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dontbotherwiththepronunciation · 1 year

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I know that it’s not clear whether Jeyne Poole was crushing on Robb or Theon, and even though, when shipping, I like to believe it was Theon, I would prefer to think it was both. Because, to me, it would be very funny if Jeyne Poole had her own Margaery Tyrell-type of curse.

If Jeyne Poole ever crushes on you, you will at some point suffer greatly and end up looking very fucked up.

The intensity of the crush will also determine how fucked up you end up looking!

Beric Dondarrion? She wanted to marry him the minute she saw him. Used to be handsome and dashing and now he looks like a zombi, is missing an eye, has lost half of his hair and has huge scars around his neck and cranium!

Theon Greyjoy? She considered him handsome and simped by watching him play in the yard and now he is suffering from malnutrition! Has lost most of his teeth, three fingers, three toes, his hair is white and brittle like that of an old man and he hasn’t been allowed to bathe in 7 months!

Robb Stark? Good looking fellaw favoring the Tully side of his family whom she looked at a few times with slight romantic interest. Due to the crush being mild, it was only his corpse that got disfigured, but still! they cut his head off to sew that of his wolf’s on his body!

If she at some point crushes on Jon, I want to see him start to disfigure too. Make him look like Ghost. Give him white hair, a bunch of scars and red eyes.

This is all obviously meant as a joke, but I do think it is interesting how Jeyne Poole was presented to the viewers as Sansa‘s shallow sidekick (calling Arya “Horseface”, the mean nicknames to the twins at King’s Landing, being afraid of Jalabhar Xho due to his appearance) during the first three books only to then be shown as an extremely humane person by recognizing Theon and thus offering him humanity.

I used to ship Theon/Jeyne really hard when I first read ADWD (and as of now, it’s a conflicting guilty pleasure), but it always amused me seeing how different her fandom-characterization was depending on whom the focus of the story was.

In Sansa focused stuff she is usually the less-pretty, snarky (often more vulgar) best friend. (À la Robb & Theon)

In Arya focused fics she takes a more antagonistic role, although she is never “evil”, just a minor bully. (À la Jon & Theon)

And then with Theon focused stuff she is practically a saint! Even when Theon is characterized as more snarky than he usually is in post-Ramsay fics, she is always portrayed as extremely patient, caring, tender, gentle, etc.

And mostly, she is also vaguely ignorant. Rarely have I seen fanfics where she is confronted with Theon’s past actions, and in the few cases she is then she immediately becomes wise and forgiving and is as understanding as most of the Theon-loving-readers are.

This is not meant as a critique to those who write her in that way (I’d be a huge hypocrite, as said, that ship is the conflicting guilty pleasure), but I would love to see a different reaction. I would love see her frightened. I would love to see her appalled and disgusted. (And after that initial reaction, and maybe some time where they have a bit of emotional distance, she can become wise and forgiving and all that too while still being bitter every now and then about him, you know, having threatened to hang Beth, whom she was apparently friends with, killing two innocent kids AND PASSING THEM AS HIGHBORN LORDS OF WINTERFELL, offering Palla to be raped BY RAMSAY, and overall just bringing a bunch of murderous pirates to what used to be her home)

Anyway, I think this all shows:

1. How much of her characterization is derived from Theon.

2. How Theon might unconsciously see her (his one act of heroism)

3. How little we actually know of her.

“Compassionate”, “able to see the humanity in Theon, even after his Reek transformation”

Yes! But really?

How much of the “compassionate” trait is her true self and how much of it is just a valid reaction to the terrible circumstances she has been put in?

When she is trying to get him to run away with her she says something among the lines of “they say he hurt you”, which indicates that she might have already known Theon was there and what had happened to him, before she even saw him.

She might have not recognized him were it not for that prior knowledge.

And her wanting to run away with him probably isn’t because she is into him. It’s because she wants to run away.

They are not friends. They are co-victims.

So, consistent-cannony traits of Jeyne Poole:

She likes sweets (lemon cakes, strawberry pie)

She doesn’t like violence (remember the tourney in King’s Landing?)

She has a thing for older guys, redheads or possibly both (Theon, Robb, Beric)

Is she compassionate? I’d like to believe so. I think what she’s been through since we last saw her making fun of others appearance can drastically change her vision of the world through a very sad and undeserved manner.

Jeyne Poole might have been mean and shallow but people don’t deserve to be flogged, sold into prostitution at age 12 and then also be married off to Medieval-themed-Bubba Sawyer and Hannibal Lecters’ love child because of possibly being a mean and shallow preteen. Most preteens are mean and shallow.

Is she genuine in her affections for Theon?

Yes! She is 14. She is not a master manipulator. I think she has some form of positive attachement to him. But the reasons behind that affection can be a little twisted, although that wouldn’t be her fault.

And with this I want to expand on what I meant with the “his one act of heroism”

Part of what has made me feel conflicted by Theon/Jeyne as a ship (still guilty! Very guilty!) is how he thinks of her.

He victim-blames her, complains about her crying (she has a lot of reasons to cry!), he even damns her during TWOW, but this is all internal. From the very beginning his actions towards her are surprisingly tender and very gentle. The only exception I can think of when the tones in his internal and external treatment of her are inverted is during TWOW when he says “Jeyne Poole is the next thing to a whore” but then follows with “he meant no hurt to her”, which sounds heartbreakingly remorseful as you read it.

In most works focusing on TheonJeyne, both through a platonic or romantic lens, fluff and hurt/comfort are some of the most used tropes, with angst being a close second.

14-year-old-me loved those. 21-year-old-me still loves those very dearly, but also thinks there is a third more macabre option to be explored and I’m eagerly waiting for that option.

@/nosafeanchorage and @/brideoffires made some well-explained and extensive comparisons between the TheonJeyne dynamic and the ViserysDaenerys dynamic (here, here and here) and personally, I think there could even be a few parallels between the LittlefingerSansa dynamic too. (Fake identity, Littlefinger intending to hand Sansa to Harry in order to make her marry the heir- Theon handing Jeyne (against their will) to Ramsay in order to make him marry the heir, the girls don’t know of some of the viler acts of the guys who are “helping” them, at some point the men dreamed of marrying someone who was close to the girls (Petyr-Cat) (Theon-Sansa))

Of course, the TheonJeyne dynamic significantly differs from those two in the facts that Theon is (somewhat) genuinely interested in her well-being simply because she is a fellow human being, and not because he is lusting for the scared girl he acts as some sort of twisted protector for, and that he also doesn’t hold any real power over her like Viserys/Littlefinger held/holds over Daenerys/Sansa.

But I do think, that Theon isn’t beyond taking emotional advantage of her.

Should he survive past the Theon TWOW preview-chapter and also remain in company of Jeyne, I think it could be easy for this 14-year-old girl with no house, no name, no family, no identity, to see Theon as her winged knight. Not necessarily through a romantic lens (I doubt it, but it might be possible too. She’s 14. 14 year olds have weird crushes and she in a horrible mental state), but simply out of dependence.

The only other person we know of who Jeyne is/was close with is Sansa, who has no idea what happened to her, and Jeyne also probably has no idea what happened to Sansa.

Theon is her ride or die as Jeyne Poole.

Theon is her only friend.

Theon.

This is dangerous.

Theon is my favorite character. I made this idiot one of my favorites when I first read him kicking that head like a college student would and then I made him my all time favorite during ACOK! I’ve been rooting for this guy since I was 13!

Me, talking to my dad on the way to the hospital after reading Theon V, ACOK for the first time in my life back in 2014:

I believe he is capable of good. I believe in him. I want him to make good choices and be a good person. I want him to succeed in life. I want him to have healthy, mutually loving relationships with Asha, Wex and Dagmer! I want him to eventually become friends with Qarl and Tris and Hagen’s daughter! I want him to reencounter Patrek, Barbrey and Bran and have emotionally cathartic reunions!

I WANT HIM AND JEYNE TO HAVE A BOND THAT IS COMPLEX BUT POSITIVE AND AFFECTIONATE!!!

I want him to be loved and cherished. I want him to be seen as capable of doing good and as deserving of being good to.

But that’s what I want him to be. Not who he currently is.

Currently, he is an enemy of the state! Which state? Pretty much all states! Everyone hates him! Last we heard of him he was chained to a wall while people were planning his execution. Preferably, they wanted him to be burned alive. The only people who canonically and explicitly have some positive-affection for him are his mom, who he hasn’t seen in 11 years, his sister, whom the relationship with is already kind of messed up, Dagmer Cleftjaw who might not even be alive, maaaaybe Wex Pyke and fucking Jeyne Poole, who has no one else in this world!

Jeyne Poole, who might not even know of all the things he is hated for.

Jeyne Poole, who in her desperate plea for help offered to become his wife or whore and for him to become her man.

Jeyne Poole, who strokes his cheek and smiles and says “you saved me” like some lovelorn maiden in a song.

Jeyne Poole, who used to watch him play in the yard and thought he was handsome.

Jeyne Poole, who could easily begin to idolize him.

Now, I don’t think Theon would use that for nefarious purposes like Littlefinger or Viserys do/did. But I can imagine he might need the emotional support and someone who actually sees him as a good person deserving of good things. Even if he thinks he is not. And I can imagine he would maybe hide some things and semi-unconsciously manipulate this girl a bit due to the fear of losing such. With manipulate I mean:

- not letting ANYONE know who she really is

- remarking on her lack of importance as Jeyne Poole

- the unusual tenderness

Until now all these things have been done with the best of intentions. Theon genuinely wanted to protect her and get her away from Ramsay and he is very probably right about how poorly people would treat her if they knew of her true identity. I believe that, if going by the stuff I wrote prior, this can all still be part of his intentions.

I believe he can also be motivated by the somewhat-selfish need of having someone who believes in him and doesn’t see him as a despicable person (bonus points if he can also hold some sort of power over that person,even if it’s just of the emotional sort).

I believe both of these things can coexist without being mutually exclusive. People are complicated and this guy has a lot of issues.

#jeyne poole #theon greyjoy #asoiaf #speaking

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blue-shiver13 · 9 months

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Doubt you’ll respond to this publicly, but at least you’ll read it.

It’s cool you like HeavyMedic and all, and it’s great that there’s a plethora of content both in Valve and fan created content around the ship, but it’s kinda shitty you bash other ships that also ship Medic with other mercs, like EngiMedic, on your Twitter.

Sure, it ain’t a canon ship and it’s not as popular, but why hate it for literally no reason other than you don’t agree with it? I quote from your Twitter post:

“I fucking hate engimedic and the amount of good drawings it has from its community. I don't give a fuck about anything you say about it it's not canon and it literally has some mild evidence of being abusive. Heavy and medic have no domination lines directed DIRECTLY at eachother”.

So just because it’s not canon and you think it’s abusive, in your opinion, it’s therefore invalid and deserves hate? Additionally, a lot of people don’t even push for EngiMedic as canon, they do it because they enjoy the ship, like many other ships. I personally don’t ship HeavyMedic, but I still like the art and content people make of the ship.

But to sit here and bash a group of people for liking a ship because it’s not canon, and basically saying it doesn’t deserve the good art it has because of that, is childish af. Honestly grow up man, there’s nothing to hate about it. It’s one thing to not like or support it, but to sit here and bash it because you think HeavyMedic is superior and the only ship that should exist is crazy stupid.

First off, I didn’t bash the group I bashed the ship. I’d rather people who ship it stay away from me due to what I say in my third point. I never said it deserves hate and all I did was give my personal opinion.

Second, that post was from 2 months ago during a time I was more unstable than I am now. I have changed and I’m more accepting of it even though it can still sometimes send me into a downward spiral. Thank you for setting me back by a long time, you’ve only fueled my instability and inability to accept other views more.

Third, I have trauma that links to engimedic to the point where at times my mental state has gotten worse from just knowing it exists. I know it sounds crazy but this is what happens when you’re someone who used to be chronically online and almost half of the people you knew were abusive as shit. Due to other parts of my trauma I am unable to see Medic shipped with anyone but Heavy.

Fourth, I am a neurodivergent minor. I am HIGHLY attached to my view of TF2 and other views make me INSANELY uncomfortable. My view of TF2 is a hyperfixation of mine that I have had for 3 years.

Fifth, you’re a coward for not doing an ask on your real account. if you don’t like me or my opinions then you don’t need to follow me or interact with me. But if you want to interact so badly like you obviously do, use your normal account and don’t hide behind an anonymous ask like a coward.

Sixth, YOUR view of TF2 is not less valid than mine but if it includes something in my DNI I just prefer you keep those headcanons away from me due to my attachment to my view of TF2.

Finally, I have a question for you.

Why me? Why don’t you go bother someone else who’s actually done things that matter? You can literally just block me if you don’t like me, so why bring this up to me? Do you want to “change me” and if so, you did a terrible job at trying.

Oh yeah I almost forgot.

The only other ship between medic and another merc I’ve publicly bashed is a literal proship between Medic and Classic Heavy, HIS FUCKING ABUSER. So if you want to say that I “bash other ships that also ship Medic with other mercs” you’re showing me you have a problem with me bashing a proship.

If you were only referring to engimedic then you would only refer to engimedic.

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missmonsters2 · 1 year

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However your page is 18 + so let's be real nobody under 18 should be reading your works and the whole point of a reader insert is to INSERT yourself in readers.

It's just rlly not sitting right for me.💀 I would say try to avoid a Wednesday x reader especially if you are over 18 and with no sort of clarification.😭

Love your work though<3

I understand your concerns are valid and also appreciate that you're trying to check. But I also feel like you're trying to insinuate a very predatory image of me when I've been clear on my blog about my stance.

Please actually read my navigation post. Nowhere on my blog states that it's an 18+ blog only. I have 18+ work but as stated in my navigation post and multiple posts in my past that minors are to not DNI with those. But I don't only post 18+ work which is why I welcome minors to my blog and read those as long as they respect my boundaries (which they have been very good at doing).

You've opened this pandora box about reader inserts. Yes, the point of Y/N fics are that people can try to imagine themselves, but not everyone does that. Also reader fics cannot cater to every single reader. That why I believe or see reader as an OC as if it were a traditional book published.

I want to know(but not really because I don't want to keep debating this with you) if you bring this energy to the entire marvel fandom as well. I can't assume how old you are but I hope you also then have concerns about:

marvel high school AUs

sugaring AUs that typically bring problematic age gaps

Aged up marvel character fics, specifically peter parker

minor fics that feature sexual situations with peter parker or MJ

Natasha is 32 in Black Widow, are you concerned about 18 yo reading reader inserts about Natasha. Are you even old enough to be with Natasha in fics if you self-insert.

Same with Wanda. MCU has aged her up and she's about 30. But there are also sites that state she's supposed to be around 17-19 in AoU.

fics where reader is a child or a relative of your marvel character but in a diff fic, you're dating her?

Do you just not read fics then if you just don't 100% see yourself as the reader? If you see POC!reader or you're pretty sure reader is white or different sexuality!reader do you just say fuck it, I can't support that it isn't me.

Were you out there when people were writing 1D fics or TVD.

Are you out there saying stuff to people who write for stranger things like Steve, Robin, or Nancy?

Prior to marvel, I've never written any reader insert fics as I typically came from fandoms where they were character x character ships. You can see my transition from earlier fics where initially did it as character x ofc/reader. Personally, I would prefer to continue to write distinct OCs for these characters if I don't lean towards any character ships. But I'm trying to reach a wider demographic by doing x reader fics.

Obviously, there is wenclair and I love to see it and maybe as they explore their relationship in season 2, it'll become canon.

I don't have a romantic interest in wednesday by writing these fics as I'll be tagging it as wednesday x OC/Reader for people who lean whatever way. But I'm still going to write it because I like wednesday as a character and the OC/reader I'll write her with is another 16 year old obviously because why would there be an adult as a student in nevermore. The fic will literally be harmless fluff between two 16 year olds.

#mm: answered #anon #please know this is the end of the discussion and I will not be posting more asks about it #mm.readerinsertdiscourse

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incarnadinedreams · 1 year

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Your favorite jc's ship?

Honestly, I am not attached to any particular ship for him! I'm open to pretty much anything - I've joked that I'm an 'allcheng, anycheng, nocheng, whatevercheng' shipper before. I'm open to anything that makes our purple boy happy! (Or sad, but in a hot way.)

My answer also depends on the setting and how "serious" it's meant to be, if that makes sense? Also whether it's aiming to be fluffy/optimistic/sweet or dark, no thoughts only horny or a well-rounded romance, etc.

If we're talking "what do I think is the most realistic person for him to end up in a relationship with in a 'serious' post novel canon setting that is not a hot dumpster fire?" If anyone, I think it would be some unrelated OC/minor background person not actually named in the novel with minimal baggage/drama/involvement in past events, set long enough after the end of the novel that he's had some time to marinate and tenderize.

But I'm not particularly bothered by a ship needing to feel "canon-rooted"/"canon-plausible" (or for it to not be a dumpster fire) to enjoy fics or art or whatever! So I'm down for almost any pairing, I don't really have any notable NoTPs or limits, and if the setting is canon divergence or AU that obviously opens up a lot of possibilities.

And the fun thing about a fandom centered on a necromancer is that even being dead is not a major roadblock to post-canon shipping!

If I were more into the CQL/Untamed side of the fandom I would definitely be super into ChengQing, there's a lot about it that I think works well, but unfortunately as a mostly novel fan there's a lot less there to work with so a lot of times they're referencing CQL-only plot changes! (I haven't actually seen CQL just enjoyed gifsets and such and have some basic ideas of what the big plot changes are/that there is a comb involved somewhere, no hate to CQL though I think there were some very valid adaptational changes going on there!) But I do still enjoy ChengQing when I come across it anyway, especially the few darker novel-based versions of it floating around out there (though that's overall a rarer take on it).

Of the bigger/popular ships, the one with the most obvious dramatic energy/intensity straight out the box is ChengXian. So much room for angsty activities in that one whooooo boy!

Some ships do take a lot more to get me invested than others though. For example Xicheng is really popular and I can see the appeal, but for me to enjoy it there's just a lot of heavy lifting that has to go on to overcome their canon "Just Some Guy I Politely Chitchat With For No More Than Five Minutes at the Yearly Cultivation Conference" energy, if that makes sense? I can be convinced, it's just a long road from point A to point B for me to be hooked.

I also appreciate the potential of a lot of smaller or rarepairs with characters like Wen Ning, Qin Su, etc.

Crossovers are fun too. That Jar Jar Binks/Jiang Cheng smutfic is genuinely a masterpiece that brings me endless delight every time I remember it exists and I am not being sarcastic about that, it's so deranged and wonderful and makes me giggle just thinking about it.

Sorry this was probably the longest non-answer ever since I really don't have any very strong opinions!

(Also if the anon who sent me that ask an embarrassingly long time ago about fic recs that I still haven't answered is reading I am so sorry I am still trying to organize my bookmarks because I am The Worst and Least Organized I promise I haven't forgotten)

#thinking too much about jiang cheng yet again

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thelonesomequeen · 1 year

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A lot of you have various opinions and comments on the cultural appropriation pictures and I’m going to post them below so others can see your point of view. I want to be clear that the comments below are not ours (mods) but are anons sent to our inbox.

———————————————-

✏️✏️✏️Anon 1

I saw this picture that some are complaining about. I don’t think it makes her racist. It makes her ignorant. People are just mad that she’s with Chris. Henry C GF was worse. Sometimes people don’t know better. And I saw this as a black woman. People need to chill. The word racist is so easily thrown out these days. Calm down people.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 2

✏️✏️✏️Anon 3

(I sent the same message to several Tumblrs) why are you all silent about the new pictures of miss racist girlfriend of CE?? because to talk about a « fake » yoga certificate or photo of paps on the beach there are people but for the photo and video of racism of miss nun and her band it is radio silence.why? Because that would be to admit that Crispy is racist too? hmm?

Asks like this make me think some people don’t actually care about cultural appropriation or racism and just want to a valid reason to cancel Alba for something other than dating Chris. Y’all clearly talked about it, but not in the correct way that just immediately calls her evil. God forbid a serious topic like this it’s approached with nuance and you don’t immediately just shun her from society for being problematic.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 4

I was checking about the photo discourse on Twitter and a lot of it is just people wanting to have a gotcha moment instead having an actual conversation. The same accounts posting about this were tweeting really nasty things like wanting Alba to d1e (I have screenshots). They were also really mad about your blog debunking the yoga thing.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 5

“ If Chris is dating someone that’s racist as everyone says wouldn’t that make him one too?” if that were true of people than Meghan Markle would be also considered racist for marrying Prince Harry (just a mere example at how just because 1 person is something doesn’t mean their partner is too). I don’t know if Alba is racist, could be just ignorant or not caring too much- she grew up in Portugal a fairly homogeneous country population wise, as opposed to the US.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 6

Obviously culture appropriation is not okay but my whole thing with finding old photos and tweets is that it says people can’t grow. A lot of people make stupid mistakes when they are younger and regret them. I know I’ve said some really dumb stuff that I absolutely do not agree with now because people change. If we’re gonna hold onto questionable things then even Chris has said done some awful stuff (Sandra/Selma quote, Botham Jean tweet, tone deaf middle eastern ASP doc) and never apologized publicly for it. But that doesn’t mean they don’t regret it and wish it didn’t happen. The intentions with bringing up old pictures isn’t purely about educating though in this scenario and it’s obvious.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 7

I’m not sure what pics are being talked about in regard to “culture appropriation”, but as a minority myself I find the general discussion a lot of times over the top: not every time someone dresses as a different culture, do their hair or adopts Buddhist teaching into their lives and son, is not always culture appropriation many times it is more accurate to say it is culture appreciation. People need to take a deep breath and learn the difference cause they alot of times end up looking ignorant

✏️✏️✏️Anon 8

But, we know about them now so hopefully this isn’t something she does regularly. 🧜🏻‍♀️ // Oh totally!! Even if those are just from the last few years that's a major red flag 🚩 🚩 especially with how big of a conversation it's been in recently. My mind immediately goes to Florence Pugh and how big that story was in 2020. We should care, and I do, but doubt many people outside of the CE fandom and maybe WN's will. I could see an article or two popping up about it, but not much more than that.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 8

You know we can criticize Jenny and Alba for being transphobic and racist respectively, but at the end of the day, Chris chose to be associated with them. And he isn't exactly perfectly either. He has said and done a lot of questionable things over the years. I just feel as though we're always too hard on the women while giving him a pass and babying him. I'm not referring specifically to you mods here, but the fandom in general. He made his choice, let him deal with it now. Nobody is villain or a victim in this equation.

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longlist-of-fictional-lovers · 2 years

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The animosity between Kinn and Vegas is started by Vegas (technically speaking, his Dad, 'cause we all know Vegas is just another one of Gun/Kan's puppets like Kinn is Korn's).

Kinn has no intention of being an inciter or causing a war between the families, mainly because it would threaten his position and generally make his life harder. We see this when him and Gun/Kan talk in episode 14 with Porsche pointing a gun at Gun/Kan and him pointing it back at them.

Vegas' hatred is entirely one sided and Kinn only retaliates because when buttons are pushed, obviously he's not going to let it slide. There's really no reason for Kinn and Vegas to "talk"...

As for Porsche, Vegas has extreme envy of everything Kinn has, caused by his extreme inferiority complex and his need for validation and love from his father. In the book(s), Vegas fucked all of Kinn's past lovers and people he had sex with. I'm actually sad the show didn't dive into that. Vegas was attempting to do the same with Porsche, and we see that he succeeded with Tawan. He wanted Porsche to choose him over Kinn especially knowing his importance to Kinn simply to one up him because if he can't take away his empire, he'll go for the next big thing, his lover.

That being said, what could they possibly talk about?

That's not to say I don't hope that they both realize, especially Vegas, that this rivalry they have isn't real, its created by the generation before them, and work together to bring down Korn, but I don't think they'll ever get to the point where they could even get to see each other as acquaintances after the attempted coup, kidnapping and nearly killing Porsche and Chay, sleeping with Tawan, kissing and pursuing Porsche relentlessly, and costing him Big and Chan's lives and others, plus sending in Ken as the mole.

I just don't see it, and to be honest, I don't want to see it next season (provided we actually get one). That doesn't mean I want to see them as enemies, I really, really, don't, but it just isn't realistic to have them be more than business partners. And so, the question remains, what could they possibly talk about?

but what problems do they really have? bc all it looks to be its the pressure their parents have put on them. kinn can't lose to vegas/the minor family bc he has a face to keep, otherwise people will call him unfit to lead, he has to win he has no other choice. vegas always comes second bc vegas lost to him in the business side of things more often, he got obsessed. in the end, isn't it just prejudice they both inherited from their fathers?

i did say the exact same thing in the previous post, maybe in not so many words and english is not my first language. i guess i am not as articulate as you are. i couldn't get my message across. let me try again.

i am not trying to discount any of the things that went down between them, all i was saying the dislike they have for each other is mutual but it's clear for kinn it's mostly business which later turned personal bc of porsche and vegas is obviously jealous [edit// but i believe vegas has pretty good reasons to hate the main family, who knows what papa korn has been doing to the second family behind kinn or justifying to kinn, he can be pretty cruel in the name of 'it had to be done']. what i really meant to say is exactly what you said, they are both their father's puppets. in the end, it all boils down to generational trauma. how do you fit all that into a 'heart to heart' between kinn and vegas?

so yeah, i have the same question really, see the first line^. it's my wishful thinking that they'd talk and patch up, it just favors papa korn so much if they are divided you know? vegas has a lot to make up for, kinn was even remotely interested in hearing him out. at the stage currently kinn's at, even porsche can't point out the faults the family has without him getting defensive. it'll admit it's unlikely to happen but never say never.

#kinnporsche #kinn theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul

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sinnosis-sc · 1 year

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Reflections on Democracies.

Personally I think that democracy is an inefficient and improvable system. Unfortunately I also have to note that at the moment, there is no equally valid alternative, as far as freedom and respect for human rights are concerned. But what are the weaknesses of democracy. Generally speaking, in democracies, there are electoral systems that allow for the election of representatives, who are usually candidates from various parties, who as such represent the interests of parts of society. Then those elected will form a parliament in which a government and a prime minister will be elected, sometimes the president of the republic and sometimes directly elected by the people. In short, there are several variations on the theme. Obviously, those who will be in the minority, or rather, the opposition, generally do not resign themselves to being in the opposition, perhaps in a constructive way, but more often they will do everything to bring down the government in office. This opens up a wide range of arguments for attacking the government. For example, that the percentage obtained by the majority is actually only an expression of a part of the citizens as the total of those entitled did not vote. A game of massacre that is not good for democracy. But there are other subtle risks that democracy can run. If a hostile nation wants to influence foreign policy, it can finance parties or candidates in its favor and then move on to political cash-in. In more extreme cases it can fabricate evidence to ransom politicians or infiltrate anti-government demonstrations. In all these cases democracy does not have many possibilities to defend itself, as it is bound by its own guaranteed rules. The weakness of democracy is also the result of the struggle that usually takes place between the majority and the minority. Rarely are minority/s so mature as to accept their role and have a constructive attitude. Rarely do elected representatives put their interests and those of their party in second place, compared to the interests of the institutions and the country. Corruption is always around the corner, as well as careerism, personal reasons or even unpreparedness or ideological faith. So democracy is an extremely fragile system and always in a precarious balance. Not only are its representatives manipulable, but the people are also manipulable. This makes democracies, in the eyes of autocratic or dictatorial regimes, weak and scalable systems. Democracies that can also be attacked from an economic or energy point of view, with consequent repercussions on governments and on the majorities elected in Parliament.

#democracy

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt · 2 years

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I’ve been thinking of this for a while and i need to ask this in the best possible faith i can: what in the WORLD made you decide to give birth instead of adopting? I can only see it as an unimaginable cruelty to bring a life into this world, the number of kids needing adoption, AND the horrible trauma that is pregnancy and child birth. I really wanna understand how, idk, the intimacy of that? Overrides it all? I don’t get your decision and i want to at least try my very hardest

this is a very common question and i don't fault you at all for asking it, but i'm laying out all of my thoughts right now in this answer and i'm not interested in continuing the conversation honestly. not for any annoyed feelings or anything, just because it was a lot to type out and i dont feel like thinking about heavy serious stuff like this any further for a bit, im stressed today lmao this is my limit.

why did i decide to get pregnant instead of adopt?

i am a fundamentally selfish person. my first priority has always and will always be myself and my family, and my/our wants and needs. i dont ask for much. so when i do, i get it. this isn't a brag, it's a fact of my life. for better or for worse(frequently for minor debt), i find a way to get what i want.

following that train of thought, i want a child that looks like me and my husband. what is more selfish than wanting to look at yourself all day long? nothing comes to mind really. all my life i saw pictures of myself as a baby and i wanted that for me. and, as previously emphasized, have that now.

sometimes i think about the way i was raised and think "why. how. what could have you looking at your child that you made, carried and raised, and lead you to this decision." i want to know first hand. i want to understand my mother, and myself. i want to treat someone the way i wanted to be treated. with respect and validation and deference. i want to prove to myself that they could have done that for me.

i wanted the experience of being pregnant and wondered how it would affect my worldview, my view of others, family and friends, of my partner, of myself. i have that information and experience now. i hated the physical feeling of being pregnant, but i loved my body at that point truly and more fully that i ever have. or ever will again. i genuinely for the first time felt so positive and loving towards my body, and that was an experience i wouldn't give up for the world. also having a c section wasn't that bad for me. being in LABOR for 50+ hours was dicks but the actual birth part was ezpz. i've had plenty of surgeries and this one was no different expect for being awake. it was surreal and scary obviously but honestly it was fun looking back on it. not a lot of people can say that, but i mean it.

i always faulted my mother for having me. i didn't ask for it. i didn't want it. there were times i truly hated her for it. i dont anymore. the world was always awful. it will always be awful. it was also always beautiful. and it will always be beautiful. babies will continue to be born regardless. i dont want charlie to be anyone or do anything. i just want them to have fun. i want them to know joy and feel sunshine and rain and cold noses and sweaty palms. i want to take them to the aquarium, and to the movies, and on their first roller coaster. certainly the world is a frightening and painful place. but i want it to be fun.

keep these points at the top. the rest of what i'm about to say are my true feelings, but they're not me saying 'ooohhh my reasons are pure and noble~!' no. im selfish. i do feel this way, but first and foremost, im selfish and im acknowledging that. everyone should. there is no pure and selfless reason to have a child and more people need to acknowledge that fact.

i am not opposed to adoption, but i am opposed to the privatized, for profit, infant adoption industry. and it absolutely is an industry. after hearing from many people who have experienced it first hand, it occurred to me that, duh, buying a baby is fucking weird and creepy. not only that but a good majority of the time, those tens of thousands of dollars aren't even going to the birth parent, it's all to the agency. that's not right. like god, if you're going to get paid for handing out children at least close out the invoice from your vendor. its insane and depressing.

speaking of the birth parent, the amount of first hand accounts i've watched and read about where the (often teenage) birth parent is coerced heavily into giving up their child, and they they come to understand later that they didn't have to, that they could have managed, and that they didn't want to and felt forced or coerced by adults to follow through is horrifying. i dont want to support a system like that. i don't want to run the risk of participating in the unimaginable traumatizing of a frightened child. my baby was taken from my arms and put into the nicu 20 hours after being born. the pain i felt then was an ice cold stab that did not cease until i got to finally visit hours and hours later. it laid there, numbing me from the inside, for the five days it took until we were able to all go home together. and it took time to melt. how could i twist that knife on someone else? how could i be the reason it freezes to their ribcage and keeps sawing the serrated edge against their heart forever? i dont want to be that person.

certainly there are also times where genuinely the best thing for the child is that they are far away from their family for good. but who am i, as a layperson, as a stranger, to insert myself into that decision making process? is the mother an underaged addict who threatened to sell the baby for drugs? or are they just a scared and suicidal kid whose smoked pot twice and looking for any other reason to add to a list of "justifications for offing myself"? did they get assaulted and don't want a reminder of the worst day of their life? or did their mother make them say that because their parents dont like the boyfriend? do they need real help and reunification? or are they an actual danger to the child? none of these are my business, but in the best interests of the child, the answers matter. the agency looking into those questions has an implicit bias against the birth parent, because a successful adoption means profit for them. which leads me to:

i cannot fully trust that the people facilitating the adoption have the best interests of each party involved, because they are making a profit. how do i trust someone whose paycheck hinges on me accepting their version of the facts? to feel personally okay with the decision, i would have to know for certain myself, verify the facts myself, and who the hell am i to get up in a total strangers business like that during the most traumatizing point in their life? that would be fucked. that would be so fucked. i would HATE that. i don't want to do that to somebody else.

the goal of foster placements is reunification as long as thats in the best interests of the child. i want to fully raise a child from birth to adulthood and then die knowing my child felt secure and loved their whole life, i don't want the constant grim overhang of "next week could be the last time i see you ever again." and as we established in chapter one, my priority is the wants and needs of myself and my family. because i'm a selfish person.

these are the thoughts i have about it. this is not me saying "oh my reasons are better because this and that" or "oh people should or shouldnt have kids because of this and that" they are simply my reasons and my feelings and i am not placing moral value on them. i believe that if someone doesn't want to have children or be pregnant, they absolutely should not have to be. finally completing a pregnancy and having a living baby has made me more pro-choice than ever.

and just to reiterate. i'm not open to discussing this, not for annoyed reasons, just for exhaustion reasons. im not a fan of deep diving into complex topics or complicated feelings. im stressed rn lol.

#op #ask #i understand why people ask this question #i dont hold it against them #just be careful it doesnt slide into the whole antinatalist eugenics-lite stuff #''no one should breed'' is... slippery territory imo.

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kaitsawamura · 3 years

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would you like to stay forever?

SUMMARY⎮ Sparring with Pro Hero Kirishima Eijiro in his private gym at his home doesn't seem like a bad idea if you don't count the fact that you really, really like him.

STATS⎮ minors do not interact, 18+ ⎮ Rating: M (for mature) ⎮ WC: 5525 ⎮ Pairing: Pro Hero Kirishima Eijiro x Fem!Reader ⎮ Tags: Aged Up Character(s), Friends to Lovers, Sparring, Smut, Fluff, Age/Experience Gap (if you really squint) ⎮ AO3

NOTES⎮ Thanks to @spacelabrathor for listening to me scream about this and to @some-kindofgnome for fueling my Kiri fever dreams. Yes, that title is based on a Mulan quote. This whole fic was based on THIS POST and Kirishima seemed like the perfect character for this pwp. Hope y'all enjoy! (Also please for the love of God, click on the banner to see in HD if you’re on mobile, it looks so much better lol)

It was Saturday and even though you’re on your way to becoming a Pro Hero, you can think of several things you’d rather be doing with your one day off than going to Kirishima Eijiro’s house to spar. But here you are pulling into his driveway, going over combat moves in your head as if your life depended on it. They weren’t really serving their purpose which was to distract yourself. Kiri had offered up his personal gym, encouraged you to stop by with one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing the back of his neck as if he was nervous.

A couple of his friends had already taken him up on the offer. You were the only one he’d offered who hadn’t come over yet. He had texted you a couple of weeks later saying he was starting to take it personally… and then immediately texted with a laughing emoji just to clarify he was only giving you a hard time. It brings a smile to your face now as you remember it. Yesterday he had also clarified it would just be the two of you if you were self-conscious sparring in front of other people. You’d have the whole place to yourselves. Like that should mean something. Which it did. It does , you realize with butterflies growing in your stomach. Kiri doesn’t need to know that though.

The two of you had been toeing around something since you had been hired at Fatgum’s Agency a year ago. Neither of you had made a move. Kirishima, the Red Riot, was a big Pro Hero and while you took pride in your quirk, it didn’t hold a coin to some of the others you’d come in contact with. It had surprised you when Toyomitsu had brought you on. But he had mumbled something about “liking your spunk” and that he thought a teleportation quirk would be a useful one to add to his agency. The first day you had shown up, Kiri had immediately caught your eye. Not for the obvious reasons. Obvious reasons being the fact that he was climbing the Pro Hero charts or the fact that he had a dynamically interesting quirk or that at twenty-five he was already built like a brickhouse.

Those were all valid reasons, yes, but what had pulled you in was his smile and his genuine interest in you outside of your quirk. But he was just like that you had quickly discovered. He knew everyone’s coffee order and what they liked for lunch. He knew when to push and when to back off. He knew when to talk and when to listen , knew when he still had a lesson to learn. The kids flocked to him. Even now you’re still entirely convinced that’s actually his quirk, getting people to like him. It’s not a difficult thing to do though.

Your brain stutters back to the present when a text notification pings from your cell phone as you sit in Kiri’s driveway, picking at non-existent lint on your gym shorts. The cute ones you’re still convincing yourself were your only clean pair and that’s the only reason you wore them.

KIRI : i saw u pull up, u gonna come in or what 😂

Had he been waiting for you to get there? You tapped out a quick response, one that hid the little flip in your stomach at the thought: creeper, you were watching for me lmao

Response bubbles immediately flash on your phone screen but you’re angling out of your car and shutting the door before he can reply.

Somehow, this house fits Kiri perfectly. It isn’t big. You had seen pictures of other top-ranking Pros’ houses. Enji Todoroki’s house, for example, was fucking ridiculous. But even without a massive floor plan, Kiri’s house is nicer than any you’d been in for some time. Clean, straight lines and lots of windows. In fact, you can see straight through the floor-to-ceiling windows out to his backyard when you reach the front door. Is that a pool ? Kiri had tons of fun showing pictures at the agency; it was a well-deserved investment for his already multiple years of service as a Pro. The pictures hadn’t done the place justice though.

Kiri comes to the door, throwing it wide open with a huge grin that shows off his sharp teeth. You ignore the way your mouth goes dry as he drags you in, babbling on like an excited little kid at you actually coming.

“I really thought you were gonna back out! I mean, that would have been fine, of course. I just can’t see the point of having the whole place to myself all the time.” He’s irresistibly cute, walking around showing you the living room and the kitchen and pointing out to the backyard where, yes, there is indeed a pool. “You can come over any time and use that too if you want!” You thank him, warmth pooling in your stomach at how incredibly nice he is.

“Uh, we should probably get in the gym. I have… stuff to do later,” you finish lamely. You don’t have anything to do later but very quickly you’re realizing how far out of your depth you are here. The familiar beginnings of the head over heels fall is washing over you in steady waves. But you’re coworkers and the thought of coming to work every day and having to see his adorable face and not doing anything about it is almost making you nauseous.

“Oh, yeah, it’s just down the hallway,” he rumbles, leading the way and you follow trying and failing miserably to calm the nerves flashing through your veins. You’re here alone with Kiri , the man you’ve been crushing on since you’d started working with him a year ago. And now your stupid brain isn’t just thinking about what it would feel like to run your tongue along his teeth or how his hands would feel between your legs. No, your stupid brain is thinking about what Kiri looks like when he first opens his eyes in the morning.

Your one-track mind is not getting any help, especially when Kiri walks through the doorway of the gym addition and immediately proceeds to pull his shirt up and over his shoulders and tosses it to the side. Shit. His back muscles ripple with the movement and when he turns to face you, it’s heart-wrenchingly obvious that he has no idea the effect he’s having on you. He has to know . Doesn’t he? From your end, it seems wildly obvious that someone as good-looking as him should know .

You glance around, eternally grateful for the fact that the gym is also attractive. Floor to ceiling windows span two of the walls here as well and there’s a large set of French doors leading out to the yard. You find yourself actually in awe when you get a better look at the landscaping. It’s so green . There’s a small patch of lawn but the rest is just artfully arranged native flora and fauna. Violets, tulips. Huge hosta plants. And cherry trees heavy with their signature sakura blossoms.

“Kiri, it’s beautiful!” He comes to stand beside you, looking out the French doors as well.

“You like it? I guess it is pretty nice, huh?” You glance up at him, your chest expanding on a lurch looking at his smile. You’d never noticed before but he has a light dusting of freckles across his nose.

“Yeah, really nice.” You look out again, letting the silence grow until it feels like the most comfortable thing in the world. After what seems like an eternity Kiri clears his throat, rocking back on the balls of his feet. “What are you thinking for today?” The question leaves your lips and you’re immediately regretting it; your stomach flips again when Kiri looks at you like you’re prey.

“Close combat, hand-to-hand combat. You did mention a while ago you wanted to strengthen that, right?” You throw your head back, rolling your eyes, and groan. The two of you make your way to the center of the mat.

“Yeah, I mean, I’d be scared to take me on too,” Kiri says, large hands on even larger hips. He isn’t as tall as some of the other heroes at six foot three inches but he’s wide , thick. You know for a fact you couldn’t wrap your arms around his waist and have your hands meet. He’s wearing the biggest shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen. The sharpened points of his canines are out and on prominent display. Famous last words you think as a snarl erupts on your face.

“I’m not scared , Kiri. I just don’t want to wear you out . You’re a Pro Hero. You’re on the job a lot more than I am. Plus, you’re getting kind of old. Is that a little gray I see coming in?” Kiri bares his teeth even more but it’s not lost on you that he quickly reaches up to rake his fingers through his hair. There isn’t any gray, obviously , but the thought has Red Riot distracted. Distracted enough that when you plant your feet and your fist connects with his face, your knuckles hit skin and not the reinforced rock of his quirk.

“ Shit.” Kiri takes a step back, reaching up to cradle his jaw. His tongue swipes out to lick at the blood on his bottom lip. His vermillion eyes find yours and if you didn’t work with him on a regular basis, you would have felt fear at this moment. You know he wouldn’t hurt you but even now, a thrill races through your veins like electricity. He looks as if he’s going to devour you. You take your own step back, readying your quirk, reaching out to it as your fists hold their position in front of your body. A dark chuckle spills from his chest as Kiri calls on his own quirk.

Now it was your turn to be distracted; you had always been fascinated by Kiri’s quirk, the way his body looked when it hardened up. The ripples of muscle still visible under the toughened skin. The divots and ridges and how they mapped their way across his shoulders and chest and abdomen. You knew how it felt to the touch in fake combat. The Fatgum heroes all took pride in maintaining a healthy routine; sparring was a common workout that was previously done at a local public gym. You wonder absently what it would feel like to touch him slow and at the moment. When you could give extra attention with extra time.

Kiri closes the space between the two of you at the moment your mind strays and you barely are able to teleport out of the way to avoid him crashing into you. You try to take a swipe at him as you materialize from in front of him to behind but this time he’s ready for you and he’s using his quirk. Instead of moving out of the way, he plants his feet and allows your punch to hit. Pain radiates up through your fingers and wrist. It always irritated you that you had to prepare yourself to strike Kiri when he was using his quirk. Otherwise, you’d be in for a whole lot of hurt every time you landed a punch.

Teleportation is a pretty handy quirk. It gives you a pretty good advantage the more you work on your close combat skills. The trick with Kiri was to keep going at him until he ran out of energy. You hadn’t gotten to that point yet; your quirk had its limits as well. You were only two years out of UA, Kiri was out by seven. His strength was already fairly unmatched; sparring with him was always good practice. You relish the thought of the day you can win a sparring session without tapping out. It surges through you like pure energy.

You teleport to stand in front of him again, shifting your weight into your hips and up through your right hook. This time your fist connects with Kiri’s side and he lets out a small grunt. Your fingers don’t hurt so bad this time and by the time Kiri is retaliating, you jump back a few feet. He hmms, a sound that reverberates from his chest.

“That’s all well and good but how do you expect to do anything if you jump that far away?” He lunges forward at a running start, leaping at the last second, sending his gloved fist into your stomach. You were fast, but still not always fast enough. You double over, the air rushing from your lungs and your pre-workout protein smoothie threatening to exit back the way it went in. Sweat is already beading on your brow and sliding under your tank top. You take a few breaths through your nose when an idea pops into your head; you stay bent over. “Hey, I didn’t hit you that hard. You good?”

Kiri comes to stand in front of you, leaving him vulnerable. He can’t see your smirk until it’s too late. You wail on him, using some of the basic combos he’s taught you before today. Satisfaction rolls through you when he actually takes a step back. But then he puts his arms up in front of him, clenching his abdomen and bending inward to protect his core. He drops just a fraction and before you realize what’s happening, he’s swiping his leg out to push through yours. You watch in slow motion as you see his laughing face then the ceiling of the gym as you flip and land on your back.

If you thought you were out of breath before… “Fuuu-.” It’s a wheeze that feels like it’s ripping your chest open. You’re seeing stars. Kiri stands over you, hands on his hips again. You stare at his face; the hero has his hair pulled back into a bun. You snort, rolling your eyes. Why does he still look so fucking good? The sweat has caused some of the pieces falling out of his hair tie to curl. His hair has curl to it? You’ve never noticed before, considering he always gels it into spikes. You like the curl. “Are you--are you gonna help me up, or what?” It was still painful to talk.

Kiri tilts his head to the side, just slightly, and crosses his arms. “I’m thinking not. Last time I let down my guard you got those good combos in.” You stare in stunned silence, sitting up so you’re supported by your elbows. Kiri shifts slightly and if you didn’t know better, you’d say he’s backing up to… get a better view.

“Is that any way to treat your student, Red Riot?” You know you get under his skin when he clicks his tongue against his teeth and holds out a hand with a begrudging eye roll. He pulls you up with ease, quickly enough that you almost lose your balance, swaying into his space. You look up, eyes moving back and forth between his.

He draws in a breath and drags his bottom lip between his teeth. “First of all,” he says as he places his hands on your upper arms, “I’m not your teacher. I’m not that much older than you. Secondly,” he mutters as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear, “our relationship isn’t that formal is it?” He’s so fucking close. This is getting dangerous. Dangerous because Kiri is within kissing distance. Dangerous because this gentle side of him is making you lose more breath than falling on your ass. Dangerous because the thought of Kiri taking you on the floor right now is almost too much to bear.

So you fall back on what you’re here to do. Fight. You flash him a wicked smile before rallying your quirk and teleporting a few feet away. His hand is still raised in mid-air and when his head whips to look in your direction, his crimson eyes are narrowed and his nostrils are flared. He laughs and rolls his neck, dancing on his toes.

“Okay. I see. I’m not gonna go easy on you, you know?” You snort and put your fists up in front of you again.

“As if you were going easy on me before, Kiri. Bring it on.” He smiles, the sharp points of his teeth enough to make your thoughts swerve again before you bring them under control. “Bring it on,” you whisper more to yourself as you brace for the fight.

Two hours later, you feel the strain in your muscles. Your quirk is running low on reserves and you know you won’t be able to use it much more. Kiri looks like he hasn’t wasted a breath but you can see he’s getting tired in the way his feet don’t move as sharply. And if the length of time he’s using his quirk is any indication to his state of mind, you know the two of you will be calling it a day soon. But you’re also both stubborn. And you’re dying to get one more good move in on him.

The cockiness the two of you had at the beginning of the sparring session hasn’t gone away but has burned hot into determination. No more smiles, only clear-headed concentration. The two of you are an arm's length from each other, throwing various punches and switching quickly between using your quirks and not. You’re breathing hard, sweat gathering at your brow as you throw another right hook that Kiri easily blocks.

“Get out of your head. You can be too predictable sometimes.” He doesn’t mean for it to come across as rude but the words strike a match to a guttering fire. You bare your own teeth at Kiri even though they aren’t sharp and probably don’t look nearly as threatening but it helps you feel powerful nonetheless. You drop without a second thought, lowering to your palms and sweeping your leg out in front of you in a wide arc. A grin spreads across your face when your calf meets Kiri’s ankle. He’s too physically dense for this move to work if he had seen it coming. But he doesn’t. And his solid 220 pounds of muscle falls hard.

You allow yourself the satisfaction of the moment for only a split second; Kiri’s recovery time is much shorter than yours so it isn’t long before he’s scrambling forward. He goes straight for your wrists to subdue you but with a smirk, you realize in his haste he’s put himself in the perfect position for you to possibly gain the upper hand. You scoot up away from him just enough to drag his arm forward and swing your legs around his neck. Then you elevate your hips and lock your core.

It’s over from there as you squeeze with every last ounce of strength left in your body. It doesn’t take long for him to tap out. You release as soon as you feel his loose hand tap your arm; he collapses over you and you’re too tired to move away or push him off. Now his breathing is rough and you feel a surge of pride. You reach up and place your hand on his head where his bun has come undone; he’s so heavy but it doesn’t feel bad. In fact, the feel of Kirishima resting his head and upper chest on your stomach is feeling nothing short of good . He’s still between your legs and suddenly the air is crackling with a new kind of energy when you gently comb your fingers through his hair.

He rises up, his hands on either side of you. His hips rest between your legs; the mingled heat radiating from both of you is almost more than you can take but there is no way you’re going to move anywhere. He leans forward, so close you can see the flecks of burnt orange in his eyes. If you moved forward just a little, you could close that space between you. He leans down more, his mouth right next to the shell of your ear.

“Maybe not always predictable. You did good today. Probably some of the best fighting I’ve seen from you so far. Keep it up.” He grunts, a shift of his hips allowing the curve of his cock to brush against your clothed sex through his gym shorts. He stiffens in what you think might be embarrassment. “Shit, sorry, let me just, uh--” The stuttering mess he becomes right before your eyes makes something lurch in your chest; you reach for his face without thinking.

“Kiri,” you whisper, rolling your own hips against his. His cheeks are burning a shade of red almost as vibrant as his hair. You bring up your other hand, holding his face between them and bringing him down to settle over you once more. Your lips meet his; he seems to war with himself for just a moment. A suspended second in time. But then he gives in, slipping his tongue against yours in a delicious sliding vision of what’s coming.

He reaches between you to slip his hand under your tank top; his hand is big and nearly encompasses your side. But it’s warm and gentle. Gentle. Who would have guessed that Red Riot could be so fucking gentle? But he is and when his hand moves lower to slide below the hem of your shorts, you give yourself to him with no reservations. His middle finger passes through the mess of your sex; a hissed breath rattles through his chest as your back arches on a ragged groan.

“ Shit. You’re so wet .” He slides his finger back and forth, gathering your slick on the thick digit. He takes his hand away and you mewl. “Can I?” He asks breathlessly as he hooks his hands on the hem of your shorts. You nod, eyes half-lidded. He pulls them down along with your underwear and the way he looks at you, at what’s between your legs, you don’t even have the wherewithal to feel self-conscious. Adoration. It’s the only word you can think of and it makes you wonder if you’d made a mistake waiting so long.

He’s on his knees when he takes your legs and drapes them on either side of his hips; this time he doesn’t hesitate in slipping his finger into your cunt. You nearly see stars just from that and if one finger is any indication, you’re in for it. Slowly, he adds another, his hand pumping into you in a steady rhythm. You’re grabbing for the ground, grabbing for him as a strangled noise pushes from your throat. He reaches out with his other hand to splay it across your sternum and it’s the only thing anchoring you as he adds the third finger before scooting down to put his mouth on your clit.

“ Kiri,” you keen, shoving your hips into his touch, frantically scrabbling for his wrist that’s on your chest just to have something to hold on to. He’s done this before, he’s had to. He’s too good. Too fucking good. Already there’s coiling in your gut as incomprehensible words tumble from your mouth. “Shit. Shit. Kiri I’m--I’m gonna--” He rumbles approvingly against your clit; the vibrations send you closer and closer to the edge and when it crests, your back arches near pain as you cry out, your voice echoing in the gym. It’s deep, roaring through all of your limbs but Kiri keeps going, fingers still pumping, tongue still swirling around your sensitive nub.

Another orgasm breaks over you sharp and quick and the overstimulation has your legs quaking as your arousal gushes over Kiri’s hand and tongue. But then he’s moving again, and you’re blearily aware that he’s shoving his own shorts and boxers past his hips to free his cock. You stare as it bounces back to sit near the planes of his stomach; it’s already leaking steadily with precum. Kiri looks back at you and when your eyes meet, you dart your tongue out between your lips to wet them. Another time, maybe.

Kiri leans forward to lift you up and the closer you get you can barely see any red in his eyes; his pupils are blown, his nostrils flared as he lifts you like you weigh nothing . He could snap you like a twig. But he won’t. You know without a doubt this is the safest you’ve ever felt, even as he lowers you slowly over his cock and it does feel like you’re being split .

“ Fuuuck…” You wrap your legs around him, your mouth dropped open, your hands gripping his shoulders. You try not to dig your nails in but it’s almost impossible with how you’re being filled. You knew Kiri was big but this was almost too much. His forehead drops to yours as he pants. But he’s not moving, won’t move until you tell him to. It makes your heart ache and your cunt floods, drunk on the affection thrumming through your veins. You roll your hips experimentally and the friction is bliss. “Oh fuck, ohfuck.” You move again, pushing yourself up and back down, listening to the hitch in his breathing. “ Kiri, please, ” you whisper. Those words… they’re enough.

Kirishima grips you by the hips, his fingers splayed and digging into the flesh; it’ll leave bruises and the knowledge cracks through you like electricity. Let him leave marks. Let him leave them everywhere. He’s moving you up and down his cock, grunting, mumbling. “Tell me, Kiri, tell me.” His eyes meet yours again and his own mouth drops open.

“Fuck, you’re so good. S’ tight. Jesus, I-- ” Kiri moves his hands from your hips to support you as he lays you down on the floor of the gym. The idea should be questionable but it’s not, it’s fucking not and you can’t concentrate on any other thoughts when Kiri grabs your wrists and pins them gently above your head with one hand while the other comes back to your hip. He thrusts into you at a brutal pace but… it feels like home and you think in that moment as your cunt begins to seize around his cock that you would give up forever to continue touching him.

“Yes, Kiri, yes. Right there, right--shit yesyes yes. ” He pistons up, the veins of his cock rubbing just right and when he releases the grip on your hands, they’re moving to wrap around him on instinct. He’s planting kisses along your jaw, mouthing up to your lips and back down to graze his teeth over your pulse point. “Do it, fuckin’ do it, let them know ‘m yours, ” you slur and when he bites down you crash over the edge on a groan that’s really more of a scream. Everything goes black but you're cradling him to you as his movements become more erratic. The snapping of his hips is getting sloppier by the second and a steady growl punches from his lungs with each breath. “Cum, Kirishima, cum inside me.”

He’s never heard those words before and it lights a fire in his veins. His head is buzzing and then he can’t hear anything as his cock releases and he’s spurting searing hot ropes of cum into your cunt. He goes until you’ve milked every last drop from him and he’d be lying if he said his world didn't suddenly feel whole. Finally, his body settles and his chest drops to yours. Everything slowly bleeds back into focus and somehow, everything seems more colorful than it did moments before. You’re still clinging to him.

“Kiri. Kiri, babe, I can’t breathe,” you say and he slowly rises, taking in your blissed-out expression. Your eyes can barely stay open, your cheeks are flushed. He backs up to see his handiwork on display, hyper-focused on the trail of the mingling cum dripping from the mess of your sex. But you’re smiling. Lazy and tired, completely at ease. “Wanna take a shower?” When you nod he doesn’t hesitate in standing to kick his underwear and shorts the rest of the way off his legs and then he’s grabbing you, scooping you into his arms and against his chest. He pads out of the gym and across the hall to his bathroom where he deposits you on your feet, only after he’s sure you can stand and only long enough to turn the shower head-on.

He puts his hand under the water, waiting for it to get warm. Steam billows from behind the glass door when he’s turning back to you to remove your tank top and your sports bra. Thank god you chose the front-closure one today; you didn’t think either one of you wanted to struggle to get one up over your head right now. When your breasts spill out of the high-impact fabric, you notice with tender amusement that his cock is half-hard again. His eyes go dark again and he leans in for a kiss. But it's slow and sweet.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful," he whispers. He ignores his arousal, ushering you into the stream of water. Your care is the only thing that matters to him right now. The heat slides across your body, and when Kirishima steps up behind you and begins soaping up your shoulders, it feels like heaven .

You take turns washing each other until you’re both blissed out in a different kind of way and the only thing either one of you can think about is sleep. But the afterglow is fading and doubt is creeping in. When you step out of the water, you stand awkwardly as Kiri hands you a towel. “You okay?” He’s actually concerned and you can’t put your finger on why you’re so fucking grateful for it.

“Yea, just tired. I should, uh, probably get going.” Kiri freezes and you think you’ve said something wrong, already crossed a line. Your brain is like a broken record as the stomach-curdling image of having to see him at the agency flashes across your eyes in vivid detail. But then he’s stepping into your space and pulling you in for a hug. A hug.

“Don’t go,” he whispers into the crown of your head and it has you smiling like an idiot against his chest. His skin smells clean and warm with a hint of spice. You bury your face further in as you nod against him. Then he’s leading you to his room, to the king-sized bed. He peels back the comforter and the white sheets and pulls you in beside him. Your back is against him and he hooks his foot around your ankles, bringing you even closer.

He doesn’t say anything more, just lets out a huge sigh as he wraps his arm around you. The last thing you notice before your eyes flutter shut is how your heartbeats are thumping at the same steady rhythm.

Late afternoon sunlight slants in Kirishima’s bedroom window, creating interesting patterns across his blanket. It’s pushed towards the end of the bed, your legs intertwined and tangled in the sheets. He’s still dozing, his breathing not quite that of someone sleeping but not of a person fully awake. You reach out to cup his cheek, stroke above his eyebrows, caress his lips with your thumb. A contented sigh leaves his chest as he grabs your hand and kisses your wrist. His eyes are open now and he watches you. You smile at him, snuggling closer, not wanting the moment to end.

“Hey,” he says quietly, suddenly serious. “I just want you to know, I don’t do this all the time. I mean, I’ve been with other people before but I don’t… I don’t really hook up .” Things start clicking into place as you realize what he’s trying to get across. He just fucked you stupid in his personal gym and somehow he looks bashful. And because you love it, you’re not going to help him along. You just watch, biting your lip to keep from giggling. “I just. I guess what I’m trying to say is I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time. And normally I would have wined and dined you first but... Well. Here we are. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

That’s the last straw; your laughter comes bubbling out of you and Kiri is leaning back to look at you with a quizzical expression on his face. “Is something funny?” That just makes you laugh a little harder but the confused look he’s wearing has you leaning in to press your lips against his.

“I’ve liked you from the first day I met you, Kiri. I’ll one-up your offer and tell you that I might like to stay forever.” A grin rips across his face and your heart blooms with warmth and affection. The world seems full of possibilities but none of them matter except for the possibility laying right in front of you.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima eijiro #kirishima eijirou #pro hero kirishima #red riot #kirishima smut #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #kaitsuki writes #oh my god i had such brain block #writing this one #because i get too in my head writing smut #BUT i hope everyone still enjoys #we stan kiri in this house

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shijiujun · 3 years

Text

on the danmei twitter fight

okay guys i didn’t wanna say anything about this and yes it’s that hot danmei twitter translations saga thing that’s going on, because honestly i feel like there’s nothing much to say but when i see dumb posts on tumblr taking about that, by people who present a misleading hot take and their friends or moots run off with it without even knowing what exactly is going on - it really pisses me off.

and also if you shit talk translators for not continuing their translations or locking their translations whatever - the door is that way on your right and left, but anyway here’s a rundown on what happened because i am seeing people make comments without two brain cells put together, without the slightest bit of consideration for the people who bring them translations

here’s my hot take and thesis: if you enjoy english translations made by fan translators, you don’t, in any way, no matter happens, shit talk fan translators. fan translators do this for free, and whatever their intentions are, whether genuine sharing or like some of you like to say, for clout, if you consume, and you enjoy these translations, i’m sorry, you’re not uninvolved, and you don’t get to sit on a high horse and say translators should or shouldn’t do something. you should just keep quiet, honestly, because someone else is doing you a favour, a favour that you are enjoying and taking. that’s what respect is.

i’m presenting both sides or i guess three sides of the story as objectively as i can, altho my support is still for fan translators who were just minding their own business before this blew up.

===

🔺 what happened:

so it started because one of the bigger translators in the fandom did this poll - i’m not blaming her at all, i doubt she had any intentions of shaming anyone or causing any controversy and was plain curious, but her poll asked english speaking danmei twitter how many people buy the digital, print copies of the danmei they read, and who did not.

in my honest opinion, it’s not strange at all for her to have created that poll, considering just how much work she’s put into making sure things are accessible for the eng-speaking danmei fandom. i mean i’d be curious too, to know out of my thousands of readers, what the reading and buying behaviour is like. do yourself a favour and don’t read too much into it.

obviously in an era where a lot of people do consume content for free whether the underlying content is profit-making (like anime, donghua, manhua, manga etc.) or not (fanfiction etc.), it was unsurprising to see that the last option - the ones who consume danmei without paying a single cent, came out as the majority. i don’t think this is a surprising result at all, for all sorts of reasons that i will not get into now.

anyway, this is obviously kind of a sore point in the fandom especially for translators who want a wider audience to support their fave author’s works - i won’t get into that for now, but the issue began because other translators or fans started to criticize the majority of people who don’t pay for objectively rather affordable danmei and just consume things for free.

and yes, i don’t deny that the argument on both sides got really heated and emotionally charged with both sides calling each other names which i believe is uncalled for, but it totally derailed the crux of the issue, which basically is that the majority of english-speaking danmei fandom - consumes danmei for free.

anyway this whole thing escalated and fan translators were brought into this for no fucking reason at all except that the people who didn’t want, or were unable to pay for the danmei they usually consume, made what i call a LOGICAL FALLACY in argument by going to the extremes, i will explain why later.

the end result is that fan translators were brought into this (most of them, the bigger ones i know at least) without even participating in the direct crossfire. and obviously, you can see why they’re hurt and decided to lock their translations. let me explain why

===

🔺 kind of like four camps:

(1) translators and fans who criticized those who consume danmei liberally but do not pay for them in any way - no merch, no digital copies, no physical copies, no audio dramas whatever

*** their arguments:

danmei is so cheap right, that technically people should be able to pay for it in one way or another, even if not all

danmei and its authors are, at the end of the day, out here to earn a living, and the industry, like any money-making industry, is a for-profit enterprise - and unlike public goods, if you cannot afford danmei, then there is no obligation for others to make it free for you (fan translators or otherwise, it wasn’t super clearly stated while this shitshow happened) when it is inherently a for-profit industry

yes, i don’t deny that some of them did call the peeps who don’t pay at all, “leeches” and other sort of names. personally, i wouldn’t go that far or even like venture there to be honest because in general, if it’s something that i’ll get punched in the face for if i called someone that in real life i tend not to do it, but i’ll leave my opinions, whatever they’re worth, for later

(2) the readers and fans of danmei who do not pay in any sort of way for them

*** their arguments:

some of them really cannot afford, even the dollar or more, to spend on danmei for several reasons: upbringing, culture, money-spending mindsets, real poverty, struggling to make ends meet etc. - some definitely more valid than others (and when i say not valid, it’s because SOME, a minority or like those few stragglers, say they cannot afford and then you see them like idk, throwing $50 on other merch on kpop and stuff - i’m just bringing up ONE example. not shaming anyone for spending more money on one aspect rather than the other, but yeah you can see why some of them, when making this same argument, are a little invalid, that’s just a small number of them tho)

if translators are blaming them for consuming free of charge, then the fault lies, at its foundation, fan translators who translate illegally, which i mean, in that definition, all of them including me

did i mention that we were called illegal translators like you know in response to being called leeches? anyway-

(3) others translators who literally were just minding their own fucking business before some smart alec dragged them into it

i don’t think most of us had an argument. we were just quietly munching on popcorn and staying out of it and yeah, can you imagine, we provide a service, however illegal it is, for free on our own time, we don’t even check whether people support legally or not, we just... provide, and pray that those who are able to, at least support in some small way or another do so, on their own time. i mean i don’t check, most of us don’t, not the bouncers at your local club before COVID happened do, and then suddenly, to be used to derail an argument, we were called illegal translators. and that we should stop translating, and that it is our fault that there are free riders in the fandom

(4) people who offered to provide JJWXC credits to those who said they couldn’t afford it etc.

honestly i think they were just trying to help - no different than a gofundme. there’s no shame in taking a free thing that people already weren’t intending to pay for. it’s there, just take it!

===

🔺 the shitshow that led to fan translators locking their stuff up:

i would provide some actual examples in the form of screenshots but i’ve blocked most of them, and i don’t want to direct any sort of traffic to them so i guess you’ll have to take my word on it or go search on twitter yourself but-

(1) the affordability issue: i can understand the frustration at being called leeches, and some if not a majority of people, do have valid reasons for not being able to afford something or anything and end up pirating content they enjoy. hey, i am not about to crucify anyone for pirating at some point in their lives. we all have done it at some point, or for example hate disney+ and that $30 they were trying to rip off us for a subpar Mulan live action. i don’t have anything to say about that. inherently, is it wrong and illegal? yeah sure of course it is. do we call people leeches? i wouldn’t go that far.

if anyone cannot afford, cannot access for whatever reason, fine, i’m not gonna go check if jjwxc truly is banned in your country, or is your postal service so terrible that you definitely won’t be able to receive a hard copy of the book you like at affordable rates.

and if you have to pirate? go ahead. i mean it’s always been a rampant thing. the only thing fan translators and fans can do is encourage, motivate and incentivise as much as possible to get people to support legally. they can only put up REALLY COMPREHENSIVE guides as to how to access jjwxc or taobao or whatever.

and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you.

(2) the poor people don’t deserve nice things argument: honestly, this was not the point of this entire debacle, altho yes, people were rude to those who could not afford to support legally. but this is not the point of this whole thing.

main point - there are free riders who can support but choose not to because they choose to just consume it for free and if you are able to you should support

everyone going off on a tangent - you guys hate poor people / you guys are leeches

well guess what, no one wins in this argument.

there were a lot of people saying “reading danmei is our only source of happiness, are you saying poor people who can’t access legally don’t deserve to read danmei” (this is just one example i’ve seen, there are other variations), and it wasn’t put across perhaps in the right way, but the other camp of people were saying “you’re not entitled to it for free if you cannot afford it”, which raised a lot of hackles and anti-poor yellings

altho i do not deny that there are those who mean it maliciously, i think what everyone is trying to say is - the danmei industry, like any other profit-making industry, is looking to make profits. the people working in the industry, the authors even, are looking at numbers - traffic to jjwxc or other legal platforms, how much revenue they’re making from their live actions etc., comments, rankings, etc. i think @/hunxi-after-hours made a really succinct post on this aspect which yall should read.

it’s the same as - if you wanted to purchase a standee which costs $20 USD, but you cannot afford it = you don’t get it. there’s no way you can get this standee unless some gifts it to you for free. what the camp trying to ask people to support legally is saying, is that danmei is NOT A PUBLIC GOOD. it is a private, for-profit product. it might be intangible, but it is a PRODUCT that has a price that needs to be paid.

if you cannot afford it, you either don’t get access entirely (i’m saying this objectively and honestly from an economic standpoint). if someone gifts that standee to you for free, count yourself lucky - if someone makes a danmei accessible to you for free, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. you don’t have to be grateful and treat them as gods or like obey their every word, but it’s not rocket science. someone did you a favour that you accepted and consumed, show some respect.

if you cannot afford to buy the standee - you do not go on twitter demanding that someone ensures that you have access to the standee for free. do you see how ridiculous this sounds once it’s a tangible product? and danmei novels ARE PRODUCTS. they are not FREE CONTENT. if someone cannot afford the standee, this is the equivalent of people going “we didn’t get the standee for free because poor people don’t deserve nice things”

totally missing the point. i don’t even know how it got to this. once again, i do admit that some users were unnecessarily mean, but going to the extreme of this is ridiculous. in argumentative essay writing we call this a logical fallacy:

e.g. “if you cannot pay for merchandise or danmei, it is a fact that you might not have access to it” morphing into “if we cannot pay for food, does this mean we cannot have access to it?!” - this is a slippery slope, and factors are not equivalent!!!! do they not teach people anything in school

don’t confuse fanfiction with danmei - danmei novels ARE PAID PRODUCTS unless for free chapters, just because it’s released online doesn’t mean it’s free public property, and also selected novels (did you guys know the WHOLE of SCI novel is free? about 500 chapters sorry, random, just a tidbit)

there are of course nuances right, like if anyone told me they were pirating disney+ content i’d be like yeah hey get one over those bloodsuckers, they take enough of our money and produce shit content anyway. the difference is that danmei authors, and the danmei industry itself can still be considered a nascent and not-yet matured industry, with a majority of authors if not all, depending on monetary flow, likes, comments, virality on the sites their content is hosted on, for a living, unlike hugeass MNCs trying to squeeze us dry for content that isn’t even interesting.

danmei is priced rather reasonably - and this brings me to another argument that was made, that the value of money is not the same for everyone. i don’t want to make comments on this because yes this is correct to a large extent. a $6 book might be cheap to most of us, but might be expensive to someone else. i’m not gonna comment on how cheap or whatever it is, if you gotta use your money for other things, definitely! i still maintain however, that a novel less than a dollar should be affordable to most people, a majority of people. and i definitely side eye some users who obviously have money but are just creating noise because they wanna continue free-riding

(4) the “they’re losing out on their international audience” argument: honestly, i feel like english-speaking danmei fandom gives themselves a bit too much credit. danmei has long thrived in china in its domestic market - sure the international audience is a plus to have and i’m sure the authors are grateful and flattered that people who don’t understand chinese love their content and love it a lot, but do they and their companies care about fans who basically don’t bring in money? i’m not sure (okay i’ll get to the fan translators doing illegal shit later okay i got it don’t be impatient)

and international fans are great, i don’t deny that - but when i see arguments like “oh but it’s their loss if they don’t cater or deny access to us, they get more popularity and sharing overseas”, i honestly think they don’t care as much as you think. once again, hunxi made a really good argument regarding non-sinophone audiences, but it really irks me, because this is the same as:

an instagram influencer saying they’ll give a restaurant exposure for free to their followers, if they get a free meal

it’s par for par - danmei authors wants earnings, popularity, tangible results that show that they are succeeding. this is life. if i put something out there for sale, i better be getting returns, simple economic logic. they probably don’t care that a non-paying reader is bringing them greater ‘exposure’ - once again, i mean this objectively.

and yes if they’re thriving without the international market then why should it matter that people are pirating right? which brings me to the next point~

(5) it’s fan translators faults for so many people pirating, and fan translators are the ones doing the “illegal” work: this one is like... wow where do i unpack this and how-

firstly, we are talking about assholes who can pay but decide to free ride and not pay for danmei, and we assume that if you really cannot afford and have to pirate, no one’s saying anything as long as you don’t go around spreading how to pirate, how the hell did it get to fan translators from “you guys are anti-poor” and whatever

yes, fan translations are indeed illegal, i don’t deny that, and i also don’t deny that there are translators who translate for clout and popularity but putting these aside - here’s what i have seen from people who ran their mouths and made this argument

“if you guys care about us pirating the book so much than fan translators shouldn’t have translated in the first place” and “if you wanna come after us for reading illegally, then fan translators, you guys should go get the copyright for the book and then translate it cuz what you guys are doing is also illegal”

hooooo i’m telling ya, i am all for translators locking up their translations at this point. see how fucking hurtful that is? you eat from my hand and then now you biting at the hand that fed you the gays in love?

honestly if you’ve made this argument or supported this, you can basically go to hell. yes this is personal because what, you think fan translators don’t take out their personal time and effort and hard work to make translations accessible to you? if you’re ever consumed and read translations, don’t be a hypocrite and make this argument. you benefitted from it, now you wanna say it’s their fault?

most translators want to share and spread the love they have for a novel right, want to show you how wonderful all these authors are, how much enjoyment u get from reading these wonderfully thought out stories of gays in love. yes we all know we are illegally translating, which is why on top of sharing we first, purchase the novels legally ourselves first, and then we try to encourage people to buy etc. and actually put their money to use. it doesn’t make it any less illegal, but we are bridging the gap between danmei and basically the english-speaking fandom, albeit illegally

we aren’t that self-important to ask for gratefulness but some respect would be nice. like i said, you read it, you consumed it, you enjoyed it, you can only access it because of illegal translators - a bit counter-intuitive to yell at these translators, who are simply telling you, if you can, please support. and none of us went “if you cannot afford, begone!”

===

🔺 some people tried to help by offering jjwxc credits so people who cannot afford as they say, can get legal access: honestly, just take it right, guess what some of these users did in response

they said the people giving away credits are trying to redeem themselves for their comments by giving away free stuff

they also said that we are trying to shame the people who cannot afford it with this handout to them, to show that they are the bigger person - the fact that they think this is a handout to them is TELLING. the people offering this is giving their money not to these readers, but to the authors! that’s the point of this exercise!!!

one of them even said “instead of trying to do these giveaways, here, there are greater world problems out there, donate instead to these causes” - love the initiative, but how did we get from being able to afford danmei and entertainment content to saving the world? i just- i cannot

===

🔺 so why i get why fan translators are locking up their translations, because wow, so hurtful:

you have no idea how many fucking assholes went “sure, lock up your translations, deal with the consequences” - ermmmm firstly, thanks for making a threat. like who the fuck do you think you are?

the consequences is... the authors still don’t get the money these free riders weren’t going to give them anyway, so no loss, and they weren’t reading on jjwxc anyway so you know, the authors don’t lose or gain any readership numbers or traffic they didn’t already have. instead, it WILL push and force people to pay for the PRODUCT. once again, it’s a product.

this works, and i’d say Word of Honor’s payment model worked marvellously for Youku, because they fucking forced everyone to pay to access content. ALL OF THEM. sure ok some people still pirated it, but how many MORE people paid on Youku, on Youku Youtube, watched on Viki etc. than if they didn’t? even english-speaking fandom were wracking their brains trying to purchase a Youku pass even if there were no subs initially - and other examples that lovely hunxi brought up in her amazing piece

and for translators?! honestly me for one, i’m glad i don’t feel pressured anymore to churn out a chapter every week since we get called names etc. most of us are glad to have a break to be honest. we’ve lost all motivation to translate because it’s a free service, at the very least we don’t expect like hate, or rudeass fuckers. for those who are doing a proof of purchase thing - go for it honestly!

hopefully it’ll minimize the free rider problem - some people for whatever reasons really cannot buy or support legally, that’s totally cool and they don’t have to justify it, i get that. but for others making the same argument but obviously are just unwilling to pay because they can’t read chinese, think it’s too troublesome when there are guides and translators provide it for free anyway so what’s the point - we all make concessions and make decisions to grab what we like (not talking about the ppl who have their various troubles and difficulties!)

===

🔺 and those who are saying why is it the ‘rest of us suffer’ from locked translations just because of a few bad apples:

IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. where the hell were all of ya when we were getting called illegal huh? it’s about us fan translators getting shot at for no reason, and then people still demanding things for free. i don’t see any of the people i’ve seen on tumblr complain about fan translators stopping or locking translations defend any of us in any way. instead, you’re complaining.

it is the translator’s prerogative to start, stop and end translations, unless of course the original author starts to sue i suppose. i see people on tumblr going like if they were gonna do this, they shouldn’t have started in the first place etc. - i don’t what world you live in, but when i do something for free, then get called names and am attacked or get dictated on how i should do something that’s already like free, i tend to be less generous.

i’m sorry, do us illegal and free translators owe ANY OF YOU? i wasn’t aware any of us were being paid for this hobby. readers, especially those who CAN and just refuse to support, don’t get to say SHIT. translators deal with so much shit and so many entitled readers, i say they get to lock whatever they want as long as they aren’t profiting off of this monetarily.

let me give you an example - nan chan, which is translated by lian yin, completed translations by the way for all chapters. it is all free for viewing, and she only locked up one extra and asked for proof of payment. some dumbfuck quotes that locked up extra chapter tweet and said “honestly, this turned me off reading this novel because they restricted access”.

the. fucking. entitlement. the whole of nan chan is free, that’s like what more than 80 chapters. she locked up the EXTRA and the money goes to the author, she doesn’t earn anything. AND HERE THAT BIJ is (yes, i’m going to call them names because you know, fucking asshole who didn’t bother to check) going “yeah i didn’t wanna read because 1/80+ chapters were locked”.

AN EXTRA. LITERALLY AN EXTRA!!!!!!

at the end of the day, translators are not like DYING to translate, not like some of you are DYING to read the translations. once again, this isn’t a “BE GRATEFUL” message, it’s a please be respectful to the people who put in time and hard work for free and share the goodness ya know? what’s the use of yelling at fan translators as if we owe you anything?

================

🔴🔴🔴 TOO LONG DIDN’T READ 🔴🔴🔴

some people may need really need to pirate - and no one needs to justify why they cannot afford to purchase etc. pirating happens all the time, translators only hope that when you can, and in whatever way you can, to support legally - in general we don’t ask and we get it! we’re just annoyed that some people think that it SHOULD BE FREE, when it is a paid product, especially for those who CAN afford it

readers are not entitled to shit on translators for what they do with their translations - once again, you’re not OBLIGATED to have it. so what if i start and stop? i’m the one doing the work, i get the only say. don’t be a hypocrite and shit on translators, whose works you’ve read - it’s no loss for translators, we read and enjoy danmei just fine

yes, fan translations are illegal, but you can’t read and enjoy them like some of you have, and then turn around and point the finger at translators - a lot of us are happy to stop translating - this isn’t a threat, but at the end of the day, shitting on translators simply decreases access, and sure, some people can indeed live with you know, MTL or shitty translations from people who’ve learnt chinese for only six months or whatever, but you’re gonna be reading an entirely different book tbh

the people saying illegal translators are at fault - funnily enough, most of them consume the translations, so what the fuck? i mean we know it’s illegal, we’re trying to share the love and trying to minimize the illegalities of it by redirecting people to hopefully support legally. it’s still illegal yes, but i think it’s hypocritical for people who have read translations, stab translators in the back. and now that translators are indeed ‘restricting’ and ‘removing’ their ‘illegal translations’, yall yelling again? and threatening?

fan translators aren’t “elitist” or “classist” - just looking for some respect in a community which seems to have taken them for granted, and also looking for support for their fave authors - and honestly a lot of us were caught in the crossfires truly, don’t be an asshole and demand things from fan translators - who are you talking about? do you know why they decided to lock? do you know know what their locking system is like and what for?

it’s not EASY to lock the translations up - it’s more admin work, it’s putting together a whitelist of people, if given the choice i’m sure translators would prefer to share everything. but not when there are assholes who have a comment on how they should translate etc. and yeah!!! calling us illegal!! i mean we are but still!!

the last straw was seeing that post on tumblr and people in the comments going like fan translators shouldn’t or should do something, without getting the whole picture, without even considering how hard it is for fan translators being caught in this situation.

whoever puts in the work gets to decide, and everyone else should leave them alone.

be nice to the people who really cannot afford as they say so (or just don’t think about it), be nice to the translators feeding you content, and the people who free ride and shit on translators - honestly, i’d say ready the pitchforks.

edit: i forgot to mention this is my hot take and i’ve tried to like present all the arguments i’ve seen so far. i’m definitely not doing all of it justice and i don’t claim to speak on behalf of any of them except maybe one or two- and i’ve definitely left out stuff, but anyway, lmao we’re just tiny people doing what we love. i wish we could solve you know inequality or poverty or hunger or other pressing concerns. if i was that great i wouldn’t be stuck on tumblr or twitter or have to make posts like these like a loser.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#danmei #danmei twitter #rambles #long post #literally cannot take the stupidity of some people anymore

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

Prompt 1) NMJ is the son of the concubine, NHS is the son of the legal wife, who had difficulty conceiving because of an old night hunting injury, and picked out a concubine for her husband who was big and strong and healthy as on ox - the strength got passed on, her more even temperament didn't. The legal wife conceived later, with much difficulty and they weren't entirely sure NHS would live at first

ao3

“Are you well?” Nie Mingjue asked Jin Guangyao, his voice stiff, and Jin Guangyao looked at him sidelong, surprised by the question, as well as the fact that Nie Mingjue was talking to him at all.

Normally, he would assume that Nie Mingjue was doing it because Lan Xichen was encouraging him to get along with Jin Guangyao again, but Lan Xichen was in the Cloud Recesses, had been in the Cloud Recesses for quite some time. Officially, he was helping oversee the rebuilding; unofficially he was caring for his brother, who had officially entered seclusion and unofficially was healing from a punishment so grievously terrible that Jin Guangyao was reminded all over again why one could not trust the righteous facades of the wealthy and powerful Great Sects.

Not that he needed much reminding, here in Jinlin Tower…

At any rate, Lan Xichen couldn’t be the reason Nie Mingjue was asking Jin Guangyao about his well-being, and that meant that his stern, grim-faced oldest sworn brother was doing it on his own, for reasons of his own.

Naturally, Jin Guangyao mistrusted that even more.

“Of course, da-ge,” he said with a practiced smile. “Is there a problem?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, somehow, impossibly, even stiffer than before. “No, I just – I meant – with Jin Zixuan’s death. It must have made it – hard. Here. For you.”

That was a staggeringly perceptive insight, and the fact that it came from Nie Mingjue, who thought ignoring rumors until they went away was a valid strategy, was something of an uncomfortable surprise. Even Lan Xichen hadn’t really thought of Jin Guangyao in the aftermath of Jin Zixuan’s death and the ensuing calamity, with the Nightless City and Wei Wuxian’s final downfall and everything with Lan Wangji taking away his attention; at best, he’d penned a careless letter belatedly expressing that he was sad that Jin Guangyao hadn’t had more of an opportunity to get to know Jin Zixuan better before his untimely demise.

Not even Su She had said anything, taking Jin Zixuan’s death as an unmitigated good – an obstacle out of their way, and nothing more. Easy enough for him to think as sect leader of his own sect, however small.

Not so easy for Jin Guangyao.

Not so easy when Madame Jin’s dislike of him had turned to full-blown maddened hatred, when his father looked at him like filth on his shoe, when they wouldn’t let him anywhere near Jin Ling as if his mere touch were some sort of toxic poison…

“…thank you,” he said cautiously. “I’ve been doing fine.”

Nie Mingjue jerked his head in a nod. “Avoid the sect elders for a time,” he said, and when Jin Guangyao looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, not looking at him at all. “Be careful with what you eat and drink. Some people don’t like to take chances.”

Was Nie Mingjue – Nie Mingjue – warning him about a possible assassination attempt? The man who had barely consented to using spies during wartime, who thought politics could be conducted through above-board dealings, who thought bribery and blackmail were unacceptable crimes? Him?

The world had truly turned upside down.

“I’ll be careful,” Jin Guangyao said, and found to his embarrassment that his tone had unconsciously softened, revealing the sudden fondness he was feeling for no good reason. He could rationalize it as a deliberate move, because allowing Nie Mingjue to do him a favor and sounding touched about it was a good way to get closer to him, to get back through those iron defenses of his. The problem was that it wasn’t a stratagem, not really, and that was dangerous.

Nie Mingjue nodded again, and Jin Guangyao expected him to move on – he and Nie Mingjue might be sworn brothers, but they didn’t chat – but he didn’t. He lingered, instead, clearly wanting to say something, something he was chewing over and not quite able to spit out.

Unusual, for someone who normally prided himself on being straightforward and direct.

“Is there something else?” Jin Guangyao eventually asked when Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to be actually making any progress towards saying anything.

Nie Mingjue grimaced and took a step – off to the side, to a corner of the path that was a little more secluded than most. Interestingly, he didn’t make the amateur mistake of going for one of the obviously secluded alcoves, which of course had all sorts of hiding-holes for eavesdroppers, but rather ended up in one of the few areas where the architecture created a natural dead space for sound.

Intrigued, Jin Guangyao followed him there.

Once they were there, Nie Mingjue still looked awkward – he was still refusing to look directly at Jin Guangyao, as if they wouldn’t be talking in hushed tones in a secluded corner if he didn’t admit that that was what they were doing – but finally said, “Would it help or hurt if I said anything?”

Jin Guangyao frowned a little, not following. “Said anything?”

“About the inheritance,” Nie Mingjue said, and Jin Guangyao’s eyes widened. “You’re the only recognized son left; you ought to be named heir until Jin Ling is full grown. But that doesn’t mean people will let that happen so easily.”

Jin Guangyao would have been less surprised if Wen Ruohan had spontaneously resurrected himself from the dead and performed a brothel fan dance on the front lawn of Jinlin Tower.

It had not even remotely entered his calculations that Nie Mingjue would be anything but an obstacle to his ambitions for power over the Lanling Jin sect – at best, he had hoped only that Nie Mingjue would be convinced that Jin Zixuan’s death was wholly Wei Wuxian’s fault and not find some way to blame Jin Guangyao for it, and that he wouldn’t immediately suspect that Jin Guangyao of scheming to kill Jin Ling and take the whole thing for himself.

He’d never dreamed that Nie Mingjue might think that he deserved it.

“I’ll support you, of course,” Nie Mingjue said, as if it were obvious, when it was the least obvious thing that had ever happened in Jin Guangyao’s life. “But I’m not actually any good at this sort of thing, you know – playing politics with the internal affairs of other sects. I don’t want to make things worse for you just because I don’t know what the right approach is, especially not here.”

Jin Guangyao stared at him.

Nie Mingjue, not hearing a response, glanced at him and scowled. Lowering his voice still more, he said, “Think on it carefully. Sect Leader Jin hates me personally, but my Nie sect isn’t nothing, not even in Lanling. It’s still more so after the war, after all those battles I won to save the Jin sect’s rotten – that is, after everything I did to help. Even if your father doesn’t like it, he still has to give my sect face, and his sect elders know it. You’re a war hero, and my sworn brother; if a public stand on my part would help make things easier for you…”

“I’ll think on it carefully,” Jin Guangyao assured him, his mind already racing over the possibilities. Nie Mingjue underestimated himself – he wasn’t just a war hero, he was the war hero, the righteous and unyielding war god that had won an impossible war for the rest of them. He was Jin Guangshan’s chief rival for the position of Chief Cultivator and he wasn’t even trying to get the position; he probably wanted nothing more than to go home to Qinghe and sleep for three months and yet practically every single sect leader that Jin Guangshan felt out on the subject invariably dropped his name as the possible alternative. Assuming he was serious, and Nie Mingjue was always serious, his public support would make it extremely tricky for Jin Guangshan to refuse to name Jin Guangyao as the official heir, even if he tried to claim that this was a private matter. The rest of the sect would force him to do it, even against his will.

Moreover, Lan Xichen would follow Nie Mingjue’s lead, or at least could be easily encouraged into doing so. He was so distracted with his brother, if Jin Guangyao went to him and pointed out that Nie Mingjue thought it was a good idea to stand behind him…no, he wouldn’t even need to do that. Everyone knew how much better his relationship with Lan Xichen was in comparison to Nie Mingjue; if Nie Mingjue stood behind him, everyone would assume that Lan Xichen did as well, and then he would have two of the remaining Great Sects backing his right to inherit – even if only in the interim – the seat of power for Lanling Jin, as the only recognized son…

Except, of course, Jin Guangshan had already accounted for that.

Jin Guangyao’s eyes flickered. Perhaps there was a way to test Nie Mingjue’s sincerity.

“There is one issue,” he said, and Nie Mingjue turned his head to look at him directly. “My father has – decided to bring home another son.”

Nie Mingjue stared at him. “Another son?”

“From a minor noble family of commoners –”

“He brought one home now?” Nie Mingjue said, and he sounded angry. He always sounded angry, but this time he sounded angry on Jin Guangyao’s behalf, something he hadn’t been since Langya, since Qinghe, and it thrilled Jin Guangyao’s heart to hear it. He’d always secretly enjoyed having someone as physically and politically strong as Nie Mingjue in his corner, the power of it going to his head; it was even more so now, when he was finally in a position where he could really use it. “That’s a deliberate insult to you, and for what? Some untried boy…”

One who isn’t the son of a prostitute, Jin Guangyao thought, but of course Nie Mingjue wouldn’t think about it that way. He never had, not from the beginning.

“Father is of course within his rights to bring home whoever he wishes, for the best interest of the sect,” he said diplomatically, and Nie Mingjue huffed and rolled his eyes. “Da-ge…”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Nie Mingjue said curtly. “Think on it, and tell me what you want me to do.”

With that he turned away and strode off towards the main hall, a scowl firmly on his face.

Jin Guangyao watched him go, pleased – Nie Mingjue was really too easy to manipulate, if you knew him well enough. He’d keep quiet during the opening ceremony of the conference, but if he was really sincere about standing up for Jin Guangyao’s right to inherit, there would be no way he’d be able to refrain from expressing his views to Jin Guangshan at some point later that evening.

Sure enough, Nie Mingjue seethed throughout most of the complex and beautiful ceremony Jin Guangyao had arranged to show off Lanling Jin’s wealth and strength and taste – all wasted on him, naturally, so Jin Guangyao didn’t take any offense – and through dinner as well, and afterwards found a reason to make his way over to Jin Guangshan. After a few words, they both retreated to one of the receiving rooms.

Jin Guangyao made his excuses very shortly thereafter and slipped away: the receiving rooms, at least, were not dead spaces, and he knew all the ways to listen in there.

By the time he arrived, they were already arguing.

“ – what business of yours?” Jin Guangshan was snarling. “These are my private family matters!”

“He is my sworn brother,” Nie Mingjue said in return, his voice stiff as always. It was interesting to Jin Guangyao that he still didn’t seem happy about admitting that fact; he was still resentful of Jin Guangyao, still suspicious, and yet he supported him regardless, just because he thought it was his right. Ah, the foolishness of good people! “When you refuse to give him face, that becomes my business.”

Jin Guangshan spat, audibly. Jin Guangyao, still carefully moving into a position where he could see as well as hear, hoped he’d aimed it at the floor and not at Nie Mingjue’s face.

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Jin Guangshan said. “I suppose I really shouldn’t be so surprised to find you supporting him, should I?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nie Mingjue demanded, and Jin Guangyao wondered the same.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Jin Guangshan said. Jin Guangyao had never heard his father sound so cruel – and he had quite a bit to compare it to. “They do say like calls to like, don’t they?”

Jin Guangyao had just finally gotten into view position, which meant he was just in time to see all the blood drain out of Nie Mingjue’s face as if he’d just been stabbed.

“You may have won some merit,” Jin Guangshan said, and he was smirking now. “But they do say blood always tells – or did you think that people would forget that it’s your brother that’s the true-born son, and you merely a concubine’s get?”

He was what?

Nie Mingjue was –

It was impossible. Surely, it was impossible.

And yet Nie Mingjue was not denying Jin Guangshan’s words, was not getting angry at the slander, was standing there stiff-backed and grim-faced –

“I still remember how disappointed your father was when his beautiful, beloved, delicate wife couldn’t get a pregnancy to last the term,” Jin Guangshan said, picking up one of the jars of wine and taking a swig. “He didn’t want to take a concubine at all, thought it’d be disrespectful to his wife, but what could he do? He was the sole heir, with an obligation to continue his lineage…they bought your mother for the breeding, like bringing in a cow for the farmyard bull.”

He laughed.

Nie Mingjue said nothing.

“Healthy, I think he said about her. Healthy and big, good hips for bearing children, good tits to nurse them – that was all he cared about, squeezing a few sons out of her, and she didn’t even manage that. Ran away after the first one, didn’t she? You ever figure out where she went, whether she ended up married to some dumb farmer as illiterate as her, or else lying on her back in a brothel? Dead in a beggar’s grave somewhere, perhaps?”

Nie Mingjue said nothing.

“No, it’s no surprise: of course you’d back the little son of a whore for the position of rightful heir, as if letting him take it would help cover up for the way you stole your own brother’s –”

“Watch your words,” Nie Mingjue said, his heavy voice slicing through the air like a saber.

“Still pretending it wasn’t theft, then?” Jin Guangshan laughed again, pacing the room back and forth, prowling like some sort of beast. “You were supposed to step down when he was ready – you had to swear never to have children, never to marry, all so you could warm the sect leader seat until he was grown up and ready to take it himself. But a weakling wastrel like that, he’s never going to be ready, is he? Very clever of you. I bet your sect elders hadn’t thought of you getting around it like that.”

“You dare –”

“Oh, I dare! And I’d dare more, if you think you can push me around!” Jin Guangshan bared his teeth. “Let me tell you now, Sect Leader Nie, if you dare make a public statement of support for Guangyao, I’ll remind the whole world that you’re no better than him, that you ought to be one of the Nie sect’s servants, not its sect leader –”

“Go ahead.”

Jin Guangshan stopped.

“Go ahead,” Nie Mingjue said again, stepping forward, and Jin Guangyao had never actually seen him purposefully use his height against someone, wield it like a weapon to remind the other party which of them was the more terrifying. “I’ve already had half a dozen public arguments with Huaisang about the fact that he needs to take the role of Sect Leader; everyone in my sect knows that he’s the one who keeps refusing. Do you really think everyone is like you? Scrabbling for every scrap of power you can get, like a rat in the rubbish bin?”

Jin Guangshan took an involuntary step backwards as Nie Mingjue continued to advance.

“When there are those who speak against you, you must do so well that they have no choice but to shut their mouths,” Nie Mingjue said, and it was the very same words he had spoken in encouragement to Jin Guangyao, all those years ago when they had first met. At the time, and thereafter, Jin Guangyao had thought him naïve, of not knowing of which he spoke. “Tell me, Sect Leader Jin, if you go out and spew your poison to your sycophants, do you really think any but the most loyal and brainless will open their mouths to condemn me now? Now, when I’ve just won the cultivation world a war, when I saved Lanling Jin a dozen times or more? Do you really think people will remember my mother instead of my saber?”

“You’d be amazed what people remember,” Jin Guangshan said, even if his voice was weaker, more desperate than it had been before. Less mighty and more pathetic than before, as if Jin Guangyao were suddenly seeing him in a brand new light: seeing him as what he was, as a man who would never looked beyond a person’s birth, no matter what their merits. “In the end, public arguments or not, you were the one who raised Nie Huaisang, now a good-for-nothing, a waste, and you sit in his throne, managing his Nie sect. People will remember that! Your sect will still lose face, be dishonored!”

“Fine. Then I’ll just kill you,” Nie Mingjue said, and Jin Guangshan gaped at him. “Why not? You’re right. To protect my brother’s birthright, I vowed never to have children, never to marry; the only ambitions in my life were to allow Huaisang to live well as he grew older and to avenge my father, and I’ve accomplished both. Even if they execute me for your murder, what’s it to me? What will I have lost?”

Jin Guangshan’s mouth moved open and closed, mute in his shock, and Jin Guangyao couldn’t blame him.

Nie Mingjue’s lips twisted into a sneer of his own.

“For once in your life, Sect Leader Jin, just do the right thing,” he said, sounding tired, and Jin Guangyao felt something loosen inside of him that had gone inexplicably frozen and pained at the idea of Nie Mingjue breaking all those morals and principles he always seemed to hold so dear.

It was strange. Not a day earlier, Jin Guangyao would have sworn that he would’ve liked nothing more than to see Nie Mingjue pushed too far, forced down into the muck and mud that the rest of them trudged their way through, and now that he saw a hint of it, he’d never wanted anything less.

“Name Meng Yao your heir until Jin Ling is grown,” Nie Mingjue continued. “Reap the benefits of the alliance he brings with him and have us all honor you as an elder, if that’s what you want. But playing games like this…I’d say it’s beneath you, but I’d need a shovel to get that deep. So don’t think about it. Just do it. Or I’ll make you.”

He left, Jin Guangshan still gaping after him. It wasn’t long before he finally started moving, throwing around expensive teacups and furnishings and shouting for servants to bring him a drink and a whore, even though it was early; Jin Guangyao returned to the party, knowing there would be nothing more for him to learn, not when his father was in a mood like that.

Later that night, when the party was over and all cleaned up, he went to the quarters assigned for their guests from the Nie sect and was unsurprised to see a light still lit within the one assigned to the sect leader.

He knocked, and a familiar voice beckoned him to enter.

Nie Mingjue was dressed in a sleeping robe, but he was at his desk, writing a letter; he’d clearly been unable to sleep. He looked up when Jin Guangyao entered.

“What?” he asked, short and sharp and rude as always.

These days, Jin Guangyao usually planned out his encounters with Nie Mingjue in advance, hoping to minimize awkwardness and achieve his goals without too much of a scolding. He’d done that at the very beginning of knowing him, only to rapidly give up during his time at Qinghe – Nie Mingjue was both predictable and yet somehow an utter mystery, and it was easier to just go with the flow, adapt to the circumstances, than it was to plan in advance. Only after he’d left did he start planning once again.

He wasn’t planning now.

“Your mother,” he said, and Nie Mingjue barked a laugh, reaching up with a hand to rub at his eyes.

“Did your father tell you?” he asked. “Or did you just listen in?”

Jin Guangyao shrugged, and Nie Mingjue for once did not seem inclined to demand an answer.

“Is it true?” he asked instead, even though he already knew. “That she was…”

Like mine.

Not exactly like, of course. Jin Guangshan wouldn’t have hesitated to call Nie Mingjue the son of a whore directly if he thought he could get away with claiming it was merely fact, and had managed to imply as much nonetheless. Jin Guangyao’s mother’s shame could never be washed away, not in his lifetime; Nie Mingjue’s birth, being merely low, was not the same.

And yet.

“Oh, it’s true,” Nie Mingjue said mirthlessly. “Right down to the fact that they all but bought her based on how fertile she looked, for all that my father later pretended it wasn’t that, and the fact that she ran away.”

Jin Guangyao blinked. If he was playacting, he might have bitten his lip, averted his eyes, and he still considered doing it, but for the moment he was still feeling too off-balance to really commit to it. “Is she – still alive?”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

“Have you looked for her?”

“I’ve been sect leader for over a decade,” he said, which wasn’t a denial. “If she wanted to find me, she knows where I am.”

That was a good point, Jin Guangyao supposed.

“Was it hard?” he asked, and Nie Mingjue frowned, clearly not understanding the question. “For you, when it was you. Was it hard to convince them to let you inherit?”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes slid half-shut in pained memory. “Yes.”

Jin Guangyao nodded, and went to sit down next to Nie Mingjue, who allowed it, returning to his work. He didn’t say anything.

It was rather atypical for Jin Guangyao – he was always thinking of something to say, when it came to Nie Mingjue, trying to bridge the gap between them with clever words. Perhaps it was only that the gap had shrunk, or had never been as large as he had thought.

After a while, Nie Mingjue said, “You know I wish you were better than you are,” and Jin Guangyao looked at him sidelong. “But in the end, you’re my brother. Isn’t that what matters?”

“Yes,” Jin Guangyao said, and there was that uncalled-for fondness again. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

#mdzs #jin guangyao #nie mingjue #jin guangshan #my fic #my fics #alternative backstory #dead spaces #jessaramine

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1990jeevas · 3 years

Note

👀 mcc discourse? /gen

okay mcc discourse time everyone strap in

the three things i see people being pissed about most often are the lack of lgbt+ people in the event, the specific lgbt+ creators playing and, of course, technoblade being involved. so, let's break down why all three of these things are fucking dumb.

1) "there isnt enough lgbt+ creators".

this would be a fair argument that i could get behind...if not for the way mcc is set up for this specific event—and by that i mean it is a youtube sponsored event. the ccs involved need to have platforms on youtube to be able to participate to begin with, as it is a charity event. mcc doesn't have a lot of lgbt+ streamers involved this time around because a lot of those streamers straight up could not stream this event and scott literally said this himself.

on top of that, this isnt a "get invited and you can play!" event, it is a "you need to apply to be involved" event, meaning, if people dont meet the deadline, or they dont apply at fucking all, they cant play. that's not on fucking scott or anyone organizing mcc, that is on the ccs (if they even wanna be involved, i could not blame them for avoiding mcc after last times mess) who didnt apply in time/at all.

2) "there isnt enough diversity in the lgbt+ streamers" aka "im erasing people's identities and, again, disregarding the literal qualifications for this mcc which include having a youtube platform"

i keep seeing people bring up how every lgbt+ person in mcc is white and able bodied and neurotypical etc etc (which is an inaccurate statement anyways) as reasons why they "arent good enough" or they're bringing up how there "isnt any of [x] sexuality/gender involved" as if that's the organizers faults and i uh. i hate to break it to yall but, again, this is an apply to get in event. if these ccs that were "more diverse" (bc why the fuck are we referring to these ccs playing in fucking minecraft championship as some weird ass diversity characters instead of real life people who are more than their race, disability, etc.) met the requirements and were lgbt+ but just didnt apply, while a lot of other white, cis, neurotypical, able bodied, whatever the fuck else, did? yeah. nobody can change that. scott didnt just pick and chose who gets to play, there are literal rules for this event and also applications that are involved like?? hello????? and obviously i would love to see some more lgbt+ creators from different backgrounds with different identities in the cast, that would be awesome, but that is ultimately not up to the organizers. they cant force people to play. they cant skip people in the waiting lists. they can't have people who cant stream be involved in this mcc as their first event, both because it would be sad for them not to stream their first mcc and because it is a literal charity event.

and, to make things worse, a lot of people are saying there "isnt any trans people this mcc" which is just. a blatant lie. eret isnt cis and sqiashey is genderfluid, yall just dont like eret so you decide to refer to her as a "cis man" constantly, which is transphobic, and yall also dont know sqiashey so instead of doing research, you started running ur mouths and then didn't apologize when you got called on it.

like. even if eret was truly problematic, which i dont believe they are as they have apologized for every little mistake theyve made and dealt with the backlash from entitled little privileged teenagers online all while not complaining even the slightest bit, that still doesnt give you a right to misgender them and erase their identity as a non cis person entirely because you're mad over a fucking minecraft event like??? how fucking privileged you must be that this is what gets you heated. not any actual homophobia or transphobia, but apparently "lgbt+ people in minecraft not being diverse enough". choke.

3) "technoblade is a lesphobe, why is he in mcc"

tw on this section: i discuss my expierences with homophobia as an afab nblw briefly and reclaim the d slur (if you wanna read this section and avoid the homophobia discussion and/or d slur, skip from "as someone who is nblw" to "techno making a shitty joke").

all of techno's lesphobic comments are from 5+ years ago and were, at worst, jokes in poor taste. as someone who is nblw, i have had men follow me and my friend around and call us dykes for holding hands in a museum, i have had my family members harrass me for my sexuality and casually talk about how im gross and wrong for liking girls and i have been punished by literal teachers for showing "too much pda" with my past girlfriends despite the fact that ive never even kissed someone on campus before, just held hands and hugged. techno making some shitty jokes when he was a teenager years ago, while also having a plethora of examples of him being an lgbt+ ally, which does include lesbians, should not be treated the same way as literal bigots calling queer people slurs. and if you think it should be, you have had it fucking lucky.

yes, it is valid to be upset over these jokes, they're fucking weird and he shouldnt have made them, but to treat it with the exact same seriousness as a grown ass adult showing blatant homophobia in current times? no. fuck no.

extra notes bc there's some minor discourse points i left out: no, dream team shouldnt get to be involved in this event over other cishet ccs involved just because they have bigger platforms because this quite literally isnt about them, it's about lgbt+ people and they just didnt happen to get in. shut the fuck up. stop mentioning ant and velvet as people who shouldve been involved, they're quite literally together rn doing little daytrips and shit and they most likely dont wanna spend their time together playing fucking minecraft. also, stop saying techno should be replaced with ranboo (or anyone for that matter), it breaks ranboo's fucking boundaries and him donating 100k to the trevor project doesnt suddenly mean he gets to skip the mcc waiting list.

in conclusion: twitter stop whining over pride mcc, your privilege is showing.

(tagging @tauntwenthome bc you said you wanted to hear as well <3)

#mcc #technoblade #mcyt fandom critical #dsmp fandom critical #fandom critical #discourse #this was hard to write bc this situation is a pain in the ass to explain ajsksk #like specifically the 2nd section i kept rewriting and i still think it sounds confusing but whatever #mcyt #mcytblr #ask to tag #shit self #ok to rb #asks #ghcstbvr #magnus tag 💭#bangerz

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spellfist-3d · 4 years

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Guide to that elusive “PS1-pixelated-lowpoly”(but not really)

With the videogame playing population growing up we've finally broke from pixel-art nostalgia into the broadly called "low-poly" nostalgia. On closer look this broad categorization gets further described as “PS1 pixelated textures low-poly”, which is a bit better, but still is a really broad and a pretty wrong description of this style that’s so dear to a plenty of game-playing and game making individuals these days. I’ll try to dive into some of the technicalities and examples of this style in the attempt to find it’s characteristics and some actual technical requirements to meet this style.

Let’s start with the obvious, calling it PS1 low-poly is wrong, mostly because the same games were release on Nintendo 64, Dreamcast and PC. More so, games released later can be put into the same category, plenty of NDS or PSP games fit into the same style and adhere to the same economy principles. The only real surface level thing unifying these games is the game size, that is, the games came on CDs. The advent of a DVD format really changed up how the games look, so the graphical style we’re talking about here is called CD-3D in smaller circles.

First let’s look at the games that fit the criteria would give you some information to describe the style, textures are obviously small enough to have visible pixelation (hidden by texture filtering) and models are obviously low-poly (that is around or less than 500 triangles for a character), but let’s see what doesn’t seem so obvious. Here’s Spyro and Crash, fan favorites

Both games check both points we’ve noted before, but what’s not obvious to an untrained eye is that these games both extensively use Vertex Color, the thing you’ll notice more and more in other games we’ll talk about. Vertex Color is absolutely simple, each vertex of a mesh can be assigned a RGBA value and they’re then linearly blended with other vertex colors. Notice how in Spyro the yellow and purple light is placed on places where texture is repeated, following that you can eyeball where the wireframe is and then you’ll see that the vertex color is used to simulate lighting. Crash himself is filled with Vertex Color, it’s a cheap way to avoid using textures, while having some control over the color of the thing, instead of it being a solid chunk. If you search-engine around you can also find some really fascinating notes on the development of the original Crash and the tricks they’ve pulled! The more ingenious way to use Vertex Color is to take a look at Spyro skyboxes:

Notice how the clouds are diamond-like in shape and are linearly gradiented to the next point in the wireframe.

Vertex color was used extensively and fell off with the increasing complexity of the meshes, delegated mostly to technical masking of stuff like foliage, it’s still a powerful tool for lower triangle counts.

Textures

Now, let’s talk about the textures. Pixelated textures look nice and crisp these days, at the age of 1080p being the norm, turning texture filtering really makes the games look crisp and feel right

Quake 1 is a perfect example of CD-3D style, often undeservingly forgot in discussions about this style.

But this makes us forget that the textures were often authored with texture filtering in mind. Careful step gradienting to make textures seem smoother after being filtered is a craft in itself.

Texture filtering is not bad in itself, some games look better without it these days, because of the display resolutions, but it’s still a valid tool to apply, it can help push low-res texture a bit higher and produce a softening effect make those 4 pixels into a round circle or improve a visual effect.

Of course, some games took a deliberate approach of avoiding smudged look, like Megaman Legends, for example.

Via a very deliberate texture economy and unwrapping the developers were able to produce very crisp and pixel perfect textures (slightly warped by the infamous PS1 rendering), that look absolutely astounding when you render the game in a modern resolution. Pixel-aware UV Unwrapping, is being used in most games that are considered the pinnacle of CD-3D style, this technique is so powerful, that it was used to great effect in PS2 era games, PSP games and even modern games like Guilty Gear (for a different effect though). Let’s take a closer look,

As you can see, our character is unwrapped in square pieces in such a way that a straight line on a texture will produce a straight line on a model. While Vagrant Story is an absolutely perfect in execution of this technique, it’s also used in a same way in Megaman Legends

While I couldn’t find a reliable tool that works with modern 3D modeling software to allow pixel perfect alignment, just using a UV Checker will produce great results. This method also requires some thought put into your topology before unwrapping, but it’s strong point is that you can make changes into your unwrapping and geometry easily, making little tugs won’t break the whole thing.

As you can also note, Vagrant Story textures are authored in a single atlas, while Metal Gear Solid separates this atlas into smaller chunks like this:

Allowing for easier unwrapping, since you can unwrap into the full UV space and then change the size of the texture to scale your results. The other important thing is that you probably want your characters in a T-pose when you’re unwrapping, since this allows for easier use of normal based unwrapping, considering your model would be authored with 4 to 8 sides for limbs and torso it could be box unwrapped and then tweaked for optimal results.

Silent Hill 1 used the same technique, and is also regarded as one of the best looking PS1 games.

While this is the best practice for this kind of look, it’s absolutely not required, Quake 1 used a really loose flat unwrap:

But it’s still looks bloody amazing in the end.

While the topic of using UV Unwrapping for crisper result is endless I’d also love to bring your attention to a certain Jet Set game

It also uses the same technique as Megaman Legends, but it tops it off with some cel-shading, producing crisp, stylish and iconic look.

Here’s some technicalities: Character textures are usually 256x256 for main characters, 128x128 for other characters, character usually have ~100-120 colors per full atlas. MGS breaks down the atlas into chunks so each chunks is usually 8 colors. So when authoring textures, make us of Indexed Color image mode or Save for Web.

Now let’s move from character textures to

World textures

Universally regarded as best looking CD-3D games share the same trait, not only the characters look amazing, but the environments too. Despite hard limitations, the environments look very much affected by lighting. A lot of the times this is achieved with this one simple trick that was only improved with modern technology. That is, a lot of the lighting is baked into the textures

While this limits you on the amount of lighting scenarios or makes you produce more same-ish assets this certainly elevates the look. While nowadays baked lighting is not something that exciting, it’s also being done on a separate “layer”, so there’s no need to make a separate texture for every lighting scenario, however the resolution of a lightmap should not be higher than your texture, to not produce a cheap and uncanny effect. You still want to bake some fake lighting into your texture, which contradicts the rules of PBR, but since you’re not using normal maps, rules of PBR should not apply in the same way.

The other important tool to use, is the one we’ve talked about, that is, Vertex Color. Vagrant Story uses to great effect, while it’s environment textures don’t have lights baked, they use vertex color extensively to create a variety of moods and lighting scenarios.

Using best texturing practice, Vertex Color and making sure your lightmaps are matching resolution to your textures will produce the best results.

Now let’s talk why I don’t advise using a lot of normal maps for this style. The simple answer, it’s somewhat difficult to produce a normal map that will work with an unfiltered look, but it’s somewhat manageable to do it if you’re using texture filtering. The issue arises when you try make your normal maps unfiltered, this will make your result either a mess or a bunch of visual noise. If you’re trying to make sharp pixel-perfect textures and then will try to make normal maps to match you’ll get very harsh results. The only way I can see it working somewhat nice is to make a normal map that’s less detailed and then use it texture filtered to give some volume to your objects, while not trying to chase pixel details.

The suggested method is to do a rough sculpt -> bake it down -> use ambient occlusion and other masks to author a texture map with more details. Then use a detailed texture and less detailed normal map for optimal result.

As a closing thought, let’s talk about the

Meshes

A lot of the time you can visually trace the wireframe of things, this makes it easy to pin the style as “low-poly”, but how lowpoly it really is?

Characters in Vagrant story average 500 triangles per character. Characters in MGS go from ~450 for minor characters to ~650 for major characters. So 500-600 triangles is a solid baseline for a main character in a third person game.

This limit brings out some great restriction for every aspiring 3D artist. You have to know your limb deformation techniques (search-engine “Limb Topology” and browse around the polycount wiki to find some great examples and deformation ready examples), but as you might’ve noticed, some games decided to not wrestle with skinning and deformation and straight up detached the limbs or even made their characters out of chunks. This is perfectly noticebla if you compare the OG Grim Fandango and the remaster, where they botched the shading and you can see the bits in all of their glory.

Another easy example is Metal Gear Solid. Characters arms are separate from their torse, but this is covered with other geometry or they’re of the same color and shaded closely.

This way of doing it was used in a number of other games and allows for unlimited range of motion, while not looking weird.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of adding more triangles and loops, but if you’ll follow the rule of “if it doesn’t add to the silhouette, you don’t need it”, you’ll keep to the style. Zoom out often and if an edge doesn’t add anything from the distance and is not critical to the deformation in a character, you really don’t need it.

These principles are so solid they’ve been alive for decades, in fact, one of the best looking PSP games “Peace Walker” sticks to these principles very closely, for example this soldier is just around 1500 triangles

Spilling out of the “low-poly” territory it’s still made with the same economy principles used in CD-3D style, making use of every bit of texture and every triangle available.

Here’s another game of Metal Gear variety, Metal Gear Solid 2 is a direct heir to the design philosophy of MGS1, perfectly pixel-aligned unwraps allow for crisp detailing:

Another honorable mention goes to Animal Crossing on Nintendo 64

Animal Crossing combines meshes and sprites masterfully, uses pixel-aligned UV unwraps and makes up their own trick when creating landscape.

By unwrapping the repeating texture on each triangle of a hexagon they create these smooth patches of sand without the need for big or unique textures. It’s only 64x64 and 9 colors, but the mileage you can get out of it is insane!

And this honestly sums up the CD-3D style perfectly, it’s the style governed by economy. There’s no need for insane textures for sharp lines, and millions of colors for smooth gradients. Now of course all of these are not rules, but recommendations, you can certainly bend the rules and improve on some aspects. Before we go, here’s some more pictures to get you inspired.

#playstation #psx games #psx #nintendo 64 #low poly #3d #retro aesthetic #pixelated #gamedev #dreamcast #cd3d #retro

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