#so i am lying to myself

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

#Chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #analysis #HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY #You know what yeah understandable have a good day #Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm #Anyways I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s #How he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺 #I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many #Compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol #He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!! #I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers #He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help #Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’ #Is nice in his opinion #This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost… #OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level. #‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc #Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡

[leafyolive]

omi wip

#.🌷 my art #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa #haikyuu!! #I AM SO DOWN BAD FOR HIM #ITS ALWAYS BEEN OMI #lying to myself and saying I’ll draw something new then he happens 🤡

[k-martins]

We laughed about Megumi falling in love with Yuji quickly.

When it was YUJI ITADORI who tried to seduce him literally as soon as they met.

Like, dude, I know he's drop-dead gorgeous, but you don't need to imitate Rose from Titanic.

#I had this thought a few seconds before going to sleep #and I laughed to myself #my brain hasn't been the same since the 20th #but seriously #why is he lying like that on the benches???? #it must be so uncomfortable #imagine how crazy it would be finding out that it was YUJI who fell in love first and is just too good at hiding it #(why am I talking like itfs is canon?) #fushiguro megumi #jjk spoilers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #itadori yuji #fushiita #itafushi #megumi fushiguro #yuji itadori

[randygrim]

Drew a spider lily in place of dolls heart

#so it turns out i left the cap halfway off my fav yellow marker for who knows how long #i am so fine and everything is going to be ok <- lying to myself #doll md #md doll #murder drones doll #doll murder drones #murder drones #murder drones fanart #md fanart #grims art #ok so im gonna go sit for a while cuz the marker situation is genuanely upsetting to me? #idk ill be fine i just need some water. ok see you have a lovely day thumbs up

[ramshackledtrickster]

If ffinished my thesis film animatic.

#assassins creed #assassins creed 2 #this image is unrelated I just thought it was funny #leonardo da vinci #ac leonardo #my art #fanart #holy hell I’m so tired. #also I won’t be able to post wips I think n I don’t wanna doxx myself when this film is done #but yeah. day in the life of an animation major. #anyways sorry for the dead air I’ll rep #ly to asks soon #preferably when it’s not 4 am

[virgil-kain]

plot twist....the performance roll was to fake his death and he's just being dramatic!

#i am lying to myself so so hard rn #its just a scam yknow! #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 #dndads #hermie the unworthy #oakworthy #dndads spoilers

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post. #before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but. #he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin. #its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it? #yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice. #this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions. #hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me. #its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it. #for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this. #james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

[puppyeared]

how. do u sona....

#i want to give myself a solid sona that. isnt just me with puppy dog ears and a tail slapped on but its hardddd #i want to make like a snowman that can change shape but it keeps certain features like branch antlers and a carrot nose #for consistency yk. but im struggling to find a balance between smth i like drawing and smth that looks like me #how often does one's sona resemble the artist irl.. for one i dont have bangs but i love drawing characters with bangs #so its just an internal conflict on if i should give my sona bangs if i dnt have them but love drawing them. etc etc #maybe im thinking abt this too hard bc nobody really knows what i look like anyway and i can do what i want anyway #but i get hung up on small details like that. like im worrying abt stuff like damn how tf am i gonna draw a snowman in the summer #girl... its a fuckig drawing.... follow your heart. but also HOW. i cant even draw myself with bangs bc it feels like im lying augh auuhggg #its 4 am im too tired for this. im goig to bed #my art #myart #doodles #wip

[lunarharp]

random stuff,,,

#witch hat tag #orufrey #warming back up to colour which i am still so WEAK at... *crying and sniffling at the effort of it lying on the floor weak and decrepit* #Do housework instead of drawing all morning. One day. Please. #IVE DRAWN SO MUCH IN THE PAST WEEK....IM NUTS.. <- occasional realisation #ever since i freed myself from baldur's gate- *starts another playthrough.*

[travalerray]

this guy is so funny. Jin Ling clearly has been fine all these years. "Jiang Cheng doesn't know how to raise kids", pls. I know you don't want to let go of a specific idea of your shidi but this is just so. Do you think Mr. Bully the kid was saving Jin Ling's ass all those years???? I'm.

#the shidivision should be its own character #wwx: my shidi is delicate and immature and rude and fickle and cannot do a single thing. He hates me and thus I cannot in fact go back to #him. No I am not lying to myself to lessen the heartbreak what do you mean #(JL I am so fucking sorry) #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jin ling #lan wangji #mdzs #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mo dao zu shi #kk's rambles tag #(I am not commenting on the JGY part because yk. I do think that both JC and JGY taught JL their survival mechanism while #simultaneously giving him what they wanted (unconditional affection) from their parents so yk. In some ways JL still retains the trauma fro #YZY=> JC of having a terrible personality that no one will talk to him but unlike JC he still has a reliable adult figure to run to when #he is crying. WWX is just refusing to see things that dissolve his romantic dream)

[mysicklove]

hey my friends, my lovers, my little bastards, i am going to be taking a little break! gonna be gone until bout maybe couple days before kinktober...maybe 29th of september or around that time. today will be my last day on here for awhile, so just wanted to let u guys know before i disappear for a bit lol.

alsoo i will be queing my kinktober masterlist like 3 times, so if you see that posted randomly, dont be suprised lol.

and to my mutuals, ill prob not be on discord. i associate discord with tumblr, and i wanna have a break from it all. sooooooooo....ill see you around!

#🔪 - mello talks too much #nothing bad happened dont worry #just #i got alot of shit i need to priorize and im focusing it instead on tumblr #which is not good LOL #19 credits....plus work #i gotta start paying attention to my studies. #also my parents bought me a car a couple days ago bc they were proud of what i am doing with myself #which i am sooooooooooooo greatful for #but it made me realize how im basically lying to them bc i aint doin shit other than write for kinktober #so #thats not good #i need to earn my car!!! #nd not be addicted tot his app #so yes #gotta maintain my 4.0 and also start volunteering at hospitals #and work

[blaiddraws]

Whumptober day 28: Headache

He may be the dragon of Truth but humans Can tell lies. it just. does not feel good.

#whumptober2022 #no.28 #headache #submas au #pokemon #submas #emmet #fulcrum au #lying to himself just as much as who he's talking to. #ALSO. making myself be less lazy with his arm wings and Actually drawing them properly instead of. whatever that fluff I'd draw. #this one's just kinda halfhearted. not gonna lie! this thing is taking a lot outta me! #boy howdy i am reaching the end of my stamina #BUT WE ARE SO CLOSE...

[actual-changeling]

my mother is so stupidly good at gaslighting because 99% of the time she really just believes whatever it is. she has an entire persona that she presents to the outside and the cognitive dissonance alone would take ten therapists to figure out. she really does believe our childhood was good and that we're fine despite undeniable evidence of the complete opposite.

i'll talk to my sister like "yeah no she's still shitty and will never change" while she texts me "are u mad at me? also i know u don't feel well sometimes" like????? take one big fucking guess whose fault that is.

also where the FUCK was that "worry" last december when i visited and you didn't ask me a single question about me or my life? or, i don't know, ten years ago when i was so suicidal it's a miracle i am still alive? huh? where was that worry when you just sat back and watched the constant abuse i had to endure at the hands of your now ex-husband?

i have been living alone for two years but one text from her and i immediately feel like i am losing my mind again, that i am misremembering everything and that my grasp on reality is loose and wrong.

#alex gets personal #i am so tired of this #why does she always make me feel like everything is my fault and i am lying to myself and my therapist about what happened #why can't she just leave me alone at the very least

[satans-knitwear]

*does nothing* evening well spent.

Treat me ~ Tip me ~ More of me

#Pretty lingerie is keeping me going rn. #I am absolutely exhausted and have been counting down the minutes to when id allow myself to get into bed. #Lying down feels so good. My body is sooo tired #Satans knitwear #Alt pinup #Pinup girl #Pretty lingerie #Lingerie reveal #Satin and lace lingerie #Strappy lingerie set #bi girl #cheeky #uk girl #wlw #My gif to you #Any tips or treats would be massively appreciated right now 💕💕💕

[the-gene-mile]

rewatched the premier definitely super legally and just look at them

#these tags get. very rambly. so expand at ur own risk i'm just kinda yelling here #bob's burgers #ur insane if u think i'm tagging every character #i HAVE to draw gene in this outfit proper u don't get it i just love when they let him go full music man #this premier made me clinically insane i don't think u understand they're consuming my thoughts like brain eating amoeba #catastrophic autism levels rn #god rest the poor souls at uni that'll ask how my weekend was #genuinely surprised they managed to get jjr. zeke. rudy. marshmallow. AND fischoeder in the premier #like they got ALL our fav little guys in here huh #no courtney or alex tho i'm fine. no it's fine that's fine #love how gene just started lying down at some point #lil bro did NOT care abt the chores he was invested in the narrative #there were some rly great bits in this ep too #gene just being dramatic. 'hey guys look at pepperoni the pony'. every time fischoeder was on screen #v strong premier i am clearly very normal abt it #ngl i just made this post to archive all these screenshots for myself bc i love the costumes here

[prussianmemes]

you should kill yourself if you spend 12 minutes sorting around your notes on your desk, making sure they look messy but also the prettiest ones are on top, posing your textbook open and having the most "academia" looking web page or lecture slides on your laptop screen before taking a picture and posting it on your social media story while quietly scrolling through songs to put with it.

#every time exam season comes around #people do this religiously #i hate it profusely it's so incredibly vain and pointless #you're like the people who go to the library for an epic study day and set up your big environment #only to sit on your phone for 5 hours #have the humility to be honest about your study habits and what works and what doesn't #i feel like its a form of cognitive dissonance this type of stuff and a form of lying to themselves #which is the one person you should always be brutally honest to #txt #i plan ahead and give myself so much extra time because i know my time efficiency is dogshit and i compensate for that #i try to avoid talking to other people about studying and i try to insulate myself when i am #of course for med school it's impossible not to talk about it as your classmates will bring it up in every third conversation #which opens the pandora's box of listening to other people talk about it which is atrocious as all people ever take away from it is #'oh my god everyone is doing so much more i'm so behind' #which isn't true everyone is in their own variation of hell just slightly different #i try to block it out completely when i can #med students have this annoying tendency to group themselves into these circles of self feeding despair and nervousness #i mean all of med insta is full of dogshit memes like this of the same 'le epic med stress' memes #kill yourselves you people are self fulfilling prophecies #josef lada ice these fools #to chce klid #as the man said #a taky trošku sebevědomí #and also not listening or giving a fuck what anyone else is doing #každý ma svůj systém a svůj styl #and have a life outside of this as well