#rxping them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rosemaries-shroom · 5 months

Note

Confused on your takes now?

C said they're the issue cus yikes

But your vent says otherwise?

Were they bad or were you just pissed off because I know them but I'd still like both sides? Any time I try to ask I get directed here

*everybody* was an issue

We get triggered and fall into guilt spirals and bpd episodes/psychosis episodes. We couldn't trust that they weren't just saying things to get us to leave them alone. That has always been a problem we have, the entire time. We've stated and given them multiple times to leave or step away, we have asked them to tell us when we are being too much. They have always said it's okay, so we believed it was that or cause more problems by shutting everyone out. How we react and how we blame ourselves and how close we've been to kxlling ourselves multiple times, the shame and hiding and all the other bullshit. I don't agree with whoever wrote our vent on their final conclusion because it's not something we've ever tried to just dismiss. We've always apologized and had plans to avoid it happening again. But when we're being triggered every damn day and everyone aside from 1(now 3) fucking person was telling us we weren't to blame for how we've been treated. Its fucking hard to believe the one person, so we'd constantly second guess if they were also telling us the truth. That isn't their fault, it was the house we were living in and the trauma we'd been going through since we were like 4? 5?

They were reacting to all the shit that was happening by closing us off, putting the pressure of ending the relationship on us alone, ect. They were also in a bad place, a bad house, a bad life. They are also a traumatized person who *was* trying their best to be supportive, even if it wasn't how we'd asked/needed they were trying to be there. We have never once fucking thought of them as abusive. We know why they reacted how they did. We know why they felt they had to go about it that way. We *were* pissed and the way everything came out on this blog was definitely dismissing the good they have done. We were still in a very triggered mindset and not thinking about how they had helped us. We probably wouldn't have put as much out there if we'd been thinking clearly. That doesn't make what we posted before invalid, we still agree with the message just wish it hadn't been so harsh.

What they did was too close to how we were treated by our actual abuser. We reacted in a fully traumatized way and did a lot of shit that also wasn't okay. We almost kxlled ourselves because the number of lies and hidden shit coming out suddenly at once, often times completely being the opposite of what they assured us was okay. If it had been like one thing or something fucking fine. But to go from "everyone's partners are asleep and have been for who knows how long"(and all of them being ones who had helped with our struggles on top of that) to "we haven't been reaching out to anyone for months"(even though that was *literally* the reason we tried to be okay with opening up more to them) to "how could you call me him? I'm a stereotypical angry protector, you mightve made him angry but that doesn't excuse how he treated you"(but you're treating us how he treated us(minus the rxping) so???? Which is is???) to "oh everyone's awake, they're here again you can talk to them" because "you think we're like him" *when that wasn't even the point we were trying to make*

We hit our breaking point, quite literally. No, we don't think they were abusive, no we don't think we were abusive, we were two fucking traumatized systems who's reactions to being triggered were not being handled well enough. Who's triggers lined up in a bad way that would have continued down a bad road.

They weren't doing it to hurt us, we weren't doing it to make them feel responsible for our inability to regulate ourselves. It just wasn't a relationship that we could continue knowing we'd still be doing all the work to have things be healthy. When every big Talk recently has left us feeling horrifically guilty and like an asshole for even bringing them up

We wanted it to work, to be able to work through it but it was too much for us after everything we'd just gotten out of. Everyone was an issue. Neither side is in the right or wrong. Everyone involved needs to do the work to be a better person.

#-c

2 notes · View notes

etherealsign282 · 1 year

Text

Victim complexes from abusers are so weird.

They hate the term victim to begin with, and associate it automatically with negative connotations about how people only use the word to be manipulative and not take accountability. Ironically because they're projecting onto the fact that THEY would/already do use that word in that manner. While also trying to dismiss people who are victims to abuse at the same time by making it seem like real victims are just crazy or pitiful.

But they basically hate any time someone says they (the abuser) are acting like a victim unnecessarily, because they just have so many reasons/excuses for why they are the way they are. Which is... basically them victimizing themselves over having a victim complex. Oh no, your dog died when you were 10 and you've never been the same since? Sounds like you're being a victim to something that happened 15 years ago and has nothing to do with punching people in the face. Are you thinking about punching your dead dog while you abuse someone?

And they're allowed to hold everything over your head at all times. They're allowed to play the "it just upsets me when you do x thing uwu" to excuse abusing you. They're allowed to call themselves a piece of shit or garbage person or threaten to unalive themselves because life is so hard or being a respectful partner is so hard, etc etc.

But you cannot be upset or else you have a victim complex, not them. You cannot hold a grudge or feel resentful or else you're milking it. You cannot break up with them because they'll twist it to make you seem crazy and unreasonable and victimizing yourself.

Then the main problem they have in the relationship is that either:

That they're not allowed to just do whatever they want without consequences because it hurts their feelings and now they're a victim to "oppression" aka accountability.

Or the fact that they're mad that their hand isn't being held for everything. "Teach me morale, keep poking and pushing me even though I'll lash out, you're giving up on me by not teaching me common manners". Weaponizing incompetence (even though they're competent any other time), to be a victim to the idea of having any responsibility to take care of their own mess, because people don't want a grown toddler for a partner. Being a victim because people don't want to babysit an adult and make sure they're not out here rxping and abusing people,otherwise you're the shitty person.

They'll have a victim complex over everything, even you acknowledging you're a victim/survivor to abuse. "Omg you're milking it and trying to make me suffer by not letting it go!" Way to use my reaction to your abuse as fuel for your hurt/disturbed feelings. Nice way to continue milking the situation and keep looking like a victim even though you've "moved on and got better".

And OK but did YOU let go of anything in the relationship? Would you let this go if it were you dealing with this thing that's 10x worse than what you had to deal with when you were losing your shit over small things? The shit that were literally conjured in your head due to your own victimized brain seeing shit that wasn't there and abusing people as a way to lash out?

It's just weird the way they act. I hate it. They hate people who are actually victims to something fucked up because they have zero empathy for anybody outside of sympathizing with themself. But they'll be the first to tell you they're a victim to their own actions and constantly make it known and make you aware of it.

They're a victim to the world somehow not liking them.

They're a victim to abusing people til they leave.

They're a victim for trying everything they can to be miserable and reject happiness.

They're a victim to their own behavior and they'll constantly make that known.

They're a victim to being held accountable.

They're a victim to people not liking them due to their actions.

They're a victim to people not letting go of what they've done the way they want.

As if being a victim is supposed to just stop people from being upset with them because they want to look as pathetically inept as possible.

But God forbid you are a victim to them. God forbid you are aware of being an abuse survivor.

#emotional abuse #mental health #mental illness #trauma #true words #emo #toxic #mental abuse #self victimization #victimization #victim complex #victim #surviving abuse #abuse survivor #verbal abuse #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingisabuse

94 notes · View notes