#pain of losing someone you love

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Alas, this beautiful dream could not last.

#dungeon meshi #falin touden #dungeon meshi spoilers #better drawn mdzs #(<- my higher effort art tag. I need to get a new one.) While it's different from my usual style I really loved how this came out! #Strolling back to the art scene to remind everyone I am still a lover of botanicals. #I had a blast with the symbolism for this one: #White lilium longiflorum (easter lily) for rebirth. Purple hyacinthus orientalis for sorrow and forgiveness. #Red spider lily (Lycoris radiata) for loss and death. #'Rebirth into something new' is so well done in Dungeon Meshi. She is back but she is not the same. #The last few episodes/chapters gives her this dreamy quality to her. As if she's not quite real. She's so perfect in their memories. #And as we know of dreams - no matter how sweet- they must end once we wake up. #It is so painful to lose someone twice. To see someone you loved in a dream and wake up and remember that loss again. #Dungeon Meshi being a grief allegory is important to me. I'll explain more as the story continues B'*)

[stil-lindigo]

the parade.

a short comic about when love dies slow.

support me on patreon

Things you may have missed:

#i think that like #the pain of losing someone you love slowly is so much worse than having a relationship die instantly #its such a helpless feeling #and one thing i hope i conveyed in this is like the part where you question yourself as its happening #i don't know how to tag this really #comics #thats one thing #emotional #i can only hope it tugs a few heartstrings #starting my new comic project off hopefully strong with this one #ive had the poem part of this in my notes app for a while now #im glad i put pen to paper and brought it to life #thank you for reading #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics #its 10pm

[feelingtheaster99]

I just finished Fourth Wing and I realized that the reason that Xaden never really hated Violet is because he knew about her from her brother and already knew she was a good person and I want to CRY

#is it November yet #the fourth wing #violet sorrengail #xaden riorson #violet and xaden #brennan sorrengail #violet x xaden #like he heard about her from someone who loved her so deeply #gosh there was so much for Violet to process at the end there so quickly #I feel like I’m still processing it so I can’t even imagine how she must feel #to lose such a good friend who died defending your life but also after you just an arguement with #for your entire WORLD to tilt #as you realize your country that you put so much faith in has lied to you #and your love and your dragons were keeping it a secret for so long #and you almost die #and then you find out your brother is alive #and that must be so hard #because it was another painful secret #but also—he’s alive! #Jesus Christ that’s so much at once #fourth wing

[aq2003]

ten

#i have series 4 on my computer now. but i have not started it. i am scared of it. #tenth doctor #dr who #ten is so he is soooooo. god. the doctor is so very defined by his loneliness. how he outlived everyone he cared abt #and what i love so much about nine is that you see him growing closer to rose. letting himself be happy #and post-timewar and losing all of his people (and blaming himself/being responsible for it?) that's so important for him to have #ten is like the opposite of this. he was created out of nine's love and sacrifice for rose. his personhood is basically defined by it #so you have his memories of losing his people in the timewar clashing with his inherent need to Be Next To Someone. #so losing people just breaks him. even after nine (ten? does timewar doctor count?) previous lifetimes of seeing death #when i saw ten's wiki blurb w him being described as one of the most human doctors. after watching christmas invasion i was like. 'what' #But Now I Know. they were talking about how he feels grief and pain so acutely. in a way a human might and not a 900y/o near immortal alien #10 era

[quickhacked]

Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

#cp2077 #edit:mikhail #edit:vitali #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing #whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier #you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly #but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined #they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again #and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you #and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain #sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!! #they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day #and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest #night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big #and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like #how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole #anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out

[esterigermaine]

You can all blame @animentality for this because their posts got me into durgetash (thank you!!!!!) and now I want to torture the villian couple. Probably won't make much sense because I drank enough caffeine to kill a horse today and my brain is going a million miles a second.

You know that scene where Orin shapeshifts into durge and tells them what she did to them? What if Gortash found out about it the same way and had Orin rub salt in the wound by then showing him the prayer for forgiveness?

She is cruel enough to do it and I can't think of any worse way to find out about what happened than for the attempted-murderer to shapeshift into their victim and describe what happened to them in explicit, gruesome detail. The attack itself, the tadpole, how they were abandoned to die alone like trash, how Gortash wasn't there to protect them, all of it. Only to show grieving Gortash the note

#orin the red #enver gortash #dark urge #the dark urge #durgetash #they were both doomed from the start the least we can do is make things even more painful #bonus points if she leaves it at leaving durge for dead so he has quite a bit of time to think durge is dead until reports start popping up #the pain of losing one of the few people you actually liked violently and having that act described to you by someone wearing their face #and the addition of then seeing a note praising you like that? not knowing untol after? #that has to be somewhere in the top few most emotionally painful things Gortash could possibly experience #regarding my note at the top #i seriously cannot thank them enough #because at first I was ehhhhh about Gortash in general then after playing Durge I was like oh they got along #and then after seeing their posts in the dark urge tag I was like damn now thats a love story how can I make their fates even WORSE #and I never would have even considered this ship and the opportunities it provided without them #seriously good stuff

[notedchampagne]

nona the ninth has helped me to romanticize the impermanent which is equally healing and horrific

#its really fascinating because ive had such a vast history with losing people + moving around ive become quite desensitized #like what really was the point of me making friends in university if i leave in 3 years #and then it hit me like damn... thats life isnt it. no matter how long or short these interactions will stick with you forever #even less than a minute in a body where your souls meld you have affected each other forever. so short but the effects are until death #you can fear someone departing from you but you can never take the love away and trying to avoid it to relieve yourself of the pain- #-you might as well not live. theres no connection that is guaranteed permanent and forever. you just have to hold that moment in your heart #forever and ever. and understand that you carry interactions with you like a quilt and the goal is to become a massive fucking heirloom #chat #nona the ninth

[angelofviscera]

on self sacrifice as love

I will mitski / love and pain (also known as vampire) edvard munch / snow and dirty rain richard siken / the kiss eva claessens / garden song phoebe bridgers / in blackwater woods mary oliver / the prodigal returns karen swenholt / rest energy marina abramović / red door julien baker / poems from an email exchange hanif abdurraqib

#its like. being so conditioned to take on the burdens of the ones u love and the overwhelming vulnerability that comes with love but also #the fear and the pain and sometimes losing yourself a little too much because all of what you see of yourself #is how youre reflected back at yourself through their eyes #so its not like. an inherently negative or toxic thing but its this sense of sadness at always needing to be in pain and have pain because #you view love as giving someone permission to destroy you and just trusting them to make it an easy clean up #mitski #phoebe bridgers #julien baker #web weave #web weaving #poetry #art #edvard munch #love #my web weaves

[someweirdoreblogger]

Hades falls far in love with a simple mortal,

who watches them die over and over again only to reincarnate the same cycle immediately after because Hades is too selfish to allow them to properly cross over to Helheim.

Not yet. This can't be accepted just yet, not so early. Hades is fully aware of the consequences of holding off their end cycle. Some turned insane. And others just completely and utterly destroyed themselves. The mortal body can only handle so much before falling apart.

Hades is the godly ruler of the land of death, a king of his duty, proud of his conquest. Of course, Hades bewares the toll.

(What god of death isn't?)

But it won't matter in the long run. Hades orders is an absolution no one dares defy.

Not yet.

The growing weight on his heart's soul will only become more unbearable, heavier, and susceptible to interference. Awakening far earlier than natural reincarnation, no reincarnated human in Helheim history ever walked the mortal plane so many times in such short spams of life.

The world kills them faster and faster every time, further spiteful by the unfortunate second.

The Valkyires are pestering him, merciless in their ruthless onslaught of words that one of the Big 3 instead prefers to prolong the suffering of an unlucky mortal then allow them peace of mind in Asphodel. And Hades doesn't blame them for their anger, he deserves such scolding and expected their inevitable visit in hopes to understand what the hell Hades is pulling. Or in this case, ignoring to pull.

Death nutures at his hands, countless demons flee at the very glance of their god. The netherowlrd exists for a reason, and Hades knows the value and importance of the balance. The Valkyires are just doing their jobs, as heavy and demanding it is, and Hades of all people-outright refuses them guidance of your soul, the very task their were made for.

And Hades promises them, the very least he can do for now, even offers to write it in ichor-that once the time comes, you will know the long awaited threshold.

But not yet.

Not this time, Hades isn't ready, nothing is ready just yet.

Not this one, not yet.

Not yet.

#mypost #thinking about angst with the gods again #the pain of loving someone in death by someone who loves too much to lose #and by the same god who refuses to let go despite knowing moving on and accepting the life their lover lived is the proper way to cope deat #and the grief you felt the last time they lived makes yourself feel justified to overturn death so much it starts to harm your choosen #i just think Hades should learn losing isn't always a bad thing #and i think he knows that but is too stubborn and devoted to admit otherwise #hades #hades ror #record of ragnarok hades #record of ragnarok #anime #manga #hades x reader #just a thought #i wanted to say it out loud before forgetting

[superhell]

ok so it’s fully established that house has an incredibly hard time verbalizing his emotions (specifically the positive ones) due to a fear of rejection and a deep deep aversion to displaying vulnerability

which makes the incredibly few times he’s admitted to someone that he cares about them, well, incredible. to list every single time that i can remember off the top of my head here: 

instance one: he tells stacy he loves her directly before he goes into a coma.  the statement itself is undeniably romantic in nature. 

instance two: he tells cuddy he loves her after they hook up and she gives him a whole long speech on how she doesn’t want him to change. this is the culmination of years of dancing around each other. the statement is undeniably romantic in nature. 

instance three: he tells wilson their friendship means more to house than any patient

instance four: he tells wilson he likes him

instance five: i mean i can keep going. there’s wilsons transplant surgery there’s everything with amber theres just so much. anyway

all of which leads me to the conclusion that of the three people house has ever sincerely expressed affection for two of those are people he’s canonically in love with which means that the third one must also be someone he’s [gunshots]

#like i very much understand that telling someone you love them and telling someone you like them are two different sentences but in this #case the deviation is EXCEEDINGLY easy to explain the first two are people who have firstly already told him they love him #which greatly reduces risk of rejection and secondly in both those instances the people he's saying it to are already committed so #really what is he risking. whereas in wilson's case he displays his affections through spending time with the man when they're on good terms #and it is when he thinks he's losing wilson that he starts verbally presenting his heart on a platter. furthermore he cannot say that he #loves wilson because wilson has not firstly said the same to him. telling wilson he likes him is far lower risk than telling a man #currently insisting you're not friends that you love him. that's simply not a risk he's willing to take #anyway sorry for being crazy and writing a novel in the tags carry on #house #wilson #hilson #lisa cuddy #huddy #stacy warner #house md #hatecrimes md #also something about how wilson is the only one he verbalizes affection for throughout the show #oh fuck wait just remembered that one time he told wilson he loved him when wilson upped his pain meds in the hospital #which still mcfucking fits. anwyay

[xray-vex]

HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME

#literally. re: email from my ex this morning #every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day #today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here #everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much #i'm not feeling brave about any of this #one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships #in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?” #as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever #but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS #ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship #that broke me so bad it almost killed me #and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life #if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on #but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again #and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief #as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart #but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO #i know it's not productive for me to think that way #but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage #i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night #i just wanted to love and be loved #i wanted someone who i could call home #I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED #rage #grief #trauma #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd

[scalproie]

Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power #if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life #and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits #but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality #he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle- #but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do #he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself* #bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth #and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin- #then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does) #and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her #but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff #and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain #hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him #(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else #like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process #hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out #and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍 #and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him #and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation #and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son. #also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot #anyway. yeah👍 #tagging later #tekken

[quietwingsinthesky]

the amount of time i spend thinking about Even carrying the metacrisis doctor’s fob watch is really quite disproportionate to how much ive fleshed out that part of the story in my head

#i still find myself not caring if the metacrisis doctor couldnt use one. he can because i said so and because donna shouldn’t get amnesiaed #alone. #but anyway. even. its just something about like. #here is your best friend. the man who showed you how big the universe could be. its still him human or not. its still the doctor. #can’t call him that. have to watch your tongue always because no matter how familiar their faces are. these two people do not remember #everything you did together and never can. at least they still love each other. nothing could change that. that’s what matters. you steer #them into each other’s lives so carefully and watch to see if they’re going to get hurt. but they don’t. it’s okay. #and still. and still. you carry your best friend’s life. everything that he is. you can hold it in the palm of your hand. he gave it to you. #he entrusted it to you. well. that’s not entirely true. technically you volunteered. but how else could you say thank you. #you made your world so so small again. for him. larger than you would’ve been used to once but you know what galaxies feel like to fly #across. and now you’re stuck in time and space. this is for love too. this is for the life you hold in your hands. #or wear around your neck on a chain. and because you chose this. you can never see him again. or you see him every day and he doesn’t #recognize all of you. #that would make anyone desperate wouldn’t it? make you do something stupid. make you turn to someone you shouldn’t. #even makes bad choices when they are cornered. i think. #dw oc #the important bit is of course that the only way they can ever get rid of it is by their own choice. which they never would choose to do. #(because tentoo won’t take it back. he’s his own person. impressions of the doctor influencing him. but the part of him that is donna doing #so as well. a whole new person. who does not want her memories back and to be unmade.) #but the point is that the moment even takes it. they will never let it go. they will lose it. on painful occasion. but it always finds its #way back. depending on the context this presence and responsibility is either comforting in its constancy. #or. in a less kind world. a horrifying reminder of how far they have fallen from who they tried to be for him.

[donde-el-diablo-parquea-la-moto]

Just personal thoughts about Bobby's... Goodbye today.

#qsmp #his death was justified by his recklessness #it hurts. it feels unfair. it is sad #but its also like something that would happen. bad things happen all the time and people that don't deserve it die. #in a way bobby chose this #and im actually glad that it was his adventurous soul that took him from us rather than the immortal code #because even when its really sad. at least we know that he died doing what he liked the most #that being said. #Roier was so brave for Jaiden. he cares so much about her. he loves his family SO MUCH. he knows there's nothing else to do and STILL #mi hermano. me rompió el corazón verlo aguantarse las lágrimas y como dijo. es el rol pero de verdad estoy triste #Jaiden. my god jaiden was so brave too. i cant imagine the pain of losing someone so loved. of having to LET GO. even when you know #you know they are there. so close and yet unreachable #la familia mas bonita del qsmp les queda pequeño. de verdad que demostraron una fuerza y un amor inigualables #y Bobby. nuestro bobby chingón. le robaste el corazón a todos en el server. le robaste el corazón a miles de personas #no voy a ver un Bobberol de la misma forma nunca. eres un huevito maravilloso. gracias por todo

[rnm-magic-space-xsd]

#Princess Tutu Spoilers #Princess Tutu #I felt the exact same way as Ahiru #ever since I heard the knight’s story my heart was able to realize how painful it is to have to end a loved one’s life to serve your duty #it’s torture to lose someone you love. especially while being the same person who had to end their own lover’s life #even before this scene as Fakir tried to fight the Knight my heart yelled #is there no way for us to not fight? this is too painful and heartwrenching to watch

[takeawaythepain]

adding “i know my pain is such an imposition” to the list of lyrics that hit a little too close to home when you’re disabled with chronic pain

#i know she isn’t talking about physical pain #but damn does it fit #and nothing hurts more than knowing someone you love views your existence as a disabled person as an imposition #my thoughts #you’re losing me #life with eds