#no lie i feel like

[brandoncarlo]

so there was this big blowup at my work on friday where two of my coworkers tried to undermine me and went to my manager with half truths to make me look bad. I explained what was going on from my perspective and because one of my coworkers has a history of lying to get me in trouble and the other manager actually there corroborated what was going on plus the cameras, my manager got extremely angry with my other two coworkers. I pretty much blew up, for me at least, and ranted to my manager about everything that happened (they were shit talking me and saying how i don't do work loud enough for me to hear it, on the back of my 3rd week in a row clocking in the most overtime besides the two managers, which included covering their shifts because they each call out regularly). So my manager is now saying she's going to bring both of them in and talk to them with the big boss. And while every discussion I've had with my manager has left me feeling vindicated and I know everything I said was the truth at least from my perspective. I'm like gaslighting myself and questioning my own reality (how do you know you're not lying, what if you're just trying to make yourself look good), on top of stressing about whether or not they could end up getting me in trouble by saying i did something wrong (and if i did do i remember doing it, or will it be a lie, or how will i know).

anyway the entire thing really stressed me out. i do not handle anger well and left work on friday shaking. i had to work with one of them on saturday and was blown away that she kept pretending to be nice to me, when she must have known that I could hear everything they were saying. I also had to work with another coworker who I didn't hear say anything, but knowing him he's on their side and he gave me the cold shoulder even tho he's one of the friendliest people i work with and makes sure to say hi and bye to everyone. which is FINE because i was giving him the cold shoulder too but petty me wanted to be the one to ignore him first.

point is this fucking sucks cause i love my job but i won't let people walk all over me. i am just stressed for monday because I'm not sure what's going to happen all I know is that I am going to be extremely clear with my manager about what's going to go down after she leaves. What exactly are my responsibilities and who is going to express that to the other people I am working with. Because I do not need to be told I'm not doing work because I'm the only one who can give the front desk manager a break in the afternoon, but they only see me go up front and disappear for 15 minutes, i guess assuming I'm not doing anything.

and to top it all off right before this I had gotten yelled at on the phone by someone trying to book a grooming appointment. Which is kind of funny and kind of shitty. Shitty because I was already stressed and agitated before this and also funny cause part of me was like lmaooo girls if you want to deal with that bullshit sure but they already triedd to train you for it and it failed.

#extremely long work rant #about drama that didn't need to happen #and my continuous journey through dealing with #idk self gaslighting #maybe there's a better term for it #anyway i just want #these people to leave me alone so i can be with my dogs #no lie i feel like #they think because i enjoy coming to work #that i must be doing something wrong #or like slacking off #i just don't get it #both of them i've literally gone out of my way to help #but they just wanna shit on me #because someone else (not even me) #got a break before them

[buggachat]

something so fucked up about Chat Noir’s whole deal is that he is in a lot of ways Adrien playing a character. Like Adrien picked up his miraculous and was told he’d be a superhero so he was like “ok, time to act like a superhero!” and he lets himself have fun w it and play up the role and let loose and kind of just allow himself to be silly and goofy and have fun and for once in his life not care about performing Perfection™.

But. But none of the other characters KNOW THAT. So everyone just sees Chat Noir and is like “look at this guy’s ego. He’s so full of himself. Surely it’d be fair to knock him down a few pegs” without being aware of how few pegs he actually HAS. He’s like the “insecure character who overcompensates in ego” trope except he’s really not doing it unironically, he’s just having a fun LARP pretending to have self worth in his off-hours but nobody else is on the same page about it being a game and he refuses to tell them. He just dramatically pouts about it and lets them laugh and pretends like he’s not internalizing it and it is almost 3 am and my brain forced me to write this instead of sleeping I’m gonna take a melatonin

#writing this my brain was like: what if he actually likes it? #what if he likes people openly criticizing him in ways nobody actually does to Adrien agreste? #because Adrien Agreste is perfect and can do no wrong. maybe he enjoys being insulted or something #and then I remembered chat noirs multiple breakdowns about feeling unworthy and yknow what yeah I don’t think he likes it LOL #do normal people actually fall asleep when they lie down #if you can’t tell I recently decided to make my random ml musings your guys’ business instead of keeping it to myself #hope you enjoy #buggachatter

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[panstarry]

my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟

#pan draws #pan designs #zine #risograph #i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline #i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently #anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in #but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us. #so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they #actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye #tdov #trans day of visibility #<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

#not a shitpost #serious post #ask to tag #tw trauma #cptsd #c-ptsd #and if so we should TALK about it #because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays #like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc #bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times #and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd) #because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact #2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc #3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation #and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie #4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories #and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong #weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards #i got lucky there #also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons

[hai-nae]

if you want love, you're gonna have to go through the pain,

if you want love, you're gonna have to learn how to change,

if you want trust, you're gonna have to give some away.

#ghoap #soapghost #ghostsoap #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #song; nf if you want love #mw #my art #after like over 50 something tries for both their faces separately i still dunno how i feel bout it in the end uguhguhguhu #thats a lie i hate it but thats art #thats also a lie soaps face i am happy with its everything else i want to burn #maybe ill crop his face and just call the rest a loss idk ill sleep on it n after work see how i feel #why am i like this

[seiwas]

you wear katsuki’s clothes to bed.

among all your cotton and silk pajamas, you prefer the thinning fabric of his faded tees. there are holes in some of them, just a few more seams away from their undoing as they fit far too large on you—but that’s why you love them.

they’re comfy and worn; lived in with love from the man that you love. when katsuki is gone for days or weeks at a time, you find his warmth intertwined within the threads of his t-shirts. when the fabric presses against your back, the bed doesn’t feel nearly as empty as it is.

(though it can never replace him. nothing can, you fear.)

“hoggin’ all my shirts,” he tuts, but you know it means nothing. the roll of white fabric is neatly folded unto itself, its crisp corners unfurling once handed over.

you giggle, shaking off its folds and fitting the hem right over your head. from the corner of your eye, you see katsuki’s gaze, watching you wrangle the fabric over you as the towel wrapped around your body slowly drops to the floor.

he turns away then, a little too quickly, a little too abruptly. if you look at him now, you’re sure you’ll find flushed cheeks and crimson eyes burning in shame for wanting you so inopportunely.

“guess you’ll just have to take me with it then.”

#bakugo x reader #shotorus.bubble #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #WAAAHDJENDJDN #i think he gets a lil bit flustered seeing u in his clothes 😋 #and he feels so embarrassed just watChing u dress and undress #it eases up over time but his cheeks dont lie!!!!!! they flush red everytime!!!!!! #the look of shame transforms into unabashed want over the years but #the feeling is the same 🥹 bubbles or butterflies or whatever the hell it is swirling in his belly #seeing you in something that’s his #especially smth he’s had for yeaaaars 🥺 clothes that have grown up w him 🥺🥺 it makes him feel a little bit like #youre the gift he gets at the end of it all 🥺 #like this is the life he has now even tho he was who he was before #and idk !!! it flips something in him !!! #bc it feels a lot like youre proud of being his 🥺 wearing him all over you and whatnot 🥺 and that you’ve chosen him 🥺 #all rough edges and holes 🥺🥺🥺🥺 #anyway theres a longer version of this but i might make it into a fic or put into an existing one so i will stop it hErEEEEe 🥹🥹🥹 #bnha #katsu

[mischieviem]

Yippee more natural soup

#supernatural #destiel #castiel #dean winchester #spn #mischieviem #rowena macleod #crowley supernatural #fergus macleod #supernatural comic #my artwork #my art #do not repost to another site. period. #do not repost #i said mcjagger instead of mick jagger #i feel like my life has been a lie

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry. #Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong: #“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH. #This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated. #I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them. #Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad. #When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment! #I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug. #Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends) #and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off. #I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi. #obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him. #I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

im a simple guy! i think about puppy Barnaby. i promptly explode into bloody heart-shaped confetti

#just a little guy learning to be tall... hard work #now if yall will excuse me im gonna shove my head into boiling water #that oughta fix me #pls enjoy the additional scribbles of his Attempts #they were too important in my mind not to include #godddddd i love himmmmmmm just a little guyyyyyy #i gotta puzzle out how to draw ms beagle #ive never drawn a chicken! much less a chicken puppet! #wait no sorry that was a fucking lie #i have drawn like. 2 chickens previously In My Life. i think... i could be wrong! #ive never claimed to have a working or reliable memory <3 #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #barnaby b beagle #hes just so small and sweet and immmmmm IMMMMMMM #unwell. simply unwell yes yes #there's no saving me! leave me for the vultures! allow me to live up to my url! #puppy barnaby already makes me feel as though my ribcage has been cracked open #might as well let the scavengers have a Taste. im sure im delicious!

[pangur-and-grim]

it’s hard for me to feed myself right now (just in terms of physical ability), so my mom drove me and the animals to her place. she carried the cats in first, because I had to butt-scoot up the front stairs, and once inside, Pangur got scared and ran. she’s tucked herself away somewhere, and nobody can find her. I probably could, and I could lure her out and make her feel safe again, except that I’m largely immobile. I keep falling on the crutches and fucking my leg up further, and the likeliest hiding spots are up or down a fleet of stairs. it’s been 4 hours, and it’s killing me not to look for her. I’m so tempted to crawl down the basement stairs, broken leg be damned.

#I have bad object permanence and anxiety #so my brain is saying ‘she’s gone forever’ #she’s definitely in the house but I’m getting scared bc worst case scenario is that stress has brought on a medical condition #and that she’s stuck somewhere and needs help but I can’t get to her #I know she’ll probably just come out later in the night once she feels safe. but it’s hard to lie here like a lump waiting

[woolysstuff]

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

Evil!Sun my beloved (Edit// This Evil!Sun is from TSAMS and is not an AU of mine guys)

Bonus doodle

#NO NO LISTEN #I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN EVIL SUN DIMENSION FOR SO LONG #AND YOU BET I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW YESTERDAYS UPLOAD #AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND #alright i'm calming down now #I am totally normal about him guys haha (lie) #I really like the fact that he was actually like #really smart #maybe even smarter than moon #and I love how he just #doesn't give a shit #at all #euuuugh #he <3 #/p #Honestly seemed more morally gray than evil if anything #and i feel like moon just kinda #started throwing insults at him #at random #like i'll be honest some of the things he called him didn't really make sense to me #but hey maybe that's just me #oh god this is getting kinda long uhm #wooly draws stuff #tsams #the sun and moon show #tsams spoilers #tsams sun #tsams evil sun #sundrop #wooly's stupid brainrot

[buggachat]

(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?

#ml s5 spoilers #tbh half the time when thinking about it I forget that gabriel asked her to do it at all #because it just feels like such a Marinette™ thing to do to me lol #to be fair maybe I'm downplaying it? I do think Gabriel's plea struck some emotional chord with her too and helped push her that direction #but again I. totally believe she'd do it either way #and I do strongly believe that her decision is moreso ''I don't want to hurt Adrien'' than it is ''I want to honor Gabriel's final wish'' #she loves to avoid verbal/emotional problems and hoooo boy idk a worse verbal/emotion problem than #telling your boyfriend that his entire life is a lie and that he's not entirely human and that he was abused and controlled and puppeteered #all his life and also that his father was a terrorist and that she saw his mom's corpse in the basement #I mean. I don't think I'd have the emotional maturity to break that to someone either and I'm not.... FOURTEEN.... LOL

[gen-toon]

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc jax #jax #tadc ragatha #ragatha #bunnydoll #I need to pathetically explain myself here and say this was just one of those go to bed thoughts I've had for a while. #It was an idea for the sake of daydreaming and I never intended to ever draw it but then it happened and I got carried away. #I'd honestly call this a bit of a un-headcanon lmao #None of us know at this point so any one of them could be close or not close to losing it. #Saying that I feel Jax seems like one of the more stable of the group and out of the both of them Ragatha is closer to abstraction if at al #But it's interesting to think if he actually isn't to some degree and there's more behind that grin I can't lie #And I wouldn't portray abstraction like this either I'd go about it differently. again just one of those fleeting throw-away thoughts #It ends ambiguously but you can decide what you want. I know how it ends. #I just got really into portraying the mood or cinematics without any dialogue.

[yuurionviktor]

Gideon to match Harrow 😗✌️

#the locked tomb #gideon nav #gideon the ninth #gideon the 9th #gideon the first #griddlehark #things ive made #you can REALLY tell where my sympathies lie if you look at them side by side I feel like lmao #also I tried to make the art style for Gideon softer on purpose but it ended up looking just inconsistent I feel like #the colors too #like I wanted to change the color scheme for a warmer one but ended up not matching with harrow too much so I had to change it back #and compromise #so it’s not similar enough but also not different enough #idk man idk

[crumbpigeon]

till death do us part

#listen im obsessed with them!! #the unparalleled tenderness of sorting through a mountain of viscera in order to reassemble an entire skeleton!!!! i need to lie down #no one is doing it like them i feel like im living through the yuri renaissance #farcille #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #marcille donato #farcille fanart #dungeon meshi fanart #marcille dungeon meshi #marcille dunmeshi #myart