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#normal ways to behave. normal things to say.
dumpywrites · 2 days
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Adrift - Min Yoongi / Suga
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Prompt: He only comes to sleep with you and you accept because your heart allows you to.
Prompt request: HERE
Genre/tags: Angst (with happy ending), slight mentions of smut, friends to friends with benefits to lovers
Pairing: Yoongi x she/her reader
a/n: this was very very very lowkey inspired by real life situation, don't ask me lol
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The joy of making breakfast, or not. Carefully plating the pancakes you made, drizzling them with maple syrup, adding some blueberries from the fridge. The sight of two delicious pancakes in two separate plates should not irritate you this much. The matching cups of drinks, one with milk in it, one with black coffee. 
Making food at ten in the morning should not be this grim, but here you were, holding yourself together just at the thought of the person who would soon join you at the table. 
The sound of the bathroom faucet turning off and the light button being pressed made you look. 
There he was. The man you were so madly in love with. His dreamy black locks wet, small droplets fell down on the floor and he for sure would get an earful for walking straight to the dining table while still dripping with water from his hair. Or maybe not, you were too busy ogling at his bare upper body, nothing you had never seen, but would always made your jaw drop. With a small towel in his hand and that one sweatpants that he always left on your place on purpose covering his lower body, he slowly made his way towards you.
“Pancakes again?”
“You better not complain.” You rolled your eyes, which earned a smirk from the guy. 
“I love pancakes.” He simply said, sitting down and putting the towel around his neck so the water from his hair would not drip down. “Especially yours.”
“Cause it’s free, just say it.” You rolled your eyes again and sat down across the guy who had a huge smirk on his face. 
The man simply shrugged and proceeded to take a bite of the food. Technically, he did not deny it. 
You both ate in silence. It had been somewhat accustomed to you. Instead of bantering and sharing stories when you hangout, breakfast was a peaceful moment for both of you. Although, little did he know, you mostly spent it with him occupying your mind. 
What started as a joke ended up as a habit for the past three months. This was definitely not what you had in mind when you said yes to his silly claim that he could make anyone release in mere three minutes. You were suppose to just see if you could crush his ego. One night he just showed up looking absolutely hotter than he usually did on your doorstep. One thing led to another, you ended up with his face right in between your thighs. 
It started with just him coming to you, and he would sometimes finger you in between watching Netflix, or eat you out as you laid your head back against your pink Squishmallow. To then you returning the favor under the desk as he work. Before you knew it, you two had started fucking each other’s brains out on the daily.
This was not suppose to happen. Yoongi was supposed to be one of your closest friends. You both came from the same circle and none of them knew yet about the odd thing that had been going on between the two of you. 
It was only natural to hide it. You both agreed that it’d be super awkward if the rest of the guys knew about your so-called experiment. Although it was hard to behave like how you would normally act, you both managed to hide it for the past few months. While you, managed to hide your feelings for him for a month and a half so far. 
Didn’t matter though. You knew Yoongi could never see you as a potential lover. He had told you multiple times how career driven he was and how he could barely take care of himself. Therefore, there was no room for romance in his life, and you respected that.
Today marked as your second week of trying to tell Yoongi to put an end to whatever the hell that was going on between you and him. It was getting unhealthy, especially for you. Either you told him your feelings and end on a sour note, or the option you preferred, just straight up telling him that you were not feeling it anymore. It sounded easier and simpler, you were sure he’d understand. 
You just needed to stop him at your front door before he started grabbing you and shower you with sloppy kisses. 
It was easier said than done when your heart literally was on his side. 
“Jin’s birthday’s next week.” Yoongi suddenly said, breaking your daydream. “Are you coming?”
“I don’t know… don’t really have anything fancy to wear.” You shrugged. 
“Just wear whatever you think looks pretty, it’s just Jin. I’m sure his family won’t mind.” 
“I still don’t get why he suddenly wants to celebrate his birthday at a five-star hotel.” 
“I heard he just got promoted and his pay is now doubled.” The man said after he sipped his coffee. 
“That explains it.” You rolled your eyes. “Well, lucky him? But I still don’t have anything to wear…” You sighed. 
“I like that one dress you wore in your Instagram story…”
“Huh?” Your head jerked up at the sentence. Yoongi’s eyes weren’t focused on yours though. “The backless one?”
“Yeah.” He said with a blank expression. 
“That’s too short! Yoongi, his parents are gonna be there, you know.” You complained. 
“Why did you wear it before then?”
“I was in Bali for a holiday.” You rolled your eyes. “I’ll just show up in a dress shirt or something…”
Yoongi just answered with his mouth turning like an upside-down U and shrugged. 
Fifteen minutes after finishing the food, you both washed the dishes together, before he left for some work calling.
Once again you were alone with your thoughts. In fact, you were left with your thoughts for a few days before a text popped up from him again, as what you had expected. It was already a habit. 
It was exactly two at night and a day before Jin’s birthday celebration. Yoongi had just came back from some afterparty you did not bother to ask. You would be stupid to just open your door and let him in at this point. And yes, you were in fact simply that stupid. 
“Hey.” The guy casually said, placing his shoes on your rack, where he already had a designated spot. 
“Hey you.” You replied monotonously. 
Raising one of his eyebrows at you, he crooked his head to the side. “Something happened?”
“I’m just in a somewhat of a bad mood.” 
“I can fix that.” He smirked. 
You smiled weakly at him, clearly not in the mood to talk about whatever that was clouding your mind. “Let me shower real quick, I just got back from my night jog.” 
A hand grabbed you by your left wrist. 
“I need to shower first…” You complained trying to wiggle out from his grasp. 
He pulled you slightly closer to him, leaving small space in between your standing bodies. “I don’t wanna have sex.”
You looked at him as if you had seen a ghost. “You don’t?!”
“Come on, sit down.” He pulled you even closer, now grabbing you by your forearm. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Noth—“
“Don’t even.” 
You sighed. “It’s fine…” 
“Your eyes are red.” 
You quickly shook your arm from him and wiped your eyes harshly. 
“Hey,” He grabbed both of your shoulders. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. Let’s just sit down? I’ll be a silent cuddler.” 
If only he knew how his words made you wanna cry even more. 
“Come on…” 
He pulled you into a hug and you accidentally let out a sob. He soothingly rubbed your back before dragging you to the sofa. He helped you sit down and got up to turn on the tv, but quickly lowered down the volume. He knew how much you loved cuddling while watching something. Anything, even. He just did not know you enjoyed it so much mainly because it included him. 
“Yoongi, I stink.” You said through sniffles. 
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I hate you.” You let out a small giggle.
“Again, tell me something I don’t know.” 
Oh, if only it was that easy. You sighed. “It’s okay if I don’t talk about it, right?”
The man nodded. “I won’t die just because you won’t suck the soul out of my dick tonight.” 
“Yoongi!” You slapped his sides. 
He smiled, rubbing your shoulder gently. “Alright, I’ll shut up now.” 
And you overslept. You did not know at what specific time did he leave, but you were awaken by the sound of multiple notifications from your phone. It could only be your friends bombing you with texts about the upcoming surprise for Jin, no one else would be doing that to you on a Saturday morning. 
Yoongi’s grey sweater was barely wrapped around your body. It was funny how he refused to come inside your bedroom without your permission, even though he had been there countless of times. It was almost sweet even, and you smiled just by the thought of him going home without his sweater. 
“I’ll pick you up around 6?” Jimin’s private message said, followed by more notifications from a separate group dedicated to Jin’s surprise plan.
The idea was to surprise Jin in the middle of his party. You would all pretend to show up late and some already agreed to even give some convincing reasons for not coming. Since Hoseok had already contacted the hotel management to lend one of the backstage room, later, you would all suddenly appear right from behind the stage as he was about to give a toast, surprising him with a cake.
Halfway through reading the chat talking about the plan, a call interrupted you. 
“You awake?” You didn’t even get the chance to say hello. 
“You left your sweater.” 
“Your aircon’s pretty cold you know. I don’t want you to get sick.” 
“Yoongi, you can literally just wake me up though.” You chuckled. 
“Right.”
“Right.” You mirrored awkwardly. “By the way, Jimin’s picking me up tonight and I still don’t know what to wear.” You laughed. 
There was a second of silence before he replied. “There’s always that black dress…?” 
“I’ll raid my wardrobe and we’ll see. That’s my last option.” You chuckled. “By the way, why did you call?”
“Just wanna make sure you got up, that’s all.”
“Well, the group chat certainly was loud enough don’t worry.” You said. “I’ll see you?”
“Alright.” The guy said shortly before hanging up the call. 
Despite sounding rather cheerful when you answered the call, last night’s event was still filling up your mind. It was hard to pretend everything was alright when just by hearing his breathing made you feel stuffy. 
Sooner or later you needed to bring a stop to this situation. Clearly it was getting pretty toxic. Maybe loving him from afar was enough for you. Surely you could get over him in a few weeks, or months, maybe more. The point was, you would get over it. You hoped so. 
Jimin later arrived at your place at half past five, expecting to see you already ready with your hair and makeup. But plot twist, here you were, still struggling between your outfit options. Clothes were all over your bedroom bed and floor, not the prettiest sight.
“Bitch, didn’t I tell you we need to be early?!” Your friend looked at you and the whole apartment unit in disbelief. 
“I don’t know what to wear…” You said, slumping over your couch. 
“I’ve never seen you so stressed over an outfit.” Jimin folded his arms. 
“I should’ve bought a new dress if I knew I would look ugly in everything I own today!” You groaned. 
Your best friend just looked at you and studied your expression for a few minutes. 
“What?” You retorted at him. 
“Is this about Yoongi?”
“H-huh?!” You widened your eyes in shock. “What about him?”
“Girl, don’t act like he didn’t pinch your ass when we were hanging at Taehyung’s that one time.” 
You gasped in horror. “You saw?!!!”
“Me and Jungkook, yeah.” The guy shrugged casually.
You covered your face in embarrassment. “Of course you did.” You sighed into your palm. “Does everyone know?”
“I think Joon’s a little suspicious about it but he never brought it up again. Maybe just me and Jungkook for now.”
“Okay…” You exhaled. 
“So what’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing!” You exclaimed, rather loudly. “I’m going to break it off soon, I swear!”
“But why?!” Your friend walked and sat next to you, looking concerned. 
“Jimin, friends aren’t supposed to fuck each other.” You looked at your friend sternly. 
“Oh my god…” Was all the guy said in response. He appeared to be in shock.
“I also wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him like that…” You covered your face again. “I don’t know how to tell him or to break whatever the hell that is between us.”
Jimin looked at you sympathetically. “How long has this been going?”
“Three months or so.”
“I feel like such a bad friend for not confronting you about this sooner.” 
“Hey, I’m the one who did something I shouldn’t have in the first place…” Your voice start to shake again. 
“Don’t cry now…” He hugged you. “Come on, I’ll help you sort this out, I promise. But we can’t do this with you looking not-so hot.”
You wiped your tears harshly. “Okay, help me then.”
“First, missy, we get up.” He helped you up and you broke into a smile. “And we pick a damn dress. Show me your options.”
“You know…” You bit your lips, fidgeting your fingers. “There’s this dress that Yoongi’s been telling me to wear…”
“That’s it! Show me.” Your friend beamed in excitement. 
“But it’s too short…” You said as you walked to grab the dress to show him. “Look, it could barely cover my butt.”
“Do you have stockings?” Jimin eyed the dress up and down.
“Well, yeah?” 
“Then let’s wear that.” He took the dress from your hand. “Go, grab those stockings! Oh, and do you have any red panties?”
“Jimin!” You whined. 
“Hey, if we wanna make him fall head over his heels, we gotta go all out!!!” Your friend laughed. 
And that was how you wound up wearing that infamous dress, with a sheer stockings underneath, and a leather jacket quickly borrowed from your friend who conveniently had one in his car. The platformed Mary Janes that you rarely wore finally got their chance to shine. 
When you and Jimin arrived at the meeting spot, everyone was already there. Everyone including the guy you wished would stop staring at you ever since you entered the function. 
You knew you were right on telling him to grow out his hair. The combination with the suit? You were weak in the knees. Did he really have to sleek his hair back every couple of second? You were slowly losing your sanity. If it were not for the fact that your friends were literally in the room with you, you would probably jump at him the very chance you can. 
“Do you wanna hold the cake?” Taehyung said, looking at your direction. 
“Huh? Why me?” You pointed at yourself. “I don’t wanna hold a huge cake that looks like a dead tuna.” You eyed the hilarious looking cake. 
“Dunno, you look hot tonight.” Taehyung shrugged playfully. 
“Yeah, Yoongi hasn’t stopped staring at you since the first second you arrived.” Namjoon nudged the guy next to him. 
“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes, looking away. 
“Oooh.” Jungkook joined in, teasing. 
“He’s not denying it!” Hoseok pointed out. The man had a wide grin on his face. 
“Guys, focus.” Jimin said, stopping the commotion. “We got around ten minutes before Jin will start panic-calling some of us.”
“Not gonna lie, I kinda feel bad imagining him panicking over no sight of any of us.” Namjoon commented. 
“He’ll get over it.” Taehyung replied. 
Jimin snapped his fingers to catch everyone’s attention. “Okay, so the event organizer will signal us when it’s time. We will all wait from behind the stage as he prepare for the toast, just when he’s done with the whole speech, we’ll show up.”
“Do we have to sing Happy Birthday?” Jungkook asked. 
“Of course, dummy. Do you want us to sing Careless Whisper or something?!” Hoseok snapped, which earned an evil snicker from the youngest one. 
“You, missy,” Jimin pointed at you. “You'll stand at front since you’ll be holding the cake.” 
“I’m literally the only one here in platforms, why should I?!” You complained. 
“I’m not gonna repeat Taehyung’s statement and start a whole argument again.” The blond haired guy chuckled. “And we all are gonna be right behind you, in case shit happens.”
“Yeah! Yoongi is ready— Ouch!” Hoseok did not let Jungkook finish his sentence by hitting his back. 
At this point Yoongi’s stares and glares were making you really uneasy. He did not react to their teases which was good, but this was also the first time that they started teasing both of you. There was no way Jimin or Jungkook had told them, cause if they wanted to, they could had told them months prior. Whatever it was, you were at least glad that Yoongi found you attractive enough today to catch his attention. 
After finishing the so-called briefing session, it was finally time to step out and wait from behind the curtains. Oddly, none of you got any text or calls from the birthday guy. The sound of the jazzy instrumentals playing and loud talkings could be heard. Jimin handed you the cake as you walked with all the boys right behind you. The mic started echoing and you heard Jin’s voice through the speaker. 
“Good evening, everyone. Thank you so much for coming. I appreciate each and every one of you for your time.” The birthday boy stated. 
“I know it’s a bit much for a birthday, especially when I’m already entering this big age.” He laughed at the sight of thirty-one candle on his birthday cake. “I just wanna celebrate myself today and actually pat myself in the back for all the hard work I’ve done.”
It could be seen from his shadow that he was getting a little bit anxious, looking left and right. “I couldn’t be here without the support of my family and friends.” He exhaled. “Speaking of friends, I wonder where those rascals—“
In a flash, all of you appeared from behind the curtains, singing Happy Birthday loudly. One of the organizers had given you two mics, which were given to Jungkook and Jimin, since they were the actual ones blessed with singing voice. 
Pure expression of happiness was clearly painted on Jin’s face as he clapped and laughed at the sight of the tuna shaped cake with a single candle on its head. You all watched as he blew the candle quickly and snatched the cake from your hands to put it on the table beside him. Just seconds later, the oldest already scooped everyone into a big group hug. 
The after party came soon after all the old relatives went home. Bar was free flow open and the ballroom had transformed into a dance floor. 
Taehyung and Jungkook were dancing in sync, each with drinks in their hands. You could see Hoseok, Jin, and Jimin were goofing and laughing around as the DJ play an old trot song as per their request. Namjoon, you, and Yoongi were left chilling at the bar, enjoying the sight of your friends having fun. 
“Should we join them?” You said with a smile, eyes still looking at the dance floor. 
“Nah, I need to get up early tomorrow, can’t drink too much.” Namjoon said. 
You looked at Yoongi hesitantly, wanting to ask about his opinion, but before you could do that, you felt a hand over your shoulder. 
“Why aren’t you dancing with us???” Jin said to you, half shouting. 
“My dress isn’t exactly fitting to dance around with you goofballs.” You chuckled. 
“Aww, come on!” Jin pouted. “It’s my birthday!”
There was no saying no to Jin’s request. You were soon dragged to the center of the room, joining the boys. All their smiles and laughs were contagious, as in no time, you found yourself dancing along with them to yet another questionable song that Jin requested. 
You lost the track of time, but the pain in your feet reminded you to take a break. You slowly retracted yourself back to the bar area where Namjoon and Yoongi were. 
The speakers were blasting loudly. Even though it was incredibly loud, no amount of Britney Spears songs could make you unhear your name mentioned alongside the word “just” and “friends”. Yoongi was even saying it with an annoyed expression. It was crystal clear to you what the two of them were talking about and you needed no further explanation. 
Immediately the first thing you did was taking your phone from your handbag and texted Jimin. You told him that you needed to go home early and took the taxi. 
And you did. You managed to get out untracked without your any of your friends noticing. 
You barely sat down for five minutes on your sofa upon arriving. Tears that were pooling when you were in the cab now broke freely. You already knew, but hearing it first hand just made you feel sick. You thought you had prepared yourself better for the inevitable. Oh how you were wrong. 
The chat notifications of Jimin asking you multiple questions and three missed calls from him could be seen from your phone screen. You could not care less at the moment. Everything felt too much and it would drain you dead just to make a single reply. 
KNOCK KNOCK
Freezing in place, hand balled into fists. You knew Yoongi enough to even know his door knocking pattern. You were tempted to just ignore and hoping he would go home, but as a matter of fact, the guy had a spare access key to your place and he only knocked out of habit. 
“I’m coming in.” The voice warned, seemingly right in front of the doorstep. 
The expression that was plastered on Yoongi's face was unreadable. He had ditched his suit and tie somewhere and his eyes were insignificantly droopy from the alcohol. Your eyes locked for a quick second before you looked away, remembering how puffy your eyes probably were and how your makeup looked like a mess because of the cryings. 
“Why are you here?” You managed to say. 
“My sweater.” He said stoically. 
“There,” You pointed with your eyes. “On the table.”
He approached closer after taking off his shoes. You saw him bent down in front of you, but instead of grabbing the sweater, he chose to sit next to you. 
You did not know what to say. He wasn’t exactly saying anything to you either, just simply sitting down, listening to your heavy breaths. 
“You know, I came here to tell you to put an end to us…” Yoongi suddenly broke the silence. 
You did not reply, nor look at him. Only tears flowing out quietly as your head crooked to other direction. 
“But seeing your red eyes and messy makeup, all I wanna do right now is to kiss you like I mean it.” 
“Yoongi, stop.” You said with shaky voice. 
“No.” He delicately took your wrist and pulled you closer. You still refused to look into his eyes. 
“Stop… Please.” You begged. At this point you were sobbing, biting your lips hard so you wouldn’t make too much noice. 
Instead of saying anything, he cupped your face with his palms, kissing you. Your gasp and whining were swallowed by him altogether with your tears. You tried to push him at first, but your body quickly gave up to his touch. 
He broke the kiss to give pecks on your forehead, your eyes, cheeks, ears, the tip of your nose, before going to your neck. He rested his head on your shoulder, hugging you comfortably. You could feel his heart beating in such rapid pace. 
“Both Namjoon and Jimin almost hit me.” He chuckled nervously, head still resting on your shoulders in a hug. “When I told Joon that we’re secretly messing around with each other, that was his initial reaction. Later on, when we found out you left, I’ve never seen Jimin’s eyes filled with so much rage.”
You didn’t say anything, just letting him continue. Quite frankly, you could not decipher anything he had just said to you.
“The thing is, I’m not angry at them for accusing me of doing vile things and hurting you. I’m angry because it’s true. I am dumb and we shouldn’t have played with fire.”
“I should’ve stopped.” He withdrew, looking at you softly.
You bit the inner of your cheeks, fighting the tears from coming out. “I’m at fault too, you didn’t force me into anything.”
“Yeah, but I wished I started differently.” He scoffed. “I wish we started differently…”
You looked at him directly with eyes full of hope. “Yoongi…”
“Can we start over? Can I take you on a date?” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Am I even allowed to?”
“But you told me you didn't want a girlfriend…”
“I said a lot of stupid things and also did not say some things I should've.” He sighed. “I called you this morning to offer you a ride.”
You looked at him with widened eyes. “Why didn't you say so?!”
“I'm a coward.” He slumped down, looking away from you. “And I thought it'd make you uncomfortable.”
You chewed your bottom lip. “Then what about what you said to Joon?”
“You heard?”
“Only parts when you said that we're just friends, with a very annoyed expression.”
“He asked about us and I told him the whole story. He was furious at first as I mentioned, but I explained more afterwards.” He paused for a few seconds, before exhaling deeply. “Of course I'm annoyed with the fact that we're just friends…” He took your hand and laced his fingers with yours. “I'm in love with you.”
A tear escaped your eye, the same time a big shaky smile formed on your lips. You laughed, it just felt right to. After all, this whole circumstance between the two of you was indeed funny. Funny how the two of you kept making love while hurting each other in the process. Funny how you were basically crying over your insecurity towards him when he was feeling the same way all along.
“Me too…” You chuckled. Tears now flowing freely and you did not give a damn. "I'm in love with you too.”
Yoongi smiled. His eyes looked glistened and his cheeks were a tad bit rosy. You thought he looked so pretty at that exact moment. He caressed your cheek with his right hand, before gently pulling you towards him for a soft kiss. He quickly kissed the top of your head and pulled you into a hug.
His fingers ghosted the zipper on your back, resting just a little over your butt. When he teasingly pulled down the zipper halfway, you slapped his chest playfully. He laughed and kissed your forehead. And your lips, your neck, and then every single part of your body.
You'd be okay this time though.
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Thank you for reading! 🌤️
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Prompt request: HERE
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theamityelf · 1 day
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If you had to put a twist on Makoto's parents what would it be? Honestly the fandom doesn't do them any justice, I barely see any headcanons with them and that makes me a bit bummed. I saw someone make a post on how maybe they were ultimates in the past with Makoto and Komaru vaguely inherting their talents (Ultimate Lawyer for the mom and Ultimate Sniper for the dad). What really caught my interest though was when someone pointed out that the reason Komaru might be so cool with Toko/Syo is because one or both of her parents were kinda yanderes. Mr. Naegi definitely has that look that something is off about him so it kinda works but Mrs. Naegi could be to but manages to behave in a way that doesn't draw attention to her.
Honestly I could see how Makoto's strong belief may have come from them as well but that might be a bit far fetched. I just enjoy the idea of everyone thinking Makoto and Komaru are normal only for them to turn around and do some crazy sh*t.
The funny thing is, before I clicked to check this ask, when I only saw the first sentence, I was already thinking in somewhat yandere terms.
(Also, all of this is just me brainstorming, lol.)
I don't think I want them to be Ultimates, because I really value when characters aren't Ultimates, but I definitely lean in the direction of them being lowkey super abnormal in ways that resulted in both their kids' guise of normalcy and their kids' unusual tolerance for ridiculosity.
The first thing I imagined (again, before I read the full ask) was that Mr. or Mrs. Naegi killed the teacher who snuck into Komaru's room that one time. Like, they caught him sneaking in and now he's buried in their yard, and when Komaru brought up seeing a ghost in her room, they were just like "That's right, honey, it was a ghost." I don't know if I more enjoy the idea of them being hypocrites about this (like, teaching the kids that murder is Just Wrong no matter what, without a hint of irony) or super honest (like, "Murder is wrong, but if someone messes with my kids, I'll kill 'em. I'll do it." "Daaaad..." "We're not saying we want to, honey, we're just saying we will." "Moooom!")
(Or maybe we could take that same intensity, and instead of murder, make it more psychological warfare, to kind of mirror Makoto and Komaru's people skills.)
Just generally, I find it fun to imagine the Naegi parents as almost bizarre caricatures of normalcy. Almost like they're putting on an act of what humans are like, except they genuinely think they're being normal. They're deliberately availing their kids of the most basic, popular media enjoyed by the masses, because that's what people do; those are the things people enjoy. (They'll go to the movies, not having seen any trailers or feeling any anticipation for a particular film, and they just pick whatever movie the most other people in the ticket line went for.) They know the exact average time most people have dinner and that's dinnertime for the house. (It doesn't end in :00, :15, :30, or :45; it is a very irregular and specific time.)
It sounds like it would be strict and meticulous, but in execution, they're so casual about it that it wouldn't seem weird until you heard them explain it.
When Makoto says he's extremely average, he's not just being self-deprecating; he is giving an accurate description of his family's lifestyle.
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lines from the 1897 play Cyrano de Bergerac that definitely have not invaded my brain or destroyed my sleep schedule
all quotes transcribed in alt text
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stuckinapril · 3 months
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#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children#In everything I do#Like legit#I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her#And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything#But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious#Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life#But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends#While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury#And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline#Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else#It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk#It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything#But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently#And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians#I’d be so mad#And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief#For losing their loved ones#This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit#This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow#And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything#Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal#And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just#Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off.#Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night#I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this#Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do#or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up#I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think#p
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bottombaron · 7 months
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whenever i think abt writing Nandor and i get going thru a series of sequences of him behaving like a well-adjusted, caring, adult i have to stop myself, backspace several mental paragraphs and remember that he's basically a semi-captive lion being observed in a nature documentary and he functions on 92% Id
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#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#nandor#nandor the relentless#neat fanfic trick: if you're nandor is behaving ooc like a normal well adjusted empathetic human being just ask yourself#“what would a lion do in this exact scenario?”#and whatever the absurdity it's probably closer to the truth than not#anyways i have a lot to say abt the amorality of the vampires and how they simply don't function with the same human ethical thought#but that doesnt mean they dont care and love and have social behaviors of their own that shouldnt be judged less than#and will express those emotions in ways that might feel foreign to most humans#...is what i say to myself to keep from crying as i delete 3 pages of nandor talking out his feelings 😭😭😭#(also brief note: when i say he functions on Id its not that he lacks intelligence or the capacity to use it along with his ego/super ego)#(as seen in the s5 finale)#(but rather he's an apex predator so his whole being is funneled into traits for hunting. not other things we think show intelligence)#(in the mordern non hunting/gathering world)#(which is partially why he's so disconnected from the world and struggles to find purpose in an environment that no longer values him)#(truthfully nandor is human but simply the definition of humanity has changed rapidly from what it valued centuries before)#(and leaves nandor lost)#(except for guillermo. his one connection to humanity and what anchors him to the modern world 🥲)#(...looks like i got lost in the tags again...)
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celestefem · 2 years
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Why are you projecting strict gender roles onto a goose, of all things? And sexuality headcanons?
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munamania · 5 months
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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc
#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this#i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space#together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her#i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she#s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked#each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks#and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically#falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her#and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways#literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are#and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk#but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward#it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible#i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn#sorry for this.#film girl saga
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cosmicdreamgrl · 5 months
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why does William continue insisting that Eliza should just settle down and forget the detective business and STOP undermining him and going against his order and DEFINITELY STOP jumping in the middle of his cases (particularly ones where she's used some unscrupulous means to get in the middle of them), when almost every time she does something incredibly cool (sometimes actually saving his life at the same time), and the camera immediately flashes to his face wherein can be seen a mixture of general annoyance + a very distinct oh snap that's really hot
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dbphantom · 6 days
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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grimrester · 25 days
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as someone who has to actively practice socializing as a skill, i get so genuinely irritated with people online who wont interact with people irl bc its hard and treat it like its a funny personality quirk and not, like, a serious mental health problem. like im really sorry youve atrophied your social skills (ive been there!) but it does not make you interesting or cute and its absolutely a factor in why you feel miserable all the time. and the only way to get better is to do it anyway even though it is awful and awkward and humiliating
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medicinemane · 27 days
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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dutybcrne · 1 month
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Thinking abt Taru fresh out of the Abyss, out with his siblings and spotting a rabbit or small animal. Instincts & habit kicking in ( those seldom lasted long in the Abyss, get it while he can, bring it to share with Master- ), him immediately setting to hunt and kill the creature then proudly bringing it back to his family, all smiles and blood-spattered, and being utterly thrown by the fact that he was not met with mildly disinterested praise, but sheer horror instead-
#hc; tartaglia#blood mention tw#animal death mention tw#//Happens only ONCE#//Bc ONCE was enough to really make him realize he can't HAVE what he had in the Abyss anymore#//In some ways; it's a good thing; he supposes. He now won't have to worry about what & when he'll eat next#//Won't have to worry abt being stalked and ambushed by creatures that would give most anyone nightmares (he sure as hell has them)#//But now; he's just been so Altered from how he used to be#//He's restless; body honed to attack and defend from the monstrous threats he's dealt with all that time#//He's got a battlelust no one could ever hope to match; bc those harrowing experiences truly got to the point of THRILLING him#//He MISSES the way his Master looked after him; being treated so softly is just TOO much now#//Prolly had moments where he just had a total disconnect from his family; just couldn't really bond with them again until after he enliste#//Though I like to think maybe he was able to with his younger sibs; bc they were too young to Get the rammifications of what happened#//Lil Teucer always smiling so bright like the sun; when the others look at him with hopelessness or despair; always asking for stories#//Anthon; always trying to get in his arms; whenever he starts dissociating or makes a face bc the elder family members upset him some way#//Tonia; helping fix him up when he comes home after a brawl; her scolding the only he really listens to; him pledging to be her knight#//Him damn near resigning himself that they might be the only ones who love him after everything (he doesn't realize that's not true)#until he gets enlisted & becomes a Harbinger. His more 'behaved' self in their eyes being palatble enough for things to slowly return to#'normal'; even if they can all tell (save maybe the youngest ones) that something is still Off about him. But it's FINE; all FINE; now#//'Better than before'; they would say#//Which is why he would place SUCH value and favor on a partner that GETS that part of him. Who would ENABLE him rather than restrict#//He wouldn't ask for them too; but he will NOT let them go; EVER; once he realizes
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annalyticall · 8 months
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To be honest I think I'm starting to become so apathetic to gender that I could possibly be non-binary but at the same time I am also just apathetic enough to not care about changing my pronouns or doing anything differently about how i present to people
#long gender rant incoming but i've never not identified as a woman and I'll probably always be one#but also i don't think i identify so much as a woman that i find it to be so drastically different to being a man?#like i never identified as a man either and never will but also like. idk we're all just people man#it's the roles we impose on ourselves that makes it seem like there's such a chasm there but there's not#like sure i'm sure on some level being a woman predisposes me to behave certain ways#but i was also fortunate enough to be raised in a household where my gender didn't bar me from playing with or liking things deemed for boy#so when i gravitated towards engineering and action movies and video games i mingled a lot more with boys than i did girls#not to be a 'not like other girls' girl but just because i naturally wanted to surround myself with people of common interests#and that just kind of normalized for me sharing space and thoughts with men as an equal#and sure sometimes men in particular piss me off but mostly just the men who subscribe to the bs role they were given as a 'man'#like the ones who don't think they could possibly relate to me because I'm a woman#like fuck that. obviously. but i also find it hard to identify with movies like barbie that draw such a clear divide between genders#like i remember my biggest problem with the movie is that very rarely did it feel like the kens and barbies ever genuinely liked each other#i know that wasn't the point of the movie. it is a critique of gender roles and the patriarchy so relationships were not the focus#but i also couldn't really see myself in the barbies and i found it kinda hard to fully immerse myself in the message of it#idk. all this to say i am a woman but sometimes i wish i didn't have to make a big deal about it#oh yeah okay no wonder i'm bisexual
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bi-demon-ium · 1 year
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listen. while it would be perfectly understandable if kate never forgave curtain for what he did to her family, and that would be so valid and fair, i think it would be extremely funny if she was just very like. yeah it be like that sometimes. and he's like …what. and she's like i mean, yeah, pretty fucked up of you, not thrilled about it, but like, it happened, can't change that, and you had like, problems or whatever, right? haha yeah i was a problem kid too. up top. and he's like i'm not--i'm not high fiving you about this??? and she's like you erase my dad's memory and make me an orphan and you won't even high five me???? damn. harsh. and he's like jesus christ. fine. she gives him the world's hardest high five. later he will realize this wasn't some way of passive aggressively getting back at him in a small way she just high fives literally everyone like that at all times. she's simply vibing. you're not going to do it again, right? (what? erase your father's memory and orphan you? no.) okay then we're good. (SERIOUSLY?) yeah why not lol
like she's just the most insanely stupidly chill about it and it drives him a little bit nuts actually. why doesnt she hate him. what is happening.
meanwhile sticky and/or reynie FULLY do hate him, and milligan is following kate's lead but it's unclear if he's a) actually that chill, just like father like daughter, b) doing it for nicholas's sake and generally to lessen conflict in the house but is dealing it with quietly in his own way, c) doing it because he knows it bothers curtain and thinks its funny
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bylertruther · 2 years
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me saying will does not hate himself for being gay =/= me saying will is somehow magically not affected by homophobia or the abuse that he's endured his entire life because of it. nor is it me saying that he has never once had doubts or negative feelings/thoughts about his sexuality and what it's made of (and will make of) his life.
intrusive thoughts are normal. no marginalized person can go through life without ever experiencing them or any of the other things that come with being discriminated against. it's impossible, unless you live in a bubble in the middle of nowhere untouched by society.
will isn't a super confident character. we've seen that multiple times and it is literally a plot point more than once lol. i'd be shocked if there are people who have been in similar positions that haven't ever felt weird, different, or down in the dumps for how they're treated for things they can't control. we've watched will suffer with being different on-screen. i know that he's felt bad for being a freak that gets babied by everyone.
i still don't think that that is indicative of internalized homophobia.
internalized homophobia, as in self-hatred over being gay, as in actively believing the negative stereotypes about yourself and thinking that there is something wrong with you because of your sexuality.
not internalized homophobia, as in "wow, being gay is hard" or "wow, this aspect of myself means i have to be careful around other people" or "wow, being this way is making my upside down-related alienation even worse". those are normal things to experience and go through. he's some poor nerd in the middle of nowhere, midwest, usa, in the eighties. nowhere did i ever say he wouldn't feel those things.
but hating himself for being gay? actively hating himself? as is suggested by my post, where i state that multiple times? i just don't think so. i explain myself multiple times, but i don't think his actions suggest hatred. he wouldn't lean into it if he hated it.
i never said will was the happiest, most confident guy in the entire world and that he's 100% self-assured in his sexuality and never experiences anything negative because of it. i just said that i find the canonical evidence for self-hatred over his sexuality, aka internalized homophobia, to be lacking.
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