, just a series of tiny preferences. Not into jocks, not into casual no-strings-attached type relationships, not super into kids, you know how it is. Boring and petty answer but I just feel like this adorable happy-go-lucky goldie deserves the PERFECT forever home and obviously he’s one of the most popular of all the dogs at the Mashblr shelter so I know he’ll get adopted super fast. So I can turn my attention to the miserable ass overbred old cat in the corner <3

Hawkeye Pierce

Oh, Hawkeye. I just don’t think so. Idk what’s wrong with me but I have to work to see Hawkeye as like. A dateable entity in my mind. He’s our little scrunkly! It’d be weird to date a scrunkly. BUT maybe I’ve just been overexposed to him purely by dint of being in the fandom he’s the main character of, because objectively I DO find Mr. Alda’s portrayal of him in certain scenes to be Attractive (TM), and seeing clips of his charisma and charm and humor and all that good handsome stuff is literally what got me to check out the show in the first place! Man. What happened. Hmm.

I think one issue is that scenes where he’s explicitly trying to be Romantic and/or Seductive have just never done it for me. Like comparing Hawkeye’s lovey scenes with Kyung Soon to Charles’ with Martine, there’s no contest in how they make me feel. To me, Hawkeye is honestly at his most appealing when he’s radiating Friend Energy, which is why his casual relationships actually work really well IMO; you feel like he’s truly a great pal to the nurses he hooks up with. This is also, I think, one of Piercintyre’s great strengths as a ship, because Hawkeye and Trapper both have amazing Friend Energy and then their natural compatibility makes that bleed seamlessly into sweet romantic vibes. And to be clear I would LOVE to be in a Friends To Lovers relationship too but unfortunately I am cringely obsessed with loveydovey romance in a way I’m not sure Hawkeye is even capable of. Plus there’s also just the fact that I’m a shy waiting til marriage person and I suck at banter and yeah it’s just not working. In conclusion neither Hawkeye nor Trapper should date me they should date each other!! But we knew that :P

THAT CUNT

There are 10000000 reasons not to date Charles. But I will be doing it anyways ^_^ Peace and love on planet earth <3

Anyways I’m not bringing up his Problematicness as a reason here because I didn’t bring it up for anyone else and nobody noticed, so why should it be any different with him. Like no obviously I would not date this dumbfuck racist but I also would not date a guy who thinks it’s a funny prank to make a woman think she’s being sexually assaulted. I also for that matter would not date a guy who works with the dumbfuck racist and is like aw, ya know what, he’s not that bad really :) the second they have a chance to have a bonding moment. I guess I have decided to be a buzzkill about that forever now btw sorry :( oh well

But ok no real talk I would Not date Charles unless one very specific condition is met, which is that I have whatever magic stardust they sprinkled on his single-episode love interests before they put them in the story that made him be utterly besotted with them, because more than any other character on the show, it seems, the difference between Regular Charles and Charles In Love is so hysterically huge??? Like fuck. My dudes. We’ve done it. We found the one villain who actually does do a complete 180 and starts trying to act right as soon as a girl takes pity on him enough to look at him twice. (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen Ain’t Love Grand yet I’m sorryyyyyyyy) He’s so ~romantic~ and it’s like catnip to me unfortunately. :\ The total opposite of what I said about Hawkeye up there. Offers a girl his stupid little teacup and recites poetry at her. Unbelievable. Did anyone ever think about the fact that maybe I would like to be offered a teacup and recited poetry at. No. You all only think about yourselves.

Like even though objectively the way he nukes his relationship with Martine was hurtful to both of them, he’s so Tender the whole time it’s insane. She turned him into her pauvre petit miaou miaou overnight. I want that power so fucking bad I NEED that power so fucking bad. Say it with me everyone. I Could Fix Him. (”But OP Martine and Donna DIDN’T fix him he still left them both and never mentioned them again?” Yes but don’t worry they were just loosening the lid on his jar a little bit. I’ll get him open you’ll see. He’s gonna be soooo well trained when I’m done I’ll make him apologize to Maxwell and everything. He won’t even need the shock collar after a few weeks.)

But yeah if I have to like, try to appeal to him on my own it’s not fucking happening. I have no desire to hear the equivalent of a DOS deepfake hologram that has become evil due to being trained on text scraped from youtube comments tell me I’m ugly and stupid, which is exactly what would happen. Up til now I’ve sidestepped the issue that I do not think any of these people would give me the time of day (except Maxwell who would take pity on me probably because he is sososo Good) but I cannot ignore how much Charles just would Not like me. I don’t know how the selfshipper community does it they’re braver than any fucking US marine over there fr. Charles would look at me like I was a gross little bug on the ground and I can’t escape it. Oh well. Who needs him. Where’s your sister you dipshit I’m about to GET IT

#THANK YOU for this kind ask beloved mutual!! Sorry it got long and weird it's been a rough week and I'm afraid that may have bled through #to all these answers which I'm so irritated at myself for but I can't fix it OTL #Starky loves answering questions #majorbaby #I LOVE when people notice what fandoms I'm in it makes me so happy thank youuuu #anyways DOS leading romantic hero of all time but nobody ever let him fucking BE one. humanity deserves to be driven to extinction for this #wtf is ''You give the longest compliments I've ever heard'' ''Then let me be more succinct [adorable kiss]'' BITCH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU #WHAT IF I WANTED A LITTLE KISS HMM!!!!!!! WHAT THEN!!!!!!!#Anyways I used to get so sad knowing my favorite characters wouldn't like me. Cried alone in my room over it as a kid.#Now it's just like whatever. Join the club.#Anyways I LOVE how DOS' insanely amazing ability to sell those one-episode romances better than any other main cast member #inadvertently makes Charles seem uniquely susceptible to falling in love at first sight and being an embarrassing little hopeless romantic #which is an absolutely hysterical trait to give your rude brooding misanthropic antagonist #''I hate everyone in the world and they are all beneath me #except for this random girl I met yesterday who is Everything to me I love her SO much <3<3<3''#SEE. LITERALLY A GUY FROM AN X READER ''I CAN FIX HIM'' FIC.#Actually in my experience most X Reader types are fairly uninterested in fixing the him in question despite all the bad press they get #like at most they only care that the Him is nice to THEM and sometimes not even that #like I'm sure this is a phenomenon IRL but it's really not there much in the kinds of fanfiction #that everyone blames for causing said IRL phenomenon #I know this because I AM an I Can Fix Him person! And I'd be the one to find Fixing Him content if it existed!#for me it's only fun if there's fixing involved tbh. I don't want a Mafia Boss Wattpad BF that's not fun.#that's literally just a guy being mean to you. do we not get enough of that IRL. I want a little project!!!#these tags are one giant red flag for me as a person but you should have known I was unsalvageable the second I begged off a date with Trap #NOT the behavior of a mentally well person #mash

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