Over a Decade
SeungCheol x reader
Words: 10k ish (Longer than my college essay for sure, damn)
Summary: Non Idol AU, Childhood best friends to lovers, horrible slow burn, angsty, fluff, everything, no smut though, I can't do it. Slice of life, dad coups
TW: mentions of heart attack and physical abuse.
Im so excited for you to read this!
Over a decade Series
General Masterlist <3
Seventeen masterlist
“Don’t let go of his hand, he’s older, he’ll look out for you” your mom says to you putting your little hand is his.
“I’ll protect her” a young Seungcheol, around the age of 6, smiles at your mother widely with one of his front tooth missing. Feeling a sense of responsibility with his chest out. He was 2 years older to you and the son of your mom’s best friend. He was automatically your best friend and you were his.
You were off to run an errand for your mom, SeungCheol wanted to tag along.
“Will you be my friend when I am taller?” You ask him not letting go of his hand.
“Only if you’re not taller than me” he nods at the end of the sentence.
“What if I’m taller than you?”
“No way” he shakes his head.
“I’ll try to be shorter then, I want to be friends with you forever” your younger self says as you reach the watch repair shop your mom had asked you to go to pick up her old watch.
“Forever? My mom says if you want to be with someone forever, you’ll have to marry them”
“Ill marry you”
“Okay” he says smiling.
You get the watch from the repair shop and SeungCheol does most of the talking. He lets go of your hand to take the watch from the lady. Out of reflex end up holding the sleeve of his shirt instead.
“What are you? A baby?” He teases you. “No” You whine at that.
“Can a baby jump this far?” You ask and let go of his hand the first time in all this while to show him this jump you’ve been practising. It was more of a leap that tackled his little body too.
“What are you doing?” He asks pushing you off. He dusts himself off and helps you get the dirt out of your shirt too.
“I think I jump very well, like a grasshopper”
“My mom told me grasshoppers fly”
“Really?” You ask, your little hand reaching for his hand again to continue walking back home.
——
“Don’t let go, please please” you beg him. He was teaching you to ride a bike and you were trying your hardest not to fall or look back.
“You’re doing okay, I haven’t let go, you’ll never learn otherwise”
You could feel him holding on and letting go to teach you how to balance. After a bit, his voice became distant. You knew he had let go so you turned to check and crashed on the road as soon as you did.
“Yah, you were doing fine, are you stupid? Why’d you look back?” A 10 year old Cheol asks you, looking at the wound on your elbow and knee.
“How does a person fall from this height and hurt their knee like this?” He exclaims. The cuts were a bit deep.
“I’m not stupid, it’s just a scratch, I’m not even crying” your 8 y/o self exclaimed. It was a deep cut as if you fell on to glass.
“Wait here for me” he says rolling his eyes and disappears for a few minutes.
He comes back with a few bandaids and alcohol rubs.
“I told you to keep going, I don’t want to teach you if you’re this scared,” he whines.
He nurses your wound and puts a bandaid on it.
“There, now focus, y/n please” he begs. You knew he was a little annoyed because when he was playing around, he’d never call you by your name, it was always grasshopper. It was a cute nickname he had given you when you were 6 and it just stuck after that. But when he took your name, you knew things were serious.
You nod softly without looking at him. He looked out for you even when he was annoyed at you. Isn’t that what friendship really is?
——
You were playing the sandbox at the park, your mom had told you Cheol was going to a summer camp for a month, and you were too young to go.
As a 11 y/o it made you feel angry that you couldn’t go along and like he was leaving you behind, you were convinced he was gonna make new friends there and forget about you. It made you scared and angry, emotions you couldn’t identify at 11.
“Go to summer camp, play with your new friends” You get pulled up by the hoodie you were wearing to stand up and meet his eyes. He was much taller than you were.
“Yah, what new friends”
You start crying. “The new friends you’ll make you’ll forget about me” you see him shaking his head.
You were now sitting outside a convenience store eating ice cream with SeungCheol, after you calmed down. He dragged you to a store to get you ice cream.
“I will never forget you, stupid” he says and that makes you smile also gives you reassurance.
“Its literally a month, you can’t possibly forget someone in a month”
“I made you this” you hold out your hand in a fist.
“What is it” he asks, trying to pry your hands open. It was a bracelet with a grasshopper charm.
You see his dimples and that makes you happy.
——
“Do you want to hear something?” His 16 y/o self asks you, sitting at his keyboard bench in his room.
You were sitting on his bed hanging out reading a random comic from his collection.
“I’ve been listening to IU’s Hold My Hand recently” you say without giving it a thought.
His fingers glide over the keys creating a very soft tune.
You loved his music and his voice. He had picked up a few instruments when he was away. He looked very passionate about it. It made you feel happy too, watching him play.
He takes a breath before humming a tune.
“You’re getting this feeling, you’re trembling inside, how long will you merely steal glances at me?” He sings.
It suddenly felt too personal. You were at least 4 feet away from him but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like he was in your head. You shake off the thought.
After a little playing, he plopped himself on his bed where you were reading your book. “What are you on” you scoot over a little more to give him space.
You were on your stomach reading while he was on his back. He looked sleepy, he had already closed his eyes.
You went back to reading the book, when you finished the comic, you put it aside and saw Seungcheol softly snoring. He was dead asleep.
He broke the first rule of friendship. Never sleep when your friends are around. You’ll definitely get pranked.
Bingo!
You locate a sharpie on his night stand, but since you were trapped on the inside of the bed you had to go over Seungcheol to reach the sharpie.
You were totally hovering over his face trying not to fall on him while you reach the marker. You curse your small arms.
You hear him shuffle under you and out of reflex quickly grab the marker and go back to original position. Hoping he didn’t wake up.
You quickly take a look to see if he’s still asleep, he was.
You open the sharpie to draw a mustache on him and some whiskers. You also write ‘stupid’ on his forehead.
You were trying so hard not to giggle.
You were again hovering over him to draw on his forehead. The last stroke of the letter woke him up.
You were caught in the act. “What are you doing?” he asks in a sleepy voice.
You end up giggling not being able to keep it in for any longer.
He holds both your wrists in one of hands and you couldn’t stop laughing. He opens the camera on his phone to see what you did to see a mustache and doodles on his face.
“Oh you’re so dead come here” he says and terror takes over. He was definitely going to draw on your face and you had to get out of his hands.
He opens the sharpie with his mouth and goes to draw on your face while you scream playfully.
“No no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” You chant while he tries to draw on your face. It got playfully violent.
“What's this noise” his mom walks in to see SeungCheol literally straddling you with a sharpie cap in between his teeth and his hands restraining your hands. This looks bad.
“Auntie, help” you
“I’ve made some snacks for you. Nice mustache, SeungCheol” she comments and leaves shaking her head.
You hear SeungCheol do a fake evil laugh while you go back to squealing. Your eyes were tearing up and your sides hurt. It was that much fun.
“Guess you get a mustache now,” he says, grabbing a pen to draw on your face.
——
“Do you like this?”
You were walking back from school with ice cream in hand. He was a senior with half a year to school and you still had one.
You shake your head making a face. You tried out this weird new mango flavored ice cream at the market. He takes the ice cream cone from you and hands you his normal chocolate one that he had picked out.
These kind gestures had become a habit now. You just had that kind of a relationship. You didn’t even need to acknowledge it after a while.
“I had to ask you something” you stop and turn to him licking his- your ice cream.
“Hmm?”
You take a deep breath before you ready yourself to ask the most absurd thing you’ve asked him.
“Can I kiss you?”
He stops eating and puts his hand down. He was shocked and flustered.
“What?”
You recently got over your crush on SeungCheol considering he was graduating and going away for college in a year your crush would be useless. You ended up liking this boy from your class for a while now. Him being your first kiss terrified you. You just wanted to get it done when someone your comfortable with. You were over your little crush on SeungCheol that comes and goes. You finally liked someone, it gave your butterflies.
“I can explain”
“Please do” he says flustered about what you just said.
“You know how I like this boy in class right, we’re going to the arcade next weekend, I think he’s gonna kiss me” your voice fades.
“And..?”
“And I don’t want to look like I don’t know what I’m doing” you look away not being able to face him. You hear him laugh out of the absurdity of the request.
“This is the weirdest thing I’ve heard coming from you y/n, and you’ve said some WEIRD things, are you crazy?”
“I don’t want to look like a loser”
He doesn’t say anything and continues walking shaking his head. “You’re acting weird” he mutters to himself. You have to run a little to catch up. You tug at his arm when you do. You were walking next to the stream that’s on the way back home, you could hear ducks behind you.
“SeungCheol, please! I feel comfortable, plus its not like we have feelings for each other, it’ll just technicality” you try to justify your demand, like you're trying to convince yourself more than convince him.
SeungCheol felt butterflies in his stomach when you asked him that. He’s liked you for a while now, but gave up confessing because he kept telling himself its just a crush and he’ll get over it plus the fact that he’s moving away for college. He was too lost in thought to respond to you. He kept eating his ice cream and almost finished it but your rant wasn’t over.
“Listen, you haven’t had your first kiss either right? Isn’t this a win win for the both of-“ you are suddenly whisked by the waist, closer to him.
He inched his face closer and you were now second guessing your demand. It’s as if he wanted you to second guess your demand, to intimidate you enough for you to realise how absurd this request of yours was and how much you probably didn’t want it or would possibly regret it.
You could feel his hot breath on your face. His eyes fluttered between your eyes and your lips. He got even closer enough to close the distance between your lips but he didn’t.
“Is this what you want, y/n?” he whispers, that was enough, he was that close, just trying to make you realize it isn’t something you want.
Will your crush on SeungCheol come back if you do what you wanted to? Possibly yes.
Will you regret it? Mostly not.
You close your eyes tightly and bring both your hands to pull his face to yours to kiss him.
It wasn’t short enough for a peck nor was it a proper kiss. It was somewhere in between but you couldn’t keep track because you were so embarrassed.
This leaves him in a shock, you could feel him freeze under your hands momentarily processing what had just happened. You pull away, not too much, just enough to catch your breath.
Your eyes met, you were embarrassed, he realized what had happened.
You could feel his arms tighten around your waist in attempts to pull you to his height and closer, you were already on your toes. One of your hands now sliding down to hold the collar of his uniform to keep yourself from losing balance. His neck pushed down to kiss you again. Like he wanted more.
That gave you a sense of relief. You really wanted to do it right so you try to think of everything what you’ve seen on tv. You forget about the ice cream you were holding, you got some chocolate on his cheek in the process.
You swore it was longer than you thought, but also shorter than you wanted it to be.
You slip away from his grip and take a step back.
“Um” you didn’t know what to say, you hug yourself. “I got chocolate on your cheek” you say and take your hand to his face to wipe the chocolate from his face to cover up the awkwardness.
“You taste like chocolate” he mutters under his breath.
“Should I eat a chocolate before I kiss him?” You switch the subject completely to avoid awkwardness but that hurt him a little bit. He could see it didn’t mean anything beyond practice to you.
The rest of the walk was awkward.
That was your first kiss. You were more than okay with the fact that it was SeungCheol and not the boy you liked.
——
You were on the way to the hospital. You just had a frantic call from SeungCheol about his mother collapsing and he didn’t know who else to call. His dad was out of town and it would take him at least 6 hours to get here.
You were out shopping with a few friends, it was about 6pm, you dropped everything and got in a cab. You were worried for him.
The hospital stunk of bleach and alcohol, people crying about their loved ones, patients walking around. It made you very anxious. Last time you were at a hospital you were 10 and you had lost your dad in an accident. You had weird feelings about the hospital.
Your eyes look everywhere for his familiar face. You see him crouched on a seat next to the emergency operation theater and rush there.
“SeungCheol” you kneel in front of him. He looks up at you, his eyes were red like he had been crying before. You’ve only seen him cry twice. One when you were watching a really sad movie and when his adopted dog died. It scares you to see him cry.
You sit next to him now to rub his back in comfort.
“What happened?”
“They're saying it was a heart attack” he somehow choked out.
“What?” He nods and looks back at his hands on his lap.
You slid your hand in his. “Its okay, shes here now, they’ll take care of her, everything will be okay” you reassured him softly.
“What if it’s not okay? Its my fault”
“You could’ve never known, its not your fault”
“I was listening to music so loud, I didn’t even hear her collapse, I don’t even know when it happened y/n”
You get why he blamed himself, if it was too late to bring her in, he’d get eaten up by the guilt. You didn’t know what to say to that. All you knew was to reassure him everything will be alright and pray that it really will be.
Then you waited, his father would only reach by midnight and you were there for those 6 hours, waiting with him. You called your mom too, she arrived in an hour to help with other hospital documents.
You stayed there with him until his father came in.
You and your mother stepped away to give them some space. You decided to grab a sandwich.
“I’m worried about him, mom”
“He’s a strong boy, he’ll be okay, they will all be okay” she assured you.
You were back in the hallway where you left seungcheol and his father.
“What do you mean you didn’t hear your mother collapse, Choi SeungCheol?”
This make your head snap towards their direction. Seungcheol was looking at the ground with his hands behind his back, getting yelled at. It startles you a little. You’ve never heard that man yell. He was worried for his wife.
“I'm sorry, if something happens to mom today” he voice fades out and he takes another deep breath, his voice was shaky. “It’s my fault, I’m sorry dad”
“I don’t want you here, go back home. I’ll call you when there is news” you hear his father say sternly.
“No dad, please let me stay, I won’t be able to forgive myself if something happens, let me stay”
“Go home” you hear his father say again.
“Take him home” your mom says to you and you immediately go to his side to drag him away from his father for a bit. They’d probably get into a fight if this continues.
“Cheol, we should go” you tug at his arm. You don’t dare talk to Mr. Choi. He was scary right now.
He lets himself get dragged away. “Let’s go home, your dad will take care of it, don’t worry”
You get a cab and go back in silence, occasionally giving his hand a squeeze of reassurance. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him like if you did and he needed something and you won’t be able to provide with it immediately worried you.
You go back to his place, looking at everything there was uncovered in the kitchen and some food on the floor. She probably collapsed with a plate of food in her hand.
You make him sit down and get him some water.
“You should go wash up” you say, not letting your eyes leave the messy kitchen.
He nods and goes back inside dragging his feet. You decide to clean up the food on the floor and check if the uncovered food had gone bad. It had not. It was almost 1am now.
“Are you hungry or do you just want to sleep?” You ask him when he comes back. His eyes were the same bloodshot, like he bawled in the shower. You try not to point it out but it broke your heart. You know what its like losing a parent, you wouldn’t wish such heavy emotions, such a loss, grief on anyone. It scared you for him.
“Did you clean up?” it snaps you out of your thoughts.
“Yes”
“You didn’t have to”
“Its alright, its the least I could do”
“Do you want me to stay over?”
“Um.. I want to be alone today”
“Yes, no, of course I understand, I was just asking in case you didn’t want to be alone” you nod. Not sure what to do with your hands, you fiddle with them.
“Let me walk you home, its too late, its dangerous” he says grabbing his jacket.
You nod and he walks you back. You were finally at your door.
“Will you be okay?” You ask him with the saddest look in your eyes trying not to touch his face. Skinship had become awkward now that you were grown up plus all these feelings.
He nods to that. You had a feeling he was going to cry his eyes out when you close the door. You were worried.
His phone rings in the middle of the conversation. He hurriedly picks it up. His mom was out of danger.
“Mom’s okay” he says putting his phone down and grabs you in a hug resting his face in your neck. You were shocked at first but you settle into it.
“Thats a relief” you sigh.
“That’s a relief”
His hug was particularly tight but you didn’t mind it.
You suddenly feel his body jolt, like he’s sobbing his eyes out. He was overwhelmed. You felt horrible for him. It really broke your heart.
You try to pull back to see his face but he doesn’t let you, he only holds you tighter.
Maybe he’s embarrassed. He was clearly scared. You didn’t probe into it and just give him the comfort he needed running your hands through his hair and rub his back. He calmed down after a few minutes.
“I'm sorry, I’m getting snot on your shirt” he says sniffling.
“Ewwww” you respond jokingly as he pulls back.
“You owe me a tshirt”
“You already have TWO of mine” he chuckles.
——
It was your regular movie night with SeungCheol at his. You had promised each other that since he went to college, every time he comes home you have a movie night.
“What are we watching?” He asks and today you weren’t particularly looking forward to it. You had just broken up with your boyfriend of 1 and a half years, he had cheated on you. You’ve been moping around for quite some time. You had suspected that your mother must’ve spoken to SeungCheol to get you out of the house when he came back.
“A little birdy told me you’ve been acting weird all week” he says as he settles next to you. “What's wrong?” He asks facing you and resting his head on his arm thats on the backrest of the couch.
“Did you talk to my mom?” He nods.
You sigh and put your face in your hand. “It’s nothing” you shake it off and grab the remote to put on an episode of something.
He takes the remote from you, “I’m right here, talk to me” he pushes.
“My boyfriend cheated on me” you say very nonchalantly. Like it meant nothing but it was eating you up all week, you didn’t cry about it once so far.
“What an asshole” he exclaims, “Forget about it, I always knew he was trouble, just study well and get into a good university y/n” he rants sitting next to you.
You remembered what happened over the last 2 weeks. You went out with your boyfriend, Eunwook, on your 1 year anniversary. He told you he fell out of love with you and even cheated on you. He came clean.
But he also somehow brought up that you weren’t fully emotionally available to him either. You were surprised he caught on to it. You started dating him after your feelings for SeungCheol had come back. Your now ex, was only supposed to be a distraction from the fact that SeungCheol was going to university, and away from you, but slowly he grew on you and made you completely forget about SeungCheol and your ancient feelings for him.
Eunwook cheating on you only gave you a lot of self doubt and questions. Did you deserve that? Was it just Karma? You weren’t emotionally available and you still used him to forget about someone else, you felt guilty and deserving that he cheated on you. You felt horrible that you did that to him, it would be hypocritical of me to be hurt about him cheating, you thought to yourself.
“No, I don’t blame him, I started it and I fully deserve it”
“Y/n… no one deserves to get cheated on” he softly says trying not to touch your face but also wanting to push back the strand of hair that was disrupting his view.
You shake your head and turn to look at him with your hands in your lap playing with your fingers. You didn’t realize when your eyes had well up like that. You felt a drop hit your cheek. You had very mixed emotions. You weren’t sad about the break up, you felt like you had no right to be. You didn’t know what to think.
“I used him to forget” you say softly.
“Forget what?”
“I used him to forget you”
——
You were all huddled up around the fire with some beer in hand, alcohol made you very sleepy, you were the ‘sleepy’ kind of drunk. It was one of the first times you were drinking, you still don't know how much alcohol you can take.
You ended up going to the same university as SeungCheol and in turn hanging out with his friends. They always shipped you and SeungCheol and teased both of you because it seemed like you were dating. But all you were best of friends, regardless of your constant crush on SeungCheol, you just knew each other a lot better than the others and that comes off as 'very close/almost dating’ sometimes.
You were 2 beers down and already started to feel sleepy. You were leaning to one side, almost falling off your chair. Luckily SeungCheol was in the next chair so he scooted over to give you something to lean on. You ended up resting your head slightly on his shoulder and becoming more comfortable. All this while all your friends were already in conversation. Such gestures had become very normal between you and SeungCheol.
“Is she asleep?” You hear Jeonghan say.
“She’s out” You heard SeungCheol respond by patting your hair a little as if to check if you’re out. You pretend to be asleep to eves-drop on the conversation.
“Tell me, honestly, you look like you’re in love with her, SeungCheol '' Jeonghan attacks out of nowhere. There was a lot of silence after the question so you didn’t know if that meant he was hesitant or if it meant he was in love with you.
“I just… I care about her, a lot” he exhales. “I don’t know what it is, all I know is I care for her”
“Are you sure she’s not in love with you?”
“Not anymore” referring to your last relationship and how you used your ex to move on from your stupid crush on SeungCheol.
“I don’t know if it’s just me, but looking at the both of you, from a third person’s view, you look painfully ignorant to each other’s feelings” both of them chuckle at sipping on their beers.
“Maybe, maybe not”
“Have you at least thought about dating her?”
You hear Seungcheol chuckle. You could feel his body move which made you move too because your head was on his chest now. He put his arm around you to get more comfortable.
“I think I won’t have to date her at all, we could just get married and it would still make sense, we know each other that well”
It knocked the wind out of you. You try to remain composed. But Jeonghan chokes on his beer.
“You know what I mean right?”
You really do end up dozing off after that conversation you hear.
You get a feeling of getting poked in the cheek that makes you open your eyes. It was still dark, like dawn. You groan and stop the hand that was poking your cheek.
“Let's get you in a tent before the mosquitoes make you their dinner and their breakfast” you hear SeungCheol say and you nod half asleep.
You lazily get up while he checks what tent to sleep in. Turns out there was only one tent left. Someone puked in one of the other tents and that had become unusable.
“C'mon” he takes one of your hands with his free hand with a can of beer in his other hand.
“Are you sober?” You ask him, the soju had made you bold. You’ve liked him for a while, your feelings had come back recently and you didn’t know what to do with them. You never acted on it. You were scared you’ll ruin things.
“I don’t think so, why?” He asks not letting go of your hand he had in his.
“Will you remember anything from tonight?”
“I hope not, I don’t think I want to remember Go Eun puking in the tent” he says and both of you shudder at the thought.
“Promise me you’ll forget this”
“Forget what?”
You get on your tiptoes as much as you could holding his shoulders. Maybe the beers made you bold.
“Lets get married, Choi Seungcheol” You whispered referring to his conversation with Jeonghan, before you kissed him.
His eyes widened a little but his hands immediately went to your waist like a reflex, like he’s done this before.
He had, he was your first kiss.
He kissed you back. It was sweet, right next to the bonfire. You just wanted to take a chance even if neither of you remember it the next day.
He kept his promise, he didn’t remember a thing.
——
You recently moved to Seoul, to find a job as a Designer. You had just turned 20 and you decided it was time to move to a bigger city. Plus Cheol was already in Seoul so it made it easier to have a friend.
SeungCheol was the biggest sweetheart. He helped you find an apartment in his apartment building because to quote him he wanted you “within 5 minutes radius” of him. You were new to the city so it worked out well.
“I’m gonna make some tea, you want some?” He was helping with assembling the couch for you.
You’ve been assembling furniture all day, he even got some of his band mates to help fix it up.
“Thanks for helping” you tell him as you fix him a cup of tea along with one for yourself..
“Don’t worry about it” he says as he screws in the last screw and plops himself on the couch.
You hear him sigh. “Are you tired? I can do the bookshelf myself” you tell him bringing him his coffee.
“I'm not too tired, I think a nap would help though”
“You can nap on the bed after we fix it up”
“I just hope it's cozy” he says as you both finish your tea and enter the bedroom with the parts scattered on the floor. You end up listening to music and assembling the bed. Once it’s done, SeungCheol had this ‘brilliant’ idea to jump on it to check if it's made well.
You were now on your old bed jumping to ‘check’ the bed for god knows what. But it was fun regardless.
Thak!
You hear a loud noise of wood breaking the bed sliding to one side making both of you fall on the mattress that slides towards the wall on one of the sides at full speed.
SeungCheols hands went to guard your head that was very close to hitting the wall. His hand got squished between your head and the wall. You both groan in pain.
Your back had also hit the wall with a little of SeungCheol’s weight squishing you against the wall.
“This was a bad idea” you say rubbing your head and his hands that were on the back of your head.
You didn’t realize how close your faces were. Last time your faces were this close, you kissed, twice.
You could see his eyes flickering between your eyes and lips, you knew what was going to happen. Somewhere you wanted it to. You were just staring at each other in silence for a good half a minute.
It had been a while since the last time you kissed and honestly you missed it.
He cleared his throat and pulled back. You didn’t know where to look.
“Um.. yeah.. that was a bad idea”
“Yeah yea yeah it was, it's okay I can.. sleep on the floor or something” you say as your voice fades out.
The doorbell rings and he literally runs out to get it. It's probably the food you had ordered.
You sigh. Maybe you should’ve just kissed him or let him kiss you.
——
Your phone chimes around when you leave work and you check it to see a picture of a leg that's completely bandaged. SeungCheol had sent you the picture. You immediately call him up. “What did you do?”
“I tore a muscle at the gym,” he says chuckling.
“Yah, why can’t you be careful, what's the point of building all these muscles if they can’t even handle a tear” you argue on the phone and tell him you’ll drop by after work.
You rush back home after work and even stop by to get some ingredients for dinner in case he doesn't have any in his fridge.
“Are you in pain?” You ask him when you enter. You knew his code so he didn’t have to move around to open the door. He was sitting on the couch with his leg propped up on the coffee table with a pillow.
He only groans to answer that question. He had no energy, his face was sulking. “I brought you dinner” you say and hold up the bag full of food.
“I could just order, you didn’t have to do this”
“Let me take care of you, for once” you’ve always felt like you haven’t given him back enough, or paid him back enough for his kindness and all the times he’s looked out for you.
You hear him chuckle.
The TV ran in the background creating some kind of white noise.
You were done with dinner and you stepped out to see SeungCheol passed out on the couch. It must’ve been a tiring day. You placed the food on the table and sat next to him to wake him up.
He only groaned in response.
“You don’t have to do this,” he says as he takes a bite of the food.
“Do what?” You ask genuinely confused. “Help a friend when his legs don’t work?” You ask giggling.
“No, I mean, take care of me”
“I’ve been thinking, when I was cooking, you’ve taken care of me so many times, if this is my only chance to repay you for all the kindness you’ve shown me since we were 5, I’d happily do it SeungCheol, so I really have to do it” you explain.
The air suddenly became very serious.
“Okay then you owe me a lot more than just a dinner, I think I’d like a couple of race cars and some gold” he jokes and you laugh.
“Sure, I’ll bring them in tomorrow sir” you act out a quick skit giggling.
“For real though, you’ve helped me a lot, so let me take care of you instead” you say facing him.
He softly nods and goes back to his food. After he’s done with the food, there was a bit of awkward silence between the two of you and SeungCheol can’t stand them, so he decides to joke.
“Time to go to the bathroom” he announces, teasing you. You groan.
“Do you HAVE to?”
“I’ll actually pee my pants Y/N”
——
“You okay?” You hear Dokyeom as over the music, he hands you a can of beer.
You nod at him.
You were at a party with a few mutual friends. You nervously nod at him. It was a little too many people, it freaked you out a little bit.
Dokyeom knew about your stupid little crush on SeungCheol over the years. It was ‘painfully obvious’ as he put it. You totally tried to deny it and dodge it but it felt nice to talk to someone about it.
You and Dokyeom became quite good friends once he had your secret. Aside from the fact that you were the same age. You finally decided - no, Dokyeom blackmailed you that it was time to tell SeungCheol. You promised Dokyeom you’ll confess at the party today. You were very nervous. This could possibly put your friendship at jeopardy and the thought of losing him as a friend was awful.
“Are you ready to come clean?” Dokyeom asks you
You visibly sigh over the music and chug the can of beer he handed you in attempts to get drunk as fast as you can. You can’t do this sober.
After dancing around a bit with Dokyeom and a few more friends, you see SeungCheol weaving through the crowd to get to you from a few meters away. Your heart started to beat out of your chest, you didn’t know if it was because of the dancing or SeungCheol.
You see a figure following him through the crowd, he was holding her hand. You swallow getting a weird feeling already. You weren’t ready to confess but it was high time. The secret was pushing you under. It got weird every time you saw his face.
“Hey guys!” He said and came up to you first to give you a hug. You returned a quick hug and pulled back as fast as you could, you were nervous. After he greeted everyone, he pulled the girl next to him to the front a little and introduced her.
“Meet Ji Nah, My girlfriend”
You freeze. His what? Dokyeom clearly saw the color drain out of your face. He immediately put his hand around your shoulder, slowly nudging you to snap out of it.
All you could see was the smile on SeungCheol’s face when he introduced her. He was happy. His dimples shined.
Dokyeom introduced you to her on behalf of you because you could barely say anything. They looked good together, they looked happy. That’s all you could think of.
“Im gonna go get another can of beer” you say fake smiling and excuse yourself.
You end up going to the bar and ordering yourself some shots instead. You really needed to get drunk or you know you would just cry of regrets. Like what if you had confessed earlier? Would things have been different?
You shrug the thoughts and focus on the 4 shots lined up in front of you. You were down two shots when you feel someone come up behind you. It was a familiar face. SeungCheol.
“Hey! Are you enjoying yourself?” He yells over the music.
You nod without being able to say anything, you didn’t know what to say or if you open your mouth nothing is going to come out.
You down the other two shots on the table.
“I'm sorry I didn’t tell you about Ji Nah earlier, I just wanted to be sure” he confessed. You shake your head this time. It was odd you didn’t say anything but SeungCheol didn’t seem to detect anything.
Just like clockwork your phone rings and you excuse yourself to take it. You didn’t say a word to SeungCheol and you sigh of relief about that. You go out of the club to get some air.
“I was looking everywhere for you” you hear Dokyeom’s voice while you had your head tilted up to push back the tears to where they came from.
“Oh hey” you greet him back, trying super hard to not choke up.
“I'm sorry about his girlfriend, no one knew” he apologized that he pushed you to confess.
“It’s okay, timings have always been off for us, maybe its just not meant to happen, maybe it’s a sign from the universe that its not going to be good if we get together and someone up there is only trying to protect me from something bigger” you rant.
You were heartbroken but ranting helped you to keep the tears in check so you don’t have to go back to the party with your mascara all over your face.
“Do you want a hug?” He asks you and you nod.
He wraps you in a very comforting hug and apologizes again. You reassure him that it’s alright and you’ll get over it.
Will you really get over it? You really hope so.
———
You enter SeungCheol’s apartment with some stuff your mom sent over for him. You knew the code so you walked in, but on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t have.
Him and his girlfriend were having a screaming match.
“Ah, there she is,” his girlfriend exclaims sarcastically looking at you waltzing in the apartment.
She sighs and picks up her purse. “I’m leaving, Please don’t try to contact me” she leaves but also softly bumps into while doing so. What was that about? You were so confused.
“What was that about?”
“Leave Y/n” he says sternly.
“I just came to drop off this food my mom made for-“
You made eye contact with him and he looked furious. You had never seen him this angry. It made you stop in between your sentences.
“I said leave”
“Let me know if you need something” you say softly, leaving the food on the coffee table. You turn to leave.
“This is all because of you” you hear him say behind you.
“What?” It was almost like you didn’t hear him right.
“I have to constantly keep taking care of you, it was obvious she misunderstood”
There was silence for a bit. You didn’t realize he’d blatantly blame you like this.
“Then tell her that and don’t try to take care of me, I’m not a child, I’m sick of you doing it just to rub it in my face later, like some kind of leverage” you say out of frustration.
“We had a date that day”
You were horribly sick that night, to a point where you’d have to go to the hospital to get your fever reduced. You called him first to see if he was available because he lives in the same apartment building as you, it would’ve been way easier and faster. You did not know he was an a date with his girlfriend, Ji Nah and he had to leave her hanging to come to you and take care of you.
“You did not have to come that night to pick me up, I would’ve asked someone else if you weren’t available” you tell him. “You could’ve just told me, I only called because I thought you were home, literally 2 stories above me”
“You were sick, I was worried”
“Oh, I’m sorry I fell sick on your date day” you say sarcastically.
He was getting on your nerves. You were not gonna get blamed for his shitty relationships. You were already weirded out by the fact that he was dating someone. You had third wheeled with them one time and it made you sick to the stomach. Your feelings for him have always been on and off, they come and they go. You never intended to break them up though. In fact you even distanced yourself from them and got yourself a boyfriend. After all this, him blaming you for breaking them up really pissed you off.
“I care about you y/n more than anything, it's in my blood to drop everything to come to you at this point, that's all I’ve ever known” out of context it’s probably the sweetest thing he has said to you.
“Doesn’t mean you get to blame me for it, this is on you, don’t try to ‘win’ a fight with me because you lost one with Ji Nah, its not gonna make you feel any better”
You step out of the building thinking some spicy food could help you with all this stress. Were you too harsh? Maybe. It pissed you off that he’d blame you like that. Its now raining but you decided to walk anyway because it was close and it was only drizzling.
Two women walked away from SeungCheol that day, but he only wanted to fix things with one of them.
You hear footsteps behind you rushing towards you. You turn around for safety reasons. It was a little late in the night and that scared you.
“Y/N”
You almost let a squeal out. “You scared me”
He quickly apologized for that but you still don’t know why he came out behind you. He let you in his umbrella so you don’t get anymore wet than you were.
“What do you want” you crossed your hands over your chest.
“I’m sorry I was angry about something else, I was angry at myself”
“Okay good, thanks” you were still mad, the apology didn’t make anything better.
You turned to leave again. You needed to cool off.
“No wait, I’m not done, listen to me” he says as he grabs your arm to turn to look at him. His hand slid down from your elbow to your palm as he talks.
“I didn’t mean what I said, I don’t blame you, its my fault, I messed up”
“Exactly you could’ve just told me that day SeungCheol, I have other friends I could’ve asked, you don’t have to play savior everytime”
He pulled you a bit closer as the drizzling rain from earlier became a little stronger that made you stand a bit closer under his umbrella. He instinctively push his umbrella to your side to shield you from the water dripping from the umbrella itself in turn getting soaked himself.
“It’s not about that”
You pull him into the umbrella closer to you by his shirt so he’s not getting rained on.
“Y/n” you hear him sigh. He was standing so close now you had to look up a bit to talk to him.
“I messed up because I was in love with someone else the whole time”
“What does that even me-“
You felt a pair of cold lips on yours before you could even finish the sentence.
That was the first time he acknowledged he might actually be in love with you.
Your first reflex was to kiss back and you did exactly that. You got so carried away you even let the umbrella tilt to a side soaking the both of you. His arms were completely wrapped around you and you forgot how much you missed this. You had kissed this boy twice before and everything only left you wanting more.
You suddenly realize something in the middle of this kiss that felt like you wanted it to last forever. You pull away slowly trying to savor everything but also feeling horribly guilty about something.
This was all so confusing. The timings have always been so horrible for the two of you.
“I have a boyfriend, Cheol”
——
You find yourself in front of SeungCheol’s apartment door. You were scared to go to your own home, because your boyfriend, ex boyfriend of 2 months, knew your address. You didn’t want to risk it.
You had just returned from your now ex’s apartment after you breaking up with him. He found out you kissed SeungCheol and cheated on him a while ago and he had been using that to abuse you over and over for the past 2 weeks.
But you had decided today was the day you leave him for good and prayed you won’t get beat up.
You were scared of him, this wasn’t the first time he had been aggressive. It was usually very verbal and recently escalated to physical intimidation. He was always insecure of SeungCheol, he would even ask you to stop being friends with him. He was sweet in the beginning, maybe it was because he was trying to woo you but soon enough he got comfortable and you saw a side to him you wished he didn’t have.
This time, he had struck you, with the ring on his finger that left a scratch on your face, leaving it to bleed a little. Your cheek was stinging by the time you left his apartment somehow. You were scared for your life and really thought something very dangerous and traumatic was going to happen to you today. Heck, you weren’t sure you’d get out of his apartment alive.
‘SeungCheol, promise you’ll take care of y/n’ you hear your mother’s voice in your head. “He’ll help, '' you mutter to yourself before ringing the doorbell. The door clicks open.
“Y/N, what are you doing he-“
He is stopped mid sentence looking at your bruised face. You didn't know what else to do, or where to go, but how do you tell him that?
His body freezes.
“Did he hit you?” You couldn’t even look at SeungCheol’s face. You could hear the rage.
“We’re going to file a complaint”
“Wait wait, I don’t-“ he ends up dragging you to the police station. All this scared you. You didn’t want to file a complaint because that would mean asking your ex boyfriend to keep seeing you if you do sue him. It was too much.
You end up at the police station, you were hiding behind SeungCheol bunching his sleeve in a fist. All this made you so anxious you were trying to put on a brave face.
The police end up taking a few pictures and issuing a restraining order against your ex boyfriend. They ask you to repeat everything that happened. SeungCheol was always by your side squeezing your hand encouraging you to tell them everything. You were being so strong, you were surprised but you figured it had something to do with SeungCheol’s presence.
After all the fiasco, you head back. You walk in silence, you don't know what to say to him. You pull at his sleeve to stop him and make him look at him. “Hmm?”
“Thanks for helping” you say to him softly looking over.
“Thanks for coming to me” he pets your head.
It was almost 8pm now. You pass a convenience store and you were suddenly pulled into it. “We need to clean you up” he said and grabbed some medicines and bandaids.
“Sit down,” he says, reaching a bench nearby, opening up all the medicines. He holds your face ever so gently like you’d break if he put any pressure.
“This is going to sting” he said and slowly dabbed at your wound. You winced.
“Why do I feel like I’ve done this before?” He chuckles to himself.
“You probably have”
——
You end up going back to his place for the night. You didn’t want to feel alone. You were scared your ex boyfriend would come back.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” you say, wearing a pair of his oversized pajamas.
He was sitting on the couch, waiting for you to come back out. He had already washed up. Neither of you said much, it was comfortable silence though.
“Do you want to eat some ramyeon?” He asks you straight up and you were so flustered, considering the sexual innuendo around it.
“Yah, what are you saying?” You blush.
“What? You don’t want it? I’m gonna make some for myself, I’m not sharing” He teases.
You follow him into the kitchen to watch him make some ramyeon.
He starts cooking the ramyeon while you chop some veggies for it. “You’ve been very strong today” He says and everything goes silent again. You only hear the boiling of the food on the stove.
He was right, you’ve been strong all day. It’s like you’re consciously avoiding to think of it. You nod, not taking your eyes off the spring onions you were cutting. Regardless of the concentration you had on the chopping, you end up hurting yourself.
“Waah, yah, why are you this clumsy?” He pulls your hands toward the sink to wash it first.
You wanted to sob, you were tired. It was a long day. Being strong all day only meant you’ll break down when everything’s quiet. You were never strong. People only hurt you when you let them. You shouldn’t have gone over, none of it would’ve happened. Without realizing, you are now sobbing into your elbow, putting it over your eyes to try and stop the tears or at least hide your face from SeungCheol.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that” he says not sure what to do.
“Come here” he snakes his hands around your waist to hold you, rubbing your back to comfort you.
“I was so scared,” you say into his neck with your hands on your face. He understood that you needed to get that sob out of your system, the one you’ve been suppressing for hours now.
He pulls back to take your face in his hands, but lets it go immediately assuming it hurts and put his back down on your lap to hold your hand instead.
“You’re safe now” he says making eye contact, that reassured you more.
You nod. He puts his forehead to yours. His face was so close to yours.
“It’s not your fault”
“It think it was”
“Do you trust me?” He says and you nod. “Then trust me, its not your fault, some people are just horrible, you didn’t deserve it”
You sniffle and he pulls back. One of his hands goes to fix your hair and push it off your face. His fingers trace the prints his hands left on your face.
“Does it hurt?” You could see his heartbreaking for you.
“A little, it’s okay, it’ll be okay tomorrow” you try to smile.
“Do you feel better?” You nod again.
“Great because you’re getting snot on my shirt” you smack his arm. “Stop” you clean up the snot on your face with your hands and jump off to wash your face.
You come back after washing your face and feeling better. SeungCheol had set up some music on his phone when you re-entered the kitchen.
You end up having a dance party in his kitchen to cheer you up. “Dance with me y/n” you take his hand smiling you goof off to SNSD songs. Giggling and laughing showing off his cute dimples you loved so much. He has always tried his best to cheer you up.
By the end of the night you were swaying in his arms feeling the safest you have in a long time. Occasionally also eat the ramyeon you made.
----
You and Cheol decided to make a trip back to Daegu to see your parents for Chuseok. It was a chilly night and you back from your favourite restaurant. It was a little awkward between you and Cheol after your break up with your ex. You were both single and clearly head over heels for each other but neither of you wanted to believe it or make the first move. You would occasionally flirt but you would also get immediately weirded out or chicken out of a pick up line midway. He'd randomly hold your hand, and you didn't mind it. Neither of you knew what to name it, but you knew something was going on.
His mom wanted you to drop by to take a jar of food for your mom. You ended up hanging out in Cheol’s room like the old times for a bit.
“Who was your first love?” He asked you and you were puzzled why he asked you this suddenly.
“Suddenly?”
“I was thinking about mine, so I thought I should ask yours” he shrugs.
“What about her? Did you get to confess? Did she reject you?” You ask out of curiosity. You were also slightly jealous.
“I never told her” he shakes his head. “Were you scared?”
“A little bit’, he gestures with his hand. “What about your first love?”
“Mine?” You didn’t expect to confess this so you were flustered. “What about him?”
“Did you tell him?” You chuckled and shook your head.
“Do you regret not telling him?”
You sigh and nod. It felt weird to talk about him to him but it also felt like a weight was being lifted.
“Everyday”
Maybe it’s still not too late. He’s here, you’re still friends, you just got out of a horrible relationship. Will he reciprocate? What if he doesn’t? Will it get too awkward? But the last time you had a conversation like this, he confessed. Had his feelings changed? Was that a lapse in judgment? Is it too soon? But this is Cheol, the number one man in your life, always. He's safe.
Your thoughts kept you occupied.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You” you answer without realizing.
“I'm right here, why are you thinking of me?”
He had a confused look on his face.
“You were my first love, Cheol” you say picking up an old photo of the both of you in the trunk of his dad’s car by the side of his table. Cheol, his dad and you went on a road trip to camp by a river in the suburbs that day. You thought riding in the trunk would be the most fun thing. Of course, his dad didn’t let you because it wasn’t safe.
“I was in love with this boy” you chuckle point at him and his bright smile in the picture.
He was flustered and shocked, but a smile crept up his face after a while, like he was proud.
He quickly opened up a drawer and pulled out something that left your jaw wide open. No way he still has that grasshopper bracelet you made him.
“Why do you still have that?” you say with your hands over your mouth in shock.
“How could I throw away something my first love gave me?”
Silence.
Did you hear that right or are you hallucinating? It was your turn to freeze.
“What?” you choke out after a few seconds.
“It’s true, I really loved you y/n, even when we were 10”
“Last time, when you kissed me,” you start, gathering courage out of thin air, knowing damn well it makes both of you uncomfortable, you were grateful both of you swept it under the rug and never spoke of it again.
“Um.. yeah, what, what about it?” He mutters scratching his ear. You could barely hear him, despite being a foot away.
“You said you were in love with me” you were fiddling with your thumb again, looking down at them.
“I did”
‘Way to make it awkward, y/n, just come out with it’ you think to yourself.
“Do you.. do you by any chance, still feel the same way?”
Crickets.
You were ready to get heartbroken again. In a fraction of a second your thoughts had gone to the most extreme of thoughts like moving away and never seeing him again because you couldn’t bare this confrontation.
You wanted to kick yourself. You prepared yourself in a second for the worst case scenario but you couldn’t believe what you heard.
“I do”
“You.. do?”
He walks over a little to close on distance.
“I think I’ve been in love with you for a decade now, as much as we’ve tried to run away from it, the way our timings never matched up and it was frustrating, but I’ve been in love with you since you kissed me the first time, y/n”
“Can I kiss you?”
“What?”
“Can I kiss you, Seunghcheol?” you ask louder this time.
He responds by whisking you up in his arms.
No way the timing is finally right, you couldn’t believe it.
You were finally going to kiss him, one you were longing for, for over a decade. This wasn’t practice, you weren’t going to forget it tomorrow, he WANTED to kiss you. You WANTED to kiss him.
A lot changed from the last four times you kissed and it felt a lot more real. You could do this anytime you wanted to. No more stealing glances, no more wishing to kiss him when you look at him playing video games, you can just do it.
Your hands around his neck, you could feel his breath on your face. His lips almost touch your-
“Seungcheol”
You hear his mom call out and that immediately breaks you away. “Damn it” you heard him say under his breath. You giggle putting your forehead on his shoulder.
“Coming!” He yells out and you eyes meet. He titled his head to gesture a “Lets go” and you were beaming a smile.
You get the jar full of food from his mom and he insists on carrying it for you. You don’t fight it. You were the happiest you’ve been.
His mom looks down at your intertwined hands and gives her son a raised eyebrow. Your first instinct was to let his hand go but seungcheol had a tight grip on your hands. It made you blush furiously.
You both walk out of the house with the jar in one of his hands and you completely hugging his other arm, because you could. You walk in silence, unsure of what to say but both your smiles were enough to keep you company.
You walk past the infamous stream. He stops at his tracks and stands to face you. It was cold so his hoodie cap was up.
“Do you remember this place?” He asks.
“I do, this is where I kissed you”
“Wrong”
You were confused.
“This is where I fell in love with you”
You couldn’t handle the cheesiness, you end up giggling a little.
“Its true, when you asked me if I could kiss you, it really stopped my heart, you had no idea what you did to me y/n”,
His hands were around your waist once again. As embarrassed as you were you couldn’t break eye contact with him. He was captivating under the moonlight.
“Just like you have no idea what you’re doing to me now”
That was the last thing he said before leaning in to finally kiss you. You shared the softest kiss. The one you were waiting for, for so long.
You rest your forehead against each other when you pull away.
“I love you” you whisper.
“I’ve been waiting for this for over a decade”
——
Epilogue
“Choi Gae Ul, why are you crying?” Seungcheol asks your 5 y/o. She was sobbing her eyes out holding what looked like a photo album.
You look closer and it was yours and Cheols marriage album. Your daughter, Gae ul was absolutely dejected about not making it to yiur wedding, and telling a 5 year old that she was born after the wedding was not logical to her.
“Mommy looks so pretty” she says in between her cries. That melts your heart.
“She does, doesn’t she? Dada got very lucky” he says pulling her into his lap. The whole scene in front of you makes your heart full.
The door bell rings and you see a friend of yours, Mingyu bring in his son for a playdate. They went to the same kindergarten and lived in the same apartment building. You'd often let the kids play together.
You had promised Mingyu and his wife to babysit for a few hours while they go on a date. It was the sweetest thing. You immediately agreed. You wave him goodbye while Bo hyun, his son runs into the house to greet his best friend.
You sit next to Seungcheol, resting your head on his shoulder, already feeling exhausted because your daughter thinks, if the sun is up, we all have to be up. She woke the both of you at 6:30am.
You see Cheol yawn and that triggers a yawn of your own. You make eye contact again and you playfully hit his arm. "Stop looking at me, now we're gonna keep yawning" like a relay race. You hear him giggle.
Sundays were the best, you got to hang out with your two cuties and forget everything about work.
You hear two tiny people running up to you holding hands lugging around your marriage album.
"Mommy, mommy, can I marry Bohyun when I'm older?"
You and Cheol share a look.
"Uh oh"
------
Stop this is the cutest thing I've written. Cute little detail: Gae ul means 'stream' in Korean.
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