#okay i'm still anxious but

[noxtivagus]

i made a new friend who likes ff today hehe

#🌙.rambles #YEAH I DMED THAT GUY #i'm so relievedddd i got so anxious but it seems they're rlly happy abt yk #they like sm final fantasies 🥺 #IM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD RN ! I LOVE MY FRIENDS #OLD FRIENDS N NEW GODDAMN I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH #guys i'm like in a sappy mood rn i'm tired but i wna show all my affection #i wna do more for my online friends tho >:c ily guys so so much #ANOTHER TIME BCS I STILL HAVE OTHER STUFF TO DO BUT #i'm like rlly in a good mood rn. #SORRY DUDE I SEND LONG MESSAGES THO BUT YEAH #so happy to have made a new friend today. IM LIKE SO HAPPY #I TELL YOU WNVR I MAKE NEW FRIENDS I SRS GET SO GIDDY AAAAA 😭😭 #it warms my heart n life is great n my life is changed n i'll rmb you forever yk? #okay i'm still anxious but #FUCK ANXIETY 💀 yolo ig #n if you can't handle me n if i'm too much then maybe we're just not meant to be yk? #.. sorry that sounds inherently romantic bcs of the phrasing but i mean everything like everything platonically #i think at least. i wldn't admit if it's otherwise but yk when i phrase things like that it's srs just platonic #i want to regrets so recently i've been stepping out of my comfort zone a bit. not too much but yeah yk c: #n i'm proud of it honestly. still a long ways to go but life's a journey after all n i'll enjoy myself #one step one scenery one trudge at a time 🤍 #laughed sm today bcs of my friends n then w the cats hehe THEY WERE PLAYING W THE BIRD 😭😭 #n i love spending time w my family too n IDK IM JUST RLLY IN A GOOD MOOD RN #school asap so i can resub n. i finally played gbf again today yk? n ak too n yhhhh c: #i'll be productive rn but this rlly feels so lovely yk. n then i have motivation n inspo too n #it doesn't usually last very long but it always returns n i think it's lovely.

[chalkrub]

ralsei deltarune by request <:^)

#my art #deltarune #ralsei deltarune #ralsei fanart #i like this thang. i don't trust him but i do like him especially his shadowy form #i'm not like a hardcore ut/dr fan but i do like thems games. berdly is my favourite. will i ever draw him? maybe #okay. extremely anxious about classwork because i'm behind and i accidentally forgor to do something AND didn't read my emails for days #but i'm still going out for impromptu cocktails because why tf not #embarrassment from missing an email is temporary. laffs with friends is eternal. always remember this

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[politemagic]

To The Surface

Vessel always finds himself plagued by nightmares around the anniversary of his death. Even though he won't ask for comfort, choosing instead to suffer in silence, II takes notice, taking it upon himself to watch over him through the night.

II always has and always will protect Vessel, even if it means breaking one of their sacred rules.

Word Count: 855

a/n: It is implied here that Vessel and II knew each other prior to becoming vessels for Sleep. For a little context here, each member has died and been resurrected by Sleep, meaning Vessel's suicide attempt was successful. This is my first non-silly foray into writing for Sleep Token, it's just a little something I wrote last night, but feedback is greatly appreciated🖤

AO3

He was drowning again.

The water was prying at his lips, taunting his nostrils, begging him to give in, to slip away. He knew it was easier not to fight it, to let his body sink to the bottom and succumb to the darkness.

He began to part his lips, the water clawing its way in when he heard it, so faint he swore he had imagined it. Then he heard it again, louder, clearer.

His name.

He hadn’t heard it in so long, so long he had almost forgotten it entirely. It belonged to the face beneath his mask, the face he tried so desperately to forget. The face he concealed by his mask. 

The familiar voice cut through the water, wrapping itself around his torso and dragging him to the surface, his name echoing through his mind as he broke through to the air above…

Vessel gasped, shooting up in what he could vaguely recognize as his bed, sending someone toppling off the side onto the floor below. His chest heaved as he blinked furiously, trying to gain awareness of his surroundings. Tears spilled down his cheeks as sobs racked his body.

Then he heard it again, the same voice from his dream, whispering his name. A gentle hand came to his shoulder accompanied by another soft utterance of his name as he trembled, a pair of warm arms wrapping around him.

II kneeled on the bed beside Vessel and pulled him into his chest, letting him bury his face in his neck, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he sobbed. His nightmares had been getting worse recently, and II was starting to seriously worry about him. He knew that Vessel was often too embarrassed to come to any of them for comfort, even after all they’d been through together. So for the past two weeks he’d been setting alarms throughout the night to come check on him and make sure he was safe. Tonight, when he peeked into his bedroom, the sight of Vessel thrashing against the covers had sent him into a panic. He tried waking him, but nothing seemed to be able to snap him out of it. 

II knew he shouldn’t have done it, knew Sleep would likely be angry with him even if Vessel forgave him for using his true name. They were no longer the men they were, only vessels for Sleep, they had no name. But one look at the anguish on Vessel’s face pulled it from his lips involuntarily, a desperate attempt to help him. 

And it worked.

They stayed like that for the better part of an hour wrapped in each other, the room silent except for the heart wrenching sounds coming from deep within Vessel’s chest. Finally, Vessel tugged his face away from II’s neck, blinking away the tears as he sniffled. II brought his hand up to cup Vessel’s face, gently rubbing his thumb against his cheek. 

“You said my name,” Vessel croaked. “You really shouldn’t do that.”

“I tried not to. But you… you wouldn’t wake up.” II whispered, the concern evident in his voice. Vessel sighed, his eyes falling closed as he leaned his forehead against II’s shoulder.

“They’re getting bad again.” He said after a moment of silence.

“Are they all the same?” II asked. Vessel had told him once about the nightmares that plagued him around this time of year. Vessel nodded as he pulled away again, his eyes falling to his trembling hands. 

“But this one was…” Vessel trailed off, swallowing thickly. II gently took his hands, offering a reassuring squeeze. “Normally it’s silent, I’m just alone in this… nothingness. But this time, I could hear something. I could hear you.”

“Me?”

“I could hear you calling my name, and it felt like you were pulling me out of it. Like you were… saving me.” Vessel confessed, bringing his gaze back up to meet II’s eyes.

The vulnerable look in Vessel’s eyes snatched the words from his throat, he was already a man of few words even in less emotionally charged situations. So instead of speaking, he just wrapped his arms around Vessel’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug, clutching him tightly against his body. II felt Vessel’s arms wrap around his middle, the tension in his body slowly melting away as he let himself relish in II’s comforting embrace.

“I’m always going to save you.” II mumbled, holding back tears of his own. Vessel began to pull away, and II reluctantly released him.

“Would you stay with me? Just tonight?” He asked quietly, his lip quivering, and II immediately nodded.

“Of course.”

They laid facing each other, II’s hand running along Vessel’s side as they spoke in hushed whispers about nothing at all until Vessel’s eyes began to flutter closed. II smiled to himself as he watched his face relax as a peaceful slumber overtook him. He lifted his hand to brush the hair from his face, saying a silent prayer to Sleep to protect him from the darkness this time. He still laid awake until the sun rose though, just to make sure.

#last night i may or may not have ended up crying over my own idea that #the reason ii drinks so many red bulls is because he spends his nights making sure that ves never has to suffer these nightmares alone #so he has to overly caffeinate himself in order to stay awake during rehearsals. but it's all worth it so long as vessel is safe #(i'm hiding my insecurities in the tags because i'm trying to Do Better but i'm very nervous to share this.) #(it's much easier to share something silly than something that i feel has a little bit of weight? i just hope i do it justice.) #i'm trying to get more comfortable with sharing my writing. i'm getting better but i'm still very very anxious but its okay we're GROWING!! #sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token vessel #sleep token ii #vessel x ii #em's stcu

[caspersickfanfics]

Some very novice fanart of Here for You by @aeryssickfics, which I simply cannot recommend enough!!! I've already lost count of how many times I've read it. There's something about Tighnari's vulnerability in that fic which I absolutely love!!

Took some liberties with his hand and feet anatomy because I couldn't be bothered to figure out if canon has anything to say about that. Also, I just want him to have claws, so that he can use them if he needs to :) And I put him in a comfy shirt because I could not possibly have pulled off his usual outfit because he deserves it =v=

Non-textured version under the cut for those who prefer a smoother look!

#cas scribbles #tw vomit #tw emeto #sick tighnari #tighnari genshin impact #this was meant as a gift but i had issues with sending it via ask so!! i hope this is okay! #i am. trying to let go of all of the critiques i still have of this piece #i realize i'm much better at writing than art!! and yet i have more fun with art #i didn't use references for this (clearly 💀) so. don't look to close?? lmao #whatever the most important part was making his tail look fluffy!! which i think it does =v= #anyway i'm procrastinating posting this but my internet just went out 3x in a row so #here goes #if you've read all of my anxious talking-to-myself-tags this is for you ----------- > <3

[moonchild-in-blue]

Everyone clap, I actually went out with friends instead of being sad alone 👏👏

#did i consider cancelling? yes #but did i miss them and went anyways and had a good time? YES #something about spiralling and isolating yourself from everyone and stuff #and i still feel incredibly guilty for not texting back and reaching out but. i went and it was fine 🥺 #and i'm well aware they are very frustrated (lovingly) with me and YET #we laughed and talked and hugged and went to an arcade and it was FUN and OKAY #i'm still incredibly anxious for no good reason but i am very proud of myself. baby steps i suppose #anyways i am on my way home and i am so so excited to go to bed and have some tea and unwind #darya talks to herself

[pierswife]

Hi everyone! Just as a blanket statement: Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has a wonderful day and that you spend the holiday in the way that makes you happy and that you enjoy. And for anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas or prefers not to, the same sentiment goes to you! I hope you have a wonderful and restful day!

Love you all!!

#I'm uh... still working on the not being anxious or having a borderline panic attack or just being in general not okay during christmas #and I'm hoping that doing this helps? idk I'm just glad I'm not having an entire breakdown like I did last year mdjwhcjiajsis I was not oka #and tbh this time of year is still really fucking rough for me but it is what it is some years will be better than others #I haven't cried this year (yet) so hey that's a win for me /lh #data log: personal

[altschmerzes]

🌹

thank youuuuu after the encouragement to commit on this scene and others like it in the first place, a bit from The Cuddling Part in the qpr two aces fic -

Then Dani’s hand moves, settling on Jamie’s side. He leaves it there, his thumb moving in slow strokes over the ridge of bone at the bottom of Jamie’s ribcage. There are callouses on his palm that Jamie can feel, slightly rough against his skin. It’s beyond frightening but he doesn’t want it to stop. He thinks he might die if it stopped, actually, if that gentle touch was gone and he was left to lay here, cold enough to shiver without it. It doesn’t leave. It stays, pressing a little harder after a while, like the way that Jamie has relaxed and leaned back into Dani’s chest, not flinching again since that first time, has given him permission to settle in too.

#gav gab #fic: loneliness into loneliness #writing liveblog #gav answers #ask box games #this is from a scene that's about a few things i.e. changing they way they're sleeping #now that dani's shoulder has healed enough to be like. id like to hold YOU this time if that's okay. #and there's a thing about like. direct skin-to-skin contact #it's a fully and intentionally nonsexual scene for the record but dani's hand is like #on jamie's side under his shirt #i don't totally have a justification for that except that it popped into my mind and now it Has to be here #something something intimacy and proximity and touch and hands etc #looking at this still like i truly don't know why this scene happened this way #but it came into my mind like #dani's hand is under jamie's shirt on his side #and it's Just That #it's just about touch it's not about anything else #and even though that's maybe weird? idk? #it HAD to be like that. there's no other way for the scene to go #i'm like. still so anxious that's a Weird thing to write but also who cares #maybe it is #maybe i want it that way anyway

[zetsubobu]

Alrighty I created a ninjago oc!!

But sike, it's actually in @weekend-whip 's legacyverse because it's better written than the canon show and I like that universe

Alright so I saw this

And I thought: "hmmm, distant relative, that gives room for headcanons"

So here's my ninjago (legacyverse) oc!

Name: nicole villin (nici)

Age: undefined but in the same age range as harumi and lloyd

Moral: lawful neutral

Ability: partial inheritor of the element of light

Nici is a direct descendant of the 5th gen master of light. However like aurora she only partially inherited the ability. In nici's case, she inherited the control over the element but not the full power. She could make herself disappear at will, however the strongest she could go is being translucent and not fully see through like paleman. That results in her not exactly "disappearing" whenever she wants to but rather it's more coincidental and happens whenever she feels particularly intuned with her element or feels like her life is in danger. Usually she can still be seen in a normal light setting so it's not much of use, however in dimly lit rooms it can happen that you won't notice her unless you look twice or mistake it for a trick of the eyes.

She did not have training to control her powers yet since the previous master is more focused on the other inheritor, paleman.

The fact that nici inherited the control over disappearing (which she could use if she had training) is also the reason why paleman is never seen with his true face but rather his clothes or completely gone. He has the full power that she hasn't (since she just got a weaker portion of that) but since he can not control when to tap out or in, he's constantly see through and the only thing he can do is enhance his power to make him even more see through or weaken it a bit

(imagine it as if kai's hair was constantly on fire because of his element but he can't put it out. He could make his whole body on fire or he could go back to only his hair which is just a bit weaker but it would never stop)

Personality:

She is usually a happy person but that gets really reserved around people she doesn't know well. She doesn't mind talking as long as it's with close ones since she suffers from pretty bad social anxiety and often doubts her friendships, especially when around strangers. Her withdrawal around others makes it easy for her to blend in and be forgotten. She does care deeply about her limited friendships though and her way to show appreciation and care is by making sure her friends stay out of trouble. She's not a shy person so speaking is not something she troubles much with and she's quite happy to talk if she does

She doesn't support the ninjas nor lord garmadon as she thinks they both have their flaws and supporting one or the other without acknowledging the flaws is pretty ignorant. She doesn't mind those who do either though as she thinks opinion is opinion.

She has the bad habit of always distrusting her friendships even if they never said anything bad which is a result of her bond with her mother. So it might come off as a bit hurtful to others when she says something like "I have no friends", which is not something she says because she doesn't consider them friends but rather that she fears they don't consider her one. Just know that she doesn't mean it the way it sounds.

She's an active listener and has the habit of sometimes hearing things she shouldn't because they forget she's also there which could cause her to overhear some certain ninja secrets

Usually light is an element associated with things like hope or positivity which is something that doesn't exactly fit her sometimes due to her anxiety. It's why she has a rather low natural attunement with a mid fluctuation

Jesse belongs to @weekend-whip !!

Story:

Ever since she was born, she noticed her mother frequently disappointed that she didn't inherited the full element as she now had the trouble of needing to search for a person that she could pass it on to. Her mother never expressed that disappointment verbally, however she could see it in her eyes as well as how desperate she was at meeting new people, even really distant family members who they have never met before. It's also how they met paleman as he is a more distant family member. Nici's mother noticed how he had a really high natural attunement and chose that distant relative to be the next master of light. All those parties and meeting all those people with the knowledge of why they are actually here is what caused her social anxiety in the first place.

She and paleman get along quite well though because he understands her situation and had to see her way more often after getting passed on the element. She often calls him uncle viz since he does appear like an uncle to her.

She goes to highschool in ninjago city (bc where else?), spends her time in the cooking club and is in the same year as harumi (though they have never interacted much). She isn't one that believes rumors but she is intimidated by most of the ninjas and isn't sure how to talk to either of them. Though she does get along the best with zane and nya.

She lives close to the border of ninjago city which is why the garmadon or the great devourer attack never affected her as much as the others near the center of the city. She did volunteer work though by helping to cook food to support people who lost their homes.

#ninjago #ninjago original character #ninjago oc #aaaaa I'm so proud of this oc #i hope this somehow doesn't mess up ren's lore for paleman #book 5 is still long into the future #my anxious little bean #she would definitely have a crush on both lloyd and harumi (not that it matters though #it's one sided #okay I should probably stop now #keep spamming ren these past few days and not only with drawings #guest oc: nicole villin #oc:_nicole_villin #ceces_art

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

...so almost getting trafficked was NOT on my itinerary. Alas.

#I'm okay!!! i am all right. #but this fuckin guy was asking me practically everything aside from my social security number #after a certain point i started lying my ass off #but still!! holy shit do i feel gross and a lot anxious. #whatever. it's fine. I'll write this essay then make a cake then work on a comm then sleep it off. #s rambles

[shaniacsboogara]

hey watcherinas!!! having a bit of a mental health time so i think i'm gonna try to step back from tumblr for a bit (by a bit i probably just mean tomorrow but i just wanted to let you know lol) <3

#average boog post #just think i'm getting overstimulated and thinking about tumblr too much isn't helping that so i think i need a little breather #sdndnd sunday is STILL ON!!! #dw ill still be here just maybe not as much (and maybe not at all tomorrow idk i think i need a social media break) #that and some time to just BE without feeling like i need to constantly be creating and posting #i know a lot of what i do here is post silly jokes but i do put pressure on myself to make em good enough so... yeah #just unlearning my anxious / perfectionistic behaviors and thought processes and trying to find healthier ways to deal with things #love you all you mean the world to me #i think i just need to focus less on boog for a minute and more on... #REDACTED #HA YOU THOUGHT A NAME REVEAL WAS COMING DIDN'T YOU #PSYCH #okay but in all seriousness thanks for reading this if you did <3

[grims-sunshine]

Quietly making rp blogs for my Tavs, not knowing if I'll ever even use them 🙂

#I'm still anxious about interacting with people okay #like ik for a fact everyone is super kind and sweet #but that absolutely will not stop the anxiety from going 📈📈📈 at the idea of talking to someone #like tbh I'm just addling to the possibility of reblogging something in the wrong spot and that's it xjsjjs

[rainbillcipher]

Not feeling too good today...

There was a wedding today among Bex's family and so many of them pestering her about being "single" (we don't feel comfortable telling them about us). I was very angry.

Plus religious stuff we won't get into. Like, I'm used to how Bex is with it, and when she does her church thing, it's no big deal. But today it felt....uncomfortable.

Maybe cause it was a wedding and the thought of one just makes us really uncomfortable. Still.....I wish I had one.

#Bex: the religious part is still hard for Bill to talk about. I'm okay with mine but not the mushy stuff. #Bex: you know for context #text #uncomfortable #anxious #religious #Bill might have religious trauma #also self-inflicted trauma

[loveisinthebat]

Special Small Friend

#Little Bent-winged bat #Bats of Australia #bats of South East Asia #Bat of the day #Daily bat #Sorry I'm late! #Still anxious #I'll be okay #Bat #Bats #Batposting #Cute Animals #Cute bats #ye

[kotaerukoto]

It's pretty good that places Makoto ends up in other verses (Chaldea, Astral Express, etc) aren't bad places at all, because otherwise Makoto's mental health would be hanging by a thread like it does in his main game

#ooc ramblings. #i mean. it's not like he's doing well mentally in a few verses despite that. but still #if there's smthn I'm realizing while replaying DR1 is that I don't write him Not Okay ENOUGH #because my god he's not doing alright. at all. he's so stressed and anxious he just has the strength of heart to not let it consume him #even if he ruminates multiple. MULTIPLE. times about how he feels like he's completely losing his mind #makes me grateful for all the interactions I'm having for Makoto where he's doing alright and is his normal warm self #homie deserves a break....

[corset]

You know. I thought I talked way too much and never listened. But after running into someone like that who just absolutely takes over every conversation that ever happens and never seems to stop to interact with other people in those conversations/listen to them/stop talking for two seconds in this server I am in, I'm actually a lot less self conscious about this because it is now clear to me that I do actively make an effort to not be like this.

#It's Unbearable #It's getting to the point where any time they enter the conversation I just quietly leave because I cannot stand them #'never listened' is a bit of an exaggeration. I knew it wasn't /that/ bad but I know I have a tendency to go on and sometimes I get anxious #about getting something out because I can be scatterbrained/forgetful if I don't at times and I've also had to unlearn the feeling of like #'I need to dominate this conversation or I will just be ignored' that has been kind of trained into me by so many bad interactions/people #in the past -_- #Anyways it's definitely gotten better. #Especially irl since I've tried to make it a point to communicate that I want time to think about what I want to say sometimes #I'm used to my family who will prompt me super stressfully if I don't answer/reply to them in 2 seconds #I've had to tell my mother like 'okay. count to /seven/ at least and if I still haven't replied you can gently prod me to make sure I heard #you'