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esepoimipullula · 3 years

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Alright, so... this is the utterly self-indulgent essay. XD

For any non-Italian readers: remember the introductory note on my translation of Goofy and The Perfect New Year’s Eve Handbook? About Italian Goofy (Pippo) having a huuuuuuuuuge family? Well, everyone in this family is, ofc, either just as quirky or nearly as quriky as Goofy himself... which makes for a lot of interesting personalities. Like Goofy's cousin, Indiana Pipps. Or Arizona Goof, in English. Presumably to make the joke at least a little bit subtler.

... yes, "the joke" is that he's literally an Indiana Jones parody. Who happens to be related to Goofy and look almost exactly (or exactly, depending on the story) like him. He's an "adventure archaeologist" who spends most of his time scouring South American jungles for lost pre-Colombian temples full of traps and treasure, travelling through scorching deserts to find legendary Egyptian ruins, and stumbling into fantarchaeology/Ancient Aliens/magical/mystical relics. He's brave, smart, passionate, confident to the point of being actually a bit arrogant, kind of reckless and hotheaded, a little rough, rather snarky, and has a strong sense of justice... and a bunch of strange habits and quirks. Like his penchant from entering buildings from the window rather than from the door (because that would be too easy), his preference for sleeping bags over beds and tents over houses (though he does have a house just out of Mouseton... in a dangerous swamp complete with crocodiles), his dislike and distrust for city life in general, and his love for a particular brand of strong-flavored liquorice candies called "Negritas" that almost everyone else finds adsolutely disgusting. Through the years, he's fallen in love with a bunch of female characters (starting with Clarabelle Cow, or so the internet tells me... Goof guys trying to steal her away from Horace must be a bizarre family tradition) and he's had a bunch of female characters fall in love with him, as you can expect considering he's the Dr. Jones of the Mouseverse and everything. But none of these crushes has ever really gone anywhere... whether because of a bout of obliviousness preventing him from realizing his temporary sidekick had been head over heels for him the whole time (sorry, Martina), a misguided attempt to present as a more traditional academic for a nerdy professor who unexpectedly turned out to be really into the adventurer type, or fairy law forbidding him to marry his French fairy sweetheart (yup, that happened).

Ironically, his most constant and long-lasting is with his nemesis, Dr. Kranz. (Nope, no name given.) (Yes, this is going to be an "enemies to lovers" kinda thing... except with, like, A Twist. So if you don't like that kind of dynamic or think people shouldn’t like messed-up ships or anything like that, you'd probably better stop reading.)

Kranz and Indiana appeared together in Indiana's first story, Mickey and Goofy in: Raiders of the Lost Temple by Bruno Sarda, and have been chasing each other for one reason or another ever since. Kranz is an adventure archaeologist, too, but despite being (almost) as skilled and succesful at his job as Indiana, he spends an awful lot of time following him around and trying to steal his discoveries... most often by putting on some disguise, stalking him from a distance, and popping out of nowhere with a gun and a mocking smirk as soon as Indiana finds the hidden lost idol/treasure/artifact/city.

Despite some weird occasional foray into the world of attempted world domination, Kranz is (mostly) into the whole villain business for the money and the fame. The money because he loves luxury (especially fast cars and five-star hotels) and sells a good chunk of what he finds or steals to unscrupulous clients or outright villainous organizations to afford to live the good life, and the fame because he has a big ego and (somehow, still) a reputation as a respectable archaeologist that feeds into it... and he's always trying to overshadow Indiana, because he hates being always second best to him. Which is just as well, because Indiana hates his attempts to steal his own discoveries, his criminal activities, his utter lack of ethics, and his greed. Whenever they see each other without either of them ending up on the wrong end of a gun or tied up for the local authorities to find, they usually still end up at each other's throat anyway. Or at least, insulting and teasing each other the whole time.

Except... it wasn't always like that. Back in the day, Indiana and Kranz were actually students in the same college. And roommates (YES, "and they were roommates!"). And "inseparable" best friends who got along very well despite their differences and genuinely cared for each other. And after graduating, even adventuring partners, at least occasionally. Kranz already loved money and luxury, and Indiana had already started to develop his simpler yet more bizarre tastes, but they were good together.

There's actually a recent mini-series about their college years written by Bruno Sarda himself, Young Indiana. It's pretty much a shipper's delight, as it contains high amounts of fluff, overdramatic (and suspiciously coupley imho) friendship drama with a happy ending, hugs, kisses, straight love drama taking a backseat as the focus stays firmly on the friendship drama, and a certain amount of foreshadowing of (angsty) things to come. But their old friendship was already an established fact before that...

Like in the story Indiana Pipps and the Return of Doctor Kranz, where Indiana ends up telling Mickey the story of how they parted ways and became enemies. Which was apparently inspired by something that happened in the Martin Mystère comics, but I've never read them so I wouldn't know. Long story short, Indiana and Kranz where on an expedition together when they unexpectedly found an absurdly powerful ray gun left behind by Ancient Aliens. As it turned out, by that point Kranz had already been in contact with a shady organization that would have paid good money for something like that, so he proposed they should sell the gun to them and share the profits of the sale. Indiana immediately opposed the idea, of course, being all like, "wtf dude idk about YOU apparently but I have morals and also a sense of professional ethics"... so Kranz knocked him out, took the gun, wrote him a note about how you shouldn't slap good luck away, and fled to the other side of the world, where a man from the organization would await him. But when Indiana woke up, he immediately started trying to track him, eventually ruining the sale right before it could go through and throwing the gun into the sea, where it would never be found again. At that point, Kranz swore he'd have his revenge on him by basically costantly tailing him and ruining his life and career, never leaving him a moment of peace.

Which he's sometimes been pretty succesful at, considering there's been a whole story about Indiana being so stressed due to Kranz appearing out of the blue to ruin his day, it turns into some sort of bizarre mania where he believes everyone and anyone is secretly Kranz in disguise. However, the same story also has Kranz being so stressed due to Indiana constantly foiling his schemes that he goes on a cruise to just forget about him and relax for a while... and ends up jumping off the ship when he mistakenly believes Indiana might be on it, too. So, that's a two-way street, I guess.

So, basically... friends to enemies, genuine affection being ruined by greed and ambition and turning into resentment and spite and straight-up hatred, a degree of mutual obsession and general unhealthiness. But that's not really all there is to their relationship.

There's also stories where they're forced to collaborate to reach the same goal and have to behave more or less civilly, or even where they choose to do so willingly and end up actually still being a good team. There's stories where getting good results while working together makes them behave almost amicably, as much as they're able or willing to. Stories where they acknowledge their past together, if not their old friendship, and even the similarities between them. Stories where they find themselves with someone they both look down down or hate even more than each other, and find some common ground insulting and snarking at them in-between doing the same to each other. Where they grudgingly help each other out.

And then, there's Indiana Pipps e il soccorso obbligato. The story I blame for getting me into this ship in the frist place, when I could be here reading and writing Scroldie or Dimeshipping or Donsy or Mickey/Minnie or literally any other of my Disney comics ships that people other than me actually ship.

In Il soccorso obbligato, Kranz gets kidnapped by some shady guys while he's working on a revolutionary archaeological discovery, except he's not been kidnapped and he's not actually close to finding anything that awesome, and it's all just a convoluted trap to get back at Indiana for laughing at him one time because he's terrible. But Indiana doesn't know that, and so he and Mickey rush to the rescue and fly to a whole other continent to find him...

That story really has everything. From Kranz coming up with a ridiculous and ridiculously cruel plan because he might be used to Indiana insulting him and mocking him but sometimes his former friend laughing at him and acting all superior and better than him still hurts, to Indiana actually falling for it and trying to justify to himself why he does, telling himself that after so many years spent (fighting) together there's a bond between them and he owes it to Kranz... and admitting he’s worried about him. From Indiana still remembering little details about Kranz and their past together and looking almost fond as he talks about them, to Kranz being both petty and obsessed enough to leave a journal full of insults to Indiana for him to find as a clue and setting his password to a mocking phrase about him (and Indiana, who should expect some stuff like that or at least be used to it, still getting riled up and planning on giving Kranz an earful when he finds him). From Kranz assuming Indiana would only come save him if he threw an imaginary fantarchaeological discovery into the mix because then Indiana wouldn't be able to resist his "archaeological curiosity", to Indiana considering said discovery more of a secondary concern and actually regretting and feeling almost guilty for mocking Kranz the last time they saw each other before the supposed kidnapping... and recklessly, unthinkingly running over a thin ice bridge over a gaping chasm just to get to him, throwing all caution to the wind even as he tells himself he doesn't even know why he's doing it. And the way they still KNOW each other despite everything that happened, maybe even because of everything that happened! The angst! The complicated, unspoken, repressed things! Being a softie and a sap, I'm always a sucker for "the hero and the villain actually have a bond and care for each other on some level even if it's not the healthiest or most normal thing"... but considering the history between these two? Though the story in itself is very fun and entertaining, it never fails to break my heart a little.

And in all honesty, I might end up writing fanfictions about them. Fanfictions full of angst and pining and conflicted feelings and "we were never lovers but oh god we could have been --- if you hadn't screwed up everything in the end, at least" college stuff with a mess of obliviousness and repressed feelings, most likely.

#disney comics #mouseverse #mickey mouse comics #indiana pipps x kranz #arizona goof x kranz #indiana pipps #arizona goof #dr kranz #the angsty disaster archaeologist not boyfriends project #can you believe i'm gonna have to modify that tag on all my posts about these two because tumblr hates dashes lol #how goofy's indiana jones parody and his usually-not-that-well-handled nemesis ruined my life: a history #PLEASE talk to me about these two if anything in this post sparked your interest

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thevagueambition · 3 years

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Tonks, Lan Xichen and my darling boy Bossuet, please sir :3

I shall provide! :P thanks for asking!

Tonks

Sexuality Headcanon: Mostly she's just vibing but she tends to date girls. Not super concerned with labeling anything, but will casually refer to herself as gay.

Gender Headcanon: A vague hand gesture followed by a shrug. She prefers a butch aesthetic and her bio would say "any pronouns"

A ship I have with said character: I don't super ship her with anyone tbh

A BROTP I have with said character: Mad-Eye as her mentor is super funny to me and she herself makes a good gay mentor for Ginny lol. I also want to see her make friends with Sirius and Remus

A NOTP I have with said character: Not as notp as some notps I have but due to the history of their relationship being used to crush gay readings of either character involved, Tonks/Remus. I really respect when people write that as very queer in and of itself but on a personal level I can't really get over 1) the intent it was likely written with 2) the way it's written in canon.

A random headcanon: She's involved with 90s zine culture

General Opinion over said character: I am extremely fond of her. Along with Remus, she's the most queercoded character in HP.

Lan Xichen (I probably have some unpopular opinions here lol)

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm so this is complicated by the psudo-historical context because... I see LXC as someone whose primary concern (or at least one of them) is living up to the ideal of a man of his status as defined by his society and I think what the setting is emulating is a society where a marriage to a woman is part of that and romantic sentiments aren't really considered abnormal in male-male friendships. And I see him as someone who is satisfied within that system. So if being "straight" is having a sexuality that is not at odds with societal norms, that is what I see him as. True, he doesn't show much interest in women, but frankly homosocial relationships were often the most emotionally significant relationships people had in heavily gender stratified societies like all of MDZS and particularly the Cloud Recess is, regardless of the presence of any sexual attraction. Idk. Like I genuinely feel like I'd need to read a great deal more about sexuality in the period of Chinese history MDZS draws its inspiration from to give an actual answer lol

Gender Headcanon: He seems pretty normatively cis male and indeed concerned with living up to his duties as a highborn man specifically.

A ship I have with said character: I somewhat ship him with Jin Guangyao but only along the lines of "acceptable" romantic sentiments because personally i really prefer that LWJ's homosexuality is uniquely transgressive within his immediate surroundings. if you see WWX as gay, which I think makes as much sense as seeing him as bi, then ofc once they get together it's not unique in that WWX is also being openly gay, but what I mean is the ways in which eg LWJ openly declares his love for WWX to LXC in the backstory, doesn't mind people assuming he's fucking Mo Xuanyu, etc

A BROTP I have with said character: Jin Guangyao as well, LWJ ofc (the literal bro B) )

A NOTP I have with said character: I REALLY don't want to see him with WWX lol

A random headcanon: In some ways he acted as LWJs parent due to the situation with their parents. Their uncle stepped in to do a lot or parenting, yes, but I think LXC is the type of older sibling who has a very parental relation to their younger sibling due to elements of how they grew up combined with general personality

General Opinion over said character: He's really great. The absolute gap moe of how calm he usually is contrasted with his reaction to the JGY reveal.... fantastic. Also every time he teases LWJ is so valid lol. Truly he is great Older Brother Rep lol

Bossuet

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual in the exact manner a lot of historical men who have sex with men were lol

Gender Headcanon: Cis male, albeit complicated by his sexuality, as it always would have been at the time

A ship I have with said character: Both Joly/Bossuet on their own and power triad Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta

A BROTP I have with said character: Bossuet and Grantaire have such great canon interactions! They're clearly close and imo Bossuet is one of the few people Grantaire sometimes listens to because Bossuet bothering to argue with him in Back Room of the Café Musain is exactly because they're good enough friends that he feels he can say it and should be the one to do so, as well that he has some experience of sometimes halting Grantaire in his Grantaire-ing

A NOTP I have with said character: Hmm nothing comes to mind really

A random headcanon: In some ways he's who Grantaire could be if he wasn't so deep in a pit of mental illness and self pity and Bossuet's aware of that to some extent, understands that who Grantaire is is not that far from who he could be if he lost his belief in Progress and didn't have Joly. IMO Bossuet is incredibly observant, particularly emotionally.

General Opinion over said character: Imagine acidentially giving up your spot at uni to another student because you got so annoyed with the professor that you began trolling him but it backfired and then telling this to the guy who you gave up your spot for but in a way where you frame it as if you did it completely intentionally and indeed you're thankful to him because now you don't have to go to law school all because you don't want him to feel bad about it and also it's funnier Bossuet Is That Dude

Honestly, he's one of my absolute favourites

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randomnameless · 3 years

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I don't know if this has been asked before, but I was wondering what your thoughts on Rhea are.

Oh, I don't think someone asked it, but I remember a character meme.

Rhea's in the Julia tier : you're expecting things and the game doesn't give you any.

you asked for thoughts so this is long and rather unorganised even if i tried a bit and i feel like i repeated myself a lot so meh

If Edel and Rhea have one thing in common, it's being shafted by the need to make Billy the most special being every with the monstrous "I was lonely before you player-chan uwu".

Seteth'n'Flayn ? In the same trashcan Hubert went in.

Catherine, Shamir, the randoms living in the monastery? Dgaf but still she's willing to die for them so does she really gaf or not? Rhea's willing to give her blood and crest stone shards (to this day I still don't understand what those are) to trusted randoms who would become cardinals? "uwu player-chan". I know I've written a bit about it with the seirelm anon, but with the Canon-ish info? Post Zanado Rhea told a random dude she could turn in a dragon, gave her blood to the same dude and remained in his empire/fighting by his side for at least 30 years. Still “lonely without U Billy <3″

I've written this in the meme entry, but Rhea has her own net of relationships. They're not as important as Dimitri and his childhood friends, but erasing them for the sake of "player-chan" feels wrong.

Role and goals

Rhea's in an interesting place, being a former "legendary hero" like Athos, Sephiran etc.

Still her fight isn't over, she only defeated Nemesis and couldn't end the mastermind behind (a bit like Seliph if you only kill Arvis or Roy when you forget to pick up every legendary weapon). Also, if Seiros killed Nemesis, she hasn't won. In the current Fodlan, she still has to pretend to be a human, the Nabateans as a culture/population are dead. They're still 5 (ish? I think the apostles are lizards), she's still afraid humans will dice them if they learn the truth. Has she won? Idk. Could she win and make a Fodlan were lizards and humans could live together? I don't think so.

Her role as the Archbishop? Well, the game really liked Rhea as a red herring during white clouds and the way FE16 is built, around the monastery, reinforces it. Rhea's the head of the monastery, so she's the head of your world. Everything wrong with the world is automatically linked to Rhea.

So, when Marianne complains about people wanting to kill/ostracise her because of her crest, thinking it's a curse, we of course wonder "why Rhea can't tell to the randoms that no Marianne shouldn't be killed/shunned because of her crest?". Completely forgetting that, hey, Marianne's from the Alliance and heiress of Edmund, so if some people should intervene, it should be her dad "why the fuck are you trying to kill my daughter" or the Alliance council "Duke Riegan, could you please make a public statement about my daughter and how she isn't some sort of demonic beast so stop throwing rocks at her?".

Same thing with the Empire, why should you blame the church and the crests instead of the people doing shit? Hanneman's brother in law? Like is marriage so absolute that a husband can force multiple pregnancies on his wife to the point of literally killing her? The von Essar aren't as important as the Bergliez, but Hanneman's sister dying like that should have rang some bells? Hanneman's dad didn't care? No one wanted to appeal to the Emperor or something? If Jane the random or Karen the peasant died this way, it’d be usual class nonsense. But a noble woman??

Rhea should have done more to prevent crest abuse. She wrote tenets in her Bible and apparently doesn't discriminate in her monastery. But in the other countries? Idk. Her tenets are interpreted like your shopping list by Gloucester Sr "and add a part where interacting with foreigners goes against Seiros's teachings what yes I know better than those dunces from the eastern/central church".

It's not because Riegan Sr and Ionius aren't doing shit that she should do nothing too, but ultimately it falls on the usual landmine about Rhea's influence and power over Fodlan and if we consider Fodlan isn't just the Monastery we see but a continent made up of 4 autonomous states...

The so-called status quo isn't upheld by the church alone (if it is upheld in the first place!), but also by the empire and the Alliance... Lambert was toasted before making any changes, the Alliance is that weird thing where money is anything and crests/old nobility doesn't matter anymore, and the Empire is... Well. The Empire.

Regarding this, I find it really strange that Rhea went to Goneril and rescued one of their slaves, with how much she cares about protecting her monastery and not antagonising anyone, picking Cyril up, risking the ire of house Goneril, feels really risky from her perspective.

Imo WC doesn't sell me the "church rules over the continent" take.

Ultimately it doesn't matter because Rhea thinks she should have done more, and abused her position as the archbishop to rez her mom - I understand the "abused her position" as regretting her various omissions, like helping more people around etc etc.

I also feel like Rhea’s got a big survivor complex, and tries to fulfill impossible tasks. "leading/guiding the world?" she won't take an active role in it, but still resents the state of current Fodlan and wishes Sothis could restore some order (crest abuse? Or relics popping up right and left meaning more sibs dying). She wants to :

1/ guide the world and make it a better place (why complaining about the wayward Fodlan otherwise?)

2/ protect randoms who live under her protection

3/ make sure no one learns the truth about her appearance and relics at the same time.

I don't think it's possible given her current role and especially not possible on her own.

About 3/, call back to FE9 or not, but Rhea's paranoia is... Actually, not proven to be exaggerated in the game.

Ranulf was lynched in Crimea when he was discovered to be a laguz? In a certain route, Rhea's called a cruel beast due to her appearance, accused of not having "human" feelings and is depicted as a creature masquerading as a human. Hate and attack the woman all you want for things she did or might have done, but getting rid of her because she's not human? Rhea's right about not revealing her true nature, because, relics notwithstanding, humans will try to kill her for being a nabatean. Relic wise, in the DLC, we learn Aubin was recently turned in a relic, so that's even more reason to hide.

On 1/, wanting to promote peace in the land? National bias at play with rewriting history “to promote peace” issue. Rhea also built the officer's academy (if nobles from different states can live and study together surely they won't try to kill each other when they return home because they might have become friends?) and with help from the everyone in Fodlan (even the empire iirc?) built the locket to fend off Almyrian invasions. Not saying this is the best way to protect your borders but at least she tried to help instead of staying holed in her monastery.

Imo if Rhea didn't care about Fodlan, she'd have followed her bros and fortified herself in her monastery without accepting random humans to live with her, wouldn't have written a book about how everyone had to get along "unless it goes against the goddess" and wouldn't basically run what seems to be the biggest orphanage/place for the needy/and whatever is the abyss in the continent.

Not saying she doesn't have a priority, but Rhea tries to care, on her scale, about Fodlan's randoms.

About said randoms (and 2/)...

Well there's this bout with Lonato's rebellion and another herring where Rhea's all "I will destroy anyone who takes arms against the church and its believers" and it's extreme, I can’t deny. But if Lonato took arms and mounted a militia to attack Ositia's castle and its randoms? Hector'd have Armads'd Lonato without a second thought. Elincia had qualms about taking her weapons against her own countrymen who were used by Ludveck, but in the end, she took up her weapons to defend her castle, even if it meant she had to kill militiamen. Rhea's line seemed random and cold in the context, but it's the same general idea, attack her people and she will kill you. Still, if you don't take weapons against her, she won't react violently. Duke Gerth is apparently dick waving with Aubin's relic, but Shamir wasn't sent to recover the thing or to get rid of Gerth.

Ultimately Rhea blows her cover and abandons her dream to reunite with her mother to protect the monastery and its inhabitants in 3 routes (arguably in CF too). Someone once made a post about the differences between Seiros's and Edel's crowns and the symbolism of wings - the IO's wings are meant to protect. The IO is the guardian/protector. Rhea tanks missiles and buys time for the students to escape at the cost of her life.

Relationships

Rhea and Sothis? someone made a post summarizing my thoughts about their relationship, or lack of, and if we can argue Sothis was shafted by the devs like Rhea and Edel, ultimately the only important person to Sothis is Billy.

Billy doesn't warp Sothis's preexisting net of relationships, Sothis doesn't have relationships with anyone save for Billy. Rhea wants to meet her mom more than anything else (save for protecting randoms) but Sothis will never address that plot point. She only does in SS and off screen, and it ends up with Rhea wondering if she should live... so take it as you want, but to me it mustn't have been the "hug and pat on the head" kind of reunion.

Ultimately we see Rhea is able to let go of her dream (rez mom) in several routes, she understands and acknowledges Sothis will never return and Billy has her powers now, so either she dies more or less at peace knowing she can trust Billy with Fodlan's future, or she can return to Zanado and live peacefully with Catherine.

Which leads me to the Billy relationship,

As much as I hate player pandering, it makes some sense that Rhea would support Billy and not, let's say, Caspar. I still hate it though because Billy exclusive support means we were robbed of Rhea's other supports with, idk, her fam, Cyril, Catherine, Shamir, Alois, Hanneman, Manu etc etc.

In the beginning of WC, Rhea's pretty sure Billy's Sothis but without memories. Then in the non-cf chapter 12, she tells Billy they know what they are and thus must guide Fodlan, also telling Seteth Billy's a vector for sothis's powers, but not Sothis herself. In SS's finale she calls them "mother" but in her S-support finally acknowledges Billy's their own thing.

In CF Rhea's vicious in her trash talk but immediately jumps to the conclusion that Billy cannot be or hear Sothis, because, to her, logically, Sothis wouldn't side with Edel and her Agarthian allies (stealing the crest stones, Flayn, etc etc). Billy is something that stole Sothis's crest stone and sword and wants to finish what Nemesis started. I don't think CF Rhea snaps because Billy isn't Sothis, CF Rhea snaps because, again, someone is using her mother to kill her.

Rhea's also supposed to have been fond of Citrus to the point of talking to her remains (something she does with her mom) which could explain her sympathy for Billy regardless of the Sothis project.

Jeralt's a different issue, apparently they worked together for more than 100 years but Rhea never told him the truth about her nature, only about how he was saved. Still, Jeralt betrays when his baby is "weird" and unlike regular human babies so... Would he have ran away if he learnt what rhea was? Dumped Citrus if he knew she was an artificial being? Idk.

Catherine Shamir cyril and pals (Alois)? We don't know bcs the game dgaf about anyone not named Billy. As I said above, It’d have been nice to get more interactions with randoms she is working with, or at least showed some care, but nope. “Player-chan uwu” strikes again.

Seteth'n'Flayn? Rhea's close to them, she gets out of her room to look for Flayn and Cyril and Catherine note how she seems close to Seteth (who's totally her bro), but again, the game hates us. FFS don't think she has a line with Flayn!

Secrets and explosions

Tied to 3/ and 1/ from earlier, Rhea keeps a lot of secrets which could justify her lack of relationships/supports with the others... but this argument falls flat, because she’s not the only one with a secret and if Flayn doesn’t seem to care that much about hers, Seteth does and is still able to support students and staff members. Which leads to tragedies.

The Christophe incident is not well documented, and while we learn Rhea was the target of Christophe’s attempt because Western peeps told him so, it is not very well explained why she didn’t execute him on those grounds instead of falsifying charges about involvement with the Regicide. We are told it was to stabilise the Kingdom, but I still don’t know how the Kingdom would have suffered backlash if Rhea told the truth (maybe it would have led to open conflict between the western church and the central church in the kingdom, when the kingdom needed stability at that point? idk).

Still, Lonato wants revenge for Christophe, not because he was executed on false charges, but because he died ; imo, if Lonato learnt the truth, he’d still be out for Catherine and Rhea’s head.

Aelfie’s gambit is more of a direct result of Rhea’s secrecy, because she had “no words” for him about why Citrus was still in pristine condition, he gave up and tried to rez her. Would it had been different if she told him what Citrus was (and by extent, what she was)? Idk. Maybe, maybe not.

Still, Rhea doesn’t keep secrets from everyone every time - she once trusted Willy and told him about her alternate form and it exploded 1k years later, when Willy’s descendants are out for her head because she’s a creature masquerading as a human (I know mole people also played a part, but I guess it sticked more with Edel and the gang who already knew Rhea was a dragon ; trying to convince a random that “hey, this woman is a dragon !” would be more difficult). CF-wise again, Rhea trusts Billy with the SoC and, again, it explodes. In CF Rhea feels betrayed, she trusted some people and now the very same people (or their descendant in Edel’s case) are trying to kill her.

So it’s not a case of someone never trusting anyone, it’s someone trusting some people and regretting it afterwards (in both routes + CF at least, even if I firmly believe the “evil lizards ruling over the world” spiel doesn’t come from Willy, but from later emperors influenced by mole people).

There can also be a point made for Aelfie, who might have been able to merge with Citrus to create an umbral beast because he had Rhea’s blood and a crest stone shard - Citrus being a fake Nabatean and Aelfie having a crest stone + blood might have produced CS’s final boss? Rhea trusted Aelfie with a crest stone shard and her blood, and he became an umbral beast.

Interestingly, Rhea is hell bent on keeping her secrets regarding her identity, in SS Seteth has to beg her to reveal everything to Billy when Billy is the most important person in the world “uwu” or at least, the only person Rhea supposedly opened to. Even the “uwu” factor isn’t enough, on its own, to make her reveal the truth about her identity.

She gives Claude half-truths, and has to be on death’s door to tell him everything - still occulting Seteth’n’Flayn, to the point where Claude later wonders if there are other children of the goddess around.

Vengeful Rhea?

Rhea isn't a stale piece of bread like Julia. She says mean words to Nemesis but also brutally kills him. Rhea cannot forgive the Elites. I know it's very different, but Julia "dad is the kindest man I ever knew" making a 180° “i must atone for what dad did eff him” will always make me throw up - she doesn’t have to be vengeful or try to stab Seliph with a butter knife, but no acknowledgement of “dad’s the bestest” after his death, or even, of his death is meh.

To Rhea, Nemesis and the Elites are a trigger point, and everything related to Zanado. CF!Billy using her mom’s powers is like Nemesis, CF!Billy + Edel pillaging what remains of her siblings in Nemesis’n’Dudes. Flamey doing his shit with Flayn also parallels that. There’s the usual “vengeance sucks” speech to be given, but also the Tellius verse where Laguz aren’t depicted in a bad light when they want to destroy Izuka or when Tibarn learns Lekain was responsible for Serenes’s massacre.

Still, unlike Tibarn’n’pals, Rhea, unlike Macuil, doesn't seem to hold a grudge against descendants of the Elites. Maybe she had faith in them when she told them not to abuse the power of their crests, but then their descendants forgot or didn’t care and we’re in the so-called crest system.

In SS, Seteth asks the BE students if they want to return home to the Empire and how he won’t hold it against them. Seteth’s being Rhea’s right hand bro in this situation, I doubt he’d have proposed this solution without her approval.

She is vengeful and ready to pursue for more 90 years someone to kill them, but she won’t target that someone’s descendants or potential allies. I’ve read some takes about the Western Church being razed to the ground after Catherine’s paralogue, but iirc, Rhea’s only going to execute the Bishop there ; they appoint a new bishop in hopes to ease the relationships between the central and western church. There’d be no point to appoint someone to rule over a body that doesn’t exist...

Grey waves

Wave 1 : Another parallel with Edel is the will to sink in troubled waters to reach their goals.

However, Rhea stays on the surface.

Aelfie thinks Seiros failed to rez Sothis with the chalice because she didn't take more blood from the apostles. Blood rituals are creepy and gave an umbral beast. Seiros didn't pursue and sought another mean to rez Sothis without killing her bros. Rhea makes homunculi to host Sothis's soul? It fails but the homunculi isn't destroyed asap to make another one, hell, Rhea cares about them (which is all kinds of fucked up on its own).

AM wise, iirc, Seteth and Catherine say Rhea'd never forgive them if they run to save her instead of saving randoms first.

Still, making homunculus to create a vessel for her mom - making artificial lives - is problematic, she’s ashamed of it “i did questionable things” and Seteth berates her on her “questionable” experiments.

CF!Rhea eats babies during the final map. She burns the city to make her last stronghold and refuses to run away. CF!Rhea, at the end of this route, completely abandoned goal 1 2 and 3. She wants to survive, yes, but to recover Sothis, no matter how. She still seems to care about humanity, but takes everything too literally and is persuaded humanity and humans are after her to hurt her and her mother (i’m pretty sure uncle Arry was waiting with his Agarthan tech suitcase for Edel to deal with the beast in the background). Contrary to CF’s chapter 12, Endgame!Rhea doesn’t have lines when Catherine and Cyril fall. She’s still siding with humans, but she’s in this for herself now.

Of course, CF!Rhea is special, because CF!Rhea lives again through her trauma, CF!Rhea lost her home, her bro and niece a few chapters ago, she lost her human allies, apparently some peons from her church are deserting and Uncle is waiting with his portable electric saw to turn her in a shiny sword, because she trusted a corpse with Sothis’s heart and spine and trusted a human 1000 years ago with her secret. And now said corpse follows someone who rings at her door with an army, wishes to obliterate her unless she surrenders (?) and works with Uncle and his dubstep pals.

In the other routes, Billy doesn’t want to killer her with her mother’s spine and tries to defend her home, Seteth’n’Flayn aren’t forced into exile or dead and depending on the route she gets to see Uncle and his dubstep friends being buried under rubble.

Troubled waters to reach her goals also include slowing Fodlan’s technological advancements (but was it really slowing down Fodlan’s R&D’s department or cliking “no” when Mole People offer a free (for now) new technology that makes you advance from bronze age to the industrial era in one go?)

Wave 2 : Rhea’s anchored in the past, she wants to return to happier days with her mom and her family, but also wants to help randoms in Fodlan

She doesn’t seem to mind the present where humans do whatever they want, and yet will protect her people and tries (or tried since it’s history) to keep Fodlan safe.

I think the game wanted to tell us Rhea’s stuck in the past, but she also manages to form bonds (albeit fickle) in the present with Catherine, Shamir and, arguably, Cyril. Seteth’n’Flayn accept the past and try to move forward, Rhea cannot and yet is making baby steps forward, or at least to live in the present. “uwu factor” is supposed to mean Rhea’s stuck in the past and can only see Billy for what they are once she accepts to live in the present, but Rhea’s already fond of Catherine, calls Aelfie her child, was fond of Citrus and Jeralt, makes time for Cyril, etc etc. It’s not as clear cut as drinking tea with them but it’s still something that quashes the “lonely B4 U player-chan uwu”.

Rhea thinks her biggest grey wave is how she didn’t do enough for Fodlan and feels inadequate to walk in Sothis’s shoes as the guardian/protector of Fodlan - she could have done more, but she’s busy juggling with three goals, rez mom, protect fodlan, protect the fam.

I think one of her main issue (but the game was also made this way so) is to try to reach those goals alone, save for the “rez mom” goal, everyone in Fodlan, especially the heads of the three states should be concerned with keeping peace in the continent!

Lambert was BBQ’s, Riegan’s busy shitting on Gloucester and Ionius is... well, Ionius. Add to that Mole People starting up shit all around the continent and you have the recipe for a disaster. I’m not saying Lambert and Ionius should have participated to the “protect her family” goal, but at least not trying to eradicate them to turn them in relics would have been nice, sadly Ionius’s bro in law was an Agarthan.

Even if she is nearly immortal compared to a human, Rhea can’t do everything on her own. That’s why I ultimately think a SS ending is doomed to fail, Billy will try to be Rhea 2.0. and in 1000 years it will fall apart again.

AM ending? Billy will become like Rhea was post War of Heroes, but when Dimitri’s descendants start to do shit, his Kingdom disappears and humans start to return to their usual shitty selves, what will Billy do?

VW ending is kind of the same, Claude wants to open the borders and make everyone able to live regardless of their differences, but what if 940 years later an Almyrian president decides to build a wall between Fodlan and Almyra and make Fodlaneses pay for it? What is immortal Billy, who knew Claude and his ideals, going to do?

Wave 3 (lol i nearly forgot but remembered when i was rambling in the tags) : Rhea and technology !

The DLC book and Word of God said she slowed advance of technology in Fodlan to protect peace etc etc. But there’s a book where a cardinal said “eff to autopsies else people won’t rely on us with faith magic” which is... kind of weird. There’s a reason why Rhea might have approved that ban (Why does Freikugel look like a hip bone?) but it still deprived Fodlan’s randoms from the scientifical advance of autopsies... and made people reliant on faith magic.

Actually, the book goes

“Though it is widely believed that this is medically relevant, such actions upon a corpse are considered desecration of the dead. Since white magic can be used to a similar end, autopsies were deemed taboo. A notable cardinal asserted that if medical science were to excel over faith-based white magic, it would destabilize the foundation of the church “

I already pointed out the WTF between faith and white magic (Seteth doesn’t believe his mom is real so he has no faith boon) but interesting to note “desecrating the dead” is still something of an argument nowadays, not regarding autopsies but other practices like anatomical theaters etc etc. Maybe White Magic isn’t intrusive and yields the same results? idk.

Interesting to note, it’s a cardinal who edicted/justified that ban (Rhea as the head of the Church would have given her approval oc). As pointed out with the Freikugel example, Rhea’d have a personal interest in preventing humans to know more about anatomy (goal 3/). Would people stop looking to the church to be healed if “medical science” progresses too much? Maybe. From what we see in the curren Fodlan, it doesn’t.

Also, French version translated the “foundation of the church” as “stability” of the church - would the church become unstable or challenged if people could heal without using white magic? Again, we ultimately know that it doesn’t, magical science and medical science coexist, Manuela gives a short summary of the two - they have different effects.

As for things Rhea herself banned : Telescopes, Oil exploitation and Printed Press.

Telescopes were banned because Rhea thought it would increase violence during wartimes and would make it too easy to snipe from afar (TFW mages with bolting can do the same without telescopes, but they’re limited by their range and if they have a gloucester’s crest by Rhea’s sister’s femur’s range or whatever is Thyrsus). We know the mole people use (and most likely used before during the Sothis war) this technology. The “lessening the mystery of the goddess” thing is noted by Edel herself who wonders if the Goddess could really have come from space since it’s super far away. Edel doesn’t know the Goddess is an alien dragon-thing though.

Oil exploitation : “Misuse could result in accidental death” tfw random Faerghus countryman thought it was water and died :’(

Used tactically by those lacking magical abilities - like gambits? Was Rhea thinking that a random human cannot set fire to an entire city (lol) on his own with his limited spell pool/uses, but if he uses oil then he would only be limited by the quatity of oil? So it’d be easier to cause mass fires? Or whatever Robin did in FE13 with the ships and the Valmese army? Also, if Rhea thought oil could replace humans with magic, does it mean humans with magic were supposed to do everything oil can do? Like making a lamp or they still used something else as fuel? “Competition for it could cause strife” Rhea acknowledged that if humans discovered this ressource they’d deem it as essential and try to get their hands on it, even if they had to wage war?

Metal molding Printing Machine : “after careful consideration” Rhea banned it because it’d be useless for illiterate randoms - well yes, but why should this be an argument? You don’t ban something because it’s useless, look, no one banned airpods - risk of mass circulation of false information or rumors : rhea wanted to prevent redshit from existing This is a way to control information, but funnily enough in the game, we see the results or someone deliberately using manifestos spreading misinformation - risk of “increasing disparity between church branches” (fr version has “rivalry” instead of disparity) what does it mean? The central church would have more means to print books than the eastern church so the eastern church would be jealous? Or the Western Church could mass print its doctrine and have more zealots than the central or the easter church?

Ultimately, all those bans were lifted with time, Manuela performs Jeralt’s autopsy, Edel’s imperial science division managed to guess the distance between the Blue sea star and Fodlan, Oil is apparently used in several gambits, Edel’s able to send manifestos around the continent and Seteth can write children books and sell them without difficulties. Hilda can also lose books which would be a big no-no even if you are a noble if books weren’t, kind of, mass printed.

So why those bans? To protect Fodlan and the fam, but since they were lifted with time, I don’t think Rhea abandonned her goals, most likely, she thought humans were making small steps to discover those technologies, slowly learning about them so they won’t have them when they’re not “ready enough” to use them.

The “ready enough” thing sounds paternalistic or what can be expected from a more technologically advanced alien, but technically Rhea’s part alien and she lived through (or not?) an episode where humans received technology and did shit with it (mole people) so maybe she won’t hand them the car with the keys this time, and instead let them figure out how to build the car.

Still, this is HC because, as usual, the game doesn’t let us talk or question Rhea about those things, so we can only infer, read between the lines or between pixels.

****

TBH, I didn’t care a lot about her when I played, but when she had to eat babies in CF I grew more interested. Other bloggers already pointed it out, but Rhea’s a Tiki, but also a “traditional FE lord” in the sense she avenged her mom who was killed by the king of another kingdom, lived in exile and raised an army to fight against the King.

Still, Rhea didn’t end up as the leader of the world, or as the first Empress of United Fodlan, or something like that. She let Willy do his thing. Why? How? Why didn’t she became an integral part of the Empire, if she had been politically important, or a kind of seer/oracle, it would have been difficult for the Empire to go against her!

But nope, Rhea figged away in her mountains to rez her mom, sprout some “doctrine” (she could have done the same as an Emperor/Seer/Oracle) and watched over randoms who made up her “church”. She sometimes tries to intervene in Fodlan’s best interests, but it failed. Because Rhea doesn’t want to rule. She feels like she has to be a guide, but when humans don’t follow her? Well, what can she do? FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea sending her knights against the Empire when the Empire kicked out her Church and basically said “fig” to her face. FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea being angry and punching Gloucester in the face because he doesn’t show “real piety” and sprouts doctrine out of his rear.

Still, when she has to take a more hands-on approach and cannot be a distant figure/guide, she complains about maintaining a certain image as the Archbishop and how she cannot socialise with students or even walk around without Seteth randoms guarding her. She feels her mother would do a better job and tries to act as a proxy. Imo, Rhea’s bound by duty to her mom, to her sibs dead and living, and to Fodlan. She doesn’t reject her role, she accepts it, she doesn’t like it yes, but if going Gandalf in non-CF chapter 12 shows, she will fulfill it.

What’s most saddening though, is how her duty is a self-imposed one. Rez her mom? She personally took the challenge, because she misses Sothis the most and feels ashamed of this feeling to the point of not telling Seteth about it (interesting enough, Indech seems to be aware Billy’s Sothis incarnation and didn’t jump to the “Billy must be one of Nemesis’s kids with the crest of flames” conclusion, as if he knew Sothis could “incarnate” one day, but was he thinking Sothis would incarnate on her own or Rhea would trigger it? Flayn also suspects a thing about Billy being related to them because of Rhea). Rhea personally thinks she has to lead/guide Fodlan and make it a better place, ignoring the heads of the 3 states who should also be concerned with this goal. Rhea will create a false history to protect her living siblings when Macuil and Indech won’t give a fuck and live in their bestial forms somewhere, and when Seteth hides, but made it clear his only wish is to protect Flayn and the apostles, if they were really lizards, disappeared in random villages.

FE16 isn’t interested by Rhea’s story though.

That’s why I’m desperately waiting for a War of Heroes DLC or prequel of BSFE or whatever because I don’t really care about Fodlan in 1180 and who can have a perfect tea time with Billy or not.

I’d like to know why Birdie and Indech figged away, why Rhea thought letting Willy control the entire continent when he knows she’s a dragon was a good idea, why the Apostles didn’t take part in the Nemesis fight, why Fodlan’s humans decided to side with Willy in his brand new Empire instead of staying with King Nemesis, did Sothis have a previous faithful and what happened when she disappeared, were the Nabateans tyrannical rulers over humans which made some with Nemesis’n’pals, what were they supposed to do when they left Zanado, etc, etc.

So just like Julia and the baijilions AU ideas I came up with, Rhea’s a fuel for AUs because her base game dgaf about her.

#anon #replies #long reply #FE16 #Rhea stuff #the julia tier #everyone hates that tier #it's when you have something interesting but you're not supposed to care about it #fuck the uwu factor ffs #burn it to oblivion #i really really hope next FE won't have an avatar #eff billy #tfw you could have Tellius' herons but Reyson's more interested in Billy than in explaining what happened in the forest #what happened in the forest will only be explained in an infodump at the end of the game #i hate it #relics? we don't care #the equivalent of AU where Julia gets her memory is AU where Rhea is playable and gets 10 chapters #i read somewhere that bar Edel'n'Hubert CF warps every character to their worst selves #Endgame CF!Rhea doesn't care about wanting to keep peace or protecting her fam she wants her mom back she litterally screams it #banana point though #depending on your PT she might not have any family left save for Birdie and Indech #i won't say rhea did nothing wrong though #but i hope i didn't forget a thing #i like her #less than hilda of course bcs Hilda is my fave #FE4!Hilda of course #give me a WoH DLC IS or even a manga at this point i'm desperate even a Seiros alt with 5 lines #Rhea parallels the 3 lords but won't talk to them #only claude could but then Nemesis rang at their door and we wasted that convo with a billy reveal like fuck idc #like 'relics were made from my family bones but also billy's not a human' and the only reaction is 'omg billy's not a human???'

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thinking-in-symbols · 3 years

Text

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years. When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog. Today I thought I’d revisit that. I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames. I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station! Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this. I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things. I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic. But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm. “Proficient” is a relative term. But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages. I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this. If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused. More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what? I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial. So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish. I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently. Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room. So there’s more work to do. More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point. I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man. I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment. I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories! Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place. I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this. I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected. This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect. Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet. Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket. I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much. Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep! Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years. I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position. More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious. Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately. But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this. That’s a cool idea. I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle. I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money. No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop. That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career. Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others. No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope. I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird. Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right? Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating. So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it. I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues. Just kidding. But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done! Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French! But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao. I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself. How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post. But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done. I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever. I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this. I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive. But a van? Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort. This has actually been front-of-mind for a while. I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point. I do have other thoughts on this, though. Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term? Three months? If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school. However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet. I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through. We’ll see where this goes. It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done. It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes! :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated. But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing. So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years. Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it! Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-)

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet. I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat. Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad! I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”. I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself. The point is, they got done. That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships. I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying. And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life. I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh. I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing. I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect. These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life. I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap. Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change. I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds! Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development. The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort. For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point. It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two. The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science. Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas. I mean, I’ve done some. But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree. I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school. Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now! So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list. I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate. I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more. I know what I need to know. It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news. I’ve always been scared about entering the working world. All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have. But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term. So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done. What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished. I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest. But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life. Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK. There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames. Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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I Never Danced Until I Met You- Chapter 2

[Chapter 1]

Taglist: @a-banana-for-your-thoughts @saint-hardy @sophiasescape @letscici @itsametaphorbriansblog @wackiekebab @tinyybiceps (idk it won’t let me tag you properly ugh)

Word Count: 4.1k (and it’s allllll banter lol)

Rating: still T……….. for now

You were already on horseback when he approached you in the courtyard. “Where’s my horse?” he asked as he saw you.

“You can walk beside mine,” you suggested.

“Oh no, I get enough of that with Geralt,” he protested, already climbing up onto your saddle, “I’m sharing with you.”

Before you could stop him, he was sitting behind you, his form enveloping yours. You swallowed dryly.

“I bet this is what you wanted all along,” he postulated in a provocative tone, speaking quietly since he was already so close to your ear. He smelled of soap and leather.

“There were no spare horses in the stable,” you replied, and though you were telling the truth your voice came out a little shaky.

“Riiiight.” You couldn’t see his face but you assumed he was winking or smirking or something.

Instead of continuing to defend yourself, you shook the reigns, prompting your horse to begin trotting towards the gates.

“To the east are the training fields,” you explained as you motioned in their direction, “where my troops prepare for battle. To the west, the furthest wing of the castle.”

“Where are your quarters?” he asked suddenly.

“I’d nearly forgotten how forward you are,” you replied with an eyeroll that he couldn’t see.

“I couldn’t forget how lovely you are,” he waxed poetically, “but regardless, I was just making conversation.”

“Some conversation,” you scoffed.

“You doubt my honour?” he asked with surprise (and a hint of sarcasm). You tried not to laugh, but it didn’t work.

“If you must know, my quarters are just outside the Queen’s. I am expected to come to her aid first in case of an emergency,” you explained.

“Not much privacy there, I’d imagine.”

“I’ve no need for it,” you replied with a touch of surprise. You hadn’t even really considered that aspect.

“Sounds like a boring life,” he mumbled

“To you, I’m sure,” you responded, “but I live a life of integrity, which I have found demands little privacy to be conducted.”

“I think integrity is something people think they have until they’re challenged,” Jaskier philosophised.

You didn’t respond right away, and he suddenly seemed very proud of himself. “Ah, left speechless by my incredible accuracy?” he teased.

“The idiocy of your statement was so severe, I required a moment of silence to process it,” you replied coolly.

“I know why you’re so hell-bent on antagonizing me, you know,” he said, his voice getting quieter.

“What’s that?” you pressed.

He leaned in closer to your ear, his breath tickling against your skin.

“You have to convince yourself you hate me, because you lead the sort of life where you can’t develop those pesky ‘feelings’ you’ve managed to avoid all this time,” he posited, “and the only emotion you’ve ever been allowed to have is anger. So you’re angry with me in lieu of being attracted to me, which- hate to break it to you- isn’t a choice.”

You swallowed dryly, thankful he couldn’t see your facial expression in that moment as it would’ve surely given you away.

You scoffed weakly, realizing a moment of silence wouldn’t do you any favors.

“Men like you always have some ridiculous story to explain how every woman who isn’t interested is secretly weak in the knees for them,” you deflected.

“Then tell me it isn’t true,” he offered. “Just say I’m totally wrong, and I’ll believe you.”

You almost considered confessing that he was entirely accurate- more right about the situation than even you had been up until that moment. But then you remembered this was your life and not a fantastical story, that you were a knight and not a duchess, that he would leave the castle in a few days and have his choice of the women of the world (so long as they were of comparable social standing) and you would be forever tied to your duties.

“It isn’t true,” you lied confidently, “you’re totally wrong.”

He was quiet for a moment.

“Nah, I still don’t believe you,” he pshawed.

“What? You said you would!”

“I thought I would, but now that you’ve said it, I’m sure more than ever that it’s true.”

You sighed, kicking the horse gently to keep up its pace as you continued trotting through the castle grounds.

“It’s not true,” you repeated after an awkward silence.

“I know, I know, you’re a cold heartless warrior whose only business is breaking bones,“ he sarcastically agreed.

“Is that what you think warfare is?” you snorted.

“I just wonder how many hearts you’ve broken,” he continued, ignoring your question.

“None,” you responded, looking south towards the mountains and appreciating their beauty even having seen them every day.

“Preposterous,” Jaskier scoffed.

“I’ve never had a suitor, or secret admirer or anything of the sort,” you shrugged.

“How could you know if you had had a secret admirer? Wouldn’t it be, you know, secret?”

“I just know,” you frowned. “No one acts like they have any interest in me.”

“Maybe they’re just very subtle about it,” he considered.

“Subtle? I didn’t think that word was in your vocabulary,” you mocked.

“It used to be,” he smiled, “but my affections for you are too strong to be suppressed.”

“How many women do you say that to?” you asked deridingly.

“How many women are knights?” he returned.

“Just me,” you sighed.

“Just you,” he repeated, his tone sounding more thoughtful and serious suddenly.

You pondered that briefly but thankfully the silence was broken as your horse took you over the crest of the hill, overlooking the entire city. You heard him gasp a bit as he looked out, and you lifted yourself off the saddle and onto the ground.

“Great view, isn’t it?” you commented as you looked out over the cobbled streets and thatched roofs and smoking chimneys.

“Lovely,” he observed, following you onto the grass and taking in the scenery.

“You’ve probably seen more extravagant places in your travels,” you hedged.

“Perhaps, but extravagance isn’t all there is to life,” he explained as he sat down on a rock. “I can appreciate the simple beauty of a quiet town. It must have been nice growing up here.”

You took a seat on the ground nearby, as sitting next to him on the rock would require getting closer than you were ready for.

“It wasn’t this nice when I was growing up here, actually,” you recalled. “War-torn, crime-ridden…”

“What changed?” he asked.

“New management,” you smirked, motioning behind you to the castle.

“She seems like a good leader,” he considered.

“She’s incredible. She turned this nation around, truly.”

“Well, I’m sure she didn’t do it by herself,” he assumed. You gave him a quizzical look. “Someone had to enforce the new laws, clean up the streets,” he clarified.

“Oh, well, yes, the cavalry did some policing; nowadays we have constables for that,” you remembered.

“You make even more sense as a copper than a knight,” he chuckled.

“How’s that?”

“You’re laying down the law with me every five minutes and you ask why I think you’d make a good police officer?” he scoffed in reply.

“I don’t usually need to be so uptight,” you defended, “it’s the criminal in you that brings out the cop in me.”

“Me, a criminal? Look at this innocent face,” he pouted. “If anything, I’m the victim: I’ve recently had my heart stolen.”

“I’ll give you one thing, you’re persistent,” you groaned.

“I didn’t say it was you,” he noted. Your head whipped around to look at him, and he started to chuckle.

“Relax, love, of course it’s you,” he reassured as you felt your cheeks flush. “You’re not as stoic as you think.”

After several moments passed in reverent silence, something you weren’t sure before was possible with someone as talkative as Jaskier around, you decided that sitting quietly let your mind wander further than you wanted it to go.

“How’s your archery?” you inquired suddenly, standing up and dusting the grass off of your trousers.

“Haven’t held a bow since I was eleven,” he answered, following suit by getting up off the rock, “so I’m sure it’s spectacular.”

“Frankly I’m more of a swordsman myself, so I can’t promise to be the greatest teacher you’ve ever had, but maybe you’d enjoy a refresher course,” you offered.

“You’re too kind,” he replied, jumping back on the saddle. “I promise to be a worse student than you are a teacher.”

“Elbow up,” you instructed. His elbow did go up, but then it shot out to the side, throwing off his entire posture again. You used two fingers to push it back into place.

“Realign your shoulders,” you added, “your back keeps slipping forward.”

“That’s because this posture is rather uncomfortable!” he whined.

“Yes, well, hitting your target will ease the pain.”

“Not for the target,” he mumbled as he readjusted his position.

You stood beside his bow and made little adjustments, moving his hands and back where they needed to be for accuracy.

It wasn’t until he looked at you that you realized the bow created a sort of barrier which prevented you from realizing how close to him you were standing. If he faced you, which he just had, your faces would be just centimetres apart. You used your hands to move his face back to facing downrange.

“Take the shot,” you encouraged quietly, and he did, the arrow zooming past both of your faces as it whipped the air with its feathers.

You watched the arrow hit just west of the bullseye, and Jaskier turned to you with a smile, relaxing the bow. You stepped back so you wouldn’t be standing so close anymore.

“Hey, not so bad!” he observed.

“Quite excellent, actually,” you corrected.

“You’re a better teacher than you let on.”

“No, I fixed your positioning but that shot was all you,” you explained, “most people flinch when the arrow fires, which makes it impossible to keep steady. You were fearless.”

“Fearless? That’s not something I get called often,” he replied in shock.

“You asked a knight on duty to dance. Clearly you have no fear of death,” you smirked. He chuckled, pulling another arrow from the quiver.

“Speaking of death, think I can make a bullseye this time?” he asked as he prepared his shot.

“I’d be surprised.”

“Would you be impressed?” he asked with that tone that made you nervous for what he would do next.

“I… suppose,” you responded hesitantly.

“I just know there are stories about knights performing physical tasks to win the affections of princesses and whatnot,” he remembered, “and I wondered if I could win a knight’s affections by hitting a perfect bullseye.”

“Affections aren’t won, they’re earned,” you replied sternly.

“Earned?” he repeated, relaxing the bow and looking at you again. “Then, there is some way to get you to fall for me.”

“I didn’t mean it quite that way,” you corrected.

“So then there’s no way for me to get through?” he asked.

“Yes, exactly,” you frowned, getting more frustrated.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” he protested.

“It makes perfect sense to those of us who can accept the fact that you and I will never be anything more than acquaintances.”

“If they’re not won, and they’re not earned, then they’re just random. Just the unstoppable will of destiny. You didn’t strike me as the type to believe that sort of thing,” he explained.

You thought about that for a moment, not realizing before how quickly your logic on love could fall apart.

“Destiny, if it’s real, wills for me to be alone,” you scowled.

“Just because you’ve been alone so far, doesn’t mean you need to be alone forever,” he replied, his voice gentler and softer than before.

“Maybe I want to be alone,” you suggested.

He smiled, facing back downrange and pulling the bowstring back.

“And yet, here we are,” he whispered as he let go and made the shot. You watched with a dumbfounded expression as the arrow landed right in the center: a perfect bullseye.

You looked back to him and almost wanted to hide your shock, but it wouldn’t have worked anyways.

“How did you make that shot?!” you asked, entirely flabbergasted.

He relaxed the bow, looking back to you with that effortless confidence you envied so much.

“Must have been the will of Destiny,” he shrugged.

You were almost ready to go to the main hall for dinner, needing only to brush your hair a bit after a long day outside. The Queen had requested you join the staff and guests for dinner off-duty, even though you normally ate alone when you weren’t expected to attend as the Royal Protector. She had actually recommended that you wear a dress but truthfully you didn’t even own one.

Being ready early, you snuck into the kitchen to get a glimpse of what they’d be serving that night. You knew it would be quail because you’d see a servant going to the coop just a few hours ago, but what you were curious about, as always, was dessert.

Entering through one of the staff corridors, you breathed in the wonderful smells of bread and spices. It was hot in the kitchen, almost too hot to be comfortable, but it was worth it when you saw an abandoned tart laying on a countertop. It looked to have burned a bit on one side, meaning it was probably abandoned without plans to be served. The good news? The unburnt half was up for grabs.

You made sure that no one was too close before you grabbed a ladle and went to town. It was sort of shameful, but at least you didn’t use your hands!

“Hey, you’ll spoil your appetite!” A kitchen maid scolded.

“What’s an appetite for if not stolen desserts?” you defended, your words muffled by the food in your mouth.

“A kitchen’s not for eating,” she frowned, “take your quarry outside, at least.”

You made a face of displeasure as you grabbed the tart and carried it into the hall. You heard a few sounds of people moving towards the hall where dinner was set to begin shortly, but figured you could find an alcove of relative privacy.

You weren’t even properly surprised when Jaskier appeared, at this point you expected him to show up at your most embarrassing moments. And you didn’t have the energy to stop eating over it, either.

“You do have a wild side,” he observed as you scooped tart into your mouth unceremoniously.

“Who said I didn’t?”

“Oh, I always knew it, don’t get me wrong,” he winked, “just didn’t know I’d be seeing it so soon.”

“Is it everything you dreamed?” you asked sarcastically.

“More jam than I imagined,” he replied with a quirked brow.

You shuddered to consider what he had imagined as your “wild side.” Somewhere between a good and a bad shudder… and up until now you hadn’t realized there were good shudders.

“I have a soft spot- just the one- for dewberries,” you explained.

“Rest of you’s steel?”

“Of course,” you confirmed, “any other fruit, I’m impenetrable.”

You regretted that choice of words. You looked at his face to see if he caught it, but his expression was hard to read. Definitely not creepy or conniving or anything of that nature; soft, maybe even thoughtful. Sad but not like sad sad… okay, you weren’t great at emotions.

You were just about to look away, thinking you’d been looking at him too long, but then you started to wonder how bad it would be if you just let yourself look at him. What’s the harm in that? You let your gaze scan his body, something you had simultaneously longed to do and dreaded the idea of. His outfit was more practical than you expected, less glitz and glam and perhaps more traditionally-masculine… though still plenty scandalous in its own ways. His chest hair peeked out from his collar, not that it had to be very low for that to happen, but it was plenty low anyhow. He had traded in his doublet for a tunic, more traditional in your kingdom, which was fortunately and unfortunately much tighter. You’d seen men in a variety of states of undress before, you used to sleep in the barracks after all, so there were surely no surprises under there. And yet, you felt so tempted to see more. You knew he was pretty strong from his archery, but you wondered if he was strong enough to-

You caught yourself going down a dangerous path and stopped while you still could. Your eyes shot back up to his, which were looking at you with darkness, hunger. He didn’t say anything and yet his face already said it all.

“Want some?” you offered nervously, holding a spoonful of tart out to him.

You had expected him to grab the spoon but instead he lightly touched your hand, guiding you to feed him. It was oddly intimate, his touch so delicate and electrifying that it almost tickled. His eyes stayed on yours as his lips wrapped around the silver spoon, pulling his head back to get the food off of the utensil. A little of the filling got onto his bottom lip, and you watched, enraptured, as his tongue darted out to lick it off.

“What do you think?” you asked, your voice much shakier than you preferred, as you set the tart down on the nearby credenza.

“Delicious,” he answered softly, his eyes piercing right through you.

You heard more people moving through the nearby halls and realized dinner must be starting any moment.

“Still hungry?” you asked, intending it to be an offer to go to the dining hall.

“Ravenous,” he replied in a low voice, low enough for the bass of it to seem to shake right through you.

He stepped forward, bringing you much closer together. It was terrifying and yet so wonderful. Instinctively you reached up to push him away, but then as you did you regretted it, so you ended up just wrapping your hands around his arms without actually holding him back. He returned, placing his hands on your triceps which was an oddly personal part of your body.

Right as you realized you had no idea what to do next, Geralt appeared from around the corner.

You jumped back, sort of an instinct when caught in an intimate moment. Maybe it wasn’t that intimate, but by your standards it was rather scandalous.

“Am I interrupting something?” Geralt asked in a way that seemed perchance a bit mocking. Before you could answer, he looked at the credenza and made a face of confusion.

“What’s the pie for?” he grimaced.

“Consumption?” you offered. What else would it be for?

“Right,” he affirmed. “‘Finger in every pie,’ as they say.”

“…Huh?“

"Dandelion has a lot of fingers in a lot of pies, that’s all.”

You didn’t know how to react to that, even how to interpret it. He walked away, and you gave Jaskier a confused look as you followed.

Dinner was delicious, but you were too distracted to properly appreciate it. Not distracted by good conversation, certainly- the dukes harassing Geralt for details about the day’s hunt was not intriguing- but by your own thoughts. Jaskier made you so angry, so confused, made your heart race and your head hurt and your stomach all loopy and nervous. He still felt like a stranger to you in many ways, though talking to him had more in common with a conversation with an old friend than an acquaintance- not that you knew all that much about what it was like to have old friends. You weren’t sure if it was normal to feel jealous when you saw your old friends chatting up other women. He was making some duchess laugh like she’d never heard a joke before- even the servant girls thought he was charming. It took you a while to realize that it was the cause of your feeling sick, not something wrong with the food.

Just after the final course was served, you figured it not too early to excuse yourself. You stood, hoping to make a quick and mostly unnoticed exit, but Jaskier stood as soon as you did. You stopped, expecting him to say something, but he didn’t.

“Are you also retiring?” you asked him, confused.

“Men are obliged to stand when a lady enters or exits a room,” he said, like it was obvious. And you were suddenly surprised it wasn’t obvious. The table had been obeying that etiquette for the other women who had entered when dinner began.

“Oh, yes,” you agreed nervously.

Jaskier looked around the table, seeming a bit frustrated.

“Am I wrong?” he asked rhetorically.

The men at the table stood, begrudgingly, even Geralt.

“That’s better,” Jaskier sighed.

“I’m retiring for the evening, thank you,” you said with a quick bow as you rushed for the doors.

You almost expected him to chase after you, just because he seemed to follow you everywhere. Instead you didn’t see him until much later when he knocked on your door.

“You found my quarters,” you observed.

“I wanted to apologize, if you felt scrutinized at dinner,” he explained. “I didn’t think I would draw any undue attention to you. I just… assumed everyone else would stand, I suppose.”

“No one here thinks of me as a woman,” you replied with a sigh. “You’d do well to remember that.”

“Do you think of yourself as a woman?” he pressed.

“I-” you began, but then stopped as you realized that you really weren’t sure how to answer. You didn’t even really think of yourself at all, generally. Since meeting Jaskier, you certainly thought of yourself as a woman a lot more than you used to.

“You don’t really have that luxury, do you?” he prompted solemnly.

You nodded.

“You deserve to be treated better,” he announced.

“I tell my troops not to use words like ‘deserve.’ They don’t really mean anything.”

Jaskier crossed his arms, seemingly unsatisfied with your philosophy. “It means that it would only be fair if you were given the same respect you give to others.”

“‘Fair’ doesn’t mean anything either,” you smirked.

“What about ‘love’? What does that mean?” he asked, his tone more serious.

“Doesn’t mean what you think it means,” you scoffed. Maybe you were being too combative, but you didn’t like that he was throwing ‘love’ around and you really didn’t like how your heart skipped a beat when he said it.

“And what’s that? Please, enlighten me,” he requested sarcastically. You frowned.

“This might blow your mind, but ‘love’ isn’t something that happens overnight, let alone at first sight,” you explained.

“Just because I’m a romantic doesn’t mean I’m an idiot,” he deflected.

“Just because I’m practical doesn’t mean my life is devoid of meaning or something,” you countered.

“Just because you’ve been burned before doesn’t mean you should give up on ever being happy!” he shouted.

You didn’t even really mean to slap him, it just sort of happened. You didn’t even hit him nearly as hard as you know you could have, thankfully.

“I’m happy the way things are! I’m happy being alone!” you asserted, slamming the door in his face.

You turned and held your face in your hands, fighting back tears. You couldn’t remember the last time you got so angry, or the last time you’d cried. You hated that he was always following you around and you hated that he was always saying some stupid thing like he talked in poems and you hated that he was always right, that he saw right through you. Had it always been this obvious? Had everyone else in the whole nation figured out that you actually weren’t happy, and just never thought to mention it? Or, had no one else ever cared enough to notice?

Ashamed of having punished him for doing everything right, you opened your door and hoped you could still catch him as he was heading back to his room and apologize. Instead you found him still standing there, in the same place, waiting patiently. You jumped, wiping your tears.

“You’re still here?” you asked in surprise.

“I’m still here,” he assured. It felt like a promise, like something important.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked, but you knew he knew the answer, and he just wanted to hear you say it. You decided to afford him this one little gift, just this once.

“No,” you answered, “I don’t want you to go.”

He looked at you expectantly.

“Please stay,” you requested.

“All right,” he agreed, and stepped into your room.

[next chapter]

#jaskier x reader #jaskier x oc #dandelion x reader #the witcher #witcher fic #my writing

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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743

Name something that you saw within the past week that made you smile: A local celebrity posted the very first photo of her newborn on her Instagram and tbh it was something we’ve all just been lowkey waiting for because that couple is super attractive and stylish and we’ve always wanted to see how the kid would look like. Simply put, the baby is the cutest ever and she’s so pretty and gah she just looks like such an angel. Name something within the past week that made you frown: There’s been a lot of upsetting stuff on the news, but the worst has been when policemen shot a man that they thought was going to pull out a gun. Turned out that said man was 1) pulling out a water bottle and 2) a former soldier suffering from PTSD and the standoff was actually greatly upsetting him. Welcome to the Philippines where the police are still hellbent on using their guns in the middle of a public health crisis. Name somebody who you wish would cut you a break sometimes: My mom always has something to criticize about me. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: Andrew. I don’t want to share their life story on here but suffice it to say it’s been a lot and it’s been rough, and they deserve a goddamn break. Name something you own that has high sentimental value: Probably the tickets to the first museum Gabie and I went to together, six years ago. Museum dates have long been my dream date and that was one amazing day, so I'm really glad I made the decision to keep it.

Name something that you hope is different by this time next year: Obviously the virus being gone but also the terms that are in place for now because of it, like halting foreign travel or not being able to go to the mall. Name something that you're good at but don't like: Arguing or confrontation. I can come up with good arguments and I pride myself on being able to speak well whether publicly or not; and in fact my parents have always asked me why I never took up debate or if I have any interest in pursuing law – but I actually hate it. I hate the ever-looming possibility of suddenly not knowing how to respond or rebut; plus the very nature of two clashing sides simply stresses me out. Name something that you're bad at but DO like: Singing, at least when I’m alone in my car. Also baking! I find it really fun but I always have to bake with someone who’s more experienced than I am. Name something that you like about the person you argue most with: She’s very organized and can make anything clean and spotless no matter how dirty and stained they’ve gotten. Name something that you strongly believe in: That the world will eventually be a lot kinder to LGBT couples with families. I have to believe in it; I want the world to be gentle to my kids. One day at a time, folks. Name something was funny to you but not to anybody else: Idk man, if it isn’t funny to anyone else it’s probably offensive. Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you: My mom’s love languages seem to be criticism and a lot of tough love. Long story short, they are not mine. Name something that you had to learn the hard way: No matter how nice you are to everyone, there’ll always be people who will remain extremely cold and shitty for absolutely no reason and you can’t blame or be upset with them if that’s just the way they are. I learned this in PE class when I forgot to follow a certain instruction and I personally went to the coach to apologize, but she literally turned her back on me and completely ignored me. I wasn’t used to such a treatment so I vented to Angela about it after and told her how unfair I felt it was, but I understood it after she told me that no matter how much Catholic school (and common sense, tbh) taught us to have good manners and greet everyone we see and be nice and polite, none of that shit will always matter in the real world, when we get thrown in the mix with people who now come from different, sometimes rougher backgrounds. Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: March 16. It’s the birthday we made up for Kimi. Name something that you didn't like when you were younger but like now: Chicken curry. I found the flavor too strong when I was a kid, but I had no idea Indian food was gonna end up being my favorite cuisine when I got older lol. Name something that you liked when you were younger but don't like now: I’d say Spongebob? To this day I’ll still only watch the episodes I grew up seeing but I can’t bother with the newer seasons. The way they are drawn is too different and unfamiliar, the humor isn’t the same anymore, and they’ve introduced so many third-party characters it’s hard to keep track. I’ll always give it a lot of credit for being a very important part of my childhood though. Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise: Deciding to skip out on joining my current org in freshie year. I joined the year after and the batch I turned out to be a part of was the biggest applicant batch for the org in recent memory, and all my closest friends in college have been from that batch, like JM, Laurice, Aya, Jo, Kate, Jum, and Hannah. Name something that you've done that would be considered rebellious: I didn’t submit a single final project for home economics in 6th grade. That year’s home ec was focused on embroidery, sewing, and crocheting and I just didn’t give a shit about all three back then. I still have no clue how I left that class with a mark of 91. Name something that you wish you never found out: If it’s something I wish I never found out it means it greatly upset me, and I don’t wanna go racking my brain for stuff that greatly upset or triggered me. Name something that you dislike about the majority of girls: Not majority anymore but some girls will still have the let’s-pit-these-two-women-against-each-other mindset and it’s just so old now. Name something you like about the majority of guys: I don’t think there’s one. Name something you wish you had enough money to do: Keep traveling, durrrr. Name something that you wish you could say to somebody: I had very high expectations for you as a prof but your response to the virus re: online classes has been disappointing to say the least. To think we all thought you cared for students’ welfare. Name something that you wish somebody would say to you: That they were gonna come over to my place in a bit. Name something that you wish you had the ability to fix: I wish I had enough money to go ahead and fix the stuff that that piece of shit Jeff Bezos and other selfish billionaires are too lazy to fix, like ending world hunger or providing clean water. I’m feeling so strongly about that now after seeing this amazing infograph someone made about just how much money he has. Name something "bad" you've done on purpose to somebody else: I was feeling petty on the first Sunday that my mom made our entire family sit around her phone to watch a livestream of a mass, so before it started I made sure I had Netflix (which HOOOOOGS bandwidth) turned on both my laptop and phone. The stream ended up being shitty and skipped a lot of parts of the mass. Definitely wasn’t the best daughter that day and even I was surprised at whatever came over me for me to do something that mischievous. I never did it again lmao. Name something you could never forgive a person for: If they abused their pet. Name something you're lucky to have: My dog.

#survey #surveys

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bagilgulhaze · 4 years

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God sometimes I feel like a dnd character with 20 charisma and 0 int and that's how I'll get by in life. I'm third year law school and I'm completely failing like all and every exam, dont attend single class etc, hadn't been functioning through the end of last year really. And yet I just..... meet people that are relevant and they keep getting so charmed by me they give me phone numbers with connections. It's insane.

I already had a chat with a lawyer I met late at night in a cafe as I was studying for exam who works closely with the committee against torture, my ideal internship place that rarely have any intern spots at all. He was so impressed by me, my legal understanding and opinions, that hes been fighting for me to intern there personally vouching for me making all connections for me from one conversaction.

Now I was sitting in cafe to study, and people walk in with cameras clearly following a man and a woman who are conversing. I hear they're discussing law cases, but I mind my business continue writing my assignment and let the camera people know: I can easily move if you need me to be out of frame! They assure me not to worry etc they're fine as long as they dont bother me I say not at all. After few minutes they change their mind, apologize and say can we please ask for you to move. I say of course, and casually ask what they're filming. They point at the people and say those two lovely people our prosecutors/attorneys and they've agreed for them to film them sitting for dinner after work. I say oh, I'm a law student haha. The man looks at me and say really? You should consider us, or something along those lines...... I make a comment about how ideologically would not work in the public sector especially not for the prosecution (obvious anarchist + prison abolitionist + no.1 hater of the criminal "justice" jstem and the legal system in general reasons lol no need to explain ) and this developed into a 20 minute conversation with me because they enjoyed talking to me so much, all filmed ?! And at the end they gave me their number they were like, you wouldn't want to intern with us, but we'd still like you to see us closer, and there is someone you should meet because she is lovely - it's an organization of ( accompanying? Escorting? Like the legal term) Victims which is something I'm super into..... so I mat have a job lol.... and maybe even internship idk....... what's on the table. They told me they hope I speak in class because I'll be making it more interesting and enriching to everyone for sure bc I speak so well (lol I truly can in hebrew when I want to when I'm in the zone sounds fake right but I can be EXTREMLY coherenentnt5) and I said like I dont speak in class much (DIDNT WANNA SAY I NEVER ATTEND CLASS LOLLLL) the conversation was mainly about change from within/from outside like they're prosecutors but you could see they're good people I'm glad if anyones doing that job in our fucked up system jts people like then despite not agreeing . Like you see they fare about their job and have some sort of nuance etc so like . It really was interesting talking to them and they were extremely understanding and respectful to my opinions which were a polite way of saying your work is shit, so that was nice of them.

Anyway. I just left the cafe and the prosecutors were like. But CALL us we weren't joking! Dont forget. And well connect you with (x woman who escorts victims of crime) and I said I will dont worry tyvm and the crew was like. Can we use the content you appear in and I said..Haha yeah sure ofcourse if you want and said kinda like thank you? Sont know why also bc I forgot my umbrella and they gave it to me and they said . No thank you the entire crew here is lawyers and you gave us hell of a content you dont understand what you just did this is so excellent for us. And I was like I'm glad 😁 and then the prosecutors were like, you will change your mind yet abt us ;) and I was like well see! And the woman was like. You should come visit us once and well take you on a court, you should go with him for one of his cases. And the man said with what looked complete seriousness "I'd let you speak at court even I have a feeling you'll do a wonderful job".

Zjkkdkwmfkazkmwmdmwmrkekdjwmekckxkwjdkekfkemkfd hello!? Hello I'm a failing student I got now officially half of my internship chances through like. Meeting people who are incredibly impressed by me lolll

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neshabeingchildish · 5 years

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This is the longest chapter of the fic, I think! We have some Jasper history and his dad and such. Idk if I’ll leave the reasons at that, or if y’all would have wanted the entire story of what happened between Jasper’s parents. At any rate - let me know what you think! It’s a long chapter, so no rush. But, I’d love to know how and if I pulled this off...

The Perfect Ring

Jasper had a committee meeting for his activism group Athlivists right after his last class of the day, so he knew that he wouldn’t see Charlotte again until he got off from work in the middle of the night and by then, she’d be asleep. Which was sometimes nice, because he’d just get to wash up and cuddle up to her and fall right to sleep in her hair. She had satin covers so she wouldn’t need bonnets, so he got to be draped in the softness of that and draped around the softness of her. It was amazing. He slept like he was in an angel’s bosom every night that he was with her, which was now every night, now that her apartment was so close by and of course he had a key.

Both of their schedules were filling up fast and he wanted to see more of her, but he also considered it a sacrifice right now for them to be able to have better chances later. People called his name whenever he was moving around on campus and he’d usually be sure to acknowledge them, even when he didn’t know who they were. Sometimes, people just came up to him and started talking, either about their interest in alternative sports or their interest in activism, or his vlog, the radio show… “I’m so sorry, I have an Athlivists meeting, but my email is on my website, where I post the videos…” He had to eventually tell this woman who he couldn’t figure out what she wanted him to know, at the moment.

Jasper began Athlivists with some of his brothers who were stars on their sports teams. They started out just him getting his friends to do him a solid… Charlotte was the project manager for one of her business courses, which she turned into a project for an environmental sciences purpose, but underestimated how much her peers cared about the environment. She was organizing meetings to move forward with her initiative to create community gardens in or near food deserts. Jasper didn’t know what a food desert was, but she seemed very passionate about stopping them and she was very stressed out that not too many people were even interested. Her big event was coming up and she didn’t even get a quarter of the people to sign her petition that she needed to help with the proposal. Jasper wasn’t sure why she hadn’t just asked him, if all she needed was people. When she called him to vent and cry a little before she had to put on her game face and push through the turnout, he got his sports friends to get their sports friends. Whenever she was about to move forward with what she feared was going to have to be a failing grade and also a let down to Mother Earth, he came to the signup event before with four times the people to show interest than she had initially been seeking. They were listening to the proposal, too, and some of them knew some of the business people invited, through their parents or whatever and in addition to it being a huge success for her, a lot of them were networking too. And more importantly a lot of them got information about the environment that they hadn’t really been paying a huge amount of attention to. Like, they knew a lot of this stuff and heard about a lot - who doesn’t know about climate change? - But, they also didn’t know the degree of trouble that their world was in, or ways that they might help. They now wanted to know more and do more.

Jasper decided maybe they should start a group to focus on that type of thing, and other issues that they might come across, along the way. He was already in the Athletes Union and President of the Alternative Sports Sector. He’d already gotten funding for alternative sports whenever there is a big following and a fully functional team on campus. He had shown up to various rallies and protests about campus policy, laws, and social justice over the past year or so. So, starting a group of his own was in his ballpark, and he thought it was good to show the rest of them that the academics weren’t the only ones who cared about relevant things.

They mostly focused on the environment, animal rights and sexual education. Jasper had other causes outside of the group that he was involved with for other stuff. But, Athlivists’ claim to fame on campus (in the entire institution, actually, as it spread through the college and its affiliates) was what they called “Jock Block.” Jasper will tell you in a heartbeat that although he was doing most of the leg work and liaison dealing, Charlotte inspired the idea. What is Jock Block, you ask? Resources and assistance for athletes via STD testing and treatment, birth control, protection, prevention and education.

Jasper was a championship wrestler, and headed up just about every alternative sport, as well as backed up some of the track and field events and having just one girlfriend had been paying for condoms that kept getting stolen by his frat brothers, up until he just asked Charlotte if she was interested in getting on birth control and offered to pay for it. He didn’t want to use them anymore anyway. He enjoyed the feel better without them and loved the finish.

For a while, Jasper PREPAID for her birth control, just because he was that serious about making sure that he took care of her while getting what he wanted and she honestly felt like the school should provide that kind of thing. He just began to talk about it at first and found that a lot of the athletes felt like it would be super helpful if the school DID try to at least help a little.

What happens if you can’t get the protection right away and decide to just go for it, then BOOM - you’ve spread crabs in the locker room… (Which happened before, but fortunately, Jasper had not been affected) BUT, of those who were affected, they didn’t feel like they should have had to pay for treatment. They were exposed and didn’t realize this was an issue. Some of them had never even thought about crabs before that happened. They thought that you had to have unprotected sex with someone infected to get them. Jasper figured that was a huge and terrifying problem, and began discussing what might be done to avoid things like that in the future and help some of their hardworking students to have access to more resources. Sometimes, they were going to be irresponsible, as was a part of life. So, they could put their bodies on the line and their physical wellbeing and sometimes mental, because sports and academics and other things altogether was stressful and sexual health was a beneficial release. An oopsie here and there shouldn’t put them on the line like it sometimes did.

Jock Block was born to help with sexual education and health, but most of the athletes and beneficiaries thought of it as the “birth control plan.” It's how they got their free condoms, their testing, treatment, and in cases like Jasper and Charlotte’s reimbursed for birth control when the relationship was ongoing and the students were in good academic standing and athletic standing. Basically, Char was able to get free birth control because her boyfriend was a jock with good grades. (She got it free anyway, because he’d always paid for condoms, the morning after pill, and her birth control), but now he didn’t have to anymore. There were other programs for assistance on campus, but those didn’t have much to do with them. Jock Block also was helpful a time or two with remedial assistance, which was their fancy words for supplying Plan B. The athletes were encouraged to behave responsibly, but in certain situations, Jock Block would still bail them out, as long as it wasn’t an ongoing practice. Jasper was a hero for helping it get established, among all of his familiars. The quarterback, who was extremely paranoid that women were trying to “trap” him, called Jasper “a god.” Charlotte pulled Jasper away, and shook her head, “Please, don’t ever say that.” Jasper’s head was big enough.

“I’m adding “god” to my list of accomplishments,” he said.

Charlotte’s circles gave her some crap about it sometimes. “You think it’s good for the school to pay for the jocks to stick their penises wherever they want to?” That was a gross misrepresentation of what the program did and instead of explaining it from start to finish to every critic, she began handing out literature about it when someone had something slick to say. She was Jasper’s #1 supporter and protector. Nobody was about to come to her with some mess just because they couldn’t get close enough to him to bitch and moan.

Whenever they came back from visiting his dad, something shifted in him. She didn’t know what, but he suddenly seemed more serious than before. She loved that. A serious Jasper was hot and that was the person that initially drew her in deeper than friendship, but also, it seemed like a switch had been flipped and she was uncertain what to make of it. She really worried whenever she came into the frat house and he was sitting at his desk in his room, staring at his computer while Lady and Tramp were barking at him. Jasper never ignored them, so she figured that he was in a daze. She took the dogs out to go potty, then came back and he was still there. “Heyyy, Jasper…”

He blinked and turned to look at her with a tired smile, “I didn’t hear you come in,” he said.

“I took the dogs for a walk,” she closed the door and released them. “You okay?” she wondered, heading to wash her hands.

“Just thinking,” he said and got up to greet her.

“About?” He leaned near the sink and was quiet again. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said.

“No, I...I am.” He looked up at her in the mirror, then got closer and wrapped his arms around her, smiling. “I love seeing us in a mirror.”

“Oh yeah?” She asked, looking up at the two of them and she thought that did look good together.

“I get to look at you all the time, and I certainly do every chance that I get, but in the mirror, I get to see myself with you. I get to see this person who I used to think was pretty damned broken, but he’s complete, and he’s complete because he’s got this goddess in his life that makes him better, smarter, stronger… I don’t know that I ever would have been this kind of me without your support.”

“You definitely would have, because I don’t support half of your shenanigans,” she joked.

He kissed her neck, sighed, and shrugged his shoulders, “I got an offer for an internship at a brokerage firm.” He folded his arms and said, “That is within my scope and could possibly be a pretty good job if I get put on afterwards, There’s not a lot of undergrads being considered for it, so to turn it down might be taken the wrong way, but to accept it might affect some of the stuff that I’m doing right now. I like right now, but I’ve got a woman and two dogs and I’m a grown man…” He went back to his seat and asked, “How was your day?” then started typing his reply.

Her eyes were wide. She dried her hands and came up behind him to wrap him in a hug and kiss him on his hair. She read as she did. He was replying. He was accepting. “My day was good, but… Are you sure that you want to do this, Jasper? You function and flourish when you’re happy and something tells me that this might not make you happy. You’ll be unhappy and unpaid.”

“I did that apprenticeship for a year with no pay. The internship will be similar to that, except boring, but whenever you become an adult, things get boring, don’t they?”

She didn’t know if that was true or not. She’d always been seen as kinda boring. The sciences that she was currently working on in the lab was her “fun,” and a lot of her peers told her that was sad. “I don’t think so,” she answered and stroked his hair. “Just… Make sure that you want it. It’ll be hard to get yourself out of a career path once you start heading down one.”

But, Jasper sent the message, anyway and turned in his chair with a smile. She knew that smile. It was one that he put on when he was done focusing on the negatives of something. He’d made his decision and that was that for him. “Who knows? Maybe I’m multi talented and can make a bunch of stuff work at once, like you Miss STEAM Extraordinaire!” She blushed and tried to walk away but he pulled her closer and said, “Uh uh… I haven’t gotten kisses yet and I get to kiss an… what was it Academic Superstar?”

“That story was lip service, and you know it!” She said.

“Blasphemy! I grew up with Charlotte Page and the story ran on her in a NATIONAL publication about her intelligence and accomplishments was 100% truth!” She smiled and gave him the kisses he was trying to earn.

But, she got up quickly too. “It puts a lot of stress on me, though. Now, I have to see a National STEAM Today’s Scientists to Follow tacked on to my name everywhere, and I keep getting calls for interviews that I can’t turn down because not only could it affect what people think of me, but it could affect what they think of every Black woman fortunate enough to be involved and recognized.” He looked confused and she explained, “Since Black people, Black women especially, are so stereotyped and misrepresented, under-represented, unappreciated, etc, whenever one of us does get the attention that we deserve, we sort of have to take on this role of model minority and be the change that our people want to see in the world. We have the task of breaking stereotypes and showing the world that WE can do this too, see this example, but we also have to still go into work spaces and battle the stereotypes from the others, who often don’t think we deserve the recognition that we got or want us to perform and prove ourselves in ways that less marginalized people would never be expected to.”

He frowned and clenched his fist, “Is somebody giving you shit at work?”

She laughed and rubbed his fists, making him release them, “Uh, no more than usual and if I want to try to keep it that way, I’ve gotta play my politics. I have to show that I can do everything that was said of me and more, and still look cute while I do it, because if I have even one hair out of place, at least a thousand people will focus in on it and ask, “Is THIS the chick that thinks we’re gonna get drug therapy from her when she can’t even manage to get her hair treatment right?” He was seething now and she laughed it off, “Jasper. I’m used to it. It’s just annoying.”

“It sounds infuriating and I don’t understand why you have to take it!”

“I have to take it because I don’t have the power or position to change the world. I just have to do my best with my fraction of society.” She sighed. It was exhausting, but she knew since she was little that she’d have to do twice the work to get half the credit and work twice as long to get a quarter of a break. That was why casual racism triggered her far more than blatant hatred did. Because it was so subtle and ominous that people could get away with it, even while it was hurting her little by little. The brash, bold types, anybody with reason, would disagree with and take her side. She needed backup whenever it was lowkey microaggressions that affected her on a daily basis and kept the strong institution of racism flowing smoothly. “I appreciate that you’re upset by it, though.” Upset by it? Jasper wanted to punch someone in the face for it.

Since the whole thing with Casper, he’d become hypersensitive to casual racism. It was to the point where people kept telling him that it was hard to be around him because he always “found something racist.” He would in turn let them know that it was hard for him to be around stuff that he found racist and that’s why they were having a conversation in the first place.

Mid junior year, he was under review for a fight that he “escalated” whenever he heard one of the frat brothers describe him as a (N word in disguise) to tell someone not to say anything that seems even remotely racist around him. He didn’t care that somebody was saying that about him. He liked that people wanted to watch their mouths around him and wished that they kept that energy around anybody, because if it was just around him, then that meant that’s who they were inside, but they just didn’t want any smoke from him. It was the fact that the person used the N word, which is NEVER acceptable. Charlotte told him that. NEVER and he was now adamant about that.

So, whenever he confronted them about the matter and not saying that word in any capacity, even if it was in a song, an argument broke out and Charlotte’s existence was invoked, but referred to in a way that Jasper didn’t appreciate. “Just because you stick your ---- in the Help-” Jasper expressed that with his fist. He was under investigation because he “hit him first,” but whenever he told his version of the story, he couldn’t even bring himself to repeat what was said. Instead, he wrote it down and just showed the camera during his storytime. He got a lot of support and love and fans wrote the school about it and emailed them and flooded their social media with their support for him and their call for action to be taken with that “racist bitch in the frat.” The guy wound up transferring and no action was taken against Jasper, but the dean had a talk with him about how he couldn’t just punch people because he disagreed with them and that next time there might be consequences. There wasn’t. He’d punched another guy for groping her a few weeks later.

Even if he had gotten consequences, he didn’t care. He knew so many guys who were just as defensive of their women and just as active and aggressive to protect him. None of them got the same pushback that he did whenever he was defending Charlotte. Sometimes, even the Black dudes that were around didn’t seem to have his back when he’d be speaking up for her in some example or another.

He’d gotten a little bit of opposition for making some statements on the radio show that he wished that people were as supportive of Black women whenever things happened as they were to the Black men. A lot of people didn’t like that. Charlotte explained to him that while she agreed, it wasn’t his place to say that in a space created by and for Black people. “Say that kind of stuff to YOUR people,” she’d told him. “They really need to hear things from people like them.” But, it grew his Black women demographic. A few Black owned companies sent him free shirts with messages like “Support Black Women” and “Love Black Women,” and he wore TF out of them. He wasn’t even really a huge advocate. He didn’t do a bunch of rallies for them and stuff, even with all of the rallies that he did. But, they saw that he had a Black girlfriend and heard that he was vocal about appreciating Black women and they were on board. She even finally appeared in one of his videos. He was showing people how he helped her with her hair care. Not really a tutorial, but just a demonstration, with him talking about how relaxing it was for him to know that she trusted him in her hair, and to be so intimate with someone that you know how to take care of them the way that they would take care of them.

Charlotte had to admit that version of him was the hottest yet. It was refreshing to change from being surrounded by people and hear what would have once been a dog whistle for her and having to evaluate whether she would call them out and look like an irrational Black bitch or suffer in silence, to having a bulky, hot, popular dude ask them, “I’m sorry, what did you say?” with an expression on his face that let a bitch know that they better think of a way to paraphrase real quick if this was gonna be a smooth conversation. She always had to try to fight the urge to smirk at the person. Sometimes, she just went ahead and did it.

She also explained to Jasper that this too was part of his privilege, because Black men could be just as defensive of their Black woman and be met with aggression and fear that could get police involved, which could turn out horribly. “The fact that you get to straighten these people out and they apologize is something that my dad didn’t often get whenever he had to do the same thing,” she’d told him. He’d never sleep on that power again.

When they were out in public, he'd always wrapped his arm around her and kept her close to his side because she was small and he was protective. However, knowing how hostile the world could be towards her for no good reason, he not only kept her close whenever possible, but if they got separated or split to mingle, he tried to keep an eye on her and/or send her check in texts. "You good, Babe?" He'd ask, then watch her smile to herself and look around for him to make eye contact that she was. It was… something to get used to for her, but she supposed that was much better than being ignored. She sometimes gave him space because she knew that he was likely doing all of this for her benefit, because of how she felt before, so she saw that effort and attempted to reward it with some breathing room. Honestly, he was probably more relaxed whenever she didn’t make it to parties and gatherings, which was fine for her.

She much preferred to be laying in bed, in a fuzzy blanket with the doggies warming her feet or in her lap while she attempted to watch joint replacement videos and tell them how she would have done it differently, like they knew what she was talking about. She’d rather light some frankincense candles, put a sheet mask on, pour a glass of wine and read a stack of books, for fun for a change, not for class or work. In fact,” she checked the time on her phone. It was right around Midnight and she was on a “Cinderella Schedule” this semester. She left places at Midnight, regardless of where she was or what was going on. She wasn’t staying past Midnight, because she usually had 12-14 hour school/work days and that 4-6 hours of sleep that she got nightly was imperative for her brain to continue functioning.

On her way to the door, texting Jasper the golden carriage icon that she had saved to her phone for when it was time for her to dip out and they weren’t next to each other, she accidentally bumped into someone. “Excuse me,” she said politely and looked up to see Casper. She hadn’t seen that woman in months. She forced a smile and moved around, but Casper followed her.

“Hey, can I please talk to you for a moment?”

“I gotta go home, Girl. It’s past my curfew,” Charlotte said, continuing to walk.

“Well, I’ll walk with you to your vehicle. It’s not safe out here by yourself, anyway,” she said.

Charlotte’s nostrils flared, and she texted Jasper about it, but she shrugged her shoulders, “I can’t tell you where to walk.”

“I just wanted to apologize to you for everything. I genuinely apologize. Like, I honestly didn’t realize that I was as much of a trash person as I was. People told me that these are the years that we do all this figuring ourselves out stuff and I guess I thought I was someone else. I’m realizing my own flaws and I hate how things were left off between us. Jasper was my best friend, and I always loved you! We talked about you all the time and I never would have wanted to hurt you or him or make either of you mad. I just wanted you to know that. From my heart.”

She seemed genuine. Charlotte had to admit that she didn’t radiate the same vibes as before. There was no reason to be mad at her or hate her when she didn’t really affect Charlotte’s life. But, there was no reason to make room for her either. “Casper, I…”

“Dohn,” Casper corrected.

“Dawn…”

“No, not Dawn, Dohn. Like John, but with a “D.” D.O.H.N.”

Charlotte stared at her for a moment with furrowed eyebrows that seemed to say Girl, I don’t care, but she didn’t bring the phrase to her lips. “Dohn.” She corrected herself. “I’m not worried about what happened between us, nor do I care. It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize or anything else. It’s forgotten. Don’t worry about it. Goodnight.”

“Is it okay if I call you?” Casper… Dohn asked.

“For what purpose?” Charlotte wondered.

“You just always seemed like a really cool person, but you often seemed lonely. I didn’t know if you could use a friend, but I sure could..”

“I don’t know about that…”

“Okay. I’m sorry. Well, thank you for hearing me out. Have a beautiful night.” Dohn hugged her, which was on brand for her. She used to hug Charlotte all the time, and every time, it caught her off guard, even though she knew the girl was a hugger. She had a firm hug that seemed like she read about a hug in a book, but never mastered it and it always hit Charlotte’s little body like an attack. But, this one was softer. She was gentler. She touched Charlotte’s hair and smiled down at her, and Charlotte shrank back, confused and a little bit bothered.

“You too,” she said and Jasper suddenly appeared out of nowhere and got up into Dohn’s face asking, “Why are you all up on her?”

Charlotte and Dohn both looked shocked and tried to explain to him that they were just talking and it was fine. Charlotte hated that look in Jasper. It was his “pre-violence” look. “Heyyy, everything’s cool, My Dude. Why are you getting all up in her face like this?” She hated that he was making her intercede for Casper. “Something that I need to know?”

“Unfortunately, Jasper isn’t as forgiving as you. He thinks the worst of me. Good night to you both,” she said and left.

“F Sized, you okay?” He nodded his head. She raised her eyebrows. He drew her into his side and started walking towards her apartment. “I really want you to explain to me what just happened there. I know she’s taller than you and tough or whatever, but you were really on her like she was some dude at a bar starting crap. What was that about?”

“You said that she was following you.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect THAT to be your reaction.”

“She’s a foot taller and 100 more pounds of muscle than you. She shouldn’t be following you.”

“So, that was it? Just the text that I sent. ‘Ya girl Casper is out here following me tryin’ to talk’ made you want to get in her face like that?” He sighed. “I know you’re holding back something from me and if I’m at risk of being hurt, I should know. I just told that woman that I basically forgive her and let her hug me!”

“She had a thing for you!” He said and shook his head. “Whenever we first met, she was all friendly to us and inviting us to the kite disc events and stuff, she was trying to get closer to you, not me. That’s something that she eventually admitted when we became friends, but I thought that because she was seeing someone at the time that she admitted that, it was no big deal and she was over it or whatever.” Charlotte’s eyes were just hella confused, tbh. “But, I did start to notice that she was kinda too friendly with you, and realized that she had always been. She was always hugging you and rubbing your back and stuff like that and whenever I asked her about it, she said that was just how she was. Which… I didn’t recall her being that way before, but then she was all over me like that, so I thought that maybe I just hadn’t noticed it before. This is all stuff that I thought about after the fact, by the way. I’m kinda… slow at times, you know?”

“I don’t think that you’re slow. I think that you’re just such a nice and well-meaning person that you aren’t suspicious about things, or you’re naive about people’s motives because you don’t have a manipulative bone in your body. Because, she totally did start being way more affectionate towards you after a while and I presumed it was because she had developed a crush on you from hanging out so much.”

“Yeah, well, whenever we fell out, someone “leaked” this video of her and her friend… I swear, if I didn’t know every inch of you, it’d be frightening.”

“Her girlfriend looked like me?”

“That’s the thing. This wasn’t her girlfriend. It was someone she was seeing and after this video leaked, and people were asking her about this person, she told them that she didn’t want to out her, because she was involved with someone and she didn’t want to damage her reputation.”

“So, it looks like her girlfriend IS me???”

“A lot of our mutuals certainly thought so!”

“When was this???”

“Months ago. I just kept assuring people that it wasn’t you, but with her being vague and with everyone knowing that she and I weren’t friends anymore, I mean, come on.”

“Ugh. What did she say to you about that?”

“She said that she didn’t want people to think it was you either but she didn’t want to grant them the power of process of elimination when there are so few people to fit that description in the area.”

Charlotte winced, “That’s… considerate of her friend…”

“Uhhh, at best her friend is involved with someone who she has an open relationship with but they don’t want people to know that she’s been with girls. At worst, she’s cheating on whoever she’s involved with and Dohn’s willing to sacrifice your reputation to protect hers. But, I don’t think it was an accident at all. I think she leaked it herself to make people think that about you because whenever I thought back to our relationship, she was always way more interested in you than she should be and I have a very bad habit of talking about you passionately for hours, if someone will let me!”

“Well, this is all surprising, troubling, mildly flattering, because I didn’t even know that there were girls who like me. But, I do feel a way that you think she’s capable of what you just accused her of.”

“What are you on? More girls like you than dudes, from what I hear.”

“What?”

“Multiple times, I’ve heard that people think I’m your beard.”

“Awwww,” she said, touched.

“But, that could also be because of her!” He fussed.

“Don’t ruin my lesbian sex symbol status headcanon. Big Dog.”

“I’m gonna ruin you,” he joked. “Why are you so into this?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I feel WAY more comfortable with the thought of women wanting me than I do with the thought of them wanting YOU. Because, THAT’S when Crazy Charlotte shows up!”

And it was, and Jasper loved it. He did his best to try not to make her jealous, but sometimes, like she said, he really wasn’t suspicious enough to peep flirting. Charlotte would come over and observe the woman very closely, right in her face and her space until she was acknowledged, then apologize and introduce herself as Jasper’s girlfriend. Jasper would always bite his lip and look her over, when she finally had run off whatever flirting girl was in his space and she made eye contact at her, he’d wink or blow her a kiss and she’d realize that she probably had just showed out.

Henry liked the photo of Jasper’s The Fool tattoo on his right shoulder blade. It had been being worked on whenever Adanna did his reading for him because it had been drawn in the future position. She explained something like, it meant, like new beginnings and was good in the future position because it could mean that like, something good was gonna happen with a new life thing or something? Henry was bad at remembering, because she’d said so much, but it was apparently enough for Jasper to get that permanently put on his body. Henry couldn’t help but wonder if he was gonna regret these decisions one day. Like… Everybody doesn’t know the meaning of The Fool or whatever. She explained it and Henry was still confused. Now, this dude had a The Fool on his damn body… “THIS JUST HAPPENED!!!” He saw the caption of a video with his handle tagged to it and went to watch it.

Charlotte was near Jasper while his friend was finishing up his The Fool Tarot Card tattoo, and talking about possible tattoos that she might consider, tiny ones of course and Jasper asked her what she thought of his new one, so she went to look at it (she doesn’t seem to notice the camera) and she said, “Yeah, Babe. It looks awesome. It’s beautiful. That’s a good way to celebrate your good future stuff or whatever,” she told him. Now, she had thought that maybe Adanna’s reading was in reference to his internship, because she’d mention that it could be a new move or new job etc, but then (in the tattoo shop, Jasper told her).

“I thought a lot about how to do this or say this, or whatever.” Charlotte looked confused as he got out of the seat, still shirtless. “I know that you don’t like huge surprises and stuff, so I didn’t want to do that, but I wanted to do something significant, too.”

“For what?” she asked, laughing nervously.

“The Fool in romance can mean that your existing relationship can take a turn for the better. So, I wanted to ask you, since I have the confidence that my future and my fortune is with you…” He got on his goddamned knee and grabbed a ring box from underneath the tattoo seat he’d just gotten his tat finished in… She screamed and dropped the tattoo book that she’d been holding to rush to him and hug and kiss him.

Henry was in tears! He wanted to be a part of this! But… Jasper also had been trying to see when he could make it into town and he’d said, “If all else fails, just tag me first when you announce the news.” And, Jasper did. Henry was tagged, then his mom, then Charlotte’s parents, Uncle Roscoe, Adanna, his dad, Aunt Cohort, Piper, Ray, Schwoz, the fraternity page, his sports teams…

Jasper told her, “I was actually gonna hide the ring in the tattoo book and be like, “What do you think of this one,” but that seemed awkward and like I’d have to explain too much…”

She looked at the ring and shook her head, “It’s SO pretty! I love it! It’s perfect!!”

Whenever Jasper’s dad popped the question to his mom, she was just about visibly pregnant, embarrassed about it and desperate to do this the right way. Jack Leigh was desperate to “fix his mistakes” and “make an honest woman out of her.” Oh, and also drunk. So drunk, that he didn’t know if he was coming or going. He needed the liquid courage to go back to her after she’d told him that if she had to do this on her own, she would. She didn’t have to do it on her own! At least, he didn’t want her to. He couldn’t figure out where he’d get a ring at this time of night, but came across one of those Bilsky brothers. The whole family was a bag of rotten apples. One of them had to know a guy… Hell, one of them WAS the guy. “A ring? Yeah, I got rings. What’s your budget?” Jack Leigh emptied his pockets and had maybe a few hundred bucks, and a punch card. He shook his head and called, “Jeff! Get Daddy that box of rings! The cheap ones!” A teenage boy rushed to… of all places… the BBQ pit and lifted the lid and grabbed a box. Daddy Bilsky gave it to his old buddy and said, “I’ll letcha grab two of ‘em. I hear you gotta get two. My old lady and I got hitched on the run, so we never even got one of them, but I’ve collected her plenty over the years. She don’t notice when the cheap ones go missing.” Jack Leigh didn’t even shift through the box. He grabbed a couple, waved to them and went on his way.

Jeff came back to his father and asked, “Dad, how mad would you be if I think I gave you the good stuff?” Jack Leigh heard Daddy Bilsky fussing at his kid, but he was too out of it to hear what he was saying.

Whenever Pansy left, Jack Leigh got one of those rings back. She threw the wedding ring right at his head and slammed the door as hard as she could with a baby on her waist. He was too drunk to care about whatever she’d said, too. He was often that way, but he did come across that ring again when he was clearing out of that little place. He tossed it in his pocket, in case he ever wanted to pawn it. Might be cheap, but he could probably get a few beers for it. It stayed in his wallet most of the time, though. He couldn’t see Jasper back then… legal stuff that he totally understood at the time, but whenever he would look at the ring and think about hocking it, he’d think about his baby boy, out there… The one that he’d even bought the stupid thing for. He couldn't seem to part with it. Not because he missed his wife, but because he took a wife because he was going to be a father, and nobody but him messed that up. It was a reminder that he needed to get clean and needed to straighten up. Maybe some day, he could see Jasper again. Maybe someday, he'd give him this stupid ring. He got it appraised, just to see if it was worth anything. Because he was curious if the sentimental value of it would even mean anything to the kid… this was maybe 3 years later. The damn thing was worth more than his crummy life. He could literally sell it and probably wind up getting himself out of his debt! But… looking at the thing, listening to the guy talk to him, very suspicious that this shady character probably stole this from some place, and was likely gonna put out an alert about it… Jack Leigh thanked him for his time and put it back into his wallet. He hadn’t gotten completely clean, but that was sobering. He knew he had to keep it together, carrying something worth that much with him, especially considering that it was worth even more in sentimental value.

He met Jasper when he was four. Adorable chubby kid with dimples and curly hair. He was excited to meet him and told him everything that he could possibly tell him. Jack Leigh came to a realization whenever Pansy told him that he could come to see him… He’d messed up. He should have had a room FULL of gifts and cards and money that he never got a chance to deliver over the past four years. He should have had candy and cookies and really… fanfare. All he had was that ring and he certainly couldn’t hand him that at age 4. He stopped at one of those weird gas station gift shops and said, “Anything for like a 4 year old kid… I don’t even know what he likes!”

“We got grab buckets,” she said and pointed towards a display. It was like a grab bag, but in a bucket. All kinds of little toys and stuff that would most likely break and stuff if it wasn’t a choke hazard. Hopefully, Pansy wouldn’t kill him. He went over there with a bucket of junk and threw in a hundred dollar bill that he got back after this purchase. Pansy was judging him from the moment that he handed that garbage to her son. But, the kid was excited, “WOW! A BUCKET!”

“Uhhh… there’s stuff in it. Toys and stuff,” Jack Leigh said. Jasper got onto his tiptoes, but Jack kneeled in front of him, seeing his features for the first time since he was an infant. Seeing how much like his own childhood photos he looked. Pansy must’ve seen it too. There was something about the way that she looked at the kid. Jack Leigh didn’t like it, but who was he to judge? He hadn’t even been around.

“Jasper, I don’t think that any of that stuff is safe to play with!” She said and snatched the bucket from his little hands. He jumped, frightened and Jack Leigh noticed and reached for his hand, to try to give him some comfort. He was about to cry. She was taking away the only thing his daddy had given him…

“Well, can’t he at least have the bucket?” Jack Leigh asked.

She looked at him like he was an idiot. “He’s four. Why would he want this ugly big bucket?”

“I do want the bucket, Mom! I love it. It’s a nice bucket, Daddy.” She looked bothered. She dumped the toys in the garbage and handed him the bucket back, then went to sit down, and glare at them. Jasper didn’t really look in her direction during the visit, but Jack Leigh wondered if he couldn’t feel the same… whatever it was that she had radiating for him that he felt from her. He was allowed a few more visits, until he showed up with Adanna one day. Pansy stepped outside and interrogated her, then said that Jasper wouldn’t be coming for any more of these “disappointing little visits,” and sprinkled on at the end, “And I WILL be contacting you about child support!” That was that.

Adanna convinced him to fight for custody, at least shared. He had gotten his life together and he shouldn’t have to be punished forever. There were disputes, but after a while, he ran out of money for that fight and her husband didn’t. So, not only could he still not see Jasper, and had legal fees, but… child support. He couldn’t do it. He’d already gotten so low, that he went back to some of his old ways. He was lucky to have Adanna around. Eventually thought about giving her the ring, but explained to her why he didn’t think that he could. “Can I at least see it?” she wondered.

He pulled it out and she was already uneasy. He handed it to her and she cried, “I’m glad that you don’t want to give this to me, because it’s full of negative energy. Guilt, despair, regret, heartache… This isn’t something that you give to someone that you care about.”

“Should I get rid of it? Sell it? I’m probably never going to see my son again…”

“Even if you see him, he can’t have this, Jack Leigh. It’s got a signature on it.”

“Is there a way to fix it?”

She cleansed the ring and once she was done, she smiled at it and said, “This ring has new hope. It wants to find someone to love, but it feels like it belongs to someone.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know, but I sense that this ring wouldn’t be at home with me.” She reached out to give it to him, but he shook his head.

“If you hand it to me, it’ll just absorb my negative energy again. You hold on to it for me. If I don’t give it to Jasper, I guess it’ll find its way to whoever. I want it to find them in peace.”

Jasper, Charlotte, and Henry were sitting on the floor, talking about their readings. Henry was shaken up by his, but Jasper kept staring at the Fool. Adanna said, “Jasper, can I show you something?” He got up and followed her through some crystal beaded curtains to a cute little room, where she climbed up a step ladder and got a ring box off of her bookshelf. “Jack Leigh told you about this, right? When you two talked?” She stepped down and opened the box to show him a ring and his heart leaped in his chest.

“Is this my mom’s wedding ring that she threw at his head? I’ve heard about it from her! She’d say, if I’d been more smart than mad, I’d have pawned that for the child support! Can I touch it?” She handed it to him and told him the story, because obviously, Jack Leigh had been more focused on the drinking, the fighting and the accident. Jasper gasped and said, “You think that this ring belongs with me?”

“I think that it belongs with her,” she said and glanced at Charlotte through the beads. Charlotte was laughing a melodious laugh at a story that Uncle Roscoe was telling on speaker phone, while catching up with Jack Leigh. “I think that she’ll love it, when you’re ready.” She cupped his chin and lovingly said, “Fool.”

“I had a feeling that you would love it. It was my dad’s…”

She held her heart and shook her head, “I love it even more!”

They kissed, a lot, and he held her close and began to tell his friends that they were going to head out to go celebrate, but Charlotte said, “I need to get a tattoo!” He stared at her. “You got one on the date that we get engaged, so I want one too!”

“What do you want. You’ve literally been thinking about this for years and can never decide a place or a tattoo!” He teased.

She pointed right behind her ear and said, “Here.” He knew that spot well. He was always kissing her there. He loved it and she loved it. But, he was thinking about how she was about to make him have to get into the habit of not kissing her there until it healed.

He took her to his chair and nodded, “Okay, and what do you want there Chef’s Kiss?” he wondered.

“The word “Yes.” She looked into the mirror at him and the smile on his face, she hoped he smiled at her like that for the rest of their lives..

#A Chasper Fic #chasper #henry danger #hd fanfic #Nesha HD Fics

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lovehatinganime · 6 years

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BNHA role swap. The Villains are Yuuei Students: Shigaraki Tomura Edition

“I'm going to ignore the fact that Shigaraki would be called Shimura Tenko because I really don't like that name” this was my first thought and then a whole fanfic plot idea came out of it.

Nana Shimura, after a night with her lover, accidentally got pregnant. This dude is foreign or a special agent, making it impossible for him to stay around. Nana and him spoke about abortion or giving the baby away. It was honestly the cleverest idea. However, Nana decided to have the baby as a single mom in the very last minute. She didn't tell him not to ruin his career... and well, mostly because it was against what they had arranged. (I actually hate this scenario, but I had to take the father out of the picture and that`s the only explanation it ocurred to me).

Everything went fine because she had help from a lot of people to raise her kid (you can choose male or female, is not relevant to the story). Thanks to this, she could still continue with her job as, you know, world saviour. Nana`s child grew, fell in love, married and planned to have his/her own family quite fast (the next Shimura generation is simply a normal person. One who, although having a good quirk, never took an interest in following his/her mother`s steps). Here is when things got twisted. Nana had made a lot of enemies during her hero service years and the bad guy who hated her most, villain All Might, attempted to murder her offspring. The police and pro heroes arrived when he was torturing the pregnant woman. It was precisely Nana herself who ´saved` her daughter/ daughter-in-law. The doctors did all they could but unfortunately it was not enough to prevent her from dying. However, they were able to take the baby out. After a month of intensive care in the hospital, Tenko was like any other baby. Nana had no doubt this time, she could not keep him. That`s why handman is yet called Shigaraki Tomura in this au of mine.

Kurogiri, a retired hero who used to work with the police, infiltrating in multiple crime gangs; became his legal tutor. In the present, Shigaraki is a 16-year-old hero wannabe and Nana is a still alive, kicking ass and quite young grandmother. Very few people know they are related, but Tomura is well aware of the whole story. The heroine tries to visit him as much as she can, taking extreme precaution measures. They get along very well.

All this is like the background info, so the actual plot would start when Villain All Might`s successors (probably Deku and some other canon 1-A classmates) find out Shiggy`s existence and want to end him; to finish the job that got their master into prison. Maybe they try to recruit him to psychologically torture Nana... or directly try to kill him, not sure. Any way, they fail the first time, so the thing would be that now Tomura and some others who get stuck in the jambo mambo (probably the ones who canonly form the league of villains) have to survive on the run.

Author Note: What do you think? (scratches the back of her neck) I would love to know your opinions. I am writing concrete headcanons now, so you get more info about other characters and how I imagine them in this parallel reality. I am hoping to make a series out of this if I have enough time and inspiration. It is also a bit of a high school AU, to be honest. I've tried not to make it look like a soup opera but it sometimes just happens. I live for the tea.

Tomura would be this kid who never gets over his early adolescence emo phase: his hair is always covering his face, never shows the slightest amount of his pale skin and seems allergic to sunlight; wears hoodies on summer what the actual fuck; loves dark themes/topics and favourite colour is black, total edgelord, bitter sense of humor, MRC and BVB...

A videogame freak unable to open a book and study a bit.

Watches anime because he is too lazy for the manga.

Him as a student:

One of his teachers (All for one), for some reason, puts great trust on him, naming him class representative.

Tomura is not amused.

Complies to his duties, yes, but with extreme exasperation.

AFO also believes Shigaraki has great potential as a hero. Insists on the idea that if he got better at fighting, with his quirk, he could disintegrate any dangerous weapon a villain had before they could hurt anyone.

Moreover, this sensei affirms a Tomura in good shape would be impossible to escape as he is able to destroy any hiding place or possible obstacle someone tries to throw into the persecution.

Considering all this, AFO stars training Shigaraki.

Tomura is not giving much, tho.

He is a bit depressed because he is sure he is never going to be like his grandmother. He passes all his courses with shameful results. He cannot find the motivation to make a bigger effort and just keeps going that way until...

a) he has a life changing experience when he disintegrates a broken building wall that was about to crush some kids. Tomura realises his quirk is very useful, actually perfect for rescue missions.

b) Chisaki Kai arrives, transferred from Shiketsu. Contrary to Tomura, he is handsome, polite and with a quirk only destroying to create. He hates his guts. Although it seems to be one of the few people, if not the only one doing so. Kai is starting to become the yueei candidate for top class pro hero. Shigaraki does not like this a single bit. In his eyes, Chisaki is all a facade. Underneath that cool appearance he is just a weirdo prick with a superiority god complex. Tomura is not going to let someone like that enter the same category as Nana Shimura. That`s how he gets his act together (hate is a pure emotion, best fuel ever haha Nah, I am just a sucker for the Overhaul x Tomura relationship. Not in a shippy way, more like rivals).

His hero costume:

Hasn't designed one yet.

He starts thinking about it after the aforementioned epiphany.

Interactions:

Dabi is his best (probably only) friend, even if they are all the time bickering. He belongs to one of the most famous families in the hero society, him being the outcast. Tomura thinks of him as a total rebel without a cause. Despite his bad behaviour, Dabi has a natural talent that makes him one of the best at yuuei academy.

The only thing Shiggy enjoys about being clas representative is the status it gives him.

He cannot help but smile when he sees people who dislike him or would not talk to him in any other circumstance, be obliged to face him and treat him with great respect.

Tomura gives a gay vibe and is popular with guys.

Much to his disappointment because he is actually more into girls (I am saying “more” and not making him straight because my open minded multishipper ass always tends to give characters the possibility of discovering they are indeed bisexuals).

Sadly for him, the only one who shows to have such interest is Toga Himiko, a first year unicorn lover, who is way too obsessed with him.

Dabi, instead of helping him get rid of her (idk if you are aware of how ShigaToga is actually my favourite romantic ship for both of them BUT without the villainous context i can't see Tomura having the slightest interest on Himiko), encourages Toga and has lots of fun.

#mha au headcanons #bnha villains as heroes #yuuei villains #shigaraki tomura #nana shimura #villain all might #villain class 1a #chisaki kai #all for one #dabi #toga himiko #league of villains #bnha role swap

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dancerstudying · 5 years

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first semester: grades + some thoughts

hi friends! so, I just finished my first semester of college (aka university to those of you not in the US). after a week of finals and lots of stress, I’m now at home, safely ensconced in the couch doing as little as possible. however, final grades were due today, so I thought I’d take a moment to run through what my grades were and kind of reflect on them. I wanted to do this both bc I thought it could give people a better idea of the transition b/t high school and college grades-wise, and also as a record for myself.

a note/disclaimer:

if you don’t want to know what my grades were, you don’t have to read this! I’m not trying to brag and I don’t want this to be something to compare yourself to! everyone is on their own path and has their own definition of success -- a bad grade for me might be a great one for you, and vise versa.

also, this will probably get pretty long. grab a snack.

some background about grades in the US

grades are given on a scale from A to F, with A being the best and F being a fail (we skip E tho idk why). grades are based on a combo of exams, quizzes, assignments, and essays, with the specific percentage/which of these counts determined by the professor. this varies from school to school or even from class to class but generally the scale is

A: >93.3%

A-: 90-93.3%

B+: 86.7-89.9%

B: 83.4-86.6%

B-: 80-83.3%

ok I’m tired of typing things out but you get the point. this pattern continues in the 70s for C and the 60s for D. usually anything below a 60 is an F (fail) but again this can depend. some classes are graded on a curve, where the grade boundaries are moved either up or down so that the majority of students get a B-/C+, which is supposed to be the average. this prevents grade inflation and also helps you out if the class is very difficult and test averages are in the 50s or 60s (pretty common for classes like organic chemistry).

some background about my grades in high school

I feel like this info is important for context and also to give an idea of the academic level I generally operate at (okay that sounds v pretentious). anyway, it’s pretty generally expected that you can expect to see a drop in your grades from high school to college. this differs based on a ton of things, but almost everyone experiences it so it’s totally normal and to be expected! anyway, I went to a fairly competitive and well-ranked public (government funded) high school, and I grew up in a well-educated university town, so I felt I was pretty prepared for college. I took mostly AP/honors courses and ended with a 3.95 GPA (unweighted) when I graduated. basically, I was almost a straight A student with a few Bs in there (thanks to pre-calc and AP Spanish).

I’m now at a fairly selective school, though not anything close to the Ivy League -- I think the acceptance rate for my class was 17-18%. of course, selectivity is not a great indicator of how difficult classes are, as many selective schools (particularly Ivy Leagues) have rampant grade inflation.

my majors are neuroscience and dance and I’m on a pre-med track.

anyway, let’s get down to the nitty gritty: my grades this semester.

early modern England (3 credit hours): A-

I took this course because I placed out of introductory writing but still needed a writing-intensive course and it seemed interesting enough. honestly, it was much more difficult than I expected. I consider myself a fairly good writer, but the professor I had for this course was a tough grader for papers. I did manage to get an A on my final paper which was a victory. after easily getting all As in writing and history classes in high school, an A- is a little hard to accept. however, I worked really hard in this class and am honestly satisfied with my grade as I know most people do not do as well in this class. it was also a 2000 (sophomore level) class, so I was definitely being challenged.

intensive ballet IV (3 credit hours): B+

so, this is my lowest grade. at first, I was really disappointed by it, but it is a 4000 level course (mostly juniors and seniors) and we’re graded based partially on skill, so I have to accept it and move on and just hope to do better next semester as I’m taking ballet IV again. I know I could have worked harder in this class so I’m not going to complain about it, just learn from it and try to improve.

intro to cell & molecular biology (3 credit hours): A

this is probably what I’m proudest of. this class is known for being a true weed-out course for pre-meds and most people just hope to pass, but I got an A! it feels especially good because I know I worked hard for it and didn’t just skate by on natural intelligence. I also hadn’t taken biology since freshman year of high school so there was a steep learning curve. I didn’t just do well, I honestly learned so much and doing well in this class confirmed for me that pre-med is the right choice.

general chemistry I - lecture (3 credit hours): A-

I have such a complicated relationship with chemistry, and honestly, I’m really glad I’m done with this class. I hate to blame professors but sometimes you just get a really bad one and this was one of those cases. his lectures were extremely disorganized and he didn’t explain things clearly at all. it’s partially my fault that I didn’t get an A, though, as I definitely could have put more time and thought into studying, especially for the final. it was just so hard to stay motivated when I could barely follow lectures. I have to take gen chem II next semester but thank god I have a different professor.

general chemistry I - lab (1 credit hour): A

not much to say about this one. I’m happy to have gotten an A since it really intimidated me at first -- lab in college is way more serious than in high school. I learned how to write a proper lab report which is an important skill as a science major.

honors colloquium (1.5 credit hours): A

I loved this class soooo freaking much. everyone in the honors program has to take a first year seminar and I chose one about modernism and if it’s still relevant to the contemporary world. it was also a discussion based class which I love and I got to write my final paper on literally any topic I wanted and how it was related to modernism (mine was about the modernist search for identity in The Handmaid’s Tale, and I’m so proud of that paper, especially considering I wrote it the day it was due). anyway, not a super hard class, but still proud of that A.

urban sociology (3 credit hours): A

another class which I loved. I found it kind of easy as it was mostly memorization of concepts and theorists and I have a good memory, but I did put more effort in than I would have to an “easy” class in high school, and was rewarded by getting 100% on the final! would highly recommend sociology to literally anyone -- I’m taking another sociology class next semester and am considering a minor in it.

dance company (1 credit hour): A

this is like, not a real grade because dance company isn’t even a real class -- it’s just on my schedule so I can get credit for performing in the fall dance show. I’m pretty sure everyone who shows up to rehearsals and performances gets an A. regardless, I’m happy for the boost to my GPA.

so that’s it! overall, I ended with a 3.7925 GPA. I have to confess that it is slightly lower than I would have liked, but I’m overall happy with my efforts considering this was my first semester of college. my class load next semester is a little bit lighter, both in terms of credits and in terms of difficulty of classes, so that will hopefully make things a little more manageable. I have to have a 3.6 by the end of this year and a 3.8 by the end of sophomore year to stay in the honors program, and considering I’m almost at a 3.8 now I think it’s completely doable.

I hope this was useful to those of you who are starting college soon. obviously this differs from school to school and especially if you’re not in the US, but in general you can expect a slight dip in your grades. it shouldn’t be anything dramatic if you can keep organized and on top of things, but there are a lot of transitions associated with starting college so don’t feel badly if things don’t go according to plan! you have time to make up for it, and med schools/law schools/grad schools know that grades your first semester of freshman year are not necessarily fully reflective of your abilities and will likely pay more attention to your grades later on.

thanks for reading this whole rambling thing! also, I might make a separate post about differences in grades between high school and college (how things are weighted, harshness of grading, etc.) so let me know if you’d find that helpful!

#study #studyblr #studyspo #university #college #grades

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wheredidhiseyebrowsgo · 6 years

Note

I think Tumblr ate my ask but idk so sorry if your seeing this twice? But any good Sterek with Nerd!derek (like wearing glasses and blushing all the time Nerd)? Thank you! You guys are amazing

AND

Anonymous said:I just finished reading stilinskisparkles’ Losers fic and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it *^* so I was hoping if you could recommend me some popular jock!Stiles and shy, awkward, nerd!Derek? Thank youuuuuuuuu

AND

Anonymous said: Hi, can I ask for a Sterek fic recommendation wherein Stiles is the popular kid at school and Derek is the shy/nerd/quite kid at school who has a secret crush on Stiles? We have so many popular/jock Derek and I want to switch it up a bit for a change xD Also, totally a plus if Stiles has a not-so-secret crush on Lydia at the beginning and then develop feelings for Derek,

I do love nerdy!Derek. It’s a nice change. Here’s the tag. - Anastasia

Losers by stilinskisparkles

(1/1 I 34,234 I Explicit)

Where Derek is new to college, eager to spend his time learning, and Stiles is everything he didn’t want in a room mate. He’s loud, he’s into sports, and he keeps trying to make Derek do things.

Or, the one where Derek falls for a jock, Erica will cut you if you disturb her studying, and Jackson is a closeted romantic who pretends to hate everything.

***

[podfic] you in that dress (my thoughts I confess) by reena_jenkins

(1/1 I General)

Derek Hale is the hot guy in color guard. (He’s the only guy in color guard.)

A Thing of Chemistry by auroreanrave

(1/1 I 638 I Explicit)

Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like screwing on your chem lab table.

Te Amo, Je T'aime, I Love You, Ich Liebe Dich, Etc by AnonymousActions

(1/1 I 1,084 I General)

Derek is a nerd and likes to tell Stiles he loves him as much as possible in as many languages as possible. Stiles seems oblivious.

True Love by anglophilia

(1/1 I 1,409 I Not Rated)

Stiles is at a party and falls in love with Derek’s butt.

Action and Reaction by orphan_account

(1/1 I 2,299 I General)

“Stiles intrigued Derek, and because Derek thought everything had a formula, that everything was action and reaction, he wanted to know what Stiles was reacting to.

The whole punk thing? It was a social commentary. It was someone standing up for something, and Derek wanted to know why Stiles thought he had the right to stand up for when everyone else was just trying to get through the day.”

Have Yourself A Nerdy Little Christmas by AsagiStilinski

(1/1 I 2,858 I General)

He was on his fourth weird cucumber-cracker… thing…. and generally wishing Lydia would just serve desserts and pizza bites like a normal college student, when he happened to glance up at just the right moment

And all of a sudden, his entire night turned around

“PUG!”

The guy in the ugly Pug themed Christmas sweater jumped, turning to Stiles with what could only be described as a look of utter fear in his eyes

Here We Lie, Outstretched by redeyedwrath

(1/1 I 3,455 I Teen)

“I couldn’t sleep,” Stiles says, and he shrugs, twiddling with his thumbs. The moonlight catches in the hollows of his cheekbones.

Derek snorts. “So you thought that if you couldn’t sleep, neither should I?”

Or, in which Derek and Stiles are neighbors and they’re Make Out Buddies

Strut into Your Heart by Brittanica2015

(3/3 I 4,059 I Not Rated)

Derek is a college freshman who’s working as a barista in order to get enough money to satisfy his book addiction. Everything is fine until one day his favorite model, Stiles Stilinski walks in and completely changes his life.

all i want for christmas is you by haleofStilesheart

(1/1 I 4,140 I General)

The annual Christmas office party at Hale and Associates Law Firm was one of Stiles’ favorite times of the year.

flawless by bibliosexual

(1/1 I 4,919 I Teen)

“I know you and I are, like, werewolf-married, but dude, if I ever met Lydia Martin in person … All bets are off, is all I’m saying.“

It’s not like Stiles really means it (does he?), but it still makes Derek’s hands clench into claws on the steering wheel.

“Yeah, if,” he says, and keeps his eyes on the road.

Approximation by inatshej

(1/1 I 6,638 I Explicit)

Derek’s type is a self-confident, blonde girl. Her grin is almost dangerous, her laugh’s loud, and she may seem arrogant – but if anyone has a reason to be arrogant, it’s her.Stiles’ type is a genius, strawberry blonde girl. She looks perfect no matter the time of a day, her taste’s impeccable, she’s popular as well as respected – but taken.They turn to each other, struggling with the choices and people around them.

atom to atom by jadore_hale

(2/2 I 8,983 I Teen)

“So, you’re telling me that you hate Derek so much that you wouldn’t leap at the chance to jump his bones?”

“That’s different!” Stiles cried.

“How exactly?”

“Because unfortunately for me, Derek’s hotter than the Earth’s mantle. All we need is one rough hate-fuck— Preferably in the chem lab, role-playing sexy chemist while he bends me over one of the tables—and I’ll get him out of my system. That’s as far as our relationship will ever go.”

Stiles glanced across the cafeteria to where Derek was still fail-eating his lunch and sighed so put out.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make fun of Derek eating organic baby carrots.”

Bid on Me by Stereksale7

(2/2 I 9,471 I Explicit)

“Don’t celebrate yet. I’m only bidding on him if no one else does. Which will never happen because everyone wants him.” Derek said, smirk turning triumphant at Erica’s exasperated expression.

“Oh come on Der-” Erica started to whine, but quickly cut herself off when the auctioneer (Derek was pretty sure he was the frat’s president) called out “And one of our last auctions of the day, Stiles Stilinski!”

Derek’s heart dropped to his stomach in anticipation, waiting for the moment where some hot busty blonde or some Calvin Klein model guy bid on Stiles and won.

Except. It never happened.

“Shit Der, are you magic or something? Does everything you predict turn out to be wrong? Quick, say ‘Erica will not suddenly be handed a million dollars’ out loud for me”. Derek rolled his eyes and waved Erica off, watching as the auctioneer listed off qualities of Stiles, dropping the starting bid from $50 to $30 to $25, all the way down to $5.

Derek was drowning in secondhand embarrassment. And judging by Stiles’s badly concealed hurt expression and pink cheeks, he was suffering from a whole lot of first hand embarrassment.

These Stars Will Guide Us Home by anodyneer

(1/1 I 9,937 I Teen)

Derek fell for Stiles from the first time he saw him in a crowded planetarium, and the feeling was definitely mutual. For as well as they got to know each other over the weeks that followed, Derek still couldn’t help feeling like a piece of the puzzle was missing - namely, the piece involving Stiles’ home life. When Stiles disappears just before Thanksgiving break, Derek learns the truth about his boyfriend - and it’s crazier than anything he could have imagined.

A Love Like Religion by alisvolatpropiis

(1/1 I 10,696 I Explicit)

“Derek, my man, you missed an epic party on Saturday. Seriously, dude, I know morning Mass is like, your thing, but come on. You’re missing on out so much life has to offer, bro.”

Big hands land on shoulders with a thump and a squeeze while Derek stands at his locker, loading his gigantic calculus book into his backpack. He gives his best friend a practiced sidelong glare, which of course just encourages him. “You’ll change your mind when I tell you who sucked me off in Lydia Martin’s bedroom,” Stiles snickers into his ear.

Despite himself, Derek is curious. He tries to hide it by focusing on his books, but he knows the heat in his cheeks betrays him. “Who,” he asks, giving in, knowing he will eventually.

Falling in Love is a Free Action by rainproof

(1/1 I 37,252 I Teen)

Derek had a gaming group. A gaming group! After long months of playing the quiet outlier in BHHS’s nerdiest clique he considered a tabletop game to be a serious step up the social ladder.

So the game wasn’t a system he was familiar with… that was alright. Derek had played Traveler and GURPS, White Wolf and Star Wars with his group back in New York, but never straight-up Dungeons and Dragons. He could make it work. And sure, his character was a little ridiculous – a snarky, badass, leather-wearing werewolf version of himself…but that was okay too.

Because he had a gaming group, and it was being headed up by Stiles Stilinski, undisputed nerd-king of Beacon Hills High School.

If You Wanna Be My Roomie (Lover) by Stereksale7

(23/23 I 65,056 I Explicit)

Realistically, Stiles knew that the local University’s popularity and commonality meant that many members of his graduating high school class would be starting the Fall 2016 semester alongside him, but he never expected his longtime crush to be one of them. Even more so, he never expected said crush to be assigned as his roommate…oh boy.

Put Down in Words by paintedrecs

(31/31 I 203,776 I Mature)

“Oh,” Stiles said, his voice coming out low and breathy, “fuck me.”

“I don’t think that’s on the syllabus, but we can check to see if there’s a spot open in any of his classes,” Scott said, grinning.

“This isn’t an actual professor, though,” Stiles insisted, unable to resist brushing his thumb over the sharp line of the man’s bearded jaw. He was laughing at something off-camera, the shot taken in three-quarters view, his coat collar casually rumpled and opened to reveal a sliver of a simple grey t-shirt. The whole thing was deliberately calculated to lend him a more accessible feel, and god help him, Stiles was falling for it.

When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale’s intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor’s salt and pepper beard.

Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek’s carefully cultivated world into disarray…and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

#teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #nerd!derek #nerd!stiles #jock!stiles #anon #podfic #submission #teacher!derek #teacher/student #scott mccall #oblivious!stiles #oblivious!derek #erica reyes #fratboy!derek #lydia martin #misunderstandings

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

Text

I used to post here under SN’s that referred to K-pop ‘uncle’ fans before I realized it’s not really a funny joke; I had actually joined Tumblr in part at least because I had been ‘training’ or studying to become a high school teacher and wanted to see what today’s teens were up to.

I later got really in to K-pop particularly Girls Generation and even contemplated rekindling my Media Studies interests with a view to describing the ways in which GG were trying to change culture or open people’s eyes to beauty, perhaps ‘moral beauty,’ or ‘naive and sentimental love.’

I associated GG with a Victorian cult of ‘moral beauty’ from people such as Oscar Wilde, Walter Pater, and above all John Ruskin (’Sesame and Lilies’; ‘Unto this Last’), who believed that somehow ‘tiny, pretty’ things could help redeem the human race. Girls Generation were ‘sex-positive, love-positive.’

Later on the so-called 3rd generation girl-groups got really out of hand in my opinion. My favorite group, Oh My Girl, were interdicted at an airport for supposed or real underage sex-trafficking which isn’t really funny and might not be fake news either.

I later gravitated toward Gfriend, in part because SinB / Hwang Eunbi and Sowon / Kim Sojung were Roman Catholic, and in part because I thought they more than GG or OMG were ‘measured, circumspect,’ and ‘as honest as one possibly can be without saying too much’ when it comes to the possibilities of romantic or affectionate ‘amor’ love and what young couples can expect to face when they set out to tread ‘the fragrant path, the virgin road, the bridal way.’

My favorite GG song - the only one I really listen to or think about much anymore - is ‘Complete.’ ‘In a beautiful season, sunshine flashing on the eyelashes...’ I loved how Lee Sooman or whoever produced ‘Complete’ didn’t over-blend the girls’ voices but made it like a children’s song in which the individuality of the singer wasn’t subsumed in some corporate whole or monolithic aggregate ‘message’ (rather, desire to convey or force upon the listener a single aesthetic effect).

My favorite Gfriend song was ‘Sunshine,’ although mostly I listened to a reminiscent fan-music version called ‘Sunshine Nature Version,’ which was a ‘strident’ (the word people mis-use when they mean ‘striding, propulsive’) piano-cover with a video that featured Gfriend’s trip to Slovenia.

IDK if it matters at this late point in the history of K-pop’s 3-gen and the Delta variant of Covid-19 which could burn through much of the Western World or at least Anglo America, but my actual favorite Gfriend member was Yerin, Ms. Jung Yerin, partly b/c she looks like my former student from Korea and was born in the same year; 1996.

I had very high hopes / ambitions for this student, who from the beginning I considered ‘suasive, gentlewomanly, possessing savoir-faire.’ She said that she wanted to be a type of service-worker but I thought she could make it as a diplomat or something in politics. She put me in mind of Colossians 4:6, ‘Let your speech be always savory, seasoned with salt, so that you may have an answer for everyone you meet.’ She had the gift of speaking directly to you as if she knew who you were, understanding her audience you could say. Though she came from a poor and - quite literally - disenfranchised area of the RoK, with left behind people, where they said the best kids around couldn’t compete with the worst from Seoul, I still thought that she was under-selling herself. IDK why in retrospect I assumed that a young woman’s not wanting a high-powered career automatically constituted under-selling oneself, particularly when I myself gave up on law school &c. a long time ago and didn’t feel that bad about it; or at least, nary worse about that than about the human race in general and how business is done in this day and age. (I realize that is moral relativism.)

I had sex-problems before going to Korea and I had them after. Tumblr made them worse in some ways and K-pop. Moreover, ‘sweet love and sex’ are not going to save everyone. There are all kinds of terrifying evil things in the world today. I read that during the initial stage of the coronavirus pandemic in Wuhan a lot of Chinese were ‘looking at porn’ / viewing pornography. Maybe many kids in America were as well and perhaps it has accelerated the brain-damage and brutalization of character / taste that are wrought by everything that pornography tells the brain and soul about sex, about women, and particularly about young women.

I honestly think pornography will be banned in the near future. I used to joke, ‘Some people are libertarians, socialists, some believe in helping the poor and weak and others believe in laissze-faire sink-or-swim it’s-all-your-fault neoliberal capitalism’ - and reply, ‘I’m a paternalistic theocrat.’ I don’t think I was really joking either.

Anyway, Tumblr appears to be a good venue for young people to communicate with one another but it also leads to indulgent fantasies of revenge (’let’s hang / guillotine all business-majors), with attendant destructive ideologies. There is also a huge amount of sexual content that might seem funny or ironic to Millennials like me and what we sometimes used to call ‘Zoomers’ / Gen Z). However, this pornography involves real human beings and in more extreme cases abets actual child-rape and child-sex-trafficking while brutalizing people’s sexual tastes worldwide.

Today I think there are bigger things to worry about than what author Yiyun Li calls ‘bedroom business’ such as war, the current pestilence which continues to mutate and kill in unexpected ways and places, along with flawed vaccines that can also kill, probable famine in some areas and a huge backsliding into poverty for IIRC something like 100 million children worldwide; which can further expose them to lost educational opportunity, hunger, disease, and again, rape and sex-trafficking. Americans moreover, I think (or rather US and Canadian citizens), consider much of the rest of this world and many of these souls or ‘particular individuals’ to be more or less empty vessels; statistics; or else totally unreal. My own mom keeps telling me that basically I was never in Korea, that Korean isn’t a language but only a set of symbols, and that Koreans don’t exist or if they do I never saw one. I recently started to feel as if I want to leave America for good but I have spent a lot of my money on books and I am not sure where I would go.

At any rate, if anyone picks this up, at least take cognizance of the fact what people post on Tumblr and AsianFanfics isn’t good advice but more like ‘object-lessons’ or portraits of the ‘beautiful and damned.’ I don’t think stuff like this makes people happy.

I assured somebody a while back I would quit listening to K-pop and did so except for Taeyeon. The last groups I followed were IZ*ONE and Dreamcatcher, and I went to the DC concert in 2019 in Chicago. Everyone says that DC’s leader is more beautiful IRL than in pictures but at 25 she already looked deepy furrowed with concern and it was clear that her inner beauty had outstripped the face that she could make to meet the faces she was meeting. She didn’t have a personality or manner or form that could be easily put in to a single frontal category or sense; I think F. Scott Fitzgerald might call her a ‘personage not personality’ - though, I am against summing up women, as if we could box up a person like that.

People today appear still to be reeling from ‘Trumpism’ in terms of this obsession with image or frontal ‘imago’ and the obsession with making ‘be be the end of seem’ or demanding that everyone look the part tout court. Donald Trump for instance distrusted his highly talented National Security Adviser (Lt. Gen.) H.R. McMaster due to the latter’s intellectual appearance, and in spite of the fact that while Trump was on the phone in Manhattan McMaster was commanding an M1A1 main battle-tank in Operation Desert Storm and winning a Silver Star. McMaster also nowadays has been working with an organization I highly respect, North Korea News, where they try to learn and spread the truth about people I consider some of the most Cross-bearing in the world and also important to humanity’s future in spiritual terms as well w/r/t authentic and useful understanding of human / world / US history since about 1866.

I am also concerned RN that many people are trying to ‘teach themselves’ more about the gross and scope of all human history and particularly in terms of Anglo-American policy in the Indo-Pacific since the Battle of Singapore or so, the consequences of Japanese imperialism and whether or to what extent the Empire of Japan was the ‘fault’ of Commodore Perry, as if America’s excessive affection for or faith in the value of commerce caused Japanese to commit mass-rape and conduct biological warfare in China, when they ought to be loving their neighbors today and making critical investments in their children, as well as securing the innocent against blowback from mistakes from the past that no one can totally fix but for which there are numerous self-appointed revengers and punishers in the world right now.

I often in the past few years thought of a Christian AsianFanfics author - my favorite fanfiction artist - SummerChild, of ‘Saving Suzy’ about an alienated writer and a former sex slave at the apparent end of the world; and wondered whether I ought also to plant some kind of ‘good’ fanfic in a poisoned soil like AFF or else totally take leave of and separate myself from that platform. I think in retrospect that separation from evil is important, though making people aware of their evil and that evil is evil is also important; and that separating oneself from the evil is ultimately the loving thing to do for evil people and evildoers as well, AFAIK. I guess for the Christian that means leaving your bad family though in ultimate terms this separation also means dividing God’s holiness and His holy or sanctified chosen ones away from the damned and reprobate in Hell.

IDK if anyone will pick this up but starting in 2016 I started to see visions of (Pope, St.) John Paul II; and recently, finally began to read his encyclical ‘Human Life’ (Humana Vitae), which apparently predicted a lot that is happening in the world today, such as abortion, euthanasia, or the commercialization of the human body such as through organ-harvesting and rape-for-sale in Xinjiang. Today many people are waging private and/or public wars in America at least and appear to feel anything goes; they’ll apologize for anything and everything and refuse to draw a line and they will compliment themselves for being understanding. They also appear to think that erasing a line is humanistic, life-affirming etc. without grasping that they erase human lives when they erase certain lines.

I honestly don’t even know how long I will live though I am ‘only’ 36. I am concerned that Covid-19 and the broader Judgment of which it was coefficient or an instrument is going to get worse for North America than it has been so far though many people want to celebrate and celebrate. They’re preparing to resume life but I am frankly really concerned about the nearness of death, spiritual and physical. I wish I could warn someone, tell someone. I am trying to hold on to life and a ‘culture of life’ though I came to this late; and I also rebelled and raged against some of my best ‘teachers’ due to their attitudes towards East Asia, which I felt were either dismissive of the value of lives or else touristic. If I live through ‘Delta summer’ I am wishing to move to Vietnam, Korea, anywhere, Latin America, Somalia, where there is a very high birthrate and therefore a lot of potential human value, not to say grounds for miracles. But I’m sincerely concerned the American Midwest, erstwhile impregnable or unreachable by most weapons of war, and relatively untouched by plagues within living memory, is less prepared for what is or could be coming than they want to believe; and that neither their individual or family institutions nor their social / governmental institutions are prepared nor honestly want to be, which strikes me as insane because it’s pointless to let bad things happen either macro such as to cities or micro such as to tomorrow’s children, when measures could be taken to protect the undefended and provide for the sick and poor now and to train kids in the right way so they stand at least a chance. People are really waiting for what Confucius called ‘signs and wonders.’ I wish I could warn them not to let everything happen because everything has meaning - a famous quasi-Christian author wrote a book called ‘Everything is Spiritual’ although by this reasoning Hell is also extremely spiritual or at least meaningful - but not everything is good or expedient to say least. So many people are also obsessed or fascinated with the CCP or the seemingly infinite spiral of Chinese history and others are still debating Hitler and Stalin as if understanding such matters were intrinsically valuable; to which one could reply, ‘Whose value and for whom?’ It reminds me of a debate I had decades ago with somebody who I think sense then lost their moral compass to an extent but who then rightly reproached me for seeking theological or jurisprudential arguments for forgiving the most clearly demonic individuals and actions, and neglecting those who clearly deserve a little more bread, a little more attention and graciousness, better teachers, better places to sleep, desks to study at, quiet homes, reasonable adults - good police also - and stand to benefit far more from what one poet called ‘the sweet and obvious side of the light’ than from these extreme theological / eschatological exercises. In any event lately I was trying to support and promote various authors, political leaders, old friends and others I had some confidence in but I found that nearly one and all were more interested in either a) dissecting me or b) fighting ‘duels’ with either me or one another over questions like ‘How much napalm was dropped on North Korea’ as if knowing the exact quantity would give them the ‘critical mass’ of factors for their ‘decision point’ on whether they should care. IDK, how much phosphorous and napalm burning you would make you care? They clearly never read ‘Fire Road.’ These people are all invested in their own careers and constituencies and ‘sunk costs’ as well as conscious or unconscious assumptions about either their national identity and ‘national character’ or what used to be called sth like ‘the peculiar genius of the _ people.’ They wanna fly the same flags as ever. I was listening to ‘Grace to You’ with the incomprehensibly erudite Pastor-Teacher John MacArthur who was teaching today that Rome was / is the final empire, before and after what is called the ‘Church Period.’ Whether it’s the European Union or some other consortium or confederacy it never really went away. The Roman Empire has presided nevertheless over hugely nauseating and at least somewhat avoidable or fungible atrocities and it makes me sad to see so many just reading the papers or going out. I wish I had more money, resources, connections, a platform. I guess everyone wants more. Night is falling over Milwaukee, it seems to me, and many people think this is a story - they think it’ll be fun / interesting / a learning experience. What more is there is to learn? Beginnings, endings. I find that someone wants me to deal in ‘apologetics’ and others want me to tell them exactly what will happen in the future, though I think that a) I’m not that important and b) I really don’t know if what I see is either true or ‘evitable.’ I only recently gained something like a loving heart toward even the people I most believed in and admired in the past, who loved me, and taught me about love, and to love. I read St. Augustine for years and thought of him when I was in KR and over the years also came to theorize reading and interpretation / hermeneutics in a pretty sophisticated way of which I am dangerously proud. I avoided personal responsibility over the years and right now am concerned for both my own life and the lives and souls many in the city I live in, people from the past and even people I have never met. I sincerely think that there could be a major terrorist attack in Milwaukee or a flare-up of the Delta and/or other Covid variants whereas people want to ram everything through the way it is including their children in the name of some vain defiance of reality. Parading around. Driving 80-90 on I-95. I did that back in 2016, driving with headlights on all day. Instead of this parade or death-life-race or whatever corporatist fantasy it is they should stop trying to do everything at once and think of their souls, think of their kids, think of not telling lies or equivocations about abortion or homosexuality or whether a good marriage is a good marriage or whether it’s better to tell the truth or tell lies. Delta Covid, private arsenals of automatic weapons, Russian suitcase-nukes smuggled by North Korea’s Bureau 39 on the behalf of ISIS or Syria or God knows who. But the person I believe in maybe more than anyone else in the world, my ‘sister’ of nationality I shouldn’t say but fellow believer, told me in no uncertain terms to be concerned about (thermo)nuclear terrorism.

4 million people died so far from coronavirus and people have been talking since 9.11.2001 about how ‘the real world’ was finally coming to America but 9.11, Katrina, et cetera are not really comparable in scale to what ‘the real world’ has been to Russia, Korea, Europe, et al.

I lit a candle in my room.

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theotherwesley · 6 years

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Wesley Watches And Rates All The Faust Operas

You thought I was kidding, but here we are:

*I am not an expert, and my advice should never be followed. I am but a humble nerd with a passion, dragging you along on my youtube-tour. You probably shouldn’t quote me, but using this as a starting point and guide to this particular musical and literary phenomenon is encouraged! The information below was gleaned largely from wikipedia, vague memories of my BA degree, and my own assessment of the source materials.

My ratings are based on my subjective enjoyment, and a few preferential criterion such as: 1) Was Mephistopheles fuckable, 2) Did I get to see an orgy of witches, 3)Does Marguerite pass the Sexy Lampshade Test, and 4) Was Faust Dragged to Hell.

Preliminary Notes: originally, the legend of Doctor Faust came from the sixteenth century and was inspired by one man (or possibly two who were later conflated), Johann SpidersGeorg Faust, who was your average practitioner of Renaissance Magic. He was not an especially savory individual; he had racked up quite a criminal record and been boastful enough of his “christlike” abilities to heal the sick and perform miracles that he’d seriously annoyed the church. He was denied entry into a city due to accusations of Necromancy and Sodomy. Being an alchemist, Faust got up to some particularly adventurous chemistry experiments, the last of which failed so spectacularly that his lab exploded and the doctor was reduced to his component parts. His remains after death were so gruesome that his colleagues came to the obvious conclusion: He’d been personally dragged to Hell by Satan himself. AND THUS WAS A LEGEND BORN.

The story of Faust was told and disseminated in sixteenth century chapbooks (early printing-press zines, if you will) as a dramatic morality tale. It is from the chapbooks we originally get the character of Mephistopheles, the pact exchanging 24 years of service for the soul, the famulus named Wagner, the wild adventures through various courts, and the conjuration of Helen of Troy. Aside from in the chapbooks, there is one version of Chrisopher Marlowe’s play Doctor Faustus, where the titular character is torn asunder by demons as he is dragged to hell-- but unfortunately for me, a known B-movie horror enthusiast-- this ending appears in no subsequent retellings of the Faust legend. Cowards.

Goethe’s play Faust is obviously the most famous adaptation of the legend, and through it the legend turns from a cautionary tale to a story of hubris, love, faith, and philosophy. If you’re not already familiar with Faust, you might take a moment to read it or at least check out the act summaries. You’ll understand everything that references it a lot better if you do, even if you just read Part I (the second part gets a bit tedious unless you have a fetish for Herodotus and metaphysics-- but there’s a cute homunculus in a bottle! and talking sphinxes and griffons! and kinky rose petals! Angel butts!!!).

Armed with this knowledge, let the opera tour begin:

Faust (1816, Louis Spohr)

--The Libretto with English translation

--Playlist of the whole opera

It’s very pretty! The style and over-all sound reminds me of a Mozart opera, which, I guess, is not too surprising considering they were more or less contemporaries who trained and worked in similar circles. (Louis Spohr! He did collaborations with Beethoven! He invented the violin chinrest! Who knew! Not me! Anyway--) This Faust is not based on either Marlowe or Goethe’s Faust, but rather some miscellaneous adventures from the early Faust legends and chapbook pamphlets. In this version Faust ensnares a devil named Mephistopheles to his service, vowing to use his powers for the good of mankind. Great plan! That always goes well!

There’s a love potion, a flying cape, a duel with an outraged rival-- all the usual necessities for a Faust story, only now there’s not one but TWO young women screwed over by Faust’s philandering! (His first love, Röschen, and erstwhile damsel-in-distress, Kunilingus. ....*checks notes*, sorry, no, “Kunigunde”). Mephistopheles is cattily insightful, the wronged women team up to avenge themselves against their seducer, and yes, yes indeed, Faust Is Dragged To Hell!

The poetry of the libretto is quite pleasing, it’s got some great dialogue and epic fantasy sequences. Mephistopheles puts on show of infernal pyrotechnics with 17th century stage effects, all of them tremendous fire hazards. Someone gets dragged to Hell by a chorus of dancing goblins before Act 1 even finishes-- O my cup runneth over! We get the witches’ sabbath atop Mt Blocksberg, there’s a guest appearance by Sycorax, everyone gets real horny up there with a love potion, it’s great.

Mephistopheles seems to be on the ladies’ side in the story (as much as he’s on any human’s side), in that he cautions them not to trust Faust, and urges them on when they FREAKING TEAM UP AND GO TO SEEK VENGEANCE. Oh my god it’s so great. Kunigunde attacks Faust and Faust freaks out and tells Mephistopheles to save him and Meph is all “what’s that? I don’t know, suddenly I can’t read”. Meph is also the one doing all the actual rescuing of distressed maidens, at Faust’s behest. He views Faust’s attempts to break the laws of Love and Nature with contempt, knowing that Faust’s soul is on the fast track to Hell. There’s no actual pact here; Meph is the one being held hostage. He makes sure that Faust doesn’t enjoy any of the spoils of his sorcery, so Faust’s ennui and dissatisfaction remain the same as before he began his quest to “Use Hell’s Powers For Good”.

And just quick review of the scoreboard: Faust used his powers to do 1 (one) useful thing with his power before he ruined a bunch of people’s lives in quick succession, murdering Kunigunde’s betrothed and driving Rose to suicide. He still cries about it and the “rich seeds of Good he sowed” but Meph is having none of it and HE. DRAGS. THAT. BOY. TO. HELL!!!!!!! EXEUNT.

Rating: 4/5 Stars. Better than expected! I want a revival of this version! With stabbing! And special effects! Mephistopheles is truly doing the Lord’s work here, no offense to his demonship. Lost some points with me for being so very, very heavy on the pining and lovesick maidens, but won me back when the lovesick maidens picked up daggers.

Faust and Marguerite (1855, Lutz) and Faust up to Date (1888, Lutz)

Straight up can’t find this one! But this early silent film short is apparently based on it? IDK folks, if you have a recording of this you’d like to share with me, I’d be delighted to hear it.

As for the burlesque, I suspect it hasn’t actually been performed since 1888. But the music is pretty cute! The Pas de Quatre, aka “Skirt Dance” seems to be the only track that’s stuck around. Here it is played on an old disc music box.

Rating: ???

La damnation de Faust (1846, Berlioz)

--Libretto in French and English

--La Damnation de Faust with Jonas Kaufmann --I like this one because Faust is super duper cute and this Mephistopheles reminds me of an OC makes yellow work.

--This is the first of what I’m called The Big Three Faust Plays; all modeled after Goethe’s Faust specifically, written within roughly ten years of each other, and which feature the most well-known arias that I’m aware of.

This opera positively reeks of Romanticism; it’s got Byron out the ears, it’s wading through Wordsworth, it’s doing the Grand Tour, it’s gazing mournfully from the top of Mont Blanc, contemplating Nature and the Human Spirit. It’s Berlioz, buckle up.

The beginning is obviously Faust wallowing in ennui. He considers suicide, but is interrupted by a timely reminder of Christianity. Suddenly the devil appears in order to take advantage of a soul precariously teetering on the edge between redemption and damnation. In this version, the devil does not announce himself as the devil, but rather as the ~Spirit of Life~, here to show Faust the joys of the world. (There’s no pact at first, Meph is just “get in bitch we’re going debauching” and Faust’s like “aight” and they’re off.) The devil takes Faust on a fun tour of life’s noteworthy attractions such as “Drunk Student Karaoke”, “Dancing Gnomes”, and “A Nice Forest Nap”.

During his magical nap Faust sees a vision of Marguerite (later we learn she has simultaneously dreamed of Faust) and falls in love. He awakes with the usual boner for this Maiden of Radiant and Humble Virtue who Nature Hath Sheltered In Perfect Simplicity, because that’s always a big turn-on. Meph steers the course of their interactions very carefully, using magic and fairies and wisps to enchant the couple’s surroundings to ensure they are surrounded by romantic atmosphere the whole time. Once they’ve gotten into some heavy necking, he bursts in and tells them that the whole town is coming with pitchforks and also someone’s told the girl’s mother and they’re in big trouble. Faust flees.

Everyone does some quality Pining, Faust sings a sad song about Nature, and then Meph shows up again saying “hey I hope this doesn’t put a damper on our vacation, but Marguerite is in prison for murder and she’s going to be executed BUT QUICK, ACT NOW AND WE CAN SAVE HER for just one quick easy payment of your immortal soul” and Faust is just like “WHAT WHERE WHO WHAT UH FINE YES SURE OKAY SHIT, WOW, LET’S GO” and Meph is >:))) and they jump on their horses and ride off to go save her except OOPS, NO THEY DON’T because actually they are RIDING INTO THE WAITING JAWS OF HELL!!!! NYAK NYAK NYAK NYEEEEEHHHHH!!! Faust burns for eternity, Marguerite goes to heaven, curtain.

Rating: 3.5/5 Look, I’m not saying I’m biased, but Mephistopheles doesn’t even show up until half an hour into the opera, okay? I find this one hard to sit through even though the music is really delightful; and I do mean it is gorgeous music. Between the two famous mocking serenades, “Devant la maison” shoots “Vous quid faites l’endormie” right out of the water; all the chorus pieces are fantastic; the Hungarian March is a great instrumental piece; Faust actually has some decent arias for once (rarer in each subsequent opera), and there is Brander’s wonderfully irreverent Rat Song... I think the reason this doesn’t hold my attention as much as other versions is that the plot is very meandering and the characters don’t have concrete motivations; they’re sad teenagers in love, I guess? And the devil tricks them? This whimsical aspect is 1000% part and parcel of the Romantic Aesthetic I realize, but personally I came for a recognizable story and got mostly pastoral vignettes. We spend half the opera listening to Frolicking Peasants and Men At Arms. Mephistopheles just hops out of the woodwork to play a dirty trick on a random guy getting his Byronic Mope on. There’s no pact, no soul-signing until the very end, and it’s just a plain ol’ tricky trap, not a device to punish hubris or moral crimes. I’m even reluctant to give this its rightful Dragged To Hell points because out of all the Faust scenarios, this is the one where he seems to deserve it the least! He doesn’t actually do anything bad! It’s not satisfying if he’s dragged to Hell for no reason! Pfui. However, points gained back for the made-up Satanic babble sung by infernal chorus at the end.

Faust (1859, Gounod)

--Libretto in French and English

--1995 Adaptation with Samuel Ramey as Mephistopheles You already know I’m a slut for Samuel Ramey playing the devil in any capacity so I’ll spare you my gushing play-by-play of his performance. The quality of this video is.... not great. I apologize. I still love it, but you’re going to want to find a clearer recording of the music if you want to get the most out of this opera.

--2011 Adaptation with Paul Gay as Mephistopheles (Warning: this version is quite lurid and includes some staging choices that I find pretty uncomfortable-- I can’t decide if the director is consciously trying to highlight predatory sexism as a bad thing or if it’s just kind of included to make things seem ~spicy~. Anyway, it’s otherwise a high quality production with an interesting set design, just be warned that there’s some on-stage grossness. Also, a hilariously bad decapitated head prop! --to accompany a truly baffling ending. To its credit, the death of Valentin was genuinely pretty moving and made me feel... er, well, anything about the character. Tassis Christoyannis’s made that aria memorable, which is more than I can say of other productions.

Second of the Big Three!

Gounod introduces a more complete cast of characters borrowed from Goethe’s Faust to flesh out the the story and setting; we meet Wagner the student, a regiment of soldiers including Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, and their young friend Siebel (a pants role-- which immediately endears me to this character because I’m a ~big ol’ queer~). Later we meet Marguerite’s nosy old neighbor, Martha, who is REAL thirsty for Mephistopheles and who I relate to very much.

This opera follows Goethe’s Faust- Part I much more closely than its predecessor, and where it does not follow the original, it diverges in favor of making the story more engaging and streamlined. There is WAY LESS pining into the aether, and more sword fights. The larger cast of named characters makes for more interactions, which in turn makes for more memorable moments on stage, better dialogue, a comprehensible timeline of events, and more concrete motivations for everyone.

A SUMMARY: Faust’s pact in this version has nothing to do with the philosophical wager seen in Goethe, but is simply an exchange of his soul for returned youth. He is old, he’s spent his life studying, he wants to be young and full of passion again. He seals the deal after the devil offers him a vision of Marguerite, whose sight is so inspiring and lovely that Faust is overcome with desire for her alone. They go to find her, encountering on the way a regiment of students and soldiers, one of whom is Marguerite’s brother, Valentin, who is going off to war leaving his sister in the care of young Siebel. Getting Marguerite to stop and talk to Faust proves difficult since she is so pure and virtuous that A) Mephistopheles has no power over her, and B) she’s wary of the compliments of strangers. Faust gets Mephistopheles to bring her a case of jewels to warm her up to him, then Mephistopheles concocts a ruse to distract her nosy neighbor Martha and give them an excuse to meet Marguerite (shenanigans ensue). The ploy works, Marguerite is seduced, and in love with Faust. Cut to some time in the future, when Oh No Everything Has Gone Horribly Wrong; Faust has gone away and left Marguerite pregnant and unmarried, she is shunned by society with the exception of Siebel, meanwhile her brother has come home from the war to find her in a disgrace. Faust and Mephistopheles eventually return, but encounter an enraged Valentin who duels Faust to avenge his sister’s honor. Faust, of course, uses Mephistopheles’s magic to cheat, and Valentin is fatally stabbed. With his dying breaths, he curses his sister and blames her for his death, since he died defending her honor-- the people who witness this are rightfully aghast that he’d use his last moments to denounce his own sister-- and rightly so, because that’s a real dick move. Faust flees, and Marguerite is left on her own with no support and a newborn child to care for. She seeks refuge and forgiveness in the church, but finds she cannot pray, haunted by voices and cursed by Mephistopheles himself, as he whispers in her ear, promising damnation. She faints, and is presumably driven mad. Cut to Faust, who is being treated to a front-row seat of Walpurgisnacht. During the revels he sees another vision of Marguerite, this time of her in chains and awaiting execution for the murder of her child. Mephistopheles grudgingly takes Faust to see her in prison, where he tries to rescue her. In her fevered state she will not leave, wanting Faust to instead stay with her in the cell. During the delay, she sees Mephistopheles and finally puts two and two together, knowing a devil when she sees one, and understanding that Faust is not only responsible for her suffering but also in league with infernal powers. She pushes him aside, rejects him, and throws herself instead on the mercy of God, choosing death and redemption over being rescued by the man whose affections ruined her. Mephistopheles ruefully pronounces her condemned, but a voice from Heaven pronounces her Saved. Faust watches in awe as Marguerite’s soul ascends to Heaven, and he is left alone and presumably damned.

Why is this framing of the story significant? Because it’s about her. Faust is only an instrument; his soul is not especially remarkable, he might have been damned without any devil to encourage him.

But Marguerite’s soul was untouchable to Mephistopheles; he puts a vision of her before Faust for a reason. We don’t waste any time bemoaning Faust’s moral downfall; Faust is not the one seeking redemption at the end of the opera. Faust is a means to an end, and that end is leading an otherwise spotless soul into perdition.

This opera has Mephistopheles at his most sinister, his most manipulative; he is the one driving Marguerite deeper into misfortune, who isolates her, mocks her, whispers condemnation into her ear her until she doubts everything. Desperate, without support and seeing no way forward, no future for herself or her child, Marguerite kills her baby, or is led to do so by Mephistopheles. Without a doubt, this has been the devil’s plan all along, and with Marguerite now branded a murderess, he thinks he’s won. But Faust, despite taking no responsibility for his actions, nevertheless feels pity and remorse at her misfortune, and goes to rescue her--and this gives Marguerite the chance to finally see what he is.

She rejects him; she does not choose love, she does not choose to live or be rescued by the forces that ruined her in the first place. She stays, renews her faith, and thwarts Mephistopheles’s best efforts to damn her. This is not about a man's hubris; it is about Marguerite escaping the devil and saving herself on her own terms. That’s why I find this version to be poignant.

Some musical highlights: “Le veau d’or” (the golden calf)-- if not my favorite of Mephistopheles’s ballads then in the top three, particularly because it lends itself to some flamboyant acting; Marguerite’s “Ballade un roi de Thulé” (the king of Thule) is absolutely haunting; and "Seigneur, daignez permettre", aka The Church Scene is fucking incredible-- the juxtaposition of Marguerite’s pleas and the choir’s Dies Irae, the echoing church organs in the background, Damnation seeming to gain a voice of its own to summon her... it’s some real Eyes-of-Notre-Dame Hellfire shit.

Rating: 5/5! A perfect score! Gounod wins the first place ribbon. Though he beats Boito’s “Mefistofele” (up next) on several key points, I want you to know that my personal bias will probably always be in favor of “Mefistofele” on account of being a ho for the titular character. --But Gounod’s is the better opera, fair and square. “Faust” has the most comprehensive storyline, the most memorable arias, and the best (I think) balance of both humor and poignance. I will give this version the benefit of a Dragged to Hell point even though we don’t actually get to see the final deed. The Walpurgisnacht scene does exist as a ballet, so I’ll still give it the points even though it gets cut out of most productions for length (sometimes the ballet is performed as a stand-alone event). Additionally, he scores most favorably on the Marguerite > Sexy Lampshade scale-- this is a story about her more than it’s about Faust or Mephistopheles, and I’m here for that.

Thank you Mr. Gounod, you may retrieve your Incredibly Prestigious Award from my blog after the ceremony.

Mefistofele (1868, Boito)

--Libretto in Italian and English

--HERE IT IS, MY FAVORITE ONE, MY FAVORITE MEPHISTOPHELES, SAMUEL RAMEY, MOSTLY SHIRTLESS, FLIPPING OFF GOD AND LIGHTING A CIGARETTE ON STAGE IN HIS MATCHING CHERRY-RED TAILCOAT AND VIOLIN CASE 1989 (WHICH IS THE YEAR OF MY BIRTH, NO COINCIDENCE, I THINK)

--Oh, fun fact! The opera scene in Batman Begins is the chorus from the witches sabbath. If you thought it sounded familiar, this might be why.

Anyway. This is the third of the Big Three most-referenced Faust operas!

Unlike its predecessors, Mefistofele covers both part I and part II of Goethe’s Faust, starting with the seduction of Marguerite and moving on to serenading Helen of Troy and finally with Faust’s redemption. The first part of the opera is very similar to Gonoud’s Faust, but first there is a Prologue, which is taken pretty much directly from Goethe. And oh my god, is the Prologue hilarious. We encounter Mephistopheles, the titular character, on his way to work-- or more just loitering around in the aether as one does when one is bored and immortal and humanity is going on sinning with or without you, when he stops to greet the Lord God in passing, all satirical charm and sarcasm. God, very graciously, does not ask him whether he has anything better to do, but instead inquires if he knows Faust.

“Oh yeah, that guy. Neck beard, likes science, big fan of yours. Sure I’ve heard of him,” says Meph. “Hey, you seem like a betting man--”

“Um,” says God.

Meph continues; “I bet I can tempt him into sinning and thus damn his immortal soul to Hell!”

God agrees-- because God already knows the future and thinks this will be a fun way to build character.

A choir of angels descends and Mephistopheles gets grossed out, sprays them with insect repellent, and leaves. (I am paraphrasing).

The next few scenes are pretty familiar; Faust laments his ennui, a chorus of peasants and students celebrate a festival, Faust is on the cusp of a revelation that Jesus is neat, but is interrupted by the devil. The devil introduces himself, offers Faust his services on earth if Faust agrees to serve him in Hell after death.

Faust, who seconds ago was ready to devote himself to a life of holiness, sayeth “yolo” and they shake on it, with the condition that Mephistopheles can reveal to him one moment of such surpassing joy and beauty that Faust will wish for it to last forever-- thereupon Faust consents to being dragged immediately to Hell. Because pssh, that’s later and who cares about later?? They hop on Mephistopheles’s magic cape, and fly off to have adventures. CUT TO: Faust seducing Marguerite and Mephistopheles distracting her nosy neighbor Martha. THEY KISS, FAUST LEAVES, HE GOES TO A PARTY ON MT. BROCKEN. HE SEES A VISION: MARGUERITE IN PRISON! QUICK, TO THE RESCUE! BUT NO, SHE REJECTS HIM, HER SOUL IS SAVED, SHE DIES-- Wait, what? I hear you ask-- She just got here, she wasn’t even introduced, now we’re skipping to the end? The answer is: yes. Yes, you’re just supposed to know what’s going on already.

To be fair, Faust operas are the Spiderman remakes of the nineteenth century; there’s a new one coming out every ten years or so, Goethe is required reading, everyone is writing Faust fanfiction-- no one is wondering who the girl is or how they met or is wondering if they’ll kiss or not. Everyone knows the plot already, it’s fine.

BUT THIS ISN’T THE END! No indeed! Now we are on a tour of PART II of Goethe’s Faust! You know, the part you skipped! Don’t worry, Boito isn’t making the entire metaphysical play into an opera, just the juicy bits with Helen of Troy. Marguerite is instantly and completely forgotten-- this is now a Helen/Faust one-shot, which Mephistopheles is forced to watch with annoyance.

CUT TO: Faust’s old laboratory from Act 1, where he is on the brink of death, lost in a reverie of all the good times he’s had. Mephistopheles is hovering over him, tapping his wristwatch and reminding Faust of his past loves and glories, incredulous that Faust hasn’t yet found his One True Moment™.

Faust just sighs and says “gee, I guess the REAL happiness was the good I could have done along the way but absolutely didn’t!” and God busts in through the ceiling with a HALLELUJAH and Mephistopheles is like “oh don’t you dare, don’t you fucking-- THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD, ALL THE SEXY LADIES I GOT YOU TO MEET! AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU AS YOUR WINGMAN--” and Faust faceplants into the bible and goes straight to Heaven. Meph is left spitting in defiance as he sinks into the earth. THE END.

Why this framing is significant: The way Boito has arranged and cropped the scenes makes this story very much center around Mephistopheles. While Berlioz’s Faust was about the suffering of a young man for love, and Gounod’s was about the victory of Marguerite over Hell, Boito’s opera is about the humorous tragedy of Mephistopheles, whose endeavor was rigged to fail from the onset.

Faust doesn't end up in Hell in Goethe's version, and I accept this because Mephistopheles lost his bet on a technicality: the Moment™ Faust wished to prolong was not provided by Mephistopheles, it was caused by his sincere desire to do a last bit of good in the world, coming to the conclusion (after being made blind by the goddess of Care) that benefiting mankind is what brings one happiness, not knowledge or fleeting pleasures. It wasn’t that he suddenly found Christ or gave himself over to God, as the opera implies, but because he finally realized the worth of striving to do good, and fond a source of platonic love within himself, which makes his soul redeemable despite his pact with the devil. So Goethe gives us a humanist, philosophical explanation for Faust's redemption..... BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY-- he has Mephistopheles lose Faust's immortal soul because he's Too Fucking Horny For An Angel Boy’s Ass. (I know when I’m being pandered to.)

Unfortunately, Boito misses the whole philosophical trajectory of Goethe’s Faust and reduces it to a simple morality-play where a sinner is saved on his deathbed merely by acknowledging the hereafter. He doesn’t suffer blindness, he doesn’t actually DO anything good in his last hour, he just repents and decides Heaven is real after all at the last possible second before kicking the bucket. It would be disappointing, IF that were the point of the story. But that’s not where the drama is!

Like Gounod’s Faust, the focus was never really on the doctor at all; his redemption is not what we paid to see. It’s Mephistopheles’s reaction to losing Faust’s soul that makes the ending interesting, not the fact that Faust gets a free pass to Heaven.

Highlights of this version: It’s fucking hilarious, and Mephistopheles is the star of the entire show. His arias are in turns sinister and sardonic, playful and powerful. The dialogue is taken directly from Goethe’s Faust in most cases (translated into Italian obviously), and hey, the dialogue in Goethe is really funny and good and witty! Hard to go wrong!

“Ave Signor” (Hail, Lord!) is such a terrific opener; there will always be something delightful about the idea of the devil conversationally sassing God and daring to make a bet with the Almighty in the spirit of work-place rivalry. “Son Lo Spirito Che Nega Sempre Tutto” (I Am the Spirit That Denieth All Things) is full of dark bravado and rebellion, whistling defiance at the Lord. It’s a great Villain Song and as someone with sympathy for the devil it is completely my jam. “Ecco Il Mondo” (Behold the World) is both teasing and menacing and the staging lends itself to some glorious melodrama. “Ah! Su! Riddiamo, riddiamo” (Turning, turning) gets a prize for being the best infernal chorus and witches’ sabbath scene out of all of them-- it’s frenzied and spooky and satanic and whirling, everything you could want from an orgy of infernal creatures. Ten out of five stars, would exalt Satan to again.

Rating: 4.5 / 5 stars. Second place prize, and Honorable Mention for being the judge’s favorite. It’s not perfect. The story leaves much to be desired-- let’s face it, Part II of “Faust” isn’t especially... dynamic on its own, and especially when condensed to fit into opera format, the events don’t add up into a satisfying narrative. Boito glosses over some frankly essential elements in the original and just has Faust skip right from his life-ruining adultery to being carried to Heaven on the backs of angels-- just for thinking of all the good he *could* have done if he hadn’t been, you know, a real stinker this whole time. So I’m not giving Boito a pass for omitting Faust’s Hell Dragging. Furthermore, this play is woefully short on Marguerita; she basically just shows up to be seduced and then a second later is Ruined and Saved. Booo.

But hey-- is this play called “Faust”? Is this play called “Faust and Marguerita”? No. This play is called motherfuckin’ “Mefistofele”, because it’s about Mephistopheles. It’s about our suave, under-appreciated servant of Hell working hard for his cut, trying and squeeze just ONE life-altering moment out of this absolute dehydrated turd of a man, and the play is rife with his frustration. He is the one who whistles in defiance of God, and he loses because it is *inevitable* that he loses. God was never going to let him win that bet; Meph was a tool in his ultimate design to shepherd Faust closer to redemption. Mephistopheles is dragged off stage whistling in defiance as a lifetime’s worth of effort is flushed down the drain in a single moment of seemingly undeserved redemption. Not for a *solitary second* did we want this opera to be about Faust. No. This is the devil’s opera, and that’s why it’s so fucking great.

Doktor Faust (1916–25, Busoni)

--Adaptation with Thomas Hampson 2006

--Libretto in German and English

...And now, a German libretto written by an Italian, in contrast with Boito’s Italian libretto translated from German.

God, this is such a modern ass Modern Opera. It does that thing I hate that modern operas do where the composer is like “What? You wanted a ~melody~? What is this, musical theater??” Like obviously they’ve transcended the need for anything so plebeian as a tune I can fucking hum. It’s very Intellectual, very High Art. The plot is full of tortured genius manpain, naval gazing, and I can’t remember a single aria from it. ...Okay, that’s a bit harsh; in the final two scenes Faust gets some lovely melancholy solos that actually stuck out to me. But this is a three hour long opera. So. Maybe skip ahead.

Plot-wise, this is the most existential of the bunch. No Marguerite in this one, just a Duchess with no name. Faust still ruins his lover’s life but in his final act he rejects both God and the Devil and uses his Supreme Human Will to transfer his life-force into his dead child’s body, resurrecting him as a young man with a blossoming frond of some kind. (Symbolism!!!)

--This marks the full 180 turnaround from “Faust is forcibly dragged to hell by Satan himself and his body explodes all over the stage” to “NOT ONLY IS FAUST REDEEMED OF HIS SINS BUT HE TRANSCENDS BOTH HEAVEN AND HELL WITH THE INDOMITABLE FORCE OF HIS HUMAN WILL, GOD IS DEAD, FAUST IS THE ÜBERMENSCH”, and to that I say *ptttttttbbbbbbbb*.

Rating: 1/5 stars. Plot is ponderously philosophical, overweighted with symbolism, and the music, while interesting, is largely forgettable with a few exceptions. Also it is Three Goddamn Hours Long. Points lost for nameless female character who fails the Lampshade Test. Loses further points for a dry and flavorless Mephisopheles, boooo.

The Rake's Progress (1951, Stravinsky)

--1992 production with Jerry Hadley and OH LOOK WHO IT IS IT’S SAMUEL RAMEY AGAIN HUH WELL DON’T MIND IF I DO this production is really, really well acted and funny and the dance portions are especially cool.

--Libretto in English and Italian

Another modern opera, this time by a composer I actually like!

Now, this isn’t technically a Faust opera; its based on a series of delightfully comedic prints by William Hogarth, detailing the decline and fall of a young man who inherits a huge sum of money, spurns his true love, and wastes his inheritance on foolish ventures and hookers, eventually ending up insane in Bedlam (I’m not saying tertiary syphilis, but definitely tertiary syphilis-- Let us take a moment to appreciate both condoms and penicillin.)

In the original paintings there is no deal-making devil, but but luckily he’s been added in by librettist W.H. Auden (who was intermittently friends and lovers with Christopher Isherwood!!!!-- I just wanted to add that because it makes my gay little heart very happy). The names are all vaudevillian puns, such as “Tom Rakewell”, “Anne Trulov”, and “Sellem, the Auctioneer”. Mephistopheles has been exchanged for the slick, modern Nick Shadow.

Highlights of this version: Baba the Turk, the bearded lady that Nick convinces Tom to marry as a demonstration of his free will (???). Listen: I know she’s meant to be comic relief and is an unflattering stereotype, but dang if she didn’t win my heart completely. I like that her marriage with Tom apparently falls apart, not necessarily because she’s a bearded lady, but because she’s just very chatty and overbearing and is much better traveled than Tom, and has had numerous wealthy and important suitors who she won’t shut up about. She’s knows her own worth and conducts herself accordingly, and is very vocal when she knows she’s being treated badly. She’s got Anne’s back when they meet at the auction of all Tom’s property (which she was included in as an object because she was under a spell of silence and immobility-- rude), telling her to watch out for Nick Shadow and generally being very forgiving and understanding about the whole affair; she was hurt that Tom lied about his affections, but she doesn’t blame Anne for it, which is wholesome. Then she announces that she’s going back to her career on the stage because she is BABA and she has had enough of these scrubs. Anyway. I love her. She’s described very beautifully if you happen to like beards, which I do (and so did the author).

“No Word From Tom” reminds me why I love Stravinsky so much (and Dawn Upshaw sings it like a nightingale). “Lanterloo My Lady” is spritely and fun and texturally interesting; besides, “sweet dreams my master, dreams may lie, but dream-- for when you wake you die” is chill-inducing. “How Dark and Dreadful is This Place” plus the whole card game in the cemetery is sad and grim and comical all at the same time; Tom is such a pathetic and naive mess you can’t help but feel sorry for him, even while Nick’s smugness is delicious. Tom’s mad songs are all quite touching and beautiful.

Rating: 4/5 stars. The libretto is really excellent, jazzy, full of great wordplay and aphorisms. Nick is a delightful Mephistopheles; thoroughly modern, witty, sly, arch, fourth-wall breaking. Faust is not dragged to hell, but he is condemned to insanity. Loses points for a female lead whose entire purpose in life is to babysit this asshole through his poor life decisions. Also, while certainly more memorable and melodic than Busoni’s Faust, it still has that sort of shouty modern opera sound that I find a little challenging to listen to; but that said, the music fits the plot, and the plot is fun and absorbing, so while there may be fewer individual arias I’m likely to put on my jogging playlist, it’s engaging to watch as a production from start to finish.

--Okay! That’s it! I know, I know, this isn’t actually a review of every Faust opera to date, but I have to get back to my life, and you already know my feelings on modern and contemporary opera. Thank you for bearing with me for this entire novel-length post that literally no one asked for!! You’re a the real hero here! I love you almost as much as I love Samuel Ramey in tights. *stage kiss* Yours in Service Here but in Mine Below, ~Wesley

#Faust Tag #Wesley's Opera Hour #Faust #Mephistopheles #lifeblogging #long post #Phew! This took a million years to write but it's done and I'm happy!

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