#otherwise im not going to survive

[sexyleon]

I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.

#plz no sexyleon #life update basically #I’ll still be using tumblr and stuff and I’ll probably reply to things on here #but I likely wont be responding to direct messages #I just???? I’m too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy #I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I can’t be reliant on others for stability #and I didn’t even really notice that’s what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone #anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void #also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why I’m afk and I’m sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out #why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them???? #idk this is why I gotta stop #im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really can’t be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely #or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together #otherwise im not going to survive #my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like I’m having heart palpitations #I literally think I’m going to die sometimes #I used to say I’d prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety #well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega Pokémon and now it’s kicking my ass and I don’t have any idea how to defeat it #sorry for venting

[thelien-art]

Hi I just want to say that I absolutely adore your Caranthir thank u very much for ur contributions have a lovely day <3

Hi, I just wanted to say you just made sure my day was very lovely!! Waking up to this was everything♡♡♡

Have a lil Moryo!

#hes very happy you like him just a bit shy #yeah i woke up hoursssss ago but this was kinda an almost finished sketch and i was never going to finish it completely #so why not just add some hands hair and colors to it #rich boy chek #my emotional elf disasters #ask #tolkien #silmarillion #jrr tolkien #caranthir #carnistir #morifinwe #silm art #digital art #my art #literally this comment made sure i came through the day in one piece #we have been making theater all week and will perform tomorrow and im tiiiired #i have to get on stage when the piece is done so ill see if my angst survives that but otherwise i have helped with the props and such

[savage-rhi]

💙

#I am not gonna let what happened take away my passion and innate desire to help people because I can't ignore that #if I learned to trust humans before I can re-learn and give people a chance again #Just because I've had a bad streak of dealing with people who see me as less than were abusive or otherwise #doesn't mean that everyone is a heartless bastard wanting to set me up to fail or want to personally hurt me #I am not gonna stoop to the level of those who have hurt me #whether they fucking like it or not I'm gonna be a therapist #I'm already a PSS they can't take that from me #I'm gonna be my authentic self I am not going to change my mold for anybody not for these dated policies and archaic fucking beliefs #that are designed to keep people sick and trapped #I can't save everyone I can't click with everybody but damn it I'm gonna fucking try and be present for people that don't have support #even if people hate me for whatever damn reasons they have cause everybody deserves a shot #may everything that has already been done to me be given back to by those that dealt it #I'm gonna wrap up my finals for this week and then open up my kofi shop for business #i still don't know wtf im gonna do to survive but im laying out the stones #thank you to everyone that has and continues to check in on me i love you a lot

[donde-el-diablo-parquea-la-moto]

I completely understand if the whole QSMP team has a plotline that they want to keep.

But when your players manage to create such compelling bonds and an amazing storyline by themselves, I think it's only logical to work WITH instead of against.

Sure, maybe the eggs were all supposed to die the first week and be like a "lol" thing, they didn't, people got attached to them, the eggs shaped their little corners or gigantic caves in the island, they gave the players a tangible reason to work together and interact (in a particular case Leo was the only interaction Vegetta had sometimes)

Why would you want to throw away such an amazing thing in favor of... What.

#qsmp #grabted this may have been the plan all along #maybe the eggs were supposed to survive and everything #but the code being immortal is. like philza said: FUCKING STUPID #MAKE IT SUPER HARD TO BEAT #MAKE IT REVIVE #bit give the players a chance. otherwise its not even a game. its just a powerplay #QSMP rant #im starting to deattach myself from the eggs AND the players #cant imagine a lot of them going Liam Neeson if the eggs all die #i would just leave #on a more personal note: there should be more respect towards the players stories and lore that they create idk #if they wanted to railroad they should have given them a script

[orbdotexe]

You asked for exile questions so your getting exile worst ending: 2.0

(Or: cryptid had too much free time and got enabled and maybe sort of messed with the timeline.)

I don’t know if you’ve talked about it here, but it started off with forcefully unexiled and Wolf and the Vanguard kind of sort of working together, until all communication from Wolf stops.

No one is, unfortunately, particularly worried because this happened after the one (of many) arguments with Zavala at the War Table. When they get worried is when they find Ghost left behind in the Tower, shut down.

When (if) they manage to wake up the ghost, he doesn’t know anything.

(Wolf had left to fight the Witness by themself, and they had lost. They had gone because Zavala and thrown something at them that hurt worse more than anything he had ever said before, and they knew he was right.

“Maybe killing is all your good for.”

They couldn’t have Ghost watch (or be in danger) as they went on a suicide mission. They couldn’t do that to him.

In reverse to Exile Worst Ending 1.0, the Witness shows up with Wolfs body, and leaves it with the Vangaurd, saying nothing and leaving the recordings Wolf had made before going to fight.)

NOOO DIE I was JUST trying to write the Cayde short, cmon! Its hurt AND comfort and everything, and you do this to me??? Forcibly Unexiled was supposed to be a way for me to have some Crow and Wolf content, and now its come back to bite me.

I... especially hate that "(if)" about Ghost. please leave him alone. He didn't do anything wrong except love his Guardian.

(which, yeah, in the eyes of the Vanguard - that is wrong.)

But what would be in the recordings? Are they like Cayde's death-predictions? Audio diaries and notes?

Would Zavala be listening to Wolf talk to him, and answer a dozen whys? Or would it be them breaking down while trying to use the recordings to organize their thoughts?

Would they mention their grave?

Would there be one to Ghost?

#im working on the Cayde short again! yeaaaahaha (otherwise this would be longer) #lessss goooooo bby #orb rambles #The Forsaken Exile #i am. so unwell. about Wolf and Zavala's... thing in Exile #there is So Much there #thats his KID. or it could've been. #Should've been. #but he's fucked up again #Slightly better thought: Caiatl trying to comfort Zavala afterwards #(we're going to have some background Caiatl/Zavala here. bc i love them) #(honestly i think. in a hypothetical Wolf Survives Exile and Makes Up [nigh impossible but fun potential] #it'd be funny as fuck if Wolf would be drawn between supporting Zavala. and having the Empress dating their dad)

[opportunity-strikes]

Begging people to stop asking me how work is as a small talk topic. Bad. It's bad. I hate it and don't want to talk about it.

#sara speaks #please im so tired. work is bad and its not going to be better for a long ass time #talking wont change it. if i want to talk about it i will come to YOU #but otherwise I literally cannot handle thinking about work outside of work hours #keeping a strict 'not in work do not think about work at all' mentality is the only way im surviving #please i know it comes from a place of care and concern but i WILL FUCKING BITE YOU #this aint about anyone here

[leafuxxtea]

I've been really busy this week so I haven't interacted here much, but holy shit am I having the worst day by far. Can't wait to just go back home and cry again 🥲

#personal rant #this day is absolutely terrible #i need a badge saying “survived february 1st #i dont think anyone's gonna see this #its gonna be really embarrassing otherwise #man just lemme go to sleep #im not strong enough for this

[crest-of-gautier]

got the badges for gone fission evp 400 + evp 600 yesterday! .52 gal, l-3 nozzlenose, dread wringer, and squiffer make for quite the synergistic team!

my peak was EVP 810 (appx 300-310% HL). my high score of 151 eggs was obtained somewhere in evp 300...? i'm pretty satisfied with how it went, even if i didn't get HLM or 9s.

some thoughts/reflections on good freelancing teams/traits to develop when trying to rank up in evp under the cut:

i think grinding this rotation was pretty fun- all of the weapons have excellent mobility and i think they cover for each other really well! the l-3 was not my favorite weapon going into it but i think i really enjoyed the accuracy and mobility of it, so it's a bit more favorable for me now :)

i ended up reaching a skill wall in EVP 760-780 where i could not get past wave 2 or 3 (usually for quota related reasons, the quota is BRUTAL! we'd miss it by like 4-5 ish... ofc this partially relates to how well bosses are handled).

the grind for evp was a mix of freelance and grouping up (freelance for 230 -> 440s, grouping up for 440 - 750~, and then testing myself in freelance for that last bit).

i enjoyed the bits of freelance i did, and from my playtime i think these were some of the key traits/practices that indicate "good salmon run skills" to me:

players that know their weapons role(s) and target the appropriate salmonid (but also being willing to break that when priority targets haven't been taken care of)

knowing when a teammate needs help (with a boss or being revived) or when the teammate has a situation under control (e.g. someone's already on the fishstick, you can do something else)

proactive use of specials when problem targets appear, preferably with no overlap (e.g. tri-strike and inkjet activated on the same flyfishes is not the best)

using specials like booyah bomb, triple splashdown, and reefslider to clear basket area in the last 30 seconds to help eggs get in (especially important past evp 600)

teams that paint the walls first thing (especially whoever had the dread wringer). all interior walls for fission can be painted within the first 10 seconds imo

forwarding eggs closer to the basket after splatting static bosses (throwing one egg, and then swimming up with one)

players with good judgment; knowing when to lure (mostly for initial boss spawns), and knowing when to leave the big shot cannon

being able to figure out which directions snatchers come from and what eggs they can help you collect

i think these practices all stem from having good awareness and being able to collect information about the shift. it helps with making snappy quick-fire decisions, and it just gets more important the higher up in EVP you go. camera positioning/control is essential for this (you can't figure out where bosses/teammates are if your back is turned to them).

for me, every 7-10 seconds, i like to rotate my camera around to the opposite side of where i'm currently looking to make sure there isn't any bosses i'm missing. i'm hardly in one place longer than 5-10 seconds and i try to always be on the move. the spawn direction where salmonids come from are always changing, so it's essential to rotate around the map proactively rather than reactively. i think this also helps a lot with shotcalling in groups too (since you can be someone else's pair of eyes).

other than boss spawns/teammate locations (for revives), i think it's also important to notice when certain bosses haven't been taken care of for prolonged periods of time too, so that a special can be popped. to me it's usually a sign that someone whose ill equipped to deal with that boss has been forced to deal with them because the people with the "right" weapon are focused on something else... (no fault to them, of course, everyone has different priorities and you can't always communicate clearly in freelance)

in situations where squiffers were chased by a pack of scrappers, perhaps a booyah bomb or splashdown can be popped to help if you don't have the time to stun and splat them manually. maybe the fish sticks were left unattended by the shooters, so a triple inkstrike or a crab/inkjet shot can help clear them out.

awareness also extends to meeting quota, which imo involves paying attention to the timer + where eggs are located. i find that it's nice to check in with the timer/quota at 50s and 30s respectively so that you can start forwarding eggs closer to basket. and when everyone's going crazy about quota not being met i try to make sure i'm not overstepping anyone else's egg pile so that no one goes "wait no thats the egg that i wanted to pick up fuck i have to go back and get a different one."

i think this is why sometimes playing in groups is easier. if you have more sets of eyes that you can communicate with, it alleviates the need to have awareness of "everything" (provided that you can comms effectively). someone can be attuned to different things (e.g. my friend always tells us where snatchers come from and if they're good, i'm personally attuned to where people need to be revived, etc.). you also know what specials you have access to, unlike in freelance where you're not sure what others have until they use them.

the other part of completing shifts successfully (to me) is being mechanically sound with your movement, mostly in regards to how you use the terrain (walls) to get around the map and escape situations. the more you play a map the more you'll figure out how you can move around on it.

some examples, using the location callouts from salmonrun.ink: there were a few times i'd go on the harbor but i could escape any salmonids in the bridge area by climbing the walls there and squidrolling out as needed. sometimes on high tide i would swim from the perch to the left plat.

sub-strafing is also good to know too, especially when you want to rapidly collect the basket eggs at the end. i still need to integrate it into other parts of my gameplay, but it's helpful!

uh. this was way longer than intended because i have WAY too many thoughts about salmon run. TL;DR: The key to succeeding your shifts is having good awareness which comes from good information collecting practices, and having the mechanical skill to act on that awareness without hesitation.

there's definitely a lot that goes on in sensory overload the game™, so it will take time to build these muscles and reaction times. i think while at every rank of salmon run you may face a wall of "i'm overwhelmed by the bosses," the exact fix needed to get past it usually varies, so it's important to figure out what information you were missing or what actions you could've taken (more efficient movement or special usage, usually).

or if you're struggling with quota, try to practice forwarding eggs or take a look where snatchers come from (even if people splat them, it's still a good practice 2 develop for later evp. source: i don't fucking do it and it's biting me in the ass)

and most importantly, recognize when you're in the midst of a loss streak/skill wall, so that you can take a break and focus on other things that energize you! even if there's a certain goal you want to meet, grinding for higher levels of EVP and getting better at the game can be a very exhausting process. you can always come back to the grind later, whether if it's after a 30 minute break, or just a different rotation!

#splatoon 3 #lizz.jpg #lizz.txt #i did like 93 jobs of this rotation if anyone is curious. average waves cleared 2.2. point card was 31315p #im so normal about salmon run this is my favorite mode in the game that even though i have 2x the hours of my friend she's higher leveled- #in the pvp multiplayer than i am (but also she uses exp tickets and i dont because im a money enjoyer) #honestly i do wonder what i could've done differently with evp 740ish bc i could NOT stick around with a group WHICH IS SO FAIR #though it is a little disorienting to go between 300 to 320 HL with every new group of people HAHA #i do think it's the snatchers i gotta pay more attention to but damn idk when they spawn lol #and maybe my specials could get more value for them. i never go a shift without using them but idk #i think there's also been a lot of dying in general. like 3-5 deaths for everyone so it's def a movement/not keeping up with boss issue #in some form...? so maybe if i get to the point where my specials are back to proactive use and not 'for surviving this first wave' #i'll be golden and good to go for 9s... still very valuable learning experience though! #it would have definitely been easier to get to 9s if i reached certain evp ranks earlier to play with more experienced people but #where is the learning in that? LOL. i just feel like you're really forced 2 confront what you suck at when all the 'good people' are- #already at 9s or some higher VP y'know. and then when you get booted down to a lower VP for the next roto. it feels so much easier #and its like wait! maybe i'm okay at this game actually #anyway i don't think i'll be playing salmon for extended period of time for the next week otherwise im gonna be tetris effect'd LOL

[beholdthemem]

I remember as a kid, Gingivere having genuine concern and affection towards Verdauga- which did actually seem to be somewhat returned? In our first introduction to him, he reprimands Tsarmina for snapping at her brother, before gently-but-firmly reprimanding Gingivere for not fighting his own battles- was my first exposure to the idea that someone could be both a loving parent, yet a bad person.

I was so used to the bad guys I found in fiction being like. Either Ozai level abusive parents, to sort of cement that 'They're so callous that they don't treat their own children any better than the other people they hurt!'- or bad guys that SEEMED really awful until we saw that they loved their kids to indicate 'See, they aren't so bad, there's some good in them after all!'

And then there was Verdauga.

Verdauga was not a good guy. Before we actually meet him, we see what his rule over the country has done to the people there. Poverty abounds. There's little to no food for the citizens living near Kotir, and we know that's not because there was never any to begin with- no matter how many mouths you have to feed, whatever you can harvest is to go to the castle. Anybody who objects is either killed or imprisoned. When we meet Ben and Goody, they're trying to decide whether or not to risk freezing to death trying to escape- what ends up being the deciding factor is that their young children will have to start working in the fields at Kotir if they don't. That's how life IS under the wildcats.

And then we meet Verdauga- old, ill, nearing the end of his life but no less violent for it- and watch how he interacts with his children. He doesn't insult them. He doesn't demean them. He treats them... with a certain amount of respect. He's in charge, but doesn't rub that in their faces unnecessarily, only exerting authority to make a point. He's not overtly sentimental, but we can see that to a certain extent he cares about them.

That was a new concept, and I still remember being fascinated by the implications.

#redwall #like for gingivere to be that torn up when verduaga dies the old man had to have put some effort into the fatherhood thing #idk what his relationship with tsarmina was like- like she had no problem helping him into the grave but at the same time- #i don't think she HATED him? she saw him as an obstacle to power definitely but it didn't seem... personal exactly. #she seemed to find him more annoying than anything else. and... verduaga knew that i think and didn't particularly resent her #for it. like if he'd known for certain it was her that was getting him killed he'd be angry/violent- but i think #in the same way he would if it were anyone else. it wouldn't be a super personal betrayal. i think he and tsarmina are just. #built the same way. and he recognizes that. they think in the same patterns and have similar emotional attachments/lack thereof. he wouldn' #be emotionally betrayed by what tsarmina did to him because in her shoes he'd have done the same. it's just logical. #but gingivere... y'know what i think maybe he wasn't expecting gingivere to be the way he is. and when his son- despite attempts #to teach him otherwise- turned out to be gentle verduaga wasn't sure what to do with that. he understands tsarmina. #tsarmina's like him just 2 degrees more ruthless. gingivere... verduaga had no clue how to understand gingivere. he doesn't have the #ruthlessness gene. and rather than exploit that because gingivere was HIS he tried to protect him and maybe hoped he'd grow out of it #because in his experience gentleness is not a GOOD thing. it's something that can be crushed. he doesn't want to do that to gingivere but h #also knows he won't be around forever and that other people absolutely will- especially tsarmina. because gingivere is NOT tsarmina's son #and therefore she has no reason not to do The Logical Thing. 'stand up for yourself im not going to be here much longer and i need to know #that when im not you have some chance of survival'. he loves gingivere because he doesn't understand him at all and he can't HELP loving hi #for that.

[randomfandomss]

I'm literally on s8 now I can't believe this, what the fuck

#house md #this show has made me ILL idk how will i survive without it 😭😭😭 #i need to see that rat man commit medical malpractice and i need to see him with his doe eyed boyfriend ughhhhhhhhhhhh #😭😭😭😭😭 #also the way the first half of s7 tanked when cuddy and house got together like ive never seen a pairing go down so bad especially AFTER #they got together #like they put two very interesting characters together to make a very boring couple :p #anyway lowkey glad lisa had to leave the show in the last season because im so sure otherwise house and cuddy wouldve been endgame 😭😭😭 #sorry they were SO bland together i canttttt

[shou-jpeg]

I think my main concern for KimChay ending either open or broken up is that all the fics are angsty.

#there is no reprive #kimchay #kinnporsche #blah #i love every single one of you fic writers but im begging you #write something that isnt going to make me want to cry #idk how i will survive otherwise

[lupismaris]

.

#rsd is a bitch but i do not need the validation of my colleagues i do not need them to be my friends i do not need them to give me attention #even if we were previously more friendly than we are now it is not a sign of me doing anything wrong it is simply how things are #they are going to be better friends because they are on teams that spend higher quantities of time together #i am an admin who is frankly by myself constantly i do not have a team i have no one thats why it feels lonely #not because i am awful and unlikeable #the colleagues i am upset about are also younger than me and cishet men they're not emotionally aware enough to care #and frankly even if i have done something to upset them i have apologized for any poor behavior so its on them. remember that #i am working hard at building a community and finding new friends just because it isnt them doesn't mean im failing #building a family and making change will be uncomfortable moreso because of the tism its ok to be uncomfortable #we will survive it but please remember that its normal and you didn't do anything wrong #and these ppl really aren't worth a panic attack/meltdown on an otherwise great monday because they dont acknowledge you #theyre immature boys and those that do value you are the ones inviting you to a team lunch you dont really need to be invited to

[voids-cave]

something something ptsd swag

#ngl my cptsd has been destroying my ass lately #like big TIme #have no idea how i havent done vent art yet. #bro has been having flashies and intrusive throughts no end i have no idea how im surviving LMFAOOO #at this point i call sudden bad memories flashing infront of my eyes for a split second like a stab to my head ''intrusive thoughts'' #have no idea what they are otherwise tho. #i need. to go to my therapist and ask. but with the silly accident. i can't get on cars anymore so im just cringefailing now #anyways have vent art with the ptsd swag cleons #cw vent #DO NOT REBLOG. #re posting

[2truehearts]

i may be a coward but i'm fucking strong as hell!!!

#— nonsense. #i say this as i am trying not to cry because wow eveyrhting hurts #but!!!!!!! i will not kms or die from it!!!!!!!! because i am storngj!!!!! #wrong spellign of strong but u get my point #also. if ur reading this. u are automaticlaly strong!!!! #i know you are. youve survived this long #it doesnt matter if youre fucked up or something. youre breathing rn. yeah? #youre strong and no one else can say otherwise #it doesnt matter if you cry everyday okay? emotional regulation is so much better than hurting yourself from the inside #what matters is that youre alive and you love #you love and you live #okay im gonna go now for a while bye byeee <333 #you can do it sweetie. i know you can #mwuah <3

[viiridiangreen]

not to be obnoxiously materialistic as part of the capitalist apparatus' winter psyop but………………. First Goffick Platform Boots I've Had Ever Just Dropped lol

got these as a slightly early xmas yule present

i was literally JUST bitching at a beloved mutual the other day abt being sad that i don't really dress alt anymore?? these don't have 2kgs of spikes and buckles so idk if they're even considered Proper Goth by whatever arbitrary standard but they're a nice solid base to build on :)

#viitalks #my feet.... hurt a lil bc i underestimated how long we'd be walking after i picked them out oops #but lacing them up right and wearing thick socks and breaking them in a lil bit more should do the trick #ALSO like....... #still cannot believe i survived my entire teens w/o proper black combat boots #closest thing were purple docs that my aunt got in the uk when she like... visited my mom when she'd literally just given birth 2 me lol #they held up bc they were og docs but. #i didn't want That particular shade of purple as part of my cartoon character design palette yfeel? #anyways im looking forward to start throwing out all the pants that don't fit me anymore #& slowly subbing them out for 2nd hand or otherwise Slow™ fashion. next year.... or whenever i have expendable income lol #it'll take a while but. i've lived long enough in pajamas & before that was v limited by what my family picked out for me so #i dunno. this is silly in the grand scheme of things but. i wanna Express Myself™ thru my appearance a lil more #and feel like i'm forced 2 wear a normie suit whenever i go outside or on camera a lil less

[mayoiayasep]

i am somewhat excited for the school dance this weekend but also i just know the playlist is going to be the most boring shit on earth

#nyx yells #god im so glad theres going to be a snack table. i would not survive otherwise