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coffee-at-annies · 4 months

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6+43 you pick the pairing.

6+43: Bookshop AU+Dance of Romance

This is very hard for me because I fully believe most hockey players cannot read. There is reason the Sidney Crosby School for Hockey Players Who Can’t Read Good is a thing that I believe with my whole heart that exists. You said dealers choice on the pairing so I hope you’re ready for an entire au and many, many pairings. Remember, you asked for this.

Anyway small independent bookshop owners Sid and Geno. They’re gay and married and semi-successful and it’s cute.

Kris is the bitchy barista who barged into their store one day and bullied them into adding a cafe and then took over running it.

He’s got some sort of situationship going with his longtime regular, Tristan, who has never picked up a book in all the time he’s been coming there. He is there every day for his caffeine fix and to do suduko or something else juuuuust close enough to be book adjacent but isn’t reading. I’m not sure there’s enough thoughts in Mouse Boy’s head to read a whole book. At least that’s what he wants us to think and I’m gonna give it to him.

Jake and Bryan (Rusty) are two kids Sid hired from the local college that basically never left after graduating and are still here.

Flower runs the bakery down the street and makes sure Sid has pastries for Kris to sell. He has tried and failed to lure Kris away to do coffee for the bakery. (Flower also used to work at the bookstore but left to go pursue his dream of the bakery and they love and support him but Kris isn’t leaving).

Marcus and Ricky are two Swedish dads that come in for kids storytime and let their kids play around.

They’ve started bringing new Swede-in-town Erik and his daughter with them.

Chad doesn’t work for the bookstore but will occasionally stop by kid in tow for Sid’s storytime.

Ryan Graves just got hired to run the late night shift so they can be open later. (Yes this is a graveyard shift pun)

Magnus is the delivery man who drops off and helps unload book shipments.

(This is a very crowded small bookstore)

Ned is there regularly for book club with EK, Reilly (who is new in town) and Jason (Zucker) (an old regular), along with old not quite married couple Carl and Patric (Hags&Horny).

(All people I believe can read, unlike Jarry)

Jared and Brandon are around somewhere. Probably. (Look I love them).

Zach and Conor and Teddy used to work in the store while in college but unlike Jake and Bryan they left after graduation. Some of them are still around town but some of them have moved away.

The only people I’m missing are 4th line and I’m sorry idc where cookie and neets are tbh and BJC is around. Probably. Maybe he’s a regular, maybe he works the register, idk idc.

That leaves, basically everyone you just said “hey you forgot X” aka Lars Eller and the kids/wbs. If you were wondering why I didn’t mention them, that’s because this fic is about them. Well actually it’s about DOC and POJ because my brain decided that’s the pairing. Don’t ask me why. Big Z is right there with the rest of his harem but no we’re doing PO and Drew (probably because of that silly tortilla video). Anyway all the boys are college students at the local college. Drew is in a study group with Radim, Valterri, Jansen, Vinnie, Sam (Poulin), and Ty (Smith). They’re all taking Professor Eller’s class and they meet up once or twice a week in the bookstore to drink coffee and go over the homework.

Where is PO you ask? Well he’s behind the counter working under Kris as the backup barista. Don’t worry, this romance isn’t going to be customer/barista. No, no. The reason they started meeting here is because Drew works at the bookstore. He’s been there for about a semester (and the summer) but hasn’t really spent much time in the cafe part. It’s not until Big Z talks Drew into running study sessions in the cafe that they start noticing each other.

See PO took Professor Eller’s class last year, so one day, after watching the boys struggle for with the homework for way too long, he pops out from behind the counter and sits down and helps them out. He’s welcome at the study sessions and sometimes when he’s not on shift he’ll bring his school work and while they’re majoring in different things it’s nice to bounce ideas off them.

If you want to know what they’re majoring in, actual real life DOC majored in sociology while playing for Dartmouth. PO has not been to college but he did tell Taylor that if he wasn’t gonna be an athlete he wanted to be a vet or a psychologist so I’m going with he wants to be a Vet Tech and is majoring in whatever is the veterinary sciences equivalent of premed is.

Anyway they hang out at work more and more. This goes on for like a month and then Geno comes up with a big idea for a fall event. They’re doing a Halloween party. Jake and Bryan and Drew and PO have to help decorate the store and on the day of it’s filled with college students, kids, and regulars. Drew is trying desperately to avoid getting his cheek pinched by the old ladies from the knitting circle again. PO is safe because he’s behind the cafe counter serving drinks. PO has fake vampire fangs as his costume. Drew showed up in a not-couples costume with Big Z. If you wanna know what everyone else wore, please see this photo. Except I’m pretty sure Kris is either a prey mantis or the letits are out whichever option makes you, dear reader, feel more insane.

Eventually Sid and Geno shooo all their employees to go mingle and have fun. Drew and PO end up in the makeshift dance floor, music blaring, and after a couple jokes and a some negging from their friends, PO gives Drew a half twirl or something and they laugh it off before the song is even over.

It’s not until later when they’re cleaning up, all alone, music still going in the background, that they start joking about it and one thing leads to another and they actually dance. PO gives drew the full twirl. They bust a move. They slow dance a bit. They’ve never been this close. They’ve only casually touched and now they’re pressed up against each other. They’ve been hanging out at the bookstore outside of study group and Ohohoho what’s this? A feelings realization. Except wait. They’re both idiot college students. So they both awkwardly disengage to go do their job and part ways.

In the following days things are so completely awkward between them at work that Kris throws PO out of the cafe and won’t let him back until he can look Drew in the eye. Drew meanwhile cancels study session because he doesn’t know how to be normal around PO. Don’t worry they can’t continue like that for long. You see there’s a big test coming up and Z ropes PO into helping Drew out cause it’s like 40% of their final grade and Drew has been failing the at-home practice tests something terrible.

They end up staying way later than the rest of the study group going over this exam. Its way late at night, only Ryan is there to lock up behind them, and PO has just spent 4 hours explaining the test back to front - forgetting his awkwardness in the face of his determination to make sure Drew doesn’t fail. Drew definitely stares at PO explaining for a little too long, decides fuck it and goes in for a kiss. These are idiot college boys so instead they bump noses or headbutt each other or something. Poor boys. Can’t even do a surprise kiss correctly. Drew apologizes and then they do have the confession conversation and then the actual kiss. And more kisses. After that, more studying.

The end.

#asks answered #podcasts-8-my-heart #love you ez #yeets an entire au at you #not quite a fic but I think bullet point fic counts #I don’t think I could write in any of these povs so this is the closest you get #rpf mention #my writing #my aus #doc #poj #I do not know where this pairing came from but brain said idiots in love college au and I guess I gotta

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hecateisalesbian · 11 months

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The Pride of June: Demiboy

The Demiboy Flag is the Flag used to describe someone whose gender partially identifies as a man/boy. In addition, demiboys also feel partly outside the binary. That can include anything under the non-binary umbrella like agender, genderqueer, or xenogenders.

Fun History Fact: Demiguy was added to the AVEN Gender Definitions Masterlist on December 12th, 2010.

Tumblr User: @iridescentdiscord

Media Character: Syl, Ty (The Office Type) and Sonny (Rock and Riot) are Demiboy characters.

Why the colors? White indicates gender neutrality or non-binary identities. Blue represents masculinity. Gray shades indicates partial connection.

Where can I find the calendar? The calendar is my pinned post on my blog @hecateisalesbian! This will be occurring all throughout June, and tags such as #The Pride of June and #PoJ Project can be used to find my post

#demiboy #demiguy #queer #pride month #Pride of June #The Pride of June #The PoJ Project #PoJ Project

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naanima · 10 months

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Before I go back to sleep again (my brain refuses to shut down before I get this out). So our current line for the next season (23/24) will look like something below... Unless more significant signings/trades happen while I sleep:

FORWARD LINES

Guentzel / Crosby / Rakell

Smith / Geno / Rust

Acciari / Eller / Granlund

Nieto / Carter / Nylander

DEFENCE

Letang / Graves

Petry / Petterson

POJ / Rutta

GOALIES

Jarry

DeSmith

Nedeljkovic

Hellberg (unless he goes to the AHL)

We look SIGNIFICANTLY better than we did in April. I would like ONE more good defence man, and just ONE more good backup goalie. But honestly, having it laid out like this makes me feel much better about the state of the team.

#hockey #nhl #pittsburgh penguins

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idontlikeem · 1 year

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should the pens trade dumo (and poj and some picks) for jakob chychrun? (or some other d-man...)

An interesting one! This is long AF so I’m putting it under a cut (side note, where did the option to put a cut in on the mobile app go? I used to be able to and now I can’t, I had to type all this out and then go to my computer to add the break in).

Also, everything I did was done on my phone, so my calculations may not be exactly right. Sorry if so!

Let’s start with the math:

Dumo’s cap hit is $4.1M and Chychrun’s is $4.6M, so we’d definitely need to move someone else to make room. POJ wouldn’t quite do it, because we’d need to bring someone up to replace him, and Ty Smith’s cap hit is actually higher than POJ’s.

Let’s…leave the math for a while, lol, it might be better to start with a roster.

Our ideal healthy lineup is 23 players—14 forwards, 7 defensemen, and 2 goalies. Those 23 contracts must fit under the cap (and remember, we’re burdened with Jack Johnson’s buyout fee this year, which gives us less space). Let’s pretend we did this trade, so the lines look something like:

Jake-Sid-Ricky

Jason-Geno-Rusty

Danton-BJC-Kappy

Brock-Teddy-Archie

Rutta-Kris

Petey-RePetey

Smith-Chychrun

Jarry/DeSmith

Scratches: Chad, Poehling

I put Jan Rutta on the first line because he had experience playing big minutes with Hedman in Tampa, but I don’t love it; he and Ty Smith had great chemistry, and I worry about the defensive weaknesses that third pairing now has. Ty is very green, and while I haven’t done a ton of digging into Chychrun, my understanding is he’s not great in his own zone. But I have to imagine that if this trade were made, this is at least how they’d start.

This roster has 22 dudes and has a cap hit of $81,038,508–cool, we could bring up someone else from WBS to hit the 23, and—

🚨🚨🚨

Jack Johnson counts $1,916,667 against the cap this year. Our actual upper limit, provided everyone is healthy and we’re not using LTIR, is $80,583,333. We are over the cap and already a player short of our maximum allowed roster with this lineup.

So who else do we trade?

They’ve been running Brock McGinn on the left wing. He has a cap hit of $2.75M. You know who else plays left wing? Drew O’Connor and Valtteri Puustinen, who have a combined cap hit of $1,592,500. So add Brock to the trade, call those guys up, and our cap is at $79,881,008. You’ve got Poehling, O’Connor, and Puustinen all battling for that twelfth forward spot, and Poehling can play center if someone down the middle gets hurt. Granted, now you’ve got a plethora of left wingers and no extra right wingers, so maybe you bring up Alex Nylander instead, who can play both sides.

I don’t hate it. I really don’t. The problem is: what if Chychrun doesn’t pan out. What if the kids aren’t ready for the show. We suddenly are running out Teddy and a bunch of babies on the fourth line, and two relative babies as our third pairing, too. There’s a lot of hope going into this roster, and crossed fingers that guys who look like the real deal can actually be so over the course of a full season. We also don’t have a ton of wiggle room if there are injuries.

Never say never, but with the fact that Chychrun’s star has clearly dimmed a little, and the fact that we’d potentially be trading three proven NHLers for one, I’m really not sure this is something the front office does more than kick the tires on. But who knows!!

#pittsburgh penguins #thanks anon this was a fun thought exercise!

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natureoftheforceastarwarsfanfic · 3 years

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Ch.01.02

“This is not as much fun as I thought it would be,” Rajan thought to himself as his drink and meal arrived, delivered by a converted KT droid. He guessed the cantina did not have the money to afford a dedicated server droid.

Watching the crowd gathered near the bar, the scene reminding him of a dozen other bars and saloons he had been to in the past month, Rajan noticed a being, a Weequay from his vantage point, being dragged out the back of the bar by seven others.

A part of Rajan, a large part, said that he should ignore it, lay low and finish his food. The last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself afterall. But he had never been all that good at listening to reason, or minding his own business.

He rose and told a passing server droid that he had not finished his meal yet, and headed for the rear exit.

“Your going to get it now!” Poj the Gomorran leader of the group squealed in his language, the other members of his gang grunting their agreement.

Kon’s lip trembled, “please,” he mumbled knowing it would be useless.

“Everyone knows Poj’s table is off-limits!” A fellow Weequay snarled almost gleefully.

Kon thought briefly about saying that he had never been to the city before, and that if they should be mad at anyone they should be mad at the server droid which gave him the table. But he knew it would be useless and so instead cursed his brother for bringing him here.

“I wonder how much this is going to cost in medical fees?” He wondered for a moment. “If I even get to the hospital,” he amended a moment later when one of the group pulled a vibroblade from his pocket.

Kon closed his eyes and said a prayer that Am-Shak help him.

“What the kriffen hell do you pieces of gutter trash think you are doing?” A voice suddenly said, cutting into the insults the gang had been shouting at Kon.

Kon felt the grip of the Gomorran loosen slightly and he dared to open an eye. His other eye then falling open alongside his mouth in disbelief at what he was seeing.

A lone, somewhat aged Pantoran dressed in old-fashioned clothes, stood behind the gang silhouetted against the light of the doorway into the bar behind him. Kon noted the deep scar on the right side of his face which ran down to his neck, as well as the breather unit attached to his neck.

Poj shouted something incomprehensible to the newcomer, Kon’s grasp of Gomorran was not good enough for him to understand what he said, but the gang around him suddenly fanned out to surround the newcomer.

“Go back inside grandpa!” The Weequay said, jabbing his knife to the door. “This isn’t your business.”

The Pantoran did not budge though his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared slightly. “The best you have is grandpa?” He asked, “that’s the best you can do? Really?”

The question seemed to have caught Poj off guard, and his grip loosened further. “Tell him the war is over and that he should go home!” He shouted after a few seconds to his gang.

“My war?” The Pantoran asked before any of Poj’s goons could carry out the insult.

“The clone wars,” the Rodian of the group said.

“And it doesn’t look like it ended well for you either!” The weequay taunted.

The pantoran seemed to sigh to himself. “What did he do?” He asked, “does he owe you money? I can pay what he owes.”

“That’s the wrong thing to say!” Kon thought as Poj suddenly turned back to face him.

“This one?” He asked in a series of squeals. He turned back to the pantoran, his men already surrounding him. “He owes us nothing,” he nodded to the rodian, who grabbed the pantoran from behind. “Question is, what have you got?” He asked.

“You seriously want to do this?” The pantoran asked as the weequay held his vibroblade in his face.

Poj dropped Kon and moved in, chuckling to himself, Kon wondered if he should bother to try and escape, if the pantoran would be enough of a distraction to give him the time he needed to leave town.

He had just decided to take his chances and turn away when the pantoran leapt into action. Stomping his foot down against the weequays leg, causing him to loosen his grip, he then viciously kicked one of the humans in the group and used the energy to flip around.

Before he landed he had produced a small club from under the cape he wore and he smashed it against the weequay’s temple, knocking him out cold with a possible concussion.

Now transfixed Kon watched as the pantoran dispatched another human and the groups twi’lek in a single fluid motion, blocking the rodian’s vibroblade with the club and then elbow him in the throat. The human he kicked at the start of the fight had recovered, and grabbed his club arm.

The pantoran used the human as a pivot point and twisted around to kick a zabrak, Kon hadn’t even seen him, in the stomach, sending him down. After that he used his free arm to grab the human by around the neck, and then squeezed until he was released.

Now with both hands freed the pantoran used his club to smash the human, zabrak, and the rodian out cold. Leaving just him and a very unhappy Poj left.

Kon had not noticed that rather than get stuck into the fight Poj had chosen to watch, likely looking forward to it. But that had been a mistake as his gang now all laid on the ground in a heap.

“Now you gonna get it!” The gomorran screeched just before he let out the battle cry and charged.

The pantoran dodged the charge and flipped his club around, pointing the handle around to face the much bigger gomorran. Kon stood transfixed, knowing that surely the old man was finished now.

He need not have worried, the pantoran had no intention of fighting Poj.

A stun bolt shot from the handle of the club, obviously it doubled as a blaster, hitting Poj squarely in the face and while not knocking him out, it did cause him to drop to the ground howling in pain. Kon was not entirely sure, but that much energy to the face had to have caused major damage to his eyes and face, stun setting or no.

Another bolt, this time to the midsection, was enough to totally knock him out. And the pantoran turned the blaster to the rest of the gang, stunning each in turn until just he and Kon remained.

“Why did they attack you?” He asked, Kon noted that the blaster/club was not quite pointed at him, but in his vague direction.

“The server droid gave me their usual booth,” Kon said, raising his hands in the air.

“Really?” The pantoran asked the blaster wavering slightly. Behind him the cantina had caught on that something was going on and Kon could hear voices.

“Really,” Kon answered knowing how ridiculous it sounded and hoping that it would convince the pantoran.

A raised eyebrow and piercing look which seemed to peirce Kon, and after a few moments the pantoran lowered his blaster seemingly convinced.

“Leave this place,” he said, hiding the blaster back into the depths of his cloak. He looked back into the cantina and walked past Kon without saying another word.

“I guess I can eat on the ship,” Rajan thought as he moved out of the alley behind the cantina and into the main street. He heard the weequay’s footsteps as he ran in the opposite direction back in the alley.

“I really must learn that I am out of practice and out of shape,” he told himself as he blended into a crowd, the sound of sirens sounding somewhere in the distance as someone in the cantina finally called the local law enforcement.

“Old man they called me!” Rajan thought. Although, out of breath and with aching joints he realized they may not be entirely wrong. His shoulder was starting to hurt as well.

“They may not be entirely wrong,” he realized with an unpleasant sigh.

#fanfiction #star wars #scifi #author #worldbuilding #star wars legends #original trilogy #luke skywalker

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drtanstravels · 4 years

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The year 2020 was initially going to be an epic one for Anna and myself with a ton of travelling involved, due solely to the fact that a lot of ophthalmological conferences and other eye-related organisations wanted to take advantage of the potential for 20/20 vision puns. The year started relatively normally, first boarding a ship in Sydney in mid-January and cruising to to New Caledonia and back for my friend’s 40th birthday and then celebrating Chinese New Year in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia almost as soon as we got back. The next month we spent a few days in Mexico before making our way to San Diego so Anna could be inducted into the Macula Society, but that all seems like a distant memory at this point in time. In fact, the idea of taking a cruise ship now just seems insane and it appears as if people will forever now question their decision to get on a giant boat with several thousand other people, but it will have nothing to do with the possibility of seasickness or even the ship sinking. In fact, at the end of March there were still more than 10 cruise ships and 10,000 passengers stranded at sea, all unable to dock anywhere because of the risk of Covid-19.

We definitely dodged a bullet with the ship, but so far a lot of our plans for the first half of the year have been dashed; by the end of July we were supposed to have traveled to China, South Korea, Taiwan, USA again, Ireland, Philippines, Thailand, South Africa, Tanzania, and Zimbabwe. The bulk of those were for Anna’s work, Philippines was a local holiday in place of a canceled conference to use already booked leave, Thailand was a wedding, and both Tanzania and Zimbabwe were for a Safari to celebrate Anna’s 40th birthday which incidentally happens to coincide with a conference that was supposed be held in Cape Town, South Africa. Now we’re not even certain when we’ll be able to go shopping, eat in a restaurant, or just hang out normally with friends again. Maybe the current situation is the new normal for the foreseeable future, but one thing is for sure — I’m certainly glad we’re stuck in Singapore during this pandemic, because the government here got on top of the whole coronavirus thing early, first taking action on January 2 when mandatory temperature checks were issued at Changi airport for passengers arriving from Wuhan and all passengers from China two and a half weeks later. Regardless, the first coronavirus case was reported in Singapore on Thursday, January 23. In an interesting twist, the 12th reported case in Singapore was apparently a prostitute from Wuhan, China, having visited two red-light districts and stayed in three-different hotels, one with hourly rates, with different men.

I sure am glad we got to skip all that

On Friday, January 24 we were set to travel to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for Chinese New Year with Anna’s family, but that was also the first day that mandatory temperature checks at all Singapore borders were enforced due to the first case in the country the previous day so we were met at the airport with insane hold ups (right). Fortunately for us, with all of the flying we do we are classed as Priority Passengers when we fly with Singapore Airlines and other Krisflyer affiliates so we got to skip the queues, check in, have our temperature scanned, and be on our way. This was well before the US had even considered the possibility of taking any measures on the coronavirus, but it wasn’t like they were oblivious to what was going on in other parts of the world; I posted these photos of some of our Chinese New Year dishes on several Facebook food pages (unfortunately, I don’t have links to the exact pages) and the responses generally weren’t all that positive, mainly because of the belief that Covid-19 started as the result of people eating bat soup in rural China:

Steamed fish

Braised chicken

Suckling pig

It was mainly the picture of the chicken that got the attention, but all of the meat dishes were served with the heads merely for presentation and, with the exception of the fish, the head isn’t consumed. Fish heads have been eaten by the poor in both Eastern and Western culture for centuries, but pig heads are a little too crunchy, and if any of the detractors had tasted the chicken without being able to see its cranium, they would more than likely agree that it was one of the better braised chicken dishes they had ever been served, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of hate and racist comments, ranging from, “That’s why you have coronavirus,” to “We need to nuke China!!!” and everything in between. When I clarified that these pictures were taken in Malaysia, not China, the same arguments constantly came up, with people claiming it is the same place. That’s funny, because it takes six hours to fly from KL to Beijing, whereas the flight from Toronto to Mexico City is shorter, yet Canada and Mexico are not generally considered “the same place.” Other detractors on the pages just pointed out that there is a Chinese woman in one of the photos so it must be in China. When I clicked on the profiles of those posting the worst comments, they were almost always Americans so the the citizens there obviously knew there was trouble afoot. It’s strange that the country with the chicken head on the plate is doing far better when it comes to handling the virus than the US currently is.

A screenshot of genuine WHO advice received on January 28

We returned to Singapore on the evening of Monday, January 27 and when we had stopped laughing at the World Health Organization’s advice on reducing infection (left) the following day, we decided to go grocery shopping. Definitely a good decision. On Friday, February 7 the Disease Outbreak Response System Condition (DORSCON) level was raised from Yellow to Orange, putting us in a position where the future was rather unclear. This meant that all healthcare workers were from then on required to take and submit their temperature twice per day in order to prove they hadn’t developed a fever. For the general population, however, that’s when the panic-buying began. Now, I’ve watched enough TV shows and movies that begin with similar events including Outbreak, The Stand, and Shaun of the Dead so I thought I knew the type of stuff people would be hoarding in a time when a virus makes the future a little uncertain; bottled water, canned food, pasta, rice, batteries, that type of thing, but it turned out that those items weren’t that high on the general population’s shopping lists. People here mainly wanted toilet paper and at first I thought it was just the local mentality, but it would eventually turn out to be a global thing. Back when I was in university I had no money so I learnt quickly that many things can be used as toilet paper — I used to use the free Melbourne street-press in desperate situations and then have a shower to wash the newspaper ink off my backside afterwards. Many things can be substituted for toilet paper, but very few can be food, yet that was secondary on most people’s collective minds. Once the toilet paper had run dry that’s when the kiasu mentality kicked in on all other goods. I’ve mentioned ‘kiasu’ before, but for those who don’t know what it means and can’t be bothered clicking that link and scrolling down, here’s the definition:

kiasu

ˈkjɑːsuː/

adjective

1. (of a person) having a grasping or selfish attitude arising from a fear of missing out on something: “kiasu parents enrol their kids in more and more tuition classes.”

noun

1. a grasping, selfish attitude.

Origin: From Hokkien (驚輸 POJ: kiaⁿ-su, kiaⁿ-si); literally: “afraid to lose”

Despite being told time and time again to stay calm and that hoarding goods wasn’t at all necessary, people started taking all of the items on the shelves that they could possibly fit in their car and filled up rooms in their homes to the point that they could start up their own convenience stores. However, if you take a look at the videos in that link, you will see that for some there wasn’t a whole lot of logic involved, especially the people who were essentially just stocking up on condiments and expensive, auspicious foodstuffs. Of course, this idea backfired for a lot of people when it became clear that supermarkets weren’t going to close, especially for those who had stashed perishables and then later had their requests for refunds rejected when their food rotted, as fresh vegetables tend to do over time.

It was Friday, February 14 when we flew out to Mexico and California, going through all of the temperature screenings again as we left Singapore, but absolutely no safety measures whatsoever when we arrived at LAX. When we were to fly back from the US to Singapore more than a week later, after stocking up on hand sanitiser in San Diego, another commodity rapidly becoming in short supply in Singapore at the time, we drove to the airport and were herded into large groups and searched for drugs going out of Los Angeles, but still they didn’t particularly seem all that bothered by people’s health. Kind of unusual, because not long after we had returned to Singapore, a couple of my friends here were put under 14-days home quarantine because one of them had been to the same gym on the same day as a reported Covid-19 case. This action wasn’t taken lightly by the Singapore government, either, as they were subjected to multiple random visits and calls throughout the day without warning, the phone calls requesting they send their GPS coordinates to confirm they hadn’t left the house. In the most Singaporean story possible, one of the first people charged under the Infectious Disease act with breaching a mandatory stay-home notice was a man who was being quarantined for 14 days at home after returning from Myanmar, but felt he just needed to go out and eat bak kuh teh, a regional pork rib soup dish. In a sign of how seriously the Singapore government is taking its quarantine measures, the case went to court, he will be sentenced on April 23, and the Deputy Public Prosecutor Kenneth Chin urged the court to sentence him to at least 10 to 12 weeks’ jail to “reflect the seriousness of the offence” and deter others from committing a similar act! In slightly more subtle measures, Anna developed a runny nose 13 days after our return to Singapore so she had to go to the hospital for a rather painful nasal swab and then we waited until the next day for the results, hoping there wouldn’t be any men in hazmat suits knocking on our door to take us away. The results came back clear, but she was still given five days mandatory sick leave, all because we had been overseas in the previous 14 days.

Temperature checks when entering any public building in Singapore became the norm in mid to late February so even if you went to a shopping mall, you would be screened and then certified with a sticker placed on the sleeve of your clothing to confirm your temperature was in a healthy range. This made shopping in major areas kind of amusing, because you could look at a person’s clothes and see how many different malls they had visited, some of the more obsessive shoppers appearing as if a game of Connect-4 had been played on them. It was Tuesday, March 24 that it was announced that the beginning of the end had officially begun — As of the Thursday, March 26, all entertainment outlets, nightclubs, bars, places of worship, attractions, and tuition centres would be closed and a S$10,000 (US$7000.00) fine and/or six months imprisonment penalty put in place for offending operators, however, eateries could remain open, meaning you could still go out for a drink if the venue was licensed as a restaurant and wasn’t showing anything on screens or playing music. This entertainment closure even specifically included “Axe-Throwing Centres,” something I didn’t even know was a thing here. In fact, I can’t recall ever even having seen an axe for sale in Singapore, let alone someone throwing one! Boy, is my finger not on the pulse:

A huge blow to the axe-throwing industry

Social distancing measures were brought in as well at that time, there needed to be a space of one metre (3’4″) between people and groups hanging out together could consist of no more than 10 individuals and they were still required to be spaced a metre apart. We knew at that time the end was near and then it happened. The Prime Minister gave a formal announcement on Friday, April 3 saying that as of Tuesday, April 7 a “circuit breaker” would be put into place for at least four weeks and that is where we are now. What’s this circuit breaker I hear you ask in your internal monologue? Well, it is a stricter set of laws that means all non-essential business and workplaces are closed, schools are also closed and have become home-based learning, and any food and drink establishment has become takeaway or delivery only. To add to all of this, everybody is required to stay at home except for essential tasks such as buying necessary goods, dog-walking, or forms of solo exercise and if you do leave your abode, there is a S$300.00 (US$210.00) fine for not wearing a face mask when you do so, increasing after the first offence. For a little perspective, Florida Govenor Ron DeSantis has extended “essential services” to include professional wrestling matches of all things. Anna had managed to purchase some masks online for us when the outbreak first happened and the government also delegated four reusable masks per person per household, but the reusable masks are just too small for me; my big nose makes the mask painfully pull my ears forward, while the surface area of the mask only allows me to speak through clenched teeth like a ventriloquist, otherwise my aforementioned massive nose pops out over the top. Fortunately for us, the circuit breaker was announced with a few days warning so we had time to think of some hobbies to fill in our homestay. I enjoy art and have always loved Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting, every episode of which is currently available on YouTube, so I showed Anna a couple of episodes and she was keen to take up landscape painting, however, we have recently sold our apartment, yet are still staying in it and I can’t see us successfully being able to paint all that cleanly so she opted for sewing instead. This meant going to Spotlight to buy some supplies and a sewing machine to get started, also finding that they sold wall art of a dog that eerily resembled ours in the process, and while we were in the mall I decided to purchase a PS4 so I could play video games in between tasks, chores, and errands while Anna was making Tim-sized masks among other things. The only problem was that, while the rest of the world had only recently caught up and were panic-buying toilet paper, Singaporeans had moved on to purchasing emergency gaming consoles. They were sold out everywhere! We still got the sewing machine, as well as a case of beer and some other groceries, but those larger items in a trolley with some stuff from the supermarket would have given the impression to others that we were doomsday prepping too. The following day was the last feeling of freedom we would experience for at least a month so I walked into town to visit Funan, a mall specialising in electronics, with the intention of buy a PS4, but it was impossible to find one anywhere, the stores had just resorted to putting signs out the front saying that all consoles were sold out, they even had very few games, so all hope was lost… or so I thought. The last store I tried was Best, a chain of electronics stores, and I saw a display box in a cabinet so I thought I may as well ask, only to be met with a reply of “sold out.” Upon closer inspection, it appeared as if the security seal was still on the box so I asked the elderly man working in that department if I could see the box in the cabinet and the look on the employees’ collective faces confirmed my suspicions, I may have found one of the very last PlayStations in Singapore, complete with five games including an old favourite of mine, Grand Theft Auto V. I took it over to a younger, dumbfounded cashier, he opened up the box and told me that the membership included would have expired so he knocked an extra S$50.00 (US$35.00) off the price, an action that was met with death-stares from all of the other male customers in my immediate vicinity. I tried to play it down by blatantly lying and saying that the PS4 was for my non-existent son, but that didn’t really clear the air with the other shoppers. A few scenes from the days before the circuit breaker kicked in:

The line in front of me at the butcher just so I can buy meat for our dog…

…and the line behind me

Whomever is responsible for creating example pieces at Spotlight Singapore should be fired!

I don’t recall having anyone come into our apartment to take photos recently, except for a real estate agent

It really does look like I’m hoarding stuff…

…but there’s a slab and a sewing machine in there

Things are looking bleak

Even if I were lucky, not a whole lot available in the way of games, either

These masks simply don’t fit

So, since we’ve been put on a stay at home notice, Anna and I have both been collectively losing our minds and we’re only a little over a week in. After we went grocery shopping we decided to clean out our cupboards and fridge to store food more easily and that’s when we realised that we probably should’ve cleared out our kitchen a lot earlier. Besides many other outdated goods, we found some baking soda that expired in 2015, a bottle of Sriracha sauce that was so old that it had turned dark brown, and some grated cheese in the freezer that should’ve been thrown out more than two years ago. However, after a little research we discovered that the cheese expiry only counts if it’s stored sealed in the fridge, but frozen, grated mozzarella lasts indefinitely so I later used it to cook with and we’re still here. The next day I plugged in the PS4, downloaded NBA 2K20, and tried to create my own player by scanning my face and it does resemble me, but only if I had recently suffered a stroke, mainly due to the fact that I was staring into a light while doing the facial scanning. It’s still a bit of fun, though. The last major event was that eight days into quarantine there was an internet outage islandwide, but Anna thought it may have just been our place so she tried the old adage of “turn it off and on again” to get the modem restarted. The only problem was that she didn’t turn the devices off individually, she decided to just turn everything off at the wall, an event that stopped our TV from working again. Initially we thought she may have blown a fuse, but when a repairman was able to come over three hours later with us sans internet or TV, we were informed that the circuitboard was burnt out, would need to be replaced for a substantial amount of cash, and wouldn’t be ready for another four days. We do have a second older and smaller TV that we are now using in the meantime, but its screen is pretty burnt out too, with weird, snowy white patches all over it and only watchable from directly in front, otherwise appearing to be a cloudy version of a negative picture. Cool. Some of the latest images from our quarantine:

Our five-year old baking soda

This was about three years past its date, too

The internet outage that resulted in Anna killing our TV

The old replacement TV when viewed from the front

Now viewed from the side

The side view adjusted for angle

If you’ve made it this far through the story of living in Singapore during Covid-19, then congratulations. The beginning of this post says that we made some amusing and interesting discoveries during the pandemic thus far so here they are, my equivalent of tl;dr for this post:

Don’t have unprotected sex with animals, wild or otherwise, if you want to avoid contracting the coronavirus

A large portion of the Covid-19 virus in Singapore was initially more than likely spread by a hooker

Eating bak kuh teh has the potential to land you in jail

Axe-throwing is a game here

People panic-buy gaming consoles in Singapore too

Some also tried to return hoarded goods for a refund when they rotted

Frozen cheese lasts indefinitely

Florida classes pro-wrestling as an “essential service”

Watching our current TV is how people with cataracts would probably experience it

There’s at least almost three more weeks left of quarantine officially remaining here and I still think that is a little optimistic so I’m almost certain there will be a sequel to this post. In the meantime, to give you something to which you can look forward, I came up with an idea that I am certain someone else would’ve thought of as well — Although I’m not a particularly hairy person, I’m not going to shave or cut my hair until I’m allowed to hang out with friends in public again, and I will take a photo in the same pose as an earlier one to show the results of my complete lack of hard work, a la the Beatles:

(image source)

Dealing with Covid-19 has been a trying time, but we've made some interesting and amusing discoveries in the process The year 2020 was initially going to be an epic one for Anna and myself with a ton of travelling involved, due solely to the fact that a lot of ophthalmological conferences and other eye-related organisations wanted to take advantage of the potential for 20/20 vision puns.

#circuit breaker #coronavirus #covid-19 #fun facts #observation #pandemic

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