#regular plot twists where I Am Good

[insomniac-arrest]

Depression is such an effective tranquilizer that it creates a great opportunity for plot twists in your real life. I have a pretty consistent opinion of myself which is "low" and "never ending guilt and shame for reasons I don't understand."

Recently received feedback from two different editing clients that started with "Please pass along to your editor that she is phenomenal at her job" and "I was blown away by the evaluation I received."

You always hear about how depression (and anxiety) lies to you and distorts reality, but there is logically knowing that and then there is like, physical proof of it and you are suddenly Neo in the Matrix jumping out of the fucked up little tube machine.

#damn ego is a helluva drug #regular plot twists where I Am Good #you ever wonder why you are constantly mad at yourself despite like the world burning down #I could have better things to be mad about #but brain has priorities known as Must Be Hard On Self #IA talks #bipolar stuff

[barbika1508]

A dead man, a criminal. Prisoner. Murderer.

Word Count: 14,1k

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x F! Reader

Genre: Action, Romance, Smut

Summary: Your typical-ish ‘breaking Sebastian out of Azkaban’ fic with a bit of angst sprinkled in, but also porn with some plot to put a cheery on top.

Authors Note: Use of MC. I’m sure there are mistake but oh well, otherwise please enjoy my twist on a classic Sebastian Sallow fic. I say classic as it feels like one to me.

Steady breaths. Steady breaths. Steady. Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out.

‘’It's rather odd.’’ a pause follows ‘’They usually send tougher blokes for these things. No offence.’’

I don't bother turning to the guard and his comment, feeling his eyes run up and down my body, the extra layers I've put on doing their job making me look more robust. Even with the Polyjuice potion I’ve drank, resembling a man of a smaller stature with added weight to look as non-threatening as I can, having chosen a muggle I’ve passed two months ago selling newspapers in London.

''None taken.’’ I offer a fake smile snorting, keeping up the acting letting my eyes shift around, the lack of my wand only slightly concerning the guard the only one armed between the two of us ‘’Happens a lot.’’ I grumble coughing as the muggle is a smoker it reflecting in my breathing as it’s becoming heavier the more we walk. My body is aching for rest.

‘’I can imagine.’’ he shrugs, not seeing the glare I send him, being offended in the nameless muggle’s name instead. I flinch as someone suddenly screams at the top of their lungs, the voice carrying around the hall, the cell doors after all wooden with small windows carved in them, bared by metal bars not leaving them open.

The shout is coming from a criminal and yet they are still made of flesh and blood like I am. It sends a nasty chill to run down my spine. It's going to follow me I already know it.

Incredulous as I was before - silently of course - I observe the guard who is completely unphased. He unlocks metal barred doors with a regular key, not using any magic letting us pass into the third section of the prison. The further in we are making it into Azkaban the worse the conditions are. Shouts, screams of pain, manic laughter are the few sounds that have been accompanying me since setting foot on this gods forsaken island.

Taking the moment as the auror wrestles with a new key, I look around the surprisingly lit corridor. With torches on the walls providing light, we’ve reached a section where there’s lack of natural lighting. So, following along the spaciousness my gaze takes me upwards.

Something I was warned against. Of course, curiosity killed the cat after all.

I sallow uneasy at the sight of what seem hundreds if not thousands of dementors swirl near the ceilings, their attention set onto us. Even with good distance between them and us, their mere presence is shattering. Ugly creatures. I feel my own will beginning to falter, bad memories itching to surface to the front of my mind. It’s hard to resist and has me putting in great effort and a deal of concentration to keep my thoughts blank.

‘’They must be sensing you.’’ the guard comments, his voice sounding unnatural in the once more quiet space. Glancing at him with a raised eyebrow he nods stopping to stand next to me ‘’You are faring a lot better than most blokes that come through. I’ll give ya that.’’

‘’In what sense?’’ I manage out following him, his words leaving me uneasy. But not rattled.

‘’Ahh even the biggest of the meatheads that do their bosses biding retrieving poor saps…’’ he glances back at me to which I nod furrowing my brows ‘’...tend to lose it for a few moments on different sections. Fear is a powerful thing.’’

Narrowing my eyes his words hold something deep to them. I’m getting his hint. Other than that, the man besides looking rather bored at times is quite unreadable I’m certain this place leaving effect on him as well. Keeping my observances to myself I trail along as I have been from the beginning, trying my best to ignore this body’s strain which I am putting it through.

‘’It can make you do bizarre things.’’ I say under my breath playing the character I envisioned for the man I am portraying.

The guard hums taking a turn to the right hands back on another keychain containing a few bizarre, shaped keys. Unique to the cells.

‘’It is your lucky day number 18031.’’ he speaks up unlocking the door ‘’Or unlucky given your future is still rather grim. From what I can deduct.’’ he looks back at me giving me a once over once more, along with an unnecessarily creepy and cruel smirk that I have to force out too to fool this lunatic.

The guard per instruction from before makes his way into the cell chatting happily with the prisoner leaving me alone outside. The warmth from the many torches is non-existent, a dangerous type of chill that rattles my bones begins to settle. Once more glancing up the dementors are itching closer in what I can describe is interest.

Cocking my head, I try not to focus on them too closely, clearing my mind of distractions, trying to stop jittering or the need to clack my teeth together. I’m already feeling like life is pointless, the weight of the world set on my shoulders once more. But that is the extent of it, the thrumming in my blood keeping me collected.

The lullaby I call it of my ancient magic is a soothing whisper in my ears.

‘’Ah there we go.’’ comes the guards voice pushing out the man not roughly but enough to get him moving. It takes everything in me from not reaching out watching as the bearded youngster catches himself from falling, his hands chained.

‘’Are the chains necessary?’’ I ask frowning, looking at the guard as he smiles locking the door.

‘’Moreso for you than us Mr. Blane.’’ his reply is of amusement ‘’He is a criminal, but I’m sure you’ve heard that from your boss already.’’

‘’A wandless one.’’ I raise an eyebrow checking the young man over, seeing his hunched form. He’s hiding his face behind long brown hair, the stripped ‘uniform’ he’s forced to wear too big on his form, full of tears. Barefoot he looks like he hasn’t bathed in forever.

‘’You’ve not seen a man brought to their knees by despair yet, have ya?’’ the guard chats as if we’re talking about the weather leaving the prison doors open turning towards the same way where we came from. I subconsciously fall in step with the prisoner giving the prisoner a few seconds of time, watching, and waiting for him to take the first step which he does.

‘’I have.’’ I admit the last 10 years not exactly easy.

‘’Different kind of despair then.’’ the guard hums beginning to unlock the doors ‘’Not to give any ideas but think of basic instincts Mr. Blane. Primal.’’ again the creepy smile is back, the guard’s eyes portraying cruelty he I’m sure has gotten scarily good at hiding. His change in mood is due to something he saw in me, I’m sure. A mannerism I did or an answer that made him switch from apparent boredom to genuine emotions. Which isn't reassuring.

I return the grin trying my hardest not to gag, the emotions swirling in my belly strong.

‘’Hmmm. Thank you for the lesson. I’ll keep that in mind for future encounters.’’

If I was in my own skin, I’d be jumping out of it. The cruelty of the situation the darkness, this prison the capital of corruption and soullessness, insanity sounding blissful even.

Even if the people here are the worst of the worst of wizard kind it’s all too inhumane. As we begin trekking forward with the guard whistling a song, I follow behind the two. The prisoner not having uttered a word, his whole-body showing defeat as he drags his legs, shoulders that are wide and filled slouched. Taller than me for a whole head.

Satisfaction brought the cat back.

The thought crosses my mind my gaze taking me upwards again, to the new dementors who are hovering above us as we make way. Unsettling. Anyone would be unsettled with dark creatures doing so.

I’m no different.

Curiosity after all is not always worth it. Satisfaction even less. So, I redirect the impulsive thought of releasing some magic out to the corner of my mind, the dementors still presenting mystery to this day. In that regards we are similar. Because even though they present fear that has spread to every witch and wizard, here I stand walking beneath them still confident and reassured even wandless they wouldn’t harm me unlike my wizard kin.

My magic is telling me much.

Reaching the last doors takes us a while, our trek unhurried but briefed before we entered the first corridor. I have a hate/love relationship with patience. And the closer we are to the exit the carriage with which I’ve arrived in my sight the more my magic buzzes along with my excitement which I’m desperately trying to keep at bay.

The guard that accompanied me goes to talk to his buddy that’s keeping post at the entrance, the man looking even more uninterested sending us a brief glance only once as he signs scrolls, transfiguring a stone table from a rock nearby.

Glancing at the prisoner he’s still motionless standing next to me like a statue. His hair has grown long, past his shoulders, beard also overgrown. His skin like I mentioned is covered in dirt and grime some clear spots revealing faded freckles. Hmm.

‘’Alright Mr. Blane.’’ the guard cheers still in a jolly mood trotting over to me, presenting the scroll wide and open ‘’The paperwork and the prisoner as promised are all delivered in one piece.’’ and back comes the unsettling grin. The man is too proud of himself and his wrong doings.

‘’Ah that’s a good man.’’ I cough squinting as I read the death certificate bringing my left hand from the pocket of my coat bringing out the handkerchief, I’ve been holding to wipe my mouth as I read the entirety of the page, making sure of the details ‘’Splendid.’’ I continue letting out another cough a hiccup following. Oh no.

‘’Well at the end of the day, we’ve gotten quite the stroll out hey. Besides getting jobs done.’’ I cheer still wiping my mouth that’s beginning to tingle as are my fingers, the potion starting to waver.

‘’A lovely one at that admittedly. I’ve pegged you wrongly at first. You’re quite the brave man Mr. Blake.’’

I laugh with him fishing out a small bag of coins handing them over to him, his eyes practically sparkling as well as the bored guards as he comes over giving the prisoner a disgusted look but makes sure to stand away from him ‘’The amount is as promised lads. And this…’’ I reach for the trouser pocket and bring out 6 more coins splitting them between the two ‘’For your troubles and help.’’ I smile gratefully ready to puke my guts out, my skin literally crawling, my left leg beginning to itch unbelievably.

‘’Ahhhh Mr. Blane. How generoussss.’’ the overly joyed guard cheers, the bored one looking impressed ‘’The pleasure was all ours.’’

‘’Indeed.’’ the bored guard adds handing over my wand which was also made to look different, the redness of the wood of my wand masked into black wood along with the handle being switched into a plain one.

‘’Gentlemen.’’ I nod in acknowledgement ‘’Business calls. Have yourself a pleasant day onwards.’’ I greet and begin to walk ignoring the prisoner as the guard eagerly steps to him. I hear them both follow to the carriage, the Thestral’s patiently waiting.

Not entirely used to the big belly of this body I stumble and practically climb into the carriage. Beginning to sweat and not only from fatigue I start to wipe my forehead, smiling as the “nicer” guard ushers the prisoner into the carriage with me, making him sit opposite as I’ve sat with my back to the Thestral’s.

‘’Until next time Mr. Blane.’’ the guard greets looking up as I cover my mouth the trembles happening all over my body. I play it off with a nod and another cough, the guard getting the message and closing the doors. Not wasting any time, I wave my wand magic the Thestral’s neighing in reply pulling us forth, the movement rough having me grip onto the seat as we practically launch into the air.

Waving my wand, the tinny curtains of the doors close shut as I try to catch my breath sitting back feeling very uncomfortable in this body, the grumbling getting louder and obnoxious, brown eyes peeking at me.

My breath gets caught at the sight of them. And my smile is instantaneous.

‘’Sorry about this…’’ the change in my voice is noticeable getting higher pitched, but lowering quickly as if one was changing the frequency on the radio ‘’...this will probably be uncomfortable for the both of us.’’

And with that, I attempt at shrugging off the oversized coat I’ve got on, barely managing it as my skin begins to morph, my eyesight sharpening from the dullness it has fallen into. The weight from the male anatomy is the hardest to disappear leaving me without air, the more my body reforms, hair prickling as it grows and regrows. Bones and limbs twist, organs readjusting. The heaviness in my lungs disintegrates and I’m left feeling like I’m breathing clean air after a long time.

The transformation back into myself leaves me winded and a bit lost for time. Because what feels like agonizing minutes, I’m sure it was seconds that passed. Sitting slumped against the carriage seat I look back up to meet my favourite pair of brown eyes, still unchanged in these 10 years.

I can see the bafflement in them.

And recognize the way his mind is working - a million miles per hour.

‘’Alright so we don’t have much time.’’ I find my voice clearing it by coughing a few times, simultaneously beginning to wrestle with the tie I’ve put on and the white shirt underneath ‘’The Ministry’s lookout is bound to meet us at one point. It’s routine for them to fly around to check any unwanted visitations near Azkaban…’’ I ramble undoing the clothing I’ve put on realizing how hot I’ve gotten as I strip down to my own simple shirt and blazer, along with pants and shoes that have already fallen off my feet.

‘’...so, let's get you into something more comfortable for the time being. And less obvious.’’

I begin to pick up the clothing placing it next to him, for him to wear as intended ‘’Gods, we should've been off already.’’ I grumble standing up, pushing open the seat grabbing my boots, along with another wand.

Turning forward I meet his eyes again offering the wand ‘’It's not yours I’m sorry I couldn’t retrieve it. But it's the next best thing until we can find you a new one.’’

But unlike how I imagined it, he doesn’t react. Still silent, a bit frighteningly so he stares at it mouth remaining shut eyes coming back to meet mine.

‘’Okay then amm…’’ I stumble dropping onto the seat ‘’No rush there, Sebastian. I’ll take care of you don’t worry.’’

With my boots on, I automatically reach forward but stop myself quickly realizing the boldness of my action, watching him scared for a second that he’s going to freak out. He doesn’t. He remains motionless staring at me unbreaking eye contact.

‘’I’m sorry I’m rushing you into this. I really am sorry. But I need you to change, okay? I didn’t break you out of prison to see you sent back. Can you please dress??? Do you need help?’’

He shakes his head at that and lifts his hands wordlessly ‘’Oh fuck, I’m so stupid I’m so sorry.’’ I rush reaching for my wand the concealing charm falling away revealing my wand properly ‘’Alohomora.’’

And just like that the chains fall from his wrist, his hands defined and a bit scarred.

‘’I’ll go outside okay, give you a moment.’’ Receiving back the faintest of nods and a completely unreadable Sebastian, I open the carriage door, the wind slamming into me but unmoving me as I make quick work of climbing onto the empty seat, another illusion charm breaking to reveal no one driving the carriage. Sparks of blue like magic visibly to my eyes only.

Checking the surroundings luckily clouds are beginning to gather, a storm brewing the smell of it thick in the air. Turning back seeing nothing but ocean underneath us I let myself smile a little, as I pick up on thunder grumbling.

A knock to the ceiling of the wood brings me back to reality, setting me back into motion of sliding back into the carriage. Instead of entering I rest one foot on the second step, holding onto the railing atop of the carriage hanging from it practically as I peek inside taking Sebastian in.

The clothes are lost as was his prison uniform but makes him look less, wild in a sense. His eyes hold more intensity to them.

‘’Okay.’’ I begin noticing he hasn’t reached for the wand I let for him picking it up ‘’You’ve got no reason to but, will you trust me?’’ I ask his eyes going to the wand then back to me ‘’Trust me Seb??’’ I try, sliding the wand into the sleeve of my blouse where I have my own wand holster.

After two heart beats Sebastian nods, to which I mimic him turning sideways.

‘’Alright. It’s just you and me.’’ I repeat the words automatically, this having become a mantra the past 10 years before I did anything foolish and dangerous. Scooting to the doors preventing them from closing I reach back with my hand offering it to him.

‘’Place your foot behind mine and hold onto me, okay?? Really tight!’’

Focusing on what I must do next, I don’t pay him mind. I don’t even know if he hesitates or not. Not even the way he slides his hand in mine. I only know for sure when I feel his hand, I grab onto him firmly switching to holding one hand with my right, left keeping us upright as he presses himself behind me. He’s a lot taller than I remember beard scratching the back of my head.

‘’Okay.’’ I say to myself more so, grasp on the bar of the carriage beginning to morph as I feel what I can describe is a pleasant heat of my magic coming to life, the support of the carriage disappearing as if a balloon was popped.

And just like that we are falling.

For a few moments that is. Sebastian’s hold tightens impossibly so crushing me onto him. And as ridiculous as it is, bizarre in the midst of the chaos, of the fear, anxiety, happiness, everything bubbling in me I can feel butterflies.

Upkeep his trust, and proceeding with the plan like I’ve said the carriage disappears. What’s left is my modified broom, which was the rod I was holding onto. Bending my knees, I twist it in front of me and slide it beneath us both.

It’s a move I’ve been practicing since my first flying days back at Hogwarts, the thought of falling of a broom instilling a weird fear into me. So, this move has been years in the making.

Successfully I slide it both underneath us, catching onto the foot holders I’ve readjusted to the front. It does pull us roughly forward and Sebastian lands on it to the side. But I’m prepared. I’ve literally obsessed over every possibility of this.

With a nudge forward and hold my iron grip on him, his hand intertwined in mine I pull him flat against me, twisting the broom to right our positions.

On a normal day the manoeuvre would call for a loud cheer, the accomplishment unseen by wizard kind. But not today. It’s not an occurrence in anyone’s lifetime to break people from Azkaban. And yet here we are.

So, upkeep focus is the priority. Flying Sebastian to safety is the next agenda of business. And with the cover of clouds and budding lightning, that’s the easiest part of today.

***

‘’Well…’’ I pause taking half a step back to observe my handiwork trying my hardest not to make any faces, as I continue running my fingers through his hair, the newly chopped strands sticking in all kinds of directions ‘’...given my limited experience in sheering a sheep once, I’d say it looks rather good.’’ I praise myself satisfied with Sebastian’s now short hairstyle.

Trying to remain positive I stand in front of him, his eyes unmovable from me not once fleeting elsewhere ‘’Hm.’’ I mumble and place my hands on my hips meeting his pretty brown eyes ‘’Feels better huh?’’

He doesn’t reply. He hasn’t spoken a word since the carriage. No scratch that since his cell. I’m not sure exactly what to think of it reminding myself over and over again to keep calm and give him time and space. Which reminds me.

‘’Ah yeah, the bath.’’ I point out the tub that I’ve filled almost to the brim with lukewarm sinking the tips of my fingers in it to test it out ‘’Alright. I’ve got many shampoos, over there…’’ He merely glances to where I point to the small stool, I’ve placed next to the tub ‘’...I remember you liking more woody scents, but I didn’t know exactly the brand you liked, so I bought a bunch for you to try.’’ I smile as I step over to him sitting in the middle of my bathroom, covered with an old towel as I’ve cut his hair leaving the beard up to him.

‘’There are fresh clothes for you, the one’s I gave you were for show and more of a universal size. We’ll get more to fit you better and to your liking when you’re ready.’’ I pass him over to the sink, letting go of the scissors on the porcelain surface, my own products neatly stacked to my liking on the free space of the shelving unit I built one day.

‘’And yeah.’’ reaching for my wand I wave it at the tub, speaking the incantation in my mind watching as the water begins to bubble and steam, trying not to let Sebastian’s deep gaze unhinge me ‘’That’s about that.’’ I smile wider backing towards the door ‘’Take as much of time as you like. I’ll go prepare us some food in the meantime. If you need anything I’m right behind the doors.’’

With that I’m grasping the doorhandle opening it but find myself hesitant with taking a step onwards turning back to the still mute Sebastian that doesn’t move a muscle. It’s as if he’s trying to tell me something while I’m stuck on a level of not being able to understand him. With a softer smile, I step outside with a heavy heart closing the door gently making my way into the kitchen from my bedroom.

My cottage is on the smaller side only having the basics, the addition of a study heaven sent. I send a glance around the spacious room that is the kitchen, entrance, dining room and living room all combined.

It’s a cozy little place to live in, with no noisy neighbours, or busy streets my location being on the edge of the village ensuring peace and quiet.

But tonight, for the first time since moving here the silence is deafening. Knowing who is on the other side of the wall. My body begins moving on autopilot peeling potatoes by hand instead of using magic, my mind keeps racing. It’s hard not to think of more scenarios, more what-ifs. Honestly its quite bloody hard trying not to spiral. Guilt always finds a way to interfere.

Before I know it, I’ve prepared the veggies and precut chicken setting it into the oven it firing up normally. It only comes after the tiredness from my actions as I slump into the chair at the head of the table facing the kitchen, so I’ll be able to see Sebastian emerge from my dimly lit room.

It feels unreal. Reality not sinking just yet - he is here. He is free. I’ve freed him.

The commitment of a crime - breaking a prisoner out of prison - still doesn’t sound bad in my ears. Logically its illegal yes, but I feel that I did the right thing. Because I did. I know I did. I’m just regretful it took me 10 fucking years to do so. Laws cannot help you even when proven right and wrong. Alliances are fickle matters. Money can’t buy you everything.

Shadows moving in the corner of my eye have me tense up, left hand shifting towards the movement, my wand forgotten on the clean kitchen counter. I keep forgetting it in places, wandless magic having gotten easier with training and life experiences. I somewhat relax at the sight of Sebastian emerging from the other room.

He leaves me stunned. With damp hair slicked back, and a clean-shaven face I’m able to see the progress of time on him. It’s not much which is why it strikes me all that more at how all the same he looks. He is on the skinnier side, eyes cheeks sunken, the boyish look gone and replaced by the serious and still wordless man that cautiously walks into the light, eyes fleeting towards the oven - or my wand - then back to me.

The clothes I’ve gotten him hang loose but not too much. They look a little short. He’s taller than I anticipated. But clothing is an easy fix. So is hair.

Despite the sullenness he’s still Sebastian. It's hard to explain it, but I see that spark in him even in the emotionlessness he’s portraying. Makes my heart ache so much more.

‘’You’ve made yourself a cozy home.’’ are the first words that he speaks. His voice is gruff giving a hint of not being used as the tone is low and raspy.

I glance around memories of frantic deep cleaning marathons I’ve spiralled into before setting out on getting him free, going through my mind as I shrug turning back ‘’Ehhh. A recent purchase.’’ I glance around again trying not to look at the trinkets I’ve picked up from adventures and work-related tasks.

At his silence but inquiring eyes I continue ‘’The quiet has its advantages. Or maybe it’s the old age in me, craving some alone time.’’

At this his eyebrows raise as he looks around again, observing the furniture, decor, pictures ‘’No significant other to keep company??’’

I want to snort at the obvious question: his train of thoughts is very similar to the old Sebastian I knew. I shake my head rolling my shoulders back as I lean against the chair, relaxing my feet and body getting comfortable ‘’Wasn’t on my list of priorities to be honest.’’ I scrunch up my nose watching as he walks over to the table, still putting distance between us.

‘’Hmmm.’’ he hums in thought eyes looking over my ringless fingers as if to confirm it ‘’You were always too brilliant for mere mortals.’’ he jokes my smile easily rising at the jab as I chuckle my heart fluttering at the soft smile that he graces me with.

‘’Ah it’s not even about that, and you know it.’’ I reply bringing my hands on the table together starting to fidget as I timidly look at him ‘’Did you…’’ I pause adrenaline and confidence having truly left me ‘’Did you by any chance get any mail?’’

He remains silent eyes breaking away as they look around the room more, the shift from one foot to another prompting him into walking slowly over, hands that previously rested on top of a chair, moving along touching the wood as he comes closer.

‘’You wrote me?’’ he counters with a question, face not giving anything away even if he looks relaxed.

‘’I did.’’ I say calmly ignoring the rise of my heartbeat as he pulls the chair out on my left and with caution sits himself down, body turned towards me.

‘’Sadly, I wasn’t granted those kinds of privileges.’’

Defeated at that, the comfort of Sebastian hearing from me all these years is slightly defeating as I’ve hoped my words would bring some form of comfort. When my owl kept returning with no letters, I’d assumed that he got them.

‘’I tried.’’ I begin licking over my lower lip ‘’I wrote to you.’’ I pause again looking at my hands not able to meet his serious face ‘’I tried opening an investigation for your case.’’ I send a glance to my right the cabinet containing all the documents I’ve gathered during the 10 years to free him. ‘’Even with the right connections I – I’ve had to resort to other measures.’’ I frown raising my right hand reciting the right levitation charm watching as a thin brown folder levitates into the air and makes its way over into my hand.

I finally turn to Sebastian trying not to backtrack at the intense look he’s giving me. The emotionlessness has me on edge, but even more so it’s his stillness. I know him as being animated always full of life and mischief too, his cunning knowing no bounds. Its why I was always drawn to him, so easily agreeing to stupid plans.

‘’You’ve heard us talk. I think you’ve picked up on what transpired.’’ I turn the file over and slide it to him, his eyes unmoving from me as silence stretches between us.

And the more it goes on the more I feel like a little girl again. Uncomfortable, lost, anxious but the feelings I hate the most are insecurity and helplessness. With a look he’s drawing that out of me. Lucky or unlucky my employment has provided me with years of practice, and a ton of experience to leave nothing out as I hold myself composed, straightening up even sitting proper in anticipation for an attack. I don’t exactly know how else to hold myself by, the work of an Unspeakable wrapped in mystery for sure, but also layers of let’s call it character development that had shaped me into the person I am today.

Yet with the reminder of the last few years the trails tribulations, the triumphs, falls, accomplishments, deaths I’m being brought to a dangerous level of crumbling. Under those watchful brown eyes, empty but overwhelming at the same time.

‘’Last time I saw you, heard you – your cries were quite remorseful.’’ He taps his fingers against the table quirking an eyebrow. The memory burns freshly in my mind, aurors taking Sebastian away, Ominis holding me back with surprising strength as I protested and pleaded, begging for them to stop my cries falling on deaf ears.

‘’I think any 15-year-old would react like that when she saw the love of her life being taken away like that.’’ the truth pours out easily the quirk of his brow signalling I’ve caught him of guard.

‘’That’s quite the statement, Mc.’’ He observes, his posture giving hints of something akin to curiosity.

‘’It happens to be truthful.’’ I lower my chin a little still maintaining eye contact.

‘’Even after all that happened. After all I’ve done? After I’ve taught you the dark arts. Got you almost killed?’’ the words pour out of him the collectedness cracking.

‘’They say love is blind.’’ I smile at my own statement relaxing back into the chair.

‘’Mc.’’ He speaks my name seriously leaning forward for the first-time showing anger and frustration shifting in his seat ‘’I’ve manipulated you into doing my biding. Played on your nice heart, taken advantage thoroughly. I didn’t even think about consequences. You’re not daft. You’re aware of all of this.’’

I simply nod at his words smile still present ‘’I didn’t care about your feelings or wellbeing.’’ He adds on my shrug seemingly rising more out of him ‘’I would’ve done anything and everything to find a cure. Anything.’’

At this I tilt my head watching him. I’ve imagined him going of like this in my mind many times. My own imagination a lot more hurtful than the real thing truthfully. Even if his words are baneful, I find myself being okay.

‘’You never lied very well to me.’’ I find myself stating his lack of anything prompting me to go on ‘’I could always read you. I knew you better than you did yourself.’’ I hum after that Sebastian shaking his head.

‘’And here I thought I’ve been freed from the looney bin.’’

At that statement my smile disappears my fingers tapping on the table to rein him in ‘’No need for that, Seb. We both know what anger makes you do, your regretful-ness always leading you to grovelling.’’ I spit back. His jaw clenches, fingers curling into fists stance tense.

‘’I think between the two of us you’re the fool in this equation. You used to tease anyone to never underestimate me, and yet here you are.’’ I pause reaching for the pocket of my pants ‘’You know I’m not the one who put you behind bars.’’ Confidently I go on ‘’Somehow even with little privileges you’re a Slytherin after all. Its why you didn’t protest or react when the Polyjuice potion wore off in the carriage.’’

His breathing is becoming deeper, chest raising and falling noticeably ‘’You knew something was up. You’re not one to throw in the towel. Even after – after the circumstances.’’ I pause not wanting to mention Azkaban directly ‘’I have it on good authority that you’ve gotten some of my letters.’’ His breathing hitches my smile rising ‘’Like I said you can’t trick me Sallow. We’ve had it worse in our 5th year in some regards.’’

I get completely serious waiting for him to protest, waiting for him to raise an uproar as I’m sure he’s easily recollecting the events in our Hogwarts days. The thought of us being kids and definitely the definition of luck as the dangers we’ve faced would leave anyone else traumatized or dead.

I’ve been in the presence of dementors before, the ministry having random outbreaks, some of my missions having sent me to meet even worse creatures than them. Sebastian might have been alone for these past years dealing with happiness and joy being sucked out of him – for a fact I know especially now that he’s going to be okay. He has changed yes, grown as I did, but he has also managed to adapt to his surroundings. He didn’t let them take him entirely apart.

‘’Even with this…’’ I rest my hand on the table, knuckles against the wood opening my palm up we both watch as a fire like shape raises, the tingle of my ancient magic humming comforting to be brought to the surface ‘’…with what life has thrown at me…’’ I shake my head the magic rising ‘’…I’m…’’ the words die on my tongue.

Magic retracts itself disappearing into thin air leaving behind a warm feeling my offer to the once more stoic brunette a sad smile as I pull my hand back but place the small box from my pocket on the table ‘’You’re not alone.’’

My voice is strained as the oven begins to beep annoying loud providing the opportunity to look away and blink tears into nonexistence as I will myself to calm down, waving my hand in the familiar and automatic pattern as I watch the over, turn off its doors opening. The dish floats without a hitch onto the stove, the oven doors closing.

Glancing over at Sebastian his gaze is stuck on the unopened box and file. I sigh deeply steadying myself as I reach over and flicker the velvety box open revealing a simple silver ring pushing it to him. I tap the table twice, the indication for him to open the document. Which he slowly does reach for, opening it as if it’s going to attack him at any moment.

Placing both of my hands back on the table, I summon the wand I’ve gotten for him his declination of it before still a mystery to me. Catching the unfamiliarly weighted wand, I gently place it on the table right in the middle between us, the offering going unsaid.

Retreating my hands I reach for the other pocket of my pants, pulling out and putting on my own wedding band which is a fairly recent accessory I’ve started wearing.

Looking over at the silent man, his eyes are taking the paper in rapidly. Reading. Re-reading. Re-checking. The certificates. The ring. The wand.

‘’Nothing is set in stone.’’ I softly begin Sebastian still unmoving ‘’Except for the death certificate. That was tricky to arrange, more so than the wedding document. Oh, Merlin that was ridiculously easy.’’ Once more I shake my head letting out an empty laugh, surprised but not showing it as he has picked up the wedding ring his silence stretching for longer than I’m used to from him.

It slides me right back towards the edge, anxiety picking, the knot in my stomach twisting to a painful degree.

‘’L/N?’’

I nod immediately as his eyes meet my own ‘’I think my surname is rather nice.’’ I blur out ‘’No that Sallow isn’t but, it kind of defeats the whole ‘you’re publicly dead’ purpose.’’ I rant his face not changing ‘’I’m sure the daily prophet will mention your passing tomorrow.’’ I glance to the left at the clock ticking away, signalling its way later than it feels. It still feels surreal to have Sebastian in front of me.

He opens his mouth but closes it just as fast something bothering him, twisting his pretty face into a frown. It would be weird if he wasn’t bothered.

‘’Like I’ve said nothing is set into stone.’’ I raise my hands in surrender, Sebastian’s attention on the wand now. He’s watching it and not picking it up.

‘’I’ve used you.’’ His statement catches me of guard as anger sparks ‘’Need I repeat all the misdeed’s all the faults I’ve made you dealt with? I saw how scared you were of the ancient magic, I saw how it drained you and still I’ve pushed and pushed you, into exhaustion and numerous shaves with death without a pause. Heck, in the scriptorium after casting Curcio I left you behind in favour of exploring. Mc. Why?’’ he deadpans ‘’Anne my own twin sister sent me to Azkaban. Ominis my best friend didn’t hesitate to betray me. You…this is madness. You are mad.’’

He stares at me incredulous clearly having run these questions through his mind before. He rehearsed these words. Before me doesn’t sit a ‘notorious prisoner, a criminal from Azkaban’ anymore. Before me is sitting the Sebastian I know and love. With the same scared expression, same sort of desperation eyes pleading for things to make sense.

Hence why getting up is so much easier body moving on its own the scared boy I was infatuated with having the same effect on me, pulling me in towards the wildfire that he is. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t particularly react in any way as I step around the table and in front of him rising my hands.

Meeting his eyes my palms land on his cheeks. Gentle to touch thanks to the shower and shave they feel familiar in my palms and yet different. His body tense from emotions and racing mind going gradually into a relax state as he hunches forward, eyes blinking away tears.

I crowd into his personal space Sebastian making room by spreading his legs, welcoming as I brush my fingers into his messy hair, the motion making me feel 10 years younger as I’ve used to do this on the regular whenever we were alone together.

My heart all but leaps from my chest as his hands find themselves above my hips in a respectful place sliding over my back drawing me into a hug which I happily succumb to, holding him close to me only slightly self-conscious if he can hear how my heart speeds for him.

Otherwise, the surrealness returns, the overwhelming joy of finally putting my plans into motion of them being fruitful hit me. Closing my eyes I attempt at holding back tears, but it’s an impossible task with the way he’s holding onto me, guiding me as if I’m made of glass to sit in his lap rearranging us and yet not parting a millimetre away from one another, as he buries his face into my shoulder and stills, big hands splayed over my back as if I’m the one who’s going to disappear.

To be honest my hands are doing the same, grasping his clothes rougher than needed the reassurance not quenched entirely. So, I let the tears flow I’m sure dampening his shirt in the process, alerting him of my state only after a while since he makes the first move, calloused hands this time cupping my own cheeks, thumbs attempting to wipe away tears.

‘’I’ve not seen you cry ever dearest Mc, and I’m the one who makes you cry so easily??’’ a spark of mischief fizzles in the end his hesitant smile words causing me to huff an awkward laugh, as I look up towards the ceiling trying to will away the tears.

‘’It’s merely a side effect of a heartfelt reunion.’’ I let out some air looking back at him feeling hope creep into my heart which is unnerving ‘’Long distance and all.’’ My voice cuts off in the end the humour not at all humorous.

He hums in response I think feeling the same sentiments as I am, preoccupying himself with getting acquainted with me again. I know I’ve changed, its only logical. We are not kids anymore. I let him indulge as one hand continuously caresses up and down my back, the other touching my lose hair, temple, nose, cheek and so forth meanwhile I do the same taking my own selfish time in admiring him so up close, blissfully ignoring reality the bubble we’ve fallen into, serenity. A slice of Eden dare I say.

Its once his hand parts from my face and find my left hand, that he speaks again ‘’This is not how I’ve imagined my marriage would start.’’ He begins softly voice still containing raspiness to it, fingers tracing and rotating the wedding ring on my finger ‘’Rather unorthodox.’’ He muses in the end blessing me with a genuine smile.

‘’It’s quite fitting for your brand.’’ We both grin and my tease ‘’And like you’ve mentioned before. I’m not meant for mere mortals. Let alone being one for tradition or normalcy.’’ I let my ancient magic sparkle watching as he stares in wonder at our joined hands the blue like flame illuminating his face into a pretty blue colour.

‘’And yet you’re bestowing the sacred privilege of not only honouring me with your last name but taking me rather shamelessly as your husband?’’ he looks incredulous the more he speaks sort of holding his breath in a sense to see if I’m suddenly going to change my mind ‘’A dead man, a criminal. Prisoner. A murderer.’’

His handsome features twist into a frown showing disgust and what he’s thinking about himself I’m sure holding more vile words back. Unphased and already having expected this I keep calm, and with my right free hand reach for his occupied hand retaking the wedding ring I’ve picked for him twisting it between my fingers a trick I’ve learned from a muggle magician, slight of hands handy even in the wizarding world.

‘’To me you are just Sebastian.’’ I admit smiling watching his eyes glossing over lower lip trembling briefly ‘’I’ve obviously made my choice haven’t I. I’m giving you a choice of your own. You can accept it or refuse it, regardless of my actions and feelings because this is about you and your life from this point onwards.’’

The pause is heavy in the air, the coldness from the dementors making a fleeting appearance as I’m reminded of where he is coming from after all. He’s not the Sebastian I know not entirely, even if I am drawing him out slowly. Hence my fears are justifiable.

‘’You’ve taken one life, Seb.’’ I whisper lowering my hand searching his eyes ‘’In self-defence.’’ I pause again gulping down the knot in my throat ‘’You’ve no clue what I’ve done since you’ve been gone.’’ I give him a sad smile, looking between us at the way he’s holding my hand ‘’You have not paused to think that I might be dragging you back onto the wrong path. That I’m not who I appear to be. That I might be the bad guy here.’’

His relaxed body tenses the more I talk, expression once more dropping all emotions as he hardens eyebrows furrowing as intensity sparks behind his eyes ‘’You could never be.’’ He’s quick to hiss, gentle hands tightening the shake of his head warming me.

‘’Oh, but I am.’’ I drop both my hands in my lap, his own not leaving me for a moment ‘’I’ve earned many names in the years of my employment at the ministry.’’ He gets taken aback by that my smile lighter ‘’Professor Hecat had an eye for detecting certain potentials in students. Even the ones with good intentions.’’

I wait for him to figure out, to make the connection which he does brilliantly fast ‘’Mc…’’ he speaks my name sweetly to which I shake my head.

‘’I hold no grudges or ill against you Sebastian. I never had.’’ I straighten his hold unmoving ‘’I had this feeling ever since our youth that we were always meant to be.’’ His eyes widen ‘’It may be delusion from my part, but I do not regret the things I did with you, or the things I had to do to get you out.’’ Its frighteningly easy to slip into the serious persona I tend to wear as an Unspeakable. I hate that I’m doing it to him, switching up emotions not really comforting him as I should be.

But he needs to know the truth.

‘’You’ve always been on my m…’’

Unable to finish the sentence I’m startled into silence as his lips meet my own. Of course, it’s a rather surprising move I think for the both of us, as he doesn’t entirely commit to it his slightly chapped lips moving shily. He retreats as quicky as he came, eyes panicked as they search my own.

He meant the kiss I know that much. Its written all over his panic-stricken features and eyes. This is where the prison has left a mark on him, turning the flirtations and overconfident Slytherin to an insecure man holding me firmly and yet blushing at a mere peck that he so clumsily delivered.

Breaking the poor man’s torture, I end up closing the distance initiating the kiss gently, timid lips still unsure as they follow my own, a tremble to them prompting me to wrap my arms around his shoulders to hold him closer in reassurance. Or it might be my own insecurity still gnawing at my subconsciousness. Emotions are a tricky business.

For the moment being, the sweet slow drag of our lips is enough to keep me grounded. To appreciate the sacrifices made, the overthinking and panicking at times, the survival methods the both of us had to resort to. It matters not in the end as long as we are back in each other’s arms. And if that makes me bad, morally grey as the whispers in the ministry are floating around – I’ll be the villain. Gladly. As long as I get to see Sebastian. As long as he’s alright. Dare I hope for him to be happy finally.

Slowly parting he follow suit chasing me for a fracture of a moment. The small action has me smiling as I lean my forehead against his, running one hand through his hair trying to hold back, and calm my breathing and the beating of my heart.

‘’I’ve missed you.’’ my voice comes out unfiltered ‘’I’ve missed you so much, it ached.’’ I grasp his hand with my other one placing it over my heart ‘’Hurt. It hurt so bad, Seb.’’ Blasted tears make an appearance as I give space to look at him his own expression crushing as he looks so sorry and dejected.

‘’Oh darling…’’ he whines gulping, thoughts I’m sure all over ‘’Just you and me yeah??’’ he whispers upkeeping eye contact ‘’Remember? I made a promise.’’

I close my eyes at the memory. The memory holds joy as it does tragedy. The stupid fool that he was, he followed me one night when I stumbled upon a camp of poachers. The hero he wanted to act just got in the middle of things. It took one second of distraction from my part, one bloody second that he got struck with a nasty hex that left him instantly bleeding and unresponsive.

That brough a whole another aspect to my ancient magic as a thunderstorm raged for the rest of the night. He narrowly escaped death only thanks to me finding the by then deceased wizard’s wand, breaking it to relive him of pains, and a good 2 Wiggenweld Potion’s to get him semi-conscious.

Having had to reveal the room of requirements and thankfully learning enough healing charms to ‘mend’ him together his promise befell through a fervour he had. But his smile was bright, genuine a bit aloof. He meant every word he said.

And right now, he’s being deadly serious waiting for my response.

‘’Even after all this time?’’ my voice comes out unsure, Sebastian immediately nodding bringing our joined hands upwards to which he presses a kiss to the top of my knuckles.

‘’I could ask you the same thing.’’ He smiles with ease drawing out a blush to flush over my cheeks ‘’You’ve waited all these years, haven’t you?’’ he hums as I nod not trusting my voice ‘’Found impossible ways to keep giving me hope. To keep me alive. Sane.’’ I can merely stare at him, ignoring my own trembling lips letting myself enjoy his touches and proximity ‘’Only you. It has always been only you.’’

Unlike the younger version of Sebastian who had shown his fire-y passion usually through kisses and rather daring touches now and then, this Sebastian still handling me like glass pulls me into his embrace, resting his head onto my shoulder hiding his face in my hair and momentarily from the world.

So, I follow suit, running one hand over his back caressing, the other finding its way into his curls the feeling of them, having imagined it to many times to count, currently a blissful affair.

‘’Let me see that ring.’’ He speaks up as I’ve seemingly lost my own voice, doing as he wishes parting only slightly to watch him accept the ring I’ve been holding onto this entire time, doubts nasty little critters as I like to not so affectionally call these emotions, piling and adding weight.

With a held breath, he examines the silver ring turning and twisting it around looking at it from all the angles, his lips painted with a faint lopsided smirk of amusement and mischief. He looks up at me the side of his eyes crinkling a bit.

‘’No flashy jewellery.’’ He quirks an eyebrow, cupping my ring bearing hand raising it to which his gaze falls into my own ring which he gently rolls around my fingers ‘’Always the one for practicality.’’ He chuckles retreating his hand to put his wedding band onto his finger. Only when it slides fitting onto his digit perfectly do I release the breath I’ve been holding.

‘’It’s not even about practicality.’’ I pout watching as he flexes his fingers, rotating his hand as if testing the feel of the band his definitely mischievous eyes landing on my own ‘’I’m not one for rocks it’s all.’’ I shrug attempting to cross my arms waiting for the onslaught of his teases giving in immediately as his hand intercepts both of my own.

‘’Just sturdy, powerful and extremely rare metals then?’’ again with the quirking of his eyebrow his comment reminding me how brilliant he still is. It didn’t take him long at all to figure out that our wedding bands, silver in colour have been made from like he said extremely, nearly extinct pieces of metal that took quite the ventures to get to them.

Not only have they meaning in the eyes of everyone as being symbols of our love and devotion to one another, but they provide us with certain magical enhancements.

‘’Not meant for mere mortals.’’ Once more I throw at his face wanting him to understand how much he means to me, his playfulness lowering a notch as he looks at me with affection. With more confidence in his actions, he leans in capturing my lips with his, the kiss syrupy as he takes his time as if to explore my mouth anew, hands finding themselves over my thigs where he grips onto my flesh and pulls me even closer.

I sigh into the kiss letting him take the lead, not minding his touches that grow bolder kiss paired with teeth and tongue reminding me of his teenage self actually who wasn’t afraid of trying out new things.

What has my brows furrowing is the thrust of his hips coming at random the full feel of his manhood clicking in my brain I shift in his lap in such a manner that has me wrapping my legs around his hips, the back of the chair providing an annoying blockade preventing me from wrapping around him.

As if he reads my mind – making me briefly wonder if he has become a legitimus – his hands slip underneath me his touch daring as its on my bottom. With a bite to my lower lip, he lets out a shuddering breath shifting getting up all the while holding me against him. The damned chair falls over causing a racket in the quiet house but leaves him and myself unbothered as his lips find their way under my jaw teeth grazing against my jugular the action arousing in some odd way.

‘’Oh Seb…’’ I groan as he presses a wet kiss to a ticklish area, his swaying prompting me to open my eyes, seeing the sunrise outside the window.

‘’You sound so beautiful.’’ He groans continuing with his ministrations ‘’And I’ve merely begun.’’ Cheeky is what he is, hands grasping my backside squeezing even.

‘’Oh.’’ I squeak ending up giggling at my own response, Sebastian ending up laughing with me, momentarily stopping his ministrations ‘’Ah Merlin. You’re still obnoxious.’’

On purpose I’m sure he delivers a slightly stinging bite ‘’Ouch Sebastian!’’ I try to scold him, his lull into a step side-tracking my thoughts as I cling onto him.

‘’And you are still, sensitive dear wife.’’ he smirks as I look down at him, his grin almost the same one that promises nothing but trouble. But his use of title, has a blush hitting me all over, heat practically washing over me. I see how my reaction pleases him, as he continues walking carefully. A hint of my old Sebastian is showing through the sparkles in his pretty eyes.

‘’I’m not sensitive.’’ I pout trying to keep calm and my head clear ‘’You always imagined that.’’

He chuckles as we walk past the doorway, the sun outside casting gentle rays onto the floor. It’s quite the miracle for it has been raining for months, and today out of all days it’s miraculously sunny.

‘’Ah. Sure yes. As your dutiful husband I shall agree on that and apologize darling.’’ He exaggerates making me muse as he stops and hovers over the bed.

‘’Now you are exaggerating Sebastian.’’

‘’Happy wife…’’ I put my hand over his mouth to stop him from finishing the sentence, as I giggle looking at him in astonishment.

‘’Don’t you even dare.’’ I warn letting go of his mouth in favour of grabbing him by his shoulders as he dips down ‘’Seb…’’ I gasp in fright as it begins okay, him bending forward but it ends up in me falling on the bed and him crashing into me leaving me winded from surprise but not the impact.

He burst into laughter whilst I do the same, covering my face for a moment looking at the ceiling above me, Sebastian shaking in my arm from laughter hanging half off the bed.

‘’That was rather…accurate for the two of us.’’ I mumble running my hands up and down his back as he begins to calm down, the corner of his eyes crinkling slightly whole expression lifted and joyful.

‘’Excuse me then dear wife. This was not in my plans.’’ He giggles still greatly amused, only now readjusting himself off me, and manoeuvring the both of us onto the bed sideways still as he doesn’t put any distance between us.

‘’I would sure hope not.’’ I smile cupping his cheeks ‘’Fear not dear husband, I am not made of porcelain.’’ I raise my eyebrows ready for his teasing. He takes a different course, in the form of closing the distance kissing me with more vigour, remaining soft in his ministrations his hand oddly in place.

I kiss him in return trying to calm down my shuddering breath as he steals it literally. Even as I cannot uphold my head upright and fall to lie down, he follows eagerly pressing pecks, kisses over my jawline cheek, cheekily kissing the tip of my nose eyes half closed as he admires for a moment and then returns to reward me with the slow drag of his lips.

I let my hands drop in the meantime, rubbing them over his clothed back. He’s still wide like he used to be, but he has lost his muscles that were built thanks to Imelda’s rigorous training for quidditch. And our adventures too. Not only did he lose his bulk, but also his strength which was proven a few moments ago. A reminder that he has gone through something traumatic.

So due to his hesitant touches, and to be honest my loss of patience I bring my hands forth, over his arms to the front, finding the buttons of the collared shirt I’ve got him to wear. Luckily, he didn’t bother with the waistcoat, so my intention gets quickly realized as I undo the garment.

He breaks the kiss due to my touched, his breath hitching as my hands come in contact with his chest, one of his hands grasping my wrist gently stopping me in my ministrations.

‘’Mc I…’’ he pauses looking between us instead at me, his cheeks, and ears flushed pink.

Wordless I understand him right now. Pulling my hands back I offer a big-closed lip smile his eyes turning to look at me in fright.

‘’It’s okay.’’ I speak softly grabbing the tucked part of my own collared shirt. He shifts in a way that allows me to pull it over my head which leaves me in my chemise, Sebastian looking something between frightened and aroused as he watches me.

‘’I understand, okay?’’ I say slowly as if I’m talking to a frightened creature grasping his hand. I bring it over to my left shoulder pushing the sleeve of my chemise lower to reveal the ugly burn that stretches over my skin ‘’We don't have to do anything. Don't force yourself. We can stop. It's okay. But know that I don't want you any less. You're still you, and I'm still me. Nothing’s changed.’’

As if weak he bends down, resting his forehead against my own. His hand still on my shoulder begins to gently caress my skin whilst I bring my own back to his chest listening watching him intently for any sign of rejection. Not showing any, I proceed to touch him with utmost gentleness tracing over his stomach, chest feeling his bones all the more. This time around I kiss him in distraction, as I push the shirt over his shoulders.

Half expecting him to freeze, I’m left pleasantly surprised as he gets up and begins to push off the material, discharging it behind us. As he sits on his knees above me chest noticeably moving as he’s breathing heavily, I’m the one who’s left admiring him.

Even covered in tiny scars, scraps and hair, he’s still my Sebastian. Even this fragile and tired looking I see the fire in his eyes.

‘’Ohh Sebastian!’’ I exclaim following with a fit of giggles as his veiny hands, which I notice only now reach for the belt of my trousers. I leave my hands to rest next to my head smiling at the manhandling that he is doing.

‘’You said you weren’t fragile.’’ He taunts licking his lower lip, as the belt comes undone and is pulled off, his hands clumsy as he tears the button of my trousers off.

‘’I am not.’’ I agree watching him delighted in how he begins to pull down the clothing along with my winter socks ‘’Are you in a rush darling?’’ I bite onto my lower lip, watching as he gets rid of his own pants, rather clumsily kicking them off ‘’My, my what a pleasant sight to be blessed with.’’ I arch an eyebrow looking him up and down.

He’s quick to climb back atop of me this time nestling his hips between my legs, delivering a kiss to my shoulder the action surprising me making me blush ‘’Hey that was my line Mc.’’ He swops down to kiss me but briefly as he rolls his hips into me leaving me lost for words and my thoughts derailed at his sudden boldness.

‘’You’ve grown daring over the years.’’ He notes breaking the kiss, returning to leave kisses over the other side of my cheek, descending down my neck ‘’Shameless?’’ he asks beginning to roll his hips against me, the lack of clothing much more revealing obviously.

It’s not that our undergarments are see through, but they are made of light materials. Which enables me to fully feel him against my core. And o my gods…

I groan at a particularly prominent thrust, which pushes me higher up Sebastian not leaving for a moment, simply continuing with whatever he has in store the deviant now proceeding to mark me above my collarbones.

‘’Fearless.’’ He speaks up pressing kisses against my scar, his lips his touches making me flinch initially. But he’s holding me down tenderly, pushing the chemise lower revealing more of my skin. Revealing more of the imperfections – scars I’ve earned in his absence.

‘’You are giving me too much praise, Sebastian.’’ I frown a little, letting my fingers dance over his chest, and to his sides, his hipbones.

‘’Not nearly enough.’’ He raises above me, looking like a man entranced re-connecting our lips together, this time letting his tongue run over my bottom lip making me hum in appreciation. Growing confident due to his actions, I wrap my legs over the back of his thighs attempting to press him harder against him, his rhythm now stuttering as I grab his arse, squeezing.

He breaks the kiss offering a mischievous smirk ‘’Diabolical. Absolutely diabolical.’’

I grin at that, showing him my tongue to further entice him. Which works perfectly. He grasps my hand like a gentleman actually, prying my hands away from his still perky ass pinning my arms to the sides of my head smirking down at me not breaking eye contact.

‘’You are the love of my life.’’ The statement has me blinking a few times as I look up at him stunned ‘’My everything.’’

Unable to respond Sebastian takes the lead, taking the approach as he did in the beginning. His hold, his closeness, his kissing all gentle and slow. It gives me the sense as if…as if he’s imprinting this into his memory. Because the more we progress, and his hips begin to rut against me harder, the more I have this feeling as if he is plagued by something.

And I understand it. Giving into him, relaxing on the bed letting him take what he desires even if that means my lips will remain bruised, and climax delayed. It’s all about him.

‘’Oh Seb…’’ I moan into his mouth, shifting my hips to accommodate him further seeing the need in the glare he offers. His freckled skin is so prettily flushed, hair messy, and skin slightly damp as the room grows hotter ‘’You feel so good against me…’’ I encourage nodding pulling my right hand away to push the lose strands from his forehead smiling as he kisses my wrist in the progress, panting softly.

‘’Missed you…’’ he says strained, moving us his hardness I’m sure throbbing as it makes a mess out of me rubbing against my clit on and off again rising tingles under my fingertips ‘’…my pretty girl.’’ I smile at the compliment, dragging the top of my nails down his chest his shudder loud as he intakes breath quickly, his left hand grabbing a hold of my thigh twisting it higher the change in position making me throwback my head, as he parts my soaked folds even through the now ruined fabric.

‘’So pretty…’’ he pants biting into his lower lip, head falling next to my own. He keeps moving, and my hand keeps progressing, finally reaching the band of his undergarment, slipping my fingers inside the dampness ‘’Oh MC!’’ he suddenly grunts, as my fingers barely touch his hot and leaking manhood.

His hand like before is quick in catching and stopping my own from progressing, as he convulses and twitches, hip stuttering regularly.

Caught off guard I merely watch him dumbfounded as something warm and wet grazes against my fingers and palm, his hold preventing me from doing anything else. So, I remain still and accommodating until he slows to a gradual stop, still twitching now and then even as he releases my hand, letting me examine the fluid.

‘’I think I’ve died.’’ He utters into my neck, his breath ticklish making me smile as I bring my hand to my lips and taste him ‘’Oh I’m definitely dead.’’ His voice dips lower.

Peeking at him he’s looking at me as if I’ve put the stars in the sky, while I click my tongue ‘’I don’t think so husband dearest.’’ I smile affectionally, pushing him lightly of me and to the side, rolling on my left to face him, fingers wiped on the comforter.

‘’This must be it. The afterlife.’’ He dramatically chats ahead rolling onto his back sighing whilst I get up following him, pushing down the chemise further revealing my torso entirely, sitting next to him. He peeks at me, eyes taking me all in blush returning immediately ‘’You fair maiden, like a siren coating me into a demise I’ll gladly plumet into.’’

I grin at his poetry dipping down to kiss him gently, his right hand warm as it settles over my lower back resting there ‘’That would make us both dead.’’ I point out musing ‘’I for one am enjoying my married life very much.’’ He perks at that.

‘’A dream come, true.’’

I remain close bend over, half resting on his chest admiring him ‘’Oh its very much so a reality.’’ I begin sighing contently tracing his face with my left and free hand ‘’You and me, together again.’’ I pause to let it sink in ‘’Never to be separated again.’’ I silently promise, certain of my words as I know I will stop at nothing to protect him ‘’You are my everything too.’’ I admit seeing how his eyes slightly widen.

‘’My whole reason of being.’’ I whisper as I lean down, staring into his pretty eyes, my gaze slipping only to his lips and back up to capture them. He moans breathlessly into the kiss which is neither slow nor speedy. I keep it simple and rather, light as I focus on pushing the chemise lower whilst I climb onto his lap, my hair falling around our faces like a curtain.

‘’My Sebastian.’’ I break the kiss, imitating him from before but taking more time almost torturously so but in the best away possible as I kiss the corner of his nose, his temple, above his relaxed brown, then begin my descend down his cheek ‘’Handsome as ever.’’ I let my tongue dart out teasingly ‘’Drawing me in with your mere presence. Enough to keep me wanting you for years.’’ I groan, as I trace the side vein in his neck, still merely kissing him feeling how his hands push away the fabric of my chemise hands resting over my hips, trembling as I put a hold under his chin, directing his head in the way I want to. And he goes along with it.

He lets out little sighs, at the contact of my lips over his skin, specially whenever I ghost over a scar. I buckle my hips against his abdomen, his body jerking automatically which raises chuckles from him his whine loud.

‘’You even sound pretty.’’ I praise happily sitting up looking down at him. Seeing him breathless already, pleading eyes staring at me hair messy heart racing. Oh, how I’ve longed for him.

‘’Dashing.’’ I drag both hands, using my blunt nails to run down his chest watching as goosebumps arise over his skin ‘’Stunning, dapper, noble. There are not enough words to describe how amazing you are.’’ I lean down to steal a kiss giggling like a schoolgirl as I pull back Sebastian following. With a hand planted onto his chest I stop him in his tracks, winking. Lowering myself over his thigh I raise an eyebrow which I’m sure makes me look menacing as I can see his Adam’s apple bob.

‘’All I say it’s true. I’ve left you speechless.’’ I tease grasping the waistband, and without a second though pull down the fabric, watching as his manhood bobs up onto his stomach, body twitching again, his legs obviously in place as I’m settled on him.

‘’N-not true.’’ He gets out rising onto his elbows, as I observe the remnants of his release. Seeing there is to be a lot more movement and manoeuvring to get him rid of his undergarment, I grab the material and with some strength put into it tear it apart, Sebastian left with his mouth parted in a small ‘o’ shape.

‘’Ah it’s all very true.’’ I continue letting the now ruined material fall of the edge of the bed as I lie myself between his legs, my own hanging of the bed. Meanwhile I let my hands run up and down his thighs, smiling up at him ‘’I was never able to lie to you. I don’t see the appeal of trying it now.’’ I cheekily say, dipping down to press a kiss onto the side of his inner thigh, the muscles tensing at my ministration.

‘’Shhh relax, my love. Relax.’’ I encourage, looking up at him. I run my nails over his other thigh, whilst starting to suck lovely marks that will bloom later for a reminder.

‘’Enchantress.’’ He grinds through his teeth ‘’A divinity.’’

Thanks to his high praise I let my tongue out, dragging it over his thigh making a show of it ending up moving up like a predator keeping my gaze as such, chin tilted downwards as I lick at his half-hard cock the twitch immediate.

‘’It’s merely me, Sebastian.’’ I say in a low tone, grasping his manhood with my right hand rising it up taking it in, the veins, the head, everything only after looking at him. He looks destroyed already, something I always dreamed of seeing ‘’Only me.’’

And with that I experimentally suck on his tip, the groan he lets out sounding like someone is strangling him whilst his body tenses hands grasping the duvet underneath us twisting it.

With some focus I pry my left hand from his thigh, taking his hand in my own his hold tense. It doesn’t deter me, as I run my tongue over the mushroom head licking the excessive precum, not enjoying the taste but enduring it gladly, seeing how he keeps trashing – and I’ve barely done anything.

Giving him some mercy thanks to the pleading look he gives me I relent, and begin to sink on his cock, flattening my tongue as I descend, closing my eyes as I concentrate on my breathing. I barely get him in my gag reflex already making my throat contract, so I help myself with my right hand, droll dripping from my lips.

Ignoring the tears in my eyes I push forward sucking once, making it my mission to please him further by sinking more.

‘’No, no, no stop, Mc please…’’ he raises up hands gentle as they cup my cheeks pulling me off him. I gasp for air, not minding the spilled tears or droll. Neither does he as he’s quick to wipe them.

‘’I’m sorry I didn’t mean…’’ I begin to panic thinking I did something wrong, and that didn’t like, even as he shakes his head his smile shaky at best, the kiss that follows not so reassuring.

‘’You did wonderful.’’ He breaks away to reassure me holding onto me firmly, readjusting his hold so he can manhandle me this time to sit back, higher over his thighs and to be level with him ‘’You’re a minx, a temptress you are. More perfect than I ever imagined I swear it.’’ He grins happily pressing a chaste kiss ‘’But I don’t want to cum so soon.’’ He looks at me in despair mixed with hope.

‘’You…wow…’’ it daunts on me his extreme reaction, as I observe his face needing to make sure he is telling me the truth ‘’Okay.’’ I find myself saying his smile winning over my heart all over again as he pulls me against him, his cock right underneath me, hot and hard.

‘’I simply cannot resist you.’’ He confesses hugging me for the moment being ‘’You are truly everything to me. You’re too good to me. I want to make you feel good too.’’ and with those words and his strategically placed hands on my chemise he rips the pants portion at first, ending up destroying it with more ease than I did pulling the material away from us.

‘’You already make me feel good.’’ I state planting my knees into the mattress, my right-hand dipping between us, and through my slit collecting the wetness which I then raise up ‘’See?’’ my tongue lowers again. I hold his chin with my left hand, offering two of my fingers. He gets the hint opening his mouth tongue peeking out to which I let him taste me ‘’Hmmm.’’ I moan lightly smirking, pulling my fingers out.

I grasp his dominant hand dipping both of our hands to my folds, the astonishment on his face one I shall remember forever, as he does a double take, his fingers departing from my own making me shudder and groan as he touches my clit.

‘’See what you do to me?’’ I begin my breathing slightly unsteady as he doesn’t pull away ‘’Feel how wet I am for you. What you do to me Sebastian.’’ I gasp as one finger prods at my entrance, entering me gradually his face one of concentration and observation.

A face I’ve seen many times before when we were studying. But never have I seen it in this context which sheds a whole new light on him. He nods at my words slowly ‘’Guess what?’’ I grin close to press my lips against his ear to be a tease, while he wiggles in a second fingers making me sigh at being finally touched ‘’This is all you. Noone else can do this to me. Only you. Always you.’’

He moans at that, ending up groaning as he pulls his fingers out, rolling us on the bed, time for laughter over as I’m once more on my back, but with him spreading my legs wide open making a place for himself between them, his manhood hot as he rubs it against my wet folds.

Bent over, one hand reaches to hold the back of my head angling me however he wants me, his lips bruising as he demands all of my attention. And it’s what he gets as I moan helpless as his cock begins to push inside me. He breaks apart as if in disbelief, gasping for air the bravado gone the more he pushes in, the stretch pleasant and exciting as I want him to hurry along.

But lost in the way he’s handling us, the way he feels, I get lost in the way he looks how intense this is for him, how taunt he goes once he bottoms out, looking at me incredulously.

‘’It’s not a dream.’’ I find myself saying grasping his head forcing him to stay grounded ‘’It is all real.’’ I grin seeing the wobble in his lower lip ‘’My husband.’’ I remind by showing him my ring, ending up dropping onto the bed, as he thrust catching me of guard.

‘’Whow.’’ I say in awe blinking up at him and then glancing down to see us connected.

‘’My wife.’’ He finally speaks ‘’Mc.’’ He says my name clearer to which I nod.

‘’Yours Seb. Only yours.’’ I reassure my body this time jerking as he pulls back and rather harshly thrust back in. It’s proof of inexperience and the fact that he is driven by need mirrors our days in school perfectly. We’d fool around, take risks, we’ve explored each other’s bodies, and have been each other firsts. But it sadly didn’t go further as he was taken prisoner soon after our night of love-making that resulted in some tears but unbroken promises.

‘’M-mine. Only mine Mc.’’ He nods vigorously repositioning his hand, one on my hip one on the bed a look of determination drawing itself across his features ‘’Mine.’’ He says like it’s a matter of fact, pulling back only to set up a rather ruthless pace. Having imagined our reunion in these kinds of circumstances as well – because I have needs to duh – I’ve not imagined him to be like he is.

To just take from the get-go in such a manner. He was always delicate when it came to the more intimate matters, even with his eagerness and firey passion. I can see both of that here, I can feel it in the way he’s changing and angling his hips differently, eyes focused solemnly on my face as I hold onto the bed for dear life, the feeling of what were merely tingles before now turned into live sparks, that are zapping through my body.

It has my toes and fingers curling, the need to curl in on myself great as my thighs begin to shake, my lower abdomen pooling with insane amount of heat. It has tears gather in my eyes once more but this time for other reasons as I feel good all over it being overwhelming.

I practically shout as something brushes my clit. It has me forcing my eyes open as I see Sebastian lick his fingers and drop it to my clitoris, his hand calloused and rough but oh my gods its perfect and exactly what I crave for. What I need.

‘’That’s it, Mc.’’ He approves a small smile forming on his lips ‘’You feel so good.’’ His jaw goes tight as he clenches his teeth, suddenly pinching my clit.

‘’Ah fuckkkk Sebastian.’’ I yelp shaking my head ‘’Harder, fuck me harder, I’m going to cum, I’m going to cum…’’ I repeat like a broken record suddenly hugging myself keeping my breast from bouncing as an electric current is running all over.

‘’And who is making you…ugh…cum huh? Who is the one…ahhh, cherishing you like you deserve…ugh to be?’’ he says through his teeth, his gaze wild as he stops for a moment twisting my left leg over his chest and shoulder changing everything entirely the new angle, making my eyes cross over one of Sebastian’s hands pushing my arms away as he grabs onto my boob, squeezing it.

‘’Y-y-you.’’ I reply shakily having a death grip on his arm not knowing what else to do. It’s hard to process that I need to breathe at the moment, my body doing things on its own.

‘’I didn’t hear you, dear wife.’’ He barks with an edge in his voice. His eyes. His demeanour.

But it’s not enough to make me realize it, as he leaves me absolutely dumb on his cock, the only thing on my mind selfishly is to cum.

‘’You, you, you, you Sebastian.’’ I speak strained my muscles contracting, as his hand resumes circling my clit sealing the deal ‘’My Sebastian, mine.’’ I babble, eyes closing tight as white noise fills my ears barely registering the noises I’m still making, only feeling how he rocks against me, how he moves so precise and hard the orgasm washing over otherworldly as it keeps going on.

Faintly I am aware of Sebastian manoeuvring me into another pose, continuing past the shakes and trembles that overrun everything else. Sooner or later something in my brain kicks it into gear to pump air into my lungs as I breathe heavily, enjoying the tingling but otherwise spent.

Feeling an arm settle over my stomach is what encourages me to come back so to speak. I raise a hand up to wipe away the corner of my eyes only then prompting them open. Looking around I acknowledge we have been turned to lie comfortably on the bed with our heads cushioned against the pillows.

Or well…mine. Glancing down feeling the heat radiating on my right it’s Sebastian. Instead of backing away like I’d assume men would do, he has plastered himself onto my right side, using my bicep as a cushion, one arm thrown over my mid-section, one leg over my right.

Dropping my arm, I’m surprised to find he is awake and has come to his senses quicker than I have as he grasps my left hand, fingers dancing with my own. It doesn’t take him long to feel the outline of the wedding ring.

‘’I didn’t even get you an engagement ring.’’ He mutters bending my hand holding it above my chest as he examines my hand and the piece of jewellery.

‘’Technically that would be on me too.’’ I think aloud my voice slightly hoarse. Must be the screaming ‘’I did propose and marry us.’’ I snort ‘’Did all the heavy lifting, didn’t I?’’

I turn to look down at him, just as he peeks up at me, fingers intertwining with my own as he rests our hands next to me for comfort.

‘’I did have a ring.’’ Is what he says, the statement leaving me bewildered which I’m not quick enough to hide as he sighs, looking away ‘’I had a few ideas for proposing. A few spots to choose from.’’ He quiets down again. Bending my right hand, I start to caress his back in reassurance.

‘’Knowing you back then, you had the most rageous ideas, didn’t you?’’ I smirk looking ahead of us at the painting I have above the dresser. It’s a muggle painting so it doesn’t move, but it depicts a castle in Scotland. A castle that’s very similar to Hogwarts. It was too charming not to buy.

‘’You’ve no idea.’’ He blows air looking up at me ‘’I think you’d flat out reject me at some of the propositions I had in mind.’’

I laugh ‘’I probably would.’’ I agree looking down to meet his gaze amused. We fall silent.

‘’I tried to tame a dragon…’’

‘’Oh, Seb noo!’’

‘’Heyyyy I was head over heels! I’d do anything! You deserve the best!’’ he rambles as I laugh in amusement observing as he raises onto his left elbow looking at me adoringly ‘’I swear.’’ He chuckles ‘’I was foolish at times and even stupid. But crazy? I was crazily in love with you. And that has not changed.’’ His smile is exactly the smile he used to have back then.

And it slowly daunts on me. Reality sinking in. That he is here to stay. I have finally freed him. He is in my grasp. He still loves me.

‘’Oh hey, no tears. Why the tears?’’ he jumps as they gather quickly and are instant to fall down my cheeks ‘’Mc.’’

Instead of answering I kiss him softly.

‘’I’m just so happy.’’ I admit smiling widely ‘’You make me incredibly happy it’s all.’’

At this he is taken aback features softening, and I’m sure his own eyes filling with tears ‘’Me too Mc. Me too.’’

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

// Masterlist 2024 //

Copyright 2024© by barbika1508. All rights reserved.

#sebastian sallow x you #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow smut #sebastian sallow x mc #hogwarts legacy sebastian #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy fandom #hogwarts legacy fanfic #hogwarts legacy smut

[stinkyme]

Hello! This is Nikolai fic I had an idea of, I hope you like it and enjoy it! :) <3

There are parts to this story that discuss death, reader is NOT suicidal, but metaphorically speaking, envying how the dead even have more freedom with their emotions than a living human. Also, they misunderstand Nikolai's idea of freedom because of lack of informations (they know he needs to die for a plan, so misinterpretation happens). There is also a part in the beginning that mentions their ability coming to an end, they are unaware of Fyodor's desire to kill all ability users, they just know they could be free from their ability. (this is very briefly mentioned, one sentence)

CW/TW: SFW, gn!reader, reader works at DoA and has an ability "Dead Souls", they don't like Nikolai at first, reader is also a bit mean/sharp/bitter at first, the story follows part of the main plot, bickering, sometimes sassy Nikolai, cursing, reader has never been in love or had friends, reader doesn't allow themselves to feel a lot due to the ability, a lot of dialogue and inner monologue, misunderstandings, Nikolai & reader prank Sigma, kinda slow burn, "friends" to enemies to lovers…?, they get into an argument, reader slaps Nikolai & uses harsh words, they make up, fluff and romance (yikes😒), if I forgot anything please let me know! :)

Also, there is a small portion where Nikolai and reader discuss his card, I am a bit of a fanatic towards tarot & regular cards, so I wanted to add that part because I think it's really interesting for Nikolai's character + it creates a bit of intimacy :) (basically, 3 of spades represents a failure in achieving a certain desire; outcome different than firstly anticipated. Usually disappointment, however, I wanted to make a little twist to it, given the nature of the fic, so his plan fails for other cheesy reasons :3)

* This mostly stems from my need for fluffy Nikolai and because I am an awful, cheesy & romantic person. (I disgust myself and you should be disgusted too)

I digress...I thought that using one of the works from an irl author to sort of...make an opposite, but similar to bsd Nikolai when it comes to freedom could be interesting. Ability isn't fully connected to a book itself, it's more my own interpretation + using the name to make it! :D Also, names are from the book, descriptions of souls in this case is different since I wanted to make a little variety :)

** When Nikolai says "So is graveyard", he isn't threatening to kill the reader, but teasing their ability and dead vibe/behavior or rather lack of excitement :3

I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

this is long, I am sorry, spam how disgusting I am pls.....an AO3 link is here and in the fic, since it couldn't fit LOL

A cage of freedom || Nikolai Gogol x Reader

Dead Souls. That was your ability which you hated. It had some good parts, of course, but it mostly limited you in your own essence. Part of your ability allowed you to see other people's essence, their soul and one thing they crave the most. Different part was granting you power to see, speak to and help souls of the dead to pass on when they are ready. 

It all sounds like a lovely thing to experience, except it wasn't.

Indeed, the souls could help you as well, grant you needed information, take care of your blind spots, even fight for you.

However, everything has a price.

Yours was your own soul. Not in a way people usually imagine. 

Your ability didn't allow you to feel much. The dead who get stuck in the physical realm are already feeling a lot of heavy emotions - such as grief, pain, anger, sorrow and anxiety. Therefore, your own emotions had to be in constant check so you wouldn't be disturbing the souls attached to you and possibly ruin their remaining stability. With that being known, you realized that the best way is to not experience anything at all or rather, as little as possible. 

You didn't allow yourself to experience fear, anxiety or sadness. You learned to detach yourself and naturally, the stories of the poor souls made your endurance much bigger. Another big rule you had was not falling in love or loving people. They can leave at any moment and completely ruin the ground beneath you which would trap those souls you take care of in the worst parts of existence - eternal suffering and no memories of their lives. 

People can hurt you, they are unpredictable and dishonest, as much as you can see the part of their essence - that doesn't protect your own. It is always better not to risk it. That's what you've learned after so many years of living the way you do.

Which is why you were a perfect fit for Decay of Angels.

Someone who is rational, not emotion driven and has a flexible ability that actually grants more than one person. Fyodor was beyond intrigued, and you were beyond satisfied with their goal. You wanted your own ability to come to an end, but also, to stop the war. 

Aftermaths of wars still have souls lingering to this day, too damaged to be helped and you always feel a faint sting in your heart when you can't do anything. You can't even grieve them or cry over them, just forcefully accept endless suffering like it's nothing, but an inconvenience. 

You were deprived of basic human experience and the right - to feel. You were not a psychopath, nor a sociopath, no. You had to forcefully cage your own heart and limit anything that may come in or out of it. As much as you would like to say it does become easier, some days remind you that it's not. 

To say you crave a friendship, a love, a passion, a sadness, an intense happiness, a heartbreak, a feeling of being alive after being surrounded by nothing but death for as long as you remember was an understatement. 

Sometimes, the souls would apologize to you, they felt your desires too. They were beyond grateful for your work, but they also knew the suffering they were causing to you. 

Being stripped away from a life - in a living, functioning body in which the blood runs and heart beats intensely was nothing more than a punishment. Nothing less than a cruel joke. Just a simple slavery to your own unfortunate circumstance. You were a warm flesh covering your own cage, pretending to be alive while craving the freedom of the dead. A freedom of everyone else.

Even the worst scums on earth had a right to feel, but you? No.

You were deprived of a choice even before you were given one. 

When you met the rest of the Angels, you were not impressed by any, given the fact you already knew you wouldn't attach yourself. A quick glance at their essences told you everything you needed to know. 

Sigma, Bram, Fukuchi, Fyodor and finally Nikolai.

A home. 

A sleep. A family. It switches depending on whether he is awake or asleep.

An end to a war. 

Salvation and cleansing. 

A freedom.

You want to scoff. A freedom? From what? 

It often mildly annoys you how people's deepest desires are either shallow, overly egoistical or simply attainable. Some people desire to change the world in the name of God, old or dead friends which is always an excuse for them to do whatever they think is right. Nobody can out-perfect the dead and you know it very well. 

God is always used as a pedestal to explain human's extremities and allow them destruction in the name of higher good. Past can never not be sorrow and similarly to the dead - nothing can out-perfect it or change it. It all seems like a valid excuse simply because it can't be touched by humans. A past, the dead, a God. It's all singular and unchangeable. Therefore, it is undiscussable and immediately accepted as a valid reasoning for human's selfishness.

Some people desire a home or a family. Those are valid desires of any human and to those you can relate to. 

However, for most humans it holds no meaning. They are shallow in their desires. It's often a one-way street. They want to be loved and to be safe or secure, but they aren't ready to give the same treatment back. Or simply, they try to heal their own lack of certain emotions or feelings through physically conventional things. 

To make up for something they are not. 

But one thing they all are. Humans are greedy. Once they attain home or a family, they desire something else. More. More. More. It's always more. They always want more of life. They never learn to appreciate what they have and the freedom of choice they were given. The very beginning of it - a freedom to desire things. It could be your own mild bitterness speaking, but given your position, it was a fair mindset to have. You were not allowed to even desire too much or too hard.

Some people desire things they already have. Those you hated the most - as much as you were allowed to hate. 

They were either creepily shallow in a way such as - desiring more money when they already have everything they could possibly need. Desiring more partners; more love or passion when they already have a person who is completely devoted to them. Wanting more excitement, more happiness, more friends - everything they already had, but didn't appreciate, or could achieve without breaking a sweat.

A freedom?

There were people who desired freedom for good reasons. Abusive marriages, families or relationships. Being disabled or mentally ill. Being sick. Being overly pressured. Suffering things such as slavery, sex trafficking and similar. They desire freedom too and you know that. You don't speak of them, and you are aware of your own ungratefulness sometimes. 

But, human tragedies and pains are not to be compared because one will always seem smaller than the other, but emotions on each side will always remain. Desire on each side will always remain. Helplessness will always remain. 

They will connect through their despair which humans are either awfully good or bad at. 

You are the bad one. You can only connect to the dead, and even then, your input and output must be limited. Your heart shall not open more than an inch. If you could stitch it to be shut closed - you would. 

But you can't. Because certain empathy is needed for your ability to work. Not too much or too little of anything. To some it may seem like balance, but in reality it's torture. 

Either feel everything or nothing at all. Feel as much as you need to feel.

Because experiencing life in low, limited measurement is like a soul is sick. Experiencing life in rare tea spoons of what it means to be living. Get a drop of water when there is an endless, clean ocean in front of you. A few breaths of being alive in-between what seems like endless suffocation. 

It's awful and excruciating. It feels tightening. It feels like your soul is constipated to say the least. It feels torturous. 

Therefore, quite frankly, you can't help but experience a small jolting of nerves when you witness someone like him. Someone who seems so obnoxious, so loud, so out there, so shamelessly being themself. Someone who has all the freedom, who isn't bound by the dead, by the living, by the suffering, by his own ability. Hell, even listening about his ability makes you want to puke.

"My ability grants me to store things in my coat right here! I can also create portals and transfer my body parts or things. Pretty cool, isn't it?!" he is twirling around while he speaks, his voice enthusiastic.

"A true ability for a true magician!" he claps his hands before bowing down. As if he did something amazing.

You don't even say a word, a faint disgust on your face.

"Oh~, you don't seem impressed," his voice softens.

"How about now?!" he transports his hand from his coat to the other member named Sigma, squishing his cheek. Sigma yelps, giving him an irritated look.

"Could you stop that?!" he yells as he unsuccessfully tries to slap Nikolai's hand away as he reverts it back quickly, giggling. 

"Interesting." you say in an obviously disinterested tone. Nikolai looks at you, his expression confused for a moment.

"Ah, sarcasm! Got it!" he snaps his fingers before pointing at you.

"What about you, though? What's your ability?" he asks with a little smile on his face.

"I can speak to the dead." you deadpan and both men's expressions change to a slight shock.

"Really?" Nikolai asks, a bit intrigued.

"Really. I can communicate with them and help them cross once they are ready." you nod, your whole demeanor calm.

"That's spooky!" he says in a lower, but still expressive tone, covering his mouth with his hand that was further covered by the coat.

"Not at all. It's depressing, but rewarding at times." you reply in a casual tone. 

"Hm...still, quite spooky to me." he replies in a quieter tone.

"To each its own." you shrug. The silence fills the room, feeling a bit awkward, but as if it could affect you.

"So...are there any dead people with us now?" Sigma whispers.

"Quite a few actually. Around five at the moment." you smile as you rest your chin on your palm.

"Your whisper woke them, they seem to be quite angry with you. They will begin to hunt soon." you give him a sly gaze.

"Why?! I didn't do anything! How do I-"

"I am kidding. They don't care." you say in a slightly playful tone, calming an anxious man down. He would never be able to have your ability, it's entertaining to witness.

"So you do have a sense of humor after all! We will make a great pair." Nikolai giggles at your teasing. He sits next to you and you feel the disgust climb up your throat. 

Naturally, you tone it down immediately. For your own and the souls' sake.

"I don't think so." you raise your eyebrow at him, lips curling down a bit. Nikolai gives you a slightly confused expression.

"If I leave now, will they follow me?" Sigma whispers again and it makes you sigh out.

"No, they won't follow you. Unless you are the reason they are bound in the physical realm or I order them, they won't care about you." your voice is comforting. You understand people's anxiety around you and rarely blame them. It's better than those who cling onto you. Like this damn clown.

Sigma nods, letting a little sigh out from relief. He waves to you and leaves the room, you assume to the Casino he was in charge of.

"Do you want to prank him later?" Nikolai giggles happily, elbowing your arm. You want to rip his arm apart, but remain calm - as always.

"Not interested." you slowly get up, making a leave of your own. 

You stop for a moment, turning around to face him. Nikolai's expression seems innocent and dumb-founded. 

"One more thing though. I can also see the souls of people and their biggest desire. Quite frankly, yours disgusts me. So, if you would be so kind as to stay away from me unless it's a work thing." you give him a polite smile, regardless of your voice being sharp. You open the door and leave the room to go to your own before a mission.

......Continue on AO3

#nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol bsd #nikolai gogol x reader fluff #nikolai gogol x you #nikolai gogol x y/n #bsd nikolai #bsd imagines #bsd fic #bsd fluff #bsd romance #nikolai gogol fluff

[5-pp-man]

another tierlist because ppl actually liked that first one;

the crème de la crop;

the first 2 eps i thought it was fine, but it didnt really captivate me as much as id hoped. but then ep 3 changed everything for me. i started to think "how could living armour work logically? everything so far has been edible, so this must be too, right?" i actually managed to think of the exact thing that this series did. that really made me realise the worldbuilding in this was something unique, and it only got better and better with each episode. its really managed to captivate me and i look forward to "delicious donderdag" every week :)

ANIME ORIGINAL LETS GOOOO absolutely bonkers show that almost slipped by me because it initially tried to fool its audience into thinking it was a regular dramatic military show. it still is but theres also a giant robot who plays by saturday morning cartoon giant robot rules. if that sounds like tonal whiplash to you, trust me, it is. and its amazing. have i mentioned how homoerotic this one is as well? yeah. originally a tier below this one, but immediately after finishing this post i watched the newest ep. i had to make an exception and edit the list because ep 9 changes everything. i havent been gobsmacked by a show this hard in a while.

(return of the) show(s) that execute their own premise very well;

i havent read the manga for yubisaki to renren so i cant compare, but the quality of this adaptation has been very consistent. you need a little sweet romance every once in a while :) this is one of those series where the characters really grew on me the longer it went on. im always a fan of mixing realistic struggles with romance and this one has been doing it well so far

adaptations that are ok (i read the manga for both of these);

i've been a mashle fan since before s1 aired. and the anime has some good changes and additions here and there! but its not very consistent in terms of quality, it does that shonen thing where the animation quality suddenly spikes for certain action sequences, but it also frequently had a lot of scenes where they recycle shots a lot and nothing interesting happens on the screen for a considerable amount of time. still! its a fine adaptation. and yeah the op for this. blew tf up lmao? very strange to see happen in real time

i actually rlly like the manga for this one. i read the whole thing up until vol.6 before the season started (all that was available back then) and it made me cry multiple times throughout. i was sort of missing that connection with the show, though some of the later episodes still hit. its mostly to do with the animation quality, which isnt that great unfortunately. the voice actors are knocking it out of the park though

wghere am i;

is this show good? i. uh. will you hate me if i say yes...? objectively, i know its not that good. especially in the animation department. but if you like other Umatani shows, you'll like this one. it's got the same brand of goofy reactionary humour mixed with gimmicky tacky characters and crazy stupid plot twists. ive been faithfully watching this one each week and I'm afraid i've become very invested. overscientific indeed

bro you fell off...;

i was so beyond excited for this one. i replayed the op a million times, watched each preview, rewatched multiple episodes. and then. ep 5 happened. and i started to realise. oh this show kind of sucks doesnt it? the pacing of the first ep was great, but the rest? way too fast. it became clear with ep 6 that theyre trying to do a double cour show with half the length, which is why they started hauling ass plot-wise. now. i was an arajin apologist for the longest time. but at that point i honestly started to loathe him. even when he stepped up, his praise still felt sort of unearned. and to top it all off, shindou's motivation sucked so he felt like a lousy antagonist. ep6 was better than 5, but it really made me lose my enthusiasm and hope for the series. and right as we were talking about them probably not having time for a filler ep, ep7 happened. feels like a waste of time to do an ep like that when you've still got a whole 2nd arc to go through. but who am i

it started off pretty good honestly. but then chris went to the hospital and it kind of just dwindled from there. this season does so much with characters that have not even been properly introduced like how am i supposed to care about these people if i barely know who they are. the stuff with finn and leo respectively was good though. but the lore dump? lord help me. also vijay just kind of. exists to be there in the background huh? i would not call him a main character they never give him any attention. wendy had another ep again and he didnt get shit. again. also i think finn was stupid as fuck for not listening to lala but again. who am i. i know we cant destroy high card because we need a show but. cmon man.

i am severely behind on these;

reason why im behind is because most of the eps are a bit heavy so i kept. not watching them. its starting to get rlly interesting though so i'm def gonna catch up this is one of those robo-racism shows so i have to really watch out to see where its going. dont want another marginal service situation...

sorry this is just. a little too boring for me. its charming, sure. but i think this wouldve worked better as something with an 11 min timeslot instead of 23 min. theres just a bit too mu- or well, too little for me to rlly get into this. i think reading it would be more fun for me personally

#dungeon meshi #yubisaki to renren #yuuki bakuhatsu bang bravern #30 sai made doutei dato mahoutsukai ni nareru rashii #gekkan mousou kagaku #bucchigiri?! #high card #metallic rouge #kyuujitsu no warumono san #delicious in dungeon #a sign of affection #brave bang bravern! #bang brave bang bravern #cherry magic! #delusional monthly magazine #bucchigiri #mr villain's day off #i did the review a bit later into the season this time around. so my thoughts are more in order and ive already dropped a few things #theres also 1 more category this time #also if youre curious; i ended up finishing everything from last season except for the 2 series in the couldve been better category #i finished a bunch of them way later though but shhh. im also planning on finishing the last 2 at some point. esp since ke is getting a s2 #like wtf. who couldve seen that coming. #tedpost #tedtalks #tedlists

[dungeons-and-dictions]

We LOVE a mysterious lady while waiting for Hazbin Hotel’s marvelous first season to wrap up. Let’s talk about Lilith and Eve!

There’s so many ways this could go. Applause to Vivienne and Co. for making this fun with what I am sure are ample red herrings. I hope those involved in the show are having great chuckles as we feverishly wonder what is really going on.

First, some groundwork so that we’re on the same page. I’m nearly certain Sera is not the highest up in Heaven, whether in order or entity. This may be the common “God sleeps, knows all, and refuses to be involved”, which is always a fun, good move for narratives. Orrrrr, it might be some of my theories.

And on the subject of narratives, we should acknowledge that Charlie is telling her parents’ perspective of the beginning of Earth. It may not be the whole story, people may be figurative or portrayed inaccurately, and things may have been omitted.

Now then, my 6 theories!

Theory 1 - Eve is just a regular woman, and no one cares about her after death. High probability that Adam had a lot to do with that.

Theory 2/3 - Eve is God / Eve is the true evil

Let me tell you some ancient religion things. Nothing in this world is isolated. In ancient Judaism, there are references to Asherah, a Canaanite mother goddess and wife to the big god El, particularly as an object of devotion in the form of a tree. Makes sense that the Judeo-Christian God would have a wife if Lucifer does.

Anywho, whether or not this is the inspiration, I wonder if the imagery used in the first scene of the show is meant to hint at the origins, or roots, of evil in the world being an actual enemy. Whatever twist would happen with Eve (or Lilith!) finally appearing, I would expect it to be BIG like this, and the symbolism adds up.

Theory 4 - Eve is Lilith

During the opening sequence, Eve about to eat the apple takes on very similar features to Lilith’s silhouette just seconds later.

This theory goes with the understanding that Eve never existed, or also ran away from Adam but became inconsequential. We never see Eve or Adam as humans again in this sequence, so for all we know this works. Eve could definitely just be symbolic.

Theory 5 - Eve and Lilith are Allies

They are working together on… something. Whatever Lilith and Alastor are connected with, for sure. Perhaps these ladies are triple agents and are infiltrating their respective realms quietly while plotting some sort of takeover or revamp. Perhaps there is a bigger evil / God himself that they are trying to steal power from?

Theory 6 - Lilith became Eve 7 Years Ago

Something happened where Eve was hurt, usurped, or otherwise incapacitated, and Lilith stepped in to prevent a power vacuum. Obviously this can work well off of Theory 5, but it works as an enemy simply taking advantage, too.

BONUS Theory 7 - Lilith and Lucifer are Allies

Once again, they’re working together on something nefarious. Eve may be the baddie (or goodie) or not even matter, whilst our royal Hell couple has supposedly split up to give the idea they aren’t in communication, and that Lucifer is a non-threat.

I am so glad that we have 2 seasons from the start! There’s so many other thoughts and so much in this show, that at least 2 seasons is definitely needed. To the season finale!

#analysis #hazbin hotel essay #Hazbin hotel #lilith #Eve #Hazbin Lilith #Hazbin Eve #do we have unreliable narrators? #who’s the big bad we haven’t seen yet? #all this and more on Thursday

[wordsmithwhumpsandfluff]

Word!! I'm sorry, I know I'm not caught up in the Ollie concussion fic, I promise I'm gonna get to that this weekend 🙈 your most recent post gave me a plot bunny tho... How about hurt Aiden with caretaker Spirit? As in he gets beaten up on duty and Spirit is FURIOUS but also having to be gentle bc his ribs are hurt and he's a little concussed?

Other ask:

Can we have more of Aiden? I loved him in the 3 fics there is about him and I am obsessed 😍😂 ~🌼

Combining the results of the Spirit&Aiden poll with this amazing ask. I couldn’t help myself🤭. Thanks for this awesome idea Soup, and thanks for the initial ask 🌼anon!

Also, adding a lil twist to the end of this one👀

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One thing that genuinely surprised Aiden was that Spirit always texted him back fairly quickly. He loved that. She never texted first, but he didn’t mind that fact.

“So, who is it?”

Aiden almost jumped as Mikey—the officer who was mentoring him—came up beside him. Aiden went three shades paler and fumbled to put his phone in his pocket. He wasn’t supposed to be on it while on security duty at the mall.

Mikey laughed at his panic. “Y’know, you’re lucky you got stuck with me, kid. If you’d been put with Bryan or Adamson, then you would’ve been chewed out for texting whoever it is that’s making you smile like a moron.”

Aiden flushed, looking straight ahead and focusing on being alert. “I’m sorry, sir.”

Mikey shrugged. “It’s fine, kid.” Mikey was only in his early thirties, though he liked to try and convince people that he was still 27. He was funny and chill and good at his job, so Aiden really was glad that he got to work with this guy while on duty.

“Our rotation ends in ten minutes, kid. Thank God. Do me a favor and go get us a couple of coffees once we’re done here.”

Aiden smiled. “Yes, sir.”

It seemed like it would be another easy day. Aiden was glad and couldn’t wait for his shift to be over. He was planning to surprise Spirit at the music store where she worked in the mall so he could finally ask her out on a second date. He felt that he’d waited long enough.

Suddenly, there was shouting and a series of screams. Aiden’s head snapped towards the commotion, and Mikey took off running. Aiden followed.

At the mall’s technology store, there was a group of about six guys. About four had ski-masks, and the other two had regular face masks. All of them had bats and were breaking shelves, yelling at people, and grabbing phones and cameras and whatever else they could shove into a few large duffle bags.

Crud, Aiden thought, his hand going to his baton (he really wished he could have a taser already).

“Drop the stuff and put your hands in the air!” Mikey screamed, all chillness gone from his voice. He held up his taser, pointing it at the thieves.

Aiden clicked his walkie talkie. “This is Clark. Reece and I need backup at the Tech Shop. We’ve got six robbers here. I repeat, we need backup.”

Clearly, none of the guys were listening to Mikey. One of them even raised his bat and began to charge at him, but Mikey tased him.

Everything began to happen too fast. In a flash, suddenly a brawl had broken out, and Aiden was throwing punches as well before he realized it.

He grunted as he got struck multiple times in the ribs and gut. He could hear announcements on the mall’s speakers, notifying people of the robbery.

Adrenaline was pumping through Aiden as he fought back. A few guys managed to slip out though and ran for it. Aiden got one of them on the ground and was trying to get cuffs on him, but then received a swift kick to the head from one of the others. “C’mon, Zeke!” one of them yelled.

The force knocked Aiden to the side and had the world going fuzzy, his ears ringing, and both of the thieves got away.

The last things Aiden Saw before the world went dark was Mikey securing cuffs on one of the guys before walking over to him.

— — —

The music store closed as soon as word of the fight spread to all the businesses. People were being asked to quickly pay and leave, and employees were getting asked to go as soon as all the costumers were gone.

Spirit—aside from her annoying boss—was the last music store employee to leave. The mall was almost entirely cleared out by then.

Apparently, from what she heard, there was a robbery at a store not far from the music store. She was too busy dealing with an annoying Karen to even notice the commotion.

As Spirit was leaving the building, she saw an open ambulance and saw someone being wheeled on a stretcher towards it. At first, Spirit only noticed his uniform and just thought that he was one of the security guards who got caught up in the whole thing. Then, suddenly, she noticed and recognized his face. Even without his glasses and all of the bloodied bruises.

Aiden.

Spirit’s eyes widened and her stomach dropped. Without realizing it, she was making her way over towards the paramedics. “Aiden,” she called, worried and a bit scared. Spirit hated that feeling.

One of a few officers stopped her before she could get closer. “Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to stay back.”

Spirit frowned, brows creasing. “Is he okay? Did the robbers do that to him?”

The officer seemed annoyed. “Miss, this doesn’t concern you. Please just—”

Spirit scoffed and was about to retort something—probably something with a lot of angry curse words—when another cop came up to them.

“What’s going on over here?” the other cop asked. He also looked quite beaten up.

“I just want to know if Aiden’s okay,” Spirit said in a hard tone, heart racing.

The other cop raised a brow. “You know the kid?”

“Yes, he’s my—” Spirit froze for a second, her mind trying to come up with a word to describe what Aiden was to her. “—my friend.”

The other cop seemed to be much more understanding than the other. “Aiden’s in pretty rough shape. I’ll give you a ride to the hospital, if you’d like.”

The first cop seemed annoyed that this other guy had taken over the situation.

Spirit found herself nodding. “Yes, please.”

The officer led her to his police car. On the drive over, Spirit found out that this officer was named Mikey Reece, and he was Aiden’s mentor. Aiden had mentioned this guy to her once or twice in their texting conversations.

At the hospital, Spirit and Mikey had to wait for news on Aiden while tests were run. A few other officers came to ask Mikey some questions, and Spirit bounced her leg anxiously as she waited.

This whole situation gave her an uneasy feeling. She overheard a few things that Mikey was saying to the officers: six of them. . . bats. . . black face masks. None of that made Spirit super suspicious until she heard him ask what the name of the one he arrested was, and one of the other officers answered, “Jeremy Hernandez.” That name had Spirit wondering something.

Eventually, a doctor came out and explained that Aiden was slightly concussed and had a few fractured ribs. But aside from that, a small fever and a bit of bruises, he was fine. Awake and responsive.

The officers went into the room first to talk to Aiden and write a report. Then, after that, Mikey wanted to go in but had a higher ranked officer telling him to get himself checked out for injuries. So, Spirit went in to see Aiden alone.

Aiden was sitting up in his bed, bandaged and with some of the blood cleaned up. When he saw Spirit enter the room, he looked genuinely shocked. “What’re you doing here?”

She shrugged, looking serious. Stone cold, even. For some reason, thinking that someone had put Aiden in a hospital had her blood boiling. “Long story,” she said.

Aiden’s surprised look melted a bit and he smiled. “I think I should join your boxing classes. I’m not that great at fighting just yet.”

His comment was laced with a bit of humor, but Spirit remained grim. “Do you know who it was? The robbers?”

Aiden’s smile faltered a bit. “Not really. One of the guys was named. . . Zeke, I think? I don’t know. He could be anyone. They all had masks on, so no facial details.”

Spirit felt her whole body run cold even as she still felt hot with anger. “This guy named Zeke. . . did he have dyed hair? Kinda longish?”

Aiden’s brows creased. “What? Why do you—”

“Just answer the question.”

Aiden worked his jaw, seeming a bit confused and unsure as he nodded. “Yeah dark purple hair. But why—?”

“I’ll be back later,” Spirit stated, her voice low as she turned to walk out the door. She froze before she got to it, turning and going over to Aiden. Before he even comprehended what was happening, she hugged him, being gentle and not putting any weight on him since his ribs were fractured.

Aiden felt his whole body become warm and he melted in the hug a bit, getting butterflies in his stomach. She'd never hugged him before. He decided right then that he really liked her hugs.

Spirit pulled away and looked him in the eye. “I’ll be back later. Or, I might just text later. It depends on how pretty my face will still be in the next few hours.”

Aiden raised a brow, once again seeming confused. Spirit left before he could ask her what she meant.

— — —

Spirit hated her old neighborhood.

The air there reeked of cigarettes and cheap alcohol. There was always someone yelling in their house or at a neighbor, cats knocked over trash cans, and some of the worst people Spirit had ever met lived there.

Spirit went up to a house that she often avoided while growing up. The old man that used to live in it had died when Spirit was a Senior in high school, but the guy’s nephew—and Spirit’s old classmate—still lived there.

Zeke Danes opened the door, a lit cigar in his mouth and looking drunk. He had a black eye and a few other bruises that looked fresh.

Spirit scowled, and Zeke’s eyes widened and he grinned as he recognized her.

“Holy shit. Spirit Mitchel, as I live and breathe.” He took out his cigar, blowing smoke on her face. “To what do I owe this pleasure, hot-stuff.”

Spirit could hear other voices inside, laughing and talking. “Having a party?” Spirit asked, her hands forming into fists in her pockets.

Zeke shrugged, still smiling. “Kinda.” He ran a hand through his long purple hair.

“Let me guess,” Spirit said. “Henry, Javon, Mike, and Freddie?”

“Yeah,” Zeke nodded. “Just my buddies.”

“But Jeremy isn’t here.” The way she said it had Zeke’s smirk falling.

“What do you want, Spirit?” he asked, opening the door all the way so Spirit could see her other old classmates and neighbors scattered inside Zeke’s filthy living room. They had music playing that was suddenly turned down, and all of the guys in there were looking at Spirit curiously and suspiciously.

Spirit stood a bit straighter. She was just as tall as Zeke was, so she could look him directly in the eye. “You robbed a store at the mall today, didn’t you?”

They all snickered a bit.

“So what?” Freddie called from inside, and Spirit noticed that he had gotten more tattoos since she last saw him. “You gonna snitch?”

Spirit wasn’t going to snitch. After all, the saying was very much true: Snitches really didget stitches.

“You beat up a cop,” Spirit said. “The one our age. You got him pretty good.”

Zeke took another puff of his cigarette. “Get to the point, hot-stuff.”

“He’s my friend,” Spirit stated. “You hurt my friend, and now he’s in the hospital.”

All of the guys were silent for a second before laughing.

“Since when do you become friends with police, woman,” Javon laughed. “People like us don’ go around becoming buddy-buddy with cops.”

“Well, I’m not like you,” Spirit spat.

“Oh, but you are,” Zeke said, leaning closer and blowing more smoke on her face. “You’re just like us. You used to fight for extra money behind the school, remember? And we’ve all run from cops together before, baby. Ringing a bell?”

Spirit bared her teeth as her scowl deepened. “Keep your pants on, Zeke. And don’t you dare call me ‘baby’. And I stopped running around with you morons after tenth grade, so quit grouping me in with you guys.”

Zeke chuckled a bit, leaning back against the door frame. “So, did you just come here to pitch a little hissy-fit over us hurting your friend? A little pathetic, don’t you think?”

Spirit nodded. “If I was here just to pitch a fit, that would be pathetic.” Swiftly, she raised her leg and kneed Zeke in his groin, making him gasp and stumble back, doubling over and protectively cupping his throbbing manhood. “It’s a good thing I’m not pathetic.”

Zeke spat his cigarette out of his mouth, glaring at Spirit with tears in the corner of his eyes. “You bitch.”

The other four guys all got up, now looking annoyed.

Spirit cracked her neck and raised her fists.

Looked like she was just going to text Aiden tonight.

#Aiden officially has a guardian angel #Totally making a part 2 #spirit #aiden #Mikey just popped into my head and has found an apartment in the depths of my brain that he now lives in rent-free🥲 #Mikey is going to LOVEEE watching Aiden's love-life #Also I'd just like to say that Zeke is a certified asshole #thebrilliantidiots #BTW - Spirit is totally winning that fight

[ayemkew]

So I'm just joining the lovely tumblr HP fandom from AO3, and I'm hoping to gauge interest in an Age of Sail/Pirates AU! I've started plotting and written a few short scenes for this fic, which will be longform and mostly gen (with a few canon pairings featuring). Marauders and Auror gang will be the main POV characters, with other POVs making appearances here and there. But I'm not well-read outside my usual pairings! Has this been done to death already? Am I missing out on pirate shenanigan fics?

Who am I kidding, I'm writing this anyway. Here's an excerpt, see you soooooon

-

The waters were calm under vivid magenta skies.

If Tonks had learned anything from her years at sea with the Ministry service, it was not to trust Muggle superstitions about harbingers of good weather. The ocean was a fickle thing.

The magenta was quite nice, though, and worth trying out.

It was just a moment later, with her nose scrunched up and her hair shifting from acid green to deepest pink, that something on the horizon caught her eye.

She gripped the wooden railing with one hand, fumbling inside her scarlet Auror’s coat with the other. Once the telescope was in her grasp, she aimed it across the water and peered at the offending object with a frown.

A smooth-sailing brig ambled along the horizon, her white sails set aglow by the radiant pink of the setting sun. From the stern staff, blowing gently in the patient evening breeze, a flag of crimson and gold was stitched with strange, unfamiliar designs.

“Captain!” Tonks called back to the quarterdeck, where her commander was stationed at the wheel. “A ship, on the larboard side.”

The step-thump, step-thump of Captain Moody’s approach echoed over the noise of Dawlish up on the quarterdeck, scrambling to see what Tonks had caught sight of before him.

“Bearing?” grunted Moody as he drew level with Tonks and drew his own telescope.

“Two points abaft the beam, sir. I don’t recognize their colours.”

“Hm.” Moody’s scarred lips pursed. “Whatever that daft flag is, it doesn’t look like any Muggle ensign I’ve seen.”

He switched the telescope from his regular left eye to the swiveling electric blue one, metal touching upon glass with a disconcerting clink. Tonks had always wondered how well the eye’s penetrating abilities functioned through the lenses and mirror of a telescope, but Moody had never given her a straight answer.

“Not a Death Eater flag either, though,” she said, peering through her own scope again at the strange ensign. It looked handmade, and overly complicated in design, like a futzy crest of arms overpopulated with creatures of some kind. Dogs, maybe, and…were those antlers?

“Their heading is the same as ours,” Tonks added. “North-east toward Founder Isle.”

“Porting in Rowena,” said Moody.

“Maybe with prizes in their chests,” said Tonks, nodding.

Moody snapped his telescope shut with a frown. “Not without running them past us. Admiral Scrimgeour’ll have a bloody fit if he sees any more pirate booty smuggled through our port.” He stomped toward the hatch that led down to the lower decks. It was habitual for him, whenever they encountered a new ship, to retreat to his great cabin so he could inspect his foe glass and at least one sneakoscope.

“Dawlish!” he cried, already halfway down the ladder. “Hail the vessel a-larboard. Tonks, set course to intercept.”

“If they make a run for it?” asked Tonks.

Moody paused, gnarled hands just visible around the edges of the ladder, and his face twisted into a frightening half-smile as he looked up at her.

“Then we’ll bloody well pursue them, won’t we?”

#hp fanfic #marauders #au fic #pirate wizards #also privateer wizards which is different #harry potter fanfiction #jily #remadora #snape loves lily #new wip #moodboard #The Spell-Dark Sea #nautical terms #which i am likely to get wrong #inspired by a love for Patrick O'Brian #golden trio will also be on board #ahoy #there's a lot of lore to be explained #like why would wizards need ships to travel #but THESE QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED

[erinptah]

thoughts on Moon Knight 35?

It's the X-men crossover where Steven (and the others but mostly Steven) deal with being wheelchair bound and the reason he is in episode 5: Asylum. As someone who was temporarily chair bound in the psych ward both scenes mean a lot to me.

Also Storm flirts with frenchie, Nightcrawler saves Moon Knight's life and Bora is such a classic tragic villain and Xavier can read Marc's mind which we know is not true of most telepaths in Mckay run.

Ooh, hey, I remember that one. Time for a reread...

In the comic the guys are using a chair because of a spinal injury (a Comics Injury which comes and goes as the plot demands), and the implication I got from the show was that the asylum put them on meds so strong they couldn't walk. So I don't think they're that directly connected. But it's nice to have the visual callback.

Marlene being so present and supportive during the hospitalization and physical therapy is extra-depressing compared to how Marc will treat her hospital-grade injury in later runs =(

I don't think it's actually Steven fronting for the first chunk. Marlene usually calls them Steven, but that's just like how Frenchie always calls them Marc, and the diner crew always calls them Jake -- even if someone with a different name is fronting, he almost never corrects them.

(More than that, Marc specifically encourages Marlene to call him Steven! Skipping to a later scene, this is one of the issues where he spells out how much he wants to be Steven for her.)

Backing up: The whole "detaching from his personal trauma by obsessing over how to catch the bad guy" thing is classic Marc.

And when he starts getting snippy, then goes "Sorry, lady, that's the pain talking," that sure sounds like Jake, elbowing Marc away from the front to smooth things over.

(No wonder Marc's relationships really start imploding in the runs where Steven and Jake are MIA.)

The diner crew visits and calls him Jake, and I think it's Jake fronting for most of that, too. Especially when Crawley asks when they'll need his help again, and Marlene offers to just put him on a regular retainer salary. Steven would've offered that himself!

...Not that Jake doesn't care (he absolutely does). Just that he doesn't think of himself as having that kind of money.

It's totally Steven fronting when they do anything at the ballet studio, though. Marc wouldn't have the patience for it, and that kind of High Culture setting would make Jake awkward and out-of-place.

Extremely funny: the leaps the narrative goes through to justify "we're going to have cameos from like 20 other S-class Marvel heavyweights with actual superpowers..."

"...but all of them agree that Moon Knight -- a guy with gadgets and a cape who couldn't walk two days ago! -- should face the also-superpowered villain one-on-one."

She's such a typical Moon Knight villain (in a good way!) with the twist of mutant powers, most of this works. It's just. The avalanche of cameos, vs. how little they affect the plot, is a lot.

Looking over the Professor X scenes, and what he says he reads in Marc's thoughts...fear, doubt, agony...I think that's totally consistent with what we get in the MacKay run.

Marc's mind has always been a dangerous place. It's just that (a) by the current run he's learned to weaponize it against telepathic villains, which he's not even trying to do here; and (b) Xavier, for his part, isn't trying to stick his metaphorical hands in the psychic box of bear traps, just observe it from a safe distance.

And the ending, oof =(

Paired with the earlier Marc-Marlene conversation, it totally sums up one of the recurring themes of the MK comics.

When Marc can't be honest with himself and his loved ones ("I am definitely a mentally-stable singlet, who would be happy to be just Steven forever, and can totally quit being Moon Knight any time I want"), his relationships are tense and distant.

When he is honest ("so maybe I have a lot of issues, also this Moon Knight thing gives me purpose and I'm going to be doing it forever"), the people in his life are actually okay with it! Even if he's a weird mess, people can accept that and love him anyway! He just has to own it!

...We get a surprisingly close parallel to that in the modern run, where Marc obsesses over tracking a different bad guy, and ends up lying to Tigra, putting her through a bunch of extra work, and making her feel seriously betrayed. But when he gives her a sincere apology and owns up to some of his issues, that's when they get a happy makeout scene.

So! Has Marc gone through enough personal growth (and enough "accepting that he needs Jake and Steven around for support") to actually stay on the emotionally-honest path this time? Guess we'll find out.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Ptah's inbox #so uh #was that enough Thoughts or what

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Hi, hello, hola, and happy Stab Caesar Day! Tumblr ate my original draft because, um, I guess its hunger is horrible and insatiable? But here I am for take two. Thank you to @artsyunderstudy, @larkral, and @forabeatofadrum, who tagged me today and who continue to craft delightful things.

Updates on My Good Egg (Good morning, good night, good morning): My plan of posting Chapter 4 today ain't gonna happen. I updated the author's notes, but the next posting date is TBD. I need to focus on my health right now, and then I'll be travelling for a bit (March 24-April 7). But hey, if you've been meaning to read this one, now's a great time to catch up? 🤣

In the meanwhile, I'll share a snippet featuring several of my OCs, Baz's queer, chaotic uni friends. Behind the cut for mild spice. 🌶️

Bunce goes off with Simon so that she can pump the American bartender for information, and as soon as they’re out of earshot, Emma leans forward, her eyes glittering. “Well?”

“Well what.”

“I told Liu and Ramesh you got kidnapped,” Emma says, waving her hand dismissively, “and of course we’re all very worried and hope you’re doing okay and acclimating to regular life again, but have. You. Ridden. That.” 

Baz regrets downing a few rats before they left for the pub, because it means he has enough blood in him to blush. “We’ve been figuring out this kidnapping situation,” he says coolly. “It hasn’t left much time for carnal pursuits.” 

“Baz,” Liu says, aghast. “Why haven’t you fucked that nice himbo? He’s clearly gagging for it - he couldn’t stop staring at your arse in those jeans.” 

“Is he a himbo?” Ramesh says. He pulls out a pen and starts to doodle a triple Venn diagram on a napkin. “He seemed like more of a twunk to me. And he’s got a great bear belly.” 

“Ladies,” Emma says, her hands fluttering in mock-distress, “please don’t objectify that sweet boy before Baz gets to objectify him. Baz will eat his fill of the man-meat and then give us a report.” 

(Please put in the comments/tags if you think Simon Snow is a twunk, a himbo, or something else delightful. 🤣)

Hello tags and tagbacks: @whogaveyoupermission, @cutestkilla, @facewithoutheart, @captain-aralias, @fatalfangirl, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @whogaveyoupermission (THE EDGING CONTINUES), @raenestee, @ileadacharmedlife, @shrekgogurt, @hushed-chorus, @shemakesmeforget, @theimpossibledemon, @imagineacoolusername

More about the hiatus for My Good Egg:

(Warning for some hard stuff, Big Feelings, trauma recovery. Feel free to skip and just bask in Ides of March posts instead!)

Okay, so introspective life/writing blather here... I keep meaning to write a post, at some point, about some of the best practices that I follow when I am writing about material that is heavy, like in Baker boxer teacher grief or the Rosethorn girl universe.

A lot of stuff that works for me is probably self-evident: go slow, be gentle, ground yourself, talk to safe people, have a release valve, be able to walk away, offer yourself a lot of self-care and self-compassion, take care of the soft animal of your body. And don't feel like you have to put everything in - some of what you can write can just be for you, and it can be enough to have written it, and not include it in the finished product.

I honestly didn't expect Good morning, good night, good morning to get me where I live. It is, as I've always maintained, a dumb horny rom com (that somehow developed a plot and backstory and plot TWISTS and OCs but ANYWAY). But there was a line in Chapter 3 that kept rattling around in me:

“You were a kid,” Simon says, his voice low and angry. “You were just a kid.” 

This is not the first time I've been triggered by own fic (and probably won't be the last, LOL!), but this one did me a doozy. I've had to take a few steps back, and just focus on recovering from trauma that's been reactivated in my body. It is wild what the body remembers, and how it holds onto pain.

(There is, at the same time, other stuff happening with my family with grief and estrangement and just a whole mischegoss of hard feelings, so that adds another element into the mix.)

To circle back round to My Good Egg: I'm putting it to the side for now while I tend to my health and just recovering from the past few weeks. It's funny - I don't think it's a particularly angsty story or one that does a super deep dive into trauma, but I need to take some pieces off my plate right now, and this fic is one of them.

I will always keep writing - the WIP game has been a delightful brain refresher, and I have a very fun Six Sentence Sunday post that I'm already excited to share. But for now, My Good Egg is gonna have a li'l nap. When I come back to it, I think I'll switch over to writing the second draft in its entirety, and then posting the chapters weekly, whenever that happens. I'm not putting a timeline on it right now.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk making your way through this personal essay, if you've gotten this far. I am continually blown away and delighted by everyone who engages with the fic, and I am so excited to serve you up some treats in the future.

To end on a lighter note, here is an exchange with my spouse, the inestimable EarlobeGreyTea who continues to offer thoughtful and nuanced feedback on this fic, Exhibit A:

EarlobeGreyTea: Did they fuck in this chapter?

Me: No Me: And they didn't fuck in the previous chapter Me: It's the EROTIC Grope Fest. It doesn't have to have explicit sex (yet) EarlobeGreyTea: Yeah, I guess it isn't the Sloppy Fuck Fest

Love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

#WIP Wednesday #My Good Egg #good morning good night good morning #life and writing #long boi #big mood #my fic tag

[ystrike1]

Castehate - By Natsuno Yuzo (7/10)

Omegaverse. It's a dirty word, but sometimes authors do get creative with it. This one is weird. It takes place is a world where everybody has animal ears! The carnivores are cannibals and polygamy is normal and classmates in school eat each other constantly. Yeah.

The author for sure has a fetish for cannibalism.

I'm serious if you can't handle graphic cannibalistic lust do not read this. One character almost eats a baby.

Rurikawa is a wolf alpha who thinks of Betas (weaker animal hybrids) as food. He literally eats a student in his "school" once every two months or so. He can eat regular food, but he actually genuinely has to eat people to live. All Alphas do. His "school" isn't really a school. Alphas live unnaturally long lives. It's more like a residence where they do take classes, learn new things, and find mates.

Rurikawa comes from an ancient wolf family. His father thinks the heir should have a mate from a rare species. "Rare species" hybrids can have lots of kids.

Rurikawa's best buddy, Tsukuyomi, is clearly a rare species. He thinks he's a alpha, for some reason, even though he doesn't behave like one. Tsukuyomi is a snake with actual hearts on his tail. Tsukuyomi has actually given birth to lots of kids already. He wants to find a fated partner, but his partners always leave him to raise the children. Here's where it gets confusing. Lower ranked children age faster. That's another reason why Alphas see them as animals. There's a side chapter that shows Tsukuyomi has grandkids, and he has outlived several generations of children. He has never found love....but he's been living with Rurikawa for most of his life. Rurikawa is obviously his true love, but Rurikawa's true love is a terrifying monster.

Kyogo was born an ugly monster, but he managed to eat a dying alpha. That trigged an evolution. Now he's insanely attractive to Alphas, which is convenient because he needs to eat them to live. Rurikawa immediately falls in love with him.

Kyogo loves Tsukuyomi though. Plot twist. Yeah. Kyogo is the only monster around who isn't a moron. He knows Tsukuyomi is a rare species. He tracked Tsukuyomi's scent, and came for him specifically. He also catches feelings for Rurikawa, and they kinda become a polygamous couple....

Kinda...

Rurikawa is romantically in love with Kyogo. Tsukuyomi loves Rurikawa, but they're all attracted to each other. Their society is poly anyway there's no real problem here.

Kyogo tests Rurikawa. He says he'll have a baby with him...if he brings Tsukuyomi. He says he's going to eat Tsukuyomi. Rurikawa protects Tsukuyomi instead. He also says he will willingly feed Kyogo any other Alpha, just not Tsukuyomi. Anyway, Kyogo gets jealous. This is when he catches feelings for Rurikawa. He wants Tsukuyomi, but Rurikawa isn't afraid of his true form. By volume two Kyogo likes both of them.

Tsukuyomi is basically willing to put up with anything for Rurikawa so... hooray?

The sex parts of this are so rough that they kinda just look like more cannibalism. Why am I reading this? Well, the author tried. I respect the hustle. I do. The art is good, and you can't find anything else like this. All of the toxic feelings! The blatantly evil cannibal Alphas? The possessive love connected to eating?! The tragic lack of humanity the characters have because of their long lives and instincts?! This world kinda feels like a dystopia...ding ding we have a winner. It is! Everybody is obsessed with breeding because humanity died off. The only survivors are the most violent human/animal hybrids. Crazy stuff. Kyogo and Rurikawa aren't just boring possessive dudes. They're being controlled by their DNA and an alien society that no regular human could hope to survive in.

Ok.

Duh.

The rare species reveal was kinda funny. Like it's obvious. Kyogo confesses to Tsukuyomi again, and Tsukuyomi kinda warms up to him, but he so clearly just loves Rurikawa. Kyogo is a hungry monster. Rurikawa is a dutiful but DENSE Alpha who loves that monster. Being Tsukuyomi sucks, but he's safe. In this violent world he has two protectors. Kyogo is freakishly powerful, but he needs alot of live meat. Tsukuyomi and Rurikawa start feeding him normal food. It's implied that Kyogo is willing to settle down with them and give up some of his monster powers.

Yay?

Kyogo claims that his mutated body will die without Alpha meat, but it kinda gets glossed over. I know this is yaoi. I know I'm kinda not supposed to care, but I care more about the hybrid apocalypse setting. The poly romance is ok, ok? It's not that bad. Rurikawa and Kyogo both have sincere moments with Tsukuyomi. Kyogo is most definitely Tsukuyomi's stalker though. Also he might only love Tsukuyomi because of his smell...no...when they start interacting Kyogo thinks he's sweet. Maybe I just don't like Kyogo haha...

When the story begins we think Kyogo is the rare one. That was an ok plot twist. When Kyogo started eating Alphas it was genuinely shocking. All of the text about inheritance, breeding, stalking, cannibalism, death and the apocalypse is nearly impossible to follow. Read this if you want to see how weird Omegaverse can get. Is it good? No.

Is it boring?

No.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #yaoi #Castehate #body horror #werewolves #monster guy

[add1ctedt0you]

Some jc-centric fics that I enjoyed and I recommend because I can.

Jiang cheng with his family

a case of chronic rejection by aishiteru

chronic rejection: the gradual rejection of a transplant, months or even years after surgery.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23966011

What Is The Worst Lie You Have Ever Told Me by HeronS

Halfway between Guanyin Temple and Lotus Pier, Jin Ling’s sword plummets. Jin Ling has a question for Jiang Cheng.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27411682

interstitial by alessandriana

The shouting still hadn't quite faded from the steps of Jinlin Tower when Jiang Cheng realized Jin Ling was nowhere to be found.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36940933

The Sky is Empty by Tavina

Sect Leader Jiang comes by on the first of the month every month to square the accounts with the various vendors around Lotus Pier, much like his father did before him, though Jiang Cheng did so with more scheduled regularity than Jiang Fengmian ever did. He liked to keep things tidy. That was his mother’s influence on him. . . Or: Lotus Pier in stages.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45902719

grief and the mountain by theundiagnosable

The slow purpling of the evening sky makes their robes blend into their shadows, their shadows blend into the still water stretched out before them. Home, Jiang Cheng thinks, satisfied, and A-Ling exhales softly against him, and everything is good, and none of them move to leave.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30638351

(this one is chengqing too, but it's not the focus)

Chengqing

fusion of light elements by singeli

His hands return to her lower dantian, calloused palms fanning out above her pubic bone, pressing down with his weight and his spiritual energy as if to test her. It is not nearly so hard as he could be pushing. She has felt the full weight of his body on top of her before. This is not that.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25770376

Prescription by sugar_shoal

Wen Qing raises an eyebrow. “You brought me to Lotus Pier for my medical expertise, Jiang-zongzhu. I am allowed, and I quote, ‘anywhere the hell I want,’ provided it’s to keep a Jiang disciple from dying.” Damn it, he had said that when she first came here. He hadn’t meant him; he’s not a disciple. And anyway – “Pretty sure I’d notice if I was dying,” he points out. “Unless you’re here to stab me to death with your needles?” “You haven’t frustrated me to that point. Yet. No, I’m here to give a prescription: Delegate something, or die of overwork.” --- Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing bully each other into letting themselves have good things.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38249668

Xicheng:

Picture of the Turning Sphere by omphalos

Lan Xichen is a broken man no longer able to trust his own judgement. Jiang Wanyin was broken long ago, and he healed... badly. The cultivation world is off-balance, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. In the middle of an icy winter, a comet appears in the sky. Is it a warning? A celestial dragon? Have the gods, weary of waiting for cultivators to sort out their own mess, decided to take action? Over the course of three seasons, the two sect leaders are forced closer as they attempt to appease the gods and rebalance their land. Perhaps, in the course of their adventures, they will also find a way to rebalance themselves. TLDR: In which a fiery plot device in the sky forces two lonely, broken men to sort their shit out and find everything they'd been lacking in each other.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31208090

Audience of One by WinterDreams

“Then let an established star go first,” Lan Xichen interrupts again before Lan Wangji can give a stubborn reply. Both men twist toward Lan Xichen, and he smiles at Wei Wuxian’s tilted head. “If I publicly date a man for awhile first, your engagement shouldn’t receive as much backlash.” Or, that AU where everyone is famous in some way or another, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have been dating in private for years, and Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng pretend to date publicly for their brothers' sake.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21398563

the haunting of Jiang Cheng; all of a death is going home | 赴死如归 by finedae

“Terrible news! Jiang Cheng has died!” “Sandu Shengshou has died? Who could have killed him?” “Who other than his shixiong, Wei Wuxian?” Jiang Cheng dies, and he would to clarify: it was not because of Wei Wuxian, he wouldn't grant him that honour -- poetic justice be damned. But he lingers on the mortal world as a ghost, spirit unable to move on. In an effort to figure out which part of his unfulfilled life still tethers him, Jiang Cheng has until next summer's first storm to figure out why he won't simply die before Wei Wuxian dumps his body in a Lotus Pier lake and he is stuck remaining a spirit for eternity, with no consciousness or sentience as time moves on, adrift forever. In other words, Jiang Cheng has a year to die properly and to do this, he must live.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25309120

Chengxian (kinda, not much really)

[a vessel for your good intent] by sugar_shoal

I have a core again, Wei Wuxian thinks as the snow piles up around him. A core and a life and warm wine and a warm bed and a willing, wonderful man waiting for him, and these things all fill him. Nothing is wrong. He’s fine. He takes a drink.  --- Wei Wuxian gives away his golden core, and gets something in return.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36882988

Mianmian x jiang cheng

Courage was my companion by Erisette

Mianmian almost thought she’d gotten away with it with her dignity completely intact, until she found herself on the floor of her small room in tears because she didn’t have any outer robes that weren’t yellow.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24161407

#jiang cheng #fic rec #mdzs #the untamed #All of them are very good!

[bellamioneotp]

Top Ten Best Bellamione AU’s

Not a list of fic recs, just a list of some of my favorite AU’s that I’ve run into while reading Bellamione. Kudos to the authors who feed us, may a crucio fall upon any writers block that dares impede them.

1. Evil

I’m reading Bellamione. You gotta go big with the dark slice of life or go home. I wanna see fighting, wanna see morals getting corrupted (and Hermione’s you know what), and I wanna batshit wild plot. Hermione better be popping off with the Avada Kedavra’s, sis.

2. Soulmate

Yes, I am a sucker for soulmate au’s. (Let’s be real, who isn’t) And the angstier the better. I want them to have to fight for that bond, and fight for their love. Cute soulmate stories are alright but only if I microdose them.

3. Time Travel

Has this been overdone and overused as all hell? YES. But- it’s still fun to see what kind of twist the author will put on it to make it it’s own thing. It never gets old reading about Hermione traveling back in time to seduce, I mean, save Bellatrix.

4. Duo

This isn’t so much a category more than a trope. Bellatrix and Hermione being forced to pair up and solve problems amuses me to no end. Just good ol’ shenanigans where they pretend to hate each other but end up saving each others lives over and over again because they’re totally not in love.

5. Bad girl

These are the kinds of stories that are so hard to find. Bellatrix is naturally a bad girl, but in canon. I’m talking about muggle AU’s where her and Hermione are regular students in school. Would love to see more of Bellatrix being a leather toting, cigarette smoking, eyeliner wearing, bad girl that hides out under the bleachers. With Hermione as the goody-two shoes being slowly drawn into her world.

6. Scandal

Again, not so much an AU but found in some of them. I just love when the truth comes out that Hermione is dating Bellatrix. It’s just chef’s kiss when the wizarding world loses their marbles and Bellatrix gets to be snooty about bagging the golden girl.

7. Unpopular

This refers to AU’s that aren’t widespread. Meaning when Bellamione are put into a very rare AU type, such as being put in a Witcher AU- not a lot of that going on. I do enjoy the popular AU’s but sometimes it’s nice to read an author’s take on something very niche with the ship. For those of you who do it, thank you for keeping me fed.

8. Crack

From time to time I enjoy crack fics with this pairing. There’s not many of them floating around giving the nature of Bellamione being a more serious relationship focusing on redemption, etc. Sometimes I just wanna see Bellatrix do a sick wheelie on a dirt bike, ya know.

9. Professor AU

Listen...we all have needs. Bellatrix as a professor? As a strict professor? I’m taking her class every semester and reading every fic I can get my hands on.

10. Those Gilded Chains we Wear

I know it’s not an AU, but honestly, it might as well be. It kicked off so many great ideas for how to even write a Bellamione that would work in the wizarding world, and has inspired many authors. I hope one day to see it finished.

#harry potter #bellamione #bellatrix lestrange #bellatrix black #hermione granger #just ramblings #au types #blessed be the bellamione writers

[storiesofsvu]

Happy Thursday! It’s a very big day pascal!!!

(hint… that has nothing to do with l&o… im sorry for what im about to become…)

Okay, mothership. Let’s see how this starts out.

Okay… so… hear me out… our vic is recently out of jail, sure they were exonerated, BUT I guarantee you the parents/family of that little girl don’t fully believe it and they just became your prime suspects. (and if they don’t even question them in this ep I will be disappointed in them…)

Yeah I really like this new DA.

“ONLY TWO TRIALS IVE EVER LOST” ???!! JESUS FUCK he’s *good*

Ooooo and now there’s $10 million dollars involved. The plot thickens…

I think I say it every week, but I LOVE KATE

I know this bald guy from somewhere but I can’t remember where. OH!! IS IT NURSE JACKIE?! I think it’s from there.

That blue suit shaw’s got on is FIIINE.

You know… I think what I disliked the most about the OG l&o was cosgrove, mccoy and Nolan. Now two of those are gone and I’m actually enjoying the show more LOL.

Why is the courtroom backwards?

Very likely unpopular opinion: I think carisi would fit in really well on this show. We should replace Nolan with him, actually get him some screen time and court room scenes considering svu never lets him be a lawyer anymore (I know we’re getting some tonight but still. I’m salty with how few court scenes we’ve gotten since covid)

SAM IN THE GREEN PANT SUIT!!!! YES!! GIRL!!

Ooooo what a plot twist!! Yaass!

Okay… I might skip TO, we’ll see if it hooks me in the intro or not

It did not suck me in. the end.

SVU here we go!

Ooooooooo a JURY deliberating?!?! We’ve never gotten to see this before!! I think this would be a super neat thing to see more often!

Ohhhh fuuuuuccckkk me. Velasco in the leather jacket and on his bike. FUCK. I literally let out an audible groan and dropped the apple slice I was eating. FUCK. I am down bad for him rn.

Who’s kid is that with fin?

TERRY NAKED IN BED WITH A LADY!!! TERRY NAKED IN BED!!

Listen this like, 10 seconds of personal life is all I need on a regular basis.

Okay he’s found guilt but im assuming that the girl they “peer pressured” into it is gonna come back to bite them in the ass

There’s gotta be some weird ass connection here, OR it’s a Bronwyn 2.0 situation. The way she looked at him? Ugh.

Im over the two new girls on the squad. Over it. I don’t like either of them.

Ah.. yes.. here we go. fuck this shit.

“you’re the one who wrote the bau profile” ….they’re literally trying to be criminal minds now. They DO realize that criminal minds is currently airing right? And that they’re not directly competing with each other, right? Like…cm is on streaming, they’re on cable, and they’re on different days/time slots. Stop with all this profiling shit and stick to just the nypd detective shit. That’s WHY we watch the show and what we come for…

Welp. Adding new charges is certainly a way to go rn. BUT now the defence can come back and say that they’re making shit up just to bring a new case to convict.

I know (assume lol) that it’s the same actress but the three “versions” of Maddie look nothing alike to me. Like, that is not the same girl lol.

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHO TERRY WAS IN BED WITH. One night stand? Gf? Casual dating? Fwb? WHOOOMST

“why didn’t you tell anyone this before?” coming from CURRY is EXACTLY why it should’ve been another SVU detective in that room, they know how to act, how to encourage victims to open up. (I get that maybe the thought behind it was that she’s a woman vs the rest of the men, but still).

HAHAH not carisi calling out the other boys for being divorced when they’re giving him shit about marriage troubles. I love him.

Ohhhh gooodddddddd no. not repping himself… fuck.

Okay…either this guy is dumb AF, or he’s playing dumb. Like the comment in chambers all “where do I sit? I’m Canada, I don’t know how the law works down here” and now he’s getting cocky and repping himself? Like yeah, I lowkey get it, Im Canadian and know more about laws in nyc than up here but I’m sure this man wasn’t out writing fanfic while kidnapping girls lol. Like, does he ACTUALLY know enough to accurately rep himself? Probs not. Like that’s fucking dumb. Carisi should be able to get him on so many technicalities and make him look like an idiot/rile him up enough to explode.

Also highkey worried about benson on the stand. She’s already so wound up it might not take long for her to burst. AND considering the jump scare that was William lewis last week, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s still on her mind and a perp grilling her on the stand is gonna give her flashbacks of that trial and we all know how that went….

How tf  did he get a MILLION dollars?!

“carisi’s right, that monster needs eyes on him” YEAH DUH. THAT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB OLIVIA! Get yourself/your team on it!

What do you mean you’ve NEVER BEEN ON A STAKEOUT BEFORE?!? Curr’s an iab captain, I’m SURE she had to start as a beat cop… cmon.. that’s lazy writing.

Okay, but madi’s mom isn’t texting the perp to actually sleep with him, she’s doing it to get under his skin, right? Or like, to seduce him and she’s going haywire to kill him, right?

This guy is SO gross.

How is he SO good in a courtroom???

I thought amanda was in this episode?

Yup. Called it.

Velasco could shoot me any day. Sir. Please. I am begging.

“and now fin I want you to leave” girl. What. You’re going so fucking rogue and im so here for it LOL.

Okay, im just now remembering the description of the ep that amanda’s in, I was confused lol

Okay, that ep was good. Lets see how OC does next

Wait… I wasn’t paying attention, was that the MIA cop? Sam? Cause if so… fuck…

Ok, judging by these flashbacks, yes.. god his poor wife.

Elliot.. youre talking like a cop. How long have you been doing this? You know better.

The pacing of these episodes is too slow, it’s getting boring. It’s too much of stabler UC and not enough of actual police work/in the office. Its losing my attention FAST.

Like.. I watch this show for the cast as a whole and when we get arcs like this it turns into the Elliot stabler show and im not here for that. Throwing Ayanna UC for the meeting was a great addition but now we’re back to the stabler show and I’m scrolling my phone not paying attention.

Also… OC always fucks up and doesn’t have subtitles on it and that makes me lose interest cause I just simply cant watch shit without subtitles lol

Man I really fucking feel for sam’s(?) wife. This is heartbreaking. Ayanna & jet both with the single fucking tear? PLEASE. I’m literally crying.

Okay, stabler’s older(?) brother? Was he once a cop too? Or is he just playing cop rn? Is he gonna get himself killed??

This man needs therapy. Period.

“im no cop…”

“relax. I’m atf.” YAS lol.

“youd be surprised” “maybe I wouldn’t” yeah…none of us would. Stabler’s always in trouble.

Well THAT’S SUSPICIOUS

Man, we all knew this was coming, like the foreshadowing (for us as viewers) was SO obvious, but this still suuuuper complicates everything, ESP with joe being MIA.

Okay. That’s all. law and order day is officially over and the rest of the weekend is all about taylor swift. I’m not sorry. T-minus one hour!!!

#law and order svu #svu #law and order #law and order special victims unit #spoilers #law and order organized crime #law and order spoilers

[thegeminisage]

ok, i feel i must make a wrap-up post to the jane eyre experience for those who were interested.

jane herself is one of my favorite female protagonists ever. she's so straightforward and blunt in a way even women today aren't always allowed to be and she's so true to herself even when she's homeless and starving or when she's being abused (except in the case of st john but i'm getting to that)

i liked most of the side characters who weren't being dicks to jane. rip helen burns i'll remember you forever.

actually, most of jane's relationships with women seemed more interesting than her relationship with men. im out here truthing for gay jane <3 say nothing about diana please that was NOT my fault

for all of her suffering, almost everyone who was ever horrible to jane got theirs in the end. so that was nice.

references to 🖖

the sections with the wife wandering the house at night were legitimately terrifying. like, to me, almost 200 years later, with all of my lights on. holy shit. context has been given to me also about the plot twist being that it's NOT a ghost but just a regular human person being pretty shocking at the time so i also think that's clever

some of the details don't quite click with um 2024 sensibilities. for example, "st john is such a good person going to india to be a missionary and even being willing to die over there" i think he should have died faster and i hope they dumped his body in a garbage heap. also, i was under the impression rochester was keeping a WHITE woman in his attic. like keeping any woman in your attic is bad but COME ON. and finally, there was this really pervasive belief throughout the book that you could glean someone's personality and intelligence etc through their physical features. it was talked about almost as if it was a science, but all it basically amounts to is "beautiful people are Better." ok.jpg

i don't. super feel like rochester was redeemed in the end? i guess i got spoiled by p&p but even though rochester SUFFERED and was PUNISHED he didn't CHANGE. i still don't think he's worthy of jane, and so the ending where she's just his caretaker forever now...i'm glad she's happy but i am a little baffled

i also felt a little baffled by jane letting st john walk all over her there near the end when she had Firmly established earlier she was not that kind of person. she was willing to starve to death rather than compromise her morals even though she really loved rochester, so why on earth did she almost let herself get bullied into a loveless marriage with her own cousin?

THAT SAID, i do like the reading of "well because of how it was she has to get married and rochester gives her the greatest degree of freedom because she has him well-tamed." that's very true.

i think everyone promised me too hard that the end of the book was gonna be good and make the rest of the book worth it because i had built it up in my head to...being a little More somehow. i thought the money was the big break and then it just made her more miserable until she went back to rochester because of ??? supernatural and/or religious reason. i don't think that ending magically fixes everything

i also think that if i go back and rewatch the movie, which i do plan on doing, it might sell me on the jane/rochester romance more, because actors are good at having charisma and making their characters enjoyable to watch on a screen. i think i never quite understood what jane saw in him, but if i could see it, i would be happier about their reunion

i'm still glad i read the book and got to know jane whether the movie fixes it for me or not. she's really one of the best female protags. i remember thinking a few times in the novel lizzy bennet would never have survived some of the stuff jane eyre did...on the other hand, darcy is ten times the man rochester is lol. crossover fic with darcy/jane..............?

anyway, i will make another post when i eventually get around to the movie. hope it fixes me 🤞🤞🤞

#personal #jane eyre blogging #im scheduling this to go up later when ppl are awake

[wuxiaphoenix]

Twenty-XXth Century Problems

The problem with the computerization of knowledge is that your access to it is only as good as your search engine. And search engines are notoriously difficult to program, meaning they’re often of doubtful quality. The wrong words, wrong word order, or wrong abbreviation can throw your results wildly off - if, in fact, if brings up any results at all.

(Written while silently swearing at a search engine that brings up 0 when I looked for juniper, when there are four varieties sitting on a counter. Oy....)

Janet Kagan put this to good use in her Mirabile stories, hinting first that they’d lost some of the colony ships’ database info, then some of the index (“No, searching for insectivores did not bring up bats”), then a reveal that an answer to a long-standing problem had been hiding in plain sight until someone went through all the science article archives by hand.... And even then, the searchers had to know what timeframe they were looking for.

And that was a case where hand-searching the archive was even possible. If everything was completely up to computers, down to which texts to pull up to “better fit” some algorithm of what users were “supposed” to be interested in-

We’d have a lot of information loss, even if it was technically still in the archive. If you can’t find it, it might as well not be there.

This is why I am and always will be in favor of hardcopy books and backups of, well, everything. It gives you the option of a brute force search, as good as your eyes and attention can manage. And it allows for the serendipity of having the right book land on your head (or your toes, ow), while you’re looking for something else entirely.

Writing fiction, in particular, is an exercise in putting together facts and speculations that normally never come within nodding distance of each other. A nonfiction writer may be able to narrow their focus to the recent history of herb-gathering in the Appalachians, and those are worthy and interesting books. But fiction is about people, and so has to include at least a stripped-down approximation of the messiness of human lives. The facts you need can jump from local herbs to local folk medicine to folk medicine in other countries that use ginseng to the fact that folk medicine also includes incantations against haints and oni... and that’s just for starters.

(Forget the sirens singing of sex to lure sailors overboard. If they changed their tune to “unlimited inter-library loans” - they’d likely get me, is all I’m saying.)

Scientific advancement also often relies on juxtaposing things a regular search engine might never put together. As one researcher put it, the real advances don’t come from “Eureka!” but from “Say, that’s funny....”

And don’t forget one of the most useful plot twists in Attack of the Clones - planets made to disappear from the Jedi Archives. Your characters might theoretically have the galaxy’s best scientific research at their fingertips, but can they access it?

So the next time someone laughs at a quiet crewman for lugging his microfiche library from starport to starship and back - one of the first things a successful enemy attack does is cut communication lines. Like, say, access to the space Internet.

There may come a time when the laugh’s on them!

#writing #creative writing #worldbuilding #searching

[gellavonhamster]

monthly media recap: january 2023

(taking a page from @robertcapajpg‘s book)

read:

Ruby Slippers, Golden Tears (ed. Ellen Datlow & Terri Windling) - a 1996 anthology of short stories based on fairy tales. Many works seemed to me lacking something (and many I didn't like at all), but there were also several stories I really enjoyed, especially towards the end. Favourites include: The Fox Wife by Ellen Steiber, The Traveler and the Tale by Jane Yolen, The Printer's Daughter by Delia Sherman, The Emperor Who Had Never Seen a Dragon by John Brunner, Roach in Loafers by Roberta Lannes (yep, the last one is Puss-in-Boots but with a cockroach, and in modern-day New York)

Issues 4-6 of the Hellebore zine - I am honestly planning to order and read all currently existing issues over the course of this year, because the articles are really interesting - folk horror, archaeology, history, literature, and the intersection of all of these - and the art is beautiful. Also, I didn’t even pay for the first issue in the end, because I ordered it in October and by the very late December I was sure it got lost in the post, so I wrote to the store for a refund, and then the package came after all, I wrote to the store again asking how to return the money back to them, and they said that since the delivery took so long, I could keep it... if it was a clever plan to acquire another regular reader, then it totally worked, haha

The Stolen Heir by Holly Black - good! As always, love how Black paints the faerie world in all its whimsy and violence. I posted some of my thoughts on this book here.

Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo - I liked Ninth House, but I kinda forgot it existed and also forgot approximately 2/3 of the plot, so I certainly didn't expect to enjoy the sequel as much as I did! It's been a while since I stayed up late reading like that. I am once again pretty indifferent towards the main pairing, but friendships and teamwork and characters seeing and accepting each other's vulnerabilities and past sins really moved me. Also, loved the helpful ghosts and unexpected [other mythical creatures, spoiler]

+ I am also still making my way through Lancelot-Grail/the Vulgate Cycle; in January I read Part II and III of Lancelot, as well as The History of the Holy Grail (this one I mostly just skimmed through, quite frankly, sometimes skipping a page or two where someone’s just, like, praying or preaching for a very long time. I am probably not very smart and definitely not religious enough for this)

watched:

The Musketeers (s1-3, 2014–2016) - well, you know, what with me obnoxiously reblogging gifs of it, lol. First things first, this is not an accurate adaptation of Dumas's novel, it's a very ahistorical procedural/western combo set in the 17th century France, and it fucking rules. I mean, swashbuckling adventures, the Power of Friendship™, women in stays and corsets, men in those puffy pirate shirts sluttily undone. Catering to my tastes personally. Season 3 was not as good as the first two, but what you're gonna do

Glass Onion (2022) - I think I enjoyed Knives Out more, but this one also was a lot of fun! Guessed some plot twists, but some were a total surprise to me. Love how the pandemic was integrated into the plot and characterization (e.g., a mesh mask says it all)

El vampiro (1957) - a Mexican horror film about a family targeted by a vampire that covets their estate. Very obviously influenced by the 1931 Dracula and weirdly cute in the way old horror often is (must be the toy bats on strings, though here could also be the romance).

The Field Guide to Evil (2018) - a horror anthology based on myth and folklore from around the world. The first two stories set a strong beginning, but then most of them (except the second-to-last, though the last one also is worth mentioning for being perfectly stylized after the classic silent films alone) fail to do something truly interesting with what they’re based on, in my opinion.

#talk talk talk #monthly media recap #3/4 of this post is copied from my twitter threads and i apologize to those of you who have already read this