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lizziestudieshistory · 3 years

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Books of 2021 - March

I had a very strange reading month in March, I read more than I usually do when studying but then fell into a reading slump in the last 10 days or so... It was all a certain book's fault!

The Burning God - R.F. Kuang (Poppy War #3)

I've already got a post somewhere explaining how I felt about The Burning God. I had a wonderful(? feels like the wrong word but I'm sticking with it) time with this series, in a morbid kind of way. It was highly worth the read and The Poppy War is one of the best debut fantasy stories I've read to date! I was slightly disappointed in some of the elements (the Trifecta still spring to mind, I was expecting so much more...) but it was a great series. Highly recommended if you haven't given them a go.

Shadow and Bone/Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo (This includes all three books, plus the Demon in the Woods)

I read this entire series back to back in the space of about 10 days... I haven't read a series this fast since I was in high school! And I LOVED it! The Grisha Trilogy is a stereotypical YA as you can get - it's clichéd, tropey, and predictable. However, I still had a fantastic time reading them, much to my surprise.

Unfortunately, I loathed Mal (don't kill me), he was one of the most toxic "heroes" I've met in YA fantasy and I'm not over the infuriating conclusion with him and Alina (if Alina had to have a partner she should have married Nikolai, come on! Roguish pirate AND a dashing prince in one man!) I'm genuinely angry that the message Bardugo gave young girls with the conclusion to Alina and Mal's relationship arc was 'sacrifice everything, including your identity, to be play housewife with a boy with such a fragile ego he ignored you for an entire book'.

I really hope the TV series removes some of his controlling and manipulative behaviour - and yes I can stomach it with the Darkling because HE IS THE VILLAIN and not framed as the paragon of virtue Mal is... I did very much like the Darkling as a hot villain, and I'm looking forward to seeing my childhood crush, Ben Barnes, do him justice ;) Seriously though, the Darkling was the most interesting character in the series, maybe tied with Nikolai, and I'm sad we didn't see more of him in the second and third books.

The Hatmakers - Tamzin Merchant

I ADORED this book! I was expecting to enjoy it but not love it, however, I fell in love. This is a debut middle grade novel set in an alternate version of 18th century London. We follow Cordelia Hatmaker, the youngest Hatmaker, attempt to find her father after he's lost at sea. The Hatmakers are an old family of magic users who make hats to effect people's mood and behaviour.

This book was so heartwarming - it was fun, sweet, and enchanting to read. I wasn't sure of Merchant's writing style at first, it was a bit too much! She's very lyrical in her style, for a children's author, and I thought it was going to grate. But it fits the tone of her world and characters so well I didn't notice it after the first few chapters. It's honestly beautifully written. Characters were great, the plot was predictable but hilarious (I'm not the target audience so that's fine), and the world was well realised, if small. Overall, it was a wonderful novel and I'd highly recommend it to everyone - I enjoyed it as much as I did Nevermoor!

There's also the BEST tiny side story about a couple of young fops who want hats to help them duel! Absolutely AMAZING and I hope they turn up in the second book!

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

Here is where the month fell down for me and I fell into a slump... So A Thousand Splendid Suns is the story of two women in Afghanistan during the late 20th century. We see the Russian occupation and the rise of the Taliban through their eyes, as well as the devastating effects the almost constant warfare had on Kabul and their lives. However, this is more the background to exploring these women's lives, starting with Mariam as a child in the 1950s and following her life after she's married off by her father to Rasheed. We also follow Laila, who's literally the girl next door, and how their lives intersect during the course of the novel. It is a powerful story about the strength of women, the bonds they form, and the consequences the attitudes of men have on their lives.

So I'm conflicted about this book, on the one hand I can very much see its merit. It's a beautifully written, engaging, and thought provoking novel. It's one of those reads that stick with you and you mull over for weeks afterwards. It makes you think and I am glad I've read it.

On the other hand, I HATED every second I was reading it. On top of the general misery you'd expect (given the description above), this book discusses domestic violence, marital rape, forced child abandonment, miscarriages, imprisonment, etc. You name it, it'll be here. I could see the reason for this but it made for such a miserable reading experience that I could barely keep myself going at times. I seriously considered DNFing it at the end of part 2 and the only reason I didn't is because it's my book club book.

It's one of those reads that are immensely powerful and worth while, they open your eyes and make you think. However, it's reading experience is so miserable it's hard to see whether it was actually worth it while you'rein the book. I would say give it a go if you're interested because it really is a masterpiece and beautifully achieves what it set out to do. But please do go into it having done your research and aware of the trigger warnings.

On the Currently Reading Stack

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Technically on the pile, if we're dating this to 31st March. Although as of writing this (3rd April) I've finished this. I had fun but still don't like heist stories... Great characters though!

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson

I'm dipping in and out of this, as it's my 5th time reading it... I will finish it eventually but don't hold your breath because I'm only picking it up when I'm REALLY in the mood for Sanderson or feeling slumpy.

The Return of the King - J.R.R. Tolkien

Another long term read, I'm slowly finishing off my annotation reread of the Lord of the Rings. Very much enjoying this read but I'm taking it slowly so I can do my annotations justice.

Bleak House - Charles Dickens

Still going, it's just an enormous and slow book... I'm going to try and finish it in April but this isn't a promise...

#books of 2021 #reading #mini reviews #books #r.f. kuang #the burning god #leigh bardugo #grisha trilogy #shadow and bone #seige and storm #ruin and rising #tamzin merchant #the hatmakers #khaled hosseini #a thousand splendid suns #not proof read

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d-p-f-m · 4 years

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Take it easy |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

Seokjin x Reader |🥁|💕|📌|✔|

I love love love writing Seokjin prompts, so thanks again @btsfangirl1999 for requesting it!

Sorry for taking so long but I promise I'm working on everything as soon as I have time and inspiration!

Also thanks to my lovely beta for reading through this mess I call my writing. I'd be lost without you, girl❤🔥

Hope you enjoy!💞

Prompts:

A.) 94. Why the hell are you on the floor? + 95. I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes

Word count: 5783

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The distant ringing in the back of your mind has you writhing underneath the comforting cover of your blanket. In a silent act of protest you instictively wrap the soft fabric tighter around your body, burying your face in your pillow in hopes of drowning out the annoying noise. Obviously though, the torture doesn't magically stop on its own.

About three more minutes in and you finally admit defeat. Groaning in dispair you rip the sheets off of you in one swift movement and slowly roll on your back to extend one arm in the general direction of where your phone is supposed to be.

Without actually being able to see what you're doing, it takes you a few seconds to locate it and press the power botton on its top to cut the alarm off for good. Sighing in content at the peaceful moment of silence you allow yourself to simply lie there a bit longer before you eventually sit up straight, so you won't be tempted to just fall asleep again.

Forcing yourself to pry your eyes open you blink against the blinding screen of your phone to check the time. There is still about twenty minutes left before you have to leave for university, thank God. With all the willpower you're able to muster you heave yourself out of bed and waddle through the corridor leading to your bathroom to proceed with your usual morning routine.

Examining your puffy face in the mirror while brushing your teeth you make an unsatisfied noise in the back of your throat and grimace at your reflection. You don't have time or motivation to conceal your sleep deprived expression with make-up and usually you don't care much about things like that anyways, but seeing the dark circles under your eyes you really wish you could just crawl back into bed and hide from your responsibilities until you're finally well rested for once.

Hearing your phone buzz on the side of the sink you look at the message that popped up on screen and sigh. With finals week coming up there is usually no space for personal life already and you knew it was a stupid idea the moment you agreed to help one of your friends to plan the project for one of their classes but you just didn't have it in you to tell them no. They'd do the same for you when you need them someday. ... right?

While rinsing your mouth you brush your hair absendmindetly and stare blankly at your reflection, thinking about your plans for the day. You'll need to meet up with your friend after classes and then you have to work the evening shift at the café before rereading your notes for the first exam coming up next Monday. You can do this. No problem. You've gone through worse things in your life.

Still, as you set aside your hairbrush and reluctantly make your way downstairs to the kitchen, you can feel how every muscle in your body protests with just the tiniest movement. Walking down the circular shaped staircase has somehow made you a bit dizzy and you have to take a moment to lean against the nearest wall for support when you feel a light headache spread from your neck upwards all the way to your forhead. Probably because you've pulled an all-nighter last night again.

Seokjin would definitely scold you if he found out, he always tells you to slow down when you get like this. Of course you never listen. Good thing you didn't actually see each other the last few days even though you live together, because you're both too busy with your own lives. The only time you would have the chance to talk to each other is either in the morning before heading out, or on rare occasions at lunch break when you don't meet up with anyone else.

It seems like you've missed your chance for today though because it's so silent around the house that you assume the acting major is already out and about again and even though you don't want to admit it, you're starting to really miss having him around all the time.

It's not common for two university students of the opposite gender to be roommates and you often have to endure judging stares or rude comments about your undefined relationship with your handsome friend.

You don't mind, though. If they're nice enough to ask you about what's going on between Seokjin and you, you'd gladly explain that you're just very close friends, for the time being at least, and if they prefer side-eyeing you from afar then you'd simply ignore them. It's not their business anyways.

Yawning, you turn on the coffee machine and then make your way to the fridge to search for something to eat that will hopefully get you through most of the day. To your surprise there's a box with food placed right in the middle for you to see, with a bright blue sticky-note attached to its lid and you instantly pray that it's what you think it is.

You take the box to read the note to make sure the contents are really meant for you and not reserved for your roommate since he's the only one who could have put it there and you don't want to risk getting into a fight over food with Seokjin of all people. You only tried to get away with stealing his food once and decided right after that it wasn't worth the eventual consequences ever again. You actually value your life, thank you very much.

One look at the note is enough to tell you that the food is in fact meant for you though. It's even your absolute favorite and at the thought of your roommates' skilled cooking, your mouth automatically starts watering. Maybe your day won't turn out to be as draining and horrible as you originally thought it would. Seokjin made apparently more on purpose so, and quote: 'your lazy ass doesn't starve before you pay me back for the last seven months of living at my apartment for free'. His choice of words makes you let out a huff in amusement.

When he had taken you in after you got kicked out of your old dorm in favor of someone else without any warning beforehand you both had come to a silent agreement that you wouldn't speak of how much you owed him, since you can't effort even half the rent to his apartment. It's clear to you that you'll pay him back as soon as you have the chance and Seokjin knows this too, even though he probably doesn't actually expect you to.

Silenty thanking him for his life saving food you pack it into your bag and then grab your phone to thank him via text as well so you won't forget. After hesitating for a short moment you also decide to ask him when he's going to be home today. If there's even the slightest chance you're going to be able to see him for dinner or at least a few hours of lazing on your couch just talking while watching some random movie, you're sure that it'll give you enough motivation to get through the day.

Seokjin immediately opens your message and you can't help but smile when you see that he's already typing a reply. He's always been like this. Always quick to answer your texts or calls, always down to go with every single one of your random ideas that tend to pop up in your head at the craziest of times, just... always there for you when you need him.

Being close friends for so long you know that's just who he is, of course. You know he's a good person and a really loyal friend but still, that little voice in your head keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe, he's so considerate because it's you. That it's not just your wishful thinking and he actually cares about you as much as you care about him. That he'd somehow realize how whipped you are for him and return your feelings instead of trying to let you down gently like he does with all the girls that confessed their crush on him in the last three or four years.

Shaking your head to get rid of your cheesy thoughts you stumble back to the coffee machine to get your mug while still squinting at your phone screen where Seokjin's message just popped up. As expected he's pretty busy today as well and he doesn't know how late it's going to get until he gets home. He tells you not to wait up for him with dinner if it starts getting too late but that he'll try his best to make it on time.

Sighing you brush your hand through your hair before finishing your coffee and putting your mug down on the kitchen counter to clean it later. It wasn't a 'no'. So it could happen, ... right? You decide it's not going to be of any good to think about it too much and instead make your way back upstairs to change into some proper clothes. It's almost time for you to leave for university anyway. You try to think positive and tie your hair into a ponytail before putting on your shoes.

You'll just have to survive the next 11 hours, then you'll finally be able to rest. And maybe you'll even see Seokjin again and have dinner with him tonight. So with this promising thought in mind you eventually step out the door of your apartment to get on with your day.

Stepping inside your own four walls you almost start crying in relief when you're finally able to get out of your shoes. You're burned out. The only thing on your mind right now is to sleep for at least 12 hours straight before even thinking of anything else. Unfortunatly though, you still got a few things on your to-do list for today, so you'll have to settle for a quick power nap.

Shrugging out of your jacket you just drop it on your way to the couch, not caring about anything else other than your well deserved rest. You grab the remote and turn on the TV with low volume to let the background noises lull you to sleep and then drop yourself backwards on the couch. Or that's what you thought.

Having misjudged the distance between you and the soft cushions you only scratch their surface before your fall continues and you land on the hard floor with a loud thud. The impact has you holding your breath in shock and while your mind is trying to catch up with your body you instinctively reach up to hold your head in your hands a few moments before the pain even kicks in.

You let out a pathetic groan and slowly roll over to lie on your back, swinging one arm over your face without moving a second time, too tired to try and get up again. It's what you deserve for not being more aware of your stupid surroundings anyway. And the ground's not even that bad, you tell yourself. There can't go anything else wrong if you don't move, right?

Allowing your heavy eyelids to finally rest for a while you stretch your legs out completely in an attempt to get more comfortable and huff, a little disappointed, because it's not working. The noise of the show that plays on TV is actually stressing you out more than helping you relax so you just press the power button on the remote that's still in your hand since you fell down to turn it back off before you finally admit defeat and just wait for sleep to take over.

That's how Seokjin finds you.

You don't know how much time has passed since you first slipped and fell to the ground just to stay there without moving a muscle when suddenly the front door to your apartment opens, accompanied by the very familiar jingle of keys and a heavy sigh sounding almost as tired as you're feeling.

The urge to stand up and greet your roommate comes up for a moment but the second you try to even so much as shift a bit your headache gets worse and a scorching pain shoots through your neck causing you to let out an almost inaudible groan in defeat.

You pray to every entity your brain comes up with that Seokjin won't find you like this, that he'll just grab a snack from the kitchen and then go upstairs to his room to study or whatever. But of course, like most of the time when it comes to Seokjin, it doesn't go the way you want it to. 'Hey y/n, you there? I'm home!' You can't help but cringe at the loud noise coming all the way from the other side of the room.

It's not because of his voice, you love his voice and on any other day hearing him say your name with so much hope and anticipation coloring his words would have caused your heart to go into a frenzy. Right now, however, you just want him to go away and leave you there to suffer alone until you're feeling better.

As much as you want to call out and tell him where you are, you can't bring yourself to actually answer him. The incredible pain in your neck and the merciless pounding of your head aside, the potential humiliation of him seeing you like this, completely vulnerable and pathetic has you biting your lip as if that would help you to make as little sound as possible.

There's a moment of heavy silence in the room before you can hear him let out a disappointed sigh, probably because he's assuming you aren't there and you immediately feel bad. It's the only choice you have to protect your dignity though, so there's no way around it. You decide you'll make it up to him with breakfast tomorrow instead.

His footsteps seem to lead him in the direction of the kitchen, away from you and you're starting to relax a bit but then he suddenly stops, presumably in the middle of the room. It's silent again and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Your brain is trying to come up with an explanation for what could have made him pause like that and when you hear the shuffling of clothes it suddenly clicks. Your damn jacket.

You dropped it on the ground on your way to the couch. Cursing yourself you press your arm tighter over your closed eyes and bite the inside of your cheek while anxiously waiting for Seokjin to move again. After a few seconds the rustling of clothes picks up again and your instincts scream at you to curl into a ball so he won't be able to find you.

You can pinpoint the exact moment he sees you by his surprised gasp of horror coming from almost right beside you and you can't help but to click your tongue in defeat. 'Y/N?! Oh my fu- ... y/n, are you alright?!' He's by your side in an instant, kneeling at your feet and touching one of your legs oh so delicately to check for any signs that you're alive and well.

Even in your hazy state you're still able to appriciate how careful he's being with touching you. 'Shh... shut up, Seokjin.' Hearing your raspy voice he pauses his attempts to softly shake you awake and even though you don't open your eyes to look at him you know he's probably staring at your covered face like a confused puppy.

'You're alive?! Why the fuck- Do you think it's funny scaring me to death?!' Groaning at the volume of his voice you move one of your legs to kick against his knee softly. 'Unfortunatly, yes. But could you please be quiet, my head hurts like crazy.' Amused by his overly dramatic reaction your voice automaticly takes on a softer tone to show him you're fine and it's then that he finally relaxes a bit.

You can feel his hold on your thigh become weaker and you immediately miss the warmth of his touch when he shifts to get a better look at you. 'Well... I mean I've been told my looks are able to bring girls to their knees and while I'm aware of how easy it is to fall for my handsome face, I'm pretty sure I'm not the reason why you're wiping the floor with your shirt. So why the hell are you on the floor?'

It's kinda funny how he's trying to lighten the mood without even knowing what's going on, you think. His voice is barely above a whisper though and you let out a soft hum to let him know you're going to answer in your own time. He still hasn't moved and you're wondering if he just doesn't know what to do in this situation.

Sighing, you move your arm from your face and reach out to search for him. Once you can feel the rough fabric of his jeans under your fingertips, you pat his thigh reassuringly while thinking of what to say next. 'Mhm... it's nothing, really. I just thought it'd be nice to get to know my surroundings better. You know? Bond with the floor, so it doesn't get lonely. Turns out it's really nice to talk to. Found my standards here so I didn't feel like getting up again.'

The amused snort he gives you as an answer is enough to get a content smile out of you as well. You give his thigh another friendly pat and subconsiously lick your dry lips. Something to drink would be nice. You make a mental note to go to the kitchen the moment your body is ready to function again. 'Give me a few minutes, yeah? You can go upstairs and I'll be there in a bit. Honestly, I'm so tired, it hurts when I close my eyes.'

There's silence for a while, like your roommate is contemplating what to answer and if it wouldn't be for your hand still touching his leg, you couldn't even be sure if he's with you anymore.

Suddenly, you feel him shift away from you and your heart squeezes in your chest at the thought of him actually leaving you here to go upstairs. There's still no way you'll open your eyes to confirm your suspicions though. The throbbing right behind your temples got worse while you were talking and you won't take the risk of provoking a full-on migrane just because your stupid feelings tell you it's absolutely necessary to look at your etheral being of a roommate right now.

You don't know what you were expecting at this point but the sudden noise right beside your ear was definitely not it. Feeling your head being lifted carefully you make a confused sound in the back of your throat but before you can actually react, it's already over and you're lying on something far more comfortable than the cold linoleum of the floor.

'You're an idiot. You know that, right?' Seokjin's voice is just a hushed whisper against your ear and you can feel him wrap his arm around your waist when you try to get up on instinct. 'Wha-' You don't really know how to react to his sudden proximity but as you open your mouth to respond he just pulls you closer until your cheek is pressed against his shoulder and hums quietly to effectively shut you up.

'You could have just said you weren't feeling well. There's nothing wrong with taking a break when you feel like you can't keep up anymore, you know?' His words make you let out a resigned huff. He always says that. And he's right, of course. Theoretically. But thinking back to the pile of notes on your desk you've still got to rehearse to be able to pass the exams next week, you can't help but disagree with him.

Seokjin seems to know what you're thinking because he sighs in an almost frustrated way, like a parent trying to reason with his stubborn toddler and leans his forehead softly against the top of your head, burying his face in your hair while stroking your back with his free hand as if trying to soothe you. He has you pretty much caged in his arms and even if you wanted to, there'd be no way to get up now. You're not complaining though. It does soothe you.

It feels nice to have him hold you like this. Like he actually wants to be here, with you. Like he wants to protect you from anything that's trying to harm you in any way. Like... you mean more to him than he says out loud. From time to time, the fingers caressing your back find their way up to absentmindedly play with strands of your hair and you can't stop your heart from jumping a bit when you feel him subtly shift closer.

You're so close you can hear Seokjin's heartbeat and while the steady rhythm calms you, it's still kinda strange. It's not like you never cuddled before. The actor's a pretty affectionate person and so it's actually common for you to be constantly hugged or held in his arms or pulled into his lap when you two hang around each other. Still, there's something about the way he's holding you right now. It's so loving and gentle, as if he's scared he'd hurt you if he isn't careful enough. You've never felt so at ease before.

Seokjin suddenly stops playing with your hair and after another moment of silence lets out a small huff. 'Don't think I didn't notice that you weren't feeling well for a while now. Still... I didn't exactly stop you from letting it get worse, so I guess I'm a bit at fault as well. I should have known you'd strain yourself... you really are an idiot.'

The tone of his voice is a mix between cockiness and genuine worry, so instead of complaining about him calling you an idiot you just grumble into his chest and murmur something that's supposed to sound like an apology. A small laugh escapes his lips at your childish behavior. 'What was that, princess? I couldn't hear you.' He gives your shoulder a soft push to get you to lean back and look at him and not able to resist any longer you comply.

You carefully blink open your tired eyes and when they finally adjust to your surroundings you see Seokjin smiling down at you so fondly your breath hitches. The words you wanted to say won't come out and you clear your sore throat when you see him raise an eyebrow in question. He casually licks his slightly opened lips and you can feel the blush creeping up your face when you realize your eyes followed the movement without your consent.

You're pretty sure he saw you staring for a second and not being able to look into his eyes after that, you press yourself up against him and wrap one of your arms around his waist as well to cuddle into him more. 'I missed you,' you whisper instead. The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them and they're so muffled through the fabric of his shirt that you hope he couldn't understand you.

It's kind of embarrassing how needy your voice sounded just now and when he tenses against you, you immediately regret saying it, scared he'll take it as a joke and laugh at you for being dramatic or worse, understand what the real meaning behind it is and reject you for good. But instead of teasing you like you expected he just hugs you closer to him and lets out a sigh. 'I missed you too, y/n.'

Maybe it's because you're feeling so tired and vulnerable or maybe it's the tender way he just answered you in but hearing him say it back has a wave of pend up emotions suddenly crashing down on you all at once. Your eyes well up with tears and before you know it you're sobbing into his chest, gripping onto his shirt like a lifeline. 'N-no, you don't get it. I missed you, I always miss you and it's so stupid because I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I'm stupid, so stupid.'

You don't care if you're crossing the invisible line you had drawn from the moment you started living with him right now. You're tired and cold and you can't think straight with that fucking headache drumming against your skull. All you can think of is how warm Seokjin is and how good it feels when he tightens his arms around you in an attempt to calm you down.

Not really knowing what else to do Seokjin slowly sits up and pulls you into his lap. You bury your face in his neck and clasp at his shoulders while he hums a low tune and rocks you from side to side, one of his arms securely wrapped around your waist to hold you in place. 'Shh... it's fine, you're fine.' For the past eight years you've know him, Seokjin always tried to avoid emotional confrontations by cracking a joke or playing dumb but right now he seems completely serious and you're thankful that he's not withdrawing himself from you even though seeing you like this probably makes him uncomfortable.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you know how dramatic you're being and usually you'd be embarrassed to let him see you like this, but the way he's cradling you in his embrace like you're something precious to him has you melting against his chest without a second thought. You're allowed to be weak sometimes too. Seokjin is always here to remind you of that and it makes you love him even more. So maybe, just maybe, you can allow yourself to show him what's really on your mind from time to time.

Your roommate hushes you for a while until you're not crying anymore and as soon as he's sure you've calmed down he turns you in his arms so he's able to stand up. 'Come on, let's get you in bed. The floor's going to make me get sick and if my handsome face gets all puffy because of you, you're going to pay.' The comment makes you snort in amusement and glancing at him from out of the corner of your eyes you see him smiling at your reaction. Would it be too much to tell him that his puffy face looks extremely cute? Probably. Better not take a chance after what happened just now.

He carries you up the stairs as if your body weighs nothing. The actor isn't even the slightest bit out of breath when you arrive in front of your room and you're reminded of how build he actually his, despite him joking about becoming fat all the time. You silently study his face while he lets you down on your bed carefully. His eyebrows are furrowed in thought and he's looking down at the mattress instead of at you.

You can't really tell if it's out of respect for you or because he can't bring himself to look at your miserable state, and you actually don't want to know if you're being honest. Sighing in bliss at the feeling of your soft covers being pulled over you, you snuggle deeper into the fabric and look up at your friend through heavy eyelids to see him give you a warm smile. 'I'll be right back, don't fall asleep on me already, hm?'

You let out a quiet hum in agreement and watch him leave your room to go somewhere downstairs. His absence gives you time to think about what happened in the last few minutes and your heart squeezes painfully when you remember what exactly you told him while you had your little outburst. Is that why he was so stiff and quiet just now?

Does he understand your feelings towards him and needs time to think about a way to reject you without making things awkward? Fuck. You really don't know if you're ready to hear him say it. Suddenly you can hear his footsteps coming back up the stairs and on instinct you close your eyes to pretend you're asleep. He can reject you all he wants tomorrow when you're emotionally stable enough. Right now you just want to fall asleep and pretend today never happened.

Your roommate comes to a stop beside your head and just stands there for a moment, probably looking at you. After a few seconds the mattress sinks down at the level of your waist and your breath hitches when you realize he's now sitting on your bed, softly brushing your hair from your forhead. 'I know you're awake. Nobody blushes in their sleep, not even because of me. Now open your eyes and let me feed you, so I know you're not going to die in your sleep.'

Clicking your tongue in annoyence you comply to his order and blink your eyes open. He's holding a glass of water out to you and you let out a short hum to thank him, eagerly accepting it while you sit up and lean against the headboard of your bed. You empty it in one go and hand the glass back to Seokjin for him to place it on your nightstand. He offers you a slice of an apple but when you try to take it from him, he lightly presses it to your lips instead, the look in his eyes daring you to refuse him to feed you.

Your face starts burning again but you know he won't take no for an answer so you just open your lips and let him slip the slice into your mouth without complaint. Seokjin makes a content noise in the back of his throat at your obedience and pats your knee over the covers with his unoccupied hand to reward you.

'You want some more?' Shaking your head at his question you lie back down and pull your blanket up to your chin before he can press another slice to your lips. 'Wanna sleep, 'm sorry,' you manage to croak out and thankfully he relents right away. 'The plate's right here if you change your mind. I'll be in my room if you need anything, yeah?'

He makes an effort to stand up and leave but you immediately shake your head and grasp the sleeve of his shirt to stop him before he can get away. 'Stay, please? I could use your cuddles right now.' Your roommate blinks at you a few times as if unsure of how to react but when you silently lift your blanket in invitation, he finally gives in and gets under the covers next to you with a small sigh.

Pressing your body against his you shift two or three times and then yawn happily once you're comfortable. Neither of you talks for a long time, Seokjin just lets you lie with your head hiding in the crook of his neck and affectionately brushes through your hair to help you fall asleep.

You're just about to let his breathing lull you to sleep when he suddenly smiles against you as if he remembered something and whispers in an amused but husky voice. 'Your actual confession is going to be a bit more romantic, right? I'm thinking something like a restaurant or a movie night with take out and lots of cuddles to set the mood.'

Tensing up a bit at the sudden question you slowly pull away to look at him with your eyes already bleary from how tired you are. 'Who said I liked you?' Seokjin grins cockily at your terrible attempt to play dumb and the mischievous glint in his eyes tells you that whatever happens next, everything is going to be just fine.

'Oh please, it's so obvious you're whipped for me. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's me we're talking about.' You roll your eyes at him and grin back but you can't come up with a sly response right away since what he says is one hundred percent the truth, so you settle for not answering at all until you know what he's getting at for sure.

Seokjin looks into your eyes for a moment longer, the content smile still prominent on his face. Then he's shifting forward until his nose brushes against yours and a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his breath on your lips. 'So how about that dinner? I think I deserve something fancy for our first date. It's what first comes to mind every time I think about how to ask you out, you know?'

By now your heart is already threatening to jump out of your chest from how wildly it thumps against your ribs. He already thought about asking you out? More than once? So he actually likes you too and it's not just your hopeful mind playing tricks on you?

When you think you're finally able to form a coherent sentence and tell him you'd gladly go out with him, Seokjin suddenly closes the remaining distance between you both to press a loving kiss to your slightly opened lips. Gasping in surprise against his pillow like lips you don't even get the chance to return the kiss before he's already leaning away from you again.

He's smirking at your dreamy expression and wraps his free arm around your waist to pull you as close to his side as physically possible before speaking up again. 'Movie night would be fine by me too, though. Tell me tomorrow, yeah? You gaping at me like a deer caught in the headlights made me kinda sleepy and you need your beauty sleep. Let's get comfy, hm?' Wow, the nerve of this guy. As if you'd be able to get any sleep now.

'You're an idiot,' you say amused and cuddle into him further to get comfortable again. He pulls a funny face in response and sticks his tongue out to you before he chuckles. 'That's my line, idiot.'

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