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solardrake · 4 months

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There was a post on here a while back which described navigating social spaces while Autistic like trying to walk through a minefield. One wrong move and, well, you blow up. blowing up hurts, so you create systems, rules, you try and find a rhyme or reason as to how the explosives are laid out so that you might make it through unscathed. I've come to know this as "Masking".

There's a moment where every autistic realizes that they are different, because they step on a mine that, to an allistic, isn't even there. It's a crushing weight to know that there is a seemingly invisible force that will hurt them again and again unless they hide who they are (begin to mask) and try to forge a path. For me it was middle school when I learned this; when I realized I didn't truly have any friends because public school is cruel and othering. So, I changed how I spoke, learned how to tell jokes, developed hobbies that would make me more likable (which is how I started art) until, finally, 8 years later It seemed like I was on the other of the field: I had finally made it.

That all shattered in an instant, in 2021, a decisive step ended with a fireball so large fragments of me are still being found in the field. So, hurt and stricken with the loss of acceptance that I so briefly had, I did the other option that post talked about: I stayed still. Just..didn't move, because if I did I risked being hurt again. New year's 2022 I had moved up north, but still I remained where I was. 2023 came and began to pass, and instead of keeping pace I watched as it sped by.

To put it bluntly, I was burnt out both socially and in my art, full of resentment for what hurt me and shame for not being able to mask as effectively; that version of me had died in the explosion. All these terrible feelings reached a boil when my shame and resentment towards myself was inadvertently aimed towards someone I loved. In that moment I saw that I was rotting...

And I saw how empty I was.

So much of myself previously was dedicated solely to masking in an attempt to fit in, that when fitting in became no longer an option that huge part of myself became void of purpose, and so that part of me itself became a void.

I don't really remember the months after that, but in October I had gotten my hands on a book: "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price. The introduction to that book was like an electric shock to my heart, revitalizing me and reversing the decay- his and other autistic folk's experiences described in the book was so alike mine that I suddenly understood my emptiness and was aware of the fractured mask hanging from my face. Armed with knowledge of my ailment the author then gave me a path out of the minefield...back from whence I came. Retrace my steps. Understand previous blunders, forgive myself for them, and exit the field to forge my own way to live and navigate life freely without fear of being reduced to bits.

I will struggle to post this, I know I will. Part of me masking, one of my guiding rules through the mines was to *never* make sincere personal posts because "sincerity from someone you follow who's not known for it is uncomfortable" (getting into the why of this is a whole other can of worms). But I will do it anyways, because the time for me being avoidant of my feelings are over.

In 2024, I will be fully embracing my autism. I don't know what i'll look like without the mask- I probably still haven't gotten rid of it fully- But I will be more genuine...probably uncomfortably so, My blog will be more self-serving (and probably my art too once I detangle my worth as an artist from how "good" it looks), I'll reblog cringy fandom stuff and say weird things and blog at length about how much I love airplanes and large industrial systems and freak furry things. I will be deadpan and monotone and just be so unapologetically autistic, because then i'll truly be me. ok bye bye

#im trying not to let the fear of judgement get to me ohh. at least after this all my cool blog points will drain so i'll be free #then i can just do whatever the hell i want!#btw. if i've ever randomly ghosted you it's probably because i didn't know how to navigate the situation. I know it's a bad habit I have #so if things are or were weird between us shoot me an ask or dm or something! or don't!!!! but the option is there #terminal talks

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this-is-z-art-blog · 4 months

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Hi, I saw your answer to someone asking about what a Hannuka celebration is usually like and I thought it was really well thought-out and helpful. I was wondering if you might be willing to give me some insight on other Jewish holidays. This was actually inspired by the DP Hannuka challenge. I'm writing a long DP fanfic that's largely from Sam's perspective and when I saw the challenge I thought this was a great time to write some holiday scenes. But when I started researching Hannuka I read that it's not really a major holiday I wanted to know which holidays hold more significant meaning and...well, I went down a rabbit hole and I feel like I HAVE to make sure I do Sam's cultural heritage justice.

The part I'm writing right now takes place in autumn. I wanted to include a little bit about her family celebrating/participating in Rosh Hashana and the ten days of awe. The thing is, I have absolutely no frame of reference; I hadn't even heard of it until a few days ago. Its surprisingly difficult to find descriptions of what exactly people do to observe that holiday besides food. There's plenty to read about the food haha.

I was wondering if you might be willing to share with me your experience with autumn traditions. Your description of Hannuka was so helpful and you seemed open to more questions. But if you're not comfortable please don't feel any pressure, my goal here is to be respectful and I honestly don't know enough about Jewish Culture to know if I'm being rude so please tell me if I am. I live in a predominantly Christian area and the majority of my cultural knowledge on the subject comes from TV which tends to only bring up Judaism when a character talks about Hannuka instead of Christmas so I am basically an uncultured goldfish.

First of all, thank you, and thank you for reaching out. I love talking about this stuff in general, and I especially really enjoy helping people navigate representing characters' Judaism in their works. I know it can be really intimidating to do research on your own- you don't know what questions to ask, or what's a reliable source, or what's unilaterally true vs what varies community to community, and you want to do a good job and not perpetuate something hurtful or harmful- it's a lot! So while I want to be clear I'm just one person speaking from my personal experience and knowledge, Jews are not a monolith and Jewish thought and experience varies a lot, you can always reach out and I'll do my best to help.

Note, the Jewish calendar is lunar, which is about ten days shorter than the solar year, which is why Jewish holidays don't have the same Gregorian date year to year. Every three years (roughly) we have a whole extra 'leap month' to keep the seasons on track, because certain holidays have to be in certain seasons (most notably Passover). Jewish days also begin at sundown and end at about an hour past ('three stars in the sky') the next day, ie Shabbat is Friday evening to Saturday night each week. The high holidays are in the fall, generally, but to know when specifically something is myjewishlearning or chabad are websites you can look up 'what date is [holiday] + [year]'

Rosh Hashanah (literally translated 'head of the year'), New Year's (one of four actually). Kicks off the high holidays, both very joyous and very reflective. Apples and honey is the classic holiday treat, for a sweet new year. Challah for this holiday is often made in a circular shape, for the cycle of the year, rather than the normal Shabbat braided loaves, and sometimes people will make it with cinnamon sugar or raisins for sweetness. You also begin reaching out to make amends to people you may have hurt over the past year, a process that continues throughout the high holidays. A big theme of the high holidays is Teshuva, which is sometimes translated as repentance but is more closely 'return'. It's about making sincere apologies and doing the work to get better and avoid repeating the same kinds of harm. I once texted a non-Jewish friend of mine an apology for a previous fight of ours around this time that for her came kind of out of nowhere, which made her think I was dying. People often have a family meal together. Fun fact, the current Jewish year is 5784. Two days long kinda. Holy

The ten days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, as you flagged, the Days of Awe or Days of Return (or in Hebrew they're the aseret yamei teshuva) are more on this theme of reflection and amends. Many participate sometime in here in a practice called tashlich, where you symbolically release bread crumbs (or some other crumpled foodstuff that may be more suited to your local aquatic life) into the water (typically a river, but sometimes your local Water is a lake or ocean) as a way to release your guilt and regrets and move forward into the new year knowing you've done all you can and you now have a clean slate

Yom Kippur ('day of atonement'), holiest day of the Jewish calendar. One of two major fasts (full day, rather than dawn to dusk). Very thoughtful and contemplative, typically a full day of synagogue services reflecting. We spend most of the day thinking about death. For many communities it's traditional to wear white or to avoid gold. You think about your wrongdoings and how to improve in the coming year, and deeply consider whether you've made your amends and if you've sincerely put in the work to change and improve where you need it.

Sukkot! Rounds off the high holidays, eight day festival that starts five days after Yom Kippur. You build a small structure called a sukkah (you BET there are a hundred specific details) in your yard and take meals in it together, big holiday for guests and visiting. First two and last two days are holy, middle four are still part of the holiday but are more mundane, and you go about your regular life (ie you can use electronics and go to work). Many observe the daily mitzvot of eating something in the sukkah, and shaking the lulav and etrog (a gathering of four plants, the lulav (palm frond), myrtle branch, willow branch are bundled together and the etrog (citron) in your other hand, symbolizes gathering in all the different kinds of our people). At the last days of Sukkot is the holiday Simchat Torah ('the joy of the torah'), where we reach the end of the annual cycle of reading the Torah and begin it anew. VERY joyous and boisterous, big holiday for dancing.

Also, here's an extremely quick and dirty rundown of other the other more prominent Jewish holidays (I'm basically skipping a number of minor fasts and smaller celebrations, but also, hannukkah is on this list, and it is nowhere near the scale of importance as Rosh Hashaha).

Hannukkah. Eight day festival in the winter, lighting a nine branched menorah (the ninth candle lights the others, one more each night ie night one you light one night eight you light eight, once again a THOUSAND little laws and specifics. we are a pedantic people). You have heard of this one

Tu B'Shevat! Late winter/early spring holiday that is the new year for trees. (The name is just the date, the 15th of the month Shevat. Most though not all Jewish holidays are on the 1st or 15th of the month, or, the new or full moon). Big holiday for planting trees or trying new fruits

Purim! Early spring. In a leap year this happens twice (though 'little Purim' is a much smaller holiday). This one is bonkers and criminally underrated. Costumes, giving gifts both to charity and to your friends and family, telling the story of that time a guy tried to kill us all and failed so hard we eat cookies shaped like his stupid hat to this day (hamantaschen or oznei haman, it's just the Yiddish or Hebrew name for them respectively)

Pesach or Passover, you have probably heard of this one. Springtime! Can't eat leavened grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, rye) so you gotta clean ALL your stuff out. Most Orthodox Ashkenazim also don't eat 'kitniyot', basically, similar food categories that include nuts, beans, corn, and rice, so if that's your tradition it's pretty thorough. First two nights are the Seder, a large, meandering meal where we tell the story of the holiday (in my family we regularly sit down around seven, don't get to the 'eat the Meal' part until nine, and are at the table til midnight. Many families are a little more effecient but many are even less). First two and last two days are holy, first two days especially are a big time for visiting family

The seven weeks from Passover to Shavuot are a period of time called the Omer, mostly just focused on counting up (not down) the days to Shavout. On the 36th day, Lag B'Omer (name is once again just the day) it's a holiday celebrated largely with bonfire parties

Shavuot (name just means 'weeks', for the seven weeks we count to get here) is the holiday that celebrates receiving the Torah. Celebrated with study of Torah and many have a custom to eat dairy (or just not meat), holy, two days-ish

Tisha B'av is a day of mourning, and the other major fast. Commemorates a lot of various tragedies and traumas. The weeks leading up to it go through a few stages of mourning and mourning practices

Elul is the full month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, and is something of a 'ramp up' to the attitudes and festivities, where you start thinking about your past and coming year

Shabbat. As mentioned this one is every week, holy day of rest from sundown Friday to a little later Saturday. Many celebrate by going to synagogue and/or holding a meal together Friday night and/or Saturday afternoon

Miscellaneous note, safety always comes first. If there is an emergency that would require you to break a rule of the holiday, do it. The principle is called pikuach nefesh, or protection of the soul (life)

Holy days are traditionally (though not everyone observes in this way and specifics vary, it is none of my business, repsonsibility, or interest to tell other Jewish folks what to do) observed by a number of restricitons that I like the categorize as just being part of the world, not trying to create or destory anything within it. The specifics have a lot to do with laws tracing back to not participating in argricultural or textile labor, but most relevant to my life personally is not turning on or off electronics (or fire), and no writing/drawing/fabric crafts.

Again NOT every Jew does full traditional observances of every holiday and that a) is NONE of my or anyone's business b) does not somehow make them 'less' Jewish. Judaism belongs to every Jew and is theirs to decide what to do with. That said, it is a chip on my shoulder when the only Jewish characters I see depicted in media, overwhelmingly written by gentile creators, go over the top to stress how much they hate following Jewish law or how much they love not doing it; feels like people are only interested in having Jewish characters whose Judaism is either a total joke, or it has to be as unobtrusive as possible- which is another reason I try to make myself available to answer questions you might have about how TO include your characters' Judaism

#if you want to know something more specific like 'what are things you have done on x day' or 'hey im writing this scene and stuck on y #detail' or 'hey is this a Problem im worried it touches on z harmful trope' i am always open #feel free to shoot me a dm if thats easier btw #sam manson #not art #z.answer #suddenravingfan #jewish characters

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tortilla-of-courage · 7 months

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Hi! If you've ever REALLY wanted me to draw something in a REALLY specific way, now's your time!

i'm opening commissions to start saving up money and help with house expenses (mostly my cats' expenses), little by little!

you can always just buy me a little coffee (just $1!), and i'll do a small doodle of the character of your choice as thanks!

or you can just share this post, too, if you can't afford those options! any help is welcome

thank you for reading, zelda posting will continue as normal now <3

#if you're worried about the mspaint ones dont they'll be slightly higher quality than the stuff i post here #aka i'll put actual effort into it looking nice #if you want something different from what's in the options you can always shoot me a dm and we can talk about it!#i'll be posting these on the kofi page itself but also on my art tumblr @tortillakun

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justafleck · 8 months

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*blows the dust off this blog for the 80th time* Heyyyy, long time no see clown squad. So I've had like, an extensive amounts of changes in my life over the past year that have kept me from being on here and active. I apologize so much for going silent. I really miss it here and I miss the friends I have made. But I do have some good news to share despite all of the hardships over the last year I've been through. Your girl, who was struggling with infertility for seven longs years, has actually managed to get pregnant! We are expecting a baby boy late January! Needless to say, things have been a whirlwind and this pregnancy has been very hard on my body due to my disabilities, but I think I'm feeling well enough to get back to roleplaying! I WANT to become active again, though my threads are like MEGA old and to be frank, I don't think i'll remember what's going on in them nor do I expect anyone else to either. So, I'm going to scrap everything in my drafts and I'd love to start fresh here if you all will still have me!

#✦✧my life is nothing but a comedy✧✦ ➝ ( ooc )#ima share some memes here shortly so shoot me some #otherwise hop into my dms if u wanna plot something!

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aandriskobold · 3 months

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me watching sophomore year: man this is so good and intense. i can't wait for my dm to fuck me up like this

me when dms fuck me up with backstory i gave them: :0 why would u do this

#according to x #im yelling at the screen for brennan to leave them alone but in my heart of hearts. he could make it so much worse. (i would)#my dm: do you want to unpack the religious trauma that you claim your character doesn't have?#me: i have no idea what you're talking about. just have a skeleton shoot me or something #d20 #rpgs #pc tag gamba #pc tag salvio

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lmorgart · 5 months

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little self-promo to remind everyone i have shops on both redbubble and inprnt! both are currently having their black friday sales, so if you've ever wanted to own my art as stickers, prints, or other stuff, it's all on sale right now!

my redbubble can be found here and inprnt is here :)

#i'm also very flexible so if there's something of mine you want that's not in the shops just shoot me a dm!#i go by what i think people will want but they always surprise me lol #*

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libraryofgage · 3 months

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can i get added to the tag list for night @ the museum steve deserves nice parents au pls? if it's not too much to ask?

Of course! I'm glad you liked it :D

#an ask #and answered #momokyuzu #if i forget just shoot me in DMs or something hfkshjd #I'll do my best not to on g-d

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the-city-wont-change-us · 25 days

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and the universe said...

Guess who finished this project after over a year! Started it back in december 2022 when the end poem became public domain and have working on and off on it since. Many hours have been poured into this thing, I think it's the largest cross stitch project I've ever done :_)

Don't want to clog up everyone's dashes, but for anyone curious, there's detailed pics of each hoop under the cut! [IDs in alt]

#this probably has over 100 hours in it between designing and stitching everything #so forgive me but i'm going to maintag #minecraft #minecraft fanart #cross stitch #also i don't really play minecraft (rip) i just like its vibes and the poem #also! not to be presumptuous but if anyone is interested in any of the patterns shoot me a dm! I'd be happy to send something over #anyways time to go work on my 5 other unfinished projects #cypress speaks #cypress creates

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vanhelsingapologist · 9 months

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let me remind everyone who recommended acotar to me under the "it's the only good one" tagline that the ninth circle of hell is reserved for betrayers.

#it's been like two days since i've finished it and I'm still so mad i read it.#if that was the only good one im so scared for bookclub #if you enjoyed it please dm me right now and tell me what you liked because im fighting demons #the last quarter was objectively fun and could enter 'i had a good time' territory but holy shit #the first three quarters made me want to push bamboo shoots into my nails to feel something.. anything #ya fantasy #ya books #book recommendations

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craycraybluejay · 5 months

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throwback to when I was in elementary- I think 4th grade- and at Halloween, I was in my standard princess getup and there was this really pretty fellow dressed as the phantom of the opera- my favorite musical. I went to say hi and shake his hand, and he brought it close and kissed the back of my hand with a wink.

It was then I realised the power of a loli/shota/kodo. I remember trying to flirt with more adults after that, but I'll always remember that first guy, even though I'm an adult now

I would've killed to have experienced that 😭 who r uu tell me more stories

although i think if that happened to me i would have been crazy over it n probably went overboard,, i was a surprisingly not a very forward kid bc i knew i was like a dog w a bone when it came to anything i wanted. flirting turned to "dating" and feeling each other up right quick, anger turned to bridge burning and actual burning and destruction,, etc. If someone made the dire mistake of imbuing me with any sort of want it would be their problem 😭😂. give me a slice and i will make it my sole mission to have the whole cake. I've learned well to control the impulses involved but I still have the ambition to eat the world.

(also i feel like people do that stuff for the sole purpose of flattering the subject. in a lot of cultures its pretty regular that if someones dressed like a princess you act like shes a princess,, i should've dressed like royalty more.) (but ofc people on the recieving end sometimes like u or i get excited about it lolz)

#anon response #bro imagine if i was as open as a kid as i am now i wouldve been a total nightmare #'YOUNG MAN GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY COWORKER THIS INSTANT'#'STOP TRYING TO KILL YOUR CLASSMATE'#🥰 people were mean to me anyway i should've had more fun if i was gonna be punished even for doing nothin wrong #oh well still had a way crazier childhood than anyone i know by far #delete later #if people start being weird ab this #honestly tho i'd prefer y'all shoot me a dm if you have something that may come off controversial #for me to respond to #that way i can be a little less 'is this PR friendly' and worry less ab annoying assholes claiming i said things i didnt say #ive had people send me things i genuinely cannot publicly respond to #and while i am intrigued and really hella appreciative that they choose to share and WANT TO respond #i cannot and yall should be aware that it takes a lot of work to balance being 'authentic' and staying mostly unharassed on this site #but i do love hearing everyones stories and feelings and unique stuff so please dont be afraid to talk :3 #just know i cannot always respond to some asks for my own peace but will always accept dms #and know that i do read them anyway so if u just want me to see it and not respond thats ok too #i just feel super bad when i have juicy asks in my inbox i cant post

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