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mayday-madey · 4 years

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Dark Circles (MGG x Reader)

Matthew spends the night at Reader’s and in the morning finds his way into her “self care” products before making a mess. Cuteness ensues as Reader and Matthew express their own insecurities and true feelings for one another.

Content: pure fluff, and some angst? but it’s basically just fluff <3

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST

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“Babe.”

What time is it? It’s too early to be moving, “5 more minutes please and thank you,” I mumble into my boyfriends arm, simultaneously pulling the comforter higher up and snuggling deeper into the warmth lying besides me.

“Babe, I need to get up”

“Shh no you don’t, it’s sleep time”

A low chuckle leaves his lips, “I have to go, I’m directing on set today.”

“Boo, you whore.” But I know fighting is futile, so I very gracefully flop over, freeing his arm from capture. “You’ve got free range of anything you need from the bathroom, now good morning and goodnight.”

Darkness floods my minds and I swiftly nod off, only to be woken up by a loud clattering coming from the bathroom, followed by a slew of profanities.

Slowly, I get up from the bed and make my way toward the en-suite. The goosebumps on my arm a reminder of the lack of heat and comfort the bed had once provided. I grab the blue kimono, still lying on the ground from last night and wrap it tightly around my body crossing my arms across my chest.

Entering the bathroom I find the adorable face of my boyfriend, Matthew skew in distraught sitting on the ground surrounded by miscellaneous bottles from my vanity. His bedhead is still prominent, dressed in jack-o-lantern pajama pants and purple tank top.

“So what exactly happened here?” I say, moving to sit down criss-cross right in front of him. Laughing at the look of guilt and confusion still on his face I move my hands to either side of his head, forcing him to focus all his attention on me.

It’s then I notice the little gold patches under his eyes. “I see you found my under-eye masks.”

His eyes widen into saucers, “Is that ok? Oh god, are they like super expensive, it said 24k gold on the packaging? I’m so sorry, I’ll replace them for you I promise. Oh, y/n I’m so sorry,”

“Matthew,”

“It’s just that you said I could use anything in the bathroom, but of course you were half asleep at the time, you probably had no clue what you were saying. I should’ve known that,”

“Matthew”

“Y/n I’m really sorry. Really, tell me how much they cost, I promise I’ll replace them, I-.”

With my hands still on either side of his head, I bring him in for a kiss to shut him up. He reacts instantly, bringing his hands up to around my chin, drawing me impossibly closer. Moving one hand to my waist he pulls me forward till I’m sitting, straddling his lap.

Eventually, we both realize we need to breathe, and we sit there foreheads together just catching our breath. He’s got a goofy grin spread across his face, and I sat there biting my lip giggling.

“What was that for?” he says finally breaking the silence.

“You wouldn’t shut up.” I say shrugging nonchalantly.

One of the under-eye masks had fallen off his face, and now resided on the floor beside us. He follows my gaze towards it and I can immediately start to see the cogs turning in his head again.

“Babe, relax. They’re $2 at Walmart.”

The breath of relief he lets out brings another smile to my face. He’s just so goddamn adorable I could scream.

“Why’d you even have those on anyways?” I ask him.

“They said they helped with dark circles, and according to the makeup artists on set, I have some of the worst dark circles they’ve ever seen. I just wanted to be better, look better.” Slightly ashamed, he avoids eye contact and looks to the floor.

“Oh baby,” I say taking his face into my hands, but he still averts his gaze. “Matthew, look at me.”

His eyes finally meet mine.

“You’re handsome, you’re funny, charming, sexy, and I love you. All of you.” I kissed each of his under-eyes, “So fucking what if you have dark circles under you eyes, it’s what makes you, you. And I love you so much it feels like my heart is gonna beat out of my fucking chest whenever I think of you. I love you so much my every thought revolves around you and when I’m not with you I’m counting down the seconds until I get to see you again.”

I don’t even notice the tears running down my cheeks until he goes to wipe them away. “You know that’s the first time you’ve told me you love me.” He says softly.

“Yeah well, I meant every word of it.”

“Well I love you too,” He says, his hand stays on my cheek working to keep my attention focused solely on him as he uses his thumb to rub small soothing circles. I lean into his hand as he continues, “Every morning I get to wake up next to you is the happiest day of my life because each day with you just gets better and better. Your smile shines brighter than the sun and it warms up my heart, and every time I get to hear your laugh I know the angels are looking down in pure jealousy because they know nothing is more heavenly. Y/n, everything I am is entirely and completely yours, you own my heart, my soul my mind, and I’m so undeniably in love with you.”

I look into his eyes and it’s all I need to know he meant every word he said.

Our next kiss is filled with a new found passion, just trying to completely drink each other in. To memorize everything about the moment, so as to treasure it forever.

I pull away first, “Hey, we have to stop, you’re gonna be late to set.”

“So-fucking-what?”

“Babe-”

“Nu-uh, I can be late,”

“You’re directing today, you can’t be late.”

After a quick stare down, a huff and low groan, he finally loosens his grip and pulls away.

Still surrounded by bottles, we both quickly pick everything up, putting them all in their respective places on my vanity.

My hand was reaching for the door when his voice calls out, “Why exactly do you have all these products anyways?”

“Well the eye masks help with tightening and brightening, the scrubs make everything smooth, and then the facemasks all do different things.”

“But you’re already perfect, you don’t need any of those things.”

“Matth-”

“No, no! If you’re gonna talk about about how you love my dark circles and my insecurities, I can talk about how perfect you are.” His arms are moving around enthusiastically as he continues on his rant, “I love you just the way you are, and I know the media gives everyone these impossible beauty standards to live up to, but I need you to know that you are so insanely breathtakingly beautiful. And I respect you wanting to take care of yourself and you using these products to do so, but I just want to make sure you know how perfect you are already.”

I rush back up to him, “I love you so much” I mumble against his lips.

He takes my hand in his, leading me back to the bedroom, “I’m gonna show you just how perfect you are.”

This time I didn’t put up a fight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi everyone, quarantine has led me to fall deeper and deeper into my little habit of escapism. With Criminal Minds being my favorite show, it was only a matter of time before I started writing fan fiction for it. Like every other basic bitch I love writing for Matthew Gray Gubler and Spencer Reid, but I don’t think I’ll limit myself to only him.

You can contact me if you want me to put you on a tag list :)))

Oh, and here’s some baby for the road.

#matthewgraygubler #spencerreid #matthewgraygublerfic #spencerreidfic #criminalminds #fanfiction #matthewxreader #mggxreader #fluff

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runaway-horses · 5 years

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The Missing Soulmate: Chapter Six

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Read On AO3

Word Count: 2,758

A/N: Hello! Is anyone else losing their shit over the new video? Yeah? Ok. (I’m rewatching it as I type this.) Well, hope you enjoy this chapter! Comments and reblogs feed my soul, water my crops, and cleanse my skin.

Warnings: Anxiety, this chapter contains a pretty graphic description of child abuse, and the theme of the whole thing is dealing with child abuse both emotional and physical. There’s also a description of a person being burned. Please stay safe! If those things trigger you then please skip this chapter. (Feel free to message me for a recap of the events of this chapter.) As always, please let me know if I need to add/remove anything!

Tags: @avocados26, @a-cure-for-sentience, @cobythinks

Logan sighed and got out of his chair to go walk around. He wandered the shelves of the library, breathing deeply, the scent of books filling his lungs. He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

He glanced at his watch. 4:52

The library would be closing soon. He tried to ignore the heavy ache in his chest at the thought of going home. He took a moment longer to appreciate the calmness of the library before gathering his stuff and heading for the exit.

He waved a goodbye to the librarians and headed home. He had walked to the library this morning, when the crisp October air had felt nice. Now that evening was rapidly approaching and he was jacketless, he regretted his decision.

Logan clutched his bag a little tighter and sped up his walk. Reluctance at going home fading with the cold that sunk into his bones. A cold gust swept over him and he shivered. Note to self, don’t leave the house without a jacket.

He breathed a sigh of intense release as he rounded the corner and recognized his apartment complex. He went up the stairs two steps at a time and his frozen fingers fumbled with his keys. He finally got the door unlocked and stepped inside, the warmth wrapping around him like a blanket. But the warmth was only bone deep, and he felt a cold pit of dread settle in his stomach as he looked around the apartment.

His dad’s jacket and keys were gone, meaning his dad wasn’t here.

His dad wasn’t home much these days.

Logan didn’t mind.

He dropped his bag on the table and pulled out the books he had checked out from the library.

Soulmates Through History, Soulmates: Science or Magic?, and Famous Polyamorous Soulmates. Mr Sanders had been after him to choose a subject for his paper that he felt personally connected to. When he had, hesitantly, introduced the idea of doing a paper about the science behind soulmates, Mr Sanders had been skeptical. But when Logan had explained that he was curious about the subject because he had multiple soulmates, his face had lit had.

Now you’ve got the idea Logan.

He had been hesitant about doing a personal topic, but Mr Sanders had been encouraging him through his doubts, and eventually he settled on it and got to work on finding sources. He opened the first book, Soulmates Through History, and began to read.

He was two chapters in when a gentle tingle on his arm broke his focus. He smiled at it message, a little goodnight note from Patton. He sent one every night around 10pm his time. It never failed to make Logan smile. Goodnight Patton. Sleep well.

Night Pat! Virgil’s purple pen wrote. Patton drew a small heart right in the center of his wrist, and that was the end of his message. Logan smiled at the messages a little while longer before going back to his book, now much more interested in the topic.

He reads in quiet and for a while, everything is peaceful.

Logan hears keys jingle at the door and his whole body tenses. The door creaks open, and his dad’s footsteps echo through the apartment. He closes the book and sets it on the table, rising to greet his dad.

“Good evening father.” His dad turns and looks at Logan, his gaze souring with distaste. Logan doesn’t wince. He’s used to it by now. His dad’s eyes sweep up and down Logan critically, and his eyes settle on his arm. Logan’s heart rate increases dramatically, and he tries not to flinch when his dad stalks forward.

“You been writing to your soulmate again?”

Logan keeps his eyes down when he says, “Soulmates, actually. And yes. I was wishing them a goodnight.”

“Look me in the eye when you speak boy.” He raises his eyes to look his dad in the eye, and wants to shrink back at the anger he sees there. “I don’t want you writing to them anymore. It’s unnatural. People are supposed to have one soulmate, and they’re supposed to stay with them until they die. Better to have no soulmate than to be a freak of nature like you.”

“Dad-“ He starts to say something in defense of himself, but is cut off by a slap to his face.

His mouth falls open, his hand going to his face on instinct.

“Don’t you even think about talking back to me. Now I don’t want to catch you writing to them again. You hear me?”

Logan tries to keep his tears from falling. He does, but it’s a close thing. He wants to argue, to tell his dad where he can take his bigotry and shove it, but one look at his dad’s face has the arguments dying on his lips.

“Yes sir.”

Logan doesn’t sleep that night.

As he pulls himself out of bed to ready himself for school, he absently wonders if this was how Virgil often felt. He made a mental note to make sure Virgil got more sleep. The thought of his soulmate feeling like this often upset him.

His dad was already gone when Logan made his way downstairs. He wouldn’t deny the small sigh of relief that left him. Logan made a beeline for the coffee pot, appreciating both the warmth of the mug in his hands and the warmth of the liquid in my stomach. He sat at the table and drank his coffee quietly.

At 6:30, he grabbed his bag and his jacket and left for school.

Throughout the day, Patton wrote, and he didn’t respond. Virgil wrote, and he didn’t respond. The day passed like molasses, his tired brain barely processing the information. When he arrived at the library at 3:37, he couldn’t have told you anything he did that day.

The familiar tingle alerted him to a soulmate message, but he ignored it in favor of opening his laptop. He really should get started on that paper…

He left the library right before closing, and walked home, this time clad in a jacket. His dad wasn’t there when he got home, and he went straight to his room, toeing off his shoes and plopping down in the bed.

Hello Virgil. Hello Patton. I apologize for my absence today. I did not sleep well last night and I have been functioning at less than optimal level. I plan to retire early tonight, and should be better in the morning.

Immediately a message from Patton appeared.

That’s all right kiddo! Get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow!

And directly below it, the familiar purple ink.

As long as you’re ok. I was worried about you Lo. Talk in the morning.

Logan sighed and flopped backwards on his bed. Maybe he could take a quick nap before dinner…

The next week passed in a similar fashion. Logan continued to get little to no sleep, and he stopped writing to his soulmates. Every day, he put on long sleeves so he didn’t have to deal with the guilt he felt from reading and ignoring their messages. His exhaustion dripped off him, and the amount of coffee he consumed far exceeded what could be considered healthy.

He also avoided his dad, which hasn’t been hard as his dad had been oddly absent from the house lately.

Not that Logan was complaining.

It was a Friday, and Logan was watching a ridiculous conversation take place on his forearm. Virgil, the stereotypical emo kid, appeared to be having some sort of mental breakdown. Patton had never celebrated Halloween, and when Virgil mentioned being excited for it, had inquired as to what was so great about the holiday?

For the past 5 minutes Virgil had been ranting about Halloween and its importance to (meme culture?). He had also listed, in order, his favorite parts about Halloween. (And the entire month of October.)

Logan was torn between confusion and affection as he watched his soulmates discuss the word “spoopy”.

They ran out of room on his right arm and the writing stopped momentarily. All three of them were left handed, so all the writing appeared on their non dominant arms.

But apparently the physical limitations of handedness wasn’t strong enough to stop the conversation in its tracks, and the purple words continued on his left arm. (They were completely illegible, but the action was so Virgil that Logan couldn’t help laughing, drawing the attention of other students in the cafeteria.)

His arms were covered in the purple and blue ink of his soulmates when he left school, and Logan almost regretted putting on his jacket and covering the words, they filled him with such happiness.

The walk to the library was short, thankfully, as the weather was uncomfortably cold, even with his jacket. As he sat as his usual table, it occurred to him that he spent more time at the library then he did at his own home. He had turned in his proposed thesis, supporting points, and rough outline to Mr Sanders today, and there wasn’t really a point in working on his essay without feedback, so he decided to get started on his Monday homework.

He worked right up until closing time like he always did, and waved goodbye to Amelia, the librarian, as he left. It was pleasantly cool outside, and Logan left his jacket off so he could enjoy the unusual Florida weather.

He stopped in the Rise and Grind to get a cup of coffee on the way home, greeting Remy and breathing in the scent of coffee beans.

“Girl, when you coming back to work with me?” Remy asked as he rang Logan up. “I’m bored without your dull commentary to laugh at.”

“I’m scheduled for next week. I am sure that you will be able to cope till then without me.” Logan said drily. Remy huffed and handed him his coffee, but smiled genuinely at the tip that Logan put in jar. “Have a good night Remy,” Logan said and turned to leave.

As he approached his apartment, he felt one of his soulmates writing to him and looked down to see that Patton was drawing little hearts all over his hand. He smiled at the hearts and watched as they continued to appear, unlocking and opening the door without looking.

“You’re home late.”

Logan froze and stiffened. He lifted his gaze to where his dad was standing in the kitchen, the coffee machine brewing away next to him.

“I was at the library.” Logan said quietly, maintaining eye contact despite how badly he wanted to avert his gaze. His dad frowned and poured himself a cup of coffee without looking away from Logan. His eyes traveled down and Logan’s blood ran cold as he realized that all of Patton’s and Virgil’s writings were covering his arm like a sleeve.

His dad’s eyes darkened dangerously.

“You been writing to them again? Huh?”

Logan remained silent.

“Answer me!”

Logan gulped but stood his ground. “No, sir. That’s all them.” His dad crossed the kitchen to him and gripped his arm tightly.

“I don’t believe you,” He hissed in his ear.

Logan could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I haven’t been, I promise-please let me go,” His dad dragged him across the kitchen, his grip so tight Logan worried he would leave bruises. “No son of mine is going to be a freak like you.And I’m going to make sure you remember that.”

Logan’s pleas were cut short by his dad pouring the scalding hot coffee over both his arms.

The pain was so much so that Logan thought he might black out. When his senses returned to him briefly afterward, he tried to jerk his arm out of his dad’s cruel grip. He was aware of his dad speaking, but it was barely heard over the ringing in his ears.

“Now I don’t have to see those unnatural markings anymore,” He sneered, pushing Logan backwards so his back hit the counter. “Clean up this mess boy. I want it gone when I come back.”

And then his dad was gone, and Logan fell to the floor, his breathing coming in short gasps. He hurt like nothing he had ever felt before, and while Logan wasn’t religious he was sure that this was what damned souls felt. He managed to get off the floor and stumble to the sink.

Cold water, must get cold water.

The cold water both soothed and made it burn worse, but Logan held his arms under the stream for well over a minute. He eventually pulled his arm away and gingerly tried to pat it dry. The contact with his raw skin made him screech in pain instead, and he immediately dropped the towel.

It landed in the puddle of coffee.

For some reason, it was this that had him sobbing, knees hitting the floor as the weight of what had happened his him. When he had previously been hyperventilating over the pain, now he just sat in the floor and sobbed, clutching his maimed arm to his chest.

He briefly wondered if his soulmates could feel the pain he was feeling.

The thought made him laugh.

Shock, you’re going into shock.

Ah. That made sense. But what to do about it? Lay down, he had to lay down. Somewhere in his mind, he knew what he should be doing, knew that he should call 911. But perhaps that could wait…

Virgil paced his room, an agitated mess. He hadn’t received a message from Logan in eight days.

What if he’s hurt what if he’s sick what is he’s in trouble what if he’s in danger what if he’s dead.

The thoughts wouldn’t stop coming. Wouldn’t stop spinning. His breaths came shorter and shorter, and he grabbed his pen and scribbled out a weak Pat on his arm.

Almost immediately, the soothing sensation of someone writing came. Patton wrote out his breathing pattern and was drawing circles on his arm in a repetitive motion that was oddly calming. Virgil followed the counts and the motion of the circles until he felt like he could breathe again.

Thank you Pat.

Anytime kiddo! You feeling better? Do you want to talk about it?

A pause, and then he was back.

Was it Logan?

Virgil sighed and settled down on his bed.

I can’t help it Pat. I’m so worried…what if-

Nope! None of that Virgil. I’m sure Logan is fine. Now I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried, but let’s give Lo the benefit of the doubt.

I guess you’re right. A pause. I’m still gonna worry though.

Of course you are. Virgil could almost hear Patton laughing, and he felt himself smile.

When he met Patton in person, he was going to give him the biggest hug possible.

Logan studiously ignored the way his arm tingled as he got ready for school. It was easier to ignore the guilt of ignoring his soulmates when he didn’t have to read their messages.

He made his way downstairs as quietly as possible and breathed a sigh of relief when he was sure his dad was out of the house. Before he left, he got the first aid kit out from where he had hidden it under the sink and carefully unwrapped his arms.

The skin underneath was blistered and oozing and red. Logan grimaced as he disinfected his wounds before redressing them. He put a long sleeved shirt on to cover the bandages.

No reason to expose himself and invite questions he couldn’t answer.

In the two weeks since he stopped writing to his soulmates, he had withdrawn into himself further and further. No one knew him well enough to notice. Or care.

Remy took his new silence as exhaustion from midterms and simply filled the quiet with his own chatter.

Mr Sanders had a frown on his face and worry in his eyes when he looked at Logan in class, so Logan kept his head down.

He changed his research paper topic from soulmates. When Mr Sanders asked about it, he said he didn’t find the topic interesting.

That wasn’t the truth. It was too painful to write. But that wasn’t something Mr Sanders needed to know.

And if his distress was emptying his heart of all emotions and leaving him numb and cold?

Well.

That was no one’s burden to bear but his own.

#romantic lamp/calm #the missing soulmate #logan angst #athena rambles #love athena #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw burns

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baritonechick · 6 years

Text

Your Saviour (3)

Merlin x Reader

A/N: This part is mostly in Merlin’s POV, but still kinda in third person? I dunno, bro... ALSO, let me know if you would like to be tagged! Part 4 is written, and Part 5 is in the works, so I will tag anybody who’s interested!

Word Count: 1.1k+ words

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

Merlin sat on a chair outside his bedroom, eagerly awaiting the return of his mentor. If anyone knew what was wrong with Y/n, it’d be Gaius.

The boy’s head falls back against the wood surface of the chair with a thud.

He just wants to help you. Is that too much to ask the universe for?

A small creaking sound perks Merlin right out of his seat. His eyes fall upon Gaius who’s hardly acknowledged his apprentice’s anxiousness.

“Gaius, I need your help. Y/n’s wound started to hurt when we were walking and she passed out.”

Gaius quickly looks up with a slightly panicked expression.

“Where is she?”

Merlin nods toward his chambers, relieving the old man of his worry.

“She’s resting right now. I had to heal her with magic, it was that bad.”

Gaius purses his lips together in deep concentration. He isn’t sure if he’s ever had a patient experience tremendous amounts of pain like that after a werewolf attack, even in Y/n’s circumstances.

The physician furrows his brows and sighs, taking a look at his apprentice.

“I believe that, given time, the wound will repair itself. There will be moments where, due to the werewolf’s venom, it may cause great agony, but it will not kill her. I suggest you stay near her so you can relieve some of the pain with your magic.”

“She won’t lose her leg, will she? I mean, she’s already been through so much and-“

Gaius quickly cuts off Merlin’s rant with a firm answer.

“I don’t think we will have to resort to anything of the sort, thankfully.”

The boy exhales out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. He cares about you more than he thought was possible. Seeing you in such pain and strife makes his head reel and his heart ache. All he wishes for is your well-being.

“Thank you, Gaius,” Merlin replies with a soft voice.

Gaius merely tilts his head and gives a small smile. Love would always be a force stronger than any type of magic.

“Keep an eye on her. I will inform Uther of her condition. She will be staying fully under your watch until she has recovered,” the old man announces, trudging out the door and to the castle.

Merlin can almost cry from pure relief at this point. He knows you’ll be alright once you’ve had time to rest and heal.

His hand mindlessly reaches for the door handle, and before he knows it, the boy is poking his head through the door.

Your eyes are tightly closed, almost as if you’re having a bad dream. You thrash to the side, whimpering and unknowingly reaching for your injured leg.

Merlin is quick to be by your side, placing his hand ever so gently on the top of your forehead.

“Ith de me cah tisté,” he whispers, sending a healing spell coursing through your body.

Your face instantly relaxes and your erratic movements stop. You start breathing softly again, your chest falling up and down at a slow pace.

Merlin draws his hand away, sighing.

It is going to be a painful process, but you will get better. He will see to that promise till the very end.

“She is resting right now, sire, I suggest coming back when she is up.”

“Perhaps you’re right, Gaius. Do send for me when she is. I wish to see how she fairs.”

You frown, waking up to the sounds of two familiar male voices coming from the main room. The first one being Gaius and the second you assume to be Uther.

You restrain yourself from jumping out of the bed and rushing to see the king. You’d missed him in the time you’d been here but you figure it better to see him later.

Upon a glance out the window, it seems to be early morning. Had you really slept almost a whole day?

Your second task at hand is to check the progress of the wound. You tug the blankets off of your lower half to find clean bandages.

“Hm,” you hum, happy to see it’s not bleeding as much.

A light creaking comes from the other room which you recognize to be the front door. It must have been Uther leaving, you assume.

It takes a bit to muster enough energy to get up, but you’ve done it after a few frustrating attempts. You’re scared to anger the cut any further, walking on it with every kind of caution.

You slowly push the door open, peeking through to see who’s in the cottage. Even trying to be quiet, Merlin and Gaius look up from where they’re at.

You wave shyly, stepping out into the open room.

The physician acknowledges your state with a grim smile to greet you. It was never like Gaius to hide his emotions when something went awry. As a doctor, he was used to breaking bad news to patients.

“I shall tell Uther you are-“

You cut the old man off with a small and quiet voice, afraid to insult him, “No, please, I need some answers before I talk to him.”

Gaius nods, interlocking his fingers together in a formal manner.

“What would you like to know, my lady?”

Your lips form a thin line as you begin to speak your question.

“Is it normal for this to happen? The pain? I’m assuming,” you peer over at Merlin, “That he’s told you of what happened.”

Gaius’ eyes bore into yours, something you’ve gotten accustomed to when being around the man. He prefers to scope people’s thoughts out by observing their tells before making an interaction.

“I believe it so. Don’t worry, I will have Merlin at your side until you are well enough. His magic can rid you of most of it.”

You feel the gravity of the situation hitting you full force. You’d gotten injured, kissed Merlin and been in extreme agony in the past couple days. The spectrum of your emotions as of now are swaying quite precariously.

You wring your hands together, processing the events fully while you speak.

“I will go see Uther now,” you inform them, holding your head high and bringing yourself to start for the door. Upon pushing it open and heading into the bright sunshine, you pause for a split second. It takes that time to reassure yourself that you will be fine long enough to see the king, and you begin your trek to the castle.

Inside of Gaius’ and Merlin’s home, the old man chuckles the smallest bit.

“Please go follow her in case anything goes wrong,” Gaius sighs, shaking his head in utter disbelief. You always had been such a stubborn girl.

Merlin nods quickly, rushing out to be your guardian angel if it is needed.

Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

@gravity-9-8

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin x reader #bbc merlin x reader

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zzpopzz · 7 years

Photo

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

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