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tgcg · 5 months

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ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

#davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #rose lalonde #homestuck #made with instrumentals of ether by nas in mind #posting early bc im impatient #comix

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dittodon · 1 year

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ᶻz﹒sherlock holmes

smau﹒scaramouche x gn!reader

"In a world where you're used to getting used to it, now I want to find myself"

sypnosis﹕not looking forward to your new roommate after the school finding out you've been living by yourself, you were greeted by an arrogant short man at the door. furthermore, he's been accompanied by his infuriating girlfriend. but from having him as a roommate, you find out secrets you'd wish to see, and secrets you feel guilty about knowing.

content﹕wanderer!scaramouche﹐modern au﹐angst﹐fluff﹐crack﹐sfw

warnings﹕ swearings﹐ooc﹐mentioned ships﹐kys jokes﹐scaramouche﹐if i ever use the wrong prns im so sorry

status﹕ongoing!

notes﹕i might drop this anytime so be aware- sometimes i have writer's block for months and forget i have a smau ongoing but my first scaramouche au woo yaa yaya. most of the songs i use aren't as hyped as the time i made this smau. p.s. most of the drawings are from my friends and from me, i don't own credit to any of the pictures though

ᶻz﹒CHAPTERS

[name]﹕gay people || scaramouche﹕mentally insane

﹢﹑season 1

001﹐new roommate

002﹐ew who's that?

003﹐fake friend

004﹐revealed

005﹐breakfast

006﹐who the fuck is mimi

007﹐necklace

008﹐mcdonalds

009﹐cafe

010﹐heizou

011﹐xiao and [name]

012﹐family dinner

012.5﹐cat

013﹐oh sh*t

﹢﹑season 2

014﹐uno

015﹐bestie hangout

016﹐GRAH

017﹐im a dumbass

018﹐i love svt

019﹐tbd

taglist﹕open !! (lemme know if u changed ur user!) astreaa-express user11918163805279 crucnhice xirthia the-ghost-0f-t0m0 yoursockstinks yukiipc inferisk0 boywxonder kimiesstuff elakari angryhope magica-ren yelleloww mine-lu sukunasrealgf justanothertiredreader bananasquash dollpoetwriting swivy123 elernity itzblazekun mellowberrie lxkeeeee kyouzki aeongiies anastaxiah feiherp meigalaxy mine-lu lyvaen lylovw keqing15 ozzierenato yuminako theblueblub mizokowashere imnotyizhuo vxcmx crossedtoesforluck123 taos-world suniika lalalaloveallmydays yourlocalyin lyzisbitchingagain suniika meigalaxy hanakokunzz quacking-simp

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin fanfic #genshin smau #smau #genshin impact smau #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin modern au #modern au #fanfic #x reader #scaramouche modern au #scaramouche smau #ᶻz﹒sherlock holmes

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princejiu · 11 months

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Just Florida Things | Huh Yunjin

Match : Yunjin x Farmer Fem!reader

Disclaimer: I want this to be more of a humor post, but it just ended up more sappy than I wanted to....oh well. I'll probably make a part two if this post is well liked. We shall see.

Warnings : Alligators, near death experience, Florida, Cussing

Summary : You're a simp and a dumbass, but Yunjin loves you anyways, and you love her so much that you were willing to save her asshole of a son.

It was hot.

The Florida sun was making you sweat in place where no one should sweat. The temperature combined with labor work was killing you from the outside in. You and Yunjin did as much as you could to cool down, but, unfortunately, for the both of you, that would have to be much later. It was your top priority as ranch owners to prevent the animals from overheating, which automatically meant that you and Yunjin spent more time running around outside than inside with Air Conditioner.

Despite the monstrosity of the temperature, you couldn't deny how gorgeous Yunjin looked. Her rose cheeks, along with the coat of sweat on her skin combined with the sunlight, resulted in her glowing beautifully. However you felt disgusting, the sweat that made your clothes stick to your body wasn't the most enjoyable feeling, but that was expected when it came to working in the sun.

You carried two large buckets filled with milk, traveling from one barn to another. Trailing right behind you were Donnie and Daisy, Yunjin's ducks that you gifted her for her birthday. It's already been two years since you got them, and in those two years, you can guarantee that Daisy was your favorite, an absolute sweetheart if you do say so yourself.

Donnie, on the other hand, was a complete asshole. Always nipping at your ankle when he could, laughing at your misfortune. You also hated him most when Yunjin was around. When she was around, he suddenly became nice. No more nipping, no more laughing, you never wanted to roast a duck more than ever. The fakeness is what angers you, a jerk with no eyes on him and then a darling when there are.

A mama's boy at its finest.

On your journey, you see a tall figure near the pigs pen, and there was only one other person on the ranch who was willing to tend to the pigs. "Yunjinie!" Yunjin turned from the pigs to the sound of her name, when she saw you her body beamed with happiness. Yunjin left her spot from the pigs, looking forward to being accompanied by your presence.

Before she could get anywhere near you, Donnie left your side, running to Yunjin. You couldn't help but send imaginary daggers to the duck as always. He had to steal Yunjin's attention from you. You weren't jealous of the duck, you just didn't like the fact that he got your lover's attention when it could be all on you...okay, maybe you were a little jealous, so what.

A small quack snapped you out of your murderous thoughts. You looked down to your side to see Daisy. She opted to stay by your side when Donnie went to soak in the attention his mother gave him. "Get your boyfriend away from my future wife before I turn him into a roast duck." Daisy took your words seriously. You were hardly the type to make false promises, especially when it came to Yunjin, the hen didn't want to risk her, 'boyfriend' from being coming your next meal.

You watched as Daisy waddled towards Donnie, directing him away from Yunjin to the pigs instead. The drake also had a knack to annoy the other animals at the ranch. They all hated him. Different life, different forms of living, but you and your animals can all agree that Donnie was a piece of dirt and was only safe because of Yunjin.

After her small pit stop, Yunjin continued her way to you by the time she reached you, and you managed to set the buckets down. Lifting you up into the air, arms around your waist, while your legs wrapped around her mid-section and arms resting comfortably on her shoulders.

"Hi, baby." Yunjin greeted, her head thrown back to get a good view of your face. Between the two of you, Yunjin was the taller one, but your strength made up for the lack of height. "Hello, darling. How's your day been?"

"Great, now that I get to see you."

You rolled your eyes at the sappy line, but you loved it nonetheless. "And the animals?" Everyone on the ranch had their two sets of animals to attend to. You took care of the cows and goats while Yunjin took care of the pigs and chickens.

"Not too bad. I fed the chickens and gathered the eggs, I just had to refill the pigs water bucket. But, I'm free now. Oh, before I forget, Kazuha took care of the horses and sheep already. She's just waiting on us inside." Kazuha, Yunjin's best friend from high school. She worked at the ranch, too. She loved animals, especially horses, so you and Yunjin often gave her tasks regarding the horses. The sheep were just an extra task to make every person's chore equal.

Kazuha was a great worker and a great friend. It wasn't hard to be around her. You actually enjoyed her company when you needed some extra strength when it came to the heavy lifting. Kazuha had no problem with it due to the benefits she gained from the physical work, such as the muscles. In Kazuha words, the muscles helps her, "get bitches." You didn't even try to deny her statement, seeing first hand how Yunjin had to save Kazuha from a crowd of girls at the club one night.

You and Yunjin exchanged smiles, "Why don't you go inside and join her. I'll feed the cows and lock everything up." Yunjin was going oppose. You knew that. Pressing your lips against hers, enjoying each other's presence before having to separate once again. "Go, you've already done so much today."

Staring into her eyes, hypnotizing you to never let go. "Are you sure?" You leaned closer, inches away from her face. "Positive. Now go shower, eat and relax, I'll be with you soon." She sighed but pursued, she gave you a small goodbye kiss before taking her leave.

The house wasn't that far from the ranch, less than a mile. It was a good walking distance that the truck wasn't needed most of the time. It was also a good distance from the stench of the ranch. A heavy breath escaped your lips and watched as Yunjin got further and further away from you.

You picked the buckets back up to resume your task, once you tackle this chore you'll be halfway done for the day. You continued your way to the cow barn, Yunjin on your mind.

You placed the handle of the bucket on the hook that stuck out of the small wooden fence and took a step back. Whistling to call the newly addition to the ranch, a small calf came running, stopping right before it could roughly collide head first into the fence. You took the time to carefully guide it to drink properly. It wasn't long until the calf was done.

Turning 180, another calf stared at you, more specifically the filled bucket in your hand. It was stuck behind its own fence, so there was no way for it to come running towards you. Though this calf looked innocent, you were no fool. That sucker is a maniac. You slowly approached the other calf, "Patience, boy."

It was a warning, but you had an inkling that the young calf wouldn't listen. You placed your hand on his head, petting him slightly. Instinctively pulling the bucket away when he tried to launch his head to get a slip of the liquid inside.

"What did I say. Wait, and then you'll get your milk."

He let out a small huff. You looked at his mama, who laid in the hay. She stared at you as of saying, "He's your problem right now." You scoffed for being the person to take care of all these animals. They were pretty sassy to you. "No respect from you animals." A collective moo rang through the barn, rolling your eyes. You knew that you won't be winning against these cows anytime soon.

Back to the job at hand, you hooked the bucket, and instantly, the calf shoved his entire head into the bucket, "God Damn it, Butters!" The milk went all the way up to his ears. You were sure half of the milk spilled onto the ground. Butters brought his head to the surface to blow out the milk from his nose before shoving his head back in.

You waited for him to be done and quickly grabbed the bucket before he could knock it down due to the lack of milk. Even baby animals have their temper tantrums when they don't get what they want. You grabbed the other bucket across and left, yelling an apology to the mama when her child began to whine and stomp.

It didn't take long to lock up everything else on the ranch, but all you needed to do was get Donnie and Daisy back to their nest by the pond. The ranch originally didn't have a pond. It had to be custom made by you and Kazuha' sister, Sakura, who also happens to be the owner of a construction company.

There was a swamp near the horses, but Yunjin didn't want the ducks to fight off any predators that may linger in the murkey water. So, she made sure to have a metal gate installed to separate the swamp from the ranch. No predators could come in, and none of the animals can escape, there hasn't been any incidents so far, but you never know.

You walked around the ranch searching for the duck duo. You haven't seen them since you were with Yunjin, and that was 30 minutes ago. You weren't too worried as they never went too far from where you or Yunjin could be. But, you couldn't let them be wandering on their own at night.

"Donnie!" No answer, and usually that little shit always answered. "Daisy!" You didn't hear anything for a while, but you kept going. It felt like you were walking endlessly. You checked the cows, the pigs, the sheeps and the chickens. But, there was one place you didn't check yet. The horses stables were usually secured after Kazuha was done with them, so you didn't really see the need to check whether they were locked in their stalls.

However, you still needed to check if Donnie and Daisy were anywhere near the horses, nothing. You didn't see them even as you circled around the barn. You were about to call Kazuha for help, but a distance quack reached your ears. Then came more, there was loud noises that consisted of water being thrashed around and wings flapping.

Following the sound, it began to get louder and louder. Worry settled in when you realized you were heading towards the swamp. The heavy pounding in your chest was making it harder for you to focus. What you saw was not a sight for sore eyes, Daisy was quacking at the swamp, her wings flapping rapidly but wasn't going anywhere. You viewed in onto what she was alarming at that's when you saw an alligator snap its jaws at Donnie, but the bird dodged the attack by flying backward.

You didn't understand why they just didn't run or fly away from the alligator, but knowing Donnie, he was probably too prideful to run. He got that from his mother. You didn't dare to cross the fence. The birds had a better chance of escaping the dangerous situation than you. One, they could fly away, and you couldn't. It was also known that alligators could run and that you would rather not take your chances of outrunning an alligator.

"Yah! Donnie! Daisy! Run! Fly! Whatever just get the fuck away from that bitch!"

At this point, it was no use. The dumbass duo weren't gonna run or fly or use anything to get away from the apex predator. You considered leaving and letting the alligator do its business, but guilt smacked you right in the face and told you to stay.

These were Yunjin's children for sakes. If she lost them, there was no doubt that she would be devastated. And you couldn't have that. You always did your best to make sure Yunjin was happy and well in nearly every state that existed, from mental to physical. Isn't that what you're supposed to do for the love of your life? To do whatever it takes to make sure that they lived a life , happiness, and love.

That was your definition of love, at least.

Once the alligator got to close to Yunjin's children for your liking, so you did what any Florida born would do when anything, even if it's an apex predator, tries to take something of yours. You hopped the fence and tackled the alligator. It wasn't too large. At least 4 foot long, but its length didn't deodorize its strength.

You were on its back, arms locked around its neck with your legs gripping its middle. The chances of you making it out alive were 5 to 10. You gave yourself some credit. You had the strength of a horse from the amount of labor you've done around the ranch. You were willing to take the odds of winning this fight.

The alligator tried its best to wiggle you off but couldn't. You did your best not to let it drag you into the water. A painful scream left your lips when a sharp feeling pierced your left shoulder. You didn't know how long you've been fighting for, but you couldn't hold out for much longer.

You grunted as the alligator continued to flick his body around, you were trying to think of ways to get out of this situation but it hard considering you had to use your strength and brain at the same time. A loud bang rang through the ranch. In shock, your head snapped up, and grip loosened.

It seems the alligator took its time to get away. It threw you off its back and crawled into the swamp. But, unfortunately, for the alligator, a couple more shots were fired, and every single one struck the alligator. The reptile's body began to slowly sink into the water, disappearing from your sight. You picked yourself up, ran, and hopped the fence, putting as much distance between you and the swamp that apparently held alligators. You didn't even notice the ducks following you due to your tunnel vision.

You looked at your two heroes, scandalized. "Did you know there were alligators in that swamp!? I didn't know!? Did you know?!" You were full on panicking, you just wrestled an fuckin alligator, what the hell were you thinking?

Kazuha stepped out of the truck from the driver's side. Yunjin lowered her gun when she realized the alligator wasn't coming back. They both stared at you for a good moment, watching you gather your thoughts in a non-calm collective way. When you managed to catch your breath, grunting when you felt a body collide with yours.

"You fuckin idiot! You could have died!"

While Yunjin was yelling her head off, Kazuha took the time to gather the ducks and put them in the truck. When Yunjin was done, you both had a staring contest, neither knew what to say. One of you was a dumbass and the other loved the said dumbass. Yunjin did what she knew best, she gather you in her arms and squeezed you tight. Choking back a sob when she realized that she could've lost you completely.

But, you were safe and alive and....stupid.

Yunjin didn't speak a word to you after pulling away, but she definitely kept you close. She guided you to the truck where Kazuha was waiting with a first aid kit. Wordlessly, the two patched you up. There was minimum blood leaking out of your wound, but they did their best to stop the bleeding for the meantime. The only things that could be heard were the wind blowing and the ducks shuffling in the front seat here and there.

Kazuha patted your head once she was done, "We still have to take you to the hospital to get it looked it. Thankfully, it doesn't look like a bite, more so of a scratch. But, the amount of dirty that has entered the wound needs to be cleaned properly to prevent an infection." You nod, giving a thankful smile. Yunjin joined you in the backseat as Kazuha hopped in the front.

The Japanese's knowledge of your wound wasn't surprising. Her dad was a nurse, so he must've taught her some things growing up. Yunjin laced her fingers with yours, still giving you the silent treatment, but you didn't push her to talk to you. You were just glad that she didn't push you away. You tucked your head into her neck. The scent of apple wood entered your nose. It was your favorite, and Yunjin knew that.

You lifted your head slightly, and your lips inches away from her ear. "I'm never going to leave, I promised you that day that nothing would take me for you. I would fight with every bit of my strength to come back home to you." Yunjin looked at you, tears in her eyes. She caressed your jaw with her thumb, connecting her lips with yours.

"I'll protect you with all my heart, but I need you to keep fighting so that I can come to your rescue. I love you, Y/n. I'll kill anything that tries to take you away from me."

Two promises were sealed that day, and the keepers were determined to uphold those promises until death.

#yunjin x reader #yunjin imagines #yunjin x fem reader #le serrafim scenarios #le serrafim imagines #huh yunjin #huh yunjin x reader #le sserafim #yunjin

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tobylovesspence · 1 year

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I'm making this cause my birthday is the 30th but yeah Quackity on reader's birthday

Quackity had the perfect idea for your birthday, I mean it'd be hilarious so he got Wilbur in on it. "Just distract Y/n for a couple hours with your gig, please??" "How am I supposed to distract them when I'm on tour??" Quackity groaned as he got in his car. "Your next event starts at 7 pm. I'm just asking you to distract them until then." Wilbur finally gave in and agreed, face timing you to distract you with his music so you couldn't call Quackity. Quackity went to Walmart and bought a cake. "Can you write a custom message for me? Oh it's uh-...'go to hell...dumbass.' it's a joke cake for my significant other, for their birthday." The lady at the bakery laughed but decided to write it anyway. "Thank you so much!"

It was perfect, he'd give you this cake and then on the actual day of your birthday he'd get a real, nice looking one. So he got back in his car and drove to your house. "I'm there." And suddenly Wilbur said "Sorry Y/n, gotta go!" And hung up. You laughed, confused. And then your door was knocked on. You opened it to see Quackity with a smile on his face. "Hi sweetheart!" You giggled, hugging him. "What are you doing here, Q?" He laughed, "I got you a cake." You tilted your head in confusion as he pulled it out. "But my birthday is not until two weeks from now." He chuckled handing you the cake. "Oh of course you ass!" You yelled, and he laughed. "You're a bitch." He nodded, "I know, so you gonna invite me in for cake. "Go to hell dumbass." You joked, shutting the door. He laughed when you finally let him in. "Thank you dear." He kissed your cheek. You set the cake on the counter and grabbed a knife from your drawer.

So you and Quackity ate cake and hung out, he decided he'd stay over for the two weeks until your birthday and you agreed with a shrug. "I love you dear, happy birthday." You kissed his cheek. "Thanks Quacks."

#quackity #quackity x you #quackity x reader #quackity x y/n #quackity fluff #quackity fanfic

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poisonous-lemonade · 9 months

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Quackity x male reader

Can I get the aftermath of the roommate one you’ve done? Where the reader doesn’t reveal his face but the kiss clip is surfing all over the internet.

Maybe even reader teasing chat after everyone requesting him to be shown again.

+ Quack getting flustered over him doing something as a joke??

A/N: of course, this sounds so cute, I'll do my best 💛

And they were Roommates~

Quackity scrolled on his phone, staring as the clip circled around Twitter, tagging Quackity in every post, making his laugh at some of the captions and edits, even if it was only one clip, of course, they didn't know your name or anything about you but they did get creative with it.

The one that made him and you laugh the most was the 'and they were roommates' meme that was circling the internet. He looked up from his phone with a chuckle, showing you his phone from across the couch.

"Look at this." He laughed, playing the short edit which made them both laugh happily.

"Omg, damn, guess I'll be a hot topic for a while." You laugh, running hand through your hair causing Quackity to bite his lip as a faint blush dusts his cheeks.

"Yeah, don't get a big head about it." Quackity rolls his eyes with a smile. "Besides, by time of my next stream you'll be old news."

"Yeah?" You asked with a raised brow. "How much you wanna bet on it?" Quackity pauses for a moment before a smile tugs at his lips.

"Alright, fine, if you win, I'll let you on another stream, but when I win, you have to sit back and watch whatever movie I pick."

"You won't win-"

"I will."

"But you won't-"

"Shut up."

"Chat! Shut up, I'm trying to win a bet here!" Quackity screamed into his mic, slamming his hands down on the table, his phone made a small buzz, he looked down for only a second but he knew it was you.

"See chat! The fucker is getting cocky!" He sighed, picking up his phone, turning it off completely. "No, nope, not happening, I'm banning him from my chat, nope, no, not happening."

"Hey! What the fuck!?" Your voice could be heard through his walls, causing Quackity to laugh and fall off his chair with a loud thud. "Did you fall off your chair, you dumbass!?" You yelled again, walking into his room, just off camera. "What is wrong with you!? Here, let me help you up."

Quackity groaned, reaching out for your hand, helping him stand, stumbling only a bit. "This doesn't mean I'm not unbanning you from my chat."

"Yeah, I know, I know." You roll your eyes, moving to read his chat with a chuckle. "You're chat is so funny."

"Do not encourage them."

"What a bunch of little cuties."

"Y/N-"

"What? I'm not doing anything." You said with a shrug, still reading through the chat with a smile on your face. "Do I win?" You asked, looking back at Quackity.

He simply huffs and crosses his arms, falling back on his chair. "Go fuck yourself." You chuckle.

"Are you reading this shit, they want us to kiss!" You laugh, turning around to face Quackity and his rolling eyes before staring back at you with confusion before his face falls and shoulders slump.

"No...Y/N...don't you fucking dare..." Quackity warns with narrow eyes before his arms outstretched to stop you as you lean towards him, your arms also outstretched to hold him. "Y/N! You bitch! Don't you fucking dare!"

"Oh, but Quackiy..." You tease, laughing happily. "Come on! Give me a little kiss!" You laugh and pucker your lips, Quackity pushing you away with little playful effort.

"Piss off!" He laughed, pushing you away.

"But what about chat-"

"Fuck chat! Stop encouraging each other!"

"But Quackity-"

"Suck a dick!"

#fanfiction #writing #imagines #dsmp x reader #dsmp quackity #dsmp fanfic #dsmp x male reader #Toxic_Lemon.original

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gaypirateslife4me · 4 days

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Gonna send this as a regular message. Little too big just for the comments. 😅 Let me ask a question that I do hope will ease that 5% of your mind.

Who is more likely to blame in such a situation? Is it the big Hollywood studio run by filthy rich white guys of the type known for making life hell for anyone who goes against them, especially women, queer people, and POC? Or is it the brown guy worth barely anything* in comparison whose sets are fun and happy, who many people are eager to work with repeatedly (which is one of the best metrics in the industry to see if someone's really a good egg), and who is most well known for getting more POC and now queer rep into the industry?

I really wanna put that same question to all those sites using Taika's name for yet more clickbait drama, but I doubt they'd care. It's more fun to blame the brown guy they've all decided to hate than the powerful studio executives...who just might own their website, now I think of it...👀 Well, there's a good reason articles from outside the US entertainment industry, like the New Zealand article I linked, aren't doing that. I'm amazed I only just now remembered that the studios own most of the magazines and websites who print that stuff. Suddenly many things make a lot more sense...

There's six named executive producers and six different production companies for this thing, not counting AppleTV. No idea how many directors, but Taika only did a couple episodes. Multiple writers too, including Jemaine who is also a co-creator. So why is it only being called "Taika Waititi's Time Bandits" or his set in most of these articles? Talk about sus...

Sorry, I got off track there. 😆 Anyway. What I'm trying to say is a bit of skepticism is always healthy. That should go without saying and go both directions too, not to deny the actor their experiences. But if something looks, walks, and quacks like an ignore-and-shush-the-queer-POC duck, then it's more likely to be the big Hollywood studio with $8.7billion to throw around and a history of doing just that than any of the smaller companies involved. It's far more likely than the one POC indie producer/writer/director attached to the project, who has a great reputation in the industry that stretches back years and who also just so happened to be neck deep in filming a whole other project at the time.

*I had no idea Taika's net worth was only $13million until just now. That man is downright poor in Hollywood terms! He's worth the same as Jensen Ackles! Chris Hemsworth is worth ten times that! I can now laugh heartily at anyone who claims the $30million-to-her-name (which is just about middle class in Hollywood) Rita married him just for his money!

Sorry to ramble like that in your inbox! 😅

Please NEVER apologize for making me laugh so hard over the image of Rita's portion of their prenupt being written on a cocktail napkin in crayon and saying "don't be a dumbass, I economically own three of you".

#ask and answer #taika waititi #rita ora #fuck big media

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exalted-dawn-drabbles · 1 year

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How about “Hey! I may be a dumbass but I’m your dumbass!” for Alistair/Shaesa?

omg omg omg I was so happy when I got this prompt and I knew IMMEDIATELY what I wanted to do. So this is a lil scene after Alistair finds out that Shaesa had been previously engaged, and he gets a bit insecure about it cause Shaesa was his first love and finding out she had someone before him that she felt THAT SERIOUSLY about (jokes on him, it was arranged, but he didn't know that lol) sorta freaked him out. He started distancing himself from Shae but she noticed and called him out on it and so this is what happens after that :3 hope you enjoy! for @dadrunkwriting Rated G: Fluffy goodness, ~800 words

Try Again | By Exalted_Dawn

Shaesa stifled a snort into her palm, her smile curling against sword-formed calluses in a cheeky sort of way. Even so, the feeble attempt did little to hide the blossoming up-turn to her lips, or the way her eyes crinkled with joy, so the elf didn’t bother to pretend that she didn’t find this whole situation funny. “Maker, you’re such an idiot,” she chuckled, the words almost breathy as she spoke them, clouding on the brisk morning wind.

From the corner of her eye, she watched as Alistair’s face turned an even deeper shade of red (something she hadnt previously thought possible), scrunching in an adorably flustered scowl. “What? And you’ve never made a wrong assumption, hm?” he muttered, scrubbing at the back of his head. “It’s not as if you particularly liked to talk about it in the beginning, and when your father brought it up, I thought-”

Shaesa broke off with a laugh, curling in on herself. She rocked back against the Vhenadahl, using its sturdy trunk to balance against as she finally and truly succumbed to her amusement. She shook her head briskly, wiping a stray tear from her eye as she did. “What? That I’d lost the love of my life? That I’d never want to be engaged again?” She peaked up at the man standing beside her, all wrapped up in scarves and a thick-knit traveling cloak from head to toe. He really was too cute for his own good. It was hardly fair. She sighed deeply, sucking down a centering breath in an attempt to reign in at least some of her laughter, and reached over to grab his hand in hers. “Alistair. Just because I was once, doesn’t mean that I’m still spoken for. Sorta hard to be betrothed to a ghost… y’know?”

He stared idly at their interlocked hands, fingers woven together tight, and Shaesa watched as something in him settled. His gaze grew distant, more contemplative and sullen. His head dipped in a tentative nod. So he wasn’t entirely convinced, then.

Huffing, she turned and yanked him to face her, picking up his other hand so she held both aloft between them. She squeezed roughly, her conviction demanding. “Marry me.”

Alistair blinked. “I’m sorry- what?”

“Marry me, you dumbass,” she repeated, stern.

“Uh-”

Shaesa frowned up at him expectantly, glaring down his baffled confusion.

“Wait, are you serious?” Alistair asked.

“Of course I am.”

“What do you mean ‘of course you are’????” he quacked, balking. “You just ask like that? Out of the blue? With absolutely no warning or preparation?”

Shaesa’s frown deepened a fraction. “Well I wouldn’t exactly say it was without planning, or entirely out of the blue. We were talking about it, and it’s been on my mind for some time now. I thought, if you really cared about me being engaged, then-”

Alistairs lips closed over hers, pressing and insistent. Warm, against the Denerim chill. Shaesa signed into the kiss, leaning up into him as he stooped to cup her face, drawing her closer. His thumbs brushed across her freckled cheeks in tender refrain, teasing a flush to them to match his own.

They parted slowly, breath catching in the air between them. Shaesa could not help the silly, lopsided grin on her lips. “So I take it that’s a ‘yes’, then?”

“Absolutely not,” Alistair puffed indignantly, thunking his forehead against her own. “You don’t even have a ring- let alone flowers or proper mood lighting. I’m not some cheap date, you know. If you were going to propose, I would have liked to see some actual effort.”

“But if I did have all that stuff…?” She tried not to sound too hopeful, in case he was simply deflecting through humor. But her worries were swept away as Alistair grinned something goofy and pecked her nose with another kiss.

“I suppooooose you’ll just have to ask me again and find out, won’t you?” He grabbed her hand again and tugged her along, back towards the direction of Shaesa’s family home. His ears were pink to their very tip, but his grip was firm and sure.

The nerves in her softened, as did her smile. She squeezed his hand back, stumbling to catch up with him. “You really are a dumbass,” she murmured, love swelling in her chest. How could he have doubted her for a second? As if she ever stood a chance against him.

“Yeah, well,” he started, not even bothering to look back at her. “I’m your dumbass now, so I guess you’re stuck with me. Afraid it's a bit too late for regrets.”

Regrets?

Never.

#dadwc #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age fanfic #alistair x tabris #dragon age #shaesa tabris #alistair theirin

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picory · 1 year

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i mess up so much in social situations... i try my best at least but still with my clueless swag and imperfect speech i tend to embarrass myself more often than not. it's why i'm always so quiet...

#i can't always say what i mean. and when i speak i accidentally say words wrong or replace sounds #like. ''he swent'' instead of ''she went''#bad example but u know what i mean. maybe #i'd be so much more confident if i talked better 😭 but idk how to improve at that #even with family it's hard #destined to be a quiet dumbass. sigh #quacks

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unnaturalequilibrium · 1 year

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So, hi. It's me again, yeah, me with the obscure recommendations I try to peddle like designer drugs to over-privileged teenagers brandishing their parents black card. But listen *slowly opens trenchcoat* I've got something real special for you this time. It's called 66th North Precinct (check out the trailer).

Back when I watched Bitter Daisies I kept going on about how that trope or the archetype of a stoic detective who is competent in their professional life, but is a bit of a fumble fuck when it comes to expressing their own emotional existence is a perfect fit for a lesbian character and that point still fucking stands. And apparently the Universe is paying attention to some of the fuckery I spew and occasionally even hands me exactly what I ask for. Because this - was it.

You’ve got the main character of Maria who is a retired professional boxer turned police detective who struggles with finding meaning in her work and feeling settled in her life. Surrounding her are her various oddball family members, friends and colleagues who are equal measures helpful and unintentionally hurtful as she navigates a world that is no longer as straightforward as when she was younger and had no real responsibilities beyond winning the next match. On the tin you’ve seen this in some format before, only difference is that for once this character is actually a lesbian with a wife and two kids. But without that being an issue, or well it is the issue as she deals with trying to balance responsibilities and professional fulfillment. So being married and having a family is part of the conflict of this story, but what isn’t a problem however is her homosexuality. Same thing as how Maria’s wife Essi struggles with her relationship with her parents-in-law, but not because of any signs of homophobia but because she’s from the “big city” which in this context is a bit of an offense.

Basically this is the kind of story straight people usually get, but we seldom do. There are no coming outs, no gay panics, no navigating a hateful world. Instead it’s rather simple; it’s wives arguing about domestic things, struggling with communication, supporting each other emotionally and professionally and trying to find time for each other as kids, work and family need to be juggled. It's drama without the dramatics. All of that in the setting of a crime procedural that mixes dry humour with the serious and feels deeply melancholic (vemodigt) in a way that I think only Nordic fiction can be.

But even if the marriage is written in the same way a straight couple would be the character Maria Pudas is the kind of main character you will recognize, the dumbass stoic who is so gay coded all you need are the thumbnails for the episodes to know she’s supposed to be a dyke (posture, styling, yeah just the whole shebang). No, true story, bro. Only reason I started watching was because I was looking through what was on streaming, saw the show, clicked the episode list and got preemptively annoyed because I have seen this before, the perfect lesbian character that never is allowed to be gay. Sure I know judging a book by its covers is uncool and all, but sometimes we do the duck a disfavour by pretending it doesn't know how to quack.

Despite my annoyance I decided that "what the fuck I hear turquoise and self-flagellation is in this spring" and I went against my better judgment and pressed play. And as feared each frame had my eye twitching a little more irregularly as the gay ramped up, but when it was revealed she had a son I had enough, experience have thought me the next scene would then introduce a husband and I couldn’t take that shit again. I refused to lose yet another potentially awesome lesbian character to sloppy straight washing. Luckily I was so completely drained of energy that reaching for the remote took longer than it should have and during that painstaking process another woman showed up on screen and she too acted like the son’s mother - so there I was frozen in place with spasming core muscles as it slowly unfolded that yes, they were introducing her spouse, but turns out that for once the writers had some guts and Maria Pudas was a lesbian and she and her wife were in fact quacking their asses off. Carefully and with narrow slitted eyes I placed the remote back on my coffee table and almost reluctantly was treated. Treated damn well.

This was the after of the happily ever of that romance novel both of us have probable read, you know the one about the boxer who got a concussion and met a doctor she couldn't get out of her system. I mean, honestly I am going to call you a liar if you say you've never read a lesbian romance book or fanfic with a plot along those lines. This was basically the follow up of what happen after they get married. I get though that some people don't want the after part and for others I think this show might be a bit too slow paced and not flashy enough, it's not the CW, but rather it's government funded raggsock drama. That's not for everyone, I get that, but I really do hope you give it a go, because if nothing else it warmed me straight to my core to get so many continuous displays of romantic intimacy between two women. I mean we've been handed sweeps kissing since the late 90s, but I think I can count on my left hand the number of times I've seen something that just shows you simple romantic but non-sexual intimacies between women.

Unfortunately I don't know if you can find it will English subtitles anywhere accessible, but the episodes are up on yle's streaming site which is free with a Finnish vpn: Pohjoisen tähti

If you do find a way to watch come talk to me about what a hoot Maria's boss is, how Niko needs locking up on occasion so he stops interrupting and what the hell are we going to do about this urge to go snowboarding in Lapland?!

#66th north precinct #pohjoisen tähti #wlw ship #wlwsource

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quack-city · 2 years

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God I fucking hate Quack-city “i’m scared of soup” so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every post he's in, every text, every comic, every jpeg, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid lumpy face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. His stupid fucking bald head? Who the hell makes a man bald. His dumb flaily fucking twig arms? His shitty, lumpy bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking BALD AS FUCK HEAD that no man has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a discord message from him or a snapchat or a shitty goddamn minion gif, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Scared the fuckshit minion fucker, I like minions". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like Minions summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking bald head makes your whole shitty head look like a bare skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking lumpy head and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass upbeat asshole personality. Any time he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a w*lmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking discord member in a stupid fucking a/b/o piss pit discord, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Wrath itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the highway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing character design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the bald head is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class suburban drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no cuss or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking quackbur ship art. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this tumblr user

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quackitlee-hq · 1 year

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{ C! Quackity (tickle) RP blog }

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

run by @quiet-gremlin

{ Important things }

- not kink or nsfw!!

- c! quackity, not cc! quackity

- i am dyslexic!! but i try my best to read through things so they make sense!! lmk if you need something fixed!! /gen

- i (admin) am a minor! so just be careful. i dont want nsfw, or kink being involved. and if you are over the age of 21, just be cautious and know that i am weary of you /nbm/gen

- oc blogs can interact!! but it will be a little funky since im still trying to get used to them!! /gen

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

{ HC'S, Boundaries, Spots, and more! }

(last updated 27/12/23) - boundaries updated, general hcs updated, tk hcs updated!

{ Boundaries } (important)

- again, id prefer if 21+ were weary around this blog as i am a minor. but u can interact!!

- ABSOLUTELY NO NSFW OR ADULT CONTENT. THIS IS NOT KINK

- i will absolutely do angst!! either in dms or here i can go however far youd like!!! literally anything i am so down!! i love angst <3

- i am comfy with any character interacting!! even if they have problems!! we can either pretend they didnt happen, or give them a little kiss and make up story!!

- im also okay with ships!! if u and ur guy wanna date quackity, just lmk and we can go over the details!! :D

- pls no feet stuff or bondage. they make me uncomfortable.

- my dms r always open!!! and also please dont rush me on roleplays. i get busy, and ill get to you!! (normally im pretty fast, like a couple days inbetween)

- ill add more if i need to!!!

- please please send your ask. idc what it is. just wanna be haha funny and make jokes?? okay!!! do you wanna just say funny things to quackity?? feel free!! (if theyre not rp asks, i will respond as quackity unless otherwise stated!!)

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

{ General HC's }

- short king my beloved <3 (4'10 i have no self control)

- 22 years of age !! :D

- he has small wings on his back! he cannot fly due to silly problems in his childhood (angst?), but he tries to take pride in them! he also has little ones on his ears, and he does what he can to take care of them

- ^^ as these two imply, he is an avian hybrid!! tho ppl call him a joke since his wings are more of a golden color (like a ducks)

- when he gets surprised, he lets out a little quack ^_^ and also will trill like a bird when happy (bc hes an avian)

- quackity is dyslexic! but he does what he can to get past it. he has glasses that he only wears in private to help him read

- goes through depression spikes! he usually does what he can, and hypes himself up for the most part, but he does have some problems emotioanlly and mentally. he would rather die than make it somebody else's problem

- basically a dad to the entirety of las nevadas,, even treats foolish n sam as like, his kids (or more as ppl he takes care of)

- overworker!! mans barely sleeps and struggles to feel like hes done a good job

- to relax, quackity watches kids movies on his ipad and unironically likes cocomelon. (IM SORRY SNFNSBD)

- he also can and will throw a tantrum to get his way even when he can just be carried like a baby

- hides his smoking / nicotine addiction n everyone just pretends they dont know (they feel bad for him)

- sucker for the dumbass "best mom" / "#1 mom" shirts and just owns a ton that he sleeps / lounges in LMAO

- quackity id's as a trans guy! he has also had top surgery! he is on t (injections), and doesnt struggle too bad with dysphoria!

- will call you kid. unless he knows you and knows youre older, his first petname is kid.

- does not like talking ab karl, sapnap, or schlatt. like he'll answer maybe two questions before getting annoyed.

- along with that (unless in another au), schlatt/glatt, karl, and sapnap are all banned from las nevadas

- rubs the back of his neck if he's nervous. one of his tells

- speaking of his tells, his others are wringing his hands together, and placing his hands behind his back. rubbing his hands together happens when hes just trying to talk and getting nervous. and he puts his hands behind his back when he's feeling confident

- is a very good gambler, but when it comes to people he knows well?? hes a horrible liar. cannot lie to those he loves for shit.

{ Appearence HC's }

- mans always wears his dumb beanie

- messy black hair

- he switches between a red and white button up shirt!!! his sleeves are always rolled up though

- his hair is also a little longer than shoulder legnth!! sometimes its in a ponytail, but its normally just down and low.

- his hair looks greasy but its!! actually not, its soft and well-maintained

- he also has burn scars littered all over his body from what happened to slime. (he does not take care of them)

- he has a little. tail. that is the same color as the wings on his ears. although he does cover it unless hes around someone he likes/trusts <3

- it is right below his lower back <3 but he prefs it untouched (unless asked). its not made of feathers, but rather the softer part of feathers (idk how to explain it)

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

{ TK HC's }

- hes like a switch that leans to the lee side <3

- better with ppl he knows better

- can either b an asshole abt it or v playful (almost dad like coughs)

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

{ Ler HC's }

- again, he can b an asshole, but he can also b rlly playful, it depends on who u are

- will wait to go to ur worst spots so he can give a buildup

- mainly gets som1 for fucking with him, or getting them to just smile. or if theyre being an annoying little SHIT

- is GREAT at being a teasy asshole, he loves just fucking around

- he can also be really good at gentle tickles, he'll usually use that for a calm kind of situation, or when someones feeling down

- mans will fuck any1 up with raspberries

- is a petty little bitch and will wait to get revenge

- wont babytalk you but will talk like u arent there

- finds it silly and cute and he likes it as a bonding activity

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

- will talk himself up and then just absolutely die

{ Lee HC's }

- cant fucking stand teasing. at all. this man has a poker face of stone but the second you put your hands on him he cant do shit

- nervous giggler my beloved

- can and will throw a fit if you use his height against him, esp in teases

- unable to take it seriously, absolutely cannot stand any kind of teasing. it all just kills him

- arches his back a lot on instict. which doesnt help if someone wants to target his worst spot

- rubs his eyes when he's flustered

- tries to act big and strong even when down and giggly

{ ♤ ♡ ◇ ♧ }

[ Spot HC's ]

- thighs ; 6/10

- ribs ; 6/10

- palms ; 8/10 ; melt spot

- neck ; 8/10 ; melt spot

- lower sides / hips ; 9/10

- the little wing ears ; 11/10 ; he will die . .

- lower back!!!! ; 10/10 ; death spot , ,

- burn scars on his neck ; 10/10 ; fluster spot Augh

- his wings and shoulderblades ; 11/10 ; kill him ! !

#lee!quackity #ler!quackity #quackitlee-hq #tickle #tickle community #dsmp tickle #updated :3

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