#so i am lucky in a lot of ways | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

corbinite · 2 years

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Anyone else struck with an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction?

#mine #personal #I'm still extremely fatigued from covid #and so i end up getting no exercise which means ibend up restless when it's time to go to bed #so I've been sleeping awful #and also I'm wondering if i need to look for a new job #it's just a mess and i keep getting promised more than is delivered #but as soon as my manager finds his new job i get a promotion #so i think I'm gonna ride it out and get a uear of experience as manager before putting that on my resume for somewhere else #it'll suck but at least be bearable #our asses aren't ridden at this job like a lot of other places will #in between customers if we don't have a list i can just fuck off to the back and play on my steamdeck lol #so i am lucky in a lot of ways #just not really compensated and we're horribly understaffed so there's no room for vacations or sick days without the store falling apart #and there's just so much pettiness from the owner and between stores #we realized recently that other stores might be faking item transfers on stuff they're under on in order to move the error to us #lile were finding items pop into our system that have been discontinued for years and just recently disappeared from another store's system #amd they definitely didn't actually have the item beforehand so that would have heen an error for them #so the error disappeared for them at the same time it appeared for us #v sus

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uncanny-tranny · 5 months

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I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ally advice #i'm thankful that my manhood is the way it is. but it was a painful journey to get here and i did it partially alone #i absolutely am grateful to have had my friends and the trans people who made themselves known though. i owe these people my life #i still think it's not unreasonable to have wished for my /family/ to have been part of that journey sooner especially when i was young #sometimes it seems like parents who believe their child has died after they express their transness make that a self-fulfilling prophecy...#...in that the parent often aloenates themself/themselves from their child in a variety of ways...#...i was alienated from my dad when he threatened my transition - it became a self-fulfilling prophecy in that i shut myself down...#...i retreated inward and in a way became a ghost - corporeal to the touch but a spirit who may not be seen...#...in many ways i felt in limbo between life and death. it was a cycle of purgatory #and that is something i think is best avoided. it's lonely and scary and it makes it hard to imagine a future #i need to emphasize that even though this was shitty i am still lucky in so many ways #i just faced a lot of undue shit even so - shit i don't think was conducive to a good environment or well-being

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tea-time-terrier · 9 months

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This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3

We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!

(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)

#a whole collection of emotions #I am really proud of her #she is a fun little dog and she tries so hard #I asked too much of her to do two trials in a day (now I know)#lots of areas for improvement but this was a nice satisfying way to finish trialing for a while #my low key goals this year was her RN and CH (if we were lucky)#so to have finished both of those + her RA has me a bit lost now #we're probably taking a break for a while until I figure out what our next steps are #she's growing up so fast and yet is so baby 😭#turnpike #gotta go camping with all this nice weather

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henrybelly · 7 months

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honestly when i tried to figure out why some fans are so mad at ivypool these days i was looking through avos and. the scene where ivypool apologises to twigpaw for not supporting sending a patrol for skyclan is genuinely very sweet??

i actually saw someone characterize this as "ivypool forcing twigpaw to forgive her". is it crack you smoke. is that what you smoke. you smoke crack?

#she apologises THREE SEPARATE TIMES #she acknowledges that dovewing and tigerheart's situation made her ignore twigpaw's feelings #she reassures twigpaw that this is the right thing for the clans. she tells her she's proud of her & tc is lucky to have her #you guys do understand that to apologise you have to Do Something Wrong?? or is that the part that's so unforgivable?#i am fASCINATED by the treatment of dove and ivy by the fans in recent years #i'm still pondering it but i think there are a few root causes #1) I think a lot of people read oots as kids and hated dove & identified with ivy because of the underdog storyline #maybe this fandom worship of dovewing is kinda part of that? wanting to feel like you've grown out of fandom misogyny?#but i also feel like 2) tigerdove has really increased dovewing's popularity #and i think because ivypool is so staunchly opposed to their relationship people then have to villainise ivypool #3) is maybe too spicy of a take but to be honest #i think people are subconsciously way more comfortable with a woman whose story ends in heterosexual marriage and childrearing #dovewing's mom role in TBC to shadowsight probably helped her popularity #so ivypool whose relationship w Fernsong & her kits is much less of a focus. and is mUCH less maternal #and who still exhibits Ugly Female Emotions like anger and hurt #and who God Forbid now holds a position of authority...#is too complicated to fit into :) she's such a good mom :) she's such a good mate #dovewing is easier to like because she tends to be a victim of circumstances (🤫 and often lacks agency in her storylines)#since ivypool regularly uses her agency to Fuck Up #fans revert to idealising dovewing because not only is she too good to do bad things. she also doesn't do Things in general #never mind that ivypool is the one who sacrifices and apologises #anyway <3 i think if i made a full analysis of ivy and dove post OOTS i would get too many spicy anons so i will cower in the tags

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okkennymay · 1 month

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This wasn't even the OC they'd just paid me to draw a painted bust of.

I just- I just really love redrawing memes and the opportunity was right there staring me in the face (he was their icon and everything!) and I just had to

@orcdilf Your username and response made my day, you are indeed, doing your part!

#Orc #Orcs #hot orcs #Orc oc #someone elses oc #okkennymay #meme #meme redraw #I'm doing my part #orcdilf #i love my clients #i swear the universe has tried to apologize by sending nothing but the sweetest-most creative-kind-and incredibly patient people my way #why are all my commissioners so cool??#I am lucky kenny boi and a lot of them come back for seconds and thirds and I adore them

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bonefall · 8 months

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I know you're keeping Clear Sky as an antagonist (and he's very compelling as one in your rewrite), but I'm curious: if you absolutely had to give him a redemption arc, how would you go about it? (Besides not fridging his sister and wives, of course.)

If I was forced to give Clear Sky a redemption arc I'd slip a femur right out of my legmeat and beat someone to death with it

I'd never write a redemption arc for him, ever. It would be a completely different character.

Clear Sky's redemption arc is not even an idea worth considering; This an extremely consistent abusive family member who drives the entire plot, a predator who will leverage the love people have for him, whose defining characteristic is that he dresses up his megalomania as "Just Trying to Protect Everyone"

And I'd give that up?! for what?

I'd rewrite the whole plot, JUST like how the writers did with TWO born evil foreigner villains so their story wouldn't get boring, so I could prove the he could be a good boy if he wanted to? WHY?

It's doing the same thing the Erins do, totally uninterested in the story of his victims to write yet another plot centered around the pain of an abusive man.

Elder Bones is disappointed in you if you even think about it, actually. I am holding the femurbone in my hand as we speak. I'm gonna GETCHA

#Bone Babble #Clear Sky can be redeemed in my wine cellar. if he'd like to come down to take a look #And I am sorry but like. I've never seen it done well. ever #When other people attempt it #I have never enjoyed an AU or an analysis post exploring some possibility for an alternate redemption arc #And I have seen a *LOT* of them #Every single one has played into legitimizing his Oh So Sincere Pain And Regret #HELL no!!!#NO he fucking doesn't!! EVERYTHING revolves around power to this character!#Any moments of sincere reflection or remorse get shoved down in the pursuit of more power and respect #He is incapable of sitting with his shame and that's INTERESTING #How he's a complete weasel who will find a way to twist the words of authority telling him to Cut It Out into something that benefits him #How the emotions people feel when interacting with him is either Guilt or Fanatic Affection #He's a horrible and toxic person!! The kind of person you're VERY lucky to get away from #So I've never actually seen anyone do it in a way that works.#And I'm not entirely convinced it exists. Anything is possible but no. Not in my house

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kitten-on-the-puter · 4 months

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Maybe I'm Suffering from Success but the gatcha portion of Limbus feels really easy?? I've not played many gatcha games but it usually takes a long time in those to save up for pulls- however LC practically gives em out for free!! Not only that but I get new characters so so easily here it's pretty much at least two '00' characters per 10 extraction

So anyways I have so many new identities that I do not have the resources to build and I have no clue which ones are any good

#i think its says a lot that im still new to the game (only 4 '000' identities)#but i keep getting new identities with no clue how to build teams!! is limbus usually this generous with pulls or am i just lucky?#so yeah anyways are w corp teams any good i have a lot of them now #limbus company #limbus #pjmoon #project moon #oh also if any Good Gamers know a faster and easier way to get thread and exp that would be great lmao

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corfisers · 5 months

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i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag

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drewsaturday · 4 months

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actually i do think it's funny how few lesbian films i've seen as someone who's been out for over a decade.

like. these are the only Classics TM i can remember watching:

but i'm a cheerleader

blue is the warmest color

loving annabelle

chloe 2009

carol

obvs i did get a TON of rep through tv shows and Certain Webseries and music videos instead but i feel so uncultured. i need to put a list together of the ones i particularly need to see so any recs are welcome lol.

#txt #the uncultured-ness is again bc i didn't have much time after realizing i was gay and wanting to get into these kinds of films #before tumblr purity culture made it problematic to watch the old ones and being poor/ill made it impossible to go to #movie theatres to watch the new ones or have access to streaming sites with the sooooorta current ones #i also didn't get a ton out of most of them since... i couldn't relate to the non age gap ones lol so that's another reason it's such a #short list. easier to get that in fanfic.#though i guess i am lucky for the thing lots of other lesbians seem to hate re: how many of the films we DID have proportionally at #a certain point were so geared for age gaps ;jlkskdfj #it's nice to have but it does kinda get balanced out when there's so much backlash from fellow lesbians who fuckin hate you #anyway recs don't need to be age gap centric but it does help esp if it does not revolve around teenagers generally #i think my issue rly was that instead of watching lesbian films #i'd be lesbian for an actress and just watch all of their stuff instead #and then just stumble onto a lesbian tv show episode they were in in like 1998 #as happened with alex kingston in like 3 different ways

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rongzhi · 2 years

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kids dont send chain emails like they used to¹

—

¹ i assume

#webisodes #text #just remembering those godawful chain emails with all the rainbow font #literally they were just the precursor to facebook memes #probably some of them WERE facebook memes #and then also there were those long form jokes that you were supposed to memorise to tell at recess #and the parody song lyrics to like. my country tis of thee or whatever #i had a cool older friend who went to another district so naturally all the jokes he passed down to me gave me a lot of recess clout #update to this is that i found my journal doc from 2010 and i'm reading it for the psychic damage i guess #(also there are chain emails fully copied and pasted into the document)#there are photos and self made memes in this document.#the way i'm writing these entries as if i have an audience......#very reminiscent of how i used to film on my dad's camera as if it was going out live #i am so lucky i didn't fucking know how to use the internet as a kid let's just say that

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain #and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have #and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because...#...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!'#i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes #i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen...#putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such...#...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate...#...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain #this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still)#i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment #so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever

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cuteniaarts · 29 days

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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession: