#none of this was intentional btw I’m just reading too much into nothing. But sadly not even the void can stall Mental Illness ! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

studiojeon · 3 years

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bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence.

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light.

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with.

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

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heloflor · 3 years

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Goodbyes

AO3 link

They exist because of him. They did what they needed to do to keep him safe. Nothing but him mattered to them.

So when he discovered them, the least he could do was give them a proper goodbye.

WARNING : this is about the island of Dakotas, meaning that some pretty dark implications will be brought up regarding what Dakota does to save Cavendish.

Note : Just some random thing that’s been on my mind for a while now when thinking about the island of Dakotas during the crossover. As per usual, Cavendish is married to Dakota. Also, for those who like to visualize the characters with some details : this fic follows an idea I mentioned here about the Dakotas on the island disposing of their engagement/wedding ring. btw, the fic I mention at the end of this post isn’t this one.

And another thing : a revelation given by Dakota in the second half of this fic is inspired by the ending of the fanfic “Flesh” by rotg5311 on AO3 (it’s about cannibal Dakota so be warned if you look it up).

Anyways. Enjoy !

The sun was slowly setting as the group of Dakotas was waiting for their boat. Most members were here, though a handful didn’t make it through the fight. Those Dakotas were mainly the older ones who lived through that event once and who lived longer with Balthazar, willing to do anything for him, even more than the younger versions. There were also the ones engaged to the man but never married, who used the frustration of their situation to fight like there was no tomorrow. Then, there were the ones most impacted by what they saw or what happened before they were replaced.

Overall, around a hundred of them lost their lives that day. But given how many they were and how little their existence mattered, these losses were insignificant.

That was the mentality the rest of the group had adopted as, for the second time in their lives, they were about to leave the world forever, becoming nothing than a mysterious dot on a map.

But despite the implications of their situation, the group was happily chatting. They talked about today, about how alive they felt to fight again to save the world, about how nice it had been to see Danville again, to see Balthazar again.

Most Dakotas still had their heads in the clouds thinking about the encounter. Never had they thought they would see the love of their lives again. So when he showed up on their island…Had it not been for the dire situation the world had been in, the group would have convinced the man to stay with them for a while. They had so much to talk about, so much time gone by without each other !

Well…not exactly.

For dear Balthazar, no day went by without his husband. They knew this reality, they accepted it, no matter how much it hurt them to think about it.

It didn’t matter now anyways. They weren’t meant to exist. They had no intention of staying in town. They needed to go back to the island where they belonged.

It was with a heavy heart that the group started to embark on their boat.

“WAIT !”

All Dakotas turned their attention to the dock when they heard the all-too-familiar voice. The word “Cavendish” started to spread among the group as they noticed the tall man running towards them. They waited, until Balthazar stopped a few feet away from them, breathing heavily from all the running.

“Don’t go yet.”, he managed to say despite his panting.

The Dakotas looked at each other, unsure on what to say or do. Then, Leader Dakota approached his former partner.

The leader was the first one. The only one who never saw Balthazar die. The only one who didn’t understand the charm the man had on his future selves, the only one who couldn’t understand. That was what led him to become the chief of the village. He was the only one who wasn’t biased by his feelings.

“Balth.”, the man greeted. “Something’s wrong ? You need our help again ?”

“No. I just-“, he took a deep breath, getting his composure. “I wanted to talk to you. All of you.”, he looked at the crowd, glancing at every Dakota he could as if wanting to look at all of them at the same time.

“I wanted to thank you all again for what you did. Not just today, but for me.”, a small smile formed on his lips. “I always knew my clumsiness could be dangerous for me. But this…I never would have thought you would be willing to do something so drastic. All for me…”

A murmur of “of course !” and “whaddya gonna do ?” spread among the group. The leader just shrugged.

“We’re more than glad to be here for you. We’re partners after all. It’s what we do.”, he commented.

Balthazar nodded, eyes glancing between the crowd and the leader.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you all went through or what you saw. And I know it’s not much after being away for so long but…I wanted to tell you goodbye. You deserve it. You deserve so much more ! And I’m…I’m sorry I can’t give it to you.”

“Aww. Come here !”, Leader Dakota approached the taller man and took him into a hug. Balthazar was quick to return the gesture, his smile never faltering.

“Goodbye, old friend.”, he murmured.

“It’s been nice seeing you again buddy. Take care.”, Leader Dakota replied.

After the shorter man pulled away, Balthazar approached the others and opened his arms. It only took an instant before the group understood and started to hurry towards him. Soon enough, Balthazar had to catch himself as one of the Dakotas jumped into his embrace.

Balthazar found himself giggle at the gesture and, as he heard a sob from the man in his arms, he started to slowly rub his back in comfort.

“Goodbye honey.”, the Dakota wept. “I’ll be missing you.”

“Goodbye.”, it was the only thing Balthazar could say. Those men all had a history with him, whether as an old pal, a date or especially a husband. He knew how terrible the separation must be for them, and he didn’t want to hurt them more than they already were.

When the Dakota pulled away, Balthazar was reassured to see the man smile despite the tears. Quickly, another Dakota took his place, followed by another and then another. Some were crying, some told him a few words. The olders, especially, told him to look forwards, told him with a wink that things weren’t going to be easy but, in a few years, he’ll be back to the right path.

Balthazar welcomed each and every Dakota with a smile. Giving them all the same goodbyes, the same reassuring touches. He wanted to say more, to talk to them, maybe find out what kind of deaths he went through. But he didn’t want them to think about it. He didn’t want to think about it. He was there. He was alive. Right now, that was all that mattered.

---------------

Balthazar stayed on the dock until the boat was no longer visible in the horizon. He waved at the group who was all too happy to return the gesture. The tall man found himself wishing to cry seeing them all leave after all they did to him. Even if he didn’t know, even if they worked from the shadows, it didn’t change the fact that, without them, Balthazar wouldn’t be there now.

His heart full, Balthazar headed home. He had his own Dakota to see.

---------------

It was late when Balthazar opened the door to a dark office. Vinnie was on the convertible couch, reading something. Seeing that his sunglasses were put away, Balthazar decided not to turn the lights on.

“You were out for a while.”, the shorter man commented as his husband closed the door. “Got lost trying to find a proof of what happened today ?”, he teased.

“It would be a wise thing to do.”, the tall man grumbled. “But no. I went to see the others you.”

“Really ?”, Vinnie lowered his phone to look at him. Balthazar nodded. “Are you saying you’re cheating on me with myself ?”, he continued with a smirk.

“I did not.”, despite usually hating any implication of him being unfaithful, Balthazar didn’t find himself angry as he replied. “None of my interactions went as far as a kiss.”

“Ah. You must’ve disappointed a few of them then.”

“…I hope I didn’t…”, he tried to shake his concern away. “And for your information, I went to tell them goodbye. This is the least I can do for them.”

Vinnie smiled. “You know,”, he said after a chuckle. “I’m sure they’re very happy that you did.”

Balthazar smiled back. But as he approached the bed, he found himself frown again.

“Are you eating in bed ?!”, he criticized.

“What ? You were taking hours to come back. And I got hungry waiting for you.”

“You’re always hungry”, Balthazar mumbled. He went to his side of the room to change in his pajamas. As per usual, he could feel his husband’s gaze as he started removing his clothing. At least he could hear the shorter man standing up and having the decency to put his chips bag away before getting back in bed. Balthazar joined him soon after, sitting next to him. Vinnie rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder, and Balthazar was quick to put an arm around Vinnie’s waist, slowly moving his arm up and down.

“Balth, can I tell you something ?”, the shorter man murmured.

“hmm ?”

“I don’t think you’ll like it. It’s about the others me.”, Vinnie warned.

“…Go ahead, dearest.”, Balthazar replied, planting a kiss on his husband’s head.

“I…I’m not the original Dakota.”, he confessed.

“The original ?”

“Yeah. You know, the one who goes back in time every time you die and takes the place of the one who didn’t see you die.”, he explained. “There’s no Dakota who saw all your deaths.”

“May I…know why this is ?”, Balthazar tried, looking his partner in the eye.

“Honestly I’m not sure. Something about your death being too gruesome or traumatizing I guess. One day, I met another version of me who was all bloody and hurt and all that…and instead of changing with me, he told me how to keep you alive. And then it happened again. And again.”, he chuckled sadly. “I think I’m like, the tenth Dakota. Probably more.”

Balthazar just stayed silent, taking the information in.

“You know, saving you isn’t always a one man’s job. Sometimes the other me helps. Even-even if it means dying. But…I guess dying can be as bad as being sent on an island. I mean sure, being on the island with others me must be fun but…y’know.”, he shrugged, his smile gone and his gaze down.

“…I believe I understand your point.”, the taller man replied, wishing he could find the right words to comfort his partner. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how horrible this situation must have been to live.

He stayed silent for a moment until a question popped into his mind. “Where…where do you think that ‘original’ you is now ? N-not that I wish to replace you of course.”, he quickly added. “Original or not, you’re my Dakota.”

Vinnie chuckled, though that hint of sadness was still present in his eyes.

“He’s probably on the island. Or, y’know, dead after today. Or dead before. Honestly I have no idea how they survive on this island.”

“You…you never visited it before ?”

“When would I have time to do that ?”, his amused tone was back. “You already notice it sometimes when I save you. If I left for several days without explanation, you would definitely notice. And I couldn’t risk it.”

“…I suppose…”, Balthazar wanted to ask more. How long had Vinnie be doing this ? What was his first death ? Why did Vinnie decide to go back ? Why had he never told him before ? How long does he intend on doing this ?...Does Vinnie truly believe that he’s worth all this effort ?

But it was getting late, and the taller man didn’t know if he could take all the answers in one night.

“You’re okay ?”, Vinnie suddenly asked in concern.

“I’m fine.”, he replied. “Why ?”

“Nothing, it’s just…I probably just shattered your entire worldview today and you’re…you’re so calm about it. I thought you’d be freaking out !”

“It’s late.”, Balthazar explained. “And we just had a very long day.”

“We sure did.”

“And don’t forget the few hours I just spent talking to the others you.”, the taller man rested his head on top of Vinnie’s. “Believe me, I still have a lot to ask, and I am feeling overwhelmed by it all.”

“But it’s too much to take in for one night ?”, Vinnie finished.

“It is.”

“Well then,”, the shorter man pulled away, lying down. “Guess we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I sure hope so.”, Balthazar replied, hoping his tone made it clear that his husband was not going to avoid this conversation. Not that they were any reasons for him to do so. The secret was out. There was nothing to hide now.

Balthazar lied down next to his partner, grabbing the shorter man and pulling him close enough for his back to touch the taller man’s abdomen. Vinnie partly turned his head around and the two shared a kiss.

“Goodnight dear.”, Balthazar murmured after resting his head back onto the pillow.

“ ‘night honey.”, Vinnie murmured back.

Balthazar closed his eyes, letting the warmth and soft breathing of the other man lull him to sleep, preparing himself for a night full of memories, memories of all the moments he could have die, all the moments he found himself somehow saved,

all the moments he now knew Vinnie had been there to save him.

#Milo Murphy's Law #mml #Vinnie Dakota #Balthazar Cavendish #Dakavendish #mml spoilers #my fanfics #angst #as usual #comfort #cw death #death cw #tw death #death tw #though it's just a mention #but better safe than sorry #look as I make Cav a complete softie

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bowieandqueen11 · 4 years

Text

Remember When / Hargreeves Imagine

Request: Love ur writing btw!! I have a Great idea for a Diego fic! Can u do his siblings somehow finding tapes/videos from the mental asylum Diego was in and seeing how badly he was tortured and abused. Then he has a panic attack or something at the end and they comfort him.

I-ugh anon omg - my heart <3

Warning, some strong language, and also some descriptions of abuse, so please don’t read if it will make you uncomfortable!

Comments and reblogs are so so so appreciated, as this took me honestly way to long XD! Thank you!!

‘Way to go. Real Team Zero back there.’

‘Diego, we’ve already been through this. Dad’s a stubborn prick, as he has been, all our sad lives, yada yada, we’re sorry, okay? We should have known he’d still be the same condescending asshole’, Klaus replies, waving his hands in the air as he climbs the stairs back up to Elliot’s apartment. Rubbing his left eye with his hello tattoo, he uses his right to try and fumble a blunt out of his pocket, clenching it between his teeth. As he feels Luther’s footsteps pound up the rest of the way and jog past him to the landing, he can’t quite seem to light it - his fingers are still trembling too hard from the pain of Ben stealing his body in the way he did.

Running up the stairs after him, Diego leaves behind the rest of his shell shocked siblings. Instead he focuses on tucking in the corners of his shirt back into his pants, trying to do anything to stop himself focusing on Reginald and the tears that still threaten to prick at the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t even notice when he walks head first into Klaus, until he has put a hand out and gripped onto his shoulder to stop them both from tumbling back down the stairs like bowling balls and straight into Allison.

‘You, brother, are an idiot. And a fat lot of help’, he smirks, sadly, gently slapping Klaus on his cheek.

‘Rude’, Klaus shrugs, winding his way towards the kitchen and kicking off his shoes in the process, looking for some Vodka to steal.

Allison hops quickly out of the way of the incoming shoes, used to his antics by now, and instead comes to settle next to where Vanya has plodded herself down on the sofa. Fiddling with her oversized jumper, a far away look on her face, Allison places a comforting hand on her bicep and gives her a sorrowful smile.

‘What do we do now?’, Vanya murmurs out as Luther squirms uncomfortably on one of Elliott’s wooden chairs. He ignores the beeping of the machines behind his head, instead swallowing thickly.

‘We, uh... wait for Five, I guess.’

‘No no no, right now, the most important thing we can do to try and change the world, is save JFK.’

‘Ughh we’ve been through this a million times! That’s not how it works Diego!’, Klaus calls from the kitchen, only a cloud of smoke trailing out from behind the wall and filling the room with both a stagnant smell of weed, and a light fog that seems to dampen the small amount of sunlight filtering through the askew blinds, which Elliott had been taking photos through earlier this morning.

‘Look, I get that you’re on some big crusade to prove something to dad, but this is not helpful right now.’

‘We all need to stick together and stop this thing’, Allison chimes in, desperation in her voice.

Luther’s interrupted from his continuing thoughts by a small squeak out of Vanya, following her eyes from where they are trained to a spot on the rug.

‘Oh my god... is that blood? Is someone bleeding?’

‘Holy shit.’

He gets up then, following the trail, beckoning his sisters to stay behind him with his hands until he reaches the dentistry chair at the edge of the landing, grimacing slightly as he turns to swivel it towards him with a squeak. He feels Klaus bump into one side of him, and Diego hit onto his other elbow, a rusty kitchen knife raised and ready, and a look of almost determination on his face, as if he had just been waiting for something awful to happen, just another chain of bad events so he knew his life was back onto its normal tracks.

‘Oh noooo’, Klaus groans, cupping his hands over his mouth as Elliott’s body turns to face them, a knife planted firmly in his eye.

Turning away from the tortured body of his friend, Diego swallows thickly, dropping his knife to the floor and placing an arm over his stomach. None of his siblings really notice, all of them looking over the dead body aghast, wondering, pained that they were the ones who caused something like this. None of them noticed the shake in his hand as he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the bile back down his throat again.

Klaus, however, did notice something. However, sadly for Diego, it was not the right thing - not the signs of shock, anxiety, or guilt that flashed over his brother’s face - the signs of PTSD he would have been the most adapt at noticing in the room. No, instead Klaus looked past poor Elliot’s head, towards a blinking static screen that kept flashing blue and black on a nearby desk, left abandoned underneath the shutter shots of the rest of them by Five.

‘Hello there, what might you be?’

Leaving the rest of them, he fumbled with the buttons on the old TV, trying to shake it out of his head how eerily familiar this seemed to dear old dad’s surveillance system. Hitting any button he can find in vain, he throws his blunt out of his mouth and flicks it across the room, slamming the control panel with the fist of his palm, until his pointer finger somehow managed to falter and hit play on the tape left inside.

Never before had Klaus noticed how much time is like water, that it can drip by in front of his eyes so slowly, or even freeze with each new frame. The past few minutes had passed by as if he had watched a thousand frames per second, too slow to be normal, so unusual. He turns to try and point to his siblings, but his jaw is still so slack and he finds he can’t move his fingers properly. Shock, that’s what they call it, shock, he thinks to himself, fighting to get his words out so they don’t trail out.

There is a sadness in his eyes, the glass green too glossy when he finally turns to his siblings and manages only to feebly point at the screen.

For the first time, since his mouth had been wired shut as a teenager, Klaus was at a loss of words.

This grabbed the attention of his siblings, who crowded over to join him and peer intently at the screen - all except foe Diego, who stayed hovering at the edge of the group.

The screen lights up again, showing an empty room, one without proper handles, only sheets of smooth metal as makeshift windows for staff to peer through. There’s no bed, no mattress on the cold floor, just emptiness, isolation, silence, for the man who sits in the centre of the floor in pure white. They recognise from the shaggy hair and the wild beard that it’s there brother almost immediately.

'You were in an Asylum? What for?’, Vanya asks.

‘For trying to save the President’, Diego manages to mutter, unable to look any of them in the eye. ‘For doing what needed to be done.’

He’s interrupted by himself, the small version of him on the tape muttering to himself, rocking back and forth. ‘I am not enough, I can’t do it, I’m not good enough. You’ll never be number one, never.’

The door swings open then. In his intense silence, Diego somehow screamed with his whole body. The eyes wide with horror, the mouth rigid and open, his chalky face gaunt and immobile as the doctor approached him with the needle.

‘Please! Not the needle!’, he begs and cries. ‘Please!’

Luther’s the first to turn round and look at his brother. The first to finally look, to finally see him, how defeated he looks, for the first time since they all landed in that alleyway. It's the look that he gives Diego. Those pale blue eyes, probing into his soul, desperately wanting to see what's going on in there. That look, it just tore Diego apart, piece by piece, and although it wasn’t his fault, he found himself deeply unsettled, deeply angry at him, at all of them, so suddenly.

‘W-w-what? What are you looking at a-a-ss-’

An invisible hand clasps over his mouth and stops his words from escaping, an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline piercing his heart, making it contort and expand until it feels just about ready to burst. His ribs heave uneasily, and Allison’s afraid he’s about to pass out, Klaus rushing forward, biting his lips. Diego only wants to run, but needs to freeze. All he can do, instead, is fall to his knees, and allow four pairs of hands to catch him before his face hits the floor.

A single tear slides down from his warm, butterscotch eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed it's way down his cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that has been held inside of him for all this time but still he did not make a sound. His siblings made the noise for him, warm, comforting little nothings, telling him it was going to be okay, he didn’t have to go back, they were going to do it, save the world. Save themselves.

The hand appeared from nowhere and tightened on his wrist, white knuckled, strong, until Luther had pulled him against his chest, and the others had gently fallen to their knees too and placed their arms around his back as best as they could. Klaus was half leaning over Allison’s leg, and Vanya in turn was completely squished, face first, against his chest, but somehow they made it work.

There is the hug of gentle arms that still gives you the space to breathe, like the ones Grace used to give Diego after a mission. Shutting his eyes, he realises he isn’t used to this type, the kind of hug with strong arms that tells everything that your are - body, brain and soul - that they are with you.

They stay like that for a while, the five - well, the six of them, as Ben places his arms around his siblings as well, even if they can’t feel him. The six of them, battered, afraid, neglected, and yet, not alone. They huddle there together, embracing each other and crying and just allowing themselves to be open, to be vulnerable with each other, to realise their dad wasn’t there and they didn’t have to go through this alone anymore.

Tears were wiped and sobbing laughs were shared, and even Five, when he blipped back into the room, saw the set of his siblings hugging on the floor and felt a pang of loneliness and love for his crazy family ring out in his heart that he joined them, if only for a second.

From then they weren’t numbers anymore. They weren’t even siblings. They were more, Diego said with a smile. They were Team Zero.

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