#oc: Tag | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gutsfics · 1 year

Text

Incorrect Quotes 💞

i wasnt tagged by anyone this just looked fun

i may have. gotten a little carried away and put a lot lmao

Avalon: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.

Thomas: The big five licenses?

Avalon: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

Thomas: Are you trying to seduce me?

Thomas: I fell—

Avalon: From heaven?

Thomas: No, I literally fell—

Avalon: In love with me the moment you saw me?

Thomas: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Avalon: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Avalon: Why, are you seducible?

Thomas: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Avalon: But ya' didn't!

Avalon: Bro-

Thomas: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Thomas: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Avalon: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Thomas: What did you do?!

Avalon: NOBODY DIED!

Thomas: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Thomas: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Avalon:

Avalon: I like you.

☆

Baxter & Reigan

☆

Reigan: What? I'm not aggressive!

Baxter: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Reigan: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Baxter: Help! I’m drowning!

Reigan: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water!

Baxter: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Reigan: Are you drinking enough water?

Baxter: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

Reigan: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!

Baxter: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

☆

Ezra x Wes x Simon

☆

Ezra: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it.

Wes: Ezra, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Simon?

Ezra: Wes, gather the others. We need to have another Simon-is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-him-before-he-hurts-himself convention.

Simon: You have to apologize to Wes!

Ezra: Fine!

Ezra: Unfuck you, or whatever!

☆

Ethan x Baxter x Raf

☆

Raf: Why doesn’t Baxter find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Ethan: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Raf: *bites lip*

Ethan: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

Raf: How do you do that?

Baxter: I'm fearless.

Ethan: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Baxter: I'm mostly fearless.

Baxter: There's beer in the cooler.

Ethan: What about for the children?

Baxter: You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer.

Raf: Why don't we just give the kids water?

Baxter, angrily: I suppose you could do that!

Ethan: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Raf: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Baxter, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Ethan: You're a bad influence.

Raf: And you don't know your sayings.

☆

Reigan ◇ Tobias

☆

Tobias: *sighs* I have no friends...

Reigan:

Reigan: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

Tobias: Am I right, Reigan?

Reigan: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Reigan: We have to plan, we have to figure something out.

Tobias: Reigan, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.

Tobias: Is five a lot of followers?

Reigan: Depends on the context.

Reigan: On Instagram? No, not a lot of followers.

Reigan: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers.

Tobias, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Reigan: *half asleep* Tobias, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to himself* the Queen.

☆

Simon & Thomas

☆

Simon, texting Thomas: *sends a voice message*

Thomas, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Simon: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Thomas: *presses play*

Simon's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Simon: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Thomas and not do the thing,

Simon: Well there’s a clear right answer here.

Simon: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

☆

Thomas x Avalon + Baxter & Reigan

☆

Baxter: What’s up with Thomas? he's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Reigan: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Baxter: Why?

Reigan: Avalon smiled at him.

Avalon: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Reigan: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

Baxter: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Thomas: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Baxter: Where's Avalon?

Reigan: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Reigan, shouting: Thomas sucks!

Avalon, distantly: Thomas is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Reigan: Found them.

Reigan: I’m gonna die alone.

Avalon: Reigan, you’re not gonna die alone.

Reigan: Baxter, was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Thomas: Uh-huh. Why is that?

Reigan: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Reigan: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Reigan: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

Thomas, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Avalon: Gray.

Baxter: Grey.

Thomas, turning to Reigan: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Reigan: Dark white.

☆

Tag x Mina x Big Papa

☆

Mina: So how’s the food Big Papa made?

Tag: It's great! Compliments to them.

Mina: *goes to the kitchen*

Mina: You're adorable.

Big Papa: *blushes*

Big Papa, to Tag: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.

Tag: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.

Big Papa: You just told me you're pregnant.

Mina: Congratulations Tag, you're glowing!

Big Papa: So... what’s goin’ on?

Mina: You want the long version or the short version?

Big Papa, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Mina: Shit’s fucked.

Big Papa: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*

Big Papa: How do you eat pickles?

Mina: What do you mean?

Big Papa: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes.

Mina: Yeah, that's why you use a fork.

Big Papa: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean.

Mina: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work.

Big Papa: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl.

Mina: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing.

Big Papa: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug.

Mina: *Nods in agreement*

Tag: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS!

Big Papa: Jeez, okay.

Mina: Quit yelling at us already.

Mina, knocking on the door: Tag, open up!

Tag: It all started when I was a kid.

Mina: That’s not what I-

Big Papa: Let them finish!

Tag: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Mina: Well, that would such because you can't microwave metal.

Big Papa: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

Mina: Aww, what's your dog's name?

Tag: Spartacus.

Mina, yelling to Big Papa: TRY SPARTACUS!

Big Papa, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

Tag:

Mina: What's your favorite number?

Mina: How did you even get in here?

Tag: Big Papa's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Tag's door"!

Big Papa: I’m closing the window.

Big Papa: Hey, Tag? Can I get some dating advice?

Tag: Just because I'm with Mina doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Tag: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Big Papa a little bit.

Mina, holding Tag's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Tag: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Mina: My mistake.

Mina: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

Big Papa: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Mina: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

Tag: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!

Big Papa: ...put it away.

☆

Tag x Mina x Big Papa + Thomas & Avalon (aka GTA crossover au)

☆

Mina: Time for plan G.

Big Papa: Don’t you mean plan B?

Mina: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Thomas: What about plan D?

Mina: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Avalon: What about plan E?

Mina: I’m hoping not to use it. Tag dies in plan E.

Tag: I like plan E.

Big Papa: Thomas's refusing to wear his glasses!

Thomas: Big Papa, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.

Thomas: *points to Avalon* Avalon.

Thomas: *points to Mina* Mina.

Thomas: *points to Tag* Sasquatch.

The Group: *walking at the mall*

Mina: Hey, have any of you guys seen Thomas? He's been gone for a while..

Tag: Eh, nope.

Avalon: No, I haven’t...

Big Papa: Probably ran off to the theater or something.

Thomas: Hey.

Avalon: Ooh, there you are-

Mina: What the fu-

Big Papa: I- where were you?!

Thomas: Walking right behind you guys.

Big Papa: What’s something you guys are better than Thomas at?

Tag: Mario Kart.

Mina: Yeah, video games.

Avalon: Emotional vulnerability.

Mina: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

Big Papa: Elephants.

Mina: Blocked.

Avalon: Camels.

Mina: Extra blocked.

Thomas: Donkeys.

Mina: Ultra blocked.

Tag: That dick.

Mina: ...Followed.

Big Papa: Tag is okay.

Thomas: He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs! And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause he gave me the mackerel eyes, he meant it!

Big Papa: Thomas, Tag threatened me. He threatens Mina every day. He probably threatened Avalon before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. Grow a pair.

Big Papa: What makes you all smile?

Avalon: Friends and Family.

Tag: Snacks.

Mina: Victory and success.

Thomas: Face muscles.

*the group is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*

Big Papa: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?

Tag: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.

Avalon: What about Thomas? Nobody ever suspects Thomas!

Thomas: Well what about Mina? She has a gun!

Mina: Big Papa has a knife.

Big Papa: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Avalon in the arm*