#not going in any order with the albums obviously. just whatever i feel like and whatever i feel like ive seen referenced enough lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

joyswonderland1108 · 1 year

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Once again, Army are disappointing.

So i’ve been going with my day peacefully and my friend sent me this : https://www.pannchoa.com/2023/02/instiz-hybe-solo-discrimination-summary.html

Now am i even surprised that people seem to be having an issue only when it comes to Jimin? No not surprised at all. So let’s get over some points shall we? I’ll try to make this post as short as possible.

“Jimin got to work with 20 Bighit's producers + foreign producers on his solo over the past year”

Honey you do realize that it’s up to the boys whether they want to work with one producer or a 100 right? It depends on what you’re aiming for, what type of work you’re trying to do, how many tracks you want to go for, different style you’re diving into, etc.. No one forced Jimin to work with 20 producers nor did they force any other member to work with less than 20 producers.

Somehow i feel like it’s a bit disrespectful towards other members, like what if THEY didn’t feel the need to work with producers at all for example? What if they feel that they are more than able to do this or that with only one producer? Each member got to choose what to do with their solos, of course propositions were on the table but they get to choose or skip some.

Jin chose to release a single instead of a full album, do you think he didn’t have enough time to work on an album? That for some reason they were only aware about MS at the same time as we were? He had plenty of time to decide whatever he wanted to do with his solo and decided to go for a single, at least before MS he might be having more projects for after.

Wanting to make Jimin the bad guy while you’re unconsciously underestimating the other members, lowkey an insult to them and their talent and their own desires their own wishes.

“Jimin's solo was scheduled to be in February and they suddenly switched to March 24th”

Jimin’s solo was never scheduled to be out in February y’all sick mfrs just took an unofficial article and ran with it. It wasn’t “suddenly” switched to March 24th it was meant to be out on March all along, if y’all impatient asses could wait for an official statement/announcement you would’ve known that but no let’s just take the first article that drops and completely dismiss everything else right?

Then they went on saying “Suga will be releasing his album in April, meanwhile his tour is starting on April 26th” because that what he fucking wants? If we were to go by the logic that “Jimin is ruining it” same could be said about Yoongi but no one of us is bitching about it cause we’re all happy with their upcoming solos and those of us who are sane enough know that that the boys are happy with their schedules.

Need i remind you that after Jimin himself confirmed that his solo would be out on March, BH/Hybe promoted Yoongi’s tour and well obviously expecting an album to be out before the tour when the supposed order for promotion should’ve been Jimin first since well.. his solo will be out before? But no one is complaining right? No one thought it was odd to promote a project coming in April before a project coming in March but for some reason if the roles were switched y’all would be spitting Venom at how Jimin’s work is being promoted before Yoongi’s. Akgaes are disgusting really.

Small reminder for your forgetful asses, saying that “Jimin is ruining” Yoongi’s solo, Yoongi actually worked with Jimin on his solo so with all due disrespect stfu.

“Jimin's music shows + video fansigns”

What music shows dickheads? Unless i’m missing a chapter i haven’t seen any talk about music shows yet. Will he be doing those? Maybe, is it being said somewhere? Not that i know of, not that i’ve seen it anywhere. But also what’s so bad about it? We’ve got Hobipallooza, we’ve got Jin in Argentina with Coldplay, Joon did his own music show and Yoongi is going on tour, so where’s the problem? Why would it somehow be such a bad thing is Jimin wants to do that too?

Speaking about fansigns, “ Jimin's fans are claiming that this is because the members get to choose whether they want it or not, so they're insinuating that only Jimin loves his fans while bashing the other members “ Well.. No bitch, to each their own way to show appreciation towards fans, it’s not that they choose whether they want it or not, they actually choose HOW to do it.

“ The other members also said that they wanted to go on fansigns/music shows but it's the company who is insisting on not giving them any of it “ Says who? You do realize that doing video fansigns can be such a hassle, it can also be very overwhelming and just because members said they wanted to do it it doesn’t mean they’re all ready for it now. But i feel like you keep on forgetting that Joon’s music show was a bit of that too, the way the fans were really close to the stage, got to interact with him but then again those were mature fans, not brain dead rats on the internet saying nonsense.

This whole barking feels to me like a projection, y’all are just mad this and that member aren’t giving y’all what YOU were expecting from them or what YOU wanted from them because they decided to do this their own way. They’ve said it during the Festa dinner that they wanted to show their own colors and by that it means also showing it through their own ways, they know better than you and me how to deal with it, so who tf are you to judge or to think you know better?

Talk about appreciation towards fans, if it was just about fans like this, if it was me, i wouldn’t’ve acknowledged your crusty asses at all, y’all are so undeserving of these boys kind hearts, you keep on repeating the same bullshit over and over again yet these 7 men keep on giving and being kind, keep on interacting with us, keep on thanking us, if anything they should be throwing “fuck yous” at this stupid fandom.

“Jimin's collab, ambassador, photoshoots, fashion week and 3 weeks TikTok... Jimin has been releasing consecutive contents like that”

I don’t know if y’all are stupid or stupid? No comment..

You do realize that Jimin didn’t go beg for brands to choose him right? You do realize that it’s basically the other way around, same thing that happened with JK and Fifa, Hybe or JK didn’t have to go beg Fifa for it THEY reached out to him and wanted HIM for the anthem (Then again stupid shit like this happened with JK too, akgaes getting butthurt).

If a brand sets their eyes on some celebrity THEY will reach out to them and negotiate, Dior, WKorea, Elle, etc.. THEY wanted Jimin, now if he refused them y’all would be saying that he’s trying to be all high and mighty. Gentle reminder that when it was Tae going for Celine no one batted an eye and for some reason Jimin got dragged because of that too, calling him lazy while Tae is on high demand, but for some reason when it’s Jimin’s turn now, y’all gotta blame him for it too? Great, just great, very logic.

“Jimin have been releasing consecutive content” Um.. Barbara i don’t know if you’re being serious right now? Jimin have been mia for a long time just because he’s more active now y’all are complaining? Are you forgetting that Hobi and Joon are more active on social media platforms? Joon have been posting song recommendations on his IG story as a hint towards his Album but none of y’all were complaining.

Yoongi is still working on his ambassadorship with Valentino but y’all aren’t giving it a chance to even come fully alive.

“The solo albums order was supposed to follow the order of enlistment, but they gave Jimin his solo first”

Again, brainless. There’s no order of enlistment if we were to go by this logic then why isn’t Hobi in the military yet? Or why did he release his Album before Jin’s single? Why did Joon release his album before Yoongi’s? If there’s an order of enlistment the logic says that Yoongi should enlist after Jin right? So why is Jimin somehow the only obstacle in this equation?

So if Jimin or any other member really is already done with his solo and Yoongi somehow still has 3 or 4 months to go until he’s fully done with his own solo album then they should just sit there, arms crossed and wait? Yeah yeah cool, very logic indeed, ah yes, smart brain..

I know i didn’t cover everything in this post, i said i’d try to make it short but well failed miserably but also this is as short as it can get, with me forgetting to mention a lot of other details. With that being said, Jimin’s album is coming, Yoongi’s album is coming, y’all bitches better be ready!! And to whoever will be able to see Yoongi on tour, i envy y’all T-T But do have fun 💜💜

#leavejiminthefuckalone #icantbelieveimusingthattagagain

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 1 year

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okay what’s your analysis of this album. also the mv that debacuhery kind of aesthetic god *chef’s kiss*

I was so excited last night when the album and the MV came out. I had so much adrenaline in my body lmao. Then this morning I woke up, had to go out so I played the album on spotify while I was out, walking. Later, I came home and the interlude was playing again and I started ugly crying at that bit of Jimin introducing himself at the concert.

Well, it's obviously a sad album. There's so much frustration and loneliness and disappointment at oneself in almost every verse of every song. Musically, as far as sound and music genres go, I love all of it. I think it sounds expensive, polished, high quality. He sounds better than ever and his voice is so dynamic, changing with every line, every song. It should be talked more often the way he's able to mold his voice to every music genre. I really don't have much to say about the sound overall because I honestly love every bit of it. I've been enjoying listening to all of the songs, they're just good good songs. It should even be a longer album, imo. But also the songs that are there are kind of enough to send the intended message across.

Face-off starting with that clown music is just genius. To me this song feels like a critic to himself and talks about self-sabotage. I don't really think it's about anyone in particular, but just an abstract song about realizing that you've made a fool of yourself for whatever reason. I know it's a 180 from that but it actually made me think of how in Promise he talks to himself /about himself in the third person. It starts strong, talking about drinking, which is the persistent theme throughout the whole album.

Alone is a very consistent track with the overall concept of the album and the explanations Jimin himself gave for it. You could probably sum up the whole album in just two songs: Alone and Set Me Free pt2. If we go by credits order, alone it's the song Jimin had the most participation in writing and it does have the most raw, realest lyrics. In the first verse he does that thing of talking about himself in the third person "you tried to escape but you've lost your way". The line "always acting like I'm okay, I feel pathetic" really gets me. It's not really a song that needs any analysis, since it's all laid out pretty clearly. Face-off, for me when I read the lyrics, it feels like choices were made to fit the lyrics to a certain beat/rythm/concept/vibe, and not like the lyrics are the spotlight or the focus of the song. On the other hand, alone does come across as a song where the lyrics are the most important part of it. When I wrote about set me free in a different post, I talked about how my personal interpretation had to do with being stuck, with repetition and something you can't get out of; then the filming episode was posted and Jimin actually said that it was about that, the feeling of being in a hamster wheel. Alone touches upon that again. The same day, the same miserable feelings repeating over and over. Lyrically, alone is my favorite.

Letter is so beautiful. So soooo pretty and I wish it would've been in the album because it feels like a nice wrap to it. Like after all the chaos and self-hate, there's that song that's forgiving, warm and hopeful. I don't really think it's a romantic song; going by the references it really sounds like it's for army and it aligns also with the way he's talked in 2021 about how their "relationship" with army has changed from the beginning until now. I do think having Jungkook on the song was unnecessary because his background vocals aren't even that outstanding (in this song). But that's JK, he's been singing songs for army since forever so that's probably a reason why Jimin might've wanted to include him. I think Jimin said he will talk about this song when he goes live on the 29th.

I left like crazy for the end because this one is all over the place for me. The lyrics, the references, the MV, the choreo (that I haven't seen but we've all read the things people at the recording said), the explanations Jimin has given. There's like a million interpretations and then also none at all. You could take so many meanings from it depending if you're analyzing the MV, the lyrics, the things Jimin has said, later tonight when we watch the choreo that too will probably make it even more complicated than it already is LMAO.

Firstly, I think one of the reasons there could be so many angles to it and for the lyrics to be kind of... strange? It's because there's so many writers in the song. There are seven credited writers in this song, both the Korean and English version, and Jimin is second to last in contribution. Meaning that 5 other people probably had more input in the lyrics. I don't think that lyrically the song makes a lot of sense with all of the stuff that's been said about it. Is it about the movie, is it about Jimin's personal experiences, is it romantic, is it about sex, is it about a break up???

I was confused by the "she", at first. I was waiting for the Korean lyrics to come out because I wanted to see if Jimin had written it with pronouns. I geniunely didn't think it was something like him, to write a pronoun at all. And he actually didn't. If we go by this, he just wrote "baby".

I'm pretty sure the "she" was added by the other writers, to fit the beat better or to give it more sense to the whole concept. It's just a really random "she" at the beginning of the song.

Things Jimin has said about the song and what it means:

This song to me feels sadder with every listen lmao. My first time watching the MV, without subtitles or lyrics, what I got from it was that he was lost and lonely between the crowds. Again, the feeling like in set me free, of being there but not really being part of anything. There's couples kissing, and groups of friends in the MV, and some moments he's with them but for most of it he's just alone. Even the part where he's standing over the couple kissing, it doesn't feel like that's meant to represent him and a girl either, to me it's all about being alone while everyone else has someone.

I didn't get the feeling that there was a love interest, and I actually find the girl that's "wandering" kind of unnecessary because it leads nowhere...? I feel like they could've gone all the way and show them as a couple/exes if it was the intention, because it's safe. But that didn't happen. I don't know if the choreography will be more "romantic", but from what people have been saying it sounds like it could be more about just mindless touching, meaningless human interactions that are just a distraction for something else. That, I understand; I do get that from the MV and it makes sense with the explanation that Jimin gave about it being a song in which you're just trying to escape from feelings you don't want to -well, face. In the English version there's a line that says "numbing the pain", which is quite literal.

If I think about the movie, the characters are both alone in different parts of the world and they both date other people while still missing each other and never really letting go of what they had. They didn't get any closure. I could see that in the half-assed metaphor with the girl and how she and Jimin are "searching" for each other but never really getting together. In the movie, they're constantly trying to make it work but it just doesn't work. The characters are stuck in the past (again, a recurring theme in the album), and they keep trying to be together but it gets to the point where it's like "are we trying to make this work because we still love each other or because we're clinging to what we used to be?". It's in those particular feelings that the movie evokes where Jimin explanation makes sense, that it's about losing yourself because you want to stay in that fairytale with a loved one. Even if that daydream-like experience has already passed and now it's just painful and draining and a neverending circle of self-loathing because they can't be that same couple again.

Before the song/MV were out, a friend and I talked about how it would be about separation, and I thought that it could be about BTS, even. Then, Jimin actually said this:

And this:

I think it's another valid angle from which you could interpret this song, too. It would even make sense with the timing, because he said he was feeling like that during their Vegas concerts, and that was the last moments BTS were together as a group. Though I wouldn't necessarily take his words so literally. He said it began at those concerts, so it probably went on for a while after that. The songs are in order for a reason, and like crazy is one of the last songs of the album.

All in all, to me it really is unclear if this song was written based on his personal experience, a real romantic break up he actually went through, or if he was going through something else (disbandment) that he related to the story in the movie.

As for a general commentary about the album, I think he did a fantastic job at blurring the line and making songs where the subject is ambiguous. The songs can be read as being about other people, failed relationships, or they could even be read as self-criticism.

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 1 year

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Did you get a chance to listen to Indigo? If so, did you like it or was it not really your style? Did any tracks surprise you or did the album sound like what you expected it to sound like? Fave track on the album if any?

Alright, so I decided to give it a try. I did it for Blackpink's latest album, right?

This is not a review. Far from it. Because that's not something I have an interest in doing, so don't read this as a thoughtful opinion. Others can do a better job than me, especially about RM's music.

I don't think there was anything that surprised me on this album. I think it's the typical RM music in terms of sound and lyrics. The artists collaborating on this might have been the ones that truly brought something new and for me, made the whole thing easier to listen. I would get bored faster if I only had to listen to RM. And since I started with this, RM can't sing, but somehow that doesn't stop him. He could stick to rapping (as much as I'm not a fan of that side of him, it definitely suits him better). But it was also a good decision to bring others who can do the singing part, especially for Wildflower (Youjeen's part is my favorite in this song) or Park Ji Yoon. In terms of sound, some songs were reminiscent of old BTS songs, which makes sense given RM's involvement and this makes me wonder how the album will do, especially for hardcore BTS fans. The way this album was produced is what I can truly see as a plus. I don't have anything to criticize. I see how it all flows, becomes connected and why it's necessary to listen to it in the right order. There is nothing sloppy about each individual song. Which makes sense, as this is the product of 4 years of work.

I also read the lyrics. I know I've always been in the minority here, but RM's "poetry" does nothing to me. I don't find it deep, just as I think Rupi Kaur's poetry is complete bullshit. But these are my standards and taste, given what I read and like. If others feel touched and seen by his lyrics, they can be. I can't say anything to that. But I'm also not touched by 99 percent of BTS lyrics, but I don't see that as an issue because it's not something that was ever important for me when it comes to this group. I take my "deep" lyrics from other artists. RM's generic lamentations don't do it for me. That's it.

And to add a few words about the music video. I think it was very kitschy and quite cringey. The entire set was way too dramatic for whatever RM was singing. But let's say I can move from that, but I can't let the image of RM on a stage surrounded by what is obviously Army, slide. Nope. I hope there comes a day in which they move away from the pity party that is their conflict about fame. Hobi did the same. If those feelings are for now a driving force for whatever inspiration they might have, I hope they reach a point in which they are able to leave that behind and focus on them as individuals and not them connected to the group and their fans. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but it also doesn't sit right with me when it becomes a pity party. Cause I can't feel sorry for any of them.

To close this, Indigo is not a bad album, but far from calling it some genius work. My deeply biased opinion about RM might as well be a decisive factor towards my opinion and I can admit that. But if I only thought that way, then I could have easily said Indigo is shitty and I hated every second listening to it. Which I didn't. As I said, it's not bad. It has good parts and for those who are fans of RM and his style, I think this album is perfect for them.

P.S. I know these are just a few verses that don't fully encapsulate everything he wrote, but what is this?

"And I make her body di di diddy diddy bop". He must definitely have something else going for him that works for his partners cause this would make me dry like the Sahara desert. But again, that's me....

#bmt asks #rm #rm indigo #rm solo album

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backslashdelta · 1 year

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Hi tumblr user backslash delta. What fob song would you assign to each of your fav glee ships

Hi tumblr user twinskeletxns. What an excellent question!

Relatedly, you might be interested in the time I assigned each album to a Glee character, or I picked a FOB album and assigned every Glee character to one of its songs, or my thoughts on Puck as a FOB fan.

I feel like I should do this without using the songs I've already giffed lol, that feels like cheating. But since it's on topic, I do definitely see Kurtbastian as Fourth of July and Klaine as Disloyal Order.

But let's suppose I can't use those, just for funsies. I'm gonna do 4 ships but if you have questions about a specific ship not included lmk! I also didn't have any of these in mind ahead of time, so I figured this all out just now flipping through FOB's discography. I reserve the right to change my opinions at any time lmao

Kurtbastian: Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

This is from Sebastian's perspective. And I'm obsessed. Sebastian talking about how Kurt doesn't know the real him, and if he did then he wouldn't want him. They ARE making out (maybe not inside crashed cars, but whatever)!! He never really cared about another person, he just wanted to live his life, but now there's KURT and that's all he dreams about now. Sebastian is definitely bad at talking about his feelings but he can definitely show Kurt how he feels about him ayyyy. He will NEVER be the same, not after Kurt. And Kurt is kind of untouchable - not in a literal sense obviously, but he's so strong, all of the things about Sebastian and his life that he thinks might deter Kurt, though don't, they can't touch him.

Actually, on further thought, I think FUTCT might be a Kurtbastian album... going to resist the urge to make a gifset series because I don't have time but it may happen eventually

Kelliott: The Last Of The Real Ones

You know I feel like this is very much a "everyone is fake but you're not, you're real, I was kind of alone in this big world and then I found you, other people might see you and think they need you but they don't really get you, not like me" vibe and that feels very them? Like they're both really unique and special and they see through people's bullshit. They are real ones. Even the "you were too good to be true, gold plated" I feel like is Kurt seeing Elliott for the first time and being like "ugh no this guy cannot be for real" but like he IS. And then Kurt SEES that finally and is like oh shit what was I thinking.

Klaine: Miss Missing You

This is very specifically season 6 breakup Klaine. "Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger, the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger" HELLO????? Kurt breaks Blaine's heart and Blaine is CRUSHED and they go through HELL but they had to go through those dark times to come back together and be better!!! Literally it's just them. It's them!!!

Klaine (but happy this time): Heaven's Gate

Literally this song is just talking about how much they love each other and they would give everything to each other and they will keep coming back to each other always, anything other than being together would just feel like a substitute, like a placeholder for each others' love. Anyway. Yeah.

Pizes: Favorite Record

This is very Puck just wanting Lauren, you know? "You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I've ever loved, play it again and again and again and again" which I feel like is very him just going after her and her being the only one for him even when she was making it difficult for him, you know? "And I spin for you like your favorite records used to" honestly she kinda has him whipped lmao but like not in a bad way! He'd just do anything for her. "And when you ask me, 'How I'm doing?' Like you know how much better off I am," like she knows he is a better version of himself with her, you know? And he knows. They both know. He can't remember how to forget how he feels when he's with her.

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charliesimss · 1 year

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All of them for hemming

All odds for Issy

Evens for grown up lio

1. When they tap their fingers do they use the pads of their fingers or their nails?

The pads of his fingers, his nails arent very long

2. What textures can they absolutely not stand?

Burlap I've decided to call it, like that scarecrow stuff, its too scratchy

3. How long can they go without showering before they feel gross?

Probably like 4 days

4. Do they leave clothes on the floor or a chair?

If he must leave clothes somewhere it'll be on a chair or his bed, or on top of his dresser

5. Do they sleep with the bedroom door open or closed?

Closed because he was raised correctly

6. Which do they prefer: 3am or 3pm?

3am because it gets dark at fucking 3pm now.

7. If they suddenly woke up with animal ears and tails what animal would they be?

Don't make me answer this mf furry question. He'd be a bunny.

8. If they could only eat one thing for 20 days straight what would it be?

California rolls cause its my default favourite food.

9. Are they the type to re-read a book?

Yes, he's read nothing but A little life since he got it in 2021. He's read it like 5 times. He kins jude, obviously.

10. Would they want to know the exact date and time of their death?

He would!!! Now that you mention it, I've just planned it, but obviously he doesnt get to know until it happens :charlieexplain:

11. What’s their favourite mythological creature?

I only know girl ones, so I guess whatever was in the magic tree house, like, warlocks?

12. If they had to listen to one song on repeat 100+ times what would it be?

🖤🖤🖤

13. Do they believe in an afterlife?

Yes, but he's not ableist, so everyone's disabled in it if they were when they were alive.

14. When they get tired do their eyelids twitch?

Yeah, he squishes his eyes really tight, like a mini sleep

15. What are their favourite textures?

Squishy and soft like a squishmallow

16. Do they crack their joints?

No not really, he doesnt need another body part not working 😵

17. Would they eat/drink something too hot or wait for it to cool?

He'd eat something right away, he be hungry

18. Are they the type to adopt strays? (Animals or people)

Animals maybe, not people, he's an introvert

19. Do they get work done straight away or wait until the last moment?

He likes to do assigned tasks in order of importance

20. How do they bathe/shower? Long or short? Hot or cold?

i love this question and cause only 2 ppl are gonna read it, I'll spill. He prefers showers, more accessible, and just sits on the built in seat of his shower cause its fancy like that, he does his face wash first, and his hair last, usually hot and on the longer side, which is why he only does it every 4-7 days.

21. Are they the type to daydream?

YeS, what else do u do when you dont have friends?

22. Do they work best in a messy space or a neat space?

NEAT, he's good at cleaning.

23. Do they keep any personal photos?

He has a family photo album, but he doesnt keep the photos on his person

24. Do they indulge in anything?

Hot choccy and then he has to be on the toilet for like 8 hours :/

25. Would they do the exact opposite of what someone says just to spite them?

Probably not. he'd be like, "youre probably right" and forget about it. every son of mine will be a doormat, know that.

26. If they’re alone and hear a noise would they go and investigate?

No, he'd accept his fate 💀

27. If they’re lost what is the first thing they would do?

Check if he had cell service to pop up his maps

28. What is that one dream that makes no sense but is absolutely terrifying?

Being recruited for the military! His biggest irrational fear! Biggest nightmare/dream (?)

29. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done just because someone said they couldn’t?

did the skate park tricks in his wheelchair without a helmet, boi got himself another head injury from that one

30. Are they stoic or melodramatic about being injured?

Laughs in disabled. He's all brave about it because he has a praise kink.

#oc hemming #oc asks #make my day #<3 <3 <3

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joyandthephantoms · 2 years

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if love’s elastic, then were we born to test its reach?

2k, T, Flynn & Luke

Warnings: discussions of homophobia, swearing

Summary: Flynn and Luke sit in a car and talk about their moms.

ao3 link

It's not an official rule, it's not on purpose, and honestly, it's not very convenient, but Flynn is the only person capable of calling the weekly Julie and the Phantoms band meetings to order. The others try, sometimes, but no one else's efforts to curb the giggles and social time and say, "hey, okay, we have work to do" ever seem to have much effect.

Today, Flynn kicks it off by bursting through the door, announcing, “I’m going to kill my mother,” and then plunking herself down on the couch next to Julie and reaching for the calendar on the table.

“You good?” Reggie asks. There’s a tiny hint of a smirk on her face, but it’s overshadowed by concern, like she can’t quite tell if Flynn’s going for laughter or sympathy and she’s trying to cover all her bases.

"I'm fine," Flynn says. "Can we get started?"

They do, but Flynn is completely off her game, and she's sure everyone can tell. They drop off sentences halfway through the point they were trying to make; they don't process a single word of Bobby's budget review; Julie has to wave them back from zoning out two separate times. She just can't get her brain to stick to anything with her blood boiling like this.

Luke is the one who breaks the tension, after Flynn forgets half of her own carefully crafted, years-old color coding system. “Okay, Flynn and I are taking a break,” he declares.

She eyes him skeptically, but Luke just says, “Come on, let’s go,” and pulls her up off the couch. “We’re gonna go for a quick drive,” he tells everyone else. “Don’t release any albums without us.”

“No promises!” Julie and Reggie chorus. Alex just gives them a thumbs-up, and Bobby tosses his keys over to Luke, who catches them and blows a kiss at him before he pushes Flynn out the door.

“We’re in the middle of a meeting,” Flynn says as she slides into the passenger’s seat.

“You’re in the middle of something more important,” Luke answers easily. “What’s up with your mom?”

“It’s not even like, a big thing,” Flynn says. “I just got stuck on something stupid she said.”

“You don’t get mad over nothing, though.”

“Ugh, I know. Like, I’m right, it’s just so annoying that I have to be the one affected by it. I just wanna know that she’s wrong and move on with my day, you know?”

“Yeah,” Luke says, and when Flynn lets the sound of the engine and the movement of the car fill the silence instead of her voice, he prompts, “So what was it that she said?”

“She’s mad that I think she’s homophobic? Which I didn’t even say to her face, she just assumes I’m saying it behind her back, which I am, but if she didn’t want me doing that she could have tried not being homophobic, right?”

“Definitely. Dude, didn’t she try to take your library card for reading too much queer stuff?”

“Yep!” Flynn confirms. “And for like, a year after I came out to her she made a point to let me know how uncomfortable every single rainbow accessory made her, and one of my dad’s brothers is gay too and she still doesn’t want us spending the night at his place and we never talk about that, and it’s just . . . okay, obviously I’m mad about those things, but it’s whatever, I just can’t stand that she gets to do all that and then turn around and tell me that the problem is me calling homophobia what it is.”

“Jesus.”

“Like, why the fuck does she get to make it my fault?”

"She doesn't," Luke says emphatically. He rolls to a stop at a light and turns to face her. "That's total bullshit and she has no right to make you feel bad for being right, you don't ever deserve that. Flynn, you're like, the coolest, most caring person I know, she's insane if she thinks you calling out her shit makes that less true."

The sheer earnestness is almost enough to make Flynn cry, and they should give him a real response, but . . . "The light's green."

"Shit, yeah," Luke says, eyes back on the road. "We're having a moment, okay?" he hollers at the cars honking behind them. "Assholes."

Flynn shakes their head. "It's like they don't know we're the main characters."

Luke grins, and they're quiet for a minute (or, Flynn is quiet; Luke is still muttering curses as he drives—less like he's mad and more like it's simply a requirement to keep the car moving). He pulls into a McDonald's parking lot and kills the engine, and Flynn says, "It is a little bit my fault, though."

Luke tenses, and before he can go on another trademarked validation rant, she adds, "I didn't do anything wrong. It's just . . . I can tell she's trying, right? Like, she has tried to have real conversations with me about queer stuff, and I don't think she can blame me for not being excited about that after she kept telling me how much she was 'really struggling with the whole rainbow thing,' but I also still get that it hurts when I brush her off. And it's not just with this; like, I know she's trying to be emotionally available in general, and I'm not engaging with that, and there's no way to not feel a little bit shitty about that."

"Yeah," Luke says. "Yeah, I definitely get that." He twists a ring around on his finger, slides it off and then right back on. “It's like . . . I'm glad I'm talking to my mom again, you know? I love her, and she knows I love her, and I can go and talk to her instead of hiding in the bushes, and I get to include her in the parts of my life I want her in, and, like, I actually feel like our relationship is good , and that's—I mean, I don't know if I ever thought we were gonna have that, especially after I left."

"Right," Flynn says. It's practically illegal for a friend to let Luke Patterson talk about his mom without offering some kind of physical comfort, but he won't want to keep his hands still long enough to hold hers, and hugging or leaning up against him are tricky in the car, so she settles for resting a hand on his knee.

He catches their eye for half a second before continuing, "But I think she thinks it's gonna keep getting better? Like, she's happy that we're talking again because she thinks it means we're on a path to getting closer, and I don't know if I can do that. I don't . . . I don't think I want to do that. Which I guess means I'm gonna be disappointing her for the whole rest of our lives." Luke ducks his head and pushes a hand back through his hair, a little self-conscious. "Was that . . . did I get it right, is that what you're feeling? Or did I go on the wrong kind of tangent?"

"No, you pretty much nailed it." Flynn sighs. “I love my mom, and I know I came into this with ‘I’m gonna kill her,’ but I really do think things are mostly good, and there are a lot of things she does right, it’s just that every time we try to actually talk, it ends up like this. So then I feel like we have too many fundamental differences for things to ever be better, and she feels like I’m not trying, and we never get anywhere, and it sucks .”

“Yeah,” Luke says.

Flynn pulls his hand over to her lap and fidgets with his bracelets as they speak. “I get why she’s hurt, and I get that some of the choices I’ve made have been hard for her, but I don’t know what to do, because like . . . I don’t know, it’s easy to be in favor of the idea of having hard conversations with the people you love, but then all the actual conversations we have are this bullshit” —Flynn waves their free hand meaninglessly; Luke seems to get the idea anyway— “so either I talk to her, and we both get upset about it, or I don’t, and she’s still upset, and there aren’t any better options when just existing as ourselves around each other hurts, so I just . . . exist a little less around her. And that hurts too.”

“Fuck,” Luke breathes. “Dude, come here.” They’ve given up on respecting the limitations the car puts on cuddling, then. Flynn isn't complaining. She clambers over to sit in Luke's lap, back against his window, side wedged against the steering wheel.

“I don’t think she gets that she pushed me away in the first place," she tells Luke. "She either doesn’t know what she did, or she doesn’t think my reaction is fair, and either way, neither of us think we’ve done anything wrong, so all she’s ever gonna see is how I keep rejecting her. That’s always what her story’s gonna be.”

“I know,” Luke says. “It sucks, and she’s wrong, and you deserve better than that, okay?”

“Okay,” Flynn echoes, noncommittal. They usually don’t have any trouble knowing their worth and knowing how they deserve to be treated, but mom stuff has a way of getting to them, of dragging every insecurity up with claws. Luke gets that better than anyone, though.

“I’m serious, she’s so lucky to have you. You know that, right? God, I never tried this hard to understand my mom’s side of things back when I lived with her.”

“Eh, mine doesn’t scream at me,” Flynn shrugs. “I think it balances out.”

“That’s fair,” Luke says. He sort of half lifts her up for a second so he can shift his legs, then adds, “They’re about even as far as having no way to win with them, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, like, all of our fights about music were like that; she’d get mad that I was doing too much band stuff and then she’d get mad that I didn’t want to tell her anything, and I think I always thought that if the band got far enough, she’d see it was all worth it? But every time we got closer to that it just freaked her out more.”

This isn’t new information to Flynn, she had the gist of that conflict already, but it’s nice to hear it again in a context that lets them know that Luke gets what they’re dealing with, and anyway, sometimes listening is less about learning anything new and more about just letting your friend say what they need to say.

“And I just spent a lot of time swinging back and forth between trying to hide everything from my parents and trying to throw it all in their faces,” Luke says, “because if they were going to be like that anyway, like, what was the point? Why not blow everything up? Maybe it would at least make them see how much it mattered to me, you know?”

“Yeah,” Flynn says, because that’s really the only thing to say. Like, yeah. Yeah . Exactly. Fuck.

"I dunno," Luke says, "we're better about the music thing than we used to be; I think she knows she can't push it too hard, but now she keeps getting on me to bring Bobby over for dinner like I don't know how that's gonna go."

Flynn raises their eyebrows. "Yikes."

"I know," Luke groans. "But I don't really have better options here, either, because if they don't see me, like, bring him to family stuff and go on real dates and gush about him all the time, both of my parents are gonna think that it's not serious, or that I'm wrong about my feelings, or that I'm not doing this relationship the right way, but then if they do see any of that, they're just gonna be weird and tense and judgey and I hate it."

"It's so stupid," Flynn says.

"So stupid," Luke agrees. "You ever think about how many problems we just wouldn't have if our parents knew how to chill out?"

"Alllll the time," Flynn sighs. "But hey, gotta give them props for keeping all those therapists in business."

Luke snorts, and Flynn decides they're officially out of serious mode now, so she says, "Okay, I love you, but I am not loving this steering wheel right now, I'm gonna—" She pushes off of Luke and does a little half-tumble, half-crawl back over to the passenger seat. "There."

Luke reaches for the keys, but he pauses, checks, "Did you get everything you needed? I didn't mean to take over or anything."

Flynn grins. "I was asking for it, we all know you win at mommy issues."

Luke sticks his tongue out at her. "Shut up."

"Seriously, you're good," Flynn assures him. They don't know how to say everything they mean to—that Luke putting words to his feelings was a gift to them, saved them the time and frustration of having to sort through everything on their own. That he's really good at this, at handing people pieces of his heart that reflect things in themselves that were hard to nail down. He can get avoidant about his feelings, and Flynn can't blame him, but when he makes the space to stumble through them honestly, he always hits something real.

Flynn tells him, "I feel better," and gives his hand a squeeze, and hopes that says enough.

#julie and the phantoms #my writing #jatp fic #flynn taylor

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stranger-awakening · 1 year

Text

chucking this under a read more for obvious reasons but for the sake of prosperity and tbh just for myself: a list of my fave moments from the 5sos show last night in no particular order

- The ridiculously cool visuals of stars, the colour purple, neon blue and red, and like pop art bright ass colours (and the desert for Complete Mess!!). Sexy

- Person in the crowd who was wrapped in a trans flag the whole show. I love you with my whole heart

- Luke starting his speech with “How the bloody hell are you!?” and then proceeding to sound the most Australian anyone ever has :’)

- “We have a lot of friends and family that have been with us the whole time here tonight. So you guys have to make us look good” *ridiculous screaming in response*

- The motherfucking harmonies during both Take My Hand and the start of Red Desert (Speaking of the fact that they only played the start of Red Desert lmao)

- Luke introducing Calum first and then introducing Michael by saying “Calum Hood! Just kidding Michael Gordon Clifford!” and saying “I got you good” while the crowd cheered and Michael laughed his head off 🥺

- Michael talking about his wife and rambling about the band and how grateful he is and how surreal it is to be there and then saying “I’m rambling. Sorry, we have a hard 10pm curfew so we have to finish the show by then. We’ll be finished don’t worry” while people were booing the curfew (so true)

- Oh, and Michael talking about their first show and saying “I knew we would end up here! No, I didn’t. I thought that would be our last show” to a passionate crowd of like 6,000 people man ... I’m ...

- Calum yelling “what a beautiful night to be alive!” in the middle of Wildflower 💜💜💜

- The fact that they played Bad Omens and Easy For You to Say back to back like that was for me

- Michael asking if anyone had seen Luke’s Opportunity cover on Youtube and then saying “And they still came!” while Luke laughed his head off 🥺

- Calum asking “anyone live around here?” and then saying “Parents drive a BMV, huh?” King shit.

- The fact that they played Amnesia and introduced it by saying “We haven’t played a slow song from the first album in a while” so everyone Knew and went Crazy

- “Where my westies at!?” *loud ass screaming*

- The boys repeatedly asking how the people in the back were doing first and Michael saying “Just because you’re sitting down doesn’t mean we can’t feel you back there.” Bless

- Luke saying “If you’ve been with us for 11 years, or two weeks, or you just got dragged here tonight. I don’t care. We’re all here together!” Literally ... Y e a h

- Honestly, the fact that they were all so visibly emotional and kept saying it was the best show they’ve played in a while and how all of them were talking about how far they’d come and how amazing it was to be there. I love them so so much actually

- My friend yelling “I forgot this song existed!” at the start of Teeth and then going ridiculously hard. So fucking true of her.

- “Are there any 5sos fans here tonight!?” *loud screaming* “Sorry are there any Real 5sos fans here tonight?!” *louder screaming as the band starts Jet Black Heart*

- The mosh chanting “Heartbreak! Heartbreak!” before the last song and Luke saying “We have one more song, but it’s not whatever the hell you guys are saying” and then playing Youngblood instead as a final encore

- Songs that they didn’t play but Should Have: Heartbreak Girl (obviously), Try Hard (I’m so fucking serious), She’s so Hot (Banger), HAZE (one of my personal faves off 5sos5)

#my memory is already kinda fuzzy because it was such a whirlwind so i like to make little lists like this #Impeccable fucking vibes though #jess rants about life

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cobble-stone · 2 years

Note

Pssst Cobalt

I know I do this a lot but guess what

Tell me about interior design stuff you like! What's your favourite colour scheme? what's one specific thing that causes a visceral reaction of some kind? what is one of your favouritest things in either the construction of the space or ways to fill it? I wish to know

OKAY.

so i don’t know all the professional terms- i enjoy interior design more from a “ooo that looks Good” perspective not really a “i know why x y and z works together it’s because of the shittyflurbo rule-“

BUT. i really like neutral tones- greens, greys, blues, browns. i like neutral schemes that have a bit of color to em, and just like- incorporating different textures in order to have a cozy feel. like- you take a soft couch and a blanket with chunky knit and have curtains and strategically scattered little bits and bobs? *good.* good.

i try to kinda incorporate this into how i did my room- my room is actually pretty vibrant! the general color scheme is more so like- bold cobalt blue (heh) with blacks and grays- it’s not as like. Chill vibes as what i’d say is good for like living rooms and such but it’s a bedroom! it’s more so a place to align with my personal style, less of a shared living area. kinda how i see it is that like- shared spaces are more ambiguous and neutral, but things like bedrooms can be Whatever You Want it’s Your Room. also since the walls are white and we’re not allowed to repaint- i had to get pretty creative with things to take up wall space! nothing i hate more than a blank white room, so i have lots of little decorations and shelves and i have various album covers i made out of different mediums, i have some chains made of soda tabs draping from one corner of the ceiling and a little like- i can’t call it a tapestry. it’s a halloween decoration that’s just like this black knit tablecloth (?) that’s made to look like a spiderweb that i stole and put by my bed. (the way my bed is laid out is so weird. it’s like- it’s against the wall but not against the wall from the headboard. it’s so stupid but i love it.)

i really just like- i think that too much empty blank space is Bad. FUCK minimalism all my homies HATE minimalism. though i’m also not a huge fan of like- the typical “maximalist” designs cause one- a lot of the maximalist designs are kinda based in more dated patterns and details which- nothing wrong with, i just am not a fan. and also cause i feel like- there’s Too much going on. i like a good balance, i want there to be enough going on that you aren’t left with negative space, but like any art piece, negative and positive space is equally important.

as far as filling spaces- i like both shelves and kinda like- i’m not a huge fan of framed things. that’s just a personal thing- i don’t like things that are excessively fancy for no reason and framed things feel excessively fancy for no reason. like- if i could choose between a framed painting and the same painting but no frame, just the canvas- i’m going for painting with no frame. i also really like what i mentioned with my room- the little black tablecloth-turned-tapestry, it provides such a nice way to take away some negative space while still being fairly simple and not too distracting from other focal points. curtains are also amazing, they can really make or break a whole room’s atmosphere. i changed my curtains a while back from plain white ones to these bold blue ones with black trim and it just- makes the whole room come together better. it kinda helps carry the vibe of “teenager who just wants a space to make his own” that my room holds and i specifically crafted for that vibe

i’m kinda just thinking of style stuff now and like- i mentioned my idea on minimalist vs maximalist, but also like? fancy verses messy. i guess? just like. i don’t like disaster, obviously. i’m a fairly neat person by nature, my room being a mess Stresses Me Out. but also like- it i’m in a house i want it to feel Lived In. i don’t want everything to be perfectly neat and tidy and put away. i want evidence of life, evidence that this is not a static environment. small details like sticky notes in a mirror, plants, books laid haphazardly on a table. i really like those.

kinda just- with interior design stuff, i just. i like whatever makes the place feel like a Home. i want a place to feel lived in, to feel right, i want a place that i feel cozy and that i can just sit down on the countertop and drink hot chocolate or just lay on the couch and vibe. for me the key to just kinda- any design stuff is a good medium, at least for my personal taste. not so cluttered that it’s overwhelming, not so blank that the emptiness is equally overwhelming. not so fancy that it feels like a waiting room, not so messy that it’s stressful. just. a good medium, furniture that isn’t so absurdly trendy that it gets dated in a couple years, places to display fun knickknacks and a place that can tell a story of the person who lives there. i feel like that’s the real goal of interior design: not to have the nicest place possible, not to have a place that they’ll feature on HGTV, not to have the best house to sell: the goal is to showcase a story of the person who lives there.

#cobble’s tones #wow i don’t shut up #ldhdkdjdh thank you for letting me ramble #roro beloved hope you’re having a good day :D #basically: my main summary is i like neutral toned stuff #greens blues greys etc #my room doesn’t fit this theme but i love it anyways #i just like places where i can sit there and think. ‘yes this is Comfortable.’

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bnha-more-like-bnh-gay · 3 years

Text

Rarepair headcanons because I am ignoring my problems

Serodeku:

Izuku reenacts the Spider-Man movies with Sero. Izuku is MJ. They also alternate being Spider-Man sometimes

They skate together

They get very protective when people call their boyfriend “plain”

They play dnd together

Sero tries to make sure that izuku gets some rest

They’re both kinda insecure, izuku more than sero, but still; and they make sure to reassure each other as often as possible

Sero likes listening to Izuku’s ramblings and finds them cute. He has told izuku this, only for the poor boy to imitate a tomato

After Izuku has been particularly reckless, Sero takes advantage of his quirk, wraps Izuku in bubble wrap, and tapes it there

Tokodeku:

Jocknerd bf and goth bf, we love to see it

Tokoyami teaches izuku how to sword fight

They start a dnd club at U.A.

Izuku talks to dark shadow a lot, Dark Shadow approves of him, and has claimed the spot of best man at their wedding

Izuku comes up with ideas to help Tokoyami gain control with Dark Shadow

Dark Shadow is very protective over Izuku, no matter how many times Tokoyami tells him that he can take care of himself, Dark Shadow will put himself between Izuku and any form of danger as often as possible

Dekoyama??? Aoyama/izuku:

Aoyama gives him makeovers, obviously

Aoyama drags izuku to the mall and tries to revamp some of his wardrobe, but he actually finds the “pants” and “flannel” type shirts cute

They help each other train their quirks

Aoyama is trilingual, and teaching izuku English and French.

Izuku always brings Aoyama home some new cheese

Y’all, I love them so much. There needs to be more aodeku content

Monoshinsou:

They have people watching dates. They come up with stories for the people they’re watching; their job, family, background, etc.

They judge people together

They call each other “love”

They’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience

They jokingly sh*t-talk class A

Shinsou said “I love you” first, and it was because Monoma brought him coffee to class

Monoyama:

Like monoshinsou, they’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience

They go shopping together and pick out the most dramatic pieces of clothing for each other

I love them so much, please 😭✋

They have tea parties every week, where they sh*t talk everyone else and gossip

They are both fancy bastards, and they wear the most exquisite outfits to go grocery shopping, and the outshine everyone

They both actually make clothing, they’ll go fabric shopping together. Gift exchanges are often articles of clothing that they’ve made for each other

Momomei:

They work on gear together!!!

Momo makes sure that mei gets some sleep

Mei helps redesign momo’s suit

They often work together with izuku to work in gear and such

They actually got together after izuku introduced them. He had been working on gear with mei, and studying with momo and he thought they’d hit it off. He was correct

Shintsuyu:

Dude they’d be so cute

Tsu is a vent gremlin, and you can’t change my mind. So she and shinsou will play a game where they try to find each other. Tsu is in the vent and shinsou is in the classrooms. Shinsou will try to find whichever vent she’s in, or she’ll find whichever classroom he’s in, in 20 minutes or less

I always headcanoned tsu as a dog person, so they’d have two cats and two dogs, and a bunny that they named Deku

They like comparing their friends to animals, hence the bunny, Deku

Kamideku:

Kaminari is a flirt, and izuku does n o t know how to handle it

Kaminari likes listening to izuku’s ramblings, and can keep up with them. He’ll ask questions on things too, and Izuku has never felt more appreciated

I don’t know why I feel like they’d have so many animals, but I do. They’d have so many, man. Three cats, two dogs, four sugar gliders, a hamster

Adhd power couple. They hyperfixated on complimentary things at the same time one time

Kaminari tutors izuku in English, and izuku turots kami in some other subjects. He’s also teaching kami JSL on the side. Kaminari has a live of languages

Momochako:

Study dates, Momo asks ochako to quiz her a lot

Ochako takes to floating momo’s things when she wants attention. Especially when Momo is studying. She makes a game out of how many things she can float until the other girl notices

Uraraka’s confidence does wonders for momo’s. Uraraka always makes sure to reassure momo that she is strong and that she can do this

Momo makes Uraraka whatever her heart desires. Uraraka blushes all the time, and momo takes great pride in getting her girlfriend to blush

Minatoru:

Mina clings to everyone, but especially to toru

They give each other stuffed animals so often. They’ll go to the store to get food, and come back with three stuffed animals that reminded them of each other

Please, they’re so cute 😭✋

They will play hide and seek, I stand by this.

Mina helps toru design a new costume. I hate hers, it’s horrible, and sexist, and not suitable for a fucking child

Toru says that pink is her favorite color

They flirt with each other all the time. Half the class thinks it’s cute, half of them used to think it was cute.

Iidamomo:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but study dates. they quiz each other, and it actually gets pretty competitive

They also have rage room dates. I will not budge on this. Iida tried to murder someone, and I am excited to see momo finally snap. She deserves it

They alternate paying for dates, don’t try me.

The go hiking a lot

They started liking each other after one late night, both having nightmares. Momo had tea, and offered some to Iida. They talked until the early hours of the morning

They can’t flirt. They try. But they’re horrible at it. They’ll compliment each other all day long, but they cannot flirt.

KIRIDEKU, MY BELOVED:

Y’all,,, y’all, I love them so much

They train together, obviously

They ran into each other one night in the common room after both having nightmares. They talked about middle school, how they were both bullied, izuku’s quirk coming in late, katsuki being abusive, kiri being bullied because his quirk wasn’t “cool.” After that, they were practically inseparable.

They started going on dates, not that either of them knew they were dates. The entire class knew, so did the teachers, so did the rest of U.A. Kirishima picked up on it first after a comment from Mina, he had is realization.

So, he started courting Izuku. Not thag izuku realized this. He brought him flowers on most ‘dates,’ he bought him hero action figures whenever he could, he complimented him until Izuku was red in the face (which was honestly very easy.) Still, izuku remained ignorant to the fact that he was indeed dating Kirishima.

The final tipping point, was due to Uraraka’s help. She was quite tired of watching the two of them pine for each other. It was amusing for the first couple months, watching Kirishima try so hard, and Deku being totally oblivious. However, she took pity on her friends after a while.

So, Uraraka devised a devilish plan to get the two together. She involved Mina, Sero, and kaminari in this plan. What was the plan, you ask? Oh, simply to trap the two in one room until they broke through izuku’s obliviousness.

Kirishima finally “straight” up admitted his feelings, to which Izuku had the sudden realization of “oh my gods, have we been dating this whole time??” Yes, Izuku. Yes you have.

They have two anniversaries after that.

Let’s be honest, they are really, annoyingly, horrifically lovey dovey. Kirishima brags about having “the manliest and bestest boyfriend in the world.” Izuku flaunts his many PowerPoint presentations on how talented and incredible Kirishima is

Uraraka doesn’t know if she did the right thing by helping them. She is so tired

Tsujirou:

Jirou makes playlists for tsu

The few sane ones in class A, I swear

They go on walks in the rain as often as they can

They go for dates in the bookstore too. They each pick out an album and a book for the other to listen to and read

Y’all, they make so much sense togetherrrrr, I’m love them 🥺

Jirou started liking tsu after the crew saved bakugou. Jirou sat with tsu after momo, Iida, kirishima, Todoroki, and izuku apologized and sat with her. They had movie night, and Jirou joined the Bakugou saving crew and tsu with taking well into the night. She just appreciated how much tsu cared

Tsu started liking Jirou after she helped Iida, momo, and izuku try to keep the class in order. She appreciated how diplomatic and calm she was

Jirou would talk to izuku all night long about how gay she was, and how adorable tsu was. So, izuku decided to try and suggest ways for Jirou to ask her out.

She did not end up getting to ask her out though, as Tsu walked up to her the next morning f and asked if she wanted to go on a date. Jirou said yes. Izuku cried

Izujirou:

They make playlists for each other

They go for runs on the beach a lot

They both have insomnia, and often spend time making blanket forts and talking, or FaceTiming and listening to music

Jirou walks into the common room once a week looking for new music. She started liking Izuku after he made a playlist for her for one of these occasions.

They’re both quite awkward when it comes to romance, but neither of them will shy away from facing the truth. So, Jirou made izuku a playlist filled with love songs that reminded her of him and sent it to him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.

So, then Jirou wrote a love song and told izuku that the song was for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.

So, then Jirou write analysis about izuku’s quirk for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell

So, then, after thinking that Jirou had done so much for him, izuku made her a playlist filled with love songs. Jirou took this to mean that izuku had finally picked up on her feelings, and accepted them.

So, they started to go on dates. Not that izuku knew this, as he is dense as hell. All leading up to izuku finally confessing his feelings on one of their ‘dates,’ to which Jirou responded, “dude, we’re already dating? Aren’t we? I- I thought that was obvious??”

May this awkward couple be forever blessed

Tokoyama:

Goth/prep boyfriends, we love to see it

At least once a day, Aoyama will proclaim that Tokoyami “shines almost as bright as he does, in his fabulous emo way”

They sword fight, and come up with really dramatic scenarios and scenes that they’re in

They bond over being in the izucrew and their shared love of swords. Aoyama took fencing classes in middle school, and Tokoyami got into sword fighting after watching it in pirates of the Caribbean as a young child. He is self taught and watched countless videos on the art of sword fighting

Tokoyami asked Aoyama our by dramatically presenting him with a dagger and going “will you accompany me on a formal outing as my lover?”

Shinyama:

They flirt constantly

No really, it’s getting quite annoying. Someone please stop them.

They both plop down in random areas and proclaim their deaths, the difference between them, is that Aoyama will burst into shinsou’s room, and yell “love, I’ve been murdered. Mourn for me” while plopping down on shinsou’s lap. Shinsou can be found laying face down outside aoyama’s door, and when Aoyama goes to open the door, he just goes “I’ve been murdered.”

^^ one time, shinsou did a very fun Halloween prank for this, where he poured fake blood all over himself for Aoyama to find him an hour later, asleep.

Nap dates. Aoyama get glitter all over shinsou’s room

Iiyama:

Aoyama enjoys making Iida blush, obviously. But he takes joy in doing it specifically when class is about to start. Aizawa is tired of his shit

Here is how I think an iiyama conversation might go:

Aoyama: I ask for one thing in this relationship-

Iida: Aoyama, you know that’s a lie-

Aoyama: for my boyfriend to carry me around all day-

Iida: Aoyama, I cannot feasibly do this with class-

Aoyama: and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for 😤

Anyway, Aoyama got carried around all day that day, despite Iida’s blush and Aizawa’s eye twitch

Everyone in the izucrew is close, but Iida and Aoyama started to get close after Iida told the crew about Stain. Aoyama wanted Iida to know that he wasn’t alone, and that he wanted to help him. So he started packing extra cheese for lunch and giving it to Iida. Iida was very confused at first. But this was Aoyama trying to court him. This was only made apparent by momo and Jirou telling Iida that this was aoyama’s attempt at expressing romantic interest.

Aoyama flirts with everyone, that’s just who he is. But with Iida? Oh it was tenfold. The poor boy was red in the face constantly. Aoyama was a persistent little bugger too, following him around and calling him ‘mon amour’

Kirikamideku:

My dearest traffic light trio, I’m love them

They train together, and kiri and kami always appreciate izuku’s analysis snd ideas

Kiri falls even more in love with izuku and kaminari when they go off on rants. Izuku rants and kami can keep up with him so he asks questions about it. Kiri loves to watch his boyfriends go on rants, I don’t make the rules, but I do enforce them

They started to get closer after kami and kiri found bakugou causing a ptsd flashback (could be on purpose of an accident, up to the reader.) they stated with him and tried to talk him through it. After this, izuku started to tell them about having been a “late bloomer” and being bullied, etc. (I don’t know, man; I tend to over share after flashbacks and after panic attacks)

Izuku tutors them in several subjects, but kami tutors them in English. Kiri just falls in love with his smart boyfriends

Izuku is teaching kami JSL and kami is helping izuku with English and Italian (personal headcanon that Italian has been one of kami’s special interests) kiri loves to listen to them, and finds it relaxing and calming to hear them do this. When he has panic attacks, he’ll ask them to tutor each other in different languages

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fernweh-writes · 3 years

Note

Hey, it’s me again :3

My birthday is soon(next week on the Friday)

So I wondered if you could write headcanons for the Slasher with an Birthday S/O.

Like what would they give her, what would they do on her birthday. You probably get what I mean.

But only if it’s alright and you got time, if not it’s also fine^^

I already say thank you :3💕💕(btw I really love your writing <3)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE, I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! I did see the other little tidbit you sent in and yes, ofc, anything for you. Especially since it’s your birthday and you asked so nicely<3

(Going ahead and posting this a lil early… i think? I can’t remember when you sent this in sorry :/)

-Fern🌿

Slashers on their S/O’s Birthday

Warnings: NSFW content, 18+

Michael Myers

Michael has always been pretty indifferent towards birthdays. So what, you’re getting older big whoop. He doesn’t see them as important and doesn’t understand the point of celebrating them.

However, as you keep mentioning to him that your birthday is coming up, he gets the hint. Michael isn’t stupid and he knows you well enough to be able to tell what you want.

Still, Michael isn’t going to throw you a party or decorate or anything like that. Instead he makes a statement just by spending the entire day with you.

During your time spent together you find out Michael did actually buy a cake for you. Although it was also partially for his own benefit as well seeing as he has a major sweet tooth. He even got “Happy Birthday y/n” written on the top in your favorite color. When you bite into it, you realize that it’s also your favorite flavor.

After the cake, Michael brings you a small box with a horribly tied ribbon wrapped around it. Don’t look at him funny, he tried okay. So what the gift inside was most likely stolen from a victims, you got a present that you loved. Isn’t that all that really matters?

Michael isn’t much of a giver in bed, he prefers to take. He mainly focuses on achieving his own end and whatever pleasure you get during that is what you get. But tonight he’ll make a point of not only making you finish first once, but numerous times throughout the night. Today is about you after all, why not try and set a new record in bed to mark the start of a new age.

Bo Sinclair

Morning sex, congratulations, this morning you become breakfast for Bo. No need to get up early to cook for him when he can simply devour you.

Surprise! He won’t be an ass to anyone for one whole day. Just for you darlin’. If some people happen to stumble into town, Bo won’t let anyone ruin your day, and quickly has Vincent take care of them. Even Lester will help out if need be, even though Les hates participating in the “family company”.

Sneaks away in the middle of the night to decorate the house. Luckily, Vincent pitches in and helps him make everything look nice. Bo goes all out with streamers, balloons, banners, he even got you a cake!

He’s more than eager to give you your presents as well. Of course he had to buy you a lingerie set, it’s a surprise that’ll help the two of you later that night…

Bo is a simple man, he just wants everyone to know that you belong to him. So he also got you a dainty little necklace of his name. Sure it may be cute to you, but secretly he’s laying his claim to you.

Usually he’s busy with keeping up the town but just this once he spends the entire day with you. Bo spending so much quality time with you doing whatever you want really says a lot.

He may even take you to the next town over for a nice dinner. After all, no one should have to cook on their own birthday and it’ll make good use of the cute little sundress he got you and gives you the opportunity to dress up. You better wear the lingerie he got you under it though. Good luck making it to the bedroom when the two of you get back from the restaurant.

Vincent Sinclair

You’re not sure who is more excited, him or you. Vincent makes sure that you have the best time ever and makes the whole day about you. It’s the perfect chance for him to spend the whole day with you and show you how much he loves you.

When you wake up he’ll be missing. He woke up early to make you your favorite breakfast. He had hoped to bring it to you in bed but sadly you’ve always been the early riser. Luckily for you, unlike Bo, Vincent is a good cook. How do you think the three boys survived before you showed up?

Vincent has always been a more private person so while there’s not any decorations all over the house and he can’t take you out to a fancy dinner you can still expect plenty of sweet surprises. He made you a bouquet of wildflowers that he picked, got you the new books you had been telling him you wanted, managed to snag one of the vinyls for the new album your favorite artist had recently released, and even got you some new outfits that he thought would look cute on you.

Vincent would be the one to put on music and dance around the living room with you. He enjoys personal time with you and uses the day to really express to you just how much he cares for you.

At the end of the day he runs you a hot bath. While you soak in the tub he throws around the rose petals and gets the ribbons and candles ready. Before you have time to get dressed Vincent will be scooping you up, tossing you on the bed, and tying you up. Be ready for a long night!

Thomas Hewitt

There’s not really much he can do for you seeing as the town is running low on supplies. Still, he’ll do his best to still make your birthday special for you. Mainly he’s just going to kick Hoyt and Monty out for the day so that you can have one peaceful day together. Luda gets to stay seeing as she’s also happy to celebrate with you.

Thomas lets Luda Mae know he wants to surprise you with something. So while he works on the surprise she’ll make sure to keep you occupied. Luda Mae will fix your hair for you and go ahead and give you the gift that she had made you, a sundress made from floral print fabric. She’s so happy her son found someone, especially someone as beautiful as you.

Thomas will have handmade you a small necklace. Since you didn’t tell him about your birthday until shortly before the day, you left him with little time to make it. He’s lucky that your comfortable with Luda Mae and he can get her to keep you distracted,

When Tommy sees you with the dress his momma made you and your hair fixed up he almost forgets about the small piece of jewelry in his pocket.

After hearing you squeal with delight when you open his gift he’s ecstatic! He loves nothing more than making you happy. when you eagerly get him to help you put it on he thinks he’s going to spontaneously combust with his love for you.

Luda Mae will bake you a cake. You’re basically her daughter in law at this point and she’s going to make sure that you have a good day. She enjoys having another woman in the house and enjoys seeing you and Thomas happy together. You’ve given her the complete family that she’s always wanted.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is very good at being sneaky. At this point, Malcolm already knows that Brahms is a real person. So Brahms has no issue with getting Malcolm to bring him everything he needs and giving him the extra money for the week. He makes sure to cover all the bases, he got you presents, a small cake, and of course stuff to decorate the living room.

The decorations in the living room aren’t necessarily the best. Brahms hasn’t been responsible for doing anything like this in his whole life. But he still does his best to try and impress you and make you happy. Just don’t expect for his best to be very good. After all, it is the thought that counts.

Honestly Brahms not being self centered for once should be enough of a surprise. It’s your birthday so he’ll make sure to be on his best behavior just for you! No tantrums or arguing, he promises! He even makes sure to hide the schedule for the day to make sure you know that today you get to relax.

Of course, you’ll still have to cook since Brahms is only capable of making sandwiches. His peanut butter to jelly ratio may be perfect but that’s not exactly the type of meal he thinks you would want on your birthday. So he does make sure to get the ingredients for all of your favorite foods!

Your presents include expensive jewelry, pretty clothes, and of course lingerie although that’s more of a gift for Brahms than it is for you. He’ll have you model all of the dresses and clothes that he got you. The big finale is the lace bra and underwear that you won’t be wearing for much longer.

Brahms is a switch and usually ends up being the more submissive one in bed. Tonight however, he’ll co for a change of pace and be more dominant. For once, he was the one spoiling you instead of the other way around and that brings out the more mature and dominant side of him. Expect o be sore the next day though, Brahms isn’t exactly good with holding back.

Billy Loomis

Billy has a tendency to be narcissistic and obviously an ass. But he can also be great at hiding those traits. On your birthday he makes sure to do exactly that, really playing up the bad boy/boy next door front he’s capable of. Tatum did believe that he was practically perfect, and on your special day, he’ll do his best to do exactly that.

He may not have the same money as Stu, but he still manages to spoil you. You’ll have his full attention for the day and he let you decide almost everything. Billy even lets you pick out the movies that you watch together on your birthday, which is something he’s never allowed to happen before.

Seeing you be happy gives him a funny feeling that he’s not used to which can cause him to act a little awkward. You throw him off a little bit. He didn’t expect to care so much about someone until you fell into his lap. He’s a simp for you and he knows it. If he wasn’t then he wouldn’t be making reservations for that fancy restaurant you loved and buying you a new outfit just for said reservation. Yeah he’s down bad.

Makes sure that you order whatever you want, today cost doesn’t matter. But if he knows your favorite, he orders for you in an attempt to impress you. See, he remembers your favorite food, isn’t he just the best. Also gets your favorite over priced dessert even if you have to take it to go. He can’t bake and he knows that store bought cake just doesn’t compare to the fancy restaurants.

He bought you lingerie for under that cute little outfit and he expects to see it by the end of night. Expect to pinned against the front door before either of you has the chance to unlock it. Billy has been imagining you in nothing but your birthday suit all night and he simply cannot wait any longer.

There’s nothing he enjoys more than seeing you fall apart underneath him. He loves seeing you look absolutely cock drunk with your makeup smeared on your face. Your moans and begs eventually begin to melt together and you just become and incoherent mess as he makes you cum again and again. It’s still not enough for him though, he’s going to make you scream.

Stu Macher

He is very determined to make you have the best day over. Expect breakfast in bed! It may not be great but eat it anyways, Stu is not a morning person and he managed to drag his ass out of bed early just for you. So even if the scrambled eggs have the occasional crunch to them it’s best to just grin and bear it.

Is very determined to take you shopping. Expect for him to buy you anything that you touch or pick up. Like the amazing boyfriend he is he will also carry the many bags that you end up with. You’ll have a brand new wardrobe by the end of the day. Of course he made you pick out a few lingerie sets. He even pointed out the ones he liked and made you find your size.

Of course, Stu will still take you out to a fancy restaurant and do the whole traditional night out thing. After dinner though the two of you will end up on the roof of his house that he made sure to help you out on. Stu is secretly a hopeless romantic deep down and will spend time looking at the stars with you because he thinks it’s something that you would like. Will listen to you as you ramble on about planets and watch as you point out constellations if that’s something you do.

Stu is very clingy at all times so he will be hanging over you all day. That’s nothing really out of the ordinary though. But usually those touches include grabbing your boobs, smacking your ass, and rubbing your hips. On your birthday the touches turn more gentle. Expect him to gently tuck your hair behind your ear so he can see your face, gently caressing your cheek, rubbing your knuckles while he holds your hand, all soft and sweet gestures to convey he truly does care.

He’s usually very fast paced with everything including talking, movements, and of course that includes in bed. But tonight he’ll be slow and gentle, drawing everything out. Also makes sure to focus on your pleasure instead of his own for once.

Asa Emory

Asa never thought he would celebrate anyone’s birthday. He certainly never celebrated his own and doesn’t see the point in doing so. To him, birthdays are just another day and there’s no point in celebrating ageing. So he went about most of his life ignoring birthdays, until you came along.

Asa adored you and your enthusiasm for life and all the good things in the world. You were a bright person, especially when compared to him, and he loved the innocence about it. So when you began to mention your birthday coming up with excitement in your voice he knew that you had expectations for your special day.

He may not be a person who celebrates but he’ll be damned if he disappoints. You’re the one good thing life has given him and he’s not letting you get away from him. If that means getting you a small cupcake and sticking a candle in it and a present then so be it. He can manage doing a little something for you.

When he’s not in his collector persona he is much more awkward and an absolute dork in your eyes. So when he takes you out for a nice dinner you’ll notice his slightly off behavior. Asa doesn’t like crowded public spaces and you’ll be able to pick up on his fidgeting. Luckily your good at carrying the conversation for him.

Asa appreciates that you understand it’s hard for him. So when you begin to do most of the talking and don’t pressure him to contribute much to the conversation besides the occasional nod he’s able to relax.

On the way home he gets nervous once more. What if you hate the present he got for you or expected more. He had only gotten you one thing and it wasn’t much. But when you finally open it and you light up like a kid on Christmas morning he lets out a heavy sigh and finally relaxes. It was only a simple necklace but you acted like he had just handed you the stars.

Asa will be surprisingly gentle with you for one night. Of course, he’ll still tie you up and absolutely wreck you but he makes sure to leave out the cutting and biting out for once. The only bruises you have will be on your hips from his harsh grip. It’s the closest thing you’re going to get to love making from him, but you know him well enough to get the meaning behind it.

Jesse Cromeans

Anything you want and it’s yours, he can make anything happen for you. He makes sure to tie up any loose ends with his business well before your birthday so that nothing can interrupt his time spent with you. Of course he makes sure to spoil you even more than he normally does.

Would love to take you on some fancy vacation and stay in one of the finest hotels there. Go ahead, pick any place you want to travel to and he’ll make the arrangements. He makes sure that anywhere he takes you is more private and remote rather than tourist-y though. Both so that he feels more comfortable and so that you can feel special and not have to deal with crowds.

Does the whole flower petals on the bed, candles, flowers, ice bucket with champagne kind of ordeal back at the hotel. Did you really expect him not to though? He has the money to so why not and he knows that even though you claim it’s cheesy that you absolutely love it. Th blush on your face and look in your eyes give away your love of cheesy things and he pays attention to every little thing you do.

Of course you get new jewelry, designer clothes, and lingerie but you get other gifts as well. Pretty much anything you’ve mentioned to him recently he makes sure to get you. Rambling on about that new book your favorite author just released? It’s yours! Been needing new materials for any of your hobbies? You got them!

Expect rough sex. Jesse rarely does gentle and with how much smaller you are than him he can sometimes accidentally hurt you. Your just so small and fragile compared to him kitten, he can’t help it. Of course he always makes sure to take care of you afterwards with a hot bath and will gently massage the knots out of your muscles. Jesse always makes sure that you’re taken care of.

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homerforsure · 3 years

Text

Whumptober No. 6 Bruises / Touch Starved / Hunger Whumptober No. 30 major character death / left for dead / ghosts

Me: I can’t believe I have to post this absolutely incomprehensible piece of writing.

Me: You don’t... have to?

Me: No, I’m gonna.

Buck has an exceptional number of pillows on his bed. There are six, before he knocks a few to the floor every night, and he burrows into them like a nest, curling up with one against his chest, two pressed against his back, one between his legs. His sheets are a ridiculously priced, cool, crisp cotton that welcomes him in, surrounding him. The blankets he uses aren’t weighted, but they’re heavy and thick and he keeps his air conditioning turned up so he doesn’t have to give up the feeling of nestling into them in the heat of summer. Along with the white noise machine on his night stand, all of it is chosen to trick him into sleep. To keep back the feeling that night time in his own apartment is the loneliest part of Buck’s day.

It wasn’t perfect, pre-covid. It’s been a long time since Buck had someone share his space, share his bed, someone he could reach out and touch whenever he wanted. But his life outside of home was full. He didn’t lack for closeness; in some ways he had more than he’d ever dreamed. So while he had lonely moments, they weren’t a constant ache in his chest.

These months though. These months hurt. Facetime isn’t a substitute for curling up on Maddie’s couch with whatever silly-labeled wine she’d liked best that week. It’s definitely not a substitute for Eddie’s couch and losing to Christopher over and over again at Mario Kart. The last time they talked, Eddie had reached over and ruffled Christopher’s hair and Buck felt it. First as a tingle up the back of his scalp and then as a bruise to his heart. Eddie’s touches, so constant and so casual, became essential somewhere along the way and Buck feels himself reaching out for them even when he knows it’s not allowed.

“Six feet, gentlemen,” Bobby says gently when their orbits swing toward each other and Eddie makes a dramatic show of raising his hands and taking a giant step backward. Bobby just shakes his head and reminds them it’s the price they all agreed to pay for not wearing masks in the firehouse.

Buck starts dreading the end of a call when taking off his heavy turnout coat leaves him feeling cold and exposed. He folds into himself, claiming a chair, putting in earbuds and crossing his arms tight over his chest, pulling his knees up even though he knows better than to put his shoes on the furniture.

It’s a similar position to the one he lies in at night, clinging to the pillows, trying to draw comfort out of the smooth fabric. In those moments, his loneliness is so loud it might as well be a beacon sent out into the universe, a burning shout of need.

And that shout is heard.

***

“Have you guys heard of exploding head syndrome?” Buck asks one morning when the calls are slow and the crew is all lingering in a lazy way rather than rushing off to take care of their other duties.

“What, the band?” Chimney asks.

“I think it was an album,” Bobby says.

“No,” Buck sighs. “It’s a sleep thing. It’s this loud noise that you hear when you’re falling asleep like a massively loud explosion. Only it’s just happening in your head.”

“Is your brain actually exploding? Like an aneurism?”

“No. It’s just the noise.”

Just the loudest noise Buck had ever heard. It woke him up with a feeling of abject terror. It was an explosion that didn’t echo. It just rang, clear and true through his eardrums like the end of the world. Even as he struggled out of his sheets, searching for the source so he could run from it, part of him knew it wasn’t a sound that left any physical evidence. What could it even be? A sound like that? An old fashioned safe dropping from two stories up? A car crash without the crunch? Just a high speed collision of two immovable objects, all of the equal and opposite reaction of their momentum forced to escape as sound.

Once his heart rate had slowed, he googled. He wasn’t initially sure what to google. “Ridiculously loud noise woke me up” seemed at once too vague and too specific but sure enough. Exploding Head Syndrome. It was what happened. Obviously. But Buck remained too full of adrenaline to sleep. As he sat up in bed, he couldn’t shake the urge to look around. Under the bed, in the closet, behind the shower curtain. He didn’t feel alone.

“I’m just glad it’s happening in your head instead of mine,” Chim laughs. “Maybe try putting some earmuffs on before you go to sleep tonight.” ***

The sound doesn’t reappear. Buck is relieved, but sleeping doesn’t get any easier. He tries to soothe himself with obscenely long hot baths, by ordering a hoodie that’s more fluff than fabric, by running a foam roller across his muscles, trying to pry them into relaxation. It’s so much work and it does so little. Buck’s entire body is screaming out at all times for a hug or a massage or even just a really fucking good haircut. It takes longer and longer to fall asleep and the little sleep he does get isn’t restful. It’s like whatever meager comfort he manages to give himself during the day is leached away in the night.

He doesn’t even notice the bruises at first. It’s an easy enough thing to miss. Their job is heavy physical labor and Buck barrels through a scene like a one man stampede. Bruises are as common as the smell of smoke in his hair. The ones Eddie points out on his arm though are different.

Buck’s carrying a kitten at the time. The fire they’ve been fighting is beaten back to smolders. Buck shucked off his coat, wet and dripping from the hose and too cold for the shaking animal, and grabbed a blanket from the ambulance to wrap her up and cradle her against his chest. He’s rubbing his face against her damp fur, feeling the softness like a concentrated shot of endorphins when Eddie asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

“What are you talking about?” Buck asks and Eddie’s hands are pushing up the sleeves of his shirt, rolling them up to his shoulders while Buck’s trying to hold onto the cat.

“You don’t feel that?”

“Feel what?” He’s maybe a little ruder than he means to be but the sleep deprivation makes him cranky and the touch deprivation means that Eddie’s gently probing fingers feel like a dream on his skin. The care in the brush of his hands makes Buck’s knees weak.

“Your arms are bruised to hell,” Eddie says. “Are you- Did someone grab you or something?”

“I swear to god, Eddie. I don’t feel anything.” Except grumpy and exhausted and longing.

“Jesus, it goes all the way up your shoulders. It looks like-” He stops, pulling Buck’s collar aside and tracing a small spot that Buck can’t see even if he turns his head. “They look like fingerprints, Buck. Are you seeing someone?”

“What!”

“These are handprints. And they’re dark. Do you really not-”

Buck wrenches himself from Eddie’s grasp so he can turn around and look at him because if Eddie’s really accusing him of putting everyone at risk by trying to date someone right now… But Eddie’s face is nothing but concerned. Which makes Buck scared.

“Is it really that bad?” he asks, clutching the cat to his chest.

Eddie rubs a hand up Buck’s back (it feels so good, hot like Buck’s t-shirt isn’t even between them and is it just because it’s been so long or just because it’s Eddie?) without looking around to see if Bobby’s watching and that’s really all the confirmation Buck needs. It’s bad.

***

After that, Buck starts to feel them. He wakes up and he can’t breathe. He wakes up and he can’t move. He wakes up on the floor. He spends every moment that he’s asleep fighting to wake up. Buck can only remember fragments and pieces of the torment but he knows that it feels like drowning. Like being held down. Like being grabbed and pulled and smothered. He thinks he remembers long dark hair.

Google is useless. Sleep apnea. Sleep paralysis. Sleep terrors. Even sleepwalking. None of them can account for the worst of it. For the physical signs of whatever is happening to him while he sleeps.

Bruises bloom blue on the pale skin of his hips. Purple on his ribs. Green on the back of his neck. The ones that Eddie saw first on his arm fade to yellow. A long scratch runs down the side of his face. Dark circles under his eyes grow darker every day.

“What’s happening to me?” he asks his reflection.

All he wants is to be able to ask that question with someone’s arms around him. He wants anyone to hold him tight and shush his fears and tell him that it’ll be okay.

It’s easier than he thought to hide it. Buck just chooses his shower times strategically and opts for a long sleeve uniform, complaining that he ruined his short sleeves ones by grabbing bleach instead of detergent while he was half asleep.

He’s always half asleep these days.

At least in the bunk rooms, he gets some semblance of rest. Whatever presence he feels in his own bedroom doesn’t cross this threshold and Buck sleeps deeply, almost missing the scream of the alarm.

“It’s getting worse isn’t it?” Eddie asks, cornering Buck in the locker room. Buck can’t help but nod and Eddie steps closer as if to touch him.

Buck flinches away and Eddie pulls up short as though hitting an invisible wall.

He breathes Buck’s name on a pained exhale and says, “You have to get some help. Whatever it is…”

“I don’t know what it is!’ Buck answers. “It’s living in my house and it- it- God. Maybe I need an exorcism.”

“Maybe you should come home with me,” Eddie suggests and Buck recoils again.

The firehouse seems safe but there’s no guarantee that Buck won’t be followed anywhere else. He’s desperate to be safe--desperate for Eddie to make him safe--but not at the expense of anyone else. Not when he doesn’t know what he’s facing.

“Okay,” Eddie says. “But call me in the morning.”

***

The burned girl screams louder when she sees Buck than she did while they were putting out the inferno of her car.

“Stay away from me!” She shrieks. “Stay awaystayawaystayaway.”

“Miss, we’re going to need you to calm down,” Hen says to her. “Buck, you wanna move aside? Like preferably somewhere she can’t see you?”

Buck does because the patient’s well-being is more important than anything, but his skin feels like ice. He wants to demand to know what else she sees when she looks at him. Wants to know how she knows. For half a second, he imagines following her to the hospital and waiting for her outside the glass doors.

They aren’t far from her house (52% of accidents happen within five miles of home) and the girl’s father arrives on the scene before they finish prepping her to be transported. And he sees Buck.

He freezes when he does, but at least he doesn’t scream. He ignores Buck completely, instead going to the ambulance where his daughter is still crying and trying to soothe her. Hen offers to let him ride in the ambulance, but he says that he’ll take his car.

“You’re in a lot of trouble,” he says, returning to Buck as the ambulance pulls away. “What you summoned… That’s not a normal ghost.”

“I didn’t summon anything! It just happened.” Buck’s voice is high-pitched and he just barely stops himself from grabbing onto the man’s arm, but the man doesn’t seem afraid of Buck the way his daughter was. “What is it? How do I make it go away?”

The man shrugs, “She came in through an open door. Which door depends on the person. But she’ll do everything in her power to keep it pried open. All you can do is try to close it again.”

It is… the least helpful advice Buck’s ever been given in his entire life. But the man’s daughter is on her way to the hospital and he needs to follow her. He vanishes.

***

They’re about to have four days off. Buck’s bracing himself to meet the woman in his dreams. To look around in that dreamspace for open doors and slam them shut again. He can do it. He has to.

***

The next night Buck wakes up and he can’t move. He’s paralyzed on the bed. He’s paralyzed on the bed and someone’s standing at the top of his stairs.

She’s not… right. Buck can’t quite see in the dark and he can’t lift his head but the woman on his stairs isn’t solid in the way a human should be. The outline of her is strong, but it’s like she’s a shell wrapped around a cavernous emptiness. She’s across the room but she’s already pulling at him.

Buck tries to thrash but his arms are pinned as if her hands are already on his wrists. He needs to reach the lamp. If he can just turn on the light.

“Get away from me,” he pleads and the part of her face where lips should be turns up, revealing pointed teeth that stand in front of a void.

“You called me,” she says. The words don’t come from her mouth and Buck doesn’t hear them with his ears. It’s wrong wrong wrong. He throws himself hard to the left and he rolls, flying further than he expected to, suddenly free, and crashes hard into the table, knocking the lamp to the floor. It shatters, bulb and all and pain scrapes across Buck’s shoulders.

“Poor boy,” the ghost mocks. “Poor lonely boy. Just wants someone to touch him. Just wants someone to stay with him. I heard you.”

“No,” Buck says and he tries to scramble, but his feet can’t find purchase on the floor. “I didn’t want you.”

He doesn’t deny the call. Can’t deny it when his heart is reaching out in the same pleading, desperate way now. Please. Anyone.

In the time it takes to blink she’s in front of him. She’s so close. She shouldn’t be able to get that close without standing on him but she’s there. Her voice whispers in his mind, “You should choose your words more carefully.”

And then her hands are around his throat.

The pressure is insistent and her motive is unmistakable. She’s going to kill him. She’s going to squeeze the life out of him. He’s going to die here and Eddie’s going to find his body because Eddie’s going to come rushing over as soon as Buck doesn’t call him in the morning and what if this thing is still here waiting for him.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

Buck’s mind yells for him like his lungs did when Eddie was buried except now it’s Buck who’s too far away, who’s trapped somewhere deep and dark with no hope of escape.

He tries to breathe and his breath whistles. It’s like the first time someone handed him a styrofoam cup of coffee and he tried to drink through the plastic stir stick. Black stars twinkle in the room and tears build in his eyes.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

There’s a shift as she adjusts her grip and it’s enough for the stars to clear. Buck throws himself forward, shaking his head like he isn’t a ragdoll trapped in the jaws of a rottweiler, like he has a hope of breaking free and then he does. The ghost is thrown off balance and Buck jumps, scrambling back over his bed for the stairs. He can’t even think about defeating her, finding out the secrets of where she came from, closing whatever fucking door he left open. All Buck wants to do is live.

A force behind him swells like a wave to lift Buck off his feet and slams him into the bathroom door. He expects to slide off of it and onto the floor, but he’s held in place hard, his head turned and his cheek pressed to the wood, toes just brushing the ground.

“You begged me to come,” the ghost hisses. “I’m here for you, lonely boy. Don’t fight so hard.”

A hand skims up his back, nearly gentle, but leaving a numbness in its path and Buck shudders in disgust. He jerks against the door, but his arms are wrenched behind him and he screams. He realizes it’s the first time he has.

“I didn’t call you! I don’t want you here! Get out.”

“I came because you needed me.” A long finger trails down his cheek and Buck whimpers. She’s taller than him now. Was she always? “I could feel you from so far away. An aching ball of need. I’m here for you now.”

“I don’t need you,” Buck growls and the room flashes like lightning. He hopes to fall, almost expects to fall, where he can scramble again but instead, Buck is hurled away from the door completely. He has time to see that he’s above the stairs, throw his hands out uselessly and then he’s frozen.

Buck hovers there in the air above the stairs, dangling in the grip of the ghost, like a cat grabbed by his scruff. Kicking wildly, he grabs for the invisible hand that’s holding him, yelling “No, no, no, no.”

“Need me now?” the ghost asks.

Smothering the terrified part of him that nearly answers yes, Buck forces himself to stop twisting and just hang there. He doesn’t want to fall. He doesn’t want to die. But what he needs isn’t going to come from the ghost.

“No,” he answers.

And he can’t explain how he knows what her face looks like when it’s screwed up in fury, but he does. It’s vicious and vindictive and Buck’s not surprised at all when he’s flicked away from her and down the flight of stairs.

He seems to hit each one as he falls, something that should be impossible with the speed that he’s traveling and the force with which he bounces off of them, but the ghost is obviously responsible. Air leaves his lungs as his ribs crack against the stairs. His elbows and knees scrape. His head bangs the rail. Buck’s long, long legs seem to tangle as he falls, cartwheeling him down and he lands in a heap at the bottom.

As he tries to figure out if he can still move, the door flies open.

Warmth rushes in. Buck hadn’t even realized how cold it had gotten since he first woke up, but the room seems to thaw around him. It’s like sunlight.

It’s Eddie.

“Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Evan. Buck. I’ve got you, Buck. I’ve got you.”

Tenderly, he scoops Buck off the floor, unsnarling the mess of his limbs and feeling all over for the damage he can’t see. “I’ve got you. Open your eyes. Come on.”

The ghost stands at the top of the stairs and then she’s at the bottom. Buck clambers backward again, digging his heels into the floor to push himself upright in front of Eddie, to try and hide him from view. Eddie doesn’t seem to see the ghost. All of his attention is still on Buck, stroking his hair, promising over and over that he’s there, that he has Buck.

All of the ghost’s attention is on Buck too. “You need me,” she says. “You called for me.” She sounds different now. Bitter. Like Buck wasted her precious time.

“I don’t need you,” he says and he reaches behind him to grab Eddie’s hand. “I already have everything I need.”

Lights flicker and that impossibly loud sound bangs in Buck’s ears again. He gets one last look at the ghost’s vicious, violent visage and then she’s gone.

And then Buck wakes up.

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snlhostharry · 3 years

Text

try try again

harry x reader

2.2k words

summary: harry wants to propose, but life keeps getting in the way

a/n: first off... I suck at titles... why am I like this.... second off this is my secret santa gift for @jambrosemc ! happy holidays em! hope you like this, you are a super talented writer I just binged all your pieces and I am obsessed. and thank you to @peeterparkr for hosting

The first time he tries is after the first concert he does for Fine Line.

Fine Line at the Forum is a success in all the ways that matter, and Harry is so happy coming off the stage that he almost forgets about his plan to propose all together. When you barge into his dressing room after the show is over, smiling and ecstatic for him he suddenly sees the ring box on the counter and rushes to shove it in his pocket before you can see it.

“That was insane, love,” You say wrapping him into a hug. “I think they really liked it.”

He gives you a cheeky smile, “You think?” You roll your eyes in response, “What gave it away?” He asks, “The frantic screaming or the bra’s that were thrown onto the stage?”

“You should’ve kept a couple,” You tease, “They could’ve been my size.”

He laughs, “If you want one that bad I will buy it for you.”

“I’m holding you to that,” You say, taking a seat on top of the counter. He runs a hand through his hair, knowing that this would be the perfect moment to just get down on one knee. He can see himself doing it, simply bending down and saying the words he’s wanted to say for what feels like forever. “You okay?” You ask him, seeing the look on his face and supposing that he’s thinking about something that happened during the concert. “You did a great job out there, seriously. Everyone really loved it H, the album is spectacular.”

He shakes himself back into the moment, “I know, I know.” He says, and it comes off a little sharper than he means it too, he’s just very much in his own head about this whole thing now. What felt like it would be the perfect moment now feels wrong, like doing it now would cheapen the entire thing. He sighs, “Sorry,” He says, planting himself down on the floor dramatically, “Thank you.”

“We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to,” You tell him, guessing that he’s just tired from a long night. “Let’s get takeout and go home, or go home and get takeout whichever order.”

He smiles, “You ate before the show.”

“That was like three hours ago, and it was a snack, I always planned on eating again, and you were too nervous to eat before the show.”

He hugs his knees to his chest, “Watching you eat an entire kids meal in under five minutes actually helped with the nerves.”

You shrug, “What can I say? I have my moments.”

He stands and presses a kiss to your forehead as you swing your legs over the side of the counter. “You have a lot of moments, I love you.”

“Love you too,” You wait a second before asking, “So home then?”

He thinks about it for a minute, “Yeah.”

“When you call in the food order make sure you put it under my name,” You tell him and he collects his things from the room, “People are beginning to get suspicious when I go into the restaurant to pick up an order for Harry.”

He nods, and gently grabs your hand as the two of you leave. Maybe he’s not going to do it tonight, but he’s more resolved to actually pop the question than ever. He’s just so in love with you that he wants the whole thing to be perfect, and for some reason he has it all in his head that it needs to be a story that the two of you can tell in the future, something meaningful, he just has absolutely no idea what that is.

The second planned attempt is a lot more off the cuff.

You insist on throwing him a birthday party at the house, saying something about wanting to one up your sister who threw a very tasteful christmas party that the two of you went to. Not that your sister was invited seeing as the party was in London, but you knew that there would be enough pictures that she would see that you’re just as good as she is. Harry doesn’t understand it at all, but he decides that he doesn't even want to know how a rivalry like that can develop and leaves it alone.

Objectively, you throw a very nice party. Of course Harry makes it a point to tell you this as often as possible without seeming overly invested in it, because he loves you and he wants you to be proud of your own work just like you want him to be proud of his. It’s hard for him to leave your side at all because he loves to see you talk to his friends and family and seem so happy to do it. You fit right in with everyone and he’s so grateful for that, and it’s as he’s standing there watching you talk to people that it hits him that this could be his moment.

Not in front of everyone because that would be so much more pressure than he needs, but he thinks that after when everyone has finally left the house that he could catch you in the middle of cleaning or something and gently ask you to marry him. He decides that tonight, that’s the plan and he spends the rest of the night just thinking about that. It really is a great party, full of all his favorite things and people, it’s one of those nights where he feels like he loves you so much that his heart might just burst out of his chest.

When finally every last guest has left the house, and things are a bit messy, he can’t seem to find you anywhere. He locks the door behind him, and starts walking through the house calling your name. He checks upstairs, in the kitchen, in all the bathrooms, and nothing. Until finally he walks into the living room and finds you sound asleep on the couch, snoring loudly enough that he’s surprised he didn’t hear it while he was looking. He looks at you and just smiles, suddenly completely fine with the fact that another plan has been ruined. He simply picks you up and takes you to bed, well aware he’s going to have to move onto plan C if he ever wants to get this done.

The next time he tries, you end up surprising him.

Plan C is a nice candlelight dinner at the house, which Harry tried to cook but ended up burning so eventually he relented and ordered food before putting it all together. Of all the plans he had come up with thus far, this one seemed the most foolproof. Everything was already planned: he knew you were going to come home from work at a certain time, he knew that there wouldn't be any distractions, and he had psyched himself up enough that he wasn’t just going to forget about the whole thing like he did the first time.

When the entire table is set up and the ring is in his pocket, he sits waiting for you to come home. He thinks about getting up to change some of the place settings just a little, but when he does he hears the clicking sound of your key in the door and sits back in his seat. After you walk into the house and set your stuff down in the entryway, Harry hears the sound of your shoes on the floor as you excitedly run into the kitchen. When you make it to where he can see you, he sees that you have a megawatt smile on your face and a large box in your hands.

“I have a surprise,” You say, keeping a firm hold of the box.

“I suppose it’s in that box,” He says, leaning over the chair so that he can see.

You roll your eyes but keep smiling, “Yeah, obviously.”

“Do you want me to guess?”

“God no,” You say, “That would take way too long. Basically I was at work today, and Mark has been producing this piece about a no kill animal shelter for a new segment about everyday heroes or whatever which is gross because puff pieces but when the woman came in to do the interview she brought in all these cats, no dogs for some reason, but anyway so we were all playing with the cats because our job is stressful and cats, and then she was like ‘you guys seem so good with these cats, they are looking for homes and-”

He looks at you with a wide eyed expression, “You didn’t.”

You ceremoniously walk over to the table, open the box and pull a small orange cat into your arms, “You bet your ass I did.” You gently pet the cat, which mews quietly from your arms, “She does not have a name mostly because I couldn’t think of any.”

“We talked about pets like a week ago, briefly.”

You give a guilty smile, “Yeah but I felt like I really needed this cat. I live here now, we live here, and I finally feel like I’m settled-” You sit down at the table and sigh, “I think I might be nesting, which is kind of gross but I don't know. I love you, and I love being here and I finally feel stable enough to get a freaking cat so that’s the explanation I have.”

He can’t stop himself from breaking into a smile, even though he knows his plans have been thwarted again. (He thinks later, after the moment has already passed that he very well could’ve done it right then and there after you’d given a whole speech about the two of you being stable). He shakes his head after looking at you making funny faces at the cat like it’s a child, “Okay hand her over.”

You hand her over and say, “I will not accept any names that have to go with the fact that she’s a ginger, because that’s just lame.”

“Well seeing as those were my only ideas-”

You sigh, “We will think of something, just not now because you got dinner and I’m starving.”

“What’s she going to eat?”

“I got food and a bowl, and a bunch more things being delivered within the next week or two.”

“Did you go out and buy a box just for the dramatic reveal?”

“Yes, I did and it was totally worth it.”

The cat’s name ends up being Hillary, after you discover an affinity for pet names that are usually person names. Something about the way you’ll end up talking about Hillary in polite conversation and someone will have to ask you who that is makes you want to choose it overall. Even though Harry is not sure about the sudden change at first, he soon becomes best friends with Hillary, and you often find the two of them cuddled up together on the couch. She likes to listen to him play music just as much as you do as it turns out.

Harry is still trying to think of a way to propose. So much time has passed since he bought the ring, and the first time that he planned to pop the question that he wonders if he’ll ever find the right time to do it or if you’ll just end up asking him one day because it’s all gone too far. One afternoon when the two of you are relishing a rare shared day off, he watches you cook lunch in the kitchen and decides that now is the time to do it. No more excuses, no more surprises, just him and you and the question on the tip of his tongue for too long.

When you put all of the food on plates, and set them out on the counter he walks over and just looks at you. It weirds you out at first so you ask, “What? Is there something on my face?”

He gets down on one knee and you still are very confused about what he’s doing. You open your mouth to ask him, but the realization suddenly hits you and you cover your mouth with your hands.

“y/n,” He says, “I have been waiting to ask you this for what feels like forever. And everytime that the plan fell through you somehow managed to make me want to marry you even more. I love you so much, I love everything about you, how excited you get about your work, how much you love Hillary and how supportive you are whenever I do anything. I love our life here, and I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?”

You don’t say anything for a second, still shocked, “Yes of course.” He stands and kisses you, slipping the ring onto your finger. “I was wondering when you would ask me.”

“You knew?”

“I saw it that night after the forum,” You say, “I figured you got nervous.”

“And you just let me flounder here for almost six months?”

“Yes,” You smile, “I figured you wanted to do it on your own terms.”

“Next time just call me out love, because I sat on this for too long.”

#peetersanta #why am I posting this so late? because Im ~impatient~#I need feedback NOW #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #my writing

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

Text

I don’t really know him

ok so I’ve had this idea in my head forever. basically you’re a famous singer and go on the ellen show.

also, here’s the art I imagine for the album cover. Just some simple art I made up!

the podcasts I mention are ones I actually listen to, and here’s the link to those!

conspiracy theories

in our time

warnings: like one swear word?

word count: 2.1k

"It's so good to see you, Y/N!" Ellen smiled warmly at you. "Yes, you too," you beamed, shifting in the white chair. "I've been wanting to be on this show forever, you have no idea."

"Really?" She laughed. You nodded. "It's really an honor." "Well, we love to have you," she smiled again. "So what have you been up to these days?" "I've been pretty busy," you informed her. "I've been working a lot on my music." "Oh? Do we have a third album coming sometime soon?" You smiled, offering a small shrug. "I can neither confirm nor deny." "Well you can't just leave us with that!" You laughed. "I will say there is definitely a third album in the works. I'm saying absolutely nothing about the timeline, though," you said, making the motion of zipping your lips. "Really?" She leaned forward, intrigued. "Could we possibly hear some details of this album?" "I've already said too much," you sat back in your chair, grinning. "Well, if that's all you're going to say..." She looked at you expectantly, as if you would just crack and spill all the details. You just smiled, shaking your head. She sighed dramatically. "I guess we'll move on." "I think that's wise," you nodded. "I did want to talk about your second album." She pulled out a record, the big album cover being shown on the screen behind her as well. "I really enjoyed this, by the way. It's very good." "Thank you," you said, your face heated up at her compliments. "It's good to know people liked it. I really put myself out there for that one." "You did!" She said, looking back down at the artwork. "It was very personal." You bit your lip, nodding. "It was definitely a lot more so than the first one, which was kind of scary, if I'm being honest." "Yeah, well that's understandable," she nodded. "Was there a certain someone these songs were written about? I couldn't help but notice some of these are very much... love songs." You smiled again. "I'm afraid that's another question I can neither confirm nor deny." "Yeah, I had a feeling you'd say that." You nodded, trying to keep the flush off your face. There definitely was a certain someone those songs were about. They were about Harry. Every single one of them was about him, and you knew for a fact the songs on his newest album were about you. No one else knew, though. You two had done a good job keeping your relationship secret. It was annoying at times, but neither of you wanted to deal with the stress of the public trying to know every detail of your relationship. "Now, it's time for a few burning questions," she said, setting the album down in front of her. "Oh, delightful," you sighed playfully. "Oh, quiet, this will be fun." "Will it?" you joked, but leaned forward nonetheless. "Definitely," she picked up a stack of cards. "First- what is your favorite food?" "Ooh, I have to say alfredo. Or... like, fudge." "Fudge?" "Yeah, it's super good." "Good to know," she laughed, looking at the next card. "What is your lockscreen?" You had to bite your tongue to keep the smile off your face. Truthfully, it was a picture of Harry. He had his hair up in a clip, looking like a little tree on top of his head. But obviously, you couldn't say this. Thankfully, you had left your phone in your dressing room, so there was no way anyone would see. "My dog," you lied. This had been true for a long time; at least until you started dating Harry. "Aw, that's cute!" You nodded with a small smile, thinking of how cute your lockscreen really was. "Who is your favorite musician?" "Uh... I don't- like, as a person? Or their music? I could go a lot of directions with this," you chuckled. "Let's just go with... as a person." "Oh boy, there's quite a lot of those," you smiled. "I really admire a lot of people, truly. A few that come to mind, I guess... Megan thee Stallion, obviously-" You were cut off by loud cheering. You grinned out at the audience, laughing at their excitement. "See, they agree," you gestured out in front of you. "I just love her energy. And Lizzo, one hundred percent. I've gotten closer with both of them in the past few years, and I cherish their friendship. They're both wonderful people. Oh, I've met Taylor Swift a few times, and I love her so much, she's so kind." "Wow, you're moving up in the world," she smiled. "I don't know," you blushed again. "Don't be so humble, you're one of the big names now!" "I don't really like to think of it that way," you admitted. "Honestly, I just like making music. I'm so blessed to be able to do what I love." "And we're blessed to be able to hear it," she said with a sincere smile. "What about the other way? Who do you like, for their music specifically?" "Um, I'm into a lot of different stuff, I don't really have a specific artist or genre I like," you lied again. Lately, you had only been listening to Harry's music. "Really?" She seemed surprised. You nodded. "There is one, though, Charlotte Sands. I actually first heard her song, Dress, on TikTok and got really into more of her stuff." This wasn't actually a lie. You liked the song when you first heard it, and even more when you found out who it was about. "Oh, I've heard Dress! It's a very nice song," Ellen nodded. "But next question! What do you do when you can't sleep?" "I usually listen to a podcast." "What podcast do you listen to?" "Conspiracy theories. But not like, in a weird way," you laughed. "And also not to sleep." "Not to sleep?" "No, they're too interesting for that. When I'm trying to sleep, I listen to one by the BBC. I just play it really quietly so it's just background noise." "Interesting," she nodded. "But I'm more interested in the conspiracy theories. Not in a weird way?" She laughed. "No, not in like a crazy way," you clarified with a smile. "Like, I'm not super into them, but I'm kind of like, who knows?" You finished with an exaggerated shrug. Ellen laughed, along with the audience. "Well, it's good to know it's not in a crazy way." You nodded, still smiling. "But speaking of conspiracy theories..." She paused, leaning forward. "Harry Styles." You nodded, waiting for her to continue, and laughed lightly when she didn't. "Yes? What about him?" "Well, just what's your opinion?" You chuckled, raising your eyebrows. "My opinion? I don't really have an opinion, I don't really know him," you lied again. You most definitely did know him. "Well, just on what you've heard. He won a Grammy recently, did you know this?" "I did know this," you nodded. "And I don't know, I've heard he's a lovely person. I do like his music, actually." "Really? I thought you two were close. Judging from these pictures," you looked behind you, eyes going wide when you realized what they were. About a month ago, you and Harry had finally gone out together for the first time. It had been a simple outing; you had gone into a coffee shop to get some drinks. Harry had sat at the table while you ordered, then you walked out before him with both cups. He followed you a few minutes after, meeting up at a corner down the street. You tried to take as many precautions as you could so you wouldn't be spotted together, and you had really thought it worked. You had both been wearing masks, so you didn't think anyone would notice. Since that was so long ago, you thought you had gotten away with it. Apparently not. There was no denying that it was you and Harry, and there was no denying the love in your eyes as you looked at him. He was the same; he looked absolutely infatuated with you. "Um," you shifted in your seat, turning back to face Ellen. She had an excited grin on her face. "I always thought you two would be cute together." "Did you?" You asked, trying desperately not to blush more than you already were. You really didn't know how to react. You had been so careful, or so you thought. How had this picture not been leaked sooner? Ellen must have had this planned for a long time. She nodded. "So, it seems you do know him pretty well. Care to give us any more details? Are you two... official?" "Unfortunately, I think you know what I'm going to say," you managed to smile again. "I can neither-" She spoke over you. "Confirm nor deny, yes, I know," she sighed playfully. "Next question, then!" Once the interview was over, you rushed back to your dressing room. Just as you expected, you had at least 22 texts from Harry. Sighing, you unlocked your phone to read them. "Shit" "I'm so sorry" "I have no idea how they got that" "I know you wanted to keep this secret" "I'm so sorry they found out" "How did they get those?" "Why weren't those released earlier?" "Did Ellen plan this?" "She must have planned this" "I'm so sorry" "You were right, we should have been more careful" "I can say we're just friends if you want" "I can do an interview with Ellen next week" "I can lie" "I'll say whatever you want" "I'm so sorry" "This is my fault" You couldn't help but laugh, imagining how panicked he was while typing these. You weren't even that upset. You knew your relationship would come out sometime. Not wanting to make him suffer any longer, you tapped the call icon. He picked up on the first ring, not even saying hello before he was apologizing. "Baby, I'm so sorry, I feel awful, I know you didn't want anyone to know, but it's ok, I'm going to get an interview soon and I can-" "Harry," you cut him off. "It's ok. Really. I knew this would happen sooner or later, it's ok." "Really? You looked upset earlier." "I was flustered," you laughed. "And a little shocked. But I'm ok now. It's fine, I promise. Besides, now we don't have to hide all the time. We can go out in public if we want to." You could practically hear the smile in his voice when he answered. "Finally, I can take you out on a proper date, just like you deserve." You grinned. "Sounds perfect. I'm actually leaving here soon, do you want to meet at the coffee shop?" "I'd love to." "See you soon, then. Love you!" "I love you too." -----

“Really, though? “I don’t have an opinion, I don’t really know him?” A little rude, if I’m being honest.”

You laughed, swatting at his shoulder playfully across the table. “I didn’t know what to say! I panicked. I wanted to say “Oh yeah, Harry? I’m actually in love with him. He’s my favorite person in the entire world, and we’ve been dating for a year.” But I figured that was a little tactless.”

“Maybe a little,” he smiled, blushing at your compliments. “I can’t blame you, though. You probably handled it better than I would have.”

You laughed. “It was really hard! Every single question. She asked who my music was about. It’s about you! She asked what my lockscreen was. It’s you. She asked who my favorite artists are! Again, you.”

“Oh yeah, very sneaky with that Charlotte Sands song,” he chuckled. “A good hint. Do you think anyone will catch that?”

“Oh, definitely,” you smiled. “Your fans are literally the FBI.”

“Sometimes,” he agreed. “But they can’t be that good, since none of them found out about us.”

“True,” you nodded. “They’re losing their skills.”

“Oh, tragic,” he pouted. “Whatever will we do without being stalked every minute of our lives?”

“Maybe we could, you know, just live like normal people for a day.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

#Harry Styles #harry fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x you fanfiction #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles/you #harry styles/reader #harry styles/you fanfiction #harry styles/reader fanfiction #harry styles/famous reader #famous!reader #singer!reader #one direction #one direction fanfiction

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shhhlikeme · 4 years

Text

Getting Railed By Your Jealous Bf Ushijima After He Meets Your Childhood Ex (Who Wants You Back!)📱📞

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Birthday Event Req By @juminly :

So I was trying to request the following >.<: a NSFW Ushi drabble with f!reader. Ushi being triggered by jealousy or something that happened between f!reader and someone else? I initially wrote a few kinks and you could go ahead with whatever inspires you! [cockwarming, face-sitting, blowjob, mirror sex, bondage, dirty talk or anything else tbh... and soft!dom!ushi]

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A/N: I’m glad we overcame the technical difficulties for you to eventually send this req. hope you like it babes. I still have 2 more reqs from the event that shouldn’t take too long, thanks for being patient!

(NSFW 18+)

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Getting Railed By Your Jealous Bf Ushijima After He Meets Your Childhood Ex (Who Wants You Back!)📱📞

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Sooooooooo

It’s canon that Ushi is a very calm and collected bf

Your friends love him 💕

Your pet loved him 💕

And your family loves him

Or that’s what Ushi always thought...... until tonight.

You and Toshi went to your parents house for an elegant middle aged people dinner party they were throwing with all their friends from the neighborhood

Ushijima wore a suit and everything 💜💜💜 you wore in a beautiful green dress and small heels to match him

CUTIES

The dinner party was great: 🎶 classy , bougie, ratchet extremely classy haha 💎

Until.......

your parent’s best friends’ son—Jeremy—happened to be home too.

Actually , he surprised everyone, crashing the party unexpectedly

And he brought gifts🤨.

Making a huge entrance that had everyone screaming in delight and hugging him, Ushijima couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the way your family fawned over your childhood friend

Your parents can’t help but gush over Jeremy, because they’ve always wanted you to marry him and move with him to America to study cosmetic surgery

In high school you two dated a little, but then you realized it was all for the benefit of your parents and you agreed to break up but remained distant friends

You were good with that , as you thought it was a mutual decision

But it wasn’t. Jeremy truly had feelings for you and they hadn’t stopped just because he moved away and finished med school

“These are for you, Y/N.” Jeremy smoothly handed you a bouquet of your favourite type of flowers

You hadn’t the heart to tell him your favourite type had changed since high school :S

“And Wakatoshi-san, I didn’t know you would be here. Apologies.” He shook his hand.

Ushijima’s face was hard. “I don’t know why I would not be.....?” He answered with a slight eyebrow raise, squeezing Jeremy’s hand right back.

Hose down that fire Y/N

Anyway, even though your parents like Ushi a lot, it was pretty obvious to you AND your boyfriend that both them + Jeremy’s parents never gave up hope that you two would one day get back together

Not to mention They were as subtle as elephants in a library

They got the fucking photo album, showing everyone including Ushijima pictures of you and Jeremy bathing together as babies and kissing before prom

SMFH!

“Oh, you live in Beverly Hills, now?” Your mom’s eyes sparkled at Jeremy as he showed her pictures of his mansion on his phone. “Y/N looooves that part of Los Angeles, don’t you, honey?”

You noticed Ushijima stiffen. He was thinking about the love of his life, you, living in LA in Jeremy’s ugly mansion and it pissed this Ace off.

You nodded slowly, giving your mom a warning glance. “Sure, when I was 15.”

“Hey Jeremy, your father told me last weekend that you know of bunch of players on the LA Rams?”

Jeremy nodded proudly. “Yes sir. A lot of their wives and mothers are patients of mine, so the starting line up usually sends me Christmas cards with season passes and signed memorabilia so that I up their women on the waiting lists. Whenever you’re in America and you’d like to go see a game, just let me know.”

You rolled your eyes at how loud your father exclaimed in joy. “I keep telling you to call me YF/N!” He clapped. “And that’s a real sport right there. Football, Baseball, Soccer. Everything else is a joke to real men.” Your father finished.

“DAD!” You chastised, stomping your foot under the table.

“What—?”

You glowered are him. “In case you FORGOT.....Ushijima happens to be a professional volleyball player.”

Your dad had clearly forgotten, trying to blubber out an apology. Ushijima interrupted him, putting a hand on yours to settle his furious girlfriend.

“That’s quite alright, sir. I took no offence to it.” Ushi was used to other men not recognizing volleyball as a manly sport—he is very confident so that didn’t bother him. Rather, what stung was the fact that your father had never asked Toshi to call him by his first name before, and you two had been dating for three years.

To your dismay, Yours and Jeremys parents continued to say annoying shit like that all night

Jeremy loved it 🙄

You hated it, and defended your man at any chance you got

Ushijima stayed silent through it all, trying to calm you down actually.

Like I said he’s confident and not easily shaken

He only had had enough when the conversation changed to Jeremy’s explanation of liking his life and his career but it all never seeming good enough because of “the one that got away” and how “she seems happy in a relationship now” but “he would do anything to get her back”

Meanwhile he’s sneaking heartfelt glances at you 🤬🤬🤬🤢

Your mother and father were doting, looking at you and eachother as if to say “come onnnnn Y/N give him another chance”

Ushijima picked up on it all.

At one point during Jeremy’s explanation of ‘the one that got away’ you stuck your finger down your throat to make a gagging noise childishly

YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT HAPPY LMAO

anyway, at the end of the night you said bye to everyone..... and Jeremy asked to speak to you in private on the empty porch

Ushijima watched with a locked jaw by the car, leaning on it so he could stare openly

He was justly heated as he watched the conversation (but couldn’t hear anything) happening on the porch at night

He witnessed Jeremy write down what had to be his number and hold it in front of you for you to take

You hesitated, not sure if you should take it just to avoid causing more waves with both parents or to stomp on his foot

Luckily you didn’t need to do either because Ushijima had silently stormed over in a millisecond, whisking the paper from Jeremy’s hand, staring at his number written on the paper before crumbling it and throwing it over his shoulder.

“She doesn’t need it. Goodnight, Jeremy.”

Ushi grabbed your hand and walked you to the car angry af, you had to jog in your heels to keep up with him

This man was maaad and silent the whole way home, thinking about how everyone seems to be so sure that your ex could have given you a better life

He still held your hand the entire drive though, so clearly he wasn’t mad at you ❤️

He hated that everyone liked this Jeremy better all because he went down the conventional path to success:

Hadn’t Toshi paid for everything? Hadn’t Toshi massaged your feet? Hadn’t Toshi made you extremely happy? Hadn’t they seen how you were treated? Did you believe someone could do better?

Nonsense.

Toshi knew that he was the BEST boy and that no one could dare love you more or treat you better....... and you tended to agree

But Toshi needed to hear you say it.

He needed to feel it, too.

Upon arriving at yours & Toshi’s gorgeous modern home:

Toshi hurriedly closed the door

you hadn’t even fully taken off your heels yet when you felt your boyfriend pressed himself against you from behind, lifting your dress up and rubbing his long hard cock print on your pantied pussy lips as you bent over

You moaned and started to get wet immediately

“Take off the panties.” He ordered.

you did obviously 😭 almost tripped with how fast you did it

Horny bish lol

Your boyfriend then picked you up in his strong arms and walked a few steps into the foyer, placing you so your ass was sitting on the 7th marble stair. He knelt down in between your legs and spread them while you sat on the staircase

He squeezed your ass in his large hands and dove into your pussy with his lips then tongue, immediately skipping the gentle licks... and tongue fucking your entrance into oblivion

His tongue was wet, strong and needy and fuck you choked on your own cries

You threw your head back, already screaming Ushi’s name

“Mmm scream my name just like that. Let everyone hear who you belong to.” He paused tongue fucking you to order.

you shuddered as you felt his warm breath on your clit and Ushi expertly enclosed his mouth around your sopping cunt, French kissing your clit into his mouth and sucking on it like a tiny lollipop

You tugged on his hair and screamed his name louder, feeling your interior walls clench

Once your legs started shaking because you were about to fall over the edge, Ushi picked you up again, making you wrap your legs around his waist

Toshi bent down quickly to empty his pockets which consisted of his keys, wallet, and his phone, placing it where you were just sitting when he was eating you out

Ushiwaka pressed your back against the wall beside the staircase.....

He held your entire body weight with one arm as he leaned in to kiss your neck, using his other hand to unbuckle his belt and kick his pants off

When he was freed & nude, he asked you kindly if you were ready and once you nodded he put one of his feet on the sixth stair, the other on the fifth, then thrusted deep into your soaking heat

He wasted no time in pounding you into the wall, the slight pain of the hard wall and your boyfriend’s hard dick somehow heightening the pleasure factor

Ushijima took both of your wrists in his gigantic hand and locked them above your head as he gave you nice and deep thrusts the way you both like it

“So fucking wet. All because of me, correct? I’m the only one who makes your pussy drip like this.”

Your pussy answered:💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

Your vaginal walls squeezed around his dick and you bit his shoulder because the pleasure disallowed you to speak and Ushi groaned out

“Say. This. Tight. Pussy. Is. Mine.” He grunted as he circled his hips a bit while pounding, his voice grave.

Toshi picked up the pace as your soaking wet walls clenched around him even more from his dirty talk.

“Say. Who. This. Pussy. Belongs. To. Beautiful.”

You were being fucked too well, you couldn’t speak, you could only moan ... like usual

But your boyfriend wasn’t having any of that tonight.

He let go of your captive wrists and held you with both hands again, stepping downstairs and stopping in front of the large mirror in your foyer, turning so that only you could see yourself poking over his large shoulder, along with your boyfriend’s fine juicy ass and back calf muscles 🤤

Ushi grabbed the back of your neck (not enough to hurt) but just enough so that your head was up and you were looking at yourself in the mirror. He began to fuck you again, getting nice and deep in your pussy as he made you bounce on his dick in his arms

“Are you seeing yourself?” He laughed sexily. “Getting dumb-fucked, Princess? Whose dick are you taking, Y/N?” Wakatoshi groaned as your pussy clenched around him even more. He could tell you were about to cum and that he wouldn’t be long after. But he needed to hear you say something first.

“Who is your first choice, Y/N? Who fucks you like this every night? Who’s dick can you never get enough of? Me? Or Him?”

In your stupor, you watched yourself in the mirror: Toshi’s delectable ass flexing as he pushed in and out of you, feeling his strong hand gripping your neck. You weren’t a big talker during sex and bae knew that, but the amazing feeling of this angry jealous sex was too much, his big dick felt too fucking good..... and one particularly hard thrust from him that grazed your g-spot in the besssst way gave you the energy to cry out;

“YOU, TOSH. FUCK THAT JEREMY, HE COULD NEVER FUCK ME LIKE YOU DO. OR TAKE CARE OF ME LIKE YOU DO. I DON’T WANT OR NEED ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST BOY WITH THE BEST DICK. NO ONE CAN EVEN C-COME CLOSE TO YOU. YOU —OH, OH, OH MY GOD, I’M GONNA—“

Wakatoshi let go of your neck, landing soft kisses on your neck while he returned to gripping your ass with both hands now, sliding you up and down his long, hard, soaking wet dick from your juices.

It felt so fucking good 😩

“That’s right princess. I’ve heard enough, baby. I knew it: I just needed to hear you say it. Now cum for me.”

when you did, you made sure to scream out all the praises you always told toshi when you weren’t getting fucked, making him feel like a King, reassuring him that your mind, body, and soul belonged to him and NO ONE else.

Wakatoshi found his release soon after from your pussy but also from your words, shooting his thick cum up inside you for you to take as he caressed your back and whispered how much he loved you in your ear.

Then, as you laid limp in his arms, he left his cock to stay warm inside you and went back to the stairs, fully prepared to go head up and bathe you, then put you to bed.

But as he passed the sixth step, though, Toshi bent down to pick up his keys, wallet and phone that he’d set there.

As you fell asleep on his shoulder, Ushi grinned at his phone screen, pressing send to the voicemail message he’d just recorded.

Whoops 😏 must have accidentally butt-dialed someone before fucking you and left a long message by accident

😕ohno😕

With a photographic memory, it wasn’t difficult for the Ace to remember such a plastic surgeon’s phone number when Ushi saw it on the note.....

And Toshi could explain to you how sorry he was that he’d accidentally dialed it before railing you to sleep on the stairs and in the foyer

But truth be told, your boyfriend’s only real regret would be not being able to see the look on Jeremy’s face when he listened to it on his flight back home.

Bday Event Masterlist

#aone and ushijima birthday event #ushijima smut #wakatoshi smut #ushiwaka x reader #ushiwaka x y/n #ushiwaka x you #haikyuu boys #haikyuu!!#sexy hq boys #haikyuu stories #hq headcanons #haikyu headcannons #haikyuu imagines #hq sexy stories

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emotions-ew · 3 years

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A Collection of Queer Country Artists and Songs for anyone who doesn’t feel like there’s country music they can relate to...

There is this idea that country music is like just Republican men singing about beer, and trucks and also Jesus, and that is kind of fair because loads of it is but there are some cool as hell queer/lgbtq+ country artists. Finding those and finding that representation in a genre of music I was literally raised on kind of changed my life in a tiny way and I wanted to share that.

(This is by no means a comprehensive list and also I’m basing the “Country” part of this sometimes on my subjective opinion/limited music knowledge so yuh please don’t hate me if I get some wrong)

Also link below for a Spotify playlist of my favourite gay/gayish country music, some mentioned in this post some not, (with a title that isn’t obviously gay for anyone who can’t openly listen to gay stuff on their public accounts for whatever reason) so feel free to skip the massive essay and just jump straight to that. And pretty please repost if I missed anyone/ any songs you love.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7KB6PmUxnpkU7lih8Bysvw

Artists To Follow:

Chely Wright

- Right off the bat, Chely Wright is a legend and I’m in love with her. So, in the 90′s Chely Wright was kind of a huge deal. She started her career as a singer/songwriter and released her first album in ‘94, which was critically acclaimed although never reached the commercial success of her later works. By ‘97 she was really hitting her stride, dropping her breakout hit “Shut up and Drive” (a personal favourite of mine) followed two years later by the biggest hit of her career “Single White Female”. Throughout all that Chely Wright was, to the world, a good old fashioned, heterosexual southern gal. Privately it was a bit of a different story. She had public relationships with male country artists, all while pursuing a secret decade long relationship with a woman.

I hadn’t ever really heard a Chely Wright song until a few years ago so I never knew about her music or career pre-coming out but I do know that even though by the time she came out in 2010 she was by no means at the height of her fame Chely Wright is kind of one of the biggest names in country music to be out and proud (in my opinion) and I love her like an insane amount. I literally play her music in my car when I have passengers just so I can be like “fun fact this singer is actually gay-” and then subject them to a lengthy explanation of her entire career. She came out with an album and a memoir and the album is my favourite of her work because it’s so fucking raw and because I relate to most of it immensely. Anyways Chely Wright went fucking through it in her journey to being her authentic self and now she’s out and proud and married to a woman and they have a family together and I’m a fucking sucker for a happy ending and y’all should add her to every playlist you have. And on top of that her music is genuinely good. Coming out undoubtedly damaged her career but I think that

Brandi Carlile

- As far as I can tell Brandi Carlile has been out her whole career. I feel like this list is just going to be me saying “I’m in love with her” about a bunch of women old enough to be my mother but in my defence, I am honestly in love with her. She’s been making music since she was like, seventeen, and has had a bunch of massive hits, as a singer, songwriter, and producer. If you want to cry kind of happy tears listen to her performance of “Bring my Flowers Now” with Tanya Tucker. She’s won Grammy’s and CMT awards and she’s done it all as an out Queer woman. She’s also a founding member of The Highwomen, an all-female country music group who released their first album in 2019, comprised of Carlile, Marren Morris, Natalie Hemby and Amanda Shires. I really love this band because they’re four artists who are immensely successfully in their own right collabing, much like the Highwaymen, and their music is phenomenal while also being a fuck you to mainstream country music and their inability to properly represent women in country music spaces.

She’s been married to a woman (smoking hot and also brilliant) since 2012 and they have two kids together and if you want to cry (again) then you have to listen to her song “Mother” about her eldest daughter. A queer country artist absolutely worth adding to all your playlists.

Brooke Eden

- As I understand it Eden came out publicly in January of this year. She’s engaged to Hilary Hoover, who she’s been dating since 2015 apparently. I can’t even imagine the pressure that must be on a person and how stressful it would be to keep a relationship secret from the whole world for years and personally I think they’re a cute as hell couple and I wish them literally all the happiness in the world.

Brooke Eden has a few older songs that I think are really good, my favourite being “Act Like You Don’t”, and while her new stuff isn’t my usual country vibe I am a sucker for literally anything gay and it is legally my gay duty to stream any song that she releases to support my fellow queer. It’s quite different to anything Wright or Carlile sing but I actually kind of love that because it shows that country music of all different shapes and sizes and styles can be sung by queer artists.

Amythyst Kiah

- Okay so I am a very new listener to Amythyst Kiah, but her music is literally so beautiful it would be a straight up sin to not include her on this list. Her music is country-blues-roots esq (more roots than country, I think?) and her voice is so unique. She grew up in Chattanooga and has been playing music since childhood. She recently made her Opry debut which is fucking awesome. She also belongs to a band called Our Native Daughters, described as “A supergroup of Black women in traditional music”. Their debut album “Songs of Our Native Daughters” did numbers and I haven’t listened to the whole thing but my favourite so far are “Black Myself” and “I Knew I Could Fly” so y’all add that to your playlists along with “Wild Turkey” by Amythyst Kiah because holy hell her voice on that will blow your mind.

Steve Grand

- The first man to make this list, he should frankly be honoured. Grand has been an out and proud gay man making country music since like 2013, and I have so much respect for an artist who chose to simply never be in, choosing instead to simply write gay ass songs about being in love with men and letting the chips fall where they man. His music is always going to have a special place in my heart and, he’s cute so if you’re into men and music by men give him a google. add him to your playlists, his All-American Boy album is literally just a dozen songs that are perfect to yell-sing along to.

Katie Pruitt

- Not hugely knowledgeable on Katie Pruitt but her music makes me feel crazy intense emotions and is absolutely gay

Honorable Mention Artists I haven’t Really Listened to But Who I Know to be gay thanks to google and might be your thing so totally check them out:

Brandy Clark

Ty Herndon

Shelly Fairchild

Lavendar Country

Trixie Mattel

Cameron Hawthorn

Drop any other names of artists or songs you know of

Specific Songs That Make Me Fucking Cry or (in good and bad ways (but always in a gay way)) or basically are just gay as hell:

If She Ever Leaves Me; The Highwomen

- So, this album came out about a week before my first (and only) girlfriend broke up with me. The general gist of the song is a woman singing about how her loved isn’t ever going to leave her but if she does it sure as hell won’t be for a creepy man in a bar. A little ironic that I felt I related to it so intensely, considering she did in fact leave me. There’s this one lyric that goes “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve lover here out loud/the sky hasn’t always been blue” and my girlfriend and I were crazy deep in the closet so I drew her a cute little picture of a grey cloud and on the back I wrote that lyric and I gave it to her and to me it was kind of a promise that one day I’d get a chance to love her out loud and even though I never actually did this song is forever going to make me cry because of the little bit of hope that lyric gave me and the way it’s inclusion on this overwhelmingly mainstream country album made me feel like acceptance was just that little bit closer.

All American Boy; Steve Grand

- Definitely one of the first gay country songs I ever heard, and Steve Grand didn’t once sacrifice a scrap of country for the gay. It’s beautiful, it’s a little sad, it’s hopeful. It’s forever going to hold a special place in my heart and the music videos is kind of one of my favourites ever. I found this song before I found myself and the way it made my heart warm should have been a stronger sign than I took it to be.

Like Me; Chely Wright

- When you love someone you kind of make it your mission to know them in a way that no one else can. This song by Chely Wright is sort of an ode to that, and how even once you lost someone, you’re still going to know every little thing about them. On top of that it sort of speaks to the idea that all these things Wright learned about this woman, she learned in secret and she knew her and loved her in secret and now that they’re gone from each other she’s left with all of this knowledge and all of these questions and no one to answer them. I love the way it’s so slow and the melody and her voice, the way it’s low and a little raspy, make this one of my favourite Chely Wright songs.

The Mother; Brandi Carlile

- Sorry but a song about being a mother by a queer woman is going to make me cry every time and actually I’m not that sorry. It’s quite a simple song, if any song written by Brandi Carlile can ever be described as ‘simple’, it’s an ode to her daughter. My favourite line is “you are not an accident/where no one thought it through” because it speaks to the fact that in order for queer women to have a kid together they have to want it so damn bad and also I just like the way her voice sounds on that line. This song is also the perfect thing to listen to if you ever for a second feel like being gay/queer is going to stand in the way of you having a family because it absolutely doesn’t have to and if that’s something you want, you can have it. Don’t let people try and convince you otherwise.

Loving Her; Katie Pruitt

- Unapologetic gay love. Opening a song with “If loving hers a sin, I don’t wanna go to heaven” is a fucking baller move and she went there. The lyrics are beautiful, and her voice is phenomenal. It could be a sad song, about confronting religious repression and grappling with what that means for your love, but instead its triumphant. Katie Pruitt doesn’t give a fuck if you have a problem because she’s going to write songs for her lover.

Jesus From Texas; Semler

- Not actually totally sure this is a country song, but it has the words ‘Jesus’ and ‘Texas’ in the title so I feel safe including it in this list. Honestly, I don’t really know why I relate so hard to this song. Like, I wasn’t really raised with religion, so I don’t know what it is about this funky little tune that makes me want to sob but there’s something about this tune that makes me want to do whatever the opposite of get up and dance is, but like, in a good way.

Lovin’ Again; Steve Grand

- Breakup song that ends kind of positively? So good to sing along to at high, high volumes. The idea that losing someone doesn’t have to mean losing yourself and just because you can’t love them doesn’t mean you’re not ever going to love again. But also kind of about how it’s hard to get over someone, I don’t know it’s just good.

Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears; Lavender Country

- Jesus christ if this isn’t the coolest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. Sorry but a gay country group formed in 1972 who dropped possibly the first gay themed country album, and this was the title of one of the songs. God I am in love.

Songs that (to me) are a little fruity or that I just relate to in a gay way:

Picket Fences; Chely Wright

- Chely Wright is gay but this song came out long before she did and when she wrote it, it wasn’t supposed to be gay which is why it’s in this section and not the previous. The reason it’s included at all is because frankly ma’am, Mrs Wright, it’s a little fruity. And I feel a little bad for joking because honestly to me, the way I hear this song and knowing the context (that Wright was deeply closeted at the time she wrote and released it), it’s kind of just sad. The general gist of the song is Wright asking what’s so great about a traditional lifestyle anyways. It could be read as a woman genuinely questioning why we push that expectation that she’ll have two kids and a husband and a picket fence lifestyle, or even could be read as a woman who’s trying to deflect how much she does in fact want that, you have to listen and form your own opinion. But to me, it feels like a woman who’s desperately trying to justify why she doesn’t want that life not because she can’t have it, but she knows it will never be right for her. I don’t know it’s hard to explain I just feel like this song is a little bit gay even though I’m sure she didn’t intend that.

Sinning with You; Sam Hunt

- Sorry but this song is gay. Sorry but you can’t write the lines “I never felt like I was sinning with you/Always felt like I could talk to God in the morning” and “if it’s so wrong why did it feel so right” and “But I never felt shame, never felt sorry/Never felt guilty touching your body” and not to mention the opening line of “raised in the first pew/praises for yeshua/case of a small town repression”, and expect to not sit in my car sobbing as I realised that while I never felt like what we did was a sin she absolutely did, and wishing I could have told her that I was sorry for making her carry the weight of both our souls but also that it wasn’t a sin and nothing in the world could feel that good and be that bad and it isn’t right that she had to be so ashamed of something that was just so good. Sam Hunt actually said after he wrote the song that while it was reflection on his own relationship with faith he genuinely hopes that people in the lgbtq community can like find comfort or whatever in his words and like go off king, we stan an ally.

How do I Get There; Deana Carter

- This ones easy, it’s about falling in love with your best friend and suddenly realising you want more than just friendship with them. Sorry Deana, that’s gay. In my Deana Carter of like Year 10 I played this song on repeat and screamed along to the lyrics as though singing it hard enough would make her like me back.

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