#no shame i've been there before

[introspectivememories]

do you even have a fitted sheet on that goddamn excuse of a mattress

#coincidentally a 'goddamn excuse of a mattress' is also what tyim called it #also is that a murphy bed??? #it's not even the good kind with the cabinets next to it #WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR CLOTHES BEAR??? #it looks like it's a bare mattress and a blanket ontop #no shame i've been there before #growing increasingly worried about your living situation tho... #bernard dowd #dc

[kanrix]

Puedes.... Puedes dibujar a clay en un traje de conejo..? 🐇 no he comido en tres dias (por cierto me gusta mucho tu estilo 🕺)

Ok...solo está vez..para ti usuario regiinpinty... (Asumiré que estás hablando de *ese* tipo de traje de conejo)

Si no entonces me muero

#this is actually so embarrasing guys #funnily enough I've already been asked ro draw him like this before. but i didn't draw it #suggestive #only this time because it's almost christmas #.... assuming this is what you were imagining #if i feel shame in the morning i will probably delete this lol #Clay puppington

[unpretty]

Re: the tags in your answer for nibs. Is there noodlers drama???

the noodlers guy has always been a shithead but for over a decade i have watched pen enthusiasts shrug and say "haha, that wacky libertarian noodlers guy!" and ignore that he made inks like

this isn't a new thing, the whole reason he built up a following was that he sold american-made artisanal inks with properties like being waterproof or making it impossible to forge checks. he had a real fixation on check forgery. there was a lot of libertarian, borderline sovcit shit going on with him from the beginning.

whenever anyone brought it up it was like "let's not talk about politics, agree to disagree, stay on topic everyone" because fountain pen enthusiasts are sometimes artists but also sometimes rich assholes spending thousands of dollars on a pen that looks like garbage. reddit mods on the most popular pen subreddits would immediately lock any attempt at a discussion about this guy's politics. also everyone just shrugged about noodlers absolutely abysmal quality control. fucking mess all around.

anyway someone finally made a post on reddit while the mods were asleep or something to say "hey what's up with the antisemitic ink" and a bunch of people were SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to learn that the noodlers guy was a nightmare. in fairness there was definitely a large swathe of people who never actually bought his shit and had no idea about it because of how quickly discussions would get squashed. it blew up enough that it couldn't really get swept under any rugs and got to the point that different sellers had to make announcements that they wouldn't carry his ink anymore, noodlers guy apologized and insisted he had no idea that bad things were bad and gave money to the adl, etc etc he literally made an ink label complaining about hr department tyranny and the decline of """western civilization""" why would anyone believe this man.

part of the blowup was that the goulet family, owner of goulet pens, said they were very saddened but also he was their friend and they knew him and he definitely didn't have any hate in his heart because he just cares a lot about the free market and freedom of speech and fiscal responsibility. just a profound density of conservative dogwhistles favored by people who know better than to say the quiet part loud. which is why i don't buy from goulet anymore.

these days i do my pen ogling on anderson pens because they dropped noodlers like a hot potato and i like their vibe

#original #hobby drama #anyone who follows me on mastodon can attest that i have been bitching about this guy for a LONG time #and i was stunned when it finally blew up after being tolerated for so long #i was not aware the goulets knew him personally and were definitely aware he was a shithead #and it's a shame because i've bought their replacement nibs before and some really good pens

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[vargaslovinghours]

Happy Vargasversary! Only one meme this year, but I do have a few Vargas-themed online dolls and Picrews for your viewing pleasure lol

I’m so sad about Flash!! It’s just not the same with Ruffle, at least there’s Flashpoint. Anyway, pretty sure I made this Scriabin before the shutdown haha

I can’t find this one, which is such a shame! I think it’s a total classic :0 Something something computer Scriabin haha, there’s no long hair option! Wires are a good enough stand-in

Had to do it the other way around too of course. Don’t tease him! (Do tease him)

Kitty!Edgar! Being able to add things like his glasses, goatee, striped “shirt”, even his bangs! So many lovely options 💕

Feeling normal, covered in blood. I always love when Makers include the Red String, it is Excellent ✨

Rinamaru‘s Anime Avatar Creator, THE maker GOAT to me ♥ Got a sequence of Edgar newly face-cut-up, with the bandaid on his nose, and then “fully” healed hehe

Ladyverse!Jake and Edgar! ♥ I think I was going to make Scriabin as well but there weren’t enough features that’d suit him so these two got the feature instead ♪ I can’t find this one either, I think it’s a Picrew though...? Update: Smol found it!! Thank you!!

Smol also made the boys with one of her fave Picrews! For only really knowing Vargas from my incessant talk (lol), I think she captured them quite lovely :D

I also had to give them a go of course haha, I’m very happy for the option to remove eyes lol

#💟 #Shitpost #You think that just because I only have one meme I'm going to miss a national holiday??? #Lol #21 years........ Vargas can now drink in the US lol #I know I had another meme edit in mind like a week ago and it's been eluding me ever since >:0 #Well if it comes back to me I'll have one ready for next time haha #I've been on the fence about sharing these sillies because well - they're silly! But they're also cute and I like them :) #Shame about the ones I can't find now I even scoured Flashpoint for the one I know was around before Flash shut down :( #I really can't remember what the girls sitting next to each other one is tho >m< If anyone recognizes them I'd love a link! #Very much want to give credit to these lovely artists <3 #Scriabin is shockingly difficult to make in dollmakers lol - he's just too beautiful to be correctly perceived smh #Edgar on the other hand is quite easy so he gets a lot of the spotlight haha #I rarely stray outside of those two but hmm maybe going forward seeing if I can make a complete set ♪ #Anyhow lol

[radicalbears]

Uhura!!!!

Your honor, I love her

#I've been wanting to do a series of starfleet officers with their pets #but I didn't have time to do more before I needed to send in my prints order #(I'm tabling at a star trek convention next month!!) #it's a mild shame because I really wanted to do Data and Spot for the con #but oh well #I still love this one #also can we ignore that my @ handle is technically incorrect for here #only tumblr and bluesky don't have the underscore #we can ignore it #sam does star trek #radicalbears draws #art #drawing #illustration #fanart #star trek #uhura #nyota uhura #tos uhura #star trek tos #star trek the original series #tribble #tribbles #the trouble with tribbles

[obeymeow]

nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context

#nightbringer spoilers #obey me on side #went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep #but it is that deep TO ME. okay #baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever #in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are: #he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps #there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount #but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️ #i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like. #having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic- #totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong #had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest #i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man #the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate #which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up #because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo #what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen #so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way) #because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did #in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans #WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT #it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it #but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS #you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real #solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society #and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which #really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe? #that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS #deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already

[dirt-mccracken]

One thing that I've been doing lately that feels. Odd but good. Is finally taking more comcious use of community resources. Why, when I skip lunch twice a week over food prices, would I not also be able to use the free market in the park? Why shouldn't I join free swim days at the rec center? Why should I feel like I can only give and not take and who benefits from convincing people thay counts as community?

#to be clear this is a thing I've KNOWN a long time but to practice is different #for 2 weeks I've made it to the free market by my work and been able to actually eat lunches and get some veggies to prep and bread #like 2-4 just Free Meals and why except shame was I denying myself that resource before? #now I'm full and content and enjoyed a whole veggie wrap free today <3

[uncanny-tranny]

Trans people, please don't rely on other people to tell you if your experiences or identity is valid.

It is a very human thing to seek understanding and validation (humans are social creatures and whatnot), but seeking people to tell you that who you are is valid places a ton of power in others. What happens when somebody tells you that they don't think you're valid?

And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if your identity is "valid" or not to other people. What matters is if your identity suits you. You aren't a robot who lives at the behest of others, who can change the core of your being at the drop of a hat. You will continue to exist as you are with or without validation and with or without permission.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #when i was young i sought being told i'm valid because my environment told me i wasn't... #...but then i felt distress when i was told i wasn't valid because that's what i've been told all my life... #...nobody should have the power to take away your identity or anything like that... #...and i gave people the power to do that. i put way too much trust in strangers and they decided if they wanted me to hurt or not... #...this is why i personally dislike the posts saying '[x] is valid!'... #...it indirectly implies there is a point where you can slide into being 'invalid' and it does the same thing i used to do... #...i think more people ought to embrace that it doesn't matter what OTHERS think of who you ARE. that's shit you can't change... #...i can't convince people i am valid if they think i am not. i'm not wasting my time and energy and safety in order to fight people... #...if you think my identity is 'invalid' or 'valid' is of no consequence to me. you don't hold the power to make me change... #...i will continue to exist as i am and so will you... #...learn to embrace the idea that nobody can or should hold power over you to tell you if you're right in your identity or not #this is a really oversimplification but i'm trying to type this out as fast as i can before going to work again lol #this is NOT meant to disparage or shame people who want validation. it's more a warning or reminder #there is NO shame in wanting validation. that is a VERY human thing to need. you are NOT a bad person for wanting validation #i just want to caution people to remember that giving undue power to other people to validate who you ARE can have consequences #but it isn't your fault if you sought validation and were hurt instead. that isn't your fault. you don't deserve to be hurt

[hajihiko]

I mean, I don't think people will judge you harshly as long as you aren't drawing something genuinely problematic, and you can always explain the intent behind your art if you feel like it might be misinterpreted! And if people are mean, you can still block them, so no worries!! You got this!

It's not that I'm worried about like, actual moral judgement, I'm pretty solid in what I believe and if ppl disagree with me that's that, and I'd rather just not get into it, I believe my art mostly speaks for itself.

It's the part where I'm like 😣😣😣CRINGE😣😣😣 At myself and the thought of even one person giving me the Weird Eyes about it makes me retract like a turtle into shell

#Also the word problematic bothers me these days lol because it says NOTHING about the actual content #Of the times I've been called out on my shit its 50/50 on oh I was wrong I get it now I'm sorry / what the fuck are you even saying. go o #That's before this blog tho #Not an art #Mostly it's just me and my emotion shame

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway. #our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!' #we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

[inniave]

posting music is scary but i'm going to keep at it because otherwise i don't think i'll ever release anything at all and at some point i *do* want to actually put together a project For Realsies so i gotta get over my fear but damn this fears got hands 😭

#it's so intimidating but i have to teach myself to not care! #the shame i feel is not actually *my* shame it's just what i've been conditioned into #because it's EVRRYTHING #not just my music #but about every part of muself #and posting my music is one way i think i can start to take myself for muself #and put the light on the shame so maybe it shrinks a little #turn the shame ive been conditioned to feel knto radical love for myself & all of our parts #cause i don't care what people think i will feel this shame even if everyone LOVES me & what i do #it's not about that #it's about idek what or why or how but ik it's there and i know this is a scary but safe way to work on that #also i really only started on singing/writing in february #and piano / guitar i started a few months before that #so i also have this like... my skills aren't where i'd like to end up eventually #which i am SUPER PROUD of how far i've come in less than a year!!!!!!!!!! i am wicked excited! #but i do wanna keep learning and working and reaching before i try to write something for Release release yk #anyway #i'm really looking forward to 50/90 cause at least for fawm it was such a safe place to share & explore l #and it's pretty much all smaller artists who are really supportive of each other & i am so so grateful for fawm #so i'm really hoping 50/90 goes as well!!!!! #i don't think any of my music would be anywhere but a hard drive without fawm #will always be grateful for that experience <3

[natjennie]

I don't feel goooood :(

#I've been really nauseous for like. over a week now #two weeks? what is time #but anyway. that and ive been having some like really deep thoughts about my mom since her surgery #and my dad keeps being a dick and I should be able to do more around the house #to help them out but I'm so fucking tired. and my back hurts. and I'm sad. #and the nausea. as before mentioned. #and I have a therapy appt on Thurs and a psychiatrist appt next week #and I haven't been doing any of the things I should #and I'm really upset about that because they're gonna be disappointed in me #it's all so embarrassing and shameful. #and I'm 23 and unemployed and I didn't finish college #and my rooms really messy but I don't ever have the energy to clean it #which is just making me feel even more useless and grubby and pathetic #and I'm fat and I'm never gonna be able to do anything about it #and my skin hurts all the time in eight different places #and today we went out to do something important but I forgot the papers #and then I was going to the wrong place and I missed like 3 turns in a row #I've been having a really fucking hard time lately #but it feels like I say that all the time. so. #whatever I'm sorry to rant #to show therapist

[itstimeforstarwars]

Terrifying if they decide I'm not a good fit tomorrow.

Equally terrifying if they decide they want me because then I will have to tell my boss that I'm quitting.

#chit chat #work stuff #agonizing ordeal #I've never actually quit a job before because they've all been seasonal or i got laid off due to covid #damn shame honestly bc i like 90% of the people #it's just that the 10% have direct control over the level of hell that my life is

[dredshirtroberts]

finally tackled the absolute mountain of laundry in various states of cleanliness around my room. now all of it is sorted and put into its respective zones of "away".

#98% of my room being clean with visible floorspace is just finally handling the laundry #i am ashamed and embarrassed that i always have so much dirty laundry #eventually i'll get back to the point i was at when i was the coach of laundry where i'll have like a week's worth of shit to get done #and not a backlog of several months #eventually #and i will be working on not feeling so much shame about the state of my laundry #i don't *like* that i do it but there's nothing inherently immoral about it like the voice of my mother that shouts in my brain thinks #the put away laundry plus the effort i've been making to Make My Bed before sitting in it has helped me feel more settled in the space #so that's good #when i am not as concerned about blocking the various registers in my room i will be in business #(mattress on the floor only fits in one specific corner right by the intake) #(output register is awkwardly directly in the middle of the opposite side of the room which makes arranging the furniture where i'd like it #an interesting endeavor that i'm not super excited in attempting to orchestrate in the future) #i know where i'd *like* things to go #whether or not that'll actually be feasible is another story #also i think i'm going to have to just go through my clothes with the mindset of actually getting rid of things #i threw out a couple pairs of socks because they were worn so thin i'm not sure mending would have fixed the holes #like that that point i'm making a whole new sock and you know what i could do instead? not do that #i also have a lot of Baggage Items i haven't quite gotten around to divesting myself of #(as in the items of clothing have a lot of emotional baggage tied to them that i may or may not be using to negative effect on myself) #lots of old shit lots of things that don't fit lots of things i don't even like actually #but it was free or nearly so and i've just held onto it because free #only a few things are kept because i like wearing them and the texture is nice #so we'll just. go through some stuff and eventually i'll get to the point that even if *all* of my clothes are dirty and on the floor #it doesn't take up my WHOLE goddamn room #that said this has in fact been a problem my whole life and so i don't imagine it's going to be quick or easy to fix lol

[autisticasgore]

putting aside the criticisms of puppychan and other body positive artists aside, I think it's incredibly sad how a lot of these artists who drew fat bodies and also happened to like drawing fat bodies suggestively (mainly referring to puppychan here since I'm not sure whether ivy was ever actually fat or not) were endlessly harassed for "fetishizing" them, especially when they were literally fat themselves.

you don't have to like or agree with a person's actions, but being attracted to fat bodies and drawing them realistically isn't wrong and I'm tired of the consistent thinly veiled fatphobia behind it (because how could anyone EVER find fat people hot, you must have some kind of fetish otherwise!).

#pixie.txt #i have been shamed for my weight as a pudgy person myself before #and I've found comfort in those sort of artworks #that depict fat bodies realistically #i think an example of fetishizing would be to draw fat bodies unrealistically but no one's talking about that #its always How Dare You Find Fat People Hot #tho i think a line should be drawn if you're with a real person #fictional drawings vs real human person and all that #wow i rambled a lot #i don't even know what to tag this as