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lightlycareless · 2 months

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Imagine: naoya and y/n have been happily married for years, and y/n has Lesley Gore's "You don't own me" as ringtone because it makes naoya so embarrassed, he would be like "love, I have already apologized 🥺"

PS: love your work, you alone are making justice to naoya's character. Your characterization of him is canon in my mind.

Hello!!!

Awww this is 🥺 man I feel so bad for him haha. But it's true, once everything is healed and nice, this man will still feel that he could never make up for his mistakes 😭 you'd be there to reassure him, though :) ❤️

Anyways, I've decided to apply some creative... differences to this. Mainly because I wanted to get really angsty with it mwahahahahahahah (also, it's not noted here, but there are some things that will remind her of those days, so she will avoid anything that might make her remember that. The two are in love, but... it's a difficult path. but trauma always is.)

Also, thank you so much for your lovely words!! I do try my best :') I'm so glad that you liked my characterization!! This man is capable of more... under the right circumstances 🤭

warnings: a bit of angst. naoya is deeply regretful. you're supportive. mentions of abuse (not really, but something bad is implied)

happy reading!

“—this is why I don’t like going out with you. Nothing ever seems to be of your liking!”

“If you have such a bad time with me, then why don’t you leave?!”

“I might as well!”

Naoya was never one to overhear gossip (coming from strangers, that is.). Thought it to be incredibly boring, dull, mundane, especially from civilians. What could they even experience? Their boring 9-5 job? Yeah, no thanks.

Yet, something about this conversation didn’t elude his attention like it used to, and before he knew it, when he was once focused on your voice, he was now nothing but attentive to the hurtful words of the couple nearby.

They weren’t directed at him, obviously, nor did they refer to anything he could take personally…

But the weight of his past makes it impossible for him to look beyond his own guilt, instinctively attaching their words to his own actions. Like he was the one they were discussing.

Naoya knows he was a… less than desirable man at the beginning of this marriage. He doesn’t claim otherwise, he can’t, since there are still many things to make amends for…

Things that he knows he’ll never be able to; for the atrocities he committed to you… they’re unspeakable. Even with the promise he made to spend of the rest of his life making it up to you, one he doesn’t intend to let go.

But… will he ever amount to it? Can he do so?

…

He’d rather die trying, than never at all.

“Another one?” You ask when he suggests going to another store. The two had come on a date at a shopping mall, intending to pick up some things needed for the apartment, alongside enjoying each other’s company; Naoya’s work had been quite demanding as of lately, and he intended to get his dosage of you, enough to cover a whole month. “But I thought you wanted to head back already…?”

“Yes, but then I thought we’d make the best of our visit here before leaving instead. Who knows when we’ll be back?”

“Oh, well… if that’s what you want…” you frown, a bit unsettled by his sudden change, which was only to worsen.

“No! I mean—we can do that too if you want to.” Naoya interjects.

“You’re not making much sense…”

“What I mean to say is that we can do whatever you want.” He scurries to explain. “Just say the word and I’ll do it.”

“I... don’t have anything in mind, really. Going home sounded good.”

“Are you sure? We can go somewhere else too. You know I have no limitations.”

“I think I’m done for the day—”

“Home it is. Would you like the estate, the apartment, or your parents’ house?”

“My parents house?? But that’s—that’s on the other side of the country!” you gasp; and while you’re always appreciative of Naoya’s willingness to go above and beyond, this was actually a bit… excessive—and that’s saying a lot coming from him!

“And?”

“What do you mean and? We can’t just hop on a plane and leave!”

“Of course we can.” He corrected. “We can leave right now if you want.”

“Again with the—Where did this come from?? Is everything alright, Naoya? What’s gotten into you??”

“Nothing! Is it wrong to want to please you, too?” Naoya frets.

“Too?” you repeat. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s—It’s nothing. Just tell me what you—”

“No, it is important. It has to be if it’s affecting you like this!” you cry. “Tell me, Naoya. Please. I thought we agreed we could tell each other everything!”

“It’s nothing you don’t know already.”

“Like what?” you frown. “What do I already know?? You’re not making any sense!”

“That I don’t deserve you!” he condemns. “That I’ve done terrible things to you that I can never erase, no matter how much I try—and that perhaps you’d be infinitely happier with someone else; someone… that isn’t me.”

Even with the large, noisy sounds of the lively mall, silence manages to quickly engulf the two soon after, drowning you in the pain Naoya’s unexpected words gave you, piercing your heart and the hope you’ve placed for the future of this relationship.

One created with the notion that everything bad had been left in the past, ready to move on… only to realize, it wasn’t that easy to do so. Suddenly coming back, in the most unwanted, painful way you could’ve imagined—seemingly unprompted, but equally damaging to Naoya’s sentiments.

“That’s… that’s not true.” You eventually murmur, looking at him, while Naoya’s eyes remain glued to the floor. “None of what you’re saying is true.”

Then why do I keep feeling this way?

“… you don’t… believe that… do you?” You continue, managing to get a glimpse of his face, which reflected nothing but sadness and disbelief towards your words.

“It seems like all I do is hurt you.” Naoya laments. “No matter how much I try, I’ll never be able to escape—"

“Don’t say that—that’s not who you are.” You interject, stepping closer to him. “We’ve come a long way from where we began, you’re not that same man from before.”

“But I keep making the same mistakes, I keep hurting you.”

“It’s not easy to leave behind what you thought normal for all your life—or to accept them as mistakes…” you take his hand. “So, when you do fall back into your old ways, but bounce back right up… It shows you’re trying. It shows you’re regretful and want to do better.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“I know.” He lifts your gaze to yours; you place your other hand just above his cheek, giving him a soft smile. “And… I know you don’t do it intentionally. I’ve seen your heart, the pain you went through and how it affected you. But I also saw what you’re capable of, the love you’ve harbored, how you longed to share it, and… how lucky I am to be the one to earn it.”

“…I’m the lucky one.” Naoya leans into your touch. “To have found a wife so compassionate…”

“We’ve both done things we’re… not proud of. But that doesn’t mean we’re eternally bound to them. As long as we’re regretful and strive to do better… it’s all that matters.”

“But when is enough?” Naoya murmurs. “When will I stop feeling like this?”

“I don’t know. There are some things we can’t stop, we simply… learn how to live with them.” You admit. “I wish it was possible.”

He frowns, looking away.

“But I do know one thing, though.”

“…What is it?”

“That I love you. With your faults and virtues—and everything in between. Is what makes you, you, Naoya.” You giggle, he gives you a tight smile. “And I’ll spend my whole life telling you that until you believe it yourself!”

He chuckles; seems that both have made lifelong promises that neither intends to forget anytime soon.

“I love you too.” Naoya professed. “Thank you for everything. You’ve given me so much, probably even more than what I deserved—that I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to, Naoya. You only deserve more.” You reassure him. “But really, you don’t need to make it up to me! As long as you remember the love we have for each other, and that I’ve long forgiven you, is enough for me.”

At your words, the tears Naoya was trying his best to hold back finally slide down his cheeks, which you quickly wipe away with your thumbs, before giving him a smile and pulling him closer for a peck on the lips.

“Everything is going to be fine.” You promised, he looks back at you. You kiss him again, taking him into your arms and hugging him. “If you don’t mind me asking, however… what happened that made you feel this way? Did I do something?”

Naoya sighs, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“No, never. It was just something stupid, actually. Some people arguing, that’s all.”

“Oh.” You blink, quickly understanding why he’d feel insecure about your relationship; the familiarities were too close for comfort. “That’s… unfortunate.”

“It reminded me of how we used to be… how I’d treat you.”

“That is long gone. We’ve worked past that and now, we’re in a much better place.” You snuggle against him. “Both figuratively and literally.”

“Do you still want to go home?”

“Yeah, all this shopping made me tired. Unless there’s something else you wanted to see?”

“No, I was mostly suggesting things for you. I’ve been feeling tired for a while too, now.”

“We can arrange something else for another day, then. For now, I just want to head back home, lay on the futon, cuddle underneath the covers, and maybe watch a movie… how does that sound?” you grin. “I can even prepare some popcorn, if you’d like!”

He chuckles.

“It sounds wonderful.”

Just like his new life with you. Something he never thought he’d receive, nor deserved, at least in the beginning of his marriage.

Until you proved to him otherwise, showing him that the ways of his clan, those forcefully imposed on him, didn’t determine who he was, who he could become.

That he had much more power over his life, the ultimate decision on what to do remained on him and no one else.

It was to be a difficult path, one promising bumpy roads, which will probably never end if he were to be realistic…

But it’s just as you said. As long as both know, deep inside, that they’re doing their best to overcome these obstacles, as well as remembering that they’re always there for the other, alongside their ever-growing love… nothing else mattered.

It was you and Naoya against the world.

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

🥺 I believe Naoya will always feel undeserving, even when they have a kid together and whatnot. He comes from a very difficult family, so be prepared to face these kinds of situations when in a relationship with him 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

omg i can imagine it already, when he's super old, reflecting on his life he had alongside you, his kids, and probably grandchildren too... only then will he finally admit he's happy with the life he had. jfc i'm crying goodbye.

Anyways, I know I deviated a bit from your imagine, but I still hope it was to your liking! the angst between the two is real, but so good too....

As always, thank you so much for sending in this! Take care, and hope to see you soon!!

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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bloodofgrapes · 1 year

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it’s late so that obviously means that it’s time for me to talk about some of my nsfw aa HCs/ideas/theories etc etc

nsft discussion, read at your own peril, yadda yadda

I think it’s a little funny that a lot of people read that last comic as Edgeworth being so inexperienced that he fumbled a kiss, though in retrospect I shouldn’t be surprised given that I know the fandom popularly headcanons him as being like that. I, however, view him as the opposite--that comic was absolutely intended to parallel his many losses to Phoenix in the court room, that Edgeworth is at the top of his game--and STILL butterfingers the ball (figuratively speaking haha) at the crucial moment.

Given what we know of Phoenix’s life, I think it’s not just extremely likely, but also canonically supported that he’s basically never dated outside of Dahlia/Iris. And we can see through the trilogy that Phoenix is awkward and tongue tied around women he’s attracted to, and tends to be in depressive funks when he’s not working.

It’s equally obvious that Edgeworth is awkward, but he’s also got this confident swagger to him, that just... I really do think he’d be Phoenix’s “opposite” in this regard. To my mind it’s much more interesting to think of him as a man that, while emotionally constipated as hell, is quite sexually experienced. Bonding with people is difficult, and something he demonstrably struggles with--sex is easy though. He’s a wealthy attractive gay man--there is literally no reality where his Grindr isn’t muted sixteen hours a day to keep his phone from constantly blowing up. I suppose this is me taking some creative liberty with my interpretation of him, so as always this isn’t me telling the fandom that they’re doing it wrong, my thoughts are always just my interpretation of a given thing.

It does make for some fun thoughts about their first time being intimate with each other though. Phoenix being inexperienced with EVERYBODY, not least of all another man, and Edgeworth being in the position of guiding him through it while constantly being on edge (pun unintended) about accidentally ruining everything. I think the chemistry is strong enough that their first time having sex would have been a LOT smoother than that first kiss, but the tangle of nerves, Edgeworth finally experiencing sexual intimacy with someone he’s actually got feelings for, Phoenix being intimate with the first person he’s been with in years, if not literally ever, depending on how far he ever got with Iris... that’s good food.

#grapes thoughts #nsft

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michelleelizabethtanner · 1 year

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At the end of rough night is Beth still trying to keep her relationship on the dl to the general public? Like obviously they’re fully committed to each other and all the personal people in both their lives knows what’s up and they don’t try to hide anything but what about everyone else? Does Rio come into her office and see her at work? If Beth held another police fundraiser would Rio attend? I would think not because they wouldn’t want to be publicly connected to each other in order to continue getting away with all their illegal doings but maybe at this point it doesn’t really matter?

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask and thank you so much for reading Rough Night!

I was really back and forth on this as I was writing Rough Night specifically for that last reason you mentioned – that Beth was the face and Rio was the execution. And also because an overcorrection of their impasses about their differences felt inauthentic to Beth’s character. She would have to come a long way to have the epiphanies she’d need to have to truly see Rio and his experiences in society. But I decided that for Brio to legitimately be a level-playing-field couple, they have to have equal risk and equal access. Rio can’t continue to be the only one getting his hands dirty and then stepping back into the shadows so Beth can shine publicly. Their social inequality and Beth’s inability to acknowledge it was always a problem for them, and I decided the only way for a relationship to work between them is for her to begin to legitimize him socially and stop pretending like she can’t be seen with the likes of him when she herself is no better. It’s the bare minimum she can do to show respect to who he is. She can’t love him and also hide him like some sort of dirty secret.

Dean was arrested. He even pled guilty! Had they not divorced, would Councilwoman Boland not be seen with him because he was suspected for crimes that were never proven? Of course not. She even put him in her campaign photo, while he was still wearing his ankle monitor. So why would she not be able to have a legitimate public relationship with Rio who hasn’t been convicted of anything? We all know why. It’s because we’re all acutely aware that a man like Rio and a man like Dean don’t carry equal social standing. So I decided that Beth would slowly begin to work Rio into a public story of perseverance, social stigmas, and law enforcement prejudices as part of her platform as she expands her political career and reach.

Rio making a fundraiser donation in his own legal name in chapter 47 was intended to be worked into a future spin Beth could use of Rio’s social legitimacy. His donation shows active support of law enforcement. He is a local small business owner even in canon. In Rough Night he actively sponsors youth programs and opportunities for social betterment that Beth herself participates in. That story angle was all groundwork that I intended to expand on for Brio becoming a socially legitimate couple who work together in all aspects of their business. There would no longer be the “public face” and “nefarious execution,” as Rio had with Nick. Rio resented Nick for their dynamic and would have grown to resent Beth had I kept them in that disproportionate relationship. They are equally culpable for their crimes and equally socially legitimate for their contributions. Beth has the social standing and platform to make this happen and Rio deserves for her to do it. Beth needs to start saying some things out loud and acknowledging her own complicity in creating this type of social construct.

I had a passive mention of this in Crystalline, my dreamy little follow-up to Rough Night. In chapter 1, Beth gives a speech about prevailing prejudices in the local justice system and specifically mentions Rio as a victim of that system. This speech is set in a silly trope of Rio throwing her off kilter by coming to see her speak, and then bookended by a sex scene in her office. But that whole scenario was intended as a change for Beth professionally. A modification to her political platform and the beginnings of legitimizing her relationship with Rio to the public. Not only that, but Rio felt connected enough to her message that he attended the event in person to watch her delivery, which I hope speaks to his changing outlook on who he himself is as a member of society. Rio spent his adult life moving in shadow while Nick got to live his life openly. And if Rio is going to be with Beth, I wanted him to have everything – his passions, his skill, AND the soft domestic parts of life he always felt weren’t made for him. (Which included Rio’s changing accountability to how he behaves as a parent.) This was the only way I could think of to do a “happily ever after” for them. Beth needed to see her privilege, and Rio needed to acknowledge that he is deserving of his own humanity.

#what do you think Anon?#did my intended fix-it work for these characters?#was it not enough?#is Beth still hiding behind her mask where it’s safe?#thank you SO much for reading Anon!#it means so much to me #asks #Rough Night #Crystalline #ao3 fanfic #good girls nbc #beth x rio #brio

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variousqueerthings · 2 years

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where I’m at right now with MASH as a first-time viewer is that I want to write about Hawkeye and the tension of all of his character Elements (and how that’s very bisexual of him), and also Hawkeye in the episode “George”, and I want to talk about Major Houlihan, and also just a general fascination with how politically statement-y it is, even in these first seasons. I suspected and have since been told that after season 3 that gets to be much more, and I’m sat here wondering… how did this get 11 seasons (compliment).

SO Hawkeye and George first…

1. Hawkeye is obviously bisexual in a way that surface-level doesn’t even feel particularly closeted, but also very much does, in the sense that he’ll flirt with -- and even kiss -- men in ways that aren’t that dissimilar to the kinds of things he says to women, but his personality is constructed so as to not take him seriously (even in scenes where we, the audience, know he’s being serious, although I also very much like when it’s blurred in a way that we can’t 100% tell either) that it’s like he’s masking by acting so obviously about it -- if he were to be considered as being more serious about it (say, as an activist for homosexual rights) that would be dangerous…

2. this was very interesting in the episode “George” (which we just watched) because, while I’m sure he was never intended to be read as bi, the episode also doesn’t negate any reads + you can take whatever you want from it, so I will do some greedy taking -- ex. the way he noticeably doesn’t joke around about his own “comedic” attraction to men in that episode beyond one vague-ish joke where he’s patting Henry Blake’s hand (who briefly thinks Hawkeye is his female date before wising up)/very much focuses on the principle of supporting homosexual people without drawing focus to himself (we can also argue about whether bisexual people had been invented on TV by that point, so audiences would have seen how much he gets around with women and that could be enough to “shield,” him but in the story….)

3. this is all technically fine because he’s also a canonically openly very principled character, which is why his veneer of “joker that people shouldn’t take seriously” is always so fascinating to watch, and why it’s interesting to see it dropping away a lot here (even as he is scheming to make sure that Frank can’t out George/get him dishonourably discharged). This is one of his more serious episodes, which is good, because it’s a serious subject, but it’s not serious in the way the episode where his friend died is serious (where he’s allowed to cry, but also has that rare thing that addresses why crying is so hard – it’s not masculinity in this case, it’s that in this situation if you started crying you’d never stop. Not crying is a temporary coping mechanism to an impossible onslaught of violent trauma), which is a deeply personal episode (sidenote, his friend also immediately kissed a man when we first met him), and it’s not serious like the episode where they discover Americans bombed a Korean village (which I’m sure we’ll see more episodes like….) or serious like when he and Trapper are trying to get incubators… this feels like it marries the small and personal in scale, while being the latter sort of Big story in emotion (and we’ll talk about why! In rambles!)

4. Anyway, nobody at any point goes “well why do you care so much, aren’t you the same as us? (rather than being one of them)” which would probably have been a step too far for what the writers may have been able to get away with (if the writers themselves were even thinking of it. Also other characters seem to be - if not gung-ho supporters, although Radar does lovely work here – then exhibiting a live-and-let-live attitude towards homosexuality/find Frank to be sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong “as usual.” There’s a feeling of of it being a little… hands-off from characters where this could be a hot-button topic/characters who possibly have never engaged with a gay person before and in other places have exhibited slightly less progressive politics, and I notice it stays simple and doesn’t muddy the waters by having Klinger in sight or asking Father Mulcahey his opinion (or even, technically, Major Houlihan’s, beyond one bit of initial shock). The institution of homophobia is touched upon, but it’s kept pretty simple and somewhat at arms’ length (it helps that George seems to not want to draw attention to himself)

But once The Show asks the question “why is this so important to you,” you’re gonna be... well, asking the question and so is, potentially, the audience, although at this point I will acknowledge that you can write G A Y on a character’s forehead and some audience members will seem shocked that anyone reads them that way... The closest the episode gets is right at the end when Trapper asks Hawkeye if he has any secrets from his past, which is brushed off with a joke and never answered -- bringing that up, because earlier in the episode George says that he accidentally mentioned something from his past, and that’s what outed him. Not being found to be doing something in the present, not “that Feeling That He May Be A Homosexual” but simply getting a bit too drunk and saying a couple of words too many... and Hawkeye, at the end of the episode, says nothing

5. interesting that the episode also links racism and homophobia (two men were beaten up, one Black, one gay) while only focusing on the homophobia. I wonder if it was specifically linking these two mindsets to make audiences of the time think about how they may consider themselves not-racists, but still have regressive views about homosexuality (I say “may consider” because we all know “I’m not racist,” doesn’t mean you’re not racist/don’t have internalised racism). I imagine that when the show was coming out conversations about racism were a lot more front and center than conversations about homophobia -- I am also reminded that TNG wanted to do an AIDS allegory episode in the 80s and have canonically gay crew members, but couldn’t, so to even do one episode that uses the word “homosexual” is pretty big

6. the show couldn’t have gotten away with making this case too personal for Hawkeye. He’s walking a tightrope act of “cares about George’s fate/homophobia generally, but not beyond the idea that one shouldn’t be small-minded.” Obviously he’s meant to be a principled ally to all causes -- anti-war and pacifist, Black rights, queer rights. I wonder if there’ll be more “this specific issue” episodes, but the point is that he’s obviously not Black, and he’s not a woman (sidenote: I have feelings about Major Houlihan, yes I’m a Margaret apologist, she can do better than Frank and she was right to call out Hawkeye, Trapper, and Colonel Blake for watching porn while she was trying to talk to them about her issues as a woman in the outfit, and generally all of them could do more reading up on their feminism), he’s not Korean, he’s not physically disabled (but that PTSD is definitely happening)... but he could be queer. So there’s slight dangerous waters happening there, where your lead cannot be queer, but... he could be… if he cared juuust a bit too much

7. this could weaken the episode a smidgen, because whatever unit this kid wants to go back to isn’t just homophobic it’s clearly also virulently racist. This episode could have been one of those “We’re Going To The Top” ones which has happened before (and may happen again?) -- it does work though, because technically they can’t cause too many waves, because George might get a dishonourable discharge and that’s what they’re specifically trying to stop. So one can read it as a very particular situation in which there are no perfect answers, there is simply honouring George’s best wish, but the institution of homophobia isn’t touched as directly as other forms of systemic violence – a Big story dressed up as a Personal story, but with the emotional kept at a distance, and the real melancholy of the ending (that George will be sent back to his unit where he risks more hate crimes) is brushed over

8. Another reason not to go to the top of course would be that there will be more and more of a risk of someone asking… well, Hawkeye why do you care so much? and how much are you allowed to care before it’s too much to not be suspicious?

9. I also noticed that George isn’t seen again past the moment when he tells Hawkeye that this is why he’s been beaten up, which I kind of wish we had. But the lack of him makes me focus (surprise surprise) on Hawkeye again. I wonder if he ever knew how close he was to that dishonourable discharge. I wonder if Hawkeye told him to look after himself before he went back to the front (would that ending have been showing him caring too much?) Overall the slight distance to George feels like it’s happening outside of the episode, and that’s not a complaint, that’s an acknowledgement of the times. The muted element of it is one of the biggest things that makes me take Hawkeye very seriously in how he approaches it, even though I know it’s not purposeful (it is now there). When Hawkeye is laughing, things may be bad – when he stops laughing, they’re worse. He doesn’t laugh much in this episode. He cares deeply, but at a distance. He doesn’t spill when Trapper asks him about his past.

Hon mentions of the episode: “How dare you do the right thing” (at Henry when he reveals he didn’t sign Frank’s form for dishonourable discharge), Radar’s inner compass leading him to go to Hawkeye for help, Trapper’s own instant support of the situation, Hawkeye at Frank: “And you have the dumb nerve to judge someone else!?”

#MASH #hawkeye pierce #has this probably been written about 100 times before? yes #can I search for anything until I've finished the show? no #im watching MASH

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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god it is so refreshing to see someone else bothered by the absolute nonsense that is marauders tiktok. im starting to think that people genuinely forget differing opinions exist and are ALLOWED. it’s so easy to see something you dislike and just. not? interact with it?

as for the whole death eater popularity thing, to me it’s like. who cares? if u don’t like it, don’t read it? ive seen ppl bring up the whole allegorical nazi thing as an argument which is SO uncomfortable and weird. jkr is an antisemitic piece of literal dog shit, WHY are we referencing her bigoted views? the whole point of fanon or fanfiction is to pull away from her beliefs and make it our own. even if it is canon ff, why would we continue that allegory? it’s fiction. they’re wizards. they can be the “bad guys” w/o being compared to a very REAL and very TRAUMATIC event, even and especially if that was what they were intended to be in the first place. this is supposed to be a place where people can participate and have fun without being reminded of reality.

just glad that this small corner of the internet exists where ppl like to use their brains!! nobody can dictate what other people do or don’t enjoy. nobody can dictate what others do or don’t do (in ff..obviously). if u (universal u) want to read or write regulus or snape or evan or barty or voldemort or umbridge or whoever, then go ahead. literally nobody can stop u.

yeah lol i mean i do enjoy a nice edit from time to time but most of the discourse i see just leaves me like. hm. i also have a bit of a grudge against tiktok simply bc people keep posting my writing over there without crediting me so!! not very happy that it's like...an environment where many people seem more concerned with getting views for themselves than actually like. supporting the people making the fics + art that they're enjoying.

as for the stuff with jkr. i've talked about my view on that in this post but essentially--i do think it's important to understand how her biases impacted the source material rather than just like. acting as if we can ignore her completely. because the work does not exist in a vaccuum, and trying to act as though it does risks unintentionally perpetuating the biases baked into the text.

that being said, i've seen some jewish people say that emphasizing that allegorical connection minimizes the very real history of nazis, and i've seen other jewish people say that it's upsetting to see people simply brush that allegorical connection aside. personally i do think it's important to be aware of that allegorical connection if you're going to be writing within the context of the canon universe, because you either need to make sure you're dealing with that portrayal sensitively in your story or alter it so that you're no longer drawing on that particular allegory in the same way that jkr was. outside of a canon universe, though, where death eaters don't exist...i mean i tend to agree with you that someone could easily make them bad guys in an au without continuing that allegory at all. and honestly as i've already talked about it seems like most people who are writing about evan and barty aren't even making them bad guys and are essentially just stripping away any canon characteristics and starting fresh with nothing but a name, in which case. well i think everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want with their paper dolls y'know.

and of course it is all, at the end of the day, fanfiction, and nobody has to read it who doesn't want to--which is why you will never catch me reading rosekiller fanfiction <3 personally i remain an evan and barty hater but that is simply because i think they're boring more than anything else lmao

#ask

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spaceheelies · 10 months

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i could honestly write a review that would rival an SJM novel in length about all the problems i have with her books in terms of like the problematic relationship dynamics and toxic sexuality and the built-in heteronormativity/gender essentialism of her worldbuilding (specifically the mating bond shit) all of that. but what stands out to me more and more is just the sheer amount of socioeconomic privilege that seeps through that she refuses to reflect on or challenge in any way. and i think it is only growing more apparent with each new work, especially since she does not seem to have an editor to speak of anymore or at least seems to have full creative control.

i get that a big appeal of ACoTaR is the power fantasy. the indulgence of this idea of being a poor girl plucked out obscurity and pulled into this world of magic and stunning gowns and jewelry and the most powerful men in the world, who are all breathtakingly gorgeous powerful hunks with huge dongs and out-of-control sex drives, and they are all fighting over you, and you are so beautiful and also can use a sword and have magic powers. ok fine that’s fun. but reading something like a court of silver flames, you can simply tell the woman who wrote it has never worked in a minimum wage customer service job or had a shitty 9 to 5 in her life. listening to podcast interviews with her and things like that, she obviously comes from a very privileged background and has never had to worry about money. and i don’t want to suggest that working a shitty job or being anywhere lower than upper middle class automatically makes you a better person or gives you a fundamental understanding of the universe or whatever. judging someone for having a family or support system that can help them out financially would make me a hypocrite. however - and i can’t say this 100% because i never finished throne of glass - but sjm does not seem to know how to write from the perspective of anyone but the unfathomably wealthy and powerful. any of the few attempts she does make to write about characters who are marginalized, underprivileged, or come from a background that isn’t royalty or aristocracy is shallow at best and tone-deaf at worst.

ACoTaR literally starts with feyre almost starving to death living in a tiny cabin with a disabled father and two adult sisters who have been rendered seemingly incapable of helping her out because their previous privilege left them with a) no monetizable or useful skills and b) a debilitating sense of entitlement. there is no attempt from this point on to make any kind of significant statement about the oppression of humans in this world or the effect feyre’s previous socioeconomic status had on her worldview or the value of learning a profession anything that might be interesting. she gets whisked into the faerie world and from then on enjoys pretty much unlimited wealth, power, and privilege. the disenfranchised humans she left behind all deserved to be dirt poor and subjected to horrific fae violence because they were kind of mean to her anyways. i honest to god do not believe sjm intended to have nesta and elain become major characters when she wrote the first book, until she realized she could pair them off with other hot fae men. any meaningful statement she could have used them to make is abandoned in the face of squeezing spin-off books out of them to make more money and drag out the series.

it is so baffling to me how sjm can even write a protagonist who starts, on the first page of book one, starving and nearly homeless trying to feed four mouths single-handedly. to then look at book four and have this same girl married/mated to a man who is delegating construction on their FIFTH!!!! mansion, after a war that has canonically left a good chunk of their population destitute, homeless, and bereft of their breadwinners. the most baffling action i think i have ever seen a character take in any novel is rhysand demolishing nesta’s apartment building so she cannot move back in and therefore will have to stop drinking and sleeping around. rhysand destroys people’s homes in the middle of a housing crisis just to spite his sister-in-law, and i can’t remember if we are ever given any idea as to whether or not the other tenants of the building were relocated or if he has just left them on the streets. this is the man sjm has spent thousands of pages hammering home how good of a leader he is, how selfless, how fair. we are constantly told how good he is, what a utopia velaris is, but idk how you can sit here and tell me a character demolishing an apartment building to spite one person because he thinks she spends too much money on wine, while he is simultaneously wrapping up construction on his FIFTH!!!! mansion, does not sound like the fucking villain of the series. this is our hero. this is the utopia we are supposed to want to live in. i deadass think we are supposed to root for the idea of all the courts uniting under him as like an emperor in future books. i need to go outside and touch grass fr because it like makes me physically ill how many middle to upper class white women i see on my instagram feed propping rhysand up as the perfect romantic hero, the standard that the men in their real lives should aspire to, when he is simply an overpowered, out-of-control monster.

when the series was being told from feyre’s perspective, sjm really tried to push the fact that she WAS rhysand’s equal, that she’s the first high lady in prythian’s history, that he wants her to challenge him or whatever the fuck, hash tag girl boss slay diva werk. am i supposed to believe that the girl who started out starving and nearly homeless just sits in her fifth mansion, pregnant, painting and waving at the people and doing paperwork and being constantly available for sex while her husband is out demolishing people’s homes on a whim. i could go into even more detail about how the absurd wealth and power and privilege ties into sjm’s very obvious internalized misogyny, surface-level white feminism, inability to challenge gender roles in any truly significant way, and often even enforce those gender roles, but this post is already way longer than i thought it was going to be and it is 3 in the morning i have to go to bed.

the very last thing i have to say is that it’s boring. reading thousand page books where everyone is rich, overpowered, hot, unkillable, and young forever is fucking boring. sick of this shit. where are the ugly people where are the poor people. there is no spice of life

#anti acotar #ok good night.

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friendlyfaded · 2 years

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David/Asher (not all that rare of a pair but bear with me) but throw Damien into the mix! (Or Huxley— or both!)

I’d also love to see your take on Angel/Baabe since I love the way you write them as friends (and following the trend of Shaw Pack peeps paired with D.A.M.N. fam peeps, why not add FL to that relationship and see what happens?)

Finally got to it, hell yes! Sorry it took so long, Mar! This has been developing in the drafts for a while now, and it’s pretty long, so I hope it’s worth the wait!

David/Asher/Damien

So I’ve explored Asher/Damien, but with David involved, the dynamic shifts a bit (no pun intended). Here, we’ve got two tsundere overworkers and a golden retriever. The only way I can accurately describe this ship is ‘two grumpy men and their emotional support himbo’.

They would have met at the Games, most likely. The moment when Damien is protecting David and Ash, and Hux is trying to get them to safety? That’s when David feels that weird warmth in his chest. This total stranger is going out of his way for them. Most importantly, he’s going out of his way to protect Asher, the most important person in David’s life. Needless to say, he’s intrigued. David gets in contact with Damien after the Games to let him know Asher is recovering well, to check in on him, and to thank him. They end up meeting up, and after a while, Damien finds himself in a relationship with two powerful shifters.

Asher and Damien vibe together so well because they both greatly value honesty and emotional openness. David, on the other hand, tends to keep things tight to the collar, so to speak. He has thick, high walls that he’s hesitant to let down. It would take significant effort to get past them, but both Asher and Damien would be able to manage it. Asher has obviously known David for years, and he knows how to read him. Damien is a lot like David, so he can see a lot of himself in the shifter. That makes it easier to empathize.

All three of them work out together, you cannot convince me otherwise. David needs to be in good shape both for his job and as alpha of the pack, Asher strikes me as a gym bro, and (if I recall correctly) Damien canonically works out to relieve stress. David would absolutely insist on properly stretching and Asher would always have water at the ready, while Damien would be there with extensive knowledge about how certain exercises build specific muscles and how to avoid strain. Ultimate gym trio.

David/Asher/Damien/Huxley

Two himbos and two tsunderes. I adore this. We have all the sass and care of David/Asher/Damien combined with the sweetness and encouragement of Huxley/Damien, and I honestly think this entire dynamic is pure gold.

Hux and Ash are so similar in so many ways, just like David and Damien are. They’d get along so well, I just know it! I also know David and Hux would vibe together well. Huxley has all the himbo energy of Asher while still remaining calm and demonstrating impressive levels of self-awareness. Also, Huxley is health-conscious, something David would really love. Huxley has this ability to set people at ease and give them a safe place to open up. This is something David, Asher, and Damien all need. He’s their rock (pun slightly intended). He rounds out the relationship perfectly.

You bet your ass he’s also 100% down for gym dates. All four of them also love hiking and camping dates. Anything outdoors, really. This is the National Park Polycule, I cannot be convinced otherwise. Huxley is the gentleness and stability that all of the others need. David is the level head and security. Asher is the silliness and emotional safety. Damien is the order and warmth. Together, they make something special.

Angel/Babe

I’d imagine they’d meet at work somehow. It’s never explicitly stated what either of them do for work, but I headcanon that Babe works at Vesta and Angel is a freelance software developer. In this scenario, Aaron gets fed up with Vesta’s IT department and calls in Angel to help fix some of their bullshit. Babe is assigned to catch them up on what’s going on and tell them what they need to do. Babe is immediately taken in by this sweet, flirty person who fixes the problems they’ve been wrestling with for almost two years in three days. Angel slips Babe their number with a wink on their last day working the freelance job with Vesta, and the rest is history.

They’d have a very loving, if sometimes teasing, relationship. I imagine that Babe and Angel’s relationship is somewhat similar to David and Asher’s, even if they’re not romantically involved. Babe is quieter, a little more reserved, and tends to internalize, whereas Angel is bubbly and sweet. They have an excellent introvert/extravert dynamic, with Angel drawing Babe out of their shell, and Babe showing Angel the beauty of time spent in the quiet serenity of one’s own (or one other person’s) company.

They’re both constantly on each other’s asses trying to get them to take breaks. They are the pot and the kettle, and they understand that. A common phrase in their relationship is ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ I can see them stubbornly snuggling each other, both convinced that they’re forcing the other to relax in a loop of caring for each other.

Angel/Babe/Freelancer

So right off the bat, you’ve got three different… I don’t exactly know how to put it. Archetypes, maybe? You’ve got Unempowered Chaos, Unempowered Responsible, and Empowered Overworker (i should really come up with, like, charts or smth for these lol).

I’m a big fan of the ‘Damien and Angel are childhood friends’ headcanon, so it could be a situation where Angel and Damien are hanging out, and Freelancer happens upon them and strikes up conversation. The Angel/Babe ship is already going at this point, but Angel realizes they’re interested in Damien’s cute friend. They bring it up to Babe, and they both agree to hang out with Freelancer, see where things go. Things go very well.

Adding Freelancer to their dynamic introduces both a mediator and a new element of chaos. Freelancer tends to be a bit feral in the way they handle things. They’re kind of like Darlin’ in that they try to take on everything themself so other people don’t have to. Angel and Babe both have caretaking personalities, so they’re not having that shit. More often than not, two of the three members of the polycule will have to gang up on the other one to get them to take breaks, rest, and attend to their basic human needs. All three of them are chronic overworkers (which, relatable). The other two would help them take a step back and look after themself.

With the added element of magic in the relationship, Babe and Angel have to make sure Freelancer takes breaks and doesn’t overexert themself. Freelancer worries a lot for their unempowered partners, and at some point, Angel and Babe have to put their feet down and insist that Freelancer doesn’t have to heal their papercuts or levitate their water bottles to them. Freelancer likes feeling like they’re useful, it’s how they show love, but that’s only good as long as it stays within the realm of what’s healthy.

Their favorite nights together are spent at home, all cuddled together on an air mattress that they set up on the floor, watching shitty low-budget horror movies that make them laugh and help them forget about their busy lives for a while. Angel throws popcorn at Freelancer, Babe scolds them but can’t really hide their smile, and Freelancer feels accepted and loved.

#redacted asmr #rarepairs with prof #redacted rarepairs #redacted headcanons

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bendingwind · 4 months

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My Dragon Age Characters

I've been writing Dragon Age fic for a week straight despite DA:I being like a decade old and the DA:DW situation looking preeeetty dire, but I need a break from Secret Love Child AU and I was re-reading my Dragon Age babyfic and I wanted to write little blurbs about all six of my Wardens, my two Hawkes, and all eight of my Inquisitors (... yes I know)! Will anyone read this? Who knows! But I will enjoy writing it! Because I am a NERD, many years ago I a) made a flowchart of what leads to each of them becoming the PC and b) wrote an algorithm to calculate the odds of that happening for each character. They're in order of most to least likely to fill the PC role. Also you should know I have minimal respect for the canon of this universe and disregard it at will. TW for rape, drug use, suicide, late-term miscarriage mentions in the backgrounds of certain characters. Anyway here, have almost 4k words regarding my Dragon Age PC backgrounds~

Natia Brosca

Natia is born to a casteless mother, Kalah, who tried to climb out of Dust Town by giving birth to a noble's son, but instead had Natia's sister Rica (in dwarven society, daughters inherit the caste of their mother, and sons inherit the caste of their father, thus rendering Natia casteless as well). When the noble moved on, uninterested in his casteless daughter, she took up with a carta thug who intended to marry her, and together they had Natia. However, when he decided to leave for the surface, Kalah refused to go with him and remained in Dust Town with her two casteless daughters and no remaining means of support.

Natia worked as a street-sweeper as a child before moving on to gathering rare mushrooms in the Deep Roads, which she sold to keep them fed. When she was sixteen she was sought out by Beraht and recruited to the carta for her skill at staying alive and her ties to her father. She worked as a smuggler and Beraht had her sister trained to go fishing for nobles and bear a nobleman's son, as her mother had tried to do before her. She is sent to the Proving which she wins, only to be exposed as a casteless imposter. In some canons she dies in the cover-up attempt, but almost half the time she survives to be rescued by Duncan when he stops in Orzammar to recruit. She is his favorite, so even if he recruits others before going to Ostagar, she's the one Duncan sends with Alistair to the tower and thus the most likely to become the Warden. Anyone recruited alongside her fights on the field and dies there. She makes Behlen king and romances Zevran and they are disaster bisexual assassins together. The dark ritual is a 'no shit' option for her--obviously if they can all live, she's gonna ensure that they all live.

Solona Amell

Solona is the second child of Ravka Amell and her husband in Kirkwall. In most canons she winds up in the Gallows, but in her canon she's sent to Kinloch Hold where she is Hallowed the same day as but before Noirin Surana. If Natia died and was not recruited, she's potentially among those sent to the tower with Alistair. If she's the only recruit she becomes the Warden; otherwise they bicker and all die and the blight destroys Ferelden. I've never actually played her, just created her for writing purposes, so I don't have a lot of her story hashed out.

Noirin Surana

Noirin Surana is born in the Denerim Alienage to a washerwoman and an unknown, probably already married father. She was a burden on her mother and was immediately given to the templars when she manifested magic at the age of five, and was raised in the Circle at Kinloch Hold. She shows early promise as an apprentice, and likely would have been Harrowed early, only she caught the eye of a particularly nasty templar who began systematically raping her when she was a teenager. He takes measures to prevent Noirin from taking matters to Gregoire or Irving and her studies begin to suffer severely due to trauma and fear. After eight years of this abuse, the templar is finally transferred, and Noirin tells her mentor what has been happening to her. The matter is taken to Irving, and her Harrowing is delayed several years to give her time to recover, making her one of the oldest to be Harrowed in Kinloch Hold history at 25. She refuses the offer to become tranquil.

If Solona Amell is at Kinloch Hold, Solona is Harrowed first on the same day, and attracts a rage demon, resulting in Noirin encountering a fear demon that she is unable to overcome. She fails her Harrowing and is killed. In her canon, she is the one who encounters the rage demon, who she defeats and goes on to be recruited by Duncan. If she is the only recruit taken to Ostagar she becomes Warden; otherwise she dies with the others at the tower or on the field, depending on who all was recruited. She is my only Warden to make Anora queen and leave Alistair a Warden, and she romances Morrigan. Realizing Morrigan is going to leave after the dark ritual, Noirin pulls a serious trick and insists on a threesome, and bends the magic so that she is the one to become pregnant with the Old God Baby. When Morrigan realizes what has happened, she seeks out Noirin, and the two go into hiding. Awakening never happens in this universe.

She appears in one scene as the Warden in all my possessions for a moment of time.

Elemere Cousland

Elemere Cousland was born the result of a brief affair between Elenor Cousland and a Rivaini sea captain (this is purely and 100% because she was my first Warden and I made her Very Obviously Not White only to discover her Very White Family). After Elemere's birth, her mother's husband Bryce chooses to acknowledge her as his daughter and she is raised at Highever with her half-brother Fergus. Because of the obvious lack of resemblance between her and the rest of her family, her marriage prospects are regarded as dim, and she's raised a warrior. Bryce favors her even over his biological son and the two are very close, as is her relationship with her mother, though her mother spends much of her early life away tutoring Cailan and Anora at the behest of Loghain. She becomes Warden only if she's the only recruit brought to Ostagar; otherwise she dies in the tower or on the field with the others. She chooses the dark ritual. She romances Alistair and together they become King and Queen of Ferelden.

She is the subject of my second-person POV story Hero.

Eilis Tabris

Eilis Tabris is the daughter of Cyrion Tabris, and lives in the Alienage with her family. She had was to be in an arranged marriage with an elf from the Highever alienage, and the two had fallen in love via correspondence. However, he is kidnapped by Vaughn on their wedding day and she kills Vaughn rescuing him. If Duncan has a recruit by the time he leaves Highever he does not come to Denerim and instead travels straight to Ostagar; in those universes she is hanged for killing Vaughn. If Duncan comes to Denerim he recruits her, but she never overcomes her depression. She does not romance anyone and is the only Warden who commits the Ultimate Sacrifice.

Sereda Aeducan

Sereda Aeducan is just the canon Aeducan background, nothing special about her--I've never played her, she's just there for flavor if I ever want an Aeducan Warden in the background of something. She almost always dies in the Deep Roads before Duncan can reach her, but if he rescues her and recruits her, she either survives as the only Warden recruit or dies in the tower or on the field with the others. She isn't about to risk her life any more than she has to, and chooses the Dark Ritual.

Lyna Mahariel

Lyna Mahariel is a hunter of the Dalish Mahariel clan. She's also a default that I keep around for placeholders. She is only recruited if Duncan recruits no one else and makes it all the way to the Brecilian forest; so she's the least likely candidate. She romances Leliana if she becomes the Warden and absolutely chooses the Dark Ritual. I think she probably also makes Anora queen out of sheer dislike for Alistair? I haven't played her either idk.

Marian Hawke

My mage Marian Hawke is just a generic red mage Hawke with a rivalry with Varric. She romances Fenris and Isabela, for reasons. OT3 OT3. If Carver is a templar, she sides with the templars for his sake; otherwise she sides with the mages. She frees Anders and believes he did the right thing, much to Fenris and Isabela's dismay.

My non-mage Marian Hawke is my fav and substantially more interesting imo. When she's fifteen, Bethany begins to show signs of magic, and her parents send Marian to the Chantry in Gwaren to train as a templar in order to deflect attention from the family. After all, how could a family who sent a child to the templars harbor a mage? She quickly comes to decide that the templar life isn't for her, but they won't release her from her vows. So begins a series of small rebellions in an attempt to get kicked out, with no success. Finally she conceives a plan where she seduces a number of Initiate Sisters belonging to Redcliffe’s chantry, and makes sure the rumors of a Templar recruit making the rounds become known. To her dismay, the Initiates prove very loyal and do not name her when they are questioned. A guard is assigned from among the recruits to guard the Initiates’ chastity--and of course, they choose the only female recruit, Marian. Desperate, she arranges both a tryst and a surprise inspection so that she will be caught. The plan is at last successful, and Marian is dismissed from the Order.

Marian returns home to find her sister, Bethany, desperately doing what she can for their father who is ill. Shortly after her return, she falls ill herself--her father, having witnessed the sickness before, is able to determine that it is lyrium withdrawal. He says that the young templar recruits’ food was laced with it, in preparation for the consumption of their first draught of lyrium during their initiation and so that they could perform minor versions of Templar abilities during training. He insists that Bethany focus her relatively unskilled healing abilities on preventing her sister from descending into lyrium madness, with the result that he continues to sicken and eventually dies. After a long recovery, hindered by her grief over her father, Hawke finally gets back on her feet. She spends a year attempting to help around the farm before giving it up as a lost cause, and leaving to join the Ferelden army. She initially struggles to get a position, but is finally introduced to Ser Cauthrien by a mutual friend, who finds her a small command in Ferelden’s army.

When the Blight begins, Marian is dispatched to Ostagar along with the rest of the army. She stumbles across her brother, a new recruit, while there, and is appalled to discover he has left their mother and Bethany behind on the farm in pursuit of his own career as a soldier. When the royal standard goes down, she immediately abandons her post and goes looking for him. She is one of the ones who slaps him silly and drags him out of Ostagar, before they go to get their mother and Bethany and flee Ferelden.

Templar!Hawke doesn't romance anyone, but she does fuck every single one of her companions, including Varric. She kills Anders. If Bethany survives and is in the Circle, she sides with the mages; otherwise, her mother's fate fresh in her mind, she sides with the templars.

Mayan Adaar

Mayan Adaar’s mother was a tamassran who fled the Qun to protect a twelve-year-old charge who had been sentenced to qamek. She joined the Aqun-Vashoth and took the name Tamashok. She was assigned the role of tamassran among the Aqun-Vashoth, and she raised the boy, who took the name Dathras and became a farmer, and married a man named Kata-aban from an old Aqun-Vashoth family. Mayan Adaar was born to Tamashok and Kata-aban Adaar several years after their marriage, once Dathras had left home to pursue his role in the Aqun-Vashoth.

Mayan was slated to become a tamassran like her mother from an early age, and began an unofficial apprenticeship at the age of six. She took to the role eagerly and was thrilled when her tamassran approved her to follow in her mother’s footsteps. When she was fourteen and about to formally enter apprenticeship to become a tamassran, her magic manifested. As a mage, she was only permitted to pursue the path of a Saareva, or mercenary recruit gifted with magic. She requested permission to become a healer, but there were already sufficient healers in the ranks, and so she was only given the choice to become a battle mage (Saareiss). At the age of eighteen, she completed her training and was assigned to the Sata-kas, where she excelled as a battle mage but was extremely unhappy. She was sent to the Tamassrans regularly, and was granted a year-long cycle with the Asalaa who guarded the settlement despite her young age.

At the age of twenty-five, the Sata-kas got a new commander, who decided to put Mayan in charge of a squad and see how she would do. To everyone’s surprise, she flourished in a command role, finally able to step back some from fighting directly. Within a year, she was promoted to his second-in-command. When the commander of the Valo-kas retired, Shokrakar promoted thirty-year-old Mayan to the position. Mayan worried that her new second-in-command, Hikram Aqun, would feel that the position should have been his, and so she went out of her way to befriend him. The two quickly fell in love. Two years later, they petitioned Shokrakar and their tamassrans for permission to marry, which they were granted. Mayan quickly became pregnant, hoping to retire from the mercenary companies and take an opening among the Saarkatoh that was about to be available.

In her canon, they set out to return to Aqun'ante-koslun (home of the Aqun-Vashoth, somewhere southwest of Wildervale) but are attacked by rogue mages in the wake of the Gallows' collapse. Hikram is killed and Mayan loses her unborn baby. She remains with the Valo-kas until they attend the Conclave as guards for some Chantry sisters, and when she goes to collect her pay she stumbles on Corypheus and becomes the Inquisitor. She romances the Iron Bull and sides with the templars, as she doesn't really understand the situation in the Circles and how it differs from the handling of mages among her people. They feature in my story half a dozen, at least. In other canons she and Hikram are not attacked by mages, and settle in Aqun'ante-koslun to raise their daughter.

Ynés Lavellan

Ynés Lavellan is born to the Lavellan clan but makes one mage too many, so she is traded in marriage to another clan. She is raised there, falls in love, marries, and has three daughters. When she is pregnant with her fourth child, the clan is attacked and all but slaughtered. One of only a few survivors and near to giving birth, she seeks out her birth clan, but Clan Lavellan still has too many mages. They let her stay until she gives birth to a son, and offer to raise him, but tell her she must go. She takes her son with her and finds work as a guide for humans, leading looters, university scholars, and curious nobles to significant Elvhen ruins for a fee, her son strapped to her back.

She is very bitter towards both Clan Lavellan and the humans she works for, but eventually she is invited back to the clan after the death of two of their mages, and becomes their First while her son Mihail becomes a clan hunter. Whether or not she attends the Conclave depends on whether she trades in Wycome shortly before it is announced or not; if she does, she's quarantined with an illness, but if not, she's the one chosen to go and she has a good chance of becoming Inquisitor if Mayan is not present. She and Blackwall have a tumultuous romance but work it out in the end, much to Mihail's dismay, because due to his childhood he dislikes humans even more than she does. She naturally sides with the mages. She features in my story sing me a lullaby, which I don't thiiiink is canon for her?

Emira Adaar

Emira is Mayan's younger second cousin. She is a third-generation Vashoth born and raised in Aqun'ante-koslun. When she didn't show any talents in particular, she chose to train as a warrior like her parents before her, and joined the Sata-kas when she came of age. She enjoyed being a mercenary, though she proved not to be a good fit for the Sata-kas and transferred to the Taam-Kas within a year. Though she very much wants to be in a relationship, she discovers that her mercenary lifestyle is not well-suited to long-term relationships, and so she has a series of unsatisfying affairs, primarily with young human noblewomen whose families hire her, plus the occasionally human woman from mercenary bands they team up with.

She is given command of a squad and performs admirably, with rumors that she will be given the position of second-in-command in the Valo-Kas under her cousin-in-law Hikram once her cousin Mayan gives birth. In canons where Mayan loses her family and becomes Inquisitor, Emira remains a part of the Taam-kas and continues her mercenary work--however, if Mayan retires she becomes second-in-command of the Valo-Kas and is collecting their way when she interrupts Corypheus' ritual, and becomes the Inquisitor. She flirts a lot with Josephine but acknowledges that it's unlikely to work between them. She initially dislikes Sera but they are pushed together when an injury to Varric leaves her without an archer and she takes Sera with her to Sahrnia. The two make peace, and eventually become friends and then lovers. She sides with the mages mostly because she's more aware of their political situation than her cousin Mayan.

She is the background Inquisitor in And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare, in which (unmentioned) she and Dorian are platonic soulmates.

Malandra Cadash

Malandra is a surface dwarf and a multi-generational member of the Carta. She and her cousin Aric are caught smuggling in the Deep Roads in their early twenties. If the Warden made Behlen King in Orzammar they are branded casteless and released; if Harrowmont is king, they are executed as lyrium smugglers. She is selling lyrium at the Conclave when it blows; depending on circumstances, she may or may not be in the right place to become Inquisitor. She romances Lace Harding and sides with the mages.

Aric Cadash

Aric Cadash is a trans man, which is relevant to his story primarily in that he was heir to a small trading empire in Orzammar before his parents understood they had a son and not a daughter. They chose to let his son be who he was, at the cost of being forced to relocate to the surface and leave the trading in Orzammar to his mother's sister. There they joined the Carta to make ends meet, and Aric became friends with his fourth cousin, Malandra. The two worked together often, and were caught together smuggling lyrium out of Orzammar in their twenties. If the Warden made Behlen King in Orzammar they are branded casteless and released; if Harrowmont is king, they are executed as lyrium smugglers. He is attending the Conclave as a representative of the lyrium trade when the Temple of Sacred Ashes explodes; depending on circumstances, he may or may not be in the right place at the right time to become the Inquisitor. If one of the Cadashes becomes Inquisitor, the other hands around and helps out. Otherwise they both die in the explosion. Aric romances Cassandra and makes an absolute hash of Halamshiral. He sides with the mages mostly because it seems to be what Cassandra wants.

Mihail Lavellan

Mihail attends the Conclave only if his mother Ynés, is quarantined for illness when Clan Lavellan gets the word. They share a background, and he is particularly bitter towards humans, who he feels have repeatedly ruined his life. He and Dorian initially do not get along, but eventually reach an understanding and ultimately fall in love. He sides with the mages. He drives Cassandra to alcoholism tho so he is... not my fav.

Eilona "Trev" Trevelyan

The Trevelyans practice the theory of "one for the land, one for the templars, one for the chantry" and consistently produce three children. However, when their third child Cateline is revealed to be a mage and sent to the Circle, they decide to have another child who can become a Chantry sister or brother, and so Trev is born. Almost from the beginning she is a disappointment, loud and rambunctious and disobedient. As a preteen she starts tagging along after her older cousin Arina, and eventually the two travel the Free Marches with Arina's friends, where Trev falls into several bad habits including the use of a lyrium-based drug called "blue ruin", which is deeply dangerous and very addictive.

In most canons she dies of an overdose at eighteen--in her canon she survives only to be disowned along with Arina. The two and their friends turn to highway robbery to run their habits, until eventually Trev's family fetches her and sends her to a Chantry to safely withdraw from the drug and then recover. Eventually she leaves, only to quickly fall into her habits once again. This time after her recovery, her family isolates her on their estate until they finally send her to the Conclave with her aunt who is a Chantry sister, hoping to convince her to become a Sister as they've always wanted. Instead she becomes the Inquisitor. She has a rocky romance with Cullen, who strongly disapproves of her and her history until she gradually changes his mind by trying her hardest and doing a damned good job of it. She sides with the mages, feeling guilty about her mage sister's death at the Ostwick Circle. Secret Love Child AU is an AU of her canon where she and Cullen meet during the time they're both in Kirkwall, in about 9:33 Dragon.

Cateline Trevelyan

The least likely Inquisitor with a 1% chance. She is revealed to have magic when she is six, and the Trevelyans dutifully dispatch her to the Circle in Ostwick, where she lives happily enough until the Ostwick Circle falls. In several canons she dies there; in others she dies in an explosion of the Conclave. The only way she becomes Inquisitor is if she survives the fall of the Circle, very badly scarred on her face, and Trev survives her overdose and they both end up at the Conclave. She catches sight of Trev and tries to get to her, only to stumble on the Ritual and become the Inquisitor. She romances Josephine and they live happily ever after~ She also sides with the mages for obvious reasons.

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savingthrcw · 8 months

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under request: Queen Freya - the Evil Ice Queen

wanted interactions: fantasy characters. Important that you read this page before you try interacting because she's NOT a nice healthy character. She will not interact with villains who are hunting children down/harming children, and a hero coming to kill her should also be plotted seeing as the only way to deal with this that isn't one of them dying is her capturing the hero. potentially open to shipping with: male characters. Either villains or heroes who make her genuinely feel loved and important (good luck). She will never fully trust them, though, and will always need to feel safe even if it means being able to keep distance whenever she's insecure, and/or revert to old attitudes for a bit. FC: Emily Blunt, iconless for now.

trigger warnings: canon child death (see trigger warnings page) because her baby has been canonically killed by her sister Ravenna (who forced the baby's father, the duke of Blackwood, to do it) - obviously since I intend to keep her a villain / anti-hero ready to be swayed in whatever direction your character may push her but who starts as still obsessed with power (so that she can at least protect herself from further hurt) you should also expect toxic/evil behavior if your character is the hero/non-villain type, and possible 'encouraging villainess' if she's around your villain character. And of course we could write her getting her very own 'witch's knight' as in finding someone who will become loyal to her while she does evil things. If it's a cliché I'm probably into it.

Writing should be plotted first, seeing as she's impossibly powerful and not a very friendly character (though if she's interacting with other villains who aren't threatening her, she may be calmer and even supportive of them), and I don't want to godmod nor make anyone uncomfortable with potential hostility.

Ways to interact could be: -she has your muse captive (for company?) -she is temporarily powerless and wounded due to a curse/enchanted object that suppresses her magic, and your muse is helping her/keeping her, whether they know who she really is or not can be decided -a muse becoming loyal to her, whether because she inspired it with her enormous power or she chose them as her one bond to keep so her heart will stop bothering her about missing connections, as long as they obey (the witch's knight type as I mentioned before) -she's visiting your villain muse because a deal can be made / because your muse came in posses of one of her enchanted objects, which were stolen from her palace and spread across the lands while she was in a coma after her 'last battle'

What are the canon divergences/where is she? Who is she again? below the cut!

First of all, canon divergences: she didn't die at the end of the Huntsman story, and was changed by the events at the end of the movie. She was in a coma and when awake she fled. Everything she had worked on was lost, and many of her belongings have disappeared and she wants them back. 'Love' was not weakness (though 'trust' might be) as proved by Eric and Sara (the latter feeling truly like an adopted child to Freya). It's just something Freya doesn't trust, but that she also misses now that she remembered what it feels like.

She's still the Ice Queen and a tyrant; she conquered another kingdom far away and anyone who breaks any rule is killed immediately. She doesn't order people not to love, but anything that reminds her of her pains, like seeing a betrayal of any kind or deciding a family isn't being 'good family enough', leads to death, and her opinion is the only one that counts. Disobeying her leads to death. Complaining leads to death. Also she still wants power: MORE than she has had, so that no one can hurt her. But is fighting with the fact that her heart has awoken and makes her want to care and to be cared for, which at the same time feels weak and terrifying. There is no real balance so it's probably your character that will push her in one direction or the other. This makes complicated to interact with her; she will not accept to be abused, obviously, despite the fact that she'd hurt the people she captures. Keep in mind that:

-She'd try to keep distance from people but it grows difficult if she finds like-minded villains who have the ability to care for her OR heroes who keep trying to make her care again (instead of trying to kill her) -she'd held people captive for company -if she sees you harm children you are dead (see the evil queen from ouat who sent them to die eaten by the Hansel and Gretel Witch)

[if you don't know the movie: Freya is the sister of the Evil Queen Ravenna, and is led to believe her lover has killed their baby because already meant for another woman, setting the room on fire; she becomes the Ice Queen because her tremendous pain unleashes her powers, she seizes a kingdom and makes it a 'sin' to love, starts taking other people's children to teach them how to live without love and face war so that they won't be as hurt as she was (but she calls them 'my children' later on, so it's obvious she's also subconsciously filling the void left by her baby girl), learns that it was all her sister's doing, helped the heroes kill her sister, watched them triumph and be happy and in love, remembered some of her empathy and apparently retrieved some of her iced heart and "died".]

#muse: freya #show: the huntsman #about freya;

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bnuyfrowns · 2 years

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the official rant post for the treatment of nathan prescott and josh washington in their respective games and also by the fandoms. obvious major spoilers for life is strange (& before the storm) and until dawn.

i also want to preface this by saying that i am not excusing their actions. obviously the things they did were bad but i’m just here to provide a bit of background as to where they were coming from and why their endings shouldn’t have been as awful as they were. i’ll also make it so there’s a ‘keep reading’ bc this ended up being a very long post.

there’s also links to videos/photos where i reference them where i could.

nathan prescott - life is strange

there’s a lot to cover here. so i’ll start with the situation from the beginning, where nathan can kill chloe. the gun was there for show, i think, and whether he actually intended to use it is up for interpretation. it’s important to note that he didn’t want to kill chloe, but i’m not excusing him of the fact that he physically kills someone. he only pulls the trigger, however, once she pushes him. this leads me to think that the trigger may have not been pulled by him consciously, but rather a muscle spasm. he has canonically has these, and we know this both from drew calling him ‘twitch’ when he’s bullying him, as well as one of the medications he’s shown to take being diazepam, which can be used to treat muscle spasms. once again not excusing him of murder, but this may have been what had happened rather than him just pulling the trigger for the fun of it like some people think.

then for everything else. nathan’s circumstances are very complicated. he had grown up with a very overbearing and controlling father, who even in adolescence seems to be still behind every decision that nathan makes and everything that he does. and horribly, this also extends to nathan’s medical needs. sure, nathan is receiving psychiatric help, but i wouldn’t consider it much help considering how much of it is controlled by nathan’s father. this is seen most evidently through the conversations that chloe can overhear at the hospital (sean being nathan’s father):

sean: why has my son been assigned to you? i never authorised that he be seen by- doctor: i was assigned because nathan was becoming quite upset- sean: so they sent a psychiatrist? because my son was upset? doctor: please mr. prescott. your son needs serious psychiatric help. sean: my son needs nothing from you.

doctor: sir, i believe your son is manifesting serious and alarming symptoms. allow me the chance to- sean: nathan’s already getting more than enough attention from one of you! i am fed up with these made up problems!

so nathan receives ‘help’ that doens’t help him all that much at all. and his meltdowns and behaviour are all covered up by his behaviour in order to keep up appearances. it’s no wonder that when nathan finds a father figure and mentor in jefferson, he’s pretty much willing to do whatever’s he’s asked. jefferson praised his work and treated him nicely (at least at first), and this support was something that nathan had craved for a very long time.

jefferson knew that he was manipulating nathan, he says it to max - ‘you used nathan’ / ‘i prefer the term “manipulated”. like with an image… nathan’s was easy to twist around’ - and he was more than happy to use nathan in order to get funding for his sick hobbies.

of course nathan’s involvement with everything cannot be ignored, he himself drugged chloe in an attempt to impress jefferson, and he was the one who drugged kate and brought her to the dark room, along with other girls that we don’t know about. however i don’t believe that nathan was the one to kill rachel, but rather it was jefferson who then blamed it on nathan. jefferson canonically blames another murder on nathan - ‘i’m sorry that i killed- that nathan killed [chloe] in self-defence’ - so who’s to say that he hasn’t done this already, and jefferson is our only source of information says that nathan had killed rachel.

then there’s the photo that nathan supposedly took with rachel’s corpse. first of all, i think it’s very unlikely that nathan took the photo at all considering that he was actually pretty good friends with rachel. this is evident both from the photo of the two of them seen in rachel’s bedroom, as well as how excited nathan had been when he had mistaken max for rachel in the diner. this was after rachel had died, and is a pretty odd reaction to seeing somebody that you had supposedly killed and then taken pictures with their corpse. also, in the photo nathan, in my opinion, looks pretty out of it, which leads me to think that maybe jefferson had drugged him too and posed them together.

it’s also extremely important to note that nathan was extremely regretful of his actions, with him saying in his voicemail to max, ‘i just wanted to say… i’m sorry. i didn’t want to hurt kate or rachel, or… i didn’t want to hurt anybody. everybody… used me.’ this confession of guilt around rachel could be explained by it being an internalised confession, in which he truly believed he was the one to kill rachel, due to his guilt or even jefferson making him believe that he had done it; or maybe he did kill her, we’ll never know.

but in the end justice is never served for nathan. he never gets to move on from his mistakes, to own up to them and have his redemption. instead, he is killed by jefferson, his abuser, in a situation where ‘the police will never find his body’.

josh washington - until dawn

obviously a big point of this game is that all the characters are bad, they’re all assholes, none of them are very nice people (besides sam). it just so happens that these were josh’s friends, and were also the people that indirectly caused both of josh’s sisters to go missing and never be found again. josh, who is revealed to have had a history of mental illness since he was 11, is overcome with depression following these events, even attempting suicide at one point. at 20, he comes up with a plan to prank his friends, with the intention to scare them and make them feel panicked, ‘like his sisters did’.

it’s important to note that josh didn’t actually intend for this prank to physically harm any of the group (with the exception of when ashley is knocked out). when chris is forced to choose between killing ashley or josh, the saw is always rigged to go towards josh. and when chris is forced to choose between killing himself or ashley, the gun is filled with blanks and the saw is not actually able to reach them at all. it was all about making them scared, rather than actually hurting them.

also extremely important to note, josh is schizophrenic, but is neither properly diagnosed nor treated for this. he is receiving medication and treatment for mental illness, however it is only for depression. in the game he is shown to experience very vivid and very gory hallucinations including things such as his sisters corpse’s blaming him for their deaths - ‘why did you want us to die?’ - as well as walls seeming to move and breathe, and a dismembered pig’s head which comes out of the wall. he also hallucinates sessions with his psychiatrist, where his lack of touch with reality is mocked, and lines such as ‘you’re a sick fuck!’ are common especially towards the end.

his behaviour could also be associated with withdrawal from his prescribed medication, phenelzine, which he most likely stopped taking during the beginning of the game. he was also prescribed a dosage of this medication four times higher than the typical dosage. but as well as this, his schizophrenic symptoms were also completely untreated.

josh also genuinely believed that his friends would forgive him after the prank. he thought they would all laugh it off and go back to normal afterwards, he’s actually shocked when they’re all mad at him once he reveals himself. but his friends pretty much leave him for dead after this. he’s tied up and left in a barn where they were going to leave him until morning. when they find out that josh will most certainly be killed if left alone, only chris is willing to go and help him. but even chris doesn’t treat him well besides this. when being taken to the barn, the player can choose to have mike and chris punch josh, and chris can even hit josh on the head with a baseball bat, knocking him out.

and to top it all off, josh has only two possible endings in the game. he can either be killed by his own wendigo-turned sister, or become a wendigo himself. he cannot escape, nobody rescues him, and either way he’s pretty much left to rot with no chance of redemption.

that’s all. and thanks for reading if you got this far, this ended up being way longer than i thought it would be holy shit. also i’m happy to discuss any part of this with people :)

#nathan prescott #life is strange #life is strange: before the storm #lis #lis bts #josh washington #until dawn #this took me literally ages oh my god #also this doesn’t even cover everything there were some things i left out but i feel like these were the most important points

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22degreehalo · 2 years

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I’m have thoughts. About Supernatural. And queerbaiting. In 2022.

But. Consider this:

* People who get really really into fandom and ships are inordinately likely to be queer. But also are inordinately likely to be autistic.

* Supernatural has a specific reason to be appealing to autistic fans due to Castiel being heavily autistic coded, an interpretation which was explicitly supported by Misha Collins.

* But also Supernatural, being a long-running serialised speculative fiction show with heavy latent continuity, is also just inherently very appealing to fandomy autistics.

* Supernatural heavily heavily blends lines between fandom and canon in ways that heavily encourage those fandomy behaviours - that’s one of the reasons it got so popular among that crowd!

* But also like. Supernatural would REALLY encourage those behaviours. Like, they literally had a twitter account for the set design crew!! Who’d tweet stuff like ‘can anyone tell us what previous episode this wallpaper came from?’ to enforce to the fandom that they were paying attention to this stuff and that it could be important!!

* The backlash against Supernatural largely became ‘stupid delusional fangirls convinced they’re seeing something that was never there (when good represetation is right over here)’.

* Said backlash coincided chronologically with the mainstreaming of fandom and the rise in more neurotypical-normative fandom.

* All of this allowed Supernatural to wash its hand of any part in any of this because lol, people were literally saying Destiel would be canon because of the colour of the lights on the wall!! That is obviously Insane obsessive shut-in behaviour!!

Put all together: in queerbaiting their queer audience by putting in hints that they never intended to follow up on, were they also exploiting a largely autistic audience?

As someone who never intended to buy into Supernatural... I have literally never encountered any place as absolutely batshit for autistic brains as it. People would literally write tens of thousands of words speculating on the implications of a one-off line of dialogue about an in-universe AU and what it means for the person who wrote that in-universe AU!! And I ate it all up!! I gorged myself on that shit!!! It was some kind of actual drug for pattern-seeking autistics and I felt half manic the entire time!!!

And when I think on it. I doubt the Supernatural creators, like, actually fully understood what they were doing, there. But they were obviously aware they had a legion of ‘obsessive fangirls’ who’d read that kinda stuff into it.

And did they... take advantage of that? Feeding those hints in, and encouraging fans to care about them in language they’d understand? Knowing fully well that to non-fans - or even to other kinds of fans - who can’t imagine the mentality, that this would all seem totally bonkers?

(And like, fyi: Castiel being autistic never got any kind of like official word, either. Stretching the term in ways I don’t necessarily agree with, that could be considered ‘neurodivergentbaiting’, too. But I’ve noticed fandom extremely eager to denounce any meaning in autistic representation unless representation more personal to them is also met - see someone on reddit yesterday who was really angry about Newt Scamander being autistic because he’s just ‘the classic super smart straight white guy’ as though characters like that are in any remote way common, anyway. Or Overwatch fans totally overlooking Symmetra, an Autistic dark-skinned Indian woman, because nothing means anything until the game introduces a [neurotypical?] black woman.)

Either way I think this pretty much sums up why the backlash to Supernatural fans pisses me off so much. It wasn’t ~fans being crazy~. I mean, the fans were right, in the end - Castiel was in love with Dean all along. But because the relationship was foreseen and enjoyed through largely autistic perspectives, it was seen as invalid. Meanwhile, queer representation that offers little for autistics - that is very mundane and straightforward, with Normal-acting ‘realistic’ characters, which match their idea of what ‘ordinary queer people’ act like, are heralded as the only correct form of representation.

In saying all this, perhaps discussions of queer rep in fandom have leaned too heavily autistic-normative in the past - it’s true that neurotypical fans are much less likely to look up information about the characters and so hear author’s words about their sexualities, for example. But I don’t think this total shift the other way is good, either.

#oh god now I'm having thoughts like 'was queer rep supported more in non-human creatures such as aliens in the past'#'because autistic fans are more likely to find non-human characters relatable in general anyway'#cant believe that me just trying to imagine some way to explain to the new person at my friends' board game nights #who is openly queer and to whom I joked recently I wish we were still in the timeline where Putin resigned cause Destiel went canon :/#only for them to start absolutely HOOTING in a way that made me suddenly self-conscious about liking supernatural #that I did and in many ways still do in fact supernatural #lead to me having some kinda epiphany abt the shift in preceptions of queerbaiting by fandom audiences happening bc of fandom audiences #becoming much more neurotypical normative than they had previously been #OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED #yknow the whole anti thing of like 'these sex-obsessed fetishising fujoshis who see yaoi everywhere'#one time someone brought that up on twitter and I wrote a common sorta off the top of my head #suggesting that those are neurotypical fans who don't understand special interests/hyperfixations etc.#and that they're unusually likely to see m/m as a target because queer women in fandom are inordinately likely to be NT #because they have other reasons to come to fandom (i.e. lack of community IRL and needing to make their own queer rep)#so you get all these queer nt women interacting with each other and looking over at the autistics over there #and that's what they conclude #anyway uh hmm. lots of. thoughts today huh.

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baya-ni · 3 years

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The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

#and scene #i was up till 4am writing this instead of doing my hw #bc i hav Opinions dammit #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 meta #sk8 theory #queerbait

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yubsie · 3 years

Text

The A New Dawn Wrong Counter

So after all that, the book doesn’t actually give a conclusive canon answer on who out of Kanan and Hera can actually cook which is technically the main reason I was reading it.

This list is obviously a LITTLE unfair to Kanan since the poor guy spends most of the book in the “refusing the call” beat of his character arc. But he manages to be RIGHT one more time than he’s wrong which is a bit poetic!

Hera does not get a running tally of how many times she was right on account of half of what she says is stuff to the effect of “The Empire is bad”.

Chapter 21 was a very exciting chapter for everyone being wrong but Okadiah.

Things Kanan Jarrus Got Wrong

"I don't mess with the Empire and it doesn't mess with me"

Never using the Force again

"He couldn't see Obi-Wan willingly hunkering down on some remote world, waiting for things to blow over"

Referring to a guy doting on his wife like it's a bad thing

Priding himself on making it alone

Doesn't randomly go around sticking his neck out for people

"I do not go around randomly helping people!" (Ch 21)

Could take or leave the Empire (Ch 21)

Hera is the ONLY person in the galaxy he'd take that chance for

Wouldn't live his daily life skulking just to have a woman's company or to support her cause

When the the other guy brought an army it was best not to argue

Intending to keep avoiding responsibilities

Not going to use his lightsaber

Things Hera Syndulla Got Wrong

I'm not on a recruiting mission (2x)

Not even Kanan meets the standards to help in her mission (Ch 21)

"I don't want you to do anything" (to Kanan) (Ch 21)

"And no crazy stuff. That's my motto." (Ch 21)

Kanan's subtlety and cunning was likely a one time thing (Ch 21)

Kanan rolls with whoever is in charge

No time for anything else (ie, Kanan being smitten with her) in war

Things Okadiah Got Right

"Never make a life-changing decision on an empty stomach"

"A fine pilot, an occasional humanitarian, and a somewhat tolerable houseguest. Marry him, my darling!" (Ch 21)

This boy is good to have. You ought to stick by him. Think he needs..."

Things Kanan Jarrus Got Right

Good parents teach without all the judging

The Empire makes things not fun

"But what a woman"

Hera is reasonably competent

Hera can drive him anywhere

"It's always an adventure with you, huh?"

Hera is an amazing pilot

He wasn't going to change Hera's mind once she'd decided on something

Hera really is something

He needs Hera to fly through the debris

He'd follow her anywhere

Don't headbutt cyborgs

"You're incredible, I'm permanently moving to the passenger seat"

Hera had the idea; Kanan made the plan

Things Kanan Jarrus Said That Were Merely RIDICULOUS

"All women were magical creatures to Kanan, but there were happy forest nymphs and then there were wizards."

#rebels #kanan jarrus #hera syndu #kanan/hera #kanera #yubsie rereads a new dawn #i actually want to nominate okadiah as jacen's middle name

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cant-think-of-anything · 3 years

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I think part of the reason that there’s such a dissonance between what kind of character Matthew is ~supposed~ to have and what kind of poor traits shine through, especially in his treatment of Alastair, is not just because of CC’s poor handling of alcoholism (and, in my opinion, mental health issues and depression) but also because: Our first introduction to these characters happened a long ways before some major changes to TLH.

Namely… Alastair and Cordelia were basically white in CC’s original planning. There’s just no way around that. Their flower cards, where they’re not just whitewashed but purely white, prove that (and they STILL haven’t been updated, by the way.)

Also, Alastair’s hair: in CoG it was dyed blond, and CC wrote it off implicitly as a racism thing when she decided he was Persian (which I guess happened after the short story where we met Alastair and before TLH) , which would have been fine it if it was an arc written better. Except, I don’t think she realized that it would make Matthew’s comments about Alastair inherently and obviously racist, being a white author. And I doubt that it will be dealt with and named or even acknowledged outright in the final TLH installment.

Kind of the same thing with Cordelia. I’m not saying POC can’t have like red hair because obviously POC don’t come in a prepackaged set of five or six traits that are all configured randomly, but something has always rubbed me the wrong way about the way that CC writes the majority of her POC and especially WOC as exotic. I mean, Kamala as a character is to me a special favorite (even though CC did her dirty and didn’t do a good job portraying her character or intersectional identity) but I rolled my eyes so hard when she had lighter brown or “amber” eyes in canon or officially commissioned art. With Cordelia, I know CC once said she uses henna to redden her hair which is great for her, and I guess I have less of a bone to pick with that because it’s semi(?) realistic, but still. Also the fact that so much of her description as a beautiful person comes from her hair. Again that’s cool, and women of color should be loved wholly including being loved for the parts of them that they freely change (such as Cordelia’s hair) but… the proportion of the fixation on her hair as what makes her lovely rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I feel like it’s sometimes an out from CC making the ~scandalous~ decision that a woman of color can be beautiful because of the traits she is born with. Idk it’s just for me I had this long standing repulsion towards my colorings and my facial structure and white girls would tell me I was whiny about it and then I finally began to piece together things like “Eurocentric beauty standards.”

Going on a tangent slightly, but something else that bothered me was when Anna insulted Cordelia after buying her those dresses and everyone kinda treating it as a compliment? And just cause Cordelia, a fictional teenager, didn’t get mad about it doesn’t mean readers of color can’t see the underlying racism behind “Cordelia looks MUCH better in these dresses which are SUITED for her skin tone.”

I think that narrative could have been handled much better: if it was Cordelia picking out her own clothes as an act of maturity and self-realization and ownership, if Cordelia herself said (in a different way lol) “Damn right I can wear lavender ruffles if I want to and crimp my hair but I’m not going to let white fashion prevent me from outshining everyone because dark skinned women INVENTED jewel tones.” And I think some people will argue that Cordelia’s context makes this too self aware of a development but I would say that it would have been a powerful part of her development outside of her relationships, especially considering that she’s supposed to be a main protagonist. Full arcs for the win baby!

But even aside from all that what bothered me about Anna’s dresses was the fact that it was a white woman showing the “truth” or the “right way” or “saving” a woman of color, a trope which I don’t think CC intended but committed nonetheless. I think from a white author POV the thinking was “Anna is such a free bohemian who lives true to herself and she’s going to help Cordelia become that way too,” which irks me because I feel like that just worked against CC in terms of POC rep and also because that same ideology is used in an attempt to make Anna’s treatment of Kamala justified even though Anna as an out person, with racial and economic privilege and the support of an extensive and powerful family network, pressured and tormented Kamala into coming out.

I have a lot of thoughts on that relationship, mainly: it shouldn’t have been dragged out this long because from the beginning, Every Exquisite Thing, it was clear they were looking for different things. And if CC had left it at that and let them go on their separate ways after a week of knowing each other that would have been fine: Kamala can’t do an out and proud relationship and Anna doesn’t want secrecy, so they’ll develop on their own. And then later Kamala’s pursuit of Anna in the actual TLH books was I think meant to be a thing about “the lengths you’ll go for true love” but it felt forced. Honestly… It just feels icky. like this woman of color is just so hung up on this white woman who abuses her repeatedly and can’t handle her own misogyny and internalizations. And I hate that because both had such awesome potential! To me it’s less that I dislike Anna ( I’d need a whole other post to explain that) and more that I dislike CC for wanting so bad to claim sapphic rep but not wanting to put in the effort to portray it effectively- and pretty much all that entails is writing the relationship without acting like it exists in a pseudo-vacuum where the history and realities of interracial relationships and queerphobia don’t exist in the way we obviously recognize and experience.

And characters like Cordelia and Alastair are amazing and have so much potential; I think the true origin of the problems with their portrayal is that they weren’t really intended as POC or even queer representation in the first place. I don’t know if Cassie would have taken a different approach to her characterization had she known Alastair would be a brown gay man when she first introduced him, but I hope it would have at least made her more conscientious of the inherent application of colonialism and racism in her storytelling from that point onward.

I want to finally add that I’m not saying any portrayal of racism is bad. I’m saying that the racism in the story is not part of a conscious framework that critiques racism appropriately. I think CC wrote the beginnings of the narrative, decided she was going to develop the diversity point content, and then either didn’t look back at the older content to analyze it and the other (white characters) through a new lens of race and outsiderness and queer personhood, or she looked at it and didn’t know what to do with it, or looked at it and didn’t care.

Sorry this got so long! Thanks for listening.

- A.

I feel like CC handled everything poorly in regards to characters who had a lot of potential.

The fact that Cordelia and Alastair are both originally white and it's so obvious in the way every bit of racism is handled by the characters. Matthew's comments in CLS are very important and they should've been handled with the same severity that Alastair's words were. CC changing the characters to POC was a big decision and when she did so she should've went back and actually read her own material. I can assure you that it will not be handled in CHOT, my expectations for CC recognizing the importance and gravity in the words she writes regarding racism or any of her "implied racism" bullshit have gone to the ground.

Because while golden eyes are obviously so easy to write when discussing discrimination obviously racism is out of the question /j

THAT'S EXACTLY IT, women of color in these books are so pathetically rare that on the rare occurrence that she does write them they should all be given these features that aren't as common in POC and written as more beautiful because of those features. I read CHOG after I became more appreciative of my ethnic features but if I had read this a year or so ago? Or even if I had read it after just feeling insecure in general? It would've been awful. The implication is that the lighter features in POC are the most beautiful, with Cordelia's red hair being put on a higher pedestal than her dark eyes and Kamala's eyes being focused on more than her hair (because I literally went back and counted the numbers to prove it and it's exactly what happens.)

I'm sure Cordelia's hair is stunning, but it's the way that when she's described (or more accurately being sexualized) it is just her hair and body that is shown, not the color of her skin or the color of her eyes.

God the pastel thing pisses me off so much. It's not even that Anna tells Cordelia that she would look better in darker colors it's that she says it suits her skin tone. Implying that anyone with brown skin should be barred from wearing pastels. And Kamala? In the few times she is described, she's wearing dark colors or champagne gold, never light blue or purple or pink WHICH HONESTLY SUITS HER PERSONALITY. It's also the way that the dresses Anna sent her are described to be more revealing- it's weird. Anna barely knew her when she started dictating everything that Cordelia could put on her body.

“Damn right I can wear lavender ruffles if I want to and crimp my hair but I’m not going to let white fashion prevent me from outshining everyone because dark skinned women INVENTED jewel tones.”

I literally would have loved that. It recognizes that she doesn't need to follow these "rules" on what to wear but still shows her choosing what she wants to wear without making all the darker skinned readers feel like they can't wear a certain color.

I think what some people fail to realize is that these books are also aimed at upper elementary and middle school and a middle schooler with dark skin reading something like that? In a book with characters they love? It's going to be so harmful

Someone else mentioned that CC said Kamanna's relationship was complicated because Kamala didn't defend Anna: Defend her FROM WHAT? Literally what is there to threaten Anna?

These books are filled with tokenism and then praised for it. The idea of Kamala X Anna has so much potential but they're portrayed in such a toxic way. Throughout the last through books Kamala puts herself through so much guilt and regret and turmoil just for Anna to literally use her, blame her, and cast her aside. And it's so fucking annoying because it pushes this idea that this woman of color who was terrified and in an extremely vulnerable position is in the wrong for choosing her safety and presents them as guilty and shameful for doing such a thing.

I would disagree, the portrayal of racism is bad, because it is used at random points in the story and never brought up again, if you interduce racism take it seriously it's not the kind of thing you're meant to half-ass in a book thousands of people will read

I agree on everything else though, so much of these books are incredibly harmful and they are presented to a young audience so it's overall just a gross situation

Thank you for the ask though! I loved answering this, if you ever have anything else you're more than welcome to come back <3

#kamala joshi #alastair carstairs #cordelia carstairs #tw racism #tw sexualization of minors #tw sexualization #anti anna lightwood #anon #asks #tw swearing #long post #tlh #anti cc #the last hours #let me know if i missed a tag #also let me know if i got anything wrong

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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Yugioh S5 Ep 21: Joey Takes A Snack at that Cray Sauce

Hey guys! The 17 yo cat with kidney disease I was out of town watching lived to see another week (she was a very good girl). Which means now I can get back to the good stuff. This episode is brought to you by the colors red and orange, and I hope you like this color, and I hope you like this after effects they CGId onto this volcano.

Anyways, they first have to do this familiar ledge fall, because, it’s Yugioh, and if there’s a bunch of lava, Tristan wants

that.

And then Joey decides...hey you know what? I’m gonna jet. And...it’s not the first time he’s pulled a wild card and been unpredictable, I mean none of us can really forget that time he decided to get murdered by Mai instead of going in a straight line towards the end boss last season, but this time it was kind of funny how it was hastily composed.

And off he goes, folks.

As he left, Tristan was like “Ya dummy!” and Tea was like “nono, we gotta encourage him--run Joey! You can do it! See? Now he’s gone.” and it’s like...Tea is either trying to kill Joey with her support or honestly thinks that’s good support and I can’t fully tell which she is.

(read more under the cut)

It’s at this point that Grandpa has the gall to say “Did any of you happen to catch the lore? I fell asleep during that part.” Just like my Dad when we watch any movie as a family.

Meanwhile, maybe 100 ft away from them, Joey is in mortal peril but it’s Joey, so he’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.

In fact, this episode seems like it would have been a better arc if it stretched out more episodes because the Joey neglect happens so quickly and out of nowhere that it’s...less organic than your average children’s show. Honestly it’s kind of funny how fast the fall of Joey Wheeler happens this episode. And I think it could have been a fun interesting time if it was handled better but youknow...it’s crammed into one single episode and you’ll se what happens.

As Yugi ruminates a cool thing that would have been really interesting this season--like running into more rando’s from other periods of time than just Alexander--Tea looks across the lava highway and was like “found it.”

Back at the dragon situation, Joey starts opening his heart to this dragon and it’s like...did they originally intend for Seto Kaiba to be here? Because I guess Joey uses Red Eyes a lot, but I also skip a lot of the card games, so when I think “who likes the dragon card?” Joey is not the first one I think of.

That and like he got over his Atlantis dragon card like hella fast, right? Like totally already over that?

And also if you thought Joey would pull out his other dragon to try and communicate or get a hold of this dragon like...nah.

Back at the fort, these guys decided to ditch Joey to get to this sword at the top of a volcano to solve the riddle, and what follows is some weird ass canon.

As I’m pulling up my Google Doc with my deathcount on it, Tristan decides this is the time he won’t freakin die and turn into a robot monkey for 15 episodes.

And he makes a huge ass green dragon. You’d think this MASSIVE dragon would do more in this episode, but nah. Although he pulls out Massive Dragon, it’s like kind of worthless, so he mostly puts it back in his pocket.

And then Tea pulls this elf chick out and it’s freakin hilarious because look at her giant elf.

Like Tea is not a small person! Are Yugioh monsters all 12 ft tall???

Yugi is also all ham about fusing with his dude now. It knocked him out a couple episodes ago, but Yugi is so keen on destroying his body that he’s back in clown town. And like...took his Grandpa for a ride, I guess, although I’m pretty sure Summoned Skull has wings.

Course, Summoned Skulls insides are his outsides...and I dunno if you’d want Summoned Skull to give you a big hug and carry you around. Summoned Skull just seems like he’s sticky.

And, once they make it to the top of the volcano where the plot sword lives, we first have to visit this plot twist of the century.

YEAH.

OUT OF NOWHERE.

THIS EPISODE IS NOT LONG.

Aaaaaaand now Joey is going to try and kill everyone here. I did not skip anything, PS, Joey dipped off-screen.

PS, everyone’s reaction to “I will kill you!” was a whole lot of rolling their eyes at first being like “Joey, stawp.”

So, now that Joey’s randomly possessed by this dragon, we get a peek into what Joey’s brain zone looks like. It’s a whole lot of nothing in between his ears.

Consistent to S1 actually, when we had a bit of a Joey Brain Zone moment. It was a blank void there, too.

So apparently Joey decided, back when he was confessing his love to Red Eyes Black Dragon, that he would jump on it’s back to calm it down--and it just...fused with him. So...now he’s a dragon.

Sure, I guess. I mean...there’s really no limit on what a Duel monster can’t do, so I’ll allow it.

The team tries to just say “ah screw it” and pull up this sword themselves (you can kind of see it in this shot) and the sword just slurps into the dirt even more out of spite. Seeing that there’s a bit of a time limit, Grandpa pulls this one out of his back pocket.

Yo, Grandpa’s not even possessed. Hey, remember that time that Grandpa nearly died giving Arthur Hawkins the last of his water back in Egypt? Remember that?

Like uh, you can definitely tell this was made by a different team that may not have gotten that cue card. It may have been lost in the mail. Either way, kind of a hilarious heel turn on Grandpa’s personality here, although it does make logical sense to save most of the kids from sacrificing one kid. It’s just...that kid is Joey...so...that’s like his adopted Grandson, right?

So Yugi does something very on brand for Yugi and invades a brain.

And like...obviously Yami and Yugi would say no to this. They would never do this. Not after all the dozens and dozens of times they have sacrificed the world and everything for their best friends.

But...maybe just this one time we can kill Joey? As a treat?

So uh...Yami hella vaporizes Joey with his new powers. Luckily, Joey Wheeler has Shaggy Doo energy and just...he survives it for some reason. I don’t know why he isn’t dead, maybe because the dragon made him stronger? Eh, don’t do the math (on any part of this episode).

So Joey gets up and is like “I know the answer to the riddle!” As the sword kinda melts into the volcano and Gramps is like “Well we’re dead, actually, so no one cares!”

And Joey’s like “Look!” and he hops onto the back of the Red Eyes Black dragon and reveals this random thing:

Because it turns out, that the dragon was the real problem and not this volcano with a sword in it.

Which youknow...could have been cool if this episode wasn’t so many insane plot points so quickly. Kind of a lot of episode here. This episode could have been a whole season of a show.

Like how long was Joey Possessed by Marik in S2? Like 5 or 6 episodes? And you can see how much more successful it was at selling the story although it was a lot of the same themes and ideas. Pacing is important.

And then Joey passes out from the suit juice.

Which is when we get one more Alexander cameo, just kinda watching them leave and onto the next arc of their little journey.

They sure did put a lot of eyeliner on Alexander the great, and, being real...he may have actually been wearing a hell ton of dope eyeliner when he was alive, so this could be historically accurate, for all we know. Those old marble statues used to be painted, after all. Maybe they had dope Yugioh eyeliner down to his cheekbones? One can wish.

And like if you ever get the time--seeing what those marble statues looked like with paint on it is so freakin goofy and fun, I love it. I love that for 600 years we thought those marble statues were supposed to be naked and white but it’s like, nah man--this guy’s just wearing a skin tight breast plate and when you paint it, it’s so garish it’s like a freakin clown outfit.

But anyway, that’s all for now! Hope y’all have a good weekend, and as always, here’s a link to read these in chrono order, if you just got here!

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#Yugioh #YGO #Yu-Gi-Oh #S5 #Ep 21 #Yugi muto #Joey Wheeler #Tristan Taylor #Joey Wheeler goes evil again #Red Eyes Black Dragon #Is an asshole apparently #Tea Gardner #Grandpa Muto #A lot of orange lava #This show is so obsessed with orange #Alexander the Great #who I can't believe is canon to Yugioh lol #Episode recap #Photo recap

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