#plus did you know 30 hours a week is only considered part time? THAT'S BULLSHIT

[shunukitrash]

Status update: AGHHHHHHHHHHH

#vent #im still alive #just suffering #the wifi is out wo i finally had to update my data plan #and for some reason on viruzon tumblr ZAPS data super fucking quick so i have to be super careful and it sucks #plus the muffler on my dad's car fucking fell off which means i cant practice driving AND i have to bug my mom to pick me up from work #i fucking hate living with men this is parhetic #plus did you know 30 hours a week is only considered part time? THAT'S BULLSHIT #ugh fuck i think i might have to ask for more hours at work #tldr: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[troglobite]

lasdfjlaksdfj

occasionally something will remind me of the Bloodlust that lurks beneath by weak pathetic surface

this cr/ator cl/sh 2 thing i suddenly cared abt bc i knew a few ppl in it and parts of it kinda kicked ass

now here i am

having spent a few days just like

"...what would it take for me to train to that level and be able to fight like that. what would it take."

my conclusion:

at least a year and a half with a physical therapist, a dr, and then ALSO a trainer--and likely a nutritionist who specializes in The Things That Are Wrong With Me in a NON-FATPHOBIC WAY

and i would have to have some kind of securing around my ribs and EVERY SINGLE JOINT taped up to protect against subluxes.

bc i gotta be honest, i miss being A Threat.

i was never in shape able to actually beat someone up

but i could throw a fucking punch correctly and with power.

i did cardio kickboxing and i could go an hour and be MORE energized. I MISS IT.

various things i would LOVE to do:

be a group exercise instructor

be a burlesque performer

play rugby

learn actual kickboxing or tae kwon do

things that i really shouldn't do, considering the hEDS:

everything i just listed above. except maybe the first two i could find some wiggle room.

but for real i just.

my therapist uncovered that i LOVE performance and all things associated. it makes me feel ALIVE.

the thing that i have uncovered is this:

i am a generally angry person. i get angry for ppl. for myself. i get annoyed at things. i complain a lot.

and i think it's bc.

i have a bloodlust, but i'm genuinely very kind and afraid of hurting ppl, so i need permission, consent, and guidelines/rules so that it's all above board.

but the problem is.

i have been so severely fucking nerfed

that my body is incapable of releasing that BLOODLUST.

i'm literally like if you took godzilla and shrunk it into a 20-year-old chihuahua.

I MUST DESTROY

but i am tiny bork and it's croaky bc i'm old and wobbly :(

and my mom suggested i should do violent video games and i was like NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. i need the physical sensation and ADRENALINE AND MUSCLE PUMPING POWER of doing something IN REAL LIFE. video games take away ALL of the pleasure and physical fulfillment and leave ONLY the SCARY ADRENALINE AND STRESS. they do not help!!! I MUST CRUSH!

plus! the whole performance thing i think is part of it! i don't wanna play a game by myself! i want someone or something in the world to be MATERIALLY AFFECTED BY MY ACTIONS. IN A COOL WAY. VIOLENCE!!!!!

it's absolutely bullshit and i feel like i live every day of my life wanting to do incredible ridiculous feats of physical prowess

i want to see how hard i can punch someone

i want to see how hard i can KICK someone

i wanna see how hard i can stand GETTING hit (with practice and skill)

how hard can i fall and still get back up to kick someone's ass?

i want to know what that feels like

but i am nearing 30 and freshly chronically ill and disabled, so it's basically. not in the cards.

and i am.

kind of really sad abt that.

it's frustrating bc like--

i mean i did gymnastics for a while as a kid.

the problem is that my inner ear/vestibular sense is VERY easily fucked up. i cannot do things where my body has to do flips.

but kicking and punching and dodging? even tackling? oh baby THAT i can do.

as long as my head stays oriented in the Normal Upright Position for the majority of the Situation, and i don't have to spin around 100 times in a row (i love you figure skating, but i would literally explode), i'm golden.

and so i stare wistfully from my bed

the same bed where

after laying on my side for abt an hour

i stood up and immediately subluxed a rip and cramped a muscle

that two weeks later is still not quite back to normal

and i just think abt how incredible it would feel to be a short fat half mexican genderqueer lesbian

and just.

kick some motherfuckers' asses

my god i wish. i WANT.

I WANT DESPERATELY.

i am LITERALLY the meme "i crave violence, mother"

I DO.

I CRAVE IT.

AND I TALKED TO MY MOM ABT IT TONIGHT!!!

someone pls help me i want to commit legal and consensual acts of aggression and violence but my body is falling apart please help me solve the issue

206 bones that don't like staying in place

100% fucked up collagen that doesn't wanna grow or work right

1 immune system that says AHHHHHHHHHH 24/7

1 billion(? unclear) mast cells that also go AHHHHHHHHH 24/7

100% muscles that want to commit acts of violence

can someone who is an expert please tell me where i went wrong i would like to punch someone

also to wrap this up i'm going to emphasize something that may have gotten buried:

i crave physical aggression and manual labor and violence

but only within: set boundaries, in situations where we're actually all safe, and we've all consented and given permission to go nuts, but within the given guidelines and expectations, and nothing more.

i mean even the simplest thing

i think it would be really fun to be a landscaper

HOWEVER

allergies and mcas

phobias

hEDS

autism and sensory processing disorder (bad textures and sounds)

PLEASE LET ME HAVE FUN!!!

NOWADAYS THE MOST ENJOYMENT I GET IS LIFTING HEAVY PACKAGES OR THE FULL BOTTLE OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT!!!!

SOMEONE LET ME FIGHT!!!!!!!

[soldierswar]

Sick

            Dad! Bucky X Reader (Fluff)

TW: None. Pure fluff.

Note!!!!: This is a two part series. You could read this as the first one, and use the second one (Oh Baby) as a prologue. Or, you could read the fic mentioned as the first one in the series. It’s up to you, but this one was just uploaded first.

Plot: You wake up ill. And so does your two-year-old Frankie. You’re pretty sure that you two woke up having the same type of illness...At least you think you did.

         You woke up, sick.

           One moment you were fine; and within the next 10 seconds, you found yourself with your head in the bowl.

           You took a minute, rested on your knees, and suddenly felt your husband dotingly stroking and pulling your long hair back.

           “I thought you were asleep,” you croaked

           “Super soldier senses,” he replied.

           “You seem to keep forgetting.”

           You shrugged right before continue retching all of the non-existent contents of your stomach.

           Finally, you felt it was over. Thank God.

           “You need anything?” he asked.

           “Water? Juice?”

           You opted in for one of your daughter’s juice boxes. He left the room and made his way downstairs to get it.

           After putting yourself back together you figured you better actually check on your two-year-old munchkin in her bedroom. She was quieter than normal this late in the morning, and you wondered if you should be concerned.

           You walked across the hall and opened the door to find that she wasn’t in her bed.

           You hoped that she hadn’t gotten into a quietly mischievous mood, and had just taken a ride downstairs in daddy’s arms.

           You quickly shuffled down to the kitchen only to find Frankie sitting on the edge of the counter, and Bucky holding the ear thermometer to take her temperature.

           “Mommy,” she whined, weakly, not seconds before vomiting grape juice onto the floor.

           “100.1,” Bucky announced.

            You pouted and made your way to her to comfort her. She was too weak to say anything, or cry. She just laid her head on your chest as you rubbed her back.

           “She really wasn’t looking too hot when I checked on her this morning.”

           “I can imagine, she’s usually bouncing off the walls by now,” You replied, softly rocking her side to side.

           You looked down at her pale face and noticed her eyes were closed, and her breath steady. She was already asleep.

           “Here, let me take her upstairs,” you said.

           “No, let me go,” Bucky protested.

           “You were sick not even ten minutes ago.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t love how much he cared about you. But it was just those times when he treated you like a weak little flower that made you livid every now and again. Especially considering the fact that you trained new agents to go out on assignments the way you did out in the field before you got pregnant.

           “It’s not like she’s a 200lb barbell. I can carry my daughter up the stairs.”

           “Juice box. Now,” Bucky ordered.

           You rolled your eyes and opted to just go get cleaning supplies for the mess that was now on the floor.

            As you walked toward the closet, you had an intrusive thought. A thought that you weren’t exactly proud of having. But considering the fact that you had gotten sick first thing in the morning made you a little bit nervous the moment after it happened.

You weren’t saying you were the worst mother in the world. But…considering the fact that you had to hold back a smile on your way to the supply closet, you figured you were definitely nowhere near even the bottom of the list for the ‘Mother of The Year’ candidacy.

           Of course, there was no way that you liked seeing your baby like this. You hated feeling so helpless knowing that there was nothing to do but give her medicine and wait for her to recover. The first thing you had to do at the moment was to bring the fever down. But you knew now, that you both just had a bug.

…

           Oh, you caught a bug alright. A tiny human bug. One that you had specifically caught from your husband. You were wrong. You and Frankie did not have anywhere near the same kind of sickness at all.

           You stared at the little plus signs on all 4 pregnancy tests that you peed on.

           “Well so much for that fucking IUD,” you sighed.

           When you thought about it, you really had been ignoring some of the obvious signs. Last time, you didn’t realize you were pregnant until you were 12 weeks along. And thanks to that failed IUD, you really hadn’t suspected a thing. You hadn’t gained much if any weight in your belly area, and it even took another 2 months for you to even start showing. To be fair, you had no idea what it was like to be pregnant at the time so it was hard to figure out.

This time, you figured you had just gained a little of weight because you were eating too much pizza. Granted…last time you craved pizza that often, you had a newborn Frankie in your arms not too long later.

The need to buy more Pedialyte, Motrin, and crackers (the crackers mostly for you), made getting out of the house to go the pharmacy so late in the evening so much easier. Now you didn’t have to give a bullshit excuse to Bucky, so he didn’t suspect a thing. Granted, you were going to have to tell him the news very soon.

You walked upstairs towards Frankie’s door which was cracked open. You peered into the bedroom with dimmed lights to find Bucky laying propped up against the headboard on your daughters’ bed, cradling her tiny form, and reading her a Harry Potter book. She comfortably listened while sipping on Pedialyte infused grape juice.

You really did try to get her into little bunny, and teddy bear picture books. But after she turned two, she didn’t care for those kinds of things. So, you had decided to try a chapter book as a joke and found by accident that she responded to that method incredibly well. You were sure that it wasn’t necessarily that she wanted more complex plotlines, or even understood that the storyline was even about. But, she probably just really didn’t care for the visual stimulation and preferred hearing daddy’s voice while her head rested on his chest. A feeling that you could wholeheartedly relate to.

You backed away not wanting to disturb them and crept your way back downstairs.

On your way down, you couldn’t help but feel your heart melt beyond measure at the sight of Bucky taking care of your precious baby so attentively, and so well. And not necessarily just throughout this day when he noticed right away that she was lethargically ill; but how he was with her since the day she was born. Even earlier when he took good care of you during the good, and difficult days of your pregnancy.

Thinking about this made you realize that there was no reason to fear what or who was coming along next. You had no reason to even feel scared to tell him about another incredibly unplanned child coming into the picture.

…

           After about 30 minutes, James came back down into the dimly lit kitchen to find you sitting on the edge of the marble island counter getting to your emails from your students.  

           “Sorry I was up there so long,” he said.

           “She fell asleep and, and I didn’t have the heart to move her for a bit.”

           You smiled. A result of your heart melting furthermore. It was enough to make you want to cry.

           “You need anything, doll?”

           You shook your head and outstretched my arms for him to come closer to you for a big hug.

           “You know I never doubted that you’d be an amazing dad,” you said, softly with the right side of your face resting on his chest.  

           “Even when we found out about Frankie so far into my pregnancy despite swearing we never wanted kids. And yet, the moment I saw the look in your eyes when you saw our little one on that t ultrasound screen before I even had the courage to look, I feared that I couldn’t be nearly as great a parent as you would be.”

           He pulled away and stared lovingly into your eyes.

           “I knew you’d be a good mom when you took care of that three-year-old Russian girl that you saved during that one mission in Ukraine five years ago,” he replied.

           “She wouldn’t talk to anybody but you, and when I saw the bond you two had created within an hour. I knew right then that if you were to become a mother, you’d be the most amazing one. And I was right.”

           He cupped your face in his hands and kissed you on the forehead.

           “So…” You found yourself pausing.  

           You took his hands away from your face and held onto them, nervously fidgeting with his fingers.

           “Have you ever thought about what would happen if we had another one?”

           You looked up to see his expression. His left eyebrow was raised.

           “Well I sure thought about it this morning,” he shrugged.

           You narrowed your eyes watching that faint little smirk of his start to creep up.

           “So, you figured out that I was preg-”

           “Of course, I did, (Y/N).” he interrupted.

           “And you’re okay with this?” You asked, nervously.

“Even though it was supposed to be a one in a million chance that it happened again?”

           “(Y/N)…if that’s the ratio is a million to one, then we’ve definitely reached the threshold for that one after the million.”

           You smacked him on the arm and giggled.

                       “Of course, I’m happy, (Y/N),” he whispered against your lips while keeping his flesh hand on your belly before reaching down to kiss it.

           “But watch this one be born within the next two months,” he teased. It was definitely a hyperbolic shade to the fact that you had no idea Franky existed until 12 weeks into your term. You wouldn’t have even known if you hadn’t to gone to the med-bay for a sprained ankle you had acquired during a training session.

           You rolled your eyes and once again collapsed your head onto his chest.

           “You’re lucky I love you, Barnes,” you groaned.

           I love you too, Barnes.”

(Ps. Thank you for reading this fluff piece. It made me smile the whole time I was writing it. I love you guys. Also, I’m about to start writing another fic about Frankie being a newborn. Message me if you want me to tag you in it.)

#Dad Bucky #BuckyXReader #Y/N #Reader X Bucky #Cute Bucky #Buckyxreader fluff #Bucky fluff #Winter Soldier #Winter Soldier fluff #Marvel Fluff #Marvel fanfiction #Bucky fanfiction #Winter Soldier Fanfiction #Bucky Barnes Fluff #Bucky x Reader fluff #Buckyxpregnant reader

[theritualofourexistence]

[hyper]tension

There are so many things I could be writing about right now. 

I’ve chosen to stick with one of the things I know best for this post.

Did you guess “body image issues and the problem of narrowly defining the concept of health?” 

If so: a cookie for you! 

A handful of pictures popped up in my Timehop from 12 whole years ago that gave me pause the other day.

Sometimes when I see older pictures of myself I am overwhelmed by how different I look now... in a bad way. I see myself in those pictures as thin and beautiful and I see myself now as a sausage monster stuffed into bike shorts. 

The more I sit with and work on my body image issues, the more I have noticed healthier thinking habits developing. Let me be clear, this has been an incredibly slow process. But seeing those changes is something I am really encouraged by... and it makes the every day body image fight have some measurable value. 

I can say with confidence that, at 200 pounds, my body image is currently the best it has ever been.

That has nothing to do with the specific number on the scale and everything to do with working really hard over a lot of years to understand that neither “beauty” or “health” are inherently defined as “thin.” A fundamental pillar of that understanding is that you cannot separate mental health from the concept of general health. 

Mainstream culture does this. 

Mainstream culture wants you to believe that it’s your weight or your BMI that determines whether or not you are healthy.

That is bullshit. 

Here are the pictures of me from 12 years ago. We were moving my high school boyfriend into his freshman dorm for his first year of college. I don’t think any of the people in these photos will mind me sharing them in the context of this blog post. 

I am *THIN* in these pictures.

I am 17.

Apart from a very clear warning sign that I was already developing horrible posture, I noticed a couple of things right away about these pictures when I was looking at them the other day.

My shirt is a size small or extra small. 

I am holding my arm across my stomach in the fourth picture because I do not think I am *thin enough* to be wearing that shirt. 

I may have been a thin 17-year-old. But I was not healthy.

I was physically fit.

I played soccer for three out of four seasons of the year.

But I was not healthy.

I know I wasn’t healthy because I was about to embark on my senior year of high school during which I would, at times, only allow myself one and a half meals per day. Sometimes that one meal would be pasta. Other times that one meal would be a bag of dark chocolate peanut M&Ms and a Mountain Dew. Other times it would be a gallon of strawberries. Other times it would be a family pack of Twizzlers.

My body in those pictures might look healthy. 

But appearance is not an appropriate indicator of health. 

The two times in my adult life that I have been the thinnest have also been the times in my life where I have struggled the most with body image and disordered eating. 

After I escaped the abusive relationship of my freshman year of college, I gained around 20 pounds.

The following summer, I exercised for an hour every day and ate only pickles and Greek yogurt (separately, of course, don’t be gross). 

I lost 30 pounds.

That was also not healthy.

Fast forward a handful of years to 2015. 

I start an anti-depressant. 

Over the course of the next two years I gain around 50 pounds.

Today, in the spirit of full disclosure (and because the numbers don’t mean shit), my weight fluctuates between 190 and 200. 

I am obese.

A mathematical algorithm used to determine BMI has labeled me “obese.” 

My clothing sizes vary day to day thanks to IBS-related bloating but I’m somewhere around a 14-16. 

Do you know the cut-off for plus sizes? 

It’s 14. 

So, I am an obese, plus-sized woman.

The numbers aren’t very polite, are they?

Within the last two years I was diagnosed with severe iron-deficiency anemia.

I committed to correcting that with a number of lifestyle changes including taking supplements and adding iron-heavy foods to my diet. I took Vitamin C to boost my absorption. On days I took the supplement I had no coffee, no tea, no dairy, and no acid-reducer meds. In 6 very committed months, I resolved my iron issues, for the most part. We have since learned that the daily stomach medicine I take may be affecting my iron absorption so, although I am no longer taking supplements, I am taking a daily vitamin to help maintain a healthy level of iron. 

That story is about health.

I had a health issue and I developed a strategy to resolve the issue, being sure to consider my mental health as well. 

I have worked really, really hard to consider my HEALTH instead of my WEIGHT.

This obese, plus-sized woman exercises for around an hour every day. She does not drink alcohol or soda. She is aware of what she eats and is careful to eat when she’s hungry and stop when she’s full. 

One of the ways I know my thinking is healthier is that when I look at bathing suits on Target’s website, I have started to consider their plus-sized models “normal.” 

The average size of an American woman based on the most recent data is between sizes 18 and 20. 

I spent over twenty years unable to see an average-sized woman as beautiful.

Even though the clothing industry has labeled me “plus-sized,” if anything, I am “slightly less than average-sized.” 

In this post, I’m sure my thinking seems sort of piece-meal and disconnected.

In my head, thin-ness and health and body image and eating and exercise and cultural interpretations of beauty are all smashed into one big Frankenstein’s creation. 

For a long, long time I did not consider plus-sized or average-sized women to be beautiful solely because they were not thin.

When I was thin (and not healthy), I know that I considered people of that size, the average size, to be unhealthy.

I am at a point in my life where my habits are the healthiest they have been and my mental health regarding my body image is also the healthiest it has been.

And I weigh 200 pounds. 

You cannot look at a person and have any idea how healthy they are. 

You cannot look at a BMI or a number on a scale and judge a person’s health accordingly. 

I have worked with people who are suicidal who are thin and people who are suicidal who are not thin.

Health cannot be separated from mental health.

Can you be too thin? Absolutely. Your body needs a certain amount of fat and muscle to function properly. Can you be too big? Absolutely. Risks for all kinds of delightfully chronic and fatal conditions increase with weight gain.

Can you be big and be healthy? Yes. 

I know because I am those things.

If you exercise, if you are aware of what you eat and are careful to not over-eat, if you get the vitamins you need, if you prioritize balancing mental health and physical health, if you get enough sleep, “healthy” is within reach for everyone. 

If I ever write a book, it will be about balancing mental health and physical health. Because for basically my entire adult life, I’ve focused on one or the other and that does not work. I promise that if I do write a book, it’ll be better organized than this zig-zaggy blog post.

We have to push back against the cultural tendency to keep mental health separate from our definitions of general health. 

We have to push back against the cultural tendency to define health by how a person looks.

You are not “healthy” if you are not physically healthy.

But you are also not “healthy” if you are not mentally healthy.

And sometimes, especially if you have a tendency toward body dysmorphia or disordered eating, the healthiest option is not to focus on weight loss or buy into a fad diet plan. 

I am not trying to lose weight.

I am trying to be healthy.

And, you could argue, I’m not trying to lose weight BECAUSE I am trying to be healthy.

Trying to lose weight feeds mental illness for me. And that is not healthy.

This blog post is brought to you by a lot of years of working really hard to understand myself. My specific approach to managing my health may not work for you, but I challenge anyone reading this to take a moment and think about whether or not you are giving balanced consideration to physical and mental health. Because, even if our specific situations are different, balancing mental and physical health is the only path to being healthy. For me, for you, for everyone.

This blog post is also brought to you by a new health hurdle that has been laid in my lap over the past few weeks.

I have high blood pressure.

Chronic hypertension runs in my family, so I have a predisposition for high blood pressure. I have not been aware of having it at all in the past but thanks to my mom’s new blood pressure machine, I am aware of it now. 

Learning that I have high blood pressure instigated a bit of a breakdown. 

For a lot of the reasons I have already mentioned.

I’m working really hard to be healthy by balancing my mental and physical health. So why, if both those things are headed in the right direction, does my body not seem to agree?

Well, genetics will do that.

In the name of health, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. We talked about the typical “lifestyle changes” that would be recommended for someone my age with high blood pressure.

I am already doing all of them. 

There are things I cannot control, however, that are affecting my mental health right now. I am carrying a lot of stress about the upcoming election. I am carrying a lot of stress about Black people being disproportionately arrested, charged, jailed, and killed by police as part of a system of oppression that I would very much like to have a part in dismantling. I am carrying a lot of stress about the pandemic that has killed 170,000 Americans. I have spent 7-8 years learning how to manage my stress. Those tools were not intended to work in situations like this.

So, my doctor and I made a plan to monitor my blood pressure, to try do more meditation and progressive relaxation, to eliminate processed snacks from my everyday diet (on occasion is still allowed), and to start doing some basic weight exercises with my cardio. 

Blood pressure is a really good example of why a healthy approach requires balancing mental and physical health. 

I’ve checked the physical health boxes for blood pressure management. 

And things beyond my control are preventing me from checking the mental health boxes for blood pressure management.

And also, genetics.

With the help of my doctor, I’ve developed a plan that considers both my physical and mental health and only time will tell if that has an impact on my blood pressure. For what it’s worth, my doctor is optimistic. Part of the reason my doctor is optimistic is because I am healthy.

To clarify, being healthy does not mean that my IBS has gone away, it just means I am treating my IBS with diet and medicine. 

Being healthy does not mean my anxiety has gone away, it just means I am in control of my anxiety.

I would not be healthy if I was unable to manage my IBS. 

But I would also not be healthy if I was unable to manage my anxiety. 

I would not be healthy if I had not figured out the value of balancing physical and mental health. 

Just like I found a way to overcome my iron-deficiency anemia, I will find a way to overcome my high blood pressure. It may require new medication and lifestyle changes, but by giving adequate consideration to both my physical and mental health, I have no doubt that I will eventually find a healthy solution to push myself over this hurdle as well.

Gonna wrap this up with a poor quality mirror-selfie I took this morning when I tried on a new bathing suit. This is a (headless) picture of a 200-pound, obese, plus-sized, healthy person.

#bopo #body positive #body image #health #mental health #physical health #disordered eating #body dysmorphia #fat #thin #obese #healthy #weight #weight loss #diet culture #hypertension #hypertensive #high blood pressure #anxiety

[prorevenge]

Shady business owners don't like it when you call regulators.

Used to work in private security (rent-a-cop/bacon bits jokes go here). When I was first hired on, thought the company was fairly upstanding yadda yadda because the owner and I would bullshit a little about our respective military careers. "A guy who used to be in pararescue can't be that bad, right?"

First year was relatively normal security work, mostly fixed post (think Walmart door greeter but with a badge and handcuffs) and general "I'll tackle you if you steal things, but otherwise I'm just a breathing security camera" stuff. About a year in, I finish all of my qualifications for armed work and get assigned to patrol. Patrol is basically private police: companies would hire us to make rounds and respond to things at their locations (mostly apartment complexes, and mostly noise complaints or occasionally towing off cars and such, but occasionally managing residents during a fire or breaking up disturbances).

The company handled pay in a kinda wonky manner. Twice a month (on the 1st and 15th) we got paid for two weeks worth of work, and every now and again (it seemed like whenever they felt like it was getting too far behind) we'd get an extra paycheck slipped in with our normal one. I got my first paycheck five weeks after starting, and there was a point where we were receiving December checks in February. Pay rates were determined by the type of work: entry level stuff made $7/hour, more advanced made $8, and armed paid $10. Raises were available on top of that (for the record, I worked there for 3 years and never got a raise, and the two people I know who got raises each got 25¢ an hour after 4 years, also all of this was during a $5.15 minimum wage). Patrol required armed officers but paid as advanced, but was also a guaranteed 42 hours a week on a set schedule (three 12 hour days, a 6 hour day, and three days off) so most of us didn't really complain.

Moving up into patrol taught me a lot about the company that I didn't know. I figured the owner was a little sexist (ex-military types tend to be) but the depths of his sexism caught me a little off-guard. And then there's the racism. I'm Latino but I look white (because I avoid sun like the plague and got my bone structure from my [white] mother's side), though my surname is a dead giveaway: there's a state in Mexico to which I'm apparently related (must be a distant relative on Abuelita's side). I was apparently good enough to be on patrol, but not promotable (even though I worked my fucking ass off, even though supervisors routinely recommended me for promotion) for some reason. Or the fact that we had one black guy on staff, and he was fired for something that other people got away with. The female officer who was assigned the easiest shift because "it's all she can handle" and "this way, it's obvious I'm trying to work with the women." Those are as close to verbatim quotes as I can recall. Or the time he held a contest between patrols for excellence and canceled it after 2 months...two months in which it happened that the female officer won once and took second once, and the Mexican dude won once and took second once. Between those two months, I made an extra $30 in gas cards. WOOO! /s

For frame of reference, here are a couple of things white dudes did that they didn't get fired for: hitting 120mph in a company car in a 40mph zone (after over a year of doing 20+ over), carrying a gun without the proper permit, blatant sexual harassment, admitting to skipping stops on a route and just sending the business a false statement, writing racist slogans on the front of company-provided TASER cartridges (Homie Down is the one I remember), tasing people without proper justification, sleeping on the job, working drunk, etc.

I also learned about how they screwed over clients: this company pays for 12 hours of continuous patrol between their three properties, but the owners want more money so that route also covers 5 apartment complexes and handles cash drops for a couple of stores. Another business pays us $1M a year for 5.5 hours per weeknight and 7.5 hours per weekend night (approximately $450 per hour) and that route jumps off property like clockwork every night to take care of 3-5 other properties at specified times, leaving that client without their only security at key times. This group of apartment complexes pays for 1 hour on property per night, might get half of that if the night is slow because of the workload.

And then he decided to fuck over his staff (more). Patrol was offered a salary (that was 10% less than the minimum legal salary), with the strong implication that if we wanted any hours at all we'd take it. Once we were all salaried (or gone), things shifted over to 48 hour weeks. I did the math at one point and realized that if I watched a movie at the theater and ate twice at fast food on every day off, it was still cheaper for me to not work than to work (because of gas and food while working, considering I walked about 12-15 miles every night as part of the patrols, which requires a fairly brisk pace, which requires calories galore). But if you were scheduled off and they called you in, you either accepted the extra hours or you got chewed out, and if you made a habit of saying no you'd get written up for anything they could think of.

Then one of my colleagues got into an accident at work. He was hospitalized for like 9 days, ended up making a full recovery. But he was in the company car, so according to the company he was responsible for paying the $2500 insurance deductible. I'd had it at that point. I borrowed some money from my mother to talk to a labor attorney. Best $200 I ever spent.

Attorney gave me three pieces of advice:

If there's a problem with the way we're being paid, talk to the labor board.

My colleague was not on the hook for the car. That's why the company had insurance. It wasn't our fault that he was too cheap to spring for a lower deductible.

Document everything, but keep my name out of anything.

I passed word to the injured colleague about the insurance thing, and he lawyered up pretty much immediately (his family had enough money that he didn't have to work). I also made a not-so-anonymous phone call to the state labor board (asking that they not reveal it was me). 3 weeks later, I'm in the office handling post-shift paperwork when the rep comes in. I GTFOed as fast as I possibly could. I didn't want to be there for that whole thing.

Fast forward about 6 months, and the labor board has finished their investigation. Turns out that the salary was in fact too low to be legally allowable, but also that our positions were not legally eligible for salary anyway. So all of those 48/60/72+ hour weeks were full of overtime. Unpaid overtime. Unpaid overtime on which we were owed interest. Also, requiring patrol to be armed but not paying them armed rates wasn't legal (based on the employment contract, any work for which we required that license required we be paid the rate associated with that license). Also, the "twice a month you're paid for 2 weeks of work" thing isn't legal either. So we got several oversized paychecks covering back pay, plus others covering interest (which had to be noted in the check stub as interest on back pay).

The labor board rep couldn't do anything about the ways they were screwing over their customers, but she did have someone she could call. Someone she should call. Someone she did call. A couple weeks later, that investigation started. I don't know all the details (I left during that time to start some higher education) but a few months later they sold the company to someone else, and I heard through the grapevine that part of the reason was that they lost several contracts and all that back pay pretty much wiped out their savings (I got something like $8K in back pay, and there were another dozen patrol officers in that time frame, so I figure around $100K total went out just to patrol, and apparently there were some discrepancies in how they managed fixed post staff as well) and they had to move to a smaller house. The rumors also said that after the sale, the new owners renegotiated all the contracts (including getting a few that the previous owners had lost to being shady) and somehow they're still profitable (even after giving raises and whatnot). It's almost like the previous owners had just been trying to milk everyone for as much as they could get.

Oh, and an aside: I got to know the manager of that business that paid us $1M/year pretty well afterwards. She neither confirmed nor denied that $1M figure. So take it with a grain of salt, but if it's true (she manages the most affluent shopping center in town, which includes a restaurant where prices aren't on the menu because "if you have to ask, you can't afford it") that one contract would cover all the expenses of all of patrol. The owners always seemed really intent on keeping her happy (and made sure that we knew not to tell her we left the area for any reason except end of shift). And they always had money to spend on things like a large house in one of the more affluent areas, and the private school for their daughter, and buying a new gun or two (higher priced stuff, where the name stamp adds $1500 to the price) every couple of weeks...

(source) (story by m4dn3zz)

#prorevenge #by m4dn3zz #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #revenge stories #last10

[nat-20s]

Top 5 Breakdowns over David Tennant- any fandom/show/ play you've seen? I really liked the dw one you did, just hoping you could expand over/ include other things he's been in.

Oh anon you are QUITE the enabler thank you.

So this is like half actual breakdown list and half just like David Tennant recommendations in general because I love that funky little scot.

+1. This isn’t going on the official list because I already did the previous list you mentioned (i’m glad you liked it, btw!!!) but yeah. Doctor Who. He plays the doctor in a very fuckin uhh mercutial way (he plays a lot of characters that way and I am 100% enamored by it every fuckin time he just does it SO WELL AUGH) and like highs were so high and the lows were so low and he was so FURIOUS AND CRUEL but also so GENTLE AND KIND and like oof!! The multifacetedness bitch!!!! That’s what it’s all about babey!!!

5. Good omens. I mean, duh. There was no fucking way I was gonna survive good omens. Like, honestly, even without miss tennant I wouldn’t have survived it because HA HA HA HA H O L Y SHIT MY FAVORITE BOOK FOR THE LAST DECADE WAS GETTING AN ACTUAL SCREEN ADAPTATION I GENUINELY DID NOT THINK WE WOULD EVER BE HERE THIS SHIT IS LIT. but then but THEN it was like. The way that he portrayed crowley definitely fit into a particular niche that david tennant KILLS. Like god okay I could spend an whole fucking essay on this point so I’m gonna distill this down to just. THE moment that I was like “okay okay okay okay fuck I’m GOING THROUGH IT” was when his voice cracks as he tells aziraphale that he lost his best friend because like in context OOF and out of context I have been Pavlovian trained for the past decade to Utterly Lose My Shit when David Tennant is like this close to crying and he expresses that with his whole body THE ASSHOLE! LET ME REST. I THOUGHT I WAS OVER THIS MISTER!!

4. The Escape Artist. Lesser known (I think?), but a VERY GOOD miniseries! The tone is much darker, and he’s a much more serious character. Similar vibes, role wise, to broadchurch. I’m not sure how much rewatch value it has but watching it for the first time had me like MISSION STATUS: SICK!!!! It’s like a cat and mouse mystery and like. I’m not gonna go to in depth into the story because I think it’s more enjoyable to go into it not knowing much and too me it was one of those things that took like 3 hours to watch all of and a full week or two to like. Process. Also I’m not usually one for drama and I was ABOUT it so I would recommend!!!

3. JESSICA JONES (season 1). Holy FUCK dude. Definitely his darkest and most evil role, and the subject matter is VERY heavy and I definitely would NOT recommend it for everyone because it could be, how you say, triggering as fuck or even just because it is incredibly dark and that might not be your thing. Funnily enough, it’s DEFINITELY not my thing, personally, I tend to avoid narratives about sexual assault because so many of them are, uh, ya know, bad, but Jessica Jones season 1 really is done FANTASTICALLY! The David Tennant breakdown was just a level of cognitive dissonance because I had never seen him play like a VILLAIN villain. I mean, yeah, he was Barty Crouch Jr., but that was for like 30 seconds and while the dude was creepy there was a layer of campy over the topness that is present in most fun fantasy franchises. I remember when he was cast as the purple man me and my parents were like. Yeah he’ll obviously crush the role because he’s talented but in the back of our minds we’ll probably still be thinking of like the doctor and I wonder if we can fully accept him playing the role. Yeah there was fucking NONE OF THAT. When he played Purple Man I never ONCE thought of his other roles and I didn’t even, like, think of David Tennant, ya know. I was just like oh shit this man is evil and terrifying and I want him dead! Please die!!! And yes, I know that that’s how acting works or whatever but also ACTING ya know!!! Of any of the roles on this list this one definitely made me be the most like SHE HAS THE RANGE because I really think it highlights how INCREDIBLY GOOD at his job he is!!! I have not ever rewatched Jessica Jones season 1 though because while it is honestly like a triumph of television it is also A Lot to deal with and I am very rarely in the kind of mindset where I’m able to watch it. But yeah. David Tennant knows what the fuck he’s doing and it is very good.

2. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING BABEY. Literally I knew nothing about the play or why I should care but the promo material was like. Catherine Tate and David Tennant are costars again and I was like OKAY SIGN ME THE FUCK UP HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH. For real I think on screen chemistry Catherine Tate and David Tennant are one of if not just straight up my favorite duo of all time. They are just so DELIGHTFUL and ENCHANTING and BEWITCHING and basically I want them to costar in everything ever. @azirafeathers was like “sherlock holmes adaptation where she’s sherlock and he’s watson” and I haven’t stopped thinking about that since!!! I would give my left thumb or at least like a solid $60 to see that. Like PLEASE it would be PERFECT. I LOVE THEM. And god this production of much ado is definitely like. “Here’s Benedick and Beatrice. They’re two chaotic dumbass bisexuals that are like fives on the kinsey scale and they fall in love much to their surprise” and it’s TERRIFIC. That’s exactly what I like to see. Like it’s set in the 80s and the set design? The visual gags? The costumes? The soundtrack? THE PHYSICAL COMEDY? It all SLAPS. David Tennant really balances “fun and funky slut” and “utterly PINING idiot” so fucking well. I have said it before and I will say it again David Tennant peaks when Catherine Tate is being mean to him. Also really iconic to give him the role that is like the only man in the play that is (after a bit) CHUGGING his respect women juice. I mean LOOK at this utter buffoon.

I’m in love. This play made me a proud morosexual. Plus it’s all FREE ON YOUTUBE THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE THREE HOURS AND WANT TO HAVE A GOOD FUCKIN TIME GO WATCH MUCH ADO!!

1. H A M L E T. So imagine that you’re 14 and it’s 3 am and you’re casually watching David Tennant’s hamlet on youtube or at least the parts they put up and you’re painting stars on your ceiling with glow in the dark paint and it makes you realize that you have an excess of black bile and a melancholic temperment and you’ll understand why, while this might not be my all time favorite david tennant role (though it definitely is high up on the list) , this is absolutely my number one David Tennant Related Breakdown. Hoo boy. This probably doesn’t come as a shock to literally anybody that knows me irl bc I Will Not shut up about Hamlet and it is this productions fault. Different people will respond differently too it, and I’m definitely 1000% biased because a: I love him and b: it was the first production I ever watched and it’s what got me On My Bullshit, but this production honestly makes me like. Get Hamlet. Or not get hamlet, personally, as a character, we’re never meant to fully understand him honestly, but it made me understand the ALLURE of the play. I watched it and I was like oh. Yeah. Okay. I can see why people have been obsessed with this for 400 years. I know why it’s considered one of the greatest roles and one of the greatest plays of all time. And I went absolutely feral for it. It solidified Horatio permanently as one of my all time favorite characters in anything ever. David Tennant has this tendency to put manic and desperate energy into the characters that he plays, and that of course works extremely well for hamlet. Plus, like, he plays characters that are drowning, that need the assistance and kindness of love to try and float, and even with that might not be able to keep their heads above water, and the characters that are opposite him are basically always wonderful. Because I am deeply deeply predictable, the core dynamic of Hamlet and Horatio’s relationship is probably like THE most appealing and interesting and important aspect of the play to me, and Peter de Jersey (who is absolutely INCREDIBLE in this production) and David Tennant pull it of breathtakingly beautifully. Every time I watch this I have to lie down for a while. Every time I THINK about this I have to lie down for awhile. So, yeah, number one David Tennant based breakdown is over his hamlet.

Honorable mentions

this gifset-I have not seen what this is actually from but it made me have a conniption. I’m in love with her. She’s my idealized self. I don’t know what to do with myself. I spent 5 hours looking at this now. What the fuck. 

The Decoy Bride- I didn’t have a breakdown over it BUT it is a recommendation. Very silly rom com, very much a comfort movie like music and lyrics or singing in the rain for me. Great for sleep overs or rainy sunday afternoons. 

Richard II- I haven’t seen it but based on one (1) clip and some stills I would be lost in the sauce for a week after a viewing. 

Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger- watch nativity 2 danger in the manger. 

Fright Night- jesus fucking CHRIST mister tennant went full slut

Casanova- Mister Tennant Goes Full Slut part 2- has blue colored contacts and it’s weird

#anon #replies #sorry this took a hot minute but i wrote uhh #squints at the screen #1700 words on david tennant making me lose it jesus christ #Anonymous

[thevintagebluebird]

Unpinned - Winter Squash and Wild Mushroom Curry

Tumblr tells me it’s been six months since my last post. That seems pretty on-brand for me and this blog. Valentine’s day is coming up, and I could offer you all flowers, chocolates, and promises I don’t intend to keep: or I can just try to cook new recipes and take photos of them more often. 

Let’s see, what’s new...well, we left the nightmare world of 2020 behind and are now firmly in the nightmare world of 2021. Still in lockdown. Still hanging out on Zoom. Oh! But the fella and I did the unthinkable: we MOVED! Yes, after eight long happy years together in a two-room apartment, the pandemic finally broke us. Working from home gets really cramped when you can’t walk behind your partner’s conference call to get to the bathroom. With everyone fleeing the cities for the space of the suburbs, apartment rents in our little commuter city plummeted! So we finally, FINALLY found our unicorn apartment. Same city, same rent, AND THREE BEDROOMS BABY. And that means no more plastic blue countertops here! So allow me to present my first vegan recipe AND my first post from the new digs: 

Winter Squash and Wild Mushroom Curry! Straight off the never-fail pages of the New York Times cooking section, I printed this recipe sans images and left it hanging on my fridge for weeks, waiting for the right moment. Apparently at 4:45pm driving home during a snowstorm I realized it was THE right moment, because I stopped at the grocery store, loaded up my cart with a concerning amount of mushrooms, and got to work.

Verdict: Is the Pintrest photo complete bullshit? I need to hit up my local Indian grocery stores because I have no idea where you find a branch of curry leaves in Shaws, but other than that not really!

Is it crazy expensive/time consuming/confusing? No! It came together shockingly fast! The mushrooms can start to add up a bit but 100% worth it.

Does it taste good? So good I’m considering making it again TOMORROW.

Winter Squash and Wild Mushroom Curry

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

10 ounces butternut or other winter squash, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces

Kosher salt and black pepper

1 or 2 small green chiles, such as jalapeño or serrano

3 medium shallots or 1 small onion, finely diced

½ teaspoon black mustard seeds

½ teaspoon cumin seeds

Handful of fresh or frozen curry leaves (optional)

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 teaspoon ground coriander

Pinch of ground cayenne

½ teaspoon ground turmeric

1 pound mushrooms, preferably a mix of cultivated and wild, trimmed and sliced 1/8-inch thick

¾ cup coconut milk

2 tablespoons lime juice

Cilantro sprigs, for garnish

In a wide skillet, heat oil over medium-high. When hot, add squash cubes in one layer. Season with salt and pepper. Cook for about 2 minutes, letting cubes brown slightly, then flip and cook for 2 minutes more. Use a slotted spoon to lift squash out, and set aside.

Cut a lengthwise slit in each chile to open it, but leave whole. (This helps the chiles heat the sauce without making it too spicy.)

Add shallots, salt lightly and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add mustard seeds, cumin seeds and curry leaves, if using, and let sizzle for 30 seconds, then add garlic, coriander, cayenne, turmeric and chiles. Stir well and cook for 30 seconds more.

Add mushrooms, season with salt and toss to coat. Cook, stirring, until mushrooms begin to soften, about 5 minutes.

Return squash cubes to skillet, stir in coconut milk and bring to a simmer. Lower heat to medium and simmer for another 5 minutes. If mixture looks dry, thin with a little water. Taste and season with salt.

Before serving, stir in lime juice. Transfer to a warm serving dish and garnish with cilantro.

Look at that spread. And LOOK AT THOSE NON-70S-BLUE COUNTERS! I may have gone a tad overboard with the mushrooms but they are nature’s meat, after all.

My sous chef for the evening. Pretty dang excited to marry that cutie in the aftertimes.

Ah yes, my favorite part of any recipe: trying to do shoddy math in my head. It calls for 10oz of butternut squash which, due to packing/shipping small boxes almost every day for the last ten years, I can eyeball fairly well, but this was a 1lb 12oz box. I have no idea why they didn’t pack a pound, a pound and a half, or 2lbs, but there ya go. I hate cutting butternut squash so I really shouldn’t complain.

Stop what you are doing to feed the cat because she is a cruel mistress and demands a sacrifice NOW.

Ask your partner if the 3″ cubes look close enough to 1/2″ cubes and admit that they probably need chopping. Oh well. Chop ‘em.

Does he look fly as hell? Yes. But these are our snazzy utility sunglasses. Not only do they make you the coolest person in any room, they also a) reduce overstimulation in a pounding nightclub b) keep the oils from onions from burning your eyes during chopping c) I guess block the sun sometimes.

Get those now-tiny cubes into a hot pan! Perfect! ...for now. Foreshadowing.

Wash your fungus. Now, I’m not fancy and don’t have wild mushrooms or foraged mushrooms (I haven’t gotten to see my mushroom guy at the Somerville Winter Farmer’s Market in a while). I got some shiitake, baby portabella, and plain ol’ white mushrooms. Store brand baby.

Snazzy sous chef grillin’ the onions.

So it’s about time I admit: I did not have some (read: many) of the spices this recipe called for. I have never seen curry leaves. I don’t know what black mustard seed looks like. I don’t own coriander. We turn into weeping piles of burned sand whenever there’s a pepper in the house. So I did a lot of substitutions: entirely left out the chiles (sorry flavor fans) and skipped step 2, swapped ground cumin for the seeds, used curry powder in place of leaves, and threw in a dash of cardamom instead of coriander (it smelled like something that would be happy in a curry dish plus they’re close alphabetically). I added a good dose of black pepper to make up for the lack of mustard seeds (?!) and, anyway, my meals are often struggle meals. 

Ah yes, the other inevitable moment of the evening: when I realize there’s no way the rest of the ingredients will fit into my pan. Tall Allan to the rescue, pulling down our dutch oven gifted by the lovely Ann and Joe when we helped them move a million years ago! It doesn’t get nearly enough use. Maybe I should store it somewhere I can actually reach.

WHOO NOW TWO DIRTY HAND-WASH-ONLY PANS!

Ok now we’re getting somewhere, starting to smell pretty damn good...

If you are not a cilantro-is-soap person, chop up your fresh leaves. I did splurge on these because I also have salsa and can make next-level nachos next time I need a snack. Or put it in a salad or whatever. Mainly nachos.

This is the moment you realize that despite crafting this blog for a few years and being both a person who cooks food sometimes AND a professional pantry chef in years past, you STILL don’t ever closely read the recipe all the way through first. The curry needs rice. What are you even doing with your life. How could you forget to start the rice. Now everything will be done in minutes and you’re starving and the rice is RAW. Concede defeat, promise to make rice FIRST next time, and pull out some tiny bit of starch: these mini whole grain naan breads. They are my new obsession. They’re $3.50 for four slices but holy heck I love them so much.

Done! The whole thing came together in under a half hour, and looks nice on a plate!

We’re skeptical that sans rice this vegan meal will be filling enough, but moments after this photo was taken and before a single bite was had, our doorbell rang and who was it but THE KENTS with GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!  Delivered to our door in a snow storm no less! Desert safely secured, we sat down to discover our fates: it was GOOD!! Filling! Tasty! 

Final final verdict: I’ve yet to try a NY Times recipe I didn’t end up loving (the one and only salad recipe I have is their orange/radish/pistachio dish I was shown a few years ago - amazing) and this was no exception. We’re trying to eat less meat (and have already virtually cut beef and pork from our normal rotation) so finding easy vegan meals is really exciting. We freakin’ love mushrooms and I can’t wait to make this again. Probably later this week.

#unpinned pinterest pintrestfail recipe cooking

[starsinursa]

Questions for Grown-Ups

No one tagged me but I’m doing this anyways, sorry, not sorry

Tired of those surveys made by high school kids? “Have you ever kissed someone? Missed someone? Drank alcohol?”

Here are 35 questions for Grown Ups:

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?: Probably student loans. I just have so much student loan debt. I will seriously be paying on those loans for the next ten years. 2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?: …does…does by myself count? Because I took myself out for a nice steak dinner and sipped on some delicious margaritas about five months ago. I just take a book with me and read while I eat.

3. What do you really want to be doing right now?: I’m pretty content at the moment. I’m off work, in pajamas, lounging on my bed with the puppers and the kitty. 

4. How many colleges did you attend?: Two. I attended the same university for all four years of my undergrad and I graduated with a Bachelor’s in Psychology, and then I took grad classes in Counseling at another college for a couple of semesters. Didn’t end up finishing the graduate program though because there was a super intensive field practicum required to complete the degree and I was already working full-time at my current job, and I really don’t want to quit my job so I can get the degree, turn around, and then have to find another job. 

5. Why did you choose the shirt you have on now?: …it’s a gray T-shirt with a cartoon cat and it says “R U Kitten Me Right Meow?!” ��� I picked it because it made me laugh? 

6. Thoughts on gas prices?: Not terrible at the moment, currently $1.99/ gallon here. And I saved $0.30/ gallon the other day by using my Dillons gas card. WOOHOO, saving money on gas like an ADULT!

7. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning?: “Fuckkk…. if I sleep for a while longer and show up late to work, how late is ‘too late’?”

8. Last thought you have before you go to bed?: “Goddamnit, Tera, you said you were going to bed at 9:30 tonight and now it’s 1 a.m. Are you happy now? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?”

9. Do you miss being a child?: Nah. Besides paying bills, I LOVE being an adult. Some people say high school is the best time of your life, some people say college is the best, but my 20′s have undoubtedly been the best so far. Living on my own, doing what I want to do, disposable income, no homework… yes, please.

10. What errand/chore do you despise the most?: Washing dishes. I don’t have a dishwasher at my house and I loathe washing dishes by hand. I hate it so, so much. I literally only use paper plates, styrofoam bowls, and plastic silverware. I just throw everything away when I’m done so I never have to wash dishes. Yes, I hate dishes that much.

11. Up early or sleep in?: Sleep in. I love sleeping in but just never get the chance… or if I do, I wake up early anyways!

12. Found love yet?: Not yet, I am a single pringle. Probably staying that way for a while, too, because all I do is work and then go home, I don’t go anywhere to meet new people. Occasionally I sign up for a dating app, but then I panic and immediately delete it.

13. Favorite lunch meat?: Turkey. Actually, that’s like the ONLY lunch meat I like. I don’t like ham, roast beef… but surprisingly, I do like bologna!

14. What do you get at the grocery store every time?: I’m always stocking up on frozen meals to take to work. I am a lazy cook… as in, I don’t cook. I CAN cook, but I don’t. Cooking for one person is just too much effort.

15. Beach or lake?: Beach. Although, considering I’m in Kansas, there are zero legit beaches around here. Unless you count lake beaches?

16. Is marriage outdated?: I mean, not to me? I’d still like to get married someday. I know it’s not necessary and just a social construct and blah blah, but I still really like the idea of it, at least for myself. Under my sarcastic shell, I am a big soppy romantic at heart. No judgment on anyone who doesn’t wanna go that route though, live and let live. 😊

17. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?: Misha Collins, obviously, because he would be hilarious and adorable. Or Keanu Reeves. Or I would really have loved to meet Leonard Nimoy before he passed away. He just seemed like an amazing man and I bet he had some really great stories and life perspectives to share.

18. Ever crashed your vehicle?: My vehicle has been crashed, yes, but it wasn’t me who crashed it, thank you very much. I’ve been hit by other drivers a couple of times. Not in my new car, thankfully.

19. Do you have any regrets?: I mean, nothing that I would go back and change. I have some small things I wonder about occasionally, but I’m pretty content with the course my life has taken. Even the rough patches have helped me learn. I’m happy where I am, so that’s all that matters.

20. Strangest place you’ve brushed your teeth?: In an airport bathroom. Hey, those layovers can be excruciating, and I’d hate to subject my fellow flyers to my airport breath.

21. Somewhere you’ve never been but want to go?: Ireland. It’s on the bucket list, but I’ve decided to see some other places first. Thailand, here I come!

22. At this point, would you want to start a new career?: No, and that’s part of why I didn’t finish getting my graduate degree. I really enjoy my work (most of the time) and working with adults with disabilities actually lets me feel like I’m making a difference every now and then, so I’m not looking to change careers.

23. How old are you?: I’m on the downward slope of 25 (26 in two months, how do I stop this whole ‘getting older’ thing?)

24. Do you have a go-to person?: Probably my aunt. She works in a similar career as me, so I can talk to her about work problems or get advice. We’re also a lot alike, including being single with no kids, rescuing animals, etc., so we have a lot in common and use each other as a support system.

25. Are you where you want to be in life?: Actually, yeah, I’m pretty content. I would still like to get a Master’s degree someday (if I could find a degree without a practicum so I wouldn’t have to quit my job) and I’d eventually like to buy a house instead of just renting, but otherwise, I’m good.

26. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?: Rugrats, Hey Arnold, The Wild Thornberrys, and The Fairly Oddparents

27. What do you think has changed about you since you were a teenager?: Oh my god, sooo much. I feel like I’ve come out of my shell a lot, and also become a lot more at peace with who I am. I don’t worry so much what people think of me anymore. I mean, I’m still super introverted and I’ve still got all my faults, but I beat myself up less about all of it, y’know?

28. Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life?: Pffft. PFFFT. Yeah right. High school was…not bad, I had my little group of friends and went to a really small school where everyone was pretty chill, but I do not miss the teenage hormones and insecurities and constant worry about the future. 

29. Are there times you still feel like a kid?: Sometimes. Well, not really like a ‘kid’, but sometimes at work I’ll notice my age and feel weirdly young if I’m in a meeting with coworkers who are a lot older than me. And even if they aren’t too much older than me, almost all of my coworkers have kids, so it’s hard to find things in common sometimes. 

30. Did you have a pager?: No, I’m not that old, haha. But I did have one of those old-school flip phones that couldn’t even text.

31. Was there a hang-out spot when you were a kid?: Yeah, there were a few. Out at the old Union Pacific railroad bridge. Downtown. A couple of party houses.

32. Were you the type of kid you’d want your children to hang out with?: Depends on my age. 😂 I was mostly a decent kid who got good grades and didn’t get into much trouble, but I went through my crazy, rebellious phase too… drinking, smoking, truancy, sex… ah, yes, being 16 was an interesting time for me.

33. Was there a teacher or figure that stood out to you?: I had a really fantastic school counselor when I was going through that rebellious phase. I was forced to see her and wasn’t happy about it, but she turned out to be awesome. A lot of times, she didn’t even make me talk about school or home, she’d just let me ramble on about things I liked, the books I was reading, my favorite movies, etc. She’d just sit and bullshit with me and didn’t treat me like a kid or talk down to me. I first became interested in psychology and counseling because of her.

34. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”?: Definitely. Kids these days! When I was their age, I was already washing dishes in a restaurant. I started working at age 14 and have never stopped. And my parents didn’t buy me a car, I had to save up and bought my first car by myself for $500. And my parents didn’t pay for my college either, I had to take out tons of student loans and work 30 hours/ week on top of a full course load so I could pay all my own bills (I’m a bitter old woman, can you tell? 😌).

35. Are you religious?: Umm…I used to be, not so much anymore. My step-dad is a pastor though, plus my sister is really religious and attends a private Christian college, so I’m still around it quite a bit. Needless to say, there’s a few things they don’t know about me, including the fact that I work part-time at an adult store.

Tagging: all my “grown-up” friends who would like to do this! Dooo it!

#about me quiz thingy #grown-up quiz #i'm tagging others

[alicedoessurveys]

100 Questions

1. What was on your mind mostly today? back pain

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? pile of clothes that need to be put away, a big ass teddy and a load of cushions

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? nothing. I can't move atm cause of my back injury

4. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? yes

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? too easy

7. Did you sleep alone last night? yup

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? I hope so 

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   yes

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? no I want to go to sleep

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? no thanks

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? yes

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? idk probably, you can't be liked by everyone

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? can be yes

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? a little bit

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   he's my dad.. first fact I thought of was that he was on a tv show with Terry Wogan about 8 years ago

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? yes, they lied

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my stomach

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? yes, again they lied

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? probably not no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? yes

26. Do you trust all your friends? not 100% 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? can't think of anything 

28. What pissed you off today? I found a moth in my cereal

29. What was the last thing you cried about? pain

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? mom

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? not really no

32. Who sits next to you in English? im not in school anymore thank god, so n/a

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? yes. I dont drink and when I'm at a party I tend to attract the drunk people. last party I went to I had a very drunk middle aged woman crying on my shoulder and another drunk guy singing in my face and trying to pull me into a photo booth. I still have no idea who these people are. 

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? nope. I haven't really listened to any music today

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? went to bed about half 10, which is early for me. was in so much pain I just wanted to go to sleep asap

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   mostly yeah 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yes, and Im 22 next month. I dont think they’ll ever stop being protective 

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? probably not no

39. How many drugs are in your system?   Prescription drugs, two; paroxetine and levothyroxine

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? I can't think of anyone who has really hurt me that much 

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yes I do it every day 

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? it was just some random lady from Wilko store so not really no 

43. Do you think you are a good person? I try 

44. What do you want right this second? to not be in pain

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? not at all

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yes. its an involuntary reaction when I get angry, which is super annoying 

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   I hope so 

48. Who were you with on your birthday? mom, dad, sis and sis’ boyf 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? yes

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? I miss how healthy I was and the way I looked, but I do not miss where I was 

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? probably a drunk rhys

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? yes! I'm going to The Vamps concert at the end of this week and my sis got us passes to the beauty show for the beginning of next week

54. Who was the last person to text you? Do you know when that person’s birthday is? my dad, 18th January

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? sitting on the same sofa I'm on now

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Slow Hands

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. I can't say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? anything Disney related

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yes, I hoard things 

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex? n/a

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? no

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? not gonna lie, I only shower like once a week (sometimes longer if I'm extra lazy) but I always make sure that I dont smell bad. 

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? bed

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yes, but they're friends who I know in person 

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in

67. How many times have you been in love? never 

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? mom or sis

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? hell yeah! I get chocolate cravings every freakin day, not just when its ‘time of th month’

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? id give them a chance, but they would have to prove to me that they changed 

71. Did you sleep well last night? no

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? yes. I would like a bigger room for decor purposes but I dont need more space been as theres only me in there 

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? yah, my cousin on Friday who I havent seen in months 

73. Ever had a one-night stand? no

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wouldn't know haha I'm oblivious 

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? my friends do try to pressure me into drinking, but I'm strong willed with my choice not to. I'm stubborn with things like that 

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? in some ways yeah, I can't really explain it. I'm not super clever, but I know a lot of practical skills and I do know random facts that shock my sis quite a lot 

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Eddie Redmayne

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? SO many people

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? there isn't anyone I really like atm 

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? only a handful of times. first time was when we lost my unborn baby brother. Other times have been when our dogs have died. Also he cries every time he watches the scene in ‘The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe’ where Alsan is killed. 

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? mom would be thrilled. I dont know how dad would react.

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? I did, I was terrified of getting in trouble 

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? no. I know how easy he finds cheating so I wouldn't trust him

84. What was the highlight of your summer? tbh I can't remember last summer right now, Im too tired

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? nope

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it 

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? a lot of things bothering me atm

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? I do

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? my sis

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? yeah, my dad wanted to call me Sarah, but mom said no cause thats what his ex girlfriend was called. they also called about the name ‘fearne’

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call? no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? single. I dont believe in actively looking for someone, I believe in fate and that God will bring the right person along at the right time.. (I just wish he’d hurry it up a bit haha)

94. What language do you like the sound of? italian

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? that Im obsessed with newt Scamander... and they wouldn't be wrong ;)

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? no one I like atm, but I find certain eyes and mouths attractive 

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? nope. I'm just not. 

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. again, n/a right now 

100. What are you doing tomorrow? not much, I can't move much atm with my injury 

#survey #long

[vanquisher2099]

Part 30: A Thorough Dressing Down

John was doing his best to not appear to enjoy listening to the sounds of shouting coming from the other side of the police station. Not because he was particularly hostile toward the department’s tactical assault teams, but more because he was one of the few people dumb enough to have argued with the police chief about the need for purchasing equipment that could stand up to an EMP only to be told EMPs were too risky to use and it was common wisdom that nobody would ever use one. This was, as it turned out, not the case.

The device in question had, as far as anyone could tell, been launched from a small drone that had been circling the area. That the incoming police presence had failed to detect this drone beforehand was only another in the list of things which were currently being discussed at high volume with the station chief. In the meantime it had become clear that the two dead officers had in fact been dead for several hours before they’d arrived at the docks, and surveillance footage from before the blast revealed that not only had the police gone after the wrong person, but that the ensuing confusion had resulted in most of the suspects present getting away. It had been a complete shitshow from start to finish, and John counted himself very fortunate to have missed out on the whole thing.

There were, of course, the standard excuses given, along with the standard condolences doled out to the families of the two slain officers, and (of course) the standard swearing of revenge. Harry was particularly into the swearing of revenge part, not the least because he had known one of the officers reasonably well and was, understandably, upset about their untimely demise – the cause of which was still being determined. John hadn’t known the two officers at all beyond knowing they were on the payroll of other organizations that weren’t the police, and figured their fate was the cost of doing business with the criminal underworld. That a high risk of death also happened to be par for the course for police who stayed out of the criminal underworld (and sometimes was an even greater risk than the cost of getting involved) tempered his sympathies somewhat.

Agent Hernandez was completely disinterested in the whole affair, and was in fact mostly annoyed that it was going to be much more difficult to requisition the necessary resources to continue the investigation into the apartment explosion. The revelation that it was possible their victim was in fact alive and well had been a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it meant there was a chance they could find their victim and manage to get some information out of them, such as who had been responsible for killing them in the first place. On the other hand, now that there was no body count to the case and the media seemed willing to at least pretend to accept the explanation of the explosion having been accidental, there was a reluctance to devote further resources to its investigation.

What it all boiled down to was Hernandez’s absolute certainty that there were too many unanswered questions about who the victim was, what they’d been doing in the city, and why they’d been terminated (or at the very least an attempt to terminate had been made). Or had it been part of some larger cover-up? Had this Jack person set up their own apparent demise for some reason? It was becoming annoyingly likely these questions would go unanswered.

So while the sounds of fallout from the botched dock operation floated through the office, Harry, John, and Karl had been keeping quiet for the most part. The three were pouring over the new analysis done of the slagged computer they’d found in the apartment’s safe room, which had essentially confirmed the hypothesis Hernandez had first put forth – namely, that their victim wasn’t dead. Surveillance footage from the night of the explosion had once again been requisitioned from the archives, and John had taken on the task of combing through it to see if he could spot their murder victim making a getaway.

The footage was, unsurprisingly, somewhat tedious to scroll through. There was the crowd of bystanders, the police, the fire department, and (of course) the media. That gave plenty of spaces for someone to slip in and out of the crowd unnoticed – there had been a stream of residents exiting the building immediately following the explosion, which was where John devoted his initial efforts. Nobody even remotely resembling their victim appeared on screen. Nor did anyone seem to be acting particularly suspicious – there was a clear evacuation plan for the building and the residents all dutifully headed to their designated assembly areas. It was surprisingly orderly for a building explosion, all things considered – but then again the explosion had not, all things considered, been particularly large. It helped that at this point building evacuation drills were a common-enough occurrence (and the fines for failing to participate were sufficiently high) that most people knew their evacuation routes by heart.

Eventually the crowd of residents dispersed – everyone either went back in the building after the all-clear had been given, or called cabs to go stay somewhere else for the night. The police mostly stood around waiting to be given permission to enter the building, and at no point did John see anyone unfamiliar join the group. That left the fire department.

This too seemed to be a dead end. Trucks pulled up, discharged firefighters, and several groups of four headed into the building, presumably to cover multiple floors and ensure the building had been properly evacuated (the actual fire was being handled by drones). After several hours, those same groups of four trooped out of the building – except this time there was a single group of five. John whistled, attracting the attention of his colleagues.

Hernandez was the first to react. “Run those ID numbers. We need to know which of those five is our man.”

A few commands later and the software helpfully highlighted the imposter. The three watched as the imposter fireman made his way nonchalantly along the side of the building, ducked down and alleyway, and… failed to reappear. The woman who strolled down the street a few weeks later, however, did.

“Gentlemen,” Hernandez said quietly, “I believe that’s our man.”

Harold was first to speak up. “Bullshit. That sort of prosthetic switching is psychologically damaging. Plus it’s illegal as all hell.”

John stared at Harold and spoke slowly. “You understand that we’re looking for an assassin. I don’t think she’s particularly worried about what’s legal.”

“Yeah but… that’s dangerous. You can really fuck yourself up doing that. Shit, just switching bodies that match spec is harrowing. I got a brother who went full prosthetic after the war. Took him months to walk, much less walk with any kind of confidence.”

“It is possible this is not the first time our assassin here found himself changing bodies.” Hernandez said dryly. “It is also possible that mental stability is not a concern.”

“Great. So we have a potentially psychotic assassin running around who, and this is just making a guess here, might have some kind of beef with whomever it was that put a bullet in their skull?” John felt the beginnings of a headache.

“That is a reasonable concern, yes.”

Harold, surprisingly, seemed to relax after hearing this. “Well that’s it for us then. We can just let them fight it out amongst themselves, right?”

John was ready to say something suitably cutting, but Hernadez beat him to it. “That’s not a bad idea.”

Both Harold and John looked at Hernandez as if he’d just lost his mind. Hernandez did not seem surprised, and continued. “We have a face for tour assassin’s new identity. She probably has more information on her assailants than we do. So we track her and then take them all down at once.”

John opened his mouth to object, closed it, and opened it again. “That…might actually not be a bad idea. The department’s not likely to give us any further support now that they’ve got the debacle at the warehouses to deal with.”

Hernandez nodded. “Exactly. This is the most efficient use of what few resources we will have.”

“Why the hell isn’t the FBI throwing more resources into this?” Harold opined. “Not that I’m complaining about the new plan, but it does seem a little strange to me.”

“The FBI has other concerns at the moment.” Hernandez frowned. “Our superiors are currently sweating under a Congressional inquiry, and they’re not particularly focused on something the public’s already forgotten about. They’re under pressure over the separatists in the west than anything else – this investigation was seen as an easy win for us.”

“It sure doesn’t feel easy to me.” Grumbled Harold.

“Relax, detective.” Hernandez said. “All we have to do now is sit and wait. Our assassin here will do most of the heavy lifting for us.”

Part 31

Part 29

#serialized fiction #science fiction #cyberpunk #noir

[we-arnold-lockshin-blog]

Dictatorship USA – A Personal History – Part 9

On to the university...

At Richmond (California) Union High School, I found virtually no one interested in discussing philosophy, ideology, politics, the state of the world...  Upon entering the University of California, I had expected life in these respects to become much more interesting.

During my first two or so (out of a total of four) years at UC, I found little of anything resembling interest in even progressive politics. Students by and large were simply “grubbing it” - going about their studies to gain a better foothold in life.  “To Hell with others and their problems.”

For the first year and a half, I lived at home, commuting in my rather beat-up car the approximately 30 minute drive from Richmond to Berkeley.  I thought I was missing out on campus life, so in the spring of 1958 I lived for one semester at a large shabby student co-op (named, as I recall, University Co-op, which apparently is no longer around), located  across the street from the western edge of the campus. I paid something like $50 a month for room and board (plus 5 hours a week chores).  Compare that cost with current expenses for room and board (see previous post)!

For the fall of the next year (1958) I applied to be accepted at “Ridge House, a converted mansion affiliated with the Berkeley Student cooperative. The House houses 38 university students. Located at 2420 Ridge Road, one block North of the UC Berkeley Campus...” (Berkeley Student Cooperative, Wikipedia)

Ridge House was considered to be the elite co-op for male students (it is now co-ed) and was highly sought after.  I was surprised that my application was accepted, but now I know why.  I was definitely on the FBI's active list (mind you, up to that point I had not actually engaged in any political activity!); and to better keep tabs on me, the US Gestapo demanded that I be given a bed at Ridge, which had far fewer residents than any of the other male co-ops at UC.   I had absolutely no idea at the time, but I later understood that every one of the other roomers at Ridge was personally informed by the FBI of my left-wing political views and ordered to report anything “interesting” that I might say or do. Thus in this case, it was FBI economy of (small) scale that functioned: easier for the government rats to keep track of me where I interacted with a small, defined group of people rather than a large amorphous lot.

For the last year and a half of my stay at Ridge House and at UC, my big buddy was my roommate Bill Smith. My apparent faithfull companion was a self-proclaimed “liberal Catholic,” who did not necessarily agree with my socialist-communist views but who “sure respected” them.  William Charles Smith, Jr. (or maybe III) thought that just about everything I did was great.  Folk-singing was hot at the time, and I had taught myself to play the guitar and learn some songs; Bill thought my singing was wonderful (it wasn't).  My jokes were always funny, and my conversation was forever stimulating.  Bill once arranged a date for me; he accompanied me to a miniature golf course; once we camped out together for 3 days at Clear Lake (“a natural freshwater lake in Lake County in the U.S. state of California, north of Napa County and San Francisco. It is the largest natural freshwater lake wholly within the state...” [Clear Lake (California), Wikipedia)

Bill Smith and I were buddies.

Watch out for flattery, I later learned!  The American secret political police have many devices for their stooges to ingratiate themselves with the target individual. Bill's “liking” for me was sheer bullshit.  At the time, it did not even bother me that he was in a criminology course at UC.  He was studying to be a big-time cop, a police helpmate.  Bill was the enemy's man, and I did not even take notice.

But I learned.  Eventually.

All for ping pong...

What a great find!  Several Richmond Hi students had entered UC Berkeley with me.  Among them was my “best” long-time Richmond friend, Doug Walther; and my high school debate partner Norm Emrich (we together had won second place in the northern California debate championship); another debating buddy David Dansky (now known as a toy train enthusiast); and Jennette Monday, soon to become Mrs. Walther.

One of the guys somehow “found” a comfortable, strangely abandoned large room in one of the campus' so-called “temporary buildings” (which were far more than a decade old) across the street from the main campus library. Convenient.  And what was more, the room had a fine ping pong table, net, paddles, balls and all.  I enjoyed the sport and was fairly good at it.

The capacious ping pong room became our marvelous hideout from the busy and noisy world outside.  No one else entered, no one bothered us or  inquired what the hell we were doing there or yelled at us to leave – fantastic .  Notwithstanding that you don't just appropriate premises at a major university and  make them your own.  No way!

Unless the US secret political police so order the university administration.

And virtually every weekday at lunchtime we would gather together, play ping pong either in singles or doubles, enjoy our sandwiches and chat.  I knew that all of them had right-of-center, rather conservative political views, and my school “pals” did not themselves bring up politics.  Since I already knew their opinions from Richmond days, I only now and then opined something political.  The atmosphere was  pleasurable and relaxed.  Better for target Arnold to open up and speak his mind freely.  These were my high school friends, so “no worry.”

“Up- to-date knowledge about the target is vital for aggressively waging psychological warfare... Good intelligence is required '... to get inside the other fellow's skin, feel his feelings and think his thoughts'

(A Psychological Warfare Casebook, Wm. E. Daugherty and Morris Janowicz, 1958, p. 425)...  The FBI also tried to ascertain our opinions and reactions through conversations with 'friends,' neighbors and co-workers.  Every aspect of our lives was observed from various vantage points.  If something was missed by one FBI source, another would be available.”  (Silent Terror: One family's history of political persecution in the United States – http://arnoldlockshin.wordpress.com, p.80-81)

The cool ping pong room was an ideal place to give my FBI-directed “buddies” repeated opportunities to assess my mood, learn of my plans; maybe I would say something political.  

And of course the room was bugged, so that my conversations and musings would be recorded and studied by FBI psych warfare experts.

As Janis Joplin sang it, “Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.” That is “freedom” US imperialist style.

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Перед нами сейчас -  коварный и опасный мошенник, расист, лжец и фашист Дональд Трамп, порочный Конгресс, нацистские ФБР - ЦРУ,  кровавые милитаристы США и НАТО >>> а также и лживые, вредоносные американские СМ»И».

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Правительство США жестоко нарушало мои права человека при проведении кампании террора, которая заставила меня покинуть свою родину и получить политическое убежище в СССР. См. книгу «Безмолвный террор — История политических гонений на семью в США» - "Silent Terror: One family's history of political persecution in the United States» - http://arnoldlockshin.wordpress.com

Правительство США еще нарушает мои права, в течении 14 лет отказывается от выплаты причитающейся мне пенсии по старости.  Властители США воруют пенсию!!  

ФСБ - Федеральная служба «безопасности» России - вслед за позорным, предавшим страну предшественником КГБ, мерзко выполняет приказы секретного, кровавого хозяина (boss) - американского ЦРУ (CIA). Среди таких «задач» -  мне запретить выступать в СМИ и не пропускать большинства отправленных мне комментариев.   А это далеко не всё...

Арнольд Локшин, политэмигрант из США

BANNED – ЗАПРЕЩЕНО!!

ЦРУ - ФСБ забанили все мои посты и комментарии в Вконтакте!

… и в Макспарке!

[chelsorz07]

the best part about these is I don’t look at my old answers beforehand

Who reads my surveys? Nobody? Thought so. Okay.

Have you ever had a panic attack? many, thanks. Probably several hundred, but I haven’t had one in a long time. Mostly because I never leave my house. Where is the person who has your heart at the moment? home, HQ, idk. I think he’s on nights this hitch, so work, till 6am. Do you think relationships are hard? they can be. I think everything is hard. But I mean you still gotta try. Otherwise you’re just alone and miserable forever and that’s no fun. Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life? i try. I think there are people who will remember me, but I don’t necessarily believe that I’ve had a life-changing impact. Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you? nooope. Not really. Unless they have some sort of legitimate authority over me. Like my boss. But even then I don’t dwell on it. A minimum wage job isn’t worth fretting over. Has anyone lied to you today? probably. I don’t think so. Most of my conversations today haven’t been serious enough to warrant a lie. Have you recently lost someone that means everything to you? i definitely have not. Nope. If you get a chance to move somewhere, where would you move? actually i wouldn't even mind staying in bradford, as long as i could just get out of this house. I WANT TO GO HOMEEEE. When's the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face? last night playing mario party with amanda, gary, and aaron. Not sure. Oh yeah, this bitch in front of me at the ATL show that kept twerking her ass on me to push me back when I was trying to get to my sister.   Do you understand football? i loooove football. of course i understand it. The fooseball is my life. Well not quite that severe. But yeah I get it and I need it. What is your favorite cartoon character? used to be patrick. now i don't really have one. cartoons make me rage. Experiment 626. At the moment, do you terribly miss someone? well gary's here but i still miss her cuz i only got to spend like 12 hours with her yesterday and i don't know if i'll be able to see her again before she leaves. All my people in Bradford, and my friend Faith because I haven’t seen her since April even though she literally lives like 2 miles away. What time did you wake up this morning? i didn't even get home till quarter to 6...got up at quarter to 9. My alarm was set for 9:30...Think I woke up sometime between 8:30 and 9. Do you like to cuddle/snuggle? love it. I do but I don’t. Because like cuddling is nice but I also have trouble breathing. Who was the last person you held hands with? dave. Dave is the only person I hold hands with.  Are you texting anyone? yep. Talking to Dave and Mike on fb messenger. Are you a morning person or a night person? night. My body is neither. My brain is a night person. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? it should. Who the hell knows. Do you like taking walks in the middle of the night? yeahhh. I used to. Don’t care for taking walks at all these days. What is your biggest annoyance at the moment? i have to do a bunch of shit today before i can leave...but i'm not coming home the rest of the weekend so it's all good. I’m itchy. Psoriasis probs. Who did you last take a picture with? gary and amanda. Haaaang on I have to check my camera. Maranda, on my birthday. What are you going to do tomorrow? there's a very small chance i'll go to state park to eat with the family, and then hopefully we're camping. but we always say we're camping and we never do. so i'm not optimistic. Whole lotta nothin’, and probably a load of laundry. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? all the time. I mean not like with intent to injure them. But I do tend to throw shit occasionally. Not actual shit. I’m not a baboon. Have you ever been called a bitch? i am a bitch. so yeah. This will never change. Are you currently mad at someone? no. just annoyed with my parents. Not really. I’ve actually been feeling pretty good lately. If you could have anything right now, what would it be? money. Money and not heartburn. Do you want to have children? not anytime in the forseeable future. Yeah but I don’t get emotional about it anymore because I know I don’t have my shit together enough to be responsible for the life of another human being. Plus, yaknow, I haven’t had sex in six months. Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? now. Currently. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days? yesss ^_^ No because he’s been gone for 5 days. It’s actually been about a week and a half. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? this morning. um...i cleared stuff off my bed. Peed, probably. Smoked a cigarette, definitely. Does cuddling freak you out? not even remotely. Just when I start suffocating. Last person you saw other than family? gary, aaron, and amanda. My old Elder-Beerman friends. I visited them after work today. Are you happy? toats!! I don’t know as I’d go that far but I do feel better than I have in months. Were you single on your last birthday? no.  I was not.

Do you talk a lot? way too much. I can, when it’s been too long since I’ve had human contact. I also talk to myself, and to my cats. But I like my quiet time too. Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? usually. I ignore people pretty much always. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? marty. yeah. i haven't been to the movies in almost 2 years. Dave. It was over a year ago though. We’re not theater people. I just REALLY wanted to see Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. Who do you turn to when you're down? friends. My Marshie ♥ Do you swear a lot? all the damn time. Can’t not. I swear so much it’s not even swearing anymore. Are there any bruises on your body? yes! don't ask. lol Yeah idk what happened I think one of the tote bag hanger things at work attacked me. Have you ever had stitches? when i got my tonsils out. Yes. Tonsils and gallbladder.  Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? i'm already with someone. Sorry, I’s a taken woman. Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months? i can. If the last eight years are anything to go by, I’d say so. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone of the opposite sex? futon, couch, whatevs. Yup. Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? dude the four of us spent like five hours just talking about shit last night. Probably Amanda. That’s who I have all my serious conversations with. When you meet the right person, do you fall fast? yes. i sure as hell did this time. I guess so. What did you do last night? tanning with amanda, dinner with her and gary, then we went to olean, hung out with the guys downtown for a while, and went back to gary's uncle's house and played the Wii until 5am lol Watched Shameless and cried about Mickey. Again. What's one thing you're tired of? being controlled. Being poor and being sad all the time. Also heartburn. Are you a jealous person? no. Ehh. Not really. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? fuckin' sleeping. Very close to waking up. I had a weird dream but don’t remember what it was about. Do you say sexy a lot? i hate that word. Only about the cast of Supernatural. Are you a bad influence? haha probably. appaently i get people drunk and take advantage of them. i didn't hear him complaining though lol I mean I encourage smoking, drinking, and the destruction of men. But I don’t think I have enough clout to actually influence anyone. Do you have trust issues? not really. i just don't trust people until they've earned it. I don’t really trust anyone. I’ve just accepted that that’s not a thing anymore. Do you straighten your hair everyday? no. Maybe once a week or once every two weeks. My hair is pretty cooperative most of the time so it looks okay just drying it. Have you argued with anyone today? ehh. kinda random bickering. Not that I recall. Any current scabs or bruises? you asked this already. You asked this already. Are you klutzy? very. Obviously if I’ve always got bruises I don’t know the cause of. Ever tripped over your own feet? oh, daily. Quite often. Would you consider permanent make-up? no. a couple women my mom works with have their eyeliner or lipliner tattooed on...it's not attractive. I like doing my makeup differently every day too much to do that. Will your next kiss be a mistake? no way. Um, no. Are you nice to everyone? ha. nope. I’m nicer than I used to be. What is the last non-alcoholic drink you had? monster. Sweet tea. That’s why I have heartburn. What was the best thing that happened today? nothing really good has happened today. i want my shirts to come...and i'll be out later, so that's always good. My old supervisor hugging me when I haven’t seen her in months and thought she was mad at me for quitting. Are you open about your feelings or closed off? depends what i'm feeling and who i'm dealing with. If they’re good, meh, or sucky feelings I’ll talk about them. If they’re really bad I’ll either joke about them to avoid dealing or just not talk at all. What's the last thing you borrowed from someone? erica's sunglasses, and she told me i could have them lol Ummmmm...I don’t interact with people enough to borrow things, I guess. Do you think you're normal? i'm far from normal. Why in the hell would I want to be normal? Have you ever been used? quite often. Yeah but it’s whatevs. Do you listen to music a lot? of course. All the damn time. Do you celebrate Christmas? yeah, but i want to stop. it's too much hullaballoo. don't care if i spelled that right haha For my family’s benefit. And for the food. And I actually like getting gifts for other people. But the stress, drama, and Jesus bullshit ruins it for me every year. Do you believe you can be in love with someone without knowing them? to some extent, but you can't love them completely. in the same respect though, i don't think you can ever truly know someone one hundred percent. I think there are a lot of things I don’t know about Dave, and I still love him. He’s been around longer than I have so obviously he had an entire life before me. I don’t feel the need to know about that. Have you ever talked in your sleep? no. My mom said I screamed in my sleep once, but I don’t talk. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? i know they do. I’m often underestimated. Which is fine.  Are you easily amused? very much so. If I’m in the right mood to be. What do you get complimented on the most? titties. Recently, my makeup. Will this weekend be a good one? hopefully. It just ended. And it was alright. Not as good as last weekend. But that’s because I’m here and not in Bradford.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes. No. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed. My bedroom door is always closed because the cats aren’t allowed in there. But recently I’ve been sleeping in their room (because I’m a hypocrite) and I have to leave that door open because they come in and out at all hours. Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21? amanda & gary. Allison. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? yesss. A couple. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? no...we never ended up going to the fireworks. Somehow we still keep missing the fireworks lol Could you handle a long distance relationship? i tried and failed. but distance was the least of our issues. Dave and I are long distance 2/3 of the time because of his schedule.

#not spn #personal #about me #bring back myspace surveys 2k17 #i do what i want

[djrelentless]

“The Fab Getaway (Finally A Vacation With My Husband)”

April 12, 2014

I don't know about you, but if you are like me (the average artist who is struggling) it is hard to take time off and enjoy yourself in this economy. So, when a good friend invited my husband and I over to Zurich, Switzerland we jumped at the offer. I had never been there and I had been dying to getaway from my daily rat race. For me, even if I am not booked at a club or performing on somebody's stage, I'm constantly working behind the scene to keep my name and brand out there in some form and fashion. But this vacation (which is not over yet) has been well needed. I love going to European countries. Usually, their history and ways of life are just simple and right. When I think of all the bullshit that goes on in my home country (The United States of America), I just shake my head. The stupid politics, the racism, the homophobia, the poverty....it's all so exhuating! My friend here pointed out the hipocracy of the legal age to get married and vote opposed to the legal age to drink. It all seems like America is just backwards in its thinking. The public transportation in Zurich and Rome are both on the honour system. Meaning that, you buy your pass to get on and there's no one there to ask you for your ticket. They have pain-clothed officers who randomly ask for them somewhere on the line, but for the most part no one even checks. This could never happen in New York City....too many crafty bitches always tryin' to pull a stunt. The U.S. has so many rules about drinking, who you can marry, when and where you can vote and a host of other things. Today, my husband and I went to the "gay beach" and literally 20 to 30 feet away from these completely nude men cruising each other was a family with kids playing and barbecueing. No one was bothering anyone and no one cared. That would never happen in the U.S. The second that one person raised an eyebrow because they thought they saw two gay guys walking into the bushes there would be outrage. Here there's no hiding nudity from kids. It's a part of life. Just as being gay or straight is a part of life. There's no major drunk driving accidents here because they don't put those kinds of restrictions of their people about drinking. If it is not taboo then it is not a problem. Such a simple lesson to learn. Basically..."don't start no shit and there won't be no shit." But enough about the hang ups of my "We Are The Land Of The Free, But We Are So Repressed" country! Let's talk about the beauty of Zurich. Such a gorgeous city with such history and culture. Plus....most of riches in the world are here and the entire country is about the size of New Jersey. I guess the thing that has been so great and refreshing has been to completely step away from our normal daily lives. Simple things like "no television" has made me pay more attention to my husband. "Going to the market everyday to buy our dinner" has made us look at fresh food differently. It's so nice to be in a city where they are not addicted to noise. On the streetcar (tram), there is no loud talking or music playing. Every person has the right to a quiet commute. In fact, there are no loud people on the streets (even in the middle of rush hour or a busy Saturday afternoon). Here it is considered rude to have loud conversations. There's no cars driving around with "booming systems" blearing whatever is the latest popular song. Everyone respects each other's space.....something that is completely lost in major cities across America. You can watch a movie in a theatre and actually hear the film while it's playing. Decency is alive and kicking. And for sorry. i'm already half asleepa country like the U.S. where the Tea Party Republicans claim that they are the God-fearing Christians who are only trying to get America back on the right track, it is so hard to tell with all the shady underhanded back-stabbing antics that they do to opress everyone who threatens their way of life or is different. John and I have a beautiful, large 5 bedroom apartment to ourselves for an entire week. We are free to come and go as we please. There's a lovely garden in the back. We are within walking distance of downtown, museums and shopping. If we want to go out to the bars we could literally walk back to the apartment. I love it here. I am actually plotting on how we can come back again to visit soon. And the people here are so beautiful! I have never seen so many men and women who looked like they just stepped out of a Ambercrombie and Fitch ad. We actaully saw an older woman walking by the store where Oprah was turned away in couture from head to toe. Miss Thing was servin' the fashions and paying it no mind. We smiled and complimented her as she walked by. She graciously smiled back and continued pumpin' on through to the next shop. It was OVAH! Did you know that the Gay Marriage issue was voted on completely by the people of Switzerland and not the Government. It seems to be working the other way around in the U.S. Gay Marriage is not gonna be completely legal in the states until the Supreme Court and a President steps in and mandates it into a national law like they did with de-segregation. The beauty of many of the Eurpean old cities is that, yes, they have a history and many of them have made mistakes or even had shady dealings, but they seemed to have learned how to make it work. They know how to take care of their people with healthcare and vacations. The U.S. does not encourage everyone to take time off. The U.S. teaches the working-class to work themselves into the ground....literally. Another thing that has been really refreshing for me is not hearing the word "nigger" thrown around like a football in the park. There are no disenfranchised youth of color direspecting their heritage by embracing Hip Hop and prison culture as their everyday speech. And how nice is it to see young men with their pants pulled up like gentlemen? Now, don't get wrong....Hip Hop is huge here in Zurich (just as it is all over the world), but it remains a music not a lifestyle. Your basic education and family values override the tendencies to take the lyrics of a N.W.A. song as the bible of your life. Those words remain as poetry of an urban experience to be pondered and enjoyed as art. Instead of blaming the music, home training, family values and cultural integrity are taught and embraced by the youth. So, what's the deal with the white suburban kids in the mid-west of America who think Lil' Wayne is the messiah? John and I are having a blast. We are only three days into our week here and we have never relaxed this much in our time together. It's so peaceful and quiet. Example: tonight the city is doing work on the streetcar line in front the apartment where we are staying. It is still quiet (even their transporation workers are quiet). And you wanna hear something else weird? We haven't seen one pigeon since we have been here. There has not been any pan-handlers or homeless people begging for money on the streets. The projects look like condos or gated commnities down in Florida. Their grounds are well kept and have signs that read "Private City Property." Why can't America care for its people like this? With the stress of our everyday lives it has been so nice to just take a breather and pause. I am so blessed to have good friends and people who appreciate me for who I am and what I stand for. For these things I have been rewarded with invitations all over the world....Zurich, Rome, London, Amsterdam, Santa Domingo, Athens, Bermuda and even as far as Sydney (haven't been yet, but have an open inviation to go) are all places that have welcomed me. I can't wait to see where life will take me in the future. I am so grateful for all my travels. Each time I get to visit another city and culture I learn so much.....but mainly about myself and where I come from.

[toomanysurveys9]

What was on your mind mostly today? things i had to do today, like pick up a package from the post office. wyatt. jacob. lots of other stuff.

If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? right now, blankets and two pillows.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? surprise party for one of my cousins at 9:30 pm. that’s about it. other than that, i’ll be just hanging at home taking care of pups and wyatt.

Are you nice to everyone? for the most part, yes.

Is it possible to be single and happy? well, yes.

Is it easy for people to make you cry? right now it probably wouldn’t take much.

Did you sleep alone last night? nope. i haven’t slept alone in a very long time.

Do you play with dead bugs? no. gross. who does that???

Honestly, are you dating two people? i am not.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? i’ll probably be working but that’s about it, besides wyatt getting older and growing...

Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   well, yeah. my husband and i have shared a bed every night since he turned 18 pretty much.

Do you want to see somebody right now? jacob.

What if you had a baby with the person you like? i did have a baby with him. and he’s the cutest. :)

Are you happy? yeah, i would say so.

Have you ever tripped in public? i do that all the time.

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? oh, plenty of people.

Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? no. but i have sat in the front.

Are you stubborn? i definitely can be.

Do you tend to hold a grudge? not generally i guess.

What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   he’s a welder.

Has anyone called you perfect before? it’s possible.

Where is the biggest scar on your body? my right elbow.

Have you ever been told you were amazing? i guess so.

Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? not likely.

Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? nope.

Do you trust all your friends? not really, no.

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? i’m sure i could think of some things i wouldn’t argue changing. i fuck shit up all the time.

What pissed you off today? thinking about vaness and michelle and all the bullshit.

What was the last thing you cried about? jacob made me feel like i’m sucking at being a mom but i’m not. i’m doing damn good, and i’m pretty much the only one who really takes care of wyatt. jake goes to work and comes home and plays video games with a headset on.. i can sometimes get him to hold him for me so i can go bathroom or cook.. he sometimes changes diapers too. jacob doesn’t really do well with babies i guess..

Who was the last girl you talked to? my 14 year old sister.

Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? yeah, or at least, used to.

Who sits next to you in English? i’m not in school anymore.

Ever talked to someone who was drunk? many, many times..

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes i have.

How late did you stay up last night and why? we went to bed around 11:30-12.. that’s when wyatt was done eating and sleeping.

Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   it might not always seem like it, but yes, i do.

Are your parents very protective of you? yeah, they’re pretty protective, even though i’m 23 years old.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? definitely.

How many drugs are in your system?   none.

The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? probably not, honestly..

Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? i think i’m pretty decent at it. most of the time, everyone thinks i’m totally okay.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? not really..

Do you think you are a good person? i don’t think i am, no. although i’m not a horrible person either.

What do you want right this second? my diploma and transcripts so i can get a job i actually want when i get one.

Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? of course not!!! guys are just as human as girls and have every right to express their emotions too. it’s bullshit that society tries to make it so they can’t..

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? definitely has happened.

Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   obviously. been with jacob over eight.

Who were you with on your birthday? jacob and family.

Have you ever crawled through a window? i have.

First person to talk to you in 2014? i don’t remember. probably my parents or siblings or jacob.

Do you miss your past? yeah. or, parts anyway. i miss being close to some people and the way some things were.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? i wouldn’t know.

Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? not especially, no.

Who was the last person to text you? Do you know when that person’s birthday is? my brother. and i sure do. september 11.

What were you doing 4 hours ago? i was just getting ready to leave my house to got to the post office and whatnot.

Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? not really.

Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. i’m not sure there is anything...

What is something that people often give to you as a gift? books. gift cards. money.

Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? most definitely do that. drives jake nuts. we have a couple boxes of stuff because of that..

What is something that reminds you of your ex? none honestly.

Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? not in my arms, no.

Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? probably flowers. i don’t eat much chocolate. flowers are pretty.

When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? not even going to lie, it was sunday. i never get to do much to take care of myself.. i might see if i can get a shower in tonight though since we’re going out probably tomorrow night.

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? i’m okay here i guess.

Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? no. well, i take that back. a couple of my sisters follow one of my blogs and they do have it of course. they never get on tumblr though.

Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? tonight we’re hanging at my parents’ house a bit because i have to do some laundry and try to get some sort of health insurance for wyatt. my dad’s going to help us look at options. on the plus side, my mom is making dinner.

How many times have you been in love? once truly.

If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? i don’t know that anyone would, because i probably wouldn’t talk about it in “real” life..

Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? not really chocolate but i tend to eat a little more, and will never pass up sweets. lol.

What was your last reason for crying? i already answered this.

How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? i mean, if they showed me that wasn’t still who they were, i wouldn’t care. it’s totally possible for most people to change.

Did you sleep well last night? not especially. little man was up every couple hours to eat, and a little before 4 am it took a couple hours to get him to go back to sleep after i fed him again.

Is your bedroom big enough for you? it’s an okay size i suppose.

Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? jacob when he gets off work.

Ever had a one-night stand? no. those aren’t my thing.

Is anyone flirting with you? no. that doesn’t really happen anymore.

Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? yeah, i’ve been pressured to do things, but i generally still didn’t do whatever it was.

Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? i’d say i’m pretty average in intelligence.. i’m not super smart, but not dumb either...

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? probably jacob because he’s good at keeping me calm most of the time.

Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? christian, jason, matt, or tito are at the top of that list.

When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? this morning. just goodbye and told him to have a good day.

Have you ever seen your father cry? yeah. not often, but it sucks when it happens.. either parent, really.

How would your parents react if you got pregnant? my mom was thrilled but my dad was a little worried i think because the world we live in today and whatever. wyatt has them both wrapped around his little finger though already now.

Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? i followed our dress code for the most part except some of the more ridiculous rules, like about where holes were allowed to be on pant legs.

If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? yes. i would.

What was the highlight of your summer? this summer hasn’t come yet.

The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? nope. i had to take the glucose intolerance test when i was pregnant and after my blood got drawn, i threw up all over the bathroom at the doctor’s office.. it sucked.

Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? i have no idea what that is.

Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? not really confused about anything at the moment. only things bothering me is i’m tired and some financial things and other things i don’t want to talk about right now.

If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? not always i guess.

Who was the last person that invited you to their house? i honestly don’t remember. probably tito but he just wanted to try to get in my pants. turns out he is a super shitty person who pretends to care but he really doesn’t. probably should have figured that out sooner, but i give out way too many chances.

Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? not really.. i probably would have been jonathan if i had been a boy.. that’s what they named my brother.

Are you friends with any of your exes? nope.

Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call? yeah. once when my brother and parents were fighting.

If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? it’s going alright for the most part.

What language do you like the sound of? i don’t know, really.

Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? does jacob count even though we’re married and technically have started our own family? i guess since he’s technically my family along with our son, he wouldn’t. that means it’d be the cashier at the gas station, and i can’t say that i found him all that attractive, so no.

What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? i don’t really know to be honest. and it depends which blog or whatever they’re looking at.. this one, they’d probably think i’m mostly okay and normal.. i don’t think that’d be correct..

What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? his eyes.

Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? i’m definitely not strong physically and i don’t think i’m all that strong emotionally either.

Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. when we got married. it was crazy stressful but once it started, it was amazing and everything i wanted.

What are you doing tomorrow? cousin’s surprise party probably at least for a bit. everyone wants me to go so they can see wyatt. lol.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random