#I literally think I’m going to die sometimes

[xxbimbobunnyxx]

Introducing: The Sanrio Girlies

So this cute ass idea came to me to make readers based off the Sanrio characters and I kind of just ran with it. It turned into a whole ass little AU. I had so much fun doing this, it’s been a minute since I got lost in creating something for hours. I do have main pairings in my mind for all of them BUT they’re absolutely interchangeable. I can see them all together for different reasons. I have so much LORE about them so feel free to send me asks about this lil universe. I’ll def be posting more about them because they are my babies and I’m proud of them. Tag yourself, I’m Kuromi. (Yes I self inserted)

Kuromi Reader

Trashy Y2K emo princess. Rebellious kook whose parents never agreed with her style or life choices. Hates driving, she was born for the passenger seat. Acts super bitchy but under the surface is a die hard romantic. Has never had a day job. Kind of unhinged, she will slash your tires if you do her wrong. Halloween obsessed. Has an OnlyFans. Reads romance novels in her free time. Spoiled brat. Has a tramp stamp. She’s the friend that says she’s “really not going to get that drunk tonight” but ends up getting dragged out of the party because she’s more wasted than everyone else, trying to fight people twice her size. In my AU she is Rafe’s girl but I could also see her and Jj being together.

My Melody Reader

Cute lil bimbo core baddie. Kook but spends all her time with the pouges. She grew up with rich her grandma who taught her everything about baking, sewing, and being a lady. Shops till she drops. Total empath. She loves doing things and buying things for the people she loves. The sweetest person you’ll ever meet until you mess with someone she cares about. Loves all things pink. Extremely smart despite her outward appearance. Neat and tidy. She thinks she’s responsible but she goes shopping at least twice a week, doesn’t have a job, and party’s every weekend. In my AU she is John B’s girl But I could also see her being with Rafe.

Batz Maru Reader

Total grungy tomboy. Pouge. Super sarcastic. Has a bunch of tiny little tattoos. Loves horror movies. Skates. Plays video games. She has hardcore mommy issues but has a bad ass metal head dad who owns an auto shop where she works. She’s always up to no good. If it’s not spray painting her literal name on shit and skateboarding on private property, it’s getting stoned out of her mind and blasting music so loud the whole neighborhood hears it. She’ll never tell anyone she has pink lingerie under all of that either. Batz is 100% Jj’s girl but I could also see her being with John B.

Keroppi Reader

She’s a multifaceted girlie. She’s a total boho beach bum but even when she’s on the beach she’s studying. Sporty. Played almost every sport in high school and was always the top of her class. Pouge. Total yogi. Going to school to be a veterinarian. Kind of a health nut, watches what she eats all week but let’s lose on the weekends with the girlies. Down to earth lover girl. She’s always there to listen when you need her and gives the best advice. Even if she is a little blunt about it. In my AU she is Pope’s Girl but I could also she her being with John B.

Cinnamon Roll Reader

Coquette soft girl. Shy and quiet until you get to know her. Professional Ballerina. Loves baby blue so much it’s part of her personality at this point. Kook. She grew up spoiled and sheltered so she’s a little clueless sometimes. Definitely has a planner and a strict daily routine. Loves to snack even though her ballet instructor tells her not to. Self care queen. Cry baby. Spends most of her time practicing for recitals and day dreaming. Cinna is kind of a wild card, I couldn’t decide who to pair her with, my first instinct is to make her Rafe’s girl but I could also see her and Jj being a polar opposite couple that balance each other out.

#rafe Cameron x reader #rafe Cameron concepts #outer banks blurb #Jj maybank x reader #jj maybank concept #rafe cameron blurb #pope x reader #Pope Hayward concepts #john b routledge #john b x reader #John b concepts #John b blurb #rafe Cameron #jj maybank #Sanrio!Readers #Sanrio!Girlies

[the-somwthing]

I gotta talk to people so bad so I’m just gonna spout something that’s been on my mind for a while

I see a lot of people always describing Joel and Scott’s rivalry as one sided. Like, Joel just hates Scott and Scott doesn’t care? And while I feel like that statement is technically true, it doesn’t really describe the situation very well.

It sort of implies that Scott’s never out to get Joel, and Joel is just coming after Scott for no reason. I won’t deny that Joel does like to come after Scott without provocation sometimes, but like… we are ignoring the fact that 3/5 Joel final deaths have been at Scott’s hand?

In two seasons, those kills were a result of a deliberate hunt to get rid of Joel specifically. In Last Life, I’ll give him a bit of a pass, since Joel did kind of start the fight with a big explosion and had been the “villain” for the entire season, it makes enough sense to try to end him like that.

But in LIMITED LIFE?? As a Joel viewer I am NEVER getting over the feeling of watching his final episode (not negative, just baffling in a way I find pretty fun lol). Scott randomly says “Joel needs to die” and everyone just agrees I guess? And then Joel is being witch hunted. “Oh but it’s because he was getting so many kills! Duh!” Grian had more. Grian LITERALLY got a quad kill (ON SCOTT FOR THAT MATTER) and Scott’s like “JOEL is the problem, the murderous evil of the server”. LIKE HELLO?? They’re literally allies, Scott could’ve said “we need to get rid of the bad boys” but he was COOL with Grian. He was letting Grian LIVE. Like HELLO??? WHAT DID JOEL DO FR 😭 Joel was literally just trying to survive btw, his fighting back was very defensive rather than offensive, and would back off when not being actively attacked. With the exception of trying to get kills cuz he was on less than ten minutes, of course. But Scott had been hunting him before then.

And then I guess I have to mention Secret Life’s Scott-Killing-Joel. I don’t think that final kill was especially targeted on either of their sides, the battle just turned out that way. I could rewatch to see if there’s more to it but for now this is how I see it.

Okay, I’m turning this into a full analysis of their rivalry, idc, I’m literally obsessed with their dynamic. I’m adding a cut here.

ALRIGHT WHERE WAS I. RIGHT. Finished explaining the final deaths, but there’s stuff before that! Let’s take a look at their rivalry 🥰

Let’s go in order, shall we? 3rd Life!! I am obsessed with them in this season ahahahhaga anyways. Joel comes after Scott unprovoked. Simple, this is how everyone sees their rivalry. HOWEVER. Joel is FULLY WILLING to work with him anyways. Maybe you could excuse the dark oak thing as it was early on and they were just trying to take down a monopoly. But in the finale they reconcile and spend much of the session together. They established early on that Joel had been trying to kill Scott, but they’re both perfectly happy to team up instead (which btw they did because they both happened to be allied with Scar).

Then Last Life. Joel does hate Scott in it, but I’m not sure I would say it’s without reason. Joel being boogey in ep2 was majorly important, and he killed Scott. But that wasn’t targeted. He had attempted multiple times to kill other people. Scott was one of the only (and closest) people who didn’t already know he was boogeyman. Then of course Scott tells Pearl they can fight back and has her kill Joel, sending him to red. Perfectly reasonable for all parties imo, and a good enough reason for Joel to target Scott seeing as being red early on had a huge impact on him.

Of course LL is also where Joel says Scott just looked at him funny one day and that’s why he hates him, which is a great line. I do believe he would bother Scott just for the rivalry, but unlike in 3rd Life, Scott had done things to make Joel never consider stopping.

Then Double Life. Erm. Literally nothing, except that I believe the only reason Scott and Pearl were the last pair is because Joel wasn’t there to kill them, since apparently he’s the only one who can make them lose lives. Wild. They were guaranteed to win ever since the lava portal trap. (obviously I’m joking but like how is he the only outside force to kill that pair). I will clarify for analysis sake that Joel’s first kill on them had nothing to do with Scott, and the second kill was to Scott but it was because of the life colors, not really anything about their rivalry. It was technically targeted at Scott specifically but not cuz he hated him, instead because Pearl had a weird “alliance” with the reds.

Then Limited Life!!! What the heeelll was happening lmao. I already talked about the final moment so before that. Erm. I’m blanking out I’m listening to bad romance it’s distracting me. You know what let’s move on I can’t remember what they did, the final death I explained previously is enough data for now.

Secret Life. Oh boy. I’ll say it again, I was secretly hoping for more Scott/Joel dynamic when it started but I doubted it would happen but we got FED!!! I was so excited when I saw the assassin task (as was Joel). Anyways. Throughout the season Joel was doing the whole hating Scott thing, Scott caught onto the bit and played into it somewhat by talking more about how Joel always hates him for no reason. We SHOULD be able to disregard Joel targeting Scott for the assassin task as it was a task, but to be fair after reading it Joel said “oh my gosh is this my dream?” He was super happy to be assigned to assassinate Scott LMAO. That has to count for something.

I feel like the rivalry was fairly obvious, so I need to point out the outlier moments in SL. While Joel goes on about how Scott should die, he happily trades with him and swapped gifted hearts with zero hesitation. In the final session, he and Scott ended up on the same side. I believe Joel may have been slightly annoyed at being on a team with him but accepts it nonetheless. The only reason Scott ends up killing Joel is because their team won, so they had to turn on each other. As previously stated it wasn’t especially targeted, it was a 2v2.

And then if you noticed from me saying 3/5 games, I’m not counting Real Life, but I’ll bring it up here. Scott literally says “since it’s real life we can be friends now since we’re friends in real life” (one of the many reasons I consider RL noncanon tbh, Scott literally mentions in-universe that this season is different so they can act differently, also what is the in-universe explanation for “friends in real life”). Aside from a reminder that Joel doesn’t actually hate Scott irl and this is just fun game rp stuff, this shows that Scott really did catch onto the rivalry bit, and really does just bring it up more. Joel had just arrived when Scott brought it up. Joel agrees to being friends in Real Life. This holds little relevance to my analysis since I don’t view RL as canon but you can keep it in mind.

Now that I’ve laid out their rivalry in a simplified summary, let me ACTUALLY analyze it! What did I mean all the way back at the start of the post when I said “Scott and Joel’s rivalry being one sided is somewhat accurate but I feel it misrepresents their relationship”?

Well, I believe it’s true that (at least up until Secret Life), Scott didn’t care about the rivalry while Joel did. But that doesn’t mean Scott never targeted Joel, as I said he’s witch-hunted him twice. It’s just it was never personal to Scott. I once saw a post(s) I really enjoyed, an analysis on Scott. Saying that he doesn’t actually value being loyal, he values being fair. Then there was the addition that it’s based on what he thinks is fair. I feel like this is 100% true for his thing with Joel. Scott views Joel as a force that has to be stopped, he’s gone too far, he needs to be stopped, it’s only fair for all the suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t stop to think about how killing is the whole point of this game, how other people are doing the same things, how many times he has killed Joel. Joel hasn’t killed Scott permanently before, he has killed him though, but not as much as Scott has killed Joel. To Scott, that doesn’t matter, Scott kills Joel for a reason, for justice, while Joel kills just for the sake of it. Whether or not that idea is true is up to you to interpret for yourself, but to Scott it’s true. Joel is more of a wildfire that needs to be put out than a rival.

Let’s look at Joel’s side of things. He does hate Scott and target him for no reason. The rivalry is one sided, where Joel sees a rival Scott sees some random danger that needs to be dealt with. I can’t tell you why Joel hates Scott. It’s not really the point of my analysis. I’ve seen ppl say it’s because of previous series they’ve had together (they’ve been rivals for ages!) but for my headcanons they don’t remember those, tho very few feelings from their past lives may linger, so perhaps that does explain it. For the sake of my analysis though we won’t be looking deep into why Joel likes to poke at Scott. It’s cuz he looked at him funny one day remember?

So we establish that Joel needlessly attacks Scott. But if you’ll notice from my summaries, he is fully willing to put aside that hatred. It’s conditional (yes it is the default, but still). If Scott treats Joel kindly, Joel will attempt to reciprocate it. Let’s look at this again:

3L: Joel targets Scott, Scott kind of just gives him a disapproving look every time and doesn’t fight back. Joel ends up feeling somewhat guilty, and in the end has no problems teaming up with Scott.

LL: Scott was the main cause of Joel turning red, Joel targets him constantly. Scott ends up permanently killing Joel to put an end to his madness.

DL: erm. Well it’s worth mentioning Joel never specifically targeted Scott for no reason. ALSO WORTH MENTIONING SCOTT BURNED THE RELATION??? This season was a bit of a switch-up. I need to rewatch to see if Scott had any good reason to do that lmao I don’t really remember, I hardly remembered he was responsible.

LimL: Scott deems Joel to be a server menace who needs to die, Joel (who doesn’t really understand why he needs to die) tries negotiating many times but Scott insists. He kills Joel.

SL: Joel gets task to target Scott, is thrilled. He fails miserably, losing people he cares about in the process. Vows to kill Scott, it’s like his main goal now. Still accepts every peace offering from Scott with little to no hesitation, to the point of eventually teaming with him until they’re forced to go against each other and Scott kills Joel again.

So basically you can see, every time Scott does something to wrong Joel, Joel goes hard on the rivalry, while if he doesn’t and offers peace, Joel will lay off. Secret Life was a weird middle ground, where Scott had done things to wrong Joel, however those things weren’t entirely his fault so when he offered peace to Joel, Joel would still accept. A confusing time for Joel I’m sure.

I will say a disclaimer here, I’m not saying Scott shouldn’t ever fight back against Joel. If he’s targeting you for no reason, it’s your decision if you’ll try to befriend him to make him stop or fight back. I support fighting back. I’m just saying that befriending him is a proven method to work, but I don’t think Scott has exactly noticed that and instead just assumes that Joel will stop at nothing to end him.

Another thing I wanted to talk about but forgot what the natural and intuitive transition into it was gonna be. Scott has permakilled Joel 3 times. Joel has permakilled Scott 0 times.

Joel had started the series off picking on Scott for no reason, and has never succeeded. Scott has won this battle three times. At this point, it’s honestly finally somewhat justified for Joel to come after Scott. That guy has specifically targeted and hunted him out of 2 seasons, and took him out of a 3rd as well. Joel has taken Scott out of 0. At this point, I feel like Joel needs that closure, to finally kill Scott, and who knows if he’ll ever get it. If you look at the fandom, even fans are hoping Joel will kill Scott because of this. So imagine how Joel feels! But obviously Scott wouldn’t just let him (okay. Well. Actually. It’s Scott. He kind of lets people do that all the time. But only allies…). Scott will be waiting for Joel to target him once more, and deal with it the way he always does. But who knows if it’ll turn out different?

Which reminds me that I pinpoint SL as the season Scott finally notices this “one sided rivalry”. We all know Scott loves drama, so when he finally noticed Joel had been hating him the whole time, he kept bringing it up. And it wasn’t just for SL only, he brought it up the moment he saw Joel in RL. I don’t count RL as canon but it does prove that Scott hasn’t let go of the rivalry now that he’s finally realized it. I don’t know if there will be a 6th season, but if so I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott brings up the rivalry. Idk if he would make it a big deal, but he would surely at least mention it.

Anyways, if you think I’m done with my little analysis, you’re wrong!!! I’m done with the things I see as pretty factual, but now we’re gonna get into more fanon headcanony type of territory!!!

…but, maybe I’ll make that its own post. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!

#trafficblr #life series #traffic analysis #< is that for this fandom or like. real life traffic. lmk #life series scott #life series joel #secret life spoilers #limited life spoilers #double life spoilers #last life spoilers #3rd life spoilers #ALSO WARNING THIS IS SOSO LONG IT TOOK OVER AN HOUR HELPPP

[sexyleon]

I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.

#plz no sexyleon #life update basically #I’ll still be using tumblr and stuff and I’ll probably reply to things on here #but I likely wont be responding to direct messages #I just???? I’m too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy #I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I can’t be reliant on others for stability #and I didn’t even really notice that’s what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone #anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void #also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why I’m afk and I’m sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out #why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them???? #idk this is why I gotta stop #im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really can’t be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely #or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together #otherwise im not going to survive #my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like I’m having heart palpitations #I literally think I’m going to die sometimes #I used to say I’d prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety #well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega Pokémon and now it’s kicking my ass and I don’t have any idea how to defeat it #sorry for venting

[kicktwine]

i could not care less about yotsuyu right now I liked her awful messy end ……

#play game #this sounds very negative #know that it is all lighthearted. Said unseriously . Sure I’ll see where this goes it’ll probably be interesting #xiv has a way of making everything interesting #she is just a lot of character archetypes I don’t prefer………. All in one person… and sometimes I like when tragic characters die #stormblood spoilers #ffxiv spoilers #LISTEN I JUST. you position two characters as foils and have us hang out with both of them but u let me hang out with the one I like better #FIRST…. I just want to go back and see how fordola is doing #AND!!!! I liked yotsuyus story as it was #it was neat. it made me feel a shrimp emotion. Why she still alive #I liked that she threw out everything for petty nasty reasons #nasty woman #/pos #I’m excited about gosetsu #also I think it’s a sign of great self awareness and also funny that lyse is literally like yo. Raubahn should be here. So he IS #you did put him there!! Gg I’m sad he won’tbe with nanamo but pipin will do great

[cerealmonster15]

Stupid silly sketchbook doodles of beloved basketball club shhdfbfbgby it’s so important 2 me that they act like annoying brothers to each other and also that everyone in nrc acts like they’d rather be shot than develop a crush on one of their bitch classmates

#cereal tries to draw #twisted wonderland #ummmmm. i don’t wanna tag anymore I’m embarrased LOL I wasn’t gonna post it #I was just doodling for private funsies but like yknow how Ywannatalk about ideas with people #even just goofy little headcanons lol #but like u don’t wanna directly place ur thoughts and feelings in front of someone sometimes #bc then it’s DIRECT and STRESSFUL A #but u also don’t feel like it’s worth a Post For All To See #we r keeping it casual here on cerealmonster15 dot tumblr dot com #I just wanna bully my sons #ok literally tho can u read my handwriting. this is the natural state #of on paper and normal not written with intent for others to need to see lol #anyway I think of Ace liked deuce he’d be soooooo complainy about it. and in denial #but I think once he wasn’t in denial he’d be bitching constantly #and I think Jamil would also want to die if he started liking azul lol #Floyd would bully them both. he’s having a great time. god for him I guess #Ace: well hang on let me pause my agony to go baby bro mode and annoy Jamil real quick #get the heat off him (which he started by complaining loudly first) #Floyd: haha you two like dweebs #can u imagine the turmoil of third years developing feelings #they r all allergic. except rook I guess but he’s his own flavor of freak #lilia is dad he doesn’t count he already had his romance agony [REDACTED BOOK 7 SPOILERS] #first years also allergic EXCEPT applejuice. Epel and deuce together are like bro I love u. #second years are mostly allergic but also contain Kalim and silver #shoutout to the light magic users mwah #actually silver I don’t know. I don’t think he’d be resistant but I think he just wouldn’t realize what he’s feeling at first #he’d be so 🧍 about it I think #well bitch you (me) better figure it out since ur actively writing Kalim/silver!!! girl help #ok I need to go to bed I have a long weekend ahead of me #Jamil blows Ace up with his mind the end

[itspileofgoodthings]

there’s a certain white noise quality Taylor’s biggest hits (and to some extent all her songs) adopt after a while because they’re just SO MUCH part of the culture and the media etc. and we encounter them everywhere and it’s magical when that obfuscating veil drops for a second and you can hear the song as if for the first time

#I’m thinking of anti-hero in particular #and why sometimes people like covers better because the song sounds new #anyway this is why she can simultaneously have the fan base she does in size and scope and have people be like ‘fine? her music is fine?’ #that’s the white noise effect #and that is why I think she’s going to last past this period in history #call me crazy but like. #all the furor will die away and the chokehold she has on the culture #and the body of work will just … be there #also! as a final note! this is kind of how I listen to Taylor. meaning there are two ways #and one of them is sort of background white noise #because her voice is comforting and her songs are solidly well-built pop entities that I like to hear #but then at other times I sit down and I listen and I give the song my full attention and it’s like hearing it for the first time #and it’s revelatory! #Romeo and Juliet (the play) suffers from the same problem t b h #like are we talking about the actual words of the text when we criticize it or hate it? the actual literal words on the literal page? #almost NEVER #the text disappears in its own mythos #but time reveals!

[jahiera]

—I have read them! I appreciated the methodical text evidence approach the analyses you’re referencing took to the EA versions of the characters. I believe all the astarion analysis is in earlier versions of the game but I came across them and appreciated the insistence on not ignoring or softening down the more difficult aspects of EA Astarion’s personality even if I didn’t always agree or took a slightly different interpretation of him (at the time. they were right about things I was not in full release! so). If you want to actually get into this though feel free to DM me, I’d be curious about your thoughts but I’m not going to deep dive into other people’s approaches to a character on main, certainly not by name.

#Just in general too. I’m a complainer in my heart about inanities but overall I’m not going to get into Big Beef here ever #I got an anon wayyy back when asking me to Comment On Some Stuff when 200 other people made thinkpieces on it #I like to whine but I’m trying reaaaaaally reaaaaaaaaally hard not to be a ‘fandom drama’ thinkpiece person. that will literally destroy my #enthusiasm for the game in a heartbeat #sometimes I see that sort of thing from ‘big’ DA blogs whose followers treat their word like it’s god and I Would Rather Die #Anyways. Sorry. That’s not directed at you obviously that’s just in general … NOT for me #just want to like. STATE FOR THE RECORD there and all that #Not that that’s what you were trying to do either with this—just elaborating the name blocking and such too. It feels rude otherwise. #but anyways as I was saying feel free to talk it out I’d be curious what you think!!

[werebutch]

Ok goodnight I’ve been anxiety ridden over seemingly everything the past week or so to the point where my TUMMY won’t stop HURTING for ONE MINUTE the whole time. I’m scared I’m so scared of everuthing I’m scared

#my hrt appointment is on tues I’m scared. math I’m scared. socializing I’m scared. #will I ever stop feeling like I’m going to die whenever I hang out with people. like I thought this was stupid kid stuff but genuinely #makes my blood run cold sometimes just thinking about it. like I’m sooo special enough to be hated that much. get over urself. OMG #but I can’t. I think my problem is that I’m kind of a control freak and I have NO control over how people perceive me. not really #UGH SOOOO STUPID. even if it’s just going to get food or something. literally debilitating it’s horrible it like freezes me in place #being alone gets rid of the fear in the moment but I’ve been feeding that for like a couple years now. and the more I do the worse it gets #UGH. #I know the only way out is through but I’m gonna whine about it the entire time. why the hell is it so stressful for me.. even if I know #the person really likes me.. -__-

[loadsofcats]

Hate hate hate digitalisation hate only being able to pay with credit cards hate touchscreens instead of people hate cashierless shops hate how ai is causing less jobs and less privacy and hate generated art and generated stories and aaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhh

#you cant even pay for parking with coins #your phone has GOT to have everything and you always need to be reachable and marketable #not to sound like a conspiracy theorist or an avatar of the web but you are being “controlled” #i feel like most of the time it isn’t even intentional #but if you pay with cash and the majority of people just pay with credit cards cash is eventually gonna go out of use #this is just an example i have nothing against people who prefer credit cards #i don’t like ai but simply because i think people are not to be trusted with it #i mean come on touchscreens are such a “new” thing we’re still getting used to themsomewhere #we are going too fast for this #and no sometimes you don’t need to have everything at hand’s reach #the world needs to chill (literally and metaphorically; excuse the pun) #i just feel like everything is pushing us towards developing and developing and developing but i feel like that’s not what we need #not constantly at least #i know development would get us somewhere but there is nothing wrong in slowing down a bit #development in medicine is good and i’m not counting it in here but rather #the “fake” as one might call it development when #everyone goes “oh you MUST have this new thing how did you even live without it” #capitalistic development seems like a good description #we will all die in the end #i will be worm food one day. We all will #what we don’t accomplish someone else will #they can just… slow down a little #i mean this in the way that it seems like we’re being sold the image that everyone needs to always have everything and it must be RIGHT NOW #people have forgotten how to wait. Me unfortunately and disappointedly included #anyway #vent #also rant in tags #it talks

[ectoplasmer]

thinking about uhh. um. uh

#need to be sedated #i can be sooo analytical about this series i can analyze soooo well but also. consider. handsome boys #faints i’m on cold medicine don’t trust anything i say #i haven’t watched s0 in like… forever…… literally dug up this episode just for this scene. again i Need to be sedated #moment of weakness i say as if i don’t go feral in the tags every time i see ryou art #HE’S PRETTY andc i have to die over that sometimes #as a treat u_u #it’s the way he’s staring in the mirror agdfjfh #he looks so sad :( which is understandable since this scene is him thinking hard about the ring and puzzle but #he’s still pretty when contemplating the depth of the totally not cursed items him and his friend have hehe <3 #spookyshipping

[bo0zey]

everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem

#blueface baby ayyy #i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao #i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry #im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak #i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything #i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld #i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself #also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years #if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would #be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !! #im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!! #i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t #i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt #i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol #i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way #i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words #i’ll write everyone apology notes #i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive #god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me #fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again #why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself #i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted #i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad #i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter #im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon #shut up cianna

[totopopopo]

Feeling dogshit miserable rn

#I have been working nonstop all I do is fucking go to work all I do is work and I have one small period of time off and I can’t even spend #it the way I want. I can’t even spend it with people I love or spend it relaxing. I have to go see fucking extended family #who btw I see all the fucking time #like I don’t want to. I can’t stand extended family especially around the holidays. I would rather die #and it’s not a break from work if it’s gonna be more energy intensive around them than it is when I’m actually at work!!! #I don’t get any days off!!!! I work 7 days a week!!!!!!!! why can’t my ONE BREAK be ACTUALLY NICE #in a place I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE. #with people I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT. #it’s not fucking fair #I only have 4 more days before my break and you’d think I’d be so excited to finally have some time off but instead I’m fucking dreading it! #like nausea dreading it! #I fucking hate spending time with my extended family I hate it #I HATE it #I hate it worse because I LITERALLY DONT GET TIME OFF OTHERWISE SO WHY AM I SPENDING MY ONE WEEK OFF WITH FUCKING ASSHOLES #my cousins are self entitled self centered privileged materialistic babies #my uncles range from extremest racist lunatics who are sometimes nice to moderate liberals who are absolute fucking assholes #my aunt is a fucking nutjob #my grandmas. well she’s cool but also I live 20 minutes from her rn and I see her all the time I DONT NEED TO SEE HER IN A DIFFERENT WORSE #SETTING. #like. #fuck. and my parents seem to have forgotten that all this is true and they’re like ohhh it’s going to be so nice to see the relativeS #WHEN HAS IT EVER BEEN NICE TO SEE THEM. #NAME ONE TIME. #it’s agonizing and soul sucking and it’s like my parents were fucking hit on the head and made to conveniently forget that fact #and they’re making me fucking see these DIPSHITS and waste MY TIME AND ENERGY when I already literally do not have that any other time #my time is NEVER my own and this was the ONE WEEK where my time would be my own and now it’s FUCKING NOT. ONCE AGAIN. #GOD. I WANT TO SCREAM SO LOUD FOR SO LONG. I WANT TO SCREAM.

[kurulover]

I need to experience the World and all the People in it Right the fuck Now or Else!!! And I’m not Kidding!!!

#WAILS #sometimes we think about how we might not be able to see the coral reefs before they die I just wanna comm mass murder suicide fr #committee memo #i need to get lost in a foreign marketplace I need non alienated connection I’m literally going to go insane

[rosehipfemme]

.

#started this blog as a way to reclaim my sexuality and realign myself w my desires and that’s been going good and great but also sometimes #i feel like a virgin (nothing wrong with that and i also have literally had sex before so *technically* not. also ik it’s just a concept) #anyway it makes me slightly cringe sometimes because i’m just like wow . the first time xyz happens for me it’s gonna be crazyyyyyyyy. #like my last rb? i think i’d die

[urbanfiltered]

god

#ummmmm i want to k*ll myself !!!! (not really) #this month has been so god fucking awful to me in terms of events and calendar things can i fucking Die #i have a birthday dinner tonight i do Not want to go to at all but am sort of being forced to go to by #my best friend #the birthday girl in question is violently batshit insane & also purposefully excludes me from things all the time when she knows i’m in #the same city and is also ableist as fuck so i truly just Do Not owe her ANYTHING #but sarah (my bestie) Really wants me to go and i tried to gently tell her that i want to cancel and she was like Ummmm No we agreed to do #this thing together and you Cannot back out now #and lowkey i think that’s fair bc if you book my calendar with something i Will try to honor it #and she’s been doing that for me!!! i’ve asked her to be my buddy to these concerts that i do not want to go to alone #and she so bravely and kindly has accompanied me to things that are decidedly Not her genre so i feel like i owe it to her #to do this damn birthday dinner with her #but conversely my other friend (maisha) is doing a thing tonight and she wanted me to come #and i actually would MUCH rather be at that event!!!!! the fuck!!!!! #i haven’t seen maisha in like a week bc of scheduling conflicts and she was like i really want to hang but i had to blow her off due to #these fustrating birthday plans for this girl i just do not fucking like #and this will be like my third time this month letting her down for an event #so now she is highhhh key pissed off at me for being unavailable AGAIN #but like sorry but literally what am i supposed to do #it’s been A Week for me and i think i’m allowed to be busy sometimes too #anyways idk what i’m saying it’s 9 am and i’ve had 2 hours of sleep #i see both sides bc sarah already booked me for this thing but maisha is tired of me being too busy for her AND I MISS HER #so it’s just truly the worst #maisha & i have become unofficial spouses in the past few months and if i don’t see her every 3-4 days something Does feel off kilter LMAO #anyways what’s really complicated is that maisha & i are going to a halloween party together tomorrow in a COUPLES COSTUME LOL #imagine how awkward the vibes will be if we are doing matching clothes and also fighting #:-)

[lunarnebulas-system]

i’m normal now like what the fuck i know i have mental illness but oh my god it’s bad

#i constantly go from #‘idc how people feel :)’ to ‘SVERYONE HATES ME I WILL DIE IN EXACGLY DIVE SECONDS’ #sometimes i’m like ‘I NEED TO BLOCK THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY LOOKED AT ME FUNNY’ and then IMMEDIATELY regret it because i hate being like #that #it’s so funny because if i told this to a normal person they would be all like ‘stop being so self centered they’re probably not thinking #about you’ #like NO I NEED TO BE PERFECT EVERYONE NEEDS TO AT LEAST TOLERATE ME AND LOVE ME OR ELSE I FAILED AS A PERSON #SPECIFICALLY ME. #i literally split while typing that and now i’m normal again