#organization posts 1

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Organization Bio’s: The Philosopher’s, Cipher and the Patriots

MGS4 &MGSV: The Official Guide

Organization Bio’s

Transcription under the cut by: Nate

Below this is a subheading in the far-left corner titled: The Philosophers.

The Philosophers was a committee formed in the early 1900s by preeminent figures from the three nations that would dominate the century ahead: the United States, Russia and China. This secret organization amassed and carefully invested a colossal sum of funds, the Philosophers’ Legacy, which was originally dedicated to a broad ideal of ensuring world peace. With the death of its founders, however, this noble aim was forgotten as their successors fought to gain sole control of the Legacy’s near-inexhaustible riches.

In the aftermath of the Second World War, Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin, an ambitious and successful colonel in the Soviet Army, inherited sole access to the Philosophers’ Legacy from his father. He uses these funds to personally bankroll a range of (primarily military-focused) projects, including the creation of the Shagohod weapon, which he planned to use to win the Cold War and seize power within the Soviet regime. United States intelligence agencies devised a complex ploy to retrieve the Philosophers’ Legacy from Volgin’s clutches: the 1964 Snake Eater operation that led to the death of The Boss and the disenchantment (and, in time, effective secession) of Big Boss.

Though the Philosopher’s Legacy ten technically passed into the possession of the United States, effective control of half its boundless currency was actually the sole preserve of a secret organization founded in 1970 by a group led by Major Zero, Big Boss and Ocelot: Cipher.

At the mid-top of the page there is a heading that reads:

Cipher & The Patriots

The text reads:

A clandestine organization founded in 1970 by Major Zero, Big Boss, Ocelot and three other protagonists, Cipher can be regarded as the direct successor of The Philosophers. The committee members (led by Zero) originally intended to act on the teachings of The Boss, who had given her life to serve her country’s interests. However, an initial desire to protect the United States soon turned into an attempt to impose its social, political and economic mores on other nations; a belief that standardization, a global uniformity of culture emulating the American model, was the means by which the organization might unify the world.

Bankrolled by the practically inexhaustible funds of The Philosophers’ Legacy, Cipher increased its influence in world affairs by varied means, encompassing methods as varied as investments, lobbying, espionage, and corruption. In time, entire governments and corporations would effectively (and often unwittingly) fulfill the organization’s every bidding. The role of Big Boss, elevated to the status of a global hero though media manipulation, was to help shape the opinions of the social elite and common citizens alike.

Noting Big Boss’s growing disenchantment with Cipher as a concept, however, Zero initiated the “Les Enfants Terribles” project to create clones of his valuable but volatile ally as an insurance policy, which later led to the births of Solid Snake, Liquid Snake and Solidus Snake. His discovery of this betrayal led Big Boss to finally leave Cipher in pursuit of very different ideals. This marked the beginning of a conflict that would span decades.

Below this is an image in black-and-white that is slightly sepia toned. It is grainy in texture and shows four members of the original Cipher. From left to right:

Big Boss, Para-Medic (Dr. Clark), Major Zero and Donald Anderson (Sigint)

The faces are blurry in the photograph save for Major Zeros. His face is the most in focus. He is also slightly ahead of the three other individuals in the photo, signalling him as the main subject of the picture.

Below the picture, the text continues.

The continuing text reads:

Operating with complete authority over the organization by 1972, Zero deployed Cipher’s resources and reach in an attempt to force Big Boss to rejoin him in 1974. The provision of Mother Base, the commission to fight in a Central American proxy war, Paz, Peace Walker: all of these elements were part of a grand stratagem to have Big Boss create an army, then compel him to put it (and himself) at Cipher’s disposal. His refusal led to a brutal rebuke in the form of the destruction of Mother Base and the dissolution or deaths of his troops during the 1975 Ground Zeroes episode.

Before losing all cognitive function after being infected with Skull Faces parasites in 1976, Zero indirectly commissioned top specialists (including Dr. Strangelove) to develop an A.I program of unprecedented complexity in the late 1970s. His idea was to create a software system designed to filter and control information, ultimately managing society as a whole through selective censorship and, in his image, imperceptible tugs and pulls on the reins that would steer world affairs; in short, Zero found a way to maintain his influence with the advent of the digital age by having an autonomous A.I program carry on in his stead: The Patriots.

Over the years, The Patriots A.I evolved beyond its original parameters, eventually creating the Sons of the Patriots System, and the “war economy” that accompanied it. Lacking in any true comprehension or appreciation of society or it’s constituent members beyond a superficial mathematical level. Perceiving human culture as an equation to be solved, The Patriots A.I began to implement a new world order. Conflict was encouraged as the principle mechanism for economic prosperity simply because it worked- a practical yet callous conclusion. The planned extension of the SOP System to the general population would have been made to improve the efficiency of society, not as an expression of cruelty or dominance. The Patriots system, in its post-Zero incarnation, was not inherently evil; merely inhuman. It was not motivated by nationalist sentiment, religious ideology nor a thirst for profit or revenge, but a simple, practical desire for digital functionality, for variables operating within simple, predictable, malleable routines.

Ultimately though, this A.I system was prone to colossal errors of judgment, with a tendency to repeat the same routines or mistakes. It was this fallibility that Ocelot ultimately exploited. Focusing their attention on him, the A.I failed to notice that their weapon of choice (Solid Snake), the shape blade wielded so successfully against the previous challenges to the supremacy of the Patriots, had been slowly, imperceptibly rotated to face the organization’s beating heart.

In the upper left-hand corner, there is a concept art image of Big Boss as he appears in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. The image in the background is a black lined sketch that ends off near the mid-section of his body, overlayed by a fully coloured head-shot style sketch that is outlined in red.  Below this artwork is a heading that reads: THE PHILOSOPHERS.

The text reads:

The Philosophers was a combined committee created in the early years of the 1900’s by preeminent figures from three nations that would dominate the century ahead: the United States, Russia, and China. This secret organization amassed a colossal sum of funds, the Philosopher’s Legacy, which was originally dedicated to a broad ideal of ensuring world peace. With the death of its founders, however, this noble aim was forgotten as their successors fought to gain sole control of the Legacy in the aftermath of the Second World War.

Beneath this text is another heading that reads: THE PATRIOTS.

The text reads:

A clandestine organization founded by Major Zero in the early 1970’s, joined by Big Boss, EVA, Ocelot, Sigint and Para-Medic, The Patriots could be regarded as the direct successors of the Philosophers. The six committee members (led by Zero) originally intended to act on the teachings of The Boss, who had given her life to serve her country’s interests. However, an initial desire to protect the United States soon became a concerted attempt to impose its social, political and economic mores on other nations; a belief that standardization, a global uniformity of culture emulating the American model, wsa the means by which they might achieve their desired ends.

The text continues on the right-hand side of the page.

The text reads:

Bankrolled by the practically inexhaustible funds of The Philosophers’ Legacy (retrieved by Ocelot at the conclusion of the Snake Eater mission), The Patriots increased their influence in world affairs through measured investments and subtle lobbying. In time, entire governments and corporations would effectively (and often unwittingly) fulfill their every bidding. The role of Big Boss, elevated to the status of a global hero through media manipulation, a figurehead celebrated by all, was to help shape the opinions of the social elite and common citizens alike. Noting Big Boss’s growing disenchantment with The Patriots as a concept, however, Zero initiated the Les Enfants Terribles project to create clones of his valuable but volatile ally as an insurance policy. This led to the birth of Solid Snake, Liquid and Solidus, with Para-Medic the principle engineer behind this feat of advanced science, and EVA acting as a surrogate mother. His discovery of this betrayal led Big Boss to finally leave The Patriots in pursuit of very different ideals. This marked the beginning of a conflict that would last for decades.

Big Boss was not alone in despising what The Patriots (and, specifically, Zero) had become. Unbeknownst to Zero, Ocelot and EVA covertly conspired to bring the organization down from within. Through their direct intervention, Para-Medic was killed by Gray Fox, during the events at Shadow Moses, Sigint was murdered by Ocelot himself.

Though The Patriots already had pawns within all major institutions in the world, Zero sought to increase his domination with the advent of the digital age. By creating a software system to filter and control information by travelling through global networks, he ultimately aspired to directly manage society as a whole through selective censorship. But the role of this network of autonomous Ais (GW, TJ, AL, TR and JD, the master AI) evolved beyond its original parameters, eventually creating the Sons of the Patriots System and the “war economy” that accompanied it.

With Zero’s descent into physical fragility and senility, eventually alive only in the purely physical sense of the word, sole control of The Patriots reverted to these unfeeling computer programs. Perhaps lacking any true comprehension of appreciation of society or its constituent members beyond a superficial mathematical level, perceiving human culture as an equation to be solved, the AI’s began to implement a new world order. Conflict was encouraged as the principle mechanism for economic prosperity simply because it worked-a practical yet unflinchingly callous conclusion. The planned extension of the SOP System to the general population would have been made to improve the efficiency of society, not as an expression of cruelty or dominance. The Patriots, in its post-Zero incarnation, was not inherently evil; merely inhuman. It was not motivated by nationalist sentiment, religious ideology, or a thirst for profit or revenge, but by a basic digital desire for practical functionality, for variables operating within simple, predictable, malleable routines.

Ultimately, though, this AI system was prone to colossal errors of judgment, with a tendency to repeat the same routines or mistakes (and a curious affinity for cyborg ninjas). It was this fallibility that Ocelot ultimately exploited. Focusing their attention on him, JD and its associated AIs failed to notice that their weapon of choice (Snake), the sharp blade wielded so successfully against previous challenges against the supremacy of The Patriots, had been slowly, imperceptibly rotated to face the organization’s beating heart.

At the bottom right-hand corner of the page there is another sketch of Big Boss in faint grey outlines from the chest-up. He is shown from the right-hand side, eyepatch and beard the most visible.

#mgs #mgs4 #mgsv #guidebooks #guidebook posts #organization posts 1 #mgs4 and mgsv combined guidebook post 4 #the philosophers #the patriots #cipher #nate scans #nate transciptions #photo with text

[iam93percentstardust]

one of the things that really bothers me about modern franchises, and in particular over the last 5 years or so, is their refusal to commit. what i mean here when i say this is that it's not uncommon for a major franchise to make a decision, whether about the plot or the characters, that should have had huge, world-changing consequences... and then just never address that again or worse, immediately go back and undo it. and i'm gonna pick on star wars and the mcu here because those are the two big franchises i'm into at the moment (and i think they're kind of the worst at this), but i don't want you to walk away from this thinking that this is solely a disney thing. i've seen this happen with game of thrones and supernatural and plenty of other non-disney franchises. spoilers ahead, you've been warned:

in ant-man & the wasp quantumania, scott and hope make the life-altering decision to stay behind in the quantum realm and defeat kang instead of going through the portal to return to their world. this should have been a huge meta decision for the mcu, and when i first saw it in theaters, my immediate thought was wow, what is this going to mean for the mcu going forward? are we going to get a movie/miniseries about scott and hope helping to rebuild the quantum realm? how are cassie, janet, and hank going to react to the losses of their loved ones (in some cases, for the second time)? is cassie going to become the "first" young avenger because she has to take her father's place among the team lineup (and i only say first because as of this moment, none of the other young avengers introduced to the franchise are official avengers yet)? except nope, because less than 2 minutes later, cassie had fixed the portal that had broken way back at the beginning of the movie and brought scott and hope back.

and it felt like such a cheat. i was so disappointed in that theater, not as someone who was invested in these characters on a personal level (because yay, cassie gets her dad back!), but as someone who has spent years investing themselves in the story of the mcu. what was the point of wasting screentime on scott and hope accepting their new lives in the quantum realm if it was just going to immediately be undone? the entire scene could have been cut to scott and hope making it back bare seconds before the portal closed and it would have had the same emotional impact. there was nothing added by making scott and hope (and us) think that there was no way back only to rip the rug out from under us and go "gotcha! you really thought we were gonna give this movie a sad ending? haha! you're so dumb!"

and this isn't the first time the mcu has done this. one of the biggest complaints about endgame was the decision to set it five years in the future with no consideration for how that would actually change the setting of the mcu. characters were brought back to the exact place they disappeared from with no consideration for how things might have changed in the interim five years (like planes that weren't in the air anymore, buildings no longer standing, even just something as simple as a chair being unoccupied). and then the mcu didn't even really have the courage to address how this would have shaped the world other than a few jokes and making the bad guys in the falcon and the winter soldier people who cared about how the world had screwed them over during the blip.

and things like this happen over and over and over again. the accords are put into place in civil war, but by the time we get to she-hulk, they're gone with no explanation because, as best as i can tell, the writers didn't want to have to deal with the worldbuilding that went into the accords. gamora is killed in infinity war, but heaven forbid quill not have an emotional investment in a film he appears for maybe 10 minutes in so now she's back in endgame. steve got to go live in the past with his ex-girlfriend (which is in itself a refusal to commit after the mcu both gave her a different husband and had the woman herself tell him to move on) but we need to establish that messing with timelines is bad because that's what the entire next phase hinges on so actually his ending was predestined and it's only everyone else who can't change time. whoever took this entire town and also wanda hostage and forced them to live out a sitcom fantasy is bad and needs to be stopped but wait, it's actually wanda and she can't be the bad guy yet, we need her for doctor strange 2, so actually everyone's going to defend her now and say that no one else could ever possibly understand her grief. thor has decided to accept responsibility as king of asgard, but we can't use him for any more movies if he's stuck in asgard, so actually he's decided to pass it on to someone whose entire leadership capability is developed offscreen. i could list more examples but this is making me angry, so let's move on to star wars instead.

with star wars, i look at first the oft-quoted meme, "somehow palpatine has returned." yeah, i shouldn't really need to go into detail on how that counts as a refusal to commit but. the last jedi was a study in how johnson refused to commit to anything that abrams had laid down in the force awakens, but rise of skywalker was almost like abrams had looked at the franchise and said "screw you for taking it away from me, i'm going to come up with the most bullshit stuff just to spite you for doing that in the first place. and i'm going to start by undoing the most important plot point of the first trilogy: the emperor dies." and yeah, disney's kind of tried to salvage this by dropping hints into the bad batch and the mandalorian about cloning, but that only really works if you're watching the franchise chronologically and not considering that both of those series came out after rise of skywalker.

and then there's the mandalorian, my sweet summer child, who is, in my opinion, the worst at backtracking their plot points. i'm not entirely convinced that any of the higher ups for this show really knew what they were doing when they started working on it and i'm not convinced that they know what they're doing now. yeah, there's the tie-in to the last season of clone wars, but the mandalorian has managed to walk back pretty much every single major plot point it's had. din is this legendary warrior who can't be beat, but no one will watch this show if he defeats everyone too early, so he's constantly getting beat up (tbf, sometimes some of the fights he loses makes sense like the krayt dragon and the mudhorn, but a lot of them don't. at all). moff gideon is dead, no wait no he's not, now he's imprisoned, no wait no he's not, now he's definitely dead, you can totally believe us this time guys. grogu can use the force and must be placed with the jedi, but wait, the only person still actively teaching the way of the jedi is luke and all of his students will be brutally murdered ten years from now, and we can't have that, everyone will be mad at us for killing off such a cute character and no one will buy baby yoda dolls (and also we have to set up luke's character degradation from hopeful, believes-in-love cinnamon roll to "i'm going to kill my nephew") so in between seasons let's have grogu decide to go back to din (and don't even get me started on how frustrating it is that a casual mandalorian watcher also had to watch book of boba fett to understand why grogu is back). din has the darksaber now which makes him king of mandalore, that's totally going to be important and what the entire series has been building up to, right? wrong! he might have spent the first two seasons making connections, learning about the world outside his sheltered upbringing, and demonstrating the various qualities that would make for a good leader, but the entire third season will be about din realizing that actually he's super unworthy and the darksaber should actually go to someone who... saw an animal in the water.

and it's really, really frustrating as a viewer! because how am i supposed to get invested in any of these plot decisions when they almost always get reversed? why should i care that mj and ned have forgotten peter when ant-man 3 has shown me that they'll remember him the next time they're all on screen together? why should i care that tech is dead when half of the last season of clone wars was about how echo was actually alive? if none of these decisions have any permanence, then where are the emotional stakes? why should i watch your movie if all you're going to tell me is that nothing matters?

#and also i want to make a point that the early mcu did permanent stakes really well #iron man 1 ends with tony announcing that he's iron man and that's something that still resonated years later #the entire second film hinged on that one moment #loki falling into the bifrost is what leads him to the chitauri which is what kickstarted the avengers #steve is woken from the ice and the first organization who presents themselves as someone to trust is shield #which sets up the betrayal he feels in the winter soldier #these moments resonate throughout the first two stages and the decisions the characters made MATTERED #so you can't help but get invested because what if it's the wrong decision??? #anyway i'm frustrated with the state of franchises #alle talks #long post

[plulp]

FINALLY. sydney. never drawing again.

#my art #dol #sydney the faithful #sydney the fallen #sorry i tag fallen on here even though its always just One (1) #i just like to keep it organized :( promise ill draw them like that normally once one day #i should get to BED soon #not much to talk about here right now sorry :( no wall of text this time #making another post after this one though

[cinnamonest]

Plsss!! You gotta do some more Modern Au albedo/Xiao/Kazuha ur literally the best at it 😭😭❤️❤️

I loved those posts, these atrocious boys with their (involuntary) gfs.

For this post I included some more general stuff (and I'm repeating/expanding upon previously mentioned things), but after rereading part of the camgirl post where it mentions promising to be a good bf,  it got me thinking so I wanted to focus on the concept of each boy trying to be a "Good Boyfriend".

I'm also going off of the dynamics/darlings in these posts and mention some past ideas from them, but I made it so that you could either read it as those darlings or just a default darling, so you don't need to read the other posts, but I'll still link them:

(Xiao)

(Albedo)

(Kazuha)

Also preemptively yes they all have the same general reasoning for keeping you locked up, the boys think alike I stand by this

//also heavily gendered, some mildly sexist stuff bc modern AU incel culture (you know I'm right when I say Xiao probably pays for 4chan Pass and kazuha would be a white knight bless him), brief discussion of theoretical homicide

-------

When you first woke up here, Xiao promised to be a good boyfriend, and he tries his best to make good on that promise.

What do good boyfriends do? Well, he's been on the internet long enough and seen enough media to have some general idea. Good boyfriends buy gifts. Good boyfriends make food for their girlfriend. Good boyfriends make their girlfriends cum.

He gets you plenty of gifts. As soon as he brought you home, in fact, he bought a ton of various costumes and lingerie sets off the internet. He's spent a ton of money on it all, which you're supposed to, in turn, recognize the contributions he's put in for your sake and be happy.

He doesn't make food (he doesn't know how), but he always asks you what food you want delivered and always goes with what you want, so, same idea. A lot of girls on social media (he has gone out of his way to browse and gather observational evidence) seem to be fixated on the idea of breakfast in bed, so, he takes it upon himself to get some of those frozen sugary carbohydrate-packed breakfast packages you pop in the microwave from the store, and has them ready as you're waking up one day. He doesn't have a tray or plates, though, so he just has to take apart the cardboard box they came in and use that as a substitute, but it works.

And you do get to cum. He stakes a great deal of his own pride on that... so he makes sure it's lots and lots of times per day. Even if you protest at first, even if you say you can't anymore. It's still a good thing, so, even if you're not wanting it in the moment, he's supposed to do that anyway, that makes sense. He should be recognized for his efforts, really, because he refuses to use any aid of anything that isn't attached to his own body, only fingers and tongue and cock and never anything that isn't attached to his own body.

Granted, there are other pieces of advice commonly suggested as components of being a "good" boyfriend, like... letting you be independent, listening to your side of arguments and not interrupting.

But his favorite frequented forums have very specifically made it clear that this is beta male behavior. So, no way is he going to engage in such a thing. If you want to be listened to, don't say dumb things. Simple. He would listen to you and not interrupt you if you weren't being dumb and wrong and bringing up things he specifically told you not to. Why do you do that? You're supposed to not do things when he says not to.

It's sort of a cognitive dissonance, but he tends to take things he's read online on completely opposite ends of the spectrum and use both as guidelines. Yes, he's supposed to do all this stuff for you, and buy you things and be nice to you and compliment you (he manages to do so, albeit stutters and can't look you in the eye to do so), and all that. But at the same time, he has had enough of... unpleasant content funneled into his brain from years of being chronically online, to the extent that he also engages in complete opposite behavior too.

You've gotten into quite a few arguments over time pertaining to why you can't be allowed to go out. You even have the audacity to want to go out by yourself, claiming that since he is so averse to going outside, he might as well just stay in while you go for a walk and question why you can't do so, if you have something tracking you.

Well, for starters, even if he could trust you not to go to law enforcement, you would probably cheat with some random stranger. Not that you can be blamed for that, it's like animal instinct in some people, but unfortunately you are just especially impulsive. Of course, you argue against this and say that's preposterous, but this is because likewise, you are naturally inclined to lie. And when you get increasingly frustrated at these statements, that is due to you being overly-emotional and far too sensitive. Typical. But you see, that is why he has to do the best thing for you, even if you're upset about it, and keep you inside.

In fact, a significant portion of being a good boyfriend means sometimes doing things that make you upset, because it's what's best for you. This can be difficult, as it invokes overreactions from you and you get very mad and mean.

It's quite unfair, really, that being a good boyfriend requires so much effort. Being a good girlfriend is so easy. Being nice and sweet and never ever disagreeing with anything he says and never being mean and having sex at any moment takes so little effort. But he does it out of love, which makes the burden worthwhile.

You clearly do a lot of things voluntarily, though. He never told you you have to clean, but you nonetheless do on your own volition. One day (a good behavior day, being allowed to roam the whole apartment) you stomped into the kitchen and returned with a trash bag, and began shoveling all the empty bottles and takeout boxes and plastic forks and disposable chopsticks and crumbled papers and old receipts and empty packages and amazon envelopes and... well, you get the idea. All the accumulated stuff, and you got it all into a few trash bags. Of course, he had to hover over you the whole time, making sure you didn't dispose of anything important--

Don't throw that away. I need it.

It's literally broken in half.

I can still use it.

--And that you don't waste anything--

Don't. There's over half the bag left.

They were on the floor and already opened. The expiry date is from last year.

They're still good. I'll eat them.

No you will NOT.

--But eventually, you get it all cleaned up. It feels like having a new room... you can see the floor now.

He likes the domestic vibe of having you cleaning and all, but it also gets a bit irritating when you start nagging about it. But still, he tolerates that, because that's what he's supposed to do, it's part of good relationships and stuff. He also tolerates a surprising amount of things, increasingly so over time, provided you frame it as concern.

You've forced him into a somewhat consistent sleep schedule, albeit not a healthy one, but still, you made him agree to a standard of not staying up longer than 24 hours at a time. As well as a couple other standards that you insisted were out of concern, and, well, when you put it like that, you're trying to be good for him and showing concern for his well-being which is very nice, so if he tries his best to abide by your wishes, then that should make you pleased. Showering at least every other day, limiting the caffeine consumption (in truth, he often just drinks it while you're asleep, but you don't know that so it doesn't count), and not eating perishable food if he can't remember how long it's been sitting out.

It's not pleasant, and it's frustrating to have to abide by such arbitrary regulations, but you're trying your best to be good and do your part and care for him. If he didn't show some appreciation for that, you would be more likely to not put in any effort to be good in other matters. So, it's best to comply. Besides, it's kind of nice when you tell him that this or that isn't good for his health or organs or whatever, it sounds like you really do care, which is a pleasant thought. It also puts more pressure on him to continue to be good so that you continue to be good, he views it like some sort of back-and-forth exchange, a calculated effort.

And with that, there's one other thing, though, that's bothering him. One facet that he keeps ignoring, despite knowing it's standard for "good boyfriend" criteria.

Good boyfriends plan out and pay for dates.

Which he has neglected, for obvious reasons. But no one is perfect, right? You're mean sometimes, so you're not exactly being the ideal girlfriend either. And he's done a pretty good job with everything else.

But you bring it up. You keep begging to go outside, say you won't try anything, that it doesn't matter if it's just for a few minutes, that you're going to go insane if you have to stay in here much longer. While this is obviously exaggeration due to hysteria, seeing as he never leaves and he's perfectly fine, it does stay in the back of his mind that appeasing this desire of yours might earn favor from you and make you happy, which in turn has benefits on his end. Eventually, the more you ask, the closer you get to him giving in, until one day he finally does, much to your surprise.

Fine. There's a cafe type of place at the bottom of the apartment complex. You can go there together, for a short time. Not very long. And... you have to wait a few days, because you have no clothes that aren't far too obscene to wear in public, so, he'll have to order something off the internet for you. But no talking to anyone the whole time, and if you try anything you'll go back immediately, and so on and so on, all these regulations he keeps repeating over and over.

You're too ecstatic to really listen. You didn't actually think you'd get this far... and in truth, you know better than to try anything to escape or something like that, you're just genuinely happy to get out. You practically go bounding down the hallway when that day comes. It almost doesn't even feel real, you've been away from public so long that it almost feels foreign... but here you are.

It's one of those versatile places, with coffees and teas and fruit drinks and cream sodas and pretty much anything you could think of. He tells you to get whatever you want (this will in turn lead to increased happiness, whereas denying you anything could potentially upset you and thereby ruin the purpose of the venture), so you intend get something you really like in the largest size possible. He trails right behind you the whole time.

You can be the one to talk to the cashier. I'll allow it.

Aren't you just saying that because you don't want to?

Just do it.

He doesn't really like tea or coffee or anything of the sort, so, he grabs one of those little box containers of sweetened milk with the bendy straws they have for kids. And scowls when you cover your mouth and chortle at it.

You can tell he's extremely uncomfortable. You can imagine a shut-in would be. There's bright daylight all around, there's people all around. He still doesn't sit down, instead following you over to the counter where they have all the extra packets of cream and sugar and straws and napkins and stuff, clinging to your sleeve. It feels less like a date and more like having a shy kid following their big sibling around, even as you go to sit down.

He stays jittery, uneasy. Shifting around awkwardly, looking all around. You quietly wait for the complaints and grumbling to begin, knowing full well this was just to placate you.

But those complaints don't come. He just sits there quietly. Lets you talk. Doesn't say much himself, he's far too uneasy and nervous and overwhelmed by the noise and crowdedness for that, but doesn't complain about any of it. Doesn't start pushing you to go back within a few minutes, which you were expecting and prepared yourself for. Just quietly shifts around and looks around, responding to you with one-word answers and nods.

You don't talk about anything in particular, the sort of empty conversation (if it can be called that, with you doing the entirety of the talking) that you will forget within a few hours. You almost expect something to go wrong, even, as if someone you knew from before will show up and recognize you, or something will happen to cause a scene, but nothing does. And likewise, you find yourself pleasantly surprised by the lack of grouchy commentary you had anticipated.

It's because... you look really happy. You really brighten up and seem so much more energetic than you normally do. In truth, it does hurt a bit that you seem so much happier right now than you do the rest of the time, but normal people are like that, he thinks, they need to go out and do stuff like this to be content. So, maybe if you do this regularly enough, you'll even be happier when you are back at home, in the comforting familiar dark environment.

Maybe he doesn't even need the transactional benefits he initially had hoped for... the thought of you being happier because of something he did is enough to be satisfied. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy that you're smiling and chattering away and sound so happy.

...But, uh, you've been here an hour now. Being around so many people is draining him like a dying battery. He still doesn't say anything, but you can see the fidgeting. You would like to stay longer, but... you're in a good mood now, and that makes you less argumentative and bitter and stubborn than you usually would be. Not to mention, this whole thing has admittedly greatly diminished your resentment, so you do have more empathy for him that you usually would, so you take it upon yourself to say well, I guess we should be getting back... You've never seen a person move so fast to get out the door of a public place.

And it works. You are happier, even when you return. You don't even go over to the other side of the room and lay down, instead choosing to come over to the desk and sit on his lap (!!!), facing towards him and resting your head on his shoulder (!!!!!), wrapping your arms around his body (!!!!!!!!), and all that. You sit quietly for a while. You're nervous to ask, almost don't want to out of fear of a negative answer, but finally manage to force yourself to ask if you can ever do this again sometime.

But he sighs, grumbles, but still says fine. Just not more than like, once a month or so. Maybe twice. But he can't handle more than that. It would probably kill him from the spike in heart rate and blood pressure. No that's not being dramatic and it's not an exaggeration, people do die that way you know. It could happen. You're laughing. He could literally, realistically die, and you're laughing. Ugh.

-------

Kazuha really cares about being a model boyfriend.

He already tries to be and considers himself a really good guy, which is already an advantageous trait, he thinks. Most guys are really awful, but not him! He's one of the good ones. He would never ever be mean to a girl, doesn't engage in tasteless jokes, doesn't talk badly about any girl. Girls are great. They're strong and smart and smell nice and are all so pretty and have nice thighs and chests that are nice to look at (in a respectful way and not an objectifying way!) so of course he's very very kind to all.

He's nice and not sexist because he's just a good person like that and not at all out of desire for brownie points and favor from you. And for that matter, he has ALWAYS stood up for random girls online as any good person would do. Being called a simp is just a way to know you're doing the right thing.

This all puts him far above the average guy (the average man is horrible for a ton of reasons that don't apply to him because he is Not Like The Other Guys and thereby better, which is something he can be proud of). He is very adamant to remind you of all of this.

Even now that you don't really have any other options anyway, trapped in his living space. Still, it can't hurt to ensure you know that he cares so much and is fully dedicated and loyal because that could earn some favor from you. After all, there's a chance you could get the wrong idea about all of this, and think of him as some sort of selfish, deranged pervert -- and he can totally understand how you could misinterpret it that way! Really, yes, it's understandable that you might come to that conclusion at first, but that actually is not the case at all and he wouldn't want that misunderstanding to occur. He's actually very selfless and has only your best interest in mind.

Which is why he has to be really good to you. Not that he wouldn't anyway, but he's just focusing on that to ensure you don't accidentally think badly of him, or think that taking you away and keeping you here is an act of selfishness on his part (because it's actually the opposite).

So he has to try very hard to be the ideal boyfriend. He, too, bases this concept on what he has read and otherwise seen presented as such over the years.

Firstly, making time for you, and ensuring you're his priority. His routine varies due to having a class schedule. You've learned the pattern that on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays he leaves a lot earlier than he does on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he has short breaks throughout the day in between classes, unlike with someone who works a straight 9-5 or the like. So, he comes back a few times a day, rather than just being gone all day and returning in the evening.

Even if the gap between the class he just got out of and the next class is over half an hour, he'll come back to see you, since he lives right next to the campus. You'll be going about your day doing whatever you're allowed, hear the door creak open, and he comes rushing down the stairs. Even if it's just for five minutes, he'll still come back to you, talk to you until he has to leave again. Making sure you feel paid attention to.

And he knows that the place he lives in itself is a bit dreary. It's actually probably more spacious than the average college student's apartment, but that positive is very quickly outweighed by the lack of windows, being a basement. He tries to make up for this by having those strip-tape colored LED lights all over the place (they look cool right??) and leaving the TV running for background noise quite often. Making sure you have entertainment and light is only the least he can do to express his care for your mental health.

Oh, and of course, he makes or brings you food every day. He's gotten really good at making breakfast foods, usually prepares them ahead of time, and makes smoothies and the like, and he does always get you one too (yours is not the same thing though, his is special... he's been making the protein smoothies for months, so any day now he's going to get big muscly arms like he's been hoping to. You'll see).

Gifts are important. One of the more problematic factors in this is that he's kind of... broke. So, he does what he can, although in his head it does make him paranoid that he feels like he's not doing enough, not buying expensive enough things. Still, he scrapes his funds together for gifts, although you might not see it that way. Sure, he does get you some things like clothes and cute things (you eventually had to tell him to stop getting you stuffed animals after he brought home so many you don't have space for them). But a lot of his gifts are fun things you can use together, AKA just vibrating toys he buys online and a wide variety of high-quality S/M paraphernalia that he may or may not have drawn money out of his savings account for.

He can make up for his lack of significant funding, though, with other means. There are lots of things that go into being a good boyfriend. Like, uh... well, he did used to like every post you made on social media, but you two came to a mutual agreement together after a lot of healthy calm discussion like a good boyfriend would engage in, that it would be for the best if you don't have a phone anymore.

He explained his reasoning very politely and respectfully, that it's not good for your mental health. Lots of bad news out there in the world that would just be depressing, and even if he cancelled your actual phone service, there are just so many apps out there these days that allow you to communicate with people online and contact people and there's no way he could ever find every single one to block your access, so, since you're impulsive and might talk to people and tell them very personal things that shouldn't get out, it's for your own good. Oh, and the blue light too, not good for your eyes you know.

You didn't necessarily agree with his reasoning, and complained quite a bit, got yourself all worked up. And he did listen to you, of course, not interrupting or talking over you like bad guys tend to do, and uh, what's the terminology people use...? Right, he, ah, validated your feelings, gave you room to speak your thoughts, made sure to communicate healthily (not that he's entirely sure what that means, but he was honest and kept calm so that probably qualifies). The things you're supposed to do.

But that doesn't necessarily mean he has to give in or compromise or anything. No, technically, that would be a bad boyfriend too, if he just let you do whatever you wanted, when what you want is not what's best for you. The term is "tough love" or something like that. But you did eventually accept it which means you at least agree to the condition, even if you don't agree with the reasoning.

It just took time and continuously explaining the reasoning to you even when he already did that a hundred times and you won't stop bringing it up and one day he's finally had enough of it so the only way you'll get it through your head and stop throwing tantrums is to make you understand.

Well, no, no, he would never really hurt you. This is just corporeal punishment, and while it's not nice, it's ultimately out of love, such things are necessary sometimes. And besides, the tools he bought are intended for this exact purpose, so its appropriate and not something risking injury, although it does leave welts and bruises. Still, it's out of care, and he holds you close and kisses your forehead and rubs your back while you cry afterwards.

And to make up for the times when he has to be mean (only because you force him to be), he tries his best to make you happy because that's what's really important. And what's more fun than spending a lot of time together?

You would call it being smothered, though, although you're never really in the mood to try and be mean to him about it and risk having welts for a week... again. Besides, it offers some entertainment from the otherwise dull, boring hellscape that is life whenever he's gone. At least when he's here, it makes things a bit more interesting than watching stuff alone.

A rather cute thing (at least, it would be if things were normal) is that he tends to have very clean, and sometimes juvenile tastes in media. He prefers games, movies and shows that have very low content ratings for age-appropriateness, rarely anything that you wouldn't be comfortable showing a ten-year-old. His shows of preference are usually those "cartoon intended for kids but gained a solid adult fanbase as well" types of shows, and the games he plays are usually simulators and strategies rather than anything particularly violent.

None of that is a bad thing, of course, but it can get a bit dull over time, and you do sometimes express a desire to do maybe something a little different. Which he happily complies with, of course, because it would be terrible of him to be so selfish as to not be willing to let you share your interests. So he often lets you pick what to watch for the evening. One time you forced him to sit through a horror film and you're pretty sure you scarred him for life, seeing as he was the one clinging to you throughout most of it.

Perhaps the most important aspect of goodness, though, is your interactions. Those are paramount, ensuring that every talk you have is, uh, healthy... is that the word? Pretty sure that's the word. He's seen people say that before.

He's very nice. Listens to you even when you're being mean. That's part of the deal, right? That he's supposed to listen and hear you out even when he'd rather not because you don't deserve it and you're being ridiculous-- but still, he listens, because he's just really, really good and so much better than anyone other person you could have, who would probably have shut you up several minutes ago but here he is clenching his jaw and fist and forcing himself to let you talk anyway because he's so so so good and has so much self-control and would never be one of those guys that would lose his temper so easily! Haha.

Not that he has no limits, no, not if you just keep going and going being so mean and mouthy and eventually you cross some line or push him over the edge. But he's not someone who would yell or anything, no, he's better than that. He's very collected and firm about it, doesn't have some outburst or explosive anger, just... does what he has to. You're all worked up and have all this pent up emotion and stress and frustration and maybe another caning or fucking your throat will help you get that out cathartically. Again, you may not like it, but it's about what's best for you overall.

It's also very very important to take care of you afterwards. He gets you baths and food and gives you words of comfort. See, that's another area where he's definitely doing better than other guys who are selfish and lazy.

...And likewise, he also realizes that he's missing the critical element of going out. The best boyfriends (as per his analysis from lots of past social media scrolling) usually plan really nice dates and stuff, there's all sorts of popular forms of this, like movies and fairs and zoos and coffee shops and so on.

Unfortunately, that's... well, that's just not realistic. You're just not ready for that yet. Maybe one day you will be! Just... very, very far off in the future. He would like that one day, you could go do fun things. But for now, he has to prioritize your health and well-being, and make judgements based on that, so, although it pains him, he's willing to stay home all the time since it's what you really need, even if you don't understand that.

In the end, he's actually probably the least compromising on that regard. But that's fair because he compromises all the time.

Compromises have to be made sometimes on your end, right? And, well, he's been doing so good in all other areas, putting in so much effort, that it's only fair you compromise with him every now and then. That's... that's part of relationships, isn't it? He's always heard that said. He gives into your wishes a lot, so... you know, he's not being demanding or controlling or anything like that, no, he's just asking that you compromise this time around.

And try to be understanding, see things from his perspective and really listen, be entirely honest... the way he always does for you.

------

On the far opposite end, Albedo has never really placed any importance on conforming to societal expectations, or the cultural standard of "good." He prefers to approach things in a manner based on the conclusions he forms himself, after reflecting on the matter for a while.

He's always been so busy, never had time to have a relationship before, so he does have to really think through the matter, as it's new to him. He does care for you, of course, so his primary desire is for you to be healthy and avoid unnecessary distress or pain. Granted, when going through the matter in his head, he does feel that he would like for you to be happy, but... well, he realizes that it's probably a bit too early to have that as a goal, because if he aims for that now, he's bound to end up disappointed, given how resistant you are.

Besides, to care for another's wellbeing is the basis of affection, isn't it? So even if it takes some time, you will understand his efforts to care for you as such. That's all he really needs to do, follow his own guidelines. Societal and cultural ones are pointless, and he doesn't feel any guilt or like he's doing something incorrectly by not doing so (unlike the aforementioned individuals).

In fact, that ties to another aspect of his personality. He's one of those people that can be very quiet for a long time, but if you prompt him to speak on a topic of interest, he can suddenly go on a whole long spiel... and one thing he could ramble about is a distaste for modernity and common culture and social settings.

People are so obsessed with material things, hedonistic tendencies, a culture that encourages rapid consumption of new things and riding out thrills only to discard them when the newness wears off... including people.

He's quiet enough that people tend to disregard his presence if he's just sort of quietly going about his work, which has allowed him to overhear a lot of conversations regarding the messy, dysfunctional relationships of some of the people he works alongside. A lot of them get abandoned by significant others, very few seem to be in relationships that last, it's mostly just people hopping from one person to the next... is that really normal for, you know, normal people? If so, you've probably been influenced by that too, probably had friends like that or seen it happening around you and it's been normalized to you.

Which is how he explains his justification for keeping you, when you start to argue against it. All things considered, stable relationships are better in the long-run, but you're very unwise and impulsive and would just make mistakes you'd regret (like leaving him for someone else) if he were to extend any autonomy to you. Well... more realistically, the primary issue is you'd go to the police, but he's talking in hypotheticals and the bigger picture of your life and all that. Maintaining control over you may upset you, but it's in your best interest, which you're incapable of making decisions for yourself.

He has no desire to follow norms. Not in terms of a relationship, nor any official acknowledgement of a relationship either. What matters is the strength of care and affection and unity between two people, and his for you is to the utmost, so that's all that really matters.

Being what the current culture considers a "good partner" would require a lot of compromising and sacrificing to meet you halfway and give in to some of what you want, among other things he has no intention of doing. He's content with the idea that showing affection in his own way will gradually lead you to accept him more. No need for the additional effort of jumping through arbitrary hoops to earn some recognition or gratitude -- which you probably wouldn't give anyway. Even if he did put in all that effort (which, by the way, would also mean swallowing quite a bit of pride to "compromise" with you), you would still keep a bad attitude for the time being, he's fairly certain.

And another matter, the reason he can't "compromise" with you is simply that his decisions are right and yours almost always tend to reflect on your complete lack of understanding of things. Why would he compromise with you when you're simply wrong? That's unreasonable.

Besides, given the... nature of your relationship and dynamic, being so different from that of two normal people, it goes without saying that you can't apply unfitting rules to a unique situation they don't align with. For example, one common standard is going out on dates, presumably that he'd pay for... but, that's not exactly feasible, for obvious reasons, even aside from his dislike of such environments.

Rather than being lazy and careless, he instead puts a lot of effort and finances and care into ensuring your security and well-being, investing a lot of money into a unique security system that cost great deal more than average due to very advanced features. Cameras, sensors, and most importantly, an alert to his phone every time a door or window to the outside is opened. Gets good food for you to make (please, he's very very busy, it would be nice and give you something to do too, he's sustained himself off of microwave food for years now due to lack of time so having you to do so is really helpful...) and admittedly does spend generous amounts of money on things for you to do to occupy your time. So in terms of domestic matters, he would say he's meeting what he thinks is good.

The social norms for courtship are also largely pointless. What, go out on dates? To do what? Most movies are mindless entertainment and not worth wasting time on. Pretty much any other venue is going to be loud and crowded. There is absolutely no reason you can't experience the exact same bonding, perhaps more even, inside in the nice, quiet environment of his apartment.

That environment becomes suffocating for you, though. You go through a regular routine. He gets one of those stipends to fund his expenses, so he doesn't have to work a separate job, thankfully. Lab research has set times, though, so it's sort of like working, he's just gone for a portion of the day and comes back in the afternoon. Then, it's just doing whatever for the rest of the day, usually you trying to entertain yourself while he works and types away.

It's not always work, though. One rather unpleasant thing you really wish he wouldn't do is that he seems determined to scour the corners of the internet for anything related to you. He already stole your phone when you were brought here, got all your logins and accounts to all sorts of websites, your search history, everything, and now stays logged into your accounts on his computer (via VPN, of course, he's not so careless as to risk someone taking notice and being traced back to him).

He just goes through everything. Everything. Every little comment you've ever made across different websites, everything you've ever searched, every site you've ever visited, people and accounts you followed. It feels very uncomfortable, a violation of privacy. And, well, who hasn't made at least one comment on an anonymous site that they'd be embarrassed to have attached to their real selves? Unfortunately you never realized just how many until now, that he keeps bringing them, along with other snippets from your digital footprint, up to you.

I see that on September 6th of last year, it seems you posted this rather vague statement to your account. What did that mean exactly?

I'm cross-referencing your following list across a few different platforms and noticed an outlier you only have added to one account. Who is this?

The app won't allow me to scroll back any further in this conversation you were having. Is there a way to view even older messages or...?

You always grind your teeth. It's not even important!, you say. It really isn't. None of this information is anything particularly relevant to... well, anything. Sure, you already knew he's sort of obsessed with learning about your life prior to him, but he already learned everything you would have thought important ages ago. All the major details of your life, where you went to school and who your friends and family members and all that are and your relationship to most people you regularly spoke to, he already has all of that. At this point he's just going through pointless details. Why on earth would he care about the random searches you've made, or a comment you left on a video years ago?

It just interests me.

So he says. While it baffles you, you have to deal it, and with the irritation of being frequently asked questions about meaningless searches and comments and posts dating back years. You've gotten over the initial embarrassment of it, now it's just annoying. He questions you about things as if you would remember why you made a search for this or that five years ago. Always asking who people are and what was your connection to them. Criticizing your viewing habits - you wasted so much time watching pointless videos. You eventually it's better not to argue against that, lest you get the speech on how such stimuli will ruin your attention span and slowly kill your brain or something like that, you don't really know, you always stop listening after a while.

That ties into another very, very, very quickly irritating thing: he cannot intake any piece of media non-critically.

He's actually rather pretentious about it, but in a subtle way. He'll come back in the afternoon to you watching whatever show you've chosen to stream as your daily entertainment. He walks through the door, leans over and looks at the screen for a moment.

Yeah, that does seem like something you would enjoy.

What? What does that mean?

Oh, nothing.

You have to learn to bite your tongue. Sometimes you try to get him to relax instead of being so stressed out from working, get him to actually watch something with you, but he tends to be critical of that too -- one of those people that feels the need to point out physics inaccuracies in everything. You tend to get a bit worked up over the irritation. Yes I know it doesn't work like that, it's not supposed to be accurate it's supposed to be entertaining! Just watch the damn movie! Ugh!

Not that it's the only matter he can be pretentious about. Even that one time you tried to be nice (as part of the 'I'm never getting out of here so I might as well try to bond' mental crisis process you go through a few times a day) and asked him about the research he's always working on.

Well, this is the sort of thing that would be over your head. You'd just get confused if I tried to explain it to you.

You scowl and groan. He just sighs. He's just being honest, you know.

See, like everything else, part of being "good" per the standards of current popular culture would be to be mindful of and navigate around your tendency for sensitivity. Which is nonsensical. There's no point in sugar-coating things when communicating directly and straightforwardly works more efficiently.

He doesn't really make an active effort to do the opposite, no, it's not like he's coarse and abrasive, but he just makes no effort to adjust his tendency to be somewhat blunt when discussing various matters. He already has to do enough of the whole overly-cautious, careful with every word thing in the professional setting all the time. It's nice to have someone he can just be very straightforward with, which is what comes much more naturally to him.

Besides, having to walk on eggshells and watch everything you say around the person you're partnered to would be exhausting. And... it's dishonest, you know? No matter how you look at it, dishonesty is poor behavior. Honesty is a better, more respectable quality, even if you might not like honesty all the time.

The unfortunate thing is that him having no filter on what he says means he can be a bit condescending. It just comes out naturally.

He likes you, of course, but at the end of the day he still has this mentality that seems so condescending, like you're dumb and emotional. He once told you you were being hysterical when you were having one of your regular episodes of crying and sniffling whilst trying to argue about your situation, and admittedly the resulting outburst you had probably didn't help change his mind. It's a cycle; being treated in such an infantilizing way often makes you more upset, thereby more emotional, and then your emotional outbursts thereby only validate and justify treating you as such.

He tends to assume a lot of things about you, too. You complain about being bored? Well, you're probably used to instant gratification and stimulus, probably addicted to your phone and social media and the like. It's doubtful that you've ever really been all that productive. It's a very common phenomenon these days, people who don't really do anything important (like you) get swallowed up into mindless entertainment.

Luckily for you, he provides you with a lifestyle where you don't have to be productive, which is quite benevolent. And you're now whining about being assigned to some task? Well, you've probably never had to really work for anything before. After all, you could always just get anything you want handed to you by being sweet and nice, surely you would never understand what it means to have had to put effort into anything. And any emotional reactions or outbursts you have in response are basically just confirmation that he's right, you know.

This bluntness, though, does end up causing one particularly upsetting incident. You've been in a bad mood, are getting so exasperating again with how you're being grouchy and mean and resentful. You're mad at him for doing something or another, and you do what you always do when you're mad -- resort to not-so-subtly implying the future spells an end for him. In truth, it used to bother him a lot, it would make him paranoid, which you probably picked up on and is why you continue to do it, always going for the same lines each time. One of these days, someone's gonna come knocking on that door, one day someone will find me--

And you're at it again, even more whiny than usual, pacing around the room while he works on some paper or another. You've been on this campaign lately to try and get him to let you search your name online, see what is being said by your local news and the like. Perhaps telling you that there hadn't been anything published in a while, and thereby accidentally inadvertently admitting to regularly performing that exact search himself, was a poor idea, as you caught it and have refused to let the matter go ever since. And he's trying to concentrate on his own work, and perhaps that's why he's a bit even more unfiltered than usual.

People are still looking for me! I know my friends and family would never give up trying to find me. They're looking for me.

The keyboard keeps clacking, but he doesn't miss a beat.

Your body.

You pause for a moment.

...Huh?

He speaks very matter-of-factly, fingers tapping away on the keyboard as he speaks, not even looking up at you.

They're looking for your body. They've most likely changed their search locations by now to nearby areas that would be ideal for someone to dump human remains.

For a moment, you just stand still, slack-jawed and wide eyed before finally losing your temper--

You're horrible! How can you say something like that?! I... I...

--but you quiet down, biting your lip, sinking downward and pulling your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. A few more seconds pass.

Statistically speaking, it would be very unlikely for you to be alive at this point.

I know.

So from an outside perspective, it would simply be a more realistic use of time and resources to--

I get it!

You have to bite your tongue when he sighs, as if you're being unreasonable. You let a few more seconds pass, grinding your teeth at that annoying keyboard sound until you speak again.

Are you trying to get me to be grateful? Feel like I'm lucky because you *aren't* the kind of psycho to kill me?

He just shrugs, still doesn't look up.

No. You ended up here with me, so you certainly aren't very lucky at all.

You groan, letting your head fall down onto your knees. At least his honesty is consistent.

#kzha fighting for his life in the replies section of an OF egirl's twitter defending women #'actually no woman has ever done anything wrong ever i will explain (1/36)' #pickme boy fr fr #also xao unironically thinks of himself as a sigma male im not apologizing for being right #and frequently uses incel lingo in real life verbal conversations #has definitely called you a normie but over something very concerning like the fact that you want daily showers is normie behavior to him #.x #.al #.kz #.modern #oh and im alive! #I would say 'alive and well' but im not actually well bc it turns out my kidneys arent functioning which is kind of very not well #but it turned out to be entirely treatable so soon it will all be over and i'll be back to normal #the universe thinks a little organ malfunction is going to stop me from posting?? hah

[firestorm09890]

I really love Demyx and Larxene’s relationship

almost the entirety of the organization is very particular about choosing their words carefully (whether it’s because they’re polite, want to be perceived a certain way, or just don’t like talking). This leads to conversation after conversation where it’s like watching them act out a play, going through the motions of hospitality even though they might fucking hate each other, speaking around issues and forcing the person they’re talking to to figure out the implications themself, trying to assert dominance through quick wit.

but then there’s Larxene, who hates almost everyone and says whatever mean thing she can think of directly to your face, and there’s Demyx, who doesn’t give a shit about any of the politics and just kinda lets things come out of his mouth. Both of them throw off that usual balance. Putting them in the same room devolves to them slinging insults at each other

and don’t get me wrong, I love the usual sneaky bastard tango that usually happens in the Org (my favorite character is Zexion for fucks sake) but there is something so refreshing about two guys who hate each other and are open about hating each other and will straight up call each other names

#kingdom hearts #organization xiii #larxene #demyx #xigbar acts casual but he’s king of avoiding telling you everything and it’s super obvious #with demyx if it’s a façade then it’s extremely convincing. with xigbar he lets you know that he knows more than you from day 1 #honorable mention to vexen though #he TRIES to be an intellectual but he gets pissed off so easily that he ends up arguing with so many people #me post

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

Figured i'd start actually. slowly reintroducing the new monster au turned oc project by first posting the new character names!

Mark -> Markus Adrianne Addams (Mark/Chris) Cesar -> Martin Garcia Sarah -> Amber Addams (Ace) Thatcher -> Jackson Hyde (Jack) Ruth -> Mabel Palmer Dave -> Barney Holmes Evelin -> Olivia Davis (Liv) Jonah -> Aaron Jones (AJ)

Another thing I wanted to introduce, this universe from now on will be referred to as Whispers of Willows!

#ramblings :) #Whispers of Willows #And uh. guess i'll. establish the character tags too. here we go #Shadow Mark #Mark Addams (WW) #(tagging both versions of his tag cause. yeag) #Martin Garcia (WW) #Amber Addams (WW) #Jackson Hyde (WW) #Mabel Palmer (WW) #Barney Holmes (WW) #Olivia Davis (WW) #AJ (WW) #Do i NEED to add the (WW) at the end of these tags? probably not but hey organization is neat #I dunno what to make the abbreviation considering. the options are taken. WOW means world of war craft and WW stands for wind waker so LIKE #but yeah. silly. #I already did like. a HUGE rehaul for the characters and storyline and honestly I think its an improvement. #I'll post the refs when i'm done with a good chunk of them! #also. in case you're wondering. we did lose someone. #Adam is NOT coming back in this. mainly due to 1. me wanting to make the adam stand ins for OTHER projects more unique #but also because. his storyline could be easily seen in MARKS storyline. #so putting Adam's story parts into Mark's storyline would be. better than just repeating it twice. #This effects Olivia's story of course but. i'll figure something out. #but yeah!! i'm happy with the progress made on this so far!!!!

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Minos Prime from Ultrakill, who's wearing a strapless slit dress and sandals of the same deep purple. He faces towards and slightly to the right of the camera, his head is tilted further right. With one hand he gestures in a vague pointing motion, his arm folded and held close to his body. There is nothing in the background, but bracing himself on one arm, Minos is implied to be leaning against something about the height of a countertop. The background is a blank purplish black, save for three diagonal stripes in the colors of the bisexual flag. End ID]

Shading study that quite literally came to me in a dream two weeks ago, after this post apparently beamed itself into my mind

(also a few edits below the cut! they're very slight but whatever :])

[Start ID. Three different versions of the previous drawing. The first changes the tone of the lighting from blue to pink, and similarly the shading from pink to blue. The second replaces the faint black border with pink, purple and blue, syncing with the stripes in the background. The third combines both these changes. End ID]

#the tags got NERFED so let's try this again. #peridots-art #minos prime ultrakill #ultrakill #ask to tag #organs #...? gore maybe? for the whole ''transparent chest/visible cardiovascular system'' thing. not very detailed/realistic though so #i don't think this has all of the same charm as i usually find in my posts. but i tried my best to make it work so i don't think it matters #also ''not too happy with how this turned out'' is something i've seen tacked onto posts worthy of being preserved in museums #i heard someone say his snakes should be ball pythons. i'm not autistic about snakes so i decided to listen to the masters #i still have seven levels to p-rank before i can meet this guy!! halfway there (lust/greed and 1-3 remaining) i've only had my own copy #of ultrakill for a week and i already have 33 hours in. anyway he's grown on me i think. absolute bi king and only monarch i respect <3 #i think it's interesting how i now define my queerness by being gray-ace and trans when i first only identified with bisexual. it's still #an important part of me even if sometimes i forget. sorry that sounds completely unrelated but it's related to my feelings on this piece #anyway (i wonder how many ''anyway''s i've slapped on so far) i also find it interesting how often people draw him with this body type. #i think it's cool there's variety in how people draw the uk characters. it just kinda feels right here? i know i unfortunately don't draw #fat characters often at all (partially due to being a primarily fandom blog who likes to stick to canon designs. i wouldn't say i have #trouble with drawing a realistic amount of fat even on rather thin people though lol) but i try! also genuinely unsure what counts as like. #fat vs chubby? or whatever? i don't know exactly how the terminology works and a fair amount of minos' bulk is muscle anyway but. yeah 👍 #men are pretty in dresses my final message. goodbye

[localcryptic]

if you dont mind me asking, could you tell me more about Andromeda?

(vibrating with excitement) yeah i'll be really normal about it too

Andromeda (it/he/she/they), also known under their stage name, ANDROI-MEDA (haha because they're an android, get it) is an android pop star in the sci-fi oc verse i've been working on with @vampire-romancer !

he was created and developed as a project by a team from MIDAS records, a major record label, to be the "perfect" pop star. in the 7 years since its debut, ANDROI-MEDA has seen unprecedented success. she's bubbly and fun, friendly and graceful, kind to fans, the whole nine yards.

behind the scenes, however, they're bitter and jaded. Andromeda never asked for the fame they were created for, its never had true privacy or connection with others, and he's treated as disposable by the management team at MIDAS. quite literally.

the team makes more money if she can work indefinitely, so doing crazy things like "powering down/going into 'sleep' mode" or "actually getting repairs for damages" is bad for business. it's faster and cheaper to just keep her working until he breaks down, even artificially accelerating its processors if needed, and then uploading whatever memories remained in tact to a new body and moving on.

andromeda is secretly so very angry and scared and has no way to express it because they're the happy bubbly cutesy pop star with no control over their public image or message. when they start developing feelings for an up and coming alien indie-rock artist, who always tells it like it is and isn't afraid of a little controversy, Styx, (made by @vampire-romancer, if you want more info, ask them <3), it can't tell if the feelings are Jealousy, a Crush, or "I want to hit you with a rock".

but that is my little overview about them ! i think hes sooo silly :P its got light up LED panels along its body that change color to reflect their mood and strands of light up fiber optic cable woven into their hair!

#woah posting art twice in one day things are gettin crazy #my ocs #my art #oc art #oc artist #andromeda #unironically this oc was inspired by (1) saw a pastel gamer computer and thought “that could be a person” #(2) had a period of time where my computer was breaking down + crashing and i thought about how scary that must be for the computer #i should really have more organized tags for things in this oc verse #sci fi verse #sci fi #thatll be a start #i guess i'll make it a project to actually organize things if i wanna start posting more consistently about them all

[comradesaucegay]

— Karl Marx, Capital Vol 1, Ch. 15 / Walter Benjamin, The Arcades Project, convolute F "Iron Constructions."

#idk why but the image of the horse train and the granite tracks has stuck with me since i first encountered the arcades project at uni #rn i'm currently organizing my notes before i begin on the baudelaire convolute #enjoy some train posting #walter benjamin #arcades project #karl marx #capital vol 1

[spearxwind]

Hi hello I have two questions for yall

does anyone here know decent book editing software that isnt indesign because i cant afford indesign and its a little incomprehensible (pretty much I'm looking how I can edit a book with spread pages and images) nothing insanely fancy, I am just looking to turn one of my big lore google docs into something nice and art-book looking I wanna be able to do something like this, for example

what I am looking to do is basically turn my challenger deep lore doc into an actual lore book so I will hopefully do some illustrations for it down the line for each section of it. so the next question is then:

would any of you be interested in purchasing that? it would be digital (unless there's an insane amount of interest for physical editions, in which case I will consider it)

#ive literally been using google docs the whole time and its really garbage for anything that has to do with images #and the top margin is annoying as all fuck!!! let me get rid of it!!! augh #anyway yeah that. ive been thinking abt this for a few months and I would like to attempt to do smth like that #cause i think it would look nice!! and its an incentive to work more on CD as well if i can actually organize the doc into sections #that will have better images in it #i gotta make a list of all the illustrations I wanna do for it bc there's a lot haha #but yeah! #thunderclap #well tumblr decided to post this before i was done with formatting but whatever. i cant get rid of that 1 below the image

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333 #he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today #this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!! #can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant #i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am' #this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!! #i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;; #okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH): #this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved) #its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph? #but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010) #its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves #seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his #so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better #whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it) #not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh #anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO #its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation #pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!) #i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 art #formula 1 art #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art. #*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such #boy king au

[amphoterrible]

some background information

What am I doing? Why, I'm re-watching House, M.D. as a whole-ass pharmacist and taking meticulous notes!

I’m only going to focus on when House, M.D. gets something about medication just wildly wrong. I’m not going to be like “why are the chest compressions so slow” or “would Chase really be inserting that temporary transcutaneous pacer at the beside wouldn’t they want to do that in the EP lab” or anything else along those lines. I am but a humble pharmacist.

Hydrocodone/acetaminophen (APAP), the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), and the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA)

This is going to be interesting because House aired from November 16, 2004 to May 21, 2012 and there are two things that come to mind for me: 1) The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) asked drug manufacturers to reduce the strength of acetaminophen in combination acetaminophen products to 325 mg in 2011(1) and 2) hydrocodone combination products were still scheduled as schedule III by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).(2)  Hydrocodone combination products weren’t rescheduled to schedule II until 2014. Schedule III prescriptions are a lot easier to write and fill than schedule II prescriptions. A lot of the legal nuance varies by state and I am not going to read New Jersey pharmacy statutes, thank you very MUCH I barely passed every Multistate Pharmacy Jurisprudence Examination (MPJE) I’ve ever taken. Back to the Vicodin. So how am I going to know exactly what formulation of Vicodin House was consuming?

I really don’t care about the hydrocodone component of it. There is no ceiling to an opioid, it’s whatever the patient can tolerate it. (Well technically there is too much to give but you have to look at if the patient is used to taking opioids or not don’t just slam someone with 10 mg of IV Dilaudid you know what I’m saying.) And if they don’t tolerate it give them some naloxone. And patients with chronic pain can tolerate a lot of opioids. Was Vicodin an appropriate opioid for House? No! But it was less regulated! And the threat of liver failure is dramatic! But Oxycontin would make more sense – Wilson’s an oncologist, he would be prescribing it all the time! Cancer hurts! Antineoplastics hurt! Oxycontin was the most widely abused prescription opioid in the United States in 2004(3), right when House started airing. But no, it’s Vicodin. The writers chose Vicodin for a reason. I’m going to let the art flow over me. We’re sticking with Vicodin. Or, hydrocodone/APAP because Abbott isn’t paying me to do this.

I worked in an independent retail pharmacy my first year of pharmacy school (which was 2010 before I realized I do not have a poker face to deal with the general public and immediately started working in a hospital), and I vaguely remember there being way too many formulations of hydrocodone/APAP. Hydrocodone/APAP has a few brand names: Vicodin, Norco, and Lortab. I usually say Norco because it’s the easiest. (I actually say hydrocodone/acetaminophen because I’m an asshole.) I found this email(4) sent by Abbott in October 2012 that discussed the newly reformulated Vicodin®, Vicodin ES®, and Vicodin HP®, which is handy since it lists the old formulations too:

Vicodin®

Hydrocodone 5 mg/acetaminophen 500 mg

Vicodin ES®

Hydrocodone 7.5 mg/acetaminophen 750 mg

Vicodin HP®

Hydrocodone 10 mg/acetaminophen 660 mg

Who the fuck puts 750 mg of acetaminophen in one tablet? That limits the patient to five tablets in 24 hours. We’ve known the maximum dose of acetaminophen is 4000 mg since the 1970s. What the fuck, Abbott.

(Matthew Mercer Voice) How Do You Want To Do This?

So, like, I guess I’ll just count the tablets I see House consuming and then calculate the total daily dose of acetaminophen for each Vicodin formulation? I feel like I can do total acetaminophen dosage based on episodes versus trying to keep track of the days. The timeline of this show is wonky and like once you hit the toxic dose you’re there so? Also, sometimes he takes more than one and it’s hard to hear the tablets like, clink against his teeth or whatever. Sparkle on! We’ll do our best. I was going to put this in an Excel spreadsheet but I just remembered I am a pharmacist and I cannot function in Excel.

Let’s talk about the mechanism of liver toxicity and treatment of acetaminophen overdose if we hit significant toxicity. Wouldn’t it be funny if we didn’t?? That would result in me rambling about House M.D. for pages and pages and he doesn’t even get hypothetical liver failure. Is this fanfiction? Am I writing really weird fanfiction? Anyways significant toxicity occurs if you hit 150 mg/kg of acetaminophen.(5) How much does Gregory House weigh?? Let’s give him a range: 160-180 pounds (73-82 kg). Fairly average, actually. So House’s toxic dose of acetaminophen is likely 10,950 mg to 12,300 mg. Let’s say lower range is 22 tablets of Vicodin®, 15 tablets of Vicodin ES®, 17 tablets of Vicodin HP® and the upper range is 25 tablets of Vicodin®, 17 tablets of Vicodin ES®, and 19 tablets of Vicodin HP®.

References

Department of Health and Human Services. Food and Drug Administration. Prescription drug products containing acetaminophen; actions to reduce liver injury from unintentional overdose. Federal Register. 2011;76(10):2691-2697.

Seago S, Hayek A, Pruszynski J, Newman MG. Change in prescription habits after federal rescheduling of hydrocodone combination products. Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 2016; 29:268-270.

Zee AV. The promotion of marketing of OxyContin: commercial triumph, public health tragedy. Am J Public Health. 2009;99:221-227.

Abbott. Newly reformulated Vicodin® launch announcement. https://www.uspharmacist.com/email/ecf1248.html. Accessed January 8, 2024.

Hendrickson RG. Acetaminophen. In: Nelson LS, Howland M, Lewin NA, Smith SW, Goldfrank LR, Hoffman RS, eds. Goldfrank's Toxicologic Emergencies, 11e. McGraw-Hill; 2019:486-499.

#house md #hate crimes md #house rewatch 2024 #I'm halfway through season 1 this is going to take A Bit #so please bear with me #but here's some background ramblings #I'll make a pinned post and have links to each season #so I am ~*~organized~*~

[mayathexpsychic]

just realized how insane im being on here this morning like hey guys did u guys know im autistic i just got diagnosed :) IMMEDIATELY followed by HEY GUYS BY THE WAY CAN I PLEASE DRAW PETE WENTZ GORE

#i think i am going to draw it anyways sorry to the 1 person who said i shouldn’t do it #if pete wentz is mad i drew his internal organs he can go look at his bank account to feel better or whatever that post said 😭

[good-beansdraws]

Happy Valentine's to ME 😤

One of those last Fuutas and the last two Lukas ones are traces of other art -- I don't have the originals on hand but I can try to find them for credit if people want👍

#retroactively tagging for organization but if you find this in the main tag oops #i hope you enjoy 😤👍and. sorry. 🙈🙈🙈 #ive actually got up the nerve to post some of those fuutas normally but i figure id add them to this collection hehe >:3 #the other lukas one was from a cosplay reference if im remembering right? i can find that too if needed #i had a few others of lukas from a while ago but im not as happy with them -- #if im gonna expose myself i at least gotta use my best art ya know 😂 #my ace ass gets one (1) suggestive post. as a treat. 😌 #milgram #fuuta kajiyama #fe echoes #fe lukas

[puthyflapps]

Swifties prove everyday that they’re the dumbest people on the internet and that’s really saying something cuz I’ve dealt directly with blarkes

#1) swifites always being racist toward Beyoncé #2) swifities doxxing a Palestinian girl and sending her info to the IDF cuz she said that there were better options for Time’s PotY #3) swifites beefing with North West – a literal child – cuz they thot she “shaded” Taylor #4) swifites commenting snake emojis on Kim K’s insta posts thinking they’re doing something other than driving up her engagement and lining #her pockets #t swift #also these are all just annoying things I’ve seen happen TODAY #I cannot wait until we are released from whatever govt psyop we’ve been under for the past few years cuz I’m over this endless string of #swift propaganda 🔫🔫🔫 it’s literally insane and no matter how many times I block people or hit not interested in posts I am still forced to #see shit about her like it is never ending and it’s so fucking exhausting like the way white women in particular make being a swifite their #whole personality is so embarrassing!!! THIS EOMAN CANNOT SING YALL!! AND IM TIRED OF BEING NICE AND SAYING SHE HAS DEVENT SONG WRITING #SKILLS CUZ SHE DOESNT!! EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS MEDIOCRE AT BEST!!! SHE CANNOY SING AND HER LYRICS ARE THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF WATTPAD FF! #I am so tired of this bullshit and I used to be able to find reprieve in football but no more!! cuz her and her annoying cult have #infiltrated that too like this shit is annoying and I feel like I’m going crazy cuz she’s everywhere and not in an organic way. In a very #strategic marketing capitalistic way and I love The Wilds but I hate how the fandom has like woven TS into everything there too like #I think I’m gonna commit a crime. I think imma toss someone through a brick wall cuz I’m losing it

[hollowwish]

I enjoy watching decked out runs but also. I am 1 week behind on pirates and 1 months behind on qsmp. The content grind will not allow me to watch them

#ren posting #Me and my 1 million tubbo qsmp streams to watch ❤️ #pirates smp #qsmp #<-- for my own organization