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duckprintspress · 3 years

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Ten Things We Hate About Trad Pub

Often when I say “I’ve started a small press; we publish the works of those who have trouble breaking into traditional publishing!” what people seem to hear is “me and a bunch of sad saps couldn’t sell our books in the Real World so we’ve made our own place with lower standards.” For those with minimal understanding of traditional publishing (trad pub), this reaction is perhaps understandable? But, truly, there are many things to hate about traditional publishing (and, don’t get me wrong - there are things to love about trad pub, too, but that’s not what this list is about) and it’s entirely reasonable for even highly accomplished authors to have no interest in running the gauntlet of genre restrictions, editorial control, hazing, long waits, and more, that make trad pub at best, um, challenging, and at worst, utterly inaccessible to many authors - even excellent ones.

Written in collaboration with @jhoomwrites, with input from @ramblingandpie, here is a list of ten things that we at Duck Prints Press detest about trad pub, why we hate it, and why/how we think things should be different!

(Needless to say, part of why we created Duck Prints Press was to...not do any of these things... so if you’re a writer looking for a publishing home, and you hate these things, too, and want to write with a Press that doesn’t do them...maybe come say hi?)

1. Work lengths dictated by genre and/or author experience.

Romance novels can’t be longer than 90,000 words or they won’t sell! New authors shouldn’t try to market a novel longer than 100,000 words!

A good story is a good story is a good story. Longer genre works give authors the chance to explore their themes and develop their plots. How often an author has been published shouldn’t put a cap on the length of their work.

2. Editors assert control of story events...except when they don’t.

If you don’t change this plot point, the book won’t market well. Oh, you’re a ten-time bestseller? Write whatever you want, even if it doesn’t make sense we know people will buy it.

Sometimes, a beta or an editor will point out that an aspect of a story doesn’t work - because it’s nonsensical, illogical, Deus ex Machina, etc. - and in those cases it’s of course reasonable for an editor to say, “This doesn’t work and we recommend changing it, for these reasons…” However, when that list of reasons begins and ends with, “...because it won’t sell…” that’s a problem, especially because this is so often applied as a double standard. We’ve all read bestsellers with major plot issues, but those authors get a “bye” because editors don’t want to exert to heavy a hand and risk a proven seller, but with a new, less experienced, or worse-selling author, the gloves come off (even though evidence suggests time and again that publishers’ ability to predict what will sell well is at best low and at worst nonexistent.)

3. A billion rejection letters as a required rite of passage (especially when the letters aren't helpful in pinpointing why a work has been rejected or how the author can improve).

Well, my first book was rejected by a hundred Presses before it was accepted! How many rejection letters did you get before you got a bite? What, only one or two? Oh…

How often one succeeds or fails to get published shouldn’t be treated as a form of hazing, and we all know that how often someone gets rejected or accepted has essentially no bearing on how good a writer they are. Plenty of schlock goes out into the world after being accepted on the first or second try...and so does plenty of good stuff! Likewise, plenty of schlock will get rejected 100 times but due to persistence, luck, circumstances, whatever, finally find a home, and plenty of good stuff will also get rejected 100 times before being publishing. Rejections (or lack there of) as a point of pride or as a means of judging others needs to die as a rite of passage among authors.

4. Query letters, for so many reasons.

Summarize all your hard work in a single page! Tell us who you’re like as an author and what books your story is like, so we can gauge how well it’ll sell based on two sentences about it! Format it exactly the way we say or we won’t even consider you!

For publishers, agents, and editors who have slush piles as tall as Mount Everest...we get it. There has to be a way to differentiate. We don’t blame you. Every creative writing class, NaNoWriMo pep talk, and college lit department combine to send out hundreds of thousands of people who think all they need to do to become the next Ernest Hemingway is string a sentence together. There has to be some way to sort through that pile...but God, can’t there be a better way than query letters? Especially since even with query letters being used it often takes months or years to hear back, and...

5. "Simultaneous submissions prohibited.”

No, we don’t know when we’ll get to your query, but we’ll throw it out instantly if you have the audacity to shop around while you wait for us.

The combination of “no simultaneous submissions” with the query letter bottleneck makes success slow and arduous. It disadvantages everyone who aims to write full-time but doesn’t have another income source (their own, or a parents’, or a spouse’s, or, or or). The result is that entire classes of people are edged out of publishing solely because the process, especially for writers early in their career, moves so glacially that people have to earn a living while they wait, and it’s so hard to, for example, work two jobs and raise a family and also somehow find the time to write. Especially considering that the standard advice for dealing with “no simultaneous submissions” is “just write something else while you wait!” ...the whole system screams privilege.

6. Genres are boxes that must be fit into and adhered to.

Your protagonist is 18? Then obviously your book is Young Adult. It doesn’t matter how smutty your book is, erotica books must have sex within the first three chapters, ideally in the first chapter. Sorry, we’re a fantasy publisher, if you have a technological element you don’t belong here…

While some genre boxes have been becoming more like mesh cages of late, with some flow of content allowed in and out, many remain stiff prisons that constrict the kinds of stories people can tell. Even basic cross-genre works often struggle to find a place, and there’s no reason for it beyond “if we can’t pigeon-hole a story, it’s harder to sell.” This edges out many innovative, creative works. It also disadvantages people who aren’t as familiar with genre rules. And don’t get me wrong - this isn’t an argument that, for example, the romance genre would be improved by opening up to stories that don’t have “happily ever afters.” Instead, it’s pointing out - there should also be a home for, say, a space opera with a side romance, an erotica scene, and a happily-for-now ending. Occasionally, works breakthrough, but for the most part stories that don’t conform never see the light of day (or, they do, but only after Point 2 - trad pub editors insist that the elements most “outside” the box be removed or revised).

7. The lines between romance and erotica are arbitrary, random, and hetero- and cis-normative.

This modern romance novel won’t sell if it doesn’t have an explicit sex scene, but God forbid you call a penis a penis. Oh, no, this is far too explicit, even though the book only has one mlm sex scene, this is erotica.

The difference between “romance” and “erotica” might not matter so much if not for the stigmas attached to erotica and the huge difference in marketability and audience. The difference between “romance” and “erotica” also might not matter so much if not for the fact that, so often, even incredibly raunchy stories that feature cis straight male/cis straight female sex scenes are shelved as romance, but the moment the sex is between people of the same gender, and/or a trans or genderqueer person is involved, and/or the relationship is polyamorous, and/or the characters involved are literally anything other than a cis straight male pleasuring a cis straight female in a “standard” way (cunnilingus welcome, pegging need not apply)...then the story is erotica. Two identical stories will get assigned different genres based on who the people having sex are, and also based on the “skill” of the author to use ludicrous euphemisms (instead of just...calling body parts what they’re called…), and it’s insane. Non-con can be a “romance” novel, even if it’s graphically described. “50 Shades of Gray” can sell millions of copies, even containing BDSM. But the word “vagina” gets used once...bam, erotica. (Seriously, the only standard that should matter is the Envelope Analogy).

8. Authors are expected to do a lot of their own legwork (eg advertising) but then don't reap the benefits.

Okay, so, you’re going to get an advance of $2,500 on this, your first novel, and a royalty rate of 5% if and only if your advance sells out...so you’d better get out there and market! Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a following? Guess you’re never selling out your advance…

Trad pub can generally be relied on to do some marketing - so this item is perhaps better seen as an indictment of more mid-sized Presses - but, basically, if an author has to do the majority of the work themselves, then why aren’t they getting paid more? What’s the actual benefit to going the large press/trad pub route if it’s not going to get the book into more hands? It’s especially strange that this continues to be a major issue when self-publishing (which also requires doing one’s own marketing) garners 60%+ royalty rates. Yes, the author doesn’t get an advance, and they don’t get the cache of ~well I was published by…~, but considering some Presses require parts of advances to get paid back if the initial run doesn’t sell out, and cache doesn’t put food on the table...pay models have really, really got to change.

9. Fanfiction writing doesn't count as writing experience

Hey there Basic White Dude, we see you’ve graduated summa cum laude from A Big Fancy Expensive School. Of course we’ll set you up to publish your first novel you haven’t actually quite finished writing yet. Oh, Fanperson, you’ve written 15 novels for your favorite fandom in the last 4 years? Get to the back of the line!

Do I really need to explain this? The only way to get better at writing is to write. Placing fanfiction on official trad pub “do not interact” lists is idiotic, especially considering many of the other items on this list. (They know how to engage readers! They have existing followings! They understand genre and tropes!) Being a fanfiction writer should absolutely be a marketable “I am a writer” skill. Nuff said. (To be clear, I’m not saying publishers should publish fanfiction, I’m saying that being a fanfiction writer is relevant and important experience that should be given weight when considering an author’s qualifications, similar to, say, publishing in a university’s quarterly.)

10. Tagging conventions (read: lack thereof).

Oh, did I trigger you? Hahahaha. Good luck with that.

We rate movies so that people can avoid content they don’t like. Same with TV shows and video games. Increasingly, those ratings aren’t just “R - adult audiences,” either; they contain information about the nature of the story elements that have led to the rating (“blood and gore,” “alcohol reference,” “cartoon violence,” “drug reference,” “sexual violence,” “use of tobacco,” and many, many more). So why is it that I can read a book and, without warning, be surprised by incest, rape, graphic violence, explicit language, glorification of drug and alcohol use, and so so much more? That it’s left to readers to look up spoilers to ensure that they’re not exposed to content that could be upsetting or inappropriate for their children or, or, or, is insane. So often, too, authors cling to “but we don’t want to give away our story,” as if video game makes and other media makers do want to give away their stories. This shouldn’t be about author egos or ~originality~ (as if that’s even a thing)...it should be about helping readers make informed purchasing decisions. It’s way, way past time that major market books include content warnings.

Thank you for joining us, this has been our extended rant about how frustrated we are with traditional publishing. Helpful? No. Cathartic? Most definitely yes. 🤣

Have a question about writing? Drop us an ask!

Like what we do and want to support us? You can buy us a ko-fi - or get access to exclusive content by backing us on Patreon!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #sort of

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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that-satanic-witch · 3 years

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some advice for young theistic satanists (part 1)

Hopefully this is going to be a non-generic, non-boomer, non fortune-cookie-like kind of advice which will not give you a glycaemic peak or make your eyes roll so hard it hurts. It's painful to witness older satanists giving out the cringiest kind of patronizing advice, stuff that in my younger years I would have dismissed with a middle finger and a loud scoff (wait, I still would). You know the kind... the "stay in school!", "be you!", "listen to your mama!"... So let's start here, because I want this to be crystal clear: - only those who are having a hard time in school would ever think about dropping out, and telling them to stay there doesn't help, it only invalidates their suffering. - Only those who already know who they are, also know HOW to be themselves. All those who have been denied their identity, possibly through bullying, people-pleasing and emotional abuse, will have no use for a "be you!" pep talk. - Only those who have a decent household and mentally stable parents can be reminded to listen to them, but for all those whose parents are abusive, emotionally castrating or unavailable, narcissistic, manipulative or neglectful (which is sadly very common), an advice such as this is like adding insult to injury, because you're literally taking the side of the abuser. Do these people realize how invalidating their advice can be? Possibly they didn't have to go through all this crap... but I did.

So, stay in school, as long as it doesn't make you wake up every morning with a panic attack. In most countries there are alternatives. I dropped out and studied on my own for the last two years and, voilà!, got my high school diploma anyway, without having to wreck my already precarious mental sanity by dealing with assholes every day (and by doing that, I also proved my parents' "laziness theory" wrong). Mental health is so immensely important, guys, I can't stress this enough... but I'll get back to that later.

Next... discovering who you are is the most important thing. Read that again. There are many people out there who waste their entire life having no idea who the fuck they really are. They might get a glimpse of their true self once in a while but never be able to grasp it: those people will be forever frustrated. And angry. And unfulfilled. Spend every free moment trying to find out who you are. Explore yourself through any kind of art, listen to new genres of music, learn new skills, see if you're good at creating stuff with your hands or you're more of an academic, go places and discover if you prefer the mountains or the sea, be aware of everything that makes you all fizzy and excited: that's you. Be curious and always hungry for knowledge, read more than one source and than decide what makes more sense to you (but science is science, don’t be a fucking flat earther). Be aware of your thought processes. Why do you like something? Why you don't? How does something make you feel? Is this thing something that YOU like or something that you're forcing yourself to like to please someone else? If you feel comfortable in keeping a diary (or a pinterest account or whatever format you prefer), make an infinite list of everything you love and everything you hate. Make one every year or two and you'll see things disappearing from the list, or appearing because they're new discoveries, and also things that will still be there. That's all you in your glorious self-searching process. This is also valid for people: why do you like someone and dislike someone else? I could go on, but I think you get where I'm going with this: the only way to find yourself is to experience life as much as possible and notice how you react to it.

And here we are at the "listen to your mama" thing... Look, if your parents are somewhat mentally sane and you have a good relationship with them, apart from the occasional healthy teenage crisis, by all means, follow their advice since it comes from a good place. But... If you're struggling and your relationship with your parents or guardians makes you legitimately suffer so much that it has a negative effect on your mental health, there are two main actions you can take. The first is easy and free: educate yourself on the various kinds of psychological abuse. I'm not saying that you either have a sane parent or one that is a complete psycho. There are many types of fucked up personalities in between, but they're more common than we think and since we live in a society that still puts parenthood on a golden pedestal, so many times people don't realize that their parents could be placed somewhere in the shitty spectrum and the suffering that they caused goes untreated. The second thing you should do, if ever possible (and AS SOON AS possible), is psychotherapy. And not the kind that just gives you medication: chemical imbalance is a real thing, but the therapy I'm talking about is the one that will teach you how to shift from reacting to responding. Find a professional that knows Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's a fucking life saver. Oh, also... try and find friends who can be an emotional support. I'm not saying that you can't make it on your own, but with a friend it’s less painful.

At this point you might think that I talk too much and that all this stuff can be valid for everybody, not just young satanists. Well... yes... and yes. But those three sugar bombs where more sappy than a hallmark christmas movie and insulting, and just the pathetic result of an oversimplified and lazy view on life. And I needed to start this discussion by mentioning these three. I'll be back with some advice *specifically* for young (theistic) satanists.

#advice for young satanists #advice #theistic #satanists #satanism #I'm calling bullshit on some things #and I get really ranty

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ramblingguy54 · 4 years

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The Phantom & The Sorceress: Lena Shines Once Again

Let me first start off by saying. DuckTales it’s so freaking good to have ya back!

Okay with that said, Phantom & The Sorceress episode is another damn great Lena episode that continues to showcase why she’s such an endearing character, much like Della Duck. DuckTales has continually knocked it outta the park with each episode focusing on Lena’s inner demons trying not to define herself exactly as Magica’s heartless nature. Which we get to see once again on full display here when Lena has to reluctantly ask for her help, once the Phantom Blot rears his ugly head trying to take away all magic with an “Infinity Gauntlet” of his own making trying to become a second coming of Thanos. Lena has been such an amazing new addition to this reboot’s iteration. You can tell, as clear as the blue freaking sky, that so much heart and effort has gone into exploring the heavy details of what makes Lena, well, such a deeply relatable individual. You want to see Lena become a stronger person, who won’t repeat the same awful mistakes as her heartless parent and what better way to do that, than with them teaming up to confront an old foe from Magica’s wrong doings?

I was ecstatic to hear about Lena teaming up with Magica because it’s always an interesting treat to see a protagonist make some temporary truce with their extreme moral opposite when done right, of course. I’ve seen it in Teen Titans when Robin teamed up with Slade to stop Raven’s demonic father from destroying all life in the universe, which was a lot of cool character introspective for both what makes their characters so similar, yet so alienating as well. This situation is no different, as Lena has to grit her teeth against every snide abusive remark her so called aunt throws her away to try deterring the kid to no avail, since Lena isn’t having any of that freaking garbage after Nightmare On Killmotor Hill’s story in Season 2. Although, Lena does have a new challenge to face that stirs up those old feelings of self resentment showcased in this season’s theme of legacy and how that ties into one’s own self-worth when looking at their respective lineage and oh boy there’s a lot to unpack.

One day I grew tired of the many gifts villagers’ offered to keep me from destroying their village, so I destroyed their village.

Okay, that line of narration for this origin exposition is befitting of Magica’s deliciously evil nature. Fucking love that stuff. Can I just say I adored Phantom Blot’s backstory being a by product of Magica’s reign of terror in this iteration of his characterization? It not only adds weight to the Phantom Blot’s personality, but contributes a serious fuel to Lena’s emotional turmoil of her inescapable connection to magic that she has to better cope with. Lena may have more confidence in herself after Season 2′s dramatic shenanigans, but it still doesn’t take away from that painful reality that she feels like a prisoner to the very essence of magic quite literally & figuratively, too. Seeing Magica spell out how her actions of destroying the Blot’s village and loved ones years ago had a long term consequences in the creation of Phantom’s hatred for magic ties in perfectly to Lena’s disgust, where it no doubt drudged up the good ole self esteem issues. Like Lena stated in the episode, “Our magic isn’t a legacy! It’s a curse!”, that has caused a lot of unending pain and misery. Phantom Blot is just one of many victims Magica scarred for life, where that seriously bugs Lena to still be connected to that as a legacy she’s saddled with, but the very thing keeping her alive in the grand scheme of things, too. That provides a layer of serious tension because all Phantom Blot has to do is suck away that magic from the amulet and Lena will disappear along with that. There’s a lot riding on the line that can’t be ignored.

Being angry might work for Magica, but you’re not her. You’re good!

If Lena fails, she dies. If they don’t defeat the Phantom Blot, Scrooge and the kids are trapped in another dimension, leaving FOWL to steal Duckburg on a silver platter with few to defend their home. Thankfully, there’s always Webby to help keep Lena’s insecurities in check with a nice dose of emotional support. They really wanna build up how important of a character Webby is as the extreme optimist for this season, by further reinforcing how much Lena has succeeded thanks to Webby lending her a helping hand in opening up to have that courage in facing down her dark past that continues to bother her at every turn. Real talk, I seriously hope Lena will be the one to help lift Webby up outta her low breaking point when whatever stuff Beakly is hiding from her tests the kid’s trust in others. Having Lena give Webby the emotional pep talk would be quite poetic when that time comes in the distant future of this season. Lena has come such a very long way from who she used to be in Season 1. She was out for herself at first trying to get away from Magica’s cold blooded nature. However, once she met Webby the rest was history that made Lena determined to gain her freedom not outta a selfish reason anymore, but one to feel truly alive and happy. To feel the loving warmth of affection she never received before.

Lena’s smile says it all about how unashamed she is to allow Webby to be this sentimental toward her about a touchy topic for herself. Sure, she playfully shrugs off Webby when she’s throwing out suggestion after suggestion about stuff regarding positive uses for magic and all that, but it’s not outta some form of negativity taking hold of her again, like in the JAW$ episode, aka calling her a sentimental fool. Lena is laughing it off agreeing with her friend as naturally any form of motivational socializing should be handled when she says, “Okay, Webby. I got it. Thanks!”, that’s heartwarming and adorable in showcasing Lena’s growth. All of it comes to a head in Lena’s magical beam struggle against Phantom Blot’s absorbing gauntlet, where we get a culmination of every pivotal moment that’s made Lena into who she is now, whether you’re looking at Magica’s abuse or how Webby helped her to realize that stuff didn’t define her, but how she chose to act on all those bottled up feelings. This episode pulled another Friendship Hates Magic when Lena was starting to disappear all over again from Blot’s gauntlet and I could feel that adrenaline kicking in at that point seeing Phantom Blot almost succeed. Lena came close to letting Magica manipulate her all over again at that lowest point, but those emotional callback’s from Webby & Violet’s bonding spell reminded her all too well immediately that she isn’t a slave to the name, De Spell, anymore. It’s clear that Lena is getting ever closer to reaching that apex of character development, given the awesome looking design change that now fully reflects her more happier outlook on life ever since meeting Webby and her sister from a couple of misters’, Violet.

Love how her eyes are now blue and not dark anymore, which can arguably be seen as symbolism for overcoming depression with those dark eyes she once had. Pessimism can transform into the most powerful form of compassion for others, as seen with Lena’s blue magical signature now that isn’t dark purple anymore, like her aunt’s. Also on a side note, while I would’ve loved to have seen Magica be without her full powers a little longer to provide for more interesting scenarios in showing her cunning and calculating nature, this gives us more intense scenarios in their own right for Lena clashing with Magica again in Season 3′s future because there’s no way we’ve seen the last of these two going at it. Now that they’re both at their fully realized power, you can bet shit’s going to be hitting the fan when it does happen between these magical beings of opposing sides. The possibilities are endless with that notion in mind.

The Phantom & The Sorceress continues to enforce why Lena is easily one of the most complex characters in DuckTales (2017). Each emotional hurdle she’s overcome is completely earned in her growth to be a better and protective friend to her real family. Whatever the future holds in store for Lena’s character, you can know that I’ll be there rooting for her development every step of the way.

This was an excellent return to form.

I’ve missed you DuckTales. Welcome back.

#the phantom and the sorceress #ducktales season 3 #lena sabrewing #webby vanderquack #violet sabrewing #magica de spell #phantom blot #ducktales spoilers #ducktales 2017

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arlakos · 4 years

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The problem I realized with Adrien Agreste (and many of the other miraculous characters)

Ok, let me just put a disclaimer here.

I love all the characters in miraculous Ladybug, I really do. I mean, aside from Lila and Gabriel, but really who doesn’t? I think all the characters are cool from both design and initial character standpoints and made you wish we see more of them.

But just like most of my other posts, I see both good and bad in the show and acknowledge all of it. I like the concepts, but I don’t have to necessarily like all the executions of said concepts.

I’ve been holding off this post for a while due to me wanting to take some time to review the show first and see if there was anything that would have made me change my mind on my newfound stance. But surprisingly, there really wasn’t.

So let me get to the point

Adrien Agreste...Is one of the blandest characters I have ever seen in a show

As with most to all the other characters in the show as well.

(Cue sounds of betrayal)

“But Arlakos!” you might say, “Why would you think this way? You love Adrien! He has a great personality!”

Yeah, I love him. I love his initial character and I think he as Chat Noir is just amazing. But having watched three seasons of a single show, as well as comparing Miraculous to ANOTHER similar show, I have to address this issue and how it affects all the characters.

So first, let's talk about the show

Spanning three seasons, Miraculous Ladybug, as of this moment has released 78 episodes of this show (also including the Christmas special). In comparison, the show I'm using has released 87 episodes, so I feel that after this long, its fair to now compare the two shows, even with the 9 episode difference.

After watching Miraculous Ladybug for so long, I realized by this point that a lot of episodes in the series are pretty much flash and no substance, along with some ship teasing. I would call it filler, but that's under the implication that there was any plot they were following, to begin with. With each of the episodes bottled into one standalone story, most of the episodes have no impact to each other aside from a few rare few. Season 1 was chock full of this, but it was ok for the time being as Season 1 was used to introduce most of the characters in the show and the world itself. But that has also been the basis for the other two seasons as well, especially those that promised to expand the story of the show.

But it didn’t. Each of the episodes would occur, their story would end, and any important lessons the characters would learn would be forgotten by the end. The episode and its story would never be brought up again, aside from the Akuma if the person in question was to be re-akumatized again. Maybe it would be brought up in passing, such as Kim and Ondine’s relationship, but truth be told, none of the episodes mattered to the lore or plot of the show. You could feasibly cut out most of the episodes, aside from episodes introducing a new hero, the finales and the first episode of each new season and the show would still work plot-wise.

Because of this format of the show, the characters have undoubtedly suffered a lot development-wise, due to character resets cause of the nature of standalone episodes, most characters not being utilized in most episodes unless its for setting up an akuma, and the overall Marinette focused nature of the show not allowing any other characters to have focus.

And nobody has really suffered more, that the Big Cat himself, Adrien Agreste.

But why though?

To understand this, let's go over his initial character traits

He’s Kind

He’s willing to see the good in people

He’s Lonely and has no friends

He’s a model

He loves Ladybug.

He makes puns (as Chat Noir)

He’s flirty with Ladybug (as Chat Noir)

As you can see, most to all of these character traits are pretty much all the traits Adrien has shown in season 1. Actually, all of these traits were shown in just the Origins itself which, being the first chronological show in the series, does a pretty good job of setting up Adrien's initial character.

(Also just a quick mid note here, I just realized why the show produced this episode last compared to the others. If this was the episode that came out first, most to all of the other episodes in comparison would just be seen as boring. With the origins being both action-packed and plot rich with its main cast, most of the other episodes would be seen as filler if they came out after this banger of a season finale.)

But going on the topic of later seasons, ask yourself:

What have you learned about Adrien's Character in season 2 and 3?

And when I say character, i mean actual stuff about him. What other stuff does he like? What does he want to do in the future? What does he do when he spends time with Nino? What does he think of other people (aside from Lila)?

Chances are, that unless the stuff you’re pulling at might be from a headcanon in whatever fanfic you are writing, most of you will answer nothing. I mean, sure some people may say that he’s likes games as made evident from Gamer, but that is probably the only moment where we see a bit more of Adrien's character, and again we are talking about season 1, so it doesn't really count

Some people may say that Gorizilla was an episode that explored Adrien's character. While I do agree that it was more Adrien focused than others, and easily one of the best episodes in the show, looking back on the episode, I realized that more or less all it does is show how Adrien is pretty much a Disney Princess more helpless than Snow White. He’s trapped in the house, unable to escape, waiting for a hero in spots to ‘save him’ from his loneliness. Also, it had some Adrienette in it, but again it was just teasing.

(Note: I just gotta say though that Wayhem’s character and growth were just the best. Being just another fanboy at first, he realized his mistake and even stood up to an Akuma to save Adrien, then apologized at the end even though he would pretty much get no reward for his action, becoming an actual character in the process rather than just a background one. The fact that Adrien became friends with Wayhem was just heartwarming for a background character. Despite Roi Singe being a blast, I’m really sorry that they restricted Wayhems character to just being another Akuma in Party Crasher, it would have been nice for Wayhem to be an actual Friend Adrien could talk to outside of school and add more development into the show.)

So back on the Topic of Adrien, we haven’t really learned much about Adrien's character or see him develop in any meaningful way. The only thing we ever see him really do outside of being part of the Squad (Alya, Nino, Adrien, Marinette) is just either pine for Ladybug in his spare time, or complaining about not being able to spend time with his dad. No seriously, look at most episodes where Adrien's at home and that's all he does!

But now for the topic of Chat Noir. I mean, Adrien is trapped as a normal boy, so it would make sense that Chat Noir would be able to develop as a character and show the world he is more than just a sidekick right?

Unfortunately, Chat Noir, just like his civilian counterpart, also suffers from a lack of any meaningful character growth. Shorts vids on youtube aside (which btw should never be used to develop the main characters, otherwise what is the point of the show), we never see him talk to Ladybug in any meaningful way (I mean he does try, but chances are Ladybug shuts him up because (a) she wants to leave and (b) blah blah secret identity)

Basically, he has three different moods.

He flirts with Ladybug, often using puns to do so.

He’s a suicidal mofo who takes hits for Ladybug, saying its because she's the only one who can save the day (Hot take though, I just think Chat Noir is just the persona of Tumblr that wants to die)

He worships Ladybug and thinks shes amazing, complimenting her on the daily, as well as comforting her and giving her pep talks when shes low.

Other than that, he’s written as basically useless. Don’t expect him to come up with any plans and if he does, expect them to fail (Reflekdoll). Don't expect him to actually help Ladybug and for Ladybug to always say him. If Ladybug is in any way made useless or incapacitated, be sure that Chat will in no way be able to help Ladybug as he will be made to be more useless than Ladybug so that Ladybug has to take care of him (Reverser). Also Chat will flirt at the worst times to show Ladybug is better and more ‘professional’ at being a hero (Prime Queen)

Also Chat Missile

WARNING: Not suitable for anyone under 13 years old. Only use if your a superhero with increased Strength, otherwise it may hurt your back.

These are all the same traits we see in every episode, without change without fail. I mean, in Glacitator Chat promised to stop flirting with Ladybug because she likes another boy, but since characters reset after every episode he went back to flirting the next episode. So yeah, that's it. Next episode

Aside from that, we never see him do anything else, nor have anything as a hero impact him in any way. The only times I have ever seen him be impacted as a hero was

Syren, where he was tired his partner kept hiding secrets from him (as HE SHOULD), and was about to quit, but reconsidered once Fu arrived and explained some stuff, which bascially set him back to normal, which i guess its fine, but i wish the episode had more of an impact on Chat’s character.

Frozer (where Astruc was making Adrien salt cause Luka)

The Ladybug episode, where he saw a living, thinking duplicate of Ladybug, who had just become free from Mayura and became a hero, killed by said villain, and was just about to have a heroic breakdown and attack Mayura. However, this one was cut off due to Hawkmoth, resulting in Chat going from Heroic breakdown to making puns about Hawkmoths age. Really?

However, despite all that I have said, some of you may still think I am wrong. You may think that Adrien does show more character and that I'm just pulling facts out of my ass. You may think he does show character because of that one ship tease moment that you think qualifies at plot development.

But some of you may also think, why does this even matter? Its called Miraculous Ladybug, the show is about Marinette and Ladybug. Its all about her. Who cares about the other characters? Who cares about Adrien? He doesn’t need character development, we need to focus on Marinette and her making Adrien's birthday gifts for his next 35 birthdays. We should all just stop worrying about Adrien's character. All he should be is just a kind pretty boy for Marinette to idolize and have as a prize at the finale, and for Chat Noir to be useless comic relief while Ladybug saves the day, because she is juuuust that amaziiiiing.

Well first of all

It’s called Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Miraculous Ladybug is just a nickname used by fans and writers to simplify the name. The name implies that there is another main character, known as... Chat Noir. It's not called tales of Ladybug and Marinette, get with the program.

The show can still focus on one main character but still develop other characters as well. If anyone thinks otherwise, they either have a character bias or don't realize how to make a good show.

If anyone actually thinks this way, well then screw you. Developing a character should not be made at the expense of another character. Chat Noir should not have to be made to be comic relief just because Ladybug is the only one who can purify Akumas.

Secondly (yes I realized that I used 3 points but IDC) there’s another show that is very similar to Ladybug that also focuses on a school girl saving the world with the help of her sidekick male character.

That’s right, I’m talking about ... KIM POSSIBLE!

But to be more precise, I’m talking about its secondary hero... Ron Stoppable.

This guy right here, just in case any of you thought I was talking about the kung fu naked mole-rat.

But in all seriousness though, let's talk about him.

In the series, Ron Stoppable is the partner of the teenage heroine Kim Possible. Just like Chat Noir, he helps KP on her missions, and unlike Chat, is actually seen as a sidekick by the world, including KP.

Then why is it that I think he’s a better Character than Chat?

Well, the thing is unlike Miraculous, the show has a good job of integrating its school and hero stories together, and it helped to explore Ron’s character as well. Sure, he was a clumsy dude who got scared a lot and had an unhealthy obsession with Mexican fast food, but we still got to explore his character.

Just a few small examples:

Most episodes in KP had the fine job of adding stuff to Ron’s Character. Small stuff, but it fleshed him out over time He shows in one episode that despite being clumsy in the hero business, he can cook pretty well! In another episode, he learns he is pretty good at running and becomes a back runner for the football team at his school.

He also gets to have a few episodes where he and his buddy Rufus (the naked mole rat) get to shine despite being a secondary character. He becomes the second incarnation of the fearless ferret (an in show super hero), visits Japan where he gets to learn some monkey Kung Fu, and often times fights villains himself, though this is usually in one of the situations where he gets a one time power up or Kim Possible is not available, but it still showed that Ron could be a hero as well. Hell in the finale, he actually helped Kim Possible as a partner rather than a sidekick.

Now I get that Miraculous and KP are two radically different shows. Secret Identities aside, Kim Possible has a large variety of villains, while Miraculous only has the One big villain, so it's very difficult to have Chat be able to stand on his own two feet while the only thing they are fighting is something only Ladybug can fix.

But in that regard, this also shows the importance of Miraculous needing more plot progressed the story. Unlike Kim Possible, who’s many villains and overall lack of an ‘ending villain’ can allow for one-off episodes involving Ron and some villains, Miraculous only has the one. Once Hawkmoth is defeated, the show technically ends (future version not counting), so It would make sense that the characters should develop over time as the show gets closer to that finale.

So in that Regard, what could I do to make Chat Noir more fleshed out?

Honestly, you could add in some moments in the show where Chat noir interacts with Paris. Like maybe in one episode Chat rescues lost cats and takes them to the shelter, or perhaps he works at a cat shelter in his spare hero time.

Perhaps have an episode or two where Chat saves the day on his own while Ladybug is busy or oblivious to the trouble in Paris. Regarding Akuma, I have often considered Chat should have an ‘ability’ similar to Ladybugs that allows him to ‘purify’ the Akuma by disrupting the magic inside the Akuma (the ability being called Disruption), but can’t use it too often without proper training due to the dark energies in the Akuma being too harmful to Chat to use often. That way Chat can occasionally take on a few Akuma by himself.

Have a few episodes where something happens which allows the audience to learn what Adrien/Chat likes. Maybe there’s an episode where he learns to cook desserts, and finds out he’s actually pretty good at it!

I feel the need to add some ideas in because in the end I still love Chat Noir and consider him my favorite character. But I also have to acknowledge this problem because it ruins the quality of the show.

In fact, I think that Adrien's problem isn’t just limited to him, but also to every other character in the show, and even Marinette to an extent.

Going back to the show and looking at all the side characters, it's obvious that looking at them, a lot of them are very one dimensional in their character. We don't learn much about them or their personality, and even when we do, we only learn about them when it's their turn to be akumatized, or if the akumatized person is related to them in some way like in Markov. Once they usually are done, we don't get to see the characters much, unless there is a second akumatization.

Juleka only became important when she got akumatized twice and aside from that, we don't get to see her much or learn about her. Ivan and Mylene were basically forgotten after they became akumatized. Pretty much no one is affected post akumatization with any sort of trauma or worry, so nothing about the characters actually changes as a result of events in the show.

Even those that do become heroes don’t really get any character growth, they are just considered to be worthy to be heroes because they are good people, but considering the qualifications of good in the show are determined by if you like Marinette, that means pretty much everyone in Marinette’s class could be a hero, aside from Chloe because HEY! SHE DOESN’T LIKE MARINETTE THEREFORE SHE’S VILLAIN!

(God I hate Miracle Queen)

Also, these problems pretty much apply to Marinette as well.

I mean, all the things she does in the show basically comes back to the same simple fact that ‘Marinette is kind and helpful’. That's it.

She helps Jagged getting some glasses, its because she is kind and helpful. Helping her classmates? Kind and Helpful? Helping Kitty Section with Costumes? Kind and Helpful? Helping Adrien? She wants to get into his pants.

(Also because she’s kind and helpful.)

Like, this isn’t bad, but nothing seems to change about her, she goes and helps people as Marinette, helps people as Ladybug, and despite this, is unaffected by the school or her life. What is she going to do post Lycee? How is she going to become a fashion designer? Work as an intern at a fashion company. Work at Gabriel Agreste’s company? Startup her own local business? The show refuses to acknowledge any of these things, despite her being a schoolgirl, because she has more important things to worry about than school. Such as being a Guardian for a box magically bound to her that will take away her memories if she tries to get rid of it.

(God Miracle Queen was a mistake, she didn’t even learn how to be a Guardian yet! )

To close things up, most of the characters in the show lack any meaningful character development, which i can safely say is due to the structure of single-story episodes in a show that has a defined ending (and therefore doesn't work) lack of care for writing these amazing characters, and just the writing in general.

Despite what some people may say about Astruc, it's clear that beyond all that, he’s not good at writing stories and characters beyond initial design, he’d rather go making one-dimensional characters and show off how amazing Marinette is, rather than allowing them to develop in any logical and meaningful way that shows the distinction between earlier and later seasons

Here’s to hoping these characters get some character development in season 4. Even if all we get is Plagg learning he likes milk.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. As always, thanks to the amazing @twin-books for talking to me and helping to refine my views on the characters and the show!

#Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug salt #ML salt #Miraculous Ladybug critique #Miraculous writers salt #Adrien salt #Though not for Adrien himself but its lack of character growth #Marinette salt #Miraculous class salt #Salt of every character for its lack of character growth #Astruc salt #Long Post #REALLY LONG POST

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

Text

Best Part of Me -Chapter 87

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip, @alievans007

She dreams of the first Christmas in Telluride. That old farmhouse long before the extensive renovations that had transformed it from drafty and ill kept to a beautiful, warm place perfect for a growing family. It had had promise. High ceilings and original hardwood floors that could be refurbished. Thirty acres of property that backed onto a creek and woodlands and came with an incredible view of the snow capped mountains. After months of living with her mother and step father while getting their underneath them, the home represented the official start of their new lives in the States. Set a thousand feet from the main road and surrounded by towering trees, it had provided peace and quiet and a sense of safety and security; two things they both craved and believed would be the perfect setting for raising children in. At the time they’d had no plans of ever returning to Australia, and while Tyler had initially struggled with the culture shock and the enormous change he’d made in his life, he’d actually adjusted quite well to the change of scenery and the colder climate. There hadn’t really been anything for him back home; aside from a couple of old friends. His relationship with his father had always been toxic, and only became more so with each passing year. A change will be good, he had said. And his words had quickly been proven right.

There were no memories haunting him in Colorado, and a drastic change came with the trading in of the beach and sweltering heat for the mountains and the forests and the cooler air. He was noticeably happier; smiling and laughing more and possessing a much more positive outlook on their lives and their future. The ghosts of his pasts didn’t follow him there, and he started sleeping better and rekindled the passion for working out religiously; putting on the weight and the muscle -and the some- that he’d lost during that long and often agonizing recovery after Dhaka. They’d just had Millie then. Ten months old and chubby cheeked; thick and wavy sandy blond hair and enormous blue eyes framed by impossibly long, dark lashes. An extremely happy and healthy baby. Full of curiosity and wonder and in love with the world; always giggling and smiling and in turn making their lives even brighter. The twins hadn’t even arrived yet; a month before they'd make their rather dramatic entrance into the world.

He’d gotten up in the middle of the night with an uncharacteristically unsettled and grumpy Millie; a mixture of teething and a stubborn cold that was making it hard for her to sleep. And when an hour passed and he still hadn’t returned to the warm confines of their bed -either alone or with the baby- yet all was silent in the house, she’d gone looking for them. She’d expected to find him passed out on the couch with Millie on his chest, but instead discovered him standing in front of the Christmas tree. The lights on and their daughter in those strong, protective arms; voice soft and quiet as he talked to Millie about her very first Christmas that was quickly approaching. About how spoiled she’d be and how he was happy that she got to experience the extra bonus of having snow; how he’d always dreamed of experiencing a white Christmas when he was a kid.

And he’d told her about what the holidays were like when he was growing up. How his mum put so much time and effort into making it amazing for him; sharing the traditions she’d grown up with and creating her own that he’d hopefully one day continue with his family. It was the one time of the year his father wasn’t drunk. When he stuck to only one glass of wine at dinner and never raised his voice or his hand to either of them. For twenty fours hours, they were a normal family, and that night he’d go to bed and pray for one last Christmas gift: that he’d wake up and his father wouldn’t go back to his ‘old self’. That wish never came true, and once his mother died, Christmas lost any and all meaning or importance for him. Relegated to just ‘another day’ in his life; another chance for the old man to beat the shit out of him and degrade him and try to break his spirit.

He’d tried with his first marriage and child. Attempted to get into the Christmas spirit and bring back some of his mother’s traditions; wanting to make the time magical and beautiful for his son. But he could never seem to totally commit to it; too many bad memories holding him back. The pain of his mother’s passing and his father’s treatment of him still too raw, even though it had been more than fifteen years prior. But he was determined this time, he’d told Millie, as he stood there with her in his arms. Things would be different. HE’D be different. Because she and her momma and her soon to be born brothers deserved that; a husband and a father who was ‘all in’. Someone totally committed to making every second of every day matter. He wanted to be a better person this time around. A better man.

It had been a beautiful thing to hear. And see. This big, strong man covered in scars and tattoos, looking at his little girl with so much love and awe in his eyes. And Millie caught up in looking at him with pure adoration AND at the tree; amazed by the multicoloured lights and her little hands exploring the branches and the decorations. Esme hadn’t had the heart to disturb them, and she’d never told him about what she’d witnessed. That moment had been reserved for father and daughter. Instead she’d just gone back upstairs and returned to bed; pretending to wake up when he finally climbed back in beside her a half an hour later.

She stirs to the ring of her cell phone; muffled by its resting place under the pillow next to her. She had somehow managed to drift off, her body and mind finally giving in to exhaustion; lulled into a restless sleep by the continuous beeping of the EKG machine and her husband’s soft, slow breathing. The room is dark; illuminated only by the moonlight streaming through the window above her head and the glow of the bedside monitor. At first she’s disoriented. Blindly reaching for that solid, warm body that is usually beside her, but finding nothing but cool, crisp hospital issued sheets. It effectively snaps her fully awake and plunges her back into reality. The dream had been so vivid; as if she was experiencing that tender, beautiful moment for the very first time.

It’s heartbreaking to wake up to. Her children thousands of miles away, her husband’s life still teetering on a very narrow and dangerous ledge, the sounds of hospital life just beyond the closed door; bells routinely going off signally patients -or their families- need help, the quiet chatter of the nurses at the central workstation. And for a moment she doesn’t move; lying on her back in the middle of that little pull out couch, tears filling her eyes and a tremendous ache inhabiting her chest. She feels empty. Lonely. All of the fear and the worry and the anger sitting so heavily on her heart. And when her phone stops ringing and then immediately starts up again, she gives herself a pep talk: “You can do this. You HAVE to do this. He needs you to do this. He needs YOU.”

She reaches under the pillow and snags her cell, frowning at the word HOME emblazoned across the screen. She glances at the illuminated wall clock across the room; it would be just shy of five am in Cooktown. She can’t help but think the worst; that the situation isn’t over after all and troubled has followed them home. And she tries to keep the panic out of her voice when she answers.

“Hello?”

“Mommy?” That little voice greets. A harsh whisper; neither tearful nor scared.

“Amelia.” She hasn’t used that name in years. Adopting the moniker Millie when the then three year old decided that was what she preferred to be called. And she quickly sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed; shoving her feet in the pair of flip flops that sit on the floor next to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Well...yeah...there IS something wrong.”

“What’s going on?” She rakes a hand through her hair as she stands, then grabs the hoodie off the chair beside Tyler’s bed and shrugs into it. “Are you okay?”

“I guess.”

“It’s five in the morning, doodle. What are you doing up? You should be asleep.”

“Is daddy there?”

“No,” Esme lies, then steps out into the hall. Giving a small smile and a nod in greeting to the armed guard -one of Anil’s people- that sits next to the door. A precaution; in case some loyal and overzealous fan of Asif’s or Mahajan’s attempts to cause trouble. “He’s not.”

“Where is he?”

“He had to go and do some things.”

“Work things?”

“Yeah. Last minute stuff. Things that couldn’t wait and he had to get done.”

“Do you know when he’s going to be back? I tried calling his cell but it just went to voicemail. I want to talk to him. I want to talk to daddy.”

“He probably has his phone turned off. It’s important work stuff.”

“I’m important,” Millie reminds her. “And daddy always says that us kids are more important than anything else.”

“Well you guys are. You ARE the important thing to him. But I don’t think he was expecting you to call at this time of night. Not when you’re supposed to be in bed. Sleeping. And why aren’t you? Sleeping?”

“I had a bad dream. So I went into your room to get daddy. I forgot you guys weren’t home yet. Daddy always helps me after a bad dream. Always. He makes me warm milk and oatmeal and then he lies on the couch with me and rubs my tummy until I fall asleep.”

“Maybe you can ask Ovi or Uncle Kyle to do that,” Esme suggests.

“I don’t want Ovi or Uncle Kyle. I want daddy. That’s what daddy does for me. Not anyone else. I don’t want anyone else doing it. Just daddy.”

“Millie, we are thousands of miles away. Even if he was here, he wouldn’t be able to do anything for you.”

“But I could hear his voice and it would make me feel better. Remember how sometimes when he’s away for his job, I’ll call him and he’ll talk to me until I fall asleep again?”

“But he can’t do that, sweetie. Because he’s not here.”

“But if he’d turn his cell back on, he could do it. Can you call him on his other phone? His work one? And tell him I need to talk to him? If you tell him I had a bad dream, he’ll turn his other phone back on and call me. I know he will.”

“Millie, I can’t call him. He’s busy. And not even I can talk to him right now. I’m sorry. I wish daddy COULD talk to you. But he can’t.”

“Is he okay?”

Esme blinks. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“You sound sad. Why are you sad? Is daddy okay? Did something happen to him? Is that why you’re sad?”

“Nothing happened, doodle. And I’m not sad. I’m just tired. It’s only one in the morning here.”

“I’m sorry, mommy. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. I miss you so much.”

“Will you and daddy be home soon?”

“I hope so.”

“I hope so too. Will you tell him I called? I left him two messages. On his cell. Will you tell him to listen to them?”

“I’ll tell him. I promise.”

“Ask him to call me later. I want to talk to him, okay?”

Esme nods, then swallows around the lump of emotion sitting in her throat. “Okay.”

“I love you, mommy. Tell daddy I love him. That I miss him. Today is Saturday. The sun will be up soon. We always watch the sunrise together on Saturdays and then we have breakfast and go surfing.”

“I know you do,” she brushes away the tears that finally manage to escape. “I know you guys do that together. And you’ll get to it again when we’re home, okay?”

“Are you sure you’re not sad? You sound sad, mommy.”

“I’m okay. Just tired. And homesick. I miss you. I miss all of you. So much.”

“I miss you too, mommy. I’m sorry I woke you up. You can go back to sleep now. I’m going to take Saju out to pee; he can watch the sun come up with me.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m sure he’ll like that. I love you.”

“I love you, mommy. Tell daddy I love him. And give him a hug and kiss from me.”

“I will,” Esme promises, and then disconnects the call.

Her hands violently tremble, making it nearly impossible to tend to the simple task of slipping her phone into her pocket. The ache in her chest worsens and her legs feel numb; threatening to give out from under her And she slumps back against the wall as the first sob escapes a pitiful, choked sound accompanied by another she attempts to to stifle with her hand. All she can hear is her daughter’s voice; tiny and beautiful and so innocent. Millie’s words replaying over and over again in her mind. About wanting to talk to her daddy...NEEDING to talk to him...because he’s the only one that can make things better. The one she relies on to chase away the monsters and make her feel safe and secure again. Six years old and her father is her entire world. That precious little girl who’d inherited his eyes and his smile.

The tears finally come.

****

When the return to sleep fails her, she heads to the family kitchen. It’s spacious and modern and stocked with free ‘goodies’ donated by the hospital; various flavours of teas and coffee, pastries and other desserts, and a selection of non perishables. Each family is given a small pantry and bar fridge marked with their last name; safe places to keep things purchased with their own money. It’s the small comforts that make a difference; those tiny details and touches that somehow manage to lift some of the stress, fear, and worry that have become your driving forces.

She boils water; thumbing through the wide selection of flavoured teas that sit in an ornate basket on the counter. And she freezes when she hears it; blood running cold and the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. The distinct sounds of wailing and sobbing coming from somewhere on the ward. At first it makes her heart skip a beat, then causes it to pound furiously in her chest. It’s gut wrenching; the harsh reality of someone else’s grief. Someone else’s loss. It makes you sympathetic towards them but also fearful that you just may encounter the same situation. You can prepare yourself for it; the chance that the person you love may not make it out of a place like this. That they may never improve and will only experience setback after setback and never find themselves well enough for the ‘step down’ unit. It would be foolish NOT to consider that.

But you’re never fully prepared for when it actually does happen. The loss enormous. Sorrow profound. Seven years ago, the loss would have been tremendous; robbed of what ‘could have been; and left to go through a pregnancy alone and then raise a child that belonged to a dead man. Now it would be catastrophic. Years of giving everything of yourself to someone; loving them with every bit of your body, heart, and soul and getting that same love in return. Having someone that looks at you as if you’re the most incredible and beautiful being on earth; their devotion and faithfulness unconditional and going hand in hand with their willingness to protect you at all costs. And having a family together has only elevated things ever further; creating life together and then getting to share in both the joys and the tribulations of raising them. It’s a partnership; working side by side and each bringing out the best in the other. And all of a sudden that is taken away…

She refuses to think about it. What life would be like without him. The enormous hole that would be left behind. Losing her father as a teenager had been bad enough; a loss that she still mourns even decades later. But to lose your entire world? The love of your life?

“Stop!” Esme orders aloud, and then inwardly scolds herself for letting her thoughts go to that dark, horrible place. It almost feels like a betrayal; counting him out at the very beginning of the fight. He’s never given up; no matter how dire a situation or how exhausting -whether physical or mental- the battle is. Always the one to keep her going when things seem hopeless. If the situation was reversed, he wouldn’t give up on her, and she feels ashamed for even considering doing it to him.

She turns away from the counter, mug of tea in hand then gives a small start and a ‘fuck!’ when she discovers she’s not alone. A man younger than herself; smooth, dark skin, a shock of black, curly hair, and kind, chocolate brown eyes.

“My apologies,” he gives a sheepish smile. “I did not mean to frighten you.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t even hear you come in. Lost in my own little world, I guess.”

“Sometimes it’s nice to have that little world. A place to escape to. To get away from this The smells, the sights, the sounds. That machine...the beep, beep, beep...drives me insane.”

“I hear you. I think the sound is permanently etched in my brain. It’ll be a long time before it disappears. And I just got here.”

“What are you in for?” he asks, as she moves towards the door. “Sorry. I try for humour; when things are difficult. It’s how I deal with the stress. How I cope.”

“I hear you on that, too. I’m the same way. I guess I try cracking jokes or making light of things because I’m hoping it will make ME feel better. It drives my husband crazy sometimes. Especially when a situation definitely does NOT call for it. Or I ramble. Kind of like what I’m doing right now. Only about ten times worse. He’s the strong, silent type. I’m the chatty one. Even during moments I shouldn’t. Like right now for instance. Sorry. I ramble. Like I said.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind. We all have our ways of coping. Is that why you’re here? For your husband?”

Esme nods, then leans back against the doors, eyes riveted on her cup as she repeatedly dunks the tea bag into the boiling water. It’s nerves; the fear that those threatening tears will let loose. She’d thought there were no tears left after her emotional meltdown following her conversation with Millie. That she’d cried herself dry. At least for the time being. And the last thing she wants is to lose it in front of a complete stranger.

“He got hurt,” she says. “At work.”

“He works here? He’s from Bangladesh?”

“He’s Australian, actually.”

“You’re a long way from home.”

“We are. A very long way. Or least it seems like a very long way. I know; I don’t have an accent. Or if I do, it’s just starting and not very noticeable. I’m originally from Colorado.”

“And you married someone from Australia? How did that happen? You met on vacation?”

“Through work. We were assigned to the same project.”

“And he’s hurt? Bad?”

“Bad enough to be stuck here. It’s going to be a long road. Something tells me we’ll be here a while. He’s in pretty rough shape.”

“Must have been one heck of a workplace accident.”

“Someone tried to kill him,” she admits, and then quickly adds “He’s in private security. A job got out of hand. There was nothing he could have done about it. There was no way he could have expected things to turn out THIS bad.”

“I’m sorry. That he has to be here. That YOU have to be here.”

“So am I,” she gives a small, sad smile. “But thank you. Why are you here?”

“My wife. She’s been here for almost two weeks. She had a stroke. While giving birth. Our first child.”

Esme’s eyes widen, and one of her hands slides inside of the open hoodie and instinctively rests on her baby bump.

“The doctors say there is no brain activity, but I’m not giving up hope. Sometimes, miracles happen. I can’t just give up on her. She wouldn’t give up on me.”

“I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for you. And the baby? Did the baby make it or…?”

“Baby is fine. Very healthy. Very beautiful.” He pulls his cell phone from his pocket, then turns on the screen and holds it out towards her, showing off the display. A beautiful infant with gorgeous dark eyes and little pink bows in her coal black hair.

“She’s beautiful. Congratulations. It must be so bittersweet; having a new baby while your wife…” her voice trails off, unsure of what to say next.

“You have children?”

“I do. I have five of them.”

“Five? Forgive me; you don’t look like a woman with five children.”

“Thank you, but believe me, I feel like a mother of fifty right about now. It’s hard; being so far away from them. They have no idea what’s happened. I feel terrible for lying to them, I do. But I really don’t know what to say. They’re so little; the oldest is only six. How do I NOT traumatize them? How do I tell them? I’m just so lost when it comes to this. To a lot of things, actually This is...hard Very hard. Having to trust complete strangers with the life of the person you love. To just put his life in these peoples’ hands. I’m not having a good time with it. At all. I’m sad. I’m angry. Mostly sad, though.”

“Angry?”

“At the person who did this to him. They’re dead, and believe me, there’s a special place in hell for them. But I’m still angry about it. And I’m angry at myself too. Because I made a mistake. And I guess in a way I feel guilty; that my mistake led to this.”

Her companion gives a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think he’d want you to blame yourself.”

“He definitely wouldn’t. Tyler would be pretty mad about it, actually. He already thinks I’m too hard on myself in a lot of ways. That’s his name, by the way. Tyler. My husband.”

“My wife is Priya. I’m Sanjib.”

“I’m Esme,” she shakes the hand offered. “I should get back. I know he’s not conscious and probably won’t be for a while, but I still don’t like leaving him alone. I like to think he knows I’m there. He has PTSD; hospitals trigger it. He will not be happy when he comes out of sedation, that’s for sure. This is the last place he’ll want to be. It was nice to talk to you, though Thanks for tolerating me.”

“We should meet. Every day. At a certain time. For tea. I would be nice to have someone to talk to. Other than doctors and nurses”

“It would be,” she agrees. “And someone other than my six year old who called me from Australia and should be sleeping. She had a bad dream and daddy always takes care of her after a bad dream. She’s missing him. A lot. But whenever you feel up to it, just come and find me. It’s hard to miss our room; it’s the only one with the armed guard sitting outside of it.”

Sanjib arches a quizzical brow.

“It’s a long story that needs a bit of time to tell. One that definitely calls for more than one tea. But it was nice talking to you. And I hope your wife heals. I hope a miracle DOES happen.”

“I hope for the same for your husband. That he’s awake sooner, rather than later.”

“Yeah,” she says, and opens the kitchen door. “So do I.”

****

When she returns to the room, Julie is stepping out; slipping the patient chart back into the holder on the door and then turning to greet her

“Is everything alright?” Esme asks, unable to stop herself from fearing the worst. Even the warm smile on the other woman’s face and the gentle hand that first touches her cheek and then lays on her shoulder. “Is he okay? Nothing’s happened, has it?”

“Everything is fine. I was just checking his vitals.”

“And they’re good? He doesn’t need to be intubated or…?”

“He’s doing all the breathing on his own. Doesn’t even need the nasal cannula anymore. And his oxygen level is still staying over ninety four.”

“And that’s good? That’s what we want it to be? Or better? It’s a good sign that he doesn’t need any help?”

“A very good sign. He’s a lot further along than anyone thought he would be, that’s for sure. Usually in cases like this, when someone has experienced that level of trauma AND so much of it, it takes weeks, sometimes even months, to see even a glimmer of progress. There are people who have been on this ward for a long time, with less done to them, that aren’t where he is. He’s got a strong will to live, that’s for sure.”

“He has five reasons to stay alive back home. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them. No fight he wouldn't fight. If it was seven years ago, you wouldn’t be seeing what you’re seeing right now. Before the kids? He wasn’t the person he is now. Once our daughter came along, everything changed. HE changed.”

“I think you’re underestimating the role YOU played. That you DO play.”

“He is so strong. The strongest person I’ve ever known. And if anyone can defy the odds and prove people, it’s Tyler. So I hope you go and tell that one doctor...the neurologist...exactly what you’re telling me. Because he has been nothing but doom and gloom. He even told me not to expect much. Not even long term. I basically told him to go screw himself. No one is going to talk about my husband like that. No one is going to count him out. I don’t care how many degrees they have before or after their name. I know Tyler. And he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t know the meaning of it. And he is stubborn as hell! You’ll get to see that soon enough, I’m sure.”

“He’s already showing it. And so you know, he did wake. Very briefly, but…”

“Wait? What? What do you mean he woke up? How? Is that even possible? How can he? The surgeon said it would be a few days before they’d start bringing out of it. How…?”

“While it’s heavy sedation, it is still only sedation,” Julie explains. “It isn’t a medically induced coma. So brief periods of wakefulness and some level of lucidity are common. He likely won’t remember experiencing it, but it will happen.”

“And he was fully awake?”

“Fully awake in terms of all the drugs continuously being pumped into him. But he did open his eyes and ask ‘who the hell are you?’”

Esme gives a small laugh. “That sounds like Tyler. He hates hospitals. They trigger a lot of bad things. It’s good he’s doped up. If he knew where he was and he had the energy, he probably would have lost it. He has pulled out many an IV. He won’t think anything of pulling out a central line. Did he say anything? Did he ask about his kids or…?”

“He asked for you. Seemed worried. I told him you were fine. That you just stepped out for a minute. I asked him how he was feeling and he said sick. So I gave him an anti nausea med through the line. The pain medication he’s on is notorious for making people sick, And he asked for water. So if he does wake up and wants something to drink, that’s what he can have.”

“I can’t believe this even happened. Especially so soon. I didn’t think there was a chance of something like this. The way everyone was talking, it sounded like even after he was brought out of sedation, he might not come to right away. That it could take weeks, even.”

“Well between you and me, hun, doctors aren’t always right. I’ve seen a lot of patients they’ve been plenty wrong about. Now don’t get your hopes up; it might not happen again right away. That might have been all the energy he had to spare for a while.”

“But it’s a good sign, right? That he DID wake up? I don’t care how long it takes for him to be okay. Just as long as long as he is in the end. And this has to be a good sign.”

“It’s a sign that his brain is working the way it should. And I’m going to make sure I tell that neurologist, too. There is nothing wrong with that man’s brain; not when he can call his wife by name and answer me when I ask him how he’s doing. Everything’s going right for him, I promise you. And he’s in good hands. Very good hands. I’ll see that he gets everything he needs And that that mean old brain doctor gets put in his place.”

“You have no idea how much I needed this; to hear this. It’s just been a nightmare; I’m still trying to wrap my head around what went wrong. How could it go so bad, so fast? And then our daughter called and she’s six and her daddy is her entire world and they have this amazing bond. I mean, he has a bond with all of them, obviously. But it’s different with her; he calls her his miracle baby. He lost a son. From his first marriage. And he never thought he’d be a dad again. And then we met in a crazy way and we made her and he then he survived what he did and…” Esme takes a deep, shaky breath. “....it’s just different. What they have. She thinks the sun shines out of his ass and they’re so close and she misses him so much. I don’t know how to tell her. It’ll break her heart regardless. All she wants is to talk to him and I don’t know how to tell her she can’t. I don’t know what to say to any of them.”

“What do they think they can handle hearing?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “Millie is so smart and so intuitive for her age. TJ is tough on the outside but a total softie on the inside; he has a huge heart and feels and loves so deeply. And Tanner is crazy intelligent and an old soul. But they’re still babies, practically. She’s six. They’re five. What do I tell them other than daddy got hurt and can’t come home for a while? I don’t want them knowing details. You’ve seen him. Would you want your children knowing how bad he looks?”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

“And the one person I have to talk me through things like this, I can’t turn to because he’s the one that’s hurt. He’s the rock, not me. He’s the one that talks ME down. I have no clue what I’m doing right now. Other than lying to my children.”

“Just tell them the parts of the truth you know they can handle,” Julie suggests. “They don’t need details Especially ugly ones. Tell them that daddy is hurt and unfortunately can’t come home for a while. But as soon as the doctors say it’s okay, he can be sent to a hospital there and then they can see him as much as they want. It’s what I’d tell my kids And my grand kids.”

“It’s just so hard; being away this far from them. Especially the baby. She’ll be four months old next week and I’m thousands of miles away from her and I‘m afraid she’s going to forget me. The farthest away I’ve been from her is a few hours. And that was only for two days! I could be here for a few WEEKS. I can’t go home; I can’t leave Tyler alone here. I just can’t.”

“Is there anyone that could bring her to you? A friend that wouldn’t mind doing that?”

“Our oldest would do it In a heartbeat. He’s technically not ours, ours We’re his guardians. We’ve had him since he was fifteen. He’s twenty one now. I trust him with my kids’ lives. He’d do it. No hesitation. But then that leaves my brother alone with four kids and I don’t think he can handle that. And I’m not asking him to do it. He and Tyler do not get along; my brother thinks my marriage is an epic disaster and the worst mistake I ever made.” Esme sighs and pushes a hand through her hair. “I can’t believe I’m rambling to you like this. I’m sorry; I’m sure you have a lot to do. I shouldn’t keep you like this.”

“Part of looking after patients is caring for their families too. And you’re a long way from home and you’re going through a hell of a horrible thing. You can lean on me. I’ve got broad shoulders. Why don’t you sleep on all of this? Or at least try and get some rest. This is only the end of day one; you don’t have to have everything figured out . Get some sleep and hopefully something will come to you in the morning.”

“I’ll try. It’s hard. Sleeping alone. You get used to someone being there. I tell you, I will NEVER complain about his cold feet and snoring every again. It’s so weird; the rest of him is a furnace, but those feet!”

“My husband is a snorer. You know how many times I’ve wanted to smother him with a pillow over the years?”

“Oh, I’ve had those moments, believe me. But apparently, I talk in my sleep. Tyler says he can carry on full conversations with me. Apparently my favourite thing to talk about is grocery lists. I always talk about peanut butter, ketchup, and kitty litter. And we don’t even have a cat.”

Julie laughs at that. “Try and get some rest, okay? You got a little one in there that’s depending on you. Come here…” she draws Esme into a tight embrace. “...you’re not alone. Remember that.”

“I’ll try,” she promises. And that pure, affectionate, and comforting moment once more brings tears to her eyes. And it’s sad. That harsh realization that this is the time in decades…maybe even ever…that she’s felt a hug like that Unconditional. Compassionate.

Motherly.

*****

“Your daughter called,” she says, as she parks the chair beside his bed. Gathering the hoodie around her as she sits, then putting down the safety railing

He’s succumbed to the mixture of sedation and the heavy duty anti nausea meds, and with his head turned towards the door, the facial injuries are hidden. No stitches -sixty altogether, thirty holding together the damaged muscle and tissue, the others closing the skin- or swelling, or bruising visible. A slight smile curves his lips; no furrows present across his brow, features bathed in the soft glow from the bedside monitor. It’s the first time in years she’s seen him this peaceful. Where he isn’t hampered by the demons and the mistakes of the past; his brain unburdened and at rest. His body pain free. Breaths slow and even. Relaxed. Right arm resting across his stomach, left lying flat on the mattress. And that’s the hand she takes; holding tightly as the fingers of her other hand repeatedly drift along his forearm.

“She wanted me to tell you that she loves you. And she misses you. She left you a couple voicemails; I’ll play them for you when your phone charges. I don’t know what to tell her. To tell any of them. I’ve never had to give this kind of news. You’re so much better at this than I am. This whole parenting thing. You always have been. You’re a ten; I’m hovering somewhere around...I don’t know...a six. Although you’d probably tell me I’m full of shit and that I’m being too hard on myself. I just wish I could talk to you about all of this. You’re way better at figuring this kind of stuff out than I am.”

She laces their fingers together, thumb brushing against the side of his. “And just so you know, I’m kind of pissed you had the nerve to wake up while I wasn’t here. I’ll try not to be offended that you woke up for another woman and not me. Unless you’re just pretending to sleep; hoping that I’ll just shut and you leave you alone. Sorry buddy, you’re stuck with me. For about another fifty years.”

She lightly scrapes her fingernails along his forearm, watching his face for any sign of impending consciousness. “And speaking of being stuck with me, I went through your things and your wedding ring has mysteriously disappeared. No one has seen it. Not in the ER, not in the OR. So it looks like you’re finally going to have to upgrade. You’ve only been talking about that for HOW long? I know you hate change; I know you’ve got a connection to the first one. But it looks like you’re going to have to suck it up and get a new one. Or, I could just go ahead and pick one out for you and surprise you with it. Our anniversary in three months, you never know. Looks like you’re not going to be getting your normal gift, sorry. You’ll have to settle for something else.”

She had been surprised at how much it had hurt; realizing that the ring was in fact gone. She had searched the bag of blood soaked clothes; rummaging through every pocket in hopes that he’d either taken it off before going into the storage facility of someone else -maybe Koen or Rata on the way to the hospital- had removed it and tucked it away. She couldn’t imagine hospital staff NOT giving it to her. But just when she thought her heart possibly couldn’t break even more, it had. And instead of tears, she’d felt anger. An all consuming rage towards Nathan. It was his fault, after all. He was the only one to blame for all of this; her husband’s battered and bloodied body, the weeks and months and maybe even years of recovery that lay ahead of him, the thousands of miles separating her and her children. Now the missing ring. There was only one person to blame for all of it. And while he was dead and that should be enough to give her a sense of comfort, satisfaction, and finality, it only made her even angrier.

She’d called home about it. Preferring to speak to Ovi or Nik or even Anil. Someone with at least an ounce of compassion in their bodies. Instead she’d been relegated to talking to Kyle. And while he’d listened to her long winded, rambling rage towards Nathan and the world in general, and her whining and complaining about the ring being lost, he hadn’t been the most sympathetic when it came to advice giving.

“It’s just a cheap piece of jewellery. Put on your big girl pants and get him a new one. No big deal. It’s your own fault you’re in this mess anyway. If you had just listened to all of us and left him a long time ago, you…”

She’d hung up. Not even giving him the chance to finish.

“I miss you,” she says, and issues a long, shaky sigh. “I know that sounds weird because you’re literally right here. But I do. I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss how we sneak the good snacks after the kids go to bed; sit on the couch eating ice cream right out of the carton. I miss how you tease me about being so short but never complain when I ask you to reach something at the bottom of the washing machine or on the top shelves in the kitchen. And I miss those talks. You know the ones. In the middle of the night AFTER we’ve done other things. We’ve always had those talks; right from day one. I can’t remember who started it, but do remember you complaining about how cuddly I was. It was a half assed complaint, mind you. I saw the smile on your face; you didn't mind it one bit. And you were a pretty good cuddler for someone who said they hated it so much. Maybe you secretly liked it and you just had never found someone you WANTED to cuddle. I know, it’s not very bad ass mercenary; being a cuddler. I’ve always loved that about you. That you’re such a study in contradiction. Everyone else only gets the one side of you; the mercenary side. But you’ve always let me see all of you. Even seven years ago. After that first time, you never hid it from me. Who you really are. For some reason you never felt a reason to hide it from me. And I think that’s one of the things that made me fall in love with you as fast as I did. That you were so honest and real and you didn’t pretend to be someone you weren’t. You didn’t hide the fact that you were a mess. And you didn’t care that I was either.”

Esme reaches out to move his hair off his forehead, then uses a fingertip to trace the scar that curves over the bridge of his nose. “I really do miss you, Tyler. And I know it probably sounds stupid to you because you ARE alive and you ARE going to be fine, but I can’t help it. I’ve spent seven years with you. Being able to hear your voice and your laugh whenever I want and seeing you smile and that cute little frown and pout you get when you’re really focused on something. Or when you’re trying so hard not to laugh when one of the kids drops the F bomb in the correct context. Remember that time in Telluride when we were in town and someone was texting and driving and turned into the crosswalk while you were walking with the twins? And TJ flipped him the bird and called him a stupid fucker? I wonder where he learned THAT from? You didn’t know whether to give him shit or be proud of him. I know you don’t think being adorable can go hand in hand with being a bad ass, but you manage somehow.”

She runs her knuckles along his jaw, then lowers her head to press a kiss to his forearm. “I just need you to be okay,” she says, and struggles to hold back the tears. “And I don’t want to hear any of your shit about how strong I am and I’m more than capable of doing this by myself; raising five kids. And maybe I am. Maybe I could handle it. Maybe I could handle them and another one. But I don’t want to do this by myself. That isn’t what I signed up for six and a half years ago. We’re supposed to do it together. And I’m not letting you back out on me. Ever. So I really need you to be okay. Because I need you. More than you realize. And probably more than I’ve ever let on. Why do it alone when you have someone so amazing to do it with? So you have to get better, okay? I need you to get better. Besides, you still owe me a trip. You have this really uncanny ability of getting out of taking me on trips, you know that?”

She releases her hold on his hand, then wraps both arms around his and lays her forehead in the crook of his elbow. Staying there for several minutes; eyes closed as she desperately holds back the flood of tears. And she almost doesn’t feel it; that light brush of fingers against one of her arms. Wondering if she actually just imagined it. Or perhaps his body had given an involuntary shiver or jerk; a known side effect from the meds.

“Don’t cry, baby.” His voice is barely above a whisper. Quiet and weak. But very much him.

She raises her head to look at him. And the tears that threaten now are ones of relief. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So you WERE pretending to be asleep.”

“I was listening.”

“Always the strong, silent type.”

“Please don’t cry. I hate when you cry.”

“It’s happy tears, I promise. Can you see me properly?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well you’re pretty doped up. You could be seeing five of me for all I know.”

“Just one.”

“Out of both eyes or….?”

“Not so good out of the right. But yeah. Out of both.”

“I don’t think you’re really supposed to be awake right now. The doctors sort of said you wouldn’t be for a while.”

“Fuck ‘em. I do what I want.”

Esme grins, then pushes the chair away from the side of the bed and stands. “Yeah, you always do.” She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No. Just tired”

“Well you’ve had a hell of a day,” she reasons, combing her fingers through his hair and resting her hand on the top of his head. “As happy as I am that you’re awake, you really need to go back to sleep. That’s what you need right now. Sleep.”

Tyler nods. “You okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“The baby?”

“The baby’s fine. You don’t need to worry about us. There’s a lot of people that are stepping up to take care of us. Time to worry about yourself for a bit. Just close your eyes, okay?”

“Cold.”

“You’re cold?”

He nods once more.

“I can go and find you another blanket. I can…”

“No,” he quickly objects. “Stay. Don’t go.”

“I won’t,” she promises. “I won’t go anywhere. I’m right here.” She places a hand on the side of his face and presses a kiss to his temple. “I’m not leaving. I’m right here.”

“You’re warm.”

“It’s your sweater. I always steal them. They seem to keep me warmer than mine do. Here…” she shrugs out of the hoodie and gently lays it over him. “...that’ll help. You really need to sleep, Tyler. That’s the only way you’re going to get better and get out of here. You need to close your eyes and get some rest, alright?”

“Alright.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up. However long that is.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.” She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose, then rests her forehead against his. Eyes closed as her fingers continue to run through his hair. It is soft and comforting. Soothing. Quickly helping him drift off once more.

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Tyler Rake fan fic #Best Part of Me #Chris Hemsworth character #extraction #extraction 2020

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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vedj-f-bekuesu · 4 years

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Arr, me mateys! I may have work to do in the day, but I consider myself a wee fast crewman! They even ran out of work to give me so I finished the day with long hours to spare. And since I got the time, ye bet I decided to use it to explore new depths of Ninjago with Skybound!

Okay, I won’t do that for the whole post. But honestly, I thought Skybound was...decent, but does have some drawbacks from how ambitious it was. Let’s just go through it.

-Jay...hmm. Two minds about him. His arc at the start of the season (lasting about halfway) was clearly intentional and setup for his later redemption, and his character after that point is the best kind of Jay. And the reason for said start of season funk does make sense (unlike Home). On the other hand, yeah, the first half is pretty much Jay at his worst with bits sprinkled in to remind you that they still remember his good side. It’s not like giving him that sort of flaw is bad, but it pretty much dominated his entire character for that duration so at some point you just want to punch the little git. Also his parent arc is a bit undercooked, but he’s got plenty elsewhere so that doesn’t really bother me, especially when Ed and Edna ultimately get to have the crucial pep talk. -Nya has a similar problem to be honest, although part of hers was also fabricated by Dareth being an absolute dick at the start (despite his moment in season 4). After that, it was fine for her up until she starts the whole fucking thing by being stubborn in such a perilous situation. And then halfway through they calm it down and make her realise she’s taken it somewhat overboard. Once that halfway point crosses it’s a lot easier to get behind the both of them, but mileage may vary on how much you can stand before then. I did like the lunchtime scene though. -Zane doesn’t get much this season, but I did like his sass, it was a good check. Otherwise, not much happening with him aside from one scene that people immortalise due to how out of character it was for him, but since that has zero consequences I just brush that off as a one time gag. Pixal had like two scenes but they were both great scenes for her. -Lloyd had more going for him this seasons than prior ones at least (even Possession), but he was still on the more bland side. I think every character got an attitude increase in this season though. Seriously, even the one-scene characters. But let me tell you; Lloyd Garmadon is no Rex Fury, that’s for sure. -Cole and Kai...I think were on some substance or other during this arc, at least at the start. -Kai has Project Arcturus’ issue of playing his vain side up to the point where it’s actively jeopardising the mission (and actually could be considered as much responsible for starting the whole thing as Nya), but at least this time they reign it in to turn it into something of a clever tactic. And of course this is all absent when he’s freed from the Sword of Souls because Kai typically gets characterised into two modes at this point in the show. -Cole has a similar thing. I mean, eating tools...what? It’s mostly comedic and not that detrimental to begin with (aside from him straight up ditching Jay at the theme park. Not out of spite or anything, just because the plot wanted an extra minute I guess). Then Kai gets trapped and suddenly his character is all about being Jay’s best friend, which in of itself is fine until it again gets way heavy-handed about it. I’m assuming that the writers just wanted any potential remnants of Cole and Nya as a pair to just die (hence why he has no reaction to Jay revealing things about the caves despite Jay’s worry over it, and why this is the season he starts really taking potshots at Nya), but surely Versus was enough on its own combined with Jay and Nya’s arc in this season? Plus the ghost thing is almost entirely wasted this season, only serving a point where his invisibility comes into play (oh, and I guess a threat when he walks the plank). -Despite the much bigger cast of characters, they don’t really get to do that much. The standouts are easily Soto (who’s just funny throughout), Dareth (who despite having a really bad start with being a misogynist for no reason, gets much better when he comes in second time) and Ronin (who I guess was still a writer darling at this point). Anyone else? You might get a moment for some of them (mainly Misako and Echo Zane), but eh. It’s a shame because Jay set up the ninja replacements like it would be this shining moment for them, but not really, and they just end up as fight fodder. And being a gag for hating Jay for being annoying despite him not doing anything to at least a couple of them. Also because of my other LEGO interests, every time I see Ronin whistle for the R.E.X, I expect the Rexcelsior to just come down and crush everything. That would have been a bad time for Kai and Nya. -One thing I didn't mention in Possession is how the villain and lackey dynamics are developing into something actually worth investing in (beyond the tension between Pythor and Skales), and Skybound takes it even further. This is the first season where the villains are just as investing as the heroes, and I like how its a slow burn from Nadakhan and his crew having comradery, to Flintlocke slowly realising that Jay was telling the truth, to him and Dogshanks playing key roles in the final confrontation. -Speaking of which, Nadakhan was an interesting villain. I don’t like him as much as Morro, but he’s still got plenty to him. What I find most interesting is how the Jay seasons like to play parallels with the villains, what with Nadakhan being a reflection of Jay’s romance thing and Jay using his abandonment to find a way to connect to Unagami. Also the fact that he doesn’t even seem to care that much about doing evil in Ninjago at first. He does evil stuff, and they’d certainly need to find a way to fix Wu and Misako’s situation, but it’s just as a means to get home. Once he finds out that home is just about to die? He loses the plot entirely, and that’s fun to see. -Ironically, the interactions I liked best this season were the more understated ones. For example Jay and Zane’s conversation early on (which doubles as foreshadowing to Zane’s demise) was really nice for characters who don’t usually get time to speak to each other one on one, and I wish more of the interaction in the season felt as natural as that in the first half. As a bonus, it wasn’t even wiped out at the end so that conversation still happened! -Yeah, plot. The story was interesting once we got to the Sky Pirates, not quite as engaging as Possession but it was clearly aiming at more individual dynamics than looking at the whole group and it definitely managed to balance that with the actual story and giving the villain perspective. The framing arc was less interesting, if only because even for this show everyone suddenly turning on the ninja without giving them more chance to defend themselves is laughable at this point. And as for the ending...eh, I’m ambivalent on it. Jay and Nya’s arcs remain no matter what so at least that stuff stuck around (by design). But you do lose the existence of the other Sky Pirates who made a good chunk of the good stuff. I guess the other biggest thing you lose is all the scenes where Cole reaffirms that he is Jay’s best friend, but he can do that in future seasons and not just drop it because they’ve settled the score on the love triangle...right? -Once again, it felt like a pretty dry season in terms of tone. I think this is a running theme. -At least the annoying slow-mo seems to finally giving way. It was used twice. One was random, the other was thematically appropriate.

Overall, this season can be described as “heavy-handed”, moreso than any other story-heavy season so far. When it’s in this mode, it’s pretty annoying even if not terrible. But it still has elements to keep it going, and ends up in a pretty good place. Definitely comes down to individual taste on how much of said elements you can stomach, so I’m not surprised it has a marmite reputation. Out of the non-Possession story-heavy seasons I’ve seen so far this is the better one, but it’s still below S1 and S2 for me.

Next time, I will not be doing a season. The writers seems to want to end Cole’s ghost arc and that’s exactly what they’ll do in Day of the Departed.

#ninjago #ns6 #VEDJ-F talks #vedj-f reviews #for the record I've always like ninjas more than pirates #ns12 spoilers

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theonceoverthinker · 5 years

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How do you think Kim and Ron’s relationship and eventual romance was handled in the show?

I think both worked pretty well! So I actually spoke a lot about their friendship in this post, so I’d recommend checking that out because I’m gonna focus more on their romantic relationship here as to not repeat myself.

The fact that Kim and Ron’s romance was never thrown in our faces was their relationship’s secret ace in the hole. At the start of the series and until about Season 3, Ron and Kim were friends, they never had crushes on one another, and they both liked other people, and they both regularly casually conversed about their crushes with each other. That allowed for two and a half seasons of organic intimacy to build up between them because there was no stress to their dynamic for a romance by the creators.There was no carrot on the end of the stick to make the audience feel impatient as we waited for them to get together because it wasn’t even close to being promised. Like, Star and Marco from Star vs. The Forces of Evil were in-universe ship teased from like the tenth episode. So people who wanted them together were now stuck in this waiting period until the penultimate episode of the series until they finally got together, lessening the broader importance of their other romantic relationships and making every tease for Star and Marco agonizing.

But with Kim and Ron, there was no such issue and it not only allowed us to see them together, we got them together ALL the time with none of the stress and groans that came with waiting for them to become a couple. Because of that and their already established friendship, they and the audience got to know them as both individuals and a team and fall in love with their dynamic before anything else happened. They got to explore other romantic options and see why they didn’t work where theirs might. And when the time finally came for these feelings to emerge, it wasn’t out of nowhere and knocked it out of the park. The idea of Ron realizing his feelings for Kim when she finally gets what seem to be a long term boyfriend in “So The Drama” – something we had never seen before in the series – made us feel that same punch in the gut that Ron did. We saw those moments of bonding between Kim and Ron lessen so dramatically as Kim and Eric’s increased and that sense of not knowing what you wanted until you lost it (Or her) resonated so strongly. Kim and Ron are still friends, but she and Eric are connecting and bonding on a level that used to only be reserved for she and her friends and Ron’s no longer a part of that. Even when they are together, there’s this clear distance in the shots that are used and Ron’s not an active part of the scenes in the same vein that Kim is, making the moments where they collide feel intelligently awkward and heartbreaking.

This got long, so meet me under the cut for more!

I think Kim’s development also worked, but to a slightly smaller degree. The entire series thus far has had an almost subplot of Ron showing that he was more than he seemed, and no one got a front row seat to that better than Kim. Aside from “Transfer,” Kim was around for everything Ron did – the mystical monkey powers, Ron saving Kim from the embarrassment ninjas, Ron travelling across the world to give her a good Christmas and find her library book, them literally swapping bodies – Kim saw all of that. And the mood modulator scene definitely helped as well, giving her a setting (Albeit, a crazy one) where she could live out a what-if with being in love with Ron. That development was all great and when paired with being Ron’s date to his cousin’s wedding showed potential for a relationship that Kim would enjoy and get something out of just as much as Ron.

And then in “So The Drama,” when the feelings came out, I think it worked…mostly. Ron’s pep talk after being trapped by Drakken was a great scene and set up the basis for why Ron is great, Kim believing Ron about the “evil toys” despite Ron having no evidence is practically applause worthy, we still see so much of their great teamwork throughout the film, and I can see Kim’s hidden feelings for Ron coming out in a similar way it did for Ron, but it never quite reached that level. Ron felt Kim’s absence whereas Kim was so wrapped up in Eric that it never hit her how much they haven’t been seeing each other nearly as much as they regularly did. And I think for the most part, that was fine. I just think a moment where Kim asked about Ron at the prom or tried texting him before dancing with Eric would’ve gone a long way to show that his absence was felt (I don’t count the clubhouse scene because that was literally after Ron had a mini tantrum in front of her, not something on her end). That would’ve served as more of a means of feelings for Ron penetrating through her relationship with Eric because as it stood, the relationship was a bit projected onto Kim by her mom and Bonnie and not the culmination of her own romantic feelings coming to a head. The story is really more about Kim overcoming the embarrassment Ron sometimes makes her feel more than a realization of deeper romantic feelings and those are two different things that aren’t guaranteed to mesh well. I mean, I can see it as a final obstacle between them and their relationship, but I don’t think that was set up well enough to work like that. To do that, they’d need something like either a moment where Kim lists out all of Ron’s great qualities, Ron and Kim have one of those small romantic moments that ends with Kim blushing or seeing a change in her expression earlier in the film, and/or some flirting between them, but as it stood, that didn’t happen. Or if they wanted to have Kim realize those feelings all in one go, that moment needed to be bigger.

...I get the feeling that I’ve VERY alone in that and I even rewatched the film to make sure that I knew what I was talking about because I didn’t want to reach that conclusion, but yeah, that’s how I feel. But even then, it’s not terrible by any means -- I still think the development was there. It just needed to be a bit tighter.

But enough about the negativity because I still have plenty of positive stuff to say! Once their relationship really started, it was fantastic!

Once again, their relationship isn’t flung in our faces, but because they’re a couple, every moment that they are together gives us fans what we want! We see them working together, supporting one another, and all that good stuff, and the romantic moments we do get are the icing on the cake! And now, moments like Kim applying for colleges and Ron joining the football team have an added emotional weight that they didn’t before because of that relationship, but wasn’t done in a way that disrupted the comedic and absurd tone of the show.

And when we get episodes and stories focused on their romance, that’s doubly true! They’re a total unit during the hilarious double date with Shego and Barkin and they can practically read each other’s minds as they slip away from it. The whole matter of Ron worrying over KP’s safety and then his own because of statistics is just as absurd as it is heartwarming! He literally stuck himself in the equivalent of a nuke shelter! XD The matter of Ron being kissed by Bonnie has Kim letting Ron off the hook because it took years for him to kiss her, and the way Kim says that line is just hysterical!

Of course, we have to talk about “Clean Slate.” Kim knows Ron so well that she immediately gets him the perfect gift and her knowledge of how perfect that gift is was what reminded her about her feelings for Ron! That made for an adorable moment between them and probably one of my favorites in the entire series.

It’s kind of interesting that Kim and Ron’s relationship and its uncertain future is kind of a secondary running plot throughout the season. Between the aforementioned joining of the football team for Ron and college applications for Kim, the question of can Kim and Ron endure in high school and beyond is a topic that comes up a lot. Those are the big two, especially the latter two because Ron’s both never been portrayed as an excellent student nor are his contributions to saving the world highlighted nearly as much as Kim (if at all), and that’s what inevitably comes to a head in “Graduation,” but there are smaller bits. Ron’s inability to pay for fancier dates, Bonnie being a jealous homecoming queen to Ron’s king, and Kim getting amnesia all call into question aspects of their relationship, making it all the better when they’re overcome by Kim and Ron!

As I said before, “Graduation” is where it all comes to a head. The larger question of Kim and Ron’s future is directly addressed and both characters get to be afraid of what comes next, just like we might. We saw “A Stitch in Time” and how the long distance thing was tough when they were just friends! How are they gonna fare while in a relationship? However, by fighting the literal end of the world, both Kim and Ron prove on a meta level that they’re ready and completely able to fight for their relationship and themselves outside of high school.

Kim and Ron have an incredible romance, one that was created with patience and care and because of that, paid off in such a satisfying way. While I took issue with a small part of it, where it mattered, their relationship didn’t just succeed, but THRIVED on our screens. I hope the new movies get a similar treatment if we get more and if we do, I have all the faith in the world that we will!

#Anonymous #kim possible #ron stoppable #kim x ron

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bronyinabottle · 5 years

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Post-Series Finale Mod Note

Well, the series has finally wrapped up. And I felt like it’d be proper to let you guys know’s what I’m doing next and also my thoughts on some of the episodes since the last update.

I want to rest assure that I still have plans to continue this blog for a decent while and in fact hope to have another big story akin to Return to Saddle Arabia sometime next year that addresses some things that never got mentioned in the show that would be relevant to the story of Genie Twilight (Ex: Spike when he was just an Egg prior to Twilight hatching him). In terms of more near future stuff though, I will probably do a little episode response to the final episode of the series.

Anyway, regarding the finale itself. I felt it was AMAZING. I’ll probably get to doing a my thoughts on post for the two-parter and the epilogue episode all on it’s own. Because I really want to focus, re-watch, and gush about so many details of those last 3 episodes. How much did I like the finale? Can I just tell you that the two-parter alone is actually challenging Twilight’s Kingdom for my new favorite episode of the series? It’s outright awesome the series got to end with a bang like this. The epilogue episode was also great, very bittersweet in parts, but I’d say it’s also within the Top 10 of the series and the ending song I’m sure made just about every fan in the series well up in tears.

After the break though, I’ll be giving some thoughts on the episodes since then as I want to just entirely focus on Finale stuff. If you want to hear some of my opinions regarding any specific things in the finale faster though. Feel free to sound off an ask over on my mod blog. But for now, here’s some thoughts about episodes 14-23 of Season 9

THE LAST LAUGH

It was quite cool to see Weird Al come back one more time to the series. Of course, this wasn’t as jam packed with awesome music and moments as his character’s debut performance back in Season 4. But it was a fun episode, though I wonder if they should of put a little more hints regarding something that comes up in the Series Finale. (Though perhaps the Pinkie plush we see in Cheese’s room might be something)

2, 4, 6, GREAT

Yeaaaaaah... if every season has their dud(/s) this is probably Season 9′s for sure. Once again Rainbow’s more dickish then she should be at this point of the series. And while I can understand that they’re different characters. I can’t help but be reminded of Human Rainbow in Friendship Games when she was doing her song for the pep rally. That very much felt like what a Rainbow Dash should actually be doing if they’re hired to lead a cheerleading squad. Kind of sucks though that Rainbow often does seem to get a dud episode in many seasons of the show (Mare-Do-Well Season 2, Rainbow Falls Season 4, 28 Pranks Later Season 6, Non-Compete Clause Season 8). Rainbow’s still my 2nd favorite pony, but sometimes that becomes hard to say after particular episodes.

A TRIVIAL PURSUIT

I’m a little mixed on this one, it’s fun to see Twilight freak out again. But something about this episode screams “Wrong season”. Especially since the very next episode gets into how Twilight has matured as she is closer to taking the role of ruler of Equestria. This kind of episode might of been fine if it had been made anywhere between Season 2-Season 5. Not the final season where she’s heading towards being the new ruler, it’d be kind of worrisome to know your next leader went bonkers trying to win a game of trivia.

THE SUMMER SUN SETBACK

Now this was a good one! A nice setup with the villain trio messing with the Mane 6′s Summer Sun celebration plans while they try to get information about Grogar’s bell. And while it became slightly muddled by the trivia episode prior to this, the note about Twilight’s character development is nicely appreciated. It’s kind of a shame that besides the opener, only this episode and Frenemies were the episodes that built up to the two-parter later. Said two-parter is still one of the best of the series, but it may have helped to have a little more build-up to it during the Season then it actually did.

SHE TALKS TO ANGEL

This was a fun Fluttershy episode for certain, we get to know exactly what Angel feels even if that’s through Fluttershy’s own body. So we can get a sense of really of what Fluttershy’s had to deal with for years heh. Also, the “I wanna marry Discord” off-hand line is pretty funny. Even if now it drives shippers crazy. You either take it that Angel is trolling, or Angel knows something that we don’t. Doesn’t help that something in the finale might of left things very ambiguous on this front.

DRAGON DROPPED

I think it’s actually good that Spike’s essentially outgrew his devotion to Rarity. Of course he’s still willing to help her from time to time as in the ending, but it’s great that he can kind of explore other things he wants to do and/or meet new friends. On a side note though, the first time Rarity’s practicing her apology had to have been one of the funniest moments in a while.

A HORSE SHOE-IN

The final Starlight episode gives her role as being promoted to being the new headmare of the School of Friendship. Which is a fair role to give her though I don’t know if that actually might feel a little underwhelming for fans of her. I mean, I’m glad she’s not like.. going to become a Princess herself as those were exactly the worst fears everyone had about Starlight. But it’s certainly a strange journey to go from a season-long villain, Twilight’s student for one season and the openers and finale of that season being more about her then it was Twilight and the others, to simply being in charge of a school at the end. That school’s still important, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that everything with Starlight doesn’t seem easy to explain as it still stems that we practically got nothing substantial about her after her rather quick turnaround in the Season 5 finale. I’m still as lukewarm as ever with Starlight. I do wonder if there will be a Starlight in G5, she may instantly have a better reception since G4 Starlight has quite the baggage.

On the episode itself though, it feel weird to have this moral of “Don’t hire your friends” only for Starlight to do exactly that by hiring both Sunburst and Trixie. Granted, Sunburst is probably competent. But I think I would of liked to see more of how Trixie would do as counselor more then just standing up for Gallus that one time. Just doesn’t feel right. I think I enjoyed the episode to some extent still, but it probably would of been better if Sunburst was part of the process. So maybe you can an addendum to the moral that sometimes your friends can also be good for the job while others aren’t

DARING DOUBT

Daring Do episodes are almost always fun. Though I do gotta say it’s weird to go with the whole Ahuizotl was misunderstood thing when I believe one of his thing was to try to make 800 years of unrelenting heat? What exactly was that about. But eh, might just have to be pushed with the pile of stuff like Marble and Big Mac.

GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO

It was pretty fun to see the CMC as grown-ups (Even though how funny would it be that we’d get to see that anyway during the finale. I wonder if perhaps this episode came into development simply because they planned the finale to be a timeskip long ago and decided to have a little more use for the flash assets of the adult CMC in a proper episode). A little more bittersweet when you look at Scoots though as you see that she still has small wings, nice attention to detail on her disability though.

THE BIG MAC QUESTION

And the final regular episode of the show is dedicated to getting Big Mac hitched and crazy Discord shenanigans. All I can say is it was a fun episode through and through and even brought back the sort of reality show interview stuff we saw in that one Season 6 Rarity episode

SEASON 9 THOUGHTS OVERALL

I still want to give the Finale it’s own thought section because I think it really deserves attention on it’s own. I thought I’d just give a general thoughts on Season 9. Besides the finale, Season 9 actually felt kind of on the underwhelming side of things. There are definitely good episodes popping up there and there, it just felt like it wasn’t really feeling like most of the episodes were taking any credence to how the show was wrapping up soon. Thankfully the Finale more then makes up for it, but it felt like a lot more could of been done to set things up for the big finale. The finale will no doubt be Season 9′s crown jewel and I do want to share as much thoughts as I possibly can about them when I get to it.

Regardless, this has been a fun series to keep watch on. Hopefully many of us still have some fandom things to look forward to making and/or seeing even as of course with our main show over we’ll see even less productivity at least until we see what Generation 5 will be like. See you guys again soon for when I have a response and big thoughts for the finale episodes!

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chaoticdrcolleen · 5 years

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Finding The Collection || Rose & Pep

Who: Colleen Wayne & Rosy O’Connor

When: - Evening

Where: Colleen’s house

What: Rosy finds Colleen’s erotica collection and their relationship takes its next step

Triggers: pregnancy

Notes: this isn’t finished but it’s been sitting dead for a while

Colleen was in the kitchen, working on fixing something that could resemble a proper meal, while she left Rosy to make herself comfortable, get acquainted to the house. Not that she perhaps needed to, but Colleen knew Rosy's home, the least she could do was allow the same courtesy. Or that's what she was telling herself, anyway. It did occur to her that no one had been in her house and left to their own devices before, and that it was possible Rosy might find herself looking over her bookshelves, which she had a lot of. However, there was one in particular that contained what seemed to be an entire collection of erotica, written by the same author. They were author copies of the books written under her pen name, Elise Alder. It was a play on her middle and original last name, in a sense. She didn't see a point in throwing them out, nor did she want to leave them in a box, so she just put them out on a shelf like all the other books she owned. She tried not to think about what might happen in Rosy saw them.

Left to her own devices, Rosy was more than happy to explore Colleen's home. Part of it was curiosity about the woman she was sleeping with, part of it was the detective in her left over from her police days. It didn't surprise her to find shelves lined with books, "quite the bookworm, aren't you Peppy?" she muttered in amusement to herself before coming across a shelf of books that was unlike the others. She briefly wondered if she would be crossing a line by removing a book from it's place on the shelf but she was too intrigued by the titles on the spines and soon found herself with a book in her hands, reading the blurb on the back. "Kinky little bookworm," she mused before placing it back on the shelf amongst the others and choosing another. It seemed Colleen had quite the collection of erotica novels but what was really intriguing was that they were all by the same author.

Colleen finished up their meal, hoping it was worth eating. She wasn't the best cook and often found eating out or ordering in was easier. It was more a habit left over from her days as a grad student, when she'd been teaching all day and then had night classes and just didn't have the time or the energy needed to cook. However, she was trying to get better, to cook more often and make more complex things. Though that didn't always mean it ended up being worth eating.

Moving out of the kitchen she found Rosy in front of the book shelf with her work on it and if she was right, Rosy had one of her books in hand. "Find anything interesting?"

"I suppose that depends on your definition of interesting," Rosy teased as she turned to face Colleen, book still in her hand. She couldn't help but have a little fun, something about Colleen brought out the more relaxed side of her, the side that would tease and have it mean no harm as opposed to her usual snark and sarcasm aimed at throwing people off. "Now, you're gonna have to help me out here," she lifted the book, "because I can't for the life of my quite figure out where these fit in your curriculum."

Colleen rolled her eyes with a laugh, moving over to Rosy. Plucking the book from Rosy's hands she looked it over. It was one of the older titles she'd written. "Bold of you to assume I only read for work. Though, I don't read these." She returned the book to it's place on the shelf.

"If you think I really believe you only read for work, then I think you're not as smart as I originally thought you to be." She watched as Colleen returned the book to its place, "You don't read them?" Now this was interesting. "You keep them as awkward conversation pieces?"

Colleen laughed, shaking her head. "I didn't read for pleasure for years while I was actually in college. I think it took until I was actually a professor to start it up again, so..." She shrugged. "I get paid for them and don't like keeping boxes packed."

"That's fair enough," Rosy nodded, "I only just started reading something other than the newspaper myself." It was true, excluding the paperwork involved with work, she literally only ever had time to read the newspaper whilst sat in a car or on a plane. "So you write erotica?" Rosy mused out loud already knowing the answer, "I see you have a pen name, which is understandable, an upstanding professor such as yourself shouldn't be associated with such filth," she chuckled softly. "Which was your first?"

Colleen nodded as Rosy spoke. "Oh? Anything particular you've been reading?" Colleen loved knowing what people liked reading, even if it was just the paper or magazines. "I don't mind it, as a professor, but when I was writing it to help get through grad school, I really didn't want to be associated with it. Particularly because I was teaching middle school." She shrugged. It had started as a way to bolster her paycheck, as being a teacher really didn't pay well, but she'd loved doing it. "They should be in order of release, so..." She grabbed the first one on the shelf and nodded. "This one. I was like 22 and should not have been writing erotica."

Rosy suddenly felt a little shy, Colleen was a tenured professor at college asking her what she was reading and what she reading was not exactly intellectual property, "You're gonna laugh..." Why did she care so much what Colleen thought about what she was currently reading? "That makes more sense, really wouldn't look so good as a middle school teacher. A tenured college professor can get away with mature content." She watched as the first book left the shelf, "22, huh?" She reached for the book, "I look forward to reading it."

Seeing Rosy shy was a surprise to Colleen. "I read fanfiction on a regular basis, I have no room to talk." It was true. "But I wouldn't laugh anyway. I'd rather hear someone is reading magazines or fanfic or kids books, even. Than hear they're not reading at all. When I taught middle school, and even now I tell my students that as long as you're reading something consistently, I'm happy." Colleen smiled. "Exactly." And then it was her time to get shy. "You- what?"

"Ok," Rosy nodded, "but you're gonna think I'm that crazy mama but right now I'm reading George's Marvellous Medicine." Seriously? Why was she so shy about doing something that most people would associate as a cute motherly gesture? "I've been reading Roald Dahl stories to the boys." She almost laughed at Colleen's question, "I want to read your stories."

Colleen just listened to Rosy talk, a soft smile on her face. "Nothing wrong with a little Roald Dahl. I don't even have kids and I break out Roald Dahl every once in a while. It's about liking what you read more than anything. Some of my favorite books are young adult novels." She grinned. "Besides, I think it's sweet, that you read to them." Colleen felt herself blush and she couldn't look Rosy in the face. "Why? They're just cheap erotica novels, I write to make a quick buck. They're not..." Colleen was proud of her books, but she'd never come face to face with anyone who had read them or wanted to. It was better writing than her fanfics, as a general rule but it still wasn't her best writing.

"Roald Dahl was my favourite as a kid," Rosy admitted before laughing a little, "and we might live in America but my boys are gonna know more than Doctor fecking Seuss." She reached out her free hand and gently lifted Colleens face, "Cheap erotica novels or not, you're a published author so yeah, I want to read them."

Colleen laughed. "I didn't get introduced to Roald Dahl or any other children's authors until I was ten or eleven and there was something about being the oldest kid in that part of the library that was weird for me. But the librarians were really cool about it, helped me find stuff both I'd missed out on when I was younger and that was more age appropriate. It's where I picked up the notion that it was okay to just read, as long as I was." Colleen shrugged. The hand lifting her face had she biting her bottom lip. "Why?"

"Yeah but look at you now. You went from not knowing about authors until ten or eleven to teaching about authors," sure, she hadn't known Colleen that long but there was pride in her voice, she was proud of this woman who'd had a pretty shitty start. "Because you wrote them," she smiled softly, her thumb swiping gently across Colleen's cheek.

"I used to swear at people who made fun of me, but I'd swear in Italian so they couldn't understand me." She had learned so much more in the circus than most children did, but in a way that led to her not knowing a lot of regular things. Sure, she could speak three languages, throw knives, do aerial stunts, and even some levels of advanced math. But she didn't know books or written work. She'd learned to read with newspapers and flyers and written word that had been oral stories. "What's so special about that?"

"Those people were idiots and you proved that by swearing at them in another language," she smiled. Her head tilted to the side, a look of disbelief in her eyes, "You are."

"It was Ohio, what do you expect?" Colleen laughed a bit. "I think it's why I'm such a nerd. I dove into everything I could. I wanted to know everything I'd missed and my parents, especially, they were amazing. They rolled with every new interest, every new thing I wanted to try. They answered questions most people shrugged off. And when voice lessons and field hockey stuck, they paid for me to pursue those things. I got lucky." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell Rosy these things. They were simple things but things that normally didn't get talked about. "Me?"

"I don't think it would've mattered where it was, the world is full of idiots. Your parents sound pretty amazing and you're still a cute nerd," she chuckled. "I got a plane to come see you, so yeah...you."

"I guess, but Ohio, Lima in particular, is very backwards, especially back then." Colleen shrugged. "They are, they really are. I mean, I think we're all adopted, or most of us, at the very least. I never asked about Leroy and Leon, but all us girls are adopted." She blushed, tilting her head at Rosy's words. "Why me?"

"Then Lima, Ohio and it's ass backwards ways can go fuck itself because you're smarter than any of those idiots that made fun of you," she meant what she said. "Sometimes family just chooses you, mine chose me." A smile tugged at Rosy's lips, the way Colleen blushed would be her undoing at this rate. "Because I don't do feelings," she stated before she diverted her gaze, not because she was lying but because she was afraid of the reaction she would see, "but I have them for you."

"Shh, you're in it right now, it can hear you." Colleen teased. "That it does and we are all the luckier for it." She doesn't know what she's expecting to hear when Rosy starts speaking, much less when she pauses, looking away from her, but she can't help but smile. She uses a hand to make sure Rosy is looking at her. "I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized." She was quoting Romeo's line, the one after the line that had led Colleen to think Rosy was asking her out. It was the best response she had in the moment.

"Let them hear me, I'll kick their all their asses," Rosy laughed. She looks at Colleen with timid eyes, she had no knowing of how to deal with feelings or expressing them, not in the romantic sense but it seemed the Colleen knew how to steer them and she smiled as she leaned into the woman's touch. "I am no pilot, yet, wert thou as far As that vast shore wash’d with the farthest sea, I should adventure for such merchandise." It seemed such a fitting response because she really had no clue what she was doing but she had hopped on a plane just to be with Colleen at the first chance that was presented to her.

Colleen blushes heavily as Rosy quotes lines back at her, the meaning behind those words making her smile. She slips the hand on Rosy's face to the back of her neck, pulling her into a kiss. "We'll sail the sea together, my dear." She whispered against Rosy's lips. Colleen hadn't been in a relationship in so long but she was so ready and willing with Rosy. Sure, long distance was going to suck, but what was a half day drive one way? It was a drive she'd made for Rachel, would likely make for Rachel again. Making it for Rosy was nothing.

Rosy smiled into the kiss. They were actually going to do this. Different states, babies on the way and she hadn’t been in a relationship in almost twenty years but she’d never had feelings for someone the way she did with Colleen. “I have no idea how to do this,” she admitted quietly, “will you teach me?”

Colleen rested her forehead against Rosy's, smiling softly at her admission. "I might be a little rusty, but I can certainly try. And what we both don't know we'll figure out. Together." She kissed her again, wrapping her arms around Rosy's neck. "You think the boys will be okay with that?"

Rosy suddenly remembered that she still had the book in her hand and reached around Colleen to place it safely on a shelf so that she could wrap her arms around the woman. "Together," she nodded with a smile. The next question made her chuckle softly, "I'm gonna go with yes," she pressed a sweet kiss to the lips in front of her, "after all, Ciaran did kick for the first time when we met for lunch."

Colleen smiled, laughing a bit. "Is he the one that wanted peppermint, too?" She questioned, a hand tangling gently in Rosy's hair. "Or is his mom just using him to excuse her own wants?"

"Hey!" Rosy tried to look offended but the smile on her face was impossible to hide. "Peppermint has been a legit thing and it's your fault. After a couple of days the smell of peppermint had started to fade and Ciaran started to kick up a stink, I'm almost certain that boy thinks my kidney is his personal punching bag," she laughed.

Colleen chuckled. "Maybe you'll just have to take something with you that smells like me." Just about everything Colleen owned smelled like peppermint, hell even her home smelled like peppermint. "He's quite the trouble maker, isn't he?"

"I think your students would miss their professor if I did," Rosy teased. "He really is," she nodded, "but he's calmed down a lot since we got here so I think I might have to keep you around." Rosy ran her hand through Colleen's hair and just smiled, was she supposed to be this happy just standing with Colleen's arms around her? This was going to take some getting used to but she didn't mean one bit.

"I doubt that, but I would miss the pay check." Colleen smiled. "Has he really? Maybe he's like me, peppermint keeps him calm." She loved this, just being with Rosy. Her fingers worked through Rosy's hair, kissing her gently every so often.

"I imagine you'd miss teaching too," she smiled back. "Peppermint makes him happy," she admitted, "but I think it's you that makes him calm." Rosy kissed Colleen sweetly, before letting out a contented sigh, "I think I could let you do that forever," she chuckled softly, the fingers in her hair had soothed what was left of her anxieties, "I think I'm like Ciaran, you keep me calm."

"I would, yeah." Colleen loved her job, it was the one thing that had kept her from actually settling down with a family of her own yet. "Yeah, you think so?" She smiled at Rosy's words. "You don't get taken care of near enough. I'll have to fix that." And she had all intentions of doing so. Colleen had learned that Rosy rarely gave up control, let other people do things for her, and Colleen wanted to change that. She wanted to take care of her, do things for her, just because. "I'm glad I can do that for the both of you, just means he gets it from you."

"I know so," she replied feeling rather foolish about her wording, "they're both still doing their thing in there, Colman's mostly just chilling non-stop but whenever you're around, Cairan takes a page out of his brothers book." Rosy rest her forehead against Colleen's, "My family take of me," she knew it wasn't what Colleen meant but it was more of a preface to what followed, "I'm used to taking care of myself, no one has really wanted to take care of me like that." It was true, but Rosy had also never had a reason to let someone close enough to take care of her. "Next time I get told off for doing too much, I'm just gonna come see you," she chuckled softly, "looks like he gets something good from after all."

"I'm glad I can help, even if it's only a little." Colleen smiles. "I know they do and I figured as much. That's why I want to. You deserve someone who wants to take care of you." One of her hands moved to Rosy's belly. "And not because they think you can't but because they know you can but want to anyway." Colleen kissed her nose. "I can get behind that, though I think I'm biased." She giggled. "He will get that and so much more from you."

"I think you help more than anyone has in a long time," Rosy admitted softly. "I..." she pressed her lips to Colleen's, it made much more sense than saying thank you. This woman wanted to take care of her because she wanted to and that was something Rosy was going to spend a long time trying to wrap her head around but it was something she was willing to try. "What makes you think that?" Rosy asked with a chuckle. "God help us all!"

"I do?" Colleen wasn't sure how to take that but she kissed Rosy back. She smiles a little, laughing as Rosy speaks. "Because I get to see you and anything that means time with you is something I can get behind." Colleen giggled. "What's so wrong with him being like you, huh? You're pretty spectacular."

Rosy nodded a little shyly as she admitted, "I've not wanted anyone close to me like this." She smiled and shook her head, "How can you not see how cute you are?" She studied Colleen's face, taking in the woman's features, there was so much to her and Rosy couldn't wait to discover it all. "Spectacularly stubborn," she countered.

Colleen moved the hand from Rosy's stomach to wrap around her waist, pulling her just a little closer. "Like what?" There were so many things that could mean and Colleen wanted to know. "What did I do this time?" All of Colleen's self confidence resided in her intelligence. She was smart and passionate and a number of other things. Maybe she refused to see herself in certain lights because of people who tried to tear her down. But she also didn't take compliments well on a whole, far too skeptical for her own good she supposed. "Stubborn can be a good thing, y'know."

"Like they have the ability to hurt me but I'm trusting them not to," Rosy admitted, "like they terrify me but I want to know everything, like being scared shitless but feeling safe with their arms around me." There were so many feelings that Rosy was trying to comprehend and being able to voice them was difficult because they were things she hadn't felt and she just didn't know what to make of them herself. "I have to have a reason every time I find you cute?" Rosy teased before pressing a kiss to the tip of Colleen's nose. "I know it's going to take some getting used to, but I look at you and I see this cute little nerd with a beautiful soul who has no idea how sexy she is," she reached up an ran a hand through Colleen's hair, "but that's ok because I'll help you see it, over time." Rosy shrugged, "It depends on the situation. Stubborn can be a really good thing but it can also be a persons downfall."

Colleen didn't know how to respond, mouth agape at the admission. It was so honest and sweet and a lot to take in. Rosy was the kind of person who kept her heart under lock and key, whereas Colleen wasn't nearly as guarded. In a lot of ways she wore her heart on her sleeve. It was why she reacted poorly to people lying to her. She held Rosy closer, blushing at the kiss to her nose and the way Rosy spoke. "You're extraordinarily sweet, you know that?" She smiles at Rosy, chuckling a bit. "So you just have to teach him when it's okay to be stubborn and when he should let go, maybe let someone else take the lead."

"No," Rosy dipped her head and was thankfully that her skin tone made it difficult to see when she was blushing, which was exactly what she was doing right then. "I have a feeling that Colman will help with that," she chuckled back, "I don't know why but I just see Cairán being this little firecracker and Colman as more of an old soul, I mean they probably won't be anything like I think they might be but it's just a feeling I have. Whatever they're like, I can't wait to watch them take on the world together."

#i: rosy oconnor #p: rosy oconnor #p: 003 #p: all

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 5 years

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Zombieland Saga 7 - 8 | Merc Storia 6 | SSSS.Gridman 7 | Double Decker! 9 | Golden Kamuy 19

Zombieland Saga 7

As much as I worry about Junko…where’s Ai?

Parts of the OP have changed since I last paid attention to it, huh? Now there’s a segment where all the zombified (i.e. undead) versions of the girls appear. Then there’s a new bit where you see Romero looking at Kotaro, wagging his tail. Then there’s a bit with the zombie-idol girls together in an AKB48 sort of pose in a 70s-style room…I think that’s all the new stuff, really.

Come to think of it, last time the episode was Datte Sentimental Saga, this time the episode is Keredo Zombiemental Saga. Both somehow become “Because It’s [fill in blank with appropriate word] Saga”.

I’ve noticed a pattern – every idol show I watch causes me a considerable amount of stress as I worry about whether the characters will be able to deal with their problems. It’s nice that they develop their characters so much, but it’s bad for me…

I feel like hearing Miyano’s delivery over the lines “Kicky blammo!” kind of softenend the funniness factor of the line. (i.e. It was funnier when I had the volume off.) But his mouth-wide-open face is funny.

I wonder…as touching as it is to have Kotaro give this pep speech, it almost seems out of character for him. Maybe it might’ve been better to have Junko come to the realisation herself, rather than have something to grow mushrooms over? But that’s just the opinion of someone who thinks ranty Kotaro is how he is 100% of the time. I’m also fine with more sensitive Kotaro, I just wish I could’ve seen that side when he was dealing with just Sakura.

So Ai didn’t die at Saga Rock…hmm. I take my words from the previous episode back.

Truck-kun Strikes Back, this show should be called. Truck-kun Strikes Back.

I just noticed that’s the Cygames building…and Cygames is a sponsor of Zombieland Saga.

Well…we’re back with the CGI it seems. It’s not entirely bad, but could be a lot worse.

Merc Storia 6

Well…I think this Halloween special is a few weeks too late…

This stuff about carrying a rock…just make Bright Stone necklaces. That way you free up your hands!

Cosette? Like Les Miserables?!

Interestingly, in stories like this, parents always get pulled into the dreamland after their kids do (see Junkers Come Here for another example).

Tatsuhisa Suzuki? Takehito Koyasu? Man, I so didn’t pay attention to the voices this episode…

SSSS.Gridman 7

RIP Special Dog…round 2.

“I think nothing.” – See, Samurai Calibur is best boi!

Why does Alexis meeting Yuuta look like a Meeting with the Parents (y’know, one of those meeting you have with a girlfriend’s parents to see if the boyfriend is suitable for their little darling)?

This pointy thing in the air reminds me of Eva…like an Angel, y’know?

I think the pause for Vit’s reaction went a little too long…I thought my video was glitching, but reacted slightly too late to pause it.

The blood of Anti was way too orange…but I guess that’s better than having red blood which makes people puke…and gets the BPO to complain, to boot…

Update: The missile movements looked familiar…that’s because they were an Itano Circus (which is the same as the Macross Missile Massacre I believe I mentioned in a previous episode).

Update 2: I just watched the source short and there was a bit of animation copied from there! The bit where the bike rattles in its bindings!

Double Decker! 9

(something along the lines of “you’re just going to use the view hack to peep on us, right?”) - Owwch, I can feel the Apple Bieber burn from here!...But why does Sophie slur her words slightly so that they come out as “Twavis” etc….?

Randomly, Doug has a moustache! Wahaha…sorry, this isn’t very informative, huh? I only have two sets of reactions: the insightful ones which have all my knowledge behind them, or the reactive ones which don’t amount to much…

I find it interesting Kirill says “Ore ga idea ga aru”. Why? Because 1) Kirill uses “ore”, likely as a way to assert his masculinity even with his feminine-looking face and 2) there is a kanji for “idea” (teian), but he uses the katakana version, likely to indicate how young he is in comparison to (most of) the other investigators (he’s 20 remember). Or alternatively, he’s meant to be speaking English. Or both those reasons.

Well, that’s (the rollerskate getaway) a getaway I thought I’d never see in a cop show…it looks almost as if it would work better in Cardcaptor Sakura than here! (I’m laughing, but also engrossed in the show, don’t worry.)

I still can’t tell what the lyrics are to Buntline Special…but if I’m not mistaken, some of the initial lyrics are “Don’t give a s*** now”. Or…I could’ve just misheard that. We won’t know until official lyrics are out, y’know?

Oh dear, they’re going into biology territory next time! Time for my biology contact to strut their stuff! (See WordPress for more on that...the info I’m talking about is in one of the roundups.)

Golden Kamuy 19

I find it interesting that only now Sugimoto is exploring the nature of greed…both the living and the dead’s meaning of it.

As much as I find it entertaining that Koito seems to be getting flustered (in what way? *raises eyebrows*) about Tsurumi praising him…why does the 7th always seem to opt for making the skins they get into shirts? I thought that stuff was over after Edogai died and the earless twin got his ear made into a thing he wears on his head…

Monkfish.

Once again…a character I thought was “pure” (in the context of this series anyway) turns out to have been a killer since he was young. For some reason, Ogata is popular with the ladies in Japan though…I don’t quite get it myself, but hey. What can I do for stats outside my control?

Apparently the ED visual, where Asirpa listens to Sugimoto’s heartbeat, was Noda-sensei’s idea.

Zombieland Saga 8

Ooh, I’ve read enough spoilers about Lily to only want to know the portrayal of how it goes down at this point…

I just realised the onsen was called Ureshino Onsen = ureshii no onsen (happy onsen, i.e. an onsen that brings/gives happiness).

Franchouchou ad for Drive-In Tori on the TV, I see…

Even if I don’t know the lyrics of the OP all that much, I definitely know when to join in with a SA-GAAAAAAAAAAA! at the end, right? That OP’s grown on me, but it’s nowhere near my favourite.

Kyoseki Park. It literally means “giant rock park”, so that’s where the boulders come from.

Have you noticed Kotaro isn’t actually blowing into the shell and he’s verbalising the noise he thinks will come out of the shell? That’s a silly touch, but one I appreciate.

A yak…? Oh right, a yakuza!

I love the rolling sobat so much, I found it again on Reddit!

Lily actually uses the word “Pappy”, which is uncommon for Japan…they tend to use “dad”, “father” or “papa” instead.

Tiny Kotaro really sells that first eyecatch.

Nyoki is the sound effect of something popping out of the earth. It’s the same for mushrooms, y’know. I love mushrooms. (Even Tae’s going nyoki…haha!)

When the SFX went “twang”, I thought that was the end of that, but Kotaro is actually holding an instrument to make his own SFX again! Genius, man, you’re an absolute genius!

I’m sorry for laughing during a dramatic moment, but if Takeo’s face can be covered by his hand like that…he has darned Yaoi Hands! Hahaha! Okay, I’m sorry. Carry on.

I remember reading on the official site Lily died in 2011, so…more recent than Sakura. So a TV-hating man like him would be pretty obvious in a day and age like that.

Aw…I shed a tear or two for Lily, too. Update: Or 10. I’m not crying. You’re crying…

Wait, does this mean Kotaro is also a lyricist? And/or a songwriter? That is a man of many talents!...Aaaaaaaaaaand now I need a tissue box. Brb.

Oh wow, that next episode title has a lotta words! I thought it was going to be about Yuugiri, but it could be about Saki…hmm…or anyone we haven’t seen in the spotlight yet. Who knows? Only those who watch it or make it! Oh, now that I’ve watched it through, it does seem to be about Saki!

#simulcast commentary #zombieland saga #merc storia #merc storia: the apathetic boy and the girl in a bottle #double decker #double decker! doug and kirill #golden kamuy #SSSS.Gridman #Chesarka watches ZLS #Chesarka watches Merc Storia #Chesarka watches Double Decker!#Chesarka watches GK #Chesarka watches SSSS.Gridman

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trans-shuichisaihara · 6 years

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the first chapter of “Empathy without Sympathy”, aka the linked emotions oumota au! bonus points if you can tell who’s linked w/ each other aside from the obvious lmao (also it’s a bit longer than the stuff I normally post so I went ahead and linked it below)

read on AO3

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He woke up with a deep unease brewing in the back of his mind. The type that tore across his entire body, constricting his muscles and leaving him shaky and nauseous. Kaito groaned, curling in on himself. That action was quickly reversed as the smell of blood hit his nose; a dark patch sat in the corner of his pillow where he’d spent parts of the night coughing into.

What a crappy way to start the morning.

Mentally berating himself for his weakness, he forced himself up, dragging his tired body to the bathroom to clean up. Fuck, why was he so fucking tense? He scowled at his reflection in the mirror, splashing water onto his face to resist the pull of negativity (and to clean the bits of blood off, but he didn’t want to think about that). Deep breathes, don’t cough, inhale, exhale. Everything was fine.

It calmed down, only to rise again with the morning announcement. He grit his teeth, trying to push down the sudden fear rising in his body. Dammit. He wasn’t scared of those stupid fucking bears. Thankfully this attack passed almost as soon as it came, though leaving him tired nonetheless. He felt a swell of empathy for Shuichi; it was clear from how he quivered like a leaf that he suffered from some sorta chronic anxiety issues, and dealing with this on a regular basis? Fuck, that had to be hell.

Though, the situation they were in was probably an even worse hell. He sighed, tossing his jacket on and leaving for breakfast, greeting a downtrodden Shuichi after a few minutes of lingering around. That wasn't surprising; the murders of Angie and Chabashira and the trial that had followed the day before had been rough on the entire group.

He herded his sidekick towards the cafeteria, pushing any distracting thoughts to the side. It’d be bad if he made the others worry; weakness from him would lead to fear in the group. He was the leader figure after all, so he had to keep everyone together to avoid another murder.

Of course, Ouma had to make that difficult. Even without the dark mood lingering over the hall, him opening his lying mouth was always a pain. At least he wasn’t moping like the rest of the group, though Kaito couldn’t say if that was from a lack of concern or what.

On a positive note, Yumeno was attempting to stand strong. If he didn’t have his hands full with Shuichi and Harumaki and his coughing, maybe he’d invite her to train with them. She could use someone to guide her along, even if Chabashira had given her a big push forward with her final words.

As he was finishing off his miso soup and attempting to nudge Shuichi into eating more of his eggs, Gonta finally lumbered in, worry written clear as day on his face. As he explained the addition to the writing in the courtyard, Kaito felt bad that he was finding himself bored with the turn of events. Was his training regiment just not enough to keep his ambitious mind focused? Maybe they were missing something, something that could snap his mind back into gear. He was Momota Kaito, Luminary of the Stars; he wouldn’t allow himself to become disheartened.

Just as he was jerking himself back into reality, Monokuma decided it was time to make his post-trial appearance. Stupid fucker and his stupid kubs, acting as if getting to access new areas was worth the lives of their friends. Disgust swelled in him at the very sight. It didn’t help that Ouma was acting all buddy-buddy with them.

Monophanie held up a stone and a paintbrush to the group, eagerly declaring them to be the latest keys before turning to her brother. “Come on, Monotaro; give them the third item.”

He tilted his head. “Huh? What item? I don’t have nothing!”

She gasped. “You lost it?! That was the motive!” She hit him upside the head with the frying pan again. Guh, he was tired of this stupid comedy routine.

“Oh, a motive?” Ouma sounded interested. “How disappointing, the game won’t be exciting without a motive.” He grinned. “But maybe that means I won’t get murdered after all!”

“Can you shut the hell up,” Kaito grumbled, though he had to admit he was relieved. He glanced towards the others; Shuichi looked deep in thought, eyebrows knitted as he looked to the silent Monokuma.

Who wasn’t silent for much longer, as he chuckled. “Oh, that old thing? I think it was dropped somewhere, but whatever! I got a better idea for a motive, so I enacted it right away! In fact...” His red eye flashed. “... some of you might be feeling it right now.”

Feeling? Kaito was no Ultimate Detective, but it didn’t take one to hear the implication that something had been done to their bodies. Was... Was whatever was making him cough the next motive? Were the rest of them sick too? A deep dread broke through his repressed emotions.

“What do you mean?” Harumaki asked, fixing the bear with a glare. They received no answer to her question, however, as Monokuma simply laughed at them and made his exit. The kubs hung around, though Monophanie was quick to follow her father’s lead, leaving her brother to the wolves. Not that he would be useful, with his convenient amnesia.

“Jeez, just forget about the stupid motive.” He scratched the back of his head, trying to appear nonchalant. “Let’s just go check out the new areas or whatever.”

“Hm, no, I don’t think so,” Ouma had to object, “I think I’m gonna go look for that third motive item; that sounds much more exciting!” Exciting? More like worrying; last time Ouma messed around with the motives, Hoshi learned that Harumaki had his motive video and watched it, leading to him choosing to give up his life to Toujou.

“I said,” Kaito repeated louder, “Forget about it.”

“Gee, who died and made you leader,” Ouma replied with a grin, dampening the mood further from the verbal attack. He clenched his fists, trying to hold himself back as a wave of anger followed the sadness.

“What's your fucking problem?!”

Ouma smirked, pulling his hands behind his head. “What’s your problem, Momota-chan? Are you that scared of what little ol’ me will do with Monokuma’s motive?” His expression quickly changed, big blobs of wetness filling the corners of his eyes. “I, I thought you trusted meeee!” He sobbed in his obviously fake way.

“Who’d trust a liar like you?”

The room was quiet as Ouma’s face returned to a more neutral expression. “Oh, well, I guess you’re right. That was a lie anyway.” Kaito bit down on his tongue as a stabbing pain hit his chest. “I’ll be going now; have fun with exploring!”

“Wait-!” Before he could stop him, Ouma ran out. Instinct forced him to run after, ignoring the others shouts.

It was probably a poor decision, he realized after a few minutes of “playing tag”. Just attempting to keep the other in view forced his body to its limit far too quickly. Frustration flooded him as he pushed himself harder, Ouma’s mocking jibes echoing back at him. This continued until he lost him somewhere on the 3rd floor, his chest throbbing in protest. He slumped onto one of the benches near Harumaki’s lab, glaring at his clenched fists and trying to hold down the cough threatening to rise. Why did he have to be like this? So... So weak.

... Now wasn't the time to sit around feeling sorry for himself. With a grunt, he pulled himself up, wandering up to the 4th floor. The place was still creepy as hell. He didn't linger long, especially when he discovered stairs leading up to the 5th floor. Shuichi must've unlocked it. His sidekick was becoming more reliable, thanks to his training of course.

And speaking of Shuichi, it didn’t take long to find him, along with Harumaki. The two of them were on the far side of the 5th floor, inside what appeared to be the Ultimate Detective’s lab. With the door left cracked open, he was able to catch bits of their conversation as he approached them.

“... only useful after it’s too late.” Shuichi hung his shoulders, eyes trailing along the floor in defeat.

Harumaki crossed her arms. “Why are you so gloomy all of a sudden? Do you want to die?”

He flinched. “You’d kill me just for that?!” Kaito snorted in amusement, before deciding it was as good of time as any to make his entry. After all, what kind of leader would he be if he didn’t step in to inspire him?

Once the ‘Shuichi pep talk’ session was concluded and he wandered off to go use the second item, Harumaki sighed. “He’s high maintenance. Not that he’s the only one; are you going to go look for Ouma again?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Prolly not. If he doesn’t want to be found, looking for him’ll just be a waste of time. I bet he’ll come running back when we find the Flashback Light.” He grinned. “So let’s get looking, Harumaki!”

She huffed. “Both him and you are a pain. Stop calling me that.”

They scoured the 5th floor, checking every nook and cranny on a level of thoroughness that would impress Shuichi. After some time searching in silence, Kaito got the feeling that Harumaki wanted to say something and turned to her expectantly. She stared back, before sighing again.

“So, what do you think the motive is?”

A paralyzing terror nipped at his nerves. “Uh, I, I dunno. Something to do with our bodies..?”

She glanced away. “I do feel a bit strange. Not sick or anything, but...” She hesitated. “Oddly excited? There’s nothing exciting me though.” She trailed off, running her fingers through one of her twintails.

“Huh, weird. Maybe it’s-” His eye caught on a distinct shape. “Oh, the Flashback Light!” He approached the pillar, finding it hanging on a nail far above the others reach. For him or Gonta, however, it would be easily obtained. “Great, let’s gather the others!”

Harumaki stayed silent for a long second. “Alright, fine.” Ah, was she upset with the sudden topic change? He’d have to make it up to her later.

The Flashback Light was horrifying.

Fire raining from the sky. Panicked screams, pushing, shoving, sobbing. The memories of dark times etched itself into his mind, into all their minds. He curled his hand into a fist on the table, using it to steady himself. The others were equally as unstable; Iruma shook until she fell into a chair, bringing her knees to her chest to assume the fetal position. Shuichi stood stock still, eyes wide with terror. Gonta started crying on the spot.

He had to take control of the situation. He knew that, yet his body would barely move. His chest felt like it was in a vice, terror constricting to the point he could barely breathe. His eyes languidly moved across the scared faces of his friends, until they met Ouma’s. Stone-faced, unreactive towards the chaos around him. Mask firmly in place. His lips split, corners turning up into a false smile.

An abyss opened up in Kaito’s chest, swallowing all the feelings the Flashback Light brought down into it until he was left with nothing but apathy. No, not apathy - Emptiness would be the better word. He felt numbingly empty, a dull ache leaving his body tingling.

“Fuck! I’m so fucking tired of this!” Iruma wailed, pulling his attention away. With her terror-filled shouts, the watergates opened, prompting conversation among the group about what they saw. The meteorites. The cult. The Gofer Project. It all sounded so surreal, but...

“It wouldn’t be so strange if something beyond common sense happened, would it?” Ouma pointed out, “I mean, with Monokuma and the Exisals, is anything really too far out there?” His conceited smirk both pissed him off and confused him.

“What are you getting at?”

“Hm? I’m not getting at anything,” he lied. Kaito scowled as he felt his interest in whatever Ouma was keeping to himself rise.

“Buncha BS,” he muttered in response, shaking his head. He couldn’t waste time indulging Ouma’s lies. “Anyway, don’t worry guys, I’m sure everything’s gonna turn out okay. We’ll find a way to escape this fucked up Killing Game and see with our own two eyes that everything’s fine!”

He clenched his fists, anger pumping in his veins. Out of the corner of his eye, Ouma slipped out of the cafeteria. Whatever. He could deal with him later.

“While I agree,” Kiibo hesitantly begun, “I think... I think I would like some time to myself to think about this. All this new information is, well, quite fatiguing to take in.”

Shit, yeah, the others did look pretty tired. He sighed, scratching the back of his head. “Guess you’re right. But don’t forget what I said, alright!” He might as well been talking to a brick wall as the others shuffled out, Iruma quivering and mumbling to herself while Yumeno dragged her feet, head hung. Shuichi went out the interior door back into the school by himself while Shirogane ducked into the kitchen.

“Um, Momota-kun,” Gonta spoke up as Harukawa was leaving, “If there is anything Gonta can do to help, just let Gonta know.” He pulled his glasses off, dragging his sleeve across his tear-streaked snotty face. “Gonta wanna be helpful to everyone, so he took manhole cover back off.”

He gave him a smile and pat on the back. “Hey, no need to cry man, you’re doin’ fine. I don’t think we’ll be challenging the underground passage again though.”

Gonta slumped. “O-Oh. Gonta think more of how he can help then.” He turned to leave as well, prompting Kaito to shout encouragements into his back. Damn, what a mess. His chest was burning after all that stress.

Guess it was time for a bathroom break.

#oumota #kokichi ouma #kaito momota #drv3 #drv3 spoilers #my post #fanfic #au #linked au

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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Do you think we'll see Dean and Jody discuss Cas? Does Jody even know Cas exists? They told her s8 angels exits and she was claire but still i thibk textually they never mentioned his name around her? Im guessing they are gonna discuss Deans feeling about Mary since Jody knew her but Cas?

I don’t know, which I know I say to like basically all questions about speculation but this one is something I don’t really have a clue about and I’m not even sitting on my thumbs pretending not to have an opinion because I’d rather not say anything on the record until I know I’m right or not… I really, genuinely, to the best of my ability to sound it all out and guess from the available information, don’t know :P

It depends how they handle Cas being gone overall, whether Dean’s openly, loudly mourning him all the time every episode constantly, which is a detail where I’d only be able to offer you a confident speculation on the eve of this episode anyway after seeing the first 2. If Dean goes stoic and jaw-twitchy but quiet about it then probably not but that’s just like… super obvious and short term.

In the mean time, please assume the tin foil hat position you’d take to listen to a conversation that sounds like this:

There’s quite a lot to pack in with meeting Patience, and getting our guys some good face to face time with Jody for any emotional support they need to sponge off her. Sam doesn’t seem to be around so he may be off with Jack, but if he wasn’t, he’d probably want to learn how to be a mom to him from Jody, for all we know :P Thematically it might sort of be that way anyhow - if Patience doesn’t come in direct contact with Sam it seems ridiculously unlikely she’s not going to be thematically connected to him and therefore Jack through an extremely easy join the dots between 13x03 and 1x09. (Sam already kinda went one round with this sort of thing in 12x04 so in a way he’s got his booster shot of dealing with it directly so it can just be storytelling mirrors for him :P)

Certainly Jody is more connected to Mary symbolically and in general the Wayward Sisters stuff has been more about parenting and those dynamics recently, with 11x12 looking at how Jody copes and teasing us with hindsight for Mary’s return with Dean talking to her about wishing his mom had been around, and in 12x06 and 12x22 she and Mary sort of bounce off each other as moms directly in a continuation of that - in 12x16 she’s not around except on the other end of phonecalls but Dean’s carrying on parenting Claire as a hunter a lil bit.

Of all of those, 11x12 was the only one to make a nod to Cas with Claire holding grumpy cat in one of her scenes, but the show has decided to treat him a lot as just the inciting incident to get her onto the road hunting by dragging her into the life, while Dean does the thing he does around feisty wayward teenagers, and probably was mostly responsible for switching Claire’s amateur detective attempt onto a hunting thing in 10x20. I don’t want to make Claire cringe but I think she thought he was actually kinda cool and inspired her or something, because she had not had any interest in the supernatural side of things before that episode…

Despite all her connections to Cas I think Dean sort of birthed hunter!Claire, so the story sort of wanders that direction and leaves Cas behind because he’s more like Azazel in Claire’s story than anything, even if a very sad soft squishy Azazel who gave her a stuffed toy for her birthday :P Still they played it like her forgiving and hugging Cas was about the same as Dean finally getting to shoot Azazel, in both case freeing them to go do their job with the angsty backstory resolved…

In any case, I think Cas is probably an emergency contact Jody has for Claire-related stuff, although whether they told her to or not, she’d probably always call Sam and Dean first because she knows and understands them (and has met them), and I think the story is asking us to believe that with this symbolism of Claire getting past what Cas did to her family, she’s in a new stage of life he’s not a part of in the same way even if she does cling onto grumpy cat, and Cas is still family to people who consider Jody as family, who she considers family. Sort of shunting him from awkward dad no. 3 of 4 as per 10x20′s recap and symbolism to a weird uncle or something. (Although if Jody has mom symbolism to both Claire and Dean, that makes them siblings and Cas her brother in law… this found family stuff is really difficult :P)

So there’s all that shaping my expectations - Claire’s not in the episode and she’s our connection between Cas and Jody. Previous episodes have made it clear that Sam and Dean really hate calling even beloved friends with their shit and don’t tell Jody alarmingly huge things like that Mary came back from death. She’s been offering a shoulder to Dean personally while he’s been going through all his stuff, and in 9x08 I think Sam did open up to Jody more than Dean even when they were all in the same room, never mind in that and 7x12 they got split up from Dean and actually bonded (And I think this is also a quote from Kim Rhodes but also just something fairly obvious, that because Sam was the one connected to her more in her intro episode and ended up shooting her zombie son for her, they’ve always had a closer emotional bond via shared trauma).

I don’t think it’s showing that Sam and Jody aren’t as close now to have her switch focus to Dean but that Jody is determined to get Dean to open up to her *too*. In 12x06 they have really different attitudes about her when Sam makes the comment about Dean’s “animated Japanese erotica” which show how they’ve grown in different directions with Jody. So I think Sam’s closeness to her is fairly accepted fact and now Dean’s the tough nut to crack for her :P Anyway she’s made the offer two or three times now that she’s there to talk if Dean in particular needs her (definitely 10x08 and 12x06… Can’t remember if she said as much in 11x12 although they did also have an actual personal conversation in that episode, so one point to Jody there). I think 12x06 made it clear there’s still an owed conversation of greater than that opening up and spilling the beans on what’s making him emo right now, so there’s that.

And Cas and Mary have been connected all through season 12, in their arcs, in the subtext, in basically everything, and Dean textually named that in 12x22 that in the start of the season he’d “got Cas back, got Mom back” and in 12x23 of course he loses both, again, in a highly inter-connected way, and so again they’re going to be parallel lines to him, though again I think showing how he feels differently about one and the other and hopefully we get to unpack what those individual losses mean by the way of having both at once (and Crowley, who often in these cases is included to put a finger on the scale :P).

One of the things confusing me right now is of last night’s behind the scenes set peeking which revealed a Turducken Slammer relaunch from the ever-hopeful Biggerson’s, which is not letting frequent murder and mayhem and dodgy meat recalls on its premises stop it from trying. Even if it’s as overall irrelevant to the story in the sense of being mentioned or actually explored as the Mystery Spot sign in 12x01, it’s still telling us something and making connections. I mean yeah it can just be worldbuilding continuity but it’s always picked for a reason and they know what all these signs mean and how to connect them, which is why we have the beer language for example.

And Jody is pretty deeply connected to season 7 and Dean’s arc. And this connection was obliquely referenced in 12x06 in that moment I already mentioned, where Sam outs Dean’s porn habits to Jody. It was a nod from Yockey that he’d watched past Jody episodes because in every way it was a season 12 style rehash of Sam’s “strictly into Dick” comment, which was from a Jody episode. And… look, maybe this is the best way to explain how I felt the season 12 references were kind of out of this world in their scope and intelligence :P

For starters, that comment was not just a run of the mill Dick joke, that was a Robbie level Dick joke, which collected up a hilarious character thing for Sam (his fucked up moment when he should have made the barb, his determination to hang onto the Best Zinger Of His Life until Dean next gave him an opportunity and bless Sam’s cotton socks he delivered it like a pro :P) and Dean’s spiralling obsession with Dick as a Dick or Anime thing. Dean’s anime-watching was from 7x01, when he was waiting for Godstiel to blow up the planet in despair, and was at just about the lowest point we’ve ever seen him. In 7x02 Bobby gives him the “You just lost your best friend” pep talk, which is a role of comforting parental figure Dean then went and lost that season when Bobby died. And in the end of 7x02 Dean reveals how Not Fine he is to Bobby’s answerphone, which is important that it’s never commented on again but I think affects how Bobby treats him and in the subtext of 7x09 you have to know all that happened.

In 7x09 Bobby’s on his farewell tour of comforting advice to his adopted sons, in the last great set of retconning episodes to embed him permanently into their backstory as having always been there for them, to make it hurt juuust that much more than it already does. Towards the end of the episode he has another talk with Dean that mirrors advice Dean will get from Frank and Ness in 7x11 and 7x12, and *that* is opened up by Dean getting drugged by the turducken slammer and going on about how he doesn’t care about how he doesn’t care, and that he feels great for the first time since Cas and the black goo. Like, wow, his depression and hurt and betrayal didn’t go anywhere just because he said he was fine, who knew :P

And that’s the backstory to Dean’s obsession over killing Dick, who has taken everything from him by this point in season 7, told through the medium of anime and sandwiches and somehow always ending up about Cas and Dean’s feelings for him. The anime was an attempt to not care and not think about it that the slammer actually inflicted on Dean, and was used to get Dean to tell us how he really felt. By 7x12 it’s a joke for Sam to make implying Dean’s into lowercase dick, with one of those false binaries the show loves making. And like in season 13 Dean’s lost a love interest and a parental figure, and now things are really blurry about which one hurts more in this short run of episodes before they both reappear in the narrative and make it confusing. 7x11 makes the hurt most about Bobby. 7x12 subtextually tells us rather a lot about Cas, especially by making a Bobby figure to contrast in the background with the lady in the shop who literally calls Dean an idjit at some point, I think, or some other Bobby-ism, to make it clear that Ness is definitely not standing in for that and all those Cas parallels are probably where it’s at while Dean fangirls over him :P

And nope I’m not even done unpacking the Yockey Robbie Edlund turducken because of course JODY is all tied up in this completely. She’s incidentally in 7x02 as a useful local beloved character who can get menaced by Dr Sexy and let them know there’s leviathan nearby, and so she’s pretty embedded in the early Leviathan worldbuilding. Of course Edlund being Edlund, while the lil girl leviathan is channel surfing for ideas, there’s a Biggerson’s advert, I think the same one that plays in 7x03 or 7x22 about their pie salad bar (it’s like a salad bar, but pie!) and in the end she lands on wanting to be a Dr Sexy when she grows up.

(Stop me when you think this might somehow subtextually be about Dean :P)

The Dr Sexy leviathan has an amusingly childlike view on being a surgeon as a result of forming its opinions on that job while being a little girl, and apparently not listening to the memories of the poor guy it ate except to get a frightening knowledge of anatomy. It very much acts the part of being a doctor on TV who can just wheel patients off to perform unnecessary surgery, as per the malpractice of our favourite sexy doctor on TV - and there’s a thing to contemplate about “I’m not a doctor, I just play one one TV” but that’s digressing :P But it goes and menaces Jody and Bobby goes and saves her, and Robbie brings her back 2 more times in season 7, once in 7x06 to thank Bobby for saving her, and to link them romantically so she can even more handily take over the parental role by being romantically linked to their adopted father, which is just a sort of easy association to help. And in 7x12 of course she’s just there and helping and mourning Bobby a lil bit with Sam (since Dean was the one in the focus for mourning Bobby in 7x11), drinking his dubiously won scotch from 11x16 (… Rufus didn’t have to let him have that one, Bobby WAS insisting it was a ghost :P I think he just wanted Bobby to have a win after seeing how down he was.) But that IS a Jody episode so it would have been on Yockey’s list for homework for 12x06 and it contained the anime/Dick thing.

And, if he’d watched the deleted scene, at the end of the episode Dean makes it clear that he’s not sitting alone in the dark watching anime, he is strictly into Dick, and goes and reads an article on Dick “erecting” a tower.

(I hope it is clear how much I love the Dick references in season 7 by now and I’m not sorry, they started it :P)

So yeah. Jody is already intrinsically linked into a ridiculous chunk of the Dean/Cas subtext from season 7, the absolute wild nonsense that Edlund and Robbie were messing around with with pie and turducken and Dr Sexy and anime and Dick, to create the absolutely most ridiculous, like… no one part of it on its own in isolation doesn’t make you cry laughing, bit of storytelling (that, of course, added up into a full picture, just makes you cry a lot in earnest for poor Dean right then).

To me this is the picture of Dean mourning Cas in season 7, and the unique elements to season 7 are the anime (already referenced in season 12 just as an aside and I don’t think as anything more than a witty reference to past canon except that Dean was “kinda bummed” about Cas being gone (and don’t worry, I’m getting to Berens :P)) and the turducken, and Jody as one of the key characters wandering through all this picking up the emotional baton from Bobby, which she has been attempting to use on them ever since season 9, when they got back in contact with her after neglecting her all of season 8.

(And, oh gosh, I stared out the window to try and collect my thoughts for the next paragraph and washed up on thinking about Sam going and crashing out on Jody over the Dean in Purgatory period instead of hitting a dog and ending up with Amelia, like Dean with Lisa except by the time Dean gets back Sam’s probably been whipped into shape and is wandering around Sioux Falls in a deputy uniform…)

Anyway yeah, to go back to 13x03 finally… If the Turducken sign isn’t portentous of anything, I’m still seeing the Gas n Sip sign, in the maroon colours rather than blue one, but still, in a Berens episode. And if you can’t get mourning Cas in season 7 via Jody and a turducken related things to stick, you can totally shortcut through the fairly simple steps of Berens + Gas n Sip = 9x06 and assume whatever personal feelings stuff Dean and Jody talk about, this is a great way to cram Cas into the background via the enormous glowing yellow sun that has come to represent him. (And, of course, it was Berens who had the “morning, Sunshine” line for us in 12x03.)

So I think the set stuff and character stuff all have some fairly good slap to the back of the head things for Dean to maybe open up to Jody or at the very least for whatever he says to her to be heavily subtextually about Cas even if Jody asks about Mary. Because Dean’s wearing weirdly Cas-coded clothes, and Jody is wearing the family unity red n blue plaid colours. The maroon Gas n Sip seems to be more about family and even Wayward Sisters, since it was prominently used behind Claire in 12x16 and maroon has been a lot about family because of the infamous red hoodie that Kevin, Charlie and Cas all wore, and that Mary was put in maroon within an episode of getting back (and Chuck tried to cash in on it in 11x21 to make himself look harmless and cute and relatable in the same hoodie). But even in 12x16 having the Gas n Sip sun looking over Claire, with her connections to Cas, made it seem like he was watching over her too. The colours change the meaning in some ways but the overall message is the same. I think in 13x03 we have to remember it’s also going to be about the Wayward Sisters so whether Jody and Dean are having a personal conversation or not, the sun might be about Cas but the overall thing might be a more neutral family building thing for the main arc stuff. If it was a blue Gas n Sip I’d immediately think it was all about Cas and oozing tragic subtext *everywhere* and completely unavoidably.

(it might also just be that they’re maroon because Biggerson’s are and maybe there’s some sort of corporate alliance of Gas n Sips connected to Biggerson’s, because, after all, Dick Roman ended up owning both franchises and by 7x23 you can see that both are involved in his masterplan, which is part of why I love so much Cas is then intimately connected to both later while still in a gloomy penance mood about the whole thing and everything he’s ever done since…)

… So to actually answer your question, I can see some really really convoluted reasons in the history of the show that if Dean and Jody have their big important “seriously how are you” talk in this exact location while hanging out and hugging in front of all these signs, that they might either not mention Cas at all because he’s not a part of the openly stated story going on between Dean and Jody and all this family stuff and Wayward Sisters and everything absorbed into the entire chunk of the show about parental relationships, of which Jody has been a part since 7x06 thanks to Robbie. Or it’s a part of the emotional backstory to Dean losing Cas which Edlund kicked into high gear in 7x02 while dibsing all the important Dean and Bobby conversations which shine a light on Dean’s loss and Cas, also dragging Jody into a ridiculous web of Dr Sexy and stuff that Robbie and then much much later Yockey were playing around with.

Either way,

#Asks #13x03 #season 13 spoilers #season 13 speculation #Destiel #Wayward Sisters

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tobns · 7 years

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so even though i literally owe no one a single explanation, i wanted to take a second while i’m not doing much of anything and...ramble, i guess, about the last month or so. feel free to look at it under the cut, and even if you don’t read all of it, just peep at the first paragraph, it’s for you!

i guess i’ll preface this by saying TO ALL OF THE NEW PEOPLE WHO’VE FOLLOWED ME OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS: hi hello welcome to my blog i’m em and i love you, you are very special and worthy and amazing and i hope you enjoy my blog and the shit i post and know i consider you a friend and am here for you always if you ever wanna talk or need someone to vent to about literally anything from real world problems to fandom feels, i got you ♡

before i begin, if you read ANY part of this below pretty pretty please send asks in my inbox telling me what you think, alright??? ‘cause i do need opinions on some stuff below, so thank you thank you thank you in advance!!!

moving along!

so, number one: as you can probably tell, writing has been kinda slim to none around here lately, and i really don’t know what to tell y’all. i don’t have any kind of grand “oh i’ve been away!” excuse, my reasoning is pretty straightforward — my motivation has been low, i’ve been putting a little more time into exploring solo muses/characters, and as of the last week or so, completely had it with certain, toxic as hell fandoms. one of my really good friends makes youtube videos and she made a video this last week i resonated so much with, where she basically talked about how she was turning youtube into a chore and wasn’t having any fun with it. she was making layouts and trying to pep herself into actually Doing Shit and when the time came, she was completely disappointed with the quality or couldn’t bring herself to finish, and i was screaming “why is this my life??” the whole damn time because i absolutely could relate to it. watching that video made me realize that a) i was turning my fic writing/video editing into something like a chore, i was beating myself up when i didn’t do something on time and could never get it done when i forced myself to work on stuff and that’s so the wrong way to go about it, and b) i’m just not really passionate about what i’m writing now. i’m not. do i love cdg/grey’s? yes, i do, and i still have every intention to finish that story. but like i said, i realized earlier that this is not my job. no one other than myself is forcing me to crank out updates, and the reason i force myself to crank out these updates is because i’m scared that if i take time away from my stuff, when i come back to it, i’ve lost a readership. and it’s incredibly, incredibly hard finding a balance — i want an audience because what’s the point in sharing my shit if no one else is looking, but at the same time i also want to take my time with stories on days where i don’t feel motivated and want to be a little lazy and still maintain that readership, not have them jump ship. i and i’ve had it happen and it completely stripped my desire to even WRITE for a fandom away, and i love grey’s too much to ever want that to happen. but of course, lately all i feel inspired to write is slexie, which died out five years ago, so my readers are slim as is. see my dilemma? it’s a hard, hard thing for me to find a perfect balance with because i either work myself into the ground or neglect it entirely, but it all comes back to the root of this: i’ve come back to terms with the fact that this is not my job, i’m not answering to anyone other than me, i don’t have a paycheck on the line, i’m not under any other restrictions other than the ones i set for myself, and i’m just overall too hard on myself when it comes to something THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. it’s supposed to be FUN. FANDOM. IS. SUPPOSED. TO. BE. FUN.

and so that’s what i’m trying to do. have fun. write the stuff i want to write because i want to write it, not because i’m feeling obligated or pressuring myself to, but because i’m passionate about it and i want to write it. the saying’s true, if you’re passionate about what you’re putting your effort into, it shows, and i think that is certainly true for all of the fics that have seen any sort of remote success, save for a couple. when my heart’s in the right place, the reactions reflect, and even though that’s a very fucking blind process for me to trust, i’m gonna trust it.

therefore, i have a fewwwwww little things i wanna let you know about if you do follow my creations

i’ll start with the short one: videos.

i have not been inspired to make another fucking video because, once again, i keep comparing my shit to others and just not having fun, making it into a job and thinking more about the destination rather than the journey (a very big problem i have that i’m trying to work on). if i’m passionate about it, expect me to edit it. it may not be the greatest, most wonderful video on youtube you’ve EVER SEEN, but i just wanna edit stuff that makes me happy. expect videos for fics that i’ll touch on below, expect videos with more of my favorite musicians and shows and just less of the shit i don’t really want to edit. (this is me, repeating this phrase a lot in order for it to sink into my brain and register okay)

and...now for the not so short one (i’m trying to make this as spaced out, brief and organized as possible for your reading convenience if you’re still fucking reading this lmao): fics.

cdg is the only fic i am going to go forward with updating right now out of all the ones you see on my fic page (which i’m gonna update soon) i got a super sweet review a few days ago that really made me want to keep moving forward. when you’ll see an update? i can’t say. i’m gonna rework some of my outlines and then go from there, but it will be updated. have no fear. xx

i really don’t know if any of you remember/are interested, but ever since 2013, i’ve had an ongoing fic series (the only thing i’ve ever written a sequel for EVER) that’s a hunger games x avengers crossover. the first one is atrocious, honestly, second one is only slightly better, but i’m on the third sequel and lately, i’ve just been dying to do more with it, since i’m actually feeling good about the mcu again with spiderman and the new trailer releases? the fic’s called cataclysm, you can read the first chapter (from a year ago lmao) here if you’d like; to me, this was my fun way of combining super special fandoms for me together. basically, if you want a synopsis of what i did (back 4 years ago) was essentially write katniss into the mcu films. i wrote lights out four years ago and it is...cringe, there’s a good story there if you overlook my shitty deliverance, and i’ve always been pretty proud of the tone inferno took on, even if there’s some stuff i’d like to edit and whatnot. i’m going to try and continue on with cataclysm because it’s what i’m really pumped about right now, and i’ve got a few little things i’d love for y’all to help me with:

#1 — i obviously post this on ffnet, would you like me to also post cataclysm updates to ao3?

which leads into this — if i post to ao3, would you want me to import the other two stories into ao3 as well? fair warning: i’d probably give a solid day to tweaking and editing lights out and that’s it, i could take that fic apart and rewrite it to be much better but that’s simply not something i’m interested in nor do i want to spend my time on. like i said, i wrote it 4 years ago. it’s no longer my best, it’s kind of incredibly rough around the edges, and could i have done better with crafting the storylines and making things feel a little more natural? yeah, especially now that i’ve worked her into 3+ movie storylines and have had the practice. but that’s beside the point. you’d have to essentially take it as it is and i’d probably disable comments on the first two for my own sake of mind — ao3 gives me a lot of stress and it’s why i don’t like updating on there (oh look, more confessionals!) because i feel an immense load of pressure to impress and write up to a certain bar instead of writing true to my voice.

please don’t expect any sg fics out of me for awhile. i haven’t talked much about this since the implosion of the fandom, but i’m just not comfortable right now touching any of it with a ten foot pole. like i said, it’s not fun for me, i don’t wanna write it and i’m not about to force myself and be miserable.

depending on where i get, i have plenty of slexie/japril fic ideas that i’d love to put into use, and we’ll see how things go!

so yeah, basically, what you should take away from this is that i’m putting a fucking finish on stressing myself out so much; i’m going to go back to focusing more on the process instead of the result, and i’m just gonna have fun with shit. i look back on my posts 5 years ago when i was writing thg fanfics and god, while i was a mess, i could tell how much fun i was having in the process and i just wanna get back to that? and that’s what i’m gonna do

i love you guys, i love creating stuff and sharing it with you guys, and i love this blog. xxxx

#update #fanfiction #the hunger games #avengers #grey's anatomy #seriously if you read anything past the little message at the beginning i hope you know i fucking appreciate you xo

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