#personally I’d be happy if my plane ride was quicker

[writingsofmyimagination]

Play Time |2|

Sub Jungkook x CEO Reader

Summary: Your day has been terrible and boring, luckily for you you have a boyfriend who knows just what you need.

A/N: So this will Part 2 of a 2 part concept. This Part Sub-BTS, The 1st is be a Sub-Reader with J-Hope. Check out the masterlist for part 1!

Words:2318

Warnings: SMUT (domme reader, wax play, toys), swearing,

Not as happy with this part as part 1 but hey ho.

Reblog, comment and Like :) and definitely enjoy!

“Ready for boredom overload?” his voice an instant calmer to your agitated mood.

“Nope, kill me please. I’d rather be having dinner with my boyfriend if I’m honest”

“I’m sure he’ll save you dessert”

“Oh my god you got dessert, tell me” you demanded voice pitching higher.

“It’s a surprise”

“I hate you” you toyed “anyway babe I have to go, if you feel like saving me email me”

“Will do, see you later”

You hated these meetings, you only had to be there as a witness, a board member had to be present just to sign off that everything was discussed all above board and today was your unfortunate turn. On one hand it was a good thing it was boring it meant your quality team was at the top of its game and you never had to intervene, but for your brain you’re sure it definitely killed off some brain cells. You sighed a breath which you kind of hoped would be your last for a few hours. It didn’t help it was the end of the day not to mention the end of the week, your heels were left behind at your desk, your grey pinstripe waist coat unbuttoned and you craved to take off your bra.

You were greeted with polite smiles and a seriously quiet room, being CEO always commands that kind of respect and behaviour but jeez you were the most relaxed CEO going. You sat at the head of the table in the boardroom. The sky outside lacked the same activity as inside, no stars, no flickering plane lights, just darkness with a small glimmer of the night haze seeping up into view at the bottom of the windows

“You may begin gentlemen” you announced. Your eyes snapped quickly back to the laptop in front of you and carried on making your way through your emails.

 A small box in the corner of the screen popped up bringing you a moment’s smile. Jungkook the diamond had emailed your personal inbox.

-I was thinking of this for dessert? -

The email carried with it a jpeg attachment.

Please be chocolate cake you thought enthusiastically.

Fuck. You was not expecting that. Your skin flushed hot quicker than you could control the smirk growing on your face.  In front of you was picture of a picture of a collar round Jungkook’s neck.

-So you want to play?-

-Yeah, please don’t be late noona-

You became fidgety in your seat, it was hard to keep your face neutral as all the possibilities were buzzing round your mind.

-who says we have to wait until I’m home. You’ve been good so go and pick four toys and send me a picture.-

You lent an ear to the actual meeting, you sensed the main topics had been discussed and the smaller ones were being thrown the table, the meeting was losing steam, slowly.

finally!.

You clicked open the latest picture. There was no way the smirk was holding back now as your eyes roamed the picture.

Every time you heard a sentence come to an end your hopes lifted with your head to actually observe the meeting, sinking back down into the chair when they carried on.

It wasn’t too long before the team were summarising and that’s when you drafted your response to Jungkook.

-put the beads in, headphones and blindfold on and wait for me like a good bunny. Leaving in 5-

 Your brain switched to autopilot on the drive home, you didn’t even remember the drive, a blank void of nothingness. You crept through the apartment walking on eggshells, you wanted no unnecessary noise to alert Kook you were home. You were confident he’d do as you asked but you also knew it drove him crazy when you made him wait, patience has by far been the most challenging thing to instil in that guy; he’d be a tense mess, senses heightened awaiting any of the different sensations of the items he’d picked. Before you allowed yourself to slip fully into the situation your heart melted and you looked in awe at the figure sat legs under him on the floor. He’d done as you asked perfectly, with the addition of lighting your favourite candles, flames dancing emitting a calming vanilla essence into the air; your favourite purple silk sheets blanketed the bed.

Jungkook was a marble statue of perfection waiting for the kiss that would bring him back to you. His choices were on top of chest of drawers. A set of paints for you turn him into a writhing begging mess, his bare skin a blank canvas to create as you see fit.

You knelt down in front of him, pressed a delicate kiss to his lips, hooking a finger through the O-ring on his leather collar. He inhaled sharply, the kiss brought him to life in front of you. You pulled his ear buds from his ears returning his hearing momentarily.

“You spoil me” you said at his ear gently nipping his ear lobe.

“Do you like the room noona?” he spoke quietly

“I love it baby, what did I do to deserve such a sweet Kookie” He practically glowed at your praise. His arms stayed silent against the tops of his thighs. “As a reward I won’t restrain you tonight and you can use your hands” his bright smile beamed, such a contrast from the black blindfold that separated his dark needy eyes from you.

“Can I please see you” he asked optimistically. You interlocked your fingers with his and helped him to standing, slowly swept the blindfold up to rest on his forehead, the dark hair falling in straight beams around your fingers. His eyes shone brightly, eclipsing you and blocking everything around you to a blur.

You launched yourself into the light, hand snaking through the back of his hair securing him close to you and his lips met yours fully, your other hand made a climb up his chest to rest at the base of his neck. He always tasted do sweet.

“I said you can use your hands” you reiterated as you became aware his hands remained at his side, at your words they soon moved to trace your waist until he held you at your hips.

“On the bed, blindfold back on and take the ear buds with you” no softness lingered in your voice. When he was settled you shed your waistcoat, blouse and trousers leaving only your underwear on your skin. You grabbed the cock-ring, vibrating nipple clamps, remote for the beads and feather tickler whose other end also doubled as a small riding crop. You placed them on the bed next to him. Before you joined him on the bed you also picked up one of the candles and reached to put it on the shelf just above the head board.

“I suppose I should put this on first.” grabbing the ring and getting yourself in between in his legs. He’d picked the one which had a bullet attached to the top of it. Even with the power off you felt the ghost of the buzz at the apex of your thighs.

“Ugh…” he whined. When you sat straddling his hips and sat back his cock sat at your own arousal, you needed to exercise your own restraint to not grind.

“You’re to be quiet, every time you make a noise you’ll be punished understand?”

“Yes” he replied through a controlled breath.

“Yes what?” you gripped his lower jaw.

“Yes miss” he quickly corrected.

“Better” you shifted your weight to reach the clamps. Jungkook bit hard on his lip, rolling his head to side to side, his hips jolting slightly into you, a sigh forcing its way out past your lips. You negated to turn them on for the moment and sat back and watched the calmness settle back onto his expression.

“Headphones back in” You clicked the button on the beads remote. You had to admit he did well the sudden change, only shifting himself underneath you when you increased the power.

“Fu…” his hands twisted in the sheets funnelling out the pleasure as he cut his words off mid-way. The smirk on your face was triumphant if not cocky.

You clicked the remote off as your hand tipped the candle.

He inhaled through pursed lips as the sting of the solidifying wax pinched at his skin. His hands flew to the side of your thighs, fingers denting your skin. You hit pause on his music.

“Ready for more?” you checked with the guy at your mercy underneath you.

“Yes noona”. Your body finally lost some of its composure to rock your hips to feel something to take the edge off the pressure.

“Can you feel just what you do to me?” He replied with a small nod, bottom lip still caught between his teeth. You danced the feather at his neck which fell to side with the delicate touch, tracing the entirety of his chest slowly gliding down lower. You flicked your wrist sending the back end of the feather whipping against his thigh with the leather end. His mouth opened with no sound escaping.

“You’re getting good at this. Let’s make it harder” his cheeks creased, the creases disappearing under the blindfold. He knew what was coming. The switch now on both of the clamps and beads. His head digging into the mattress, his desperation culminating as small beads of sweat at his forehead. His cock twitching temptingly close to your entrance.

A trail of exasperated whines and moans left him as his walls of control fell. They only grew louder as the hot wax trickled onto his skin.

“Yellow, yellow” he cried. This was only his warning safe word, you stopped all electronics. The void of buzzing left only the breathless moans falling from each of you emanating into the room. The blindfold made its exit onto the floor, you stroked his cheek.

“Whats’s the matter baby?” his puplil were dilated, swelling pools of pleasure

“Just the ring, it’s getting too painful”

“Want me to take it off?”

“No” you adjusted yourself so your weight was no longer pressed onto him. “Just loosen it please”.

You did as he asked

“Better?” He nodded with an exhausted smile.

“I just want you fuck me now, just say please” you wished in his ear, you allowed him to remove the beads, he pushed himself up onto his hands until he was more less sat up, legs wrapped at his waist.

“Um actually” Jungkooks face washed with an ‘are you kidding look” as you stopped yourself lowering onto him

“Fuck Y/N please!” His eyes peeking through his wet fringe looking pleadingly up at you.

“I think for someone who has use of their hands you’ve not used them enough”

The grin erased any desperation from his expression

“Was you thinking more along the lines of this?”

You couldn’t even respond with words when he pushed you forward tilting you back, fingertips anchoring into the back of his shoulders for support, his fingers now pressed into you stroking at the front of your walls

“This…is much better” you eventually managed. Back arched, chest pressed to his, his heart reaching out for yours. With his palm applying sweet pressure at your clit you was on the edge way quicker than you would be.

 “Wait… wait” you panted, Jungkook quickly halted his movements in time leaving your climax waning away from the edge.

“Enough hands” no authority was left in your voice, it was now just need and thankfully Jungkook was perfectly tuned into you. His hands were replaced, you both spilled out moans of relief. His head was in line to have full access at your neck which was quickly lathered with heavy kisses and nips, your hand travelled down finally activating the bullet attached to the cock ring. You threw your head down nuzzling into his neck your hips circling in small movements.

“You can cum with me today baby, you’ve been so good.”

Knowing he wasn’t going to be denied knocked his hips into motion.

“Fuck noona, I wouldn’t have been able to hold anything today” he whimpered. You breathed a chuckle

“Shut up” you teased before absorbing each other in a heated kiss worthy of burning through the sheets. His hips bucked into you but the thrusts were gentle enough that the bullet never deprived you of stimulation. With both your breathing patterns becoming more ragged, moans becoming more desperate and increasing in volume; the coil threads wound so tight in you core you almost forgot to breathe.

You were the one to fall off the edge first.

“Jungko…” Your heart stopped, your orgasm wiped you out, draining your muscles and overpowering your pleasure centre.

The noise that he made could have easily sent you spiralling again as your clenching dragged him into his own version of bliss. A line of curses flowed past his lips.

 “Please be bored every time you have a meeting” Jungkook panted into your chest.

“Please send me pictures every time I have a meeting” you countered stroking the back of his hair.

Neither of you wanted to move, you both sulked when you separated apart.

“Honestly that ring makes me cum so hard, it’s the best present you’ve ever bought me” Jungkook looked as fucked as he does after being in the dance studio for a day.

“Oh that reminds me baby there’s some banana milk in the fridge for you” you curled in behind him wrapping your arms round his waist and pressed a soft kiss to his back, all Jungkook ever wants after is to be close in which he ultimately always ends up being the little spoon.

“You are literally the best! Love you” he announced kissing the back of your hand as he felt the crease of your smile at his back.

#btssmutclub #sub-bts-network #bts #bangtanarmynet #networkbangtan #kwritersworldnet #kpopwonderlandtag #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #sub jungkook #sub bts

[purplesurveys]

640

Your name, please? Robyn. Are you heartbroken right now? No, my heart’s doing okay. If so, how long have you been heartbroken? Do you like the area you live in? I like that it’s a lot quieter than the metro, but we get everything we could also get in the city nonetheless. Right now it’s just a little unsettling since the Taal Volcano erupted and we have ashfall land all over our house, but otherwise where we live is pretty decent and uneventful for the most part. Do you ever get complimented on your eyes? What color are they? It’s not my strongest feature so no, not really. They’re dark brown/almost black.

What facial feature do you like the best on a person? Everyone has their different strong suits, so. Do you like to be called baby? Only by my parents and my girlfriend, because otherwise that would be creepy. What is your favorite flower? I like roses, sunflowers, and peonies. Idk, my answers to this question changes every time so it’s safe to say they’re only my favorites today. When did you last use the restroom? Five minutes ago. I went before starting this. How long is your hair? Pretty long. I haven’t had it cut since late in 2018; if I throw my head slightly back it already reaches my hips. I plan to keep it long until my graduation shoot, so I won’t be going to the salon for at least another month. Do you have braces? I used to. Do you have any freckles? Nope. What is your favorite Internet meme? There was a local meme going around last week and it involved people making hilarious puns out of celebrity names and pairing them with Photoshopped pictures of the celebrities to match the pun – for example, a local celeb named Rico Blanco was styled as Rico Blanket and a photo of him was shopped so that he’s in bed wrapped in a blanket :(((( OK IT DOESN’T SOUND FUNNY RN but all the entries were hilarioussssss I swear. Unfortunately everyone hopped on the meme train and it died in like a week. How many windows does your room have? Two big windows but each have four tiny window panes in them that can be opened. Do you have a rug in your room? What color is it? No. My dog likes peeing on rugs so we don’t like having them laying around. What is the weirdest animal you've ever held? I don’t think any animal is weird... but the coolest ones I’ve ever held are a snake, an eagle, a sea turtle, and a crocodile. The first three I got to meet in Bali, and the crocodile was from Palawan. Do you get extremely hyper when under the influence of sugar? No. I never really believed in that either. What about caffeine? I get pretty talkative, yes. I also talk like I have built-in exclamation points lol. Have you ever tried any drugs? If so, did you regret it? No, I haven’t. Do you have any pregnant friends? None of my friends are, but I can never be sure anymore when it comes to people I know. I always say no to this question, then sooner or later someone I know gives birth kfdgkdjfhd like a classmate from high school just had her third kid and no one even had any idea she was pregnant again. Guess I’ll just keep answering this question with a shrug. Have you seen anyone lately that you knew but didn't remember from where? Yeah, this was me for a few seconds when I arrived in my history class for our first day last Friday and I saw several people that I knew I know, but I had to recollect my thoughts. I eventually remembered who they were, but for a few seconds I was stumped. When was the last time you toilet papered or egged someones house? I’ve never done this, because you don’t do this in the Philippines. Do you usually dress up for Halloween? Some years I would. When ordering food, what do you usually get as a drink? I always get ala carte because I only drink water (I get full quicker if I have any other drink), and service water is always there. Put your favorite color and favorite animal. EX: Silver walrus Pink dog. When drawing something, do you try to be super precise or do you not care? I don’t care for drawing and am aware of just how bad I am at it, so I barely make any effort when I have to. When was the last time you snapped at someone? Sunday morning. My mom was playing a mobile game where the character will only be able to move if you scream, so she was screaming her ass off at 7 AM and I was worried it would wake the neighbors up. Does it bug you when people clap with their palms? HAHAHAHAHA like Nicole Kidman? Oh man. I’ve never actually seen someone clap the way she did in real life, so I don’t know if it would bug me. I know it’d send me laughing, though. Have you hugged anyone today? Just my dog. Classes have been suspended because of the Taal erupting, so I’m not seeing anyone else today. How many languages do you know how to say 'happy birthday' in? Filipino, English, Spanish, French, and Korean, so make that five. What language would you like to learn that you don't already know? Korean, just because I watch so many Korean shows as it is lmao. Are you able to take this language at your school? Yes, but it’s not required in my curriculum so I’ve never taken a Korean language elective. Have you ever been into a bar? Yes, I’ve always preferred bars to clubs so I’ve gone to a lot of them. What ethnicity are you? Broadly, Austronesian. But specifically, I’m Filipino, and even more specifically, Tagalog. How much makeup do you wear? None. I usually wear makeup only for special events, or if I absolutely had to, like for my graduation shoot. If you could fly, what kind of wings would you have? I’d like pink sparkly ones please hahahaha. Write some lyrics from the song stuck in your head right now. Nothing’s playing in my head at the moment. Do you like that song? Would you describe yourself as 'fiesty'? You mean feisty? I can bring out that side of me if I have to, but I’m not naturally it. How corny is High School Musical in your opinion? Pretty fucking corny. But I love the series and it’ll always be an important part of my childhood, so I’m never going to hate it. Have you actually read Twilight? Yes. I don’t know how I started getting into it though; I just remember it became insanely popular in the fourth grade and all of a sudden I wanted the Twilight boxed set for Christmas. What about Harry Potter? Yes, I read most of the books. My sister got into HP when she was aroundddd 10-11ish and my parents also got her a boxed set, so I borrowed each book after she finished them. Out of the two, which is better? Twilight.

Name a member of the Beatles! Ringo Starr. Who was the name of your first crush? My first real crush was Andi. How long ago was that? Eleven years ago. Do you still know that person? She migrated to New Zealand nine years ago, so we got disconnected for a long time and that’s when we got cut off. We’re Facebook friends now, but it’s never been the same. Happy for her, though. Can you handle your emotions very well? Usually I can, but when I’m at my breaking point then I’m at my breaking point. How often do you read books? Once every five years :(( JK uhhhhh I read loads, just not from books, and particularly not anything fictional. Are you the jealous type? I can be when there’s reason to, yep. Are you the type of person who gets jealous of people's pasts? No. And usually people regret their past, so I don’t feel jealous about that. Have you ever gotten an ear infection from riding an airplane? No. My ears were incredibly uncomfortable during my first plane ride though, and it didn’t help that I was already panicking long before the flight started. Anyway, my ears never fully ~popped and I was like 80% deaf for the entire plane ride. When was the last time you witnessed someone throw up? The last time someone threw up, it was me lol. But if we’re gonna be strict about the question, it wassssss last April I think. When was the last time YOU threw up? Sometime around May last year. Do you know anyone who faints at the sight of blood? ME. I’m anyone who faints at the sight of blood. Maybe not literally faint but I do feel super nauseous and weak and dizzy and I’d sometimes gag too. Hmm. I wonder how those girls have their period. Yeah well it’s not a very fun 3-4 days for me, my dude. Don't you just love the Cottonelle puppy? I don’t know what that is. Can you do any 'magic' tricks? No. Do you know how to play Checkers? I used to as a kid, because we used to have lots of board games. But since it was the game we barely ever played, I eventually forgot the rules. What clubs are you in at school? I’m in one of the two journalism organizations, and I also joined the graduation committee this year so that I get to contribute something for our batch :) What do you fear most in this world? Either falling from a very high place or drowning. And injections. What do your siblings fear most in this world? I know my sister is afraid of big crowds, chaotic situations, and small spaces. I don’t know what my brother fears, nor do I really care. What was the last sentence you heard anyone say? I’m listening to a mukbang ASMR right now and the last thing the girl said was her basically describing what she’s about to eat. Is Taylor more of a boy's name or a girl's name? I know we’re not supposed to care about this anymore, but if I really had to think about this question I see it as a boy’s name. But I also see that it works on girls just as nicely, so. What about Dylan? Boy’s name. But it sounds so badass on girls, and I prefer it as a girl’s name. What colors are the eyes of your family members? Dark brown/black. Filipinos all look the same, dude. Are you related to anyone with red hair? No. Do you know anyone with super super green eyes? Other than celebrities, no. What color was your hair when you were little? It has always been black. What color is it now? ^ Were you a chubby baby? I was a pretty chubby young kid especially from the ages of 3-5, but I was an okay-sized baby/toddler. I’d be surprised if I was chubby considering my mom and dad are both slim. What is your favorite mythical creature? Not a fan of those. Do you know anyone with a mullet? No, I don’t think so. Put down a random word here. Watermelon. What is your favorite fruit? Avocado. Now what is your favorite flavor of lollipop? Chocolate. If you combine your 2 above answers and make a perfume would it smell good? Probably not. They’re so different. Do you always feel like you have to be the best? Yes. That’s why I always take it hard when I end up not being that. Are you looking forward to summer? Yes, because I’ll get to rest. No, because it will be my last summer until I die. Are you wearing socks right now or are you barefoot? I’m barefoot. Socks always feels like they’re there, and I don’t like that feeling. What's on your favorite necklace? I’m not regularly wearing any necklace these days. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Around seven, which is okay for me. Which is better: gingerbread or butterscotch? Caramel or peanut butter? Nutella or chocolate? Do you own an iPad? We own a family iPad, but no one’s used it in a while. I was the one who used it last as a means to work and communicate, back when I broke my phone and didn’t have a new laptop yet in my first year of college. I honestly hope that iPad never dies on us, since there’s a load of great memories there. Do you watch Glee? No and as someone who hates song covers, I think I’m better off not watching it skksjfdhgfg. How hard is it for you to get out of bed in the morning? When that day would require me to do something I dread, like attend a class I hate, it will be a lot harder for me to get up. But generally I’m pretty okay, as long as I set my alarm 30 minutes to an hour before I actually have to get up so that I have enough time to properly wake up. How many books are in the current room you're in? I’m in the dining room so there are zero books around. Have you ever witnessed an aircraft break the sound barrier? No. I also never really knew what that means, but I know I’ve never seen that. Do you keep a sketchpad in your room? I don’t draw, so I never needed one. Is there anything you do right before you go to sleep? Put water on my dog’s bowl – he likes drinking before we doze off. What color is your favorite purse? I only use one and it’s pink. How much money is currently in your wallet? ₱2,000. Do you get an allowance? Yes. How many songs are on your iPod? Don’t use an iPod these days. Do you usually have sweet dreams or nightmares? My dreams are either weird or nightmares. I never get any sweet ones. How has the weather been lately? It’s a little gloomy and cloudy. I don’t know if it’s an effect of the volcano eruption nearby, or if the weather is just like this. When was the last earthquake you felt? It was either August or September.

#survey #surveys

[charanteleclerc]

breathe (i’m here beside you)

They didn’t talk about it, after Australia. They came home, they trained, and they talked. But they didn’t talk about it.

They did the same, after Bahrain. After he’s raged, and cried, and gone hoarse from all the vitriolic words he’s spat and screamed out, Pierre just holds him. Pierre talks about the most random, inane things that he could possibly think of, one thought leading onto another with seemingly no connection. And they still don’t talk about it.

And now they’re sat on a plane home, trying to blink away the memories of a poor race for both of them - and they’re still not talking about it.

He’s not going to say anything - now definitely wouldn’t be the time, with other drivers sat in the small (too small) plane - but Charles isn’t sure if he should bring it up at all, or wait for Pierre to approach him. The endless, trivial chatter had helped him in Bahrain. Maybe it was Pierre’s way of coping. Enough white noise to dull out the screaming thoughts.

The problem was, Charles didn’t think Pierre was talking about it with anyone. And bottling up that much emotion, it didn’t bode well. Something would end up cracking that protective wall Pierre had built up, and then it’d only be a matter of waiting until he did something reckless.

Charles just couldn’t let him be reckless. He couldn’t.

He watched Pierre the entire plane ride home, not really caring if he was being unapproachable to the others. A couple of them looked concerned, even Pierre did, but he didn’t care. He brushed them off with the excuse of tiredness, which they took unsaid that he meant ‘pissed off about the race’. They’d all been there, at one point or the other.

“You sure you’re okay?” Pierre asked, a small frown on his face. Charles nodded, sinking down into his chair.

“Just tired.” He said again. Pierre didn’t look fully convinced, but he thankfully didn’t argue. There were some things better left for private.

Charles finally fell asleep, listening to quiet conversations, trying to stop the feeling that he was doing something wrong, he just didn’t know what.

                                                               ~*~

Charles woke up to a dull thud, thud, thud coming from the next room. He’d been home a couple of days, and in all honesty, he’d spent them hold up inside. He’d done his morning training, but the runs hadn’t helped to clear his head much. Too much rage, too many questions. And he still really needed to talk to Pierre. Aside from quick texts, Charles hadn’t heard from him. It wasn’t completely unusual, they didn’t actually live in each other’s pockets. Pierre was his closest friend, of course he was. They’d grown up together. Pierre had been there after his dad, he’d been there after Jules. They’d celebrated together, and cried together. But they were adults now, it probably wasn’t healthy to spend all their time together. They’d done that enough when they were younger, a little space could be good from time to time.

Thud, thud, thud.

Charles groaned. Whatever that noise was, it wasn’t stopping, and it was starting to piss him off. It was probably his neighbours doing… fuck know what’s they were doing, but he just wished they do it quieter.

He wandered into his living room, day seemingly off to a bad start, when he finds himself confronted by the sight of Pierre on his couch. Pierre, sitting on his couch, throwing and catching a tennis ball against the far wall.

“I have neighbours, you know?” He narrowed his eyes. “How did you get in?”

“Through the door, with a key. Like a normal person.” Pierre replied. “And maybe your neighbours will just assume you’re having really hot, athletic sex.” He leered slightly. Charles rolled his eyes, huffing.

“Maybe if you were prettier.” He replied. “Coffee?”

“I will take your free coffee, and pretend I didn’t hear the part about me not being pretty.” Pierre pulled himself off the sofa, following Charles to his kitchen. “I was beginning to think you’d never wake up.”

“Why are you here?” Charles asked, grabbing the mugs. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see Pierre, far from it, but Pierre didn’t usually turn up at his apartment at 6.30 in the morning.

“Wanted to see if you’d come on a bike ride with me.” Pierre shrugged. “We haven’t seen much of each other these last few weeks, not just as us anyway. It’d be nice to just hang out.”

“That sounds good.” Charles nodded. “Up into the hills?”

“Sure.” Pierre grins, watching Charles pour the coffee. “I like mine…”

“Black, one sugar. I know.” Charles replied, handing Pierre his coffee. “I’ll go and get changed, do you have your bike with you?”

“In the hall.” Pierre replied, staring at his mug with an odd expression. Charles didn’t question it. He was going to have Pierre alone for a few hours at least, maybe they could finally have the conversation that they’d been avoiding.

                                                              ~*~

Pierre was waiting for him at the top of the trail, laughing whilst trying to catch his breath. “Finally beat you!”

Charles skidded to a stop, blood pounding in his ears. “I’ll get you next time.” He tried to threaten, but it was hard to sound threatening when his breath was coming out in gasps. He put his bike down, collapsing onto the grass. Pierre sat beside him, watching the sun climb higher into the sky.

“I -” Pierre started, not taking his eyes off the sight of Monaco beneath them. “I’m scared Charles.”

“Why?” Charles asked, fully knowing the answer. He’d heard the rumours, and if he’d heard them then Pierre certainly had.

“I can’t get more out of the car.” Pierre said. “It’s not there. I don’t know how Max is doing it, but I definitely can’t replicate it. Fuck, I was doing better lap times in the Toro Rosso.”

“Have you talked to them?” Charles asked gently. “Have you talked to Christian?”

Pierre mad a noise, a kind of broken laugh. “I’ve tried. They don’t care. I wasn’t supposed to be in that seat yet. I was never a part of their big grand plan. Dan was supposed to stay, and I was supposed to stay at Toro Rosso.” He put his head in his hands, and Charles knew he was trying to stop the tears from coming. “Everyone can see it coming, and they’re talking about it like I’m an idiot who doesn’t know. Like it isn’t the only thing I’m thinking of all the time.”

Charles put a hand on the back of Pierre’s neck, giving it a light squeeze. “You deserve that seat. You’ll put in the results to keep that seat. You’ll prove it to them.”

“I think they may have already decided.” Pierre’s voice was small. “There’s always someone quicker, better.”

“Pierre.” Charles pulled Pierre towards him, until he was leaning on head on his shoulder. “You deserve that seat. If Red Bull can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you.”

“I can’t do what Daniil’s done” Pierre whispered. Charles could feel Pierre’s body shaking. How long had he been holding this in? Pierre had been there for him, without question or complaint. He should’ve been there for him sooner.

“You won’t.” Charles tried to sound as confident as possible. “You’re going to find more in that car. You’re going to talk to the team. And you can always talk to me.”

Pierre was sobbing now, clutching at Charles’s shirt in desperation. Charles held onto him, rocking him gently. He didn’t stop until Pierre’s sobs sounded like they were being being wrenched from him, his breath becoming shallow.

“Pierre, I need you to breathe. Breathe. In, and out.” He took a deep breath in, holding for a few seconds before exhaling. “Just like that, do it with me.” He breathed with Pierre, until he was breathing more easily. “You can’t keep holding everything in like that.”

“I know.” Pierre’s voice sounded hoarse. “I know, but there was never the time…”

“I’ll make the time.” Charles reassured him. “God, Pierre. You’re my best friend, I’ll make the time for you.”

“You can’t blow off Ferrari.”

“That is not important now. You are.” Charles said firmly. “You’re always more important.”

“What would your dad say?” Pierre started. “What would -”

“Jules would do the same thing I’m doing now. He’d be the first to tell Ferrari to fuck off. Pierre.” Charles leant back enough so he could see into the other man’s face. “You are far more important than any team.”

Pierre nodded, scrubbing at his face with a hand. “Sorry if I got your shirt damp.”

“Nothing I haven’t already done to you.” Charles smiled. “Do you want to stay up here for a while?”

Pierre nodded, looking back towards Monaco. “It’s peaceful.”

“It is.” Charles agreed. He reached for Pierre’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze. They sat in silence for a while, watching the sun rising higher in the sky. They didn’t move until they could hear noises on the trail behind them. They’d made an early start, now the rest of the world was beginning to wake.

“Thank you.” Pierre said quietly, picking up his bike.

“No need to thank me.” Charles replied. “Race to the bottom?”

“You’re going to lose again!” Pierre grinned, his usual happy personality already falling back into place.

“I’ll be waiting at the bottom!”

                                                             ~*~

Charles jogged down the Paddock, trying to make for the Red Bull garage as quickly as possible. He’d finished on the podium today, but even better, Pierre had finished P4, outpacing Max all weekend. He had no idea where Pierre had found the extra pace, but his belief in him had been proven correct. And whilst it was still not a victory, he’d been faster than his team-mate, and he’d beaten a Mercedes too. There was no asking for a better weekend.

There was a lot of commotion around the Red Bull garage, and he encountered more than one hostile look. He waited safely on the pit wall. He couldn’t be told off for spying, all the way over here.

“Well, don’t you look suspicious.” He heard someone tease. Pierre was walking out from the garage, a large grin on his face. Charles laughed, patting the spare bit of wall next to him.

“If I were doing anything suspicious, I’d be a lot less obvious. And congratulations.”

“You’re the one who ended up on the podium.”

“True.” Charles shrugged. “But you definitely drove a better race than me today.”

“I was good today.” Pierre grinned. “Fuck, I beat Max! It felt so fucking good!”

“I bet his face was a picture.” Charles chuckled.

“He was furious.” Pierre laughed. “He’s been looking at both the cars for ages, trying to figure out if there’s a difference.”

Charles snorted. “I wish I could’ve seen that.”

“I’ll take a photo next time.” Pierre promised. He sounded so much happier than he had a couple of weekends ago. More at ease, more confident. More like the old Pierre. “A few others are going out tonight. You want to come?”

“Sure.” He hadn’t won today, but a podium was still a good reason to celebrate. And he missed catching up with the other drivers, he’d been kept so spectacularly busy by Ferrari in his first few races, with very little downtime allowed. “Just maybe not as wild as last time though?”

“It wasn’t my fault that Esteban got stuck up that tree!” Pierre protested.

“Sure, it had nothing to do with all those vodka shots you gave him.” Charles grinned. “Look, I’d better go before I’m missed too much. See you in a bit?”

“Pick me up from the hotel, I promise I won’t be late.” Pierre said, jumping down from the wall and walking back to his garage, to the intense relief of his mechanics. Charles shook his head, amused. What did they think he could do anyway? Amazingly, the drivers didn’t sit down and sit car specifications for fun.

He headed towards the motorhome, itching for a shower and a bit of peace and quiet, but it was unlikely to come. He was whisked straight into a debrief, which always took forever because Seb always had a list of things to discuss. It was great in the long run, and it was amazing how much he could figure out about a car just by staring at it. But it had been a long race, and with the promise of a night out on the horizon he suddenly felt caged, wanting to be able to shake all his tension off. He’d just have to deal with it, nod or shake his head in the right places. The one upside is that Seb would happily do the majority of the talking, without being asked.

                                                              ~*~

It felt like an age later, but he was finally waiting in the lobby of Pierre’s hotel. He hadn’t been able to find shirt that wasn’t bright red in his suitcase, which had resulted in the quickest run to a shop ever. Thankfully a lot of businesses were still open, staying open late because of the extra tourism the race brought in.

“Looking hot.” A low voice sounded behind him, making him jump. Pierre was right behind him, predatory grin on his face. Charles rolled his eyes, swatting at him gently.

“Did you not look in a mirror?” Charles asked, raising an eyebrow. Pierre was dressed in tight black clothing, hair artfully done. He’d really taken ‘dress to impress’ to the next level, it was almost scandalous.

Pierre shrugged, slinging an arm over Charles’s shoulder. “Come on, the night is still young! Let’s have some fun!” He cried, ignoring the stares they were getting. “The others are already at the club, come on.”

Charles allowed himself to be led out to a waiting taxi, almost being pushed into it. He heaved a sigh of relief as they sat down, stretching his arms upward until his shoulders cracked. “I know I said not as mad as last time, but I really do need some shots.”

“Now you’re talking!” Crowed Pierre. “I was beginning to think that you were becoming an old man right in front of me.”

“I’m younger than you!”

“In body yes, but in soul no. That’s what really counts.”

“I act young!” Charles tries protesting, even as Pierre is shaking his head. “I do!”

“Okay, show me that tonight.” Pierre said, easy smirk on his face. “I dare you.”

“What do I get if I win?”

“What do you want?” Charles could hear the challenge in there, unsaid.

“You pick up my entire tab.” Charles said, getting louder as Pierre groaned. “What’s wrong with that!”

“Fine, fine. Deal. You’re not off to a good start though.” Pierre warned, glancing out of the window. “Ooh, we’re here!”

The others were waiting inside, having commandeering an entire booth, empty drink glasses already scattered. “We were beginning to think that you weren’t going to show!” Carlos said as they sat down.

“My fault, sorry!” Pierre held up his hands. “Couldn’t find anything to wear.”

“Trying to impress someone, Gasly?” Esteban appeared, carrying a tray of various shot glasses. Charles felt Pierre still a little next to him.

“You should always prepare to impress someone.” Was the easy reply, as if he hadn’t just reacted to that question. “You never know who you could meet, or who you could go home with.”

Wolf whistles and cheers went up from the others, but Charles’s mind was stuck on the last part of that sentence. Was that why Pierre was all dressed up, so he could find an easy fuck for the night?

Esteban was passing round the shots, and Charles didn’t even look at what drink he had, deciding to just down it. He slammed the glass down on the table with a little bit more force than necessary, gasping at the burn in his throat.

“Wow Charles, you’re not messing around.” Alex said, stunned. He could feel the others staring, and he just looked at Pierre, smirking.

“I’ve got a bet to win.”

                                                            ~*~

He was so drunk. So, so drunk. He’d lost track of how much he’d drunk a while ago, but it was a lot. Especially vodka. So much vodka.

He needed more vodka.

He stumbled to his feet, making his way to the bar. “One vodka please.” He asked the bartender, grinning when the drink was put in front of him. “Merci mademoiselle. Merci beaucoup.” He threw his head back as he drunk, the burn barely noticeable now.

“Charles, Charles!” Pierre appeared out of nowhere, hugging him from behind. “Charles, you’re so warm.”

“You’re cuddly.” Charles said happily. “Pierre, it’s so crazy.”

“What is?”

“I don’t know.” He leant back against Pierre, laughing. “I don’t know, but it’s crazy.”

“Okay, it’s crazy.” Pierre nodded, patting at Charles’s stomach. Charles giggled, wriggling a little.

“That tickles.”

“What, this?” Pierre whispered in Charles’s ear, patting his stomach again. Charles snorted.

“Yes, that.”

Pierre hummed, swaying them gently. “I want to dance.” He said absently. Charles felt his heart beat a little quicker, and something in his stomach tightened. He must be falling sick. Or it was the alcohol. Must be the alcohol.

“There are lots of pretty girls to dance with.”

Pierre sighed, spinning Charles around. “Dance with me Charles.” He said, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him onto the dance floor. It was loud and crowded, so many bodies pressed up against him. “Being young tonight.” Pierre reminded him, pulling him close. “You need to learn how to dance.”

“I can dance.” Charles insisted, ignoring Pierre’s amused look. “I can totally dance, watch me.”

He moved in time with the beat, and something shifted in Pierre’s eyes. There was something hungry in them, and Charles could feel the tension in him. Charles slung his arms around Pierre’s neck, pulling him close. He heard him groan, he could feel hands on his waist.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Charles Leclerc.” Pierre whispered, his hands tightening on his waist. Charles looked up at him.

“Told you I could dance.”

Pierre groaned again, dropping his head to Charles’s shoulder. Charles grinned. Dancing with Pierre was amazing, why didn’t he dancing more? He should definitely dance more.

Pierre pulled back slightly, his eyes dark. Suddenly, Pierre was leaning in, and there were warm lips on his, and Charles’s brain was short-circuiting. Pierre was kissing, and it felt amazing.

Pierre pulled back, the shock loss made Charles try and follow. Pierre let go of him like he was burning, panic on his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeated, pushing his way through the crowd. Charles was left standing on the dance floor, blinking and breathless, and suddenly feeling cold.

                                                           ~*~

Charles didn’t see Pierre until the next day, sitting in his usual seat on the plane. Charles sat opposite him, giving him a soft smile, but Pierre just turned to look out of the window, putting his headphones on and turning his music up loud.

The flight was lonely, despite there being other people on board. He allowed himself to be pulled into conversations, and there were teasing remarks made about how much he drank last night. But he kept glancing back at Pierre, his heart sinking every time he saw that deliberately blank look on his face.

When they landed, Pierre was out of his seat and off before Charles could stop him. Barely a word to anyone and he was gone. Someone made a quick remark about his quick disappearance, that maybe he’d been rejected last night, but Charles didn’t know who said it, nor cared. His world had narrowed down to just one person, the rest of the world a daze to him.

He waited until he was home, pulling out his phone and sending a text, fingers flying over the keyboard.

Charles: Want to go for a bike ride? Or a run? 14:12

He lay down on his sofa, trying not to remember Pierre sitting in the exact same spot only a week ago, throwing that tennis ball at the wall. His mind was spinning. Pierre had always flirted with him, but that’s because he was Pierre. He flirted with everyone. But then there were the things he did himself. How he’d felt when he thought Pierre was trying to impress someone. How he knew what Pierre was thinking by just looking. He knew how he took his coffee.

Fuck.

He checked his phone, but no reply. He pulled himself up, heading to the bedroom and quickly changing his shirt. Then he changed it again, just in case. He might as well look good.

Pierre didn’t live far away, but the walk there seemed to take forever. He had enough self-awareness to make sure that he didn’t just wander out onto the road, but only just. As he reached Pierre’s building, someone was coming out, and he quickly ducked in through the door. Pierre would’ve been more likely to ignore him if he’d been standing on the street.

His heart was beating fast as he approached Pierre’s door, he could hear it pounding in his ears. He was not afraid of racing at insane speeds, of throwing himself round corners with such force it left him breathless. But this? This had him terrified to his core.

He knocked quickly on the door, hoping that Pierre didn’t think to check who it was first. The seconds crept by, and he couldn’t hear any movement inside. He knocked again, a little louder this time. Still nothing. He tried again, banging his fist against the door. “Pierre! Pierre, open up!” He said, voice raised. “I’m going to have this conversation with you, even if you’re not going to talk.” He waited for a few seconds, still hearing no noise. “Fine. Look, I understand you’re freaking out. I’m sorry if… I don’t know, if I gave you the wrong impression. That it was unwelcome, or anything. It wasn’t. Some things have only just clicked in my mind, and I’m sorry it’s taken this long. But if you don’t want anything to change, just say because that’s -”

“Are you okay?” A woman poked her head around her door, a confused look on her face.

“I’m sorry, madame. I’m trying to have a conversation, I’ll be quieter, I’m sorry.”

“That’s very sweet, but I don’t think he’s home yet.” The lady said. “But I can give you a key?”

                                                          ~*~

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but he put it down to jet lag and crashing from the adrenaline high he’d be on. He’d been wandering around the apartment; then he’d been sitting, nervously bouncing his leg; then he was asleep. Damn, Pierre had one comfy sofa.

He awoke with a start as the door slammed. “Que...?”

Pierre was stood at the end of the sofa, arms crossed and that same blank look on his face. Charles blinking, groaning. “What time is it?”

“Five, I think.” Pierre shrugged. “I don’t care. What are you doing here?”

“Uhh..” Charles yawned. “I came to talk.”

“How did you get in?”

“Your next door neighbour.” Charles admitted, sitting up. “I was talking to your door for a while.”

Pierre didn’t respond, continuing to stare. Charles sighed, running a hand over his face. “If I talk, will you listen? Because it works better when you’re not ignoring me.”

Pierre rolled his eyes, dropping into a spare seat. “Fine.”

Charles took a deep breath. “Look. I know you’re upset, and you’re freaking out. I don’t know why, but you are. And I’m really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry, I’ll keep my hands to myself.” Pierre muttered.

“What, no! I liked it!” Charles exclaimed. “I was worried that you’d changed your mind.”

Pierre was staring at him incredulously. “No! I thought that you weren’t interested, I’ve been flirting with you for ages. And you never noticed.”

“How long?”

“Years, Charles!” Pierre sounded broken. “Years.”

“I’m sorry I never noticed you.” Charles said quietly. “You’ve been the biggest part of my life, Pierre, you have been for years. We’ve literally live in each other’s pockets, I know how you take your coffee! And I want to know how you look waking up next to me. I want to know how you liked to be touched, I want to hear how you sound.”

Pierre grew steadily redder, shifting in his seat. “You want all of that? Because I don’t think I can take you saying it otherwise.”

“All of that.” Charles said seriously. “All of that and more.”

Pierre sat for a moment, and then suddenly he was in Charles’s lap, warm and there and so Pierre. Charles drank in the sight of him, both watching each other, and Charles wants. He leans forward, resting his head against Pierre’s. “I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this.” Charles murmured.

“You’ve been so blind.” Pierre replied, leaning in, and Pierre was kissing him. Charles moaned, sliding his hands underneath Pierre’s t-shirt, feeling the muscles along his back. Pierre felt so good under his hands, and his kissing…   it was electric. He was perfect, he was gentle and commanding and it was everything he didn’t know he needed. Charles groaned, pulling Pierre closer.

“You have to stay here forever.” Charles whispered, pulling back a little. Pierre smile, rubbing a small circle on Charles’s cheek with his thumb.

“Well, we could take this to the bed.” Pierre suggested, smirking.

“That, we can do that too.” Charles nodded, leaning in to kiss Pierre again, quick and messy. Pierre suddenly grinned, standing up, holding out his hand. Charles let himself be pulled up, and Pierre was up against him again, kissing him and pulling him towards the bedroom, one hand on his waist, the other still holding onto Charles’s hand tightly. They didn’t stop walking until the back of Charles’s legs hit Pierre’s bed. He pulled back from Pierre, sitting down on the bed and scrambling backwards. Pierre just stood there, watching. Charles grinned. “Not joining me?”

Pierre didn’t need telling twice, and he was hovering over Charles, running a hand through his hair. “What do you want?”

“I want you.” Charles replied hoarsely. “I need you now.” He leaned up, dragging Pierre down. He kissed him gently, and they stayed like that, sharing lazy kisses. They could stay like this forever, Charles thought. It was heaven.

Then Pierre sat up, pulling his t-shirt off and fuck, Charles wants. He wants to trail his hands, his mouth, across Pierre’s torso. More than wants, he needs. He needs to touch.

Pierre tugs at the hem of Charles’s shirt, pulling it over his head. Pierre was kissing down his neck, down his chest, his lips feather light and fingers ghosting down Charles’s sides. It wasn’t enough, but it was too much all at once. He felt Pierre give an involuntary groan against his stomach, and he couldn’t help it, he was trying to hold on, grasping at Pierre’s hair, and he was coming hard, gasping.

“Did you just come in your pants?”

“Uh, yeah.” Charles nodded. “Fuck, I just came in my pants like a teenager.”

“Can’t believe you were that horny for me.” Pierre grinned, sitting up. Charles smirked, working at the buttons on Pierre’s jeans. “What are -”

“Both of us don’t have to come in our pants.” Charles explained, pushing Pierre’s underwear out of the way. He put his hand around Pierre’s dick, giving it a couple of strokes. “You going to come for me?” Pierre nodded, biting and lip and groaning. Charles worked him through it, mesmerised by his face, his sounds.

He never wanted to forget this image.

Pierre slumped next to him, breathing hard. Charles rolled onto his side, watching him, watching his breathing return to normal. “Do I live up to fantasy Charles?”

“Better.” Pierre replied simply. They lay in silence for a few minutes, until Charles couldn’t take the stickiness any longer.

“Can I borrow some underwear?” He asked, heading towards the bathroom.

“Sure.”

Charles grabbed a pair from the drawer, going to clean himself off. He pulled off his jeans, changing his underwear before putting his jeans back on. Wearing Pierre’s clothes felt strange, but it was better than going without.

When he walked out, Pierre was still lying where Charles had left him, an indescribable look on his face. “You okay?” He asked, lying down next to him.

“Yeah.” Pierre said. “Just trying to remind myself this isn’t a dream.”

Charles reached up, turning Pierre’s face gently towards him. “I’m here. I’m real.”

“Are you going to stay here?” Pierre asked. Charles knew he didn’t mean now, or was he leaving this apartment. He wanted to know whether things would be going back to how they had been. It wasn’t something that Charles had actually thought about, since the kiss at the club. He’d only thought about having to see Pierre, he hadn’t thought about after. But the thought of walking out the front door, pretending that this never happened, trying to turn the clock back - that thought made him cold inside.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Charles promised. “Whatever you want, I’m yours.”

                                                            ~*~

Charles walked down the Paddock, unable to keep the smile of his face. The last couple of weeks had been fantastic. He’d only gone home a handful of times, mostly for clean clothes. Being with Pierre was better than anything he could have imagined. They already knew each other so well, and everything new Charles learnt just made him fall even faster.

He’d snuck out of Pierre’s RV early this morning, after waking up with an arm slung across his waist and lazy kisses. He hadn’t wanted to leave, he wished he could just stay and enjoy the company, but they’d agreed not to let anyone know yet. He didn’t have far to go to get back to his RV, the perks of not using hotels for the European races, but he had bumped into Seb as he walked back. Seb had said nothing, only giving him a strange look. It wasn’t unusual to be up this early, many went out for a run at this time, but Charles was still in yesterday’s clothes, rather than his running gear. Thankfully Seb was a private man, and he generally afforded everyone the same luxury. Small miracles.

“You look cheerful.” Seb remarked conversationally, falling into step beside him. “Did the early morning walk do you good?”

Charles tried not to flush. “Helped to clear my head.”

Seb laughed. “Is that what they’re calling it these days? That’s definitely more polite than what I would’ve said.”

Charles frowned. “I - what?” He asked. “How did you -?”

“Charles, why do you think I’m such a private person?”

“Because… I don’t know, just because?”

Seb chuckled. “Well, yes. But it’s more than that. I’m private because it protects my partner. And believe me, it’s caused a few arguments.”

“Why?”

“Because they wanted to share with the world and I didn’t.” Seb said simply. “But I’ve been where you are, I was there for years. Maybe it would’ve been easier if we’d said, but…” He shrugged.

“Wait, are you saying your partner is another driver?” Charles asked, mouth falling open.

“Was. But Charles, I’m going to caution you. If you come out and tell the world, you can’t take it back. But, hiding it can be just as hard.” Seb said, giving a wry smile. “Believe me on that.”

“Why did you never say anything?” Charles asked.

“I don’t really know.” Seb replied. “Media pressure? I was scared? Lots of reasons, I suppose. But I made my choice.” Seb said pleasantly, as if he were discussing the weather. “Enjoy the early morning walks.” He gave a wink, before disappearing off towards the motorhome. Charles watched him go, stunned.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Pierre wandered over, grinning. Charles stared at him, shaking his head.

“Just some surprising information.” Was all he said. Pierre gave him a pouty look, but Charles just shook his head, amused.

“No, you gossip. Later.”

“You promise?” Pierre asked, raising an eyebrow. Charles grinned, trying not to focus on how much he wanted to kiss Pierre right now.

“Promise.”

                                                             ~*~

“Seb.”

“Yes.”

“As in, Seb Vettel.”

“Yes.”

“The Sebastian Vettel.”

“Yes.” Charles laughed at the dumbstruck look on his face. “Your surprised face is even worse than mine.”

Pierre made a wounded noise. “You said surprising! That’s not surprising, that’s a bombshell! That’s a bombshell piece of information!” Pierre protested, flopping backwards onto his bed. “You broke my brain.”

“Ah, so no loss then?” Charles teased, yelping when Pierre swatted at him. “Hey!”

“You called me dumb! You deserved that.”

“Okay, okay!” Charles laughed. “Your face was still funny though.”

Pierre made a face, kicking him lightly. “So, did he say anything else? Except the fact that his partner is a former driver?”

“He said that whatever we say to the media can’t be taken back, but that not saying anything has it’s problems too.” Charles shrugged. “Which we could’ve figured out ourselves, no? But he has been doing this media game longer than us.”

“I don’t want to share you. Not just yet.” Pierre said, watching him intently. “If you’re okay with that?”

Charles smiled, leaning down to give Pierre a quick kiss. “They don’t get to have you.” He murmured. “They don’t get to mess with us.”

Pierre hummed, giving Charles a return kiss. “Good. But sadly, they’re waiting.”

Charles groaned. “I can’t wait until we’re back in Monaco.” He complained, standing up. “Back in a proper bed, no distractions.”

“We’ll stay in bed all day.” Pierre promised, giving Charles a filthy smile. Damn, didn’t Pierre know what that did to him?

“I’ll keep you to that.” Charles warned, walking outside. He blinked at the sunlight, sliding his sunglasses on.

“Make sure you keep it down tonight, boys!” Charles heard a teasing voice. Pierre and he both froze, stricken, as Dan and Jev walked past, smirking.

“Err… what?” Pierre asked, voice too high. Dan laughed, ignoring Jev’s playful shove.

“You’ll learn.” Was all he said, grabbing Jev’s hand and pulling him along. Jev shot them an apologetic smile, and then they were gone. Charles shook himself, looking at Pierre who was still gawking at the now empty space.

“I think we might be the worst kept secret here.”

                                                         ~*~

Blood was pounding through his ears, all he could feel was panic. The race had been red flagged, and all he knew was that Pierre had been involved, that he was in the hospital. It was taking all the self restraint he had to not take off, to try and listen to what his engineers were saying. The last thing he wanted to do was to get in the car right now, but what choice did he have? He wasn’t the one injured, his car wasn’t the one smashed to pieces.

Drivers and mechanics were giving him sympathetic looks. It was well known in the Paddock that they were close friends, regardless of their new relationship. And everyone around him was saying a hushed name, but no matter how quietly they said it, it sounded like they were screaming it at him. Jules, Jules, just like Jules…

“Come with me.” Seb said lowly, patting him on the shoulder. Charles gave a curt nod, clenching and unclenching his fists as he walked. Seb said nothing, and Charles was grateful. If he had to answer one more meaningless question, he might scream.

They walked into the motorhome, and Charles followed Seb to his room. Seb gestured, making no move to go in. “Go. Get your anger out. I’ll make sure no-one comes this way.”

Charles couldn’t open his mouth, but he hoped Seb could see the gratitude in his expression. He went into the room, shutting the door and sinking to his knees. “FUCK!” The scream ripped out from him. “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!”

He punched a wall, then again, and again. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was bad for him, it hurt, how was he going to explain the grazing, but he just didn’t care. He was scared, and he was angry, and the last thing he wanted was to be treated like he was glass. He wasn’t going to break, but everyone treating him like one wrong word would make him shatter made him want to crawl out of his skin. He screamed until his throat was raw, and then he gave into the tears.

He didn’t notice Seb come in, until he was being told to breathe in, breathe out. It was the same advice he’d given Pierre on top of that hill, all those weeks ago. He wanted to go back to that moment, to hold on and never let go. “Better?” Seb asked quietly. Charles nodded, brushing away his tears.

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay.”

“What do I do Seb?” Charles asked, resting his head against the wall.

“You go out there and you race your hardest. There’s nothing you can do at the hospital, and if the positions were reversed, you’d want Pierre to race?” Seb asked. Charles bit his lip, giving a sharp nod. “Then you’ll do the same for him. Race for the both of you.”

There was a knock at the door, making them jump. “Race restart in fifteen.”

“Thank you.” Seb called, and they heard footsteps walk away. Seb stood up, helping Charles to his feet.

“Really, Seb, thank you.” Charles gave a weak smile. Seb clapped him on the shoulder, returning it.

“Anytime.”

                                                          ~*~

It was hours before he saw Pierre again. He was in the middle of an interview, trying to be as patient and polite as possible, when he saw him walking through the Paddock. There was a scratch on his nose, and he looked shaken, but he was fine. Safe.

He apologised to the reporter, running towards Pierre, skidding to a stop in front of him. His hands twitched, he desperately wanted to touch, to cement in his mind that Pierre was okay, that he was unharmed, that he was safe, but he couldn’t. There were photographers everywhere, and Pierre’s words were stuck in his mind. I don’t want to share you. Not just yet.

Pierre’s lips twitched, and he raised an eyebrow. He could obviously see how much restraint he was using right now. Then Pierre’s eyes dropped to his mouth, and Charles heard his brain thinking oh, we’re doing this, and then Pierre was kissing them.

There was shouting, and lights flashing, and even a few wolf-whistles. And Charles didn’t care, because Pierre was here, Pierre was okay with this and Pierre was kissing him.

Pierre pulled back, and Charles nearly whined, he might’ve if they weren’t standing in a crowd of people, in the middle of the Paddock. Pierre hugged him tightly, and Charles buried his head into Pierre’s shoulder, letting out a sigh of relief. Here, okay, safe.

“We’re in this together.” Pierre whispered. “They can’t control us anyway. You’re all mine.”

Charles laughed into his shoulder. “I’ll tell them you take all the covers.”

“I’ll tell them you talk in your sleep.” Pierre countered.

“I’ll tell them I make you scream.” Charles tried, but Pierre just laughed.

“I dare you.”

Charles pulled back, giving Pierre a quick, soft kiss, ignoring the questions and the clicks of the cameras still going off. “Never stop coming back to me.”

“I won’t.” Pierre promised. “I won’t.”

                                                            ~*~

#pierre gasly #charles leclerc #sebastian vettel #daniel ricciardo #jean-eric vergne #carlos sainz jr #esteban ocon #jules bianchi #self-esteem issues #smut #mentions of jules

[heycasbutt]

Serial Love

A/N: Hi all, here is part 1 of a miniseries I’m doing. It’s just cute and fluffy You and Spence in a secret relationship ala Will and J.J..  

Enjoy lovelies!!!

———————

“Good Morning Agents, I trust your flight was good. I am Detective Y/L/N of the Indianapolis PD. Thank you for coming out,” You smiled sweetly at the 2 agents in front of you. 

“Good morning, I’m SSA Derek Morgan and this is SSA Dr. Spencer Reid,” The broad shouldered one spoke and held out his hand. You shook his hand politely and reached your hand out to the young doctor who simply waved. 

“The amount of germs passed through a handshake is staggering it’s-” Dr. Reid was quickly cut off by his colleague. “Spencer! Not right now!” Agent Morgan hissed through his teeth and turned back to you. 

“It’s safer to kiss,” You smiled softly, finishing the factoid. “I have a BS in Chemistry and Biology. But here I am, working in a police department, go figure,” You laughed softly and brushed your hair from your eyes and walked over to the cork board that housed all the crime scene photos and maps. 

Spencer was never good with the ladies, that was always Morgan and Rossi’s job. But something about you inspired him to change that. He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and smoothed out his shirt. 

“So, what do you have so farl?” Spencer questioned coming to stand near you and examining the locations of the latest victims on the map. 

“We had a Jane Doe here, 28 year old Melissa Suarez over here, and 24 year old Elise Smith right here,” you pointed to the three red tacks. “This one is our latest victim, 31 year old Hannah Morris. All are blonde, average build and height and all have respectable jobs. The ones we know have jobs” You added sticking in one more tack among the three already there. 

“Is there any sign of sexual assault?” Spencer asked picking a file up and flipping through it. You stood in awe of how quickly he read. 

“Um no. That was inconclusive, but they were all starved for at least 4 days before they were killed. Bones broken postmortem,” You shuddered softly at the thought of what these girls had to endure. 

“What’s this marking on their inner thigh?” Derek questioned pulling a photo out of the file and showing it to you and Spencer. It was a lowercase letter ‘a’ inside a pentagram. No one knew what it meant. 

“We don’t know. That’s why we called you guys in, we think these might be ritualistic killings.” You mulled over the photos a bit longer with the two agents and answered their questions. Spencer continued to spout off seemingly random facts which made you smile and made a blush rise to his cheeks. 

——————————

The BAU had been occupying your town for 6 days now and in that time you had come to know each one of them. Although Spencer was the ever elusive one, the two of you had grown closer due to your love of facts, classic literature and coffee. The two of you had probably emptied 7 pots of coffee in the first three days alone. 

He joined you their 4th night there when you stayed late to work the case. The two of you, coffee in hand, poring over photos and reports. That was the first night you kissed him. You were leaving and you offered him a ride back to the hotel. Before he got out, you gently pressed your lips to his, and he kissed you back. His soft lips moving against yours.

“Good night, Dr. Reid,” You whispered as he got out of your older model Suburban and hurried into the hotel and across the lobby to the bank of elevators. What you didn’t know was that Spencer would be replaying that kiss in his mind for days. Thinking of the way your sweet perfume wafted into his nostrils, the way your lips felt on his, soft, heavenly. The way your hand softly cupped his face. 

 The next morning Spencer arrived before any of the other agents having taken the bus in. You were the only one in the bullpen. You hadn’t slept much the night before and decided to get as much done as you could. 

“Dr. Reid, why are you here so early?” You yawned and stretched. Spencer took 3 long strides to reach you and pressed his lips to yours in a heated kiss. You smiled against his lips and looped your arms around his neck. 

“That’s why,” He whispered softly and kissed your nose before stepping away. It was nearly 7:30 and you knew the other agents would be pouring in soon. No sense in distracting them with the fact you had a huge crush on one of their colleagues. 

——————

It took the BAU 3 more days to catch the killer. But you were okay with it. It gave you three more days with Spencer. You had agreed once this case was over the two of you would alternate weekends between Virginia and Indianapolis. Still keeping your relationship on the down-low so that you could have something to yourselves for once. 

You offered to help the BAU take their stuff to the airport. Rather, it was just an excuse to see Spencer before he left. As you unloaded the last of the stuff from the car and watched the last agent go through the door of the plane, you pulled Spencer in for a hug and whispered in his ear “I’ll see you next weekend,” You subtly kissed his cheek so the others wouldn’t see. And with that he was gone. Up the stairs, taking your heart with him. 

—————

A week and a half seemed to drag by and you couldn’t believe your eyes when it was finally 4:00 on Friday afternoon and time for you to catch a plane to DC for the weekend. You quickly packed up your desk, and headed out. Not bothering to wait for anyone else. You ran down the stairs to your car and sped to the airport, half tempted to put your siren on to get you there quicker. 

“You’re here!” Spencer laughed softly when he found you at the airport. He wrapped you in a hug and kissed your head. 

“I know! And we have 3 days together. I took Monday as a personal day so I can fly back but I got a late flight so we can spend the day together.” You smiled and kissed Spencer, not afraid of anyone seeing you kiss in the airport. You imagined it was quite a sight a police detective from Indianapolis kissing a federal agent in the middle of a crowded airport. 

“Forever is never enough time with you,” Spencer whispered and took your bag from you. One hand in yours, he led you to his car. You knew he didn’t like driving but you appreciated the effort he put in. He drove back to his apartment, one hand on your knee, the other on the steering wheel. You smiled at the physical contact, anytime Spencer touched you it seemed to set your whole body alight. 

“Here is my apartment, I uh I have a guest room if you don’t want to share my bed,” Spencer stuttered and looked down. You smiled softly and shut the door, walking over to him. 

“Of course I want to share a bed with you, Spence,” You wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. 

“Y-You do?” Spencer asked incredulously. His hands came to rest on your hips and he pulled you as close as he could. 

“Of course I do, I mean, we’re both adults in a relationship.. I think it would be okay for us to share a bed.” You smirked and kissed him softly. “I can think of some other things we would be able to do in that bed, but we can wait on that,” You said against his neck. 

“Mmm, I’m always in the mood to ravish you, but I have to remain gentlemanly if I want to keep you around,” Spencer chuckled softly and pulled away, grabbing your bag and your hand, gently tugging you to his room. 

——————————

The next 2 days were spent going to museums, trying new foods, and falling asleep in Spencer’s bed watching foreign films. The two of you hadn’t gotten past the kissing aspect in your relationship, but to you, that was just as intimate as making love when done with the right person. 

Sunday night, the two of you were lying in bed, Spencer’s long fingers running through your hair as you hummed softly. You drew shapes on his chest absentmindedly, kissing him every once in a while. He grabbed your hand softly and kissed it gently.

“You’re amazing, Y/N,” Spencer whispered as he pulled you close and kissed you deeply. 

Before long, the two of you were a tangle of limbs and sheets. The only sounds that permeated the air were your breathing. Spencer grunted softly and you groaned in response. When all was said and done, the two of you lay skin to skin on the large down mattress. A thin lavender sheet was the only thing that preserved your modesty as both of your bodies glistened with sweat. 

“You’re the amazing one, Spence” You whispered and kissed him one last time, falling asleep quickly in his arms. 

Monday morning dawned all too quickly and you didn’t want to get out of bed, to leave the warm embrace of Spencer. 

You sat up in bed, reveling in the sunlight coming through the window, the sheet pulled around your front as you gazed out the window. Your hair was mussed from sleep and you ran a hand through it, pulling it loosely on top of your head. You felt the bed dip under you but Spencer didn’t come and sit by you or try and pull you back into bed. That’s when you heard the sound of a camera go off. 

“Spencer Reid!” You whined and flipped around, pinning him to the bed. 

“What? You looked like an angel. Like a goddess sent from above. I still can’t wrap my mind around why you’re with me,” Spencer smiled and showed you his phone. Your naked body was outlined by the morning sun. Tendrils of hair floated across your neck. It even took your breath away. It was a simple silhouette but there was no denying Spencer had an eye for photography. 

“I really like that Spence,” you smiled and kissed him gently. 

“I really like you,” Spencer smiled against your lips pulling you closer to him. 

“Can we stay in bed all day?” You laid your head on Spencer’s chest and hummed softly as his long fingers massaged your scalp. 

“I’d like that,” Spencer chuckled softly and pulled a blanket around the both of you. You laced your fingers with Spencer and for once, everything seemed right. You were content and happy for the first time in a long time, all because of a serial killer that brought Spencer to you and you to Spencer. 

#Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid Fanfiction #reid x reader #Matthew Gray Gubler #Matthew Gray Gubler Fanfiction #SR #MGG #criminal minds fandom #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Stud Pride

“Once again, Clarke, I would have gladly pimped you out much earlier if it meant you’d secure us access to a private jet on demand.”

Across from her friend, Clarke smiled to herself as she watched the clouds slip by outside of the window. It was early, but the sky was so blue, and the clouds were spotty, showing off the passing country below.

“You’re different,” Raven mused as she sipped her mixed drink.

“I’m not.”

“You are,” she teased with a mischievous grin. “You’re awfully happy. And oddly calm about dating someone who just gives you their jet for the weekend.”

“I’m dating someone with a jet,” Clarke shrugged. “I have to be okay with it.”

“The last time we were here, I asked if you were in love.”

“I remember.”

Clarke sipped her drink and let out a long sigh before finally facing her friend. She didn’t want to admit that she was different, but two years with Lexa was enough to change her, just as she was certain Lexa wasn’t the same as when they met. They both grew, and for Clarke, a certain comfortableness grew and blossomed.

“You’re calm and confident. Happy. Just… content,” Raven observed. “I like it. Looks good on you. Dating a billionaire must be good for your health.”

“Stop calling her that.”

“Your girlfriend is in London, and gave us her private plane to use so we could go to Miami for Pride and spend the week basking in the sun in a penthouse room at a swanky hotel. She’s a billionaire.”

“To be fair, we own the hotel,” Alexander Woods piped up, leaning forward from his seat a few rows back and to the left. “It doesn’t cost her anything.”

“Your girlfriend owns a hotel,” Raven nodded.

“Please don’t encourage her,” Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend’s father.

“Am I a power bottom or a service top?” Aden asked as he flipped through a magazine.

“If you’re anything like your sister, you’re a power top,” Raven muttered, earning a pillow tossed from her friend.

“You can be whatever you want, son.”

“This is going to be a long week,” Clarke sighed again.

In truth, she was only a little sad. It was plainly because she missed her girlfriend, and as much as she enjoyed Alex and Aden, they just reminded her that Lexa was missing from the equation. They were poor substitutes, but fun enough additions.

The plane continued on its journey, cutting across the eastern seaboard in hopes of finding beautiful beaches and a gay ol’ time. What began as an off-handed idea of Raven and Clarke going somewhere for a weekend suddenly erupted into a pilgrimage. And it would have involved Lexa, had the meeting not popped up so rudely.

“We’re not here to cramp your style, you know,” Alex offered. “Just hitching a ride to the Keys for a few weeks.”

“I can’t let you apologize to me for letting us use your plane. This is seriously more than I could have ever dreamed,” Clarke chuckled. “I’m hardly doing you a favor.”

“Putting up with us is enough.”

“Easier than your daughter.”

“She is a handful, isn’t she?”

They shared a conspiratorial look and smiled at the idea of the hellion they both oddly missed and wished was around to embarrass. Instead, Clarke watched Raven watch the clouds and play on her phone intermittently.

“You know, you never finished telling me about your plans,” Alex offered, taking his whisky as the stewardess passed.

“Just a lot of beach and sun and pool,” Clarke smiled. “And we have some friends who live down there who invited us for some festivities.”

“I have to admit, I’ve never been to a Pride celebration.”

“They’re more fun if your girlfriend shows up.”

“We’re unveiling new initiatives and scholarships for minorities. I should do some research.”

“I know exactly where you can start,” Raven piped up, suddenly interested and with a mischievous smile. That was her permanent state at that point. Clarke tried to give her a look, but it went ignored.

“Curiosity and such,” he nodded, clinking his glass with their’s.

“To Pride,” Raven cheersed back.

“What could go wrong?”

“I could get used to this,” Raven sighed as she adjusted in her lawn chair, soaking up the sun and enjoying the warmth.

Just this morning they were in New York and complaining about the heat. Now, they were sunbathing on a rooftop pool deck and loving the feel of the oppressive warmth. A private jet is an amazing thing.

“Don’t,” Clarke warned. “We can’t keep accepting things from Lexa.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t pay her back.”

“You’re in a relationship. You don’t have to pay her back.”

“I don’t like getting used to it.”

“You have to at some point,” Alex interjected, lifting his sunglasses only to wipe some of the water from his face.

Sometimes, Clarke was absolutely blown away by Lexa’s family. Her father reminded her of one of those old time actors who grew older but still remained insanely hot. She certainly could understand Raven’s weird infatuation; at least to a degree. But he also was so amazingly down to earth that it reminded Clarke of her own father, and his straight-to-the-point wisdom.

Aden splashed into the pool again, never tiring as he came up and grabbed a raft.

“I’ve gotten better,” Clarke assured him. “It’s still a little weird when your girlfriend tells you to take the jet to her penthouse on the beach.”

“Yeah, I’d imagine.”

“We’re not allowed to spend money on ourselves,” Aden offered. “We don’t waste it. Lexa loves you. It makes her feel good to do things for you.”

“That’s true. It’s purely selfish at this point,” the father agreed.

“I swear to God, I have to figure out a way to marry into this family,” Raven muttered to herself.

Clarke laughed to herself and watched the boys play in the pool for a few minutes, mulling over what they said, though she didn’t get long, as her phone began to ring and a familiar picture flashed on the screen letting her know who it was.

“Hey,” she smiled, her cheeks instantly growing wide at just the thought of her girlfriend’s voice.

“I am so sorry my family added themselves to your weekend. We’re nothing but genetically predisposed to interrupting and annoying everyone around us--”

“Hey, I’m great. Thank you so much for the trip. This place is beautiful. How are you?”

“Oh, right, yeah, that stuff. I kind of jumped right in, huh?” Lexa worried, her voice a little tighter, her words a little quicker than normal.

“You did.”

“Sorry. I was in meetings, and I just caught up on everything.”

“Don’t worry. We’re going to take them with us.”

“What?” Lexa bulked. Clarke wouldn’t know it, but she literally paused with the new information, halting her long stride through a distant subway station, interrupting the flow of pedestrians with the notion of her father and brother celebrating the gayest month of the year with her girlfriend on a beach.

None of it added up.

“Your dad and brother are just joining us for Pride.”

“Wow. That’s… wow.”

“I like your family.”

“You’re not obligated to humor them. I set this up for you and Raven. I don’t want you to feel--”

“Lex, breathe,” Clarke chuckled. “We’re having a good time. They’re just pushing their trip to the Keys by a few days. No big deal. Relax.”

“Are you sure?”

“If only you were here, it’d be perfect.”

“Don’t get sappy on be, Griffin.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I got called Dad like sixteen times,” Alex shook his head as he grabbed another piece of pizza.

“You got called Daddy,” Raven corrected. “There is a huge difference.”

“It did seem like a compliment,” he nodded.

Stretched out on the living room floor of the penthouse suite, the odd unit filled their bellies with greasy food to combat the inevitably sugary drink hangovers that awaited them after a night of fun on the beach at parties no one ever expected to see Alexander Woods, CEO and Owner of Woods Industries, hanging out at.

Groggy-eyed and exhausted from a long night of video games, Aden enjoyed seeing the adults in his life a little off-center. Something about it was so affirming and oddly normal about the idea of never growing up. Completely unable to keep both eyes open, slurring their words, with no filters, it was fantastic.

“You’re a catch,” Clarke promised, mouth full, though she tried to cover it as best she could. “You’d clean up if you decided to try out guys. Or girls again.”

“Oh no,” he blushed and shrugged.

“Yeah, Dad, you never really told me why you haven’t dated again,” Aden realized, suddenly confronted with the idea.

Raven’s eyes grew wide as she looked at Clarke. Pride had been amazing. It’d been a party and an event and so much fun. This seemed new. Gently setting down his pizza, the patriarch swallowed and avoided looking at his son.

“I was already in love once,” he shrugged finally, though it looked like he debated many more words.

Never in her life, would Clarke have imagined that this was where her life would lead her. But sitting on the floor with the ocean and skyline as her view, just beyond her own personal infinity pool, with one of the richest men on the planet and her best friend, she didn’t have time to question it at all.

“You can still date. Me and Lexa won’t care. We just want you to be happy,” his son promised, nonchalant and Clarke understood that this family was emotional deficient, but trying. It was genetic.

“This is goddamn adorable. Why can’t you be older?” Raven lamented, almost on the edge of tears. “Why can’t you be younger?” she accused the father, earning a few laughs.

“I think Aden’s onto something,” Clarke tried. “Lexa just wants you to be happy.”

“I am,” Alex smiled thoughtfully. “You all might not get to understand it, but I was so madly and truly in love with another person. She was my best friend. She was my heartbeat and breath. I can’t think of anyone else. I’ve tried. Plus, my kids need me.”

“Goddammit that’s fucking adorable,” Raven grunted, wiping away her eyes.

“Oh my God,” Clarke sighed. “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I only got it for what felt like a second,” he continued, grabbing another piece of pizza, not even aware that he was unlocking the universe for all hinging upon his words. “But I bet it always feels like that. Two months or sixty years. You find the love, and it’s never enough, but it sustains me now.”

“You could still date. What’s it called?” Aden furrowed. “Companionship? You have to have someone to hang out with when I leave to go to college.”

“I’ll get a dog.”

“Are you crying?”

“I’m fine,” Clarke lied, wiping her cheeks, much worse off than Raven, who now was curled up on the edge of the couch, cradling her crust.

“You’re crying,” Aden realized, growing worried.

“I just miss Lexa,” she sniffled. “I really love her, you know?”

The father and son nodded, not sure what to do. Aden hadn’t learned it yet, but he took this education as best he could, that after two in the morning, the weepy part of a drunk girl party was inevitable.

“We know,” Alex promised.

“I think I love her like you did your wife.”

“Oh.”

Dark green eyes grew wide at the realization. He looked at Clarke and searched her face, noticing the familiar fear and love all mingling together behind glassly blue eyes.

“I love her so much.”

“Thank God,” Aden grunted, handing over a blanket for her to clean up with, nothing else in his reach could help. “She’s nuts about you.”

“I just miss her so much, and I love hanging out with you guys, but you make me miss her more because she’s not here, and she would love Pride. She loves to dance. I love dancing with her.”

The rambling continued, and Alex ate his pizza slower, still dizzy from the booze and his own foray into dancing. Aden tried to cheer Clarke up, though nothing worked.

“I know,” he tutted, giving her a bottle of water.

“I miss her so mu--”

Before Clarke could finish, she locked eyes with Lexa, or at least who she thought was Lexa. She squinted and turned around after staring at the reflection, afraid of seeing that no one was there.

But she was.

“I’m drunk, but Aden, tell me I’m not making this up,” Clarke whispered, slowly standing up in a drunken stumble of an attempt.

“Thank goodness,” he sighed. “I thought I was going to have to take care of them all myself. I’m never drinking.”

“Sorry,” Lexa smiled, dropping her bag. “Delayed because of traffic. Apparently Pride means streets are fabulously closed.”

“Lexa!” her father cheered. “I’m a daddy. Aden is very straight. I’m on the fence, honestly.”

She couldn’t look at her father though. Lexa just stared at Clarke and held her arms open, amused at the state of affairs of the festivities.

“I leave you alone and you’ve got my dad contemplating his sexuality.”

“Everyone is just so pretty,” he defended himself.

“We’ll talk about it in the morn--”

Before she could finish, Clarke pounced, climbing right over the couch and leaping over a sleeping Raven. Her arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck and squeezed. Despite the smell of vodka and pizza and sweat and Pride, Lexa hugged her girlfriend and closed her eyes, melting into it as she wrapped her arms around her ribs and inhaled her neck.

“I love you so much,” Clarke mumbled.

“I love you too.”

“I think I made your dad a little Bi. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. He’s always had a crush on Burt Reynolds.”

“Oh, Burt. Yeah. Forgot about him,” Alex nodded.

Lexa shook her head and hugged her girlfriend tighter. She felt like a real person again, and she wasn’t sure how the difference existed, or how she didn’t feel it until it was dispelled, but right there, with Clarke crying against her shoulder and hugging her tightly, Lexa felt whole.

[memorylang]

2020’s End and 2021’s Beginning | #48 | December 2020

If 2020 came in a flash, it ended with a fade. Still, it was a pleasant fade. I describe here my U.S. adventures from Christmas to New Year’s. For photos from these stories, you can check my WeChat or Instagram @memoryLang. I also reference tales from Christmas 2019 and New Year’s 2020, about which you can read in December 2019 and January 2020 stories. Onward to adventures! 

Christmas 2020

Since my family couldn’t attend Midnight Mass as we usually do, a sister and I instead decided to carol at home. The year before, when I’d come home from Mongolia, we’d caroled at church. This time we caroled to Sister’s own piano accompaniment, with lyrics in old hymnals and online. We enjoyed singing harmonies inspired by Pentatonix and various years of choir. Through this, Dad mostly slept while other siblings did other activities. Our youngest sister was with her boyfriend’s family, our older brother with his girlfriend’s, and our stepsisters with our stepmom at their place. 

On Christmas Day, my siblings and I readied the house while Dad helped our stepfamily finish cooking. The evening before, we’d done cleaning with Dad, too, but Dad always had more for us to do. Then the stepsisters and Tita arrived, bringing food with which we filled the kitchen island upon which my siblings and I had draped a large cloth. We watched online a Christmas liturgy while waiting for my older brother and his girlfriend to arrive, I botched the before-meal prayer since I was put on the spot, then we enjoyed a delicious meal of both American and Filipino dishes and desserts. 

After the meal, we had about a half hour before Stepsisters needed to head to work, so we moved from the dining room to the living room for gifts. We began our Secret Santa. I delivered my gift first, to my youngest sister. She and the others felt amused that I’d simply wrapped the Amazon box in which her gifts came, scribbled out “Alexa” from some ads then wrote her name half a dozen times instead. Our oldest stepsister couldn’t make it since she was home with her partner and their newborn. But, she video called in to see my sibling’s reactions from her gift. 

As gifts that I’d received from my youngest stepsister, I’d gotten new travel items, like a journal and eye mask. I felt delighted. From my dad and Tita, I received a new brainstorming notebook and a jacket coincidentally in my Hogwarts house colors of silver, black and yellow. From myself I received a CrashCourse Mongol t-shirt that even a Mongol friend recognized and loved! 

National and State Parks, Monuments and Forests

From the next days, Dec. 26 to 29, my national parks friends and I embark on our last trip of the year, to see a collection of sights in Arizona. Over the next few days, we see Walnut Canyon, Petrified Forest, Meteor Crater, Sedona's Devil's Bridge and the Grand Canyon. I feel awed by the spectacles and amazed by the geological history of this earth. My friends and I take lots of photos. 

As on our other road trips, we talk politics and life goals and telenovelas, too. As a group of minorities, we’re pleased with the presidential election results that released since our previous road trip. Still, we’re glad that the current administration has been able to get COVID-19 vaccines out to people even before the year’s end. I feel relieved that my prospects of returning to Peace Corps Mongolia seem more likely. Till then, we’re also glad that we’ll get more stimulus money to help cover our weird year’s last expenses. As for the telenovelas, I find out about Turkish and Hispanic stories, popular characters and a global community of viewers. Between the day’s adventures, I complete online at our hotels some freemium Pokémon yearend challenges, too. 

Of the sights we behold, I’m most awed by the Grand Canyon. My family had visited it the year before we moved to Vegas, but that was over a decade ago. During that trip, my youngest brother had gone off the path to return down a slope to our minivan and had encouraged Mom to follow. Well, Mom slipped on the rocks and broke her ankle, which cut short that trip. I didn’t remember much from the Grand Canyon because of that. 

On this trip, my friends and I see the snow-covered Canyon blanketed by encroaching cloud banks only sometimes split by sunlit rays. I love the rainbow of colors, from the red rocks to the aqua Colorado River. The pines of green and dark brown hold sheaths of white. The sky shows hints of violet from the blues and pink as our sun sets. 

And the sheer faces of the rocks, my God—They were so steep! I’d wanted to hike into the Canyon, but the ice made that less safe. Instead, a friend and I hiked the southern Rim Trail to its first lookout points. I felt quite a fill of wonder. We saw fauna, too, perhaps elk. The animals added to the natural grandeur that we saw on our trek. With our trip having built up in scale from the smaller Walnut Canyon and Petrified Forest to the epic Devil's Bridge in Sedona, the Grand Canyon truly felt like our grand finale. 

New Year’s Eve 2020

Just after midnight passed to begin Dec. 31, 2020, I was taking a few hours to wrap up my year-in-review post for WeChat, to share with my Chinese family and friends. Concluding it, I slept many hours. I re-awoke during what was daytime for Dec. 31 in Vegas but in Asia just past midnight to begin Jan. 1, 2021. For the next hour, Chinese and Mongol friends wished me Happy New Year, and I returned the greetings. 

Vegas and Siblings 

After I broke from my New Year’s greetings, my siblings and I spent a little over an hour playing Nintendo Switch games. My little sister with whom I’d sung carols on Christmas Eve did the “Animal Crossing: New Horizons” yearend event, so I joined her in co-op to gather resources on her island. Our younger brother wanted to play “Smash: Ultimate,” so the three of us played that next, including for the first time the Roy amiibo that our older brother had gifted me for my July 2020 birthday. I played a lot of Byleth and Corrin since I’d still “Fire Emblem: Three Houses” on my mind. (Just before Christmas, I’d finally reached the time skip in the Blue Lions story.) 

After the games, our sister wanted to hike the Lone Mountain on the west side of the Vegas valley. So, we hopped in a sedan to ride over. Though on the day before, Sister had let me practice driving for my first time in over a year, I didn’t feel like asking to take on the highway. I comfortably rode in back. 

The hike felt surprisingly strenuous, given that the small peak sat right there in Vegas. Though, our hike was much quicker than my national and state park and monument trails. The scenery reminded me of my trip to Red Rock Canyon back on Nov. 18 with another friend. With no discernable single path up Lone Mountain, I remembered hikes on Mongolia’s mountains. My siblings and I found its summit windy. I registered our names in a composition notebook at the top, then we proceeded down. On our way home, we passed through a shopping plaza from which I’d accompanied Tita to pick up food for my older brother’s March 2020 birthday. I felt amazed by how many months have passed. 

Back at the Vegas house, I showered and had meal of Christmas leftovers. Then I finished packing my small personal item for my Allegiant flight, hopped back in a car with my younger sister, finished my last social post of 2020—a family-focused reflection—then began my march to airport security for Terminal A. 

Even though I reached the airport at my flight’s boarding time, the place was so empty that I went through security and found my gate before staff finished boarding passengers. I’d received a message that a Mongol friend wanted me to review her personal statements before she submitted them for U.S. college applications. So, I finished reading and commenting on those aboard my flight before staff had us turn our devices to airplane mode. I felt stressed about having dropped my learner’s permit card somewhere, penned a last journal entry of 2020, slept through most of my flight then felt relieved when a flight attendant found my ID card before our plane descended. 

Reno and Friends 

I disembark from my flight to Reno just after 8:40 p.m. I feel touched on my walk from the terminal by the voice of Mayor Schieve in an ad, “If this is your first visit or your home away from home, welcome to Reno.” At this moment I realize that Reno really is my home away from home. 

I exit the airport, where my guy friend who’d married last year walks up to me. To my surprise, his red sports jersey contains two Chinese characters, “火箭,” in gold across the top. He asks about their meaning. Given that we’re at New Year’s Eve, I think at first, “fireworks.” But, I know those characters as “烟火” /yānhuǒ/. 

Certainly, his jersey’s first character, “火” /huǒ/, means “fire.” As for the second, I only recognize parts. The top’s ⺮ /zhú/ radical means “bamboo,” while the bottom part resembles “前” /qián/, which means “before.” As for what fire, bamboo and before mean together, I’m not sure. 

While we walk, I at last consult my Pleco dictionary app. I scribble in the “箭” to see that it’s pronounced /jiàn/ and means “arrows.” This explains the presence of the bamboo radical. Thus, “fire” and “arrows” taken together, “火箭” /Huǒjiàn/, mean, “Rockets.” My friend explains that this is a sports team. 

After getting in the red vehicle with his wife whose first wedding anniversary was just the day before, my friend explains that he’d gotten to learn about Chinese characters in his religious studies course about contemporary Daoism. So cool! 

The couple and I had kept in touch the past year over video, but this New Year’s Eve is our first time together in the same city since my return to the Peace Corps in January. I’m elated to see them again! My friends and I arrive at the newish fencing studio of our friend who owns it and was part of their wedding party last year. Turns out that he’s relocated to a larger studio since the time that my friends took me fencing in the spring of 2018, before my second trip to China. This new studio used to be a mechanic shop apparently, so it’s quite spacious. 

2020 Ends in Dodgeball 

Though I don’t recognize the few others present, I’m warmly greeted by one who’s the girlfriend of our fencing friend. She introduces me to others. I’m touched by folks’ inclusiveness. I’m amazed to find on the food table Pizza Plus, as, just a few days before, I’d weirdly craved some Reno-Sparks Pizza Plus (which I hadn’t eaten in over a year). God blesses us. 

For the next few hours, after a series of mostly leg stretches, we play a physically distant sport that I haven’t played in years, dodgeball. While I’m not used to dashing with a facemask on and sanitizing my hands between rounds, I have great fun. While my aim remains lacking, I can for the most part still dodge, and I’m able to swipe balls to hand to my more capable teammates. To my surprise, I receive MVP status from folks after finishing a round by catching a  teammate’s fumble and getting our last opponent out. 

A couple hours in, we switch games to a form of “Mushroom Ball,” a free-for-all type of dodgeball game in which we individually try to take out other players before someone gets us. In this game that we play till just before midnight, I do much better. I’m able to catch and throw at close range against folks who don’t notice me. Still, the amount of times others hit me causes me to really work my legs, since we squat when we’re out. My legs haven’t recovered much from the recent dodgeball, the afternoon Lone Mountain hike nor the evening flight from Vegas. Yet, I love the fun. 

2021 Begins 

My friends new and old walk out into the cold night of light snow, where one pops a shower of confetti and another a champagne bottle when we see fireworks appear across the valley of Reno-Sparks. We chat about our resolutions and take selfies. I recount memes about how saying, “2021,” sounds like, “2020 won.” We laugh and return inside as the wind picks up. 

I discover that I don’t much like the taste of even flavored champagne, but thankfully my friends’ cookies have enough sweetness to cut the bitterness. My friends mention that their family always bakes holiday cookies, which brings back vague memories from their wedding when I stayed with their family at an Airbnb. Our 2019 had ended in what felt such different times. 

My friend in the Rockets jersey talks up my accomplishments and Mongolia service, which makes me feel both bashful and delighted. Turns out that some of the folks at this little get-together had been looking into Peace Corps service! I share my experiences with them and my hope to return. One woman and I had even taken a class together in fall 2017, which feels like a remarkable blast from my undergrad past. Before the couple who brought me from the airport drives me to my family’s house, I exchange contact info with my new friends. I’m surprised to realize that the new fencing studio is just a few blocks from the neighborhood in which I’d lived from fall 2017 to spring 2019 graduation. 

Into the New Year

I arrive at the now-quiet Reno house, where I continue to exchange New Year’s greetings over social media well past midnight. I shower then get my bearings while others are still out and about. After resting away the rest of my morning from aching over the eve’s soreness, I play some seasonal events on the freemium Pokémon games. Then, I reengage on social media with New Year’s greetings. 

Quite liking the quiet home, I bring together this New Year’s blog story. Oddly enough, many of the couches that were in Vegas during Christmas are now here in Reno, since my parents and siblings had moved them while I was in Arizona. Curiously, the little neighbor boy had alluded to this when calling from his window when he saw me having just returned to Vegas. Before I’d left Vegas for Reno, I’d seen him on a hoverboard that he and his siblings had gotten for Christmas, reminding me of the one that my Mongol host family had gotten the August 2019 week when we’d said goodbye. 

Here in Reno, there are Christmas leftovers brought up from Vegas, too. So, I’m grateful not to cook. For dinner, I reunite with the couple who’d greeted me last night, and we enjoy sushi to celebrate the end of their brief return to northern Nevada, in the fellowship of our fencing instructor friend and his girlfriend. I heard such wonderful stories from everyone and feel quite inspired for whatever blessings may come. Life’s been nice. 

My New Year’s theme is, “serenity,” through which I mean to focus less on the things I can’t control and more on those that I can. Part of this will involve closing up some old projects and making myself ready to go back to Mongolia as soon as the time comes. This is at least going to soak up the first quarter or half of 2021. Perhaps when I’m back in Mongolia I’ll focus more on readjusting. 

In the meantime, I’m trying to finish moving through the stories, “Kafka on the Shore” and “The Brothers Karamazov,” while I work on my memoir writing. I’m looking to finish my close-read of “The Souls of Mao” while I re-re-(re-, etc.)revise my thesis for journal submission. And, I’m looking to complete “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” while I tidy my things. I always welcome new suggestions to my lists, and you can see mine on Goodreads. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! 

I look forward to writing to you soon in 2021. May you stay vigilant against the spread of the Coronavirus disease, as we await wider access to vaccines. I pray that soon our lives will open into the new world that we’ll know when we can at last be together again. 

Sincerely, Daniel Lindbergh Lang

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #Mongolia #memoir #WithMe #story #Catholic #memoryLang #Nevada #Arizona #Las Vegas #Reno #winter #travel #COVID-19 #newyear #Christmas #holidays #Grand Canyon #books #Nintendo

[sweetnestor]

You Look Happier | Chapter 14

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/smut <-- read the sin on ao3 ;p

previous chapter

Friday was PAX day one. You would think I’d be the one doing panels and meetups, given the amount of nerves I was feeling. I woke up from a shitty sleep, and the only reason why I got up was because I saw the sun peeking through the curtains. That, and Ethan’s sleeping face was too comical.

Thankfully, things weren’t tense with us after my plane adventure. He was too sweet about it, which made me feel guilty. I really didn’t deserve someone like him. Even while sober, I got emotional over how much better I felt recently. I mean, despite the plane ride. The only difference was that I could push down the unnecessary tears for another time. I had to get ready for the day.

As soon as I started moving around in bed, Ethan stirred in his sleep. His arms went around my waist and pulled me back in before I could make my escape. He held me in a side hug, nosing my neck and humming contently.

“Hi there,” I greeted, amused by his sudden moves.

“Hello,” he sleepily mumbled as he scooted closer to me. “You didn’t let me cuddle last night.”

“Oh, really?” I asked, genuinely confused. I knew I had fallen asleep before him, I just didn’t think I’d push him away. Even in my sleep, I had intimacy issues. “Um… oops.”

He chuckled and kissed my shoulder. Then, he kissed my cheek. “It’s okay.”

Blushing, I turned so I was facing him. “I’m just not used to sleeping next to such a pretty guy.” I smiled as I stroked his cheek, down to his neck, and then his shoulder.

That was when I noticed he was shirtless. I had never seen him shirtless before. It was far more intimate than it should have been. My eyes trailed down his body and well… I was, for lack of a better word, shook.

“Since when do you have abs?” I blurted out, feeling all sorts of things.

“Um…” Ethan laughed nervously. “Since… always? I think?”

I glanced up at him, noticing how red his cheeks had gotten. A smirk etched on my face and I trailed my hand down his body.

“You’re so hot,” I said in a sultry tone, my fingers touching the waistband of his sweatpants. “You know that?”

Ethan didn’t say anything at first. I leaned in closer to him, trailing my fingers from his stomach around to his back.

“A-Am I?” he finally spoke, his voice soft and timid.

Oh my god, it was so endearing.

“Mhm,” I replied as I leaned in to kiss the crook of his neck. I felt him take in a deep breath, so I kept going.

I kissed up and down his neck as I felt up his body. Ethan's breathing got deeper and quicker the more I kissed around his skin. He tightened his grip on my waist, and then trailed his hands to my butt. Just from our bodies pressing together, I knew he was very eager and excited. I wondered if this was what he wanted to happen before I inevitably fell asleep on him.

~

We ended up running a little late to Jack’s panel. I managed to pull off a no foundation look and keep my hair in a high ponytail, fixing some strays along the way. We were practically rushed down to the convention center, where we were even more rushed to the show room where the panel was taking place. Thankfully, it hadn’t started yet, so Ethan and I were relieved once we were seated.

“Where were you guys?” asked Ethan’s friend, Brian, who I had met the day prior. “I was calling you, idiot!” He smacked his friend’s arm.

“I was asleep,” Ethan replied.

“I took forever to get ready,” I said over him.

“Both!” Ethan quickly added.

Someone in the row in front of us laughed. It was Mark, who had turned around. Once he did, so did the people next to him, which were Amy, Kathryn, and Tyler. Mark smirked and put up air quotes. “Yeah. ‘Getting ready.’”

“¡Ayy cochino!” I said as I playfully slapped his hands away and tried not be embarrassed.

Maybe it was the lingering euphoria, but I felt unusually calm sitting in the middle of a row, near the front of the stage. I was able to brush off Mark’s comment and avoid getting flustered and blushy. Maybe it was because it was Jack I was going to see on stage. I also had my boyfriend on my left, and my friends directly in front of me. Jack’s ex-girlfriend was on my right. It was like-

Wait.

My head immediately turned to the girl sitting next to me. I didn’t mean to make a sudden move, but I was surprised, not only at the person, but the fact that she was wearing the exact same black sweater as me. Despite that, I was a little salty that she was here.

She looked back at me, just as surprised. We’ve heard of each other, we had just never met. Honestly, I didn’t think I would meet her like this, when she was blacklisted in my mind.

“Hey Signe!” Ethan happily greeted, and we both jumped.

“Hi!” she replied, quickly composing herself.

That caused Mark, Amy, Kathryn, and Tyler to turn around. They were all happy to see her. She was happy to see them. Or they were all polite and collectively ignoring the elephant in the room. I mean, this group did have a tendency to welcome ex-girlfriends.

“You’re Bella, right?” Signe asked after that wave of greetings. “Sean’s roommate?”

I nodded and pressed on my own fake smile. “Yeah. Um, I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“I know, it seems… awkward,” she said in a tone that matched her words. “But I wanted to see him… and maybe talk to him later.”

To break his heart again? To have the same conversation and hurt him again?

“Oh, cool.”

Signe looked at me, hesitating. “You don’t like me.” It wasn’t a question.

Still, I was taken aback by that statement. I chuckled nervously. “Um, no. I mean… I don’t know you really, I’m just…”

“She’s great with people,” Ethan sarcastically added as he patted my hand.

I sighed. “Thanks, babe.”

Thankfully, the lights went down, indicating the start of the panel.

~

“I can’t believe you never told me!” I snapped once we were all taken out of the room following the panel. I was so utterly betrayed.

“I thought you knew!” Ethan replied in defense. “Babe, listen-” He tried taking my hand, but I quickly pulled it away.

“No! Do you know what this means?” I asked seriously.

He slowed his steps through the narrow hall. “Baby. Don’t do this. Come on, please. Let’s go back to our room, and-”

“I can’t go back to the room with you!”

“Where are you gonna go, then? With Sean? He can’t help you with this, he’s on my side this time!” Ethan shot back, folding his arms. “You know what? Don’t come back to the room! I was willing to talk this out, but if you’re acting this way-”

“You guys are way too passionate about pizza,” pointed out Signe, who was walking with us.

“I don’t like pineapple!” I justified.

“Oh, why don’t you just rip my heart out?” Ethan said to me.

We were escorted to a secluded corridor by enforcers, which eventually led us backstage where we met up with Jack. Or as I like to call him, the other traiter. I would have let him have it, had he not noticed that his ex was among his group of friends. We all kind of knew to leave them alone, so we did just that, and let the enforcers take us somewhere else.

“Do you think-” Ethan was about to say.

“Wait,” I cut him off as we walked away.

“They’re gonna-”

“Shh!”

I waited until we were all out the exit and near the main floor. I had been holding his hand until now, and I quickly pulled it back to my side as I heard people yell. “I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t like her that much.”

“How come?” Ethan asked, surprised at my words and probably my gesture.

“She hurt him.” I shrugged. “Like, she really, really hurt him. She made him fly back to Ireland only to confirm that they were broken up. She abandoned him.”

“Maybe they’ll work it out this time. He looked happy to see her.”

I would have said more, but then we were joined once again by Brian and his girlfriend, Morgan. They were surprisingly easy to talk to, I hadn't felt completely overwhelmed by them just yet.

“Okay, be honest,” Brian said to me, “How much is he paying you to hang out with him?”

“Well, I don't mean to brag,” I replied, “but… four dollars and pudding cup. Like, I don't wanna say I got it made, but…”

Brian looked at Ethan, betrayed. “She gets a pudding cup and I don't?”

It went on like that. It was fun.

We didn't get back to the hotel until nighttime. Once I was alone with Ethan, I was exhausted. It was a fun day, but I could only handle so much interaction. Not only that, Ethan and Brian were approached by fans more often than not, and while most didn't bat an eye at me, I was sure they would speculate online. So that was another thing to worry about. We had never really talked about when we would publicly show our relationship.

“Hey, so are you coming to my signing tomorrow?” Ethan asked me. Even more things to worry about.

I plopped face down onto the bed and sighed. “Do you want me to go?”

“Well, yeah,” he said as he lied down next to me. “But if it's too stressful for you, then you don't have to stay obviously. But I do want you there.”

Everything is already stressful. I'm not dead, but I'm stressed. I wanted to go home already.

“What about your followers?” I asked. “What’ll they think?”

“I'm sure they figured it out already,” he told me. “I already saw some stuff on Twitter. It's mostly positive.”

I scoffed, grumpy. “I literally do not believe you, but I'm too tired to see for myself.”

“Well, it's true. Some things can turn out positive, believe it or not.” He got up and went to the bathroom.

What was that supposed to mean? How could people not hate me? I went from Mark to Ethan in less than a year, and I knew how shady that looked! Mark had never seen the dark parts of his community until I came into the picture. It could be the same with Ethan's. It had to be the same.

I would have brought it up when he got out of the bathroom but then there was a knock on the door. That sound alone gave me enough energy to get up, grab my skincare products and hide in the bathroom.

~

The next day was Mark’s panel with Tyler, Ethan, Bob, and Wade. In other words, there was no time for fun things under the sheets this time, so I couldn’t find it in me to relax or not think of my empty apartment in Los Angeles. I couldn’t really think rationally either, and that probably had to do with the fact that Ethan had to leave beforehand.

“Will you be okay?” he asked while I was getting ready.

“Yeah.” I’ve learned nothing. “Jack is gonna come find me and…” I trailed off as I filled in my eyebrows with a brush.

“And we’ll never know,” Ethan joked with a small laugh.

I looked at him through the reflection in the mirror. He looked so cute and happy in his dark red pants and navy shirt. He even had his glasses on and everything. I double checked to make sure my brows were okay before standing up to face him.

“Good luck,” I told him with a smile. “I’m proud of you, and you look adorable.”

“Oh, stop!” he replied as he dramatically waved it off. “I’ll see you in the audience?”

“I’ll be the pink dot sitting by the green dot.”

Ethan smiled before quickly kissing me goodbye. As soon as he was out the door I dropped my fake happy expression. I wanted to support him, despite that it took all of my energy. I was starting to remember why I always avoided big events like this. Only a couple more days.

By the time I finished doing my makeup, Jack had come by my room. He was alone, but he looked perkier than usual. He looked happy. I envied him.

“I’m almost ready,” I told him, my brain feeling like static.

“Can we talk for a second?” he requested before adding, “it’s about me and Signe.”

“Okay.”

We sat on the foot of the bed. I had a feeling I already knew what he was going to say, but I had to hear it to be sure.

“We got back together last night.” As expected.

I nodded lightly.

“You think I made the wrong choice,” Jack assumed.

Come on, Baller. Use your words.

“No,” I said. “Well - I’m sorry, I’m just… really tired and… drained. It’s not you, sorry.”

“So you’re cool with it? That we’re back together?” he asked hopefully.

That’s when I hesitated. “Let me put it this way: what if I got back with my ex-boyfriend after everything he put me through? After you saw how I acted and what I did because of him. What would you think of that?”

Jack considered my words and then nodded understandingly. “Okay, I get it.”

“But still,” I continued. “It’s your life, and I want you to be happy, and if she still makes you happy, despite everything, then… I’ll welcome her with my open, anxious arms.”

He chuckled. “Okay. Thanks, Bellers. And, just so you know, I was angry at Mark for a while after what he did to you. It takes time for all of that to pass, so I understand if you don’t warm up to Signe right away.”

“I’ll be nice to her, don’t worry.”

“That’s all I ask.”

~

Mark’s panel was as extra as you could expect. He made the audience scream and wave for the first three minutes. Claimed the room wasn’t big enough for his ego. Then he introduced each of his friends in an equally extra manner.

“The one and only… Tyler! The undying smile! Stand please!”

“Ethan…” (“Is that my introduction?” He pulled a dab.) “The crankiest boy in the West… and the East! Watch as he… introduces himself…” (“Hey… it’s me!”)

“Me. Mark. The unbelievable. Mark. The girthy. Shout big words at me!” (The audience booed, myself included.)

“Bob! Who needs no introduction!”

“Tears come to my eyes when I think of this man. The man who has done so much amazing things in my life, and your guys’s…” (Ethan: “Dude are you crying?”) “Shut up. This man who, not only motivated me when I was in the early stages of my channel… Wade!” (“What’s the catch?” He went to hug Mark.)

Then, the show started. Each guy expressed their opening statements. Ethan did a backflip. Then, Mark announced a tour. The five of them. On the road. Four shows in June. Many cities in the fall. Why was it daunting and intimidating? Because Mark started talking about each member of the team individually.

“Bob and Wade have been my friends for a long time, Tyler has been with me since the beginning, Ethan-”

“I mean nothing to you,” he said with a laugh.

“Let me get to it!” Mark replied after some banter. “So, Ethan is a newcomer to the team but he’s been indispensable in everything we’ve been doing. ‘A Date with Markiplier’ wouldn’t have happened without him, or without Tyler. Or without anybody on the team.” He pointed to a section of the audience. “Amy and Kathryn, you guys are unbelievable. Amy, is my inspiration in everything that I do.”

The audience lost it at that moment. But Mark quickly got their attention again.

“And! I lied, Ethan isn’t the newcomer anymore! Bella, our dear friend Bella, she’s part of the team now and she’s going to be helping us with a lot of cool stuff!”

Once again, the audience lost it. Oh no, attention. Jack nudged my side, and I blushed and kept a stiff smile on my face. I kept my eyes firmly on the guys on stage. Luckily, Mark was able to diffuse that uproar and bring the attention back to the tour.

The guys played some improv games and then talked more about the show without giving away anything major. Then they answered some Twitter questions. It was generally very good and fun, I was able to forget about being put on the spot for the duration of the panel.

One question was the deep and inevitable, “What would you tell your younger self?” All the guys had deep, emotional answers but for some reason, Mark admitting that he was very happy where he is now got me. For a minute, that douchebag persona went away and he genuinely said he was happy. It was actually nice to hear. Also, Tyler said to focus on the small bits of joy instead of everything that was going wrong, and I did not need to hear that at all… but I did.

Finally, Mark fucking cried. It was understandable, though. He got so deep and into the moment that it made some tears arise. It made me think back to our early days at YTU, when he would tell me about everything he wanted to do. His mind was all over the place, and his heart was, or still is, in a good place. He wanted to make change, he wanted to do good things.

He changed mine. I wouldn’t be here, alive or dead, if he wasn’t so determined to talk to me back in 2014.

~

After the panel ended, Jack, Signe, Amy, Kathryn, and I were escorted backstage where we met up with the guys. Then, we all ventured out back to the hotel. For some fucking reason, we decided to walk. Outside. Where it was snowing. I was brutally reminded that I was in fact a desert rat. I held Ethan’s hand like it was a lifeline until we made it back to the hotel.

That was when I slowly started to lose it again. I felt exhausted, but my heart and brain were working overtime. I tried to distract myself by looking on my phone when we were in the elevator, only to find a stalker photo of my and my boyfriend on Tumblr. It was taken from behind, our colorful hair sticking out like sore thumbs. We were holding hands, or I was hugging Ethan’s arm and standing awfully close to him while we were surrounded by people. I honestly didn’t remember where in the convention center we were when that was taken, but it made me feel awfully weird. It wasn’t a little secret anymore.

“Now they know for sure,” Ethan said when I showed him. “That means you can go to my signing!”

If I don’t die first.

“Ooh, that’s gonna be fun,” Amy spoke up from behind us. “Everyone is generally really nice, don’t worry.”

I nodded, despite that I wanted to drown myself in the mini bar in our hotel room. That was a bad sign, right? I felt the need to sedate myself somehow. That’s bad.

Thankfully, I was able to get in some resting time. Ethan was super persistent on getting me to stick with him all day, and if I was going to do that, I had to keep to myself for a bit. I had to be a good girlfriend, but I couldn’t do it while I was on edge.

The mini bar was awfully tempting though. It was on top of the mini fridge, which was right next to the desk where I had my makeup laid out. However, Ethan was sat behind me on the bed. Maybe I could just wait until he went to the bathroom or something.

“Are you putting makeup on top of your makeup?” he asked at one point.

“Just on my eyes,” I replied, sounding distant for a multitude of reasons. “Maybe I’ll go nuts and put on false eyelashes.” Or I’ll go nuts in general. Whichever happens first.

At least I had new products to try out. Three hundred dollars’ worth of items. My soft, neutral look from this morning was quickly turned into a glittery cut crease. I was blown away by this liquid eyeshadow, I had to stop myself from reacting the way I did in my videos: an excited squeal and dropping a thousand f-bombs. Oh, and I did add false lashes. I got carried away in the name of distractions. When I finished the look, I turned to Ethan.

“Too much?” I asked.

“Huh?”

I waved around my face. “Do I look okay? Too much glitter? Too much glow?”

Ethan scooted up so he was at the foot of the bed and directly in front of me. He put on a mock thoughtful face and stroked his chin.

“Hmm, turn your head,” he told me, and I obliged. “Yes, very shiny. Very… contour-y. You sacrificed many babies to look this pretty, I can tell.”

I breathed out a laugh and looked him in the eyes again.

“Shiny nose,” he mumbled.

“In an oily way or a glowy way?” I asked as I reached for my compact.

“Glowing,” he quickly replied, grabbing my hand to stop me. “It’s adorable! Ya look gore-gus!”

“Aw, thanks boo!” I said, waving it off. “Now, come here. I have to do a kiss test.”

That caught him by surprise. “Kiss test?”

I pointed to my mouth. “New liquid lipstick. I need to see if it transfers, and it’s boring to kiss the back of my hand.”

He chuckled. “Okay, then.”

We moved closer to each other, I placed a hand on his shoulder, and I kissed him right on the mouth. Yes, this was a ploy to make out with him, but it was also for research! I had to keep it short, though. Too much kissing would obviously make the color transfer. I pulled back and quickly ran my thumb over his lips, doing a quick inspection.

“Alright, cool,” I concluded as I turned back towards the mirror.

“That’s it?” Ethan asked.

“Yup! Thank you, chulo!”

“Tease!”

_______

final chapter

#crankgameplays x oc #ethan nestor x reader #jacksepticeye x oc #markiplier x oc #ylh fic #sweetheart writes #YALL WERE ALMOST AT THE END FUCCKFGK #i really think yall will like the ending #like #we just experienced the jackella ending if u will #those ends got tightened up so we know theyre good #theyre friends forever or something like that lmao #ethella look like theyre in a good place so that feels... final? #theres just a few more bits to wrap up and put a bow on top #and then its over #fuhccfjf

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 14

(aka the royalty AU story)

Not sure how I’ve managed to keep up with this for two whole weeks in a row so far...

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13] [AO3]

It was the start of the winter holidays, and most of the students would be going home to their families for these few weeks while the school was shut for renovations and upkeeping. Kim had been asked by his parents to come back home, but he instead wrote them a quick letter informing them that he would be going to stay with Max instead, and left before he could receive a reply. He knew they wouldn’t be happy, but so what? As a prince, surely it was his duty to visit other countries and learn about new places, getting to know other leaders in the meantime!

The journey to Kanté only took two days, unlike the slow week’s travel time it took to get to Lê Chiến. First there was a short trip on an ocean liner, then an overnight maglev train. It was the smoothest kind of train Kim had ever been on in his life.

“Maglev stands for magnetic levitation,” Max informed him while Kim was looking around the sparkly clean insides of the train in wonder. “The train is actually suspended slightly above the tracks using magnetic repulsion, leading to less friction and therefore much faster speeds and smoother travel.”

“Wait a second – do you mean to tell me this train is flying?”

“Well, hovering, yes.”

“That is the coolest thing ever! We need these cool train things in my kingdom too!” Kim ran up to the window and pressed his face against it, looking at the blur of green and yellow outside, passing by too quickly to focus on properly. “How fast are we even going?”

“300 km/h, though there are trains that have exceeded those speeds before.”

“Do you think it’s possible for a human to run that fast too? If they practised really, really hard?”

Max laughed. “Definitely not, Kim, though I know you can certainly run very fast by human standards.”

Reaching the capital city the next morning, Kim was first of all stunned at how tall the buildings were. Not only that, but they seemed to be made out of all sorts of shiny metals and glass, giving a very unique and unconventionally beautiful skyline.

As the train slowed down and made its way through the vast city on little suspended monorails, Kim was able to see that these were not the only types of buildings. There were smaller ones with beautiful architecture, painted in bright colours with mosaic patterns all over them. Max pointed them out and talked about them as they passed.

“That one is the Kubdel Embassy, it has a very stylistic design. That one over there is the National Theatre House, where you can see all sorts of traditional plays and shows. On your left you’ll see the Museum of Modern Art, it’s a very interesting place though I feel like you’re not the sort of person who would be enthusiastic about going there…”

Kim looked down at the street below, which the monorail tracks towered over like a long bridge, and saw that there were cars. Endless rows of cars, in all sorts of bright colours, and people walking around in bright, clear, patterned clothing. He had never seen anything like it. A group of small children looked up at the train and waved, so Kim happily waved back.

“Dude, your kingdom is awesome,” he said to Max. ��Like, it’s actually the coolest place I’ve been to, and I thought Bourgeois was nice.”

“You’ve barely even seen this place yet!”

“But it’s so futuristic! You’ve got all these huge skyscrapers, and these magic flying trains, and so many cars there’s traffic, and a city this big it would take days to walk around, and…”

“If you think this is advanced, wait until you see Alix’s kingdom. They’ve got plants growing up the sides of their skyscrapers there. Which is impressive considering that most of her kingdom is desert.”

“You two are the luckiest ever.”

“Not necessarily, I mean, everyone’s kingdom has something special about it. I’m sure your kingdom is a lovely place too. You just like it here because it’s different.”

“Nah, it’s not just that. It looks so… you know, clean. Organized. Like a really nice place to live. Whereas sometimes back home when I’m travelling around by horse carriage I see places that don’t look so good, like I wouldn’t want to live there if my life depended on it. And I want to do something about it, because everyone deserves to live in a cool place like this country.”

“Yes, everyone deserves a nice place to live. Unfortunately this kingdom isn’t without its problems too. Poverty exists everywhere, though we can do our best to help lift as many people out of it as possible. Crime exists everywhere too, and all we can do is try to stop it and prevent it.”

“You seem to be doing a much better job than most other places I’ve been to. Everyone here looks rich.”

“Well, I suppose the city is quite affluent, though I’d say the vast majority of the population are just middle-class…”

The train pulled into the station and slowed to a halt. Kim and Max were ushered down a long red carpet from the train to a waiting vehicle, while porters carried their luggage for them.

“This is such a cool car,” Kim muttered in awe as the chauffeur opened the back door to let them in.

“It’s a limousine, or limo for short,” Max said. “They’re longer than usual cars. As royalty, we get to ride in these by default.”

“Whoa… neat…”

The ride from the station to the palace was fairly short. Stepping out of the limo and into proper daylight, Kim realized that the temperature here was incredibly warm for December, despite being well into the northern hemisphere. He rolled up his sleeves, regretting packing a lot of warm clothes. He wouldn’t need them.

The palace itself was big and painted mostly white to keep it as cool as possible, and the inside was huge and filled with marble pillars, with tiled marble flooring everywhere too. Kim was immediately introduced to Max’s family (who he had met a few times before), then shown to the guest quarters where he would be staying.

Wow… not only did this big, airy room have a brilliant view overlooking this incredible city, but it had an electric ceiling fan. An actual, adjustable, spinning fan that could be controlled by a dial on the wall. Kim spent at least 15 minutes playing around with it, watching as the blades moved quicker and quicker until they were an undistinguishable blur.

Wait, there was a microwave oven in here too??? He had only ever seen pictures of those! He pulled a half-melted chocolate bar out of his pocket, put it in, then closed the door and pressed a few numbers. It started making a whirring noise, and after some seconds it beeped. Opening the microwave door again, the chocolate bar was now a sticky puddle. How awesome!

Over the next few days, it was like living a dream. Max showed Kim all sorts of incredible things that could be seen in this kingdom – electric refrigerators and freezers, sunglasses, clothes made from a strange material called “nylon” (which was somehow a type of plastic, supposedly), and of course, helicopters. There was a helicopter pad on the roof and Max took Kim up to show him this magnificent machine, though they weren’t permitted to fly in it.

It wasn’t just all the modern inventions that made this country interesting. Max also made sure to take Kim sightseeing, though with an armed guard to keep an eye on them and make sure the paparazzi and fans didn’t get too close.

The city had some of the most splendid architecture Kim had ever seen. Many of the more historic buildings, especially the mosques and other places of worship, were so stunning that Kim was tempted to spend all his money on a camera just so he could take pictures of everything and remember it forever. Not just any camera either, but a colour camera, since everything here was so colourful, especially the beautiful robes most people wore.

Max explained while showing Kim around that although most people here spoke French, there were so many other languages spoken too that most people knew at least two or three different ones quite fluently. He also told Kim about how most of this country was either arid or semi-arid, but the rainier areas to the south were used to grow cotton and collect water, while the other areas focused more on scientific research and technology advancements, often collaborating on projects with Kubdel to the northeast.

A few days into the holiday, when Kim was finally getting used to being here, Max sent for him to be woken up fairly early.

“I have a surprise for you today,” he said, as a butler led them to the limousine. “You’ll get to see something really, really cool today.”

“What is it?”

“If I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise!”

Kim watched out of the tinted windows as the limo set off. They seemed to be heading away from the city, as there were fewer buildings around here and the roads were wide with cars going at high speeds over multiple lanes.

He observed the signs on the sides of the road, and… wait a second, did that one say “airport”?

“You’re taking me to the airport!” Kim gasped. “Oh my gosh, you’re gonna show me what real aeroplanes look like!”

“Yep, that’s it,” Max said, grinning. “You’ll get to see them taking off and landing and I could even show you inside one if you want. And there’s another surprise in store too.”

“I can’t wait!” Kim could barely sit still anymore, bouncing around on his seat and fiddling with the seat belt impatiently.

They arrived at the airport and were immediately taken to the VIP lounge, where there were comfy sofas and a big bar to get drinks and snacks from. Kim, however, ran straight over to the window and stared out of it in amazement.

Those were planes. Those were real planes, right there, parked outside, the ones that flew through the sky like birds. They were huge, way bigger than he had imagined. They had big noses and wings and tails, and hundreds of little round windows dotted across the side, and colourful logos painted onto them…

He watched as one of the planes on a distant runway suddenly accelerated forwards, going faster and faster, tilting upwards slightly, until –

“Max! Max look! That one over there! It just started flying! It’s actually flying oh my gosh –”

“Magical, isn’t it?” Max said, coming to stand beside Kim.

“Yeah! It didn’t even need to flap its wings or anything, it just went WHOOSH and then zoom and then… MAX THAT ONE OVER THERE IS LANDING, ARE YOU SEEING THIS, IT’S LANDING ON TINY WHEELS –”

He couldn’t even express in words how incredible it was. These huge, bulky machines, could actually carry people through the sky! Wasn’t that just the most amazing thing ever? He could stand here for hours, his breath misting up the window, watching the planes going up and down the runway, defying gravity in the most magnificent way possible…

Not too long later, Max tapped him on the shoulder saying, “It’s time for the other surprise now. And, I guess, if you want to see the inside of a plane – a private jet, to be precise – you’ll get a chance to, since it’s just landed.”

“That would be awesome.”

Kim and Max followed one of the airport staff members down a few corridors and then outside. There was a smaller plane here now, with the side of it opened up to reveal cargo crates that were being carried out and put onto transport wagons by staff members.

A portable set of steps had been wheeled over to the door of the plane, providing a pathway to the ground. The door opened and out walked Pharaoh Alix and her pet snake. She quickly waved at Kim and Max and then ran down the steps to see them.

“What are you doing here?” Kim spluttered, suddenly wondering if his hair was okay, was he wearing something sensible, did he have any spots, oh wait of course she wouldn’t care about any of that, but still…

“I flew over with a trade shipment!” she said. “I’m always doing that, I love planes and it means I get to meet up with Max. And you too, this time.”

“Good to see you, Alix!” Max said. “Is your brother here too?”

“Yeah, he fell asleep even though it was only about an hour flight. It takes him like a year to wake up. I mean same, but like, how can you fall asleep on a one hour plane journey?”

Sure enough, Alix’s older brother was just exiting the plane and walking down the steps. He had plastic glasses too, just like Max, and for some reason was wearing a scarf despite the heat.

“This is Jalil,” Alix said. “And Jalil, this is Kim. Kim the Second, I mean.”

“Oh yes,” Jalil muttered, “the one who lost the race.”

“Oh come on, that was ages ago! Give him a break… Anyway Kim, have you ever seen the inside of a plane before?”

Kim shook his head. “Never even seen one in person before today.”

“Seriously?” said Jalil. “Wow Alix, you were right, they are really backwards…”

Alix elbowed him. “Shush, be nice to my best friend!” She started climbing back up the stairs. “Come on, Kim! Take a look at our private jet! Not that all planes look like this on the inside, but the good ones do at least.”

Kim followed her up the steps and into the plane. The inside looked like a modern lounge, with comfortable seats and tables that could be pulled out or stowed away. There were cabinets overhead to store things in and some kind of music was playing, though Kim couldn’t figure out where from. There must be speakers hidden away somewhere.

“Whoa, this is so cool!” he said, looking around at everything. “And what does it feel like when the plane is actually flying? Does it feel like you’re going really fast?”

“Nah, it just feels like normal,” Alix replied. “Unless you get turbulence and it’s a bumpy journey, but otherwise you forget you’re even on a plane.”

“Turbulence?”

“Yeah, like when you’re flying over mountains and stuff and the air is weird and it makes the plane ride bumpy… I don’t know the science, ask Max about that. Or Jalil, he’s an absolute nerd, by the way.”

Kim was barely listening, too busy messing around with the reclining settings on the chair. “Oh yeah, okay. Hey, what sort of trade shipment things were you transporting?”

“Just raw materials this time, nothing too interesting. The good stuff usually goes by train. Speaking of good stuff, they’re working on getting actual televisions installed on aeroplanes next so you can watch movies while you’re flying!”

“What? That’s so cool, and also so unfair.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get televisions to the rest of the world someday too, okay?”

“I hope so…”

Once Kim had finished having a good look around the plane, they went back outside. Alix and Jalil were accompanying them back to the palace for lunch, and leaving to go back home later on in the day. The limousine was easily big enough to fit them all for the ride back to the city.

“So, do you think you ever want to fly in a plane someday?” Max asked Kim.

“Heck yeah! It looks so fun! When will I get to do that?”

“You could always come to visit my kingdom next holiday, you’ll get to fly in a plane then,” Alix said. “I usually just take the ocean liner from Bourgeois to the northern port and then catch a short flight from there back to where my palace is. If you came along I could show you.”

“Wait, you mean in the spring holidays? Stay? With you?”

“Yeah, if you don’t have to go back home, that is.”

Kim tried not to read too much into that. She was asking him to stay with her for the holidays, it totally wasn’t like that meant anything, of course…

He put on his most casual tone and said, “Sure, that might be, like, a cool idea or something, I guess… whatever…”

“Awesome!”

“Not awesome,” Jalil corrected. “Do you really think dad’s going to be okay with you randomly inviting a friend over for several weeks? He barely let Max stay for two days that one time, remember?”

“It’s fine, he’s warming up to Max so he’ll warm up to Kim too. And plus, that last time was before I was crowned pharaoh. Now I’m in charge so I can do whatever I want.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Yeah, but I like to pretend it’s true.”

“Are you annoyed that the throne went to your little sister instead of you?” Kim asked Jalil suddenly, but then regretted it the second he’d said it. How tactless was it to ask something like that? Ugh, why did his brain just not work whenever Alix was around?

Luckily Jalil did not seem annoyed at the question. “No, it’s better like this. Ruling a country is a stressful job. At least this way I can choose to pursue careers I’m actually interested in instead. Like studying ancient history.”

Ah, yes. That did sound nerdy. Was that why Alix always got along so well with Max? Did he remind her of her brother somehow? That would explain things.

It was already lunchtime when they reached the palace, so they had lunch together, and then it was time for Alix and Jalil to go back to the airport to catch their flight. Apparently the planes all ran on strict schedules and if someone didn’t turn up in time, they would simply miss the flight. Of course, since Alix and Jalil were royalty their flight would just end up delayed if they weren’t there on time, but it was better not to let that happen or it would mess up the timetable completely. And there was always the possibility of getting caught in traffic in a kingdom like this. It was better to leave early rather than late.

“It was nice to meet you,” Jalil said to Kim. “I guess if you’re coming to stay in spring then I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you too,” Kim said, though Jalil was already walking off out of the room.

“See you at school, Kim!” Alix gave him a light punch on the arm (or rather, she thought it had been light – it actually did hurt, though Kim would never admit that) and started to leave too.

Kim suddenly remembered something. Was anyone else in here? No, it was just the two of them… well, and that snake on her arm, but Kim the First didn’t seem so scary these days…

“Alix, wait a second,” he said, taking her hand and trying to ignore how flustered he suddenly felt. “I just remembered, um… well you told me to remind you, so… Wait, you don’t still have a cold, do you?”

“Nope.”

“Okay good… so um, remember at the winter party? When there was that mistletoe, and you were ill so we didn’t kiss? I mean, since there’s no one else around I guess we could just do that now… if you want…”

She looked up at him, frowning. Kim started wondering if he had been too obvious that he liked her. What if she was annoyed or something? What could she possibly be thinking about?

“You’re too tall,” she said finally.

Oh, was that it? That wasn’t a big deal, Ivan and Mylène had a height difference too. “I could just–”

Before he could even react, she had somehow hooked her foot round and tripped him over backwards, catching him just before he landed on the floor.

“There we go, that’s better. Now I get to be the tall one for once.”

Kim lay perfectly still, barely even daring to breathe. She was literally holding him in her arms, her face barely a few inches above his own, strands of her pink fringe dangling over his forehead…

She leaned down to kiss him –

– and promptly dropped him just a millimetre away.

“Hey, what was that for?” Kim said, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head where it hit the floor. But then he heard footsteps. Oh, no wonder she had suddenly stopped, but come on! Did someone really have to come along and ruin this right now?

It was Jalil. He popped his head around the door and said, “Come on Alix, what are you waiting for? We have a flight to catch!”

“Yeah, I know, sorry,” she said quickly. “I was just, uh… fighting Kim. And I totally won.”

“That’s not true!” Kim said, jumping to his feet.

“Anyway Kim I’ve really gotta go now so goodbye, I’ll see you at school, just remind me about that other thing some other time, okay?”

“Okay…”

She hurried out of the room and Jalil closed the door.

Kim sighed. He had been so close. He was so sure it was going to happen that time. But still, he just couldn’t figure out her opinion on all this. Did she even want to kiss him? She didn’t exactly seem enthusiastic, but she didn’t seem annoyed either, just… apathetic. Almost as if she didn’t even care one way or another. But how?

He was still thinking about it when Max came to visit him in his room later.

“Max, I was this close to kissing her,” Kim said straightaway, holding his fingers up just a tiny bit apart. “But then her brother interrupted us, so she had to leave…” He lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling fan. “Maybe this was what Master Fu meant when he told me not to get my hopes up. That it’ll take a hundred years for it to finally happen.”

Max sat down on the bed beside him. “Kim… why don’t you just tell her how you feel? Ask her out?”

“I still don’t really feel like asking anyone out, Max. Not after Chloé. And anyway, it’s okay, Alix is my friend and I like it that way. I don’t mind. I’m just glad she likes hanging out with me.”

“Trust me, I can definitely understand that feeling,” Max said, chuckling a little. “That’s fair enough. Anyway, I was going to ask… do you want to go bowling? We have plastic skittles.”

“Plastic skittles!” Kim sat up so fast the blood rushed out of his head. “Yes please, that sounds so awesome!”

“Alright then, let’s go!”

#royalty au #i'm sorry this entire story so far has been one long geography lesson hasn't it #anyway listen. heartrate is still a good ship and i still like it #so don't think this is over yet #miraculous ladybug #le chien kim #max kante #alix kubdel #random stuff #the misadventures of prince kim #aish writes

[memorylang]

New Me, Stateside for New Year’s | #20 | January 2020

When I landed back in Mongolia, many asked me either, “How was America?” or “How was China?” I saw both, anyway. So in this travel trio finale, I reflect on the changes I’d noticed in and around me during my three weeks on vacation from Mongolia.

During my reverse culture shock in the States, I logged my findings. Some were physical, like my increased tolerances (resilience?). Others were perceptions. Food, friends and family are my themes~

Landing in the States

“Welcome back, sir,” smiled the U.S. immigration officer at SFO, when said I’m a Peace Corps Volunteer. 

That felt different. 

Usually immigration gives me trouble, not credit. 

But I also felt more comfortable on the plane and in the airport, too, not needing to worry whether my shoes’ bottoms faced others. When travelers’ feet rubbed mine, they didn’t need to shake my hand. Those made life easier. Nonetheless, I felt odd seeing Americans nonchalantly have their shoes’ bottoms face people.

The House in Vegas

Returning to my family’s house that December 19 before Christmas, it felt more spacious than I remembered. Even our restrooms just felt larger than I recalled. Having our cooling fall from our ceiling, instead of heating from radiators below the windows surprised me, too. 

Writing of the house, I also sleep way better in the beds at home. Amusingly, I slept in my older brother’s old bed, since, for the past four plus years, he’s slept in my old bed. My younger brother had moved into his old bed while I was away for university. (It’s complicated.) Based on the States, I felt, I could think up ways to make my bed in Mongolia more comfortable…

As I explained to friends in the States, I’d also experienced dreams including friends from both in my Peace Corps service and in my Nevada lives before. I noted, in the past, I would keep in touch with American friends while going abroad. This time, I would keep in touch with Mongolian friends while visiting the States. Those blending communities felt profound, since I loved when life’s separate experiences crossed. I hope I continue such habits beyond my service.

Before my half-brother and his wife left after Christmas, they commended me, I seem more confident and calmer since graduating university. We discussed at length some cross-culture techniques, regarding how I seek and engage motivations when I teach and learn.

On the Advent of Christmas, I’d returned through my closet for childhood things I’ve finally grown willing to part with. I gifted these to them, for their baby. When I returned to Mongolia, they shared with me a photo of him adoring his new toy. Hehe, what a life.

So Much Food

To end my first full day back at the house, I stayed true to my word from Mongolia. I just went to the fridge and freezer, grabbed a bunch of berries and banana, plunked them in a blender with pineapple(?) ice cream and milk, (plus peas,) then downed that awesome shake while I worked on my writings. Ugh, shakes. 

I definitely satisfied my major cravings stateside. While I love Mongolian food, I’d forgotten the States’ food diversity! I enjoyed at least American (including Hawaiian), Chinese, Japanese, Filipino and Thai goodness. Vegas has lots of Asian cuisine. 

I hadn’t realized how much a half-Chinese American like me could miss pizza, burgers and bagels, but heck, I found that out, too. I ate pizza at plenty opportunities, amounting to at least a time or two per week. Freezer pizzas tasted rad. Even those staling discount blueberry bagels from Smith’s were great. 

And, oh dang, microwaves! Not having to heat my food on a pan felt the best, haha. I’m such a tourist in our own house.

Into Our Community

Leading up to my return, I announced to friends I’d be back. Get-togethers arranged. 

Sunday, we left home to see family friends. The constant Christmas music on the radio and Christmas lights on neighborhoods’ homes welcomed me. I even welcomed hearing car radios! I hadn’t heard as many radios in Mongolia, since I avoided taxis my first months. Buses just played downloaded music videos, if anything.

Outdoors in Vegas, I realized I could take the cool way better! I wore one or two layers when locals wear two or three.

At sushi, we enjoyed a welcome back lunch celebrating the returns of a family friend and me. I loved the fraternal bonds and companionship. Curiously, a family friend offered me a beer, which I finished myself. I felt surprised, considering I could hardly do that before leaving America. I guess Mongolian events like Teachers’ Day gave me practice. Later, at my high school Korean friend’s house, he offered me to try his favorite bourbons. Even those, I realized, tasted pretty good. Seems my drink palate’s changed. But I prefer not to invest that route.

Fireside Philosophies

That night with three from our high school alma mater, we lounged around a backyard fire pit with s’mores. Having had freshman classes with these guys, we’ve known each other almost a decade. 

I felt particularly moved in an albeit geeky way, moments earlier, when we first reunited inside. He’s finishing his last semester at West Point. With a hand on my shoulder, he compared me to Ash Ketchum, traveling the world and making so many friends. “Someday, you’re going to be Hokage,” he smiled. 

He’s fun. He reached out during my first autumn in Mongolia, after some four years apart. 

Our party of four discussed our passions, dreams and goals. We’d all traveled afar for our studies and careers. We talked big ideas like cross-cultural evangelization, shared Asian and Christian philosophies and the flooring ethical codes and punishments of West Point. Turns out isolation isn’t just something Peace Corps Volunteers experience!

Vegas Since Christmas

Days later, after Christmas, I reunited with more friends.

First, I saw a game developer, who also graduated my high school, who saw me before I left for Peace Corps. Then I met up with my photographer Korean friend who married before I left for Peace Corps and has done well. He prefers non-K-Pop Korean music. He let me know our high school friend from freshman year who left to study in the Philippines just returned to America. We hadn’t seen him since 2012. I felt so excited, we drove to see him. What an experience. I picked up a huge Thai tea with boba and Hawaiian burger, too. Now that’s Vegas. 

Then I met one of my best friends, a fellow world-traveled one, who’s also preparing his graduate application. We also met a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, who served in Bangladesh till civil unrest evacuated them. I’ll cover our coffee shop/bookstore conversations in an upcoming story. Another friend, too, a Catholic I met at university, wandered a mall with me before her own first study abroad. I felt so happy for her. 

In there, I noticed what my older brother and his girlfriend meant, about Americans not walking up escalators (lifts), even wide ones. When I got back to Beijing, I saw people did as I remembered, standing on the right side to wait or stepping up the left to go quicker. I felt glad I wasn’t crazy. Though, it made me wish Americans didn’t desire such large personal spaces in public places… We must share.

Last Rides in Reno

Back to Reno! My final day there, morning after the wedding, I donned my Mongolian traditional shirt and reunited with my journalism school and the Honors Program at the University of Nevada, Reno. I reunited, too, that weekend with my fraternity brothers and friends. We talked big ideas, and I imparted notions sculpted by my months in Mongolia. Yet I felt so comfortable seated in the cars, taking walks and lounging between professors’ offices in the city I called home four years. 

Many related my youngest sister’s been doing well in her sophomore year at my alma mater. Church-wise, she’s even going through the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults and dating her sponsor, who was my Knights of Columbus successor. (There’s a great coincidence from RCIA 2016 I may touch on someday.) The morning choir loves Sister dearly, though, even as they’ve missed my days, months and years among them. They’re family. Curiously, I even heard my dad’s been attending morning Masses there when he takes jobs in Northern Nevada. I’m glad he hears our remarkable pastor. 

My sister and I actually had a falling-out the day I left our college town last May. So I’d written and sent her a formal apology while flying through Kyrgyzstan to Mongolia. Though we made amends over the seven months, I’m glad she’s had the good year I’d hoped for. Though my legacy hasn’t left its halls, I’ve wanted for her her own story. Even our youngest brother means to attend the Honors Program, its new director told me. Ultimately, my sister and I said goodbyes first this time, for she had to leave before my last day in the States.

That noon, still December 31, I also got lunch with my World Youth Day 2019 family. So fitting to end the year where we started it—together. I related the feeling of living the faith in the First Evangelism. They spoke words with such Spirit, I felt touched. They’ve really had my back this year. They kept in touch regularly since I came to Mongolia. I’ve needed that. 

I spent the rest of my day slipping around campus, musing down memory lane and delivering gifts of шагай \shagai\ ankle bones I’d also given many for Christmas. I loved sharing Mongolian culture through my gifts. Mongolians wishing me over Facebook, “Merry Christmas,” on New Year’s Day, reminded me, as a Catholic, Christmas and New Year’s really do overlap.

There are so many more in Reno-Sparks I wish I could have seen again.

Northern Nevada’s New Year’s Eve

As evening neared, Dad picked me up from the University to take me near Lake Tahoe, where we would share dinner with the Catholic Regent and her Mongolian daughter-in-law, who first readied me for Peace Corps mere weeks before I went. Dad’s so social. Maybe someday I could match his way with making himself comfortable in a room of unfamiliar peers. Discussions of mining in Nevada and the Gobi Desert set in stone for me how similar my undergrad and current communities feel sometimes. Seriously. 

Dad drove me back into town so I could ring in the new year with my newlywed friends. We experienced a multi-faith night hosted in the Reno Buddhist Center. Since I couldn’t find them, I sat in back. I spotted the University photographer who took my portraits at my senior year’s beginning and end, for having done well with my University scholarships and later becoming Senior Scholar of my school. She smiled at me with that familiar twinkle in her eyes. 

I enjoyed a joke our kindly cathedral rector made, that evening, about Catholics coming late and leaving early. I hadn’t heard humor like that in Mongolia. He smiled with such affection when he saw me. Later than evening, as the fireworks came up, I approached the front. A woman had me and a classical singing boy join her beating the Taiko drum! What a moment. 

The newlyweds joined me afterward, joyful to have spotted me down there. They introduced me to a Native American, an imam and other religious leaders who attended the wedding. They complimented my cantoring. I felt shocked they remembered. Then we took a big photo. We shared the most loving hugs.

Then, the couple and I went outside. Like our times passed, we exchanged goodbyes before my next big trip around the world. Then I got back in the car with Dad. After returning to Mongolia, I’d place throughout my apartment faith filled keepsakes from that beautiful wedding.

The New Year

New Year’s Day, I rode with Dad to Fallon, from where we left to Vegas after rest and a continental breakfast. Seeing his suitcases and the coolers in the hotel room before we loaded the car, I recollected years of road trips with my father and family. I still felt surprised how selflessly he’d driven me around New Year’s Eve, when I wanted to get places. I’d miss these road trips with my dad. 

As I stared out the window, seeing the faraway mountains and thinking of that Thanksgiving car ride in Mongolia, I felt grateful to still have Dad well and healthy, after Mom. He still listened to dad rock. I liked that. We’d be home soon.

Through car rides like these, I finished one more big thing in the States. Across my weeks, I blazed through “Pokémon Moon.” This achievement was colossal, since I played in Mandarin Chinese and only touched the game once or twice annually for the three years since my sophomore year at university.

But ultimately, I left it behind in the States. I’m in Mongolia, a world of adventure. That’s my 2020 theme: Exploration. A game would surely distract if I brought it.

Leaving America (Again)

The last friend I saw before leaving Vegas and the U.S. again was also my last friend I saw before leaving for Mongolia the first time. 

She seriously helped me pack in May, when I was a mess. This time, we ate out at a restaurant chain I’d seen only during my years in Reno-Sparks. We spoke for hours. Our reunions since college often wind up as these late nights. Though we relate about the voids left since our parents passed, we’ve known each other so long before. I’ve loved we can talk without retelling backstory. She’s one of those friends who’s so real, she knows me better than I do sometimes!

Anyway, seems I grew another way since Mongolia. This time in Vegas, I finished my packing myself.

Before the crack of dawn, I hugged my other siblings bye, before Dad zoomed me across the city for my flight away. That shiny Raiders stadium will probably be done the next time I’m back.

Return to My City

I experienced an amazing time with relatives and friends back in China on my return trip from the States to Mongolia. 

January 8, back in Mongolia, I took an overnight sleeper train for my first time alone. I felt darkness’ void in knowing no one. I felt the waves of the rocking train, its lurches and bumps as it shifted and wheels screeched. I felt pensive during the odd morning hours when my sore back woke me. I thought about my identity and new words said before I left. More on that soon.

Peace Corps Mongolia continues.

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #memoryLang #unr #vegas #winter #Christmas #newyear #travel #blessed #love #holiday #Mongolia #memoir #story #Catholic #religion #friendship #family #Reno #university