#not to be the 'everything is a symptom of adhd' meme but i Do feel like this is an adhd brain thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

worldwithoutmiracles · 2 years

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my ADHD as an adult woman

so I went to a psychologist finally at 28 expecting an anxiety/depression diagnosis, and within about 2 minutes of me talking, the doc interrupted me and said “has anyone ever talked to you about an ADHD diagnosis?”

since being diagnosed and getting put on meds, I have become more aware of the approximately 1,000 very ADHD things I do daily. I have also had probably 10-15 people I know say either “oh yeah, that makes sense, I always figured you had ADHD” or “oh yeah, I was diagnosed a few years ago as well, I figured that’s why we got along so well”. so apparently I was the last to know.

anyways, here are some of my personal symptoms, for whomever this might interest. I have a lot of masking/coping mechanisms, so there are huge parts of ADHD meme culture I can’t relate to (e.g. I never lose things because I am borderline obsessive with organization, I’m never late because I’m always 45 minutes early instead), but a lot of these are common.

talking a lot, talking all the time, talking in every direction. see how I write. see the number of parentheses I use. see how I exceed the word limit on assignments, every time, all the time.

“conflating emotion and time”. time blindness is talked about a lot, and I’ve definitely got it in spades, but I came across this phrase and found it very resonant. I’m all feeling and no context. the question “what did you do last weekend?” is my nightmare.

high pain tolerance/lack of sensitivity to sensation. I’ve always been able to withstand physical pain and discomfort quite easily - tattoos, piercings, walking barefoot on gravel, waxing, the list goes on. but I also have this thing where I can notice I need to pee, and then not get up from my chair for 5 hours. or notice it’s time for me to eat, but I’ll just ignore it (assuming I’m not close to passing out or throwing up from low blood sugar). I drink a lot of water and my friends joke I’m like a camel because I’ll still just pee like twice a day. these sensations are very muted and just honestly not that important.

can’t use the drawers in the fridge because once I can’t see the food it ceases to exist. same with cupboards that are hard to reach, “secret” pockets in purses or bags, basically anything I don’t have a ritual of checking every day. I’m very intentional when putting things away. I have a system. it’s a fucking stupid, inefficient, idiosyncratic system, and it’s extremely rigid. I do not deviate from the script. if the chapstick goes in the front right pocket instead of the front left, all is anarchy, all is lost.

wordplay, music, or some media fixation going in my head 24/7 as background. during conversations, I will literally be doing anagrams, spelling challenges and wordplay based on what people are saying while I listen to them - it’s the only way I can stay engaged. I memorize lyrics to songs obsessively, and I will also skip around my personal jukebox based on keywords from the conversation.

I check and respond to emails and texts immediately after receiving them. I just have to do it this way or I begin to hate and resent the messages, and by extension, my friends. so I am the most responsive person in the world. sorry.

make a lot of careless mistakes because editing/reworking is death

jiggling my foot while reading to stay engaged

hate socks

like to eat, hate the fact I have to eat every day

have to touch every texture while shopping, especially clothes shopping. my sister jokes by the time we’ve left I’ve touched everything in the store. (yeah, ideally)

never fully unpack my bag while traveling because the idea of spreading out too much and having my things in too many places stresses me out - it would be too easy to lose something or leave it behind. I go through rooms/houses/bus seats methodically before leaving them, several times, and have to pat my phone in my pocket 3-4 times before I believe I have it with me.

literally forget that types of weather exist until they reoccur. first cold day of the year I’ll be shivering in a cardigan and then remember “oh yeah, jackets exist” because they are in my coat closet I haven’t opened in 3 months so I forgot about them (not only forgetting the ones I own, but the literal concept of jackets). on the plus side, I am constantly delighted to rediscover the cute umbrella that I have owned for 6 years.

so physically clumsy. just slamming into every doorway, every counter, shattering every glass, covered in mystery paper cuts and bruises, constantly literally beating myself up and then figuratively beating myself up for being an oaf.

feeling like a burden, feeling like a fuck-up, over-explaining myself, desperately trying to find some explanation for why I’m so “lazy” when I actually care more about some things than anyone would ever dream

leaving every gathering like “god, I am such an overbearing moron, why can’t I just stop interrupting people and shut up for once” and then talking to someone and getting excited and thinking of a joke and shouting it out and let’s do the time warp again!

okay, I literally have to cut myself off or I will write for hours. overall, I like my brain. it’s a noisy place, but it’s taken care of me the best it can for the last 28 years. I just can’t believe that the place I spend so much time in had this dimension to it (ADHD) that I never knew. and having a name for it and a community of fellow neurodiverse people has made more of a difference to me than I ever would have guessed it would.

(if you read all this you’re a fucking saint. also probably don’t have ADHD lol)

#life #neurodivergent #adhd #adhd stuff #mood #neurodiverse #actually adhd #adult adhd #great wall of text

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julietteyml · 1 year

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Maybe stop calling ADHD a “superpower”?

I’ve come across articles and people in Singapore (where I live) calling ADHD a “superpower”, by both people who have ADHD and people who don’t but who advocate for more awareness of neurodivergence. I’ve found it to comes across as reductionist and somewhat condescending if we just leave it at that, without mentioning the downsides.

Everything should be interpreted in context. In Singapore, ADHD is unknown by the vast majority of people. Mental health and any kind of neurological “disorder” is, for the most part, taboo/shameful to talk about and can be seen quite negatively. This is changing slowly as more people discuss these things openly.

So, yes, reframing ADHD as a “superpower” is more positive when compared to the alternative of viewing people with ADHD as defective, broken objects of pity, shame and stigma. So, I get why advocates seek out language that appears to be empowering (who doesn't want a superpower?!).

But to me, it sounds like sugarcoating and trying to make our different (under-researched) brain-based differences less complex to neurotypical society. It rings like people-pleasing.

To anyone who struggles to manage their ADHD symptoms in their everyday life, it sure as hell doesn’t feel like a superpower.

***

Here are the areas people refer to when evoking ADHDers’ superpowers:

- the links between ADHD + creativity

- ADHD’s links to critical thinking and questioning things

- ADHD’s links to thinking outside the box, because our brain makes connections between disparate things in ways that others may not put together

- our almost mythical ability to “hyper focus” (the subject of gazillions of ADHD memes!)

Thing is, these things come together with a whole host of other symptoms, which are far less cool, and not talked about.

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE

I co-wrote 2 academic books. That was achieved through extended periods of hyper focus, scattered between periods of extreme distractedness.

In hyper focus mode, I’d sit for 10 hours at a stretch, bc I told myself “I must finish this chapter today”. I would not eat, drink, shower, get up, my butt was glued to the chair. Now, I got the chapter done, and you could say “wow, that’s so productive!”. But hyper focus, unchecked as it often is with ADHD, is not fun and is damaging to the body.

What’s also interesting to look at, are the causes for hyper focus. sometimes it’s part of the ADHD brain: when you’re doing something that *starts off* being fun/smth you enjoy, then you don’t find the “off”/”end task” button. Sometimes, it’s coerced, the result of extreme self-discipline which is a learnt/compensatory behavior to cope with external expectations/pressures of (neurotypical) society. Either way, hyper focus is not to be glorified, or used to sing the praises of the “productivity” of ADHDers (according to capitalistic standards), because it can come at such a high cost to us.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE

About creativity. Yup, we do get a million thoughts, images, memories flitting in quick succession in our brain and that makes us come up with weird, original ideas/solutions. ADHD’s sometimes described as “bees in my head” or as a big intersection without redlights/round-about where cars are just rushing forward in every direction. In this high-flux it’s probably to have lots of great ideas, along with lots of not-so-great ideas.

Thing is, ADHD sometimes makes prioritizing harder, so 1) we have trouble deciding which is a good or not-as-good idea. 2) it’s tiring to have brain never switch off. I wish I didn’t have such a hum in my head at all times. 3) we are forgetful (short term memory is impaired with ADHD) and so a lot of ideas are forgotten, or it takes a lot of our RAM to try and remember them/record our ideas on bits of paper/find system to record/remember these ideas. 4) if we don’t act on our ideas, it creates a sensation of backlog, and I for instance can feel overwhelmed, lost and feel like I’m failing, because I have so many projects I want to do, but I never have time to do them all.

These are just examples of how these so-called “superpowers” come with less neat, sometimes quite impairing feelings/behaviors/symptoms. If only we could somehow isolate the “superpowers” but we can’t because that’s not how it works.

Thanks for reading.

#adhd #adhd awareness #adhdlife #adhd stuff #adhd acceptance

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mouseratz · 1 year

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I truly truly hate how initially some online communities were presented and did feel like a place to see people struggling in the same ways you were and feel less inhuman or othered for it, and how it's evolved into an obsession with diagnoses and proving on a list every single thing you have "wrong" with you and proving just how quirky and relatable you are because of it.

it can still be that first thing, but the second thing encroaches in on it. you can't just see what you're going through as an Experience, it needs to be sorted into traits and symptoms of something.

and I don't say this as someone who thinks psychology isn't real or people don't have these things- that's not what I'm saying. no, my point is, really:

A. this is the result of an attempt to sanitize and make mental illness more marketable- that whole idea of, this is what's holding you back, you'd be normal without this, this is why you're failing at capitalism! let's sell you things for your anxiety and depression and ADHD! go get em girlboss!

B. this other part, people don't do from ill intent, but it has resulted in people focusing a lot more on what the Name of whatever mental illness they have is and ensuring it's real and Verified, as opposed to focusing on how to make your day by day life a little easier. like that's the point of even seeing a therapist in my personal opinion. (And, yes, there are absolutely shit therapists and a million fucking problems in the system, but that's a different discussion.)

it doesn't mean you aren't mentally ill, it just means focusing on what you can do instead of What You Are, your identity. (Which I'm also not saying is totally unimportant.)

i just feel somehow the discussion on mental health and healthcare seems to start and end with diagnoses and prescriptions. People say go to therapy as an online insult and then when you do, nobody knows what to even expect, or what the purpose is.

it's strange, you're essentially asking yourself over and over, what is the work you have to put in to try to make your life more liveable? it's daunting. it's overwhelming at times. and I think that's the part that making it all relatable and funny and clean and cut and dry leaves out entirely, how messy recovering from or learning to live with it better can be.

and in general, in both therapy and beyond, some of the most human parts of any of these experiences are being sanded out, erased, because they're too "ugly" to make into either a palatable shareable meme or a marketable product. it's all work in cutting out the parts of mental illness others can't consume.

you need to become a clean, crisp line, something easy to see, marked by a defined identity. sort and group yourself nicely. sort and group your day by day experience nicely, orderly, tell me which personality trait came from what mental illness today, make a spreadsheet picking apart your own goddamn skull. you're not a person. you're made of your own suffering. a patchwork of cutouts from the fucking dsm, that's what you have to remind yourself of, that you have that broken head, and it's in everything you do, and you'll never escape it. you can't live with it, because it is you, it is your start and your end. if you got any better, well, you just wouldn't be you anymore.

this is not my most eloquently worded post. but also this is Tumblr dot com and I am just tired and frustrated. I'd appreciate it if you didn't send me hate mail about it.

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taraelghrimwilliams · 1 year

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Friends, family, random internet users who, for some reason or another, happened upon this page, welcome to my diary. Since it's hard to let every single friend know whenever something new happens in my life, I've decided to start a diary. This way, I can update those who care enough to keep updated. However, I'll still start this as I would a normal diary: by writing information about myself.

My name is Tara Elghrim Williams. I am twenty six years old, and I'm living out of my car in rural America. My only marketable skills, if you could call them as such, is my writing (which I'm told is above average despite me harshly disagreeing) and my graphic design work, which is still quite amateurish as I do it as a hobby, not a profession.

I am a trans woman who suffers from a multitude of mental health problems. Diagnosed, I have PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and depression. Through researching symptoms, I do believe that there is a possibility that I may suffer from ADD/ADHD, and it may be possible that I am also on the autism spectrum. However, as none of those have been diagnosed (due to lack of funds and insurance), I do not pretend that I definitely have any of them.

This all started around a year ago now. It was a single meme. Something about taking a bunch of Benadryl and getting high to see a shadow monster. I dismissed it as a joke, but eventually curiosity got the better of me. I got high off of them. And it uprooted my entire life.

Everything was strange. I didn't see monsters, but I felt calm. For the first time in years, I felt zen. And then I fell deeper into that high. My music was distorted. I could feel the vibrations rattling my very core. My body could barely move, I was physically unable to speak due to both my mouth being so relaxed and my mind being so, for lack of a better term, laggy. Nothing felt real anymore. It was as if I fell through reality and into a dream where existing didn't hurt anymore.

But of course, after falling asleep, I woke up to the aftermath of this kind of high. Everything was sore. Everything felt wrong. I felt wrong. I wanted to feel that way again. I had to feel that way again. So, I kept abusing allergy medication. I kept getting high behind my fiancee's back. Slowly but surely, this changed me. I became more secretive. I became distant. Eventually, I even became someone else entirely. Someone I've grown to despise.

I cheated on her. It wasn't physical, and I didn't even realize what I was doing in my drug addled state of mind. But it was true. I cheated on her. I was disgusted with myself, and planned to kill myself that same day. She gave me the older of our two cars, a kindness she didn't have to extend to me, and despite crushing her so thoroughly with my actions, she still stood by me and insisted that I go to my parents house instead of killing myself.

I wish I could have taken back the implication that I was going to end my life. Not because I wish I had gone through with it, but because she didn't deserve to have an even greater burden on her mind while going through something so devastating. Unfortunately for us both, I can't take back any of the actions I've taken, wish as I might.

That was around five months ago. Every day, the weight of my sins grows heavier upon my back. The worst part is not knowing why I truly feel this guilt. I want to believe that this guilt is because I truly regret my actions. I hurt the one person in this world that I ever saw myself marrying. The person who I would have given up everything to be with. My highschool sweetheart, my soul mate, and above all of that? My best friend.

But there's a nagging at the back of my head. Do I truly regret it? Or do I regret getting caught? Do I regret losing the woman who sacrificed so much to keep me happy and healthy because I appreciate what she did for me, or because it cost me the roof over my head? More importantly, why do I want to ease this burden of guilt? Do I truly just want her to heal from me harming her, or do I just want to feel good about myself, being able to pretend to the world that despite straying, I'm still a good person?

It kills me not being able to know.

From there, I lived with my father briefly. My stepmother was unreasonable as ever. Despite my plethora of health concerns, such as my tendency towards suicide while stressed and experiencing the most stress I've ever endured in my life, she insisted that I get a job within the month, or else I'd be kicked out. Eventually, as the aspect of holding down a job in my current mental state was unbearable and the deadline was drawing nearer, I made up a lie. I pretended to get a job to get her off of my back while I attempted to figure something else out.

My stepmother, though, is nothing if not the nosiest human being on the planet. Somehow, despite her busy schedule, she managed to find enough time to invade my privacy and snoop around where I claimed to work. She had a friend there that she asked about my employment with, which led to a massive fight.

I left that day, telling them both that I would rather die on the streets than ever live in the same house as her. Her years of mental and verbal abuse was too much for me to deal with anymore.

My plan then became to move in with a friend of mine, one who said they had the space for me and was willing to take me in. I would have to wait some time for them to figure out arrangements for me, so in the meantime, I left for Kentucky to stay with another friend temporarily.

Here, I'd like to take a small break from explaining the past to thank someone very dear to me. A friend that I'll call Sue for privacy reasons. Sue couldn't and still cannot take me in, but I absolutely would not be here today without their help. They've sent me more money and support than I could have ever expected from or asked of them. Without their help, I never would have made it to Kentucky, and I'd most certainly have died by now. If you're reading this, and I'm sure you will at some point, you really are a saint for helping me through these dark times.

I got to Kentucky without incident and met my roommates, a fellow trans woman who I'll call Jill, and a bisexual (or formerly bi turned gay? Unsure of which) man that I'll call Jack. Jack and Jill could only host be for about three-ish months, but hopefully, that would be more than enough time. I helped out with rent and groceries where I could, and as time went on, I got the bad news.

My friend who had previously offered to take me in had to rescind the offer. I don't remember if they told me what happened or if they purposefully left it vague, but I assume it had something to do with finances. Either way, that threw a wrench in my plans. A fairly large one at that. I used the rest of my time looking for a new plan while staying with Jack and Jill, and eventually contacted an old family friend. They were willing to help out! Great. I left Kentucky hopeful, but by the time I got back home, things had changed again.

An illness in the family meant money was going to be tight. And this meant that I was now living out of my car in a cold winter, mere days before Christmas, right before a blizzard was set to hit us. Thankfully, my dad was able to put me in a hotel for a little under a week, either five or six days. Long enough to wait out the negative fifty (with windchill) temperatures and the intense winter wind. During this time, my laptop charger broke, and I spent nearly half of my Christmas money getting new chargers that didn't work. Despite having charging cables that matched my port, none of them actually charged the damn thing, meaning I was now out of not only my only escape from reality, but my connection to charity organizations and government aid programs.

This last week has been one of the most eventful, as I've been rejected by one charity, found another, got pulled over by a literal saint of a police officer that helped me discover the previously mentioned charity, got to help a stranger jump their car in a gas station... Things are honestly changing so fast that its even hard for me to keep up with everything! That's all of the important bits about the past. Now, it's time to focus on the future.

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voidstain · 2 years

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Proper Pinned Post

Anonymous blog that started as a writing blog. Now it's a bit of a mishmash. Self expression, often unedited and done on mobile. Maybe discourse, maybe rambly posts, who really knows.

Quick rundown: Pro-ship, pro-endogenic systems, pro-kink, pro-sex work, pro being radically inclusive generally. Disabled (physically and mentally, though the distinction is not one we feel needs to be made), queer, tired. 25+ body. We block liberally but do try to be understanding and own up to mistakes.

Feel free to block for any reason. We try to respect DNIs, if they exist/are accessible for us, but don't really think stating one ourselves is worth it. If you want to interact, you will, a DNI isn't going to do much to stop people. If you don't want to interact because of our stances, you aren't going to anyway.

Info on us and what you may expect to find on this blog below the cut.

We are a plural system that prefers using headmate/fictive terms over parts/alters/introjects. Voices will not be given names, and are numbered in order of choosing to use this blog, not by how many are actually here.

Currently:

Voice 1 (They/It)

Voice 2 (She/Her)

Voice 3 (They/It)

Voice: undisclosed (could be anyone, or a mix! Not necessarily a voice given a number.)

Voice 4 (They/Them)

Voice 5 (He/Him, & any)

Topics you may find:

Queer themes

Neurodiverse themes (Autism, ADHD, plurality, trauma, & more)

Cripplepunk/Madpunk/Punk in general

The woes of chronic pain

Lots of identity stuff

Self harm/Suicide/Death

Religious trauma

Unreality/Things of an otherworldly nature as if literal and as if really had happened

Dealing with reality, usually with hopepunk, but like, yikes

Fandomish stuff, maybe. Headmates/fictives being vague probably.

& more!

Any identifying info is not happening. If you think you know us no you don't. NDA this shit. Redirect your brain cells away from suspicion. If you browse thats fine but leave no trace, nature trail visit this place. Coincidences are just that, not even correlation. Or else.

(We'd probably just be embarrassed about being Known(tm) and kinda upset about some stuff being seen thats private but pretend I have a gun for the meme)

Thanks for coming to our ted talk, except psych, bonus ted talk of thoughts will be randomly added below

Anti-psychiatry. Yes we have a psychologist headmate, yes we are in therapy with a therapist who knows about us. Tear down the medical field and rebuild it brick by fucking brick without any brick not being seen to by someone it impacts. No one should be forced to have medical choices and bodily autonomy stripped like that.

As such, obviously, pro self-dx, because dx labels are like. a horrible mess. Half of it is different brands of slightly varied symptoms lining stuff up to see which eye glass you see through best at the eye doctor. Whatever's comfy yall. It's like trauma all the way down anyway. Yes for like, almost everything. Even the biological stuff is exacerbated by trauma. Life in our society is inherently traumatizing for 99.9% of people.

So like. Drugs. Relatedly. Addiction is a societal problem. Free supervised substance use sites is a public health issue. Stop jailing people (disproportionately BIPOC who are often then exploited as prison labor) for drugs. Stop villainizing them. Addicts should be supported, and you know what? If someone wants to do drugs sometimes, let em. They aren't a crime that forever marrs your immortal soul or some shit.

Opiod crisis. Pain relief seeking behavior being classified as drug seeking is costing lives, just give them the prescription. Also on this topic free healthcare. Abortion is an inherent right to bodily autonomy. Let someone trans their gender as much as they please so long as consent is informed. Also palliative care over life-prolonging care any day if the person wishes. Also physician's assisted suicide.

For the love of the vast void or whatever you believe in stop letting cops kill people. Stop letting cops. That's it end of sentence. Redirect funds to better serve the community. Cheer when the station goes up in flames. Also just because you're European doesn't mean you're free of the racism of the US.

More to be added when we feel like it. Also posts may get made abt these separately

#about #about us #about post #info

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spicypopcornfromhell · 3 months

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Oh look a vent post

Tw for suicide, suicide attempts self harm abusive household, cynicism, depressive behaviour and more, dysphoria being the new addition.

If you press read more and i ruined your day its on you, you have been fucking warned

Ik i shouldn't but i have nowhere else to throw these thoughts and unfortunately ill put it here

Final fucking warning if you struggle with depression or anything above DONT FUCKING INTERACT WITH THIS.

Dont. Its for your own saftey

I dont know how much longer i can keep up the façade between the memes and the horny posts, the only thing that gives me any reason to live is a future i might never have. A future ruined by greedy old men in suits.

Im trans now but everytime i turn off my phone i see the same old cis dude with stubble bc shaving is getting tedious. I keep doing this why? Why do i do this ehy cant i just FEEL like a women i know im trans but everytime i look in a fucking mirror i feel shit. I sometimes wish the pills worked, i took too little.

Fucking im 18 and yet i get treated like a child in real life. The bad way aswell. Peaple irl tell me i talk too much and i should just shut up. Idk even know if im autistic "enough"to get treatment. Ik for a fact i have adhd but online tests are telling me fuckoll. Tho multiple peaple irl tell me im def adhd, i have so so so much symptoms of autism. I blend in with some autistic peaple but i feel fake. I dont feel like me anymore im just some fucked up husk smiling at peaple bc i cant fucking reveal to peaple how i feel irl. The internet is my safe blanket. No one knows me here. I can be WHAT i want to be but when i close this phone and I look in the mirror im just dude. Short hair testosterone chubby cant pick up shit. Im too fucked to be a women or a man. I can be neather. Mabye if i die i dont have to feel like anything but im too scared to try. Ive been trying to get better and im clean since the 18 of dec 2023. I hate myself. I wish i was some cis women instead. But life wants to watch me longingly stare at models online, wishing i could be them.

Having a cis person assume bc i talk to women i wanna fuxk her is so so fuxked up im so tired of it. Having a dad who loves me yet fucks me around emotionally tell me "I MUST HAVE KIDS" like i dont work with kids i just cant it pisses me off indont lilke kids.

5 fuxkinng weaks im botteling this up 5 fucking weaks i cant look in a mirror. Those nudes, were the closest i get to be a women, not even hrt is gonna save me at this point.

Rubbing salt into my scars and jerking off is the few hits of dopamine that still works. And some friends but noone irl reallly cares abt me, im the disposable vape in human form. One hit of dopamine and contentment is suddenly a joke. 6 peaple make the mistake of sticking with me. Alot of peaple online too. They and a few peaple are the only tether i have rn.

The housing markets gone to hell and i dont have MARKETABLE skills i can voice act sure but ai will fuck me over there. I can be annoying. Ads do my job better. I cannot draw art and i get like just above fail for everything. I cant do sports i cant motivate myself bc some teacher thinks traumatised children can learn, well fuck you mister S yelling at a kid who had writing issues isnt the way to teaxh i child. I fuxkign ger nauseous everytime i see complcated math equations. Its better now but like 7 years later. So any "self proclamed business" work wont save me

My current ccountry has a 55% unemployment rate and im going to a conservative town in canada. Tho i hope things are better there i so so hope mabye a new country might kinda help

Goinng back to my inescapable family problems im essentially the fucking mule. I poar drinks and i wash the dishes and most of the family's clothes. I bring the cigarettes and i (often) mow the lawn. I have to do the "manly" tasks bc wowie i have a dick and corse voice. I bairly get thanked aswell. Only thanks i got was being the emotional punching bag. Yk why else have a sun. Bc who else do you take the anger out on. Fucking get told i do good work the one day then i get belittled the next. The fuck am i supposed to feel anymore.

I want to relive a different childhood, i want to be a kid again, but with a fresh start. But i cant. God knows how i deel with all this. But i have friends that would be sad to see me go. But im a burden and a cancer and the only way to get rid of cancer is to cut it off tho i wont do that rn. I cant. I just cant. Want to but i cant.

Ill add latwr or nah idk. But i dont know

Sorry if you read this

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

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Oh are you diagnosed with adhd? I had no idea lol

Honestly I'm not even sure? It's fucking bullshit because doctors only want to diagnose you with ADHD now if they completely disqualify everything else your symptoms might be coming from, and the symptoms of ADHD can be very uh vague sometimes. I have had multiple doctors tell me I have ADHD, and multiple doctors tell me I do not, I just have depression and anxiety. I feel like I do just because I've always been incredibly distractable sometimes physically incapable of doing something unless it interests and there's a lot of symptoms I share with ADHD and I read that ADHD can also cause emotional regulation issues and that was something my last therapist wanted me assessed for but I never was :(

It's tricky. I don't want self diagnose or anything lol but I guess in the meantime if I see an 'adhd meme' that I relate to I can chuckle and say "hey, maybe?"

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aronarchy · 2 years

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For the ask meme, 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 23, 24. I'd do more but that is all I can remember.

What are your personality disorder(s)? If you have multiple, do you think you have a “main” one?

I have anankastic personality disorder (the DSM likes to call it "OCPD"; I don't think it's a particularly fitting name given how psych currently defines obsessions and compulsions and OCD and those don't particularly fit), NPD, and ASPD. I don't think I have a "main" one per se; some are worse/a larger part of my thinking/feeling/action at different times and they fluctuate. I used to think a lot about which of my disorders I'd get rid of first if I magically had the option one day. My answer has varied greatly over time, and I don't think I can pin down a consistent one. They all suck.

2. Do you have mental illnesses besides personality disorders? Do you think them or your personality disorders affect you more?

I have ADHD (I consider mine a disorder) and C-PTSD. I may also have some degree of OCD symptoms (leftover?), though I've always tried to bury them/ignore that they exist/pretend they're not that bad actually, and I don't think I can really accurately measure how badly it affects me, and trying to do so or just try to explain it in general/talk about how I experience it would require thinking about it which is always unpleasant to some degree. I usually just try to forget they exist.

My ADHD affects my ability to survive under capitalism fulfilling capitalist demands. It impacts my actions and decision-making and perceptions and behaviors 24/7. It's the reason why I know I will never be able to fully do the things I want to do which my anankastia requires me to do and why I fail at everything which requires skills, why I forget everything, why I'm answering this ask from 8/11 a month and a half later because I just Couldn't anytime earlier, why I'm still struggling hard and feel constant existential despair at the overwhelming workload in front of me which will never fully disappear, why I forget everything and why I'm a total mess.

I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I have C-PTSD, mostly because I didn't really understand that all the things I experienced/am experiencing were/are traumatic, and was in heavy denial and didn't really think my symptoms "counted" (was working off very normative models/explanations of what it looks like). For the past few months I've been examining myself more, including my subconscious physical and psychological reactions to certain things and their patterns and my difficulties doing certain things because of certain mental blocks and feelings those produce and how it is in fact woven into every aspect of everything I do too and how it has awful negative effects on me.

I don't know how to say which affects me "more." It would be like comparing apples and oranges. They all affect different aspects of me and my life (a great deal).

4. What would you like mentally ill people without personality disorders to understand?

That 1) you being misdiagnosed with a PD you don't have by saneists isn't an excuse to center yourself in discussions about our PDs rather than us, 2) yes the current psychiatric paradigms and diagnostic criteria are based on statist fallacies conflating current social/external harm/ongoing trauma with inherent harm/trauma and that needs to be corrected, 3) no that doesn't mean our PDs don't exist at all or that none of us would experience inherent distress post-revolution, 4) it does in fact also require paternalism to so arrogantly demand that you know what our minds are like more than we do, 5) in fact everyone who isn't us can shut up with your assumptions about what our minds must be like most of them are laughably simplistic and totally awful and completely off and make huge sweeping generalizations, 6) yes our experiences are in fact nuanced and complex and messy and often not what you expect including our relationships with compassion, empathy, kindness, anger, authoritarianism, entitlement, violence, victimization, and abuse, having them, not having them, perpetrating them, and/or fighting against them, 6) psychiatry is bad actually and please use your critical thinking and learn how to actually critique things even if they're part of the status quo, 7) no you cannot in fact predict with 100% accuracy someone's internal psychological profile based on some external behaviors you need to unlearn your impulse to do so and following the threads of your beliefs to their origins in carceral culture and start holding authoritarians accountable, 8) please learn what a disorder is, no it's not "when someone is abnormal," no it's not "when someone hurts others," 9) it costs you $0 to not use ableist/saneist slurs or insults or armchair-diagnosing there are literally dozens of other actually accurate things you could say, 10) someone fighting back against you oppressing/victimizing them is not "evil boundary-violating" or "gaslighting" or "abuse."

5. What would you like people with your personality disorder(s) to understand?

Fuck psych. They'll only get worse. Not worth it. Your instincts are right about them being full of bullshit and unable to understand much less help. Learn and cope and heal outside of authorities' radar.

Also, anankastia is incredibly misunderstood and erased, even among other people with PDs, and it sucks, and no one ever talks about it ever, and the few people who do talk about it usually just discuss more shallow surface-level versions of it which I have never been able to fully relate to at all given (what I feel is) the severity of my symptoms and their messiness and how deeply it is woven into every aspect of my life and mind and how tightly they all lock into each other in a way I don't think I can extricate myself from ever (pre-transhumanism, at least). I would appreciate more nuanced discussions and acknowledgment and advocacy for cases like mine (the hopeless ones that don't get happy-ending stories about the magical successes of DBT turning their entire life around and fixing all their problems).

Also, you don't have to be an edgelord to get NPD and ASPD destigmatized or accepted. You don't have to brag about being pro abuse or abusing others or assaulting others or dangerous or whatever. You do have agency and nuanced experiences. Also, it's okay to be cringe, and if you cringe at pastel uwu positivity then it's not for you but that doesn't mean it's objectively bad, wrong, or harmful. Also, fakeclaiming others/training yourself to hyper-scrutinize/fakeclaim others is not going to make you seem more valid/real/correct in the eyes of the neurotypicals. Best to deconstruct that early. Also, the pushback against "allowing minors to dx with PDs" is entirely based on numerous pseudoscientific and ageist fallacies which would appear obviously incorrect if you used a single moment of genuine critical thinking and analysis.

6. What would you want a mentally ill person who’s really struggling today to know?

I don't know. That there are people out there in the world fighting for liberation? That some of us have hopes and dreams and plans of totally eradicating our unwanted pain? Options for direct action, ways to contact people who can get you out of an abusive/unsafe situation? That trying is still worth it? That later/tomorrow will be better? That your brain is wrong and everything's okay and you're still okay? You're right and you're valid? I don't know.

23. What are your hardest mental illness symptoms?

When I was 6-11 years old I would probably say the anankastia, the absolute total overwhelming need for [X] to be [Y] way or to do [A] in [B] way despite that being physically impossible and the overwhelming fear of that happening and the intense pain/discomfort which would follow, and the intense pain/discomfort if I did do it correctly anyway because it was time-consuming and exhausting and extremely stressful trying to get it perfectly right all the time and punishing myself if I didn't get it exactly right and arguing with myself trying to figure out what Counted as "Right" in the first place.

When I was 12/13 I would probably say the NPD symptoms which were already showing up and the total paranoia of being criticized/being viewed as less "Good" at all in any way and going to drastic and hugely time-consuming measures trying to prevent that and trying to perfect that the need for which caused me intense constant stress and fear, and being criticized for harming others in an attempt to preserve my own self-esteem/sense of superiority which I need(ed) above all else and caused a major collapse in me and total despair and I couldn't cope with that, and I could hardly cope with any of my other mistakes/failures either.

Or maybe my intense self-hatred regarding my body influenced by my other disorders to cause a horrible eating disorder for several years(?) (recovered now dw).

In 2021 I would say "my overwhelming feeling of need to hurt/abuse/exploit/do injustices to others in order to get things right/feel psychological/emotional fulfillment/not-empty-and-feeling-like-nothing's-there and feeling like I can't/shouldn't hold to my ethical principles (what ethical principles?)/not considering the feelings of others and the horrible shit that would result from my plans which I singlemindedly pursued because I need it so badly and feel like I have no other option and if I don't do them I have nothing and oh shit things actually have consequences."

Right now? I'm not sure. I'm even more of a mess, and everything's too hard, and the last few nights I've successively had breakdowns after feeling significant existential despair. I'm still way better than I was in 2021 though, that was a total trainwreck.

24. What do you do to get over mental health slumps?

I cross my fingers and wait until I get lucky and they go away on their own. Apart from that, meds. My "coping skills" are nonexistent.

#ask #anon #late answer #ask games #pd #ocpd #anankastia #npd #aspd #ocd #c-ptsd #adhd #personal #about iris #iris's mental health #ok to rb

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cant-handle-the-cookies · 2 years

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#I use to read things on Tumblr like ‘haha I do that’#then go ‘I don’t really have all the symptoms I’m doing just fine!’#the I talk to one of my classmates that’s similar to me in a lot of ways and she was talking about her ADHD #and I was like ‘oh haha I do that too :)’#then we got into it talking about some things I do #and she goes ‘I don’t want to diagnose you buddy but it sounds like you’ve got ADHD’#so I did more research and I was like that pikachu meme face #like it all makes so much sense suddenly #like everything is clicking together #and I’m upset???#like not that I have it #but that I went undiagnosed for so long #I could have been medicated for it so much sooner #all of the years of struggling I went through to maintain my grades to get where I want to be #didn’t actually have to be that much of a struggle #I feel like I’ve been tortured by my own mind #you know that posts that like ‘there’s people out there who don’t struggle with mental health issues at all’#‘that’s absolutely wild’#and like I knew I had something going on with me #but I always sort of assumed it was just like mild anxiety or depression and that would affect me in waves over my life #I just sort of assumed the struggles I had were common and that all people kind of felt that way #my mom was my frame of reference and she has a lot of the same issues #I just assumed it was all normal #but now that I know I feel so angry #but here’s the last thing that really clicked everything into place for me #I’m fat and a few months ago I had a doctor prescribe me medication for weight loss #I had asked for it because I wasn’t particularly happy with how my body was acting with the weight I had put on #it’s a small dose of a stimulant and the first 2 or 3 weeks of taking it felt amazing #my executive disfunction ceased #ran out of tag room continued in reblog if anyones interested

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leonicscorpio · 3 years

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Batboy Headcanons because I made this for me but you all can enjoy this too if want. (May contain mild NSFW)

Dick:

Has a weird relationship with unwanted gaze and the attention he receives because of his physique. He genuinely likes the attention but he draws the line when people start getting touchy. Just because he's shirtless working out doesn't mean he gave you consent to touch him.

Has good dieting skills but he's in his mid-late 20's and his metabolism has 0 signs of slowing down. He once ate a whole xl bag of M&M's in front of Steph and Babs and both said they wanted to murder him because he won't gain a pound.

Dick has ADHD and I'm sorry if you don't think otherwise. He has hyperactive type ADHD and while he's gotten better at controlling his symptoms he still stims stretching and flexing his arms and shaking his arms.

While not so much in Gotham, Dick is very politically active and volunteers at voter registration and working with organizations with the mission of police demilitarization in Blüdhaven.

Dick is a very sexually driven individual. However, I don't think it's entirely healthy. His ADHD also comes into play with this but Dick just needs to have a release at least twice a day or he'll feel physically sick.

I don't know if you all have seen male gymnasts. But Dick, like the rest of them, has FREAKSISHLY large biceps. Everyone talks about Dick has the best ass in the bat family and while Jason may be larger and stronger, Dick has the best physique.

Dick's apartment is littered with sticky notes in places such as the fridge/in front of his computer. If it's not written down and in a place where he can't ignore it, it's not going to get done.

I'm sorry I know everyone says his birthday is in March but I have to go to the older Nightwing comics and say his Birthday is December 1st. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me this man doesn't give off Sagittarius energy. You can't. I respect you but you can't look at that and tell me that man isn't a Sagittarius or has super heavy Sag in his birth chart.

Dick's at home doing nothing but chilling? You best believe he's gonna be shirts off, tits out, and rocking some blue flannel PJ's.

Dick is currently the only member of the family asides from Barbara who is regularly attending therapy. And he actively encourages each of his brothers and sisters to go every time.

After his Agent 37 days. He sits down with Jason and talks about having to use a gun and how hard it was. And how having to kill people has affected him. When he had to kill the KGBeast (Agent 37 days he snapped his neck) I headcanon Dick just trauma v*mit*d. Jason hugged him and just consoled him.

It's canon that Dick has anger issues but to me, it's not explored or talked about enough and not a lot of people like to talk about it. Dick is very much the 'if I ignore it it'll go away' type when it comes to his anger and he can brush most insults or harassment off fine enough. But when he breaks, he makes Jason look like a saint. I'm talking slamming you into a wall and screaming in your face angry. He'll be profusely apologetic afterward but still.

Despite popular belief, I don't think he's that bad of a cook. He's just not very experimentative. He can follow a recipe and does look at some guides. But to me, Dick Grayson just is that guy who is like Chicken veggies and rice are a meal that I can cook 4-6 times a week.

Dick has a slight fear of dentists. He doesn't have bad teeth and has good dental health. He just doesn't like the idea of a drill going in his mouth and the few times Bruce has to take him to a dentist he had a panic attack every time.

Everyone lives for the fics where Jason beats the shit out of Tim and everyone is just like lol well Bruce and Dick just forgives him. No. When Dick found out it was Jason who beat Tim to the ground, Dick was literally seething and told Jason "Pick on someone your own size or else I'll make you wish you back in that f'ing coffin."

Dick's favorite foods (some based in Canon*): Milk Chocolate*, Cereal*, Asparagus, Bananas, Banana flavored candy, Hawaiian Pizza* (suffer its canon) Rum, thanksgiving Turkey.

Jason:

He may be the self-diagnosed black sheep (rightfully so) of the family, but Jason does genuinely love spending time with his siblings. Whether it be sharing memes with them on social media or just randomly showing up where they are and abducting them to go get ice cream/coffee/snacks.

He'd probably attempt to harm you if you told him this to his face. But he is the closest acting to Bruce out of all of the family. In terms of mannerisms and inherent warmth and kindness behind a dark façade.

Has two moods: either exceptionally, almost neat-freak levels of clean, or his life is completely falling apart and Jason can't tell you for sure what color his floors are because there's so much stuff scattered about.

Despite their initial hatred of each other, Jason truly feels closest to Tim and Tim is the only person asides from maybe Barbra who he can just talk to without feeling any judgment.

Jason only smokes when he's extremely nervous about an operation or a hit. For those who don't know criminal justice cigarettes are the fastest way to get genetic material on someone. That being said he does still like to smoke occasionally.

Me, plus a lot of people give him this sort of 'Lazarus Rage' as I like to call it. When he's in the heat of a mission or if he's getting upset/angry his vision will get blurred with green, and it feeds on his anger and just gets perpetually harder to contain until he releases it. Jason has gotten much better at controlling it. But as he will tell Tim or Babs, he's "seeing green" which means they need to be careful because Jason could kill.

Everyone says Dick is the mother hen. I see you, I accept you, but let me raise you. Jason came to realize that he died because of his rash decision to go after The Joker alone. If Jason finds any of his siblings out acting alone, or even at the very least without Oracle. Jason WILL forcefully interject himself and ask them what the fuck they think their doing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Trying to get close to Jason is hard. He will degrade you can attempt to try to get you to hate him before he lets you in (that cheeky Tsun of him)

He genuinely cares for and supports all of his siblings but has been rough on them needlessly. But if Bruce is being the distant or absent parent he is, you better believe if any of the siblings drops him a text or a call, Jason will be there in a heartbeat.

He's the most physically powerful of the whole Bat Family. You don't understand because of his time in the League, his time with the All-Caste, and having abused Venom for a time, he can snap an arm bone like it's a carrot with little effort.

Everyone in the family likes dogs and goes out of their way to gush over a dog, but Jason takes it to a whole new level. And even when he's masked up dogs just gravitate to Jason.

Can and has grown a beard in a matter of a few days. He usually likes to be clean shaven but some days he likes to wear a beard just to throw everyone off.

One time him, Steph, Tim, and Duke all went to a restaurant (Red Robin lol) and the waitress got his order wrong and his burger had raw tomatoes on it, Jason took the tomatoes off and ate it while looking absolutely miserable. Tim: Jay why did you eat that you didn't have to you know you could have asked the server to fix your burger. Jason, almost in tears: "She works really hard and she tried and I'm a scary dude I don't want to make her upset.." Duke: "... Jason you literally shot at a cop for looking at you funny the other day. But you're afraid of upsetting a waitress?!? I mean ACAB but dude.. "

Jason's happiest big brother moment™ was taking Tim and Damian to the shooting range and watching them both get their first bullseye.

You can't tell me Jason Todd was into the Emo/Screamo/Warped-Tour Scene. His favorite bands/Albums in no particular order, That's the Spirit (Literally the whole album is Jason Themed and I'm gonna die on this hill) & Sempiternal by Bring me the Horizon, Digital Renegade & Everyone's Safe in the Treehouse by I See Stars, The Resistance: Rise of the Runaways by Crown the Empire,

Jason Todd's favorite foods: (Also some based in Canon*) Burgers, Chili Dogs*, Lager-style beers, Freshly baked bread*, Neopolitan ice cream, grilled corn, and Chinese Chicken noodle soup with Duck.

Tim:

This boy *slaps car roof* gives off so much asexual energy. I know New 52 exists but I just feel like Tim is the person who really, REALLY has to trust you and like you before he's sexually active with you.

HYPERFIXATES. You also can't tell me Tim isn't on the spectrum/or has ADHD.

Is the only member of the family who regularly checks up on Jason and talks to him every day via text message. The two are memelords together and love to play pranks on the other members.

While Dick may give the most frequent hugs and Jason gives the tightest, most secure hugs, Tim's hugs are always the warmest and make you just feel good.

Tim's birthday is July 19th. Meaning he's a Cancer. Let that sink in.. no, really let that information just soak. (Note I have nothing against Cancer women, cancer men however....)

All of the bat boys really struggle with talking about their feelings. Dick will manipulate you into changing the subject via twisting it to be about you, Jason will just cut you off or will ignore you, Damian will deflect everything and harass you until you stop, Tim however, Tim is very emotional and while he's very calculated about who he's emotional with, he's not afraid to break down and cry if he trusts you.

Everyone who says he's the level headed Robin haha how's it feel to be WRONG. Tim is at best the least functional college student and at worst a lemming. 'No Tim, coffee isn't a meal I'm going to make you some food or I'm going to stick you in a room with Damian for an hour.' Richard (Dick) John Grayson.

People overblow how addicted to caffeine Tim is. But it's true. Just overblown. You can talk to him before he's had his caffeine just don't expect him to be anything but curt and blunt.

Everyone says Jason would be the worst at texting but it's Tim. He's the master of leaving you on read. While Jason may do it on purpose, Tim is just really bad at texting people and while he always will read your messages he forgets to respond unless it's really funny or really pressing.

Everyone sees Tim as this bean pole super skinny boy Robin. Tim may not be stacked like Dick or a freaking tank like Jason, but Tim is NOT super skinny. He's just as muscular and likes to work out as anyone, but he just is super lean, so he looks a lot bigger and his muscles are more defined because of how thin his skin is. He has those almost disgusting spider veins on his arm. Kind of gross to look at, but he's the dream of any nurse. This means Tim is also the king of accidentally sending/posting thirst traps.

He really is the glue of the Bat Family. Everyone kidnaps Tim for 'Tim Time'.

Dick likes to spar with and in general just hang out with Tim. Tim tried to teach Dick how to skateboard and you'd think the boy who mastered the trapeze would know how to skateboard but you'd be wrong.

Babs and Tim always hang out and talk about computer stuff and Babs knows she can vent to Tim about anything and he won't say a word.

Tim and Steph were a thing for a while and even though they're just friends now, they still are very close and the two have a very deep bond, liking to shop with each other and watch movies,

Cass just loves to be around Tim because of how calming he is but also she knows she can spar with him AND Cass can also skateboard with Tim too.

Even though him and Damian are always fighting, the two still end up being together and have this unspoken bond. They work great together on a team but other than that they still hate each other.

And while everyone still is hesitant around Jason, and despite the fact that Jason literally beat Tim to within an inch of his life, AND would still trigger Tim and taunt him about it. The two have this odd closeness that rivals even him and Steph. Tim will always be the first to bat for Jason. Jason was Tim's Robin. And despite the fact Jason literally beat it into Tim's head to "never meet your heroes." Tim will always be there for Jason should he ask. The two are just close. And it's hard to describe. Bruce has caught Tim and Jason just platonically sleeping next to each other or just doing their own things shoulder to shoulder silently, just enjoying each other's company.

Tim and Duke also have a really positive relationship with one another and the two can stay up all night just talking about anything. Their minds just mesh well together. The two also love to team up and prank the other members of the Batman Family.

Tim's favorite ASMR/Stim? Watching those Tik Toks of people cleaning computers or cleaning phones. The sound of an air duster is like music to his ears and if any of the Bats need their technology cleaned it secretly makes Tim so happy to help them.

Wear his hair up or wear his hair down? It depends! While Tim likes his long hair he also has gotten plenty of compliments for his short hair and likes to style it to suit any occasion.

My one pet-peeve with Tim is that he probably is that person who lets his privilege show from time to time. While he was essentially raised to just sit down, shut up, and be a perfect trophy son to the Drake's. The Drake's were in the same tax bracket as Bruce and Tim definitely was a rich kid. He never means to come across as spoiled, but sometimes Jason will give him harsh looks if Tim just throws away food he doesn't like or says things like Chipotle is 'poor people food'

Tim Drake's favorite foods (you know by now*) Donuts*, Shallot and Artichoke Pizza with Canadian Bacon* (odd choice but it could work) Artichokes in general are his favorite vegetable, Strawberries, and Beef Pho.

Damian:

I headcanon that he has the worst teeth of all of the Bat Boys and he actually has to use lingual braces. (Hence why you can't see his braces)

Canonically is a very good artist and while him and Tim don't get along, Tim introduced Damian to digital art and gave him a photoshop pack and a nice tablet for his birthday one year and Damian loved it so much.

Damian is a capricorn and I will die on this hill. A January capricorn too.

Now you want a good chef? You've got Damian. Having converted to veganism Damian has had to get creative whenever he goes out to eat so he tends to like to eat more home cooked foods. Damian loves all matters of mushrooms, eggplant, and bell peppers.

Damian really struggles the most with his wanting to just be a normal kid. Despite the fact he will dismiss you for it, anytime he gets to spend at Gotham Academy with Jon and the rest of the kids he's naturally the happiest.

Damian LOVES to give gifts. He loves the look on people's faces when they are shocked when they actually get something from Damian.

Despite the fact that he's been traumatized from both his times with Ra's and Talia as well as with Bruce. He just wants Bruce and Talia to be together because he loves them both equally.

While he's the least flexible and least gymnastic of the Robins do let your guard down around him. He is the fastest runner and the guy is rivaled only by Jason in terms of lethality.

So someone (Jason Todd & Duke Thomas) introduced Damian to trap music and ever since anytime his phone gets stolen people will be shocked to find he's listening to some combination of Lil' Yachty, X, Kendrick Lamar, Wiz, and Kodak.

If any random person tries to hug Damian he'll immediately push them away, he'll bitch and moan about just about anyone hugging him other than Bruce & Dick.

Damian loves to go to the beach/the ocean. He just thinks it's so vast and he loves the brineness of the air. Also being half white, quarter middle-eastern and quarter Chinese (Yes everyone forgets Talia is half Chinese) Damian gets DARK. And although he's just okay as a swimmer he still likes bogeyboarding and eventually wants to learn how to surf.

I'm genuinely afraid once Puberty is done with this kid and everyone in the family is. He has Bruce Wayne AND Talia Al-Ghouls genes and those are two SEXY human beings. Damian's gonna grow a beard one day and people aren't going to know how to act.

Damian secretly plays Fortnight and not even Jon knows. He doesn't want to get shamed. He'd rather lose a match and ruin his streaks than deal with the shame of anyone in that family finding out he plays Fortnight.

Damian Wayne's favorite foods (canon*) Cereal*, Avocados, Grilled Tempeh, his mom's Tabbouleh, Mushroom Tacos, and Vegan Sushi rolls, and grape juice.

Duke Thomas

Duke is like, freakishly good with a piano, and he picked it up naturally!

Also everyone says Tim brews the best pot of coffee in the Bat Family, cue to everyone's surprise when Tim was sick one day and couldn't make a pot. Only to find the coffee was freaking amazing. Duke didn't take any credit at first until Alfred let it slip that Duke was the one who brewed the pot.

Duke being the only Meta of the family originally thought he was the double-token because he was a Meta and a black boy. Needless to say his fears were seriously unfounded the moment he got to know everyone.

Although he somewhat fears Jason and his temper initially, he and Jason have one of the closest relationships in the family. If Tim isn't around to bat for Jason, Duke will happily take his spot. The two work on each other's bikes and grew to share the same taste in music.

Duke uses his Photokenetic powers as a force for good and for shenanigans. Jason wants to play a prank on Dick and Damian while Dick is reading Damian a story? Duke will hide Jason in the shadows and will cover up his shadow. Alfred dropped something in the dark? You better believe Duke will find it in 3 seconds or less.

Duke makes it a point to visit his parents every weekend to talk to them. Although they are making some progress in their recoveries, it's still slow going. Eventually, he starts bringing members of the family to see his parents. It started with Cass, then Jason, and the rest followed suit.

Duke loves playing video games with Damian and even helps Damian beat some tougher levels when Damian is about to rage and destroy the console.

Duke is into Magic the Gathering and you cannot tell me otherwise. Duke also is the DM for the Bat Kids annual D&D games. I can and will make a D&D Batfam Headcanons if asked.

Loves Pho just as much as Cass and Tim and they all call it a date night every now and then where they can go to a hole in the wall pho place. It's really a secret between the three of them.

DUKE THOMAS IS THE BEST SWIMMER OF THE BAT BOYS AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. HE JUST THRIVES IN THE WATER.

Finding out his birth father is a supervillain was really tough for him. He went into a shell for a little bit afterwards. Cass and Steph were there to help talk him out of his funk.

Duke Thomas's favorite foods (lol what canon DC hasn't acknowleged our boy in a while..) Chicken Pho, Thai Iced Tea, Papaya, Crab Cakes, Italian Hoagies, his mom's Lemon Poundcake, mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I hope y'all enjoyed! Up next (eventually) will be the Bat Girls!

#Dick Grayson #Batfam #Batboys #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Damian Wayne #Duke Thomas #Bruce Wayne #Barbara Gordon #Cassandra Cain #Stephanie Brown #Headcanons #Slight OOC but hey If DC can't stay in character neither should I

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a-lil-strawberry · 2 years

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I know I have anxiety and depression, but something more is definitely wrong with me. I think I have ADHD or some mild mild mild form of like.... Autism. Idk. Or even ocd. I can't stand being touched, white noises that don't belong or are too loud, people being on my bed. When my mom talks to me for more than like a minute I zone out and can't understand what she's saying anymore and it frustrates me and makes me angry. I can't plan ahead, I literally can't picture a day in the future; it's just now, or not now. I can't use a top sheet because it separates from my other blankets and feels wrong. I can't sleep with certain fabrics. If I've gotten home from work and I'm hungry, I can't eat until I've showered and changed my clothes. I stay stuck on my phone at night when I know I need to go to bed and I'll be thinking "I need to get up" but I'm just frozen, like for hours. Like five hours sometimes. I cannot keep my room tidy. When I was younger and we went to a large church, I couldn't sit in the room when they were doing the music because it was too loud and dark and I would get physically sick. If a guy who I'm attracted to is in my general area I start physically shaking from nervousness and I can't stop shaking for like an hour after they've left. At work I'll start a task and then move on to another task before finishing the first one because I forgot I was doing it. The forgetting! I forget so much. Especially when it comes to planning or talking about the future, or at work if someone's trying to tell me how to do a certain thing, I not only forget it, but during the conversation right in the middle of it I just my brain just goes like old tv static. Or I start thinking about something else and I suddenly realize the person is still talking to me. I have a coworker who plays music from her phone and if I'm nearby I can hear her music plus the music from the store speakers and I literally can't handle it. Even if it was just her phone even, the sound of music coming out of a crappy phone speaker. I cannot stand. If someone touches me like on my skin, and my brain thinks they're dirty, like anybody who I don't know and see as "clean", the feeling of them touching my skin stays with me on that spot until I can wash it off. I bite my nails, I chew and pull at the skin around my nails, I scratch my head, I pick at my face, I pluck hairs just because I like seeing them come out. If I stay over at someone's house and when I come back home my stuff smells different, like their house, even if it's a good smell, I have to wash everything. This is kinda a weak one but I relate to almost every meme or post I see about ADHD experiences. It's just that the physical symptoms of ADHD and anxiety can look the same a lot of the time, so idk if I'm just incredibly anxious and it pushes out these sensory issues, but idk. Idk. I have like literally a million unfinished arts and crafts projects, and projects in general that I've started and lost motivation to finish. At the end of a work day if I think I'm done and suddenly some other task is sprung on me, even if it's small, it feels catastrophic.

Friends with ADHD, if you read all this; what do you think? Am I just clinically anxious or do you think this sounds like ADHD?

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rnaeborowski · 2 years

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not to be mean but not everything is a symptom of adhd. i'm having a hard time putting things into words but i feel like people forget a bit that having adhd is more than having a couple of "symptoms". it's if they actively hinder your life that it kinda means something. i think ppl have been making adhd out to be being a little quirky and messy sometimes and it reminds me of like 2008 memes like "yeah i have adh-oh shiny :3". i am not trying to belittle anyones exeperience or anything. just don't think it's good to say something that is just a human thing to do (like have a lot of different tabs) means you might have adhd. i also think if you actually have a sign of adhd you should look at ways that help people with adhd handle those things!! because even if haveing 1 or 2 symptoms doesn't have to mean you have adhd doesn't mean you can't find help in using those methods. i also think it is good to see if you have adhd if it's a lot of stuff because you could benefit on taking meds :) here is for you if you read all this🏆

now i am done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk

#i. am noy editing this to be legible.#it's todays ''read amelies adhd ramble'' challenge<3 #txt

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thevirgodoll · 3 years

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I am a black women and I feel like I may be autistic but I do not wanna fall into the act of self diagnosing yet I also don’t trust a therapist to tell me that. What do I do or are there confirmations to assure something is happening within myself that may be autism?

You should feel validated to know that women are highly overlooked in comparison to men when it comes to the diagnosis of autism. The beginning of this journey, as even explained on TikToks, is honestly self diagnosis and going from there. A lot of cases, too, diagnosis is inaccessible due to lack of insurance or benefits. Self diagnosing in this instance is trying to find answers and bettering your way of living in some way. So you have to do what works for you. This video is my shared opinion on it.

A lot of women, due to the anecdotal evidence of what it is like being on the spectrum (rather than the neurotypical, ableist version) are now realizing that they share these traits due to viral videos or memes. This is not an isolated incident on your behalf, again, a lot of women are literally having this breakthrough.

As far as confirmations, it varies. Refer to this post and see what it means to you.

Refer to this video.

Refer to this photo here:

It is called a spectrum because not everyone has the same symptoms or severity of symptoms. Contrary to popular belief, there is no “look” for autism.

Women are more likely to hide or “mask” their symptoms, and therefore look like “normal” individuals. Women, especially women of color, are dismissed when it comes to a professional diagnosis because of the implicit bias. Even more importantly, women are taught to be ladylike and approachable so it’s harder for a professional to outright say you are on the spectrum as a child due to this societal issue. Acting neurotypical (“normal”) is hard, and arguably if you’ve been doing it since childhood, as an adult your issues will come to a head.

On the other hand, someone can have autism and be completely disabled and unable to speak. This is not the representation for everyone.

It’s very possible you can maintain eye contact, communicate verbally, and keep up conversation. Being autistic, you can learn a “script” of what people expect you to say.

Autism varies. It’s an outdated belief that someone has to be autistic “enough” ...

Finding these answers through videos or communities is how many people come to realize this themselves and learn there’s nothing wrong with them, similarly for ADHD as well, and then they go on to get diagnosis.

The medical community has been known to be inherently insensitive, racist, sexist, and ableist when it comes to ASD. Some also say they don’t believe in ADHD which overlaps. So it’s normal for people to self diagnose or feel apprehensive. Not all doctors are like this, but a lot of them are. It’s up to you to decide how you’re going to move forward with a professional or not.

As someone studying psychology, I know there are professionals who live in the current decade and don’t see autism as a curse. They are willing to help you. They see it as a part of who people are and seek to validate it and give their client or patient tools to succeed. The culture demonizing neurodivergence has been bred by ableist parents and organizations such as Autism Speaks. Avoid using them as resources in your discovery journey. This will further fuel whatever internalized ableism that you may already have.

You are worthy and incredibly capable of success. Live in your truth unapologetically.

You may perceive differently, live differently, but remember the world is built on neurotypical tips and a neurotypical mentality. There’s nothing wrong with seeing the grey areas mostly instead of black and white. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic because it is a part of you, there’s nothing wrong with being who you are.

Intelligent, sensitive, oversharer, hyperaware, who cares what people think about that! If everyone knew the truth about neurodivergence and how they stifle all of us, they’d perceive everything differently and stop subconsciously promoting toxic positivity and insensitive behavior that makes everyone hesitant to seek resources in the first place!

If you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask!

#hope this helps!#mental health

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