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julemmaes · 1 year

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Besties

A/N: apparently this can't be considered a drabble cause it's like 1.6k words or smth like that, so I'm tagging people since some complained about not getting tagged

She kept her eyes on him as he paced her living room, a hand fisting his long hair and the other hidden in his jacket's pocket. With the way his feet were dragging on the floor every time he turned around to go back and forth, she thought he might reach the foundation of the building.

The picture was kinda comical and she'd have laughed at her best friend if he hadn't stormed into her apartment thirty seconds ago with a lethal expression on his face and seeming the most pissed off she'd ever seen him.

Nesta was waiting for him to talk, knowing full well that if she pushed him before he was ready to do so himself, they'd end up screaming at each other.

She sipped her tea, clutching the mug between her ice cold hands, her eyes never leaving his tormented figure, wondering why he had been ignoring her texts and call all day.

They were at an honest ten meter distance—her, sitting on a stool in her kitchen, him, digging a path in her living room—but she could still see the anger etched in his features.

Nesta arched a brow, glancing at the thermostat on her kitchen wall when a breeze of cold hair hit her, making her shiver. She was about to get up to turn up the heat when he exploded.

"What the fuck was that?!"

Nesta startled, almost dropping the mug in her hands. She frowned, sitting back down, but straightening her shoulders, readying for battle.

"What was what, exactly?"

Nesta kept a mellow tone, hoping her friend would take on her silent advice to calm his raging emotions.

Cassian was furious, though, and his eyes were blazing with something wild. His breathing shallow as he weighted his next words. Careful, then—scared of what her reaction would be to whatever he'd just unleashed on them.

That caught her full attention.

They didn't tiptoe around each other like this. They never had in their seventeen years of friendship.

Cassian breathed in through his nostrils, clenching and unclenching his hands.

"I saw you, after the game. At the party." He grumbled, his voice rough, as if it pained him to say those words.

Nesta slightly nodded, starting to play with the ring on middle finger. The one he had gifted her for her 18th birthday. His eyes traced the movement and quickly slid back to hers.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

He took a step towards, then halted and ran a hand down his face. Cassian looked at her and then covered his eyes, turning to the window as his body trembled.

"I saw you with Helion."

Nesta's heart stopped in her chest and started beating wildly the following second.

Cassian kept his back to her as he leaned over the desk she kept right under the window, as if he physically couldn't keep himself up.

"I saw you kissing him," he went on, his voice breaking.

Nesta opened her mouth, but no words came out.

Never, in their almost-twenty years of knowing each other, had they come this close to confess. And she had not seen this coming.

Not today. Not ever.

"And I know– fuck," he brought a hand to his face, pinching his eyes. "I know we're not– I know whatever we're doing isn't exclusive or anything like that. Shit, I know it, okay?"

He still wouldn't look at her and even if Nesta though she was a pro at reading him after all this time, it came hard to her to do so when everything he was saying made no sense to her.

"I guess I just thought this time," Cassian stopped again, took a deep breath. Another one.

When he turned to lean against the desk with his hip, Nesta was stunned to see his eyes red with unwashed tears.

Stunned, to recognize those same feelings flickering in her chest mirrored on his face.

"Cass," she whispered, putting her feet down and standing up.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, "I think I believed this time things were different. And seeing you kissing him... it broke me."

That's why he'd been avoiding her. He hadn't been nursing a hangover. He hadn't been hanging out with his team, as he normally did after a big game.

He'd been actively ignoring her calls.

"I don't..." she said, eyes bulging as words failed her once again.

Cassian smiled sadly at her, shaking his head.

"I know you don't," he whispered as they looked at each other. He held her stare for a tiny bit longer, as if trying to imprint her image in his brain.

As if he was scared this was the last time he got to look at her.

When he closed his eyes and turned to the side, Nesta felt sick to her stomach.

She didn't really hear herself talk when she said, "No."

Cassian's eyes snapped back to her. And this time, they gave her strength, and she let him see.

See, for the first time, what she felt for him.

She tentatively stepped closer to him, a hand on the table to help her keep her balance.

"No, you don't know," Nesta murmured. "You don't know shit."

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Her words, from just mere minutes ago.

They were such clueless motherfuckers.

An unexpected, disbelieving laugh escaped her control and she was surprised to feel tears gather.

"Oh my god, you really don't know shit, Cassian."

He was getting visibly frustrated by the second.

She smiled, bringing a hand to her chest, "I only kissed him cause I saw you dancing with Danika."

His lips parted.

"He offered me a shot, cause he knows what seeing you with her made me feel. I got tipsy. I kissed him because I couldn't stand looking at you with someone else." Realization dawned on her then and she took a confident step forward. "And he pushed me away, saying I was being an idiot. Cause he has to know what you feel for me."

Cassian gaped, his forehead wrinkled.

She breathed out a laugh, placing her trembling hands on his chest, and his own, instinctively, reached for them, holding her there.

His heart was beating impossibly fast. Matching hers.

Nesta's words came out wobbly then, "We're so fucking stupid."

"I'm not sure I understand what's going on here," he said.

She smiled, "I think this is the moment where we realize we love each other."

Cassian heaved, sagging. His eyes filled with tears and he closed them, leaning down. His lips brushed her forehead, tentatively, seeing if she'd back down.

Nesta only pressed against him, pushing her face into the crook of his neck. Leaving a kiss there.

His entire body shuddered at the contact.

"Nes."

"I'm sorry," she said.

He shook his head, "I'm sorry."

She pulled back enough that she could look him in the face and when his lips turned up, she took it as an invitation.

The kiss was soft, gentle.

Two best friends that had waited way too long for it to happen.

His lips caressed hers and her tongue ran over his mouth, making him moan. His hands went to her waist, clutching her tight. Hers slid up his chest, framed his face and pulled him down firmly to her.

Cassian mumbled something in the kiss and she detached herself shortly just to ask, "what?"

She went back in, more fiercely than before, not really giving him the chance to repeat himself.

When he chuckled on her lips, pulling away, she let go of his cheeks, slipping her hands in his hair, scratching at his scalp. His breaths came out shaky.

"I said," he kissed her again. "I said, I hate you so much."

The words gave her whiplash and she pulled away, searching for his eyes.

That wasn't really what you expected your brand new boyfriend to whisper during your first kiss.

His hands didn't let her go too far as he fastened his hold on her. Not that she had intended to go any further than this, anyway.

She'd heard the irony behind his words, but still she couldn't ignore the hint of truth there.

"What? Why?"

Cassian laughed, very little amusement in the sound.

"Why?" He repeated. "Girl, I've been taking you out for months now and you didn't even notice."

Nesta tilted her head, sincerely confused.

"No, you haven't?"

"Mh, yes, I have?"

She shook her head, "I swear, you haven't. Must have been your other bitch, I'm telling you."

He rolled his eyes, now glimmering with mischief, "I have no other bitch, dumbass."

Nesta bit her lip, "I still have zero idea what dates you're talking about."

"Oh, c'mon," he complained, brushing his mouth over her cheek. Then the other. Then her own mouth. Before she could catch his lisp in hers, he continued. "I took you to Lily's every Friday. And every time I thought I'm gonna kiss her tonight, I'll do it. But then you'd suggest we went to whatever party the others threw and we never really had a moment for each other at those."

Nesta wanted to punch him.

"Let me get this clear," she started. "You wanted me to somehow catch up on the fact that the very platonic outings we've been going on for the past ten years since you got your license, turned into dates—in your head—and when nothing really changed, in the way you asked me on them, in the way I accepted to come, you thought I'd just randomly know they were actual dates?"

Cassian blinked at her. And nodded. He had the nerve to nod.

"Oh, fuck you, Navarro," she laughed.

He smirked, fire lighting his eyes.

"With pleasure."

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#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #this was wayyyy shorter in my head #im sorry?#not that i think youll care #whatever #enjoy #please keep in mind im literally writing them on my phone and directly on here which never really happens #so if for whatever reason you notice theyre shit #its cause nobody read them before i pressed post #not even i

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dirtytransmasc · 6 months

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the men and boys are innocent too.

we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.

I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.

I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.

I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.

I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.

the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.

#I don't have words to describe how I feel for the men of Palestine #the things I have seen them do after everything they have been through goes so far beyond selfless #what do you call this? this prevailing goodness and willingness to give everything they have and more? what word even touches it?#I don't think there is one #islamophobia has conditioned us to see these men and boys as evil and dangerous #we see this in how we speak about Palestine #and we need to uncondition ourselves #they're just as innocent and of value and good as the women and children #so fight for them #they don't deserve this any more than the women and children #free palestine #palestine

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