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cyanidecrxsh · 10 months

Text

the opening to the book " Le théâtre des douleurs and what about the bells?" about Rozz Williams

quick disclaimer: I found a pdf of this book on some website (I think it was Scribd?) a few years ago and I translated the opening of it and saved it on a Google Doc. Unfortunately, I can't find the file anymore since it seems to have been taken down. I translated the opening from French to English using Google Translate, so I apologize if anything was translated incorrectly.

This book, The Theater of Sorrows, is divided into two parts. The first is devoted to the life and the career (very difficult to dissociate the two besides ...) of Rozz Williams, singer-founder of Christian Death, but also solo artist, initiator or member, until he died in 1998, from several artistic collectives or groups such as Premature Ejaculation, Shadow Project, Daucus Karota, EXP or Heltir. The second part, “And What About the Bells? », Is a compilation of unpublished texts, thoughts, and poems by Rozz Williams, published on the initiative of multidisciplinary artist Ryan Wildstar, former collaborator and close friend of the singer. Roger Alan Painter, alias Rozz Williams, was born in California on 6 November 1963, in Glendora, then grew up in Pomona, a small town located in the southeast of Los Angeles County. Alongside his two sisters and his older brother, Rozz learns to cope with the very strict religious precepts imposed by his parents, both from the Southern Baptist Convention, the largest Protestant community in the country. However, reading the Bible quickly becomes less attractive than the songs of David Bowie, Alice Cooper, or even T-Rex ... real "aliens" that Rozz discovered in childhood. And then, as a teenager, there is also punk rock. And Victoria Gray. A deep bond unites Rozz and this young girl. Three years his senior, the latter becomes for him a sort of female double, the ideal “partner in crime”. It is her, along with Steven Darrow, drummer for The Assexuals (one of Rozz's first bands) and John Albert, lead guitarist for Christian Death, that has the honor of opening this biography. They give us here a precious testimony of the tumultuous youth of the singer …

Do you remember the first time you met Rozz?

Victoria: Yes, I remember. He must have been fourteen and I was seventeen. We met at a friend's house in Claremont, near Pomona. He was in his bedroom, sitting on a small step-ladder, wearing "Beatle boots" with a punk-rock hairstyle and a windbreaker jacket. I remember being very impressed with his shoes because they were almost impossible to find back then. He looked so unique ... There he was, arms crossed on his knees, looking nonchalant. He tried to avoid my gaze, like someone who doesn't want to be disturbed. We didn't really talk, we just looked at each other.

Steven: I was thirteen when I met Rozz and Jill Emery (future bassist for Super Heroines, Shadow Project, Mazzy Star, Hole). He was fifteen and she was sixteen. We got in touch with a little ad they placed in a Claremont record store looking for a punk rock-influenced drummer. At the time, they were the only ones in the business who were interested in the punk wave and were motivated enough to form a band. There were also friends John Albert and Peter Andrus, but they hadn't started playing an instrument yet. Rozz wasn't called Rozz yet. It was a few years before he invented his name. Back in the day, he was just called Roger, or Xerox Clone, his favorite nickname.

John: Rozz went to the same school as me. We were both freshmen and must have been around fifteen. At that time, those who adopted a vaguely punk look would automatically link them. Everyone else looked like Peter Frampton, Stevie Nicks (from Fleetwood Mac), or the members of Van Halen ... I went to him early that year. He wore a coat with a multitude of badges, which made him look like a member of the Sex Pistols. We spoke to each other and he quickly integrated into our little gang of punks. He and I then became best friends in the world, and that lasted for several years. Besides listening to punk, we were both big fans of glitter rock, we listened to Bowie and T-Rex a lot.

What first appealed to you about him?

Victoria: I liked the way he dressed and his attitude. He was lovely to me and very handsome. He was a tough character and quite bitter. Rozz was always there when it came to ending a fight or anything like that. He was the kind of guy you like to have behind you when things go wrong. He never ran away or gave up. The ardor in his shine reflected even in her blue eyes. Eyes that told you, "Watch out, don't go too far with me ..." I remember one day when we had to go, as extras, to the set of the film. The Decline of Western Civilization (which is a famous documentary film on the punk-rock scene of Los Angeles, shot between 1979 and 1980). It was very important because this documentary was destined to become a real reference. Everything had been organized and we dressed accordingly. Darby Crash (co-founder of the Californian punk group The Germs) had himself telephoned us saying: "You, you have to be there ..." The girl who was supposed to drive us there called us at the last minute to tell us she couldn't anymore. Rozz and I were livid. We had no other way to get to Los Angeles, and it was too late to catch the bus. We ended up going to the local "Wienerschnitzel" to eat a hot dog. But on the way, we came across a construction site where the workers had left all their tools. We were so angry that we vented our aggression on each other. Rozz suddenly grabbed a pickaxe and waved it in front of me. Luckily, I quickly ducked down and he passed me directly over my head to crash into the under-construction frame behind me. I yelled, "You tried to kill me! He picked up a shovel and punched him in the face, but I missed him too. That's when we ended up laughing together, completely hysterical: we both missed each other! We ended the evening by asking a guy, an adult, to buy us some alcohol in a store, then we hung out all over the place ... I knew he liked being with me because, at that time, I was as angry and "upset" as he was. I could stand up to him, and get away with it. But, unfortunately, we could never be immortalized in The Decline Of Western Civilization

John: beyond our common interest in music, I also loved Rozz for his elegance and sensitivity. We had so many great discussions together, about life, the world ... Like many teenagers elsewhere. Also, aside from the more serious side of his public persona, Rozz had a great sense of humor. We laughed a lot together.

Steven: I was immediately won over by his total attachment to music, but also by the importance he attached to his own image, by his marginality too. And his sense of humor. He was the funniest guy I knew back then. Nothing to do with the image that we were able to get from him later

Were you really close to each other? What did you spend your days doing?

Victoria: We did everything together. We were the best friends in the world. After a period of observation on his part, to see if I was "cool" enough to hang out with him, we became inseparable. We loved going to thrift stores. The treasures that one could find there at the time were astonishing! We spent whole afternoons sewing our pant legs by hand, to make them shrink, to such an extent that when we wore them, we left bruises behind our knees! We also went everywhere by bike. Rozz also used to record, with great care, all of our favorite tracks on a small tape recorder. He was very detail-oriented and I think that's what he liked about me too. Our look had to be perfect: we spent hours getting dressed and doing our hairstyles. Appearance was essential, as was being seen and making an impression. A little later he started hanging out with some new, weird friends, who he started using heroin and other hard drugs with ... I was still a part of his life, but I started to distance myself from this environment. After his death, I understood that he had always tried to keep his drug stories from me, whether it was periods of abstinence or abuse.

Our first big date together must have been in 1977. Rozz invited me to see The Germs at Hong Kong Café. It was my first punk gig and the most hardcore band in L.A. What I mean is back then the coolest thing at a The Germs gig was to survive this. concert! When they got on stage, Rozz grabbed me and rushed me to the front row. The movements of the crowd were incredible. The two of us weren't heavy in the middle of it all. But we survived and it was great. Then we started to get really drunk because no one at the Hong Kong Café ever asked you how old you were. I ended up falling off the stairs and rolling into the yard. Rozz didn't care: he was jubilant ... He thought it was so cool! It was then that he really started to like me. I guess he found it very "punk rock" to see me get up like nothing's wrong and keep partying! The next day he called me and we talked for at least three or four hours. And that's where it all really started between us.

I also remember one evening when we were on our way to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was a very important film for us at the time. We had taken a shortcut down a dark alley leading to the cinema when two older guys came up to us. Rozz was 14 years old, I was 17, we were 1.50m each and we couldn't exceed 45 kilos. These two adults had decided to "teach us a lesson", because of our punk look. They told us they were going to give us a beating, and we reacted quickly. It was the beginning of the punk era and we were so angry that we didn't have to be drunk to get extremely violent fast. Suddenly Rozz looked around and grabbed a brick. I walked over to a trash can, pulled out a bottle, and broke the neck on the rim, then we rushed towards them. When they saw that we were going to fight to the death, these two fools turned their standards and ran off at full speed. It was a real triumph

John: I remember at the very start of the school year, guys who were much bigger and older, who had long hair and a mustache, walked up in front of Rozz and told him that if he still dared to wear his black leather jacket and studded bracelets to school, they would beat him until we can't recognize him anymore. He just stood there, without answering them, looking a little tired. The next day he arrived at school again with his leather jacket and bracelets on, which I found particularly puffy given the circumstances. Luckily he didn't see the guys that day, but we both knew it was only a matter of time. He was genuinely reckless and would never have bowed, even if severely corrected. That afternoon I went to find some local dealers, older, well-respected guys, who lived in Marue. I had grown up with them and they thought this whole punk vibe was pretty cool. It reminded them somewhere of the Rolling Stones and David Bowie. I told them some guys were threatening Rozz (they knew him as the Xerox Clone). They assured me that Xerox would no longer have any problems. A few days later, Rozz and I ran into the types. Rozz expected the worst but did nothing to avoid them. He remained planted in front of them as if to challenge them. Fortunately, my drug dealer friends must have "talked" to the guys by now and they walked past us without saying a word! Rozz still had so many guts. He never folded

How were his parents? Did he often speak to you about his religious upbringing?

Victoria: I practically lived at his place. I was always stuck there. Her parents were thrilled when I arrived. I think they thought I was his girlfriend because they didn't realize he was gay. I especially remember one day when his father took a very cute picture of us as we were going for a walk ... At that time, when we started dating, it was a fight between him and his father. There was a mutual misunderstanding because of their so different views on religion or life in general. Rozz was fighting the whole world at that time. Her mother worked as a cleaning lady. She gave him money when he went out at night, and he spent it on going to clubs or buying himself speed pills and alcohol.

As for religion, he often spoke of his parents' Christian faith and told me how irritated it could be. He couldn't be like them, and for that reason, he disagreed with them all the time. He was extremely anti-religious and against the established order

John: Rozz's father was a bit of a "pecker coming down from his mountain"! I remember a story Rozz told me about his father and one of his older brothers, who had gone to hunt coyotes in the hills ... I don't know what the point was if that was. was for their furs or to use them to trap other animals ... Chainsaw Massacre! Rozz told me that when they came back they put the corpses of coyotes in the garage ... But there was one that was not dead, and got up, before chasing the whole family in. through the house

Did Rozz have a lot of friends? Did he have a reputation along with the local youth?

Victoria: He had friends but he was very selective. He wouldn't let anyone approach him. He was surrounded by a whole little "courtyard" which was only there because it amused him. They were punks too, but they were mostly seen as poseurs, "weekend" punks. Rozz was the star of the lot, the one everyone respected. He was also the most outrageous: He could do anything, anytime, anywhere. He didn't give a damn about anything. I remember one afternoon when we were walking in Claremont, drinking champagne ... He first decided to pierce his ear with a safety pin, then he started to tag with help black paint spray on the sidewalk, the names of our favorite bands: Dead Kennedys, The Germs, UXA, Fear, the bags, The Plugz, etc. As we were walking along the sidewalk, we came across a white Ford Granada, a real invitation to tag! A moment later, Rozz had painted THE GERMS the entire length of the car ... We had some trouble with the local police at the time. Once, while the cops were chasing us, we decided to cross a hedge to escape. I chose the less bushy area and ended up on the other side, but Rozz chose the denser part, and couldn't get through it, which landed him straight back on the guys in the Police Department! I can still hear him screaming, "Carry on, Victoria!" Of course, The police arrested him and his father had to pick him up. Needless to say, he was not happy

How was he at school?

Victoria: It was so catastrophic that he was kicked out of Claremont High School. I can't remember if it was because he made little sticks of dynamite out of paper-mâché in art class, or if it was for threatening to blow up the science class by lighting his lighter in front of the storeroom gas. Soon after that, his parents were summoned, and Rozz came with his father. The deputy principal and the science teacher were there. Rozz got really, really, really angry, because he felt that he was being treated unfairly and that he had been severely condemned before he could even explain himself. He started trashing the room and throwing chairs at everyone. So they fired him and sent him to Pomona. But he refused to go. It marked the end of his traditional school career.

John: Neither of us wanted to go to class, and we spent our days hanging out in abandoned houses, getting drunk, and listening to records. Each week, we cut each other's hair. Once, I even chased him down the street because of a particularly bad haircut!

Did Rozz take a lot of drugs as a teenager?

Victoria: Are you kidding! (laughs) He's tried everything, anywhere, anytime

Was he interested in literature and poetry at the time?

Victoria: Rozz has always been extremely intelligent. I think he failed in school because he made it boring and mundane. At that time he was going through his "James Dean / Marilyn Monroe / Montgomery Clift" phase and I remember reading Truman Capote a lot. As far as art was concerned, he was very interested in Salvador Dali and Andy Warhol. Quite a good start, no?

Do you remember when he started to put on makeup and dress like he was a stage character himself?

Victoria: It started around 1980. It was the summer when acid circulated a lot. We were taking it all the time at the time, and that's when things really started to change. I remember Rozz, me and another girl showed up at Disneyland on acid ... I took a photo of him with a giant squirrel. I remember it terrified him!

What bands did he like at the time? What was the Los Angeles scene like?

John: The L.A. scene at the time was marked by this first generation of punk bands like The Germs, The Weirdos, The Screamers ... They were all older than us. Quite a few guys of the "art student" style, former glam rock fans. We were really kids, Rozz and I also liked bands like PIL and Throbbing Gristle a lot, just as much as the early bands.

Steven: Rozz was really into The Germs, but there was also the first English and Californian punk wave of 77: Weirdos, Screamers, Bags, Dickies, Damned, Siouxsie, Adverts, Stinky Toys, Penetration ... He also listened to a lot of glam before I met him, but he didn't confess until a few years later, because at that point it was supposed to be a little outdated and cheesy. But then he told me a lot about Bowie, Alice Cooper, the Sparks, T Rex ... Because he understood that I was a real rock'n'roll fan.

Victoria: Oh, that was awesome! The Germs got there first. They were the most prominent. But David Bowie has always been her favorite performing artist. He often sang "The Prettiest Star" to me. Bowie had a huge influence on Rozz. He also liked UXA, Fear, X, and the Dead Kennedys. We were going to see them all the time. There were also the Alley Cats, and The Go-Go's, which we went to see at Starwood. The tip about the L.A. scene is that you could approach all of these bands if you were right. You could party with them and get to know each other. Partying with your heroes is awesome! That's what drove us to go out every weekend. We chatted with Joan Jett one evening at a reception hosted by Capitol Records. She came towards us and said: "Check that out ...", showing us her leather pants! We were invited to places all the time by Darby Crash, the singer of The Germs, and there we knew we had achieved our goal. Everyone knew us. When Darby died, this whole scene took another direction; it became fragmented. People were looking for something new, something dark, something inaccessible. And that's where Rozz came in

How did he learn to play guitar?

Victoria: He learned everything by ear. He was really, really good. He had the will to make it happen. And that's what he did

With that Rozz does not form Christian Death, he played in several groups: The Crawlers, No, The Upsetters, The Asexuals ... Who was doing what?

Victoria: I was the other member of The Crawlers. There were only two of us, and this was his very first group. He already knew how to play a little bit and I didn't at all ... When we formed this group, Rozz and I, started to make flyers, and we decided to give our first concert on the occasion of my 18th birthday. We actually showed up without gear and got drunk to death. The girl at the party was a huge Ramones fan. We thought they were real poseurs. Suddenly, during the evening, we took our cardboard figurines into the courtyard, life-size cardboard cutouts of the Ramones, and we doused them with alcohol before setting them on fire. It was our first and last show! As far as No and The Upsetters go, I think it was more like hype than anything else. But The Assexuals really existed. (Rozz on guitar and vocals, Peter Andrus on guitar, Steven Darrow on drums, and Jill Emery on bass)

Steven: Our first meeting for The Asexuals was in Claremont, in the garage of my parents' house, where I had installed my drum kit. They wanted to see if I could play. Jill was the only one of driving age, and she was the one who took Rozz to my house. He had plastic kid sunglasses, Mickey Mouse glasses! I also remember he was wearing a clear plastic raincoat, green tapered pants, a striped T-shirt with safety pins, and old pointy leather shoes, one of which was painted hot pink ... They were nervous. , but they made me listen to a few albums and singles that they liked at the time. Jill also had an eight-track tape of the Runaways debut album in her car, and I told them I could play drums on top of it, to show them what I was capable of. I inserted the cassette into a player, next to my drum kit, and started playing really loud. There, that was the audition! They were quite impressed to see that I could play as well as the drummer of the Runaways, but they were also shouting because I had very long hair ... Still they had to get used to it. when they realized that I was the only drummer in the area who really knew how to play, who knew punk and was younger than them! Rozz was the singer-guitarist, but he didn't have a guitar or an amp yet ... So the next time he borrowed a guitar from me, a Fender Mustang 67, and he plugged into the little one. Jill's amp while she was playing. A little while later he came up with a cheap amp and plugged his mic into it, but the sound was really low. Rozz's dad would sometimes drive him and me to Jill's house to rehearse in his garage. Our music was really cool: very snappy, nice punk-rock ... A bit like that of X-Ray Spex, The Germs, Eater, The Eyes ... We covered "Belsen was a Gas" by the Sex Pistols and "Forming From Germs. We also had our own compositions: "You’re So Plastic", "Mannequin Depression", "Sexless".

John: I was supposed to be their manager, whatever that might mean back then ... It was pretty basic and pretty fast punk rock. I think they must have given just one concert, at a party.

Steven: Yes, we only played live once, around 1978 or 79. It was December 31st, but one afternoon, at a party that was being held near Jill's place, at Westmont. It was really very strange. We played before another band which covered songs from Santana, Fleetwood Mac, Ted Nugent, and Led Zeppelin. They were older than us. Maybe twenty years old ... Nobody in the audience understood what we were doing, and we left very quickly after our set was over.

Steven: I don't really know. But it was very difficult for us to stay stashed in our suburbs and find concert dates there, or meet a punk crowd there. And then Rozz started to be more interested in politicized, pre-hardcore English punk, bands like Crass, Honey Bane, etc. He also continued to be passionate about bands from Los Angeles. Germs always, but also Black Flag ... Jill and I liked that too, but we were still more interested in stuff like Runaways, Damned, Alleycats, X-Ray Spex, Patti Smith, etc. is when Rozz decided to stop playing with us. Jill and I formed TheDecadents, and we became pretty well known locally within a few months. We were in our area, but also occasionally in Hollywood, Orange County, San Francisco.

When Rozz arrived at Claremont High School he started hanging out with my friends, notably John and Peter. The two of them decided to form a band. John had then started to learn to play the guitar, and Rozz was just supposed to be the singer. But they couldn't find anyone else around who knew how to play or had the same influences. There were maybe only four or five people who were on the punk trip, and three of them were already in a band

John: Rozz and I started playing in my parents' garage in Claremont. I'd bought a cheap Flying-V guitar from a guy who thought he was Jimmy Page, and Rozz had an even cheaper bass. We settled there and started writing songs. We were desperately looking for a drummer, but it was very hard to find because the drums were expensive at the time. We auditioned several guys who were absolutely unsuitable. There was also this chick, a lesbian, older than us, but she lived more than a hundred kilometers away

Steven: Around 1979-1980, the hardcore scene in L.A. and Orange County started to move. The punks began to appear, at night, in all the suburbs of southern California, on the beaches, in the land, in the valley ... Surfers, skaters, former sportsmen ... The same types who would have fallen out with the punks a few months earlier began to shave their heads and go see Black Flag, Circle Jerks, TSOL play ... that's when Rozz and John heard about these guys, to Upland, James McGearty, and George Belanger, who were bassist and drummer respectively. They were part of the skating scene and also worked as roadies for the Stepmothers, another local band, older guys who were punk and new wave. James and George ended up joining John and Rozz to form the very first version of Christian Death.

John: Actually, it was Rozz who met them. I don't quite know when and how. He told me he had found a drummer, which was a heck of news! George actually knew how to play the drums, but he didn't own any himself ... so we only rehearsed when he could borrow one from friends of his or from Steven. We even thought of stealing one once, but it never happened

Steve: It was during this time, between the end of The Asexuals and the formation of Christian Death, that the name Rozz appeared. No more Xerox or Roger ... Now it was Rozz ... He started growing his hair out and leaning into darker music or lyrical themes. The songs he wrote were slower, like 45 Grave, UXA, Castration Squad, PIL, and even The Doors.

Back then, did you think he could be successful in the music business? Manifested- he was already a leader.

Victoria: Absolutely. Rozz was really someone who innovated, who set the tone. He was at the beginning and the end. Rozz was the one all eyes were on and everyone followed. Back then, in 1980, it was practically hand-to-hand. I think we all thought we were going to end up dead soon. And I think the reason that band, Christian Death, was so wonderful, is that it seemed like it was kind of a last-ditch effort already ... We were kind of the living dead. It was the start of all these self-destructive parties and drug abuse

John: Artistically, Rozz was ambitious. Everyone was in a group at that time. We had no other creative options in mind. But you absolutely could not imagine that it would be something that you could make a living from or that could lead to a career. Being in a group was more about giving our life a primary meaning. Rozz was always one step ahead of the crowd, both in terms of image and music. He also exuded a certain charisma and was very intriguing. He had a real power of attraction. At first, I didn't realize that, because we were just friends. But you could tell that a public figure was emerging and people were responding to it, either positively or negatively.

Along with the formation of Christian Death, John, we also mention the existence of another group that you both founded around the same time, Daucus Karota, with one called Mary Torcivia on percussion ...

John: It sounded less rock than Christian Death, with an experimental post-punk side, and even a hint of jazz. It sounded like bands from the New York new wave scene like DNA, The Contortions, Teenage Jesus, and the Jerks, and it was a bit like Captain Beefheart. Mary was in our group of friends, a local punk girl. She didn't have a lot of experience as a musician, but everyone did back then, so it didn't matter.

Do you remember Christian Death's first steps on stage? They say it was December 13, 1980, at the Hong Kong Café in Los Angeles, at the invitation of Dinah Cancer and DonBolles, of 45 Grave, who was also playing that night with Castration Squad.

I think George Belanger went to talk to Don Bolles, and very quickly we joined them on stage to play a couple of songs. By this time, we had started to develop a slower rhythm and a heavier sound that worked well with the Castration Squad audience. But they were older, real Hollywood junkies, and we were just teenagers ... I think the audience was very surprised to see kids playing such dark and serious music. But we were very well received. I thought then that I might have a chick at the end of the set, one of those nasty girls hanging out in Hollywood, but that didn't happen. At least not that night ... I also remember thinking that maybe our new sound had something special

Victoria: Actually, I was in charge of security on their first gig! By this time, Rozz had had me do the backing vocals for the song "Stairs-Uncertain Journey" (the title later included in the band's debut album), on the original demo tape. But I didn't do it again in the studio. I was not good as a performer. I already knew their bassist, James McGearty, so I introduced him to Rozz. He joined Christian Death soon after. Their music was very raw but wonderful and full of energy

On the sidelines of this first appearance at the Hong Kong Café, Christian Death would also have played at the same time in parties, as well as in a record store ...

Victoria: The record store was called Toxic Shock. It was in Pomona. I vaguely remember the concert, I was half-conscious. We used to hang around this store a lot, and this time we ransacked it. Everything inside was destroyed. Ron Athey, his boyfriend at the time, and I had curled up on a cot in the back of the store, having an acid trip. Ron put one arm around me and took my little dog Eve in the other. He kept saying, "I have Victoria snuggled up in one arm and Eve in the other, and everything is going to be okay ..." The rest of the people in the store, too, were completely stoned. acid and weren't going very strong ... One girl was even trying to chew snow chains for the tires! She ended up running into the middle of the street and was stopped by a police car patrol. Sure, that made the cops come to the store, and when they showed up we all managed to get away.

John: I can't remember if this was our first real concert, or if it was at the ArtsBuilding in Pomona. We were still playing pretty fast back then and Rozz was moving like Iggy Pop or Darby Crash. I know that at one of those shows, Toxic Shock, George broke through a window and slashed his hand badly. To me, it just sounded like a punk nongroup, nothing spectacular or particularly different at this point. But it was so good to do that! Rozz and I have been waiting for this for so long

How did you feel about the emergence of this deathrock scene, with which Christian Death was associated, and the birth of the public figure of Rozz Williams?

John: I didn't hear about the deathrock movement until much later. It was all just part of the punk scene, which was very varied. It wasn't until several years later that bands like Christian Death, 45 Grave, and Super Heroines were assimilated into this scene. It never meant anything to me. I'm not saying it negatively, but it's just music for me. Some stuff was great and some really boring. As for Rozz, it wasn't so much his performance that impressed me as his ability to assimilate influences and bring out something new and interesting. He had charisma, but he was quite inconsistent as a "performer". Sometimes he was engaged and was full of energy, but sometimes also he could just stare at the ground and stay still. However, it was still interesting. I think being scheming, as an artist, is much more important over time than being a good "showman

Victoria: After the death of Darby Crash, I had known in the early days that this scene began to desert, to ask questions about their lives ... People had died so young and so shockingly ... I didn't show much anymore. I always went to Rozz shows, since I was on the guest list all the time, but I didn't really hang out with this whole scene anymore. Rozz and I still continued to talk on the phone and see each other face to face. But I was trying to find a better way ... For me, by the end of the punk era, this whole "scene" had lost some of its substance. I didn't like most of the new faces that were coming in to take over. I am someone with his own habits, and to me, novelty didn't mean something better, but something strange and potentially dangerous. During the punk era, everyone seemed to push things so far ... Then, when Darby died, the rules changed. Rozz was beginning to represent new territories. He had to be the ultimate thrill to keep this all going, to keep the public interest intact. Everything had to be as extreme as possible. The drugs, the lifestyle, the dark side of things, the madness ... And through it all, he was just looking for some "elusive" kind of love. That’s what killed him. He couldn't find this person, so special, to whom he could have given his love and received it in return. Of course, that's not what killed him, right at the end. But that's what killed him his whole life

#christian death #rozz williams #only theater of pain #catastrophe ballet #shadow project #rodger allan painter #goth #goth rock #death rock #daucus karota #heltier #premature ejaculation #rozz williams is superior to everybody else sorry not sorry #post punk

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