#otp: you jump i jump jack | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

masterwords · 1 year

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too much to ask

Summary: Derek shows up on Hotch's doorstep needing to talk on a night when they're both needing a little extra comfort. (Coda to 3x05 - Seven Seconds)

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 6k

Warnings: discussion of child abuse past and present (the case & Derek's, and Hotch's), divorce, depression

Notes: For @yearoftheotpevent Year of the OTP event, this is my January entry using the prompt "first kiss". These two are a shit show, and this first kiss is anything but ideal, but it's a good jumping off point.

Tonight, Haley asked him if he'd started searching for an apartment yet. She didn't even wait. He walked in the door, and as she followed him down the hallway to the room Jack was staying in, right on his heels. “Have you even tried?”

If Jack hadn't been sleeping, if Jessica hadn't been right there, it would have started an argument. As it was, his blood boiled and he just said not yet through clenched teeth before entering Jack's darkened room and watching him sleep for what felt like ages. It was all he could think to do, just stare at his son and wonder where it all goes wrong.

“I had hoped we could take some time to cool off and reconsider our options,” he said, re-entering the hallway after all the time in the world had passed inside of that room only to find that no time at all had passed for her. She laughed a little too loud before clapping her hand over her mouth. Jessica slapped her arm for that one.

“Play nice,” she hissed. Hotch could tell how much she hated being in the middle of this. “I don't care how mad you are, we are all adults who love one another, no matter what else is happening. Act like it.”

“Aaron, I have given you more than enough time to reconsider your choices and nothing has changed, so why should my mind have changed? I'm not the one who walked out on my family for a job.”

“It was that job that provided for our family...” he reminded her with a little more vitriol than he'd intended. Oh well, he was in it now. The guilt would eat him alive in minutes.

"Yeah. But I asked you to stay, and Derek asked you to go...you made your choice. I'm finished trying to compete."

“Enough. Both of you.” Jessica was furiously pushing them down the hallway, toward the front room...away from Jack's door. She knew it was about to get ugly. She'd heard about the phone call, about what Haley was doing too. There was only one innocent party in this mess and he was sleeping soundly in the other room. “You're both being assholes now knock it off.”

“I'm sorry,” he said quietly. “I should leave.”

Jess almost felt bad for him. She knew that Haley was completely finished, and she hated to see the way he held on to some flicker of hope when he really just needed to let it go. “Aaron?” Jess asked, touching his shoulder. “Would you join me in the kitchen for a moment before you leave?”

Haley narrowed her eyes at her sister but said nothing. She knew her sister was playing both sides here, it was no secret that they'd always been close and that this separation was almost as hard for her as it was for them. Hotch followed her to the kitchen where she put on a tea kettle silently, her back to him, taking a full minute before she turned and looked at him. Gathering her thoughts. Trying to put out the fire before it consumed them all.

“What are you doing?”

He stared. “I'm trying to get my family back,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She shook her head, her arms folding over her chest.

“I mean no disrespect here, and I say this with all of the love I can muster...you can't get her back. She's gone. But Jack isn't...so just take a deep breath, admit your family is different now, and find a damn apartment so they can get the hell out of my house. Aaron, I want my house back.”

He couldn't think of a damn thing to say that wouldn't expose him for the fraud he was, standing there stoic and emotionless in her kitchen. Opening his mouth would destroy his defenses. He hadn't admitted to himself yet that Haley was gone, that this separation train was headed full speed ahead for divorce. It wasn't like he had anything he could hide from Jessica anyway. She knew.

“She's already met with a lawyer, Aaron,” Jessica said a little quieter, almost as if she was reading his mind. “The wheels are in motion. It's only a matter of time.”

His eyes welled with tears, and yet he remained silent while the kettle hissed and bubbled and finally screamed. She took it off the heat quickly, just shoved it to the side and busied herself with three mugs, three tea bags. As if he was going to stay.

“I should go,” he whispered, staring wide-eyed at nothing. “It's late.” He didn't see her turn around, didn't notice her walking toward him, not until her arms were around him and her head was against his chest.

“Call me tomorrow,” she said, holding back her own tears. “I'll help you find a nice place okay? I know a guy who gets all the good listings first. He got me this place when I moved back, it wasn't even on the market yet.”

He nodded, half listening, but he had no intention of calling her. Not really. He just had to get out of there. Fast.

So fast he walked right by Haley without saying a word to her on his way out.

- - - -

“How long have you been here?” Hotch asked, approaching his darkened porch slowly. He'd recognized the shadowy figure on his steps as Derek before he even put his car into park. He stopped short of the steps and peered at the six pack of beer sitting beside his friend, smiling at the coincidence. He was holding his own six pack of the exact same beer in his right hand.

The only difference was that Derek's was already missing a few.

“Long enough,” was Derek's somber reply in a rough, ragged drawl. “I'm surprised your neighbors haven't called the cops. I'm loitering.”

“Most of them know you by now. They watch things pretty closely. I am surprised Mrs. Sandoval didn't bring you out a blanket and some tea though.”

“She isn't home. She and her husband left in some pretty fancy clothes just as I was getting here...late night oldies dance, I guess. They looked pretty slick.”

“At least someone is having a nice night,” Hotch deadpanned.

His eyes met the darkness in his front window; he hadn't left any lights on. The last thing he wanted to do was walk in there, into that cavernous chill, the house that wasn't a home any longer. Haley had been coming by during the day while he was at work, while Jack was at daycare, and boxing up the things she wanted him to take – every day he comes home to more boxes with his name on them. He was, as Jessica put it, doing everything he could to ignore the inevitable but obvious thing: Haley was going to file for divorce. It was not a question of if, it was a question of when.

“I don't see your bike...” He looked around, breaking out of the trance he'd sunken into.

“Took a cab. I uh...” Derek cleared his throat, pushing up until he was standing. Until they were eye to eye, close enough that Hotch could smell the beer on his breath. “I couldn't settle down. Took Clooney for a walk but it just made it worse, so I got in a cab and came here hoping your offer was still good...”

“My offer?” Hotch asked quietly. He'd made plenty of offers over the years, all of which he believed himself capable of keeping. Lately he'd realized exactly how far he'd overextended himself, trusting his abilities that were currently in need of repair. But Derek was here and he wasn't about to turn him away, no matter where his head and heart were at. “You might need to be more specific.”

“That case tonight,” Derek started, already feeling that familiar breathlessness of panic creeping back in. “Katie's uncle, the look in his eye...the doll...”

“Oh,” Hotch said, nodding. “I...it's been a tough night, huh?” For them both, he thought bitterly. But focusing on Derek might help him forget about his own troubles. Derek's could be helped with a little tenderness, his couldn't. “Let's go out back.”

“You don't wanna just go inside?”

Hotch stopped, glancing at the front door with disgust. “No, I'd rather not.” Walking through the house would give him away. Piles of boxes with his name on them would let Derek know that things were moving along at a serious clip, and there was no longer any question as to whether or not Haley would be coming back. They could go through the side yard and put their feet in the pool, or he could pop inside for some trunks and they could get into the hot tub, but at least this way he could avoid discussing himself altogether.

“You seem a little...”

“It's fine. Nothing I can't handle. Let me put your beer in the fridge, we can start with mine. It's probably colder.”

Derek laughed. “Yeah. Guess we both had the same idea, huh?”

That kind of a case. That kind of a night. Hotch flipped through details of the case in his mind while he made his way to the kitchen to throw Derek's beer into the empty fridge. It looked worse now, the door empty save for the half used bottle of Tobasco sauce that Haley always put in there though he reminded her time and again it didn't need refrigeration. “Is it going to hurt it by being cold?” she would ask and the argument, snippy and rude, would escalate from there. If he really thought about it, he could name a hundred different ways they'd chipped away at their marriage over the years by being unkind, thoughtless, selfish. At their marriage and at one another. It was a miracle they'd hung on as long as they had.

He tripped over a new box on his way out and grunted as he fell to the ground in the dark, silverware crashing, spilling, clattering around him. He scrambled back to his feet, rubbing at the sore spot on his knee where he'd landed and kicked the box again. This time it was no accident, it was pure frustration that sent that cardboard sliding across the floor leaving a trail of silverware in its wake.

“Dammit,” he hissed, kicking at the silverware, each piece separately went flying as he connected with the toe of his shiny leather shoes, throwing what he knew was a pretty embarrassing little hissy fit right there in his pitch black kitchen. Thankfully, there was no one around to see him.

Derek had already peeled his shoes and socks off, rolled his pants up past his knees, and was sitting with his feet in the water. With just enough light to see thanks to the moon, the scene almost looked peaceful. He kicked out of his own shoes and socks and rolled his pants up before sitting down a careful distance away. There was already a bruise spreading across the top of his knee, it would be stiff and sore by morning. A delightful reminder of his performance in the kitchen.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hotch asked, leaning back against his hands. The water was a little cold for his taste, he wasn't going to be able to do this long. From beside him, he heard Derek draw a shaky breath inward, exhaling slowly to try and steady it. He stared into the water and waited, knowing that pushing wouldn't do any good. Derek would either talk or not, and there was no forcing it.

“I don't know, man,” Derek replied. “Why's it always someone you trust? Y'know? Someone your parents trust...that little girl probably never knew how to tell them what was happening. And every time they asked if she wanted to stay the night...”

Hotch knew he wasn't supposed to answer any of these questions. He couldn't even if he wanted to. His job was simply to listen. Until now, they hadn't spoken again about what happened in Chicago, what Carl Buford was and what he did, what Hotch knew when no one else on the team had a clue. What Derek had fought so hard to protect. He'd asked Derek to attend counseling but once he started going, Hotch stepped back knowing it wasn't any of his business. And the offer Derek spoke of, he recalled now with precision, was simply that if a case hit too close to home and he needed someone to talk to...he could find Hotch anywhere, and no matter what, he'd make himself available. It was that important to him, he'd said.

Haley had rolled her eyes when he told her that. “Anytime?” she asked, incredulously. She'd already been frustrated with him, it wasn't surprising.“No matter what? That doesn't sound like something a boss tells his subordinate, Aaron. That sounds like something a man in love says...”

“Haley, he's my friend.”

“No, Aaron, he's your co-worker.”

They never had been any good at figuring out where the line was between co-worker and friend and whatever else they might have slipped in and out of, carefully tiptoeing around boundaries like battlefields. Shared hotel rooms and nightmares, insomnia and fitness exams. They were tied together through years, bound in more than just badges and titles. Opening doors for each other, a hand placed at the small of the back or between the shoulders as a reminder that they're right there.

Only Hotch couldn't be there for this one.

He'd sent Reid and Morgan to Katie Jacobs' house, told them to get into everything, never suspecting...and when he got that call from Derek about the doll...

“He's her damn uncle,” Derek continued, pounding the last of his beer. It burned foamy and lukewarm down his throat. “The spittin' damn image of her dad. What's that do to her, huh? How does she come back from that? I told Reid she'd be okay, I told her cousin she'd be okay...but Aaron...”

“I know it's little consolation,” Hotch began, but Derek cracked the top off of his beer and raised his hand dismissively. He already knew what Hotch was going to say and yeah, it made perfect sense and it was undoubtedly good but...it didn't really make any fucking difference to how he felt right then. It really didn't make any difference at all because nothing could change the damage that was already done. Every single member of that family left the mall tonight broken. There was no happy ending, not even when they found her alive. Not even when Hotch, with his huge hands, performed chest compressions on that tiny little body while he held the fluid bag above her head and watched helplessly. Not when she coughed and gasped her way back to life, a moment that should have been blissful except for the knowledge.

There were no winners tonight.

“Yeah, yeah. We saved her life and we caught him. We put her aunt in cuffs for trying to kill her and we put her uncle in cuffs for stealing her innocence. And yeah, he's not gonna hurt her anymore and her parents know and she's got a lot of love and support...I know all that, and I hope you're right, man. I do. But I also know what it's like when the bad guy was supposed to be the good guy...when everyone looks at him like he's a fucking hero...and you know...Aaron, you know he's no fucking hero.”

It trailed off from there. Derek didn't have anything else he wanted to say, anything else he wanted to share with the moon and the stars and the crystal clear water. He felt Hotch's hand on his shoulder, fingertips pressing into muscle, and he relaxed some. Hotch scooted closer, closed the gap by inches, and took a deep breath.

“You are living proof that she can come through this,” Hotch whispered. He looked down at his feet in the water, the way it pushed over his icy skin in small waves, and sighed. “You had to do it on your own, she's got a lot of support and a lot of love. I have to believe that will help.”

Derek, staring now at Hotch's aquiline profile illuminated in silvery shreds of moon and pool light, realized something he'd been chewing on for years. He'd seen a look, some recognition, some connection in the interrogation room between Hotch and Vincent Perotta. It had been only he and Gideon watching the tape as they prepared for his trial, and Gideon sat enraptured by the discussion. Derek remembered wanting to ask Gideon a question – did you know about Hotch? But then, he thought maybe Hotch was just playing, he was an expert in the interrogation room, so he bit his tongue and helped Gideon prepare their evidence. And now, something in Hotch's silence, in the careful spaces he left between the words he chose...Derek knew there was some kinship here they had never spoken of. Would not speak of tonight. He could sense the weight of this moment, the way they danced closer to the line than ever before, one sideways glance or unsteady breath and they might just cross a line.

“Fuck. Is there anyone in the world that isn't broken?” Derek asked finally, lying back against the ground. Hotch smiled. It was a strange time to smile, he had to admit, but he couldn't think of anyone he'd rather be sitting beside right now and considering how completely terrible his day and night had been up until this point...that was saying a lot.

“I wouldn't call it broken. A little banged up, maybe, but not broken.” His smile turned a little sad. “You're doing better than I am.”

Derek pulled his feet out of the water, pressed them against the warm cement, and sat upright. “I'm getting in the pool.” Just like that, he'd flipped the switch. He was done wallowing. That hollow ache in his chest couldn't be talked out, but it could be drowned in moonlight chlorine.

“Now?”

“Now. I'm gonna go inside and grab those other beers, you can join me in the pool if you want but when I get back outside it's time to swim.”

Hotch forgot to protest, momentarily blindsided by the change in Derek's demeanor. He did that. One minute he was on the verge of tears, and the next he'd figured everything out, sorted his feelings, and wanted to walk away from the wreckage with something as close to a clean slate as he could manage. It was one of the traits Hotch most admired and envied in the other man. It made Derek's presence almost addicting, like he could acquire even a little slice of it just by being near.

It hadn't worked so far, but it didn't stop him from trying.

By the time Derek had let the screen door close behind him, Hotch remembered the box of silverware tipped and scattered on the floor, and all the towers in the next room. Every single one with AARON written in Haley's neat looping Sharpie scrawl on the side, as if anyone else would be coming for boxes of his things.

To distract himself momentarily, he started loosening his tie. He didn't really want to get into the pool, but some part of him had already made up his mind to do it anyway.

Inside, Derek walked with damp feet through the house, for the first time not terribly concerned about the little puddles he left behind. Haley had been very strict about tracking water through the house, and yeah he got it, but it was nice not to have to worry. If he slipped and fell on his ass on the way back out, maybe he'd think differently. The sight of the boxes stacked in small towers was a little jarring. Hotch had said Haley took Jack and he didn't know if she was coming back, but it looked to him like things had progressed in the short time since that conversation. This wasn't going to be Hotch's house much longer, by the looks of it, though he really couldn't understand why. Haley didn't work, no way she could afford a place like this and he felt a little guilty knowing that she was going to divorce his ass and he'd still keep paying for this house for them. Families were messy. Marriage was scary, huge and messy.

The upended box in the kitchen was in his way. Silverware scattered over the floor like a boobytrap right out of Home Alone. He dropped to his knees and scooped them back into the box. It wasn't neat, he didn't organize them, he just dumped them in to clear the floor. Whether this was accidental or intentional, he didn't plan to ask but it gave him pause. A moment to consider the volatile mindset of the man in the backyard. “Fuck...” he muttered to himself, grabbing a couple of beers. There was no sense feeling guilty for showing up needing Hotch to listen to him, though his mind tried to wade into those waters.

The walk back outside felt longer, and he hesitated at the backdoor, watching the way Hotch unbuttoned his shirt and draped all of his clothes neatly over the back of a nearby chair lawn chair. The state of the backyard was chaos, a mess of play toys and equipment, a dazzling array of things to entertain a child Jack's age and maybe even older. It was a kid's dream. But the way the toys were tipped on their sides and leaves had fallen all over the slide, grass unkempt and too long, it looked sad and deserted.

He hadn't even noticed.

Hotch showed up to work neat and tidy as ever, maybe he frowned a little faster now and it stayed a little longer, maybe he smiled less...but he never gave the impression that this was what he came home to. That this was where he was supposed to take some kind of reprieve from the day. From one nightmare into another.

“Hey,” he called, waving the beers in his hands at the man who was nearly undressed in the chilly night air. “You're joining me? Thought you'd chicken out.”

“Grab some towels from the cabinet on your way past, would you?”

“You're gonna freeze your balls off...” Derek warned. Hotch didn't deal well with cold. Everyone knew this.

“I don't think you need to be concerned about the state of my balls, Derek.”

Stars blinked in and out of existence above them, crickets and other night creatures sang their quiet symphonies and the sound of Derek's body splashing into the small pool broke the spell of the night. Just underwear, both of them. It wasn't ideal but it was better than wasting more time searching through those labeled boxes hoping to find his swimming trunks. She'd only left out his work clothes. The night wouldn't last forever, they were already chasing dawn and this was fine.

He forced his body down, down, sat cross-legged on the bottom until his lungs burned and he released the air so he could stay down longer. He ran his fingers along the rough bottom and turned his face upward, watching the still surface of the water for Hotch's entrance. He slipped in over the edge, there would be no jumping in for him, there never was. He just eased himself down like a bullet, propelled until they were face to face sitting there at the bottom. The world went silent and dark around them. Derek reached out, stretched his arm toward Hotch and waited for the man to reach back. To grab his hand. To anchor himself there for just a minute beneath the world. The moment was electric.

Breaking the surface, they stayed close together, treading water. It wasn't a deep pool, just a little over their heads, and it was cold. Hotch's teeth chattered almost immediately and Derek let out a wet laugh, sputtering as he wiped the water from his eyes and slicked it back over his head. Hotch's hair was matted to his forehead and dripping from his lashes, temporarily blinding him. But it was the goosebumps, the way he shivered in the water, that made Derek smile wide.

“Told you.”

“My balls are fine.”

Derek laughed, shaking his head. “Well the rest of you looks pretty damn cold.” They floated, caught up in a quiet moment, the gentle lapping of the water against the tile and the soft white light filtering up from the bottom.

“Hey...” Derek started quietly, slipping a little closer, maybe a little too close. “How long's this thing with Haley been going sour, huh? All those boxes in there...”

“A while.” He was purposely evasive, not eager to think too hard, too far back. A long while if he was being honest. Probably since before Jack, but the baby definitely hadn't helped. Love him as much as they both did, he wasn't enough to fix what was already crumbling. He knew Haley had hoped he would be able to fix what was broken, and maybe he had let himself get caught up in that too. It sounded so good. If they just had a baby, things would change. But that isn't really the way things work, and as she came to terms with that fact, a whole pile of others came to light. He was too busy with work to see her slowly come to terms with it all, and it came as a shock to him when it really shouldn't have.

“Yeah, and you don't say a damn word until she's already gone. By the looks of it, long gone. And I'm willing to bet if Gideon hadn't walked out on us the way he did, you still wouldn't have said anything to me. You haven't said two words to me about anything but work in too damn long, man.”

Hotch swallowed hard and felt his throat click. Gideon and Haley both left him at the same time, and he wasn't dealing well with either one. It was a careful game of avoidance, throw twice as much effort into work to avoid the suffocating feeling outside of his office. Pray for a case that would take them out of town, anything to put some distance between him and the carnage in his wake.

He was damn good at pretending, though, if you didn't look too close. No one really bothered to.

Except Derek. He was looking way too close to be fooled now.

“I'm sorry. I didn't realize how strained it had been between us. I've been...” he paused, not sure what he was even going for. “It's been difficult and I've dropped a lot of balls lately.”

“Oh please. It isn't like you haven't had your plate full being our one and only SAC. I know it was already your team but still having Gideon around was probably a load off. It's not your job to make my life easy, man. I managed just fine, but I'm not gonna lose any sleep over him hitting the road. I'm just glad we're here now. You remember when you told me that you'd be available anytime shit got bad? I bet you conveniently forgot that I said I'd do the same.”

There were tears in Hotch's eyes. “I can't do this alone,” he admitted, his voice thick and quiet. “I know Gideon was a lot to handle and he was deeply troubled, and after Bale you had trouble trusting him but...”

Derek reached up and took Hotch's jaw in his hand, pressing their foreheads together. Each of them was barely above the water, chins submerged so their toes could take hold on the rough concrete floor. “You're not alone. We're a team. You are our leader, but we've got your back. You gotta let us know when you need help though.” They're sharing breath a moment before Derek presses their lips together and then its all over. Hotch melts into the embrace, touch starved and desperate for affection. It has been so long since he's been touched like this. Part of his mind, the screaming realist, instantly began reminding him...very loudly...that this is Derek and this is going to get them into trouble. But some even louder part of him, the part that thundered wildly in his chest and pumped all the blood to his extremities screamed in a voice that drowned everything else out.

This is Derek and this is everything.

Box of silverware and bruise on his knee, inevitable nightmares and the creeping of dawn, box towers with his name scrawled over them and a date he really didn't want to keep with Jessica to hunt for a new home...none of that was louder than the way Derek's skin felt against his, the warmth of his hands pressed against Hotch's lower back, the taste of Stella Artois on his dancing tongue. This was heaven, or as close as a beggar like him could afford.

"Haley is going to fill in the pool," Hotch whispered against Derek's lips, tasting chlorine. "Now that Jack is more mobile. This all goes away soon."

"Well then I'm glad we're here now..."

There would be apologies dancing on their lips and towels to dry them off. Breakfast after no sleep would take the edge off with whipped cream on Belgian waffles and hashbrowns nestled beside a pile of scrambled eggs. Those apologies would die on their lips, unspoken because neither of them was sorry and that was the only truth they cared to admit. “I'm apartment hunting today,” Hotch said, dropping Derek off at his house after breakfast. The morning sunlight was golden and warm, his eyes were tired and yet he felt too electric to sleep even now. “But if you're not busy tonight...”

“You want me to keep you warm in the pool again? Soak up every last minute in that old thing?”

Hotch smiled and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. “Yeah. Something like that.” He paused, giving Derek one last look before he closed the car door. “It was nice not being alone. It was nice being with you.”

“Cool. I'll call you later, see what's up.”

- - - -

“You're sorry?” Derek asked, a little louder than a hiss but still quiet. They were in Hotch's office, the door not entirely closed because that would cause a stir. Hotch didn't close his office door. But he'd called this meeting an hour after signing a lease for an apartment he didn't want and his heart was breaking in his chest.

“You came to me because you needed someone to listen and I'm afraid I may have taken advantage of that.”

“Taken...advantage? Do you even hear yourself?”

Hotch stood and frowned, folding his arms over his chest. “I'm your leader, and after some thought I feel that I may have crossed a line the other night.” What he meant to say was that there was beer and pool water and so damn many stars...and he'd been having a terrible night. He was out of sorts. And if he'd been thinking clearly he probably would have made better choices. Or, at the very least, not allowed himself to indulge in something so incredibly reckless no matter how much he wanted it.

But the problem with that theory was that he liked it. Loved it, even. Had wanted it for a long, long time. It had been a brief spot of light in his darkness. And the second night, while it didn't lead to anything more than devouring a whole pizza and combing through the verbiage in his lease agreement for the apartment he didn't want, he still felt that same electric feeling.

Jessica hadn't helped his anxiety. In fact, she was probably the reason he'd kept Derek at arm's length the second night. Probably the reason they read a contract instead of kissing until their lips hurt. The real problem was that even as mind-numbing an activity as it was...he still wanted more. He would do mind-numbing nights with Derek forever.

“You kissed him?!” Jessica had asked while exploring the third apartment of the day. It might be the one. Hotch looked like he didn't hate it, which was better than the others. He wasn't going to like any of them, but if he didn't hate it...well they could make it work. “You KISSED him?”

“Technically, he kissed me,” Hotch replied while opening a cupboard like he was even paying attention. He'd barely seen anything the whole day, but he did like this place. The basement was a fitness center with an indoor pool and some part of him was inexplicably drawn to the notion that he would still have a body of water to call his own. “But I did kiss him back.”

“Aaron, you dog!” She was smiling, but it faded quickly. “Can you do that? Are you going to get fired?” She hissed that last part so the real estate agent didn't hear them.

“It won't happen again. It shouldn't be an issue.”

“Won't happen again? You look happier this morning than you have in...well a long time. Why wouldn't you do it again?”

“Once is forgivable. Twice and...what if he doesn't feel like he can say no to me?” Given Derek's history, Hotch's face went pale at the thought. He might be sick. “I can't put him in that situation.”

“What, because you're his boss? That's absurd. Maybe if you'd kissed that little guy on your team...”

“Reid?” he asked, a little flustered. This conversation was getting worse by the minute. He chose the apartment more as a way to put a stop to one conversation and start another than anything else.

“Yeah. The kid. But you've worked with Derek for so long, no way he's not going to tell you exactly where to shove it if you do something he doesn't like.”

“Hotch...” Derek said, leaning a little closer, pulling him back to the conversation. “If you think for one second that you're actually putting me in a position where I can't say no, you're wrong. Now do I appreciate your thoughtfulness here? Absolutely. It's part of why I kissed you the other night and why I wanna keep doing it. But you gotta know I've never had a problem telling you to fuck right off if I think it's justified. Right now, JJ is about to walk through that door and tell us we have a case, I heard your phone buzz. So I'm gonna get outta here...and you can think it over. If you want to see where this kiss takes us...cool. I'm game. And if you don't? We never have to bring it up again. It never happened.”

Derek turned to walk out of the room, took a step and froze when he heard a small sound behind him.

“Derek,” came the voice, almost a whisper. He turned and found Hotch rounding the edge of the desk and approaching him cautiously. “I'm sorry. If you're certain...I am too. I don't know how to do this anymore; it's been so long. I never thought I'd feel like this again. I always assumed Haley was it for me.”

“Don't worry, boo, I got you. This is a two person sport.”

Hotch flushed and his face turned shadowy serious. He frowned and Derek knew exactly what he was going to say. “We should probably lay a few ground rules,” he started and Derek laughed and waved his hands in defeat before he had to continue. From the looks of it, they would have to move slowly. Very slowly.

Derek could do that.

He hoped, anyway.

“I won't call you boo again. At work or otherwise. I can't promise other pet names won't slip out on occasion...”

“Just not here.”

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #hotchgan #criminal minds #hotch x morgan #aaron hotchner x derek morgan #mortch #fanfiction #tw: csa #tw: divorce #yotp 2023

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glenncoco4 · 2 years

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You Can Count On Me (Ch.19)

A/N: So when I first came up with the idea of this story I had huge plans. As I continued to write it became harder and harder to come up with chapters I’m proud of on top of all the other story ideas I had. With great sadness, I have to say the next chapter will be the last of this story. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you’ll read my others. One I’m currently working on is a little spicey which I’m very excited about. Anyway, thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoy these last two chapters of this version of our favorite OTP.

••••

As the pair walk down the sidewalk, ice cream cones in hand Kensi can’t help the bubble of laughter that leaves her lips, thinking back to her fiancé’s encounter with the old white lady at the ice cream shop and is brought back to another incident from high school. “Remember when Old Lady Thomas threw a box of Raisin Bran at you cuz she thought you were trying to steal her groceries? ”

“How could I forget? I still have the imprint of the box on my arm.”

“You gotta admit she had great aim for an 80-year-old with cataracts.”

“A look into your future.”

Biting back a smile, her fingers find his bicep, pinching him for his remark. She’s just about to say something when the shrill of her phone fills the air around them. Reaching in her pocket to retrieve the device, she sends her fiancé a curious glance. “Unknown number.” The brunette accepts the call, bringing the phone to her ear.“Hello?”

“Hey, Kensi.”

“Ja-Jack?”

Hearing the name leave his partner’s lips, the blonde’s brow furrows. Without thought his fingers curl into a tight fist, crushing the ice cream cone in his hand.

“I was hoping you’d answer.”

Closing her eyes, she takes a deep calming breath. Life has been throwing things at them left and right these past couple of weeks so she’s not sure why she’s surprised to hear from her ex-fiancé for the first time in 5 years. “What do you want?”

“To apologize.”

“Why? Why now?“

“Not over the phone. Can you meet me at Burton Chace Park?”

“Jack.”

“I promise, Kensi, that’s all I want.”

Meeting her partner’s eyes, she nervously bites her lip. This is her chance to finally get the answers she’s always been looking for. “Fine. We’ll be there in 20.”

Ending the call without another word, she lets out a sigh. “Looks like we’re going on a little field trip.”

“You sure about this?” He’s not trying to discourage her from getting the answers she needs, but he knows how fresh the wound Jack left still is.

“Not really, no. But knowing my back up’s there will help.”

“I’ll bring the muscle.” He flexes his bicep, alleviating the tension in her body. This man may have hurt the person he loves most in the world and he may want to bash his head in but if it means she gets the closure she deserves he’ll be cordial…maybe.

••••

Walking across the open grass area of the park, she tries to calm her nerves. It didn’t hit her until they were almost here that she was gonna see him again, the man that broke her heart. The man she was gonna marry. Even though the last few months of their relationship were nothing short of chaos and turmoil she still loved him at one point in her life, maybe not like she loves Marty, but she still loved him.

At the sound of footsteps coming towards him, the former marine looks up and meets the special agent’s eyes, and immediately jumps off the bench, walking towards her with a small smile across his face. “Hey, Kensi. Glad you came.”

She gives him a straight smile, feeling the tension rise throughout her body. Maybe this was a bad idea. Then she feels him press a reassuring hand on the small of her back. Her solstice.

The former marine was so focused on Kensi that he didn’t notice the blonde walking up next to her until there was a burning sensation running through his body. He meets Marty’s eyes and immediately sees the anger bubbling in his cerulean blues. “He-hey, Marty?”

“Jack.”

“How’ve you been?”

Kensi rolls her eyes and feels the anger begin to bubble up inside her. “Get to it, Jack. I didn’t come here for small talk.”

Nodding his head, he lets out a calming breath. “There’s a lot I want to apologize for. The way I treated you, especially when you were so good to me.”

Marty meets his best friend’s eyes feeling the need that she’s gotta do this on her own but he’s here if she needs him. “I’ll give you two a minute.”

She gives him a grateful smile before watching him walk off. He’s always there.

“So you two?”

She gives him a pointed look, definitely not playing this game.

“Sorry. None of my business.”

When she doesn’t say anything, he nods, knowing he’s only got a few minutes of her time. “I’ve been sober for about 2 years now and in those 2 years, I’ve realized how much I hurt you. You were there for me no matter what and I treated you like shit.”

“You were an assshole.”

He smirks, still the same spitfire she was 5 years ago. “I was a dick.”

She huffs a laugh cuz he’s right, he was the biggest dick.

“I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for trying to help me get better. Thank you for not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. I was such a fucking mess but you were always there. You did everything you could for me. And please don’t blame yourself. There’s nothing more you could’ve done to help me.”

She didn’t know she needed to hear the words but as soon as they leave his mouth something inside her heals. And seeing the sincerity in his eyes tells her that he truly meant the words he said. She doesn't want to hold onto this anymore. Her best friend is going to be her husband…they’re continuing their life together, but as a couple now. This anger has no place in her life. “Thank you for saying that.”

He takes a quick look at Deeks who’s staring daggers at him. “He hates me.”

She can’t help the grin that spreads to her lips as she meets her fiancé’s eyes only he’s fixated on the man standing next to her. “Not gonna lie to you. He does.”

“I’m happy for you guys. You deserved so much better than me which is what you have now. There’s not a doubt in my mind he’s the man you deserve.”

Eyes still trained on her partner, she nods in agreement. He’s everything. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Turning her attention back to him, it occurs to her she never got the answer to one of his reasons for leaving. “When you said Marty was in love with me and I clearly with him…what did you…I mean how did you know?”

“If I’m being truthful with myself, it was the first time you introduced us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You went off to the bathroom and he gave me ‘the talk.’”

“The talk?”

“Yeah, like what big brothers do to guys dating their little sister only it wasn’t.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, he said the normal kind of stuff like, ‘hurt her and they won’t find the body,’ but there was this protectiveness I’ve never known in my life shining in his eyes. That and when you got a strike and started celebrating with each other, I saw the look you two shared and knew that if I wanted our relationship to work and not be jealous I had to lie to myself. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t…until one day I knew I just had to stop.”

“We were pretty oblivious back then.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.”

She takes another glance towards her partner and feels the panic start to roll in seeing the deer in headlights look on his face. Following his line of sight, she’s immediately filled with rage. Her hand tightening into a fist at her side.

“What’s wrong?” The former marine doesn’t miss the sudden change in the atmosphere.

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? There’s so much going wrong yet she can’t find the words to voice it. “Um…it’s um.”

Then he’s there, walking off balance towards the pair and throwing his arm around the former marine’s shoulders. “Hey, Jackie.”

“Gordon, how long you last this time?” Jack asks the older man, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Ignoring Jack’s question, Gordon’s attention turns to Kensi. “Who’s the pretty lady? You look familiar.”

“Kens, this is Gordon.”

The mischievous smile that the older man sends her way makes her skin crawl. “I know who he is.” She says it through gritted teeth, reaching for the gun in her waistband.

Gordon’s brow furrows. His attention suddenly zeroing in on Marty as he runs toward them, suddenly sobering him up.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH. GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER.”

“Marty, my boy!”

“FUCK OFF.”

Clearly, this reunion is gonna go exactly how he hoped, eyeing the three he quickly calculates his moves, and just as the shaggy blonde is about to reach them, he pulls out the knife in his pocket, jumping over to Kensi grabbing her, pressing the knife against her throat.

“Let go of her.” If he wasn’t seeing red before he is now.

“Not a chance.”

The best friends turned lovers share a look, communicating their plan without words. Marty continues to say things to his father, distracting him and before Gordon can process what’s happening Kensi has him in a wrist lock, knocking the knife out of his grip and throwing him over her shoulder onto the ground.

Jack’s eyes go wide as he watches the scene play out before him. Kensi twists the man’s arms behind his back, catches the handcuffs her partner tosses her, and with his help tugs the drunk bastard’s arm. “Up on your feet, jackass.”

“Is she this feisty in the sack?”

Without a second thought, the blonde turns to face his nightmare and rams his fist into the man’s stomach, knocking the breath out of him. “You’re lucky I’m a better man than you are otherwise I’d put a bullet in your head right here and now.”

The pair escort him to the Caddy, Marty taking over and shoving him in the back seat before slamming the door shut.

He’s rattled she knows that. Grabbing his hand, she pulls him to the back of the car, taking a stance in front of him. “Baby, look at me.”

Doing as he’s told, he feels his hatred and anger wash away. The warmth and understanding shining in her mismatched orbs calming him in a way that only she can. She takes a deep breath and releases it signaling for him to do the same. He joins her on the second one and can feel the rest of the tension release from his body.

“That was a little more anticlimactic than I was expecting.”

“What are you talking about? My shit of a father approached you while talking to your ex whom you haven’t seen or spoken to in 5 years and held a knife to your throat until you flipped his sorry ass on his back.”

“I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty fun.”

He can’t fight the smirk playing on his lips, pulling her into his embrace, her arms immediately wrapping around his waist as he places a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in the scent that is so uniquely her. “You’re always saving me.”

“Just like you always save me.”

“We’re adorable.”

“Aren’t we though.”

Taking this moment for themselves they let the fact that this thing that’s been hanging over them is finally done. And then the footsteps approaching them brings the pair back to something else hanging over them. “Ugh, I forgot about the other asshole.”

“Be nice. He apologized.”

The partners pull apart just as the former marine reaches them. A little bit of shock and fear written on his face. “I’d offer to help but it looks like you two have it under control.”

Marty huffs a laugh, unamused.

“Look, Marty. I know I was an asshole.”

“You were a dick.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean much but I am. You were there for her when I wasn’t. You were always there for her and I’m grateful for that because she deserves someone like you.”

Dammit. Why is he starting to like this guy again? “You getting the help you need?”

“Yeah, I’m taking it one day at a time but I’m getting better every day.”

Shocking all three of them, Marty offers his hand to the brunette. “As much as I hated you, if she’s forgiven you then so have I.”

Jack raises a brow skeptically before a smile crosses his features and shakes the blonde’s hand.

“Thank you both.”

Kensi, sends him a small smile before he turns, walking back towards the rec center. “Take care of yourself.”

Marty lets out a deep sigh, releasing some residual tension from his body. “Ugh, that was so hard.”

“That’s what she said.” She can’t help herself, he’s rubbed off on her in so many ways.

There’s a beat of silence as they soak in the fact that it’s over. It’s finally over.

Putting her Badass Blye persona back in place, she squeezes his hand, a little spark in her eye. “Come on. Let’s take this piece of shit to the boat shed so we can go home and have sex.”

He’s a bit flabbergasted by her words, shaking his head in laughter. He watches her head to the driver's side of the Caddy. “Girl, I’m gonna marry you someday.”

#Densi #Densi AU #Densi Fanfic #Kensi x Deeks #Kensi Blye #Marty Deeks #You Can Count On Me #NCIS: LA #NCIS: LA Fanfic

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cevans-is-classic · 2 years

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ABO thoughts on my top two OTPs.

STONY:

Steve sleeps with a shield agent, someone he thought would be safe to explore in the 21st century — who has no hand in the Avengers and doesn't know him.

Someone safe.

Not safe enough.

He's nearly 10 weeks when he finds out — and Tony is the first to notice and the first to be there for him.

Steve is terrified. A baby? He's Captain America? He's an Avenger! How is supposed to have a baby?

"Hey," Tony kneels in front of him, the suit keeping him at eye level. Steve can't stop looking at the shine of the reactor, the glint of the setting sun on the red across his helmet, "Breathe okay? That's all you have to do."

"I can't do this, Tony. I — this — I can't do this."

Tony nods, keeping his hands floating around Steve in a flutter of confusion, "Then don't."

Steve jerks his head up sharp, "I don't want to get rid of it-"

"Hey that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying right now you don't have to do anything. Let me do it. What do you need?"

Whiskey brown eyes follow his, guide Steve through the swell of panic in his chest and the acid that burns his throat, "Help me."

The fingers of the Iron Man suit are always warmer than Steve think they'll be. When they brush his jaw, tilting his chin to look Steve directly in the eye — he melts into it. Into the warmth, the strength, Tony's calming presence.

"Whatever you need, Honey, anything."

Steve reaches out, his own fingers carding through Tony's dark hair, "Thank you."

DESTIEL:

Castiel has been at the bunker full time for a year when Dean stumbles into the war room with wide frightened eyes. His brow is sweaty, lips bitten red and there's a white stick clutched in his fist.

"Dean!" Castiel jumps up, rushing to the hunter and catching him as Dean's knees seem to give out on him.

"Where Sammy?" His voice doesn't shake. It's steady, solid even as his body seems to shiver in Castiel's hold.

The two of them moved towards a chair, Castiel helping ease his friend down to rest, "He went out. Dean? What's wrong? What happened?" There's no blood, no obvious wounds and when his hands run over him he can't find a lingering spell.

The white stick in his fist cracks when he tightens his hold.

"I'm pregnant."

Castiel feels ice trickle down his spine, skin going tight, throat constricting around a rise of bile he's never tasted before.

"Okay." Dean is pregnant. Castiel nearly forgot that Omega males could carry a child. It's rare, something that few people talk about or hear of in their lifetimes — well, Castiel has lived alot of lifetimes.

Dean glares at him, "Okay?"

"Do you know who the Alpha is?" Another glare, flash of green eyes before Dean knocks Castiel back as he jumps to his feet.

"Okay? I'm pregnant, Cas! Who cares who the fucking Alpha is? I can't be pregnant — I just can't be — everything is finally settling down, Jack is safe, Sam is safe and you... I'm a hunter Cas. I can't be pregnant." His voice drops at the end, a tremor shaking the words put in breath.

Castiel touches Dean's shoulder briefly, squeezing once before he steady his hand on Dean's back and pulls him into an awkward hug.

"Yes," Castiel starts, keeping Dean close to him letting the hunter wrap his arms around his own person, "You are pregnant and no the alpha does not matter. Yes, you are a hunter and things aren't easy in this life, but you can do this. If you choose."

He steps back, momentarily smiling to melt the ice he sees forming in Dean's eyes, "You aren't doing it alone. Ever. You have Sam, Jody, Eileen, Myself-" He pauses, "Maybe even Rowena."

Dean let's out a shaky laugh, "Jack would make an amazing big brother."

"He would." The two of them go silent.

"I have you?" The words are low enough that Castiel thought he'd missed them, "It's a baby, Cas."

Castiel moved his left hand from Dean's arm to his chin, brushing his thumb across the hunters pink bottom lip, "It's a part of you, Dean. I'll always be here."

They're tears in Dean's eyes when he locks eyes with Castiel, "Thank you. Fuck Cas, thank you."

#alpha beta omega #omega steve rogers #omega dean winchester #alpha tony stark #alpha castiel #castiel/dean winchester #castiel #tony stark #steve rogers #stony #destiel #dean winchester

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felixcatton · 11 months

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every obsessive anxious type a girlie needs a laidback reassuring happy go lucky boyfriend who will read over her pro/con lists with her in the middle of the night

#gilmore girls #otp: you jump i jump jack #rogan

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iknowitwontwork · 1 year

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GILMORE GIRLS 5.17 | Pulp Friction

#gilmore girls #ggedit #gilmoregirlsedit #rory gilmore #logan huntzberger #rory x logan #logan x rory #rogan #roganedit #sophies #sophiesedit #my gifs #my edits #tuserella #hauntedbythelook #otp: you jump i jump jack

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kaitlinj16 · 6 months

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Jack & Rose ❤

Titanic (1997)

#jack dawson #Leonardo DiCaprio #rose dewitt bukater #Kate Winslet #jack x rose #otp: you jump i jump right?#titanic #{ship appreciation}#edits

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floripire · 10 months

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SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE(S) SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

@founderscouncil's jed is a big one, considering i came up with flori after reading about one of ace's wanted plots. i also like @d3adthings' pj and flori together because i think they'd be great. also, @ofvalor and i made flosie a thing - josie and flori - and i love everything about them. there is also @fatecrafted's werewolf, sylas priestly, who i love. sweet werewolf himbo who comes from a huge pack and has a lot on his shoulders. @loetise's allie is also someone that i very much adore and consider an otp for flori. platonically, flori loves the anti squad (mia, loren, faith) so fucking much. she'd fight, die and kill for them. they are her family. they're my platonic otp for sure.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

flori's in her late teens, early to mid twenties. so i would prefer to ship with muses in that same age range.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

when the clothes come off and stuff below the belt gets mentioned. i may rb nsfw posts on here but i mostly write it out on discord.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

sorta kinda? i mean, ideally i would love for our muses to have chemistry but truthfully? if you're okay with it, i'm okay with it. so long as we keep each other in the loop about it. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm here to write and have a good time and i would like that to be the case for both/all of us.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

bear in mind, this is me throwing characters out there that i would think go well with flori - this is not me saying this should happen asap: - xavier thorpe - scott mccall - kira yukimura - maybe even liam dunbar - tory from cobra kai - hawk from cobra kai - michelle jones-watson - mcu!peter parker - mcu!harley keener - across the spiderverse's hobie brown - any of the 1996!yellowjackets ladies - olive stone - season 4!cal stone - tj morrison - apollo burns - juan ruiz - tilda weber - jack morton - alyssa drake - lilith bathory - hamish duke - randall carpio - tally craven - abigail bellweather - scylla ramshorn - raelle collar - your oc(s) and i am forever patiently waiting for the day where someone picks up colton gobbo as a fc so we can ship together lmao. look at how he looks at her in the gif.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

just let me know that you'd like a ship and we can get the ball rolling. see #4 for more information.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

i'm ship obsessed! not just about my own but about your ships as well. if we're mutuals and you've got a ship going? chances are i will ask about them. prompted, unprompted. i will love them as much as you do, i can assure you that.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

heck yeah!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

tvd: bonnie x happiness, first and foremost because bonnie's my girl. bonora has always intrigued me. klaroline seems fun. steroline. forwood. i've also read a couple of tylena fics here and there. i could see bonnie x elena x caroline. also bonnie x caroline. i haven't read as much bonnie x elena stuff yet, i don't think. to: i've always been a huge fan of gia x elijah and i will mourn the fact that they weren't endgame forever. i also ship @witchfirst and @savagevillain's characters together. legacies: i shipped emma x alaric for a minute before i jumped ship to dorian x emma who are, imho, superior. when it comes to the students, these are my ships: josie x rafael, mizzie, mizziethan, hosie, hafael, handon (as written out on the dash by my mutuals, specifically because i'm not as much of a fan of them in the show), handosie (forever mourning the fact that they did not go there), i'd be cool with hizzie too. cleo x kaleb. kaleb x jed. i shipped both kaleb x alyssa and jed x alyssa. and also kaleb x alyssa x jed. i was also - and mind you, this was way before cleo was even introduced - a big lizzie x kaleb stan. josie x jed is also adorable. idk if jed x lizzie was ever a thing but i'm putting them on the list also. jed x hope. cleo x hope. ethan x hope. hope x maya. i wanted more for finsie to be honest. brock x wade has always been a beloved crackship of mine; they never talked in the show but in my head, they are in love. dana x sasha x connor; sasha x connor; dana x connor; dana x sasha.

stolen from @witchwrld & @seesgood

#long post /#ooc.

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typingtess · 2 years

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NCIS: Los Angeles Season 13 Rewatch: “Fukushu”

The basics: The father of an LAPD detective, a highly respected Japanese-American veteran, is the victim of a hate crime with OSP on the case.

Written by: Kyle Harimoto wrote “Omni”, “Merry Evasion”, “Chernoff, K”, “Command and Control” as episode 150, “Granger, O.”, “Ghost Gun”, “Kulinda”, “767”, “Se Murio El Payaso”, “Assets”/“Liabilities”, “Venganza”, “Superhuman”, “One of Us", “Let Fate Decide” (season 11 premiere), “Decoy”, “Answers” , “Watch Over Me” and “Cash Flow”. He co-wrote “Three Hearts”, “Leipei”, “Humbug”, both ends of the “Matryoshka” two-parter, “Smokescreen” part two, “Searching”, “A Fait Acompli” and “A Tale of Two Igors”.

Directed by: Dennis Smith directed “Fame”, “Standoff”, “Rocket Man”, “Cyberthreat”, “Exit Strategy”, “Patriot Acts”, “Out of the Past” part one, “The Livelong Day”, Between the Lines”, “Deep Trouble” part two, “Black Budget", “Black Wind”, “Blame it On Rio”, “Defectors”, “Matryoshka” part one, “Granger, O”, “The Queen’s Gambit”, “Hot Water”, “From Havana With Love”, “Plain Sight”, the lighthearted “Monster”, “Superhuman”, “One of Us”, “Smokescreen” part one, “Decoy”, “Mother” (episode 250), “Alsiyadun”, “The Bear”, “Angry Karen” and “Signs of Change”.

Guest stars of note: Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is Craig Tanaka, Christopher Sean is LAPD Det. Jack Tanaka, Jose Yenque is Capt. Carlos Fuentes, Sebastian Sozzi is LAPD Det. Matt Guerrero, Obi Ndefo is Joyner, Dashiell Connery is Jason Quinn, Peter Holden is Benjamin Strauss, Michael Fitzgerald is Billy Strauss, Tyler Capri Clark is Molly and Duncan Campbell is back as Agent Castor.

Our heroes: Take out the trash.

What important things did we learn about:

Callen: Has no use for the Strauss father and son. Sam: Wants Fatima to use her instincts but not be distracted by the circumstances. Kensi: Can shoot a man centermass at 1,250 meters. Deeks: Took a post-lawyering vanlife tour where he saw great places, great people that are at odds with the hate he sees in the attack. Fatima: Sick of the hate in the streets these days. Rountree: His sister is his world. Kilbride: Learned as a child his father protected their Japanese neighbor’s belongings for two years and carries that forward..

What not so important things did we learn about:

Callen: In Napa so missed the NCIS: LA Combine. Sam: Benches 225 pounds 20-times in the NCIS: LA Combine. Kensi: Can jump 21-inches in the NCIS: LA Combine. Deeks: Sprinting in the NCIS: LA Combine. Fatima: New to the Village People. Rountree: Judging the NCIS: LA Combine. Kilbride: Will have Kensi at his six if there is one seat left in the Humvee.

Where in the world is Henrietta Lange? No mention.

Who's down with OTP: Kensi and Deeks have long discussions about racism and agreeing to adopt a child with a different race. Callen spent the weekend in Napa with Anna.

Who's down with BrOTP: Callen hurried home from Napa to help on the case (pal before galpals).

Fashion review: Working out, Sam is in a black long-sleeve tee, black shorts, socks and Nikes. Kensi is a black tank top and camo leggings. Deeks is wearing a light grey tank top and darker grey jogggers. Rountree is in a charcoal grey tee-shirt and black shorts. Working, Callen is in a dark blue button-down shirt. Sam is in a long-sleeve black crewneck sweatshirt. Kensi is in a red tee-shirt. Deeks is in a medium-blue tee-shirt and light grey jeans. Fatima has on a lovely dark blue long-sleeve blouse over a medium grey turtleneck. Rountree is wearing a seafoam green tee-shirt . Admiral is in a dark blue three-piece suit, white shirt with a blue check pattern and a dark blue tie with white dots.

Music: “AWOL” by Every Time I Die plays while Callen and Sam are entering the Strauss-Quinn home. “Watch Out!” by Kazou is playing at the end as Det. Tanaka’s video goes viral.

Any notable cut scene: Yes and if you have the DVDs, it is with the “Subject 17” episode. Callen and Sam drive up to the building where Jack Tanaka is holding the men who hurt his father. Putting on their tactical gear, Callen is not happy that they are going in heavily armed and in their vests. Sam reminds Callen that Jack is a highly trained member of LAPD’s robbery-homicide division. If Jack Tanaka is not in his right mind, they can’t take any chances. Callen and Sam enter the building.

Quote: Sam: “We know you'd much rather be out there on the street finding these people.” Det Tanaka: “No, I don't want to do that. If I want the men that beat my father prosecuted, I can't be anywhere near this case.” Fatima: “Wow, you have incredible restraint.” Det. Tanaka: “ Yeah, well, people, uh, friends of ours, they would use words to describe Dad like "kind, funny, loving." Only word I would ever use to describe him is "discipline." Sam: “I respect your father even more now.” Det. Tanaka: “Yeah. Well, if my lack of discipline let whoever beat him off the hook, my old man would never forgive me.”

Anything else: An older Japanese man is fishing at the beach with little success. As he returns to his truck, he is almost run over by a young woman in a Jeep racing down the beach. She apologizes as she flies by, distracted by her phone.. Shaking his head, the man gets to his truck, only to be badly beaten by two men in dark hoodies. While the older man takes the worst of it, he is able to pull out a knife and cut one of his attackers in the lower leg.

Short credits.

In the gym, the team is working out (that hasn’t happened in a while). Sam is lifting while Rountree spots. Kensi is working on her jumping skills. Deeks is running – joking about being faster than any cornerback in the NFL Combine. At Alabama, Caleb Castille played cornerback. Rountree didn’t think the sprint even counted – he thought Deeks was just warming up.

Kensi’s jump was 21-inches, typical of defensive tackles at the NFL Combine. Those men usually way 300-pounds plus but Kensi wants to know if any of them can shoot a man at centermass from 1,250 meters. They cannot. Sam is up to 14-reps lifting at 225 (another Combine test). Sam gets 20 – legit for an NFL linebacker. Sam is disappointed he can’t do LA Rams superstar Aaron Donald’s 35 reps. Kensi asks if linebackers can hit a man centermass at 1,250 meters.

The Admiral pops up on the gym plasma, driving in to the office. He thinks the US Military would like to limit the number of people who can shoot a man centermass at 1,250 meters. Kensi should be humble that she has that sort of training, not bragging about it. She immediately apologizes. That said, if there is one seat left in the Humvee, the Admiral is leaving Aaron Donald behind because he wants Kensi on his six. Deeks thinks the Admiral is encouraging Kensi.

Sam asks if they have a case. The older man at the beach is Lt. JG Craig Tanaka was nearly beaten to death at Dockweiler Beach. He’s going in for his second surgery – at 73 this is going to be a dicey surgery. Tanaka served on the USS Walke during the Vietnam War. The team is disgusted. With Callen in Napa, expected back later that day, Fatima is going with Sam to speak to Tanaka’s son Jack, an LAPD Detective. Kensi and Deeks are on their way to the crime scene, Rountree is going to meet with the Admiral in Ops when he arrives.

In Ops, the Admiral is looking for a sit-rep. Craig Tanaka is in surgery. The EMTs found the fish knife Tanaka used to fight back. He has his name engraved on the knife. The blood is human but not Tanaka’s. The Admiral notes that the bad guys got more fight than they were expecting.

At the boatshed, Fatima is disgusted with the hate crimes going on in the world. Sam points out that Fatima is living that life becoming a more religious Muslim. Fatima agrees. Growing up in Beverly Hills, despite what “Beverly Hills 90210” showed, there is a large Persian community. She never felt different at high school. Since she started wearing the hijab, some people yell terrible things to her but they’ve never been violent. Sam thinks some of the violent people start by yelling terrible things at people. What matters to Sam is not letting his personal disgust get in the way of the case but Fatima should follow her gut instincts.

On the way to the crime scene, Kensi is making food recommendations to an obviously distracted Deeks before suggesting drugs. Kensi calls him back, saying she knows he’s mad. He’s not mad, he’s sad. Beating a 73-year old man in America – how does that happen? Kensi is sad, mad and disgusted too. Deeks talks about the six-month walk-about he did after being a lawyer. He got in a van and just went everywhere – he loves the country, the ocean, the mountains, the big cities and the small towns. It was great. And now he’s investigating the beating of a 73-year old man because of his background.

Rountree updates the Admiral in the Admiral’s office, Lt. Tanaka is out of surgery. When he doesn’t leave the office, the Admiral asks if Rountree needs anything else. He does – why is OSP investigating this case? The Admiral tells Rountree that Lt. Tanaka volunteered at the National Submarine Memorial, West.

Rountree still doesn’t think that’s why they were assigned the case. The Admiral requested the case as a hate crime against a Japanese Naval Veteran. Asking Rountree to sit, the Admiral explains that he grew up in Oregon with a best friend named Ralph Sakamoto. The Sakamotos would cook a huge Sunday dinner for the Kilbrides. One day, the Admiral asked his Mom about the dinners. She explains that when the government imprisoned Japanese Americans during WWII, people started looted Japanese family homes. Admiral Kilbride’s father sat with two shotguns every night for two years on the Sakamoto’s porch to make sure nobody stole from them. Rountree thinks the Admiral’s father was quite the man. The Admiral agrees. “What kind of son would I be if I didn’t track down the son of a bitch who did this to Lt. Tanaka.”

Castro brings Det. Tanaka to Sam and Fatima. Sam apologizes for taking Det. Tanaka away from the search for his father’s attacker but Tanaka makes it clear, he wants this case to stick. He can’t be involved in the investigation. Fatima admires his restraint. While people would use words like “kind” or “fun” or “loving” to describe the senior Tanaka, his son would use the word “discipline”. Det. Tanaka knows his father would never forgive him if he let his lack of discipline impact the case. Sam is impressed.

Explaining that his father was a creature of habit, working his garden, working as a volunteer at the base in Seal Beach, fishing at night, meeting up with his buddies and having a few beers at the end of the day, Det. Tanaka is sure this is a racial hate crime. Fatima asks if the younger Tanaka has any proof. Proof is NCIS’s job, not his.

Kensi and Deeks arrive at the crime scene. She figures the start of the attack was a cowardly kick to the back or sucker punch. They figure the bad guys saw Lt. Tanaka fishing and took action. Despite how big the population in LA is, an older man would be alone fishing just before sunset most nights.

Rountree pops up to Sam and Fatima on the plasma with a witness, a jogger, who saw two men in hoodies and jeans near the beach. They stuck out to her. Sam thinks the idea that two attackers beat a 73-year old man makes them bigger cowards. Fatima gets a call. The Commanding Officer of Seal Beach wants to talk to NCIS about Lt. Tanaka. Since most CO’s wouldn’t know the volunteers at the base, this is something.

With the witness statement, Kensi and Deeks are going to “run up the hill” to check where the jogger could see the man. Kensi complains about running up the hill until she gets about a step ahead of Deeks before calling it a race. He won’t race “with the world’s biggest fifth-grader.”

The Seal Beach CO makes it clear if he was in Los Angeles, he’d be fighting in person for Lt. Tanaka. There isn’t a person working at Seal Beach the CO holds in higher regard than Lt. Tanaka. While Lt. Tanaka has the title of volunteer docent, he takes those volunteer duties more seriously than some of the CO’s commanders do with their assigned duties. “He is a wealth of knowledge and inspiration to every sailor and officer on that base, including myself.”

At the hospital, a Lt. Tanaka is unconscious in his bed, out of surgery. Rountree updates Sam and Fatima on his condition. Knowing that nobody at the base would have a grudge against Tanaka, they agree it was not a targeted attack from someone in the Navy. In his financials, Rountree found that Lt. Tanaka has been doing some carpentry for an LLC for the prior three months. He’s been working at a restaurant renovation for the last two-weeks. The job was delayed because someone threw a brick through the restaurant’s window. With Callen on his way to the restaurant, Sam will meet him there while Fatima returns to Ops.

In the spot where the jogger saw the two men in hoodies, Kensi sees a ramp that would get them to two different highways. This was a premediated attack, not just a random hate crime. Deeks thinks they could have followed Tanaka to the beach from someplace else.

Callen and Sam arrive at a restaurant in a neighborhood that was gentrifying. Speaking about higher rents, Sam talks about the cost per square foot. Callen checks out. Sam can’t believe Callen left Napa and Anna to help on the case. Callen notices all the hand craving Lt. Tanaka was doing. Sam asks what Callen knows about carpentry and it seems he knows a lot. In one of his foster homes, the mother was an alcoholic but her husband was a carpenter and a good one. He’d make custom tables in his workshop and Callen would hang around. Sam makes a joke about a rival carpenter taking on Callen and his foster dad which leads Callen to believe Sam missed him. A freshly painted wall catches Sam’s attention.

Back at the office, Fatima updates a traveling Kensi and Deeks. Jack Tanaka did not know his father was working but it didn’t surprise him, his Dad would pick up jobs like that over the years. Lt. Tanaka is improving. Still touch and go but his vital signs are looking better. Finishing with Fatima, Kensi and Deeks talk about their adoption plans and that they were open to adopting a child outside of their race. Deeks is worried that he knows nothing about another race’s experience. Kensi agrees – they don’t share the a culture but they could give someone a home where they are loved. They would need to understand the child’s background, how the world perceives the child. “Nothing would break my heart more if they never felt like they fit in with us or anyone else who looked like them,” Kensi says.

With some x-ray equipment, Callen and Sam see racial slurs under the fresh coat of paint. Leaving the restaurant, Callen is talking to the owner. Lt. Tanaka told the owner about the brick thrown through the window but didn’t mention the racial slurs painted on the wall. Rountree checked for Sam, no security cameras near the diner. There is a street artist working nearby who doesn’t want to help Callen and Sam until Callen shows him the racial slurs on the wall.

The street artist thinks Lt. Tanaka is going to be angry. Callen and Sam are surprised the artist knows Lt. Tanaka but the two are friends. The artist is expecting Lt. Tanaka anytime. Sam breaks the bad news about the attack. Remembering that the red paint he’s using was found in the street behind the diner, the artist turns over the can to Callen and Sam.

With the crime lab running prints on the paint can, Rountree wonders what was going through Lt. Tanaka’s mind when he saw the wall of the diner. He is sure Tanaka wanted retribution but he just painted over the hate and went about his job, probably fearing he’d be fired for the attack. Fatima recalls a few weeks prior being called names by a racist in North Hollywood. Rountree says there are only two times in his life where he felt race didn’t matter – playing sports and being part of NCIS’s OSP. It all about a common goal – like when the aliens come for the planet. Fatima’s tablet beeps. The prints on the paint can match Jason Quinn.

In the bullpen (with people walking behind them – a first in a while as well), the team agrees that Lt. Tanaka was targeted. They wonder if Tanaka spoke to Quinn about the slurs on the wall and things escalated. Fatima and Rountree pop-up on the plasma. Quinn’s roommate is Billy Strauss. The Strauss family were the longtime owners of the diner but lost the business. Going after Tanaka, Strauss and Quinn went after the wrong guy. They wouldn’t go after Tanaka at the diner – it would be too easy to connect to the Strauss family.

Quinn just used his credit card at a coffee shop. Kensi and Deeks are off to find Quinn, Callen and Sam are on their way to check out where Strauss and Quinn live.

As Quinn leaves the coffee shop, Kensi says “I’m NCIS” and we all know what happens. Quinn flees on his motorcycle, Kensi follows in the SUV and Quinn winds up on the ground after hitting a picnic table.

With music blasting from the Strauss-Quinn home, Callen and Sam enter the building. Just a lot of loud music and tossed around furniture. There is hot fast food on the floor – whatever happened in the apartment, Callen and Sam just missed it.

Quinn asks Kensi and Deeks not to hurt him. Deeks would like to hurt him but won’t. Kensi wants to know what Quinn is talking about. 20-minutes earlier, Quinn heard Billy Strauss being beaten by someone saying they were a cop. Quinn admits to breaking into the diner but Strauss painted the walls. He was also not part of the attack, Quinn said Strauss did that alone. When Kensi and Deeks tell him there was a second attacker, Quinn makes it clear, he wasn’t that man.

Callen and Sam quickly figure out that Det. Tanaka attacked Billy Strauss. Callen asks Fatima to call the hospital and find Det. Tanaka. Wondering how Tanaka knew about Billy Strauss – NCIS did not share that info with him – Callen and Sam think the detective somehow hacked into their systems.

In the office, Rountree is working on a sewing table near the wardrobe when Fatima arrives. She cannot find Det. Tanaka. Rountree cannot find how Det. Tanaka could hack into their systems. A check of their systems shows no intruders. Fatima starts to laugh at Rountree’s set-up – he doesn’t fit in the sewing area. Unhappy, Rountree points out the rest of the team has fabulous chairs and desks. The Admiral has a glass office and Hetty has a throne room. Fatima admits using the Pilates reformer in the gym. The arriving Admiral found someone using the expensive Pilates reformer to be a good thing.

Rountree makes a pitch for a personal workspace. The Admiral talks about offices, with room, maybe plants – all things that are never going to happen. He doesn’t understand the wardrobe area – it looks like the back of a Village People show. Fatima doesn’t understand the Village People. The Admiral thinks two intelligent, young NCIS Agents could find a new home for the wardrobe and set up their own work stations. Fatima gets a call. Det. Tanaka is not at the hospital. The Admiral realizes who beat them to Strauss.

Deeks points out that the prints on the spray can went to the crime lab. A Detective Guerrero accessed the information from the LA Sheriff’s Department. Deeks wants Castro to pick up Guerrero, who is still at the Sheriff’s Department offices. Kilbride will tell Guerrero’s supervisor that NCIS Is working on a cold case so Guerrero doesn’t tip off Det. Tanaka.

At the boat shed, Deeks and Kensi confront Guerrero whose sister once dated Det. Tanaka. The two broke up but Guerrero and Tanaka stayed friends. They surf together, saw a Rams game together, saw the Foo Fighters together. Kensi and Deeks agree what happened to Lt. Tanaka is disgusting but they want to stop Det. Tanaka from making things worse. His career was over, his life doesn’t have to be.

Guerrero admits all and adds that Det. Tanaka doesn’t just have Billy, he has Billy’s dad. It was obvious that Billy’s dad was behind the attack on Lt. Tanaka. Knowing NCIS was just a few minutes away, Det. Tanaka grabbed the Strauss men and took them to an old gang hideout Guerrero knew was empty. He provides Kensi and Deeks the address. Kensi updates Callen.

Callen and Sam enter the hideout. Finding Det. Tanaka with the gun on the Strausses, Det. Tanaka is completely cooperative. The Strausses want help but Callen thinks they should be grateful they’re only tied up. The Elder Strauss goes on a rant about law enforcement taking the other side but Callen just walks away.

In Ops, Fatima and Rountree are sad that Det. Tanaka is going to lose his career. She asks if Rountree would do the same for his father. “Hell no, not for my dad.” Fatima notices he doesn’t talk about family much. Rountree explains that his family isn’t like Fatima’s. All that matters to Rountree is his sister – “she’s my everything.” Fatima wants to meet her. Rountree agrees. They’re off to get some pizza.

Closing up one of the storage units in the armory, Deeks talks to Kensi about the elder Strauss being so full of hate and poisoning his son that something like this happens. Lt. Tanaka should be out there fishing and Kensi thinks he will be soon. She knows they can fill a child with love and happiness and not hate and anger. They’re off to do a Peloton class.

The Admiral bring Det. Tanaka to see his father. While the Admiral wants to wait outside, Det. Tanaka invites him in. Lt. Tanaka would be thrilled to see an Admiral in person. The Admiral says that tough fathers are hard to kill – he knows, he had one.

Det. Tanaka knows the Admiral thinks he did something stupid but the younger Tanaka wanted to stand up against two-years of hate crimes against Asians. The Admiral believes a highly-decorated detective could do so much more than what Det. Tanaka did that day. Det. Tanaka videoed the Strausses. He posted it to a number of social media sites before Callen and Sam arrived. It was important that others understand that men like his father are not from a weak and docile community. Det. Tanaka had the skills and training to fight back. If one beating is stopped by what Det. Tanaka did, he is good with what happens next.

“The Way of the warrior is a resolute acceptance of death,” Det. Tanaka tells the Admiral. The Admiral recognizes the Miyamoto Musashi quote. Lt. Tanaka starts to stir. He asks if the his son arrested the attackers. Det. Tanaka tells his father the attackers were caught by Admiral Kilbride’s team. As Lt. Tanaka starts to salute, the Admiral gives him a kind but firm “as you were” – there was no need to salute. It was his honor, the Admiral explains, to work the case. Lt. Tanaka goes back to sleep.

The video plays of the Strausses on phones across Los Angeles.

What head canon can be formed from here: Listening to Admiral Kilbride speak, I’m not sure he’s an Oregon guy. Maybe decades with the Navy and working in southern bases gave him his sound but Gerald McRaney’s Mississippi roots can be heard. That all said, the episode gave some depth to the Admiral’s character with a father who may have been tough but who did the right thing for people who couldn’t protect themselves.

Deeks’s doubts about his possible parenting skills were all over the episode. There was also a peek into the Rountree family tree. Dad is out of Rountree’s circle of trust, a circle that is just Rountree and his sister.

Fatima and Sam speak of their histories with racists and bigots. Rountree talks about it too but in the positives of sports and OSP being about your skills and not your race or religion.

Episode number: Episode two of season 13, 282 overall.

#NCIS: Los Angeles Rewatch #NCIS: Los Angeles #NCIS Los Angeles #NCIS: LA #ncis la

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