#or even that they dont know how attraction works

[tonyglowheart]

Having a big "apartment 'complex'...really? I find it quite simple" moment with Chap 46. Like. This is it. This is Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi and why Chap 45 had to happen but ALSO flat-out addresses & answers the question of "but how/why does yanshen work?" Like. This is it right here:

#...and ppl r like. but why does sq work in yanshen. like where is he wrt yws in the equation ? #first image is: yes sq cares about yws/what yws thinks?? it's not all just yws following sq and sq tolerating yws with nary a thought? #like. he clearly to some degree is just tolerating yws's actions but he also regards yws the person indulgently #I dont rly do incorrect quotes but as a mematic referential they are SUCH wait u like me?? for my personality??? i know i was surprised too #but yeah this part imo distills down an sq character study a yws character study AND a yanshen character study rly well #'looking at it from this perspective. yws wasn't very different from him' - that's it that's them #it's not a theyre so likeminded its not opposites attract whatever whatever #it's that they have this.. elemental yin-yang thing going on‚. while also being only human after all. #THAT'S the 'but how/why do they even work‚ really...' #thousand autumns #qian qiu #yanshen

[blaiddraws]

Genuinely curious, but what is your opinion on Highlandshipping (Melli x Ingo)?

i think it's really funny if it's. like. hopelessly smitten melli with an unrequited crush on a completely oblivious ingo. just so, so oblivious. that specific dynamic just.. fits them lol

but any other way and i am simply completely neutral on it. i can't see ingo returning melli's affections, and I'll definitely avoid reading fics that are about that in particular, but it's not a notp either.

#if i don't ship something you're gonna be hard-pressed to see me consuming content about it #yanno? yeah. yeah #answered #not art #ALSO ingo is ace/aroace to me. which adds another layer of humor to it i think #(''but blaidd!'' you say‚ ''dont you ship ingo and zisu?'' well you see you can be aroace and still like people #still be in a relationship. even still experience attraction. all of this stuff is super weird and we only pretend to know how it works #(I'm not projecting you're projecting))

[i-bring-crack]

Alright yeah fuck it. If you dont have characters that will be beloved by the people who read it then the stories dont last long in a fandom or sometimes even have an impact on people. Fuck the premise fuck the storyline fuck your worldbuilding becuase Ive seen so many, MANY, stories that are great have no one else to talk about simply because the characters were either too little screentime or none at all to be explored.

And now more than ever more people will define their liking of a story to whenever or not the characters are solid on their own instead of everything else. Its why much of the retellings or the same genre tropes are played out over and over again instead of new things compromising around the same idea.

And its not bad, but its also dumb for someone to go ahead and call another work of art, of whatever kind but im mostly talking about stories here, as a 'lesser work' simply because theres no characters that fit into neat molds or are hot and you can quickly get attached to, completely ignoring everything else about what it is and just deciding everyone who likes it has horrible tastes.

#rant #another personal rant oh boi #but honestly ive been looking at this obbession with fandoms lately. and even im the culprit of it. #where now a story is less defined by its content and instead defined by tropes #and its most consistent on characters as if you have to fit all of them into molds and let your characters be the best versions ever becaus #it will attract more people to come over and ship your works or have enough attraction to these characters that will make the readers buy #more of their content. merch. whatever #yeah specially in anime #and so specifically in isekai to the point where the character only needs to be physiscally attractive--- #but im getting out of the point #the thing is that so much art in general has been constantly linked to having this parasocial relationships with the ones who interact with #it that to some extent its fine but to the worst its litterally chaining people to spend away their lives and profits for something thats #just art. #i really dont know how to explain this to you without going over the basics of blah blah capitalism and the entretainment industry and #people linking their traumas and using parasocial relationships as coping mechanisms for their miserable lives and thats why so many #character driven stories sell so well nowadays. #without so so fucking much needed to be told but I just think it needs to be talked about at some point. #and to be clear again im also one of the people who IS stuck with those parasocial relationships #but ive seen worse and im genuenlly scare of what that could possibly meant for the future

[dolokhoded]

mel c magdalene made me realize what was missing from my magdalene design and it's that she's not fucking jacked. it's crucial to her character

#🧅 #literally my takeaway from jcs2012 was mary magdalene's arms. yeah those guys were there too i guess #i think hers might be my favorite portrayal of mary #like. not just because she's jacked i just really liked how jc2012 worked with magdalene #she felt more fleshed out. and i <3 yvonne elliman in this role i always will but lets be so for real in the 1973 movie mary was a sexy lam #character except instead of sexy she was like. sopping wet cat lamp character #i mean i think she was also sexy. but that's beside the point this post is not about how attractive i find yvonne elliman #or mel c #well it kind of is about how attractive i find mel c #whatever. my point is it was the 70s and she was a female character. so like. you get it ! #and i feel like a lot of the time magdalene is very girlbossified in a way that makes her very one dimensional #without EVER her appearing masculine of course because god forbid the one female character does not appear to the male gaze #(well originally female character anyways. today genderbend casting is a thing and it fucks) #it's either she's a Girl Disciple (no further elaboration) or she's like. a girlboss stone hearted biker gang leader leather jacket queen #(no actual further elaboration but her one 'ooh i love this man and i dont know how to show it' solo tricks you into thinking there is) #while 2012 magdalene somehow seems much more well rounded to me. #they let her be herself more. idk. that's how i interpreted it at least. in my mind. #it's like. i feel many other marys i've seen are described by how they treat jesus (and sometimes judas) #but this one still feels present even when jesus is not around. or he is but she's not interacting with him. #again this is a very specific interpretation that clicked in my brain im not saying that jcs2012 like. did some groundbreaking feminist #portrayal of magdalene. but yknow ! #she also didn't acknowledge judas' existence once while he had created some weird one sided beef with her which was. very funny to me #literally did not waste a glance at him.

[platypusisnotonfire]

I’m honestly so curious…

Idk if I’ll ever find a life partner but

Like , I never experienced “young love,” like that crazy passionate high school nonsense that you grow out of

I was too busy trying to survive and I took dating VERY seriously like, I’m not gonna drag some poor helpless person into the hell that is my family. My mother would have devoured my partner. No one deserved her as a mother in law. I knew that at like 14.

I turned down every single person that showed the slightest interest in me and never even considered having an interest in anyone in return.

Those feelings were off limits.

And it took like a decade to turn those off-limits feelings back on and by then I realized I was ace, which complicated things further.

Anyway long story short I wonder what it will be like if and when that happens to me. Like, it will be my “first love” but also I won’t be in the horrible depths of teenage hormones.

How stupid am I going to be? How lovestruck and dumb will I act?

What does “first romance in late 20’s or later” look like?

#cptsd #is probably the best first tag for this #like #how ruined am I #i genuinely dont know #I really want a life partner someday. #I hope it happens #I only ever met one person I thought I could spend my life with #unfortunately they were not the gender I’m romantically attracted to #but you know idk #I probably could have made it work #a platonic life partner #heck I’m not even a third of the way through my life expectancy given I’m not hit by a bus #there’s still lots of time #I’m just #not optimistic #to find a QPLP

[princekirijo]

Istg I actually need to sit down and write a proper bio for Riku because even I get confused af as to what his personality is sometimes.

#oc tag #“but prince he's your oc how tf did this happen” he has a mind of his own trust me #i mean this is literally one of the parts of his character he is literally so good at adapting his personality #because he felt he needed to as a kid both in school and in the business world #that barely anyone knows what he's actually like #like one minute he's a suave overconfident guy who can take on anything #but hes also the quiet dude in class who never participates is probably asleep but somehow gets everything right and is top of the grade #he loves to flirt but will absolutely blue screen if anyone flirts back because despite the fact he flaunts himself- #he doesn't think hes attractive LMAO #his biggest motivation is spite and he doesn't know when to quit #this boy has so many fucking issues istg #def one of those characters who has so many masks that he hardly knows himself #i have a fear that he's nearly too complex to the point where he's a confusing character and i personally dont think thats a good thing #so i really hope that's not the case for you guys 😬 #over my break ive really spent time trying to iron out his character and just make him into soemthing im even more proud of you know #the good thing is that at least his story now has a clear arc and theme which im really proud of #so im gonna use that to build off and iron him out even more #the way i put more work into this funky dude i came up with than like my entire uni work #i love him so much sorry to be mentally ill about a guy i made because i liked a ship too much (and crossover i was having fun with too) #one day i will have a proper post for him with references and everything for him his outfits his personas the lot #one of these days

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

#like genuinely i have not been complimented on my looks for a majority of my life by peers #like ive had friends recently like say im slaying or looking good but like in the face kf yhings it doesnt like do anything i guess like #its what friends do #i had a person j used to be friends comlliment me once about me looking hot and sexy and i started feeling nauseus so i dont know what thats #all about so its like would i even want people tk ckmpliment on looking good? do j need that? how does it work why would i need it #when i dont really desire the types of relationships where being attractive matters #if im in my ideal state of mind i dont even register my body its seperate from me and im just my thoughts so i dktn have to think about #my ohysicality but when i have to register myself i just feel ugly but even more it all just feels wrong to have a body at all and thats #prob where the transness comes in tbh #like i dunno is it better for me to have avoided being told over and over that im worthy becuz im attractice as a woman or is that a symptom #kf me just being ugly that nobody ever commented on my body aside from adults daying how cute and ptetty i am and then my mom telling them #that im actually really smart to help me value my mind over my body becuz she grew up being ugly while also thinking shes stupid #like #like all of this to result in me being ugly no matter what way i cut it and i cant even bring myself to care much about it most of them time #even tho it feels mishapen in my mind as a feeling #its like bad and i look at myself in the mirror and i feel bad i look bad my face is wrong and its like the strongest feeling i feel some #days for those brief seconds i see myself and then j look away and it goes away and im back to having normal bland brain waves #its kinda fucked

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

being chubby means there are wars going on in my mind every single day with millions of soldiers dying

#the fact it makes me feel like i am immediately eliminated as someone to be romantically or sexually interested in for most of the world #and like. if its true that someone wouldnt like me for my weight then i wouldnt want them either but like. oh god. oh my fucking god #i do want to lose some weight just bc i have a lot of clothes i got recently that i like that i want to fit into again #and its not even much that i would need to lose. but even the thought of moving towards being skinny is terrifying i would never want to do #that. like the thought that someone could like me as a skinny person and think i was ugly if they had met me a year earlier and i wouldnt #even know is HORRIFYING. #its like. ive moved past the outward fatphobia of our world a lot. i dont really care about how my body looks im pretty neutral about it for #the most part and im happy that ive gotten to thaf point #but the fact that the way i look is a MAJOR part of how other people interact with me is so scary. and makes me so sad #just like jo march. it doesnt really matter how much work youve done on becoming someone strong and smart and secure and having people you #love platonically. at a certain point having no romantic love makes you feel lonely #and a little worthless. like oh someone has to know me really well before ever being interested in me as more than a friend nice to know i #inspire no feelings of attraction in the people i am interested in because of the body i inhabit. awesome 👍🏻 #ugh. its whatever. its just a lot of contradictory shit i think about a lot and hate thinking about so much

[mejomonster]

Trying to date makes me so sad...

#rant #is it the advice love comes when ur not looking that makes me sad? hell yeah ToT i havent looked in years #and lo and behold i am still single! love didnt show up when i wasnt looking as they said dudjfjf #is it how a lot of ppl on apps are poly and partnered #and i am not personally. but id like to ask them HOW ON EARTH they found someone they love so i can learn from their advixe #(but rhats a lie. i probably cant learn from their advice ;-; cayse ive been trying to learn from advixe for over a decade now #and well none of it worked did it) #is it perhaps that lots of young 20 #year olds like me on dayint apps. and im looking for a serious relationship with someone else whos working and stuff and #generally a 20-22 year old is gonna be more likely foguring out stuff and having fun and not planning long term #is it that im simply demiromantic and demisexual and in a Swipe Right world the months long pace #that takes to develop attraction is just boringly time wastingly slow for pwople who Know immediately if they wanna bang or fall in love #and i get it. if theyre trying to xut their loses and date casually to find a compatible partner. i probably taje too long compared to #other options. #am i gonna just be alone. i wish i wasnt but i really dont know what to do #i havent had a crush in years :c not even a date. . im talking i havent evrn felt simple attraction in many years #:c :c oh im so sad i could cry #i got onto the dating apps today and was recommended 20 21 year olds. 10 poly people. and 10 people who want children #:c then i felt so sad i didnt wanna look at the apps any more

[the-kipsabian]

its just so hard to explain at times that im seriously so fucking aroace but at the same time kip could just look at me and make my heart do ten million moonsaults and kill me instantly but i still dont feel attracted to him in a sense that i would either actually pursue him or want to fuck him and i think thats what makes me feel so fucking alone in the wrestling space so often tbh

#not only cause its him but also cause i see this so much around me (and i get this this is a sport filled with attractive people i totally #get it) but just in general im just. so lonely at times. and i know wrestling also attracts a lot of aces i know the best of you personally #but i still feel like. im not normal thinking this way. yes i feel aesthetic attraction. im also attracted to the mental side of this sport #and its competitors tho. good person and personality (and character + character work) is insanely attractive to me #but i still dont wanna fuck em like. i dont know how to explain anything. they dont make me feel like that #even if i do flip my shit sometimes. im sure some people never forget lol but.. yeah. yeah thats all thats in me #i dont know where i was going with this. just feeling extremely non-feeling and not belonging in this club tonight #im gonna go play something i'll be back in a few hours for eurovision. youve been warned #night is an absolute mess on main #aaa

[entropy-sea-system]

I accidentally snapped another needle at the eye again even though this time it was the right kind of needle ....😭

#I was working on my Grumpy Bear embroidery and fixing the satin stitch over the snout but its a MESS of stitches at the back so needle not #go through easily so needle snapped... #I have two more crewel needles in my kit but AAAAAH.. #personal #ok but. vague objectum attraction to the needle bc my partner sort of tried to make me feel better by saying #that the needle couldn't handle how hot I am (/lh) and I guess I have a thing for objects malfunctioning (usually machines but) when I #dont find it frustrating #but like uh its definitely rooted in me feeling like thats objects way of being flustered even if Im not properly posic #but no?? do I have an emotional attachment to the needle now??????!? #ok but is it an objectum thing to focus on what an object 'can handle'???????? #bc Grumpy Yes the one ai am embroidering SO full circle #has a moment in power outage where he fixed grump power bot and said 'there #now you can handle our care bear stare!' and gently fixed the bot and !!! that felt so objectum....in addition to the obvious way he seems #objectum for the cloudseeker.. #also he calls the bot a good boy then corrects it to good bot in the end and blushes and like?? you know how ppl #on tumblr say good bot to haiku bot?? reminded me of thst #I may write a whole essay on grumpy being objectum Okay?? #hes just so hot and relateable and VERY objectum-coded and as an objectum person I want to talk abt my hc in depth sometime!!!!

[emlos]

.

#wanna know where im at gender wise #im #oh god #yknow i wanted to say im cis #but thats not true #i do not identify as a woman #because i have none of the societal experiences of one #societal not bodily #like. none #good #bad #NONE #i never went with girls to the bathroom at school #nobody ever hollered at me on the street #i never had a crush #though i think im attracted to women based on the fact that i struggle to see men as like. people (WORKING ON IT) #its like. im not even agender i am somehow ungendered at all #theres one thought ive had #and its not something i can really post #so yknow dont screenshot this i know delusional cis girl moment #but i feel more like a trans woman than a cis woman #i met this girl - i like her but idk if romantically yet #and we have so much in common #like from out childhoods the way we grew up how others treated up how we thought #its like for the first time im talking to someone who has had a remotely similar experience in life #what do i think about that? who am i? #i am obviously not a trans woman bu definiton of the word AND its compound words #and you know whats the funniest part? THAT is not the problem #i long ago came to terms with the fact that my gender is me #but why?

[mejomonster]

Been informed that. Maybe I come off as commitment phobic since I'm demi. And therefore don't get into relationships right away until I know if I actually like a person (I'll date I'm just not gonna get into a committed relationship until I'm sure I have at least a crush and they at least like me). Mm. I mean like i categorically am Only looking for long term relationships mainly since I'm gonna take a while to like someone and feel lust for them. But interesting to me that maybe despite that, I was coming off the same way ppl who avoid commitment do. Maybe that partly explains why I seem to attract SO many people who just do not want a relationship/are not capable of liking me (but still wanna be with me until they find someone they Actually like :/ )

#rant #i had no idea idk that like. demi could come off that way yo others #idk man. i still thinks its absolutely wild that ppl commit within a week to a month like??? #even if u DO lust immediately. even if u do feel an emotional 'attraction' immediately . #how would u know if y actually liked them versus a sjort term attraction like. u dont wven know them well in less than a month #a person could have horrifically opposing values or just uncompatible at #living with u based on their traits. and u do not know that within a month.. ur gonna commit hefore u even know.... #i guess thats how it works when u can crush so fast maybe. sounds wild to me tho #any other demiromantic demisexuals out therw following me? #by that i mean. ur dude mejo doesnt get a crush until a few months of knowing someone minimum If I Do #and also i dont feel particularly anything banging or kissing unless im at least falling in love. which makes hookups boring af #so i usually wait to get intimate until im in a committed relationship dalling in love. whixh takes like idk 3-7 months #u know if i get lucky and do get a crush after a few months of dating And we are actually compatible so i start falling in lofe proper

[empty-flat-n-lonely-bys]

...

#sometimes is so hard not to get in an absolute doom spiral about the way i look #and its not that i dont like myself but i know other people dont #im not anyones type either its not just not being conventionally attractive #and im legitimately treated different #I dont even mean in romatic ways its just so frustrating #ive had a coworker for 2 years and we've just now started having conversations #weve had a new people for a few months and hes worked with her only a week or so and they are having a #full conversation im not being included in like im new and they dont know me #and i know why like it dowsnt take a detective #like shit i cant even have normal human connections with people im around every day im too ugly for it #theres no 2nd chance to live life prettier #there isnt a way to change it #i have one go and it was all fucked up and ill never be able to connect to people liek that #ill always have to try 10x as hard to surprise people with how kind or cool or smart i am like they didn’t know it was possible #fuck mam its so stupid and its endless #/burn after reading

[constellation-falchion]

why on earth do I always have future-life-crisises on random ass weekdays

#i dont know what i want to do or where i want to live or go or work and i hate it #ik “no one knows this!!” but like i literally. i dont even know my own brain fjdjdksk i feel like im not a real person #disassociation!! amazing!! #do i want to go to uni? work more? move somewhere else? never move out at all? travel? idk!! my brain is just fluff 24/7! #let alone the logistics of shit #like im settled in work now so have no reason to move ig but i dont wanna live where i live now forever even if i moved out #but do i actually want a masters? or should i just keep earning more through my current job? can i even study anymore? what about my car? #will i ever be able to keep up with the 20 different hobbies i have that i never have any motivation to do? #will i ever be able to reliably have more friends than my uni 3 or am i doomed to never be able to hold a conversation? #what about dating? is that something i want to do? or have i idealised it too much? what even is attraction? #why cant i have any passions or interests or opinions on things #and why do i have so many unfinished games n books n projects?!?!?! #and how do i move out without relying on other people still?? #im going fucking insane i want to run into the woods #and thats before the gender thoughts!! #i hate it here who tf am i. what do i want.