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soft-girl-musings · 3 months

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Stranger Danger

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader

cross-posted to ao3

MK Spring Bingo entry #5

tags: reader is being stalked & responds in a way the author (a woman) has been taught to, emotional protector steven grant to the rescue, no use of y/n

wc: 1,138

fic summary: There's safety in numbers, do you want mine? (too soon?)

_____________________

“Oops, careful!”

Steven drops the last of his veggie wrap as a pair of kids rush past the bench he’d been hunched over. As he picks up the debris, he sees where one of them dropped their hat. He picks it up and half-jogs after them to return it.

“Gotta stay aware of our surroundings, yeah? Don’t want to lose our valuables.” The kid rolls their eyes but thanks him before running off to catch up with their friend.

“Oh my gosh, hi!”

Steven turns around to find you walking swiftly toward him, your smile too wide and tone too familiar.

He’s never seen you before.

“... hello,” he answers cautiously, taking one step back but failing to put much distance between the two of you. You practically cling to his side when you approach, takeaway cup and phone in hand.

“Sorry I’m late, but you are terrible at giving directions, mister.” Taking his arm, you begin to walk away from where you’d appeared.

This wouldn’t be the first time he’s forgotten conversations or plans. But as he racks his brain for something, anything tied to you in his memory, Steven notices the panic in your eyes and the slight waver in your voice.

Your hands shake a bit as you unlock your phone, passing your cup to him. He takes it, still bewildered but obedient. “I swear, the cafe never spells your name right. Let me make a note for next time.” You type swiftly, showing him the screen.

being followed, please pretend you're my boyfriend

Steven doesn’t know you.

But he nods, grasping your arm closer with his free hand and gives his most convincing grin. “Steven with a ‘V’, love.”

Relief instantly washes over your features and you relax a little. “Right. I’ll remember that… Steven.”

His smile grows before he remembers why you're holding onto him. “Do you want to sit down? Or go somewhere else, maybe I could call someone–”

“N-no, it’s fine. Let’s just sit. In plain sight,” you half-whisper. Steven nods, ushering you back to the bench in the middle of the busy square. When you sit, you don't let go of his arm.

Instead, you type into your phone as you speak. “Lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it?” Steven glaces at your notes app again.

do you see a man in a black jacket?

Steven scans the area, careful not to look too suspicious. Unlike the person he’s sure you’re referring to: a man in dark clothes, hands shoved into his pockets and rigid as he looks around with increasing urgency. His prominent frown grows when he sees Steven next to you.

“Yeah,” Steven says to both your questions. He looks away from the menacing figure, but sets your drink down and wraps his arm around you. He's glad to feel you settle into his side, still shaking but catching your breath.

“I take it you don’t know Mr. Black Jacket?”

“No, I do. Sort of. He’s a regular customer of mine,” you sigh. “One who doesn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Ah.” Steven keeps the guy in his periphery, splitting his focus between him and you. “Stalker, then?”

You freeze up at the term. “Yeah… he’s been pretty relentless.”

You meet his eyes, which are swiftly filling with concern. “Thanks again for… this. I usually find a mom or another woman to walk with me until he leaves, but I saw you with those kids and just… panicked, I guess.”

“S’not a problem, love.” Steven knocks your foot with his, drawing a small smile from you. “Glad to help you feel safe.”

You laugh a little. You let your gaze drift over to the man in black, an uneasy pit growing in your stomach when you briefly make eye contact.

“He usually goes away after a while. I've told the police, but they can't do anything unless he… you know.” Your brow furrows as your grip loosens. “I don't mean to take over your afternoon, but would you mind waiting with me?”

In that moment, you could have asked Steven for the moon and he'd find a way to lasso it down for you.

He squeezes your hand. “‘Course I can. Lovely day with lovely company, quite the ideal afternoon in my books.”

Steven dives right into talking about anything and everything that comes to mind– which, as you learn, is a lot. Normally he'd hit a wall after a few minutes, either because he'd realized he had talked himself in circles, or his less-than-captive audience was visibly zoned out. But you hang on his every word, grateful to be arm in arm with a stranger describing the supposed viscosity of ancient Egyptian embalming oil. It's a welcome distraction.

So distracting, in fact, that after an hour you realize the crowd has thinned around you. With Mr. Black Jacket nowhere in sight.

“I think he's gone,” you sigh with relief. Steven stands when you do, handing your things back.

“Patience won out in the end,” he beams. You see a brief look of panic cross his features.

“He doesn't know where you live, does he? Do you need an escort?” Steven's already taken a ludicrously long lunch break, but the inevitable lecture from Donna would be worth it if it meant ensuring your safety.

You shake your head. “I've been careful.” Extending your hand, you smile. “It was nice to meet you, Steven with a ‘V’.”

“Likewise, love.” He shakes your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Another look crosses his face before he continues.

“Do you want my mobile number?” His words come out too fast; if you hadn't spent the past hour listening to him, you might have missed what he said. “Just in case you need someone to wait with you again, or keep an eye out. Would that be alright?” He shakes his head, stepping back. “'Matter of fact, forget I said anything, don't want you to think you've traded one creep for another–”

“Sure.”

Your simple answer stops him in his tracks. “Oh, you don’t have to–”

“No, it’s fine. Really. When you offered, it felt nice to know someone could be in my corner on this side of town.”

You take out a scrap of paper and a pen from your bag. “How about this: you write it down, and I’ll add your contact if I ever need my knight in shining armor again.”

Steven concedes, pen and paper in hand as he scribbles his number down (then asks for a new paper in case the first was too illegible).

When you leave, he watches until you turn the corner. He goes the opposite direction, back to the museum. Part of him hopes you’ll never have to reach out, for your own sake. The rest of him hopes you do anyway.

_____________________

A/N: oh steven, the man that you are. a couple more bingo prompts will be focused on this dude, which is excellent practice for some exciting projects down the line...

as always, ty for reading <3

event tags: @moonknight-events @spacecowboyhotch @juneknight

addtl tags: @mrs-lockley @lunar-ghoulie @shadystarlightgentlemen @casa-boiardi @nerdieforpedro (lmk if you'd like to be added to/removed from this wee tag list)

#my works #just edited the word count lol #mk spring bingo 2024 #moonknightevents #moon knight #steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant/reader #steven grant x fem!reader #steven grant/fem!reader

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heartfulselkie · 2 months

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*drops an armful of things on my way in*🧃🧸📚🥐🏜️🦋🦴🐚 oops

I uh...I think you dropped something 😂

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I have one tattoo but would like to get more! The one I have already is of the Outsider's Mark from the game Dishonored and its on the back of my shoulder. I would have gotten it on the back of ym hand like in the game, but I knew that would wear out pretty fast (and I also wasn't wanting something too painful for my first tattoo). I would like to get other ones, but because of reasons it might never happen.

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

I guess it depends what kind of mutual? If you mean the kind of mutual that I would politely nod at if we passed by in the street, then that really just happens by chance. I see a blog I like and follow them. Maybe they follow me back or were already following me 🤷‍♂️ If you mean the kind of mutual I cook blorbos with and bark at each other at all hours over blorbo thoughts then that isn't something that would happen through Tumblr alone I don't think. The mutuals I play pass the brain cell with are people I've had relatively frequent conversations with on discord so we know we just kind of click. I'm very bad at conversation (especially with new people) though so it can take a while for me to settle into frequent talking with someone 😅

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

A grocery list. Not very exciting 😂

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

I have forgotten any and all internet references in existence upon being asked this.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment... 👉👈 As long as its not negative I'm happy to receive any comment. I'm a glutton for validation.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I wish I'd been surrounded by better people when I was younger. I've dealt with a lot of failure from the various adults in my life, and now that I'm an adult myself I'm having to fix all that and pick up the slack. I like to think there's another version of me in some alternate timeline that got to pursue the things they love and know themself much sooner than where I'm at now. Maybe they'd be completely different. Or maybe they'd be the same. It's just something I think about. (I really tried to think of a less depressing answer to this one but I am really just a melancholic sort of person through and through 😂)

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

Just...just one?? I can find inspiration from almost anything if its something that resonates with me. Music, video games, movies, books... But I suppose something I always come back to is fairy tales (and also fae creatures themselves). It's just something I grew up with and I have spent a lot of time being obssessed with the mythology and lore of them.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

It's a very situational kind of thing. Generally I hate surprises that mean a change of plans or things being sprung on me out of nowhere. But small things like someone saying "I got you X thing because it reminded me of you/because I know you like it" is always nice. Like I cried on my last birthday because my dad sent me flowers and I wasn't expecting anything 😂

[Truth or Dare Ask Game]

#noctie #🌃#ask selkie #ask game

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spacingstars · 2 months

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WIP Game

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

Thanks @ninjigma for the tag! Quite late but... better late than never, right? x3

I have uh, a lot, of WIPs. Both writing and art... I'll put small descriptors for characters & ships where I find it appropriate, so, without further ado...

-Long Fic/Big AU Wips-

These are all the large scale, intended to be long multi-chapter WIPs I've got in the works right now.

-Fault Lines [Working Title] -Twin Suns [Working Title] (rexwalker) -DS!Rex [Working Title, DS meaning Dark Side]

-One Shots-

-Bloodied Maw (Rexvader) -Death of Me [Working Title] (Vader) -Lying Tongues (Anakin & Kix & Rex) -Ripped Teeth (Rexvader) -Sea Monsters [Working Title] (Rexwalker) -Serenity (Rexwalker) -Sleep [Working Title] (Rexwalker, smut) -Terrible Bosses [Working Title] (Appo & Vader, Palpatine & Vader, Appo & Palpatine)

There's a couple more here but... those fall into the category of "over 2 years old and haven't been touched since" and I have completely forgotten what my brain even intended when I first wrote those so I'm leaving those off the list. These are all, at the least, one-shots I've written within the past year and still have hope of being finished.

....though given my creative track record as of late it's likely many of these (the one-shots, at least) are going to fall into the abyss of my brain. oops.

Now, as for the art WIPs... which are... much more complicated if only because I never actually give my art WIPs titles they're all just numbered because I do a lot of sketching but not a lot of... finishing. And honestly, a lot of them are.... extremely rough... but, there's a singular rexwalker WIP I'd be willing to show if anyone's interested. xD

Also, if it isn't obvious, all of these are Star Wars, sticking to one fandom for simplicity's sake. Plus, only other fandom WIPs I have are Halo fanart, and... I already explained the situation with my art x3

#Space's Tag Games #Space's Fandom Stuff

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sheliesshattered · 4 months

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So it turns out I completely forgot to take any pictures of my last sewing project. Oops. In fairness, it's a gift for my mother, whose birthday is tomorrow, and I didn't want to post any pictures until after it had arrived at her house and been opened. But I still meant to take some pictures, if not of the process at least of the final product. It wasn't until I got home from mailing it that I realized I full on completely forgot to take any photos at all. Oh well. Maybe Mom can snap a picture or two for me since I flat out forgot. Pics of that if/when I actually have them, lol.

But I'm already into my next sewing project, and I've resolved not to make that same mistake again. Which, really, is nearly the same mistake as I made with my fleece dress last month, when I didn't take any pictures at all until all the major seams were sewn. After documenting so much of my sewing throughout 2023, I seem to have completely forgotten all about taking photos of my works-in-progress the last couple of months. I aim to get back on course with this project, though!

The project in question is a hooded wrap sort of thing, made from the black and gray brushed cotton herringbone that I got a bolt of on ebay a couple of weeks back. After washing the bolt, it looks to be about 43" wide and roughly eight and a half yards long. I want to make an overdress for my fleece dress out of it too, but I think this wrap project will only take up about a yard and a half, maybe two, so I should have plenty left for an overdress. And then I can wear the wrap and the overdress together, potentially.

But really the thing I'm sewing this for is my birthday, which is coming up in about seven weeks. I have somehow talked Jack into going to Disneyland and spending all day in the Star Wars Galaxy's Edge area so I can pilot the Millennium Falcon as many times as possible, and doing some original costuming "Batuu-bounding" while we're there, too. Because I am nothing if not a costume nerd, and my life-long love for Star Wars has recently been reignited, so what better way to spend my birthday than dressed up in one of the best examples of 360 degree set building that I've ever seen.

After combining a bunch of pieces from my closet and my costume boxes, I've come up with an outfit that I like the look of, for a general purpose Force-sensitive smuggler pilot: my every-day tall Doc Martens with wraps over them, leather-look leggings, the vest from my Moment cosplay, and various accessories from my pirate-core and Wasteland days. I may need a better shirt to go with it, but I'm hoping to hit up Goodwill at least once or twice between now and then and see what I can find. The final choice will depend on a bit on the weather that week, which in late February in southern California can be literally anything from the cusp of freezing to 80 degrees, sunny or rainy or windy or some combination of all of them. I won't really know until the weekend beforehand.

Besides a shirt, the last piece I really want to add is this hooded wrap, both for practicality -- warmth in the morning and the evening, and keeping the sun off my head at midday without messing up my hair too much -- and for just the drama of a big hood and drapey wrap. I based the hood pattern on the hooded Vuvalini jacket I made for Wasteland Weekend way back in 2016, but took it in a bit both in width and depth (since I'm not trying to catch the wind with this one, and won't be wearing a fluffy scarf with it).

Over the weekend I drafted a pattern and made a mock-up, but the mock-up is really kinda ugly, since I used left over fabric and made a part of it significantly smaller just to save on fabric, so it's one of those mock-ups where you have to squint and imagine what the final product will look like. Not going to bother taking pictures of that. But it did serve the purpose of clarifying some design elements and finalizing fit, so still worthwhile.

With the hood pattern drafted and tested, and measurements for the long wrap bits figured out, I went ahead and cut it out of the herringbone fabric. Here it is all cut out, three pieces for the hood and two pieces for the back:

I'm doing french seams on this project, both to combat the fabric's tendency to fray, and to keep all the inner seams looking pretty when the hood is down, etc. Tonight I sewed up the first set of seams on the center back of the wrap, and all three hood pieces (as modeled by my sewing ham):

Tomorrow I'll press those narrow seams flat, and then sew each of them again a bit further in to completely encase the raw edges (ie a classic french seam). Next step after that will be attaching the hood to the right angle formed by the wrap pieces coming together in the center back. I did this, with shorter and narrower pieces, in my mock-up, and it's a little bit fiddly but not too bad. I didn't french seam the mock-up though, so we'll see if that adds any headaches to this.

Once both stages of the neck seam are done and the hood is attached, the last step will be hemming! And it's a lot of hemming, lol. The shorter edges of the wrap (starting from the top of the center back, where it meets the hood) are each 48" long and 18" wide. I actually haven't measured the outer, longer edge, nor done the math to figure out what it must be given that the center back is cut on a 45 degree bias, but let's just say it's a lot of inches. And then there's the hood opening too, which was cut to have a generous drape. Many many inches of hemming, really probably better measured in yards.

I need to play around with a couple of options, see if I like the look of top stitching or if I want to do the whole thing by hand with invisible stitches, but right now my assumption is that I'll end up doing this by hand. I actually enjoy handsewing hems, so that's not the worst thing in the world, and I've got plenty of time to get this finished before I plan to wear it at the end of February. I do have at least one other sewing project I'd like to tackle for our Star Wars Batuu-bounding day, and I'd like to leave room for other things to come up at the last minute too, so I'm going to keep buzzing through this just as quickly as I can. More pictures tomorrow, in all likelihood.

After I call my mom of course, and wish her a happy birthday. And beg her for photos of that thing I made for her, lol.

#my sewing #hooded wrap #Batuu bounding #Star Wars bounding #Disneybounding #2024 mood #long post #I am stupidly excited about this whole thing #my outfit and Jack's outfit and going to Disneyland and piloting the Millennium Falcon again. all of it #we have reservations for some of the harder-to-get-into things too #but I'm hoping it'll be a pretty quiet day in the park when we go #mid-week at the end of February isn't really busy time #it was pleasantly quiet when my mom and I went in October. other than the rush for RotR right at opening #Jack hasn't been to Galaxy's Edge at all and this trip largely came out of my desire to share it all with him #and yes also my desire to pilot the Falcon again AND get to dress up a bit too #hopefully there'll be lots of photos of all of this ~7 weeks from now

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kat-ravencroft · 8 months

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Oh.. uh... HI!

I've been practicing my marker coloring lately, since I've been way out of practice (what even is life? where am I? I'm HOW OLD???)

Just a sketch of Rita that I pulled out of one of my sketchbooks to practice on. I realized that I had forgotten to give her a tail until I was almost done, so... oops!

I'm going to try (emphasis on try) to post here a bit more, but I can't be held to that.

#art #drawing #marker drawing #rita lashette #anthro #furry #furry art

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television-overload · 9 months

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Get to know your fic writer (no pressure):

1, 4, 13, 16, 22, 25 (add link if you want), 40, 54, 56

Ooh yay! Thanks for the ask! I think I copied these all over correctly. I was bored so I went in-depth 😂 Here we go:

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I've been sitting here for like 5 minutes trying to figure out which I prefer 😂. I find myself coming up with multi-chapter ideas more often I think, really grand plots that I definitely don't have time to devote attention to. I also run into the problem of not knowing how to fill in between the parts that I do I have ideas for, so true multi-chapter fics are a rarity. I've had a few times where a one-shot turned into a multi chap, and THOSE tend to work better and are way more cohesive. One of my favorites is one I wrote for Star Wars (wrong blog, oops 😅) but both chapters were a lot stronger than my usual stuff, and it performed way better on AO3 which was really gratifying.

I've always wanted to write a true masterpiece where readers are anxiously awaiting the next chapter, like so many I've read, but I don't know if I've ever gotten there yet. Maybe a few when I used to write NCIS stuff on fanfiction.net.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Songs, a lot of times. They hit me in the feels. Sometimes a line in a fic I'm reading will spark an idea, something I haven't thought about, a new interpretation of an existing scene from the source material. Gifsets, Tumblr meta analysis, movies I'm watching. So many places. I feel like half of them come to me when I'm at work, which is very inconvenient. The aforementioned Star Wars two-shot was half written on the bus ride home from work in the notes app on my phone. I've written several in the aftermath of particularly good or bad episodes/movies. Fix-it fanfic is always great, I feel like I need to write more of it.

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

I haven't done this for very long, but lately in my adulthood (as opposed to my teenage fics *shudders*) I've actually been pretty good about writing out an outline and going back to edit later. I used to just spew everything in a word doc and barely go through it before posting, but now I reread it to death, mostly to make sure it flows well. My outlines are, shall we say, extensive. The Star Wars fic I'm working on now had 20 chapters outlined and it totaled over 20,000 words. I've basically storyboarded the whole thing and then I go through and convert that to actual scenes. Important dialogue moments I want to hit are included, cause I know I'll forget them if I don't write them as they come to me. It helps me to be able to see the big picture, so that I don't give up on the project halfway through. But for spur of the moment fics or most one-shots, I still mostly write as I go. Occasionally if I have a thought that I want to make sure to include in a later scene, I'll just tack it on at the bottom of the doc and delete it once I get to that point and I put it in writing.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them.

They're scattered all over the place so that's a good question that God probably only knows the answer to. Some are barely even ideas but take up a line or two in my notes app on my phone. Some probably live only in my brain, forgotten until something triggers me to remember that I was thinking of writing it 😅.

I'd love to do something with @irish-trish 's prompt to fill in the scene from NCIS "She mentioned you at the funeral, I could see what she felt." It sounds right up my alley, but there's a Star Wars fic week coming up in September that I want to actually do on time this year, so I can't allow myself to shift focus to NCIS quite yet 😭

Other than that, I want to write a second chapter to my X-Files fic "Field of Dreams" where Mulder gets to play catch with his son. I really loved writing that fic.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Nothing spicy. I don't think I'd ever write in first person unless it was in the form of a letter. Other than that, I think I'd do pretty much whatever. It's just a matter of what I have the skills for I think 😂

Not a fan of AUs, except canon divergence, obviously. To me, the way the characters meet is so integral to who they are that it can't be changed much or it just doesn't feel like them. I've read maybe one fic that changed how characters met (Mulder and Scully) but that was the result of time travel and all sorts of things that warmed me up to the idea, plus the characters as we know them were still there. Alternate universe in the truest sense. I got distracted, what were we talking about?

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

The two fics I think of as my comfort fics, ones I found really peaceful and natural to write, would have been nice to see get more attention. I've been writing on and off for like a decade now (😳) and I've only ever really had one fic truly pop off in terms of kudos and comments. Which are literally my life blood 😂. But a lot of my older stuff I look back on and I'm like, yeah, that wasn't that great.

My Star Wars (Obi-Wan and Satine) one shot "this could be such a dream" I found really emotional and relaxing to write. I was kind of surprised it didn't go very far, but it was part of a weekly challenge thing so I suppose it makes sense in a way.

To get back to the TV shows I write for, though (since that's the focus or THIS blog), I really really loved my X-Files fic "Field of Dreams", in large part because I love that movie which inspired it, and I love a domestic, peaceful and content-if-not-happy happily ever after for Mulder and Scully. The movie itself makes me cry and feel so many feels, and I thought the connection to Fox Mulder was a really good one.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I would welcome anythinggggg, that is my dream!! I haven't really written anything I'm super proud of yet in the NCIS fandom that I feel would warrant art, but maybe someday! I'm working on a Star Wars "Sound of Music" type looooong fic rn and boy, the amount of work I've put in, I would die if someone were engaged enough to be inspired by it.

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Honestly, I get so excited to post it. I hope people will enjoy what I've written. I've read so much great fanfic, that I just want to contribute my 2 cents to the fandoms. Getting comments (as rare as it often is) literally makes my day and makes it all worthwhile to me. Any form of engagement, interaction here on Tumblr, that's what I strive for. But I also write for me. Exploring ideas I've never seen done before, filling in gaps in the fandom, I love it. Those comfort fics I was talking about, I love to just go back and read. It doesn't really matter, in the end, if they touched other people like they do me. I like them and that's what matters. The fics I'm not so proud of? I've been transferring them over from Tumblr and fanfiction.net anyway because some of them have received really lovely comments and people might enjoy them despite how I feel.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I hope I'm improving on descriptive language. I want to bring out emotions in my writing, and I think there's been definite improvement since I started. I'm also thankful that I have a grasp on grammar and spelling and all the typical writing conventions. That can be a turn off to a lot of readers if it's a complete mess, so luckily I was always a pretty harsh editor throughout my schooling 😅

Get to know your fic writer

#asks #askbox #get to know your fic writer #get to know me #fanfic writing #my fanfic #fanfiction

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fightingmywayoutofthedarkness · 8 months

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I wish I knew how to get past self conflicting thoughts.

I think my work colleagues are discriminating against me at work, but they have no idea they're doing it.

This is going to be a long story.. I tend to ramble.. so please don't read on unless you don't mind babbling.

Long story short, if you don't want to read on. I should be enough. I shouldn't have to change myself for others to see me.

I used to think that work was everything. I thought of my work as my family. I never fit in anywhere. I've never had that school friendship group or even friends growing up. I taught dance. Every night after school. When I wasn't teaching, I was doing school work or dance competitions. I had strict bedtimes. If I overslept, I wasn't allowed wash. Growing up was rough. Life is still rough at times. I've never really processed the trauma, but that's not the point of this post. Sorry, I told you I ramble! Not a lot of help for us adults with mental health problems unless you act on those thoughts anyway, but if i did, it would be too late for help then. Oops, I should have put a trigger warning there, but why, it is the truth for most of us?

Anyway, right work, family blah blah. I never fit into work groups. I usually take lunch on my own, sit in the corner keep myself to myself. Noone at work tends to know me. Then I got into corporate law. Now they're drinkers, lunch times at the pub are a big thing.

One day, I got invited.. to the pub! Me? The person who's usually forgotten got an invite? Being the awkward person I am, obviously said yes, then yes, every time since. Because they invited me? I'm being included. This is new. I may sit there struggling to keep up with the conversation with no words coming out and my simple lemonade. I'm present, though. This was great for me. I was being included, I was appreciated for my work, I'm a bit of a control freak so I always know what's going on which works in law apparently.

Then Covid hit. I lost all of the social skills I taught myself growing up. I had to remind myself to say thank you whilst getting off the bus for christs sake. I found out how much easier it was not having to have a panic attack to get on the train or the physical pain from a fibro flair up walking to the office that day. I got diagnosed with autism. It took the practitioner 10 minutes to decide that I was autistic.

I was filled with self-doubt and anger. If it took them 10 minutes to know, how did everyone else in my life miss it?

Anyway, moving on, I told work as my college advised that at the time. Work told me to tell my team, everyone in my team. I thought well this must be the normal thing to do, so I did it. I emailed around explaining everything.

And i regret it ever since.

That day changed my whole career path. I was on to something good. Now, now I see that things have changed.

Roll on to the start of this year I threw myself out there for me. I started singing lessons to build my confidence, I jumped into a musical theatre group (I could spend 24/7 there and still not be bored). I joined the sister company for choir as I already knew some people. I've now restarted my dance putting the boundaries in place that I won't teach again unless it's on my terms. I've found my second home. I've found my family, outside of my 4 wall family (I love my partner and son, but God its nice to escape at times).

Now I know that this is how friendship should feel.

The theatre group were at the pub and they invited me. I said no a few times, then show week came, and I gave in. I went. No one judged my lemonade or asked why I wasn't drinking alcohol. I had ACTUAL conversations. It just flows, and omg, it's so easy. They never look at me as though I'm a freak, or I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm just. Me.

Anyway, roll on to this week. We were casually at the pub this Sunday, just a small group this week. We had some deep conversations about tricky work exits and racism, sexism, harassment bullying, you name it that we have experienced. It's hard to believe so much still happens, they were shocked I was told to hide my lesbian relationship in my first job to not hurt the male workers feelings or that I shouldn't give work to a male due to my age and sex. That guy actually put a complaint in against me!

I've digressed again.. anyway, I started talking about my current job and how I'm trying to work out why I'm having itchy feet at the moment when I felt I finally found my place. Their faces dropped when i mentioned I don't really go to client meetings or business development events. Not because I dont choose to, but because I'm never invited.

I didn't take it personally before, I always though it must be because the senior team filled the seats. That's ok.

Then they FINALLY hire someone to cover the secretary work so I could move on to my role without working two jobs.

GREAT, I thought. I've been swamped, working more hours than ever. My home life's got busier. I need a break.

Then the new secretary comes along. Within a month she's invited to join the netball team for the workplace. Why haven't I ever been asked? She's the invited to business events, why not me? I only get asked if someone dropped out at the last minute. I can't do last minute as I need time to process the event.

I started doubting myself, what am I doing wrong? I'm slowly not getting much work, I notice that they're giving paralegal work to her, and I'm getting the other stuff. I raised it and got told they will tell the team again. But why am I always fighting so damn hard for myself to be heard? I've had to fight for my role that I wasn't recognised for. I had to fight for equal pay, then when I was promoted I didn't even get a raise until I proved myself! I finally get a raise that's wiped straight out by a rent increase. But God, why do I have to fight for myself and my rights? Ive worked in employment law. I know my rights. But i thought of these people as my family.

If they saw this they would probably be shocked, but within a few weeks it will go back to as it was.

I feel like people see me as a robot at work, not a human. Yes, I have scripts and copy how others say things occasionally to try fit in. But how will I learn my socialising again unless I'm invited along? Things take time. But I'll get there, I did before.

I get work sent to me because they need it doing right first time round. I know they appreciate my work. And I'm damn good at my job if I do say so myself. The helpful thing of paying great attention to detail. They always said the team wouldn't function without *insert my name here*. I know they appreciate my work. But what about me as a person?

We spend most of our lives working. Shouldn't I be appreciated for that and for being me?

I can have conversations if people choose to listen and learn about my interests for once. I'm not a typical drinker and sports person. I can't sit and watch sports for hours and report back. But I'd happily play something. I like to be on the going and moving.

I like being me.

I'm finally finding myself again. It's taken almost 29 years, but I dont want to turn back now.

Should I be enough just being me, myself, and I?

Thank you if you got this far. I struggle getting to the point.

#actually autistic #self love #mental illness #musical theatre #lgbtq community #legal worker #paralegals #be yourself #i should be enough #stop discriminating #actually cptsd #theatre kid #daily rant #i am more than just a mother #i am more than just an employee #more than meets the eye

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terras-diary · 8 months

Text

9.22.2023

reading: nothing

watching: nothing

playing: final fantasy 14

i've kind of forgotten to write an entry lately, oops! nothing much to write about, but i did get some more terra merch. maybe i'll post a photo soon.

well i took today off since tomorrow is my birthday. i'll be 23. i think there is a hurricane coming so it's going to rain all day tomorrow. i hope the lights don't go out.

i want to go to the arcade tonight, probably just by myself. i dunno if mama would want to go but whatever. i'll have to find someone to play with me for time crisis. but if it rains tonight i don't think i'll go.

womp womp. i don't think i've ever had a good birthday so nothing too surprising there. i don't mean to sound depressing but seriously lol

#diary entry

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chaos-monkeyy · 3 years

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This 📊 and also this lol 👩‍🏭oh and 🍰

For the fanfic ask game! 🥳

📊 Current number of WIPs

sjksdhfg oh that's not fair 🤣🤣🤣 excellent choice

Let's see.... I guess I've got... four currently up on AO3, though one is more just a little collection of related ficlets than a true WIP... and for everything else still in my google drive folders, I shall only include stuff that I've actually written more than just some scribbled ideas notes for 😆

(just uh... just gimme a minute here..)

Two for Midsomer Murders, one for Loki, one for the Stormlight Archive, four for Star Wars, three for Stargate, and one Assassin's Creed x Witcher crossover that I'd.. completely forgotten about till now 😅 So that makes a grand total of...

🎉 16 WIPs!! 🎉

Not actually as bad as I thought it would be, honestly 😂 Some of them I dunno if I'll ever keep working on, but.. who knows

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

ooh that's a good question... hmm... that changes fairly regularly, I think? Lately I'd say it's probably Sympathy For the Devil (post-Vegas JohnTodd smut) and The best bad idea you've ever had (McShep getting high and cute and horny). Those two fics have just been making me happy and soft and fuzzy lately 😄 (and a little feelsy in the case of the JohnTodd one because disasters, the pair of them)

If this question meant a comfort fic by someone else and not myself... oops

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

I already have been 😔

And with good reason, too, it was a really bleak, painful fic 😭 (I'm real proud of it though - one of my 2 MCD thranto fics)

I also do have a number of other fics with certain ~problematic~ Archive Warnings, ships, and/or Additional Tags that large chunks of fandom think I should legitimately be arrested for (or worse) because they don't understand the difference between fiction and reality, but... well, fuck them 😊

#chaos babbles #ask games #frankthesnek #this was super fun!#thank you <33 #multifandom

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transienturl · 2 years

Text

one thing I really want to know is why I was such a prude in late middle/early high school. well, I dunno about prude, but I was strongly convinced that like, exposing the Youths to sexuality was morally bad.

I've always kind of had the hope slash sort of assumption that kids aren't, like, racist or whatever until they're exposed to that sort of belief somehow. or I guess more specifically, I categorize most beliefs in my head onto a spectrum of "seems easy to come up with on your own" vs "seems kinda unlikely unless someone demonstrated this belief to you." I obviously don't think my instinct about where an idea is on that spectrum would match an objective, unbiased measurement of that figure, to the extent that you can even do so given how subjective the idea even is and what life experiences we're thinking of as a baseline.

anyways, do you get the idea? like, "kids don't think 2 men kissing is weird until they notice someone feeling uncomfortable because of it" is a commonly asserted idea that I don't have actual concrete evidence for per se but for the sake of this discussion let's assume that's true.

and like, that's a big part of how I think about my childhood and background! I was one of, I think, 2 east asian students at my school (I think there were another 3 indian students and essentially all of the rest were white?) - and I never comprehended that idea, positively or negatively, because no one treated my any differently in a way that registered to my (unobservant, I'm sure) young self, so I didn't really feel like I understood the idea of racism. I remember some of the typical "boys liking boys is the punchline of a joke" behavior among my male classmates, but... actually, hm.

okay, this is actually sort of funny. I'm going to interrupt my own post here. the premise of this section, in my head, was listing a bunch of examples of things I wasn't really exposed to by e.g. my parents, and explain how while I still definitely do have biases about those things, I feel like how I was (or, specifically, wasn't) exposed to them early on is a big part of my relationships with them.

but in trying to detail my examples, I kept remembering that, huh, actually, the boys in my middle school did tend to use xyz thing as the punchline to jokes. I didn't relate to any of them at all (except for one - he did go to my high school, so if you're reading this, Xander, you actually will know who I'm talking about), but like... huh. I had kind of forgotten about this.

maybe I should scrap this post and write a new post about how I just realized that my subconscious aversion to men and maleness and male culture is because in my formative years, all the boys I knew were trying to be fucking dudebros and making jokes at the expense of every disadvantaged group they could think of, because apparently that's what passed for culture for them. and I fucking hated them. I saw nothing in them that I wanted to be anything like. I had a reputation for "acting like I didn't care" in social situations, but I don't think it was because I was trying to be cool. I think it was because, what was I going to do, lie? I didn't give a single shit about anything they had to say.

there was a "boys" clique and I thought they were all irredeemable shitheads. there was a "girls" clique and I was never invited to it (almost everyone in my middle school knew each other for years before I transferred, so I didn't feel rejected, but I also wasn't part of anything) but it looked way nicer than the "boys" clique from afar so I thought, hey, the grass looks greener (and some of them are cute). and then there was a "we are in the special math class they had to make because we're about 2 years ahead of everyone" clique, and that's where I saw the other people as people, not as groups primarily associated by gender, and aspirations aside, that is the group which I was part of.

I'm sure that doesn't say anything about my gender identity. nope, none whatsoever. oh wait, oops.

uh... anyway. I guess we can go back to the original post topic now?

so, where was I? right: ideas kids learn from society which they would not have come up with otherwise.

I guess another way to put what I'm saying is, I feel that there are ideas in society without which society as a whole would still be pretty much the same, despite the loud protestations to the contrary of those who hold them. And I'm suggesting that the children from that world and the children from this world would be exactly the same. Maybe this is a good description of the ideas I want to fall apart, and that I believe inevitably will.

And what I originally thought to make this post about is the fact that sex being a moral vice is supposed to be one of those things, but if it is, then I don't remember where I got the idea from.

It can't be my parents. I don't think so, anyway. I remember when I had the "sex talk," my dad wasn't moralistic about it in any way, but I had already been taught to think about it in those terms. I guess... maybe all the circus around the middle school dances from the teachers and administrators? I dunno, I guess it could be that, but if it is, I'm disappointed in myself for putting that much trust in them. I really tried not to take much of anything they said at face value around that age, but I've always been way too impressionable. But no, that feels too late in life for how much I believed it at that point.

But my elementary school was, like suuuuuuper... "chill," is I guess how you would say it today. And I don't remember it ever coming up, not once. I saw sexualized advertising, of course, but not a lot of it - we were a PBS-only household, television wise.

And I kind of wonder if that's it? Maybe I associated revealing outfits with the bad kind of temptation not because sex would make you go to hell, or because of the risk of pregnancy or disease transmission or poorly communicated consent, but just because I knew it was a temptation for people. Because I saw it being used to sell stuff to people, stuff unrelated to sex, and I realized that if it was being used like that then had that power to manipulate people, and I knew anything like that was dangerous.

From a young age I was pretty "nope" to alcohol, but I don't think it was because I was worried about people's livers or drunk driving. I think it was because of the idea that some people didn't know how to stop, and I didn't want that for anybody. And I think there was some aspect of that in how I would worry about the little girls on our miniature school bus who would play music with what I thought were inappropriate lyrics for their age group. I don't know what I would have been worrying about. I don't think I could have followed that thread to anywhere near a logical conclusion, if you'd asked me to. I just didn't like the way it was pointing, because I knew some of the things in that general direction seemed like the worst parts of our society, and I didn't know that much of what was over there is totally normal and human and worth educating people about, not moralizing over.

I feel like it's not just that, but I don't know what else it is. But maybe that's the answer: "Question has invalid hidden assumption; moralizing about sexuality itself is different from moralizing the abuse of sexualization in culture, and it can be comprehensible that you (rightly or wrongly) did the second one without any of those reasons meaning the first one has to be comprehensible."

I... don't rest my case, your honor? I dunno, man. These posts are weird.

#long post

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doctorsanddetectives · 3 years

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hey! so, the thing is I used to be really involved in tjlc pre s4 and it pretty much crushed me when the season aired and I just made a hard cut and distanced myself completely from it all. though I just kept on missing it, I didn't dare return to it, not even other adaptations. but recently, I just felt such a strong need to come back and it started with granada and tplosh but in the end, I just couldn't help myself and here I am thinking about Them again. and I've realised there are actually still a few people actually believing in tjlc, even some new ones. and I don't know, I guess I was just wondering if you could tell me why you still believe, if you really think they're actually going to make them canonically in love/in a relationship after all, what you think about a possible season 5 etc.? I know it's a lot to ask, I guess I just want to be convinced again haha

anyway, thank you for your time if you indeed answer this and of not then thank you anyway!

oh, hi! i'd sort of forgotten my ask box was open, so sorry for the late answer! this got a bit long, so i'll put it under a cut

[[MORE]]

first off, if you do rejoin the fandom, believing in tjlc or not, welcome back and i hope you have fun!

for me still believing in tjlc mostly boils down to this: 1. all the things that we saw in canon pre-s4 still exist, they are still in the text of the show. s4 doesn't change that just because it didn't go how we thought it would. 2. s4 doesn't make sense in ways that are too specific to not be on purpose.

number 1 is pretty self-explanatory i think, but just to throw some stuff you might remember back at you:

sherlock never denying insinuations that he's gay or that he and john are a couple, despite being mr. 'i get the last word'

sherlock saying 'into battle' while psyching himself up for john's wedding. sherlock watching sadly during john and mary's first dance and then leaving the wedding early. mind palace mary wearing her wedding dress while shooting sherlock in the heart.

john not being able to say the words he always meant to say to sherlock, even during therapy (what could they have been? i know what i think)

irene saying 'somebody loves you' to sherlock when she realises john was careful to not actually hurt him when punching him in the face. irene immediately following that up with asking john 'are you feeling exposed?'

john being sherlock's pressure point

i'm sorry, i gotta come back to the beginning real quick, everyone thinks sherlock is gay. mrs hudson (two rooms?). mycroft (happy announcement?). angelo (nice and romantic). janine (i know what kind of man you are).

that one post from the mofftiss tumblr q&a where the question is 'is sherlock saying i love you to john' and gatiss is like 'no, unless he's talking to a mirror' and we find out sherlock's talking to molly! john's main narrative mirror! mindboggling

that's just what comes to my mind right now, but there's of course still so much more. i sadly don't have a collection of all the old metas at hand but i know other people do, so i'd recommend you go searching for those.

as for 2. there's two pieces of particularly brilliant s4 meta that are keeping me afloat (and that i think i stole most of the points i make here from), i'll link them here and here. believe me, if you wanna believe in tjlc again, this is what you wanna read.

there was also a post that links weird things happening in s4 to bits from the earlier seasons, but i can't find it rn, i will link it if i do find it later.

but the one big thing that tells me s4 being the way it is was planned, is mary's death.

in s3 we get a 'how not to: death by gunshot' and it's

you don't get thrown across the room

you only have a few seconds of consciousness. choose wisely what to do

(if john watson is there, he will act like the army doctor he is)

in s4 we get

mary has time to throw herself in front of the bullet, then gets thrown across the room because of the bullet impact

mary holds a full 60 second monologue while bleeding out

(instead of trying to stop the bleeding or calling an ambulance, john just moos sadly)

it's the exact opposite. that is on purpose. whether it is on purpose to tip us off that s4 is not reliable narration - or if mofftiss genuinely decided to just say, fuck it, let's be weird as hell for no reason - that i can't promise. i choose to believe it is the former.

and, in terms of the five act structure: act 4 is supposed to hurt. usually, it's supposed to hurt, and seem so bad that it can't be fixed, to the *characters* not to the *fans* - but when have mofftiss ever done anything in a normal way, eh? because act 4 is when you lose all hope before the grand finale in act 5.

as for s5, idk if you know this or not but there was a 10 year anniversary q&a (it's on yt) in which mark gatiss said something about us being the most patient fans ever or so (i don't have the exact words). that made me go 👀 with regards to a potential s5 for sure.

also also, sherlock never officially got cancelled. and they were originally signed for 5 seasons from what i understand. everyone just thinks it's over because it seems over.

so long story short, i still think most of the original meta and analysis from before s4 holds up, i think mofftiss are willing to do some weird abstract shit that maybe we just don't understand yet (but that ultimately, hopefully, has purpose) and they always said there'd be 5 seasons

that was a long ramble, oops! but i hope it helps a little bit.

lastly, i should also point out that if it sizzles out and we never hear anything about sherlock again, that would not be the end of the world for me. i believe canon johnlock is the thing that makes the most sense for how the show is set up - but i'm well aware of the possibility that there might be things behind the scenes that we're not privy to and that might have changed the original course of the show. i do like to keep entertaining the idea of a s5 that proves tjlc until we have reason to think otherwise though!

#it is 1am i hope this is vagurly coherent woops #also feel free to ask if you have any specific questions or such #my dms are also open!#marty.txt

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shima-draws · 7 years

Note

I'd love to hear you sing! And can we hear about the MBAV au? And you're right about Benny's hair, I've been sitting here for an hour attempting to do it and aaaaaaaaa

PPFPFT I’ve gotten a lot of positive response so I guess I. Will post that tomorrow hhGHH

Omg yeah seriously;; Benny’s hair is impossible I don’t know how it DEFIES LOGIC??

Anyway

NSKDBBJDDB SURE I would love to talk about it!!So uhh it’s called the Grim Reaper AU? It’s pretty obvious where this is going but allow me to further enlighten youBut yeah get ready for one helluva ride this is SUPER SUPER LONG I’M SORRY it’s like 3k words (the length of a good oneshot holy shit SHIMA WHY) but hey I have been developing this AU for three years now sOOkay here we goIt all starts out when Benny and Ethan are on their way to school and Benny notices they’re being followed by this strange girl dressed in black—but for some reason nobody else is able to see her except for Benny. After school he corners her alone and starts questioning her (he also kinda threatens her a little bit;; tells her to stay away from Ethan since he’s an overprotective cupcake). She reveals that she’s a Grim Reaper and her job is to, well. Bring lives to an end as they’re written down in her book. Basically everyone is fated to die at a certain time in their lives, and Grim Reapers are the ones to carry their souls over to the other side. And after a bit more goading she admits that yes, Ethan is fated to die in two days’ time and she’s been assigned to carry his soul over.Rest is under the cut to save yourselves from endless scrolling whoops

Anyway understandably Benny FLIPS OUT and starts begging her to maybe not kill his best friend? Please? But she says that it must absolutely be done, it’s fate that’s already been written and if she isn’t there when he dies to take care of him his soul might get snatched up by a demon or a witch instead (so yes, Grim Reapers are seen as GOOD in this AU). She apologizes and says that he just needs to come to terms with it (hint: he’s not going to do that ever no thanks). The next day Ethan definitely notices something’s off with Benny, but he can’t get him to spill about what’s going on. Ethan becomes super worried about him and goes to Sarah for advice, while Benny goes to confront the GR again. And he asks something extremely…risky.Benny offers to trade his life for Ethan’s, if it’s possible. The Grim Reaper is shocked and tells him the only way that would work was if Benny signed a contract to become a Grim Reaper himself, but that would mean cutting off all ties to the human world and his friends, and that his mortal body would die and it would basically mean he’s actually dead to everyone. Benny signs the contract and takes the deal, and bam. He becomes a Grim Reaper ;w; (Also one of his eyes turns red so that’s cool. Usually when one becomes a GR both eyes turn red but since Benny also has magic that part of him is shown in his green eyes)Meanwhile Ethan suddenly has a massive panic attack, almost like he can TELL that something’s very wrong with Benny (since they’re connected in that way :3c) He runs home to find that Benny isn’t there, and that, well—Benny isn’t anywhere. Benny’s grandma is out of town at the mo, so he decides to search himself with the help of Rory and Sarah. They look all night and they’re about to call the police when Benny’s grandma shows up and tells them the news. Ethan passes out from shock, and the next day he wakes up and tries to deny the fact that his best friend is gone forever. Eventually the truth hits him hard and he shuts everybody out, even Sarah. He goes into a major depressive slump and doesn’t speak or even leave his room for days. It’s really bad;;Benny, on the other hand, is learning the basics of how to be a Grim Reaper, and is mortified to know that sometimes fate doesn’t take care of things the way it should and that for some of the deaths he has to take the person out himself (and he gets a wicked scythe he uses to end lives. Ooooh) He refuses at first, saying he doesn’t want to kill anybody, but that’s part of the job description and he signed a contract so he absolutely has to. Benny runs off from the mission, enraging Grim Reaper Girl, who sort of acts as his superior and tutor (I’m going to call her GRG for short). Benny decides he’s going to check on Ethan, which is a HUGE no no in the Grim Reaper world—any ties to old friends and family must be forgotten and it’s super forbidden to try and peer into your past life, all that jazz. Normally when one becomes a GR they forget about their past life but!! Our boy is special so he remembers everything. And yeah Benny doesn’t give a shit about getting in trouble and comes back to White Chapel to see his boyf and make sure he’s doing okay.Unfortunately Ethan is NOT doing okay, and after sneaking in through his window Benny starts rambling on worriedly, thinking that Ethan can’t see or hear him since GR’s are invisible to most people. Buuuut he kinda forgot that Ethan’s a seer so in most cases he can see things other people can’t, and Ethan FREAKS the fuck out when he sees Benny standing in his bedroom with this badass cloak and GR clothing. He immediately bursts into tears and like TACKLES Benny to the ground in a hug and doesn’t let him go for twenty minutes while Benny explains what’s been going on.They talk for a while and Ethan is so fucking relieved that Benny’s okay and he’s also really pissed that Benny didn’t warn him or try to figure out some other way to avoid the consequences but?? It’s too late now so. Ethan begs Benny to come back and visit sometimes even though it could get him into BIG TROUBLE and after a moment of hesitation Benny’s like “yeah okay” and then he spends the night and they cuddle in Ethan’s bed and Ethan has a nightmare and cries on Benny and it’s a sad but fluffy timeThe next day GRG comes to Ethan’s window and chews Benny out for both running out on the mission AND for visiting old friends when he knows he’s not supposed to. Benny, being the adorable muffin he is, is able to convince her to let him visit White Chapel every once in a while, or at least get more jobs near there so he can keep an eye on his squad. Ethan wakes up during their little spat and Benny tells him he has to leave. Of course Ethan protests and begs him to stay longer but he can’t because he has to work so!! Ethan tells him to come back soon and that he’ll be waiting and Benny makes him promise to go to school and try to act normal and ABOVE ALL smile when things get hard. Ethan gives him one last hug that becomes super intimate oops and now they’re sort of realizing that they might have a thing for each other??Ethan goes back to school to the amazement of his friends and apologizes for acting like such a dick to them. They can tell that he seems happier for some reason and they’re still bummed about Benny. Ethan wants to tell them that B’s fine but he doesn’t want to risk Benny getting in trouble so he decides to keep his GR status a secret (though he’s pretty sure Benny’s grandma knows, since she’s been acting normal, if a little bit saddened).Benny returns to work and completes his very first mission, having getting past his fears of “killing” others. And it’s amazing when he ends lives (I know that sounds awful bear with me) because he can see all of the memories the person has had—their most joyful and sad and everything else. Benny meets the soul and ushers them on to the afterlife, being able to do so easily after seeing their life story, and something that will happen every time somebody dies. He talks with GRG about a lot of things and they have a Moment™ as she shares her past and how she wishes she could remember who she was as a human. At this point she’s sort of become like a sisterly figure to Benny—she cherishes him and wants to protect him from the bad things but she also wants him to be careful and avoid getting caught sneaking off. So she’s like, unsure of what to do, torn between covering Benny’s tracks and her job as a GR overseer…Things continue on as normally as possible after this point? Ethan’s suddenly more popular at school now since his bff is “dead” and everyone feels bad for him. Benny is completing mission after mission and is hailed as a GR pro and sort of graduates from his underling status and starts going on REAL missions—these are more dangerous since they involve battles with other supernatural beings after the souls of humans, demons especially. He’s officially partnered with GRG and she covers him whenever he sneaks off to see Ethan.It isn’t often that Benny comes to visit but when he does Ethan becomes just a ball of sunshine. They go do things together which is sort of awkward since nobody else can see Benny so we see Ethan talking to himself at dinner or the movies or wherever lol. Both of them are like “Are these dates we’re going on? Like? I’m really enjoying this and you wow” and it’s VERY GAY. It hits Benny first that he’s in love with Ethan and after the realization he visits more and more, skipping out on important meetings and other vital GR stuff in his contract. Yikes! As this is going on Ethan is starting to realize that he may like Benny as more than a friend and that’s a problem since he’s also been hanging with Sarah more lately and he gets the notion that she might like him back so he is. Torn over who he wants to be with since they’re both dead (?) but he can be in an actual relationship with Sarah while with Benny it’s way more complicated but he’s sure he loves Benny more and always will ;w;Benny suddenly vanishes for a few weeks which leaves Ethan on edge and the others notice but he’s still a loyal boy so he refuses to indulge them about what’s going on, which frustrates Sarah and they kinda get into a fight about it. During this time, surprise!! A giant battle happens in the GR world between them and the demons, a fight over souls, and Benny is caught right in the midst of it. He’s torn over his love for Ethan and his duty to serve the GR’s and fight with them—he’s become pretty famous amongst the ranks since he still has his magic so he’s a lot stronger than the average GR and the higher ups are like “THIS BOY IS HELLA STRONG WE NEED HIM FOR ALL OUR BATTLES YA FEEL” Finally when the battle ends after days and days of hiding out and striking whenever possible, Benny flees to see Ethan once again. He’s totally exhausted and covered head to toe in demon blood and also a little out of it? So something weird happens with his magic to make him visible to other people aaaaand. He shows up at the high school looking for Ethan and everyone is like “What the FUCK is that Benny Weir I thought he was dead???” Ethan freaks out of course but that’s after he runs right into Benny’s arms and hugs the CRAP outta him. Rory, Sarah and Erica start screaming in confusion and they’re like “ETHAN what the hell is going on why is Benny here and dressed like that and is that blood? WTF” Ethan sort of spills to them what’s going on while Benny’s chilling out in his arms, too tired to speak, and the rest of the students watch on in shock like?? Yeah. And one of those people is Della and she’s crying because she never thought she’d miss Benny’s stupid flirting so much and she was sad to hear about what happened to him and she’s happy to see him but also really confused just like everyone else!! It’s a crazy timeEventually when it all calms down Benny knocks everyone out with a sleeping spell and they wake up thinking it’s a dream (except for Rory, Sarah and Erica of course, who he trusts to keep his secret). They all hang out for a little while and they’re like “It’s really good to see you Benny” (YES, EVEN ERICA). Then Ethan and Benny go back to Benny’s house so he can say hi to his grandma, who lectures him for like twenty minutes “I cannot believe you Benjamin Weir what on earth were you thinking? You couldn’t have waited for me to come back so we could figure out a better solution and blah blah blah blah” Benny starts crying because he didn’t realize how much he’d missed his grandma’s lectures. She sends them both up to bed. Benny strips out of his bloody clothes and takes a shower and then he and Ethan cuddle in his bed for a long while, not saying anything. Benny knows that this can’t continue on forever no matter how much he wants it to so he decides he’s going to confess to Ethan about how he feels before it’s too late to do so. Of course he has second thoughts like the most obvious, “What if he doesn’t like me back” and then getting deeper into things like “I don’t want to burden Ethan with the truth about how I feel about him he deserves somebody better, somebody that can actually be around to take care of him and provide and I can’t do that anymore” but Ethan starts asking him to say what’s been bothering him so Benny, fed up with everything, spills.“So um hey dude I think I might be in love with you?”And Ethan is ecstatic like “Hey I think I might be in love with you too” and then it’s happy happy time and they kiss and it’s very cute and gay againThe next morning Benny knows he has to go back to work but not before he kisses the living daylights out of Ethan and Benny ends up almost getting caught since he loses track of time and makes out with Ethan for like ten minutes OOPSEthan goes back to school to see that everyone is still confused about the “dream” they all collectively had about Benny Weir miraculously coming back from the dead. Sarah corners him and starts asking more questions and he accidentally lets slip that they may or may not be dating it’s complicated? Understandably she gets upset, more because she’s worried about them getting into trouble and less because she’s jealous (she just wants Ethan to be happy after all he’s been through and if that’s with Benny she’ll give him up she is a GOOD GIRL). She starts admonishing Ethan for his own good, telling him how dangerous it is and how it probably won’t work out and she just wants to let him know now before he gets his heart broken later. Ethan bitterly agrees but he’s not going to stop dating (?) Benny since he’s in love with him and she’s like “Whatever okay just be careful”Benny shows up to work and GRG is REALLY pissed. She tells him that she’s been covering for him for so long that others are starting to get suspicious and suggests that Benny stop seeing Ethan altogether, but Benny tells her he absolutely cannot do that. Then they get into a big fight and she yells at him a lot before she finally spills that the higher ups found out about his memories and plan to have them erased permanently—they just haven’t done anything up til now since they thought he was keeping to the contract and not visiting people from his past life. But lately they’ve been catching on to the fact that he has so they’re gonna wipe him clean and erase all of his ties so he can actually focus on his duty to them. Benny freaks out and starts crying because?? He doesn’t want to lose his memories of his friends and of Ethan that’s always been his worst fear. GRG becomes sympathetic and tells him he has twenty four hours to say goodbye before they cleanse him for good. Benny immediately goes to Ethan and tells him what happens, breaking down and sobbing about how he doesn’t want to forget and he doesn’t want Ethan to forget him after he’s gone. Ethan tells him of COURSE he’ll never forget Benny, he’s the person he loves most in the whole world! They cry together for a while before going out and having the BEST last day ever (like my Life Ticket AU OOPS) and Ethan says a sappy line like “You might forget this day but I’ll remember it forever” AWWWW EThat night Ethan sleeps over at Benny’s house and they talk about a lot of different things. Eventually tho they stop talking and start kissing and things get really;; heated wooEthan tells Benny he wants Benny to leave on him proof that he existed so yeaaah I’ll leave whatever they did up to your imagination wonk ;) This may or may not be an MM reference //shotThe next morning Benny has to leave and it’s a SUPER SAD moment and they’re both crying and Ethan kisses him goodbye and promises Benny he’ll always ALWAYS remember him for the rest of his life (or eternity if he somehow gets changed into some immortal being) and then Ethan. Smiles for him keeping the promise that they made and FUCK BENNY UP he is so fucking wrecked and distraught that he almost just collapses on the floor and refuses to leave but he is a strong boy so!! He takes off and after he’s gone Ethan breaks down and cries and calls Sarah over to comfort him and it’s so…heartbreaking ;m;Benny hands himself over to the higher ups and GRG sees how fucking DEPRESSED he is and how he looks like he’s lost all hope and she feels super bad but there isn’t anything she can do. And then they wipe his memories clean;; She immediately notices that Benny isn’t the same as he was before, without those memories of Ethan and the others to anchor him he’s not the same person.Ethan starts missing school again and he knows he promised Benny he’d try to stay happy but it’s really hard and he misses him so so so much and Sarah tries everything she can to cheer him up but? Yeah it’s just a difficult time for everybody; Ethan is in a slump, Sarah is out of her wits trying to make him feel better, Erica is avoiding everyone, and Rory has lost his normal cheer. And Benny doesn’t even remember them. RIP.Things in the GR world are progressively getting worse, the demon attacks come more frequently now and they’re having a hard time fighting them off. They’ve lost a lot of souls to the demons in the process, and the higher ups are trying to come up with a strategy to get rid of them for good. Unfortunately for them the demons are plotting big time and they’re ready to form a fucking army to take down the GR’s and claim all of the souls for themselves. Benny and GRG overhear them planning this and they freak out, and then the higher ups freak out and it’s a horrible time! But suddenly GRG is struck with a BRILLIANT idea that she knows the higher ups wouldn’t approve of so she does it in secret. Guess where she goes for help? White Chapel!Ethan is surprised to see GRG asking for help, and he’s like “Is this going to help Benny?” And she’s like yeah dude so Ethan says “I’m in” and gets Sarah, Rory and Erica to join the fight as well. They round up a couple of other vamps and supernatural beings and devise this huge strategy to defeat the demons with Ethan’s wicked smarts. AND THEN THE FINAL BATTLE BEGINS!!The higher ups are furious with GRG for bringing outsiders into their conflict but they change their minds as soon as they see Ethan’s plan working. As they’re battling Ethan bumps into Benny and almost cries when he realizes Benny doesn’t remember him (but he is like “You seem familiar, do I know you from somewhere?”) They team up and kill tons of demons together and Benny’s like wow me and this cute guy have awesome chemistry I wonder who he is?Then surprise surprise Ethan gets taken hostage by the main demon king and everyone is like “ETHAN NO” and right before he gets taken out Benny miraculously recovers his memories and takes the hit for Ethan, getting “killed” in the process (which is kinda impossible since he’s already dead but whatever). Totally distraught at seeing his boyfriend die AGAIN Ethan’s psychic powers amp up to the max and he fucking wrecks the demon by using mind games to corrode at its will and he wins the battle!! Woo hooThe higher ups, upon seeing their victory, decide to give Ethan and Benny one wish. Ethan obviously wishes for him to come back to life (once a GR dies their soul is sent to the afterlife, GRs sort of live in an in between world of life and death. Like, purgatory). And Benny? At first he considers using his wish to grant GRG her memories back but she says if he wastes his wish on her she’ll kill him again. Lol. So Benny wishes to be human again instead. To live, basically. The higher ups are like “Usually we wouldn’t allow that but uh yeah you saved our asses so sure” but then they’re like “but we will call on you whenever we need you and your friends for something important otherwise it’s a no go son” and Benny’s like “SURE now please revive me so I can make out with my boyfriend”And so, Benny is brought back to life and stripped of his GR powers (he still has his magic tho, no worries). He bids a tearful goodbye with GRG, who confesses her (VERY PLATONIC) love for him. She promises to visit when she can. Benny’s grandma casts a spell on the town so they think Benny had been in a coma for half a year instead of dead. Erica and Sarah start dating, Rory gets a cute girlfriend (possibly GRG?) and Ethan and Benny live HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END //throws confettiWow sorry that was so fucking long but well I have been developing this AU for three years so it would make sense that I have the entire plot written out right? //waggles eyebrowsANYWAY I hope you enjoyed KUDOS for reading all the way through you’re AMAZING and god jesus ASK ME QUESTIONS about this AU it’s one of my all time faves and I’m so glad I finally got to share it after so loNG

#My Babysitter's A Vampire #Benny Weir #Ethan Morgan #Bethan #MBAV #Sarah Fox #Rory Keaner #Erica Jones #Grim Reaper AU #Shima's AUs #LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG POST I'M SO SORRY RIP #But yes everything...EVERYTHING is there...#I'm so glad I finally got to share this with you guys!! I've always wanted to #It's one of my favorite FAVORITE AUs :3c #Shima answers questions #Grim Reaper AU Masterpost #Ask #cyan-sketches-things

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