#okay bye that's all i had to say :) :)

[hitorimaron]

Inspired by I will be chasing a starlight by @feyburner @sundiscus

Summary:

“You know what?” Wei Ying said. “I think we should be friends.”

“Vulcans do not have friends,” said Lan Zhan. He was staring very determinedly at the screen in front of him.

Wei Ying frowned at him. “That can’t be right.”

#wangxian #mdzs fanart #tlc fanart #lan zhan x wei ying #lan wangji #wei wuxian #MY ARTSIES #i literally cant stop thinking about this one okay #each scene haunting me #begging to be drawn #i keep telling myself there is already art for this fic #there is already art for this exact scene as well #BUT I HAD TO OK #i just had to i was literally shaking reading this #god tier writing is all im saying #the longing and angst and everything i am weak #just #just cant even #cant #ok bye

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[saltpepperbeard]

Favorite Stede Facial Expressions Part 2/?

#OFMD #Our Flag Means Death #Stede Bonnet #Rhys Darby #ofmdedit #ofmdaily #tvedit #Edit #MAN episodes 3-4 had some good ones PFFF #THE ONE WHERE HE'S YELLING AT IZZY IS AN ALL TIME FAV I MUST SAY SHDLKJS #And all of his poofy little faces and his SMILES #See this is why I was losing my marbles okay #And like #His hair bounce in the 9th gif #And the way he's SITTING IN THE 10TH??? #RIZZ HSDJKLS #anyway bye i love him #AND ONTO THE NEXT #Stede Faces

[3-aem]

im bored of animal crossing will be drawing gj again will be mental illness-ing once more.

#women make less than men because we dont know how to ask for more!!!!! #and thats so fucking true my ex manager had to coach me how to ask for more #and then i entered the call and went oh u want to give me less than what i asked for great okay sure love you bye #!!!!!!!!! *looking at myself in the mirror* i hate u #the noise my cat makes when hes frustrated #or really really excited i cant tell which is which anymore #my ex manager is also like lawyer core #ie not a lawyer but loves reading contracts for some uknown reason #and he was pointing out all the stupid phrasing #and i was sitting there like sir to be completely candid i do not even comprehend what the line is saying #let alone what it is suggesting and its implications #apparently when you get those emails like this is confidential dont share it!!! #u can u can like totally share it its not enforceable #the sender even knows its not enforceable they just put it there anyway #what are you gonna do with that info heck if i know!

[m0e-ru]

did everybody remember when atlus finally restored the attendant social link in the steam port and how stupid it actually was

#persona 4 spoilers #persona 4 #p4 #⛽️🌫 #moel gas station attendant #izanami persona #souji seta #yu narukami #tohru adachi #margaret persona #marie persona #arttag #tappous #// 'you say good bye to your senpai' okay when do i see him again #// i wish there was a rank10 but margaret said her ex doesnt do 'taught and long lasting bonds' can i at least get a final boss skip #// looking through my liveblog of this was so stupid i havent even shown all the times i kept loading saves that were in-game months apart #// because the correct flags werent triggering and the sl just disappears from the sl menu like HOW can you lose a friend #// like i kept answering the wrong prompts. gestures wildly at the jester and aeon sl. THE DOUBLE STANDARDS ARE SICK!!!! #// the attendant part time job was still working though but it was just child labor at that point with nothing fun to do #// i feel like they really had to focus on marie for this one thats why the whole sl feels incomplete because IT ISS #// atls they just 'restored' this one for fandom points or something I DONT KNOW !!! #// it was so complicated to get this far it was so ambitious but i guess it flopped by the end and we're supposed to chalk it up as 'lore' #// also heard how the last update fuckkeed it up so bad they got rid of the sl again because nobody could play it LMAOOO #// mimis so quirky like that okayy thats it for this week my dearest customers GOODNIGHT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #cw unreality #gsa sl au

[dipplinduo]

Fun fact about me: April 18th is my birthday! :)

And part of what I wanted to do to celebrate this year was to give back. Introducing * ~ a dipplinshipping birthday oneshot ~ * :

Rating: T

Summary:

Today was Kieran's birthday, but it was the last thing that mattered to him. In fact, he vowed it would never matter to him again. Instead, he would focus on things that would keep him strong: his battling, his strategizing, and his crown as the Blueberry Champion. His sister and the Elite Four won't stop asking him random questions, though, and if anyone brings up Juliana any more than they already have since she arrived as an exchange student, he's seriously going to lose it. But...why can't he stop thinking about her? And why is everyone acting so suspicious?!

A bittersweet birthday celebration fic for anyone who's had complicated feelings about their birthday. <3

Take this as a thank you to all of those who have followed my work and/or my Tumblr blog. I wouldn't have imagined having the support of this wonderful community on my last birthday, and I can't even begin to describe how encouraged and inspired I have felt to write since finding you guys. I have never written this much for this long, consistently, and your constant feedback and comments seriously brighten my day more than Juliana brightens up Kieran, LOL. Hope you enjoy this! <333

(And yeah, this fic is the "event based idea" that this poll was about. I thought it was so funny that some of you thought it was gonna be some devastating angst LMAOOOO. That's for after TTPD releases, tysm for the bday gift Taylor.)

#I legit was gonna go a bit of a wholesome route for S&S D but y'all said “nah” so I said “bet” and wrote Chapter 18™ instead #anyways #on a real note #seriously tysm for all the love & kind words & support #I hope this brings you some of the happiness you all constantly bring me #<3333 #my fics #dipplinshipping #kieran pokemon #kieran x juliana pokemon #juliana x kieran pokemon #kieran x juliana #juliana pokemon #juliana x kieran #I had fun with some references see if you can spot 'em all #now Im gonna run to bed #I have a busy day ahead of meeee #bye for now!! <3 #also yes I did lowkey contemplate teal mask Kieran instead #but my bias is allowed for today LMAO #what can I say #indigo disk Kieran is just elite #plus its fun to have the rest of the blueberry squad there #oKAY NOW IM SIGNING OFF BYEEEE #wouldnt be a dipplinduo post without me going back to edit tags #catch me editing typos later too lmfao #yes TTPD release technically falls on my bday in the time zone im currently in #will never ever shut up about that

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"

#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall #y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these #rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything #BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes #'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and #acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something #managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show #''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was #set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol #OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting #around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes'' #''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often' #''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc. #ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye #BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by #putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones #when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or #magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!! #ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like #'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i #the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!! #it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action #fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on.. #ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally #defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just #opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of #points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its #bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol #Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully #agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it

[mitchmotch]

second 30 minute sketch monday with @revalito! lan wangji from our anastasia au :)

#lan zhan #lan wangji #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #anastasia au #sketches #we're still working on this au i swear... HEHDKJSS #i have a wip in my files of some comic pages... HEHDJKSHJK #again i dont really have much to say i guess #if youre reading this i hope you have/had a good day :) #i might be reblogging sketches and such from my own comic from my main to here soon just to have it all in one place.. #i just love my ocs a lot ^^ #okay bye!!

[gregoftom]

pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this

#tomgreg #where do i even start with t his horseshit okay here we fucking go. #so tom's first instinct is to go to greg when he's on shaky ground with shiv. the only way he feels safe is to have GREG with him. #who tf would want greg as an attack dog??!?!? lets be fucking real. when he says that i think he means just a dog. just someone loyal. #who loves him and won't dick him around. i think he's pretty tired of it by now. #he wants an alliance with like. ok in this show who would you pick to ally with. i love greg but he's abso useless in terms of skills that #would keep you safe. if anything TOM would keep HIM safe. in fact tom himself says who else has taken care of you. literally spells it out. #he even says greg is a joke; will fail; will fuck up; so what use does he have for tom other than companionship. other than love? #a dog might do tricks for you but your main reason for getting one is usually love. right? at least it should be. it would be in tom's case. #and don't even fucking get me STARTED on ''do you wanna come with me? ...sporus?" like girl. #you know what you told him about nero and sporus right. and now you're saying to him; yeah i was talking about you. #you and me. you're my favourite and i wasn't joking when i said i'd marry you. #the whole while tom is asking greg to be his attack dog his fuckin. eyes and expression we get it you're in love with him. like it's ridic. #and all this coming with phrasing it sounds like they're fucking ELOPING. I HATE IT!!!!!! SHUT UP! stop saying that fucking shit god. god #they are so annoying. anyway #the way tom's voice breaks as he says he has things to do [what things. will i find out later.] and the deal and!! #what am i gonna do with a soul anyways... i have you what do i need it for. and as that paragraph said somewhere. he castrates his soul. #then they giggle and are fucking annoying and greg'S HANDS LOOK LIK EHE'S ABOUT TO IDK. HUG TOM? AROUND THE MIDDLE MAYBE #or do something else. and then they just hug instead and i fucking. ugh. i've had enough tbh good fucking bye

[horsemage]

I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one. #one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie! #there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal. #and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!' #I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out. #I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

[p0rchc0ll4ps3]

the real reason why they never promoted eyes to lieutenancy is because he woulda' shown up to the function with his sunglasses on and his collar popped like some kind of unprofessional punk

(the real real reason is that he was too damn adhd and a little too graadian for comfort (also the collar thing. that still applies actually.))

#i cant fucking handle this guy #my art #viorel segal #disco elysium #eyes disco elysium #whys he look like this. what the fuck is that. #what is that. why do you look like this. #these r sketchbook doodles transferred to digital and i keep overthinking them like i keep worrying theyre wonk #but i think theyre fine. hes so. jesus fuckfing christ. man. yeah. #the lieutenant uniform uhhhhh i have a better art of kim and jean in their uniforms and ill explain it better then but you just get this fo #for now. but moralintern blue. gold for the royalty. blue scarf and ribbon and belt and cape for the grih. folk symbols r wheat river star #coz each precinct has different ribbon colors and different folk symbols and different colors of the symbols. here the colors r blue for th #river black for the money from the port and red for fraternity. ill have to think about it more in depth so thats subject to change #and uhhhh rcm seal. which is based on the revachol state seal. which is also subject to change. rn is moralintern blue flowers royalty lion #and skua of course. #and red dots for the 6 suns #and the words around it r the RCM name and motto #shoves him in my mouth #also hes like what. 40 something here. hes 5 years older than kim and he was 43 when he died so idk 40 something. early 40s #idfk how to draw older men fr i have to work on that #oh another fun fact i had to digitalize these specifically bc theyre my fave doodles of him #i kept opening up my photo of the sketchpage and STARING at him. ok #thats all #oh wait one more fun fact i did this in between working on my essay. okay now THATS all #i like to say a lot of things. i love to type. ok bye

[aceofspades-sml]

Hiya folks we are now entering week 4 without uksies how is everyone doing

Also in honor of nothing I guess reblog and tell me your closing night moment™. Like that one moment in the last show that was the worst for you. Just because I don't want to feel lonely bringing the opening back every week

#for me I think we all now it was josh just going “one final time” #though I kind of lost it when Bobbie showed up for Brooklyn's here because idk I think her showing up while sick #really made me understand that it was the end yk #also seize the day and michael bawling his eyes out during santa fe but I mean. those are obvious. #also did I ever mention when all the leses came on because I feel like I didn't talk about that enough #OH AND ROOSEVELT SAYING “ALL OF YOU” #okay I had too many feelings bye #newsies #newsies uk #uksies

[engagemythrusters]

1000% true reason Ezra's hair got short for s3 is bc Chopper Base is a warmer climate than Lothal and Ezra's got that nice thick hair yknow so time to give himself an edgy teen undercut (or whatever emo vibe he's going for that reduces hair on his head) to get his scalp to breathe. and so he has sabine come do it. but sabine is a perfectionist and, more importnatly, an older sibling. so she messes up once and goes "fuck" and then shaves him bald and tells him to come back in 6 months to try again

#its true sabine told me herself #... tho i do suppose... if. #IF. #if you want the angsty route. #perhaps ezra had a little padawan braid tucked in his nice full head of hair. and perhaps. #perhaps one day when kanan has withdrawn inside himself--cutting himself off from the force and his family and his padawan. his KID. #perhaps when the sith holocron has gotten its wrap around ezra. #perhaps that day he gets so ANGRY. he takes his saber to his braid. #and he regrets it instantly. #guilt gets him so hard and so fast that he impulsively pcks up the cut and continues #and his head is all shaggy and he just sits in his room and cant bear to THINK about hmslf. much less look at what he has just done w hmslf #so he slides into sabines room in the middle of the night. and neither of them say anything. but she evens out his hair and lets him go #and the next morning nobody breathes a word to him about it. #and nobody knows what to say to kanan. so they just... don't. #ANYWAY YEA #okay bye #ezra bridger #sabine wren #star wars: rebels #jokeposting xoxo #or am i....

[barkingangelbaby]

wanna play the sims soooo baaaaad but bg3 takes up so much space I can't update it </3 maybe I'll ask N to help me clean out some stuff bc I simply Do Not Know things about computers lmao

#rAMbles #I'm also mourning my laptop that stopped working three years ago again #mostly bc i had so many interesting academic pdfs saved that i didn't appreciate in college and want to read again #i gotta try to remember that one website that has SOOOO many experimental films on it that i used my university's library login for... #i wonder if I'd still have access to it #maybe I'll reach out to my old professor and ask if he has any new site recommendations #j**** r******* you will forever be one of the best professors I've ever had!!!! #omg one day we just drew on 10ft of 35mm and he played it through a projector.. man that was a cool day #lemme dig up my notes from that class and research all the artists he shared again.. #I'm thinking about his notes saying the work i created in his class was on par with grad level work and... auuuughhh i miss making video art #i was so spoiled using 4k cameras and professional mics and access to several video editing programs #time to ask N to find me rips of them i think :) i loved editing i was just too high and depressed in college to make more work #ugh maybe I'll ask my friend if i can use her mac so i can transfer some work i have on my mac only harddrive onto a flashdrive.. hmm... #okay rambling done i just really miss being a video artist #i lied last thought.. i really want to make a documentary again #OKAY BYE

[mishtershpock]

.

#okay i’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. 30 tag maximum you are my nemesis lol #my main issue here is not necessarily that the karaoke and other bach party scenes have likely been cut #it’s more that they’re clearly buddie baiting for engagement #journalists were watching the episode as early as saturday. which means the ep was ready by at least this time last week #so they knew that the scenes had been cut. and they chose to continue including it in promotion and interviews #i KNOW that logically the reason they chose those scenes to cut was because they’re less important. and we’d already seen them #they technically already gave us the clips in the promo videos. right? so bye bye #but that’s bullshit. sorry #they used buddie best friendism content as a way to promote the ep and increase hype #and then they just pull it out from under us the day before it airs #this is a madney episode. madney are getting married. buddie having fun is not the most important thing here. i get it #so why did they not promote something else? you’re telling me there was NOTHING ELSE they could’ve used? #nothing else from the episode that was free of big spoilers? at all??? #it’s madney’s episode but they chose to promote one clip of buddie talking to maddie. one of chim crawling. and the bach party stuff #they must know that people would focus on the bach party. buddie is beloved buck and eddie are beloved #what were they expecting?? #they used buddie as a pairing as bait. not queer bait and not even ship bait i suppose as there was nothing ‘shippy’ shown #but they baited buddie content. that’s literally what’s happened #i would be more understanding if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. it’s normal sure. shows do this all the time with fan faves #but also it is a false reflection of the episode. even journalists are saying the episode is not what they expected from the promo #it honestly feels like they’ve made fools of us. maybe the episode will air and it’ll be better than expected #but i don’t have much hope not much hope for buddie. not much hope for madney getting what they deserve. ZERO hope for eddie’s 7b storyline #frankly i’m expecting b/t to be the main chat after this ep. which is……. anyway #i’m not really liking s7 so far and i feel gaslit when people say it’s great lol #IN MY OPINION it is choppy and too fast and a little ooc and doesn’t make a lot of sense #they didn’t even green light bi!buck until episode. what. 2/3?? #so presumably had to change everything from then on #i know that’s partly down to limited episode numbers but… 3 eps for the cruise (unnecessary) but 1 for madney wedding? ok #sigh. if anyone’s read this far pls don’t come for me ok. these are just my opinions #we’re all entitled to them. i’m sad for madney and i’m sad for buddie best friendism and i’m sad for s7 as a whole right now

[siriuslynephilim]

my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and

#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls #girl #and i was so tired #am so tired #i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't #i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne #i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭 #just. kya batau main #i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i #liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest #i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic #everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much #draining and destroys my peace and then they leave #it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship #whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night #every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on #pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking #into a million tiny pieces everytime #i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the #sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's #she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of #i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her #but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna #die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i #need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy #does that make sense #okay bye i should really start writing a diary