#sigh. why did i write this

[undignifiedpopemobile]

my driver hotness rankings

besties and behateds of the jury, this is maybe the most unhinged thing i will ever post but it is my sistine chapel it is my mona lisa. this is to me what citizen kane was to orson welles. i will prove to you today that my driver hotness rankings are objectively correct. i have assembled the evidence i have constructed my argument. (love you ell this one's for you.)

20

nyck (i’m so sorry). look someone has to go last. i am not prejudiced against short kings but it must be acknowledged that in combination with the face he is giving gnome. also i have seen the shirtless pics, and he is more ripped than george for christ’s sake there are so many ridges on his torso. he looks, to steal a phrase from patton oswald, “painful to fuck.” and i don’t have a vibe check on him yet so there is nothing else to compel me (benoit blanc voice) also i am not yet convinced he’s fast, which would increase his standing, because, say it with me, being good at things is hot. check back in after a few races. the thing where they tied him to a wheel rack was funny but not enough.

19

pierre. he’s fooled so many people into thinking he’s attractive with his beard contour and his donald trump ass haircut covering a truly atrocious hairline but there is no force on earth that can cover being a crypto bro. i have known so many and they are, without exception, the worst and more irritating people on the planet. if you own an nft you are not hot. if you TALK about it you are less hot. he has abs or whatever but i honestly think he is too ripped, similar to nyck. and i haven’t even mentioned the fact he’s a pedophile! his narrative used to be compelling to me because he got kicked out of red bull and i love redemption but he is a mid driver and a bitch and christian was right to fire him.

18

lando. this one may be controversial but i’m right and i can prove it: he looks like he’s twelve years old. who am i, pierre? i think the fuck not. admittedly he has nice eyes but he has a very oddly-shaped head. i could snap him like a twig, which looking at my dating history is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it is if he’d whine like a little bitch the whole time. he has never known the touch of a woman and he never will. the vibes are also atrocious: he’s a spoiled brat, and his interests are twitch and golf?????? he might not say racial slurs but he definitely crosses the street if he sees a black man. says he feels “uncomfortable” being around gay men with his shit off. bitch. i must clarify that i don't actually hate him but he has committed the worst crime to me: being a little irritating.

17

checo. people say he looks like tom cruise with a double chin but i just watched top gun and no he fucking does not. he looks more grizzled than fernando but in a haggard way not in a rugged cowboy way and he’s got a dad bod but not in a hot way. and the vibes are fucking off, absolutely swagless. fucking come on he’s had two seasons of getting his ass HANDED to him by max every week. i know it’s hard to be max’s teammate or whatever but i am pointing to him and saying MID. i don’t know anything about him personally except he’s got rich sponsors, he probably cheated on his wife, and he’s a homophobe. however he will move up if he goes full rosberg in 2023 and ruins christian’s life i do not pretend to be unbiased. the thesis of this one is that it is not hot to be boring. but if he becomes interesting i will change my mind.

16

oscar. see lando. he looks like a child! i do not believe he is 21 they are LYING because he's actually 14 and it should be illegal to let him drive. i do not believe he remembers obama’s first election. he’s up higher because i believe he is considerably more attractive than lando he has a sweet honest face i would kiss his little cheeks. but is he hot? ask again in five years. the narrative is also compelling to me because he did said “fuck the french” and that is hot that is HOT, but again, as of yet no vibe check. i see something in his eyes that indicates to me he may win the twink war but until first blood is spilled that is only hypothetical. sorry oscar nothing against you honey.

15

kmag. ok look. maybe i just don’t remember what kmag actually looks like but the picture on the f1 website is not flattering he looks like the stock photo wincing old man. i don’t think he’s unattractive really but i cannot put him above the rest of this list i fear! when he got pole that was really hot but what else is he giving? talking about balls? that wasn’t hot when dan did it and it’s not hot for kmag either. the vibe check should have enough data to produce something but it is coming up empty!!! i just do not know i’m sorry kevin. you do not have the x factor. you are not irritating, but to me, you are boring.

14

estie! you know he was below kmag but today i saw that gifset of him with long hair…. i could fix him (get him a hair stylist) he’s uncomfortably lanky. rat man may be affectionate, but rat man nevertheless. also i played myself by comparing himself to the flushed away rat because now i cannot see him without thinking about that. he’s got a really hot girlfriend which means he’s probably a feminist (will go down on a woman) and i know he doesn’t come from money. both of these things compel me tis true! but they are not enough to overcome the tragic truth that he looks like a cartoon character

13

hulkenberg. look ell i know i said he was conventionally attractive and i stand by that. he IS. but he also looks like a fucking ken doll. he has the GR wax doll disease. he went into the uncanny valley and he fucking founded a city-state there he’s building fucking governance structures and supporting a small private army to defend trade routes. his skin is so like….. tight. uncomfortable. and he is not redeemed by the vibe check. a million fucking races and no podium? and he wasn't only in shit cars! he was supposed to be a world champion coming up through the feeder series and he fell short of his potential. falling short of your potential is narratively compelling, but not in a hot way. i am pressing the big buzzer that says MID. boring.

12

lance. literally forgot about him until i got to number seven and then i was like….. wait a minute wait a fucking minute. he and nando are mirror opposites lance is here purely by virtue of his conventionally attractive little face. i can hear the ghosts of my jewish ancestors telling me to settle down with the nice billionaire jewish boy. but you know what? his voice is fucking irritating as shit and he has the least interesting variety of daddy issues. he’s got no fucking personality and he’s a nepo baby and he’s a mid ass driver and lawrence will not convince me otherwise by holding a gun to nando’s head and making him say shit about how good his stupid little failson is. 

11

NANDOOOOOOO ok i know this one is controversial but i don’t give a shit it’s my list. i know he’s fucking eighty do you think i care? no. i couldn’t give less of a shit what he looks like. all that matters to me is that he wakes up every single day and chooses to be a mischievous little bastard who foments….. something. el plan etc etc. yes he fucking blackmailed mclaren yes he has committed war crimes yes he is a misogynist. what is this twitter? i do not have to be morally correct here. and lest we forget he is in fact a fantastic fucking driver (hot). let the slow dismantling of the stroll dynasty begin. and he has the most important variable in my calculations: he is interesting.

10

guanyu. my problem here is vibe check coming up empty. he’s reasonably good looking, he’s nice, he seems to be in love with val (good taste! see the coffee video) he’s the second most stylish man in the paddock mostly by virtue of the competition being fucking pathetic. he’s a little short but i am not prejudiced against short kings! but personality wise i fear there is not much there although probably this is on me for being a dumb american and not speaking chinese. also he’s like. ungodly rich. like richer than stroll. and the CCP of it all is not beautiful. perhaps most damningly: is he a good driver? i do not know! give him another year, but the jury remains undecided. he is right in the middle but i reserve the right to move him up pending developments

9

logan. you don’t know how much it pains me to put this motherfucker in the top ten. he looks like he was recruited into the us military directly out of high school because he was failing english and knew he couldn’t get into college, but unfortunately he is also objectively very handsome. he’s not higher for obvious reasons (florida. donald trump.) but i cannot put him lower purely off the virtue of his captain america fucking face. fuck him i hope alex makes him cry real tears on track by lapping him in every single race. but he is hot. maybe he'll prove me wrong and he can stay here! but if he brings fucking..... jd vance or whatever as a guest to a gp it's straight to 20 i shit you not.

8

alex. out of all the men on this list alex is probably the one i would most like to date. he’s nice, he’s reasonably charming, he’s a feminist, he’s got the angst of losing that red bull seat without the pierre of it all, he’s got the compelling homoerotic friendship with george but you know what this is not sash’s list of dateable men it is driver hotness and we must acknowledge the fact that he is not particularly good looking! like estie he has a fucking banana nuts hot girlfriend, but facially he is not always giving. he’s cute; he’s not necessarily hot. he’s this high only because i kept bumping him up because i was like “well i can’t put him below fucking LOGAN”. also, while i believe he’s a good driver, is he REALLY good, or just good? beating the shit out of latifi does not convince me of anything! like mick beating the shit out of mazepin it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen.

7

max. ok ell hear me out. right now he is not looking too hot but it's because of the bad haircut and he’s not racing. being good at things, say it with me, is hot and the only thing, the ONLY THING in max’s life is being good at racing. he’s fucking fast. also, he seems like he’s actually kind of a fun guy. when he laughs at his own jokes that is very cute i think. the little eye crinkles. the cheeks. when he’s got his hair grown out a little and a five o’clock shadow going… he can fool me into thinking he’s actually good looking and doesn't a little bit resemble sid the sloth from the ice age movies (sorry. but it's true) and the version of him i have made up in my head and convinced myself is real is extremely fucking compelling!!!! admittedly the kelly dynamic almost knocked him down but it takes two people to make a dynamic and i guarantee you i would not be giving any maternal energy at all. i think i could fix him (introduce him to pegging)

6

yuki. that’s right fuck you. he’s funny as fuck and we could do karaoke together. i would carry him around in my tote bag and he could eat off the children’s menu at restaurants (cost of living is high you save where you can.) he’s giving face and he’s giving body he’s actually so fucking handsome and the reason people are sleeping on how beautiful he is is because of the particularities of anti-asian racism, where “western” people read traditionally east-asian features as unmasculine, and therefore they are either fetishized or dismissed as romantic/sexual partners entirely. well i’m anti-racism bitch! yuki is HOT! also i know he’s not that good at driving or whatever but do you know what’s even hotter than being good at things? not giving a SHIT!!!! yuki is the spiritual successor to kimi raikonnen on this grid i’m fucking right and i’m the only one brave enough to say it. f1 is a hobby for him and he treats the sport exactly as it should be treated (with disdain, like it’s a mild inconvenience or errand on par with vacuuming) maybe this is inconsistent with my "being good at things is hot theory" but you know what? fuck you. it's my list i do what i want. if i contradict myself than i contradict myself

5

george. yeah…… i’m quite frankly a little shocked and upset he’s this high. i know i made this list myself but i’m not keeping track very well in all honesty and i’m about four drinks in. but you know what? i’m not blaming alcohol. this is accurate for my hotness rankings. i’m a bit of a george girl at the moment. every new fact i learn about him makes him more compelling to me. he's the george bit of alex's homoerotic relationship with george! really i only need one story about him to compel me: getting himself into the merc driver program with the power of microsoft powerpoint. he’s the most “he’s just like me fr” driver on the grid for me and i’m a big enough woman to admit that. the version of him i’ve made up inside my head has a personality and you know what? unfortunately for the haters he has proved them all wrong and he’s an excellent fucking driver. i don’t think he’s better than lewis but he stood up to the pressure of that second merc seat fucking fantastically even with his biological father there judging his performance the whole time! and i know he looks a little bit like a robot but it must be admitted! he is attractive! he’s got a great body! idk i’m gaslighting myself i guess it’s my deep-seated american desire to infiltrate the upper classes of england and bring it all down from the inside. but i’m keeping him in spot number five. and fuck anyone who disagrees.

4

valtteri. i mean. other than yuki the closest to kimi we can get on the current grid. lost his merc seat and immediately said “my ass will be fully out for the rest of my life and there is nothing you can do about it” can you imagine the amount of time toto wasted just saying “no valtteri you cannot post hole on instagram”. he’s a feminist he’s an icon! he’s not an outstanding driver but he’s solid! by number of wins currently fourth best cunt on the grid i believe! the mustache! he has alex albon energy in that i would actually date him but i think he’s more attractive. he is the only blond-haired blue-eyed man on the list who does not even a little bit activate the “nazi detector” in my brain which is admittedly a little overactive in the current political climate. i don’t know love isn’t rational. but i love him. i love him, your honor. and you will not convince me otherwise with facts (he's not really objectively all that physically attractive)

3

carlos. look the ferrari boys were pretty close together and ell i know you disagree with me here but ultimately it comes down to one thing i will discuss in the charles ranking and a couple things i will discuss here. yes he’s hot. fucking obviously. it’s barely worth pointing it out he’s outrageously attractive. but as i have said many times hotness is about more than the physical! and the vibe check is mixed. he does have the most compelling flavor of daddy issues (father is loving and supportive but still an unattainable ideal. the closest thing to god on earth for carlos sainz jr is carlos sainz sr and what a terrible legacy that is to bear) but on the other hand golf! and he has a weird and not very sexy voice! and he’s probably violently catholic! and there’s stories about him being kind of a dick to fans! i did not verify either of those things but fuck you this isn't journalism. and, most damningly, i believe that when it comes to driving he is…… FUCKING MID. there i said it. he got lucky his first year with and he’s still in denial about being the second driver to charles leclerc. have you seen the fucking instagram? girl fred vasseur may say he'll let it be decided on track but charles is coming to family dinners in the vasseur household. delusion is not hot unless it’s in a funny way (see: fernando, el plan). and i swear to christ if he messes up even a single race for charles this season because he thinks he’s better i will knock him down to the bottom of his list without remorse.

2

charles. it’s my list fuck you. other than george, charles (the version of him i have made up inside my head) is the most like me on the grid. he is— pause for dramatic effect— fucking COMPELLING. (benoit blanc voice) you know i love a narrative and he’s got a fucking narrative. he plays the piano (hot) he’s got the sexiness of the french language without the lameness of being french (yes i believe monaco is a historical mistake and a geopolitical aberration and should be incorporated into france and all those cunts should pay taxes but objectively monaco is very sexy!!! walt whitman i contain multitudes) and he’s got the catholic guilt of driving for ferrari without the lameness of actual catholicism (looking at you carlos) is he the most interesting bitch in the world? no. but he can hold a conversation, he has more interests than just racing and video games, and he’s much funnier in french, and as these boring ass guys go he’s pretty funny even in english. also, again, takes two to make a dynamic and i am funny enough for any two people on the planet. also, and this must be said, he’s a fucking excellent driver. BEING GOOD AT THINGS IS HOT! AND we have not even mentioned the fact that physically speaking he is what we call a Specimen. he’s got body, he’s got face. i know you don’t think he does ell but with respect you are wrong. he’s got the cheekbones he’s got the nose he’s got the fucking ridiculous shoulder to hip ratio, he’s got the hand porn. he has literal protagonist eye syndrome (they appear to be different colors depending on the lighting) he’s fucking insanely hot.

1

Lewis. I mean it’s just quite literally the only correct answer. he’s giving face, he’s giving body. the tattoos! dan thinks he has cool tattoos but he has pete davidson disease lewis actually has really cool tattoos. but his hotness is literally the least compelling thing about him. he’s multi-talented (music??? so hot) he’s not just a racer, but like, let’s not discount the fact he is the best f1 driver of all time. like i’ve established it’s hot when people are good at things (except golf). he’s not a businessman he’s a business, man. he’s got mad fucking drip. his politics are.............. of mixed quality really but by comparison he's practically bernie sanders. of all the drivers he’s the one i think i could make a socialist if i had a twenty minute conversation with him. i could get him to read marx i could get him to read zizek. not even to mention the compelling fucking narrative of his life. the karting years the brocedes of it all the mclaren civil war he is producing CONTENT. yes he speaks like a motivational poster and the dog account is cringe but the flaws make him human. if he were too perfect he would be less hot. 

this is the judgement of the court

#ell i love you but this really should not see the light of day #max verstappen #charles leclerc #lewis hamilton #valtteri bottas #carlos sainz #george russell #yuki tsunoda #alex albon #sigh. why did i write this #oh that's right! drunk.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

bringing this back

#BIG SIGH #why did I do this to myself #action is so cool in the brain but putting it in writing is just. Painful #but not as painful as what I’m putting Leo through lmao am I right? #[clown horn honk] #pastel prattling #pastel's silly memes

[sewercentipede]

can u guess what im listening to while having my 4am smoke

#btw ​im so glad I went apeshit buying so much lingua merch when i did bc its all discontinued now forever #since she goes by her given name now (+ reverend) #also I stg idk why but my phones flash looks like it put a filter on my face somehow #just slightly. but enough for me to notice cuz ummmm where are my freckles #also confessedly: #kinda only took these to see how my new lipsticks look…. upper lip is one color lower lip is another #(and lipliners) #I kinda like it! but I’m annoyed cuz I have so many brown lippies and several are super dark but on me they don’t look true brown/dark enuf #like UGH still searching for my perfect brown :( #the upper lip color is the darkest brown shade that brand has in that lipstick type #and it’s my fav lipstick type :/ #I can’t seem to find a brown that doesn’t just look mauve or reddish. is it my lips???? #sigh #I love writing essays in my tags apparently <3 #lingua ignota #kristin hayter #merch #my pic #من

[presiding]

high chaos/low chaos/join the chaos in my dishonored 2 rewrite

#dishonored #dishonored 2 #emily kaldwin #billie lurk #dishonored 2 spoilers #dishonored spoilers #dishonored fanfic #the monster in the hull #yeah yeah yeah the duke was responsible for this but also like. why did emily let someone that incompetent run the show so long #re: the stunt double solution. when i frame it like this it makes emily seem careless #she was and that's the point! but also to me it's #exhibit A for: 'we had a cool game mechanic idea so we forced the story to fit around it' #it is extremely cool to have a body double involved in an assassination (bet they considered twins at some point) #but her solution defs doesnt make emily look good. which again. its a AAA game they dont expect ppl to think bout it #the pain of being a Narrative Enjoyer in a Videogames Need Gimmicks world #so i addressed this even if just a little in the fic. didn't want to derail majorly it's slowburn enough already. #stop! stop! it's already slow burn!! etc etc. haaaaa #yeah it's 100k at this point. added some scenes probably splitting final chapter into 2 #because like arkane i too cannot resist a gimmick *sighs and fist bumps a corporate entity* #pres writes essays in tags

[starflungwaddledee]

if you've ever wondered about if i'm actually smarter than my sona and if possibly her behaviours are just for funny little characterisation purposes,

i want you to know that i only just learned that krbay is not simply a fun and jaunty way of typing kirby (that seemed to apply to the anime specifically for reasons unknown to me) but it is indeed actually an acronym

#sighs deeply. i'm sleep deprived. #also an important addition is that i did Not simply realise this myself. my girlfriend Had To Tell Me. #me minding my business on the couch: ....why do they sometimes write krrrrbaaayy. it's cute but is there like.. a reason...? #her; about to roast me to hell and back: oh my god. oh my god? 😃 oh my god! 😂😂 #it's not like i didn't know the name of the anime or have never watched any of it either. i knew this and still didn't get it #i connected the dots! (you didn't connect shit)

[lavenoon]

@naffeclipse To the left, we have a reformed bounty hunter holding his sole motivation to learn how to be gentle. To the right, we see a menace <3

Based on this meme:

og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!

#post let luce #fnaf sb #fnaf sb au #sleuth jesters #bounty hunter eclipse #naffeclipse #comfort tiny has sharp teeth and is a bit of a menace #they needed their revenge anyhow #after that last domesticated bounty hunter comic lmao #why did i shade the shitpost? i had the time #next question #maybe im gonna use the afternoon to write now lmao #but yes i just. i kept thinking of like tom and jerry-esque shenanigans for vigilante and bounty hunter #while sun and moon just sigh #and then remembered this meme and was like. not shenanigans but i gotta draw it lmao #my art #<- edit days later bc i forgor <3 #bloodstain fool

[adrift-in-thyme]

Note to self: never again let it slip to an irl person that I write whump

#told two of my classmates today #I’m exhausted so it just kinda slipped out #plus I assumed they’d be at least a little ok about it #given that they’re into fandom stuff #but no #they definitely thought I was some kind of freak #and I wasn’t about to try and defend myself #‘writing this stuff is a kind of therapy for me I promise I’m not sadistic or creepy!’ #yeah that would’ve gone over wonderfully #*sighs* #figures that one of the only personal things I shared this whole semester gets this reaction #why do I even try #I never talk about myself #I let everyone else vent and tell me everything #and when I try to open up I screw myself #trin rambles #vent #ignore me I’ll be fine #it’s just a really yucky day today #I’m not in a great place mentally and that did nothing good for me #hopefully sleep will help #…if I manage to get any sleep that is #ugh #delete later

[seaofadventure]

as someone who's been thinking ab garp for over a year the OPLA is such a moment of vindication fr like?? first off, incredible casting, but also just the whole.        how duties as a marine conflicts with morals but that it’s worth following your own code of justice        and his love and fear for his family that stems a lot from having Some kind of relationship with Roger      like?? Was genuinely surprised when they outright said that Garp wanted Luffy to stop because he reminded him so much of Roger but like Yeah and just—

#one piece #one piece live action #opla #opla spoilers #monkey d garp #i need to. i need to write out analysis ab this old fucked up man fr #going to be real the amount of garp stuff and how well they did his character rly caught me off guard but i win. as a treat #fdslkjlsd #head in hands #<- they need to explain their thoughts so badly but they are so bad at explaining things #why explain things when you can write 2k of men kissing in a fervor after watching the la <- roger sorry zeff #i need. i need to. i need to learn how to be normal on main (keeps rambling all their thoughts on other blogs but wants to talk #ab things to public also) #sighs

[theloveinc]

i think Kirishima would get addicted to Subway, like that boy loves a footlong with a bag of chips.

absolutely gives you the other half of his sandwich always, only eats it if you say no to it.

He is just like me!! I love a good ol' subway AND need a bag of chips or a soup with my sammy or the meal isn't complete.

God forbid he only discovers it on one of your trips home to visit family...... 'cuz he eats there literally once and is suddenly acting like he's never had a good meal before in his life AND crying when you have to leave it behind to go back to Japan. Throughout your whole trip, you catch him ordering it for delivery at absolutely random times because he both wants to get it while he still can, and... just has the appetite to eat home cooked food made by your family AND. a whole fucking submarine.

But if we pretend that Subway is the same in every country... and it's so funny to say because he's NOT stupid, but... I do think he gets caught up in the whole, "it's healthy!!!!!!!!" thing, at least he claims, and "healthier than some other places!!!" when you pester him about eating darn-near a loaf of bread.

I do have to disagree with you, tho :( ... I think he WANTS to give you half of his sandwich, and would, if it came to down it. But after the first couple times ordering and having to split everything in half, he starts needing a whole footlong to himself and just orders two every time he goes so you can have your own. LMFAOOOO. He is so ridiculous, but can we blame him? No.

(He's so... man. about it, too. Brings home his sandwich and delicately unwraps it like it's some sort of baby, and puts it on a plate, and pours his chips out very neatly on the side, and gets himself a lil side dish of raddish pickles. Who tf does he think he is, it's HILARIOUS.

He meets your? dad or brother or even just male co-worker and they literally bond over it asdjkfa;sjdk.)

#kirishima #why did i write so much about subway #oh well i do love it #and tbh can eat a whole footlong by myself #so. thats probs why #he's generous but that generosity extends to just buying u a full meal alongside his own without even asking #he shares everything else normally tho and tbh he would split a sammy if he only wanted half #but most of the time. yeah. he wants a whole one LOL lord knows he can finish it and more #american hoagies... his second true love #he probs starts teaching himself how to make them #and then suddenly he's baking turkey and making sub oil #adljfalksdfm #i love him #also ive been craving subway for months but i havent been to the train station recently :(( sigh #hope this was alright! #caitie things #anon #food tw #gen

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

Me: starts shipping two characters with no chemistry and no interaction in the show for fun.

Me: creates intricate and elaborate situations and life experiences where these two, in the future, end up at least talking and collaborating.

Also me, planning their future wedding:

#ramble #why am I like this help #I'll be canceled probably for this but oh well #my will of living is already below the ground so it'll just be an easy jump #too much stress let me write my story sigh #also jsyk I did this with two of my OCs too #now they're my fav otp LMAO

[taegularities]

…

#tw cancer #currently sobbing bc #my former high school classmates and i graduated back in 2015 and still have a whatsapp group together #our form teacher is in too and by now she's already retired… and so has my former english teacher #she gave us his email address last year but i never got to write to him or forgot… i also heard he battled cancer and it hurt sm to think #about bc i loved him sm as my prof #and now i was typing out the email after all this time and ended up thanking him for all his influence bc boyyy he just #he's done so much more for him than he'll ever know. he's the reason i grew to love the english language #and why i had the confidence to write in it and speak it and enjoy it… back then he supported me so much #and gawd im crying so much thinking about the things the english class did for me a decade ago… time fucking passes like this huh #just… teachers honestly never know the influence they have on the kids. can be good or bad but gosh if it's good then it lasts forever #and i guess that is true for everyone.. good people have an effect on you forever. i strive to be kind to have that effect too :') and #appreciate those who did just that for me #i hope he writes back to me.. and i hope he's been well #gawd. tears. yeah anyway just wanted to let this out somewhere #sigh

[stillbreathing-aer]

okay well aaron IS significantly less creepy than the rest of the guys, with zane as an exception

#and reese #the guys are just #why #theyre so weird #super creepy and super weird #HAHA I DID THIS WITH MCD AND NOW ITS HAPPENING WITH MYS #immediately and initially hating on aaron just because i can then switching real fast #victims of bad writing #i just #sigh #woah aer talks? #aer's revisiting block game roleplays #aphmau #mystreet #aphblr #aaron lycan #aaron mystreet #mystreet aaron #garroth ro'meave #garroth mystreet #mystreet garroth #laurance zvahl #laurance mystreet #mystreet laurance #travis valkrum #travis mystreet #mystreet travis #bad writing #kc is hella weird too

[suffarustuffaru]

why heinkel hates reinhard but still replaces reinhard with schult: speculation + analysis

i may have written too many words of anime fanfic about them but im gonna talk about this completely unprompted anyway. 👍 i was in an essay writing mood again.

so. basically. we all know heinkel hates reinhard’s guts and is overall an abusive father. but heinkel STILL replaces reinhard with schult. why would he do that if he hates reinhard so much, given how similar schult is both visually and personality-wise to reinhard? and when you pair it with the fact that heinkel USED to love reinhard, it gets more complicated. of course theres the fact that theresias death and wilhelm deciding to blame reinhard for it caused this landslide effect when it comes to heinkel and reinhard’s relationship, but we ALSO know heinkel actually defended reinhard at first. heinkel DEFENDED reinhard from wilhelm when wilhelm blamed reinhard for theresia’s death. but of course, we all know how well heinkel and reinhard’s relationship turns out later. but why? we know the core trauma that triggered it all (theresia’s death and wilhelm’s response to it) but it still doesn’t entirely explain everything until you look deeper.

i think the answer is actually that heinkel separates reinhard into two parts—reinhard the person, and reinhard the sword saint.

reinhard the sword saint becoming the sword saint helped caused theresia’s death. reinhard the sword saint killed theresia. reinhard the sword saint publicly defeated heinkel in a duel (we dont know the specific circumstances of this duel but we do know that public perception of heinkel was ALREADY bad even before the present day and losing a duel to your five year old son does not help matters). reinhard the sword saint saves the day, is regaled as a hero with the van Astrea name, while all these rumors going around about heinkel crushes him on top of the fact that his only support system (his wife) is gone with no cure for her condition in sight. along with the fact that his son Seemingly killed his mother. and this is AFTER the fact that heinkel begs theresia to go on the white whale mission in his stead. meaning that heinkel ALSO helped theresia to her death. and then reinhard the sword saint swoops in to be the kingdom’s beloved hero while failing to fix Any of these issues. reinhard the sword saint is a monster to heinkel, especially when you remember that reinhard kills theresia Again in front of heinkel at the end of arc 5.

reinhard the person, however, is different. reinhard the person is the son that heinkel knew—the son he loved dearly. thats why schult as a replacement is the perfect choice. schult’s a young kid with a resemblance to a younger reinhard and a similar timid personality. on top of that, schult is normal. schult doesnt have any world-ending, mind-bending superpowers that affect Everything about him. schult is everything that heinkel missed about reinhard Without any of the baggage. Without anything that makes reinhard difficult to love now. heinkel even says it himself:

kids should stick to being kids, instead of going off and becoming a hero that betrays you. because i think that heinkel thinks that being the sword saint warped reinhard. why wouldnt it, when the whole situation where reinhard Gained the sword saint dp is theresia’s death? the innocent little kid that he had as a son is gone in his eyes. and it’s just a monster that’s left. he Misses reinhard the person—reinhard, his son—but he loathes reinhard the sword saint, who seemingly destroyed everything they had. and i think this especially shows when you remember that heinkel 99% of the time says the sword saint instead of reinhard’s name.

this division that heinkel likely has about Past Reinhard and Present Reinhard also has to be what caused heinkel to go from a very loving father to a very abusive one. why is it now easy for him to be so cruel to someone he doted on whenever he could? it’s because to him, that person became a Monster. reinhard betrayed him, from his point of view, over and over again. theresia’s first death. the duel he and reinhard had. and then theresia’s second death. theres a chance even, that heinkel’s anger towards present reinhard may also partially be because present reinhard stole past reinhard from him. to heinkel, the only thing of reinhard left is the sword saint.

and schult being heinkel’s replacement for reinhard does show that heinkel misses reinhard. you wouldnt need a Replacement for someone unless theres a void that needs to be filled. and heinkel’s choice of replacement specifically says a lot about him and his relationship with reinhard.

wilhelm’s choice of replacement also says a lot about him. but that’s for another essay akdndndn

#rezero #heinkel astrea #reinhard van astrea #once again talking about them. cries. i remembered this bit of analysis i did in my head about their relationship and rhen decided to write #it down. in something that isnt just ao3 fanfic. cries. #its just so. interesting. how heinkel loathes reinhard and fhen turns around and gets out schult widnsndnd #like MY DUDE UR SONS RIGHT THERE 😭😭😭😭 U FUCKING IDIOT 😭😭😭😭 #sigh. i will write that ‘why wilhelm uses subaru as a replacement’ essay soon i have some thoughts.

[baeshijima]

i fucking hate this gane

throws up tears

#sophie’s idle chatter #i just finished chapter 5 meaning the end of season one and its safe to say this game has destroyed me in a million different ways #some of which being my emotions and my bank #what the fuck was the entirety of chap 5….. lunar games i cannot do this u have actually made me cry so much why did u have to make the #writing so so good and all the characters so compelling in their own way 😭 #im abt to start chap 6 where we can unlock yuye and jihans routes from this chap onwards #sighs im not emotionally ready for this bc seeing glimpses of the bad ending illustrations in the archive makes me wanna jump out my window #and then after i unlock all their routes theres still season 2 thats locked… #hwal and eunhan…. throwing up …….. shitting tears …… banging my fists against the wall ….. punching air ……. #fuck #at least this game is the kind with ads to replenish bc im used to these kinds of games #stares at lord of heroes and all their reward ads 🧍‍♀️ #anyway my bank is always open for this game rven if it forces me through emotional trauma #baek jihan my beloved…. my love…… my life…… ourgh #AND SUYEON WAILS I LOVE U #man the devs have me in a chokehold for their amazing lore and writing… #anyway its 2 am and my eyes are puffy and my nose is stuffy and i should sleep but what is sleep when u have been emotionally damaged 🫡

[starryluminary]

Why is this sketch page twice as long as the first one. Why is it twice as long but half of the notes I have of the episode are still being left out. What happened here

#why did I write so much?? why is there so much?? #this isn’t bad necessarily but I’m just kinda surprised #sigh. for noco #you’ll see them soon prommy #world tour but noco are the only ones kissing #Starry speaks