#so! not having a great time folks

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[antimony-medusa]

Truly when you have brain rot EVERY song can be about your blorbos.

#Mid 2000s romance song comes on and I go oh this is so emduo #2024 pop rap and I go omg this is so them #florence and the machine soundtrack song and I go this is ALSO emduo #indie folk singer songwriter and I go y'know what #this would be a really interesting play on emduo #I could make an au out of this #Like I would call this a problem except that I'm having a great time in my corner with the cubitos

[welcometogrouchland]

I understand that literature nerd Jason Todd is kind of overblown in fanon compared to it's actual presence in canon (a few issues during his pre (and post?)crisis Robin tenure that highlight it) BUT consider that I think it's hilarious if the unhinged gun toting criminal has strong opinions on poetry

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #Jason Todd #batfamily #it's just a fun quirk! it's a fun lil detail and I simply cannot slight ppl for enjoying and incorporating it into works #like obviously jason isn't the only one. I'm a big believer in the batfam having over lapping interests they refuse to bond over #i know dick canonically used the robin hood stories (which are pretty flowery in their language far as i can tell) as inspo for Robin #and i know babs was a librarian and even tho her area of nerddom is characterized as more computery she probably knows quite a lot- #-about literature as well #duke is a hobbyist writer i believe? i saw a fan mention that- which if so is great and I hope he's also a nerd #(i mean he is canonically. i remember him being a puzzle nerd in his introduction. but i mean specifically a lit nerd) #damian called Shakespeare boring but also took acting classes so i think he's more of a theatre kid. #Tim's a dropout and i don't think he's ever shown distinct interest in english lit and i can't remember for Steph? #I'm ngl my brain hyperfocused on musician Steph i forget some of her other interests I'm sorry (minus softball and gymnastics!) #and then Cass had her whole (non linear but it's whatevs) arc about literacy and learning to read #went from struggling to read in batgirl 00 to memorizing Shakespeare in 'tec and is now an avid read in batgirls! #she's shown reading edgar allen poe but we don't know if it's his short stories or his poems #point to all of the above being: i know Jason's not the only lit nerd in the batfam #but also i do need him to be writing poetry in his spare time and reading and reviewing it #jason at the next dead robins society meeting: evening folks today I'll be assigning all of us poems based on laika the space dog #damian and steph who have been kidnapped and brought to jasons warehouse to hangout: LET US GO BITCH #speaking of^ random poem i think jason would like: space dog by alan shapiro #wake up one morning in an unfamiliar more mature body with a profound sense of abandonment. the last four lines. mmm tasty

[razzek]

One thing that's starting to really get to me with the James Somerton stuff is a real strong undercurrent of disdain toward his fans. And yeah, I was one of them. A good scam artist isn't as easy to spot as y'all seem to think. You forget that you have all the information right now. Two days ago most of you had never heard of him and it would have kept going. Anyone can fall for a scam, nobody is immune. I would love to have had whatever resources you guys think we all should magically know about so I could have kept my sad $5 a month I really needed but thought was going to something worthwhile. Some of us can only devote so much energy into things and when you have no idea whatsoever that something is amiss of course you're not going to go digging for sources, why would you when everything is fine as far as you know? I really wish I could have seen the dissenting opinions on him but for many, many reasons that aren't just that the dissenting voices weren't widely circulating at the time all I had was the thought every now and again that "huh that doesn't seem right" and then go on with my day. And I think that happened to a lot of us. So yeah. Say what you gotta say about Somerton, he has more than earned it with the damage he's caused, but maybe don't shit so hard on his former fans because that is going to be you someday with something, it happens to everyone sooner or later.

#james somerton #hbomberguy #todd in the shadows #I really am greatful for Harris and Todd's hard work in exposing all of this #and I am glad I get to see the real voices I did like that james was stealing #I'm just tired of all these people jumping on the drama train taking a dump on folks who are also victims of these crimes #razz rambles #this whole situation is upsetting me in the weirdest ways #I'm distraught but I'm not at the same time #and yet it's 6am and I can't stop reading through the tags and seeing the takes I missed #vaspider's essay and remarks from an AIDS pandemic survivor are especially good #I lived through that shit too but had no idea I was living through it #cuz that's what being blind and impoverished in rural community was like #queer wasn't even something I knew I could be until like 2010 #so it's nice to see my own history #it's not just the young queers who have little to no knowledge of our history

[rainymoodlet]

Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[ Second Vacation: Keaton! ]

I had to be fair to dear Keaton and at least let Dan know how good he looked with his longer hair! 😉 These two ended their vacation in incredibly good moods: though they seemed to have an interesting time navigating their Friendly socials, the flirtation between these two was off the charts! Daniel is definitely leaving this vacation feeling like he knows a little more about our dear Mr. Stratton - let’s hope Keaton feels the same!

Part 6 of 6 🌹

@duusheen

#i’m finishing up closing at work fhfhf sorry abt the random ass times on these!! #ts4 #ts4 challenge #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #ts4 bachelor challenge #sim: daniel #;kmik #keaton stratton by duusheen #|| #these twoooo!! 🥹 they are so very very sweet! #it’s great to see dan let loose and laugh more!! keaton definitely #engages that good ol’ country boy in dan and its so cute to see them working off #each other’s energies!! #they do have fairly good compatibility too… hmmm 👀 #mr keaton is a serious contender folks!!! #but will things move beyond a flirty place?? we shall seeee~ #kmik is going to be posting a bit more regularly on the weekends from here on out!! #but i will probably be more absent than usual (queue’d posts and such!!) #i’m still very invested in kmik but #the pressure to keep posting so people ‘stay interested’ which is plain silly tbh #has me prioritizing the sims and aesthetics and notes over #my sidework that can net me the money i need to have more time to play the dang sims #so kmik is still here!! #but i will be probably a lot less active (not that i really have been pffft)

[justanotherfanfolks]

Inside me there are two wolves.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst meme #like guys I have been hyped for bunny time for almost a year #it has deuce. epel. silver. ortho. it's inspired by alice in Wonderland my second favorite disney movie #like those are my boys. i am going to be so annoying folks #they have the cutest little outfits #but tamashina mina though #we get peepaw. they put leona and vil together which is bound to be a good time. kalim is there so chaos ensues (so sorry jamil). #they're gonna do stuff. they reference a Disney Jr show it's gonna be great. I WANT IT! #the fight between my need for the sweet sugar of Rabbit Fest and the absolute spice of Tamashina Mina my gosh please TWST ENG #i am begging pleading they just swapped their time slots and aren't abandoning tamashina mina altogether I really want to play that event

[willowcrowned]

just went to hell and came back and the good news is that the torture down there is not what you think. the bad news is that the torture is that they give you a migraine and then make you read kant and answer questions about it, which is actually worse than any sort of burning pitchfork action. so good luck guys

#my head feels like it's stuffed with ROCKS and COTTON #and that's what reading kant WITHOUT a migraine feels like. so i'm not having a great time with this assignment folks!!! #willow’s wastebin tagxon

[innytoes]

Dark fantasy AU?

-In hindsight, as he's being chased through the forest, hunted by mythical creatures is not where Reggie thought he'd end up when his folks told him they were moving to Los Angeles. Honestly, considering how he used to roam the woods and fields near his Meemaw's farm, the fact that he'd stumbled into a fairy circle near the beach was almost insulting.

-It's not even that he manages to outrun them. It's that one night (he thinks it's night, though time moves differently here and light and dark are all tangled up and is the purple haze of the sky supposed to be dusk or dawn or just a dark stop of the forest?) he'd decided to just... give up.

He couldn't remember how long he'd been running, running from the pounding of hooves and the yapping of dogs that did not look anything like what a dog should look like. He couldn't remember a time where he wasn't hungry, or thirsty, or tired, but something inside of him just kept making him run and run and run

-But he'd had enough. So he just sat down, with his back towards the noise, and hoped they'll kill him quickly. And to comfort himself, he sang the lullaby his Meemaw used to sing when he was scared of the thunder.

-That's what saved him. One of the fae, Caleb, was so charmed by the song that instead of doing whatever it is they did with their prey, he bundled Reggie up and took him to his... castle. Dwelling. Domain.

-He was dressed in finery and made to sing as Caleb and the other fae danced and ate and did things that Reggie very much had not wanted to see, thank you very much. But eventually, they slept, and Reggie met... the other humans who were trapped here.

-Luke, a young boy who had run away from home to become a musician in 1875. He was distraught to hear Reggie tell him it was the nineties now. Even more distraught when Reggie clarified it was the 1990s.

-There was Alex, who had been cast out of his village for reasons he did not want to share, but that Reggie figured out pretty quickly when he saw the way he looked at Willie. He'd fallen asleep near a fairy circle, and the promises he'd been made had been so tempting, he'd said yes before he fully understood the deal.

-And then there was Willie. The boy who had been stolen from his parents, a changeling left in his place. Who had grown up here, a part of this world yet not really. Who did not know what the other boys meant when they talked about years, or America, or really the whole concept of 'family'.

-Luke's the one who tells them of their escape plan. Alex is worried they can't trust Reggie not to rat him out to Caleb, and Reggie is like: um excuse me I was just hunted for sport for who knows how long you think I wanna help that guy?

-But before he can Willie just tilts his head and says: his heart is pure.

-Which is very sweet but also a little creepy.

-Anyway, they do manage to escape Caleb's clutches somehow, and end up back in the human world.

-Being yeeted out of a little ring of mushrooms in the soil of a plant Ray overwatered in the big plant wall of the Molina studio was not particularly pleasant, okay. Considering a real human should not be able to fit through that. But Willie explained that as soon as a fairy portal grew, it was only a manner of time that the fairies would notice it and stake it out to see what they could lure to their realm.

-Somehow, Luke and Alex get thrown clear across the room, Luke slamming against the door, Alex dropping onto the concrete floor.

-Reggie's not sure if him crashing against a pretty wooden piano is better or worse. The sound it made was definitely worse.

-Somehow, Willie ends up sitting crosslegged on the little piano bench, and he turns and quickly crushes up the mushrooms to destroy the portal.

-Julie, of course, is screaming, Alex and Luke and Reggie are screaming. Willie is trying to explain to Julie she over-watered her fern and pouts when she runs away.

-No they're not ghosts but they are changed and they all have weird powers. Luke nearly cries with joy that he can still summon his guitar. Alex is really not okay with this whole 'walking through walls' thing. Reggie is sad he cannot summon a puppy or a pizza.

-Willie can teleport short distances and is shocked to learn humans can't just do that? You have to walk everywhere? Or ride a horse. What's a car? What's roller skates? He needs to see one of these skateboad things immediately, let's summon the human girl back to ask for one. What can they trade for a skateboard?

-They're kind of freaked out at the whole 2020 thing, but hey, Reggie's like: at least it hasn't been a hundred years like when I told Luke about the 90s.

-Queue canon but it's even worse and more chaotic.

#julie and the phantoms #I wrote a thing #AUs are awesome #what do I even call this? #kidnapped by the fae au #I had such a hard time sorting out what was dark fantasy vs supernatural vs horror so... had a breakdown bon appetit #spent days going NO WE ARE NOT DOING A(NOTHER) CORALINE AU #I've only had creepy changeling willie who isn't entirely human anymore for 15 minutes #but if anything were to happen to him etc etc #alex does maybe like the whole 'being able to turn invisible' thing #except it doesn't work on Julie #for some reason #(*cough* Rose's great grandmother may have been a changeling) #Caleb of course is unseelie and rose's great great grandparents had trouble conceiving #they asked the fair folk for help and got a child... but then their child was swapped with a changeling after a few months #and they were all: um excuse we want our child back. No we're not giving this one back to you #tough shit a deal's a deal we gave you our magic music box for a kid and you gave us two no refunds because you screwed up #the story has been passed down for generations and Ray thinks it's a sweet fairytale #except there it's real and he's like: ... okay then. And then in true Molina tradition goes: *shrug* it's free children

[herebecritters]

what's thanksgiving like for john?

I actually did some quick research.

So Johns colony is interesting, they aren’t puritan style colonists, I based them off the Colony of Merrymount which was a loosely Anglican colony who embraced pagan and old English frivolities and actively went against the Puritan mindset of misery and woe (it’s actually a hilarious story they pissed off the Puritans so much)

Thanksgiving in the United States didn’t become an “official” holiday until after the Civil War, but among Massachusetts colonies it was apparently a common tradition. Now while Johns colony is based off a Massachusetts colony they were not actually in Massachusetts. The Isles are a group of small islands located somewhere in the more northern regions of the Americas, probably between where Canada and the US would be now. Of course the Isles are also in their own little twilight zone-adjacent little bubble so….don’t think too hard on it. What matters is that it’s a series of Islands that a group on Colonists from England happened to land on and set up a colony on.

So I think Johns colony engaged in a lot of feasts and celebrations, particularly Christmas for sure. So it’s very likely that they would have celebrated an autumn harvest feast. I just doubt they would have called it thanksgiving or had the same meaning behind it. For one…the Isles are strange because upon the Colony landing there, it was completely empty asides from some “simple” wild animals (nonanthromorphised animals). No other people lived there, there were no natives to be found. So no need to intermingle and make peace with people already living there. So Thanksgiving as a coming together feast of natives and pilgrims would not have been a thing. The lack of a native people was especially odd considering the land itself was very fruitful and fertile. For the first two years, before John accidentally woke Nergal, they had little to no problems with growing crops, raising livestock and hunting. It was an incredibly successful colony starting off. Unsettlingly so. It encouraged more people to come and join the colony, and it grew.

Long story short, I think they would have celebrated an Autumn feast around the time but it would not have been considered a real “Thanksgiving”.

#happy tree friends #htf #htf oc #htf john #htf be brave #I didn’t have a ton of time so I drew as fast as I could #happy US thanksgiving folks! #I ❤️ food #be Brave is fun cus I get to research a lotta fun history and paleontology stuff hehehe #also fuck puritans they suck and I hate them #great ask btw! #loretime

[dialux]

“Monsters,” breathes Caspar. “That’s right. You are monsters. All of you. Murderers. Traitors.” He turns and spits, and glares at Sansa, and says, venomously, “Kinslayer.” [Joffrey decides to teach Sansa Stark a lesson in gratitude. Sansa learns something else altogether.]

READ THE SIXTH CHAPTER ON AO3!

#whoops turns out i didn't publish ch 5 on tumblr it's ok folks. it's ok. #anyways yes. this chapter is LICHERALLY sansa slowly going insane and trying to find a bestie for herself. #she fails so miserably she ends up digging jaime lannister out of his cell and giving him a bed and some carpets #sansa is having arguably the best time out of all her sibs and she's not doing so great #so you KNOW robb and arya are Going Through It #my writing #run godspeed #asoiaf

[riseupriseupandcomealong]

knowing things about niche topics sucks sometimes bc people will say something wrong and i want to correct it so badly but have to consider “will i look like a condescending jerk if i tell them they’re wrong?” and then i usually let it slide and make garbage memes to send my friends about it

#university is having “folk fest” and the last 3 years they haven’t hired any folk musicians to perform (i perform for them for free tho) #and it’s a great time and all but man o man i am so strong for listening to everyone talk abt folk music and folk musicians for over a week #straight and it’s actually singer-songwriter indie stuff the whole time #me

[anarkhebringer]

As Dawntrail approaches, I will reiterate for new FFXIV players that ARR isn't as bad to start with as people claim it is, it's a genuinely good introduction to the game and worldbuilding. We all just say it sucks because it has no replay value to us, so just take your time.

#FFXIV #FF14 #Final Fantasy XIV #Final Fantasy 14 #for the first time it's genuinely great #for any alts it's the equivalent of finding hay in a needle stack unless you deliberately go back to replay for lore tidbits or something #but as with everything not everyone feels the same so don't let general consensus scare you off #the reason it sucks to replay for us is because it drags on so long since again it's meant to be the base game and introduction #so it's 50 levels of stuff to get through #when you do it once already then get so far in the game it genuinely gives whiplash with how different MSQ feels #I felt the same feeling about post-HW too because that also drags the fuck out so don't be afraid of ARR solely because of what folks say #hell you don't even have to listen to what I say just do whatever you wanna #just take in the feedback as a baseline if you want then form your own thoughts

[sportsthoughts]

.

#oh i am a bit tired tonight folks. had a nice time yesterday trawling through old pens forums and linking back some posts to here #(all with links because like - it's nice to share where you've found fun stuff right?) no point gatekeeping at all - we don't own content #and then the same old people once again somehow by chance post the exact same five or six photos 5 minutes after #and yeah. great minds think alike right? you were probably trawling a not touched since 2015 forum too at the same time. it's possible #and out of the hundreds of photos on there you decided to make the exact selection i did. it's possible right? #and truthfully i don't really care because i'm posting this stuff because my blog is MY personal archive and it's stuff I want to catalogue #but when you have blocked as many blogs and sideblogs as you can and people are still finding you and send you shitty anons for just... #daring to use the player tags? cataloging stuff by literally tagging the player's name? ughhhhh it's exhausting how can i block you when yo #are the tumblr equivalent of hydra regrowing a new fake sideblog pretending to be a different person every week. #sorry i know this ranting into the abyss is pointless but i have a few more posts scheduled for tonight and i know i'll wake up tomorrow #and miraculously the same ones will be posted on the same people's blogs 5 minutes after me and it's just so childish #but yeah. we all know who they are and i'm just a little tired of it and hearing the stories of people being harassed in their inboxes/dms #anyway anyway anyway. i think i shall just take a break from posting stuff because feeling a little disheartened! and uncomfortable #because i feel watched. please stop using other blogs to find me. please stop talking about me in your tags. touch some grass my friends

[inga-don-studio]

A few close-ups of some of the Halloween Cultural Preservation Museum displays that particularly spoke to me and frankly are just? Fantastic art? That I figure others might like to see for art inspo or just because they're cool?

"Totem pole" Halloween die-cuts, with art I've never seen and am now hopelessly in love with:

And a soft-bodied doll with a small vintage trick-or-treat bucket for a head?! I need to make one! Look at how cute this little guy is!!!

#🎃 cryptid sighting #Halloween #Misadventures around PDX #I own a few collector guides for vintage Halloween decorations so coming across some I've never seen was exciting! #Especially the Beistle totem pole pieces! I love the art style! #Nice thing is they were reproductions so it shouldn't require selling a kidney to buy a set #A lot of the fantastically weird & grotesque old Beistle die cuts have been reproduced (under the brand too!) in recent years- #- which makes me deliriously happy. The art was great but there's no way I could afford the originals #Nor do I trust that I could properly care for delicate vintage paper decorations even if I could #Also posting this separately from the first post to spare folks the white person jump-scare a second time :) #Eyestrain

[spectacle-street]

curing my schizophrenia through old scottish folk magic by tying myself to a boat and being dragged around until I'm nearly dead

#I would be so mentally well after that #I'm reading the Black Book of Isobel Gowdie and having a great time #scottish folk magic #folk magic